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keyotos · 1 year ago

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the only exception

summary ⎯ where blade thinks there is no more hope for love, but you may be the only exception.

tags ⎯ soft blade. mentions of blade's past. reader uses his real name (yingxing) like once on accident. emotional rollercoaster. blade goes through the 5 stages of grief except its not grief it's love. blade is bad at feelings.

tana's thoughts ⎯ gave into the voices and i starting writing this.

the xianzhou is not like it used to be, yet it has not changed that much either. at least, that's what blade noticed as he stood by one of the railings at starskiff haven. he watched the starskiffs come and go as he stood there, motionless.

he had a cup of tea from the tea parlor nearby. some customers wanted him to engage in tea discourse with them because he was an "outworlder," but with one glare from him, they knew better than to press on. so now, he was alone in the dark with sunglasses on.

starskiffs seemed to improve throughout the years. his favorite snack stand was gone, one he used to visit with you. blade tried to ignore the burning sensation in the middle of his chest at the thought. but the stupid mungbean soda vending machines were still there. damn them, he thought.

blade took off his sunglasses momentarily as he rubbed his eyes. sunglasses were obviously meant to be worn in the sun, not in the dark: they were causing him eye strain. he tried to be as subtle as possible, not trying to attract any cloud knights or realm-keeping employees. his face was still on a wanted poster, after all.

"ahem."

blade turned back to find a cloud knight with a mung bean soda in their hand. his mind instantly turned to you, given that you were also a cloud knight who loved mung bean soda (unless that changed as well), but he snapped back to the current situation. he was about to be arrested. the cloud knight cornered him, spear in hand as they slightly lifted up their helmet to take a sip out of their drink.

have cloud knights gotten sloppier? why are they drinking soda when they were about to arrest someone? blade furrowed his eyebrows, but still got into a defensive position.

he was about to swing at the cloud knight until they held their hands up in surrender, "woah, dude," they slowly said, raising their hands up, "i'm not gonna arrest you," they placed their mung bean soda on the railing, and removed their hat.

and it was you. he was just thinking about you, and you appeared. the sight felt surreal. you, who he had been so close with all those years ago. you, who became his first friend on the luofu. you, who still lingered in his mind after all these years, who he thought about even when the mara was affecting him.

you've changed. though you haven't exactly aged, you look older. you look exhausted; your face didn't glow as it used to. blade thinks he is partial to blame for that. your posture is profoundly straight and no longer slouched⎯something you used to struggle with.

the wind blows through your hair, scattering some leaves around with it. your expression is neutral as you throw all your armor on the ground and dust yourself off. there is no smile adorning your face. everything feels so identical, but so different.

his stance softened, but he didn't let up. when you saw that, you only sighed in response. after kicking some stray pieces of armor to the side, you lean your back on the rail as you sipped your soda. the sound of the armor colliding together on the floor made blade cringe.

"i don't actually wear armor, by the way," you swung the drink in his vicinity, offering him a sip using a hand gesture. when he didn't respond, you took another swig. "i have my own uniform. pretty cool, isn't it?" you tilt your head down towards your outfit.

blade doesn't understand. why were you speaking to him as if you two were still friends? could you recognize him under the glasses? it has been so long, he'd be surprised if you recognized him at all.

blade tries to maintain his cover. he is silent while you raise an eyebrow inquisitively, wondering why this stranger wasn't responding to you. you're waiting for him to speak, blade notices. he doesn't say anything. you tilt your head to the side, and blade tilts his head the other way.

you sigh, "you know, not many people are out here so late," you sip out of your soda can, looking at blade while he looks at the starskiffs. you continue, "an old friend of mine used to do this. we'd go out every night and create elaborate stories about strangers, and then stare at starskiffs."

you're telling blade about himself. or, his past self anyway. there's a present ache in his heart, hearing how you speak about him. blade feels like an imposter, standing here with sunglasses on while you talk about him. you sound melancholic, like you miss him. a stupid thing for you, blade thought.

"he's gone now," you turned and leaned forward, now watching the starskiffs with blade. he gets a sense of deja vu, and the feeling sends chills all over his body. you rest your head on your arms on the rail, "i miss him though. he was a little awkward, but he was kind."

"and sometimes," you turn your head towards blade, "he was a little annoying. like he would keep hating on my soda," you hold your soda up to blade, but all he could think about was how you just called him annoying, "or he'd force me to go to bed early. coddle me. nag at me to do my laundry⎯that was very annoying. like, hello? i'm an adult, i could totally do my own laundry," you ranted as you watched the starskiffs.

"maybe you should've done your laundry earlier," he mumbled to himself. he made sure it was low enough that only he would be able to hear it. if you noticed, you didn't say anything; you were still focused on the starskiffs passing by.

blade takes the time to look at you. to study you. it felt like everything about you was so different, but you were still the same. you still chatted about anything to strangers (something he always chided you about). you still drank mung bean soda. you didn't have that growth spurt you dreamed about.

but you were quieter. ironic, because you just jabbered about the annoyances blade had caused you years ago. but you didn't give out too many details. you didn't mouth off about what tea parlor was best, or recent gossip from earlier. you kept things to yourself. blade doesn't know if he should be happy or not.

something was off. there was a wall between you now. and it felt so wrong. blade knows he isn't entitled to anything⎯not anymore, at least. but the feeling of disconnect between two people who were once rooted together physically pained him. even with everything that has happened, he did not want to see you like this.

"i hope he visits soon," you look at him with eyes that glitter among the stars. you're still hopeful; that has not changed. you speak like the sun is shining in your body, and your words are laced with warmth that eases enough for blade to let his guard down. that's when he realized that you're still glowing, and you never stopped.

but your words also bring a stabbing pain into his heart. why are you still longing for him? you should have moved on. you should have found someone better for you. someone who will not harm you at any given moment. but here you are, missing him. hoping he comes back.

"seriously? i just told you that i missed you and hoped you came back, and you say nothing??" you grimaced, looking exasperated. there's a slight crack in the wall now, but blade doesn't notice.

he had other things to concentrate on. like what you just said.

blade did not find this very amusing. his eyes widened underneath his sunglasses and he took a few steps back. after all these years, you could still find him in a crowd full of people. it was love he did not deserve, yet still begrudgingly craved.

"how did you know it was me?" was all blade could utter. he was too alarmed to ask any other questions, or press on your story. or to ask more about you.

you glower and huff, "so he does speak," you cross your arms over the railing as you turn to make eye contact with your past ally.

"how did you know?" blade snarled. he didn't intend for his words to come out as harsh as they did, and the moment they left his mouth, he wanted to shove the words back in and eat them. he had forgotten how you made him feel like an idiot sometimes just by doing absolutely nothing.

your eyes widen and your eyebrows slightly jump up; blade wishes he could erase that expression from his head permanently. however, instead of reacting to it, your composure remains calm. it unsettles blade; he has never seen you so calm before. when you two were young, you got into arguments with those who barely picked a fight with you. you were straightforward and aggressive: blade shouldn't have admired that about you, but nevertheless, he did.

you're less temperamental, and blade doesn't know if he likes it or not. he was worried. after a lifetime of emptiness and recklessness, blade worries. he worries about you: your life, your job, your wellbeing. he worries if you got promoted or not, or if you're living happily.

do you have a partner? blade tries to ignore the flames surrounding his heart as he thinks about your love life.

"oh please. after all the years we've spent together, you'd think i wouldn't be able to spot you in a crowd?" you let out a dry and curt laugh, "just because your hair got darker and you changed your outfit, does not mean you are unrecognizable."

"not to me, anyway," you quietly add, turning your gaze away from him and back to the starskiffs. there's an overwhelming feeling that was welling up in blade's body. it wasn't mara, because it felt more peaceful. but the urge was still strong. he wanted to grab your chin and turn you back towards him; he wanted you to look at him again and explain. to tell him about everything. he doesn't care about the topic, but he will listen no matter what.

blade feels foolish. how could one conversation (if you could even call this a conversation) make him feel so lovestruck? every single feeling for you⎯that he thought he had discarded a long time ago⎯reappeared out of thin air. it all came rushing back at him: your personality, your terrible jokes, and every single thing he grew to love about you. blade tried so hard to dismiss those feelings in the past century, and in the midst of a few minutes, all his past work crumbled.

when blade doesn't say anything, you take a sip out of your drink. the silence is tense; it is opposed to the once comfortable silences you two shared while watching starskiffs. blade thinks that, in another life, nothing would have changed: he would not have become mara-struck, and you two would watch starskiffs fly for hours on end.

but everything has changed now. and there's no going back to fix it. blade will shove down every morsel of affection he feels for you again. and this time, they won't come back up. starting tonight.

you give him a small smile, "so, wanna tell me what you've been up to?"

he will shove down every morsel of affection. starting tomorrow night. another crack in the wall between the both of you.

the feeling of wanting to capture someone's smile is maddening. you drive him crazy, and you make him more insane than mara ever could. all of this because of one smile? blade pictures your small smile once again. it's incomparable to your true smile, though. one where you're showing all your teeth and your eyes crinkle with such bemusement it drives him amuck.

once he pictures your toothy smile, he sinks deeper into the talons of endearment.

"aren't you supposed to arrest me?" he deflects, trying to stem away from his previous lovesick thoughts. maybe, if you arrest him now, he could flee from the luofu forever. maybe then, he'd have a reason to avoid you for life.

you make a 'pfft' noise with your mouth, and the sound is familiar and stupid. it has no reason to make his heart flutter the way it just did.

"if i wanted to arrest you, then you'd be in the hall of karma ages ago," you boast, "luckily for you though, i'm on a break."

"didn't know cloud knights slacked off now," blade rolls his eyes under his sunglasses. he thinks that if he's rude enough towards you, then you'd get the message that he's changed, and you would leave. he's not the same person he was before. if he didn't deserve you back then, he most definitely did not deserve you now.

"well, i'm not a cloud knight anymore," you step closer to him, "i'm a lieutenant."

so you got promoted. blade deeply tries to ignore how his breaths get more shallow after the mention of your promotion.

instead of congratulating you, blade instead replies with, "so you're the same rank as that kid that follows the general around?"

your face falls, and dread swarms throughout his body, spreading through every vein and artery and organ. every regret blade has does not compare with whatever he just said. blade finds that, whenever he thinks about regret, your face has always remained through his sea of remorse. you are the one thing he regrets in many different ways.

blade regrets meeting you. he regrets indulging in your offers for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. he regrets spending his nights with you. he regrets every time his heart leapt multiple beats whenever you were near. he regrets letting his guard down around you, because even now⎯whenever he is with you⎯he feels incredibly relaxed, despite not having to see you in centuries.

he regrets you. he regrets not being able to say goodbye to you. he regrets leaving you with so many qualms. he regrets not being able to see you change. he regrets the fact that he never got to confess to you. he regrets the fact that he still loves you, because why else would he be feeling this way?

the idiot keeps his mouth shut, even though he wants to apologize. "i didn't mean it," he wanted to say, "i'm sure you are very capable now. you stand up more straighter and you look more put together. not that you didn't look put together before. well, actually you didn't, but that's not the point."

it occured to blade that he was rambling about you in his mind. he was describing you in his mind. he was going crazy. nobody else notices these things about you. but blade physically could not tear his eyes away from you. the more he stared, the more he noticed more: such as the way your shoulders were more upright, your breathing was slow and even, and you surprisingly didn't look like you wanted to kill him. the you from centuries ago would have thrown him off the ledge.

you sigh, pressing your fingers to the bridge of your nose, "i see you've met yanqing."

blade says nothing, which simply prompts you to keep talking. a tiny slither of comfort enter's blade's body: it was refreshing to see that after years, some things will never change.

"he's jing yuan's retainer," blade internally (and bitterly) revels in the fact that you don't use any formalities with jing yuan anymore, "he can be a bit... much. but it makes sense. he's only a kid, you know? i like him," you move your soda can to the side to make room for your arms. you're leaning on the railing again, and you were not looking at blade anymore. it should not scatter uneasiness around his nerves.

he wants to share an anecdote of his own. blade yearns for connection with you for just once more. when he is around you, there's an ache in his heart. it was always there; past and present. he thought it would be subtle, like a symptom of a short-term illness. but soon he realized, the symptom he shrugged off was a manifestation of something bigger. and blade never truly recognized how long his sickness would last. because here he is right now, sick as a dog in your presence.

if wanting to fuel your everlasting fire was a sickness, blade decided that he would be diagnosed as terminal.

blade tsks at your statement. you are not impressed; your face looking slack and skeptical. there have been many times where he has been on the receiving end of that look, yet he feels the air swirl all around in his stomach every time you look at him that way. he also tries to slow his heart rate down: there should be no reason why he should be elated at the fact that you're looking at him.

"don't give me that," you cross your arms, "he reminds me of you," you pause, letting the silence overtake the both of you. there are so many unsaid things that the silence feels full, yet still too quiet. you know that the past is a sensitive topic for blade (and you as well, but you choose to dwell on that another night).

"back when we were kids, anyway," you quickly add on.

blade scoffs. scoffs. he does not see himself in yanqing, and he also does not know how you came up to that conclusion. it was ridiculous and strange. blade had to fight a scowl off his face: yanqing and him were nothing alike. if anything, the child was the spitting image of the general.

at least time hasn't changed your terrible analogies.

"terrible?" you point a finger at him, nearing his sunglasses. oh. he said that out loud. "i'll have you know, my analogies are great!"

"you compared me to yanqing, who resembles jing yuan the most," blade shifts his head to the side as he crosses his arms. your finger made his glasses shift down slightly. he could see you a lot better now without the dark obstructing his view, and he internally curses at the wanted posters for being the (indirect) reason he has to wear the glasses.

you let out a sound of disbelief, which resembled blade's scoff and your huff from earlier, "first of all, i was describing temperament. second, terrible?!?"

"if you were describing temperament, then that child would be your twin," he says, trying to fight off the feeling of his lips turning up. this feels familiar. it feels homely, almost. the world melts away when he is around you. every person, place, worry: disintegrated away by your warmth. did you know that? how do you do that? how do you make all the problems in the world disappear so easily?

you let out a breathy laugh, turning away from blade one more time. except, this time, you turn back, a grin evident on your face. it's dark in starskiff haven at the moment, but blade is sure that he just saw the sun in your smile. out of his peripheral vision, he looks to see if anyone else has noticed. have they noticed the light coming from you? how do they notice notice it?

the world continues to move, but with you, it seems that everything is perfectly still.

"i'll have you know, i worked on that whole temperament thing," you held up a hand to his face, "i'm chill now."

"oh really?" blade skeptically raises an eyebrow. you can see it through the crack in his facade left by the sunglasses. you can see his eyes a little bit more clearer.

"oh yeah," you drag out, taking a long sip of your soda. you turn on your back and spread your arms across the railings, mimicking a tired soldier, "i'm chill."

and this feels so normal, like if it was a typical night on the luofu. you and him spending time together once again. everything fell back into place so easily, as if the events of all those years ago never happened. why was it so easy?

various emotions coarse through his body, each feeling worse than the last. he can't stay. he can't live. he knows that the longer he stays here with you, the harder leaving you gets. but things have changed, even if you have not. you probably couldn't even love him the same either, logistically speaking. there were too many obstacles standing between the both of you: loving him was impossible.

he still does not understand why you still speak to him.

greeted by his silence, you choose to continue the conversation further, "this soda really helped," you slide the drink over to him again, "it's been a few years. you should try it again."

"a few years, huh?" blade eyes the drink. biggest understatement of the year.

"yeah," you eye him. your eyes are telling him to say something. blade, in all of his fearlessness, is scared. he has not been scared in a long time. the feelings of fear rushing back into him leave him stranded to his own devices, and he has no clue how to react. he used to turn to you for these things, but now, you are the reason for his fear.

you step closer to him. you are close enough that your shoulders are now touching. when you speak, blade tries to control the agitation growing in the pit of his stomach. destructive thoughts impede and pervase through his mind.

"they hate you."

"things will never be the same."

"whatever you had once, it has all gone down the drain now."

"please try the mung bean soda."

what?

blade snapped out of his head to see you holding up your drink right next to his face. he leaned his head backwards as he was met with your pleading eyes.

you took him out of his trance like it was nothing. you didn't have abilities like kafka did, yet you were able to take him out of his spiral using only six words. how was it that everything surrounding you became so easy?

"i'm not drinking that," blade says with a stern voice. he hopes that his glasses hide the panic that was once apparent in his eyes.

"c'mon," you begged, "just one sip⎯"

"why are you even doing this?" blade irritatedly snapped.

you raise an eyebrow and pretend to not know what he was talking about, "because i want you to try new things...?"

"you know what i mean."

you set down the soda can again and let out a long sigh. you run your hands through your hair, and blade thinks this is it. this is the moment where you snap back like you usually would. this is the part where you tell him that he should leave. he's too difficult, too hard to love.

"did you think i was lying back when i said i missed you?" your entire face softened. there was no light-heartened smirk or grin. you look sad. there are no other words to describe how else you look except sad. blade could not think of any other words. all he could focus on was you.

"i wasn't lying," you say, sounding more desperate than before, "i miss you so much, yin⎯blade." your tone turns sharp when you say his name now. this is it, blade tells himself, this is the part where you leave.

"you matter to me," you eunicate, "i still believe in you. i don't care about the past; i'm not letting it hold me back. which, i know is probably wrong on some level, but i don't care. because i miss you a lot."

"it's not even the fact that i miss us from before," you're rambling now. blade does not have the heart to stop you, "but i just miss you. blade or yingxing, i couldn't care less. i miss our late night talks, so when i saw you here tonight, i jumped at the opportunity to talk to you," you threw your hands up in the air, and then ran another hand through your hair, "and when we spoke⎯even with everything that happened⎯everything felt so easy while talking to you. and everything was okay. and i just wanted that so badly," your voice trailed off. blade swore he could hear it crack a little.

you had felt the same way he did. blade does not know if he was just consumed by an overwhelming sense of air flowing through his chest, or feeling something drop in his chest after you said what you said.

"sorry," you had nothing to apologize for, "i just word-dumped on you," you were using another one of your weird terms again, "i just wanted to let you know that i've always missed you. i've missed everything about you. and i don't want to let you go."

i still love you.

you don't say that. you finish your tangent with a long sigh and another swig of your soda can. it's almost empty. mentally, you feel like that soda can right now. you just dumped years worth of feelings on blade, and he responds with silence.

this is it, you think, this is where he leaves.

but he doesn't. he brings you closer. blade grabs your wrist before you can put the drink back down, and he brings the can to his lips. he faces the fact that he just put his lips where yours were. for a brief second, he imagines that he was pressing his lips onto yours⎯not the soda can.

blade takes back everything he said earlier. he does not regret you whatsoever. he yearns for you. he needs you to function. he wants you: all the time.

he does not regret meeting you. he is not a believer of gods, but he wants to praise whichever higher power that allowed your fate to intertwine with his. he does not regret spending every moment of his time with you; those have been some of the happiest memories in his life.

most of all, he does not regret loving you, because who would regret the warmth of an everlasting flame?

love has been something blade has lived without for many years. but it all comes back so effortlessly with you. and now he realizes why: he loves you like air fans flames. he will keep on giving into your love, so long as you are still there. it doesn't matter when or where: it just matters if you are there.

"i thought you didn't like mung bean soda," you look at his ear rather than his face, not ready for rejection.

"you wanted me to try something new, didn't you?" blade only looked at you, wrist still in hand. he ponders how he was ever scared of your love.

“i didn’t think you would try it so soon,” you pathetically laughed.

“sooner than you’d think,” he quietly mumbled, only so the two of you could hear it. his fingers were grasping the top of your hands as he still held onto your wrist.

“look,” you place the drink down, slinking your hand out of blade’s hold, “i know you’re probably going to be gone soon. that’s fine. couldn’t really expect you to stay because of your… you know. job,” you awkwardly explain, tucking your hands behind your back.

“but,” you sounded more optimistic, and it seemed as though the street lights all lit up, “you know that friend i was telling you about? the annoying one?” blade rolls his eyes, you only laugh at his reaction, “i hope that he visits more often.”

hope. you hope for him to come back. you hope for more. blade hopes for more too. he wants more, actually. craves it.

but he plays hard to get, “well, if you keep calling your friend ‘annoying’ i doubt he’ll visit as often as you’d like,” and he smirks. you have to bite your lip, hard, to restrain your giddy smile.

“well, i was just telling it as it is,” and it’s easy again. and you want this as much as blade does. and this is hope. this is hope that, even after everything, you’re still here and love is still alive. the wall is broken so easily.

“mhm, okay.”

“yup!”

“i’ll see if i can sort something out,” blade tells you, taking another drink of your soda. he’s emptied at this point. he’s only taking the “drink” so he could try to hide his (growing) blush from you.

“i thought you ‘weren’t going to visit’ as often,” you pouted, rolling your eyes.

“well, i never said that. i said your friend was going to do that. just giving you some advice, that’s all,” he teased. you felt your heart swell up: everything was going to be fine.

“your advice is shit.”

“you’re shit.”

yeah. everything will be okay.

if this looks familiar it’s bc this is an expanded ver of the xianzhou men hcs i did like a week ago. this was from blades part and i liked it sm i wrote more. wish i could have done the end a little bit more justice but i am TIREDDDD it was 4:30 in the morning.

but if u made it all the way down here i hope u enjoyed!! i put my tanussy in this and i wrote for like 5 hrs so pls enjoy LMAO

#tana writes (∗´ ᨔ `∗)#honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #hsr #hsr x reader #blade x reader #blade x you #blade x y/n #this was supposed to be longer but it’s 4:30 in the morning and i’m done #like my brain is fried and i cant do this anymore 😭#the ending was rushed asl but yk other than that i didn’t hate this

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princesschimchim1325 · 6 months ago

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Would anyone be down with an au with dark and possessive! Dan Feng and Yingxing(or Blade, in this case) with sacrificial bride! Reader?

Like, it's an au wherein the xianzhou ships are just different kingdoms, and Dan Feng is the emperor of the luofu and Yingxing (who has now become Blade here) is his ex(?)husband bc Dan Feng turned him immortal. Baiheng lives bc I said so, Jingliu is still the sword champion and Jing yuan is the new general. Reader is from one of the other ships (kingdom in this case) and basically she's cursed and they threw her at Dan Feng when they heard he was single again to both get rid of her and be their spy (it doesn't work bc she immediately told her new husband about it bc she is wants to get rid of them too).

Dan Feng and Blade!Yingxing's relationship is... strained but bc Blade is one of his generals, they still work together (and sometimes have sex) but Bladie is either ignoring him or insulting him. They have been seperated for many decades by the time reader arrives.

Dan Feng and reader don't fall in love immediately but they have lukewarm relationship at the start. But they get closer with their little acts of service towards one another and sparring sessions that often leaves Dan Feng hot and wanting (horny). Then they get even closer when they tell stories from their childhoods that often leads to laughter filling Dan Feng's office.

Blade and reader have a.... complicated relationship at first. Reader knows that Dan Feng had a husband before her but doesn't know it's Blade. Blade knew she was the new wife and tried to ignore her but they just somehow always run to one another. Reader always trying to heal him and to get him to rest and Bladie trying to avoid her. But not even Bladie can resist the cursed allure~ of reader-chan.

What I mean is, they sparred once (1) and he's been horny since lmao. XingYue being battle sexuals, we've been knew. They also have a heart to heart moment of reader calming his mara ('Jean grey x Logan" ahh moment) ('only she can calm the monster inside me' ahh moment)

Cursed! Reader is a lot like Nakime from Kny, her hair covering her eyes (maybe she has heterochromia?) and playing an instrument (the pipa). Very quiet and reserved but when she talks, is very sassy and has a sharp tongue.

Slow burn but not really, love triangle but in a poly way (as it should be), angst, maybe comedy? I got a lot of inspiration from Mulan and KnY's hashira training arc ngl. Of course, the fic includes smut.

Let me hear your thoughts on this. Those that wanna get tagged in this potential fic, please say so in the comments.

#honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #honkai star rail #dan feng x reader smut #dan feng x reader x yingxing #dan feng x reader #yingxing x reader #yingxing x reader smut #x female reader #female reader

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fuxuannie · 2 years ago

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If requests are open can I request a Romantic Jing Yuan x Reader where he meets them after the Luofu crisis after centuries of thinking they were dead? Like, Reader went into hiding after being attacked and designated marastruck (When they arent) so it took them a while to come back to the Luofu. Any format, hurt/comfort please! If this isn't your alley or your requests aren't open please delete this! Thank you very much and have a nice day!

↳ pairing : jing yuan x gender neutral reader

↳ synopsis : in the generals free time, he decides that it's about time to face the person in his memories that he seems to have forgotten.

↳ authors note : hi!! um, i rlly dont wanna do this whole thing in one post sooo.. part two :D? I promise, I PROMISE i'll be writing it within the day and i'm so sorry requester for the inconvenience! if anyone would like to be tagged in the second part, please let me know! ♡

When JING YUAN imagines his younger years, he has a very vivid and blurry memory of a figure that he believes was once a friend he held dear in his heart.

A bright sunny day, a calm summer breeze and two potential Generals trained side by side. They tirelessly swing their swords, counting together; "9996, 9997, 9998, 9999, 10,000!"

"A Cloud Knight must never let slip their weapon, nor let slacken their form!"

"Yes, master!"

He can remember someone by his side, answering the same thing at the same time. He turns his head to look at them, seeing the focused expression as they looked at their master and watching it change to one of excitement once their gaze met Jing Yuan's.

"Can you believe it? We're Cloud Knights in training.. not only that, one day, you'll get to be the General!" Their voice, as sweet as a song, would echo in his mind over and over. It was so familiar, yet every time he could almost grasp an idea, it slips through his fingers as he's lost on who exactly this was in his memory.

Why was it all so hard to remember? As if his mind was refusing to recall all the important details, he could clearly remember their form, their voice and their clothes but.. he thinks that if he tried to look in their face, it would be nothing but a blur. A familiar blur, but unrecognizable nonetheless.

He racks his brain to think of another memory, but an all too familiar ache in his heart would appear when he tried. Was it due to his masters presence in most of them? Or was it something about these memories that brought along such a wave of sadness? The General was unsure of he answer, but he forced his mind to recall the events of that day.

"Heed this oath, as clouds that cover the heavens.. will the Knights protect the Xianzhou. Draw!"

"Yes, master!"

As the young man raises his blade, his eyes fall upon the crowd and can see them again. Amidst the people, they stood there with clear joy in their aura, even if their face was impossible to see, he could tell they were smiling from ear to ear at his moment. Jing Yuan's eyes sparkle at the sight, before looking up at his sword with determination in his heart.

"As clouds that cover the heavens, will the Knights protect the Xianzhou!"

There it is again. Another time in his life, one that he holds dear to him, they were there. It seems like everytime he thought of his years as a young Cloud Knight, their blurry face was in each and every memory. A part of him viewed it as something a little haunting, but a majority of his senses felt it was oddly.. bittersweet. Something about all of this, there must be a reason.. right?

And though unconciously, a memory came to mind. One that he believes he buried deep into his conciousness, as he feels a shiver through his body at the thought.

"H-he doesn't recognize us."

He sees them tightly grip their sword, yet a clear hesitation within their stance. Then he realizes the Mara-struck Cloud Knight that stands infront of them, it seems like they have to attack in order to protect themselves, but the way their hands shake makes the action nearly impossible. He sees how they take a few step back, disappearing from his peripheral vision as he was to focus on the danger that poses a threat ahead.

Before it could strike, Jingliu strikes it down with no remorse nor regret evident on her face. Her back is turned to Jing Yuan, who's expression is filled with conflicted emotions. "To become stricken with mara is to be a long-life species. If I too become stricken in times hereafter, you both must not hold back.

There's silence, before Jing Yuan opens his hesitant lips.

"Yes, master."

But his voice being the lone one to answer confuses him, he turns his back and he could feel his heart drop at the realization that they were no longer by his side.

His eyes widen, scanning around the rubble and flames that surround them, yet nothing is there. Nothing but your sword on the ground, and a pool of blood surrounding it. He opens his mouth, but no name escapes his lips to call for. More panic seems to seep into his reality when his Master tells him its too late, that they need to assist the others before people meet a fate similar to theirs, as he tries to call for a name he doesn't know. It's right there, it's right there at the moment he just needs to remember it!-

"(name)!"

There it is. The answer he'd been looking for, the name of who he's forgotten for so many years. Your name. Your name that was once deemed unforgettable by his tongue, with how naturally it would be recited at his every waking moment.

Now everything seemed a little clearer, how each and every memory made sense as your face began to appear in place of the blurry expression in each and every one of his thoughts. How he could see your smiles at your best, your tears at your worse and your anger when it would take over all your other emotions. You.. you were the person that meant everything to him. So why, why did he forget you? How could he have forgotten the person who gave him a purpose, who without, he wouldn't be who he is today?

And yet as his mind returns to that day, the day he returns back to the Alliance with nothing but your sword in hand and a heart full of regrets.. he knew the answer. Because it was much easier to forget, rather than to live life with a heart with too many words to say yet the person who was supposed to hear it no longer being around.

He knew that every day he'd blame himself for the loss of your life, that he'd spend his life visiting a gravestone that held no corpse. Because no matter how long he'd search the rubble caused by the attack, there was no corpse. Which only proved further his worse fear, that you had joined the fate of the master you both once trained under. Yet of the three, one remained. One remained to live with the guilt of surviving, and being the reasons both were no longer around.

One soul he failed to protect, the other he killed in order to do so.

How cruel the galaxy was to bring such weight upon one mans shoulder to bear alone. No shoulder to cry on, family to confide in or friends to share a drink with. He was a General, and had priorities to focus on before his own feelings.

Speaking of which, one of the many Cloud Knights had burst into his office with exhaustion in their lungs and an aching pain all over their body. "General." The Knight called out, bowing respectfully as Jing Yuan snaps out of the daze he was in for a long while. "We've caught a suspicious person just outside the main center, many suggest you will decide on the fate of this suspect." He explained, in which Jing Yuan nods his head and stands from his desk. "Well.. alright then. I suppose I could do so."

"By the way.. General, I hope that this isn't prying too much but.. you seemed a little lost for a few moments. Is everything alright?"

A smile forms upon his lips as he interlocks his fingers behind his back.

"Just remembering an old friend, is all."

#˚₊· ͟͟͞➳❥ bailu's candy stash #honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #jing yuan hsr x reader #jing yuan x reader

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primordialsoundmeditation · 10 days ago

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Words for these Times

(I've copied and pasted with tags since that's the best way to be sure you get to see it.)

Hopi Indian Chief White Eagle commented a few days ago on the current global situation:

"This moment that humanity is living through can be considered a door or a hole. The decision to fall into the hole or go through the door is yours.

If you consume information 24 hours a day, with negative energy, constantly nervous, with pessimism, you will fall into this hole.

But if you take the opportunity to look at yourself, to rethink life and death, to take care of yourself and others, you will go through the door.

Take care of your home, take care of your body. Connect with your spiritual home. When you take care of yourself, you take care of others at the same time.

Do not underestimate the spiritual dimension of this crisis. Adopt the perspective of an eagle that sees everything from above with a broader vision.

There is a social demand in this crisis, but also a spiritual demand. The two go hand in hand. Without the social dimension, we fall into fanaticism. Without the spiritual dimension, we fall into pessimism and futility.

You are prepared to go through this crisis.

Grab your toolbox and use all the tools at your disposal. Learn to resist by the example of the Indian and African peoples: we have been and continue to be exterminated.

* But we never stopped singing, dancing, lighting fires and having joy.

Don't feel guilty for feeling lucky in these difficult times. Being sad and without energy doesn't help at all.

* Resilience is resilience through joy!

You have the right to be strong and positive. You have to maintain a beautiful, cheerful and bright posture.

This has nothing to do with alienation (ignorance of the world). It is a strategy of resistance.

When we walk in the door, we have a new view of the world because we have faced our fears and difficulties.

This is what you can do now:

- Serenity in the storm,

- Keep calm, meditate daily,

- Make a habit of encountering the sacred every day.

Demonstrate resilience through art, joy, trust and love."

From Hawk Henries : ( I honestly don't know if the identity of Chief White Eagle is real. Real or not the essence of this message feels important to consider)

And additional comment from one of his fans:

Yes, very good advice indeed! Yes, he was a real person, a chief and a poitician who died in 1914. He fought for Indian rights and homelands during their most troubling times when they were disposed form their native lands and wantonly killed. But, that is why history is important, right? Most of what he speaks to can be applied to certain times affecting the human condition thru history; this is one of those times, so his wise words are both a balm to the soul and a roadmap for going forward into the future.

I'll put the Wiki link in the comments.

Thank you for finding this timely message, Michelle Heddinger!

Mara Clear Spring Cook

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canonicallyobserving911 · 1 month ago

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Buddie: Buck and Eddie are each other's person/people!

They found one another in 2x1 when they agreed to have each other's backs and 9-1-1 illustrated this fact AGAIN at the end of episode 8x4!

The song that played during the montage is "Find Your People" by Drew Holcomb and the same way songs that were played in CANON during previous seasons (2, 3, 4, 5 and 6) include meaningful lyrics, the ones in this song MEAN SOMETHING too and if they didn't, they wouldn't have played it (related posts linked here, here and here). (I used a version of the episode that includes closed captions so the lyrics to the song would be included in the GIFs.) I haven't done a META like this in a while but I'm ready to do them again because the show is finally back on track with a clear narrative and 8x4 is proof of that.

Please note: T*mmy Kinard is NOT Buck's person because if he was, he would have been included in the montage! He's not there because he's a plot device and in 7x4 Buck WAS NOT trying to get his attention!

If the show wanted to, they could have shoehorned in a scene of the two of them, the same way they did in 7x10 but they didn't because he's on his way out!

Now back to the regularly scheduled program...

The song started playing right after Hen took down Councilwoman Ortiz and the lyrics are crystal clear. Let's review them for kicks and giggles.

The song begins with "You got to find your people. The ones who make you feel alright" and that's when Hen walked back to the 118 and Bobby walked away from Gerrard to be with his found family!

Eddie's scene with Weston, Mike and Stacy was next and the lyrics that can be heard when Weston is wheeled toward Eddie are "You got to find your people, the ones that won't leave your side when you lose control. The ones that don't let you lose your soul." BE CLEAR... the lyrics are specific to the main character in the scene and I can prove Eddie's scene relates to him and Buck and it also illustrates how Eddie's not looking for another mother for Chris.

In 5x18, Buck defined what love means to him. He said, "Is that really love? I mean shouldn't it be when you're at your worst and their at their worst, you have every reason to give up and you still decide you want to try again!" (Related post linked here.) The lyrics for Eddie state for him to find his people, someone who'll be by his side when he loses control (THAT'S BUCK! He was there when Eddie broke down) and the ones who won't let you lose your soul (THAT'S BUCK TOO!)

Furthermore, at the end of the scene, Eddie watches Weston and his parents walk away from him and that was a mom, dad and a son. Eddie's not looking for a mother for Chris anymore and it was a callback to earlier in the episode with the wrapping of Mike's hand like he wrapped Ana Flores' hand in 4x6 "Jinx" but there aren't any Jinxes or Curses related to what happened in 8x4. Eddie's relationship with Ana was JINXED from the start the same way his relationship with Marisol was something but it wasn't going to last because once again he was looking for a mother for Chris instead of him looking for the person he already has in his life, BUCK!

Also, Eddie DOESN'T WANT MIKE! (There have been some posts in the tags that says he does but he doesn't because he only has eyes for BUCK! I blocked those people just like I blocked the ones that said Eddie wants the priest 🙄.) The show clearly illustrated that with the scenes they shared in the episode. The touches, the looks and everything else that happened between Eddie and Buck were intentional. Trust that Eddie Diaz only has eyes for Evan Buckley.

The next scene was Henren and Madney. The lyrics that played during this scene after Mara walked over to Hen, Karen and Denny are "In a world full of strangers, all you see is danger" which relates to Mara because she was around strangers when she was at the group home and she had been involved in a dangerous situation before Hen and Karen became her foster parents.

Also, the lyrics that played while Maddie and Chimney were hugging are "You can't go it alone. Everybody needs help. You got to find your people then you'll find yourself." Well, Madney were the ones who helped when they stepped in to foster Mara until Henren's foster care license was reinstated.

Bathena's scene was next and just like the other scenes, the lyrics fit their current situation. It began with Athena talking about rebuilding the house Michael designed for her but after Bobby said he didn't want to rebuild that house, the lyrics in the song indicated the exact reason why.

During their conversation Drew sings, "You got to find your people. The ones that make you feel alright. That tell you the truth and wish you well. You got to find your people then you'll find yourself."

Bobby told Athena the truth about the house and she agreed that they needed to build something new.

The next to the last scene is when Bobby walks back into the 118. The lyrics that were playing are "In a world full of strangers, you don't know who to trust. All you see is danger trying to find what you lost. You can't go it alone, everybody needs help." Well, Bobby was in a world full of strangers when he was at the Hotshots set and since he didn't know them, he couldn't trust them. But Hen went to see him earlier in the episode and she gave him the information he needed so he could go back to his firehouse and when he went back to the 118, he was with his found family again.

Even though they were talking, the song was still playing in the background. (I didn't include the scene with Gerrard because I didn't want to but he found his people too... I guess since he was finally able to tell people what to do on "Hotshots.")

Even though Buck and Eddie didn't have a lot of scenes together in 8x4, the ones they did have are VERY IMPORTANT and one of them was another callback to 4x13 and 4x14.

At the beginning of the episode, they weren't standing right beside each other but they were close enough and Hen was in between them with Chimney to Eddie's left and Buck to Hen's right.

When they went to the high school football game, Eddie got out of the engine right behind Buck and Buck looked at him when Gerrard asked him if he played football in high school. Now this is my speculation but it seems like Buck told Eddie the same thing he told Bobby later in the episode except it happened off screen. At the end of 8x3, when Gerrard hugged Buck, he was weirded out by it (who wouldn't be) but everyone knows Buck talks to Eddie about the things that bother him (reminder T*mmy DOESN'T LISTEN TO BUCK! He makes sex jokes instead of listening to him and when he finally complimented him in 8x1, it was an obscure statement about cones or some other BS. All he had to say was, "You're cute" but he didn't. That dude has NO GAME! 🙄), therefore he probably told Eddie he didn't like the way Gerrard kept touching him. He was looking at his soulmate and future husband for reassurance.

When they arrived at the tiger call, Eddie was behind Buck again.

The scene above could have been done with Hen and Eddie standing behind Chimney but NO... the show is doing a callback to the shooting here. It was the second time this season it was alluded to. The first time was in 8x1 when Eddie said, "I've been shot before" when they were talking about the bees and he said it in front of Buck. Reminder, Chimney and Hen were in the ambulance when Captain Mehta made the call to dispatch about Eddie being shot. Also, Ethan Copeland was a trained LAPD sniper who had a scope on his gun with Buck in the crosshair. Buck was in shock and didn't notice it but Captain Mehta tackled him to the ground (related video here).

Finally, while they were sitting in the courtroom, Buck and Eddie were sitting right beside each other and they were doing the same thing they always do, glancing and looking at one another. It's who they are and what they do.

The point of this post is to illustrate... T*MMY WASN'T INCLUDED IN THE MONTAGE BECAUSE HE'S NOT BUCK'S PERSON!

EDDIE IS BUCK'S PERSON AND BUCK IS EDDIE'S PERSON.

BUDDIE has always been the plan and for anyone who's choosing not to see it or is constantly searching for reassurances that it will happen; the only proof anyone who doesn't work for the show can provide are the things that are happening in CANON. Everything else is speculation!

THE SHOW IS NOT BEING SUBTLE ANYMORE!

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staretes · 1 year ago

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finally, before you

synopsis: he's been dreaming about this moment for centuries, but what will happen when he's finally reunited with you? w/c: 0.8k tags: blade x reader, angst, reader was blade's lover when he was yingxing (a bit ooc for blade? idk please tell me if it is) a/n: i posted this by accident twice while it was still cooking in the oven argh. i mostly typed this in school while my teachers were teaching hehe but tbh i think my writing style got alot more loose here which idk if i like... i also dont know how i feel about the flow of this but ack enjoy

blade awakes, face gently cradled by blades of grass. when he looks up, the countless stars glittering in the midnight sky greeted him, just like how they greeted him on those nights when he went to watch the vast starry sky with you. "he didn't come to the luofu to find friends, much less love" he had firmly told himself, but the thought quickly lost itself in you, the stars, and the nights you spent with him. he’d thought he had lost those nights forever.

could it finally be? his heart quickens as he hurried to stand up. the boundless expanse of grasslands that could be found at the edges of the luofu stretched as far as he could see. blade’s scarlet eyes dart frantically across the field, before they landed, with a triumph, on a figure gazing at the stars. you. blade’s heart leaps at the sight and he hastens to reach you. he could wait no longer, he thinks, for every moment for the last seven hundred years, his heart burned in your absence. he had longed to see the sweet smile on your lips and feel your soft skin on his again. “(name),” he called softly, hoping to finally let his gaze rest upon your bright eyes under the stars once again. startled, you whip around to face him. you stand up, and your eyes search him, and he feels your gaze pierce throughout his body, looking him up and down. “yingxing…” you mumble , not sparing his eyes a single glance. blade opens his arms hesitantly, desperate to feel your embrace again. you jolt back, and your trailing gaze lands on his hands. his hands. his hands have slain too many, dripping with the blood of so many innocent lives. he whose hands are burdened with the weight of death and violence, how could he even think of touching you, tainting you with his sin? you turn on your heel and run, farther and farther away from him, and he's left standing alone in an empty sea of grass, watching your body disappearing in the distance, with only the stars twinkling at him mockingly.

blade awakes, drenched in cold sweat, chest heaving, gasping for air. it was just a another dream, he reassures himself amongst shallow breaths. just like the dream from the night before, and the night before that, and the many, many nights before. you’ll love him, forever, no matter what, he tells himself, and it’s this faith that relights the small fire in his heart to reunite with you on that fated day in that promised land.

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

the moment had finally arrived.

the chains of life that burdened blade for so long snapped, and his body arched gracefully as his body fell to the ground with a soft thud. the raging fire of mara was put out as he fell deeper into the sweet embrace of death. the peaceful silence enveloped him as he seemed to float, float away, higher and higher, transcending towards the paradise that he had longed for for centuries.

…

blade awakes, face gently cradled by blades of grass. he looks up, and the countless stars greet him once more. on the xianzhou, where death is a distant concept, rumours swirl of the soft melodies heard when one finally finds peace in heaven. blade is sure that it's this tune that serenades him as he stands up slowly, looking around.

he doesn't have to look for long before your figure, sitting on the blanket you once shared with him, watching the stars twinkle before you. you're humming a tune, and he realises that this is the melody that's he's been hearing since he awoke. slowly, he walks towards you.

before he can call out your name, you turn around and meet his gaze. your eyes light up and a radiant smile forms on your lips. mara-ridden centuries of separation have warped and faded blade's memories, but he's still taken aback at how your beauty far exceeds the many versions of you in his dreams. his heart rate quickens as his parched eyes drink the sight before him. "yingxing!" you beam as you stand up. your voice was still as melodious as ever. the sound of his name forming from your lips was the most heavenly song blade has heard in a long time. it seems, you have been eagerly waiting for him too. you open your arms, awaiting his embrace. this is the moment he’s been dreaming of.

his dreams.

blade tries to move, but he finds that the many seeds of doubt planted in his stomach have emerged. imaginary vines shackles his limbs and he finds himself unable to move. he tries to talk, but the thorny weeds have suffocated his throat, leaving no voice to even whisper your name.

after everything he's done, he doesn't deserve to even face you.

so this time, he's the one that turns and flees, further and further away from you.

#[✦ - archives!]#almost tagged this in the fluff tag whoops #blade x reader #blade imagines #blade x you #blade x y/n #blade x gn reader #hsr imagines #hsr x reader #hsr x you #hsr x gender neutral reader #blade angst

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matan4il · 7 months ago

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911 ep 707 first watch reactions

Oh man, I'm actually not sure I have that much to say about this ep.

The entire plot with Mara and her brother Tyson was very sweet, very nice, and way too convenient. One day, shows are going to stop using the phrase, "There must be something you can do!" like it's some secret magic phrase, that makes this sentiment into a reality, AND turns the person addressed into someone willing to risk everything, in order to do that one thing they can do, which is usually something they're very much not supposed to... That said, Denny was sweet, Mara was lovely, her with Tyson was very endearing, and Henren continued to rule.

The storyline with Maddie was nicely handled, both her trauma, and the way Chim helped her use it to figure out the case and help save everyone from the stalker. My little Madney heart absolutely loved it. And Maddie's distress over a baby involved felt very real and understandable, when she's a mom herself now.

But then in a sense, it was clear this has no long term repercussions, other than bringing Brad into contact with Bobby. With his burn scars, and what we know about the fire that Bobby caused in the past, we can guess where this is headed. I trust that 911 will delve into this coming clash with the same humaneness with which it tackles most storylines.

But I'll be honest, I don't really like where Eddie's headed. I know Shannon scarred him deeply, but he was able to let go of her, and allow her to walk away from him twice while she was alive. It's weird if it's now being implied that the reason why he was never able to move on to another serious r/s is that he was stuck on her. The way she died was traumatic and painful, and it made sense that, even accepting that they as a couple were over, he had a hard time dealing with her death, but Eddie seemingly moved on in s4 at the latest. It feels a bit like they don't really know what to do with him, and how to move him on, so they keep going in circles with his character. Kinda like they were with Buck in s6. None of what we saw in that season helped Buck get to some major breakthroughs that we've seen in this one, so this current storyline with Eddie might end in the same way.

I'm not saying it doesn't have the potential to move him forward, and I'm sure it will be presented as if it has whether it actually does or doesn't (kinda like how 618 presented Buck and Natalia as a move forward, even though it very obviously was not), but right now, I'm not enjoying it. I also... even with this idea of having Eddie run into a Shannon look-a-like, I feel they could have gone in a lot of different ways, and the one where he goes on a date with her while having a serious gf he's essentially cheating on, it just doesn't feel great, or true to Eddie's values. Which can be the point, right? That sometimes we're so shaken up, we do stuff that's uncharacteristic. If that's where they'll take it, then it's working, 'coz right now, everything about this feels a little off. Let's hope they do something actually constructive with this, and give Eddie real progress (rather than just give Tim an opportunity to re-use an actress he already said he really likes).

Small mandatory Buddifer moment was really lovely, even if far from what my shipper heart would want. Then again, I honestly feel it's so funny that Buck is dating Tommy, while being married to Eddie, his actual baby daddy. If there aren't a lot of fics shipping all three men already, then IDK fandom.

Thank you for reading! If you’re looking for more, you can find my s7 reactions tag here, and more of my Buddie meta and content in my pinned post. xoxox

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kocch · 1 month ago

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this is a rambling post no one is gonna read but I GOTTA WRITE IT because i've watched the whole 911 show in the past five months and never really talked about it, so i gotta say some things that are important to me (some might be unpopular opinions idk i don't really know the fandom, i've only checked the tag in the past weeks for s8 and all i can see is mostly annoying fanwars about which ship is better)

my dash could be biased and tumblr itself could be biased for mlm ships BUT WHY DID I NOT KNOW THIS SHOW HAS LESBIANS. like. i'm gonna use the few screencaps i posted here on tumblr while i was binge-watching the show buT

they're everything they're the best they're all i've ever wanted and they're not talked about enough, i don't know if it's because they're a wlw ship and they're a BLACK wlw ship or it's just that they're an enstablished couple and all, but damn i wish i saw them more in my dash and here on the freaking gay website because they have given me so many emotions through the seasons and they're SOLID and i just love them so much :( of course i know karen is not always present because it's a procedural show and sometimes the characters disappear for episodes, but they've solidified 911 in my heart . because damn this show is QUEER and it has been queer since day 1

my top faves are chim maddie hen and buck ok i don't make the rules they're the best but I LOVE THEM ALL and i think one of the best things of this show is the found family concept. you just gotta love them all. even if sometimes they have crazy writing moments through the seasons (like when buck tried to sue 118 or when eddie left 118 jfefhrf)

i love LOVE LOVE 911 because of all the feelings, the found family, how inclusive it feels with all the queer storylines and how diverse the main cast is (but also the case-of-the-day cast too... i'm a fan of another procedural like fringe, it was the 2010 and it was the whitest thing ever, (and the production was racist too) things have changed) BUT IT'S still copaganda. athena grant is a lot of copaganda. the two things can coexist i can love her and despise her story at times ok.

i hope we get a great henren/madney storyline in season 8 because (they're literally my faves) they're the best. i kinda wish for chim and maddie to long for a second children, now that they have mara in their lives? I'm not sure, i just know i need more of them. they're literally . so good to me. they've captivated my heart in s2 and they never left. the potential chim and maddie had was so great, but timing, trauma, depression, many things were keeping them apart, and every win felt EARNED. i just think sometimes straights have rights and that's madney's case.

i love buck like anyone in the fandom, but i think part of the craze on tumblr is due to his bisexual storyline and i gotta say... i do enjoy bucktommy. atm they're cute. being silly and in the honeymoon phase. do i ship buddie? i do, there are so many GREAT things through the seasons that make you feel - wow they could be perfect together - but that doesn't mean i will hate on bucktommy for now (yeah, i know, tommy was horrible in the past, yeah he was closeted and repressed, yeah he could have been better, he was racist and homophobic, i know, but i guess he got better since the characters are ok with him? sometimes we'll never get that resolution on screen) (i think all of them had their bad moments as characters, i mean, i could open a whole file about athena being a bad cop and still she's everyone's faves)

getting back to buck i did love his bisexuality storyline and i love him BEING BISEXUAL, it's not about tommy or about eddie or about anyone it's about him being bisexual. in his early 30s. BUT I gotta say, for how writers have written these characters, for me it made so much more sense for eddie to turn out gay than buck having his bi moment (and it's because of the writing). it makes sense for buck to be bisexual because he has always loved women and he's tried to make his relationships work, unlike eddie, but then he found out he also like men. he had soo many queer hints around him and it's just. fitting. i love him to bits. i wish s7 was longer so we could get things a bit slower, the pace was fast but i loved it. AND DAMN buck was jealous of eddie because of tommy? or of tommy because of eddie? I wonder.

i'm not sure 100% they'll go with buddie for now, but maybe it's just i am not an optimistic per se and i wanna see where they go with eddie's personal growth BUT eddie is gay. he gotta be gay. that man only had one love in his life, shannon, and that love is an idea he has. he thinks they had a great love story, but the truth is that they met when they were young, she got pregnant, he ran away from her for years with the military stuff, then he came back and she ran away, then they got together but still she asked for divorce and then she died. he denies her leaving him because of an idea of something that never really existed. even if he loved her, i'm sure he did love her but, it wasn't something perfect or functioning like bathena henren and madney. eddie is a terrible romantic partner (he's a good dad, but a terrible guy to date lbr) and it's because he's gay. i know everyone in the fandom agrees but i gotta write it down ok. when he's forced to date he feels like he has to perform? he self-sabotage all his relationships with women?? his love stories always end because of him? he had panic attack because of committing to ana??? come on ? the marisol storyline?? That shit is insane if he isn't gay

and that's why i'm asking for eddie to come to terms with who HE REALLY IS without christopher in his life. he's not just chris dad. he gotta stop running away. they have the possibility to make a great storyline for him, after several weird seasons for the poor guy. he gotta understand and accept himself and then maybe he'll work out the things with his son. this is one of the most exciting storylines for s8 and i really hope we get it. if we don't we need a PROPER story that makes sense with all of that tbh.

i'm ok with buddie happening in another season tbh i just want eddie to come to terms with his sexuality. i just love good writing and this show has its great moments with characters and that's why i love it, because it has heart. it has incredible characters i love.

i do love bathena and bobby and athena even if it might not be obvious in this post hahah and i wish we could get back may and henry, i miss athena having actually children

#911 #henren #buddie #personal #eddie diaz #chim han #maddie buckley #evan buckley #madney #gay eddie is my current obsession as you can guess. i do enjoy buddie bc dam the buckley diaz family!!! but i dont think the story and #times are ready yet.

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