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clementinesjourney · 3 years ago

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The best kind of humans are the ones who stay.

AN: Just writing drabbles of sceneairos that came to my mind. I was taking a break not too long ago because i got in a bus accident, so i've been really all over the place. I spend most of my time listening to music cause working and just public transportation is a struggle (ptsd much) so i've been ecploring new music. And well when i can i let my mind wander, make up stories. It helps taking my mind off of the panic.

Sorry for the depressing intro, i just thought i'll be honest and telll you all why am i writing stories all over the place lately. haha. Let me know if you liked it, or not. Also asks and inbox is always open. <3

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

Warnings: cheating, mentions of suicidal tendencies, depression, then just fluff and a stabbing wound in the end.

Words: 4k

Pairing: Loki (ex, bf of 5 years) x reader; Bucky x avenger!reader

Summary: You just found out your boyfriend cheated on you, and now all of his things from the house you shared are gone. Your best friend runs to help you out of the gutter.

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You were pretty content with your job as an avenger, also really happy with your boyfriend Loki, you moved together 3 years ago in a little apartment near the compound. You weren't an avenger that time, but as they got to know you, they saw the potential. Bucky, Sam, Steve and Nat took turns on training you, and you soon became one of the best assassins on the team, also one of the best friends of all your trainers. You very kind, caring, cheerful, hard-working. Really just a ray of sunshine. Their mood was always better when they knew they would meet you.

Your relationship with Loki isn't one that began without bumps. You knew he was a playboy so you tried to stay away, he thought the opposite. You wanted him to change his ways, and show you just that. You never wanted one-night stands. You would never admit, it was a secret he kept well along the years you spent together, but he was your first everything.... Well... after 6 months of trying to win you over anyways. But who would wait for a shag for 6 months if he could get all the women he wanted? you thought.. So you started to go out with him in the end. You took it slow, dates, weekends spent together, movies. On the night of your first anniversary you gave in. Kisses weren't enough anymore, although you made him promise on his mother's life that he would never tell anyone that he was the one to deflower you. You were kind of ashamed of how late it happened, but happy regardless.. You got to give it to the only man you loved.

You spent the last 3 years building a home with Loki, going on missions with the team. Lately you noticed he was rather distant, always coming home late. Maybe he's just working again. But when he arrived hours past midnight reeking of alcohol and with a lipstick smudge on the collar of his shirt you knew. You didn't say a word, just took your blanket and your pillow, and went to sleep in the questroom. If he would've been sober and also... awake, he would have surely hear your soft cries in the next room. It all came tumbling down on you. You couldn't stay in this house anymore when every last inch of it reminds you of a life you started, the love you gave.. all for nothing. Sleep never found you that night. You quietly packed a few days worth of clothes, took your car keys, and left. Without a single word. You weren't gonna ask what he was doing, you knew better than to listen to any of his lies he would come up with. You were utterly broken and alone. You wanted to be alone. You drove for days until you reached the ocean on the other side of the country. You booked in to an air b'nb on the side of a hill, looking at the ocean. It was a small cozy place away from cities and people. Even had bad signals. You were thankful for it now though. You didn't wanna talk to anybody. No missions, no parties, no nothing.

After a week everyone started to worry. You never became sick for this long (which is was Loki said to them, knowing full well they would have his head if he'd tell the truth about what he did and that he didn't have a clue about where you went). Something must went wrong.

-Guys, have you speak to (y/n) lately? I didn't see her this week. She skipped all our training sessions.. - Said Nat worrying.

-No, she skipped our trainings as well. I'm worried. Lately Loki's been working overtime a lot, maybe they decided to take a week off for themselves. - said Steve

-Yea, the problem is, i went over yesterday. Her car wasn't there, only Loki. and he kind of looked like shit as well. He didn't let me in he only said she's sick. He forgot that the car wasnt there.. I wonder if they've fought or something. - said Sam

-Wait.. has anyone tried to call her? - asked Nat.

-I've been trying for days. It was her birthday a week ago, i wanted to ask her out to celebrate.. but it always went straight to voicemail. - said Bucky.

-Try again damn it. - shouted Nat.

*dial tone*

-it finally goes trough, god a i hope she's okay.

-shut it Bucks and put it on speaker..

(y/n) : *clearing her throat* hey Bucks, whats up?

Bucky: hey sweetheart, what's up? you've been avoiding us the whole week. did something happen?

(y/n): *silently biting in a sob* no, no i just, i needed a vacation.

Bucky: Without Loki?

That's when you started to sob uncontrollably not being able to keep that damned night off of your mind.

(y/n): i..i just. Bucky i cant. i have to go.

You ended the call. You couldn't find the strenght in yourself to tell them.

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Bucky followed by Steve and Nat knocked on the door of your shared apartment. Loki opened the door, nearly black-out drunk, letting them in. In his state he completely forgot to keep up the walls to protect himself from your friends anger.

-Loki.. what did you do? where's (y/n)? - asked Steve

-Oh Stevie... i fucked up a bit... i have no idea where she went.

-You fucked up? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU FUCKED UP? - said Bucky, shouting, grabbing him by the collar, pushing him up on the wall.

-Put me down lover boy. I wanted to breakup with her for a while now. This whole monogamy thing isnt MY thing. I've been having some fun lately here and there and i guess one night she saw the remains.

-Jesus Loki im gonna f*cking kill you. We warned you. I give you a minute to pick up your stuff and get the fuck out of town before i tear your head off and wear it as a helmet. and don't you ever dare as much as even say hi to her again... asshole- said Bucky unable to control his anger. He knew this would someday happen. He desperately hoped you won't have to suffer cause of Loki, yet he couldn't help himself could he. Your friends knew they had to find you.

Nat and Steve tear Bucky off of Loki, practically dragging him back to the compound.

-I have an idea. - said Steve while Bucky and Nat looked at him behind the wheel.

-When she was on her first missions, Tony had the Tech department install a tracking device in her phone. We could ask him to help us track her down.

-Omg Steve, i could kiss you now.. - Said Nat. When they got back they didn't have to convince Tony too much. They all knew how fragile your heart was even if you tried to hide it from everyone. They had to be there for you even if you tried to push them away.

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Two days later there was a soft knock the door of the airbnb. You didn't hear it. You were in the other side of the house, laying in bed, looking out on the opened door of the balcony to the ocean. You felt like hell, and you looked the part as well. Days of tears long dried on your face, mascara streaks, an old t-shirt of Bucky. Your eyes had dark circles around them, and hence the depression and the fact that you havent eaten in days, you looked thinner. Way thinner. You looked like you were just about the knock on the door of the dead.

When your friends found you their heart broke at the sight. You were even deeper than they thought. The cheerful girl they knew long gone. Your pistol on the bedside table, as if foreshadowing what would've happened if they arrive days later. You were struggling with depression all your life, just masked it really well. Leaving the others behind, Bucky went and kneeled at the side of your bed, putting stray hairs from your face behind your ear.

-You look like you just came back from hell doll.

-*clearing your throat cause you didn't said a word for days* I'm still in hell.

-No your not princess, we are here.

- But he isnt. Bucky, thats just the thing. I gave him 5 years of my life, all for him to just go and fuck anybody he can. Hell i gave him my fucking virginity thinking he changed and will be the man i thought he was. The problem is he never was. And i'm just so-so-so freaking stupid to ever believe he would change for somebody like me. I trusted him with all my heart and he just took it and crushed it into dust in a minute. How could i even go on? How could i even get back into that damned house. Every inch of it reminding me of how much of a failure i am... - you said, not realizing you were ugly sobbing now, trying hard to breath. Bucky now holding your head to his chest, hugging you thightly, tears in his eyes cause of how broken you are.

He- you said, not realizing you were ugly sobbing now, trying hard to breath. Bucky now holding your head to his chest, hugging you thightly, tears in his eyes cause of how broken you are.

He just held you like that until you finally fell asleep. When you woke up again it was the middle of the night. Steve and Nat were asleep beside you on the king-sized bed, Bucky was out on the balcony smoking, looking to the distance, enjoying how calming the waves were as the moonlight reflected on them.

When he heard the lighter then a small sigh laced with smoke of a cigarette he looked to the side. It was you. He hugged you to his side without a word, giving a kiss on your temple.

- How did you find me? - you asked not looking at him, just watching the ocean and enjoying his warmth from the side.

-We went to the house.. thats when we knew there was a big problem. I know you think you can mask your true self really well, but not in front of me. Your smile hardly ever reached your eyes ever since i know you. I hope you know you can count on us, on me anytime you need to..

-I know.. i just. I had to get out of there. I couldn't deal with it. I didn't have the strenght to say whats wrong myself.. i'm sorry i worried you Bucky.

-No doll, don't ever be sorry. Not with me. Hell if you'd knock on my door in the middle of the night and ask me to come with you i would go without a second thought. Whether it's a mission, a trip, just a drive around, or burying the body of that asshole... I'd be there.

That earned a chuckle from you.

-Thank you Bucky. - You said with a sad smile, giving him a quick peck on the cheek and hugging him.

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You four spent a month there. Until you finally got a bit better. You even had the spirits to joke around sometimes. When it was time to go back to the compund you became sad again. Sam messaged Bucky to tell him that he moved your stuff to the empty room next to Bucky's, so you won't have to go back to that cursed house.

You decided that you'll drive with Nat in your car, letting the boys have the other. The boys were telling the lamest dad jokes over the walkie-talkie, trying to keep your mind off of what's waiting for you back home. When it was nighttime, Nat was the one driving, you were sitting in the passenger seat, but sleep didn't come to you.

-Having trouble sleeping? - she asked while focusing on the road.

-Yea, i'm really nervous. I mean we both work there, i couldn't avoid him forever, doesn't matter how much i wanted to..

-Don't worry, we will be there every step of the way. I also heard that Tony made him move to the Florida department. We unfortunately still need their powers, but that doesn't mean we can't keep him as far from you as we can..

-I can't believe Tony did that. I'm grateful tho. Maybe training regularly with you guys again will help me easy my mind. It will be strange living back at the compound though..

*noise from the walkie-talkie*

Bucky: (y/n), (y/n) are you awake? this one is for you..

Then you heard Bucky and Steve singing Hungry eyes in off tone. You chuckled a bit while tears crept to your eyes. They remembered it's your all time favourite song..

-I think we might have to put them out of misery... They are most likely got infected with some virus.. - said Nat chuckling, picking up the walkie-talkie.

Nat: Shut it guys.. My poor ears can only bear so much of your terrible singing.

Bucky: It was for (y/n) dumbass. -He said giggling.

When you finally arrived at the compound you were asleep. Crying for days on end really got to you in the end. Bucky took you out of the car princess style, and brought you to your room. You were clinging so tightly to him than he wasn't able to leave you in the end. He slept with you in his arms.

When Bucky didn't came out of your room for hours Steve looked in if any of you need something maybe. He found you two cuddled up, peacefully sleeping, so he closed the door as quietly as he could and went back to the couch to Sam and Nat.

-They would make a great pair. - said Nat.

-HA, Bucky had a crush on her for years man.. -said Sam.

-Sammy... Nat.. let them be. It's really not our place.

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The next few weeks went in a blur. Your painful break-up seemed so far away now. You spent most of your time with your friends, mostly Bucky. You were currently on your way back from a mission, holding on to Bucky's waist, sitting behind him on his motorcycle.

He loved how tightly you held him. That is exactly why he wanted to go by motorcycle. He wouldn't admit but he loved how close you two grew over the past few weeks. He felt the moment when he asked you what he should've ask you 5 years ago.. coming closer.

These hopes sadly had to leave his mind for now. He knew it wasn't the time and place to ask it when he gave you a piggyback ride to your room as you decided to be over-dramatic and tell him you couldn't walk from exhaustion laced with chuckles.. He couldn't resist. When you arrived at the door the smile vanished from your faces. A drunken Loki was sitting in your door with a boquet of roses.

-What are you doing here? - Bucky asked, hiding you behind him as if to protect you.

-I came to speak with (Y/n). (y/n) i know you are there *hiccup* you need to listen to me.*hiccup* i-i know i fucked up, but *hiccup* it is not the same without you. *hiccup* you're mine, - he said barely standing... He just realized Bucky turned to you, and embraced you while you sobbed in his chest. He took a few steps closer, trying to tear you out of Bucky's arms. - Let her go you bastard.. How dare you touch my woman?

-Your woman? I was your woman but that didn't stop you from cheating even after i gave you everything i had. I still wasnt enough. - you let go of Bucky, shouting at Loki, tears streaming down your face. - I've been through hell because of you. and you know what? I should have never given you a chance. I should've never given you my innocence, nor my first kiss. You never deserved it. nor any of my tears. I have loved you Loki.. with all my heart and you decided to crush it to dust. Do you even thought about what you've done? No.. i bet you're just thinking of yourself again. Go away Loki.. Go away.

That's when you realized you were hitting the drunken man's chest with your fists, crying, not caring about the whole team standing there. Bucky's jaw was clenched, one might worry his teeth break if it wasn't for the serum. He gently caught your wrists, turning you around, keeping you in his warm embrace. Steve stood next to Loki, acompanyin him out of the compound, reassuring Bucky that he just have to deal with you, not Loki.

You were laying in your bed, in Bucky's comforting arms, gently playing with his dogtags. He hated if anyone touched it, but somehow he let you without a word.

-I'm sorry for making a scene.

-Doll, it's okay.. it would've been a more gruesome scene if it was me talking.

-Why?

he sighed, then decided it is time.

-(y/n) i have to tell you something. i.. i wanted to ask you out on a date before he started courting you. You seemed so happy i decided that i'll just remain as your best friend. I wanted to you to be happy. And if it wasn't with me then it's fine as long as i get to see your smile reaching your eyes everyday . I can't tell you how many times i wish it was me broken instead of you.. It's okay if you don't say anything, and i understand if you want me to keep my distance, but please know that no matter what i feel, i will always be there to pick you up when you're falling. always.

You were in tears, silently grabbing his dogtags pulling him closer, hiding your face in his chest as you two were facing eachother now.

-i am so stupid Buck. so so so undenyingly stupid. I... i'm sorry. I should've known i was hurting you. I never wanted to hurt you... Bucky, you have to believe me.. i never *sniffing*.

-Princess.. you never hurt me, and you are not stupid. You wanted to believe in love and that it can change people. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be happy. You will get through this. I promise you.

-Will you be here? - you looked at him with tear sticken puppy eyes, still holding his dogtags.

-If you want me to.

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A year has passed, you got better and Bucky was there with you every step of the way. It was indeed a new beginning. He never asked you to go on a date, you always told yourselves that it was just a trip, just another adventure. You never kissed, but often found yourself in his embrace. It made you feel safe. This last week you all were swamped with missions so you barely had time to talk or go out. You even forgot that your birthday was this weekend. The others however didn't forget.

You had the week's last mission with Bucky, rolling your eyes as he took off his helmet with a playful smirk.

-Just how many times do you Mr. Barnes want to take advantage of me holding onto dear life whenever you're driving that thing? - you said with a half smile and a raised eyebrow.

-As many times as i can Miss (y/l/n). - he said winking at you.

You hopped behind him, wrapping your hands around the familiar body, as the musk and smoke scent filled your nose. Some might hate it, but oh it was your most favourite thing in the world.

The mission was a simple one. Go in, come out in one piece. The building was supposed to be empty. It was an old HYDRA base, you only needed an old hard-drive. But somewhere along the way they caught word of your mission. The place was swamped with agents. As it was supposed to be an easy mission, it was only you and Bucky, and you separated to find the hard-drive faster.

You managed to kill most of the agents, but in a careless moment one stabbed your right thigh while you fought off another. Bucky kicked down tthe door just when a cry of pain left your mouth, as you collapsed on the floor. He shoot both of the remaining men before they could've harm you further. He ran to you, scooping you up into his lap.

-Cmon (y/n), let's get out of here. We need to patch you up. - he tapped his earpiece, letting the others hear you - Guys, mission accomplished, but the place was spamped with HYDRA agents. (y/n) got stabbed in her right thigh. Sam, can you pick her up? She can't get on the motorcycle with a knife in her thigh.

-Sure Buck, be there in 3.

After tapping the intercom, muting it, he looked at you, whincing from the pain.

-You can't keep out of trouble huh doll?

The pet name he called you for years, started to give you a warm fuzzy feeling. He never gave pet names to any other teammate.

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After the doctors patched you up, Bucky picked you up in princess style easily, carrying you to the couch in the livingroom.

-Why is everyone here? - You looked at them not knowing a thing.

-It's your birthday dumbass. - Said Nat, laughing.

-Geez, was it already a year?

-That it was princess. I'm glad you're better though. -Said Steve, holding out a gift wrapped in flowery paper.

-Aaaaw guys, you didn't have to ... -you said as you made grabby hands, hugging him. You unwrapped the gift. It was a record player. They knew you always wanted one of these. All your other gifts were vinly records to play with it. You cried, finally cause of happiness.

Bucky helped moving you and your gifts to your room after you all ate cake.

-Do you want to listen to something doll?

-Mmmm... can you put on that 40's one.. the one that's called " I don't want to set the world on fire" i really love that song. I mean i cant slowdance now but, we could listen..

He was happy that you liked his favourite song. It always reminded him of you. He wanted to set that fire in your heart. He put the record on, and sat next to you, holding a small box towards you.

-I wanted to give this to you in private.

You looked at him with sparkling eyes, and hugged him as suffocating as you could.

- Cmon, you didn't even open it.

-Ah but it's from you, you didn't forget. you said while slowly opening it, finding his dogtags in it. You looked at him surprised.

-But.. these are...

-Yes, doll, i want you to have them, keep them safe for me. This way i'll always be with you.

You were so touched with this gesture. He never even let anyone touch them, but now he was giving them to you. A tear dropped from your eyes, and he immediately brushed it with his thumb, his palm lingering a bit on the side of your face. You blushed at the sudden closeness of him, biting your lower lip, which he didn't miss.

-Bucky.. um.. you know.. if you still feel the way you did.. umm.. you can kiss me..

He couldn't believe what he heard, but in a second he kissed you softly on the lips. Moving as slow as he could, savoring the moment, and how your lips felt on his. He waited years for this. We waited, hoping that you'll somehow feel the same. And just now you told him he can kiss you. He felt as if it was his birthday. After a few minutes he let you go, looking deep into your eyes. You smiled at him, your smile reaching your eyes.

-Would you want to go on a date with me doll?

-Anytime Bucky. Anytime.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #loki #loki x reader

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