#making it a man behind the mind flayer is the biggest gut punch ever when you think about EVERYTHING that's happened.

[bylertruther]

not to be dark by acknowledging the material, but it really is so crazy how involved and all-encompassing the henry-will rape plots are. not only did he give him unimaginable trauma by hunting him in the upside down, but he also violated him in, like... every possible way? and violently so?

physically at the library (tentacle slug thing down his throat), via forced impregnation (throwing up baby demoslugs from the aforementioned), again on the field (possession via particles), and via the goosebumps that result from their psychic connection. will says that it came for him and that he tried to make it go away, but it got him. when asked what that means, he breaks down in sobs and says only that he felt it everywhere--everywhere--and that he still feels it, and he just wants it to be over. he can't explain the experience that completely and utterly terrifies him. he tries, but he just breaks down again until they urge him to express himself through his art.

his body is different after, too: colder, covered in sweat. he fears the bath, can't tolerate any warmth. when he sleeps, his body is elsewhere, eyes moving this way and that beneath his lids. he isn't in control of himself while being used, forced to do things he doesn't want to do, like choking his own mother who wants only to save him. even after they get it out of him, even after he's clean, he still feels it: that phantom touch, the scars, both visible and not. he describes it like a roller coaster drop, like your body is being plunged in freezing water. he breaks out in goosebumps on the back of his neck whenever he's near. even now, even when he should be safe and free, he isn't. even now, he's still there with him in his body.

psychically via their connection and his possession. dr. owens mistakes will's true sight experiences as being a ptsd symptom due to the anniversary effect. will is reaching out, trying to warn them, trying to get help before it's too late. he tells them that there's something watching him, something dangerous and evil that's been repeatedly trying to lure him out and get him alone, and they just... don't do anything, because they don't believe him. they tell him it's a figment of his imagination, a result of his trauma. it's not real, they say. it's not true, you're fine, nothing can hurt you now. he feels crazy for it, like no one understands or gets it, which obviously means that they must be right. he's too different now, like phineas gage. too much of a freak all because of what happened to him, and this is the proof. this, and the way that everyone treats him like a baby now, like he can't possibly handle himself anymore, because clearly he's proven himself too broken and helpless.

except... he's not crazy. he was right the entire time, but no one listened until it was too late and it got him. it wasn't enough to have him physically there inside of him before, now he's in his mind, too. they share thoughts and now-memories, feelings and experiences and sensations. rage, fear, pain, and more. him and henry, henry and him--as confirmed by season four. this was no monster above such pedestrian and foreign human concepts like morality, but a grown man that knew precisely what he was doing and was acting according to plan.

it was likely henry that followed him home that night and kidnapped him. it was henry that looked through his eyes, that wrapped his hand around joyce's throat, that robbed him of any agency and control over his own mind and body. it was henry that kept him from his memories and that stood between him and all of the people he loves. it was henry that flooded the laboratory with demodogs and sent them after him every time in effort to bring him back. it was henry that tried to kill eleven for daring to stop him. everything, that great evil that he felt in and around him, it was... a man. "some other queer," like troy and everyone else suspected, if you believe in the queer-coding. not a monster that doesn't understand the rules of their world, something abstract and inconceivable, but a human being just like him that does understand and simply doesn't care. because he thinks himself above the rules. because his plans are more important and they justify the means. because will's agency, his consent, and his entire life is nothing compared to this man's want.

and then... years later... when will is older, making steps to move forward, trying to get on with his life... there it is again: henry's presence in will's mind and at the back of his neck. the bitter realization that it was a man behind his torment. that it somehow still isn't over. that he's still there with him, in his body. that it always comes back to what happened, where it happened, and who happened.

it's, like... it's just so involved. a real and unending violation of each and every part of will: mind and body. is there anything, any part of will at all, that is truly his and only his? that has not been taken, touched, or given up for someone else? eleven was given closure with regard to her abuser, dr. brenner. when will it be his turn to be free? when will he be allowed to take his mind and body back and be just will again? when?