#maybe it's just a 1 shot of mermaid sex...yeah that would be enough right?

[itsanidiom]

god the urge to write a Little Mermaid!AU for PhayaTharn is so strong...

[mystwright]

Siren’s Song PT.1

Characters: You,Taehyung, Jungkook

Genre: smut, angst, supernatural, Taehyung x reader, Jungkook x reader

Warnings: Mentions of death, sex

Word Count: 4,404

Masterlist

From the shore, a young woman stared at her foolish boyfriend splashing frantically around in the sea.

“Come on, get in! The water feels great!”

She looked at the waves crashing near her feet and hated that what started as stupid joke soon turned into reality.

“I don’t know” She replied hesitantly. “Isn’t it cold?! Or what if someone sees us?” She asked. “You know what they will do if we get caught, right?”

“No! It’s not cold at all! Now get in before someone does come!” He yelled back.

She contemplated the situation but backed away to avoid getting wet.

“Come back! I feel like someone is going to see us!”

“Stop being such a scaredy cat!”

She looked at the sea again and sighed. He was such a fool for always doing anything for her.

“I’m sorry” She whispered to herself.

“Alright!!” She said giving in. She kicked her shoes aside, careful not to get any sand in them. “Turn around!! I don’t want you to watch me!!”

“What are you trying to hide?” He asked.

“Nothing!! Now turn around before I change my mind!”

He laughed out loud but obeyed.

“You better not try anything funny!” She yelled as she moved her hands around to take her clothes off.

“Ready?!” He asked pretending to take a peek.

“No!!” She yelled back. “Turn around or I’ll change my mind!”

Standing only in her bra now, she made sure that he was not looking before beginning to make her way into the water towards him.

“See, babe? Everything is fine!” He replied once he heard splashing nearby.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever” She replied with a smile as she finally reached him.

The waves became calm as she wrapped her arms around him. There was still some distance between them but he didn’t mind. She was there with him now.

“Why are you complaining if you’re the one who wanted to come out here?” He asked with a grin.

She quickly kissed him.

“Who said I was complaining?” She replied. Before saying anymore, she looked at the water surrounding them. “But if I’m being honest… I am a little nervous though”

He huffed and stuck his chest out. “Don’t worry. I’m here! I’ll protect you!”

She laughed but let him go in the process, swimming a few feet away from him.

“But who will protect you?” She asked.

“What do you mean?” He quipped. “It’s just you and me! We’ve got nothing to worry about! Now come back here! It’s lonely swimming out here all by myself”

She seemed distant but he was determined to make her feel better.

“Hey… What’s wrong? Is it too cold out here? We can go back”

She looked at the sea surrounding them. As gentle as the waves were, she knew it was merely the calm before the storm.

“I don’t know. Maybe we should go back”

He began to make his way over to her but she looked at him and just shook her head backing away.

“No… Let’s stay like this” She replied, changing her mind.

He stared at her confused.

“Be honest… Tell me what’s wrong”

“Sorry.. it’s just, you must think I’m crazy for dragging you out here”

“No” He replied. “I’d do anything you ask”

Guilty, she looked away. “I know. You’re crazy”

“Only for you!” He smiled.

They both began to laugh. It was moments like this that she would miss.

“I wish we could just stay like this” She replied.

“Why not?”

As the laughs subsided, he looked at her in the moonlight. She was as beautiful as ever but now that she was in the sea with him, he began to see her in a new light. The gentle waves had soaked through her bra. Mesmerized, he tried to get his mind off of her nipples peaking though but before he could do anything, he felt something grab him from underneath the water.

“What the? Something’s got my leg!” He yelled.

Struggling to fight whatever it was that had his leg, he began to scream.

“Help me!”

“I’m sorry” She replied as she looked on.

From across the way, she watched unfazed as his head bobbed up and down in the water. Eventually his screams stopped and all that could be heard were the waves again. Beneath the sea, he continued to try and gasp for air but there was no such luck for him as water made its way down his throat. As he struggled to swim back up to where she was, he became horrified at what he saw. Under the same moonlight that had cut through the water, he saw two giant fish tails attached to human bodies swimming above him.

“Took you long enough” A new voice called from behind her.

She turned and saw her fellow sister swimming next to her now.

“Shut up, it was my first time”

“Mmmmhm….” She replied unimpressed. “Too much unnecessary chit chat in my opinion”

She looked at her sister annoyed now.

“Do you know how hard it is to lure someone out here?” She asked. “It takes a whole lot of convincing since no one wants to touch these damned waters”

Her sister gave out an exasperated laugh. “Geez. Why so mad?” She asked.

She turned away. “I’m tired … let’s go before they have nothing left for us”

“Ohh don’t tell me that you actually had feelings for him. I don’t blame you… he was kinda cute” Her sister began to joke.

The young mermaid looked back at where he once was.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Now come on… before someone sees too”

---

It was no secret that your kind existed. In fact, mermaids were often marveled for their beauty but feared for what they really were. As legends would have it, mermaids were far from innocent. Not only did mermaids kill humans.. they also ate them. 

As a mermaid, you had heard numerous tales about your kind since you were young. To mankind, mermaids were smart, cunning, and untrustworthy. To their credit, they weren’t wrong. But so were the humans in their own way. Due to their constant abuse of the sea, pollution had caused the water in which you lived in to become barren, causing your kind to resort to drastic measures  to survive. 

You had watched numerous ships sink in your life time and had seen hundreds drown and die in front of you. At times you felt bad about taking a life but then the hunger would strike and always overcome that feeling. You were curious about the life outside the sea but you knew better than to go on land by yourself as it was unsafe. In no time, people going missing at sea were no longer deemed just an accident and soon a war waged against humans and your kind. Borders began to be built around the land and sea and anyone seen crossing on either side  were either captured or killed on sight.  

As the years went by, food became even more scarce. As you watched your fellow merpeople succumb to death due to starvation, you knew you had to cross the border to find food for yourself or perish along with the others.

“Be careful up there Y/N. The human world is not like ours. If they find out that you are a mermaid, they will kill you.”

You sighed. “I know, mom”

“When you reach the human world, you must find clothes quickly and don’t forget what I told you....” 

You sighed again. Not because you did not want to heed her warnings but that you wished she knew that you could do this. You hugged her one last time to reassure her.

“I’ll come back. I promise… and I’ll be back with some food soon for everyone”

You both swam up to the surface. Not to far from you was the wall. 

“We’ll cause a distraction. As soon as they have their eye on us, swim to the gate.”

You nodded.

“Make sure no one sees and crawl in quickly.. And Y/N…”

You looked at your mother one last time expecting criticism.

“I’m proud of you for doing this. I love you.”

After your mother’s last words, she swam off before you could reply.

Against the currents, you hid, waiting for your que to go. Before long, you heard an explosion from above and alarms began to blare to alert the others.

“Not yet” You told yourself. “The gate…”

More shots were fired and soon you heard the gate drop down. Heavy footsteps bantered against the ground and then stopped as they tried to find your mother..

“Now” You told yourself.

You could hear the commotion behind you as you crawled through the gate and onto land. It was late in the day but you still needed to make sure that no one could see you and dry off quickly so you could  gain your human legs.  As you crawled undetected, you expected the pain of being out of water for the first time to hurt like hell. Those who had done it before described it as having the water literally knocked out of you. First, your lungs struggled to adapt to the air completely and then your tail would split into two… That was by far the worst part it seemed and you shuddered thinking about the thought but continued.

Your arms were bruised from crawling up the gravel road but off in the distance was finally someone’s house. You searched the premise for anything that could help dry you off and saw that a few items were left to hang on a line. You tugged the fabric and saw clothespins fly to the ground. Finally dry, there was no pain as your mermaid tail suddenly turned into a pair of legs in front of you. You wiggled your toes and stared at your new human form. Confused, you began to wonder why others felt pain when you had felt nothing. Was it just a lie they told to keep your kind safe and away from wanting to go on land?

You got up slowly and marveled at the new feeling of feet but found yourself struggling like a doe. You instantly crashed to the ground and scraped your new knees. A few more tries and then you could get it, right? You got up again but knocked a few items over to the floor.

“Who’s out there?!” You heard an old voice calling.

“Who are you and what do you want!??” It continued.

You sat back down with the random fabric wrapped around you. If he knew what you were, your mission would have been all for nothing. 

“Please help me” You weakly responded.

An old man peered around the corner. In his hands was a familiar instrument you had seen before. A gun was what your mom called it. 

“Who are you?” He angrily  asked.

“I’m Y/N” You tiredly replied.

“What are you doing out here by yourself at this hour?”

Before he could continue, he saw your bruised arms and knees. “Who did this to you?” He asked.

“Please, I need help” You replied.

He looked at the condition that you were in and saw the blood on your legs.

“Come here, let’s go inside. I already called the police before I came outside… They can get you to a doctor”

You began to panic at the mention of the police. 

“I can’t” You cried. “My legs.. I can’t move”

The old man put his gun aside and walked over to you to give you a hand. You stumbled onto your new legs but felt more familiar with them as you walked with him into his home.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier. You must have been through a lot tonight..” He began to say to you.

You remained silent and continued to focus on your legs. 

“Are you from around this area? You must be scared all out here by yourself” He continued.

You finally shook your head. “I’m not from here. And scared?” You asked. “No, are you?”

The man looked at you and smiled

“No”

You smiled back and then moved your hands up to gently grab his face.

“Thank you… but you should be” You replied. 

The smile that was present before began to fade away at your words. Before he could process what was going to happen next, you opened your mouth to reveal your mermaid teeth and took a bite out of his neck, instantly killing him.

You ate what you could. After finishing your first real meal in months, you sighed in content. Still covered in blood, you knew you had to clean up if you wanted to get out unnoticed. You dragged what parts remained of the man and moved it off to the side. It was a shitty job, but you were in a rush and needed to clean yourself up. 

You took off to look around his home and soon found a bath. Unsure of what could happen, you carefully got in and remembered what your mother told you. If enough water touched you, you could turn back into a mermaid here.

You turned the knob and sure enough, your tail came back. Desperate, you cleaned and dried  yourself quickly and found what clothes you could.

You left the man's home and made your way further into town. You didn’t know where you were going but you knew you had to get away. Behind you, sirens had begun to go off. Unsure of where to go, you quickly turned into the next building to get away.

As you walked in, smooth music began to play in front of you. You continued forward and into the room. 

“Party of one?” A young woman asked from behind a desk. 

You continued looking around.

“What is this place?” You asked.

The woman looked at you surprised. “Oh is this your first time here? This is a jazz club! The only one in town!”

She was much too chipper for you.

“Jazz club?” You asked.

“Yes, and the next show is about to start soon too! Let me get you seated” She quickly looked at her seating chart and then back to you. “I’m sorry but is a bar seat okay for now? This is our busiest time”

You thought of the police outside and nodded.

“That will be fine, thank you”

She smiled widely and led you in. “Follow me”

True to her words, the club was filled with patreons. She led you through a group of people and pointed to the bar.

“Have a seat and someone should be over to help you soon!”

As you sat down, you looked at the bottles in front of you and let out a sigh in relief. You were away from all the police outside but now you were in another new territory. Would alcohol have an effect on you? Water though ... if enough water were to come in contact with your skin, you would instantly turn back into a mermaid and give your position away.

“Hi beautiful, can I buy you a drink?” A raspy voice called.

Was this really how humans courted each other?

You turned and saw a plump man with way too much cologne on. Either way, he could be your next meal if you planned everything correctly.

“I would love one” You replied.

“What would you like?” He asked smiling.

Your knowledge on types of drinks were too limited.

“Why don’t you decide?” You replied.

The man smiled and signaled a bartender over.

“Two gin and tonics, please”

“Coming right up” A young man replied from behind you.

You turned to look up at the bartender and was taken back by the man behind the counter. For the first time in your life, it felt as if the world had stopped spinning as you looked at the person in front of you. Raven haired and skin kissed ever so lightly by the sun. His rolled up sleeves also revealed what looked like art on his arms.

“I haven’t seen you around.. first time here?” He asked breaking your concentration. He smiled and you could tell that your face was burning.

“Uhh.. Yeah..” You replied. “I just heard about it and decided to come check it out”

The man simply smiled again  and nodded as he scooped up some ice.

“Well, welcome to The Foundry. I’ll be making your drinks tonight”

You nodded and continued to watch him.

“Thanks..”

“What’s your name?” He asked.

“Y/N” You replied.

“That’s a pretty name” He replied.

“What’s yours?” You asked.

“Jungkook”

A loud cough was suddenly heard behind you. Too preoccupied with the bartender, you forgot about the man who ordered you the drink in the first place.

“I think your boyfriend is calling you” Jungkook said.

You shook your head and gave out an embarrassed laugh.

“He’s not my boyfriend. I don’t even know who he is, to be honest” You replied rather too loudly.

He tilted his head slightly and chuckled. “Ah, I think he heard”

You turned and saw your next meal angrily walking away.

Damn. 

But you didn’t really care. At the moment, you just wanted to know more about Jungkook.

“How long have you worked here?” You asked.

“Too long” He replied. “But ever so often, someone as beautiful as you comes in and makes me realize that my job isn’t too bad after all”

You laughed and he joined in.“Does that line actually work?” You asked.

He winked at you. “I guess we’ll see, right?”

“Bar tender!” Someone yelled.

Jungkook peered over. “Sorry. Work duties. If you need me, just call me over”

You nodded and then turned back to face the crowded room. It was a rather dark club, but the atmosphere was perfect with the music and crowd. 

“What are you doing here?” A deep voice asked you. “You’re quite far from home, aren’t you?”

You turned around and saw another young man next to you now. Unlike the plump man who had got away or the bar tender.. this man was different. Nonetheless, what was with men and them questioning you?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” You replied.

“Quite the bullshit. I could smell you from a mile away”

You were taken back by his words. Just kill him and go! Your mind told you.

“Leave me alone” You replied, not wanting to cause a scene.

“Bartender!” You called.

 You continued to sit at the bar by yourself and waited for Jungkook to come back.

“Ah! Good! You’re back” You told him.

Jungkook grinned but stopped when he saw who was behind you.

“Taehyung… is something wrong?” He asked.

“Taehyung?” You asked back..

Tae looked at you for a moment and then back at Jungkook.

“Actually, there is..” Taehyung took a hand and wrapped it around your shoulder. “My sister from out of town just decided to surprise me.. I’m a bit shocked”

Jungkook looked over at you.

“You didn’t tell me you were related to the boss”

You looked over at Tae to try and figure out what game he was playing. Tae simply smiled and waited for your response.

“Surprise?” You nervously cheered.

“Let’s get her some food, now!” Tae suddenly ordered.

“I’m the bartender, not the cook” Jungkook objected from under his breath.

Tae looked at Jungkook with a silencing glare. Remembering his place, Jungkook quickly fumbled around for something to write on and with.

“What would you like to eat?” He asked as he grabbed a nearby pen.

“I don’t know… Anything, really…”

“Get her the number one. Say it’s on the house.” Taehyung answered.

Jungkook nodded and then turned to look at you. “I’ll be back with your food. Enjoy the show, okay?”

You nodded and soon Jungkook was gone. 

You turned and saw that Taehyung was still standing by you.

“Sister??” You asked. You laughed. There was no way! “Who are you?”

“I don’t have time to discuss this with you right now. Come to my office upstairs when it’s over.. We’ll talk later”

You were skeptical. Not only did you not know who he was, now he wanted you alone in a room with him?

“What makes you think I want to go there?” You questioned.

He smirked and leaned in. “You’re a mermaid” He whispered into your ear.

You stopped. “How did you know?” You asked.

He gave you a wink and left.

Was he one too?

Taehyung made his way to the center stage and the room became silent around him. The lights dimmed and soon all eyes were on him as he began to sing a soulful song. You looked around the room and saw that the audience seemed to be in a trance. They swayed to his words and looked blissfully unaware. You looked over at Tae again. He grinned and it seemed as if he knew that you were finally connecting the dots together. He was a mermaid as well.

You watched in awe. You have heard about the power of a siren’s song but never like this. While it was common to set one man on a boat in a trance so he would crash or go overboard, you had never seen a full room turn all at once.

“Your brother is really good” Jungkook said startling you. In his hands was your meal, a plate of perfectly cooked fish next to some greens.

“He is, isn't he?” You replied as he set it down.

“Do you sing too?” Jungkook asked.

You continued to listen to Tae.

“Yeah, but not as good as him”

---

You climbed up the backstairs behind the stage once the performance was over and knocked on the door to Taehyung’s office. The door opened and once again you were led into a strange new place. Much like the club downstairs, the room was adorned in the same manner. In all honesty, the word “office” was an exaggeration as it seemed more like an actual living space.

“Have a seat” Taehyung said.

You did as you were told and waited for an explanation from him.

“According to legends, I’m supposed to be the one seducing you with my voice. How did you learn to sing like that?” You asked.

He laughed as if he had heard that question one too many times.

”Practice” He admitted.

You looked around the room. He definitely had a taste for finer things.

“How long have you been living on land now?” You asked.

“For a while. My parents…. they wanted a better life for me and so they helped me to cross over.” 

Tae looked over at you. “I don’t even have to ask you. I know that you’re new”

“What gave it away?” You asked confused. You thought you had done a pretty good job of not getting caught so far.

“Your scent and the way you were dressed” He answered.

You looked down at the mismatched item of clothing and felt embarrassed.

“My options were pretty limited.” You admitted.

“What do you mean?” Tae asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I needed clothes… and so I took it from the first person I saw.”

“What do you mean the first person you saw? Did you kill someone already?” Taehyung asked.

“Of course I did. How do you think I got these ugly clothes?”

Taehyung sighed. “I knew you were trouble the moment you walked in… god, there must be cops everywhere trying to fish you out.”

You waved your hands in protest. “No one saw me, I swear!”

He shook his head now.“You don’t know that… and now you probably brought them straight here”

He looked at you again and you became nervous. As opposed to Jungkook who had a kind look to him, both were handsome in their own right but Taehyung gave off a stern look. For a moment, you thought he was going to kick you out.

“If they come in, stick to the story of being my sister.” Taehyung said surprising you.

You looked at him wide eyed and shocked.

“You’re letting me stay here with you?”

Taehyung looked annoyed but nodded. “Of course I am. You’ll probably get caught and die out there without me. I don’t want that on my conscious.”

You glared at him for a moment, but it was true. You didn’t know much and now you had shelter and possibly a new friend.

He got up from his seat to retrieve some items stored in a cabinet nearby. “There’s a bath in the room over there. I’m assuming you know how to use it? Clean yourself properly. Once you’re dried up and in human form again, put on this uniform and come back down.”

Before you could object, Taehyung had thrown something your way.

“What is this?” You asked.

“Do you sing?” He asked ignoring your question.

“I’m a mermaid” You answered. “You know that I do”

“Great. That is your new uniform then” He replied.

“Uniform?” You asked.

“You’re gonna have to work for me if you want to stay.. plus it can be your alibi for now. When word gets out that someone was killed, the police will be going around town. You’re a new face here and an easy target, Y/N. If anyone asks, tell them you are my sister and that you are from out of town. If they continue to ask about you, say you desperately needed a job and that's why you are here.”

He turned back to you and noted the confusion on your face. From across the room, you stared at the flimsy looking material and contemplated throwing it back at him but stopped as he was right.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“I’ve never worked before” You confessed. “At least not here on land. I’m used to the sea…”

For a moment, it seemed as if Taehyung understood but then continued. “Don’t worry too much about it. I’ll be here. Plus, I’ll have someone show you around. Now hurry up so we can get back downstairs before anyone suspects anything”

You got up from your seat and walked over to him. 

“What is it now?” He asked.

“Thank you.” You said. “I mean it.” 

“Don’t thank me yet, Y/N.You have yet to survive the human world”

----

Read PT.2 Here

Masterlist

[erinptah]

Super Drags review (tl;dr Show Good)

The post where I do my best to spread the Good News, that there exists a saucy gay drag-queen magical-girl animated comedy and everyone should watch it.

Okay, not everyone -- I'll give some caveats at the end -- but definitely a heck of a lot more people than Netflix has bothered to advertise it to.

Look at this! Why did nobody tell me about this??

What is Super Drags?

Fast facts:

It's a 1-season, 5-episode adult animated comedy series, released in November 2018

Here's the official page, with a free-to-view trailer

It packs more explicit, unashamed queerness into those 5 episodes than any other cartoon I can think of

The only possible competitor would be if you took the whole 5000-episode run of Steven Universe and pared it down to a supercut of Just The Gay Parts

This in spite of being produced in Brazil, which (in my broad understanding, as a total non-authority on the subject) is more oppressively, dangerously homophobic than the US

The original is in Portuguese

There is an English dub, fabulously voiced by contestants from RuPaul's Drag Race

It's wrapped in "for adults only!" warnings, not because the content is any less child-friendly than (say) your Bojacks Horsemen or your Ricks and Mortys, but because Brazilian authorities tried to get it shut down on the grounds of this much gay being Harmful For Children

It was (heartbreakingly) not renewed for a second season

Here's a promo video, in which the main characters (Portuguese, with subtitles) play Drag Race judges for Shangela, who ends up voicing Scarlet in English.

And here's a beautiful flashy music video of the big musical number! (Also Portuguese, no subtitles, but the melody and the visuals stand on their own.)

Plot and worldbuilding stuff!

The elevator pitch is "What if Charlie's Angels, but also drag queens, with superpowers, because magical-girl transformations?"

In this universe, all LGBTQ people have magical energy. The Big Bad is an evil magical-drag-queen nemesis who tries to drain our energy for her own purposes. It's like if Ursula from The Little Mermaid was a first-season Sailor Moon villain.

...sidenote, in case you were worried, the representation isn't "cis gay men and nobody else." There's a butch lesbian in the recurring cast, a genderfluid person (in that specific word!) as a one-off love interest, and all the ensemble scenes are wonderful collages of different races, body types, and gender presentations.

Our heroes also fight non-magical everyday homophobes, who get written with scathing realism.

The moment I knew the show wasn't pulling any punches was in the first episode, where a newscaster complains about being Silenced by the Law of Political Correctness, then chirps "however, we have a special guest who is thankfully above the law!"

According to the reviews I've found from Brazilian viewers, it's also pitch-perfect when it comes to local queer culture, community dynamics, slang and speech patterns, even memes. All of which flies right over my head, so here's a post (with no-context spoilers) about one viewer's favorite details.

The handful of reaction posts on Tumblr have a dramatic split between "Brazilian viewers fiercely defending the show as culturally-accurate, uplifting, and brave in a terrifying political moment" and "American viewers complaining that the show is problematic because it's a comedy about drag queens with no perfect role models and lots of sex jokes."

As the Super Drags tell their nemesis (and this is also in the first episode): "How dare you try to turn the LGBTQXYZ community against each other? We do enough of that on our own!"

In between missions, our girls work sitcom retail jobs and deal with other everyday problems. All of which are written in amazingly nuanced and thoughtful ways for a show that also features "defeating an orgy monster with a lip-sync battle."

Detailed character stuff!

Our heroes are Color Coded For Your Convenience!

The Super Drags themselves go by "she" in-uniform, and a lot of the time when out of it. Like the Sailor Starlights, only more so. I'll roll with that.

In blue: Safira Cyan, or Ralph by day, an excitable college-age kid who's built like a football player and squees like a fangirl. (She's an anime fan in the original, and for some reason all the otaku references were replaced in the dub, but you can see them in the subtitles.)

Ralph lives with her younger sister (they play video games together!) and their dad, comes out to them mid-series, and is very shippable with another young guy who starts out reciting the homophobic beliefs he was raised with but whose heart clearly isn't in it.

Safira's weapon is a classic magical-girl wand that casts protective force-fields. Which are shaped like condoms. Because of course.

In yellow: Lemon Chiffon, aka Patrick, the oldest of the group and generally the smartest/most strategic. In most cases, the other two treat her as the de facto team leader -- unless she pushes it too far.

By day she's a single guy with thick thighs and thinning hair, who has some body-image insecurities on the dating scene. And this show has Things To Say about unrealistic beauty standards within the community...not to mention, about masc guys who look down on anyone too flaming or femme because straight people disapprove.

Lemon's weapon is a fluffy boa that can be used as a whip or a lasso, especially when there's a bondage joke to be made.

In red: Scarlet Carmesim, also Donizete, the loudest and most aggressive teammate with the most cutting insults, who refuses to suppress that attitude in an attempt to appease racists. (But will give it a shot when trying not to get fired.)

Donny still lives in her religious/homophobic mom's apartment, and I'm pretty sure it's because neither of them can afford to move out. Her rock-solid sense of fierce self-confidence is the reason it doesn't bring her down.

Scarlet's weapon is a fan that she uses to throw shade. Yeah, you knew that was coming.

The Charlie to these angels is Champagne, who runs operations from a cool magitech compound and breaks the fourth wall at the end to petition for viewers' support in getting a second season.

...we let her down, folks :(

So here's a thing. The show never draws a sharp line between "people who become drag queens because it's a way they're driven to express themselves as gay men" and "people who become drag queens because they were trans women all along." That's consistent with how South American LGBT+ culture works. (Again: best of my knowledge, not personally an authority on this, etc etc.)

Many of the characters, including Champagne, never describe themselves in ways that translate to one of our sharply-defined Anglo-USian identity categories. And I'm not going to try to impose any English labels on them here.

But I can say (in contrast to Safira, Lemon, and Scarlet), Champagne never switches out of her "drag" name/voice/presentation, not even in the most candid off-duty scenes, and still has the same bustline when naked in the tub. Make of that what you will.

You Should Watch This Show

If you have a Netflix subscription, watch Super Drags!

If you ever do a Netflix free trial month in the future, make a note to yourself to watch Super Drags!

It's one of their original productions, so there's no risk of missing your chance because the license expired. But it's absolutely not getting the promotion it deserves. Which means potentially interested viewers won't find it, which means Netflix will think there's no interest, which means they'll keep not promoting it...etc etc etc.

No idea if there's any chance of getting it un-canceled, but maybe we can at least convince them to release it on DVD.

And the sheer gutsiness it took for a group of Brazilian creators to produce this show in the first place -- that deserves to be rewarded with your attention.

In spite of various anti-discrimination laws that sound good on paper, the country has serious problems with homophobia, transphobia, and anti-LGBT violence (warning, article has a violent image which is only partly blurred).

Maybe the creators could've gotten a second season if they made this one softer, less sexually-explicit, more restrained...but honestly? I bet that wouldn't have helped.

Consider Danger & Eggs, an Amazon original cartoon. It was made in the US, thoroughly child-friendly, and restricts its LGBT+ representation to things like "characters go to a Pride celebration...where nobody ever names or describes the quality they're proud of."

And it didn't get renewed past the first season either.

(Note: it had a trans woman showrunner and a queer-heavy creative staff, so I blame all that restraint on executive meddling, not the creators themselves. The showrunner even liked the tweet of my review that complains about it.)

So there's something very satisfying about how Super Drags went all-out, balls-to-the-wall (sometimes literally), all the rep explicit and unapologetic, packing every 25-minute episode with all kinds of queer content that would be censored or muted elsewhere -- but here it's exaggerated and celebrated and just keeps coming.

(...as do jokes like that, and I'm not sorry.)

Okay, there are a few legitimate reasons to not watch this show

Some caveats.

None of these things are Objectively Bad Problems that the show itself should be shamed for...but maybe they're genuinely not your cup of tea.

It does have actual Adult Content beyond "the existence of gay people." This show loves to swing barely-clothed cartoon genitalia in your face. There is, as mentioned, an orgy monster. If that kind of humor is going to bother you too much to appreciate the rest of the show, give it a pass.

I wasn't kidding about how realistic the homophobes are. Opening of the first episode has a guy trying to murder a busload of people while shouting slurs at them. If that level of hatred on-screen is gonna crush your soul, even in a show about sparkly queens flying to the rescue with dick-shaped magical weapons, don't push yourself.

Any fiction with this much crossdressing and gender-transgressing is going to hit some trans viewers in a bad way. Because trans people are such a broad group, with so many different experiences, that Every Possible Trope Involved pushes somebody's buttons. (See also: "some trans readers complain about a storyline that turns out to be drawn from a trans writer's actual life experience".) If this show goes does gender things that turn out to be personally distressing for you...or even just distressing for this specific time in your life...don't feel obligated to keep watching.

It has aggressively-sassy queer characters making jokes and calling each other things that are affectionate in-context, but would not be okay coming from straight/cis people. If you can't wrap your head around that, go watch something else.

Other Than That, Go Watch This Show

For all its big heart, big ambitions, and big gay energy, Super Drags is tiny enough that I've binged the whole show 2 times in the past 2 weeks. Thankfully, it's highly re-watchable -- lots of fun background gags and subtle foreshadowing that you don't catch on the first round.

(Pausing one last time to appreciate that a show with elements like "the high-tech robot assistant is called D.I.L.D.O." can be subtle at all, let alone be this good at it.)

I've also paged through all the fanart on Tumblr and Deviantart, looked up the single fanfic on the AO3, and started brainstorming plans to request it in Yuletide next year. Someone, please, come join me in (the English-language side of) the itty-bitty fandom for this ridiculous, glittery, over-the-top, fabulous series.

[armada-of-ships-against-antis]

Gush about some of your favorite ships please

Sorry for the long wait, but I think I might be ready for this now. (and before anybody wonders, of course it is in the middle of the night and I should go to bed now! Cause it’s the best time to gush over your ships!)

Okay lets begin with Spirk - man I was raised being a Trekkie and to be honest I never saw the great appeal of Kirk, cause my fucking younger than 10 year old heart already belonged to that vulcan! And I bailed my eyes out when he died! But after Kirk and the crew did everything to bring him back, I was like: Okay Kirk is a good one, okay! Nobody will ever be able to seperate them, only over my dead body. Back then it was more about the friendship but I’ll be dammned if I didn’t become a Spirk shipper some 10 years later when rewatching it. But why stop there, get Bones into the fun, too! Try to provoke that human side of Spock, trigger some unlogical feelings, try to beat him in 3d chess!

Okay bear with me there are three other Star Trek ships I wanna gush about!  I pretty much watched the series in the order they came out, so next was TNG that I saw, and although I loved data to every bit and byte of his android being, I was at a loss for a love interest for him. Okay there is always Geordie I guess or Picard, but TNG never hold a deep appeal for me in that field. So on to DS9. When I saw it as a kid, is was boring shit with all that politics and religion. I was around 18 when I rewatched and then in only the fourth episode I became suddenly aware of how motherfucking much Garak flirted with Julian Bashir! And I fell so deeply in love for their weird dynamic of a young and easily impressible human doctor with a mysterious cardassian spy tailor. I ran around showing scenes with them to people who were not shippers and they agreed, that there was tension. And right there was my first time finding background informations about my ship. It was there! I didn’t just interpret too much!  Andrew Robinson, the actor said himself he thought of Elim Garak as an omnisexual character who had a certain interest in Julian. It was absolutely mindblowing to me (also I started to google what omnisexual meant and found about pansexuality, so this is kinda part of finding my own identity, thanks to the closeted representation of a queer alien in sci-fi show from the 90s)

Okay two more and I’m done with Star Trek. But both are from Voyager. Throughout the series I loved the chemistry between Janeway and Chakotay. The slightly forbidden, the pressure, the loneliness of being captain of a ship so far away she probably would never see her husband again. Tragic shit and so perfect set up.  And then came Seven of Nine and manged to shake things up. Suddenly I was a multi shipper, because I couldn’t decide if she or Chakotay should be with Kathryn. The one was loving, supporting and the other was awkward, learning new things about finding humanity again. One was frowned upon because of their ranks and the other because Seven was still more borg than human in how she behaved. So pretty cold, while also confused a ton of times and Janeway ALWAYS had the time and nerves to explain it to her. Just like the doctor (who speaking between us is also a solid shipping option for Seven!)

Damn I tricked you by forgetting myself, that I did develop a shipping crush on Q x Picard. Damn have you ever seen those two interacting. The cockiness in the room, the mocking tone, the resistance. Have you seen those scenes you could perfectly take out of context and already have a “morning after sex” scenario?

Good now let’s take a deep breath and come to the Harry Potter fandom. Or in my case Severus Snape’s playground to be shipped to literally everybody! If it had Snape in it, I would read Everything during that time. Snarry was my most favourite, followed by Snape x Lucius, Remus, Sirius. But I also was looking into x Hermione, Draco, Lily, James, McGonagall, Dumbledore, Ron, Neville (Oh what a small and angsty ship), Bellatrix, Voldemort, Narcissa, Tonks, hell I even read one with Hagrid! (Okay I admit I didn’t enjoy that). Snape was my shipping bitch. Beside that I was of course loving Sirius x Remus.

Okay we move a tiny bit backwards in my life timeline, because before I started to excessively ship my ship bitch with everybody that was breathing, I had a rare ship in Final Fantasy (VII to be more precisely). Hojo x Vincent. You know just your ordinary crazy, mentally instable old (as in probably 60 years old) mad scientist having his way with a young agent from a special task force who canonly had a love interest in his wife… yeah. You know the totally normal stuff you ship every day!  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  

I mean I also had the regular Cloud x Sephiroth, Cid x Vincent, Cloud x Tifa, Tifa x Aeris, Reno x Rude or Rufus and so on, but hell yeah I wrote one of my longest fanfictions with most of my OCs for Hojo and Vincent and someone commented on it. That person became my fucking best friend for now over 13 years who went with me through so much shit but is still my shipping partner in crime till now.

Together we discovered the movie Megamind and watched it more than 10 times in one week! We were so instantly on board with Megamind x Roxanne that it nearly hurt. And when we started an rpg, we shipped the fuck out of them, gave Minion a mermaid to love and that was the most perfect and sweet shit. They are just adorable! He’s such a goofball, sick with love only hold back because of his supervillain image.

I also met my second girlfriend via fanfiction comment. I had written a smut one shot about Tarrant Hightopp, the mad Hatter with ‘his’ Alice. That was also the first one I attempted to translate into English. When we met for the first time, we also watched Alice in Wonderland around 10 times together and we were in love with the lovely dynamic. We were frustrated when we found out, there was even a kiss in the script that never made it to the fucking screen! It was outrageous! I started to learn how to write a scottish accent and strew in some scottish words in our rpg to make it more authentic.

(And after that I managed to pull her into the pit of the Harry Potter fandom, hell I even pulled her into the pit of shipping mlm which she didn’t like until Snupin. But our main ship was suddenly Snape with her OC and we wrote a lot. Like between 2-8k word for one single post in our rpg! In the end we had enough to fill two books. We did even cosplay as them.)

Let’s get back to the Final Fantasy fandom a bit and let me gush over the other ships I had over the years. I’m still a huge Squall x Quistis shipper from part 8 and Laguna x Kiros! I also have an eye on Cifer x Fu-Jin (hah one eye, cause she has a an eyepatch, urgh I know that was a bad joke). And while I started as a big Auron x Tidus shipper, it shifted more to Auron x Rikku. I shipped them when I was about 15 (her age) and I thought I wasn’t allowed to do that, so I made a whole fucking AU where she was older and it developed into a totally original story of my own, which I have never ever written down even one page). With X-2 I satisfied myself with Paine x Rikku, they were such cute opposites of each other, I couldn’t resist! Only some years ago I played FF 15 and damn it was a shipping paradise again for me. Like all of the four protagonists are a match for each other! And then Ardyn appeared and made me weak in the knees. So Ardyn x Noctis but also just because those the truly most favorite characters: Ardyn x Ignis. Not exactly the fluffy happy stuff, I can tell you that. Manipulation, angst, abuse it had it all.

I can’t talk about Final Fantasy and leave Kingdom Hearts out, so yeah I started as a typical Sora x Riku (not Rikku from FF 10) fangirl and with part 2 I also feel for Axel x Roxas. I know, I know but at least with Organisation 13 you had a whole bunch of shippable characters. Just make one or two of them your shipping bitch, in my case Xemnas and Xigbar and ship the shit out those guys with everybody you can think of in the organisation.

And when we are already talking about Kingdom Hearts, I just jump into Disney a bit. Like every girls dream was to find their prince, ect and I was like: yeah Mulan and Shan Yu seem to fit nicely… Frollo is a fucking ass creep, but damn that scene in the cathedral when he sniffs Esmeraldas hair… Jasemine you look good in that red slave outfit for Jafar to be honest and dear Adam, you should have stayed a beast for Belle. Happy ruining your childhood. You’re welcome. :D Not that I shiped those during seeing those movies the first time, but you know I rewatch stuff!

Good okay let’s check the watch… good 1 hour later…. I’m not gonna finish this any time soon…. I’m sorry. I just tried to make a list of ships that seem important to me and I would probably write another hour or two. I just hope this satisfies you for the moment ;)

If you or anybody else wants to hear about more video game, movies or series ships and me writing an essay about that shit… feel free to ask I guess LMAO

Good Night dear people (or maybe not I see 15 messages on my dash)

[thatbluegibson]

CH 46

Liz opened the door to the same hotel suite she was in a week ago, clutching a tall cup of coffee and her cell phone.

“Hey, Liz!” Mark called from the couch, not bothering to look up from his phone, “How was Oregon?”

She raised an eyebrow at him, surprised that he was in such a good mood. When she had left LA for Oregon he was furious, yelling that she was throwing away her career and that no one would work with anyone that snubbed the biggest parties of the year. Apparently, he had been dead wrong and her evasiveness was being construed as mysteriousness. The cameras and corresponding photographers had tailed her to the hotel and it took a half an hour to find a safe entrance she could use. Finally, Travis had just thrown his jacket over her head and carried her in the kitchen door, using the service elevator to get her upstairs.

“Very Pacific Northwest… ish,” she muttered, setting her coffee down.

“Good… good. Ready for this?”

“Absolutely not,” she grumbled, turning when the bedroom door swung open.

Josie flew out of the room and into Liz’s arms, squealing like a twelve year old, “You’re here!”

“Josie, it’s six in the goddamn morning. Shhh!” Liz groaned, but was happy to see both her and Sarah, who appeared in the bedroom doorway looking just a little green.

Josie just laughed, “Right, right. Let’s go get started!”

*

“So then he stayed at my place the next night and after that I don’t really remember, but I just dropped him off a couple hours ago,” Josie giggled from the bed as Sarah ran a comb through Liz’s hair.

“Sounds like you and Rami really hit it off,” Liz said, staring wide eyed at her phone to cleanse her brain of the sex filled novel Josie just rattled off to her.

“It’s like fifty shades of Foo Fighters in here,” Sarah muttered. Liz met her eyes in the mirror and laughed. 

“Oh Liz, I’m sorry,” Josie sighed, “I’m telling you all about Rami when things ended so badly with Dave. He said the rest of the guys are super bummed about it.”

Liz coughed into her coffee cup, realizing she hadn’t talked to Josie since the night she left for Oregon. “Buckle up, Josie,” she smiled, “Cause I have one hell of a story for you.”

*

Hours later, Sarah and Josie stood back and studied Liz as she turned in front of the large mirror. Her dress was a mermaid silhouette, the bodice covered in deep indigo beading that faded down towards the train that ended in bright cerulean sequins. The straps holding the heavy gown up were so thin that Liz was willing to tape or staple or even sew the backless dress into her skin to avoid any disasters on the red carpet.

“You look like a mermaid that sold her soul to the sea witch for a man,” Sarah finally said.

“Damnit,” Liz replied, “I’d rather be the sea witch.”

Josie knelt to adjust the light blue train, “It is very oceanic, isn’t it?” She stepped back and furrowed her brow.

“At least I’m not wearing any pearls,” Liz offered. There wasn’t any time to change if Josie decided she looked too ‘theme-like’.

“No, we’re going to forget the diamonds tonight anyways,” Josie said, still considering the dress, “It’ll look like you looted a shipwreck.”

Liz pouted at the windowsill where a large pile of borrowed diamonds were laid out, sparkling brilliantly in the daylight.

“No, Liz,” Josie scolded, “They’re pretty, but it’s too much. This dress might already be wearing you.”

“Maybe if we pull her hair up? An updo as opposed to beach waves?” Sarah tried. They had already backed off on her makeup, removing the heavy cat eyeliner for a more natural look.

Josie nodded, “Yup, let’s do it.”

Liz scrolled through her phone as Sarah threw a sheet around her and began twisting her hair up when a text popped up on her screen.

How goes it?

“Tell me that’s him!” Josie called from the other side of the room as she tried to clean up a little from their busy morning.

“Yeah, it’s him,” Liz laughed.

Josie grabbed Liz’s hoodie off the bed and shook it, sending something flying out of the pocket and across the room. “What the hell is this?” she asked, rushing over to pick it up.

“Oh, Dave found it on the beach and I forgot it was in my pocket,” Liz replied, more concerned about the photo she was trying to take of her and Sarah in the mirror.

Josie flipped the shell over in her hand a couple times and rushed to the door, “I’ll be right back.”

*

Dave’s phone buzzed in his pocket just as he slid into the back of the SUV with his guitar.

It’s going! Slowly…

Dave smiled at the mirror-shot picture she had attached of her and Sarah surrounded by coffee cups and hair tools. 

What’s your dress like?

He stared down at his phone, waiting for her reply and drumming on his knee.

You’ll just have to watch the broadcast like the other three people that give a damn about what’s covering my ass

Dave thought about the conversation he had with Silva that morning about the media calling to ask if he was Liz’s date to the Oscars. No, he hadn’t been asked to go with her. No, he didn’t know why she didn’t ask him. No, he wouldn’t confirm they were seeing each other. No, he didn’t have any further comment on the matter. Deep down he knew why she hadn’t asked him. Everything was too new and they weren’t ready to confirm or announce to the world what they were when they didn’t even know themselves, but a very small part of him felt a little disappointed that she didn’t want him with her tonight.

I’m not a patient man, Elizabeth.

Her reply was almost immediate, Then learn, David.

* 

At exactly 1:15, Liz, Josie, Travis and Mark said goodbye to Sarah and crammed into the hotel’s service elevator headed to the lobby.

When the elevator chimed its arrival in the hotel’s kitchen, Josie linked her arm with Liz’s, “Once we get to the car, remember to lay down, okay? I’m worried this dress will wrinkle.”

Travis and Mark led them through the bustling kitchen and Liz suddenly realized how hungry she was.

“I think I forgot to eat,” she told Josie as they stepped out of the kitchen and into the hotel bar.

“Well…,” Josie looked around them, “maybe we can hit up a taco truck on the way or something.”

They both giggled at that and leaned against the bar to wait for Travis to bring the car around. Liz felt infinitely better that Josie was with her this time and that she would be near her the entire night ensuring that she looked perfect for the next twelve hours.

“Fuck.”

Liz looked over her shoulder in the direction of the expletive and swore herself, “Goddamnit,” she whispered once she saw Johnny staring at her backless dress while gripping a glass of whiskey.

“Hi,” she gritted her teeth and turned to face him, “Funny seeing you here.”

He tore his eyes away from her body and smiled at her, “I booked a room. It’s convenient to the after party. You look exquisite, Lizzy.”

“Thanks,” she tilted her head as he kissed her cheek and heard Josie quickly order shots from the bartender.

“And how is dear David?” he asked, moving to stand just in front of her.

“Quite well, thank you,” Liz replied, watching the bartender pour shots of high end vodka. “We actually just flew back into LA this morning.”

“Oh?” he leaned his back against the bar to see her face better.

“We spent a few days in Oregon together,” Liz  nodded a thank you when the shot was set in front of her.

“Getting your multiple daily doses of vitamin d,” Josie muttered just loud enough that only Liz could hear before tipping her shot back. Liz coughed a little to try and hide her laugh.

“Sounds lovely,” Johnny said miserably, examining her dress again as he sipped his drink.

Liz lifted her shot and smiled, “We just needed to get to know each other without any… oh, I don’t know… interference,” she threw back the shot and winced at the burn in her throat.

“Car is ready,” Travis appeared behind them warily looking at Johnny.

“I’ll see you there, Lizzy,” Johnny smiled and leaned over to kiss her cheek again when she sighed.

“This is stupid, just come with us,” she grumbled.

“I have my own car,” he tried, but Liz noticed he seemed sincere and it really was silly to take separate cars.

“No, there’s enough fucking traffic,” she linked her arm with his and let him lead her out of the bar. “This doesn’t mean you’re my date, though,” she laughed a little, not wanting this tense mood to hang over her the rest of the night.

“I’ll take what I can get,” he replied and stepped back so Liz could brave the media outside the hotel alone.

*

Dave leaned back on a black leather couch, refreshing the web page phone every few seconds. New photos of the Oscar red carpet would pop up, each of them more boring than the last. So many beige, black and red dresses that the even the famous faces began to blur together. He shoved the phone back in his pocket and sighed in frustration, taking a long drink from his beer as people hurried around him. He watched them for awhile when Taylor appeared and flopped down on the couch next to him.

“See her yet?” he asked, kicking Dave’s knee with his shoe.

Dave only shook his head and handed him a can of beer. Taylor popped it open and took a drink, sizing up his best friend’s mood when Ally weaved her way through the crowd towards them, her phone held high above her head. She shoved the phone into Dave’s hands with a bright smile on her face.

“She was smart to be one of the last on the carpet,” she said, wiggling herself in between Dave and Taylor on the couch. “She looks amazing.”

Dave scrambled to get his glasses off his head and onto his face, squinting at the blue shape that Ally said was Liz. He finally got the picture in focus and cleared his throat to disguise another noise which he was sure wasn’t human. Liz stood in front of a gold and white backdrop, her blue dress cascading behind her like an illusion.

“Down, boy,” Taylor laughed at the look on Dave’s face and Ally threw her elbow into his ribs. “Ow!”

Liz was smiling, but it wasn’t the smile Dave recognized. She seemed relaxed and calm, but to anyone that had been around her for more than an hour would know that she was faking it. Ally reached over and swiped the phone screen to the next photo, this one taken as she walked down the red carpet, her blue dress standing out among all the beige, black and red. Dave spotted a piece of jewelry in her hair and zoomed in to get a better look. His face broke into a wide smile when he recognized the shell he had given her had been tucked neatly into the top of the intricate knot at the nape of her neck. 

“Yeah, I thought you had something to do with that,” Ally said quietly and leaned into him.

He zoomed back out and examined the rest of the picture when he spotted Depp just off the carpet, smiling and waiting for Liz. He cleared his throat again and handed the phone back to Ally, forcing himself to smile. “Thanks, Ally,” he said quietly.

 “Dave... You know this is all business,” she frowned, seeing right through him, “You knew he was going. You knew they would have to do the press line together.”

“Yeah,” Dave nodded, knowing she was right, but it didn’t stop him from feeling a just little jealous, “I know.”

*

Liz followed Johnny down the ramp to the front of the theater, feeling more and more anxious the further she got to the stage. The general rule of awards shows was the closer you are to the stage, the more likely you are to win and she was preferring to be in the balcony at this point. An usher finally stopped along a row about five back from the stage and pointed to the two seats next to the aisle. Liz beamed when she saw Josie and Travis already seated and flopped down in the chair next to them.

“You’re here!” she cried, smiling even brighter when Travis handed her a flute of champagne

“Johnny said I was his plus one and Travis is yours, so here we are!” Josie tapped her glass against Liz’s and took a drink.

Liz turned back to Johnny as he settled in the chair next to her. “Why are you like this?” she demanded.

Johnny feigned innocence, “Like what, Lizzy?” he took a sip of the wine he had smuggled in from the lobby bar and smiled at her.

“Infuriating one moment and delightful the next.”

“I just want to see you happy, darling,” he replied, his gold tooth glinting sharply as the lights dimmed and the show began.

Liz uncomfortably sat back in her seat and leaned towards Josie, who immediately held her hand. “This is so exciting!” she whispered.

Liz only nodded, feeling her anxiety spike when a camera man kneeled just beside Johnny and aimed the lens directly at them. Go away, go away, go away, go away. Liz hadn’t thought about a camera being on her during this part of the show and she realized all at once that she had been seated next to Johnny to create buzz for their next film. Quickly reaching to grab her small clutch purse from Travis’s lap, she pulled out her phone and hid it in the folds of her dress while she tapped out a text.

*

Dave felt his phone buzz and almost flung it across the couch in his hurry to get it out of his pocket.

You up?

He shook his head at the screen, noting it was only six in the evening and quickly replied.

For you, yes.

“It’s starting, dude,” Taylor was still sprawled out on the couch next to Dave, pointing to a TV just to right of them.

They watched the opening montage featuring all the biggest films of the year with the show’s host poorly inserted into each of them when Dave’s phone chimed again.

Good cause I’m stuck next to the wind chime and I feel really bad about it.

“These award shows get worse and worse every year,” Taylor muttered.

The montage ended and the camera went from the host’s monologue to the crowd, pausing on each celebrity the host was desperately trying to make fun of. Liz appeared on screen looking indifferent and unamused while seated next to Depp. She was leaning as far as she could, practically in Josie’s seat, who was oblivious to her friend’s distress and smiling brightly.

“Look at that body language,” Taylor laughed. “She makes Depp look like a trap door spider.”

Dave grabbed his phone, We’re good, Liz. You look beautiful.

The camera remained on Liz as the host made another joke at her expense, something about her effortless leap from playing a politician to a pirate when she jumped a little and looked down at her dress. A happy smile finally spread across her face as the camera flashed back to the host.

“How long do you think the delay is on this?” Dave asked, looking back at Taylor.

Taylor gave him a confused look, “This is a monitor, dude. Real time.”

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs, week forty

oops

brief considerations of the songs which debuted on billboard on 10.11.1997, 10.13.2007, and 10.14.2017

10.11.1997

1) "Candle in the Wind 1997/Something in the Way You Look Tonight," by Elton John

princess diana seemed like a nice person and i don't agree that it is good that she passed on. i think she should have continued to live, and finally, i found a song that agrees with my worldview.

44) "Too Gone, Too Long," by En Vogue

So real talk this is late because one week I saw two Post Malone songs and I said fuck it because, like, it's, and I just, I don't think it's fair when older generations yell at younger generations? But the average '90s R&B track was infinitely better than the average '10s anything. You could drive down the street bumping the radio and a song like this, with that small miracle that happens around the 3:00 mark, and this would be like the seventh-best song you'd hear. Kids these days are just listening to songs that don't make any stabs at greatness, they just exist in a way that doesn't motivate you to change the station. The problem is with the children. I'm not actually talking about this song, I'm talking about the way people consume music. This song is heckin' great and everyone should listen to it 20 times and then try to get through a Post Malone song.

58) "Heaven," by Nu Flavor

In this overly intense '90s R&B slo jamz, the R&B boys plead to God to convince this woman to fuck them. That sentence is the last thing I wrote for YAS before taking a weeks-long sabbatical and I'm glad I found it.

63) "Love Gets Me Every Time," by Shania Twain

Where do we rank Shania Twain in the diva pantheon? Like, this is a song with a hook I recognized when I heard it, after 20 years of just not thinking about this song I heard "dolgurn gone and done it" and was like "oh yeah! This jam!" and not all singers can dig that deep into your memory, but in terms of historical import, where does she rank? You can't really argue that "country needs a rep in the pantheon" because um hello? Dolly? but there's at least four Shania songs that are absolutely legendary. Does that merit inclusion among the greats? Or is Shania just on that second tier with a Kelly Clarkson or a Carrie Underwood, reliable but not as powerful as the women we'll tell our grandkids about?

65) "Electric Barbarella," by Duran Duran

One of the things that struck me as odd about the film Sing Street was the reverence with which the film treated Duran Duran. I always sort of thought Duran Duran was a boy band, but there was a film set in the heyday of Duran Duran's popularity, with a scene where an older brother extols the virtues of Duran Duran's musicianship to a younger brother, and I'm just like, "I never would have guessed this band was at the vanguard of new wave?" But I guess maybe they were a less dark Depeche Mode and I should check this out because this song from 1997 probably isn't indicative of peak Duran Duran? Hello welcome back to YAS I'm already asking questions to no one instead of offering criticism, it's like I never left.

70) "They Like it Slow," by H-Town

Sometimes, when you abandon a project for a while and come back, you notice things about the thing you're doing that you never would have noticed if you had worked on it in the last two months. To that end: I just realized all the 1997 and prolly most of the 2007 music videos were shot in 4:3. Like, when they filmed these music videos, they were composing shots with the idea they would be on TVs. That's kind of interesting! Like, when you go to film school, you probably have the idea you're gonna direct films, so having to compose shots for a smaller aspect ratio probably fucks you up a little bit. Anyway, I can't tell if this '90s R&B slo jamz is a parody or not.

87) "A Smile Like Yours," by Natalie Cole

"I have seen the bluest skies/Rainbows that would make you cry." It's absolutely amazing which lines in these songs gain significance from 20 years of events. Like, that line about rainbows takes on a whole new meaning now that we've all enjoyed and then forgot about the Double Rainbow video.

91) "Alright," by Jamiroquai

groovy! i’m okay with this! this is like what all the calvin harris songs would sound like if they were good.

92) "Spin Spin Sugar," by Sneaker Pimps

there's so much cool stuff happening in this song and i really just wanna sit down and get to know this band a lot more because they've always seemed like something i was supposed to like and now i realize that i do actually like them, unfortunately WE'RE LISTENING TO 100 SONGS TONIGHT GOODBYE GOOD SONG I WILL KEEP THIS MEMORY WARM IN MY HEART UNTIL THE END OF TIME

10.13.2007

58) "Tattoo," Jordin Sparks

This is a song that just barely missed the lyric video trend. If any song needed to have words appearing on random actors' skin, it was this one, it would have been such a no-brainer decision. Like, you do it right, hire some calligraphers and tell them to take it up a thousand notches, you have a classic lyric video. Wasn't e'er to be, though. Just a standard music video, and I guess a nice song? It's very2007. It's very the sort of song you'd give to the winner of a forgettable Idol season. "Oh, that? Uh, yeah, keep it. It's either going on this album or in that trash can, might as well use every part of the buffalo that is my brain."

80) "The Way I Am," Ingrid Michaelson

this is the sonic version of a scarf worn indoors in june

86) "Our Song," Tay Tay

"Our song is a slammin' screen door." Did you know Tay Tay's dad was an investment banker? I have reason to believe Tay Tay's only seen a screen door in movies. I dunno. Do rich people have screen doors? I've never been in a mansion, but I don't think screen doors would be appropriate for mansions.

91) "Shoulda Let You Go," Keyshia Cole intro./Amina

I like how Billboard gave Amina an "introducing" credit. You don't see that in music nowadays. Now it's just "hey this 17-year-old has a million plays on Soundcloud, what do you mean you 'haven't heard of him,' he's already been responsible for thirteen memes and they're all dead, we're actually over him already, he's lame now." It is now known that Amina was actually a woman who was okay at rapping. The point still stands, I'd at least like to know that the randos on these songs are people no one but the people who made this song know.

96) "Hypnotized," Piles ft./Akon

"I know she wet 'cuz she told me." I don't know why, but this line tickles me! "Piles, you got me so wet." "YO, SHE'S WET! I MADE HER WET, GUYS!" "You touch mine and I touch yours." Piles must be hypnotized because in my (admittedly limited) experience with his work he doesn't seem like a man who gives head. He seems like a man who needs to be coerced into reciprocating pleasure.

97) "Nothin' Better to Do," LeAnn Rimes

OK so real talk, while I was listening to this song I got distracted because I realized I hadn't updated my Poke Bank subscription in like a year and I have so many precious little babies I need to keep forever, and you know what? This is a fun song. I didn't really need to pay attention to it! It's a song about being naughty that keeps it PG enough to play on country radio, and I wouldn't mind bumping into it again!

100) "Fake It," Seether

So Amy Lee and the dude from Seether broke up. After the break-up, Evanescence hit first with "Call Me When You're Sober," which isn't a particularly devastating song, but the title is incredibly unsubtle, and, like, Seether's a shitty post-grunge band, of course he's an alcoholic, and Amy Lee is right to say "yo I'm kinda done with this, I don't like dealing with the drunk you." Seether strikes back by saying Amy Lee is a liar and that he "feels so raped," and Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'm gonna go ahead and say that's #problematic! Amy Lee made a dumb but fair song about how she was out of patience, and here comes Donald Trump by way of Creed to say "YOU ARE RAPING ME WITH THIS BREAK-UP." Like, I'm gonna go ahead and say that the part using rape metaphors to describe their feelings is the one in the wrong in this mediation.

10.14.2017

65) "I Fall Apart," by Post Malone 100) "Go Flex," by Post Malone

i could have spent eight minutes sitting perfectly still listening to ambient noise and have had the same emotional reaction. "never caught a feeling this hard/harder than the liquor i pour." oh fuck off already.

70) "Good Old Days," by Macklemore ft./Kesha

FINALLY. The pop music gods have heard my prayers: Macklemore rapping about nostalgia. Everything I love, in one delightful package! ...He shouts out Minnesota and this is probably gonna end up being the best song from this week because of that and also because this week is lookin' pretty horrible.

94) "Losing Sleep," by Chris Young

OK so real talk during this bro country joint I got distracted because I was looking at new music releases and APPARENTLY THERE'S AN ANIMATED MOVIE BASED ON "ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU?" IT WAS MADE THIS YEAR? THIS YEAR. YOU CAN BUY IT ON DVD TODAY AND OWN IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE. I'm sorry. I'm not going to bother processing whatever bullshit this song is about, sex I guess, because THIS WORLD IS CAPABLE OF SO MUCH MORE. This is a movie. This is also a movie which presupposes that this entire time "All I Want for Christmas Is You" is about a puppy that Mariah Carey needed for a... charity fashion show? "Great! We're short one girl with a dog!" "Oh..." This is a cinematic masterpiece and my life is better for having stumbled across it. This and Pokemon Christmas Bash.

95) "Like I Loved You," by Brett Young

So the writer of Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas Is You is one Temple Mathews, who has also written The Little Mermaid II, Peter Pan II, and 101 Dalmatians 2. That is a fucking nuts credit roll, Temple. Dude also goes multiple years between projects, which suggests to me he's like someone at Disney's cousin, and every couple years that person at Disney goes "hey, Temple, wanna make $100,000?" and Temple says "fuck yeah bro" and Temple just lives off that. He makes smart investments and lives in a cabin in Montana and has never actually seen a movie because why would you look at pictures when you've got mountains in your backyard? Temple is living the best life. Dude's my hero. He has someone describe a cartoon to him and writes something based off that and never has to write a second draft.

97) "Round Here Buzz," by Eric Church

Listen, if Eric Church is gonna give us repeats of songs he's done before, at least he's giving us repeats of "Give Me Back My Hometown." It's a slower, sadder version of that song, one that can't be misconstrued as an "I'm poor AND PROUD OF IT!" anthem, this is a song that can only be about a dude thinking about a girl living a life without him while he lives a life with her ghost, but also "Give Me Back My Hometown" is more fun? I dunno, this still prolly gets 2017 SOTY, I've just heard it before. Also, Eric Church? Welcome to the Decade Dance Club. You are the 36th member, and the tenth white male country artist.

98) "Plain Jane," by A$AP Ferg

ok nvm this is song of the week, simply because in the first verse Ferg raised and lowered the volume of his voice. this song went somewhere! this song actually did something! it didn't just bleep and bloop for three minutes or be about how it's nice when things are good, Ferg had things he wanted to say and delivered his lines with actual emotions! he did the bare goddamn minimum, and by 2017 standards, that's pretty good! i'm actually going to remember this song a little bit!

Who won the week?

1997. Like, of course 1997 won. It had Sneaker Pimps and Shania, if 1997 lost to these other wack-ass years it would’ve been stunning.

Standings: 1997: 15 2007: 12 2017: 13 oh god all the songs for the next edition look awful, welp

[fourlynchclover]

1-100

1. What's your middle name, and do you like it? marie, it’s fine it’s just a basic white girl middle name lmao

2. are you artistic? uhhh no lmao 

3. Have you had your first kiss? yes. unfortunately. 

4. What is your life goal? i want a big ass house a bae and some more dogs

5. Do you have any expieriences with a famous person? if youtubers count then yes vidcon as a whole 

6. Do you play any sports? i played baseball for 10 years but not anymore lmao

7. What's your worst fear? dolls

8. Who's your biggest inspiration? melissa mccarthy

9. Do you have any cool talents? i dont think so actually lmao

10. are you a morning person? fuck no

11. How do you feel about pet names? theyre cuuuute

12. Do you like to read? yes but also im lazy 

13. Name a list of shows that have changed your life. i. dont know if any shows have changed my life 

14. Do you care about your follower count? not really im just here. chillin

15. What's the best dream you've had? i have no idea i dont remember a lot of my dreams lmao 

16. Have you ever kissed someone of your same gender? yes

17. Do you have any pets? yes i have two dogs and a hamster lmao 

18. Are you religious? no 

19. Are you a people person? no

20. Are you considered popular? probably not i dont know. anyone 

21. What is one of your bad habits? crackin my knuckles 

22. What's something that makes you feel vulnerable? uhhh. i have no idea actually 

23. What would you name your children? victoria lynn and michael patrick 

24. Who's your celebrity crush? melissa mccarthy lmao 

25. What's your best subject? like in school?? idk english 

26. Dogs or cats? dogs

27. most used social media besides tumblr? snapchat 

28. best friends name? bella 

29. who does your main family consist of? my mom dad brother and sister really 

30. Chocolate or sugar? chocolate

31. have you ever been on a date? not officially

32. Do you like rollercosters? YES

33. Can you swim? yes i am a mermaid

34. What would you do in the event of an apocolypse? die

35. Have you struggled with any kind of mental disorder? depression anxiety bipolar and probably . more 

36. Are your parents together? no

37. What's your favourite colour? blue 

38. What country are you from/do you live in? usa usa usa usa

39. Favourite singer? adele 

40. Do you see yourself being famous some day? probably not but maybe 

41. Do you like dresses? no. not at all 

42. Favourite song right now? in my feelings by lana del rey

43. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? not at all

44. How old were you when you first got your period? i think i was 11

45. Have you ever shot a gun? a nerf gun lmao

46. Have you ever done yoga? not officially 

47. Are you a horror girl? YES

48. Are you good at giving advice? probably not 

49. Tell us a story about your childhood. my family used to have a camp up in the woods and it was where i got drunk for the first time and it was. a lot lmao 

50. How are you doing today? i’m a lil anxious but im fine lmao

51. Were you a cute kid? YEAH

52. Can you dance? no lmao

53. Is there anything you do that you can't remember ever not doing? i have no idea

54. Have you ever dyed your hair? i mean its blue rn so 

55. What colour are your eyes? brown. ew 

56. What's your favourite animal? POLAR BEARS

57. Have you ever made a huge fool of yourself? i dont. think so

58. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? i think so

59. Do you have good friends? YES I LOVE YALL

60. Are you close with anyone of the lgbtq+ group? literally everyone im friends with

61. What's your favourite class? english was

62. List all the tv shows you are watching - pretty little liars is literally the only show im watching

63. Are you organized? not. at all. 

64. What was the last movie you saw? Opinion? moana it was good 

67. Which tv character do you relate to most? molly flynn 

68. What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness? anxiety and money 

69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing? TRAVELING AND MEETING ALL MY INTERNET BBIES 

70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die? i have no idea wtf 

71. What would you do differently if you knew that no one was judging you? i dont know lmao 

72. If you could start over, what would you do differently? every fucking thing

73. Would you break the law to save a loved one? probably yes

74. When was the last time you travelled somewhere new? in june i went to california it was lit

75. When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind? my bedroom lmao

76. What have you done to pursue your dreams lately? How about today? i posted some videos of my dogs on snapchat. i need to go viral and be famous

77. What did you want to be when you were a kid? a teacher 

78. If you dropped everything to pursue your dreams, what would you be risking? honestly. i dont know 

79.When did you not speak up, when you know you really should have? thursday and last monday .,,

80. Describe the next five years of your life, and your plans, in a single sentence. i dont fuckin know tho 

81. What would happen if you never wasted another minute of your life, what would that look like? I HAVE NO IDEA 

82. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity? probs fallin in love an gettin heartbroken lmao 

83. How would you spend a billion dollars? i have no fucking clue

84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future? future

85. What motivates you to succeed? nothing lmaooo

86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most? i. dont know

87. Would you rather live in the city or the woods? Why? WOODS WOODS WOODS WOODS

88. Do you believe in life after death? yes

89. What teacher inspired you the most? How did they? none of them honestly lmao 

90. What’s your fondest childhood memory? i dont even know if i have one

91. If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would they be and why MELISSA MCCARTHY I JUST WANNA . SEE HER. HEAR HER VOICE IN PERSON

92. What would you have to see to cry tears of joy? idk i do that a lot lmao

93. What is the hardest lesson you had to learn in life? i dont. know

94. What do you think happens after we die? anything tbh 

95. What would you do if you would be invisible? free travelling and lots of stealing lmao

96. What's something you can't do no matter how hard you try? express. feelings ???? 

97. Would you want to choose the sex and appearance of your offspring? YES LIKE THE SIMS IRL 

98. How did your first crush develop? i dont fuckin remember 

99. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it? anxiety 

100. Do you live or do you just exist? im just out here floatin through space yall idk whats goin on 

[porchingona]

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92

omg yana, when did you send this?? was it right now?! holy shit ily

idek if these are the questions you sent this ask for, but they’re all under the cut:

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

romantically? my ex

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

shy at first and then outgoing

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

my best friend!!

4. Are you easy to get along with?

i think so

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

ahh i don’t like anyone, but i do have friends who take care of me, i love them so much

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

kind, funny people

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

probs not

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

bc of question 5, two of my best friends

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

not at all.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

i feel like it was my sister

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

literally just says “yes pls”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

“retro” - childish gambino

“go solo” - tom rosenthal

“drunk text romance” - cyberbully mom club

“up all night” - oliver tank

“spagetti” - frankie cosmos

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

yessss, love that shit

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

a lil bit. i think it takes a certain amount of luck to be successful. as for miracles, basically when anyone is incredibly close to death, but survives, that’s a miracle

15. What good thing happened this summer?

i got to hang out a lot with my “cousins”

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

on the cheek, sure

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

absolutely i do

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

no!! & i want to because literally no one knows where he is. he doesn’t have social media, but everyone wants to know how he’s doing

19. Do you like bubble baths?

not really, but i havent taken one in a LONG time

20. Do you like your neighbors?

yeah, i mean, i dont interact with them apart from get togethers

21. What are your bad habits?

buying too many books & then not reading them. also, talking a lot about writing, but not actually writing

22. Where would you like to travel?

more areas in mexico i haven’t been to/haven’t been to since i was little, vancouver, spain, greece

23. Do you have trust issues?

no, i think im too trusting sometimes

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

listening to my favorite music on the way to work/school

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

my stomach

26. What do you do when you wake up?

check my phone

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

nah

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

apart from my family, probably my best friend

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

no

30. Do you ever want to get married?

i think i do

hehe

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

barely, but yes

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

omg idek if i’d have a threesome to begin with

33. Spell your name with your chin.

iksdasbreoioas…yikes

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

what are sports?

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

neither….but if i had to choose, then music

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

oh def. the majority of my crushes

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

usually nothing, if not, i ask them about their day or how they’ve been doing

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

someone kind & funny, someone who cares about me & what i have to say. someone who asks me questions & listens to me. i know so many ppl who just think about what they’re going to say next & don’t gaf about anyone else. oh, & probably someone who likes the same movies, music & books as me! & if they don’t, then they’re willing to give them a shot.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

anthropologie, zara, forever 21

40. What do you want to do after high school?

i’m already in college

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

not everyone

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

i’m anxious/stressed out & am thinking about everything i have to do

43. Do you smile at strangers?

yes!!

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

bottom of the ocean, but i wouldn’t go in a submarine bc they scare me. i’d have to be a mermaid or something to go to the bottom

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

work at 3:30 am

46. What are you paranoid about?

being murdered

47. Have you ever been high?

yes

48. Have you ever been drunk?

def

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

nah, nothing i can remember??

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

red

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

i think so, but not anymore

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

yes, i want abs

53. Favourite makeup brand?

nyx

54. Favourite store?

zara

55. Favourite blog?

yours, yana :)

56. Favourite colour?

yellow

57. Favourite food?

bean burritos

58. Last thing you ate?

a tall caramel macchiato & madelines

59. First thing you ate this morning?

eggs, potatoes, beans, a mini tortilla, this like yellow cauliflower thing

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

i won a writing competition in high school & i won my 5th grade spelling bee & some cheer competitions in junior high

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

nope

62. Been arrested? For what?

nope

63. Ever been in love?

i think so, this is probs the trickiest question bc i’m not entirely sure.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

we were both drunk. really not a big deal

65. Are you hungry right now?

not really, although i’m known to always be hungry

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

equal amount

67. Facebook or Twitter?

twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

twitter

69. Are you watching tv right now?

yes, im watching potc: the curse of the black pearl. my fave

70. Names of your bestfriends?

i feel like i have a lot…

71. Craving something? What?

ooh maybe ice cream

72. What colour are your towels?

a bunch of different colors, but my main one’s blue

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

1

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

no, i was never too into them

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

maybe like 2

75. Favourite animal?

orcas

76. What colour is your underwear?

white calvin klein

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

rocky road

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

white

80. What colour pants?

grayish

81. Favourite tv show?

currently: broad city

82. Favourite movie?

little miss sunshine

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

mean girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

mean girls

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

gretchen bc i’m her

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

the dentist’s niece or daughter or whatever bc she has my braces

87. First person you talked to today?

my sister

88. Last person you talked to today?

via text, one of my high school best friends, but the night is young so i’ll probs talk to my sister again

89. Name a person you hate?

donald trump

90. Name a person you love?

my sister!!

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

pls see #89

92. In a fight with someone?

nope, which is good bc i dont like fighting with ppl