#maybe one line of neil 'mourning' his son but its a twisted sort of grief | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

animangalover-writes · 1 year ago

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Just listened to "A Part of me" in the Dear Evan Hansen bonus tracks, and OOF, imagining the song being about everyone finding what Billy hargrove went through but only AFTER he died. Everyone wondering if they could have helped him in some way. Max being Zoe with their similar parallels. Hopper thinking about seeing Billy with bruises and just thinking he was just a troublemaker only to realize afterwards that Neil was doing that to him. Joyce wondering how she didn't see the signs whenever he'd come in to by cigarettes with a busted lip or black eye. The two of them both wondering what they could have done differently to help him, because he was just a kid. Even Eddie Munson, who could have been Billy's only real friend, or Heather Holloway(if she lived), who genuinely mourn him and wish they could have done something. Steve being Evan, when he makes a speech about Billy, a kid he was just starting to be friends with, that gains he a lot of praise and popularity. Except unlike Evan, he doesn't want it, hates it even. Someone, a guy(Eddie or Steve or anyone else) who was secretly dating him. Who goes to Max because she is the only person in his family that really cared about him, and aims to tell her that Billy was gay, just so she holds that secret part of him close to her heart. And before they say it, she tells them, "You make me feel closer to him." And they realize it's not their secret to tell, and that that secret will follow him to the grave. That he will never be allowed to truly own that part of himself, even in death. And Billy's ghost, watching the interaction at the end, with a solemn look on his face, knowing that some people are using his death for pity points, and knowing that most people never really knew him, and now they never will.

#THIS ONE BIG RANT I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS FOR BILLY AND THIS SONG OK #joyce and hopper as connors mom and dad. except they're regrets are that they never actually tried to see if anything was wrong #and therefore never helped him #maybe one line of neil 'mourning' his son but its a twisted sort of grief #where he misses billy in a sense #but he misses the control more. and it gets all twisted up inside him #pauses between lyrics where its only the instrumental and we get scenes of hopper talking to and arresting neil and karen #because again #they only found out everything he went through AFTER HE DIED #only finding out because of max and heather and eddie #and maybe steve #them being the only person to truly mourn his loss #the empty hole left behind filled with regret and unspoken words #max not understanding her grief but feeling it so intensely anyways and missing him so much #ANYWAY #billy hargrove #billy hargrove deserved better #connor murphy #evan hansen #dear evan hansen #deh #stranger things #max mayfield #aml speaks #idk if this'll make sense to anybody other then me but if you get it then YOU GET IT #gay billy hargrove #harringrove #mungrove #any other billy ship(mostly gay ones)#all implied

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