#marissa deserved better from ryan for sure regarding these events and i think if he was in character he would've realized this sooner

[mischas]

Would love to hear your thoughts on that scene in 3.01 ("you're not alone this time"). I always find it very upsetting that M has to remind R she exists, he doesn't ask how she is... somehow her trauma and everything she has been through becomes about him? Also LOVE the wordless phone call. M is especially brilliant in that scene.

I hear you! This got insanely long, like much more than you were probably expecting...

So my thing about this scene is that it's a favorite, if not my very favorite, outside of the episode's context. 3x01 tells us, not all that subtly, that Ryan wants to speak to Trey. He wants him to wake up. And I don't think Ryan even knows what he wants to say. And maybe that's reasonable, but we have to assume from context clues that Ryan thinks that because they fought it out and Trey's been in a coma all summer that they're square. Ryan tells Seth something along the lines of "I'd give anything for him to wake up" and yes that's his brother so it's incredibly complicated but also what the fuck.

The attack and shooting were intensely psychologically damaging for Ryan that summer but 1) the show never really attempted to treat it as such and 2) it impacted how he was able to identify with and console Marissa. It's pretty in character for him to keep things bottled up while she's all emotion and heart. Their similarly shared trauma is what bonded them in the first place but this was something they went through together, though having had different roles in each event. And somehow it's worse, because their coping mechanisms are different and there's a lot unsaid due to them being all-too-reliant on nonverbal communication. They are so separately traumatized in 3x01 that they've both contended that things will be okay when Trey awakes and probably not thought about anything beyond that. Ryan hasn't let himself consider Marissa's own trauma from the events because he already feels so, so bad that he brought Trey into her life in the first place. And that's not right, of course he should've given her perspective much more thought, but I think it's his way of coping. As Sandy says in 3x02, Ryan wanting to fix the situation is "the universal male instinct" rather than just sitting with Marissa and talking. The third season should've delved into this as they were trying to evolve the characters into adults anyway due to it being senior year.

As for the end scene you actually asked about (lol) I've chosen to see the scene as Ryan having seen Trey for the last time and lamenting the last real familial tie he had. Much of the Ryan we came to know is defined by his upbringing and frayed ties with his blood relatives. Trey's crimes are the whole reason Ryan ended up in Newport and I have to give that final scene credit for somehow bringing Ryan's complicated feelings toward his family full circle. I don't think he really knows what he's feeling but he's also just been in jail for a few days so he's probably been thinking about stealing that first car with Trey in 1x01 and everything that's come from it. Ryan's been confused and anxious all summer. The story he tells Marissa is an allegory for him feeling like a scared little kid again. As Theresa said in 2x23, "Trey's been kicking you around your whole life". Trey's crimes against Marissa are horrifying and I think Ryan's only way of acknowledging that was with his fist in that apartment. Because talking it out is something he was never raised to do. Ryan has alluded to basically raising himself but "It was always me and Trey against the world" is telling too. Ryan not only thought of him as a brother but as a protector. We saw in s2 how complicated Ryan's feelings are about his brother and we saw how Trey could manipulate Ryan pretty easily. I think 3x01 is an example of Trey pulling those strings again with just his presence. Him being around discombobulates Ryan so much and there will always be a power imbalance between them. Because Trey has the ability to make Ryan feel like a scared little kid.

Ryan sharing the story with Marissa means a lot because we never see him share much about his home life beyond little comments to Seth and an anecdote here and there. Even though Ryan doesn't have the emotional maturity to talk through everything with Marissa, she's still the one he's closest to emotionally. And he knows she'd never judge him for feeling lost and small. They get one another in ways that are overwhelming yet comforting and it's part of why they keep coming back together. This scene promises a closeness and Marissa's "You're not alone this time" is very key in this vulnerable position Ryan's found himself in. We never see him like this, and we have to assume Marissa has seen it infrequently too. Marissa's saying "I'm scared with you, if you're that scared little kid I'm right there too, we'll be scared together" and it's so simple. Because ALL Marissa wants is to walk through this with him. Even this schtick they have of "if we stick together, things will be okay" in the first three episodes is so much clinging to the other so they don't drown. And it's not just Ryan who wants to avoid it. Marissa wasn't taught how to process her feelings or trauma either. They enable one another sometimes because they're also afraid of that same vulnerability and even culpability; it comes out a bit in their 3x02 fight (Marissa knows Ryan lowkey blames her for Trey leaving and Ryan is still very confused about those things so he doesn't even consider them and is instead defensive). It's really the last time we see them actually discuss what happened in 2x24 (2x21 is barely discussed in 3x01) so we have to piece together a few things.

But resolving to stick together isn't in itself unhealthy, and they're so so young that it makes sense that they think (or at least wish) that clinging to what they've built together will resolve their problems. It's actually incredibly romantic, and I think goes to the root of why I love them so much. They're deeply traumatized characters who see those same things in one another and are constantly trying to survive.