#marternity

[stoportotouch]

listening to richard coeur-de-lion and uh. much to think about. if i didn't know better*, i would think that m. grétry was making fun of the french revolution! (and also of mozart. and of beaumarchais, of course.)

[mukelaniot]

Maternal and Child health in rural South frica.

“Hold on, what do you mean you have no idea what that even means?”  

“It’s 2024 and women and children are still overlooked. Why am I even surprised?  I mean, nothing new there!”

This was my response when I tried to engage one of my friends in a conversation about Maternal and child health. I must admit, I was quite shocked and disappointed, considering this friend of mine is a new father. I thought we would be a lot further than this at this point in life. This goes to say, “We are not yet Uhuru”.

I’ll say, that although I am not much of a blogger, this topic is one I feel quite passionate about. South Africa’s health is an ongoing crisis with detrimental implications for individuals, families, and communities. Although efforts have been made to address maternal and child health, with it being part of arguably one of the most important of the MDGs (Koblinsky, M., Anwar, I., Mridha, M. K., Chowdhury, M. E., & Botlero, R. (2008)), it is still a huge health concern. I am not going to bore you with the stats, as I am sure countless others have.

Having grown up in a rural area and now being exposed to and working with less privileged communities as an occupational therapy student, I have seen a lot done to address to enhance child health. From the free health care, including check-ups at the clinic before and after birth, to the promotion and provision of free vaccinations (Wagstaff et al., 2004), which coincidentally, I saw being done 2 days ago (measle vaccination) in a clinic where I was doing health promotion on maternal health, promoting physical and mental health and overall well-being mothers.

However, the focus on maternal health usually ends after giving birth. Important factors such as postnatal depression (Almalik, 2017), postnatal anxiety, and burnout are often overlooked. What people fail to understand is just how linked maternal health and child health are, as a tired, burned-out mother cannot fully take care of a child. See the dilemma there?

One of the things I have observed is that in communities, maternal health is often ignored, focusing only on the child's health and well-being. As an occupational therapy student, I tasked myself with doing the best I could to address this imbalance. I am currently providing education and raising awareness about maternal health during the women's support groups that will also provide education to even those who are not yet mothers. I also plan to address matters during the fatherhood groups I plan on establishing in the community, to ensure the women get the support they need at home.

The crisis of overlooked maternal and child health needs to be tackled by the whole community to get better outcomes. As an occupational therapy student, I know I cannot do it alone, but I am committed to doing my part. After all, children are our future, and women are the pillars of our society. Let us take care of them to ensure a healthier society and future.

Almalik, M. M. (2017). Understanding maternal postpartum needs: A descriptive survey of current maternal health services. Journal of Clinical Nursing, 26(23-24), 4654–4663. https://doi.org/10.1111/jocn.13812

Koblinsky, M., Anwar, I., Mridha, M. K., Chowdhury, M. E., & Botlero, R. (2008). Reducing Maternal Mortality and Improving Maternal Health: Bangladesh and MDG 5. Journal of Health, Population, and Nutrition, 26(3), 280–294. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2740701/

Van den Broek, N. R., & Falconer, A. D. (2011). Maternal mortality and millennium development goal 5. British medical bulletin, 99(1), 25-38.  chrome-extension://efaidnbmnnnibpcajpcglclefindmkaj/https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Nynke-Broek/publication/51619843_Maternal_mortality_and_Millennium_Development_Goal_5/links/564c9d5508ae635cef2a75b5/Maternal-mortality-and-Millennium-Development-Goal-5.pdf

Wagstaff, A., Bustreo, F., Bryce, J., & Claeson, M. (2004). Child Health: Reaching the Poor. American Journal of Public Health, 94(5), 726–736. https://doi.org/10.2105/ajph.94.5.726

[audioexorcisms]

Guys lets be real. The NIN doc marterns are NOT that bad, I mean look

[bestangelofall]

Headcanon that Jason likes operas (not only to watch/listen to full plays, but also to casually listen to arias). When people find that out, they think that his favorite arias are the super dramatic and dark-ish ones like Martern aller Arten or Don Giovanni a Cenar Teco or Der Hölle Rache but the truth is that his favorites are stuff like Voi che sapete.

[thebekashow]

Mama Tattletail, human version :D (remade design!)

I've seen a lot of human mama tattletails, so i made my own. Au ver.

Things this mama tattletail can do! Based on the manual I found/j

"Mama! Your robotic Marternal Parental AI, also known as Automated Maternal Birthing and Edification Machine (A.M.B.E.R). She is skilled in sign language, cooking, and playtime! Her job is to assist your child in their homework, chores, and bedtime! Just set in the rules, and Mama will enforce them!"

"The two modes for mama are day mode and night mode! To change mamas mode, simply hit her switch, and she'll either power on or off! WARNING: ROBBER MODE IS PERMANENT UNTIL ROBBER IS DEALT WITH OR UNTIL POLICE ARRIVE, AVOID MAKING RACKET DURING NIGHTMODE."

Anyways, yay! Bye for now, lol.

[tuttocenere]

MARTERN ALLER ARTEN (all sorts of torments)

[hezzabeth]

Nanowrimo days 4-5

“Fine! But as soon as I get back we are packing to head to Harris Park and you will need to drink four cups of tea for that journey” sugafna said as Nani handed her an ever cleaning diaper.

Sugafana still remembered dressing her baby sister in one when she was ten years old.

The diapers were supposed to clean a soiled baby automatically forever but they tended to break down after a few weeks.

“Harris Park?” Nani asked and Sugafana nodded with a small smile.

“I told you I sold the marternity droid! Safe passage and twenty thousand credits” Suggana explained.

“Only twenty thousand? You are too soft!” Nani grumbled as Suggana snapped the diapers buttons in place.

“It was forty thousand but I had to split half with Jay” Sugafana confessed,

“The infamous Jay! When are you going. To invite that boy to dinner? You need a life partner” Nani remarked and Sugafanna rolled her eyes.

“Well considering we’re leaving probably never! But you might meet him if he decides to go to Harris Park” Sugafana remarked,

“Or she could meet me right now” Jay’s voice called from behind the curtain and the makeshift door was swished aside.

Jay was standing in the dim light dressed in his protective gear a massive bag hung over his shoulder.

Peeking from one end was a solar flare prod, one that could theoretically stun a small appliance for at least an hour.

“So this is the infamous Jay! You’re a handsome boy” Nani replied.

“And this is your roommate?” Jay asked raising an eyebrow with confusion.

“You told him that I’m your room mate! Chi chi! I’m her grandmother!” Nani hissed,

“I’m a very private person” Sugafana protested.

“Grandmother! You have family in the camps?” Jay asked his expression suddenly growing wistful.

“Are you here alone boy?” Nani asked gently and Jay briskly nodded.

“Oh no wonder you are so thin! Here I have some of my dodol” Nani said gesturing for Jay to sit on the other mat.

“Dodol? Nani you’re supposed to be cutting back on sweets! ” Sugafana pointed out as she grabbed one of the bottles of formula carefully twisting the nippple to one side.

“ I spend all day scrubbing filth out of people’s clothes for almost nothing! Let me have my sweets” Nani replied as reached under the corner of her sleeping mat pulling out a biscuit tin.

“There’s nothing but needles and thread in here” Jay pointed out” when Nani opened the tin.

“Clever right? I disguise my candy to keep thieves out” Nani smirked pulling out a spool of cotton to reveal several small glossy caramel triangles.

“Jay, what are you doing here? How did you even find me?” Sugafana asked.

“I asked the canteen lady you were talking to, she said she delivers Dahl tadka to you three times a week” Jay said popping a candy into his mouth, chewing it for a moment before swallowing loudly.

“And I’m here to escort you into the city” Jay said as Sugafana picked the baby up and popped the bottle into her gaping mouth.

“I don’t need an escort to the city” Sugafana said.

“Really? And who will hold the baby when you’re driving?” Jay asked,

“I‘ll just put her on the pods floor” Sugafana said as the baby suckled on the bottle.

“And then it’ll roll around and break its neck” Nani grumbled.

“Fine! I’ll put her on my lap” Sugafana replied as the baby spat out the bottles nipple licking her tiny lips.

“Sugie! Just let the boy come! It will stop me from having a nervous breakdown” grumbled Nani as she up the discarded scarf folding it until it turned into a makeshift carrier.

“Fine, you can come Jay as long as you listen to my instructions! You have to leave that weapon here! The city can be dangerous for villagers” Sugafana.

“You’re acting like I’ve never been to a city before!” Jay grumbled,

“That’s because you’ve never actually been to a city before” Sugafana pointed out and Jay shrugged as if admitting it was true.

“It’s best to go now before nightfall, and remember if you’re in the city see if any shoe shops have been abandoned! I need new sandals for my bunions” Nani said leaning forward to kiss Nani’s cheek.

Jay had enough common sense to not ask questions until they were both back in the travel pod, the baby bundled up in jays arms.

“Your place is very nice, I like how you turned the holes in the walls into shelves” Jay remarked.

“Thankyou” Sugafana said curtly as she swerved to the right flying a foot over the craggy fields leading towards the city.

“The tapestry was also interesting! What was the girl holding? Some sort of djinn?” Jay asked.

“No” Sugafana replied.

“An alien then?” Jay asked.

“No, it’s a cat” Sugafana replied.

“A what?” Jay asked curiously.

“One of those animal things that vanished centuries ago, the tapestry is a picture of my ancestor holding her cat… our family thinks the cats spirit protects us” Sugafana explained as the baby grunted in her sleep.

“That must be comforting” Jay replied as the glow of the city filled the horizon,

The smoke was gone, the fire was over.

“Only if you believe in that sort of thing” Sugafana replied.

“And you don’t?” Jay asked and Sugafana shrugged,

“I don’t really believe in anything” she replied.

[homovulcanensis]

Reise in den Orient in 31 Tagen

Teil 20

Teil 19______________Teil 20

Wir benötigten einige Tage, um wieder zu Kräften zu kommen. Natürlich hatten unsere Gastgeber allerlei Fragen, die ich auch gerne beantwortete. Ich löcherte sie ja schliesslich auch mit verschiedensten Erkundigungen.

Alsbald kam der nicht mehr so kleine Kara zu uns. Er schien sich zu winden, so als ob er etwas von uns wissen wollte.

"Welche Frage möchte Kara stellen?", erkundigte sich Winnetou. Kara räusperte sich.

"Vater hat mir die Pflege der Pferde übertragen. Ich habe mich gefragt, ob ihr sie vielleicht nicht einmal sehen wollt. Es sind alles Nachfahren des unvergleichlichen Rihs, der leider schon alt war, bevor ich das Reiten erlernt hatte.", drückte er heraus. Natürlich wollten wir.

Die Herde umfasste eine stolze Zahl an schwarzen vollblütigen Arabern, die umhertobten. Zunächst betrachteten wir sie bloss. Winnetou stellte einige Fragen hinsichtlich ihrer Haltung, die Kara gerne beantwortete. Er schien stolz darauf zu sein, vom Häuptling der Apachen als gleichwertig behandelt zu werden.

Dann bestand er darauf, dass wir die Tiere ausprobierten. Bald sassen wir drei auf je einem der herrlichen Tiere. Wir ritten ein Stück in die Wüste hinein. Und ja, es war tatsächlich ein wenig wie fliegen. Ich genoss dies sehr, aber Winnetou hatte eine seltsame Traurigkeit ergriffen.

"Was hat mein Bruder?", fragte ich, als wir kurz Halt machten.

"Ich musste an Iltschi und Hatatitla denken. Auch sie flogen dahin wie diese Tiere hier.", sagte er dumpf. Ich nickte.

"Das waren bessere Zeiten damals.", sagte ich. Winnetou schüttelte den Kopf.

"Nein, Scharlieh. Nicht besser, nur sehr anders.", erwiderte er mit einem schwachen Lächeln. Da musste ich ihm recht geben. Kara stand dabei und fühlte sich reichlich fehl am Platz. So kehrten wir alsbald zurück.

"Winnetou dankt Kara für diesen Ausflug.", teilte mein Bruder unserem jungen Begleiter mit. Dieser schien sich um Antwort zu martern.

"Das könnt ihr jeder Zeit wieder tun.", entgegnete er schliesslich. Auf dieses Angebot gingen wir tatsächlich auch ein.

[losthomunculus]

venti for the character ask?

LOL I just sent venti to fitz were on the same wavelength

Favorite thing

he's just go [clenches fist] I'm a sucker for lore heavy characters. my favorite characters tend to be like. the way a kid's favorite doll is probably the one with the most accessories. he gives me a lot to work with and explore in terms of story and personality which makes him very fun for me.

Least favorite

his fanon </3 it's so bad they absolutely massacre him. I feel like people fall for his carefree front way too easily and fail to see any depth beyond the surface.

Favorite Line

Gonna have to pass on this one </3 I'm really bad at remembering specific lines.

brOTP

Zhongven! My favorite 2 old men with something gay going on.

OTP

Diluven <3 They have room for drama and all my aromantic domestic fantasies. Diluc is also another one of my favorite characters so bonus points.

nOTP

Ven*Lisa. I don't understand the appeal of this ship. Just?? Why?? Also the sparse amount of content I've seen for this ship gives me really weird vibes.. Like I think Venti's mortal form is that of an adult, but it seemed to amp up Lisa's marternalness in comparison to him and was just really weird and freudian. not a fan.

headcanon

I think he refuses to drop his mortal form completely because he's afraid of forgetting how to turn back into the nameless bard :^) he hasn't allowed himself to be a windsprite in years.

unpopular opinion

I don't think he's irresponsible or incompetent like many people think. I think he specifically puts up a front of carelessness and weakness so people underestimate him, and at the end of the day he's been shown to intervene when his people need the help.

I also think he's stronger and smarter than people give him credit for. Considering his massive sleeping episodes I do think he does have some vulnerabilities, but when Signora took his gnosis he was freshly awaken. He's displayed huge feats of strength in the past and is partial to trickery, so it makes me think he has some sort of strategy going. He's not Celestia's biggest fan either!

song

Aerials by System of a Down!

fav pic

I'm a big fan of both of these :^]

[robinniko]

hi! 27!

hello!!

27. what’s your favorite or go-to outfit?

so my usual go to outfit is yoga shorts and a big tee with vans or adidas, or cargo shorts and a tank top usually paired with again my adidas or my doc marterns. those are my two moods, i try to dress very comfortable whilst trying to be slightly fashionable lmao, if I am actually going out I stick to fashionable shorts and a cute top

[loosealcina]

WOLFGANG AMADEUS MOZART’S DIE ENTFÜHRUNG AUS DEM SERAIL AT LA SCALA, MARCH 8, 2024

It might be old—possibly ancient news here, but the mandatory bit about my puzzlement, surprise, and thorough head scratching over this is still mandatory. If you contemplate the very nature of theater, a Strehler Entführung today is flat-out impossible. (I suspect you’re like, not again… the supreme here and now requisite of this art… alive and at full throttle for a moment, then immediately gone… the curse that is actually a blessing [and the most important one, on top of that]… Perhaps you’re even rolling your eyes a little bit right now, so I’ll spare you the bulk of the considerate if slightly overblown sermon I’d deliver on this topic). What was it like? I wouldn’t call this revival of Giorgio Strehler’s Die Entführung aus dem Serail (previously presented at La Scala in 1972, 1978, 1994, and 2017) a ghostly apparition or a shadow, ‘cause those words would suggest something uncanny/mysterious was going on, while the crucial idea was deprivation. A river without a drop of water maybe, or a Bic pen without ink. Or, quite simply: something that used to exist, but isn’t there anymore.

The orchestra conducted by Thomas Guggeis seemed to find an interesting way of merging into this tricky scenario. Crispness, precision, metallic hues were essentially ubiquitous. And another keyword has to be antiquity: their personal Entführung sounded like the respectful, neutral, deliberately dry rendition of an object that comes from—and in fact, stays in—the past. As for the cast of actors/singers, I had two favorite performers, and they both came with a minor but. Jessica Pratt (Konstanze) treated us to a number of superb, only spectacular high notes during the famously demanding Aria «Martern aller Arten/mögen meiner warten» (Act II), but she wasn’t as compelling when the degree of difficulty went down. Jasmin Delfs (Blonde) let her luminous, velvety timbre routinely steal the spotlight like it’s no big deal; but the commedia dell’arte element of the staging had a partially sadistic side—I mean, since Blonde is Konstanze’s maid, she embodies the perky servant (Colombina): she must move like a puppet, she exhibits an excruciating permanent bow, her entire backbone parallel to the ground, etc.—that made me marginally uncomfortable.

[maximuswolf]

Edda Moser - Martern aller Arten [opera]

Edda Moser - Martern aller Arten [opera] https://youtu.be/ag63IEM6O4I?si=I_xYtsE4rKUOpL-J Submitted May 01, 2024 at 05:18AM by moveandrun https://ift.tt/GY3a2oZ via /r/Music

[sakrumverum]

August(in) Schoeffler, der aus dem Dorf Mittelbronn in Lothringen stammte, war mit großer Hingabe als Missionar in Tonking (heute Vietnam) tätig, bis er in einer furchtbaren Christen-verfolgung sein Leben lassen musste. + 1.5.1851. Historischer Exkurs (Im Jahr 1615 kamen aus Japan vertriebene Jesuiten nach Vietnam. Französische Missionare errichteten hier in der Folge weitere Missionsstationen. Von Anfang an erzielten die christlichen Glaubensboten große Erfolge Um 1700 gab es bereits 500 000 einheimische Christen, was aber bei den Buddhisten Verbitterung und Eifersucht hervorrief. Die fremdenfeindlichen Nguyen-Kaiser nützten diese Stimmung aus, so dass es immer wieder zu Christenverfolgungen kam. Die letzte fand in der Zeit zwischen 1847 und 1883 statt. Die Opfer wurden dabei langen und ausgesucht grau-samen Martern unterworfen. Etwa 130 000 (!) vietnamesische Christen kamen dabei ums Leben. Trotzdem stieg ihr Anteil an der Bevölkerung. - Um 1940 gab es in Französisch Indochina 2,5 Millionen Christen.) Land Europa Frankreich (Elsass) Asien Vietnam Besonderheiten Märtyrer

[world-of-news]

Hebräer 11, 35-40

Frauen erhielten ihre Toten durch Auferstehung wieder; andere aber ließen sich martern und nahmen die Befreiung nicht an, um eine bessere Auferstehung zu erlangen; und andere erfuhren Spott und Geißelung, dazu Ketten und Gefängnis; sie wurden gesteinigt, zersägt, versucht, sie erlitten den Tod durchs Schwert, sie zogen umher in Schafspelzen und Ziegenfellen, erlitten Mangel, Bedrückung, Mißhandlung; sie, deren die Welt nicht wert war, irrten umher in Wüsten und Gebirgen, in Höhlen und Löchern der Erde. Und diese alle, obgleich sie durch den Glauben ein gutes Zeugnis empfingen, haben das Verheißene nicht erlangt, weil Gott für uns etwas Besseres vorgesehen hat, damit sie nicht ohne uns vollendet würden.

Danke für alles.

[amberjazmyn]

"it's the family business, isn't that right sammy?" part two

𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓮 - "it's the family business, isn't that right sammy?" part two

𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 - death, blood, tears, angst, swearing, bittersweet goodbyes and depressing

𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 - you (tiahni) is leaving supernatural after growing up on the show for the last fifteen years. it's set during the time of the eighteenth episode which was also when castiel/misha farewelled the show. so, it is your last filming day on the set of supernatural alongside misha which was very bittersweet. 

𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻'𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮 - this is part two of the previous imagine! like always, the filming of the episode will be in italic lettering and everything else will be in normal font unless said otherwise. 

masterlist read part one right here!

- - - 

𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐡𝐧𝐢'𝐬 𝐩��𝐯

if you had told me fourteen years ago that i would be on route to finishing my fifteen-year run on cw's supernatural, there would be no doubt in the world that i would be hysterically laughing in your face right now. i say that because i was an actual child when i started the show in 2005 and i am now coming into my early twenties and i'm filming my last ever episode on supernatural today. so, i find it absolutely insane to think that for fifteen years of my life, this has been the only thing that i've known. so, in that regard, today was very strange to think about. like, whilst i didn't want to wake up this morning and not wanting it to end, i don't think i'm at the point of desolving into tears over the fact that i'm actually now leaving the show for good. 

it was ten in the morning when i finished getting dressed and picked up my chocolate frappe. i was needing in hair and makeup now that i was dressed and ready in my classic elodie winchester white crop top, red and blue piped flannel, ripped grey jeans and doc marterns. it was the makeup i now needed to complete my elodie look and have the classic twin braids that just really turns me into the middle winchester sister. 

"...good morning tiahni!" misha smiles as he walks over to me with his coffe in hand as i hold my chocolate frappucino 

"morning mish," i smiled as i picked up my speed, slightly running towards him as he pulled me in for a hug straight away after putting down our drinks 

"you feeling alright about today's filming?" he pulled away with a soft smile as i nod my head and chuckle softly 

"yeah, i guess so," i trailed off as i just took in as much of everything as i could 

"what about you? it's your last day of filming as well!" i spoke up seconds later as misha breathed in slowly and chuckled 

"it's bittersweet, that's for sure! i mean, it's weird but, it's worth it without a doubt!" misha smiled as i nodded my head taking in another second to let everything sink in as he placed a comforting hand on my back

"yeah. for sure," i smiled as i placed my head against misha's shoulder as he chuckled softly and reciprocated the action before we were both called off to start filming

 └─── °∘❉∘° ───┘ └─── °∘❉∘° ───┘ └─── °∘❉∘° ───┘

it had been the time that honestly, no one was ready for, which was the first of the two death scenes being filming tonight. one of them and the first one being elodie's meaning that, this was going to be tiahni's last ever scene that she'll be filming for supernatural. and, in all honesty, that shit hurt for every single person in the cast and crew who had seen this once seven-year-old little girl grow up into the gorgeous twenty-two-year old she now is. however, having to say goodbye to the girl after she had spent the majority of her life on this show was where it hit the heart and soul of literally every single cast member. and that included misha who had joined the show in 2008 when tiahni was ten. yet, she had work to do, no matter how much it hurt, she did it. 

"...and action!" bobby singer called out as its showtime for the winchesters, castiel and jack

𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐞'𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐯

i knew i needed to be careful. everyone knew how careful you needed to be with yellow-eyed demons. however, it seemed as if it hadn't crossed my mind at how live-like they still were whilst in the process of being exorcised. 

"...elodie, you alright?" sam questions as i start the process of exorcising the yellow-eyed demon that sam, dean, cas and i had been fighting against 

"ahh...nah...i...i should be fine sammy, but thank you!" i turned to smile at my younger brother, feeling confident in myself that i was able to take care of and exorcise the demon myself

 however, i wasn't as careful in the planning of the exorcisim like i thought i was...

...i was quite confident in myself exorcising this yellow-eyed as, in all honesty, this was the main part of the job that i had been doing since i was maybe, fifteen...or fourteen even. and now, coming up to twenty-five, i had been quite experienced in exorcising. however, sometimes this girl could get a little distracted and make some mistakes but, not until this time where my small misjudgement and complacency caused me to die at the hands of a yellow-eyed demon's knife-throwing skills during its exorcisim. 

i had started to exorcise my yellow-eyed demon when i obviously didn't think that it still had some life and power in its body and it decided to attack me one last time. and it struck me, the middle winchester right where it hurt with a knife to my stomach. unfortunately for myself, it seemed as if the yellow-eyed demon had absolutely murdered me to a pulp. the knife was unexplainable large and obviously, as sharp as knives could get. and, the demon took its chance and, decided that if they could no longer be alive in this world then neither could i. 

"cut!" bobby's voice rings out as everyone could breathe again as i smiled - now shit was getting real and i was actually leaving supernatural

"shit's getting real now!" i turned to see alex, he was not as excited about filming today knowing that i was having to leave 

"i knoww! it's getting real real, it's kinda scary!" i giggled softly, holding my hand out for alex to grab knowing the comfort it'd bring him 

we got a five minute break before we started the next scene which was the actual death scene so, this is gonna be fun to film. 

"action!" 

𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐞'𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐯

"sike winchesters," the yellow-eyed demon whispered, throwing its knife with utmost precision and aim

the same exact precision and aim of bellatrix lestrange from harry potter when she stabbed dobby the house elf with her speared knife, the demon's knife throwing skills on par, stabbing me right into my stomach. 

with a sudden loud gasp of air and groan coming out of my mouth, from the blow of the knife to my stomach, the demon had been exorcised and mrudered its last vicitim at the same time. the second i could even be heard hitting the floor, my older and younger brothers, dean and sam and our guardian angel, castiel had split reactions. all of them rushing over to me and hoping that i could be spared. 

"el!" sam yells out, his jeans ruined by his knees sliding against the floor as he dropped to the floor, moving inadequately fast speeds to keep his older sister alive

"elodie, no!" dean and cas yell at the same time, following on sam's actions, getting to their knees to try and help me as i began to fade quite quickly due to the amount of blood loss i was experiencing

"what did you do? what happened?" sam screeched out as he frantically tried to stop my bleeding as i started to come to as best as i could

"not...not the right thing apparently sammy..." i responded, a small rattly sounding laugh as i tried to stay positive

"...oh, come on lodie, don't pull that bullshit on me! what did you do and what happened? tell me, i am...i want to help you!" sam grumbled in anger because he was the youngest, he always felt that if something went wrong, that he had to fix it

and most especially when dean or i'm not around to fix it, it was up to sam so because i was obviously out of action and dean was also out of action due to shock, sam was the one that needed to fix this. so, that's what he was trying to do but, my dark sense of humour was not helping him at this stage.

"oh...sammy...i was trying to be funny. i'm sorry, if you really want to know, i was trying to exorcise the demon. but, i think i broke attention and, i became complacent and the demon managed to slip through and throw their knife, getting me right in the stomach..." my voice was getting weaker and it scared sam and dean as it meant i was dying quickly

"you bloody idiot, elodie! you know to keep focus especially when it's a demon, no matter the eye colour!" dean whispered with a tearful chuckle as he tried to apply pressure at the sight of the bleeding as i smiled smugly towards my older brother

"yeah...you think i didn't know that, smartarse!" i clapped back, about to laugh only to start coughing in the most pain i've ever been in, blood spluttered out of my mouth as the boys grimaced

"don't...don't make her laugh...she...she'll die quicker," cas finally spoke up as he looked over to see jack

who at this moment had no idea what was going on and walked in during my last moments. me and jack's relationship was like the relationship between a mother and their son. since jack was technically a toddler in an adult's body, i couldn't help but feel as though i always had to take care of him because of that fact. and i've looked after him ever since we first met him. and now, it was clear that jack was going to lose me, the woman he saw as his motherly figure and it's going to devastate him.

"don't make who laugh? who will die quicker?" jack's confused and timid voice speaks up as the winchester brothers and castiel tense up

"break! five minutes and then we'll jump straight back in!" bobby calls out as everyone rests as i take a deep breath in 

"how aren't you crying your eyes out right now, t?" jared whines as he furiously wiped away the tears that had ever-so quickly welled in his eyes as i chuckled softly, allowing him to be cuddled 

"i don't really know, maybe it just hasn't hit me as hard yet," i shrugged as i squeezed and did all i could to comfort jared as much as i could 

as, you know, cancers are very emotional people and, what star sign is jared? a cancer, see how much sense that makes? 

"when do you think it'll hit you then?" misha then asks as he sat next to jared and i as i giggle softly once again 

"i don't know...maybe when the episode airs and we watch it together?" i shrugged as the guys all smiled and nodded their heads since we always watched the episodes together 

"yeah maybe but, let's just focus on the now..." alex smiled although it was obviously a fake smile as he stood with his arms crossed as i chuckled softly 

the four of them, jared, jensen, misha and alex smiled stiffly and all stood up as they moved to places. our five minute break was coming to its end as i took in a deep breath as i wasn't so sure as to how i was going to deal with this.  

"action!"

𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐞'𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐯

i instantly held onto what was now very little of my breath so as not to make a sound to give it away that it was me that was dying. not wanting to worry the young nephilim.

"jack! when...when did you get here?" cas spoke in shock, standing up within seconds from where he was kneeling on the floor next to me as the younger boy looks confused towards the angel

"uhh...like...two seconds ago? what is going on? elodie told me that she'd call me when you guys had finished this trip! i just wanna know what's taking so long and why hasn't elodie called me yet?" jack questioned with a worried tone as cas' eyes widened, trying his hardest to think up a perfectly good and human excuse that was totally believable

"oh...the demon is just being a little bit of a...demon's pain in the butt but, i'm sure we'll be done in the next couple of minutes...maybe, leave the bunker for a bit and once...once we've finished we'll give you a call?" cas' eyes widened in shock after those words came out of his mouth without a single moment of planning 

and, truly, i was shocked too but, jack just nodded his head. taking that totally bullshit response and trusting cas with it. of couse jack trusts cas, he had no reason not to trust the angel. so, he just left the bunker and trusted that he was going to be getting that call from me.

"oh...okay then...um, i'll leave then! just, tell elodie that i love her and that i'll...uh...i'll see her soon?" jack spoke with nervousness as cas smiled softly and nodded his head

jack smiled softly too as he then left the bunker, "of course i can jack, see you then!" cas spoke with softness

and the second jack left the bunker, all hell broke loose and it was just a shit storm. it seemed as though my impending death decided to come quicker. so, quickly, cas ran back over to us, laying his hand softly on my leg...but, before his hand could even touch my leg, i almost started an earthquake. 

"no! cas...please...don't...don't try to save me!" i yelled a little too loudly as cast lifted his eyes up in direct eye contact with me and tilted his head to the side in confusion

"i...i wasn't going to...i...i was just placing my hand there for support..." cas spoke softly as i calmed down immediately, feeling bad as i smiled

yet, seconds later, i inquired about why i heard jack and cas talking, "...oh...and cas, why were you and jack talking? is he alright?" i question with worry, groaning in pain as i sat myself up slightly as cas gulped

"yeah, oh my gosh, yes, he's fine. he...he was just wondering why you hadn't called him yet. he also says that he loves you and that he...he thinks he'll see you soon..." cas trailed off as my heart broke, as did sam and dean's

jack wasn't ever going to be able to say goodbye because the others don't want jack having me, his motherly figure as his first death experience.

"...bloody hell...jack...i'm so sorry honey..." i whispered, my voice filled with guilt as i felt myself getting mad over the fact that right now, jack has no clue that i'm dying and will never get that phone call he was promised

"...don't apologise, lodie, you didn't think this is how you'd die..." sam attempted to comfort me, sincerely however it made my blood boil

"...i didn't think i'd be dying at all today...i mean, it really wasn't in my plan to die was it, sammy?" i blew up in anger as a blood retching couch expels out of my lungs suddenly as i weakly groan

"no...no...it...it wasn't...i'm sorry lodie..." the younger winchester swallows himself up as my heart breaks again for my younger brother

"...take your own advice sammy, okay?" i spoke softly, a small smile covering the seconds earlier rageful face as sam's head lifted up in slight confusion

"huh?" he squeaks out as a small breath-like laugh falls from my lips as i speak up again, everyone cringing at how quickly my voice had weakened

"don't apologise sammy. i had no right to get mad at what you said because what you said is true. i didn't think i'd die during what is normally an easy demon exorcisim. but, i am and it's because i became complacent and i thought i could turn my head for just a little second to check on something else. all the while thinking the demon would stay completely still. well, no, don't do that. never take your eyes off of a demon, yellow-eyed, white-eyed, you fucking name it. treat it like a weeping angel from doctor who. do not blink or turn away from it otherwise it'll getcha. and unfortunately, after many years of doing these exact spells, i learnt that the hard way!" my voice became more husky and sickly which made the three guys teary-eyed messes

they watched me, the girl they all loved, die before i could even find someone to love or before i could celebrate more birthday's with jack and the family. and then at some point, retire from being a hunter and live a somewhat normal life with my future partner and have kids and whatnot. 

"i don't care that my statement was true or if it was false. i am still so...so goddamn sorry that i didn't offer you help when you said you had it under control. i should have known the second it went too quiet that i should have reacted quicker and assisted you. i should have made you mad that i was helping you with the demon and have you still alive than having you bleeding out to your death in my lap. i mean, what would you rather me be doing? watching you die in my lap or watching yourself yell at me because you always and continuously preach that you can handle these monsters on your own even though you're just a girl? i mean, i know what me, cas and dean would prefer but, do you?" sam was raging mad now that he was no longer going to have his older sister be alive longer

longer to help him go through life with him. his breathing patterns changed as his welled up tears stared to stream his cheeks as the sobs started to rise in his chest. which made his chest start to constrict in pain.

"sam...sammy...please calm down bud, everything is okay. i'd rather be doing the latter, just like you, of course i would. however, there is obviously a reason why i became complacent and looked away. there is a reason why the demon tried one last time and succeeded. right now, i don't know the reason and that's okay but there was a reason. i know us winchesters don't really believe in this crap, despite team free will having a goddamn angel as a member *giggles*. but, i do really believe it is my time to go and let my two brothers flourish in the hunting world alongside our wonderful angel, castiel and nephilim, jack. i really do believe my hunting days are over and it's time i fly my white flag, finally and be at peace," i was always the smarter winchester and the more eloquent speaker

i've always been told that my smile also always lit up every single room i walked into. i was absolutely gorgeous as well which always worked when i was on a hunting trip. most especially when i was going on a solo hunting trip - i was just gifted. i just had a, no pun intended, god-given gift to be a hunter and a winchester sister in this supernatural world. however, i also had the god-given gift to give up my life and refuse to be saved by castiel. knowing that he could keep those powers and use it to help revive those later down the line. including the lives of jack, dean and sam. so they could help the world if anything bad happened to them, they could be saved. however, with everything mentioned, this is why when it came to my final goodbyes to my two brothers and castiel, it was extremely hard to watch me deteriorate and not have the ability to do anything to save me. 

for my brothers, sam and dean, knowing they'd never hear their older and younger sister talk smack about the two of them ever again or do hunting trips together as the winchester three. or eat pie at the table in the bunker again, it gave them the worst visceral pain in the world. it gave them a physical and psychological pain that no other hunting death or trip to tell and back could have given them. for castiel, knowing that despite the fact he had the perefct opportunity to use his powers to resurrect me but was not allowed to due to my refusal for his help, he hated it. he felt less like an angel and more of a murderer which made no sense or a nurse that had jyst been told that no matter what they tried to do to help, that they weren't able to revive a patient of theirs which made more sense. and that...that made castiel feel absolutely helpless and utterly useless. i mean, what good is an angel of the lord if he can't revive those who call for his help? now, that's a question that would end up running through castiel's mind an entire month after my death as it was the perfect question that just wasn't able to be given a perfect answer from the angel.

"...cas...promise me something, okay?" my voice deteriorates with every word and breath, trying my hardest to say all my goodbyes

the guys are attentive, wanting to listen to everything i have to say before it's too late, "anything, what do i need to promise?" cas looks up and makes direct eye contact with me as i faintly smile

"please...please tell...tell jack that it's been an honour to be his mom and that i love him...and...and that i'm sorry that i broke my promise of giving him that phone call..." my entire body shook as the bloody cough left my mouth as i continued

"...he needs to know that this was never my intention but i...i don't regret the things i said to him before this trip. i...i really did want to leave this life as a hunter and run away and fall in love with someone and have kids, lay low for the rest of my life. maybe take him with me or...or keep him safe with one of you three. i'm just sorry that jack's never going to go through the rest of his life without me with him, cause i promised him i'd never leave him. however, he has to promise us one thing..." i trailed off once again as cas, dean and sam watch on, wondering what i wanted them to promise me

"...what is it els?" dean spoke up, his bottom lip trembling as he tried to hold back tears as i smiled at the use of dean's childhood nickname for me

"i want you guys to promise jack that, although i've left him physically, i've never really left him. promise jack that he can fall in love without me teaching him what love is. i...i want him to fall in love, i want him to get married, i want him to have kids with her. i want him to be happy. i want him to laugh so hard he cries...i want him to cry so hard he can't breathe but wants to laugh so it doesn't look like he's a wuss *tearful laughter*, alright? i...i just want him to be happy after i'm gone...i...i don't want him to let his life go to shit just because i'm gone okay? can...can you promise me that? cas? sam? dean?" i begged weakly as the three men nodded their heads, promising me that they would make sure that jack doesn't waste his life away

"we promise" the three of them say at the same time as i smile before i move to my eldest brother dean for my final goodbye to him

"dean...dean...i..i never thought i'd say this especially in my dying moments but...that night when you made a deal with good old crowley so you could spare sam's life. i...i was the most frustrated i had ever been in the entire world...do..do you wanna know why?" i trailed off, pausing my story as dean nods his head, he did want to hear this story 

this story he had never heard, ever, of a moment where his els had been angry at him, "mhm..." dean muttered, nodding his head as i smiled softly at the memory before continuing the story as i adjusted myself in sam's lap

"i...i was furious because we had made a promise. us two, the two elder siblings that no matter what happens and if we lose sam, i'm the one who makes a deal, not you. you promised me that day that where you were going wasn't to make a deal but to do something else. however, when bobby told me that you had gone right behind my back to make that deal...i wanted to shoot you in the back of the head because...because you thought you were such a smartarse and could get away with it and not even tell me about it..."

"...but no, although you think you did get away with it, you really didn't dean. i was so hurt and i...i felt like my trust by my own older brother had been betrayed. watching you get ripped apart and tortured by hellhounds just tore my own insides apart from one another....just...thinking how helpless sam and i were as we watched you just be mauled to your death. i...i just wish i could have taken all that pain away from you and taken it myself because i knew i would have been able to handle it. but...watching you be pulled apart like that, made me sick and sure, i watched on in terror but, i was so goddamn mad at you for allowing yourself to do this...to yourself!"

"then...that...that was when i realised that's just who you are as a person, dean. you always put yourself through pain so no one else that you love has to go through it. you are such a selfless person dean that sometimes...i just...it's the worst thing about you. stop being so selfless for once and be selfish dean! take time away from being a hunter for just a goddamn second and enjoy the fact that you are still alive and healthy! and please...for the love of god, promise me that if cas, sam or jack ask you to stop what you are doing, you fucking listen to them, okay?" 

i could tell it was agony for them to watch the way i tried my hardest to stay strong and keep on talking. but it was obvious that i was running on whatever adrenaline i had left because of how i was forcing myself to speak and speak loudly and with authority at my brothers.

"yes, you are the boss and you don't allow people to tell you what to do but, that rule only applies when the people are not cas, sam and jack! if any one of those three tell you something, you fucking listen to them, alright?!" i spoke harshly, despite the fact that my throat was burning with every word spoken i still continued to fight through the pain

"els...i...i..." dean was in utter shock, he had no clue about all this built up rage i had regarding him selling his soul - well, he knew i was mad at him but, not to this extent

"...dean...re...remember that one time you saved my life af...after michael had tried to kill me and i got mad at you? mad because i had told you that i had everything under control and that it was your fault i almost died?" my voice softened as it sounded watery however with no sight of tears welled in my eyes, staying incredibly strong for my brothers and best friend

dean nodded his head as he remembered that day as though it was yesterday. the amount of nightmares and visions he had from that day saving my life would probably be the thing that haunted him the most, forget about hell haunting him.

"well...i..i lied. i...i wasn't mad at you. if anything, i was so fucking relieved when you picked me up from michael's grip, my lord, was i relieved. i was so glad that you had helped me because otherwise, michael would have seriously had the best and strongest will to kill me at that moment...i..i just yelled at you be...because i wanted you to think that i wasn't your weak younger sister..." i trailed off as i chuckled softly to myself considering that currently, in this moment, i was dying

"...els...you were always the funnier, prettier, smarter winchester out of the three of us. however, sometimes it was hilarious when you did get distracted and then you'd get so sassy and act like such a smartarse. telling me off for being a smart arse as well. i...i just...you really made not having mom with us so much better because of how well you took care of sammy and i and then jack...i mean, i always knew you'd be a great mom but...now...we'll never get to see that happen properly..." dean trailed off as he didn't know how to react to the thought and fact that i, his younger sister, was going to die in a few minutes

me and dean had a very sweet, special brother and sister farewell that didn't require any more words but just a physical head touch. we then pulled away after a few seconds for the hardest goodbye of mine. if it weren't for jack's farewell, saying goodbye to sam, moose, sam-sam, sammy...all the other nicknames i have for sam, he is the worst goodbye for me.

"...and sam...moose...sam-sam...sammy, my baby brother who's always going to look older purely for the fact you're an actual giant *tearful laughter*. i am so glad i was able to live this long to take care of you for as long as i have. you have grown up to be one of the smartest, funniest, strongest, fastest and one of the most amazing hunter's that i have ever seen in my career and life of hunting. sure, you can be clumsy, an utter idiot, forgetful and a little clueless. but there is always one thing you have always been and that's innocent. you have such an innocence about you that has stuck with you due to not having very much of a childhood and...i am so glad you held onto that because it has helped you through so much, sammy! please...even though it may become hard to do so now that i'll be gone after this but...don't lose this innocence about yourself. it's precious, it's pure and it's what makes you who you are, okay?" i paused as sam nodded his head as tears flooded his cheeks, his face red and flushed

"mhm," sam tearfully mumbled as i smiled before continuing

"sammy...you...you made me a better person...truly you have...and castiel, so have you! i love all three of you...and jack! i love jack so much..." i muttered off, feeling like i was losing my mind

"...sammy, i always looked up to you because i couldn't always be the strong one or the fastest or the funny one. hell, i couldn't even be the really tall winchester *tearful laughter*. you are amazing sammy and i am so sorry i waited this long to tell you..." 

"...i mean, not right now. i'm not being amazing right now, i'm crying over my sister..." sam's laughter turned mournful as i was as cool as cucumber as i quietly giggled

"you're not wrong sammy however, you are the reason why i'm this brave, why i'm this smart...you are the entire reason why i am the person i am today! you...you changed me by just being my younger brother! i hope you know how much i truly love you sam-sam...sure, you do get on my nerves a quarter of the time but, the majority of the time, you really do allow me to be the older sister and take care of everything. thank you for being my baby brother and rescuing me all those times you did..." i smiled as sam tried his hardest to smile as well but he just couldn't

he was in an uproot of panic and he had no clue what to do with the fact that me, his role model and older sister was literally minutes, maybe seconds even, away from dying.

"el...elodie please...don't die...don't leave me!" sam sobbed as he tried to hold my dying body closer as i giggled, my last words escaping quickly

"...it's the family business...isn't that right sammy?" i croaked out before my entire body relaxed 

"and, cut!" bobby called out

the biggest breath escaped my mouth as i was still hugging jared which, truthfully, i was glad and happy to do. because like, did you just hear and see the amount of crying he just had to do? i doubt those tears were acting tears either which is why i didn't even think to move from my position, knowing that it was probably providing a lot of comfort to jared right now. 

"we're nearly done, jare!" i whispered as jared was a mess, i hugged him tight as he reciprocated 

i then all of a sudden let out an involuntary groan/gasp as i had suddenly felt alex drop to the floor and pull me in for a hug as i smiled. 

"aw, hey al, what's up?" i whispered as i had realised jared was finally calm and most likely with his eyes closed for a moment to compose himself 

"bobby says we're about to finish the scene soon. and, i also just wanted a cuddle!" alex let out a shameful giggle as i pouted, i hated how upset everyone was getting now that misha and i were finishing today 

"aw that's cute!" i smiled as alex and i pulled away from the hug, chuckling as i lowered my face closer to jared's hair, giving it a kiss as that opened his eyes in seconds 

he nodded his head, understanding instantly, his permanent sad puppy pout still etched into his smile. 

"action!"

𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘭'𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘷

elodie's eyes closed, her mouth upturned into a smile as her final breath came and went just as quickly as sam could comprehend elodie's last words. and straight away, dean and i gulped, tears streaming down our cheeks also as we stayed silent and calm since sam was in frantic panic mode. since sam was panicking, he was trying everything he could to get elodie to wake up. shaking her, tapping her face, yelling at her, sam tried everything he could to force elodie to wake up. however, nothing was working because it was finally elodie's time to say goodbye. 

"elodie! els...come on...ELODIE WAKE UP!" sam screamed, his voice becoming louder and louder as he continued to shake his dead sister's body to no avail of waking her up, his sobs getting louder

dean couldn't deal with sam's screams anymore and i couldn't either. so, without even a word or eye contact between each other, dean and i decided that i was going to pick elodie up and move her away to cover her up so she could then later be burnt. meaning that dean was in charge of sam and trying to get him to relax and calm him down. the distraught brother who just wished his older sister had survived another yellow-eyed demon.

"sam...sam...sammy...stop it!" dean called out before he could get his grief-ridden sobbing younger brother to calm down and just stop

"dean...dean...she's...she's gone!" sam sobbed out as he tried to resist dean's strong grip as the older brother nodded his head 

"i..i know sammy, i know. i hate it just as much as you do and it hurts me just as much as it hurts you. but, what elodie said before she died is true. it's the family business and we, unfortunately, can't stop just because she's gone. we have to keep going and we have to keep working," dean tried his hardest to soothe his younger brother and calm him down but it wasn't getting any easier

a flash of anger then flashes across sam's face as dean steps back, "why did she do it..." sam's voice becomes aggressive and mad which confused dean slightly and scared him 

"...what do you mean, sammy?" dean questioned as sam's anger then vanished as though it was just a flick of anger that then disappated as his agonosing pain returned

"i just...why did she do it..." sam sniffled as his tears began again as dean felt awful, he knew that having to deal with the thought of sam not having his older sister there with him anymore was an agonizing thought 

"cut!"

alex was not at all excited for this part of elodie's death and, it was understandable. most especially when all of the cast that wasn't involved in the episode and the crew were going to be watching - this was agonizing. 

 └─── °∘❉∘° ───┘ └─── °∘❉∘° ───┘ └─── °∘❉∘° ───┘

𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘭'𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘷

it had been a couple of hours since jack had asked me if elodie was okay and the phone call still hadn't been made. so, this made jack ever-so curious and worried so, he decided that instead of waiting another hour for the call, he'd come back to the bunker to find elodie and see what was wrong. however, whilst he had prepared himself for loads of things, he never thought to prepare himself for the moment that he would see his best friend/mother figure dead, bloody and covered in what was a white sheet covering her entire body.

he felt like he had just been stabbed in the gut. the noise he made also sounded inhumane as he felt his body get forced to the ground as tears welled in his eyes. so many emotions were going through jack's brain and body right now that he thought he was going to go into overdrive and explode.

"...el...elodie.." jack mumbled in shock as he tried to get himself to stand up, failing as he felt his heart shatter 

jack stayed on the floor, on his knees and facing elodie until he heard the sound of my fluttering wings and the door closing as sam and dean had walked in to see jack. turning around, a new emotion rose inside of jack, the feeling of anger and betrayal. it was obvious, plainly obvious, that we were the three people who got to say our final goodbyes to our sister and best friend. but jack, elodie's adopted son, couldn't say his final goodbyes to her? suddenly, jack felt all the strength in the world, managing to stand himself up as he moved over to the three of us who still looked undeniably devastated.

"you...you lied to me! you told me that elodie was fine and that she'd be calling me!" jack was raging towards the three of us but none more so than me

jack's face was red and his entire body shook, it was uncontrollable at this point but, we didn't care. it was understandable why jack was raging. he had every right to be mad, we all knew why he was mad so we didn't stop him.

"i...i know i did jack and i am so sorry. we...i truly thought that she would want to be saved! i...i didn't think she wanted to die!" i tried my hardest to explain but it still wasn't satisfying jack

"i don't care about that, cas! i just care that you could have actually let me stay and probably told me the truth!" jack yelped as tears welled in his eye line, a few of them escaping as he didn't bother to wipe them away 

"i...i just wish i could have said goodbye...cas...elodie was...she was like my mom...she was going to leave this hunting life...she...she was going to make sure i had everything i needed...she was going to be happy..." jack trailed off as his entire face was now covered in wet, hot and salty tears of regret of all the things he probably never got to say to his adopted mom

"...if you want, we can go and you can do that now if you still want to do that?" dean then spoke up, the more composed out of the four of us as jack lifted his head slightly, his eyes slightly twinkling

"is that okay?" he muttered as dean smiled, nodding his head 

"of course it's fine. do whatever you need to do. scream, cry, make a mess of things. sam did all of the above. and cas dealt with it in the way he deals with things. i just wanna make sure that you don't pull back the white sheet, you'll get nightmares and i don't want you to have that image in your head and go through that trauma..." dean whispered, patting jack's shoulder as he nodded his head

"...thanks dean..." he uttered quietly as he then walked himself towards the table that elodie was laying on, her deceased body covered by a white sheet that was dotted with bloody spots

however, it was as though he couldn't even bear to look at the table because even though elodie was covered, it was still obvious that it was her that was laying there on that table, dead. and that it wasn't just anyone's blood, it was her blood that was spread across the once white sheet that covered her. sobs came up his throat as he at first tired to hold them back before he remembered what dean had said.

remembering that dean said he could do whatever he wanted, he took that advice. and, instead of holding it back, he just released it all, all of his feelings and the agonizing pain he felt. his sobs were just as loud as sam's, his screams were on part as sam's. his anger was five times more than sam's, his distruction of the room was worse than anything sam and dean could do as a duo. that was until he felt someone come from behind him, holding him tightly and not letting him go. we both moved down to the floor as jack continued to scream, cry and thrash around. secretly hoping in his head that he wasn't hurting me as i held him tightly.

"you can still live your life without elodie," my normally deep and gravelly voice whispered however, my voice was sorrowful and consoling, giving jack the comfort he so very well desired

"i...i can't cas. elodie was the one who wanted to take me with her after leaving this life...she...she was going to officially take me in and adopt me! she...she was going to be happy!" jack sobbed as he sat on the floor in my lap as my arms wrapped around the distraught kid

jack resting his chin on my arms which made me smile despite the smile not being for a happy reason, "she knows that but she also knows that you'd hate yourself forever if you waste your life away. elodie wants you to be happy and to leave his life behind. she made us promise that you would have kids, get married and have a huge house, with a girl that's got you head over heels and tied down to the point where even after three years of marriage, you still stutter your words. and trip over your own feet because you are so in love with her, she even wants one of us to take you in if we're able too but, most importantly, she wants you to live and be happy!" i spoke softly into jack's ear and, in all honesty, if that could have taken away all of jack's grief and pain about the loss of his "adopted" mother right then and there, it probably a hundred per cent would have without a single breath of doubt

"she's allowing you to move on because she knows that you'll be miserable if you don't allow it," dean whispered, a small smile on his lips as his arms crossed over as jack looked up, nodding his head

sam then bent down to me and jack's level, placing his hand on jack's knee before speaking up. giving some more comfort to the grief-stricken blonde.

"elodie loved and still loves you so much, jack. she said it was an honour to be considered as your adopted mom. she made cas, dean and me all promise her that we'd make sure you'd be happy and live the life you deserve to live. she also made cas promise to tell you that she does love you and that she is so sorry that she broke her promise and couldn't give you that phone call," sam gave jack a comforting look as they looked at each other before jack spoke up softly

"it's the family business though sam." 

wow, not going to lie, never thought hearing those words would hurt me as much as they did. but, it hurt, like, it was bloody painful. 

"yeah...yeah, it is the family business jack but, she was so excited to leave it behind though," sam stammered, more tears streaming down his red and flushed cheeks as i watched the conversation between the two boys

"why was she so excited? she never really did explain it properly!" jack whimpered, fearing the worst answer as sam sniffled, his shoulder catching a tear as i still held tightly onto jack

"she knew that if she left now when she had the chance, her fear of being killed would go away..." sam choked out as he became breathless as he stormed off, his waterfall of tears making him struggle to breathe

"...her biggest fear is what killed her..." jack choked out as he could no longer breathe properly either due to his own sobs as i tightened my grip, jack pulling our interlocked arms up closer to his face as he found comfort in this position

"...cut!" 

the moment bobby shouted out cut and the bell rang out, i jumped off the table i was laying on and ran immediately to the bunker floor. misha and alex were still sitting there, jensen had walked off the help calm jared down. i felt awful yet, still nowhere near the point of tears. maybe that will come whilst i watch misha's final scene, who knows. 

pulling misha and alex into my embrace, i feel alex physically relaxing. holding them tightly on the floor, my knees killing me but i ignore it as alex felt safe enough to cry as his breath remained shaky. it seemed as though misha had calmed himself down which i was grateful for as misha needed to be emotional and cry later on so, he deserved to through this part of his day without crying at least. 

"that fucking sucked!" alex whispered as he sniffled as i smiled into his hair

"it really did!" i whispered as alex pouted due to the fact i didn't add in my usual "and swallowed" joke

"lowkey was ready and expecting to hear the and swallowed joke, not gonna lie!" alex muttered as i chuckled softly 

"i did think about it but, no, didn't feel like it was the right time to say it," i muttered softly, now that it was slowly but surely hitting me that i was really leaving the show, i didn't have it in me to make a dirty joke after a slew of emotional scenes

"do you think you'll cry at some point, t?" alex mumbled softly, finally looking up at me as i also make eye contact, a small smile on my lips 

"yeah eventually," i nodded as i hugged him tighter 

└─── °∘❉∘° ───┘└─── °∘❉∘° ───┘└─── °∘❉∘° ───┘

it had now finally come to the last farewell to grace today's filming day on the set of supernatural. first it was elodie winchester and now, it's our favourite angel of the lord, castiel!

i leant on a wall with alex standing next to me as we watched misha film his final scene with jensen. and now, now i think i was finally allowing it to hit me that i was leaving. 

"...wait, there is...there is one thing she's afraid of. there's one thing strong enough to stop her. when jack was dying, i made a deal to save him," dean was in absolute shock, he couldn't even believe that cas could do that 

"you...what?" dean couldn't even comprehend what he had just heard his best friend say, had he just really made a deal of his own life? 

"the price was my life. when i experienced a moment of true happiness, the empty would be summoned, and it would take me forever," cas almost smiled at those words coming out of his mouth as it made dean choke on his breath

"why are you telling me this now?" dean's voice was rough but it was clear to see he did not like hearing this new news

"i know. i know how you see yourself, dean. you see yourself the same way our enemies see you. you're destructive, and you're angry and you're broken. you're 'daddy's blunt instrument'. and you think that hate and anger, that's...that's what drives you, that's who you are. it's not. and everyone who knows you see it. everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. you raised your little sister and brother for love. you fought for this world for love. that is who you are. you're the most caring man on earth. you are the most selfless, loving human being i'll ever know. *smiling as he cries* you know, ever since we met, ever since i pulled you out of hell...knowing you has changed me. because you cared, i cared. i cared about you. i cared about elodie. i cared about sam. i cared about jack...i cared about the whole world because of you *sad laugh as a tear rolls down his face* you changed me, dean," cas smiled as tears rolled down his cheeks as dean's eyebrows furrowed in confusion 

"why does this sound like a goodbye?" dean spoke in a quiet, reserved voice as cas tearfully smiled

"because it is," cas could tell that as dean inhaled that he was ready to argue, however, he knew he had to confess these words before it was too late

"i love you," the angel tearfully smiled as he watched closely at dean's reaction

"cas..." dean trailed off as castiel put his hand, bloodied from when he'd cut it on the warding, on dean's shoulder

"goodbye dean," cas spoke with a smile, a sense of pride surrounding the angel

"what?" dean, still confused was suddenly pushed out of the way by castiel

the hard shove from castiel had forced dean against the wall beneath the portal as he struggled to catch his breath. a handprint of castiel's bloody hand remained on dean's shoulder. billie then entered the room as cas took one last look at dean. smiling as he then inhales as the black liquid trendils of the empty wrapped around him. the empty crashes against billie, pulling her along with them. dean then watches on in shock as the portal to the empty closes as he is then all of a sudden left all alone, panting and stunned. 

"cut!" 

well, that was it! misha and i had now both filmed our final scenes on supernatural. cas and elodie are now no longer returning for the last two episodes of the show. i just stared out into the distance only to be taken out of it when misha picked me up. making me giggle, getting ride of the choked up feeling in my throat. 

"we did it!" misha tearfully cheered as he finally placed me down to the floor as i nodded my head, smiling 

"my childhood is finally over..." i whispered as he grabbed a tight hold on my hand, not letting it go as the director had called out the one thing that i don't think i had prepared myself to hear

"...and that is a series wrap on mr misha collins and miss tiahni kingsmill!" the director called out as the set filled with cheers, whistles, tearful screams and just everything you could imagine happening on a cast member's last day on set

despair s15 ep18 was the day that elodie winchester and castiel came to their final demises.

- - - 

this was so much fun to rewrite and, i'm glad i changed the relationship between jack and elodie because ew, jack is literally meant to be a literal three-year-old!

ily xx 

word count; 8772

[lord-here-i-am]

Hl. Elias der Märtyrer

Gefeiert Am 16. Februar

Heiliger Elias Martyrer von Cäsarea, Palästina, + 16.2.309 –

Elias, Jeremias, Isaias, Samuel und Daniel wurden in Ägypten von heidnischen Eltern geboren und als sie sich zum christlichen Glauben bekehrten, legten sie sich die Namen der Propheten bei und dienten den Christen in Cilicien, die in die Bergwerke verdammt waren. Nach einiger Zeit kehrten sie nach Cäsarea in Palästina zurück, wo sie mehrere Götzendiener zum Christentum führten und unter der Regierung des Kaisers Galerius Maximian von dem Statthalter Firmilianus gefangen genommen wurden. Nachdem sie längere Zeit Hunger, Not und alle Mühseligkeiten im Kerker standhaft erduldet hatten, wurden sie vor ein öffentliches Gericht geführt, wo sie sich unerschrocken als Christen bekannten und durch keine Versprechungen noch Drohungen zum Abfall gebracht werden konnten. „Wir sind Jünger von Jesus dem Gekreuzigten“, antworteten sie einmütig, „und sind als solche zu allen Martern bereitet; denn der Knecht ist nicht besser als sein Herr, der sein Blut am Kreuz vergossen hat!“ Der Statthalter ließ sie unmenschlich foltern und während dieser Qualen verkündeten die Martyrer das Lob Gottes, sangen Psalmen und halbtot wurden sie auf den Richtplatz geschleppt und enthauptet am 16. Februar des Jahres 309. Porphyrius, ein christlicher Diener des heiligen Pamphilus, ging beherzt zum Statthalter und verlangte die Leichname der heiligen Martyrer, um sie der Entehrung zu entreißen und nach christlicher Sitte zu beerdigen. Mit ihm vereinigte sich Seleucus, ein christlicher Soldat aus Cappadocien gebürtig. Er sammelte das Blut der Heiligen, küsste ihre Leichname und bedeckte sie mit seinem Mantel. Aber beide wurden dadurch als Christen erkannt, zur Marter verurteilt und der eine durch das Schwert, der andere mit Feuer getötet. Ihre Leiber lagen lange unversehrt auf der Richtstätte, bis sie fromme Gläubige in der Stille begruben.