#maybe instead of bitching online you should go and see it in theaters if youre that desperate to drool on paramounts dick

[hishighnesstheprincess]

Sonic fans being so fucking desperate to beat Mufasa that they're willing to eat up shit from right-wing culture war gossip magazines is genuinely fucking embarrassing and pathetic. We should be better than this

[frostedfaves]

Nervous

Pairing: Jake Peralta x plus sized!reader

Requested by anon:  what kind of requests do you do? like would you do a plus size! reader? cuz i have this idea for a Jake x plus size! reader were he has an very obvious thing for the ps! sketch artist reader who is like shy so Charles and Rosa try and set them up. like LOTS of fluff.

Word Count: 1.1k

Warnings: mentions of insecurity but not much

-

“You’re staring again.”

Jake quickly cut his eyes over to Rosa for a second to scoff at her. “I am not staring.”

He definitely was. From the break room, he had a perfect view of you sitting at your desk. You were nodding along to a victim’s lengthy description as you sketched the picture currently being painted in your mind. He couldn’t help but admire the way your hand would glide across the paper as you drew, or the warm smile on your face whenever you made eye contact with the victim, in a successful attempt to keep them calm.

“You definitely are. Why don’t you just ask Y/N out already? You clearly like her.”

“I don’t like her...she’s just a really nice person to look at and be around and admire how good at her job she is.” He stopped and looked at Rosa, whose face hadn’t changed a bit. “Okay fine, I like her. But she doesn’t like me.”

“Yes she does.”

“She won’t even look at me longer than two seconds!”

“Maybe she’s just shy or whatever.” Rosa took a quick glance out in the bullpen and nudged Jake. “Heads up, Y/N and Boyle.”

“I’m telling you, best turtle egg omelette in all of Brooklyn!” Charles smiled at Rosa and Jake at the table as he entered with you following. “Hey Jakey and Ro-Ro!”

“Hi guys.” You directed a soft smile at both, lingering a little in Jake’s stare before quickly diverting your attention to making a cup of coffee with Charles.

“Boyle, did you tell Y/N about tonight?”

“What’s tonight?” You asked quietly, looking between Rosa and Charles and feeling your heart rate quicken slightly when you noticed Jake’s eyes on you again.

“I have the same question,” Charles added as he switched places with you to give you room to make your own coffee and joined the other two at the table.

“The movies. Jake and Y/N are joining us tonight to see that new horror movie that just came out,” Rosa told him with a glare that dared him to disagree with her.

“Oh right, yeah!” he quickly agreed, too nervous to do anything else. “I forgot to tell her, sorry.”

“I would love to go,” you told the group over your shoulder.

“Great. Come on, Boyle. Let’s go reserve some good seats online.”

Rosa stood, quickly dragging Charles out of the room behind her. You quickly cleaned up the small mess you made and turned to face Jake, who hadn’t said a word since you entered. Apparently he realized this fact as well, because he rushed to say something.

“So, scary movie tonight?”

“Yeah, I like them sometimes,” you quietly responded, moving your eyes to watch your thumb move around the edge of your mug.

“Noice…”

“Yeah...well, I should go. See you tonight!” You quickly left the room, almost sighing in relief once the pressure of being alone with Jake was gone. Unbeknownst to him, you liked him just as much as he liked you. You just assumed that he would want someone prettier, someone like Amy perhaps. Not that you didn’t think of yourself as pretty, but she just seemed more his type. His body type at least.

-

That evening brought you to the movie theater. Jake arrived first, and you found him sitting on a bench just inside the building, playing a game on his phone to distract himself from the steadily growing nerves.

“Hey, Jake,” you greeted him as you approached.

You watched him look up, slight frown instantly melting at the sight of you. You felt yourself shrinking inward a bit as his eyes raked over your body, wondering if the slightly over-sized sweater you’d thrown on over your jeans to hide the stomach you were insecure about had done enough, or if you looked worse than you thought. The doubt faded from your mind at the sight of his grin when he met your eyes again.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare,” he told you as he slowly stood. “You just look really good. I mean you always look good but you...so where are Charles and Rosa?”

You laughed a bit, glad to not be the only obviously nervous one in a situation for once. “Um…” Before you could answer, a small ding came from your phone. You pulled it out from your pocket to see a text from Rosa.

Charles and I aren’t coming because we didn’t want to intrude on your date. Oh and tell Jake to stop being a little bitch and tell you he likes you.

“Everything okay?”

You look up at the sound of his voice with a grin. “You like me?”

“What? Who told you that? What?” Before he could fumble and embarrass himself any further, a text from Charles came in on his phone.

Sorry to deceive you, Jakey. Also Rosa told Y/N that you like her. Have a good date!

“I see who told you now,” he adds sheepishly as he puts his phone away.

“So is it true?”

Jake looked you over again, able to tell you were feeling slightly insecure just in the way you were standing. Suddenly he wished he’d said something sooner.

“Yeah, it is. I’ve had a crush on you for an embarrassingly long time but I wasn’t sure you liked me back. You barely say two words to me sometimes.”

“Yeah, I’m not that good at talking to people I have a crush on,” you told him with a giggle. “I was also trying to keep my distance because I thought you wouldn’t like someone like me anyway.”

“Someone like you?” he questioned with a frown as he stepped forward to grab your hand. “Someone super gorgeous and talented? Yeah, maybe we should go out to dinner instead so we can talk and you can learn more about what my taste in women is. Or...woman, at least.”

You bit your lip slightly to stop your grin from widening any further at the sight of his smirk. “I’m free for dinner.”

“Noice.” He flips your hand so his is on top and slips his fingers between yours, pulling you along with him as he leaves the theater. “You know, we can still watch a movie at my place after. I know a great Christmas classic,” he told you after you both were seated in his car.

You looked up at him as you fastened your seatbelt, eyes narrowed. “You’re talking about Die Hard, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am. It’s Die Hard!” He took a second to admire you as you laughed, grateful for once that his closest friends were so pushy when it came to his love life.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #333

“imaginary chain  /  the one you never break  /  seething all alone”

Do you have any fears you would rarely admit to anyone? Nah, I'm pretty open about what I'm afraid of. What website do you spend most of your time on? YouTube. What class in high school did you struggle with the most? I honestly don't remember with certainty, but it was probably math or economics. At least, I think econ was my senior year. What could you talk about for hours? Mark, meerkats, a few game franchises... maybe a couple more topics. Who is your favorite character from Harry Potter? I wouldn't know. Do you salt your popcorn? Yes. Do you have a Steam account? Yeah, but I don't have many games on there and rarely touch the ones I do. Do you like gaming? I do, but not as much as I did for most of my life. I mostly just play WoW now, and even that I'm not that into anymore. Part of it though comes from not buying any new games that I'm interested in because 1.) no money and 2.) no proper console, and you can only replay games so many times before you're just... yeah, done. Do you like reading books? Some days. Do you like religion? All things considered? No. Do you like Grand Theft Auto V? Y'know, growing up, I actually liked watching my younger neighbor play one of those games, but I don't remember which. Though he never actually "played" it... just ran around wreaking havoc, lol. I do however think GTAV was the one that Jason and Jacob started playing together when we moved into the apartment, and I thought the story was okay; I don't think they ever got far into it, though. Definitely wasn't Jason's sort of game, and I don't think it was too much up Jacob's alley, either. Can you twerk? I haven't tried and you will never see me try either, lmao. Do you have a Spotify account? Yes, but I almost never use it. If the last person you kissed tried to kiss you again, would you start kissing them back? Yes. If your best friend of the opposite sex tried to kiss you, would you start kissing them back? No. Have you ever kissed someone who has previously kissed someone you hated? Yes, because of how badly she hurt him. I don't have any negative feelings towards her now, though. We're actually friends, haha. The irony. Are you an easy lay? What weird wording. But whatever, quite the polar opposite actually. When’s the last time you said you were sorry? A few days ago. Are there any songs you listen to everyday? No. Would you like living on the coast? As someone who lives in a state hit by hurricanes usually every year and has seen the incredible damage they usually bring to the coast, no. I don't like the smell or gritty feel of salty air, either. When’s the last time you were really late to something? No idea. That's usually not a problem with me. Why did you stop liking the last person you liked? The last person I actually stopped like-liking would be Girt, and that would be because I just came to the realization I saw him too much as my brother instead of boyfriend. It just always felt awkward. Do you still talk to that person? Yeah, we're good. No hard feelings or anything between us. Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? No. Do you trust easily? Fuck no. I'll be cautious, at least to some degree, about new people for a while. What is the last song to make you cry? Since I've actually behaved and not listened to any trigger songs, it's been a long while, but it was probably "Another Life" by Motionless In White. Last person you hung up on? I'm sure some automated message. I barely ever answer the phone to numbers I don't recognize, though. Where was your last car ride to and from? To Wal-Mart w/ Mom to pick up our order and then back home. Next big outing? *shrug* Do you find it difficult to stay invested in online relationships? Not really, no. Considering I'm by far my most authentic self online, I actually tend to appreciate virtual friends more, if I'm being honest. I try to keep up with those people. Are you the type of person who pays close attention to the release dates of movies, music, etc., and will, for example, go see a movie or buy an album on the date it is released? If so, when is the last time you did so? Not really, no. I think I saw Warcraft the day it came into theaters, though. Do movies often make you cry? What kind of films/scenes make you tear up most? Yep. Tragic romance tends to do it the most, I think. Do you use any apps to track your health or medications? I have one to track my menstrual cycle as well as another that tracks my daily caloric intake, but I'm bad at using it because it's tedious if I actually have to measure something. Whose opinions/recommendations do you value most? Ummm if you mean like, in general, probably my mom's. But this most certainly depends on the subject I'm taking feedback on. What is something society "expects" you to do that you don't want to do and/or don't plan on doing? Shaving my legs came to mind first. Granted, I will if there is almost any chance of someone seeing them, but otherwise, I just don't care. We respect women with body hair on this account and see them as no less feminine. Are you interested in architecture? Is there any particular style that you're drawn to? I think it's cool, yeah. I should have an answer for this, given architecture was a massive focus in Art History the last time I was in school... Roman architecture comes to my head first, if that says anything. What was one of your favorite things from the nineties? BOY OH BOY, SO MUCH!! I'm probably gonna say the toys. There was some dope shit, man. Do you collect things pertaining to an animal? ANYTHING and EVERYTHING featuring a meerkat!!!!! :''') Do you wish that people were kinder to spiders? Well, yes. I hope everyone in their heart wishes this, even if they're afraid of them. They're very important to our ecosystem, and none are out there to harm us; their existence does us a favor. Where do you normally order pizza from? Domino's (my favorite) or LIttle Caesar's for the price. Did your parents keep anything of yours from when you were a baby? Oh yes, loads of stuff that's stored away somewhere. Do you own one of those "____ For Dummies" books? No, but I feel like we had one at some point? What was the last VHS tape that you watched? Yikes, who knows. Did you watch Boy Meets World back in the day? I actually didn't, no. Our old neighbor though loved it so much that she named her daughter Tapanga (deliberately spelled that way). Who is your favorite Scooby Doo character? I never really had one. Maybe Thelma. If I were to give you a coloring book, what would you want its theme to be? Animals. Have you ever won a stuffed animal at a carnival? Possibly a small one. I can tell you I did however accidentally stab the guy who ran the dart-throwing booth though, lmfao. He was obviously fine, and it wasn't a bad wound. I felt SOOOOOO bad. Are you a fan of narwhals? I'm a fan of any animal. Narwhals are definitely fascinating creatures. Grape or orange soda? Orange. Grape-flavored soda ain't my thing. Have you ever wanted to vlog? Noooo. My life is so painstakingly boring and repetitive. Did you have a favorite Disney movie as a child? It was and still is The Lion King. Do you or have you ever owned a portable gaming console? Yeah, a GameBoy Advance and Nintendo DS. Is shyness cute? It definitely can be. Have you ever had alcohol poisoning before? No. Do you like to gossip, or do you prefer to keep your mouth shut? I'm not a gossip fan. Have you ever vandalized someone else’s property before? Most definitely not. Are your parents divorced? Yes. Have you ever been under suicide watch for 72 hours in a psychiatric ward? Yes; at least here, that's protocol when you're admitted for suicidal thoughts/tendencies. Have you ever gone through your significant other’s phone or social media accounts, or do you respect their privacy? Absolutely not. That shit pisses me off so badly. Do you wear any sort of clothing for religious reasons? No. What's something you worked extremely hard to get? My sanity back. Sounds so dramatic, but I'm literally not kidding. Have you ever been labeled negatively or otherwise been called something extremely derogatory? Not that I remember. How many kids do you want to have? I don't want kids, but to entertain the question, when I did, I wanted three. It's fuckin wild to imagine for even a second that I once wanted that. Do you believe that being gay is a sin? *eye roll* Are you any good at photography? If so, what’s your specialty? I mean it with modesty, but I think I'm pretty good. My favorite thing to photograph are animals, but I generally take most pictures of people by request or pay. Judging by my deviantART account, my nature pics definitely get the most attention. Have you ever been a member of a gang before? Fuckin yikes, no. An infamous gang tried breaking into my childhood home once, so you can probably gather that I would never take part in their "big bad guys" bullshit. Have you ever felt like you were neither male nor female? No, I'm comfortable as a cisgender female. Do you like oatmeal raisin cookies? NO. Anything with raisins = NO. Do you think you’re attractive? No. Has a teacher ever caught and read a note you were passing in class? No, not that I really passed notes to begin with. I'd be mortified, regardless of what it was about. Would you rather live in a tropical or arctic climate? Arctic. Do you have an older brother? Yes. He's technically my half-brother, but I don't see "half"s. Have either of your parents ever been to jail? No. Are your collarbones prominent? Bitch I wish so I could get the damn dermal piercings I've wanted for years. Have you ever in your life worn overalls? As a kid, yeah. So ugly. Do you love yourself? It's... weird. Therapy is making me realize that a part of me, maybe even the bigger one, doesn't, but at the exact same time, I know I have worth just like every other human. I just don't treat myself like I do. What TV shows do you keep up with? None, until Meerkat Manor returns this summer. :') When’s the last time it snowed where you live? A couple months ago we got a little bit of it. Is your belly button pierced? No, but it would be if I was actually skinny. Just in my personal opinion, I don't at all think that that piercing would look nice on someone as overweight as me. Even if my damn dreams come true and I lose all the weight I want, my stomach will never look "normal," even after I get the excess skin removal surgery that will be very high on my priority list for my own self-image that's been nothing but loathsome since 2016. What is your favourite dinosaur? Spinosaurus is the obvious answer. What do you remember the most about your childhood? Lots of imagination. Parents arguing. Playing with my little sister. What age did you get your first hair cut? I have no idea. Do you have a favourite toy from childhood still? No. I wish I hadn't gotten rid of it. Have you ever made bread? No. Would you ever consider shaving your head? Nah. Would you like to live in a realm where the zombie apocalypse is possible? Who says we don't now? Zombifying parasites already exist among insects and such, so like... it's not unimaginable to one day see one developed enough to infect humans. I sure as fuck hope not, but. What do you use to dry your clothes? (Tumble dryer, radiator, etc) We have a dryer. Do you ever play the built-in games on your computer? Which ones? Nah. What was the last spontaneous thing you did? I did this many, many months ago, but I guess watch an episode of The Witcher by my own volition. I don't really do spontaneous things with how routine I am, but I had a random urge to check it out one morning. How loud can you whistle? Not very loud at all. Does anything on your body hurt or itch right now? My knees really hurt. They're getting worse. When was the last time you built a sandcastle? There's noooo telling, it's been many years. Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull? No. Well, not a *real* one, anyway. Just the little ones for kids. If you had to appear on a game show, which one would you choose? Family Feud. What is your favorite hot beverage? Hot chocolate. Do you have an alter ego? Describe them: No. Food: Are you adventurous or do you stick to what you know? I absolutely stick to what I know. I am SO picky. Is there anything (out of the obvious) that makes you feel really ill? I'm not immediately sure, but there's probably something. Do you bump into things often? Yes. I've always had this weird habit of like... drifting when I walk, so I do this easily. I just kinda wander to the sides a bit without realizing it. What design is on your calendar this year? I don't have a current one. Did you enjoy playing Hop Scotch when you were younger? I did. Do you feel uncomfortable going to the movies by yourself? Nah, not really. I did that with Warcraft and it was actually pretty chill. When thinking about your dream home, what do you think would be your favorite thing to shop for? The ~g o t h i c~ decor. Do you ever listen to those lo-fi hip hop/study music playlists on YouTube/Spotify? No. Are you likelier to work harder if you’re being paid? If not, what drives you to give your best effort? I mean, yeah. I'd assume that's pretty normal. Does the fashion sense of a potential partner matter to you? No. Is there anything that you prefer to write down rather than type? I'm unsure. If you download/torrent things, do you remember the first thing you ever torrented? Oh, the Limewire days of music pirating... but no, I don't remember. What was the last thing you posted on Instagram? Something photography-related, but I don't feel like checking. What do you wish your hair looked like? I wish I could pull off pastel pink hair rn. It also desperately needs a trim. Do you still feel anything for the first person you fell in love with? I'm sure I always will, at least a little. Do you get any magazines in the mail? No. Have you ever paid for any kind of online membership? Uhhhhh have I? I don't think so. Who’d you last see in a tux? Probably the groom of the last wedding I shot. Do you record any TV shows and watch them later? No, but I used to do that big time because I loved "rewatching" stuff when I was on the computer. Out of everyone you know, who was the most heart? My mother, big time. Who’s the bravest person you know? Also my mother. Or Sara. What profession do you admire the most? Teachers might just win. The patience that must take, among so many other things. Have you ever made a fake profile, for any reason? No.

[sterling-starlight]

No Texting During Drama Club

Me: Alright! Week two of Vesuvian pride is all about the modern day AUs, I can do this!

*Eight pages later*

What happened? (Pen pals/online friends meeting in person for the first time. Not quite as adherent to the prompt, but I think it works well enough)

Unknown Sender

3:30 PM.  

“-heard u have a&p with prof valdemar. If you let me copy ur notes, I will owe u pizza for the rest of our lives.

-this is Julian, btw. from the theater club.

-in case u thought this was some, u know, random creep.”

You

3:35 PM

“-Fine. But only because no one deserves to be failed by Valdemar.  

-I’ll drop them off at the dressing room tomorrow. I like pineapple and olive pizza.”

Unknown Sender

3:37 PM

“-pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza, u monster!

-sigh. but I'll let it slide since you’re saving my ass.”

You

3:41 PM

“-Did you really just type out ‘sigh’?”

Unknown Sender

3:43 PM

“-….

-Yes.”

----------------

You

6:30 PM

“-So, hey. Congrats on getting to play Hamlet.”

Julian

6:34 PM

“-not the most original production we’ve done, but a role’s a role. seeing Lucio’s face when he realized he wasn’t the star was worth it.”

You

6:40 PM

“-Remind me who that is.

I’m seriously drawing a blank here.”

Julian

6:43 PM

“-blonde. rich. Insufferable. loud.

-he has that fancy prosthetic arm that somehow makes him better than everyone.”

You

6:50 PM

“-Oooooooooh. Him.

-He doesn’t really come to bother us production people unless he wants to bitch about costuming or the sets. Which is a lot.”

Julian

6:55 PM

“-i think I've heard you chew him out a few times. Ur the girl with the venterran accent, right?”

You

7:01 PM

“-Aye.

-Surprised you could even understand me. Not a lot of people can when I get PO’d.”

Julian

7:10 PM

“-i understood enough to know you called him a prick.  

-my mom and dad took me to venterre once. it was almost as pretty as you.”

You  

7:20

“-Wow.

-That was horrible and you should feel horrible.”

Julian

7:12

“-I have no shame, and never will, my dear.”  

-------------------------------------

Julian

3:00 AM

“-natalia

“-hey, natalia.”

“-tali”

Julian 3:05 AM

“-how did people in the middle ages first think to start using leeches?

“-like, did they stick leeches on themselves and realize that pain and blood loss and disease was the medicine?”

You

3:06 AM

“Jules, it is 3 in the goddamn morning. Go to bed.”

Julian

3:07 AM

“I work the graveyard shift at supermarket.  it’s my lunchtime.”

You

3:08 AM

“-Then fuckin eat your lunch and let normal people sleep before I cram it up your ass.”

Julian

3:10 AM

“- I can think of much more fun things we can do.”

You

3:15 AM

“-Fuck you, I’m going back to sleep.”

-----------------------

Jules

2:30 PM

“-So you really had a pet ram as a kid?”

You

2:31 PM

“-Technically, I still do. I just couldn’t bring him with me.

“-my flat allows large dogs, but won’t allow rams? It’s bullshit.”

Jules

2:32 PM

“-rams aren’t really normal pets tho.”

You

2:33 PM

“-Says the guy who has a pet crow.”

Jules

2:34 PM

“-malak is a raven, number 1.  

-number 2, he is an absolute delight. how dare you say otherwise?

You

2:40

“-Rufus is better.

“-Behold the glory”

Jules

2:50 PM

“-oh, so it’s a pet off then? Fine! May the cutest animal win!”

You

3:00 PM

“-Fine!”

Jules

3:05 PM

“-Have at you!”  

-------------------------------------

When Natalia’s phone rang, she was actually shocked to see Julian’s caller id flash on the screen.   They had never actually... talked on the phone before.  

The worst-case scenarios instantly popped into her head. Was he hurt? Did something happen? What if this was the hospital calling her to say he was in critical condition. Why would he put her as an emergency medical contact without telling her?!

Her phone buzzed again, more insistently, and she pressed the answer button with a trembling finger.  

“Hello?”

“Oh, hi~” The feminine voice from the other line was definitely not Julian, not even at his most dramatic falsetto. And she sounded too chipper to be the bearer of doom and death. Natalia let out a breath she hadn’t been aware she’d been holding. “This is... Tali? Right?”

“It’s Natalia, actually. Who is this?”

“My name is Portia! I’m Ilya’s- oh, sorry. One sec,” Portia put a hand over the speaker, muffling the commotion on her side of the line. There was thumping, shuffling, and her shouting “You have her listed as ‘My Dearest Tali’, Ilya! Come on!”  

A voice that sounded somewhat like Julian’s shouted back something, but Natalia couldn’t hear it clearly.  There was a sound like static or rushing wind, before a door slammed and Portia let out a triumphant laugh. Portia’s voice fully came back on the line. “Sorry. But, yeah. I’m Ilya’s little sister. I would have liked to meet you in person, but my brother is completely hopeless.”  Someone thumped against the door, and Portia lowered the phone again. “You know I’m right!”  She yelled at the door.

Back to normal. “Aaaanyway. He’s been lamenting, and sighing, and wallowing over whether or not he should ask you out. So! You wanna go on a date with him?”  

Natalia opened and closed her mouth a few times, wordless sounds escaping. She was sure her face was burning pink. She could feel the heat spreading from her cheeks to her neck.  “Take your time. I can be in here all day.” Portia said casually. Natalia could almost picture her reclining back casually on whatever it was she was sitting on.  

“Ah- Ah,” Natalia finally managed to choke out. She took in a deep breath, and let it out in a slow whistle.  “...if he really wants tae.” She finally said.  

“Oh, he does. Trust me, I know him better than anyone.” Natalia could hear Portia’s smile through the phone. Distantly, a lock clicked and a door swung open. “She said yes, Ilyushka. You can thank me later.”

“That wasn’t- you’re missing the-!” Julian stammered. He took a breath and lifted the phone to his ear. “Listen, whatever Pasha said, you can just forget it. Really. It’s nothing.”

For a moment, Natalia found herself stunned by the sound of his voice. It wasn’t anything new to her. She had heard it from behind thick velvet curtains and up on catwalks. She had heard him bellow for lost love mournfully, monologue passionately, and condemn his enemies. But those were all characters. Hamlet, and Romeo, and Othello. None of them had been Julian Devorak. Not really.  

“Natalia?” His voice broke her out of her stupor, and sent a shiver down her spine. The way his tongue curled around the syllables of her name, like he had never spoken anything more sacred, sent her heart aflame in the best possible way.  

“Julian.” She spoke his name barely above whisper.  Natalia leaned against her desk for support, head spinning. When had- how did- why didn’t he- she- they-? She took in a breath through her nose, just as Julian heaved a resigned sigh.

“Good night, Tali.”  

“No, wait, Julian! Don’t-!” The dial tone droning in her ear was all she got.  And when she tried calling him, all she got was his voice mail.  

Try again. Voice mail.

Try again. Voice mail.  

You

8:00 PM

“-Julian, you asshole! Pick up your phone!”

*Last Read by Jules at 8:05 PM.  

--------------

Natalia Valeth was not a quitter.

She hadn’t given up when she left her home country to become a pharmacist. She hadn’t lost hope when she didn’t make the cut to be on the acting team. She didn’t back down even as Professor Valdemar verbally tore the first draft of her thesis to shreds. So, when she drove to the community theater the very next weekend, she was a woman on a mission.  

She was hours early for once, but not so early that the doors to the theater weren’t already unlocked. The only person who would wake up at the ass crack of dawn for theater was Julian, and that was exactly what Natalia was betting on.  She threw open the auditorium doors with a resounding bang that echoed resoundingly all throughout the room. Sitting on the edge of the stage was Julian, who looked up at her when she made her entrance. The script he had been looking over listlessly fell from his grip, scattering like leaves in the wind. In such a quiet room, Natalia could hear him curse as if she were right at his side.  She steeled herself and marched down the steps of the auditorium, stopping less than an arm’s length away from were Julian sat on his haunches collecting the papers.  

“We need tae talk. Face tae face this time.”  

“Do we?” Julian finally collected the script and rose to his full height. Despite having a good foot on Natalia, he had never looked smaller gunmetal gray eyes looking everywhere but at her. He turned his back on her to tap the pages crisply against the stage.  

“You bet yer ass we dae! Whit th’ hell urr ye thinking’s? Whit, did ye think ignoring this wid mak’ it go away?”  

“...Maybe a little.”

“Och! Yer impossible!” Natalia threw her hands up with the exclamation. “Did ye think Ah juist said ‘aye’ tae fuck wi’ ye? A’m waantin’ tae gang oan a date wi’ ye! Mibbie even twa! If we feel really crazy, we’ll mak’ it three.”

It might not have been the three magical worlds that would have been most dramatic. If this were a stage production, this would be the part where the lights would dim, and the spotlight would narrow over the two lovers, giving the illusion that they were the only two people in the world.   With the theater as empty as it was, they might as well have been.  

“Do you... Do you mean that?”

Such vulnerability didn't seem like Julian.  Julian could throw out innuendos as easily as breathing. Julian was overly dramatic in everything he did, even when he wasn’t in front of an adoring audience. But it was the Julian who wanted to be a doctor. It was the Julian who looked at all the pandemics of the past, and wondered why so many people had to die.  The Julian who was wound up so tightly like he was bracing himself for ejection like it would come as a physical blow.  

Sarcasm felt like it would just add fuel to the fire, so Natalia opted for compassion instead. When she brushed her hand against Julian’s cheek, he leaned into it like he needed her touch the same way needed air.

“I’m willin tae huv a go at this.” She said gently, like everything would shatter around them if she was too abrasive. “Ye in?”  

“Absolutely.” Julian placed a hand over hers and tilted his head enough to plant a shy, fleeting kiss to her palm.  

Maybe this would end in a romance for the ages. Maybe this would end in tragedy. Whatever happened, it was better than not pursing it at all.  

[lunawings]

King of Prism Rose Party 2019 Orchestra Concert (10/13/2019)

So as usual I like to talk about the entire experience of the event to keep a record/help guide people who want to do stuff like this in the future, so if you only want to read about the parts of the show with the voice actors please skip to the end. 

This was intended to be a 2-day event with a concert by the stage actors on the 12th and an orchestra concert on the 13th, but typhoon Hagibis cancelled the live show for the 12th (although it was streamed online) and delayed the 13th. 

I woke up on the morning of the 13th waaaay too early, partially from excitement and partially from adrenaline from the typhoon probably.... 

Also it was a beautiful frikkin day. I don’t know the science of it, but the day after any typhoon is always sunny and just gorgeous. 

If it weren’t for the elderly folk cleaning up the stray leaves and branches from the street you’d have never known what happened the previous night. 

The original plan for the merch was that they would let us line up by 7, hand out tickets by 8, and start selling by 10 so I was planning to get there by at least 6 am originally. But, after the typhoon they announced merch sales would be from 12. Still, I ended up getting there at 8 since it was just so nice outside, I felt like I could use a walk, and because there was no other info I couldn’t help worrying about how things would really go down. The trains weren’t running that morning (or at least JR wasn’t) because they had to ensure the safety of the tracks or whatnot, so the only other people around were also fans that had decided to stay close to the venue. We loitered around awkwardly, every so often asking the staff what was going on only to be told that sales would start from 12 and still no other info. 

But it was dangerous to stray too far away because we all knew there would be that “OK go” moment where we could all get in line, and where you decided to randomly loiter around would determine your position in line. That “OK go” moment finally came at around 11:15, and I ended up in the middle of an incredibly short line of only about 40 people or so. Is this really all there is? We wondered until about 11:30 when the line suddenly quadrupled and we realized ah, I guess the first train got in ahah. 

Waiting in the line was really funny because this event took place during the Rugby World Cup, so there were a lot of bewildered middle-aged white people in rugby shirts just walking by and getting caught up in clouds of King of Prism fangirls. They would always stop and look at us like ?? then casually try and keep walking but then stop again for longer and look at us like what. Haha. Baby boomers were peeking in the windows to see what the heck all these Japanese girls (and one white girl) were lining up for and walking away more confused. 

We thought they would just open sales at 12 like they said and go in order, but actually they handed out tickets anyway so the people who came by train had no disadvantage. (Still, even though it was random I got number 42 which was incredible.) The tickets ended up being kind of a joke though! Usually they call in large groups and you check online to see when your number would be coming up. But instead the guy was like. 

“Okay, ready? Number 1... 2.... 3...!” Hahaha like WHAT! There was an awkward moment where someone had to admit to being number 1 in front of everyone or we couldn’t go in. (People looking around like OK WHAT BITCH PULLED NUMBER 1...)  So I got into merch in roughly the amount of time it takes to slowly count to 42. They had so many registers and so much merch (and less people than usual) so everyone got in and out in like 30 minutes and bought everything they wanted. Incredible. 

I think the only thing that sold out early-ish was the Torachi and Dorachi plushies and they weren’t even event exclusive. 

When the doors opened for the event, people who had the “special” two-day tickets were given the special bonuses that came with them for both days of the event.

I put “special” in quotations because literally everyone there seemed to have the two-day tickets because there were zero people in the other line ahah. But I also guess maybe people with the two-day tickets were more likely to come on Friday like I did and avoided trouble with the trains? I dunno. Anyway.

The bonus for the orchestra concert was a coaster and some rose tea. The bonus for the stage show was a file with some cards in side (I guess they are supposed to be Edel Rose IDs?) one which reveals the stage actors when you turn it a certain way. 

Holding the bonus in my hands which I would have received at the live stage show was the moment it finally hit me what could have been if only the show hadn’t been cancelled... ahhh..... hdldksjf.................

So, the concert. 

It started up with just the orchestra, playing the background music from the movies/anime. Something I never really thought about before was about how the music from the first two movies is kind of non-specific. Like, although I definitely recognized all of it, I had trouble remembering exactly which scene(s) it was from. Meanwhile, although I am less familiar with the background music from SSS since the CD only just came out, there are a lot of songs which are specifically associated with certain characters and certain scenes. Like the music which plays during Leo’s flashback to his childhood, or the music that plays when Minato talks to his parents and decides to go back to Tokyo. 

I used to go to orchestra/wind ensemble concerts all the time as a music student, but somewhere along the way I stopped. (WHY DID I STOP) Still, I haven’t been to many professional orchestra concerts, so I’m not used to things sounding so.... how should I say.... perfect ahah. There were a few times I had to stop and remind myself that this was actually live and not a recording. 

There were a few times when I didn’t feel that need though. Like during the performance of the music which plays during the Schwarz Rose bath scene in SSS episode 1. That violin.... oh..... my...... lord........................... 

As a flutist I have always been eternally confused at how string instruments work. Well I mean, I have held a guitar in my hands and been taught how to make chords so like I know... but still I just don’t know how it is possible to do... THAT...... 

The Schwarz Rose music in general really shook me. I noticed for the first time how few instruments they use compared with the background music for Edel Rose, and yet that makes the mood so much heavier. In addition to the Schwarz Rose stuff, the music they played which really gave me that full body chills experience included the piece from the scene where Hiro becomes Prism King, and all the Rinne/Shine stuff... that was..... oh wow...... I actually gave myself goosebumps again thinking about it.......... (I can kinda understand why they didn’t do a live viewing for this. It probably wouldn’t have been the same.)

So we were allowed to cheer it, but quietly with only one light in each hand. As you can imagine, the atmosphere was quite different with this being an orchestra concert and all. I tried to change colors as little as possible since the clicking just seemed SO LOUD. So I was just gonna keep red the whole time, but then I remembered the DVD so I tried to match everyone to make it look pretty for that. 

But I realized after they will probably show the evening performance on the DVD anyhow because the theater was probably fuller then. Since the trains were down for most of the morning, there were a good amount of empty seats. It was about 85% full when it was supposed to be sold out originally. (But they did offer refunds for people who couldn’t make it.)

So about the voice actors.

Junta Terashima (Shin), Shouta Aoi (Louis), Tasuku Hatanaka (Taiga), Taku Yashiro (Kakeru), Masashi Igarashi (Minato), and Takuma Nagatsuka (Leo) were scheduled to attend. Originally it was just gonna be Shouta and Junta and the others were kinda tacked on later, so they had less to do (they only got to sing once) but of course it was wonderful to have them. 

They first came out on stage while the orchestra was playing but of course we couldn’t cheer or react to them because the orchestra was playing so it was this like silent screaming until we could finally cheer for them hahah. 

They were all wearing suits themed to their character colors except for Shouta Aoi who was wearing this elaborate suit/wedding dress combo with a huge train that kept getting stepped on and caught onto things several times during the show hahah ha.... 

(+one more special guest I’ll talk about later)

When they introduced themselves and we got to Masashi Igarashi, he made such a huge, overblown reaction to the crowd and was like FINALLY! I CAN HEAR YOU! 

(This is because he’s the only one of the voice actors to be in the stage show cast as well, so yesterday he’d performed to an empty concert hall.)

I laughed..... but then felt this intense pang of inconsolable sadness. I hoped the stage actors were all backstage and would come out at the end just as a surprise so we could cheer for them. I WANTED TO CHEER FOR THEM THEY DESERVED IT SO MUCH. WHY.

But they never did..... 

Huaaahhh........................

Well. 

When it was Taku Yashiro’s turn he called out “WANBANKOOOO” to both the girls and guys like Kakeru would do. When it was time for the guys to repeat it I was surprised the response was a lot heartier than I was expecting! Despite being about zero men in the merch line, there were more than I realized at the show. How nice! It always makes me really happy when they call out to girls at Love Live events, so I was really happy for them. 

In the middle they all did a talk session where they played and discussed scenes from the SSS anime where the music was significant. 

And it was weird because.... while they were playing the scenes we all automatically cheered them like we would do in the theater. Except several of the voice actors were RIGHT THERE watching us react to their work. Come to think of it, it may have been a little strange for them to see us cheering for their work as if they weren’t there. It was almost like all walked in on each other naked for a second. I have been trying to think of the best way to describe it and that was all I could come up with ahaha....

When they showed Brilliant Oath I wasn’t sure if we were supposed to sing or not? I think they really wanted us to sing but people were afraid to. So I was mouthing the words really exaggeratedly and probably looked like such a weirdo haha.... I’m not going to jump to the conclusion that Junta Terashima was actually looking at me during this part, but I was singing to him and he was kinda looking over in my direction ///// The scene ended right before “Chikai no ring....” so there was this little “Chi--” from the audience when we didn’t know the scene was going to end and they all laughed at that. 

While the orchestra was tuning up they joked about tuning up their characters. Takuma Nagatsuka was like “Saionji Leo Leo Leo”. Junta Terashima bragged about not having to tune, but they were all like nah you should really tune your Shin so he made a bunch of Shin yells in various pitches ahaha. 

In the second half of the performance just Junta Terashima and Shouta Aoi came out and performed their songs. Shouta was up first, so when Junta left the stage he wished him luck as Shin. 

Shouta got all flustered about it, and turned to the audience like “I wasn’t ready for that.”  

AhhHHhwwrrgh I really want to see that again. But like I said I’m afraid the DVD will be ust the evening performance.  (This and many interviews have shown he’s in love with Shin the character and it’s adorable.)

It was right at this moment, when Shouta Aoi was on the stage by himself, that it suddenly hit me all at once that this was my first time seeing him live. (Since he wasn’t at MRS and I wasn’t able to make the lottery for the 2018 Rose Party or the first SSS theater greeting. Since I have seen the other boys multiple times, and I have seen him at live viewings, I guess somehow it kind of slipped my mind.) 

When he announced the first song (”Moonshine”) there was like, an audible gasp from the audience. Like actual SHOCK at the idea that he was ACTUALLY going to sing for us... (at an event where we already knew he was going to sing for us).... THE VERY IDEA..... 

And when he announced his second song, I know Shangri La, same thing. 

It’s so hard to describe what it’s like to be in his presence. He’s just so different from the other boys. It’s a whole other level. He’s just... I can’t.... I can’t even believe he exists. I felt this same sense of awe even at the live viewing for the 2018 Rose Party but now he was actually HERE only 24 rows away from me!? It did not seem like this could be possible. How could this be allowed. All I could think about the entire time he was singing was just: Angels are real and one of them is named Shouta Aoi.

And what’s even more amazing is he doesn’t even seem to fully realize??? Like how all these girls are just so in complete awe and entranced by him??? He has no ego at all!?! When he finished his songs he was just like “Ohhh I was so nervous!” after singing with a flawless voice from heaven. NNghghghg. 

So after that, Junta Terashima came out to do Platonic Sword. As you may have noticed in the photo above, there was a special guest: Mitsuki Saiga (Shine)

She was supposed to be a surprise, but I knew since I saw her name in the pamphlet. (And I’m glad I did, because it gave me a couple hours to emotionally prepare.) So I was just waiting. Then suddenly the light came on and there she was.

So this was basically the first time I (or anyone?) got to hear Shine sing solo. I know Shine sings on the soundtrack version of Platonic Sword, but he sings together with Shin so it’s hard to separate his voice. Shine has.... a beautiful, deep voice. I’d.... I’d like to hear more of him.  (But now I hear a bit of Hibiki from PriPara in it, which is another complex I have ahah.)

Seeing Platonic Sword Live was something I really needed. I’d been both dreading and looking forward to for a long time. That song/scene has always terrified me. But am I afraid of these two people?

Of course not. 

The dissonance created by seeing Shin(e) on the screen with Junta voicing it below was incredible. As I hoped it would, it made me feel ready to deal with something I have been avoiding dealing with for a while: And that is that even though Shine made him do it, Platonic Sword is still a part of Shin and I need to accept that. After the concert I went back and listened to the full version from the soundtrack for the very first time. It still creeped me out but, I’m getting there...

So, I have seen Mitsuki Saiga before, at the Pretty Live, but it was a lot different seeing her so much closer vs. in the giant Makuhari Messe. Also she definitely seemed a bit more comfortable wearing a blazer instead of Hibiki cosplay ahah.

Her speaking voice is so naturally deep. Like, noticeably deeper than Junta Terashima and Shouta Aoi. When she left the stage after the three had a talk session, Junta and Shouta agreed on how much cooler she is than them hahahah.....

But the best part was how she said that when she voiced Shine, apparently no one told her what kind of a character he was because he was still secret or whatever. They were like “Just do it” and she was like “.....what!?” Then later when people told her how much Shine scared them she was like “Really!?” HAHAHAH.

Before this session ended they did a Shin/Louis duet of Silent Promise. So for people saying the photos looked like a wedding.... basically it was. 

After all that they made the big announcement of the King of Prism era Prism Show Best 10. Masashi Igarashi made an increasingly frantic bid for us to vote for Minato which really hit me and made me actually give him my vote when I got home. If you bought the soundtrack CD and got the serial code I’d encourage you to also PLEASE PLEASE vote for Minato as well. He really needs a break. 

Also Taku Yashiro did promise natural gas if you vote for Kakeru, so there is that too. But. 

At the end of the concert when they were saying their goodbyes, I was holding up my big Shin fan and neso plush while Junta Terashima was talking. I don’t think he saw me though, because I was kinda too far back to be noticed easily and he was concentrating on talking. I think Tasuku Hatanaka might have though, which would be really funny if true. Because he looked in my direction and kinda made a face like “heh”. It made me want to bring some Taiga stuff for next time. I re-remembered the best way to get their attention is when they are not talking, because they will be kinda aimlessly scanning the crowd and if you do something (tasteful) to attract their attention during that time (like holding something up) it might actually work. 

The last thing they did was an orchestra backed version of Dramatic Love and it was..... the near definitive version, the most beautiful Dramatic Love I have ever heard and it changed the song for me forever........... I.... I feel bad because it wasn’t all of them but. BUT! They gave Yukinojo’s lines to Louis and it just... it just sounded so good. Since Yukinojo usually sings before or after Shin (since SePTENTRION sings in order a lot since they are like that) I kinda want to hear Yukinojo replaced by Louis in more SePTENTRION songs. I mean I like Yukinojo’s voice fine but... BUT!!! For Yu’s lines they split them among the other characters. There was one point where Takuma Nagatsuka had to sing two lines in a row and he seemed to maybe have a little trouble stringing them together because he wasn’t used to it. (Like *finishes phrase* *split second of oh crap I have to sing again* *next phrase* eheh I love him.) 

Music Ready Sparking was great and the next concert is going to be great too. But there was something really special about this one to me. I think I probably enjoyed the orchestra-only parts a bit more than your average attendee because of my music background, but that combined the smaller venue really made it magical. I really, really hope they do more of these. 

[yooncuffs]

I’m 19. So young and yet too old.

I’m currently at this point in my life where everybody I know expects me to be at uni, studying focusing on school, getting a degree.

But I am not.

Whenever I talk about my worries, people usually either laugh at me jokingly, scoff at me, or furroe they brows whenever I say “I think my life is headed nowhere.” after I say something like that they would often say “But you’re still way too young to worry.” I know, okay.

But that’s not the case.

Yes I am young, yes I have more years ahead of me but it isn’t that easy to build yourself from nothing and to accept this reality of series hardships called life. Honestly I am forced into a situation where I needed to grow up and be there for myself when my mother died.

But I never did actually learned to stand on my own.

Instead I just learned to set aside ny feelings and emotions and just bottle them up. Because that’s how growing up was depicted around me. “You need to toughen up.”, “You’re own your own now, so stop being so emotional.”, “Those tears won’t get you anywhere.” , “There’s nothing you can do about *this* certain situation so get pass it.” those were the usual words I heard from people around me whom today disappeared and couldn’t care any less.

You might be wondering, but she must have her father with her right? Yes, yes I actually do. But the thing is my father and I had this weird relationship since I really didn’t grew up with him, he worked abroad all my life almost and just turn up like 3 years ago after my mother died and after he had been layed off from his job. And so we never really gotten any close or talked about emotions and stuff and all these things you probably talk about your parents with.

I swear when you have the chance and opportunity PLEASE DO TALK TO YOUR PARENTS, because it’s all I ever wanted but couldn’t. Don’t get me wrong I tried. I told my father that I think I’m depressed *without diagnosis yet* and I told him that maybe I should have myself checked.

YES FOLKS I WANTED TO GARNER ALL THE HELP I CAN GET BECAUSE I KNOW I AM NOT OKAY —I WAS NOT OKAY I HAVE ALWAYS HAD THESE REOCURRING THOUGHTS OF SADNESS,LONELINESS, SUICIDE and over all PESSIMISM.

But you know what he had just replied to me? “It’s all in your head.” —oof. When he said that I didn’t want to take it by heart because maybe he didn’t mean it or maybe people his age doesn’t really understand mental health as much as our generation do, because of the stuff we get through and suffer from.

So I let it pass.

My days aren’t always sad, lonely or dark. Some days I ALMOST THOUGHT I am FINALLY FINE AND BETTER. But some days like today I just feel like genuine shit. And the more I look at myself physically, my state in life, my current situation the more I sulk and just crawl back to this dark place.

HONESTLY, I will tell you this. I rarely go out of the house and interact most of my interactions are online and some at work but most are shallow *I think?* Also I am not doing anything almost literally.

I know it’s a bad habit, but the FACT THAT I CAN’T PUSH MYSELF TO DO ANYTHING and I KNOW IT IS JUST—-like how? What do I do, I try my best to find things to cheer up. I really do you don’t even know. I stan BTS, other kpop groups, try and chat with users online find friends, sometimes I try to go out and eat with a real life friend. I watch countless funny videos. I cuddle with my cats, sleep, I edit photos/videos.

But nothing seem to fill in this gaping hole I have.

NOTHING. LASTS.

It’s easier really to just hope that when I close my eyes I won’t wake-up because honestly that’s what I want a painless death.

Because a year ago I tried to hurt myself, but I couldn’t do it. I just can’t the thought just always comes up but the worst I did was just a few cuts not even that deep.

Okay, when I said earlier I have no tears left to cry, now I take that back because I know every time I walk this earth I’m always on the verge if crying and breaking down.

But I always try to hold it up, suck it up and just “TRY” to be strong.

I am so bad at many things and good at abosolutely nothing.

1. I love to write but I have never finished anything.

2. I love editing photos/videos but I don’t think it’s that remarkable to be noticed.

3. I love music but have never really did anything to learn it or be good at it.

4. I love anything related to art but then again I never really did anything to learn it or be good at it.

5. I start to do something (in general) and I don’t ever finish it.

6. I give up easily.

7. I’m not smart/ nor I have a remarkable talent(so applying for a scholarship will never be possible for me)

8. I have tried getting into theater/student govt/cheer dancing/dancing/marching band —but I gave them all up and prioritized a person instead. =BIGGEST FCKING MISTAKE.

——I could go on and on about stuff I’m bad at or hate about myself. And there’s nothing good I can basically say about me NOTHING not even how I look. Especially that I hate everything about me physically.

I feel such a fake fan/ARMY for not incorporating the Boys’ motto—Love yourself. But how can I bring myself to do so? When I’m such a mess, such a wreck.

I just. What do I —-

This post is just all the place my thoughts are just clouded I can’t.

Hmmm.

So yeah I’m 19, probably depressed but not yet clinically diagnosed. I hate myself, I have a work instead of going to school. I walk this earth questioning my existence I have I think 1-2 real friends or maybe even none. I’m not close with my father or other family members I am broke af literally FILIPINO POVERTY BROKE. I have so many abitious goals and dreams: BUT DID I EVER DO ANYTHING ABOUT THEM? Oh bitch I’m such a disappointment.

If this isn’t enough to say FML then I don’t know what is.

—-if youdo feel the same way, or anything similar or worse please do seek help, or try your best to fight it.

I try to. I want to.

Is it too much to ask for?

I just wanna be normal, I want to be okay. To actually be OKAY.

(I AM CONTEMPLATING ON POSTING THIS BECAUSE I SOUND LIKE A LITTLE WHINY BITCH BUT IF YOU DO SEE THIS POST I MUST HAVE JUST CLICKED IT AND SAIS FCK IT AND IS NOW CRYING ON THE FLOOR STILL REGRETTING WHY I’M ALIVE AND ASKING THE UNIVERSE WHAT’D I DO TO DESERVE THIS BULLSHIT)

~bye

[astralgloss]

im a curious meanie so 1-134 muhahaha you get to relive the hell i just went through

etab i haTE U

1: Name

my name is marit lol but please just keep it mar

2: Age

i am 17 but i’ll b 18 in 2 months!!!!

3: 3 Fears

the dark, complete and utter loneliness, and clowns

4: 3 things I love

books, forest fruit tea, the sound of rain

5: 4 turns on

a nice smile that reaches the eyes, a nice smell, having a dog ngl, a soft touch

6: 4 turns off

extreme arrogance, insisting to pay for my meal if i want to pay bc its “what a man should do”, forcing lifestyles on me, not caring about my interests

7: My best friend

she does have tumblr but idk it but hey demi if u ever see this ur the bomb.com

8: Sexual orientation

im bi fam

9: My best first date

my bf and i went to amsterdam to go shopping and he followed me everywhere (even the bookshop even though he hates books) and idk i just love him it was a nice day

10: How tall am I

im 1,65m or 5′4″ but i can and will kick ur ass

11: What do I miss

nothing really??

12: What time was I born

ok so i asked my mom and she said i was born on a tuesday at exactly 12pm but i bet she’s lying

13: Favorite color

yellow!! im basic!!

14: Do I have a crush

well i sure hope so @ boyfriend

15: Favorite quote

to the stars who listen, and the dreams that are answered

16: Favorite place

my bf’s house tbh, specifically his bed

17: Favorite food

pizza, specifically the hot chicken one from ny pizza

18: Do I use sarcasm

nah fam (ofc i do im a little shit)

19: What am I listening to right now

god is a woman by ariana grande

20: First thing I notice in new person

how they look at other people when those people don’t notice it

21: Shoe size

38/39 idk the other size lol sorry 

22: Eye color

its blue but it changes with my mood (oh my god im so sorry im kidding please don’t hate me)

23: Hair color

im a blondie

24: Favorite style of clothing

sth casual but also a bit towards the punkish style, but i also rlly love looking tiny and soft and cute lol

25: Ever done a prank call?

ok so there’s this hotline for kids who have troubles with their parents and families but it was a shit hotline tbh so once i called it up with my friends pretending i was crying and the man on the phone asked me what was wrong so i told him that all my friends had fire type pokemon and i only had grass type pokemon and they kept beating me and i didnt know what to do and then man was so confused it was funny af

27: Meaning behind my URL

idk man i wanted a name that could b easy to remember and i was inspired by ridgeport tbh

28: Favorite movie

the perks of being a wallflower

29: Favorite song

Fav song atm is anything from p!atd's newest album and my fav song of all time is probably train of consequences by megadeth

30: Favorite band

megadeth lol

31: How I feel right now

pretty good but also annoyed bc i have to go to work in half an hour :(

32: Someone I love

my bf

33: My current relationship status

if u guys havent noticed by now im taken

34: My relationship with my parents

p ok

35: Favorite holiday

halloween/christmas

36: Tattoos and piercing i have

I have my ears pierced and thats it lol

37: Tattoos and piercing i want

i rlly want a few bookish related tattoos, like a tiny raven, a little lightning bolt, and the city of velaris and then i also rlly want a sleeve tbh but imma be a teacher and idk if i can :/ about piercings: i rlly want a helix or tragus and maybe get second holes in my hearlobes

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

ok so ive been on tumblr for about 5 years and initially it was bc i was Depressed™ and then about a year ago i found out about simblr and i was hooked

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

tbh i dont even talk to him anymore i dont rlly care about him in any way

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

yes bih

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

hes my bf so yea lol

42: When did I last hold hands?

wednesday

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

about 45 minutes bc im lazy and i keep getting distracted

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

nope

45: Where am I right now?

in bed lol

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

either my bf or my best friend

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

depends on where i am

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

mom

49: Am I excited for anything?

tbh moving out but thats gonna take a few more years

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

*insert bf here*

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

every time im at work lol

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

wednesday

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

lol bye

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

nope

55: What is something I disliked about today?

the fact that i have to work a day shift instead of an evening shift

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

my internet friends tbh it’d be cool to meet all the people from my bookish discord or from @booptherat​‘s discord

57: What do I think about most?

what book i should read next

58: What’s my strangest talent?

i can finish a book in about 4 hours

59: Do I have any strange phobias?

not rlly? i hate the whole asmr thing tho ew

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind lol

61: What was the last lie I told?

i dont remember tbh

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

neither lol

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

look im not saying that believing that we’re the only living species in the entire universe is narcissistic, but it is. also dont fuck with ghosts

64: Do I believe in magic?

hell yes

65: Do I believe in luck?

hell yes

66: What’s the weather like right now?

idk probably cloudy and windy

67: What was the last book I’ve read?

fahrenheit 451 by ray bradbury 

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

nah not rlly

69: Do I have any nicknames?

i guess mar?

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

when i was 2 i fell from sth and slammed the corner of my eye onto the corner of a table and i couldve been blind but thank god im not

71: Do I spend money or save it?

both 

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?

yup

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?

post it notes

74: Favorite animal?

doggg

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

reading lol

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

idk man

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

i gotta feeling by the black eyed peas lol

78: How can you win my heart?

give me a samoyed and a 1000 books

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

“a boss ass bitch”

80: What is my favorite word?

fuck?

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

@cubersims​ @imvikai​ @ridgeport​ @cowplant-pizza​ @bloomlet​ @tiptoptab​

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

spend fiddies, pet kitties, hold tiddies

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?

not that i know of lol

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

the power to choose whatever power i want at any moment

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

“do you like working here?”

86: What is my current desktop picture?

its an august background from @emmastudies​

87: Had sex?

yes

88: Bought condoms?

no

89: Gotten pregnant?

no

90: Failed a class?

yes

91: Kissed a boy?

yup, i’ve been kissing my bf for about 2,5 years now lol

92: Kissed a girl?

yup, i’m living the bisexual dream lol

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

yes

94: Had job?

yes, im working at a movie theater right now!!

95: Left the house without my wallet?

tbh all the time now that i can pay with my phone

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

yea i used to but that was when i was 12 and i’d like to say that i’ve grown a lot in the past 5 years

97: Had sex in public?

nope

98: Played on a sports team?

yes

99: Smoked weed?

nope, even though i live like 20 minutes away from amsterdam lol

100: Did drugs?

nope

101: Smoked cigarettes?

nope

102: Drank alcohol?

yupppp, i love me some raspberry cider

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

nope

104: Been overweight?

nope

105: Been underweight?

nope

106: Been to a wedding?

yup

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

lol all the time tbh

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

yup

109: Been outside my home country?

yup, however never outside of europe tho

110: Gotten my heart broken?

a few times

111: Been to a professional sports game?

yess, i saw the dutch female volleyball team once!

112: Broken a bone?

nope

113: Cut myself?

yes

114: Been to prom?

we dont do prom in the netherlands lol

115: Been in airplane?

yes

116: Fly by helicopter?

nope

117: What concerts have I been to?

k3 (only dutchies and belgians remember this), one direction, megadeth, and ed sheeran

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

yupp

119: Learned another language?

i mean im from the netherlands and im fluent in english thanks to myself

120: Wore make up?

yuppp

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

yes

122: Had oral sex?

lol yes

123: Dyed my hair?

nope

124: Voted in a presidential election?

not old enough to vote :(

125: Rode in an ambulance?

nope

126: Had a surgery?

nope

127: Met someone famous?

nope

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

nope

129: Peed outside?

a few times lol

130: Been fishing?

nope

131: Helped with charity?

yep

132: Been rejected by a crush?

a few times

133: Broken a mirror?

lol yes

134: What do I want for birthday?

some books, money, cake, more books, makeup

[secreto-draco]

gert centric fic ,with hints of gertchase, exploring a bit of gert’s pan sexuality and early friendship with karolina. and also there’s molly.

fair warning people;

1)  gert is Jewish Latina cause the actress who plays her, Ariela Barer is  latina and jewish.

2) spanish is my 2nd language,and i have lived in a country,Chile-south america for 7 years,it’s been a bit over a month being back in the USA,so i speak castaño-meaning basic universal Spanish,with hints of Chilean slang,moreover my spanish grammar ins’t perfect so bear with me.

3)  i’ve left the ending open-so i could write one more chapter from either or  both gert’s and chases’ view -let me know if i should.

4) the time is kinda altered here-the astronomy project occurs a bit after Amy's death.

p.s shout out to @carolruwer who agreed to be beta.thank you so much :)

ill get out of your hair now;

It’s her 7th birthday, all the invitations clearly stated so, even the banner hanging overhead and the icing on the cake. But once again the father -daughter duo that is, Frank and Karolina dean have stolen the show. It shouldn’t bother her- she doesn’t like being on being in the spotlight anyways (it makes her anxious, kind of like her head’s underwater) and quite frankly [pun intended] it’s the norm. People and yes including, Gert Yorkes herself, can’t help but turn to Karolina when she floats in, she’s ethereal like a fairy or an angel or some being of light.

Yet Gert can’t help feeling bitter and invisible, even with a giant piece of cake on her plate that spells out her name in bold lilac icing, and a table set to the side holding gifts with tags that literally say,’’Happy Birthday Gertrude’’. Because right now, sitting on the edge of a circle with all her classmates, who only engage conversation and play with Karolina moreover, even the mothers who are supposed to be over with all the ‘’superficialness’’ and are supposed to be mature and nice to everyone, only happen to ‘’pop in’’ under guise of parental checking just to compliment karo, always with; ‘you look beautiful.’’ ,’’so sweet’’.

What is worse, is that after complimenting karo, they don’t stop to wish her a ‘’happy birthday’ they don’t even glance her way, instead choosing to go off to Frank Dean to loudly (seriously ladies chill) proclaim and shower him with compliments for his daughter; precious and remarkable. And to tell him that he’ll need to keep an eye out for boys, especially ‘’that chase stein.’’.

it burns her all the way down, fills her to the brim with shame, makes her cheeks red with embarrassment and her eyes sting with frustration and hurt. This party was a bad idea. She just wants it to be over, so everyone can leave, but unfortunately; there are games to play and ice cream to devour. So, it would take at least a few more hours till sweet solitude.

Amy and alex had left earlier to go inside to play video games in the living room, Karo is surrounded by her adoring ‘’public’’ alongside best friend Nico, Chase seems to be engaged with some of the boys playing soccer. Molly’s snacking on chips and pizza. Her parents are offering everyone their homemade cheese and joking around. Contemplating, maybe she could just slip up into her room to read, it’s not like anyone would notice plus she’s sad and bored, but just as she’ heading in,

‘‘hey Gert, you get the first try at the piñata. ’it’s chase, tone playful and boyish. Turning to him, she doesn’t fail to see his furrowed brows or his line of site. Chase, it seems, whilst clueless to her plan; has not failed to notice her on her own, or that currently, Gert is halfway inside through the patio door. He gestures to the bat he’s holding out to her, bringing a smile to her face. Giddy, she rushes off to make it rain candy.

Much later though, various parents gather them around for pictures and Gert’s perking up a bit, at least until she hears;

‘’Karolina, dear come stand next to Gertrude, you’re barely in the picture.”

Followed by;

“Karolina.come quick! I want to take a picture of you with the rest of your friends, you look beautiful in that dress of yours.’’

Standing next to Karolina who is glowing more than usual: flushed cheeks and shiny eyes from playing and laughing, not a single hair out of place and in a still crinkle-free baby pink dress and spotless white ballet flats, Gert feels less, in her army green shorts and purple blouse and old boots, long hair knotted and tangled, cheek scrapped. Rubbing salt to the wound is that, every picture taken focuses on Karolina. And the person who she feels closest too, her best friend, Chase looks just perfect on the left side of said blond blue-eyed girl, both beautiful and flawless; seeming to  fit together.

In the end, though, just before leaving, Chase drags his mom over to take a picture with his best friend and birthday girl, his proclamation making Gert’s cheeks warm; and Molly, appearing out of nowhere jumps on her back and sings, terribly off-key’ happy birthday’-and quite loudly , in her ear, just as Mrs. Stein clicks on the camera.

She may be invisible to the world, but Gertrude Yorkes has her parents and Molly and Chase, they always see her.

 2012

The ear-splitting bell had just released them from class and rushing out to meet the others in their usual corner in the playground.

‘‘Hey Gert, hold on a sec.” she barely hears him, but she stops. He’s short, a brown-haired kid with a combo of a weird smirk and smile;

With a rushed out ‘‘Hey thanks, ’ he starts walking with .Strange as it is, it’s also kind of nice, especially because everyone only talk to her just to ask her about-

‘‘So, you’re friends with Karolina?”. Of course. There is such a eagerness in his voice, making it obvious that he can’t play it cool.

‘‘Yeah”. She knows she’s being curt, but Gertrude Yokes doesn’t care.

‘‘And Chase, too? ’he keeps prodding.

‘‘Ye-’‘’

‘‘Do they, you know, like each other? Because I was thinking of asking Karolina to be my Valentine. And I want to know beforehand if she likes Chase or anyone else. I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes or cause any problem” he’s being so boyishly nice and bashful and sweet. Damn Karo.

 No, I don’t know. And we’re eleven, we’re kids so we don’t normally talk about this stuff.’’ It comes out of her mouth in a rush, like strong waves crashing forcefully and loudly on the beach and the foam that’s left behind, dirty in the sand, gross and icky, is her embarrassment when she realizes what she said and how she said it.

‘‘bye, nicetalkingtoyou!” rushing the words out she power walks over to her friends, who are goofing off, Gert tries to ignore the burning in her heart and the way her blood is sluggish and cold.

Two weeks later, her card box only has 6 “Happy Valentine” friend cards, one from each of her friends: Molly, Chase, Nico, Karolina, Amy and Alex. 

‘‘Molly asked me to put hers in for everyone, because she wasn’t allowed to come in and do it herself” says Chase, with a shy voice carrying a similar box, except his is full. She smiles in response.

*Whistles* ‘’Damn Karolina, did the whole school give you a card?” and her smile drops, Karolina’s got two boxes, bursting at the seams, Nico next to her, has a full box as well. Her eyes land on Alex and she feels better and a bit of kinship: they’re both in the same boat.

‘‘You need help there, Alex? ’voice playful and laced with sarcasm, she tosses in a wink.

‘‘You got your hands full, Gert. Doubt you could help me with mine.” He answers with a wink back. Self-deprecating humor for the win!

‘‘Let’s head out, whose place are we hanging out this time? ’asks Chase, his voice strained, sharp and heavy.

huh. Weird.

2012

She’s arguing with some jerk, he calls her a bitch. And just as she’s about to respond it’s Karolina that’s softly, yet firmly, tells him to watch his mouth and to leave. It surprises her. For the rest of the day she keeps talking with Karo, hanging out and it’s nice. She’s sweet, sometimes sickeningly so, but she treats her with respect and talks to her even when it’s just the two of them.

Two days later, though, Karolina starts acting weird. They’re in Alex’s game room, their usual afterschool hangout, and the seven of them are making plans for the weekend. Gert proposes to watch a scary movie at the movie theater.

Karo and Nico share a glace and look at her weirdly, then Karolina says:

‘‘Gert” voice stern and tone chastising it doesn’t suit her, Nico, sure, but not Karo, who adds:

‘‘If you don’t want to go to the sleepover it’s fine, but don’t just assume we won’t go either’ ‘

‘’What sleepover?’’ asks Gert curtly.

‘‘Don’t play dumb. Eiffel’s slumber party, she’d invited all the girls in our class, back on Monday.’‘

‘‘I wasn’t invited” even though her voice is steady, she can feel the humiliation staining her cheeks and shame settling on her shoulders. ‘‘I didn’t even know.”

‘‘oh….Gert I’m sor-“ starts to say Karolina, but Gert’s quick to stop her:

‘‘It doesn’t matter, though it seems like you and Nico won’t be able to hang out with the rest of us.” Then turning to the others; voice strained and forcefully cheerful; “So, what’s the plan kids?’‘

That weekend Alex has an online video game thing, Chase has a lacrosse away match and Amy has a school project. So, she and Molly have their own sisterly sleepover. It is awesome, fun and cozy.

 2 months later;

Her friendship with Karolina has always been rocky. Karo’s a mama’s girl, the perfect girl, ethereal and nice. On the other hand, Gert is... well she’s Gert. They’re both too different, besides what friendship doesn’t have its patchy moments and difficulties. And moreover, it must be difficult for Karo to get along with her too. So, Gert tries, but things don’t always go smoothly.

Karolina usually has church things to go to, to be a face for it or just support her mother, but it comes in the way of their friendship a lot, mainly when Gert’s inviting her and the others to things, because if Karolina can’t come, then automatically no one ‘’can’’ come to her thing, whatever it may be. She tries not to feel snubbed and bitter, furthermore, her stance on religion doesn’t help, it usually just adds to the tension. Other times, it’s their differing personalities like now;

There’s a garage band that she hears off in the neighborhood which she wants to check out, but Alex isn’t into it, neither is Karo because, as she puts it, “loud angry music” is not something she’s into. She tries not to be offended or too sensitive about it and, ‘’luckily,’’ within seconds Chase is butting in offering up his plan. He does that a lot. He can’t side with either Gert or Karo so he always ignores the issue and friction at hand and proceeds to move the attention to something else. It bothers her that her best friend won’t stick up for her, especially when it’s against Karolina.

They end up hitting the Arcade and going for ice cream, Chase’s suggestion. And when she gets her period midway through, it’s Karolina who helps; handing her a pad and loaning her an extra pair of gym shorts.  Coming out of the bathroom, she shoots a thankful little secret smile to Karo, who returns it with a soft one of her own. And that little secret makes things a little bit better between the two of them.

2014

Getting to take music lessons is a fun 13th birthday present from mom and dad. And even though Gert knows without a shadow of a doubt that she really likes chase. There’s this girl who sits next to her with piel morena y pelo negro. She has shining black eyes that light up when she’s being mischievous and sparkle when she smiles. She is beautiful, but not the angelic kind like Karolina, her beauty has a sharp edge and ruggedness to it, as does her wit, which can cut you in half. Valentina is also kind and sweet and mischievous, a bit of a trouble maker. She and Gert start to hang out a bit after class and, within a few weeks, Valentina is a regular visitor at the Yorkes’ household.

For Gert it’s refreshing to have a friend outside of her usual group of friends and even outside of her school circle. More importantly, having becoming friends with Vale boosts her confidence, even though it shouldn’t. Now, when all her friends within the “pride group” have their own thing, she doesn’t feel pathetic anymore as she’s no longer alone when they’re all busy.

When with the group she doesn’t feel out of place because she now has a friend to share certain interests with. Her research on feminism, for example. Her parents are feminists so hearing them talk openly about stuff is liberating and researching and learning has opened her mind and she feels she is a better person because of it. And nowadays, thanks to being able to share this with Valentina, she doesn’t have to nervously ramble about it with her disinterested friends. She doesn’t need to ask them to go with her to check out indie bands or to join marches, she has her parents, Molly and Vale for all of that.

 A month into their friendship, she and Valentina have shared a kiss somehow,someway and in the end the details don’t matter, what is important is that it feels good. It’s different from kissing Chase, who was her first kiss when they were 12, they’d both wanted their first kisses to be safe and with someone they could trust, thus,with a touch of the lips, they’d kissed, but she’s not going to delve into that, too many feelings, too complicated for just a simple brush and press of lips. And that’s when it hits her, like a piano, loud and heavy and man it should have been obvious-she likes both boys and girls, and that maybe, maybe gender doesn’t matter to her. She’s attracted to Karolina, who’s both beautiful inside and out; she strongly likes Chase, who is someone she never wants to lose, someone who makes her feel safe, Chase who is all heart and soul. She likes Vale, who’s spunk and sweet and who shares interests with her, such as music, feminism and mischief, which she’s coming to like. Valentina who’s loud, who doesn’t make her feel small or shameful or patronized or last.

She continues to share little pecks with Vale sometimes, it’s nice and she likes Vale quite a bit, not as strongly as she feels about Chase, but that’s not something she wants to ruin with awkwardness with either of them.

Unfortunately, Karo catches her and Vale one day in Gert’s sound proof basement where they’re supposed to be working on a piece for Mr.Ashraff’s drums class, and the tensions rise too crucial heights. For days on end Karo’s quiet and tense and terse around her, spying on her through the corners of her squinted eyes- is Karolina homophobic? 

Thus, once again, Gert doesn’t feel quite safe in the group and is on the brink of frustration when one day the seven of them are hanging out in Alex’s game-room. After yet another side eye from Karolina, she bursts;

‘‘Got a problem, Karolina?” her voice cold and bitter and angry to hide the hurt and the anxiety.

‘‘no.”

‘‘okay, good.”

‘‘good.”

‘‘I’m going to get some more soda” walking out to give herself a moment ,to reign in.she’s not alone,

‘you two okay? asks Chase in a soft yet concerned voice, sharing a worried look with Molly.

‘‘yeah. of course.’’ she’s lying so obviously lying, and by the looks on their faces, molls and chase know too.

She needs to avoid this confrontation, so Gert rushes back into the room and throws herself in her spot, pretending to look busy on her phone.

Craving something sweet Amy drags them all to timely for baked goods and frappes.

It takes her a bit to decide, but eventually she gives her order hesitantly to the annoyed barista. Gert feels accomplished, she doesn’t how or why she feels so uncomfortable at times, but she isn’t going to let it control her, she’s going to own that bitch one day.

“Oye bandadia’,(hey badass/bandit) calls her a teasing voice underlined with pride, for her? She turns so abruptly that she gets whiplash, and it hurts her neck. And yes, she isn’t hallucinating, it really is Valentina giving her a teasing smile with those shining lit up eyes.

‘Cállate cabra, probaste el vanilla frappe?” (shut up weirdo [goat],have you tried the vanilla frappe?)  she manages to answer reigning in her nervousness. She’s still a little anxious about her order, but still, small victories, besides it’s seen as making conversation.

‘No, pero mi hermano sì y le gusto” (No,but my brother has,he liked it)Valentina tone ringing with teasing and smug and her lit up eyes, she knows, ugh, the little shit.

“ah, okis, hola” she says almost as an afterthought after realizing she hasn’t properly greeted her yet. leaning in to touch her cheeks and to make the kiss sound, only Vale kisses said cheek loudly. Afterwards, Gert can feel her cheeks warm and can also feel the group’s eyes on her, well not Molly’s because she knows Valentina and greets her the same way Gert did, except this time Vale doesn’t peck her cheek. So much for playing it cool. Proceeding to do the introductions to try and keep the attention away from her, more specifically Karolina’s, who is starring-hard. ‘‘everyone this is Valentina, a friend of mine from music class, vale, everyone.’’.

Bit’s only when they are back at Alex’s place that they start questioning her;

“what was that thing that you did and why did she kiss you on the cheek?” surprisingly it’s Chase. is it her or is he sounding rather insistent? And what is he prodding for?

‘‘She’s Chilean, now American Chilean, and in South America kissing each other cheeks or pretending to and just touching and making the sound is a common way of greeting people. And since she misses her home country, and since both Molly and I are Latinas, ‘I’m  Jewish Latina, she’s asked us to greet her that way.” Gert automatically answers,it comes out sounding like she’s tossing in an obvious factoid-good, cause she’s anxious right now.

‘‘Oh..That’s sweet of you. ...and Molly” with a soft breathless voice and melting eyes. She doesn’t understand why he does that with her sometimes and she’s not sure she wants to know because it does things to her, and she doesn’t want to dig into that either, shit. are her own eyes doing the same? So, she lowers her head and fiddles with her frappe’s straw to keep herself busy.

‘but a kiss on the lips is just a kiss ’‘she can’t be serious.

‘‘‘Yes, a kiss on the lips, it’s usually universally meant for, you know, either love or lust or whatever people feel when they kiss.” Nope. She’s not going to let Karolina get to her. She won’t look at anyone or anywhere, yup she’s just sipping her frappe, it is delicious.

‘‘Gert?” just the sound of her name and how can someone sound so vulnerable and quiet and yet loud and baleful with only just a one-syllable word. But that’s just how Chase is. She makes the mistake of looking up at him and his whole stance has shifted, he’s tense, standing with his back straight, jaw clenched, Adam’s apple bopping, neck muscle pounding and his brown chocolate eyes are the color of burning onyx and are showing swirling hints of pain, sadness, anger and a few other things she can’t really discern. The air around Chase, chase is heavy and charged.

‘‘Valentina and I have shared a few kisses.... I’ve come to realize that I like both girls and boys, I don’t care about gender to be honest.” Her voice is quiet and firm, but she can feel the fear stirring up in her. She has realized she’s either bi or pan-sexual (yes, she’s been researching) and these people won’t be her friends if they’re not okay with it. She has her parents and Molls whom she has spoken with and have accepted her and they don’t love her any less because of it.

She’s tall and defiant, pushing down the fear; no one says anything but her sister comes to stand beside her, tan hand on her shoulder,squeezing, giving love and support, Moll’s brown eyes locked on the rest of the pride kids, cold and alert.

Looking at Chase and she sees that he has changed yet again. Now he’s looking at her softly and openly, but his eyes are still the color of onyx with all that swirling darkness, his aura is lightly tinted with loss and anger, his stance has relaxed, his arms hang loosely on his sides, but for some reason he looks defeated.

‘‘Chase?’ her voice comes out tentative, even she doesn’t know what she’s asking for. Acceptance? Understanding? to at least say something?

‘Gert” he says openly, standing in front of her, “you’re my best friend, always”, and she’s tearing up and she can’t take it anymore, so she clutches him to her and his arms wrap around her tight. Then he releases her, but plants himself on her right, throwing his arm around her shoulders, clutching her to his side giving her safety and support.

‘‘I don’t get it, but it’s okay. ’Nico says and then her, Alex and Amy and even Karolina all pull her in for a hug. It’s one of the best feelings ever.

 Later she is left alone with him., everyone having left for their own homes but chase had come and stayed at her place, and Molly’, had feigned tiredness and retired to her room, the little sneak.

‘‘You like her, Valentina I mean?’‘he’s looking at her inquisitively.

‘‘I kind of do.” She keeps quiet and for some reason she feels guilty like she’s said something wrong. She and Chase have a well-balanced friendship that’s bordering on domestic, it’s easy going, even though sometimes it feels like a relationship to her; just without the label and the kissing, but it’s not and it’s best to break out of it now because he doesn’t like her, at least not like she likes him so it’s better to try and move on.

‘‘Are you or will you be dating her?” the more they talk the more dejected and frustrated Chase sounds.

‘‘No and no. I kind of like her, but I don’t want to be with her that way” she answers quietly.

‘‘Why?” 

“I don’t know. She asked me on a date and I said no, because it didn’t feel right. Don’t get me wrong, kissing, it’s more like pecking to be honest, we’re still kids, pecking her it’s nice, but maybe I’m too young to date or maybe I can’t give her what she wants. She wants to build an established relationship in the future and Vale’s feelings are so much stronger than mine. I feel like we’re friends and we’re figuring things about ourselves, being bi or pan or whatever, it’s a slow road we’ve just found ourselves walking, and at this age.... She was disappointed with my answer but she accepted it. She’s asked for some time and space before we can go back to being friends.’’ It’s the truth, those were the things she told Vale except Gert’s leaving out another part, the one where she feels too strongly about Chase to entertain getting in any kind of relationship with somebody else. It wouldn’t be fair to Vale or herself. But there’s no chance in hell that she’s going to tell Chase that. Luckily, though, Vale understood and gracefully bowed out.

Gert, she’ll come around and be a friend to you again. Though probably time and distance will be good for both of you.” 

‘‘I know” she answers pulling him in for yet another tight hug that day “Thank you, Chase’’ She’s pouring all her feelings in that hug and drowning in his security, she knows she’s putting herself on the line but it’s ok for now, she will chastise herself later for it.

During the next music class Vale doesn’t sit next to her or smile her way or even glance at her. And somehow the class had lost some of it’s luster. Within 2 months Vale and her family leave for Miami to be closer to her abuelita.

It’s stupid for her too feel sad, because she lost her friend long before she left,since they weren’t even speaking. But Gert can’t help but feeling sad for weeks until Molly has had enough and crawls into her bed and cuddles with her bringing her love and warmth and sunny, positive and reassuring feelings. She’s so lucky to have her.

The pride kids don’t treat her any different, except for Chase who listens to her, pays more attention to Gert and her rants, and asks her questions when he doesn’t seem to understand and needs further explanations. This is not a bad thing.

Though,looking back, Chase has always like this, constantly careful not to hurt; he checks his words when he does speak, he’s mostly quiet in serious matters instead choosing to absorb and think. It does make him passive at times-it annoys her, cause why won’t he just take a stand! dammit! He’s extra gentle with his strength. It’s heartwarming cause, God this boy is patient and he’s good to his core. He’s witty beyond measure, matching her in battles of wit and snark, which makes him even hotter, if that’s even possible. And Chase is a dork and a closeted theater junkie who likes to apply red tinted lip balm and rock out to “wake me up before you go go”.

 2015

Amy’s dead. Alex didn’t show up to the funeral. Nico’s shut down. Karolina’s helpless. Molly is sad and won’t leave her room. Chase is furious because Wilder didn’t show up, so he’s concentrating on lacrosse and his physique. And Gert has being losing sleep and is overall, just losing it.

All of them are drifting apart, but at least Molly comes back to her, crawling into her bed, holding her tight so that no one could snatch Gert away and asks for her lullaby.

Days turn to weeks and then months. Her phone keeps quiet. None of them can stand to be together, so even calls or texts are too difficult to fathom and even at school they avoid each other.

She doesn’t know exactly what’s going on with the others, their absorbed in their own lives. Nico looks buried with guilt. Karo seems to feel helpless so she’s running off to the church. Chase is always looking angry and is slipping into the role of the popular jock living the typical high school life.

Gert develops anxiety and panic attacks, she starts to go to therapy accompanied by Molly -God does she loves Molly.She makes the careful decision to use the doctor’s prescribed pill. With the help of her family, the exercises she’s learnt from therapy and the pill, does she start to get better.

Though after a particularly bad panic attack, her long, long hair was a stressor. [Sentient tentacles pinching and chocking, wrapping around her neck, crushing it and crawling into her mouth and down her throat.] she gets a slightly layered bob with bangs. And purple, from an eco-friendly brand, because she needed the change, something to break out of the after the stifling aftermath that was Amy’s death and the disbanding of the group.

she’s doing alright and life without her friends, the pride kids and Vale, is slowly becoming her new normalcy. 

At least it was, until she gets partnered up with Chase in astronomy. When the professor announces it, Eiffel snorts and proceeds to reassure Chase, who is sitting in front of her, that she’ll Snap him to keep him company. Gert feels her blood freeze and tries to control herself because she can’t lose it now.

[ginaippy2]

Advice for the World Regarding the Treatment of Women

For the past couple of years, I've been trying to make the comedy community safer for women. Sometimes I connect women who have the same abuser. Sometimes I contact theaters directly to warn them about dangerous men. Sometimes I make a post on social media warning other people about dangerous men. Sometimes I tell show bookers names of dangerous men so they don't book them. Sometimes I talk to reporters, when it seems like no one is listening to these women, and everyone is siding with their abuser.

Before I started doing this, I was just, ya know, doing comedy. I was on improv teams and sketch teams and did stuff at different theaters, and it was cool. After I started doing it, it became what everyone associated me with, which is also fine. Women started hitting me up more and more, just to talk, or to ask me if other women had come to me with a name of a certain guy that they'd just had a bad experience with, or to ask me for resources to get help dealing with rape and abuse, or to ask me how to get a restraining order.

In these past few years, most people have been awesome and had kind things to say about this whole process. Other people, though, labelled me difficult, or a feminist bitch, or said I must have some sort of ulterior motive to be doing all of this (although I’ve still yet to hear what that ulterior motive might be). People I had been cool with for years started ignoring me, or saying stuff behind my back (which yes, always gets back to me, by the way), I never got a job out of being “the woman who helps other women talk about their assault.” I never made a team at a theater because I was “the woman who tells people not to book the guy that raped seven women.” Quite honestly, it would be dope as hell if I could go back to just, ya know, doing comedy. This has all been exhausting, and I’ve spent countless hours doing it, all the while hoping that eventually, it would get significantly better, and I wouldn’t have to do it anymore.

Here’s the thing, though: Every time something like the Harvey Weinstein thing happens, people talk about it for a while and wring their hands and say they’re shocked and things have to change and oh! Look at this! It must be changing if this happened and soon there won’t be guys like this anymore! But there are always guys like that. Most of the guys women have come to me about in the comedy community are still actively performing in the comedy community. Most of them have not been banned from theaters. Most of them are still highly regarded. Most of them will never be “outed” as predators, and will continue victimizing newer, younger improvisers.

So, I have some advice if we ever REALLY want things to change for women. This can be applied to any community you’re in. It doesn’t just work for comedy. It works for sports and chess and poker and theater and tech companies and basically anything where men and women interact (and even places they don’t). This is based on some of the things I hear most commonly (mostly from men, but there have also been women as well) when stuff like the Weinstein thing happens. By the way, if you’re reading this right now and thinking “I really want to talk to Gina about X, Y, and Z because maybe she’s never had that conversation with a guy before,” I have. Trust me, I have. I have patiently had hours long conversations with guys who have said and done every single one of these things on this list to me. I had one just yesterday, and it was about the 10th guy I’d had that conversation with. If you’re a guy and you doubt women, or think some women are telling the truth but a lot of them lie, it’s not my job to educate you. If you don’t know the statistics on false rape accusations, or how infrequently rape cases go to trial, or the psychology of why a victim might not go forward to the cops about a sexual assault, yes, I will likely patiently explain them to you over and over and over, but every time I do, I die a little, because that shouldn’t be on me. You should be actively educating yourself about those things or, ya know, shutting the hell up about them. Hopefully this guide is a first step to doing that. Without further ado, here is a pattern of behavior I’ve noticed when guys get outed as predators:

Some women will say, “He never did that to me!”

Yeah, we know. Someone can still be a murderer just because he hasn’t murdered every single person he ever met. You know the same is true of rapists, right? Tip for the women: stop saying this. For real. Stop saying it. It makes it harder for the women who HAVE been assaulted by those guys. To be 100% clear, I’m not saying lie and say “Yes he did that to me,” when he didn’t. But there’s no reason to weigh in on threads where other women are sharing their stories. There’s no reason to have that be the first thing you say. Because when you do that, it leads right into my next thing...

Men will hear that a guy didn’t do it to EVERY woman, and assume the women he did it to are lying

Yes, this seems nuts (again, see my previous statement about murderers) but it happens more than you’d think. I have heard “Well my girlfriend worked with that guy for a while and she said he never did anything to HER, so maybe those other women are lying, or maybe he was joking around with them and the women didn’t realize it.” Again, I will say this a billion times: people treat everyone differently. This should not be a hard concept to grasp. 

People will say they’re shocked

I absolutely understand the impulse to say this, but think about what it’s actually doing. It’s showing women that, unless a guy is so blatantly a piece of shit to women in front of men, people will always be shocked when she comes forward about her abuse. It makes a hard hard hard hard thing even harder. It also makes other people who didn’t bother looking into the details say “Hmm a lot of people are saying they’re shocked. I wonder if there’s more to this story than just what the women say.” Change your public proclamations of “I’m shocked” to “I’m horrified, and I believe women.”

Men (and some women) will ask if the internet is the best place for these allegations to be brought up

Yep, women realize that making a series of tweets where you out a predator isn’t the most ideal circumstance (mainly because she will IMMEDIATELY start getting death threats from the toilet bowl that is the internet community) but what’s your solution? Institutions and the justice system have failed women over and over and over again (again, not my job to give you statistics on it, but go look it up) and when rape is one of the most under reported crimes, and one of the most under prosecuted crimes, and when institutions would rather ignore what’s going on than open up a whole can of worms by actually investigating this stuff and then publicly outing rapists, it’s the best system we’ve got. I agree that in a perfect world, where men and women are legitimately equal, and rape victims aren’t shamed and don’t have their careers ruined and relationships affected by this, we wouldn’t have to do it that way. But we don’t live in that perfect world. We live in this one. You saying this helps nothing and no one, and it’s not an original thought either, so keep it to yourself.

Men (and some women) will ask why the internet was the FIRST place a woman went to, instead of the cops

First of all, it isn’t. No woman gets raped and then immediately goes online to post about it. It’s an agonizing decision, and in almost every single case I’ve dealt with, it’s a last resort at the end of a long road. Many women DO go to the cops (look up the number of untested rape kits in New York alone). Many women DO go to the theaters (or whatever institution they’re involved in). Many women DO go to HR and their employers. If you’ve never gone through any of these systems, you don’t know how utterly impossible it is to see any real action. The Weinstein thing blew up online and then it was taken seriously. You see this time and time and time again. A company doesn’t fire a rapist until there’s public backlash (Bill O’Reilly, anyone?). A theater doesn’t ban a performer until their bad behavior is common knowledge. Again, unless you have a solution, with detailed steps of how to put that solution in place, stop saying this.

People will say they believe most women, but are worried false allegations could ruin a man’s life

So, if this is your priority, one imaginary man who has been falsely accused, instead of real victims, you seriously, seriously have to reevaluate some shit. First off, there are actual rapists and assaulters and harassers who have faced zero repercussions even when everyone knows exactly what they did. People knew Bill Cosby drugged and raped women for YEARS. Look up how much he’s worth and how he still books speaking engagements and shows. Casey Affleck won an Academy Award the same year his bad behavior came to light. Roman Polanski still makes movies. NFL players hit women on camera and CEO’s are given 15 million dollar severance packages and then move on to another company and another six figure job. Donald Trump is president. Who are these imaginary men whose lives are ruined? Second of all, if this is your first, knee jerk reaction thing to say, are you that concerned about people being falsely accused of other crimes? Unless reform of the justice system is like, your passion project and what you went to school for, why is this the hill you want to die on? Yes, it would be absolutely terrible for anyone to be accused of something they didn’t do. But telling women to be quiet, and telling people not to believe women because you’re concerned about someone being falsely accused ignores the statistics on how infrequently that happens.

Someone will say, “But I knew a guy once who got falsely accused”

By far the thing I hear the most when debating with guys is anecdotal stories about how someone’s friend knew a crazy woman with a vendetta. Great. Thanks for that. You do realize statistics speak louder than anecdotal evidence, right? You do realize that people who say “Oh but one time, I was mugged by a POC, so it makes me suspicious of all POC now” is racist, just like “Oh a woman did this thing once, so now I’m suspicious of women and their motivations” is sexist, right? Also, by the way, unless this happened directly to you, have you considered your buddy is lying to you about what DID happen? Because, ya know, it really wouldn’t behoove a dude to say “Oh yeah in college a woman accused me of this... and I totally did it! Crazy, right?” 

It’s okay to have sympathy for your guy friend who is outed as a predator, as long as you have WAY MORE SYMPATHY for the women he victimized

I know a lot of woke dudes who claim they believe women, make the right posts on social media, march in all the women’s marches, who also immediately close ranks when a dude being accused of something is their friend. I get it, it sucks when you’re friends with the dude. It’s happened to me many, many times. In most cases, I don’t talk to those guys anymore. I know there’s a lot at play here. Some guys feel so guilty that they were friends with a guy like this (and maybe looked the other way when some questionable stuff happened) that it’s way easier to just assume the women are lying than to deal with your own guilty feelings. I also know it’s hard to tell a friend “Hey you’re a rapist, I believe women, I will no longer be associating with you.” It’s hard to kick that guy off your team, or out of your apartment, if he’s your roommate, or un-book him from a show, or un-invite him to a party, or to firmly decide to never work with or refer him for anything again. You know what else is hard? Dealing with being raped. I’d wager that second one’s harder.  Just know that the guys that do this stuff are often masters at hiding it. They’re masters at covering it up, or downplaying it, or making it seem like it’s an isolated incident and the woman is just a jealous ex, or a jilted lover. So, which is more likely? Is it more likely that a woman hatched a plan, falsely accused a man, put her reputation on the line, was ostracized from her peer group and her community just to accuse a guy on the off off off off chance that this one accusation would ruin his life, even though that almost never happens, and then she doubled down on it and kept repeating the story, or is it more likely that you maybe didn’t know that dude as well as you thought?

Someone will ask why some women kept dating a guy, or kept in contact with a guy, after he raped her

Again, I don’t have the energy to explain the pathology of victims to you, so I’ll try and simplify it. Do you believe that Bill Cosby is a rapist? Hopefully, with over 50 accusers, your answer is yes. Do you know that a lot of those women kept in contact with Cosby after he raped them? A lot of the time, it’s the only way the brain can process a terrible thing happening to them (uh oh I guess I do have time to explain some of the pathology). Keeping in contact with an abuser can make a woman feel like she has some modicum of control. She thinks that if she can just understand why it happened, if she can change the guy’s behavior, maybe what happened to her doesn’t have to shatter her life. If you accept that there are women who stay in abusive marriages and relationships for years, you ALSO have to accept the fact that maybe that girl your buddy was dating texted him a couple times (or yes, even slept with him a couple times) after he raped her or assaulted her. It happens. Start understanding that.

I need more details/names/evidence that something happened

Okay so this is probably the most common thing I hear when stuff like this goes down. I get it. I’m a curious person. I’m a logical person, almost to a fault. I want to know every detail of everything at all times. But also, you get why a woman who has been dealing with being raped might not want to talk to every dude in the improv scene directly so he can question her at length about how she was raped, right? You know that, in most crimes, there isn’t any evidence, right? You know that even if those women DO release statements, like the Cosby victims did, they still get so so so much shit for it, and there will still be doubters, right? And finally, who decides when there is enough proof? For me, I believe women, but once a second woman comes to me with a similar complaint about a guy, I 100% freaking believe. For some, they need text/chat/email evidence. For others, they need the woman to go to the cops and get a rape kit (which won’t be tested, likely). You’re not the arbiter of what a woman has to do to come forward about her abuse. At this point, I have dealt with enough abused women to know what they sound like. You could research stories, read psychology textbooks, get certified as a counselor to learn what to listen for, and how women talk about these experiences, and then you’d know for yourself, but it’s much easier just to doubt, right?

Some guy will be worried that women will go too far, and start accusing everyone of everything (including him)

Look, if you’ve never raped or harassed or assaulted a woman and you’re worried about women in the community talking, I get it. You’re a good guy who might be a little awkward around women and you’re concerned that you unknowingly offended a woman once or flirted in a weird way and now you’ll be named online and your life will  be ruined. Let me allay those fears for you. That’s not how this works. It’s not how it happens. It’s not what women want. We want to be protected from predators and abusers. Please please please please please please trust us that we know the difference between an awkward dude and a predator. We’ve been dealing with men since we hit puberty. This is also why you need to believe us when we say a guy is bad. If someone lived in Ohio for 20 years and said to you, “Oh let me tell you this thing about Ohio,” you wouldn’t be like “Oh okay yeah but I know Ohio casually and think your take on it is wrong.” So, if a woman says “I’ve been dealing with creepy guys for 20 years, and I know this guy is creepy” you shouldn’t say “Oh no he’s just a little off kilter, you’re wrong. I know I’m not a woman and he’s never been like that to me, but your experience is wrong.” Just, trust me, we know the difference, and that means we know the difference with you, and again, if you haven’t done anything, you have nothing to worry about.

_______________________________________________________________________

If you’ve made it this far, kudos. My suspicion is you were already someone who didn’t do this stuff, and that the people who REALLY need to read it probably read the first sentence and said “Ugh Gina. She has some ulterior motive for writing this. Let me go make a passive aggressive tweet about her or make fun of her tonight with a buddy at my improv show” and then didn’t think about it again. Hopefully that’s not the case. Hopefully, the next time a guy gets accused of something (I feel like with the rate we’re going, it’ll be any day now), you take a second to read back through this and think about it, and do some research.

I’ll end by saying this: Typically, where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Where there’s two women, there are almost always more. If you want a bare minimum to take away here, it’s that if two women speak out about a guy, or had an experience with a guy involving rape, harassment, assault, etc, that should be it for you. You should believe those women. Ideally, you believe it when it’s one woman, but baby steps. Guys, it’s easy to hate Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby, but what we need you to do is speak out when it’s your friend, or your coworker, or your roommate, or your teammate. We need you to speak out against him, or, at the very least, distance yourself from him. We need you to stop saying things like “Oh yeah I know two women came forward but one is his crazy ex and the other is that other crazy woman, so...” This is why society is the way it is. It’s not going to change until everyone actively tries to change it.

[algebraicant]

SO, since nobody asked,

I’m writing this just in case I want to source and have this information all in one place,

TANACON

just watched the series (1/31/2019) -- late, I know

comments I wanted to respond to but were posted 6+ months ago, so like, old news, who cares/ maybe they’ve since learned the answer and don't need my two cents,

Q: where did the money go???

A: Shane said: veep (the company which sold the tickets) told Good Times (Michael)  that if any problems occurred, they were keeping the ticket sales (MANY problems occurred) and that Good Times would be responsible for refunding ticket sales (325,000)

Q: (moreso a wrong assumption) Tana and Good Times knew the capacity was set to 1,200! they knew they were selling 4,000 extra tickets and that those people would never get inside!! scam scam scam!

A: Short answer? No.

Long answer? Buckle your seat belts:

No. The capacity was 1,200-- number one, that’s sort of a technicality. That number is for fire safety reasons, and buildings/rooms/etc have to have a capacity (that is determined by guidelines to which idc enough about the specifics to look up rn-- maybe there's a person per square foot ratio idfk it doesn’t matter) in case of a fire emergency,, it's a preventative measure to minimize the chance of a stampede resulting in injury/death. SO, that being said, you CAN fit more people into a room then the stated capacity of the room.

Now you might be thinking: even so, not 4,000 EXTRA PEOPLE. Yes, that is definitely true.

BUT, CONs are not like, say, a ballet/play theater, or movie theaters, etc, where there is a certain number of seats and there’s one person per seat, no more (and hopefully no less), you sit, you watch, you leave. Events like CONs account for foot traffic and the constant cycling of people. 

You come in, you walk around, you see X, Y, and Z, and you leave. If the event has expensive food/drink, you may leave to get cheaper options (if the event allows you to leave and re-enter, anyway). The point is, people are coming and going throughout the day, so that allows for others to replace them.

I assume the event creator(s) of TANACON believed there would be higher turn-around than there was.

Still, that being said, 4,000 people was WAY too many extra tickets sold. There was no possible way that there would be 1,000 people coming in for 40 minutes to an hour, and then leaving to allow for the next batch of people. Even accounting for the different arrival times-- some people coming at/before the CON started, people coming closer to noon after a late start-- it's utterly impossible.

In saying that, you might think: How could someone make such a careless mistake?

Keep in mind, THIS PROBLEM HAPPENED AT VIDCON IN 2014:

“VidCon 2014 was held at the Anaheim Convention Center, and 18,000 people showed up for the sold-out get-together for those who love online video.

But getting inside to see their favorite YouTubers has some people complaining about long lines.

One woman and her family say they waited two hours, only to have security cut them off in line before she could get an autograph with her favorite online creators.

On VidCon's Facebook page they do say they cannot guarantee that everyone will have one-on-one time with their favorite creators.

Hank Green, co-creator of VidCon, says they tried to make access as fair as possible, but the demand for signings was higher than expected, with fans camping out.

"We ended up in a situation this year which we should have anticipated, but didn't, that basically we had to queue people up before the queues," said Green.”

etc etc

https://abc7.com/news/fans-wait-in-long-lines-for-hours-at-vidcon/145838/

NOTE: wiki says 12,000 people bought tickets in 2013, and the attendance was increasing every year, but there is no official count on wiki for 2014-- probably because they FUCKED UP and oversold by way too many.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/VidCon

The Anaheim Convention Center, where VIDCON was held, has a capacity of 7,000-7,500 people inside. The outside area fits 5,500 people.

Together, the convention center fits 13,000 people inside and out.

VIDCON oversold by 5,000 (18,000-13,000).

ALSO

KEEP IN MIND, that means 10,500 people were outside of the actual convention center (18,000-7,500). These 10,500 people were, instead, either in the outside area (5,500) or in the parking lot waiting to get in (5000).

NOTE: I’m not taking into account the fact that, as I previously stated, the capacity number is just an approximate, and that more people might have actually been let inside, despite the capacity limit. That is because I simply can’t calculate the number extra people that security allowed in past the capacity number (as far as I can tell, that information isn’t public knowledge, IF they even kept count). But for our purposes, even if I speculate, and allow for, maybe 1,000 extra people, that’s still 9,500 people NOT in the venue.

SO THE SAME THING HAPPENED

So, what’s the difference (if any)?

1. VIDCON was already established. VIDCON had existed since 2010 (3 successful years prior to the 2014 VIDCON)

2. VIDCON had already been held at the Anaheim Convention Center the year prior.

Is that good for VIDCON?

yes?

Because VIDCON had been established for 3 years, with 1 year at that particular venue, people, presumably, knew they’d be waiting in line for at least 30 minutes, and maybe several hours. People knew to check the weather, bring sunscreen, water, snacks, a board game, pool noodles, WHATEVER they needed while waiting. (I’m sure some people didn’t plan, but you can’t account for every stupid person in the world, otherwise, you’d work/worry yourself to death. If they didn’t bring water, they could leave, or die of dehydration at that point. Sometimes Darwinism works itself out, what can I say-- I’M KIDDING. Sort of.)

no?

Since they went from 12,000 (which presumably worked) to 18,000 in one year’s time without changing venues/ adding venues, or changing visitor passes (limiting access/time spent at the venue) they royally fucked up. If 12,000 people works for you, you don’t just add 5,000 extra people to the list. Especially knowing only 7,500 people fit inside the center, and 13,000 people fit total. If you want to push it to 13,000... fine. Don’t go 4,000 over (COUGH COUGH, TANACON 2K18).

but, yes?

Because the Green Brother’s apologized (sort of-- they did the “i’m sorry you feel that way” non-apology, apology type shit) and took responsibility and came out with public statements explaining what the issues were and set a fixed limit of people the next year, 2015, (”Next year I think is going to be significantly different in how we handle [things]”)  they were able to calm some of the ruffled feathers.

Also, because they had 3 successful years under their belt, they already had a following/ people who trusted them. They also had 3 years of success as proof that their trust was earned, so it was easier for them to say “sorry! this was a blip! a mistake! we promise it will never happen again, just remember the good times, we'll be back to that level of success next year,” and have people believe them.

NOW, compare that to TANACON

1. TANACON was suggested, then created, over the course of a few months.

This doesn’t need further explanation, right? Like, a convention that’s supposed to have food/drink/security/merch/meet-and-greets etc. and FIVE THOUSAND PEOPLE can’t be planned in a few months.

2. Expectations were set too high.

VIDCON already existed, so there was a bar in place. If TANACON wasn’t as good as (or at least close to) VIDCON standards, people were going to bitch. But, instead, it just failed completely, so...

3. Tana wanted revenge on VIDCON. TANACON was a byproduct of that.

So, wrong motives-- already a bad start. She is young, unlike the Green brothers, inexperienced, naive, impulsive, and often, in the past, not held accountable for her mistakes, so she’s got a slight god-complex? possibly? or at the very least, she’s cocky and irresponsible. But, I mean, she was 19/20 at the time, right? Who isn’t a bit cocky and irresponsible at that age (maybe not Tana-level, but still).

I honestly partly blame the ticket buyers (and their parents) for, not one moment, pausing to think: I WATCH Tana’s videos-- part of her appeal (?) is that she’s a fucking mess. That’s what her “Story Time” videos ARE. HER CONSTANTLY GETTING INTO PRECARIOUS SITUATIONS. HAVE SOME FORSIGHT PEOPLE. Also, you saw the video where the TANACON idea was conceived right? You KNEW AHEAD OF TIME this was the result of revenge. When do revenge schemes ever go to plan? Again, HAVE SOME FORESIGHT PEOPLE.

4. Tana and Michael are both early 20′s. And I mean EARLY 20′s.

Tana was 20, so even if this wasn’t made out of revenge, and she wasn’t as much of a mess as she IS, you still should be considering the PROS and CONS of relying on a child.

(For reference, I’m 22. I would never trust myself, or another person my age-- Tana 20, Michael 21-- to be able to successfully plan and execute something of this size. A fan meet-and-greet at Starbucks? MAAAYBE.)

When people go into business with young people/ people who have no experience in the field because they “believe in them” or “trusted them,” is it partly their fault? If you ASSUME that because VIDCON is an established convention that, besides 2014 when they learned their lesson, has been extremely successful, that TANACON will be? That’s your oversight. If you’re pouring your faith and money into a business just because they seem trustful, with nothing to back it up? No past experience? No proof of responsibility in the past? I’m sorry, but that’s your bad. Or worse, you don’t even consider whether it should be trusted at all? You have just always dreamed of meeting youtubers X, Y, Z, and so you jumped without actually considering the consequences, the risk vs reward? Again, that’s your fault. 

While your ticket money might eventually get refunded, you still wasted the time (missing work/school/etc) standing in a hot parking lot or a mess of a venue, as well as travel costs you’ll never get back (unless someone pays you back out of guilt-provoked charity), and, I’m sure, a bunch of other shitty experiences. HAVE SOME FORESIGHT.

The only good thing to come out of TANACON is, maybe, you’ll know not to blindly trust some teenaged stranger from the internet (and hopefully be able to apply your new-found caution to other situations as well) in the future.

Tana could have easily found the same information as I did about the VIDCON fuck up of 2k14 and

1. Pointed fingers. “IT’S NOT JUST ME, NOBODY’S PERFECT.”

2. Learned from their mistakes and not repeat them.

I’m aware that: Shoulda, coulda, woulda.

Pointing fingers probably would’ve made the situation more polarized, aka, 1/2 her viewers (the vast majority being people who did not go to TANACON and live through the disappointment) would say “she’s right. VIDCON fucked up too in the past. Sure, she fucked up, but nobody’s perfect. Accidents happen” and 1/2 her viewers (the vast majority being people who did go to TANACON and lived through the disappointment) would say “Tana’s a cunt trying to divert the attention of her huge fuck up onto VIDCON again by making excuses!”

So, the situation really wouldn’t have gotten any better as a result.

and

There’s no point in going down that rabbit hole. She didn’t do the research. She was fueled by revenge and was naive enough to believe Michael, a boy one year older than her, could handle everything simply because he said he could (spoiler: he couldn’t).

It happened. It's over. Nobody died. Nobody got seriously injured.

I feel sorry for the people who wasted their money and time at TANACON (especially those who flew from overseas).

I feel sorry for Tana because she didn’t want TANACON to be a disaster. Now she has to live with the guilt for ruining a lot of people’s day and the repercussions.

I feel sorry for Michael because he bit off more than he could chew and has to live with the repercussions of his actions.

I feel sorry for all the youtube personalities that agreed to go and the guilt of having their fans be let down.

All you can hope for is that the people learn from this disaster and not repeat it again (although, like I said, this happened at VIDCON four years prior, so who knows-- fingers crossed that, because it was such a huge controversy and people love bringing up how controversial people fucked up in the past, people will actually remember, and it’ll take more than 4 years before something like this happens again??).

#boycottthemarriott #? #stillnotsurewheretheylandedinallthis #scapegoat #?