#maybe I'll cheat and count it towards my daily word count

[ace-sweater]

Being (gray)asexual is like... Mining for diamonds

Everyone has a diamond mine. When you're young, life tells you that one day you'll find a diamond in the mine. You'll carefully mine it out of the rock wall and bring it out in the open for everyone to see. That sounds fine, you think, you're not really against this diamond system and having a diamond sounds nice, conceptually.

You're getting to the age where your classmates are starting to talk about their diamonds, now appearing in their mines. Some have even taken them out to show others. You haven't really seen any diamonds yourself yet though.

"It's fine," the adults in your life tell you. "Young people are pretty bad at mining diamonds. The diamonds they mine won't last. You're better off waiting."

It's college. Your walls are still pretty barren. You think you see something glimmer on the ceiling. A diamond! It's pretty far out of reach though. You'll have to completely upend your life to get even a chance of mining it. Nah, you're not that desperate. You don't pay that diamond much attention.

You're an adult now, with a job. Over the years you see a few more diamonds in places you can't reach. One's tucked away in a crevice called "wrong sexuality." Another's on the ceiling again, already married. Damn, how unlucky are you? All your friends have brought diamonds out of the mine at this point.

...You start thinking about that, actually. Not only have all of your friends found diamonds, many have found multiple diamonds. They bring them out of their mine, keep them for a while, then discard them. Bad fit, they said. And then they go back into the mine, and several weeks or months later they have a new diamond.

Shit, how are these people finding diamonds so quickly? You've been at this for years and you've never even been a place to start mining one.

You're in your late twenties now, far too late for that "late bloomer" excuse. If you want to find a diamond, you're going to need to work for it. No more passively walking through the mine waiting for one to pop up right in front of you.

You start exploring places you wouldn't have gone to. You inspect as many rocks as possible. You think you see some glimmer!? Nah, it's just a smooth rock.

People tell you that sometimes you need to visit rocks multiple times before you can be sure if they're diamonds, so you do that. Nope, still rocks. You ask your family how many visits it takes to know for sure if its a rock or a diamond. "As many you want!" I want zero just give me a damn number to follow.

You're getting frustrated and you're starting to think there's something wrong with your mine. You voice your concerns to your friends, but they just tell you that it takes time. Diamonds are rare after all. You're not so sure. We can only see into our own mine, and you assumed everyone's looks like yours.

You start to ask people how many diamonds are in their mines. People freeze, act like you just spoke in the demon's tongue. You learn pretty quickly that apparently this is not a proper question to ask. Or worse, most people don't even understand the question. Why is it so hard?

Eventually you learn that when people are in a committed relationship, it's taboo to talk about diamonds. I don't have diamonds, my wife is my only diamond! For fuck's sake I'm not asking you to mine more diamonds, just tell me how many there are. You're not expecting me to believe that as soon as you put on a wedding ring all the diamonds turn off like a switch.

Your friend offers to help you with your diamond-finder app. (You hate the damn thing, but at least using it guarantees you won't find your next diamond on the ceiling again.) She flips through a few profiles and freaks out. "Look at THAT diamond!" Dear that's a rock. It's shaped like a diamond, cut like a diamond, but it doesn't sparkle like a diamond.

Your friends are starting to return the favor of asking dumb questions. "What kind of diamond are you looking for?" I'm looking for a fucking diamond. Your mom and sister say they didn't think their husbands were diamonds at first. In front of the husbands. Oops, backpedal. You're not letting them off the hook so easily. So when was it fam? How long did it take for them to become diamonds? (Still would like a concrete number for that.) Sorry, taboo question. We don't talk about the diamond mines.

At this point you admit it. You're that identity with the barren diamond mines. You connect with other people and at least we can all agree and vent on our problems. But you've never been the type of person who feels a lot better knowing other people are suffering with you.

You start to think maybe smooth rocks are the best you're going to get. You start to doubt yourself that those diamonds in your past were even diamonds. Some of the other people in the community seem happy with their smooth rocks. But it kills you inside to think about having to treat a rock as if it was a diamond. Besides, who wants to be with someone who think's they're a rock? Everyone thinks they're diamonds.

You start to wonder if you even need a diamond. Honestly? You don't. You'd be totally fine going the rest of your life diamondless. But there are advantages to having a diamond. Help you raise a family, shared income, less lonely. And you're not giving up just because it's hard.

You alternate going back and forth between being frustrated that your active searching brings only rocks, and being frustrated that you're not doing enough to search for diamonds. And you're not even on step 1, you're on step 0. What are the chances that your first diamond will even work out? So many people toss their first diamond. And their second, and their third. And those are just the diamonds you know about, not the diamonds they couldn't mine due to being in unreachable places.

Then one day it hits you. You're slogging through the mine, not even trying, and you turn a corner and bam! Right in front of you, eye level, is an absolutely brilliant diamond. It's beautiful, everything your friends and family and society promised it would be. It sparkles and gleams and makes you happy just looking at it. You're reminded that diamonds aren't just shiny rocks. You're smiling, you want to be close to it, your brain stops working around it. This is what it means to be a diamond.

You get your mining gear. DON'T. FUCK. THIS. UP. You got one shot. Your friends are rooting for you but they don't understand. This is the first time in thirty years of your life that you've been in this situation. Failure could mean another thirty before this comes around again. Er, fifteen, you'll cut off the years you were a kid.

Finally, you ask it.

"No."

You're a good person. You know what "No" means. You've said no to countless other miners over the past few years. You back off. The diamond is in a spot where you constantly pass by it for non-mining related purposes, though.

You know you need to start searching the mines again. Who knows? Maybe you'll get super extra lucky and another diamond will be right around the next corner? But it's unbearable thinking about all the fruitless effort. And there's a diamond right. there. It said no but... Maybe after some time, it'll say yes? Maybe the person who already laid claim to the diamond will discard it. Happens all the time. You're a good person but absolutely shameless enough to grab that rebound.

So you wait. And wait. And you know you can search the mines at the same time as waiting on this diamond. You know that but...

It's been a year. Give it up. Your family consoles you. Says there's plenty of fish in the ocean, plenty of diamonds in the mine. Back to square one.

No, back to square zero.

[lovesgonnabe]

Love Is Worth It Episode V - We Got The Pandemic Blues Under a New York City Skyline

Characters: Chris Evans x Maya Alonso-Evans (Black OFC)

Warnings: straight fluff, cursing, implied smut.

Word Count: 3485

Summary: What happens in NYC stays in NYC!

AN: The NYC Skyline prompt is by @iguessweallcrazyithinktho thank you so much for letting me use your theme I hope I did it justice. If you haven't read any of her stuff what are you doing get on it!

Disclaimer: There’s only slight edits so there may be errors. Also if you haven’t noticed this series will have many time jumps and things referenced here may make more sense later on in the series when new episodes come out so please bear with me.

Taglist: @thesecretlifeofdaydreamss, @canadian-girl87, @i-just-like-fanfics, @omg-mymelaninisbeautiful​ if you would like to join the taglist message me.

Please leave a note and tell me what you think!

June 13th, 2020

Being with Chris had its many perks but not working was definitely one Maya never wanted to take advantage of.

When Chris first brought it up when they got engaged she looked at him like he had two heads and said “I worked to hard put myself through school to get these expensive ass letters behind my name to just stay my ass at home” and that was the last time they had that conversation.

But fast forward to 2020 If you told Maya that she would have to close both of her dermatology offices in the middle of award season a few months ago she would have laughed at you.

She just couldn’t see herself not working because she loved what she does, but with both New York and Boston putting in place stay at home orders there’s nothing she could do.

It didn't help that it was only Maya in Boston dealing with work and all that entails, Delilah's up in the air school situation, and a whole hoax of things while Chris was in L A being as supportive of a husband and father as he could be on the other side of the country.

At least Dodger was being pretty normal.

Thanks to Chris's family for being so helpful where they could because for a minute Maya felt like she was beginning to drown.

This saga starts with the beginning of the pandemic.

January was chill there were whispers that there was a deadly pandemic on the horizon but no one took it seriously.

February Chris had left at the beginning of the month to LA to promote his new show Defending Jacob and it wasn't like anything out of the ordinary the couple worked, and called each other daily.

Chris told her he'd have to be there through March but would be home in time for Maya's birthday in April.

Her lawsuit against Boston PD was settled out of court for an undisclosed amount that was donated to charity and trust me that lawsuit cost them a pretty penny because Chris was threatening to go to the press and Boston PD did not need anymore negative press.

After finding out that the older officer already had many reports against him for abuse of power he was "let go" by Boston PD and the other officer was demoted to desk duty and sent Maya an apology letter for his actions

She thinks he only did it because her husband is Chris Evans but she tries not to be a cynic.

In mid March with her offices were forced to close and the lives of her twenty employees were in her hands, but sin there was no money coming in she had to regrettably furlough all of them until she could open back up.

This news could come at a worse time because Lilah's school was trying to transition them to online learning for the rest of the year.

So Maya now had to also be her home school teacher for the last 2 months before summer vacation .

Maya does feel blessed because she was still able to teach some derm online classes through NYU, and her family was healthy but Chris still wasn't home.

Because of travel restrictions in LA on April 1st Maya found out that the earliest Chris could be home was in possibly July or Mid June if they are lucky because he need to start filming for Grey Man that was set in Boston.

Then rumors started to swirl that Chris could be cheating on Maya but

She doesn't play that and isn't a dummy

Chris isn't stupid and

He's been in their home in LA quarenting with his brother Scott the whole time so if some foul shit did happen she would be the first one to know and on the first jet smoking to beat some ass.

But hey when it rains it pours.

In interviews Chris would say he was "quartining with his family at home in Boston."

They would try to make the spaces look just like Chris and Maya's homebase in Boston even going as far as strategically moving photos of them in the background to make it look like his office at home.

And it actually work most people thought Chris was in Boston anyways and it was all gossip the others thought he went back home to clean up this mess.

But nope Chris was not in Boston he was 2,764 miles away and this time it all just felt different and he hated not being able to be there with them during this crazy uncertain time and Maya just needed a vacation.

In April Maya and Delilah just had dinner at the house for her birthday they facetimed Chris and once Liliah had gone to bed Chris and Maya had sexytime over the phone.

The rest of the month Maya just went with the flow and did the same through June.

Now we are all caught up and in the present day.

It's Chris's 39th birthday but he was still in LA.

Maya stayed up to call him at midnight in LA because that was their tradition but now it was about 12pm and Chris has not picked up any of her phone calls Maya was annoyed.

Maya and Delilah sat in the Den as Maya was detangling Delilah's freshly washed hair getting ready to put her curly hair into braids as Mulan played on the tv in front of them.

"Mommy can I call dad it's his birthday and I haven't got to talk to him today. Lilah says playing with Maya's phone.

"Go ahead sweetheart maybe you'll have better luck them me." said Maya as she sectioned Lilah's hair.

As the facetime ringtone went Dodger who was laying in his dog bed next to Lilah began to bark and then he ran for the front door Maya looked that way but didn't see anything since the alarm didn't go off either which she found strange.

She shrugged it off only for a second until she heard a bag hit the ground as she quickly stood up the only thought in her head was to protect Delilah helping her to hide under the couch.

As the person entered their den Dodger continued to bark and she grabbed a pair hair scissors about to attack the intruder until she saw his face and exhaled the breath she didn't even know she was holding.

"CHRIS you scared the shit out of me" she said before he could say anything.

He laughed "Baby I didn't mean to scare you" Chris said

Lilah screamed and crawled from under the couch.

"daddy, daddy, daddy I missed you and Happy Birthday." Lilah said running into Chris's arm.

"I missed you to babycakes you been taking care of mommy for me" Chris said holding Lilah and walking towards a still shocked Maya.

He kissed Maya's forehead trying to pull her into a hug but she rolled her eyes and pushed his hand away.

"Chris i thought you weren't coming home till July" Maya asked

Chris shrugged "plans change now are you gonna come and give daddy a kiss you what"

He said flopping on the couch with Lilah on his lap.

Mays sucked her teeth peeked his lips and told Lilah to come so she could finish her hair.

Her saltiness cause Chris to laugh as Lilah moved over to her mom.

They were sitting on the same couch so Chris bent over and began to whisper in her ear. "Stop acting like that baby I wanted to surprise you"

Maya gave minimal response and Chris didn't like that so then he brought heat.

When he walked Maya had on a beige short set the top was fairly tin and the shorts barely covered her ass, he could see her nipples stand at attention on her delicious breast when walked.

It's been 3 months since he's had sex with his wife and boy can he feel it. He gave her tigh a firm squeeze now pecking her spot behind her ear forcing Maya to stop mid greasing Lilah's scalp to take a deep breath.

"if you stop acting up tonight I'll do that thing with my tongue that you like if not daddy won't be letting you cum at all tonight.

Chris said moving his body back to his original position smirking at his shooken up wife whose attitude did a 180 quick, fast and in a hurry.

Chris was no home and with his girls and he couldn’t be any happier.

After braiding Delilah's hair Maya went and they dropped her off at Chris’s moms which was a fight in itself because she wanted to stay with her daddy but Maya had other plans.

The original plan was to take Chris out of the country for his birthday but plans change.

Before Chris showed up today Maya had nothing planned for Chris's birthday because he was not suppose to be home they were just going to the same thing they did for her birthday.

On there way back home my had an idea with there hands intertwined Maya began to speak.

“So birthday boy what do you want to do for your birthday” Maya asked

“You know I don’t care as long as I’m with you my love” Chris said kissing her hand.

Maya giggled “Well we’ve dropped Dede at your moms and Scott said he could take Dodger”

She states looking at the puppy through the rear view mirror as Chris began to rub is thumb over her knuckles.

“It seems you already have a plan for us babe” he smirks

“I know you are just getting home but how about we drop Dodger off and I was thinking maybe drive to New York, I need to get out of Boston and have a bit of a staycation”. She said.

Chris chuckled and looked at Maya as the stopped at the red light.

“Wherever you lead I’ll follow. He said

“You are so corny old man” Maya laughed as she leaned over and peek his sweet lips.

They continued their drive to Scotts and talked enjoying eachothers company for the first time in a while, they were so wrapped up in each other that Dodger had to bark to remind Chris he was about to pass Scoots house .

Maya laughed at the puppy then pet him telling him how good of a dog he is.

“Alright birthday boy Scott has Dodger now let's switch its my turn to drive you around” She said.

They headed home to pick up a few things and then The Evans were off and headed for there trip.

After the 3 and 1/2 hour drive they got to New York and the barren streets shocked them.

They are staying in there penthouse apartment on the upper east side that over looks Central Park and New York's famous skyline.

Before settling in Maya decided to get groceries once she got back Jazz played softly in her ears as the punchy aroma of the candle Slow Burn hit her nose.

“Hey Chris I'm back” she called out to him.

She was met without a response just the smooth stylings of Frank Sinatra.

Maya put the groceries in the kitchen and headed to their master bedroom.

Kicking her shoes off and following the rose petals into the bathroom that revealed Chris who sat in all his glory in the pink tinted bathtub.

Apparently he did not hear her as his eyes stayed closed and his arms outstretched.

And all Maya could do was admire the greek god that was her husband.

His long wingspan encompassed the entire back of the tub as his strong biceps would flex ever deep breath he took. And don't to get Maya started on those baby blues which were one of the only things Lilah did not get from Chris. Those same blue eyes were now looking straight at her.

“I was hoping you’d be back soon” he said

Raising his head to look at his goddess of a wife smirking at him.

“So I’m guessing you would like me to join you?” She asked

Maya teased him as she began to slowly remove her clothes.

“Hey aren’t I the birthday boy that shouldn’t even be a question Maya so you better bring your sexy ass in here” Chris said to her as his arms still laid on the back of the tub looking like a king”

Maya stepped in with Chris’s help the warm water encapsulating her body as she sinks down.

She sighs in satisfaction when her body is finally completely in the water as she lays into Chris’s embrace.

They just sit there and enjoy each other company, washing the dirt off of each other from the day, and stealing kisses from one another.

Maya and Chris were that couple you loved to hate they didn’t show off their love that much with Chris’s anxiety and Maya’s destain for public scrutiny because she’s black woman with a man of Chris stature, PDA was mostly off the table. However behind closed doors they are the cutest most intimate couple you’d ever meet.

Once she was clean from her road dirt Maya left the water first placing a kiss on Chris’s lips as she headed to start dinner and Chris laid back and continued to relax.

Once Chris finally got out the bath he found Maya in the kitchen halfway finished with dinner.

“Jesus babe it smells fantastic in here and I see you changed the music” Chris said

He was now fully dressed in a blue t-shit in matching joggers, his hair damp from the bath as Lauryn Hill's rendition of Can't Take My Eyes off of You played in the background.

She chuckled “only the best for you my king”

"Mhm I like the sound of that" He said as he went in the fridge and grabbed a bottle of white wine and poured them both a glass.

She was at the counter cutting up veggies.

“Ok so how long do I have wait before I can devour all this?” he asked placing the glass in front of Maya.

They took their first cheers of the night tapping the glasses together.

Maya took a sip and moan at the taste of the wine.

“Soon Chris don’t stress it babe you will be fed very soon” she said.

Her hips began to sway to the music as she hummed along.

At long last, love has arrived, and I thank God I'm alive

Chris walked up behind her wrapping her arms around waist swaying with her body and catching the rhythm.

You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off you

Moving her hair to her left shoulder Chris begins to kiss her neck.

"Remember when we first bought this place." Chris asked

"Yes you didn't want to you said my place in Brooklyn was enough for us" Maya said putting the knife down and melted into Chris's strong arms.

"Mmm but you did an excellent job at convincing me why we need this place, 3 bedrooms right in the Heart of the city just for times likes these when want to get away." Chris said with his arms still wrapped around her.

She laughed "I thought it was because you fucked me against the balcony on our terrace is why you said yes"

He smirked at the memory "well that to"

Chris sucked on her neck and moved his down her satin dress but the timer on the pot decided to be a cock block and go off before he could make a move.

He groaned and Maya laughed directed him to get ready to eat.

Just as the food was finishing up Chris set the dining table for two, taking the rest of the flowers from his bath laying them out between the kitchen and there Terrence where they were having dinner overlooking the city.

It was a beautiful night. There was a soft breeze and the city was a glow quieter that usual but still a sight to behold.

Maya brought out the food as Chris poured them another glass, they both sat prayed then rose their glasses to cheers again.

During dinner Chris made some corny jokes that always seemed to put Maya in a better mood as Maya would slyly rub her foot up Chris’s pant leg.

Next came dessert still out on the terrace they shared a slice of cake (more like Maya fed Chris cake) which is how she ended up in his lap enjoying the very expensive yet immaculate view they had from their home.

He rubbed her thigh as he kisses her shoulder just thinking of the fastest way to get Maya out of her dress.

"god you are beautiful" Chris said

His hand now playing with the trim of her panties under her strappy white satin dress.

"Oh no birthday boy you not fucking me out here tonight you gotta come inside for your last present" Maya said.

Chris groaned Maya got up seductively waking back inside her curves just begging him to follow her

“This woman Is going to be the death of me” Chris thought as he came back inside and closed the door that lead to the terrace.

Maya handed Chris his third and final glass of wine of the night.

He raised an eyebrow "Are you trying to get me drunk Mrs. Evans so you can have your way with me?" he asked.

Taking a sip from his glass he smacked Maya the ass and watched it move as she walked towards their living room.

She laughed "I wouldn't have to get you drunk to have my way with you Mr. Evans"

Their living room had floor to ceiling windows that overlook Chris's second favorite city, and that's where Maya stood wine glass in hand looking all the people that looked like ants. But all Chris could think about was how this woman fell for him.

She watched the scenery and he watched her but when that signature trumpet blew he remembered that the music was still playing and so did she.

Maya turned around to see Chris was watching her one hand in his pocket and the other still holding his wine, she made a face at him.

"What are you looking at me like that Chris, you ok?” she asked hand on her hip taking another drink from her glass.

The moon shined off her skin like she was in the sun, her white dress reminding him of their wedding day the way it hugged her figure.

Still speechless Chris walked up to her placing both of their glasses on the coffee table, he brushed her hair behind her ear and she moans nuzzling her head in his touch.

"Baby I am absolutely perfect because I am here with you" he says.

Chris softly pulls her by the waist bringing her flush against her body as raspy voice of Louis Armstrong in Le Vie En Rose brought butterfly’s to Maya’s stomach because this was their song.

His hands lay softly on her waist as her arms lay around his shoulder as they dancer slowly around there living room.

Hold me close and hold me fast, The magic spell you cast, this is la vie en rose.

His cologne sent waves of pleasure and warmth through her body, when Maya laid her head on his chest not wanting to let him go. As their heartbeat became in sync the moonlight casted their sillones on the ground.

They were two lovers who were lost in eachother hoping to never get out and wanting to hide from the world it felt new but familiar.

Once the song ended Chris kissed her so deep and and passionately Maya thought she was gonna cum then and there.

Chris's hands moved from their previously respectable position making circle on her hips to the bottom of her ass telling Maya to jump causing Maya wrap her chocolate legs around his waist.

As Chris walked he kept repeating how much he missed Maya so much while he was in LA.

They couldn’t even make it back to their bedroom for their first round of many.

And Maya was a goner as Chris made love to her all night in every corner of their apartment as the city watched as the couple were engulfed with each other.

But there was a little voice in the back of Maya's head "Well damn how are we going to top 40 next year" it asked.

The preoccupied side of her brain shooed hat thought away so she could just enjoy being with her man at this moment.

Thanking god there was no more space between them like the miles before.

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Me And You (Pt. 02 of 04)

A/N: This GIF isn't mine. So if you're the original owner, let me know so I can give you the credits.

Pairing: Rick Grimes X Reader

Word count: 2.9K

Summary: You and Rick got married on the farm, some time after he divorced Lori for cheating on him with Shane. Now, several months later, setting and fortifying the prison as your home, Lori hasn't accepted your relationship yet, doing everything she can to turn your lives into a living hell.

<- Previous part (01)

Next part (03) ->

{The Walking Dead Masterlist}

×

The guard tower is completely different. There's a mattress on the corner, covered with pale green sheets and some blankets. A table is set with a hell of a good meal, and the whole place is lit up by candle lights. With your mouth half-open, you take it all in, not quite believing it, still by the door frame.

“(Y/N), I'm so sorry but I didn't know,” Rick says, and it makes you look at him. “I wasn't counting and–”

“Counting what?” You inquire, happy to know what was the secrecy about, but still confused about why this was made.

“Well, somebody was countin',” Daryl mutters, a low chuckle coming out of his mouth.

“Yes, someone has too.” Carol has both hands on her hips, eyebrows raised. “Today is your one year anniversary and the only reason why I'm not disappointed at you two was because I successfully managed to pull this off behind your backs.”

“One year?” You mutter, mentally counting. Checking the calendar daily was never one of your priorities. And being with Rick sometimes feel like forever already, and yet not long enough. “Holy shit. An entire year!” Turning at your husband, you tiptoe to kiss him, happiness overcoming you for being able to celebrate this date in such a wrecked world. It's a true blessing.

“Well, Daryl and I will leave you alone,” Carol speaks up, and you break the kiss just to give her some attention. “Have fun. The guard tower is yours alone all night.”

“Thank you so much you two.” You can't help but say. “Actually, I must thank everyone because I bet they all had a part in it.”

“That's true. Now, let's go, Daryl. Let them enjoy their special night.” With that, Carol pushes the door closed, and soon enough you can hear their footsteps as they walk down the stairs.

“That's absolutely amazing.” You breathe out, taking off the jacket and laying it on a small side table by the door. Holding Rick's hand, you pull him towards the table, checking on your dinner. Deer and potato salad, one of your favorites meals when it's cooked by Carol.

“Not nearly as amazing as you.” He gives you a gentle pull, and you turn towards him. You can't help but blush under his eyes, as you did on your first date. Well, on the run you went alone with him, when things started getting clear between you two.

“Well, this is the dress you got me a while ago and the hair was all Carol's doing.” Slowly, you step closer to him, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“You're gorgeous. Well, you're gorgeous every day, actually.”

“Even when I'm covered in dirt and bone meal?” Giggling, you stand on your toes, eyes closing when your lips brush against his.

“You get more beautiful every passing day and I have no idea how you do that.” Then the kiss comes, and it's different now because there's no risk of being interrupted. No risk of being seen.

You and Rick barely have the chance to be alone. It usually happens when you go on a run together and that's why you do it every now and then, just to spend a night or two away from everyone. But you usually have to stay in the car since sometimes is hard to find a house you can secure to spend the night in without having to worry too much. But there's nothing to worry about here, you're safe inside the fences. And you are safe in his arms.

“Dinner first.” You tell him with a giggle when you pull apart to breathe. “We have all night.”

“When was the last time we had all night for ourselves like this?” He asks as you move to seat on the small table, across from each other.

“On our three days honeymoon on Hershel's cabin a few miles from the house.” It quickly comes to your mind, and you can't help but giggle as you remember how terribly nervous you were back then. And how kind and caring Rick was. “And it's been a year.”

“A wonderful year.” Rick takes your hand over the table, a bright smile on his lips.

“The very best.” You agree, biting your lip. The only reason why you want to eat first is that you're really hungry since you had lunch a little too early today.

But something like an hour later you're lied down, Carol's good work on your hair ruined ever since you stumbled from the table to the mattress because you just couldn't get there fast enough. You'd be freezing it is wasn't for the warmth Rick provides, with his chest pressed against your back. As you look at the night sky through the windows, to the many stars, tiny diamonds scattered across the Universe, Rick places soft kisses on your bare shoulder, all the way up to the back of your neck.

“Your beard is tickling me.” Giggling, you mutter, playfully trying to push him away, but that only makes him hold you tighter, placing a delicate bite on your neck. “Ouch! I thought you said you didn't bite unless I asked.”

“I don't remember saying these vows.” And he starts kissing you again, making sure to gently rub his beard on your neck.

“Rick, c'mon.” You whine, the laugher coming from your lips suddenly interrupted when your eyes find a figure in the distance, on one of the bridges that connect two different cell blocks. “Hey, wait up.” Your voice gets a little more serious as you squint your eyes. The figure is quite familiar and it takes only two seconds for you to recognize Lori.

“What?”

“Over there. On that bridge.” You know when he sees her because a sigh escapes his lips. “Is that...?”

“Yeah.” Rick sounds frustrated, a little angry even. But then again, everyone feels like that when it comes to Lori and you don't know for how long it can go on. Whenever she's in the room, the atmosphere changes, and people always expect some kind of confrontation.

“That's creepy.” You mutter, pulling the blankets up to cover your body. She can't see anything from this distance, but even so, it makes you feel a little better. “Do you think she was watching?” The thought comes to you suddenly, and it doesn't help one bit.

“I don't know. I don't know what to expect of her anymore.” As he speaks, you see someone else on the bridge, talking to Lori. You recognize Carol as an argument begins. It takes only a few seconds before Carol steps back, giving a look your way before disappearing.

“You know, sometimes I...” Taking a deep breath, you give up giving your thoughts a voice. “Nevermind.”

“Hey.” Rick moves away from a little, and you take the space to turn around so you're facing him. “Tell me what's bothering you.”

“Sometimes I feel like I'm the other woman.” Avoiding his eyes, you look at his chest, sadness spreading through your heart. “Like she's the wife and I'm the lover.” You never intended on being a homewrecker, but even though you and Rick only started dating months after him and Lori broke apart, she still manages to make you feel this way.

“But you're not. Look at me.” With his index finger on your chin, he moves your head up until your eyes meet his. “I divorced Lori. If the world still played by the old rules, I'd have the papers to prove it.”

“I know, it's just that...” Tilting your head at the bridge, you stare at him as his eyes move there. And by the looks of it, she's still there.

“You're my wife. You.” As his eyes fall on you again, Rick takes your hand, placing it over his heart. “And the love I have for you haven't changed at all. Well, it only gets stronger, and sometimes, in the morning when I wake up and see you there, on my chest, I feel like my heart could explode.” It makes you giggle, a heat spreading through your cheeks. “It's me and you, remember? This is between me and you, and nobody else has a say in it so it doesn't matter if she was staring or not.”

“I love you so much.” Smiling, you place kisses all over his face, pushing him to lay on his back as you move to lie on top of him. “You know what, I should bite you.” You decide to push all those thoughts away because this is your anniversary after all. Well, it's probably after midnight, but the night is yours and you intend to enjoy it.

“Oh, I'm terrified.” Chuckling, he quickly moves, a strong hand holding your hip as he switches positions, lying now above you. “How are you planning to do that?”

“Are you challenging me?” Raising an eyebrow, you wrap your legs around his waist, since it's pretty much the only way you can cage him in this position.

“Maybe.”

“Alright then. I'll–” You suddenly feel eyes on you, and when you look at the bridge to check, there she is, still staring. “...We could maybe look for some curtains and put them here so–”

“Or we could do that.” Rick pulls the blankets over both of you, and soon enough you're surrounded by darkness. “Now, where were we?”

“I was about to bite you.”

“Good.”

•••

It takes quite a while for you and Rick to finally get to your feet, get dressed, and head out. You didn't want to leave though, and an agreement was made. At least once a week you'll clean up the tower and use it to spend the night. You'll make sure it won't be on either yours of his watch, so it won't mess up with anyone else's life. And you're very happy about it. Even more, because he'll use some dark piece of fabric you have here to cover up the windows.

Hand in hand, you walk through the patio, giggling like two kids.

“I need a shower.” You tell him as you get into the prison, walking backwards, pulling him to the bathrooms. “Join me?”

“Starting the day with multiple good ideas.” He mutters, ending the distance between you in a sudden motion, an arm encircling your waist, pulling you into a kiss.

“You seem to be quite happy today.” Carol's voice reaches your ears and pull away.

“Morning, Carol.” You say with a bright smile, blushing slightly. “We'll take a shower and start the day.” As you speak, you start pulling Rick again, ignoring her smirk.

Soon enough you hit the showers after stopping by your cell to get something clean to wear. As you get rid of your clothes, Rick makes sure the door is locked before joining you under the water.

“Damn, it's cold!” You exclaim, bracing yourself.

“I'll warm you up.” When you feel his hands on your waist, you turn around, tiptoeing and wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Better hurry up because I'm freezing.” Whispering, you connect your lips to his, and it takes no time for the cold water to stop bothering you.

“Give me a little jump.” He mutters and you do as he says, moving up and wrapping your legs around his waist. Rick firmly holds your thighs, and you use his shoulders to steady yourself. “Still cold?”

“You have no–”

Loud bangs on the door cut you short, startling you a little. They go on for long seconds until they finally stop.

“You can't monopolize the showers. There are more people here who want to use it.” It's Lori. A very angry Lori, once again making sure she'll get on your way.

Taking a deep breath, you exchange a glance with Rick. “We'll be out in a minute.” He says.

“You can't–”

“Who's in there?” Another voice says and you whine, resting your head on his shoulder.

“Rick,” Lori answers, and after the other person makes a funny sound, you hear footsteps walking away.

“Rick, man. Daryl and I were talking and you know those books I found? I read them and I think I could maybe install those solar panels.” Glenn's voice sounds muffled by the door, and you raise your head to look at Rick, eyes rolling.

“Glenn, can we talk about this in a minute?” Rick snaps back.

“I just thought it would be urgent news. I mean–”

“Hi, Glenn. What about you and my husband discuss this awesome news when we're done here.” Deciding to make your presence known despite knowing Glenn will use this against you later, you raise your voice. “I'm super excited about electricity but I'm kinda in the middle of something.”

“Oh... oh! My bad, Uhm... I'll go now.” He stutters, clearly embarrassed. But not as much as you.

“The good part is that we'll laugh about it in a few days.” You tell Rick, biting your lip. “But right now it's just awkward.”

“You know he'll pick on both of us, right?”

“Yeah, but let's worry about it later.”

•••

A minute easily became ten. At least that's what you think since you weren't really paying attention to time. But eventually, you're out, Rick going straight to see what Glenn wants as you join Carol, heading to the storage.

The day goes by pretty well until Carol has to leave the storage and you're left alone. But that's not the problem. You're humming to yourself a soft, happy song, writing down the new stuff Glenn brought when you hear someone behind you. By the way they just stand there, not saying anything, you know exactly who it is. And that's why you don't even turn around, focused on your task.

“You gave quite a show yesterday.” She starts and you sigh.

It's been a year. Well, a year and eight months if you count the time you started dating Rick. And after all this time things have only gotten worse. Lori is not letting go, and that's obvious. “I wasn't trying to give a show, I was celebrating a special day with my husband.” You don't even bother to look at her.

“What he did to you in one night, he never did to me in all our years together.”

“Really?” You breathe out, running a hand through your hair.

“He was never that intense. What do you have that I don't, (Y/N)? I'm the mother of his children. You're just young and cute.” She loves doing that, bringing up the age thing as if it meant anything to you or Rick.

“Correction.” Putting the pen down, you stand up from the table and finally turns to look at her. “You're the mother of his son. Judith is Shane's daughter. Or do I have to remember you got pregnant four months after Rick and I were dating? While you and Shane were hooking up.” You try not to argue with her, but sometimes you just can't help it. “Then Shane went mad and got himself killed so Rick, because he's so noble and kind, decided to be Judith's father figure.” Crossing your arms, you lean against the table.

“Is that what you have in mind to convince yourself you didn't steal my husband?”

“I didn't steal your husband, Lori.”

“Yes, you did. If it wasn't for you batting your eyelashes with this innocent act you know–” Lori steps closer, a finger pointed at your face. “–you know it lures men in, I would have a chance to fix my marriage, but no. You were there, stealing glances, asking Rick for gun lessons, talking to him, smiling and flirting.”

“I never–”

“Then I get the full view of what you do, you little slut. I got to see exactly what you did to hook him up.” She's yelling now, at the top of her lungs.

“What you saw was an intimate moment between husband and wife.” Snapping back, you raise your voice, but not like hers, just enough to make your point. “You stood there and watched it because you wanted to. But don't worry, Rick is putting some curtains so it won't be a problem anymore.” Then you walk away, meeting up with Carol by the door. She's pissed, maybe just as much as you.

“You're a whore, that's what you are!” As you walk away from the storage with Carol, you hear Lori's voice echoing.

“Now I'm a whore for sleeping with my husband.” You mutter.

“Don't even bother. People are starting to give up on Lori. I already did.”

“Yeah... I don't know why I even try.”

“(Y/N),” Rick calls and you turn to look at him. He's with Daryl, both carrying bags. “I heard Lori yelling. Is everything alright?”

“I am, babe. Are you going on a run?” Walking over him, you mutter a 'hello' to Daryl. There weren't any runs schedule for him, not in the next few days.

“Yes. Glenn is confident he can set up solar panels so Daryl and I will go and take it. Remember when I told you I found some? But didn't bring it since there was no way we could install them.” As he speaks, a hand comes to caress your cheek. “Sorry, but it's urgent. We just decided to go.”

“Don't worry. Just be safe and come back to me on one piece.” Tiptoeing, you kiss him, slow and passionately, despite the small audience. “Take care of him, D, please.”

“I will.” He assures you.

Ten minutes later you're at the gates, watching as the car disappears among the trees, a hand in your heart as the usual feeling washes over you. Every time Rick leaves, you can't help but feel a anxious. But he knows what he's doing, and so does Daryl. They'll be alright.

Without Rick, you're always cold. And as the nights get colder, it only gets worse. But during the day, you keep yourself busy between the storage and anything else there's needed. Glenn, as you expected, keeps teasing you since the showers incident, but with him, you can't help but either blush or laugh. He's very secure about the solar panels thing, and on this cold morning, as you sit on the table at the North side of the patio, he tries to explain to you how it'll work. You don't really understand it, but it's good to see him so excited.

“So this means that–”

“(Y/N).” Maggie's voice comes from the radio attached to your belt. “We have company. A man and a woman are coming our way.”

“Let's go.” You tell Glenn, and he's quick to gets to his feet and accompany you to the gates. The whole group joins you, guns in hand.

“Everybody full alert. Anything weird you notice, you know the code.” With your glock in hand, you aim and the couple as they approach the gates.

“Aren't you the first lady?” Lori says, from somewhere behind you. “Deal with it by yourself.”

“We're family. We do things together.” Hershel answers, and you smile to yourself, right after putting on a serious face.

“Hands up.” You command, and the couple quickly do as they're said. “We have the upper hand so we'll make a few questions. Is that clear?” You use the same words Rick does since he was the one to teach you how to deal with these situations. He wants you to be prepared for everything. And as much as people may look harmless, you should never trust them one hundred percent. Not in this world.

×

@bl3333h @mychemicalimagines

[dreamiesdotcom]

rule #6 | l.dh

Summary: With Donghyuck, growing to love feels like a black hole, but not the depressing kind. Rather, it's something hard to get away from — like a force, a very strong force that allows no escape, and it's incredibly luminous as if going supernova.

Word Count: 3.5k

a/n: hi, this is moon from somewhere august, scheduling this post before i chicken out again :D by the time it's posted, it's already Christmas so,,, merry christmas y'all who celebrate!!!! Lots of love!!!

Just like most things involving Donghyuck, falling in love with him isn't such a good idea.

That was way too sped up, though. The best way to start this story, of course, is from the very beginning— the day human migraine number one (a.k.a Jaemin) decided to bring in evil genius Huang Renjun to the circle. That would've been fine. It just so happened that beside him sat the devil incarnate, Lee Donghyuck, and that, well, is totally all four directions far away from what's acceptable.

Rule number one to surviving this life thing: Never trust cute boys with sunshine smiles and mischief in their eyes, a.k.a Donghyuck, or Haechan, whatever name he decided to go by. That's why when he reaches his hands out over the table to your direction, you quickly dismiss his attempt — "Hi! I haven't met you yet, did you skip first period? You're Y/N, ri—"

"Please never speak to me." was your reply then, and human migraine number two (a.k.a Chenle) laughs. Jaemin nags for the rest of the break, talking about manners and getting along. The fools nod alongside him. You grumble, moody for no reason and feeling particularly mean, but you warmly smile at Mark when he arrives at your table. Somewhere along the lines, you met stares with the new boy, and you give him an indifferent look.

Donghyuck took the nonchalance as a challenge.

###

The following weeks have been infuriating.

Rule #2: At all times, seek Lee Jeno's company. Unreliable as he seems when it comes to patience, the boy is quite reasonable sometimes.

Your windows align with the sweet-faced boy, your roofs almost touching — if you tried hard enough, you two could sit together, side by side, just like this. Cold wind blows, but it doesn't make you shiver. Jeno's warm, and maybe that's why you love cuddling with him so much. Maybe.

Just maybe, that could be the reason.

"I can't hear what you're saying," he slowly says, laughter seeping through his lips. You whine at that, moving away so he could see you and you could speak clearly. His hand remains holding your chin up, endearing in a soft way, but it doesn't wash away your frown. "What were you saying?"

You groan, "I said, he's so annoying! The audacity, Lee Jeno, he had the audacity to call me ba—"

Jeno watches you with tender eyes. Your heart softens, and you forget whatever next words you had to say. Maybe things will be okay? He's here, after all. Just right next door.

At least, something is going right.

###

This new boy, it seems, is appealing to many. During his first week, people have constantly trying to 'show him around', and that excuse doesn't die down until one month. From then on, people just keep following him around with "Good morning, Haechan!", "Goodbye, Haechan!" and "How was the weekends for you, Haechan-ssi?"

To be honest, it's something you had to grow used to even way before the showed up. Having Na Jaemin and Mark Lee from the Basketball team in your circle just really has a way of putting the spotlight on your lunch table. Not to mention, Renjun, Jeno, and Jisung, who despite being quiet, just has a certain charm to them — Jaemin's words, not yours. And oh, don't even get started on Chenle. That boy is a social butterfly.

The difference is that he keeps entertaining them, unlike the others who awkwardly laughs or just greets back — safe to say that sometimes, the 'goodness' of his heart gets in the way of your education and daily life. Times just like this.

Jisung's name shines brightly at the top of the list. You cling to the boy excitedly, pinching his cheeks and slightly bouncing on your heels, "You made it on the dance team, Sungie! Oh my God, oh my Go—"

"Y/N..." he drawls out, both hands resting on your shoulder as if to calm you down, but the excitement in his eyes betrays his intentions. On the other side, Renjun waves at you with the others. It makes you chuckle, and you motion for them come — that is, of course, until someone pushes you, almost sending you to the ground if not for Jisung catching you midfall.

The girl furrows her brows, "Move, you're blocking the way."

Your palms itch at that moment, and you couldn't believe just what you heard — the nerve!

"Where's your manners?" rings Donghyuck's voice from where he's slowly making way towards you with the others, a grimace on each of their faces. Attitude seeps from his gaze, the kind that would've made someone quiver. "Don't go around pushing people."

"Wh—"

"Stop." you clench your hands to fists, thanking Jisung before straightening up. Through gritted teeth, you calmly look at the girl with a scowl on her face. "Look, I'm sorry, but can you politely ask me to move next time? That's be appreciated, thank you."

After bidding the others a small smile, you turn around to make your way to the library. What? For peace? For space? Just to be as far away from the boy following you right now as possible? You don't even know at this point. You feel like your celebration is ruined and all you want is distance from the person you dislike the most — to be honest, you don't know anything about him aside from the fact that he's Lee Donghyuck and that he's annoying, and that you automatically hate him. You don't plan on knowing more. That's why before entering the library, you turn around to face him with a solemn look.

"Thank you." he halts in shock. His smile widens, but you look at him with the same seriousness in your face. "But don't do it again. I don't need saving, Lee Donghyuck."

Later that night, you grit your teeth as you write down another rule: Say your gratitude but don't get used to the way he saves you. You're not a damsel. Just hand the goddamn sword or you'll be fine with your fists — maybe your eyes for daggers, too.

####

Rule #3: Never go to him for comfort.

22nd of April, 10:35 p.m. You close your eyes and wait. The clock hits eleven and you open the door for the others, greeting everyone with a cheerful smile. "Where's Jaemin?"

Mark shrugs, "Said he has an essay. He'll be late for a bit, but he'll make it before 12."

23rd of April, 12:00 a.m, your heartbeat races. Everything's all set, everyone's in the living room. You take out your phone with a giggle, typing out 'Happy Birthday, dummy!!!' with the biggest grin on your face. Jisung judges you slightly, but he quickly forgets it when a taunting yell from Renjun comes. You sit in the kitchen, staring at the delicately decorated cake, and you wait.

One hour turns to two, then three. Your smile fades slightly, and you check your phone for replies. When nothing comes, you click over his contact shakily.

To: Star <3

Happy Birthday, dummy!!!

Hey, Jen? You're one door away from me and yet you're an hour late.

Birthday boy, you're not ditching us on your own celebration, aren't ya?

When are you coming over ;-;

From: Star <3

I'm sorry!!!

Sorry but I'll be late!

Jaeminnie really needs my help with something.

We'll be there! I'm sorry, Y/N

Your smile disappears. Sullenly making your way to the living room, you count your steps to keep your ground. You look at the others in front of you with a smile, "Go start the movie, I'll wait for Jeno and Jaemin outside. Deal?"

"Sure." Chenle chirps, his grin never fading. Must be because of cheating his way through besting Jisung, Donghyuck, Mark, and Renjun at Monopoly for the past three hours, probably ruining their friendship. Oblivious to the world, Renjun grumbles something about Jeno never being punctual, that he'd pray that trait onto him as a birthday gift. You glance at them before heading back outside, sitting down outside your door, head in between your knees.

A tear. Maybe two. Is this how heartbreak feels like? The kind of crying where you can't even make a sound because people could hear, but then even your teardrops seem to be so loud.

The door opens and you put your head up, hurriedly wiping them away. You put on your best smile until Donghyuck occupies the space beside you. He hands you a handkerchief.

"Don't," he whispers when you obviously hold down a sob, and he leans you on his chest. You cry freely there — you don't know why you let him of all people, but all you know was that you couldn't think straight; desperation blooms on your chest like fresh flowers die over time, and he doesn't judge. He just holds you — no cheesy pet name, no flirty looks, no catch. Just someone to be with.

At 4 a.m with Lee Donghyuck, the starless sky and the moon all alone looks a little less lonely. In front of you, the sun begins to rise.

##

Rule #4: Aaaaand if you don't follow the preceding rule, then, you're fucked. This is your mess. Good luck, you're alone on this one.

After Jeno's birthday (and after he made up to you, he spent a month doing that.) something just begins to change. A pleasant shift, according to Mark.

From that day, something in you says that maybe, just maybe, he's not so bad and you were just unfair to him. This realization must be something brought by time; slowly, you got used to Renjun and Hyuck being a part of your circle. These tutoring sessions must be a factor as well, judging how to two get to spend time alone in the same table as you can't possibly study with the others around you.

Donghyuck would do anything to evade mathematics, though. At least that's what it looks like right now, as he doodles around the margins instead of solving the problems, and then opens a topic, "Nana and Jisung looks cute together. Should've known they wouldn't be serious with each other, him and Jeno."

You roll your eyes, but not the way you did back then. It's way softer, much more affectionate. "It's been a year, let them be."

"So what? It's only been a year." he seems really determined to waste time. He even makes a show of briefly making eye contact before pouting at the paper, "You and Jeno still pretend to be just friends, but the whole school's just waiting for you two to kiss."

You chuckle, "We don't."

"You do."

"Used to." you correct. You look over to the other table, Jaemin and Jeno throwing a banter while Jisung begs them to stop before Renjun smacks them all with a book. You gaze down the notes you're studying before shrugging, "Things change."

"Example?" he tentatively asks, absentmindedly tracing the letters and numbers scattered around his notebook. You rest your chin on your palm.

"Well, now, I might like you." because honestly, you do. He's a great company, although sometimes overwhelming and annoying. Especially that most of the time when he's with Jaemin, they brew the worst ideas together and it's pretty much storm from there.

It would be a lie to say that it's not one of the things that makes you feel warm, slowly growing fond. Your voice softens as he tilts up to meet your gaze, and you flash him a saccharine smile. "Soon, it might not be because you're my friend."

Things like this make you feel like you've missed everything with Jeno, all the things you both could've had; it's like you should've been like this. It's like you should've been holding hands, or walking down the streets, or sitting on a rooftop and asking for a kiss. The kind that would send a rush of energy on your veins, shaking you back to life, losing you to the dream that is the way his lips move against you. But best friends don't do that, so you don't.

Hyuck is not Jeno, though. He's not your best friend.

With Donghyuck, growing to love feels like a black hole, but not the depressing kind. Rather, it's something hard to get away from — like a force, a very strong force that allows no escape, and it's incredibly luminous as if going supernova.

###

Rule #5: Well, seems like you can't back out now. Love him. Love him so much that the sunshine in his eyes never fades.

"Why are we celebrating Mark's last day in town?" Donghyuck sits down in the living room, looking around at the place — balloons, snacks, a cake, everyone in your friend group. He sets down his gift, "Are we that glad that he's leaving?"

Mark huffs, "You'd fucking cry once you miss me and I'm cities away, Lee Donghyuck."

"I won't miss you because I'm coming over to your dorm every day and I'm dragging everyone with me." Donghyuck smiles and even when Mark shoves him a little at that, everyone knows that he's happy the younger said that. He flashes his sly smile, "You, however... ah, what do we do? Mark might miss me so much he fails three subjects."

Everyone cackles at that, and Mark only raises his arms at surrender, saying something about not joking like that because he's honestly 'terrified to start hell', wanting to just stay here and finish school with all of you, ranting about how troublesome it is to transfer. You lean back on your loveseat, lightly kicking Hyuck's feet. "What?"

"You talk like this but you'd sulk tomorrow, wouldn't you?" You taunt, snickering. "This is false advertising."

Donghyuck gapes as the others fall over laughing. "Oi, are you trying to help me fill out all the ten reasons I hate you?"

"You have only ten for me?" you add, and for some reason, that makes the others laugh harder. "I have a hundred for you, Hyuckie."

"I could write you thousands—"

Jeno scrunches his face, hands moving to cover Donghyuck's mouth. "Just please go kiss each other."

Donghyuck tears away from his hold, rolls his eyes, and waves goodbye. He tugs you away from Jaemin and then leads you upstairs, but not before one last banter with Jeno, who, in his all confused expression, tilts his head in question, "Ya, where are you going?"

"I'm not kissing Y/N in front of you fools."

And true to his word, that's what he does.

Donghyuck smiles like the world is kind, like unending unconditional love, without boundaries nor fears. He kisses like that, too, passionate and deep. He does it like it's the end of the world, as if it's the only thing he wants to do. He does it like he's thanking every single thing that led him up to this moment. He kissed you under those stars in his balcony, a hand warm on your waist with the other softly caressing your jaw, and it seemed like it lasted forever.

Because that's the truth. The last time never feels like the last time. There had to be more to this than what the skies have laid down.

Inside your dreamy little mind, Donghyuck was eternal and the love you shared was forever. That's what happened. You thought you had forever.

You thought you had forever, but you didn't.

###

Rule #6: But that won't make him stay if he's bound to leave. Accept that and love him, still. Love him through the rain.

"Lee Jeno tripped!" yells Chenle's loud voice, gaining the attention of everybody in the room, "And fell in love with Y/N, totally whipped that they can't even shop separately!"

"Hell, Chenle, where's your mute button?" Renjun hissed, "We gotta buy presents too. Who decided to do this so late, though? It's the 24th! You guys should've done it weeks ago!"

"Let's go?" Jeno asks, blatantly ignoring Renjun as he waits for you to take his hands. You smirk, waving the folded paper to the others after entwining fingers with him.

"Bye, losers! See y'all later~" you wink. Before being dragged out the Cafe, you point at your friends' direction "Whoever had my name better give me a decent gift, or Christmas is cancelled!"

"Baby, stop that," he asks, squeezing your hands to make you calm down. Your laugh even louder. He smiles, "Who did you get?"

"Hey, Lee, you don't get special treatment just because I'm dating you. It's a secret." you roll your eyes, a skip in your step even though the weather is cold. Jeno steals a peck on your cheeks, and your eyes widen. "Lee Jeno!"

Before you could even catch him, he's already running away from you, and you're almost falling over laughing as you try to catch up to him. He meets you at the end, in front of a busy mall, and catches you with a hug. You laugh on his chest, warm against his hold.

If memories come washing over you, no one has to know. Jeno looks lovely against white. He feels like art on a Christmas day, so beautiful and warm and special. That's all that matters.

"We agreed that we wouldn't try..." Donghyuck whispers, arms around you, "if things will get too harsh on the other, didn't we?"

"Yeah... if I was to leave, Hyuck, I don't want you waiting on me." you responded, half-asleep and sincere, "But I'm only saying it because I'm not leaving."

Donghyuck laughed, "Well, just making sure that if that happens, we'll meet again, yeah?"

"Hyuck, shut up. Nobody's leaving." you groaned, stirring at the joyful yelling downstairs. "Looks like it's 12 already. Merry Christmas, baby."

"Mhm, Merry Christmas. I love you." He smiles, leaves a slow, gentle kiss on your lips. "I love you. I'll love you even more this year."

Does moving away without a word count as loving someone more than you did the past year?

"You're spacing out." Jeno smiles, "Am I that handsome?"

"You always are. Stunning." you quickly reply, a little guilty. You enter the busy room and part ways so that you could shop for your gifts, but not before deciding on a meeting point and leaving a sweet, loving kiss. "Come back, yeah?"

"Of course." he nods before parting ways. Your heart remains at peace — as planned, at the end of the day, Jeno would come back to you at the entrance. He won't leave like the other did. He won't do that to you...

Two hours before Christmas, you sit down on your own for a bit, occasionally distracted by the noise. At their loudness, you can make out Mark trying to calm everybody down, Jaemin threatening murder to keep Jisung and Mark away from the kitchen, Jeno convincing Chenle to get a dog. As you write down their yearly letters, you can't get rid of the smile on your face.

Why they decided to spend this holiday at yours, you don't really understand. Can't say you're against it, though. It's perfect; the tree all of you built together, the presents, the games you'll spend the night playing. The friendship.

Only that someone's missing. As if to lessen the pain, you write his name down on the paper — except it's not a new one, but rather, the page you've been foolishly writing your rules on; the rules that never stood a chance to save you. You trace your hands over the words, but you quickly shake nostalgia away as you turn the page over.

Hello, Donghyuck-ah!

You know the drill. For some time, you received some of my letters, didn't you? After all, we spent some years together... as enemies, as friends, as lovers. You probably memorized how it goes: I'll dwell on the year, I'll tell you how I chose your gift, I'll try to say how much I adore you, and then I'll thank you for being here.

Unfortunately this time, I can't tell you how our year went... I didn't spend it with you. I wasn't able to get you a gift, too, because I don't know if your preferences changed. And I can't thank you for being here. I can't because you're not.

Though I could still tell you that I love you, now it's kind of different. It's less of something that desperately needs you, and more of the kind that longs for you. Jeno and I got together at last. It's complicated how we happened, but we gave it a try and... just. That. You won't read this, but I still want you to know... even if this will never reach you.

Remember that we said that we'll meet again? Well, where are you? Are you happy? How's life been, miles away from home, from your friends, Hyuck-ah?

Merry Christmas. I hope you're happy.

I hope you are, of course, I do. I want you to be happy, I do. I can't wish for anything more — I want you to be happy... just that I hope you're sad sometimes, too, just like me... because of me. I want your heart to break sometimes too. I want you to cry sometimes too. In those empty spaces, I want you to remember me.

And I know you won't do any of that, but in my twisted imagination, you do. And you are.

You're the happiest you could be, but not that much — not happy enough that you'd forget me.