#maturing and realizing it'll never happen and you'll be happier if you just let them go

[quevadilla]

yearning for something you had with someone who still wants to be friends but it's killing you to see them happy with someone that will never again be you UGHHHHHH

[woahrarepairsagemare]

fanfic for rainbow or something , loosely inspired by IHNMAIMS .

The world I was in had been familiar to me for centuries , or even better , generations . The years had passed so fast , yet I didn't feel as if I had matured yet , as I was supposed to .

.. I hadn't felt it ,

but it had happened .

The realization only struck me the moment I jumped into this blackhole without a single thought in my head .

....

time was warped here .

why not have fun before sabre finally catches a hold of me ?

...

The world was so different , the cyan clouds mixed in a maggot like motion with the black clouds , and it was under my control ?

I had tried to test it as anyone as selfish as me would have , but it didn't work .

Which made the Nightmare King much happier than I wanted him to be .

Strangely , this dimension had turned everyone into complete opposites , villains were good , and I was evil ?

The parallels were strangely similar to that of what me and the others were like in the real world .

A frightened child named gold hiding behind a strong and reliable adult named nightmare .

A tormented and apathetic mockery of a cannibal , Dark had clearly been subjected to his own medicine .

...

Everyone was good and I was bad .

That still wasn't registering in my head .

Negotiations had been so hard , the false memories must have been strong enough to taint them forever .

...

Do I resist ?

Do I start to resist ?

My body hurts from all over .

I don't want to let them destroy me .

I'm not evil , why should I be ?

....

Or is it that im not following the rules of this game .. ?

...

I get it.

This world is punishing me , with crude mockeries of what I love and graphic depictions of what I hate .

And I understand them all too well .

....

and it's started eating away at me .

...

I-

.

losing ..

....

...............................

Motherfuckers .

I have refrained from going to extremities for SO FUCKING LONG .

Is this what nightmare , void , elemental , and all those other bastards meant ?

heroes are no different from villains ?

I hate admitting that im wrong .

Theyre heroes yet they still havent changed .

And its irritating me .

Maybe i've finally understood ,

maybe ive finally become mature ,

maybe ive finally become a reflection of that king who'll die on his damn throne .

I am the villain , and they are the heroes . I want to be good but i'm just so fucking evil .

...

but im still stronger .

...

ive resisted .

...

haha ..

Hahaha ..

HAhhahahah ..

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRGGHHHHH

SO THIS IS WHAT IT MEANS TO JUST BE SO HATEFUL .

SO THIS IS WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A VILLAIN .

SO THIS IS WHAT IT MEANS ,

TO BE A MOCKERY OF NATURE

NOW THAT EVERYONES FUCKING GONE .

YOU'LL BE TOO NIGHTMARE .

AND IT'LL BE ME , JUST ME

AS IT ALWAYS HAS BEEN .

I'LL EMBRACE THE MEMORIES THAT WERE NEVER MINE ,

AND BE THE MONSTER YOU WANT ME TO BE .

ISNT THAT JUST LOVELY , NIGHTMARE ?!