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justherefortaylorswift · 6 years

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there’s glitter on the floor after the party...

Taylor,

*About 9 days ago, on May 22nd, 2018, I had just arrived home from your Seattle show at CenturyLink Field. It was 4am and I couldn’t sleep. I had so much on my mind and was still on a high from your show. So, in the early hours of the morning, after my friends had long gone to bed, I began to write. I’ve revised my original note quite a bit since then. I’ve also had the opportunity to do some additional reflecting since tour, and I have some thoughts. So, I guess this is the end-result of a mash-up of 4AM overly-emotional rambling, combined with well thought-out, fully coherent, mature writing. I feel like I really over-explained this. I could have been a lot less-awkward in setting this up. Let's just get into it:

[SO. I just got home from your Seattle show. It's 4 am and I can't sleep. This was my 6th tour, and I made what seems like an infinite amount of unforgettable memories with a group of incredible people I call my ‘Swiftie Fam” (the name needs work...). There's Cecil (my long-time, Canadian Swiftie friend, you’ll see him in earlier posts), Wanda (Cecil’s wife), Kaeden (7. Cecil & Wanda’s son. Major Swiftie. His first concert!), and finally the beautiful Maile (a recent addition to the fam, and now a life-long friend!). It’s hard to explain in words, but we all have developed a connection that’s special and unique because of what we experienced together. I couldn’t have asked for a better group of people to stand by my side tonight. We danced, laughed, and cried together… I don’t think I’ve ever felt more understood. These people ‘get’ me.

Not surprisingly, I screamed every single lyric at the top of my lungs and subsequently lost my voice almost IMMEDATIELY. With that in mind, I suppose a more accurate description would be: I wasn’t so much singing, as I was gasping for the remainder of the show. I literally danced with until I was out of breath. I cried (ok, SOBBED) all of my make-up off (a Long Live/NYD mash-up… are you kidding me?! I FEEL ATTACKED).

By the end of the night, I resembled a pathetic, overly-emotional, glittery, drowned rat.

and I was living my absolute best life.

Also, I was REALLY proud of our outfits this time around! I think we did a decent job of recreating your Direct TV commercial, with my rainbow two-piece, and Cecil’s interpretation of Olivia Benson dressed as a Caticorn (I can’t say I ever thought I’d use that in a sentence). It consisted of around 8-10 hours total of gluing, painting, and hand-sewing, leading up to the show. Everything turned out awesome, way better than expected. Totally worth the man hours! Wanda hand-made matching these adorable matching t-shirts for her and little Kaden (Big Rep & Little Rep), and Maile constructed a beautiful MASTERPIECE from the mountain LYWMMD outfit- it was freakin’ incredible and HOT!

There was something a bit different about this tour for a couple of reasons:

[The production.] I don’t think I’ve experienced such sensory-overload in my LIFE. The whole time it was like a constant stream of frantic, internal dialogue with a lot of run-on sentences, like, “WHAT IS HAPPENING SHE’S GIVING US CHOREO OMG YAAASSS WERK HONEY IF A MAN TALKS SHIT WE DON'T OWE HIM A DAMN THING OH MY GOD ITS RAINING CONFETTI I MUST COLLECT IT I HOPE THESE MULTI-COLORED FLASHING LIGHTS DON’T GIVE ME AN EPILEPTIC ATTACK WHERE THE F-CK DID THESE GIGANTIC SNAKES COME FROM THERE ARE LITERALLY STAGES EVERYWHERE I’M OVERWHELMED OH SHIT SHES PULLING A SPEAK NOW BY WALKING THROUGH THE CROWD WHAT'S GOING ON OH GOD F-CKING FIREWORKS THESE VOCALS ARE LIT THO I'M SWEATING I’M DEFINITELY GONNA NEED THERAPY AFTER THIS NEW YEARS DAY/LONG LIVE MASH UP IS THAT A FOUNTAIN WHATS HAPPENING OH GOD IT’S REAL WATER AND SHE’S IN THE FOUNTAIN I’M HAVING A 2008 SHOULD’VE SAID NO ACM AWARDS FLASHBACK MOMENT HOLY SH-T MORE F-CKING FIREWORKS SO MUCH PYRO IS THIS EVEN LEGAL” I’ve gotta say, you have BEST band (Paul, Amos and Mike..OGS), vocalists (Eliott and Kamilah…the TALENT), and all the dancers. Every single person on that stage was on FIRE, and their talent, passion, and individual personalities made the night sparkle.

[The fans.] I freaking adore this fan culture. I’ve never met a Swiftie who wasn’t ridiculously friendly, welcoming, and super relatable. The vibe was so positive. I’ve never smiled, waved and taken pictures with so many random strangers in my life. It felt as if we were literally in a different world that day. It felt like home.

[YOU!.] We need to talk about this major GLO UP you’ve got going on, honey. You exude SO much confidence and you're just pure sunshine. When I think about the way you’ve carried yourself these past couple of years through all of the BS drama, I can’t help but feel damn proud. You’ve successfully converted pain into art, into music. Real music, that’s poignant, raw, and just BAD ASS. Your lyrics continue to foster a special connection you maintain with the audience...a connection that often times breathes life into brokenness.

I felt like the luckiest girl in the entire world tonight.

This may have been my best concert experience ever, which is actually pretty ironic because:

Unlike Red, I wasn’t in the Pit

I didn’t have VIP seating, like 1989

You weren’t close enough for any potential high fives, waves, or eye contact like I experienced at Speak Now at B-Stage

We were not chosen for Rep Room (or T-Party, Club Red, or Loft 89)

…But, it was OK. It was way more than OK. It was truly a dream.

Listen: Something I've always deeply admired about you is that you make it a priority to maintain a personal relationship with the fans. It’s clear you want to meet as many of us as possible, and you make a conscious effort to do so. You get to know us as individuals and you CARE, and that means everything us and makes such an impact. I mean, you invite us into your HOME for crying out loud, you walk through massive crowds and give high-fives, you lurk our Instagrams and Tumblrs and interact on social media, and you always make a notable effort to meet as many of us as possible at tour.

However, this can sometimes turn into a bit of a "Catch 22" situation for people. The downside, is that it’s honestly SUPER easy to fall into the “trap” of being consumed with the possibility of meeting you after your shows. Due to the fact that the “selection” process is both intentional, yet also random. To be transparent, it's quite difficult to not obsess with the idea of ‘trying’ to get chosen. I witness this behavior so often, in others and in myself just as much, if not more. Selfishly, I often feel not only jealous, but UPSET when I see photos/read experiences of other fans meeting you. I sometimes feel like the only one who hasn’t yet gotten the opportunity. It can quickly turn into a mind-game if you're not careful, which has the potential to become toxic if we allow the idea of meeting you to rule supreme over what it's actually about...which is the MUSIC. And, this amazing show you put on for us night after night. And somewhat understandably so, I've witnessed the obsession with being chosen to meet you become a main focus point for a lot of us (including myself a bit!). It's pretty stressful, and can easily dampen or cheapen the concert experience, if you're not careful. As dramatic as this probably sounds, Tumblr (and social media) can be brutal within this fandom, and dare I say ‘cut-throat’ at times. It's easy to get upset watching (what seems like) literally EVERYONE get that opportunity, except you.

That said, I had a wake-up call/mini-epiphany recently, which manifested while driving home from your show at Midnight on May 22nd with my friends, feeling so amazing and so grateful for what I just experienced…but also a little guilty because I feel like I’ve spent way too much time worrying about the possibility of meeting at you when you come to Seattle, how to get the attention of Taylor Nation, where to find Mama Swift, getting that guitar pick from Papa Swift, and this time was no different. Granted, my intentions are 100% pure and it’s only because you’ve meant so freakin much to me for so many years, and it's almost as if my life won’t be complete until I finally get to tell you in person. That said, there is certainty a valuable lesson to be learned here. I am confident that you and I will come face-to-face one day (hopefully with my Swifie fam!). The stars will align at the exactly the right time, and I will have my moment with you, and it will be SO worth the wait. You can't "force" stuff like this, you know? The privilege of meeting you is almost ‘sacred’ in a sense. At least in my opinion. Anyway, my point is: I refuse to a continue to attempt to “create fate” by attempting to "earn" my worthiness in fandom. It’s not productive, it's not healthy, and it’s not cute.

Alright, this is getting out of hand. I need to wrap this up. 🤣 I’m not sure whether or not you’ve seen any of my throwback photo-posts I posted the week leading up to the show. They definitely explain a lot more about me, and my history being a fan. Either way, I must reiterate how grateful I am to have you in my life, and that support you 100% and will always be here. The amount of hope, joy and comfort you've given me over the past 10+ years is insurmountable, and I'll never be able to repay you for that. And I mean that in the most sincere way. Not a lot of things make me as happy as you make me (especially lately). This experience was the ‘boost’ I needed, I think. And like I said, the relationship I have with my friends/Swiftie Fam is invaluable, and I look forward to making memories with them at your shows in the future. You’ve brought the most random group of people together and created a bond that’s unique, unconditional and unbreakable, and I think that’s so cool.

This was A LOT longer than I originally intended it to be. This escalated quickly. Haha. Thanks for listening. 💗

Don’t read the last page…]

Love you, T

Crystal

@taylorswift

@taylornation

@ceunit

@maileswiftie

[photos]: 1) The whole crew: Cecil, Wanda, Kaeden, Maile and myself at our seats. 2) Kaeden the night before the show. SO EXCITED!! 3) Testing out the Caticorn onesie w/ Cecil 4) Cecil and myself FULLY DECKED and ready to go. 5) Wanda and Kaeden: Big Rep & Lil’ Rep! 6) the girls! Maile, Wanda and Me pre-show 7) Us at the end of the show! And yes, that’s me in the middle..in disbelief, exhausted, sweaty, and a physical and emotional wreck (see also: ‘drowned rat’ description above). 8) All of us after the show literally in a hotel lobby (and glitter on the floor after the party!), waiting for traffic to die down before we headed home.

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punkscowardschampions · 6 years

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Indie & Rio

Indie: [Sends selfie] Indie: Bangin or clappin? Rio: 😍😍😍 Rio: So peng Rio: Gurl who you fightin?! Indie: Not too extra like? I don't wanna go too hype w my garms Indie: There's a lad at college and he is proper peng no jokes Indie: I helped him fix his wheels now he owes me and tonight I'm collecting Rio: Nah, perfect Rio: effortless babe 🙏 Rio: Ooh, love that for you Rio: Obviously not a dickhead either if he didn't get humpty about you being a grease monkey Rio: Debrief after, like 💋 Indie: Wifey please, didn't give the boy no chances to do anything but moving aside Indie: Innit. The vibe feels good to me I'm about seeing what he's thinking to do tonight Indie: You out? Indie: I'll catch you over the crunchy nut like Rio: That's my baby! 😄😘 Rio: 🍀 Rio: Thinking 'bout linking if he's got eyes boo Rio: Yeah, I'm not home but fosho be back in the AM, I'll bring your faves back Indie: If he only wants to jam that's gonna feel dred after how amped ive got 💔😢 Indie: But I'm have him pegged for a chief tourist if he can't see what he was onto Indie: is it? Bit awkward to bring mckenna over if I've been kicking it all night with some other rudeboy 😂 think on Rio: N'awh baby, I'm sure he's gonna wanna chill too, ignore me, just tryna gas you up, not do the opposite, like! 💔 Rio: Absolutely Rio: 😂 Behave Rio: Whilst we're on the subject though Rio: I don't know how to say this, eurgh, but don't worry, not dying Indie: nahhhh give ME air I'm flatroofin here cos he's not like the hoodies in these endz Indie: And I am 😜 Indie: Girl get your words together Indie: Nothing you can't say to your wifey Rio: I know Rio: Just makes it seem so dramatic, not like I tell you about every hook up but then, not like I have to hide 'em either Rio: Its a bit of a wild one so, you're allowed to freak, yeah? Rio: I've been getting with Buster, for a bit, like Indie: I knew you had a mystery man but these is jokes Indie: You and Mckenna please Indie: always got beef with that boy 😂 Indie: like that can be hot but you two'd straight up merk each other Indie: Who's the lad proper? Rio: I ain't even joking Rio: It's mad, I know Indie: Watch! Are you legit with this 411? Indie: Oh my days Indie: That's so crump fam, nahhh Rio: I thought you'd figured it out, like Indie: How am I gonna be putting my finger on that madness Indie: How long you been linking up? Rio: I know, its fucked up but Rio: its happened, happening, whatever Rio: like 2 years... Indie: !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Indie: I thought you were gonna be a month gone Indie: Rio Indie: He's your hubz oh my god Rio: Whoa, nah, it ain't like that Rio: You recall his two baby mamas? Indie: I haven't mashed with the same lad for 2 weeks straight Indie: He's your hubz Indie: You got one you're hiding???? Cos you be telling me tales for 2 years Rio: You trippin' Rio: No, nah, its not like that Rio: I didn't lie Rio: you can see why I didn't tell, can't tell nobody else like but idk, its making me feel insane and I wanted to tell you Indie: Girl please you pushed me over 😂 Indie: Not fit to broadcast Indie: But you could have hit me up with getting that good for 2 years Indie: I've done wilder Rio: Serious? Rio: You not gon' block me 'til I get some sense back? Indie: vexed I can't get my own taste now Indie: But that's not your damage Rio: 🤷 You're still free to try, babe Rio: Thanks for not totally losing it Rio: Had to get it out Indie: I'm not gonna do you like that, we fam Indie: Tell me about the 🎁 cos he's dripping w 💸 Indie: His body be as good as bling tho Rio: 💖 Rio: I told you it ain't like that tho Rio: Probably still gon' get with another rich ass white girl Rio: you still my only bae Rio: [Sends picture of the bracelet] Indie: You been riding him for 2 years Indie: Who else has he ever got with more than a couple of times? Please Indie: 2nd baby mama only lasted ??? weeks Indie: He's your bae Indie: Sick? That's 💰💰 dropped Indie: I'm taxing it Rio: Okay, I do like him Rio: but I'm not telling you like this is an engagement post, let's calm down, yeah? 😂 Rio: Try it, bitch Rio: We might be fam but there will be blood 🥊😉 Indie: I'm seckled, not trying to chat like you want him to put another baby in you Indie: But you're a grimy jokester if you reckon him coming back to roll with you every time is no thing Rio: Another?! Bitch where's my first? Rio: but, he just tried to get back with #2, she said no (duh, so what if he's just...putting up, 'cos he can't get better? Indie: He's got 2 so far is what I was yelling out 😂 Indie: You're the best, wifey 👑🔥🍑 no gas Indie: He can flex but he can't do better Indie: Mckenna ain't that much of a tourist. He knows what he's got Rio: You're such a sweetheart, you know that? 💎 Indie: Trust. He knows how sweet you are. Fuck his babymama who can't even rep the 24, he's on that criss new shit with you Indie: 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 Indie: Has been since before she rolled in Rio: Fuck it Rio: even if you ain't, you SHOULD be right Rio: not vibing this insecure shit ❌💩🖕 Indie: Yeah Indie: There's no hype Indie: You're one sick bitch Indie: Can I come out with something tho? Rio: Lawd Rio: I'm ready, go for it Indie: It's chill I'm not claiming you 411 about 🍆 measurements reh teh teh Indie: Wondering how you put 2 years in with all those fam functions, innit Rio: It ain't been easy like Rio: but if you gotta, you make it work like Rio: I'm 99% sure no one else knows, like you said, why would you assume that? Its a pretty good cover tbh Indie: I reckon you'd know if anyone did, his mum would invite you over for dins and be like you're going to hell, can you pass the salt tho Rio: 😂 Rio: Don't Rio: drag me there herself, I'm sure Rio: Jesus Indie: least you'd meet him there cos he's no 😇 Indie: oh my dayz have you ridden him with me home? 😂 Rio: Gurl, hush Rio: 👃 Indie: !!!!!!!!!!!!! Indie: Such a yeah Indie: oh man how many times have you fucked him on our sofa and I never knew Rio: Its pretty grotty anyway, babe Rio: I'm not taking all the blame for that one 😜 Indie: bet that's a turn on for him Indie: rich boy Rio: Povvo porn Rio: I hope not, Rio: how fucking insulting, we'd have a real problem then Indie: If he was thinking he was just in it for the slum I'd merk him Indie: Got the advantage cos he don't be knowing I know Indie: It's jokes anyway you make sick 💸 Rio: Better watch his back Rio: I'll not let on you know like 🤐💅 Rio: Yeah, exactly, we moving on up baby gurl! Indie: Naah he's your hubz you'll be chatting all that Indie: screenshooting all my words Rio: Please Rio: I ain't that hoe Rio: #loyal Rio: plus you got it the wrong way 'round, I'm meant to bombard you with all the dumb shit he says like you can do anything about it Indie: 😂 Indie: Bet his drunk dials are madness Rio: 😂 you have no idea Rio: best kept that way, trust Indie: Law it. I can't believe this is how you living Indie: life and wife goals bitch Indie: vexed on my rudeboys behalf that he can't standup to it Indie: Like yeah we gonna roll together but my head be on this like Rio: Glad you think so 😜 Rio: They'll call you an enabler when they're carting me off but you just my hypeman, don't get it twisted lads Rio: I'm soz 💋 Rio: Still gon' have fun, make it happen, boo Indie: not bothered Indie: yeah my night is looking bare hectic still Indie: You seeing your boo? Indie: cos if you're riding w him you best 2s me some deets in the AM Rio: Might do Rio: I'll be sure to let you know once I've heard all of your goss Rio: I'm thinking pancakes, yeah? Indie: could be none 😢 you know Buster ain't no virgin least. I can't speak for my lad Indie: He ain't moist or anything but he's a quiet one. Shy Indie: 😋 Indie: I'm with that plan Rio: Shy is good Rio: Doesn't mean he ain't wid it Rio: I'll let you go and find out if its worth the hype Indie: And I'll let you know Rio: You better Rio: Love you bitch Indie: Love you more wifey Indie: ✌ Rio: 💋

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