#maybe both but i haven't finished it yet so i can't fully judge + my perspective is quite limited bc i haven't really read much Hard SciFi

[thematicparallel]

72% exordia update. i'm not convinced seth knows what to do with anna's character. i know there's a short story many years back (that i once tried to read when i was in the grip of baru cormorant but quickly lost interest in) so i do think seth has a set ending for her arc, at least in this book. after chapter 29, i think we're only getting back to her story ever so slowly, the one they wrote in that short, after all the fucking meandering between erik & clayton. obviously this is a multi-pov story; i get that. but this book is also deeply unfocused, like if you started reading Monster Baru Cormorant first instead of Traitor. it's definitely acquired taste & i'm still deciding if I Like It, but It's Not Good or if It's Really Good, but I Don't Like It

[synesindri]

i was tagged by @leatafandom — thank you!! it was fun both to see your answers and to think about/look up mine <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

99. some day #100 will be posted but who knows when or what that will be lolol

2. What’s your total A03 word count?

395,538

3. What fandoms do you write for?

currently none; i'm doing original stuff only lately. however i have things on ao3 written for marvel (specifically the asgardian faction), downton abbey, what we do in the shadows, and of course most recently (and also least recently...i've come full circle) supernatural

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

seize the crown (wwdits, e)

friendly favors (wwdits, e)

judges of character (downton abbey, gen)

"mr barrow has the flu" (downton abbey, t)

thomas barrow and the power of friendship (downton abbey, t)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yessss i love responding to comments!!! i appreciate them so much, and i love an opportunity to talk about my writing <3 i can understand why people might prefer not to, especially on a place like ao3 which is technically an archive, but i like the community feel of interacting with readers on there (and i love it when other authors reply to my comments so kind of a golden rule situation)

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

hm...technically the song remains the same (spn, t) has the least desirable endingbut imo passive (mcu, gen), which is entirely about grief and denial, is angstier despite "brother died" being a less dramatic problem than "stuck in eternal crushing hell isolation"

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

to me it's phantom fangs (wwdits, t), my little vampirism-as-trans-allegory project! it's a bit of a bummer at times but to me the ending is so happy <3

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

i haven't!

9. Do you write smut?

yee. although i'm never sure if i want to write smut lmao but it sure does happen a fair amount sometimes

10. Do you write crossovers?

it's not generally my thing, although i do enjoy heavy allusions. i do have at least one though!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i'm aware of (i have had art stolen though RIP)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! although i'm not sure the translation is up anymore; it was a number of years ago

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

no...i'm curious about this but i'm not sure how it would go? but anyway no, at least not yet

14. What‘s your all-time favourite ship?

formally it's samifer because i got my fandom phd in this lol but who even knows in actuality tbh

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i'm soooo haunted by the last chapter of crimsonpeaknatural aka hollow's gate (spn, e). it is my longest fic on ao3 by far and is literally one chapter from done, i just can't bring myself to write the last ~7k. it is fully outlined. i know what happens in it. i just can't write it! why

i also started a michean fic over the summer that i really like but i doubt it'll ever be finished. at least i never posted any of that though :p

16. What’s your writing strengths?

imo characterization/perspective, atmosphere, and prose versatility. maybe pacing? i've gotten comments on that a few times but it's less of a self-observed strength

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

i don't know what plots are <3 also sometimes my prose wraps around to being a little too circular for its own good so that's both a strength and a weakness of mine lol.

tbh i'm also bad at killing my darlings, especially when it comes to scenes i'm obsessed with, unless i give myself a LONG time to edit. like, on the order of months

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i'm not really a fan of this as a reader and i prefer not to do it as a writer, but also i'm not going to knock it on principle because i do understand the appeal, especially to people who are writing primarily for themselves and are comfortable in both/all the languages they're including. it can be fun sometimes to see the differences between the language the dialogue and the translation gives (if they provide one) if the language is one i'm also familiar with.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

harry potter. y'know...what can you do lol it is what it is. i wrote the kind of dramione angst you'd expect of a person like me who was 13yo at the time

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

ohhhh i don't know. i had SO much fun writing poker face (spn, e) and i think it succeeds at doing everything i wanted it to do. this isn't an objective answer but i am genuinely very happy with that one so it is my answer atm!

no-pressure tagging @artoodeeblue, @fandom-space-princess, @quietwingsinthesky, and anybody else who would like to do this!

[childoftheyellowsun]

I thought someone was gonna meet me halfway

Like when I just run hard enough

Or if I earn a rest

There'll be a shoulder for me to lean on

Even just temporarily

Just sit down love

I'm too tired and I can't keep going

I think it was my fault to begin with

Cause love why aren't you enough

I kept judging those who refused to take a step without company

Thinking oh you're not ready yet

You're so young

You lack wisdom

You don't know what you want

You're not whole yet

There's so much to see

There's so much to feel

Wait

There's so much love

I thought I was setting on massive ruins

I was like okay I need to take a breath and work on that

I'm a walking fire

I'm burning all the time

I need to love myself enough for both of us first

I need to build a home

Not a human being

This will come in time

Just give yourself love

Ironically all the damage that needed fixing was always somebody else's wreck

That was the fault in my garden

I let in the hungry

The terrified

The lonely

The ignorant

The landlord of the boat at the end of the raging sea

All my flowers died

I still have love

I'm tired of not having it in me to tear down the walls and change home every few weeks

I thought I didn't mind if it took a lifetime for me to find out what is it that is going to finally make me feel home and pretty and loved and happy and free

I feel so ashamed to say it out loud but I'm angry at how lonely it is getting here

Everyone has got someone

Maybe a little longer love, you need to grow bigger

They asked me what I want when I get 50

I said I want a big house with a garden that gets the sun all in

I said I wanted a big table with food

I said I want to let in

The hungry

The terrified

The lonely

The ignorant

And the landlord of the boat at the end of the raging sea

I said I wanted the whole world around my table

But I know it didn't really matter if I had the whole world around my table

I'm still feeling lonely

This isn't home

I still need love

I'm taking a break now in the middle of the dessert

I just sat down and I'm thirsty and I'm tired and I haven't slept in days

I have seen what could make a grown man weep at the knees and I'm still going

And going hard

I just never knew what it was all for

What's the universe trying to tell me here?

Maybe someday I could find out why

But now I need love

I would not be ashamed to tell you now the wiser I get the fully I comprehend that I am not holy and that I'm

Hungry

And terrified

And lonely

And ignorant

And I think I still deserve love

Those from my high school classroom believed that from the first day and this is why I got it wrong

I'm still grateful though

I got to see me

Alone and hungry and terrified and lonely and ignorant

Through the whole journey

And make it out most wonderfully

I stand my ground, but

It wouldn't make me love you any less knowing that I know how to get by..

I'm just so confused now

I didn't think of what if there's no one standing here halfway

Did I come all this way for them or for me

Excuse me

What's even after the halfway?

Do people make it to the after

To the finish line?

To the man who's the landlord of the boat at the end of the raging sea

I never wanted to become like him

Cause too much beauty without love is just a waste of time

I knew him

Cause I was his last hope of making it out alive

Now he's so ugly and dead inside

All he ever wanted was love

Now I'm so scared

It was all for nothing

And no, I wasn't waiting to be honored

I just wanted to be loved

I tried so hard to become the things I wanted to have

So I became love

I sit empty in my garden

I gave all my flowers away

Is that a garden worthy of love

Anymore?

Where is my love?

[i-am-creacheur]

Im gay and can't decide so I'm going to do my favorite one from each album

TDaTD: "By My Cur". This song is meant to be inspired by Joel's dog army, and also ties into the the whole dog theme. Also the definition of cur is "an aggressive dog, or one that is in bad condition" which he is very much.

SpySorc: a tie between "Run Away with Me?" and "Wailing Wizard". The first one is about Martyn promising to go with Jimmy if he gives back the stolen life, and the second one is- well- also just Joel. Maybe a hint of Scar as well.

TW: Honestly is gotta be "Secluded Scarlet". It's about Scarlet Pearl, but less of her violent side, more into the emotions of her abandoment. "Moon Eclipsing" is (most likely in lyrical) about a girl trying to kill the man who cheated and abandoned her, only for him to kill himself, breaking her heart. It leans more into the rage, while "Secluded Scarlet" would be like a little song she sings to Tilly while crying before she goes fully crazy. I honestly love both of them equally

NaB: ONE HUNDRED PERCENT "The Judged, The Juror, The Executed". I really like this album more than the others- "Grow Lights" (a tally hall esque song where they put on the characters of three guys growing drug plants in their basement) and "Sleeping Eyes Open" (refrence to Grian's afk) are really good, and I LOVE the idea of "Worthless, Useless" being a solo vocal peice by Jimmy that's basically him dealing with his final death (because his reaction in video makes me want to cry). But all of these are shadowed by the beauty of "The Judged, The Juror, The Executed". It's named after Jimmy's beloved frog, and I haven't decided what it would be about yet, but you bet it's gonna be a banger.

SF: NEVER TO FALL AGAIN!!!!!!! Okay so I decided it would be really fun to have a song in each album that's specifically about Jimmy's final death- the lyrics aren't all about him, definitely, there's a lot of "Oh Hello" type bs in there (I love the Oh Helloes. Misinterpreting biblical stories my beloved), and so that's what the fall series is. I imagine this song to be almost transcendental... it's quiet and gentle, carrying you along in familiarty, but it intensifies, the lyrics changing from mythological and religious refrences to deep, emotional, heartfelt experiences Jimmy has had. It's an amazing vocal performance, and the song ends with the namesake "Scream" or "Death Cry"- a long, held out note, incredibly high, almost like the song of a bird. He petforms a few similar ones earlier on in the song, just a bit lower. The name is also a refrence to his death by the Wardens shriek. Overall the idea of this song has haunted me for so long. I have multiple songs I can scrape together that have the vibe I want this one to get across/imagine it top have... also the eggshell song is inspired by grians stupid little egg base. It was originally titled "this one kid dropped an egg on my head from the top of the stairwell in middle school and I never forgave him"

Foolish: honestly I'm not sure. I mostly slapped them together... probably "Arachnaphobia" because it was one inspired by the one comment made about bigb being on the ceiling like a spider. Its niche and I like it

OitW: I don't even know. Wild Life is my favorite season and it shows. It might have to be "Hunger Lust" because it's such a weird phrase. It inspired by both that really weird interaction they had (but I made another song just about them threatening to cannibalize each other/implicitly talking about sexual favors) but is mostly the weird food episode. I wanted a song for each wild card, and fortunely Oli made that a lot easier!!!!

Singles: I don't think I can answer this one. I might have to say "Pull String" because of the little in universe lore I came up for it (it was going to part of a esmp2 themed EP, but Jimmy felt incredibly uncomfortable with the turns it was taking. He only told the other two bad boys once the test vocals were recorded, and the other two finished songs were released as singles, while "Pull String" was released as a demo (Jimmy okayed it because he was pretty proud of his vocal performance)). But also I came up with a lyric for "Man and his Devils" as follows : You make think you are a god, but that just means you lack a heart. I like that pair of songs, they are what I named my big playlist after <3

And yeah that's it! I forgot to mention that Jimmy is the vocalist and backup guitarist, Grian is the guitarist (occasional vocal support), and Joel is the drummer and backup vocals. In universe there's an entire tour they do where it's mostly Jimmy and Joel dueting (Grian would but he's also Ariana Griande and so can't really sing that much lest someone finds out), and they get Skizz and Impulse on to cover the drums! That's all for now whoops

kinda bored and feeling better so here's my full discography for the bad boys band au I have mentioned to basically nobody.

Each of the albums ties to a life series season. You can ask me about any of these titles and I bet I can give you the background info!

[saranghanuuu]

PERKS OF DATING A YOUNGER GUY I LEARNED AFTER WATCHING CHINESE DRAMA FIND YOURSELF + REVIEW!

1. He has less baggage

This means that he has more time to attend to your needs and wants unlike an older guy with a demanding schedule and lots of responsibilities at hand.

2. He's more open-minded and adventurous

They are open to having new experiences and won't judge you for veering off the path you should stay on.

3. He's infectiously energetic *ehem*

Need I say more? A younger guy's youthful sense will surely find unimaginable ways to impress you!

4. He puts you on a pedestal

A younger man will appreciate your maturity and experiences and will admire you for it. They're also most likely take advice from you without letting it bruise their ego.

5. He'll make you feel young

Be prepared to relive the fun parts of your younger years with him.

It's not so wrong to say that the May-December relationship is taboo, especially among Asians. Most people I know had this inkling that when a younger guy hooks up with a woman way older than him, it could prolly mean one of two things — the guy's a paramour or she's a sugar momma. I'm honestly not a fan of it either on the premise that women mature faster than men. Let's be real, an immature relationship is a disaster. But now that I'm in my late 20s, and a hopeless romantic single at that, I kinda pondered over this. It suddenly occurred to me, what if one day I’m caught up in the position of being pursued by a younger man? Will I let the stigma affect me emotionally? Or will I take the risk ‘coz all is fair in love? I still don’t have a definite answer to this question. However, watching Find Yourself served as an eye-opener for me to look at things from a different perspective.

Find Yourself is a 2020 Chinese drama starring Song Wei Long and Victoria Song. It tells the story of a 32-year old Executive Director who never *even once* experienced dating. Given her age and career stability, she receives constant pressure from the people around her to find someone to marry and has since frequented blind dates arranged by her family, friends, or colleagues. But this girl is just someone who swears by the "spark" - no spark, then no point to the relationship. She may be old for fantasizing over first love and such, but she still yearns that it'll naturally come to find her someday. Until her thirst for real romance is quenched by a 22-year-old guy who started working as an intern in her company at his brother’s request.

Although hesitant at first due to their huge age difference and the societal views, she went out with him on the condition that they'll keep it a secret for the first 3 months. If everything went well, she agrees to publicize her relationship with him.

Let’s start off with the good things...

I just can't with this drama...! This so beautiful, cute, relatable - especially for a woman in late 20s like me. 

Plot-wise, it was well-imparted and makes perfect sense, touching a looooooot of relationship aspects in 41 episodes. Not only did I enjoy the happenings between our main couple, but our side couples' stories are very interesting too.

This drama pretty much straightened out my prejudice about age-gap relationships.

Light-hearted, just the way I like it! Every episode will make you smile and/or laugh hard.

Sexual tensions overload and superb kissing scenes! Let those hormones rush in. Not awkward to watch 'coz They. Did. Not. Hold. Back. Ack! If you're single, be prepared to feel MORE SINGLE watching this drama.

Well-written lines that will make you feel real emotions. The words will shoot you straight to the heart.

Acting-wise, the casts, from the mains down to the sides, did a super fine job in conveying the sentiments of their characters. My highest admiration goes to male lead Yuan Song, not (only) because he’s young, hot, and handsome, but because his youthful vibe made me reminisce the paradox of my early 20s awww. Anyways, in the beginning, I am sort of confused why (of all girls) he fell head over heels with our female lead He Fanxing who's obviously out of his league. I even suspected him of taking advantage of her naivety in matters of the heart. But as the drama went along, our dude proved himself genuine... That he's sincerely just a guy who's deeply in love with a woman... That indeed, true love can exist in this kind of relationship. Both Yuan Song and Fanxing emotionally benefited from each other and it's so lovely seeing that.

⚠️ AND SORRY BUT THIS IS A SPOILER ALERT⚠️

Halfway through the drama, our main couple called it quits. I'm somewhat grateful that it happened. Their break-up scene is just so powerful I had to rewind it many times. Not because I liked seeing them suffer from the consequences of their incompatibility. Rather, I loved it 'coz it became the turning point of their relationship.

Their love is premature, to begin with — trust isn't mutual, commitment is one-way, only showing each other's good sides in fear of the relationship turning sour, one is willing to compromise while the other wants to avoid responsibility, filled with doubts and insecurities. During this break-up phase, we were shown the difference between how kids and adults behave and decide in a dilemma. I suddenly remembered this one line delivered in the drama which I agree with — "Only kids would choose one or the other. Adults find solutions". The break-up also served as our main couple's period of contemplation about who and what they want in life. It taught them how to fully embrace their offbeat romance against the norms. Fortunately, things wrapped up into a sweet end.

And of course the bad...

Hmmm... Maybe I'm just not used to it but am I the only one who thinks that this drama is quite lengthy? Yes, I enjoyed it but it's not a good one to binge-watch. It took me almost a month to finish this I nearly drowned haha. Honestly, there were parts they could've just compressed instead of dragging it for too long. One example is Ye Luming and He Fanxing's relationship trial. Ooohhh I hate this part it brought shivers down my spine ugh. Well truth be told, Luming and Fanxing are compatible and better off as friends. They jive so well, and I give it to them that they're both adults who can only understand adult things.

But when Luming all of a sudden became a sneaky character to an intolerable point... Ah, I don't know anymore! Seeing how compelled Fanxing is to being Luming's girlfriend got under my skin. Although these ugly parts eventually became a good contributory factor to Fanxing's realization of her true feelings towards Yuan Song, but still...! I also hated Fanxing at one point for being so gullible in love. But yeah, I had to swallow it because that's her character setup in the first place. It should be expected of her to be hasty and dubious about it.

On the other hand, I wished they've been generous in showing us more about how Yuan Song and Fanxing's relationship is going after the public reveal. I've been waiting for this the entire time (they could've done so much more in 41 episodes' length!) so I'm quite disappointed.

After watching the second season of Well-Intended Love, I admit I lost interest in Chinese dramas. So watching this restored my faith in them. I even have a list of C-dramas lined up now! But I have to move on from this one first before I start another. It's not as easy as I thought ㅠㅠ

What do you think about this drama? Are we on the same frequency? ❤️

If you haven't watched this yet, watch it now. As in 지금부터 RIGHT NOW. Highly-recommended!