#maybe if i've significantly improved in a few years i will try again or something. or not. it doesn't really matter

[starlit-mansion]

still figuring out if i have any tolerance for posting art or if it is exclusively an exercise in making myself sad

[c0s-lettuce]

sunrise - cal kestis x reader

gender not mentioned, set before the events of fallen order

a/n: cal might be my favourite star wars characters of all time. and i'm totally not trying to manifest him making a cameo obi-wan kenobi ;)

word count: 1044

Sleep. It's a marvellous sensation. There's nothing better than retreating for the night after a day of work. You also loved dreaming. They could take you anywhere, where anything is possible. You loved less the more bizarre dreams, such as getting chased by a Wookiee with a flaming stick. Not that you had anything against Wookiees or flaming sticks, you just prefer not to get chased by them.

The dream you were having was peaceful. It felt like a memory. And maybe it was; a long lost memory of your old life, hidden deep inside your mind. You were in a large room. It was clean and open, warm and-

"Hey!" a voice whispered sharply.

You woke up suddenly, immediately leaving behind the comfort of your dream. Groaning, you tried to make sense of your current situation and place a person to the voice that just woke you up.

"Hey, wake up. I want to show you something," the voice said again.

"Cal?" your senses came to, and you finally focused on the person in front of you. It was indeed Cal Kestis, and he had a big smile on his face.

"Yes, it's me. Get up and meet me outside."

"Now? What time is it?"

"Uhh.. early. But it's worth it, I promise."

Rolling over, you grumbled your best attempt at an agreement. Cal seemed happy with your response before leaving to wait outside. You caught a glimpse out the door and realised it was still completely dark. Cal certainly wasn't lying. It really was early.

Disgruntled by the fact that you both had work later today, you had no choice but to go out and see what the hell Cal woke you up for. Throwing on a jacket, you made your way outside. It was still dark, and moisture remained from last night's rain.

Bracca is, by all means, a mediocre planet. It's cold, damp and dark. Being a scrapper is not what you had imagined your life to be. But you imagined many people shared the same sentiment.

Once Cal saw you had walked out, he gave you no opportunity to ask questions. Instead, he immediately set off, beckoning you to follow. You sighed. 'Typical Cal', you thought.

------

The two of you have been climbing for a couple minutes now. Cal is still full of excitement while you're starting to get tired and pissed off.  

"Ok, last one," Cal says, pulling himself up on the final platform.

Cal is one of the most agile people you know. He can leap and scale walls without breaking a sweat. You... less so, especially not after a rude wakening before dawn.

You heave yourself up, "Cal, I swear if you don't stop and tell me what's going on, I'm going to-"

You don't finish your sentence. Instead, all of your attention is directed to the horizon. Cal has brought you high up, above a lot of the infrastructure. The position gives you a perfect view of possibly the most beautiful sunrise you have ever seen.

"Woah," you manage to say after a few seconds.

"Yeah, that was my first reaction too," Call tells you, "It only looks this good for a couple days every orbit."

"All the years I've been here, I never knew this place could look like this."

"I only found out last year. I wanted to show you then, but it was too late."

You look over at him, "You've been waiting for a whole orbit to show me this?"

"Yeah," Cal shrugs nonchalantly, though you notice he seems a bit embarrassed.

"Huh, no wonder you wanted to show me so badly," you smile.

You take a seat on the ground. Cal sits next to you.

You still remember the day Cal crash-landed in Bracca. It was the day that your life significantly improved.

"You know, I barely remember my life before Bracca. I know I had one. I just can't remember it," you say.

"I seem to be better off forgetting mine," Cal replies.

"I guess no one has an easy life. Not around here, at least."

"Yeah, well, we just have to make the best out of everything, right?"

"You're just about the best thing in my life right now. You and this sunrise."

"Wow, I've got competition with the sun?" Cal asks.

"It is one hell of a view," you tell him.

Cal laughs, "Well, no doubt for me, I would miss a million sunrises to be with you."

You're taken aback. Cal has never said anything like that before. You pray that the sun's light masks the pink on your face.

"Thanks, Cal. You're very charming," you smile at him.

"I try," he smiles back.

You look back at the horizon, the light getting brighter by the second. As the day begins, the colours of the sky begin to fade, leaving behind a great sense of melancholy. The one beautiful thing about this planet is already going away.

"I don't know how much longer I can stay here," you say after a while, "I know we're lucky to have work, but it just feels like I'm drowning."

"Then we'll leave," Cal tells you, "I'll save up enough credits, and we can get out of here."

"Cal, I can't ask you to do that just for my sake."

"Yes, you can. I've already been saving. And we can probably find a good ship somewhere around here. Plus, getting off this planet would probably do good for me too."

"What if something goes wrong? Or we can't find jobs?"

"We'll manage. I know we can."

You don't know how to respond. Cal sounds so sure, so hopeful.

He continues, "Besides, an adventure with you? Sounds like a dream come true."

You stare at Cal in response, wondering how you ever got so lucky to have him crash into your life. Seeming to have run out of words, you scoot closer to Cal and rest your head on his shoulder. He reciprocates by placing his arm around you.

Maybe one day, the two of you will leave. Or perhaps you'll be stuck on Bracca forever. There's no way to tell what the future will bring. But all that matters now is the present, here with Cal watching the sunrise.

➸

[aasfandoms]

Hiya, I feel like I've asked this before but I'll ask again. I'd like a bit of writing advice if that's alright with you? Just, how do you write thousands of words without making your story feel like it has too much going on or without making it super purple and wordy? Your fics always strike such a lovely balance between long and not overly detailed. I just struggle to write 1000 words without accidently writing the entire plot in one chapter, even if I try padding it out a bit, it's still too short for my taste.

This is tough to answer because honestly most of it comes with practice, which isn't always fun but is necessary. I find that I can strike a decent balance by including descriptions of the scene or items/people in it (but don't OVER describe, or describe every little thing; you want to mainly give the general vibe/description, the reader's brain will fill in details), what the characters thinks about those things, and their physical or emotional reaction to anything that sticks out.

It also helps to just... add things. Add a tiny thing that happens here and there, doesn't have to be plot relevant, just a little thing that the characters notices then moves past, or a small detail that just expands your length a little. Or something a little bigger that better reveals the characters personality or thoughts.

Here are maybe some examples that might help (featuring BkDK A/B/O);

Instead of saying something like;

"He went to the club right after work and hurried inside. After paying the entrance fee he slipped through a crowd to get to the main stage, where he waited eagerly."

Try expanding and adding some little things;

"After work Katsuki rushed home to change into something nicer than his plain civilian clothes. He chose a plain black shirt with a purple button-up over it and black pants. There was an attempt to do something with his hair, but it did not work. Oh well. He brushed his teeth, hastily wrapped his gifts, and hurried out the door. Maybe, just maybe, he sped a little too.

It was 5:45 by the time he got to the club. He left the gifts in the car and hurried inside. “Has Zuzu danced yet?” He asked the lady behind the counter who took his cash and marked his hand.

“No, but he’s up next.”

“Thanks,” he scurried inside.

It was busier than two nights ago, but that made sense. It was Friday. Every pervert in the city was rushing to the strip clubs to spend their evening getting trashed and watching sexy dancers.

Technically, he was now part of that demographic, but he chose to ignore that fact.

The bar was busy but he didn’t give two shits about getting a drink or snack anyway. Instead, he pushed his way through the crowd to get to the main stage. A pretty female Omega was finishing up her dance, so he stood back until she was done. No sense taking up space that a paying customer could occupy. Wouldn't be fair to her at all. Once her song ended and she strutted off, he pushed forward and planted himself firmly against the stage.

His heart was racing. All he could think about was seeing Izuku again."

So we've added a detour to the house to change and get ready. We added a short conversation with the lady behind the counter. We've added his thoughts/observations about the club. We added a dancing lady that created more realism and lengthened our word count.

Additionally, by mentioning the counter lady and dancing lady, we've reminded the reader that there are other people in this world that effect it (instead of hyper-focusing on our two main characters) and we've shown how our character reacted to them and thereby gave him a little more depth.

We can tell he's eager and worried about being late by the convo with the counter lady. He was polite to wait and allow the dancing lady to make more tips instead of being rude and taking a spot from someone else, showing that even though he'd very focused/eager right now he still considers others and reacts to them, rather than ignoring them.

We also didn't over-describe the club. We know it's busy, we know there's a bar, we know there's a stage. Granted, this particular bar was described a little more in a previous chapter, but the general vibe was the same; we don't need details or the layout, just the important bits.

Here is an example of showing emotion through actions, not words;

Rather than saying;

"He finally received a text back. He stopped punching the bag to check his phone. He was eager to see what it said."

Let's do this;

"The text went unanswered for a few hours. Katsuki nearly forgot about it, so lost in showing this free-standing bag who was boss. He punched it hard enough to knock it over, then used his foot to force it back up. Just as he went for another swing he heard his phone chime. He nearly tripped over his own feet hurrying over to it."

It's a little longer, has a bit more character, has a bit of humor, and we've displayed that he's so excited to receive that text that he nearly fell over to see it. I like to include small, almost silly details like that because it feels human and it tells us what kind of emotions that person is feeling without actually just stating the emotion.

Another thing I like to do is bleed the real world or certain actions with characters thoughts. Here's an example;

"Hideki was standing outside, but his attention was on the dancer. Katsuki probably could have slipped right in past him, but he opted to just lean against the wall nearby and wait. His erection had, thankfully, disappeared, and these few moments alone allowed him to ground himself a little more. Stop exuding horny pheromones, exude some neutral or pleasant ones instead, straighten his clothes, check his hair, make sure he didn’t actually have any droll on his face, look presentable goddamnit."

Katsuki is taking a moment to gather himself and make sure he looks okay and we can tell he's nervous about it by the last 3 words, in which his inner dialogue has bled into what was real-world description.

We can combine these two things as well! Example:

"His schedule was next. It was the same as usual. Patrol started at eight. Lunch from noon to one. Patrol done by five. Same shit different day-

His phone chimed and he nearly dropped his coffee in the scramble to get it out of his pocket.

“The heck? You okay?” Eijiro asked.

“Shut up,” came the venomless bite. A text. From Izuku. Exactly what he’d been hoping for. His heart hammered in his chest."

His inner thoughts were cut-off my real world events and he reacted in a mild panic. By using very short sentences we can also show that his thoughts are racing and he's anxious to see what the text says.

When it comes to writing there are a lot of little tricks you can use to both lengthen your work and make it more fun to read. These are the ones I use most. Hopefully, it was helpful, or at least readable. I'm always happy to expand on something too or offer critiques!

Don't beat yourself up about not being as good as you want to be right now either. Like I said, it takes practice. My writing style now is very different from ten years ago and significantly better, but I've written and LOT of fics since then, read a lot of fics since then, and taken in writing advice I've gotten from others. It takes time to improve but that's no reason to stress! Have fun with your writing, you created it from nothing!

[uncloseted]

i have a seriously annoying problem and i don't know what to do. so, i've been depressed for a very long time now, have done therapy twice and quit, and now i wanna seek help again because i'm really fucking scared that if i don't do anything i'll stay like this forever and not get ahead in life. and with not getting ahead in life i mean: i'm currently 18, and about a month ago i got a job, the 2nd one in my life, and i already wanna quit. the reason why this is so bad to me is, when i was 16 i got my first job and stopped after 3 months just because i'm so unmotivated. now it's 2 years later, i'm finally working again, but something is just soooo off with me. no matter how hard i try, i'm so unmotivated in everything i do. and i know that the easy answer is that it's probably that i haven't found a thing that i like doing, but i know that's not it. it's literally just working that i hate. i know that no matter what i do, i'm gonna hate doing it. and wanting to quit is especially hard for me, because i've been fucking up my life consistently, and my parents are proud that i'm working again. now like i said, i've been thinking about going to therapy again, but i also wanna quit my job, at least til i'm in a better headspace. because i honestly think that i'm gonna go insane if i do school, work, and therapy at the same time. now my question is, do you think that's the best solution? or what would you do? should i just try to suck it up and continue to work while i get better during therapy?

First and foremost, I think it sounds like you need to work on recovering from your depression.  I know that’s easier said than done, but there are a lot of things that you can try.  Talk therapy can be great for a lot of people, but it’s not the only option, and it’s really important to have a therapist you connect with in order for it to work.  It may take trying out a few different therapists (or a lot of different therapists) before you find the one for you, and that’s totally normal and okay.  It’s also important to try different types of therapy.  Maybe you’ve tried narrative therapy and that hasn’t clicked with you, but ACT or CBT therapy will.

If you haven’t already, I would also consider meeting with a psychiatrist or your primary care physician to talk about medication.  Talk therapy and medication combined works better than either one on its own.  Like with finding a therapist, it make take a few different tries before you find a medication that works for you.  Don’t be afraid to let your psychiatrist know if you’re not feeling better or if you’re having side effects.

If you’ve been through several different medications and none of them have worked, you may have what’s called “treatment-resistant depression”.  If that’s the case, there are a lot of experimental treatments you can try.  Clinical psychedelic treatments (ketamine being the most common and well-researched, but also psilocybin mushrooms, LSD, and MDMA) can make a really big difference for people who are depressed, and oftentimes are faster-acting than their traditional SSRI counterparts.  Other interventions, like ECT, TMS, and VNS, have been shown to reduce symptoms of depression as well.

Finally, and I hate to be this person because I know how frustrating it is to get this advice, but lifestyle changes can go a big way to improving mood and reducing depressive symptoms.  In one study, 90% of clinically people who exercised for 30 minutes, three times a week recovered from their depression by the ten week mark.  For comparison, only about 50% of the control group (who were taking Zoloft), were in remission by 10 weeks.  Exercise also boosts your cognitive functioning and will help you be healthier for longer as you get older.  This doesn’t need to be intense exercise, either- walking, playing a pickup game of a sport you like, riding a bike, doing yoga or pilates videos online, dancing, whatever you can get yourself to do is better than nothing.

Sleep is the other big lifestyle change that impacts depression.  Seven to eight hours of sleep a night will significantly boost your happiness and well-being.  Like with exercise, it will also boost your cognitive performance and will help you be more focused and motivated.

There are other lifestyle habits that are good to put in place, like meditating once a day, practicing gratitude, actively doing kind things for other people (such as volunteer work), ensuring that you have regular social interaction, and working towards long term goals, but if you’re looking for the biggest bang for your buck, sleep and exercise are your best bet. 

This all probably sounds like a huge tangent from your actual question, but I promise it’s not.  If you can improve your mood, you’ll feel more motivated to work and, importantly, more capable of working.  I would also try to think of work as something that’s not binary (you’re either working or you’re not).  Can you reduce the hours that you’re working so that you have more time for school and therapy sessions?  Are there aspects of your job that are easier than others that you could request to do more frequently?  Is there a job that would provide you with more flexibility or at least suck a little bit less?  Maybe not working at all isn’t an option for you right now, but you might be able to find a way to make it less difficult.

[wandabherrera]

Love Me, Want Me, Need Me!

The title should establish the pace for what we're going to talk about, so here we proceed to how about we have a good time!

Narcissism Is it just me, or has our general public become progressively, narcissistic? Up until the previous few years, I truly hadn't heard this word utilized previously. In any case, to get the ball rolling, a portion of its implications are expressed beneath from the online source, Wikipedia:

Narcissism is a term with a wide scope of implications, contingent upon whether it is utilized to depict a focal idea of psychoanalytic hypothesis, a psychological instability, a social or social issue, or basically a character characteristic. Besides in the feeling of essential narcissism or solid confidence, "narcissism" as a rule is utilized to portray some sort of issue in an individual or gathering's associations with self as well as other people. In ordinary discourse, "narcissism" frequently implies swelled affectedness, pretention, vanity, arrogance, or basic self-centeredness. Applied to a gathering of people, it is now and then used to mean elitism or an apathy to the situation of others. In brain research, the term is utilized to portray both typical self esteem and undesirable self-assimilation because of an unsettling influence in the self-appreciation.

Well, OK, that essentially summarizes everything isn't that right? That is to say, take a gander at those terms above, do you realize individuals like this? All things considered, shockingly they appear to spring up wherever you look. Nonetheless, to be reasonable here, we as a whole have a tad of narcissism in each one of us, isn't that right? That is to say, sure, most have shivered at the prospect of having our image in the paper, on the TV, put over the cinema, or our names on paper so anyone might see for themselves. It's simply common to see the value in it when somebody gives us a pat on the back, discloses to us that whatever we're doing is having an effect in the existences of others. Or on the other hand possibly we're only OK with ourselves, knowing who we really are. Indeed, it's just human instinct when something, or somebody causes us to feel much improved. In any case, when self-advancement, pomposity, and love-of-self rule somebody's character, all things considered, there lies the issue.

At the point when somebody is narcissistic, there attributes are so effectively distinguished they should drape a sign on their backs in intense, red letters saying, "Love me, need me, need me!" They stroll with a specific disposition and strut, realizing beyond any doubt that the world ought to consistently be spinning around them. Having said this, permit me to give you a portion of my perceptions from 49 years of living:

Narcissistic individuals not just profoundly love themselves, they consistently need others to feel something tolerating, tolerating nothing less. They should have that feeling or they will in general get exceptionally disturbed like little voices running inside a kindergarten jungle gym - would you be able to say, "Spoiled Hollywood Celebrity, Corrupt Politician, Greedy Corporate CEO, Cocky Sports Figure, or Fame-Obsessed Housewives of Wherever?" They urgently need your endorsement and are nauseated when they don't get it. They should feel like they're focused at the center of attention, reluctant to acknowledge even the smallest flaw or analysis from others. They love the mirror, the camera, their appearance, and their accomplishments regardless of how huge or little. Some are bizarrely noisy and ruling in discussions (both one-on-one and particularly among gatherings). Their conclusions are God-like and gospel, and not open for translation. Heaps of them are bigots, and possibly provide for others less-lucky if there's something in it for them (picture in the paper, and so on) On the off chance that somebody they know gets any sort of awards, consideration, karma, or favorable luck they either twist in a fetal ball or rapidly center their inclinations back around themselves. They essentially can't deal with sitting quiet while others succeed, on any level, and they have outrageous trouble working under an immediate control or authority. They should be the manager in light of the fact that nobody can at any point improve. Some even go as far as lying, and disparaging others trying to take their prosperity and dispirit their character so they seem prevalent. Lawmakers are aces at this, we see it ordinarily all through the wireless transmissions.

In case you're associated with any sort of relationship with a narcissistic individual (marriage, fellowship, business partner, and so on) consider how a plunk down lunch with them would go. Would the discussion be adjusted? At the end of the day, would both of you express thoughts, and remarks about one another, 50/50? Or then again would the words being verbally expressed be 99% about them? The most straightforward approach to advise is to utilize a slack in the discussion to say something, anything, about you or others in your life. Would they draw in, or circle the words toward them once more? Would they rapidly get disturbed, in any event, turning to censuring you to shoot the vibe great adrenaline back somewhere inside their veins? Is it true that they were on their PDAs messaging, in any event, talking, while at the same time looking at their watches in light of the fact that their time is significantly more significant and important than yours, at any rate, in their eyes? Is it safe to say that you were the one looking out for them for lunch, knowing through history that they were in every case late? In any event, during everyday connection, do they invest the energy to really converse with you on the telephone, or is correspondence rigorously restricted to text's and messages? Do they have outrage issues when being addressed, or requested to accomplish something they feel is underneath them? Is it true that they are fixated on looking better (heaps of plastic medical procedure, and so on), advancing their self-conceded excellence at whatever point given the opportunity? Do they persistently experience difficulty associating with others on an individual level, continually putting the fault and deficiency on the contrary party when things go off to some far away place? Is it accurate to say that they are hyper-serious, plunging towards sorrow when they lose at anything? Do they loathe dismissal of any shape, example, or structure? It is safe to say that they are difficult to if it's not too much trouble, regardless of how enthusiastically you attempt?

Getting the image here?

Narcissistic characters are executing our general public's essentials. We see it all the time on TV, the web, and in the work environment with voices yelling back attempting to cause us to feel unimportant and minor. So why have their numbers filled as of late, and where does this sort of conduct come from? Many trust it begins during youth, and the believing is (from perusing loads of brain science) that parental childhood has a huge impact. In the event that a youngster is spoiled, given all that he/she at any point requests, is rarely told "no," is overprotected, shielded, or even mishandled it can prompt a befuddled condition, subsequently, narcissism as a rule follows. A lot of this isn't simply the people shortcoming, yet how they act during adulthood is the manner in which they decide to carry on, once in a while not willing to abandon their juvenile instabilities.

I've had the favorable luck of meeting some effective individuals who positively had resumes which could uphold being a narcissist. Nonetheless, humbleness was their overwhelming characteristic. Regardless of their popularity or fortune, they generally conveyed on a level battleground with myself, as well as other people. They didn't require the recognition, or slap-on-the-back appreciation to traverse the day. Maybe, they let their work and accomplishments communicate everything, making liking them undeniably more simple and willing.

As expressed above, I think at some time, we've all been somewhat liable of being narcissistic in some capacity. In any case, deciding to be modest and unassuming is by a long shot, substantially more alluring.