#making me all depressed thinking about Dally and how he deserved so much more

[trialnerror]

For the character asks: Johnny Lawrence and Dallas Winston 💜

Im gonna do both of em in two separate posts but I'll start with Dallas Winston

favorite thing about them: I love the fact that even though hes a big tough guy who will torment kids and hit on girls who he probably wont have a shot with because some of them just cannot stand him (or are too afraid to fall for him), he still has a softer side to him, as evident when hes around Johnny. Not even Pony was able to really get to see that side of him to the full eextent that Johnny did and I think thats beautiful.

least favorite thing about them: gotta be the fact that he is a ticking time bomb. Dally simply cannot contain his emotions as he doesnt have a proper outlet to really let his emotions out in a healthy way, so he just bottles them up to the point of overload and then goes haywire and gets himself into situations where the only way out is death...

favourite line: "We gotta get even with the Socs. For Johnny."

brOTP: Dally and Johnny because I will protect my broken boys until the day I die

OTP: this one is tough because we didnt get enouogh of it but Dally and Pony, and Dally and the rest of the Greaser gang

nOTP: sorry but Dally and Cherry...she wouldnt be able to handle him

random headcanon: taken from Johnnys letter to Pony where he says "I don't think he's ever really seen a sunset.", I'd like to believe that Dally always watched them. He just wouldnt tell anyone that he did in fear tthat they'd mock him. Maybe one day Johnny caught him watching a sunset and they just stood there in silence together. No words needed to be said but there was a mutual understanding between them. There was beauty still to be found among the darknss in their lives.

unpopular opinion: had only Pony went into the church, I dont think Dally would have ran in to save him with the same sort of urgency that he used with Johnny... he would have gone in regardless (because Darry wouldve killed him for letting Pony go in alone) but he definitely cared more for Johnnys health and safety rather than Pony's

song i associate with them: Save Rock And Roll by Fall Out Boy ft. Elton John, espeecially during his final moments

favorite picture of them:

[silver-wield]

So I was reading through your masterlist and saw "cloti healthy disagreement" and for some reason I thought it would be about the argument they had in AC. Was not disappointed on the post, of course, you're amazing as always. But if you have the time, what do you think about their little "lover's quarrel" in the movie?

I gotchu! At last lol

Okay, onto some Advent Children stuff. I'm prefacing this by saying I'm definitely not an expert on this one. I've seen the movie like 3 times.

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be long and also not about FF7R, but who’s paying attention to this bit?

Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.

You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Please check my master post to see if I've already covered your question, thanx

Let's mosey!

Recap time!

So, after Cloud finds Tifa in the church and then passes out so they can do a whole yin yang symbolism thing—which I get is supposed to look cool and showcase how they are the other half of each other, but I kinda just wish they'd had them lying together because the way that happened just doesn't make sense.

But, back to the house. When Cloud wakes up it's day time and then when Tifa wakes up it's night. So he has literally stayed by her the entire day, despite the kids being in trouble. Kinda feels like I shouldn't point out how people said Cloud is kid centric in AC where I said he tolerates the ones that aren't his family, but given a choice he'll choose Tifa over everyone, but yeah, I probably shouldn't go on about how Cloud is a bit of a dick to everyone except Tifa lol

“Reno and Rude are out looking.”

Okay, so Tifa wakes up and the first thing that Cloud says to her is Reno and Rude are looking for the kids because he thinks that's the first thing she's gonna ask about. He says this as he's walking around the bed, like he can't bare to stand still and look at her, like he's expecting her to dismiss him.

Since we know from OTWTAS that he thinks he's not good enough for her again and that she shouldn't care, this reaction is expected from him.

“You have geostigma, don't you?”

We don't get to see Cloud's reaction to this because his back is to us, but Tifa's eyes are wide and earnest looking and she's upset. This is inter-shot with clips of Cloud riding his bike towards the Forgotten City because this is what he's thinking about as he's on his way there.

And Cloud even glances back the way he came to further hit home that he's thinking about this talk with Tifa because that's how important it is to him. His gaze skims his right arm, which we know he associates with strength and keeping his promise to protect Tifa.

“You're gonna give up and die, is that it?”

She sounds so heartbroken when she asks this. She looks heartbroken too. When he doesn't reply, she can't look at him and sits up, curling into herself to protect herself from the emotional pain that Cloud's inflicting on her.

“There's no cure.”

Tifa immediately turns back to Cloud to argue that Denzel's still fighting. She's got tears in her eyes and she's trying so hard to be positive.

“Don't run, let's fight it together.”

Tifa turns towards Cloud and we can see from the wider angle that he's got his head down and looks defeated.

“I guess that only works for real families.”

And by real, Tifa means regular ones. Husband, wife, bio kids. Not what they have, which is being not-married, but living together as though they are and raising a kid who isn't theirs biologically and also taking care of their friend's daughter, who also treats them like they’re his kids. Their family is unorthodox and Tifa's questioning whether their odd family isn't worth fighting for because it's not perfect or normal like other people's, and this makes her sad because she was content with her family. She loves Cloud and Marlene and Denzel and never questioned if what they had was a family or not because she thought it was. She wants to know if Cloud thinks so too. He left her. Ok, he had good reasons in his head, but what if one of those reasons is he wasn't happy with his family the way it was?

“Tifa, I'm not fit to help anyone. Not my family, not my friends, nobody.”

Half of me wants to shake Cloud, but then the other half is like “oh you poor precious bean you need hugs”

He's clearly in the depths of his depression to the point he thinks he's totally useless. His body language is so low I don't think he could curl himself over anymore than he already is. He can't look Tifa in the eye, and for a guy who does good eye contact with her this is a big deal. Cloud is wallowing in his self-doubt, guilt and sense of failure. He calls her his family, though, so he’s given her an answer that he thinks what they have is a family, which is something.

“Dilly dally, shilly shally.”

I know this is to show how silly Cloud's being, but I hate this line. It sounds so ooc for Tifa. It's definitely more fitting for Aerith later on. Then again, she probably got the words from Aerith at some point in the past, so that could explain why she uses them.

Cloud's head is down until Tifa says this, then he starts to look up and we get a clear view of his eyes for the first time since the scene began. He looks upset, but surprised and confused too. Like “wtf is Tifa talking about?”

And when Tifa repeats the words in a firmer voice, while not looking at him because I'm betting this confrontation is hard for her too, Cloud looks away and tries to figure out what she means by it. And then Reno throws him a bone by telling him because Cloud obviously has lost his Tifa mind reader ability for a while lol

The two images also look like a callback to real vs soldier Cloud, so there’s that too.

“They're at their base: the forgotten city.”

And both Cloud and Tifa look away when they hear where Kadaj is holed up, because Tifa knows it's here that Cloud started slipping into depression and Cloud knows it's a place he doesn't want to go back to because he feels so guilty about Aerith. If he goes, he'll have to confront his guilt and work through it, and that's why during the conversation with Aerith he says he wants to be forgiven in response to her asking why he's there. He made the choice to confront those feelings and not run anymore. He still feels like he doesn't deserve it which is why he says he wants to be forgiven, but later during the chat with Vincent he resolves those feelings and decides to try fighting for what he has in the present instead of being weighed down by the past. It's his friends and family who ultimately help Cloud past this.

“Go.”

Tifa looks at Cloud when he tries to avoid the confrontation with his guilt. She tells him to stop running because she can hear a weak excuse when it's being said and sees what Cloud's been doing now that she's got the full picture. He's scared and feels guilty and like he's not good enough. He got sick and couldn't help himself or anyone and thought everyone would be better off without him. He turned away from their love and support because he loves them and didn't want to make them suffer because of his inadequacies. It's his childhood trait of not being good enough for everyone coming out, and it's one that Tifa resolves again by showing him love and support and telling him he is good enough.

“You need to think about now. Really take it in.”

Tifa is telling Cloud to live in the present and to stop letting the past ruin him. He can't change what happened, but he can make a difference now. If he stops running away.

“Look at you, you think you've got it so damn hard.”

I love the shot of her ring here. It's not just drawing attention to the fact she's wearing the equivalent of an engagement/promise/wedding ring and that it matches Cloud's wolf head stuff, so clearly came from him, it's that by showing us this shot of her hand, we're being told that she's giving him some tough love. They're a couple and that means they can have tough conversations. Tifa doesn't like confrontation, but she won't avoid it if it matters. And Cloud matters because he's basically her husband and she loves him.

“Sure you might not answer the phone, but I don't see you throwing it away, either.”

Tifa knows Cloud so well that she can say things like he hates being alone and refuses to throw his phone away and to let people in. She's almost begging him at this point. Trying to justify how she wants him to not give up and that they need him just as much as he needs them. She's drawing attention to the front that he's acting like a loner, but picks up his messages.

And Cloud's expression shifts when she says this, too. He's acknowledging the fact she's right.

“Which is it, a memory or us?”

Tifa's saying will Cloud let himself die because of his guilt and everything that's gone wrong or will he choose to live in the present with his family who love him? She’s pretty much crying by this point because she wants him to live.

“But, I let you die.”

And there's the confirmation of Cloud's guilt being the reason for his behaviour. And then Aerith repeats the same line Tifa does, implying that Cloud's being an annoying butt and should move on and forgive himself since no one blames him except himself.

In conclusion

AC Cloud is annoying af and I give massive props to Tifa for loving him even when he's like this. Their conversation is pretty interesting from Tifa's pov, especially when you think how hard it is for her to have a confrontation. She uses body language that's typical for her passive personality trait, but then when it comes down to it, she turns and gives it her all for Cloud. Because that confrontation is for him. It's not because of him that she's doing it. He's not a reason to fight, he's someone for her to fight for.

[8osbabe]

a sad song about a girl i used to know

pairing : soda pop curtis x female!reader (dallas winston x reader mention)

warnings : none

summary :

who deserves love?

notes :

not enough can be said.

enjoy.

_________________________________

you didn’t love him.

and it’s the most bitter truth you know.

for a long time, you’d hated him.

you tug off the last few of his shirts from their half-broken plastic hangers in the closet.

the last one is a white tee that reminded you of james dean when he wore it. you fold it neatly, pausing to breathe in the scent on the shirt, wondering if there’s any dallas winston left on it at all.

it smells like beer, but that brand of musk could just as easily be two-bit’s. you shove it in your duffel bag.

besides these last few abandoned garments, there wasn’t much with any sentimental value in dallas’s room at buck’s.

the jackets he wore most often, which the gang considered the most valuable, hung on the hooks near the front door of the curtis place. there were no pictures in here, not even of you, or of the gang.

you run a hand through your hair, inhaling sharply as you try to remove yourself from the emotion in this room. it’s just a room. his room.

or it was.

you dig the heel of your palm into your watering eyes before tears can even dare to spill. you think of buck, downstairs, still nursing the bruised eye you gave him a few days ago, when he told you he was renting out dallas’s old room, and to clear it out or he was pawning it for drug money.

you know he was being harsher than he’d meant, that he’d had it rough since dallas died, too.

you turn toward the door, fingertips reaching out toward the indent dallas’s hand made in the wall when he’d punched it.

you look back into the room one last time before leaving for good.  

you leave buck merrill's complex without another word, jaywalking down the street and around honking cars as you approach the sidewalk and swing the duffel’s strap over your shoulder.

you remember what soda had said to you the night he told you he loved you.

the night dallas died.

three hours before his skin knew cold steel.

“you like the pain, (name). you like it because you think you deserve it.”

his hand clutched at the side of your face, the touch somehow managing to be both gentle and violent at once.

your face was red and splotchy.

he was right.

dallas winston gave your rough, turbulent, hot.

he cussed and pulled and spit venom until you were pushing back in harmony, with equal fire.

he gave you trouble and confusion and blurry and messy. he made your head spin with hot and cold love that drove you mad.

and you thought you deserved it.

so much that it hadn’t occurred to you that maybe you deserved soft touches and kind eyes and featherlight affection.

soda was telling the truth, and you almost believed him.

then dallas called, and in less than an hour, nothing was ever the same.

you haven’t talked to soda since the “funeral” darry had plunged into a savings account for.

you thought you knew depressing.

have you ever seen a johnny cade - sized coffin before?

that’s depressing.

you wanted dallas and all the pain that having him meant.

you guess that, when it came down to it, he’d given you exactly what you’d wanted.

the ultimate hurt, his mortality.

but even before then, you knew you didn’t love him.

the night of the rumble wasn’t the first time soda had talked to you like that. like he needed you.

even dallas saw it.

the way you and soda started to look at each other from across the room, the way you’d smile.

friends don’t look at each other like that.

friends don’t smile like that.

friends don’t kiss each other on the front porch of the curtis house when your boyfriend is in jail and you’re sobbing that he’s never going to change.

at the time, you hadn’t loved soda either.

but you knew that you could.

it would be so easy to fall in love with sodapop curtis.

you hadn’t loved him yet, but it was damning enough to know that you could.

then there was the guilt. you knew you both felt it.

dallas winston was dead and the last thing his girlfriend or his best friend ever did for him was lie.

you were thinking of leaving him long before it happened. and dallas knew.

you think that had been the worst of it.

the first day at school after he died.

it wasn’t going to be anything worse than what you’d already seen. dallas hadn’t attended school for months before he died, and besides the whispers and gossip, there were no reminders of him here.

you think you felt every ounce of color drain from your face when you read it. the note he’d left in your locker before he died, the last thing he’d ever said to you.

words written in his same messy handwriting, meant for your eyes only ;

                                                         i still love you.

there had been no stopping the tears then, and nobody to comfort you as you sobbed.

the words had weight.

dallas winston had never told you he loved you.

he’d never have said it, not to you or anyone, and you definitely never thought he’d write it, in permanent black ink for anyone to see.

and when he did write it ? it said “still.”

it meant that he knew, about you and soda, about everything.

it meant he knew. and he still loved you.

it wasn’t a goodbye, or a suicide note, since he’d left it in your locker long before the rumble, or johnny’s death, or his own.

dallas had been alive, and so were you, and he wanted you to know that he loved you, even after all you’d done.

you’re standing on the porch of the curtis’s when you realize you don’t know where you’re going to put this stuff.

there’s no room for it at the curtis’ place, you definitely can’t bring it home, and it’s not like dallas is coming back to claim it.

you sit on the steps of the porch, slumping over and running a hand through your hair as it starts to rain.

the water his the roof and trickles down, falling to the ground a few feet in front of you.

you hear the screen door open and close gently behind you, but don’t bother to look who it is until you feel cool denim fabric touch drape over your shoulders.

you look up to see soda, Barry making eye contact before shifting your gaze back forwards to the street.

today was emotionally draining enough without him having his presence taunt you about it.

your hand only loved to the collar of the jacket to feel the familiar fabric between your thumb and forefinger.

johnny’s jacket.

for a while, he just sits beside you on the steps, staring out into the rain, in silence.

“(name),” he says after a while. you don’t respond.

“how’ve you been feeling?” he asks, but he already knows the answer.

he turns to look at you, but you don’t meet his eyes.

“better,” you finally answer.

he bites his lip before looking away.

“you’re lying to me, (name).”

“really? but we’ve never been liars, soda.” you lay the sarcasm on thick, and he doesn’t speak.

even now, it hurts to know you’re hurting him.

“i’m sorry.” you finally turn to look at him, meeting his eyes and not managing to stifle the butterflies that his soft gaze still makes you feel.

“don’t be sorry,” he answers gently.

“don’t apologize to me.”

there’s only more silence as you wrap the denim jacket closer around your shoulders.

“i love you, (name),” he says after a while, and he continues without letting you answer.

“-and i know how you feel, about us, after what happened.”

you don’t know if it’s the way he looks at you, like dallas never did, that makes you break down. but something does, and you breathe in sharply in a futile attempt to hold your pieces together.

“-but i’ll leave you alone from now on if that’s what you want.”

is that what you want?

you don’t know, you don’t know.

is that what you deserved? what dally deserved?

did either of you deserve anything?

you can’t escape the image of blood on your hands, blood on your clothes for what you’ve done.

for causing both of them pain. ruining them.

but maybe they had hurt you too, maybe you’d been hurting each other for a while now.

choosing soda wasn’t pain, it was peace.

dallas winston wanted to be dead and he got what he wanted. he didn’t care who he hurt anymore, and he didn’t care he was leaving you behind, because he knew soda would protect you.

maybe he just wanted you to be okay.

death was kinder to dallas than life ever was.

the rain hits your leg in drops, until you realize the rain has been stopped for a while now, leaving only petrichor and your tears in its wake.

you look up at soda, his eyes brimmed with tears of his own. you remember how dallas was all dry eyes.

you long for the moments you wasted not being with soda, and your heart comes to claim them as you lean into him, soft lips moving against yours instantly.

he’s gentle.

he christens every scar with heat, and you love yourself a fire. it’s when your head dips beneath his jaw, kissing his neck, that you realize you can be more than destruction. you want to make him feel good, to forget pain.

a little more of you is gone, a little more of you becomes him.

you know how easy it is to love someone who is broken.

you always get cut by the pieces.