#made this on a whim a couple days ago and it's proving more useful than I would like

[macksting]

[ID: Warning decal. Says, "Warning!" in white on red for high visibility, then in black impact font, "This machine does not know the difference between metal and flesh, but cares a lot, so please stay out of its way. It would be very sad if it accidentally hurt you." /end ID]

[looneyleyle]

the movie of us ~ t. owens

synopsis: as any good tragedy goes, the highs are high, and the lows are low. at least as a hopeless romantic, georgia can romanticize the gut-wrenching tragedy that is her rocky relationship with tornado wrangler tyler owens.

warnings: angsty, can you tell i've been hurt by a boy recently?, potentially toxic tyler depending on how you read it, me not being from the south so prolly not very accurate lingo and such, written in a two hour long spiral of sadness and romanticism (aka unedited)

word count: 1424 words

third person pov

hey darlin, looks like i'm not gonna be able to make it tonight :( big cell forming north of el reno

georgia stared down at her phone for a few minutes, disappointed but not surprised. the restaurant around her buzzed with life and excitement, but she was anything but that. the waitress had been checking in on her every fifteen or so minutes, her expression grimmer with each passing round.

on the waitress's fifth round of checking in on her tables, georgia waved her over, asking for the bill with a hollow smile. the waitress nodded, a sickly sympathetic look on her face. georgia all but rolled her eyes, not needing a stranger's pity. she paid the bill and left immediately, wanting to get away from all of the people and the waitress's prying eyes.

and funnily enough, georgia almost couldn't bring herself to feel sad. it was hard to even muster up a few tears, although not impossible. the only thing that could describe her feelings, plain and simply, was numbness. numb to the countless times she had been blown off by him, numb to the ever growing list of dates she had been stood up, numb to everything that had to do with that goddamn tornado chaser.

when she got home, she made her way towards the bay window in the living room, not wanting to go to bed just yet, unable to feel tired as her feelings sat heavy on her chest. her knees instinctively curled to her chest, imitating the pose she found herself in all too often since crossing paths with the handsome self-proclaimed tornado wrangler tyler no-good owens a year and a half ago. she turned on the stereo and set it to a low volume, not wanting to wake up her parents. rain pelted against the window in sporadic thunks, but the sounds were drowned out by a familiar song on the radio. her chest squeezed as she listened, humming along while watching the storm brew outside, a reflection of the anguish brewing inside of her.

the moment played out in her head like a movie, a bluish tint over the film to aid in setting the dreary mood, the camera of her mind focusing in on the few tears that managed to escape her eyes, her longing look out the window panning out and off into the world, transitioning into whatever tyler was doing. was he asleep? was he out and about with his crew? was he at some bar, not a thought of her in his head? the scene continued to change in her mind, each as unsettling as the previous thought, until she drifted into a restless sleep.

after a couple of days, georgia ignored tyler's texts, deciding that he had run out of second chances. she was done with him for good.

as she came home from grocery shopping one clear, sunny day, tyler was there, looking out at the garden her mother tended to, a few flowers of his own in his hands.

georgia tried to resist him, she really did. she wanted nothing more than to deliver a swift punch to his annoyingly perfect face.

"hey darlin, i missed you." he said, opening his arms wide. she fought every nerve, muscle, and whim in her body from running up and jumping into his strong arms. she had a point to prove to him.

but his eyes didn't hold even a hint of malice or manipulation in them. tyler was a simple guy, georgia could easily chalk up his flakiness and absence to his passion for his job. it was as if he didn't even realize that he had done something wrong, and how could she be mad at him for something he didn't even mean to do? it was as if they haven't been apart for the past two months, date upon date cancelled, with georgia spending her nights in bed, soundless sobs escaping her as she wondered what she could do to make it work, to make them work.

no, in that moment, it was as if it were only yesterday that he was there, in her house, having dinner with her parents, before sneaking out to go dance with her at the town bar into the late late hours of the night.

and so, that night, long after the plates have been washed, her parents already tucked away in bed, tyler whisked her away in his truck, heading towards an open field away from town, the sky clear as ever.

and in that moment, the wind whipping throughout his big red truck on that warm oklahoma night, georgia felt like she was floating through the air. because she was here, with tyler, the same gleeful look gracing both of their faces.

the movie pieced itself back together in her mind, an upbeat love song playing in the back as their laughs surpassed the roar of his truck. all previous transgressions against her on his behalf were forgotten in this moment of pure, unfiltered glee. a moment in which the actors went off script, genuinely happy and feeding on each others' energy.

he stopped the truck, jogging out of it and opening her door for her, leading her into his truck bed. he grabbed a few blankets from the backseat, putting them down to make it a bit more comfortable for them. he then hopped up next to her, wrapping the blanket and himself around her as they looked up at the clear night sky, talking about whatever popped up into their hyperactive minds. it was as if they were each other's own personal drug, dopey smiles never leaving their faces, hearts thumping rapidly together as one.

and the next day, she woke up at some ungodly hour to tyler hopping out of bed, putting on his clothes and gathering up his belongings.

"you're not leaving again, are you?" she asked, not able to mask the pain in her tone. he looked over at her and gave her what she assumed he thought was a sympathetic smile, reassuring her that he would be back by sundown, that boone had found the makings of a perfect storm about an hour west of them.

georgia pulled the covers closer to her bare body, chilled not by the air, but by the emptiness surrounding her as tyler pressed a chaste kiss to her head, already one foot out of the door.

as it approached dinner time, she made one of tyler's favorites, pouring out a glass of iced tea for everyone and setting the table.

the six o'clock hour passed, and she told her parents to go ahead and eat, not wanting them to get hungry.

the seven o'clock hour passed, and she covered up her and tyler's food, not wanting it to get cold.

the eight o'clock hour passed, and with it, the sun fell below the horizon. the ice in her iced tea was long melted, and tyler was, as always, nowhere to be seen.

the nine o'clock hour passed, and georgia found that she was no longer hungry. it was almost as if she could see the hours pass by in a movie montage, everything moving around her, but her staying perfectly still in her chair, waiting in sorrowful desperation for her absent love interest.

the ten o'clock hour passed, and she put everything away in the fridge and did the dishes, getting ready for bed.

only when the clock on her bedside reached 11:18 did tyler text her.

got caught up in the storm, it was perfect! twin ef3's, can you believe it?? the crew had to stop at a motel in weatherford, i'll head back tomorrow morning, sleep well darlin

and just like a fool, she believed him, falling asleep while making plans for what her and tyler would do the coming day.

and she waited and waited and waited, realization seeping in around mid afternoon that tyler wasn't coming. he never was.

and for once, she took a page out of tyler's book. she packed up her bags and followed the wind wherever it took her, not looking back once.

so after a week or so of no responses from georgia, tyler returned to georgia's house, only to find her truck gone and her mother in the doorway, a disapproving shake of her head as she headed back inside.

and with that, the movie of tyler and georgia ended, the final frame focused on tyler's fallen face, finally realizing, after all this time, that he fucked up irreparably.

[itsclydebitches]

The Bad Batch: A Crosshair Analysis

Hello, Star Wars fandom! I have just completed watching—and loving—The Bad Batch, which you know means I now need to dump all my thoughts about the first season into the tumblr void. Specifically, thoughts on the complicated drama that is Crosshair. I have no doubt that the majority of what I’m about to say will be old news to anyone who watched the show when it came out (I’m slow...), but I’m writing it all out anyway. Largely for my own sanity enjoyment :D

I want to preface all of this by saying that the above is not an exaggeration. I love the show and I love the entire cast. My enjoyment in each of the characters is directly connected to my enjoyment of the season as a whole, which I say because I’m about to get pretty critical towards some of the characters’ choices and, to a lesser extent, the writing choices that surround those. Does this mean I secretly hate The Bad Batch? Quite the opposite. I’m invested, which is presumably just what Filoni wants. I’m just hoping that investment pays off. 

But enough of the disclaimers. Let’s start with the matter of the inhibitor chip. I’ve seen fans take some pretty hard stances on both sides: Crosshair is completely innocent because he’s definitely been under the chip’s control this whole time, no matter what he might say. Crosshair is completely guilty because he said the chip was removed a long time ago and he chose to do all this, no moral wiggle room allowed. However, the reality is that we don’t know enough to make a clear call either way. The audience, simply put, does not have all the necessary information. What we have instead is a couple of facts combined with claims that may or may not be reliable. Let’s lay them out:

Crosshair was definitely under the chip’s control at the start of the series.

He was able to resist it to a certain extent, resulting in a pressure to obey orders coupled with a primary loyalty to his squad. See: telling Hunter to follow the Empire’s commands—which includes killing kid Padawans—but not turning his team in as traitors when they did not. It’s an in-between space.

Crosshair’s chip was then amplified to an unknown extent. I’m never going to claim I’m a Star Wars aficionado—I’m a casual fan, friends. Please don’t yell at me over obscure lore lol—but within TBB’s canon, no one else is undergoing that experimentation. The effects of this are entirely unknown, which includes Crosshair’s free will, or lack thereof.

Crosshair then becomes a clear tool of the Empire, hunting down innocents, killing on a whim, the whole, evil shebang.

In “Reunion” he’s caught by the engine and suffers severe burns to his face. One leaves a scar that covers precisely the place where the chip would have been extracted.

Removing the chip leaves its own scar behind. If Crosshair’s was removed, we can’t see that scar due to the burn.

After these events Crosshair seems to mellow a bit. He does horrible things under the Empire’s orders—like shooting the senator—but is still loyal to his squad—killing his non-clone teammates to give TBB a chance, saving AZ and Omega, etc.

Crosshair claims that his chip has already been removed. However, Crosshair is arguably an unreliable source if he’s been lied to or if the chip is still there, encouraging him to manipulate the team.

Crosshair claims it was removed a long time ago, which is incredibly imprecise. As we can see from just some of the events listed above, precisely when the chip came out—if it came out—makes a huge difference.

Hunter realizes this and presses for clarification, but Crosshair dodges giving it. Again, a legitimate belief that it doesn’t matter, or evidence that he can’t say because something else is going on? We don’t know.

Hunter checks Crosshair’s head and finds the burn scar which proves… nothing. As stated above, they wouldn’t be able to see the surgery scar one way or another: its existence or its absence. It’s useless data, as Tech might say. I’ve seen a few fans claim that Hunter was also feeling for the chip with his enhanced senses, but 1. I didn’t catch any evidence of that in the scene and 2. Even if we assume Hunter did that anyway, the chips are notoriously hard to spot. Fives and AZ couldn’t find the chip at first when examining Tup. Ahsoka had to use the force to find it in Rex. TBB themselves couldn’t find it at first in Wrecker. If machinery consistently fails to find the chip on the first couple of tries—it’s meant to be a hidden implant, after all—why would we believe Hunter’s senses could pick it up instantly? Maybe he missed it, or maybe it wasn’t there at all. 

Crosshair appears to be struggling with a headache in the finale, just as he was at the beginning of the season and just like Wrecker was for the first half.

The point of listing all this out is to emphasize how ambiguous this whole situation is. I don’t want to use this post to argue one way or another about whether Crosshair’s chip is really out. I have my preferred theory (the chip’s still in, but only partially functional), but at the end of the day none of this is conclusive. The writing takes us in what I hope is deliberate circles. Crosshair says the chip is out? Crosshair is not a reliable source of information until we know if the chip is out. What other evidence is there that the chip is gone? A scar? We can’t see if there’s a scar. Hunter’s abilities? He only checked once for a canonically hard to find implant—if he actually checked at all. And why would the Empire want the chip out? Well, maybe it has to do with that push towards willing soldiers, but if that were the case, why leave Crosshair behind and have the “clones die together”? By that point he was one of the most willing, chip or not. Did they have to take it out because of the engine accident? Pure speculation. We just don’t know and THAT is the point I want to make.

Because it means the rest of the Bad Batch didn’t know either.

The core issue I have here is not whether the chip is in or out, or even how long it may have been in if it is out now. The issue is that TBB spent 99% of the first season believing that Crosshair was under the chip’s influence… and they didn’t try to do anything about that. They abandoned him. They left a man behind. Does this make them all horrible monsters? Of course not! This shit is complicated as hell, but I do think they made a very large mistake and that Crosshair has every right to be furious about it.

“But, Clyde, they couldn’t have gone back. It was too dangerous! Hunter had a duty to his whole team, not just Crosshair.” True enough and I’d buy this argument 100% if Hunter hadn’t spent the entire season throwing his team into dangerous, seemingly impossible situations to save other people. Crosshair became the exception, not a hard rule of something they had to avoid. They went back to Kamino for Omega, a kid they’d only had one lunch with, despite knowing how dangerous the Empire was. They went into the heart of an occupied planet to rescue not just a stranger, but one belonging to the Separatist government. They helped Sid when she asked and there was plenty of compassion for the criminal trying to take her place. Most significantly, there wasn’t the slightest hesitation to go rescue Hunter when he was under the Empire’s control, in precisely the same place. Every explanation I’ve seen fans come up with—Kamino is too fortified, they don’t know where Crosshair is, they can’t risk Omega being captured, etc.—also holds true for Hunter, yet there wasn’t a second of doubt about needing to at least try to help him. And his rescue was arguably far more dangerous given that TBB knew they were walking into a trap. Going after Crosshair would have at least had some element of surprise.

I think the problem with these justifications is most easily seen in “Rescue on Ryloth” and, later, “War-Mantle.” In the former, we do watch Hunter decide that going on a rescue mission is too much of a risk, only for Omega to talk him into considering it.

Hunter: “It’s a big galaxy. We can’t put ourselves on the line every time someone’s in trouble.”

Omega: “Why not? Isn’t that what soldiers do?”

Hunter: “It’s not worth the risk.”

Omega: “She’s trying to save her family, Hunter. I’d do the same for you.”

The arguments that sway him are ‘Soldiers should help people’ and ‘Soldiers should specifically help their family.’ So… what does that say about their feelings for Crosshair? They’re willing to put themselves on the line for the parents of a girl they met once at a drop site, but not their own brother? That’s the message the writing sends. “But, Clyde, the difference is that they had an advantage here. Hera’s knowledge of her home planet tipped the odds in their favor.” Yeah… and Crosshair is stationed on TBB’s home planet. Even more than them collectively having the same knowledge that Hera does, “Return to Kamino” reveals that Omega always had additional, insider knowledge of the base: she has access to a secret landing pad and the tunnels leading up into the city. That knowledge was given and used the second Hunter’s freedom was on the line, but it never once came up to use for Crosshair’s benefit. 

“War-Mantle’s” mission puts this problem in even sharper relief. Another claim I’ve seen a lot is that TBB only took risky rescue missions because they needed to be paid. The guys have got to eat after all. Yet Tech makes it clear that going after Gregor will lose them money. They’re meant to be on a mission for Sid and deviating for that won’t result in a payment. He explicitly says that if they decide to do this, they won’t eat. They do it anyway. No money, no intel, a huge risk “on a clone we don’t even know.” But that’s not what’s important, the show says. All that matters is that a brother is in trouble. This time it’s Echo pushing that message instead of Omega. When Hunter realizes that they’re about to try and infiltrate an entire facility and they don’t even know if this clone is still alive, Echo points out that they took that risk once before: for him. “If there’s a chance that trooper is being held against his will, we have to try and get him out.”

Yes! Exactly right! So why doesn’t that apply to Crosshair?

“Because he tried to kill them, Clyde!” No, that’s the easy, dismissive answer. A chipped Crosshair tried to kill them. AKA, a Crosshair entirely under the Empire’s control. The only difference between his enslavement and Gregor’s is that Gregor’s chains were physical while Crosshair’s were mental. And again, the point of everything at the start of this post is to show that no one knows when or even if that chip was removed. TBB definitely didn’t have any reason to suspect that Crosshair was working under his own power until Crosshair himself said as much. We might have been able to make that case at the start of the season, but “Battle Scars” removes any possible confusion. The entire team watched Rex reach for his blaster when he learned their chips were still in. The entire team watched Wrecker become a totally different person and attack them, just like Crosshair did. The entire team forgave him instantly and had their own chips removed. So why in the world didn’t anyone go, “Wow, Crosshair has a chip too. He was no more responsible for attacking us than Wrecker was. We need to try to get him out, no matter how hard that might be, just like we had to try for all these other people we’ve helped.”

But they didn’t. No one even considered rescuing Crosshair. They only went back for Hunter and, when they realized Crosshair was there too, they didn’t change their plans to try and rescue him as well. He’s treated as a particularly threatening inconvenience, not another team member in need of their help.

The problem I have with how this all went down is that the team treated Crosshair like an enemy despite all evidence to the contrary. Despite Omega outright saying that this isn’t his fault, it’s the chip, the group seems to decide that he’s gone crazy or something and that there’s nothing they can do. “It’s fine,” I thought. “They don’t really get what the chip is like yet. They don’t understand how thoroughly it controls someone.” But then “Battle Scars” arrives and Wrecker is treated with such compassion (which he deserves!) only for the group to continue acting like Crosshair is somehow different. It’s easy to say, “But Crosshair shot Wrecker” and ignore the easy pushback of, “and Wrecker nearly shot Omega.” Up until Crosshair’s own accusations and Omega’s ignored comments, TBB’s understanding of the chip’s influence and the lack of responsibility that accompanies mysteriously disappears when the show’s antagonist becomes the subject of conversation. This is seen most clearly in how Hunter tries to frame things during his talk with Crosshair:

“You tried to kill us. We didn’t have a choice.”

“Can’t you see that they’re using you? It’s that inhibitor chip in your head.”

“You really don’t get who we are, do you?”

Hunter mentions the chip, but he acts as if it’s Crosshair’s responsibility to overcome it: ��Can’t you see…” Of course he can’t see, that’s the entire point of the chip, the thing he currently believes Crosshair still has stuck in his head. But Hunter and the others—with Omega as a wonderful exception—never seem to have accepted this like they did for Wrecker. When Crosshair “tried to kill us” it’s seen as a deliberate act that he chose, not something forced on him like with Wrecker. When Hunter talks about their ethics, he subconsciously separates the team from Crosshair: “You really don’t get who we are, do you?”, revealing a pretty ingrained divide between them. Even Wrecker gets in on the action, the one brother who truly understands how much the chip controls someone: “All that time, you didn’t even try to come back.” What part of he couldn’t try is not hitting home here? Again, for the purposes of this conversation it doesn’t matter whether Crosshair was chipped this whole time or not. The point is that TBB believed he was chipped… and yet still expected him to somehow, magically overcome that programming, writing him off when he failed to do that. He’s consistently held responsible for actions that they were told (and, through Wrecker, saw) were completely outside of his control. Even when we factor in his claim that the chip was removed, TBB has ignored all the evidence I listed at the start. No one, not even Omega, challenges this super vague and strange claim, or seeks out proof because they don’t want to believe that their brother could willingly do this. There’s just this... acceptance that of course Crosshair went bad. Why? Because he was an asshole sometimes? Taking it all as written, it doesn’t feel like the batch considered him a true part of the team. Certainly not like Wrecker or Hunter. As shown, the batch will go out of their way, risk anything, forgive anything, for them. They have a level of faith that was never shown to Crosshair. 

“Severe and unyielding,” Tech says and he’s absolutely right, but I’d seriously challenge this idea that any of the others would have automatically done better if the situations were reversed. It stood out to me that each batch member has a moment of doubt throughout the series, a brief glimpse into how they think the Empire isn’t that bad, at least when it comes to this particular thing. Basically, a moment that could lead to a very dangerous line of thinking without others to stomp it down. Wrecker announces that he’s happy working for whoever, provided they give him food and let him blow things up. Tech finds the chain codes to be an ingenious strategy and is clearly fascinated with their development. Hunter initially wants Omega to stay on Kamino, despite knowing that this Empire has already, systematically killed an entire group of people: the Jedi. Doesn’t matter. She’s still (supposedly) safer there than she would be running with the likes of them.

There’s absolutely no doubt that those three made the correct choice in defying the Empire, but I believe that their ability to make that choice is largely dependent on them having each other. They survive together, not apart, and it’s their unity that allows them to make the really hard calls, like setting out on their own and opposing such a formidable force. But if Tech’s chip had activated and he’d been left behind, would he have muscled through to escape somehow...or would he have gotten caught up in all the new technology the Empire offered him, succumbing to both his chip and the inevitability that if his squad no longer wanted him, why not stay? Would Wrecker have escaped, or been easily manipulated into a new life of exploding things? Would Hunter have been able to push through without his brothers, or would he have become devoted to a new team to lead? Obviously there’s no way to ever know, but it’s always easier to make the right decisions when you have support in doing so. Crosshair had no support. His team left him and yes, they had to in that specific moment, but the point is that they never came back. As far as we saw throughout the season, they never planned to come back. They all talk about loving the Crosshair who existed when life was easier, but they weren’t willing to fight for the Crosshair that most needed their help. When he says “You weren’t loyal to me,” he’s absolutely right. The same episode, “Return to Kamino,” gives Omega two powerful lines that the group rallies behind:

Omega: “[The danger] doesn’t matter. Saving Hunter is what matters.”

AZ: “You must leave.”

Omega: “Not without Hunter.”

The key word there is “Hunter.” Danger, stakes, risk, probability… none of that matters when Hunter needs help. Crosshair did not receive that same level of devotion.

Which creates a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy. The group is upset that Crosshair isn’t rejoining them, but they fail to realize that he has no reason to trust them anymore. He’s not joining the Empire because he’s inherently evil and that’s that, end of discussion. He’s joining it because above all Crosshair wants a place to belong… and TBB has made it clear—unintentionally—that he does not belong with them. The horrible actions that Crosshair took under his own free will (theoretically) came after he realized that doing bad things while under the Empire’s control was, apparently, unforgivable. If it wasn’t, his team would have come back to rescue him. They could have at least tried. But they didn’t, so Crosshair is left with the conclusion that either what he did under the Empire’s control is something the group can’t forgive him for, or they can forgive that (like with Wrecker) and he’s the problem here. He’s the one not worth that effort.

“The Empire will be fazing out clones next,” Hunter says. To which Crosshair responds, “Not the ones that matter.”

He wants to matter to someone and events show he no longer matters to his brothers. So why not stay with the Empire? I mean, we as the audience ABSOLUTELY know why not. Self-doubt and feelings of isolation aren’t excuses for joining the Super Evil Organization. Crosshair, if he is under his own control, is still 100% in the wrong for supporting them, no matter his reasons. So it’s not an excuse, but rather an explanation of that very human, flawed, fallible thinking. He needs to be useful. He needs to be wanted. Crosshair is an absolute dick to the regs and I have no doubt that a lot of that stems from the harassment TBB has experienced from them (with a side of his inflated ego), but I’d bet it’s also due to Crosshair’s intense desire to be valuable to someone. He keeps pointing out the regs’ supposed deficiencies because it highlights his own usefulness. When Crosshair fails to find Hera, the Admiral says that soon he’ll get someone who can, looking straight at Howzer at the door. It makes Crosshair seethe because his entire identity is based on being useful, yet no one seems to need him anymore. TBB seems to no longer want him. The Empire no longer wants clones. Now even regs are considered a better option than him, the “superior” soldier. Everywhere Crosshair turns he’s getting the message that he’s not wanted, but he’ll keep fighting to at least be needed in some capacity, no matter how small. Even if that means overlooking all the horrors the Empire commits.

“All you’ll ever be to [the Empire] is a number,” Hunter says and he’s absolutely right. But to TBB recently, Crosshair hasn’t even been that. He’s been nothing. Nobody worth coming back for. To his mind, at least being a number is something.

I hope that all of this resolves itself into a conclusion that is kind to each side (preferably without a Vader-style death redemption), especially given the still ambiguous state of the chip, but from a writing standpoint I’m admittedly a bit wary. We’re obviously meant to believe that the batch all love each other, but as established throughout this entirely too long post, this season did a terrible job imo of proving that they love Crosshair. Or, at least, proving that they love him as much as the others. If this was really meant to be just a matter of miscommunication, with Crosshair making terrible life choices because he only thinks he was abandoned, then we as the audience would have seen the batch trying and failing to get him out. Or at least establishing a very good reason why they couldn’t take that risk, hopefully with entirely different side-missions so the audience isn’t constantly going, “So you can risk everything for Gregor... but not Crosshair?” I’m VERY glad that Crosshair was allowed to air his grievances to the extent he did, but the end result of that—Hunter continually denying this, Omega walking away from him in their rooms, neither Tech nor Wrecker actually sticking up for him and acknowledging the chip’s influence during at least some of all this—is making things feel rather one-sided. It’s like we’re meant to take Crosshair at his word and accept that he’s this garden-variety antagonist who joins the Empire because yay being on the winning side… despite all these complications that clearly have a huge impact on how we read the situation. It doesn’t help that the show has already embraced an inconsistent manner of portraying chipped-clones. We know every clone has one, we know only a couple clones are aware of the chip’s existence (and can thus try to get it out), we know they enter a “Good soldiers follow orders” mindlessness once activated… yet towards the end we see a lot of side character clones thinking for themselves. Howzer decides that he’s no longer loyal to the Empire, giving a speech where a couple other clones throw down their weapons too. Gregor was arrested because he likewise realized how wrong this all was. But how is that possible? Do the chips completely control the clones, or not? Are these clones somehow exceptions? Are the chips beginning to fail? All of that has a bearing on how we read Crosshair—what were his own decisions, how much he was capable of overcoming the chip, whether that changed at all during certain points—but right now that remains really unclear.

It’s details like that which make me wonder if all these other questions will be answered. Will the story resolve all those ambiguous moments surrounding the chip, or brush them off with the belief that we should have just taken Crosshair at his equally ambiguous word? Will the story acknowledge Crosshair’s points through someone other than Crosshair, allowing it to exist as a legitimate criticism, rather than the presumed excuses of an antagonist? I’m… not sure. On the whole I’m very happy with TBB’s writing—despite what all this might imply lol. Until my brain picks over the season and discovers something else, my only other gripe is not allowing Omega to form a solid bond with Tech and Echo, instead putting all the focus on big brother!Wrecker and dad!Hunter. I think it’s a solid show that does a lot right, but I’m worried that, unless there’s a brilliant answer to all these questions and an intent to unpack both sides of the Hunter vs. Crosshair debate with respect—not just falling back on, “Well, Crosshair is with the Empire so everything he says is automatically bad and wrong” take—we’ve just gotten the setup for a somewhat messy, ethical story. For anyone here who also reads my RWBY metas, I’m pretty sure you’re not at all surprised that I’m invested in going, “Hey, you had one of the heroes suddenly become/join a dictatorship and do a lot of horrific things, but within a pretty complicated context. Can we please work through that carefully and with an acknowledgement of the nuance here, rather than throwing the ‘evil’ character to the proverbial wolves?”  

God knows TBB is leagues ahead of RWBY, but I hope things continue on in not just a good direction, but one that tackles the aspects of this situation that many fans—and Crosshair—have already pointed out. As much as I adore the cast—and I really, really do—it was discomforting to watch a found family show where 4/5th of that family so completely wrote off one of the members and crucially have, at least so far, refused to acknowledge that. I want complicated, flawed characters, but that’s only compelling when the storytelling admits to and grapples with those flaws. We have quite firmly established Crosshair’s flaws in Season One. I hope Season Two delves into the rest of the team’s too.

Aaaand with that meta-dump out of my system, I’m off to write TBB fic. Thanks for reading! :D

[sugrbugz]

ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

𝐹𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢: 𝐵𝑜𝑘𝑢𝑡𝑜

hiya!! i originally wrote this on wattpad but decided to post it here too!!

story contains: impact play, bdsm, dumbification, & daddy kink ;)

bokuto shows you just how much you mean to him.

——————————————

you were a constant in bokutos life ever since you met shortly after his graduation from fukurodani. he relied on you to be there for him when he lost or even when he won. of course he could turn to akaashi but since he never continued volleyball he never wanted to bother him.

however you came into the picture on a whim. bokuto and the rest of the msby boys ended up taking a team getaway at the hot springs you just so happened to work at. you two got chatting and hit it off right away!

  that was a year ago and now you two are head over heels in love with each other. everyone kinda saw it coming but you two honestly. as of right now you sat in the stands, watching your boyfriend and his friends play their national playoffs.

  you knew how hard he'd been working for this. how many hours he put into the game. you two would sit up until the early morning going over plays and techniques he'd been working on. through bokuto you started learning how volleyball worked, you knew what to cheer for now and what certain words meant.

  by the end of the game you realized something. they were one point away from a win. that being said you upped the ante on your cheering. you thought about calling his name out and wishing him like but he was definitely in his own world right now. watching his concentration was actually rather hot. it reminded you of how he would stare at your body before absolutely devouring it.

  you shook those thoughts out of your head, now wasn't the time. you gulped and pressed your thighs together, focusing the best you could on the game. suddenly the ball was up in the air, everyone in the stands went quiet just to see who would win. this last point means everything...so when bokuto ran for the server, smacking it down hard and fast against the other side of the court everything went silent for a moment before there were loud cheers.

  the whistle was blown. they'd won. you quickly jumped up, running out of the stands and straight to the court, attacking him in a hug. "BOKUTO YOU DID IT!" you smiled, laughing some more when he picked you up and spun you around. "did you see that?! i was fucking amazing!! and it was all thanks to you my sunshine!" he hugged you close, kissing the top of your head.

  you suddenly were engulfed in another hug but this time from two more sweaty boys, hinata and atsumu. "good job out there guys!" you smile to them, gently ruffling their hair. "you all played amazingly! you could feel the energy from all the way over there!" you added, laughing when bokuto pouted at them hugging you.

"you're the best person ever y/n! are you coming to the post game dinner with us? you should! you played a big role in keeping bokuto in shape" the little orange smiled, his face practically begging you to go. "if you guys will have me!" you hummed which earned a symphony of "yes!" from all the boys.

—————————————

    after everything was said and done you ended up in the car with bokuto, driving to the restaurant kyoomi had chosen. "you really did amazing today koutarou" you smiled gently grabbing his hand off your thigh and kissing it, taking the time to notice how much volleyball had an effect on his hands.

"ah..thanks babe, you know you don't have to flatter me so much! i'm okay! i'm just happy knowing you had a good time today" he smiled wide, taking his eyes off the road for a moment to gaze at you. "but let's face it bo, you're destined for something greater..an amazing career in volleyball doing what you love..i'm just enjoying our time while we have it" you stated making him pull the car over and look at you.

"what are you talking about?" he asked raising an eyebrow at you. "when you have to move around a lot for volleyball..or maybe you find some really skinny model who has money and can give you beautiful babies" you now met his eyes, "i feel like one day i won't matter anymore..so i guess i just want to make sure that i love you as much as i can until then." you explained watching how his eyes reacted to everything you were saying.

"you don't understand it do you? the way i play and the way i live my life is all because of you. i play with my heart because i get so excited just to see you proud of me, i wake up every morning with the goal of making sure i fall asleep with you. everything is for you. i wouldn't want anyone else. i want to be married to you someday, i would leave everything behind just to—" you cut him off by kissing him. it was a kiss driven by passion and love for him.

"prove it." you whispered on his lips. you knew where this would get you, you both were aware of it actually. "get in the back." he stated before starting the car back up and driving to a more secluded place. he knew he could've just taken you back home but what was the fun in that.

by the time he was in the back seat with you, you had already undressed and were gently playing with yourself so eager just to be with him. he thought this was cute so he watched you with sharp eyes, his goal was to intimidate you which definitely worked. "hey baby?" he asked before gently gripping your neck in one hand, his other holding both of your cheeks squished together. "who the fuck put the idea in your head that you weren't good enough for me? was it yourself? you're so cute when you're stupid" he smiled, treating you like a child as he talked to you.

you blushed knowing exactly what he was doing so you played along with the act, "it was me..i really am stupid aren't i daddy?" you could say his name but it would ruin the moment because that's exactly what he wanted from you. "so that's the game you're playing huh? okay. that's fine darling." he smiled so sinister it was almost terrifying before his hands dipped into your waistband, pulling your pants off your body.

"what are you doing?" you commented noticing how after your pants were off he just stared at you. "i'm admiring you and how delicious you look. wondering how i'm going to absolutely ruin you till you're fucked dumber than you already are." he hummed casually before starting to undo his pants. his favourite part about topping you was getting to tease you more than he already did outside of the bedroom.

you were still flustered from his previous words that had your mind racing to even notice how he simply picked you up so you were on your hands and knees in front of him. "open your mouth." bokuto's hand found your hair and tugged you forward harshly so your mouth was pressed against his shaft. you immediately got to work sucking on his cock, tears pricking at your eyes from the size adjustment.

"that's it..you can't take all of me can you? you need to try harder than that honey." he teased you before thrusting his hips up into your mouth, smirking at the choking noises that came from you. soon he became less focused on teasing you and more on his own pleasure.

"ah fuck~b-baby you look so pretty when you t-take all of my cock-" he stuttered out, his hips getting sloppier with their thrusts made you know he was getting close. this motivated you to do anything and everything for him. you pulled your mouth of his dick, giggling when you heard his whine of protest turn into a loud moan of pleasure while you jerked him off quickly.

"come on bo...cum for me so i can feel you inside" you moaned knowing that would get him right where you wanted him. you knew it worked when he was matching your hands movement with his thrusts, loud moans and whines leaving his mouth until he finished, getting it all over your hand and his lower stomach. without a single word he laid you down on the back seat, hovering over you slightly he pushed a single finger inside you, moving it slowly so you could get used to it before speeding it up when you relaxed around his finger.

"tryna make me cum before i even get inside you? that's fine baby i'll just do the same." he winked, "did you think you'd just get off free like that? oh no baby you've got to be punished for talking so badly about my partner like that." bokuto smirked before slipping one more finger in, practically drilling it into you.

you were too lost in the pleasure to hear him, hands grasping at anything they could find. your nails dug so deep into his arm it drew blood but he didn't mind. "what's the matter hun, is it too much? do you need me to stop?" his fingers stopped moving which made you rolled your hips. "n-no! please don't stop they felt so good.." you whined softly. hearing your whines made him laugh softly before moving them again quickly.

with your head against the seat you arched your back slightly while you felt your orgasm approaching. bokuto picked up on this and began to kiss at your neck, "good baby..let it wash over you, let it start making you even more of a dumb slut for me" he whispered in your ear before nipping at it softly.

that was all you needed to hear before cumming, your hands gripping onto his biceps while moans just tumbled out of your mouth. this is what he loved to see. he felt so good knowing he put you in so much ecstasy. "good..good baby..you did so good" he softly praised before kissing your cheeks to help you calm down from the intense high you just felt.

he waited a couple moments to make sure you were okay, stroking himself softly in the process. "are you okay? can i ruin you now?" he smiled, earning a small breathy laugh from you. "yeah of course daddy, i want you so bad" you whined, wanting to keep him in the mood. you loved when bokuto showed no mercy on you, treating you like nothing but a toy until after where he showered you in love and affection.

bokuto didn't say anything as he pushed your knees up to your chest slightly before sliding into your hole with ease. this made you gasp and cry out in a mix of pain and pleasure, "since you're so impatient, i'll just have to go fast right? show you just how stupid you are." he smirked before practically slamming into you, hands finding your hips. "fucking christ bo!" you moaned loudly, earning a smack across the face from him.

he never hit you hard and it never happened outside of a consensual bdsm scene so it didn't phase either of you. "shut the fuck up, you know damn well that's not my name. did you forget who you belong to? sucha stupid pet" he laughed loudly, loving torturing you with the fact you had made a stupid decision.

what was minutes truly felt like an eternity with him, feeling him slam into you over and over while soft praises and degrading sentences slipped out of his lips. "such a good pet" "dumb slut" "so good on my cock" "i'm going to fuck you so good"

they left his mouth like a song, getting so lost in the moment of making you feel so fucked out you went dumb. slowly his plan had worked as you felt your head start to go fuzzy, suddenly the only thing on your mind was him and how good his cock felt. your eyes went hooded and your mouth hung open slightly, not even realizing you were drooling slightly. "oh no..is my little angel all fucked out? daddy fucked you stupid didn't he? you probably can't even talk can you? good. pathetic bitches like you don't deserve to use their words. you gunna cum? yeah? go on my sweet dummy, cum all over daddy-" you didn't need to hear anything else before you came, hard.

your whole body twitched and loud moans slipped from your mouth as he got you there. "good job lovely.." he whispered before groaning at how tight you clenched down on him during your high, resulting in him pulling out and stroking himself quickly, his cum splattering on your tummy. "fucking shit" he whined leaning down to pant against you neck.

quickly he sat up and cupped your face, "angel? are you okay? if you can't talk that's alright i just need to see a thumbs up or down okay?" he spoke softly watching as you nodded and help your thumb up to him. "perfect..come on, i'll tell the others you weren't feeling so good..we can order in our dinner and i'll run us a bath okay? oh! what do i always say?" he smiled watching your lips move to say it but the words never coming out.

bokuto laughed softly before running a hand through your hair, "what happens in bed is for fun. you are smart, kind, loving, beautiful, handsome, and important." he smiled kissing your cheeks.

"come on my baby, let's go home."

[highonchocolate]

Take Two: The Guardian in Gotham Chapter 4

First   Previous   Next   Ao3

Note:  When italics are in quotations (“”) then Marinette is speaking French. If the italics don't have quotations, that’s people’s thoughts.

---

After patrol, Dick made his way to bed, mulling over the announcement Bruce had made at dinner. When he had seen that picture, he had wanted to join Jason on his Paris killing spree. That girl-Marinette, was it?- seemed to be in need of a better place to stay, and he was happy they could provide it to her. At the same time, he had no idea how to treat a young teenage girl! What does she like? Sports? Dresses? Both? None? He had no idea! As he lay there having a breakdown in a slight panic, he couldn’t force the image of her broken, bloody body out of his head. He wondered what kind of person that sort of assault would turn her into. He had seen greater people snap after such emotional and physical wounds. 

Meanwhile, Jason, Tim and Damian were facing similar dilemmas over the girl in question. 

Jason had no idea how to handle teenagers, especially ones that had been assaulted. Suffering through fucked-up shit like that would definitely leave you with some trauma. He thought to himself. Maybe we should ask her about her boundaries. His coping method involved wearing a red helmet and gallivanting around the rooftops of Gotham, looking for excuses to shoot people. He didn’t exactly think that was the best way to help her out. Sure, he grumbled, I’ll just walk over to her, hand her some Kevlar and a grapple before pushing her off the top of fucking Wayne Enterprises in hopes that she’ll get it right. ‘Cause that’s totally fucking healthy!

Tim on the other hand, was completely and utterly paranoid. Sure, he was definitely worried about that girl, considering that it looked like she had lost a lot of blood; but at the same time, he was worried about exposing their identities to her. Just one slip up, and she would know exactly what the Wayne family did at night. Not to mention that if they ended up getting injured, they’d have to figure out how to hide it from her. As he hacked into her school records, he noticed that she had filed several bullying complaints that had never been acknowledged, as well as a request to transfer classrooms that had been dismissed. Just how corrupt is this school?! He thought to himself as he saw how the principal-Monsieur Damocles- had bent to one girl’s every whim, just because her father was the Mayor! Abuse of power, and ignoring bullying reports? He thought to himself. This is not going to end well for them. With that, he completely launched himself into digging up every bit of dirt he could find on that school and it’s staff; completely forgetting about his original panic over being discovered.

And as for Damian, he was completely furious that there would be another person living in the Manor with them! Not to mention she had to go to Gotham Academy as well! He hadn’t even met this Marinette, and she was already proving to be a pain. 

---

As the day of their Marinette’s arrival dawned bright and clear, four members of the family waited for the arrival of their last member and guest. Bruce was slightly nervous. He had never had a girl so young stay in the Manor before, and he didn’t know how to greet her. Did he shake her hand? Smile and wave? Shake her hand then smile? Wave then shake? 

Dick, however, was full of excitement that their new guest was arriving in a couple of hours. He wondered if she knew any gymnastics, and if she would be willing to do some flexibility-related stretches and workouts with him.

All his other children were scattered throughout the city, doing various different things. Jason was up in the Manor library, reading his latest novel. Tim was in his office at WE, finishing up some paperwork he had wanted to fill out before Marinette arrived. Damian, thankfully, was at school, and wouldn’t be returning until later in the evening.

His thoughts were cut short by Tim’s arrival. As he walked into the kitchen and came back with a large mug of coffee, Jason trudged downstairs, and they all sat around in the living room continuing to work and read as they waited for Marinette and Alfred.

Half an hour later, Bruce was alerted to the gates in front of the Manor opening. They all lined up outside the house and watched as the sleek, black limo pulled up in front of the house. 

They waited patiently as Alfred got out of the car and headed to the trunk before opening it and taking out a suitcase, and what looked like a foldable wheelchair. The four of them were confused. Why would she need a wheelchair? Surely her classmates hadn’t injured her that badly? Their thoughts were cut off by Alfred opening the back door on the opposite side of the car. He bent down and proceeded to open the wheelchair, before wheeling it around to face the family. When they caught their first glimpse of their guest, they were absolutely floored.

They had all seen many worse injuries during their nightly patrols, and several injured children years younger than her, but when they saw Marinette, they were shocked into silence at her battered appearance.

She was a decent height at around 5’ 4”, but compared to Bruce and Jason she was absolutely tiny. She had several dark purple-blue bruises that contrasted sharply with her pale skin as well as an angry gash covered in stitches on her forehead. She also sported a clunky cast and a thick brace on her leg and wrist. With her dark hair pulled into space buns, and blue eyes, as well as how small and bruised she looked, they all felt a rush of protectiveness flood through them when they saw her. 

Their silent shock was interrupted by Jason leaning over to Bruce and whispering angrily “You said her classmates did this to her?!” At his exclamation, the other three tensed in anger at the reminder that her old friends had been the ones to injure her so severely. They were snapped out of their thoughts by Marinette speaking.

“Bonjour, Monsieur Wayne! Thank you for letting me stay in your house with you! I promise I’ll do my best to not be a bother to you and your family.” Her voice was slightly rough from when she had been crying, but she spoke sweetly, and politely. At her statement, Jason jumped in “No problem Pixie Stick! The only nuisance here is the Demon Spawn, and he’s not home yet.” She blinked up at him, before her mouth twitched up into a half-smile. “Thank you, Monsieur. I’m sorry but I didn’t get your name…” she trailed off. 

“Sorry about that Sunshine, he’s Jason, I’m Dick, and the sleep deprived one is Tim.” Dick interjected. “And you don’t have to call us Monsieur, either. Just our names are fine.” 

“Oh okay. Thank you Mister Bruce, and thank you Dick! I’m Marinette, but I’m sure you knew that already. You can call me Mari if you’d like. I’m not very picky about nicknames!” She laughed. 

“Now if the young Masters are done with their introductions, I will gladly show Miss Marinette to her room.” Alfred cut in. “Thank you Monsieur Alfred, that would be wonderful.” The girl in question smiled up at him from her seat in the wheelchair before he wheeled her inside.

---

Marinette thanked Alfred as he wheeled her into her room. He mentioned that someone named “Damian” was at school, and that she would be attending school after she gets adjusted to the time difference. After he left, she opened her bag to let the Kwami out, and waited for their excited chattering to calm down. Once they had quieted, she spoke. “Hey Tikki? Do you think it was wrong to tell Alfred about the Miraculi being active in Paris?” she questioned as she fiddled with the straps on her bag. ”I was just so excited to meet another wielder that everything slipped out!” 

The Kwami was quick to reassure her. “Oh no Marinette, it's okay. SInce you are the Guardian now, you need all the help you can get. And besides, you already recognized each other’s auras, so there was no point in trying to hide it!” She flew up to her face and patted her unbruised cheek gently. 

“Oh no! I completely forgot to tell Alfred that I’m the Guardian!” She shrieked. “What if he gets mad at me for being too inexperienced?! He’ll kick me out and I’ll have to live on the streets! Then I’ll end up becoming part of the Crime Alley hierarchy, living alone in an abandoned building with a stray cat named Tommy! Tikki this is a disaster! A disaster!!” She would have continued to ramble in french, if it wasn't for the fact that Wayzz had flown up to her and reminded her that she needed to shower because she had been on an airplane and in the airport.

Several curses, near falls, and plastic cast coverings later, Marinette limped out of the shower, exhausted but clean. She quickly tied her hair onto a messy bun before changing into warm leggings (although she couldn’t fully pull one side down due to her cast) and a sweater. Gotham was cold! She let the Kwami roam around her giant room as she put her clothes into her closet. 

After settling in, she plugged in her phone and texted her friends. 

FashionableBug: Just got everything organized and took a shower. Turns out M. Wayne has four kids! I met Dick, Jason and Tim, and apparently Damian is at school. 

QueenofMean: Maribug! How dare u not text us as soon as you arrived! Ur plane landed over three hours ago! 

Snakey Boi: Chlo’s right, Mari. We were all worried bout u.

FahsionableBug: Sorry u guys. Everything was going so fast I completely 4got!

FashionableBug: Also I met a Peacock wielder!!!!!!!

You’reUnderAgreste: Really?! Buginette thats amazingggg

DragonGurl: Wonderful news indeed, Mari. They must have lots of advice for you.

QueenofMean: !!!!!! 

QueenofMean: Nettie thats awesome!!!!!!

SnakeyBoi: Thats totally great!

SnakeyBoi: Also who is it???

FashionableBug: lol Luka its Alfred their butler. Tho hes more like a grandfather

FashionableBug: Anyways, I’m going to go find the kitchen. I wanna make the Kwami some macarons!

FashionableBug: Bye!!!

DragonGurl: Bye Marinette.

You’reUnderAgreste: Bye Bugaboo!

QueenofMean: Bye Bug!

SnakeyBoi: Bye Mari!

Marinette smiled as she put her phone down. Glancing over at the Kwami flying around the room, she stretched before calling out “I’m going to see if I can bake in the kitchen. Do any of you want to join me?” Before she had even finished her sentence Tikki and Kaalki were flying over to her and nestling in her bun. Laughing at their antics, she maneuvered herself into the chair before wheeling herself down the hall. She hadn’t gone very far when she bumped into Alfred walking out of another door. "Salut, Monsieur Alfred! Would you mind showing me where the kitchen is? I was thinking of making some sweet treats for my...friends.” At her statement, Tikki and Kaalki poked their heads out of her bun to wave, before hiding again. Smiling, Alfred turned to her and spoke. “Of course Guardian. Right this way.”  Her eyes darted to meet his hesitantly. “You aren’t mad that I’m the Guardian?” Alfred paused and looked her directly in the eyes. “Miss Marinette, I am in no way questioning your capabilities as a Guardian. You are very powerful, and I have no doubt you will do an amazing job. I am simply upset over how you seem to have no Mentor or any form of Guidance to help you.” Sighing in relief, she smiled. “Well, my old Master lost his memories because he had to give up his memories after being compromised. I do have the Grimoire though, and I was also hoping you would help me as well?” She questioned, looking up at him hesitantly. As they walked into the kitchen, he bowed to her and stated “It would be my greatest honor to assist you, Great Guardian.” She laughed and thanked him before beginning to bake. 

She hummed a simple melody designed to bring about calm and peace, and soon she was happily working in her own tranquil little bubble. 

An hour later, as she was frosting the little pastries, Jason walked in, drawn by the smell of sugar and freshly baked goods. “Hey Alfred! What cooki-” he cut himself off. “Sorry Pixie Stick, I thought you were Alfred. Only he can make something worth eating in this house!” 

“Oh it’s no problem Jason, I was just making macarons. My parents own a bakery, so I’m kinda used to just baking whenever.” She laughed softly

“Damn Pixie, macarons?! You haven’t been here a day, and you’re already much nicer than all my asshole brothers!” 

“Yeah, well these are for after dinner, so no touching ‘till then!” She warned.

He sat at the counter and scrolled through his phone as she decorated the pastries. Soon enough, she had them all completed and proceeded to carefully take the tray and wheel over to the fridge. Before she could move an inch, Jason had leapt up and placed the tray in its designated spot. “Sorry Pix, but I’ll get that for ya. We don’t need you accidentally crashing or dropping these heavenly treats!” He laughed.

She crossed her arms and pouted up at him, before her mouth stretched into a wide grin. As she wheeled herself into the dining room, she swiftly turned her head and stuck her tongue out before disappearing through the door into the room beyond.

---

Dinner with the Wayne family was a rambunctious affair. Dick and Jason bantered good-naturedly over their meals as Bruce sighed tiredly in the background. Tim moved lethargically, downing giant gulps of coffee as he ate his meal. Damian apparently was studying with his friend Jon, and therefore wouldn't be eating with them. They all smiled and laughed as they talked through dinner. Marinette told them about her friends, before adding that they’d probably video call her tomorrow so they could meet the family. Bruce assured her that it was not a problem and added that he would be glad to speak with her parents. After eating, she headed up to her room to work on the outfit she had been sketching on the plane. 

She immersed herself in designing, and ended up finally going to sleep shortly after midnight. The Kwami flew over to their little nest of pillows and blankets, and she turned off the lights before drifting off to sleep. Her dreams were plagued by nightmares of looming shadows and ethereal dark butterflies destroying the world in fire. She watched in helpless terror, stuck in her Ladybug persona, unable help as the world burned. The horrific dreamscape was shattered by the sound of her phone blaring out an Akuma alarm. 

She leaped out of bed and shut off the shrill noise as she called for Tikki and Kaalki before leaping through the portal and into Paris.

She ended up in a ravaged, unrecognizable landscape covered in flames. Looks like her dream had been semi-accurate after all. The Eiffel Tower was partially melted, and fires were cropping up all over the city. The four simultaneous thuds behind her signified the arrival of her team. As one they looked upon their ravaged city and charged the Akuma.

[musiclovingmoth]

i had the most jarring day today. systematic entomology lab was fine as always. we have weekly identification quizzes and my postdoc friend is the ta for the lab so for the insects that i know the korean common names for i write them next to the answer for fun. after we handed our quizzes in they told me they were going to start learning korean (they like learning languages)!! it made me really happy, i remember a couple years ago i told them i had like the biggest finals week of my life coming up and they texted me “good luck with your exams” in korean :’0 it’s just really nice to share my culture with my loved ones!

now. tw for harassment maybe

ok so me and my roommate who’s also in my class go to take the bus home. we decide to sit in the back on a whim, the back half is empty and there’s maybe 10 or so people in the front. about 1/3rd the way to our house a guy maybe a few years older than us without a mask gets on the bus, pauses in front of the back section, and plops down directly next to us. i give him the benefit of the doubt because i also lose my spatial awareness when i’m anxious (nod to chris fleming) but i’m already very suspicious. my suspicious are proved right when he starts trying to initiate conversation with me, and i try answering very curtly and turning away so that the back of my head is LITERALLY facing him. at this point i’m manspreading and have my arm over the other empty seat to present more masculinely to try and turn him off of whatever his intentions may be. we’re about two stops away from our stop which is also 20 feet from our house and he asks me for my number twice when i say no. thankfully he gets off and my roommate and i instantly give each other 😬 like holy FUCK i was really trying to judge whether or not he had a weapon on him, if he would try to attack me, if he would follow us to our stop, how do i casually pull my pepper spray from my bag, will that escalate things, IS THIS BECAUSE I’M ASIAN. i’m just very grateful we got home safe and that he didn’t follow us.

i’ll also admit that i made SOME small talk with him. i wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt that he was just bored or lonely. we talked about the college i go to and i told him why fungi are important when he asked. but that should not have been a sign i was “interested” in him or whatever because i gave very short responses and turned away from him completely each time. also the fact that he stayed on the bus with us nearly the whole time and kept asking me for my number..... hrgh. i’m definitely lucky this didn’t escalate.

and it really got me thinking to my presentation as an asian woman. i’ve very very recently come to terms with the fact that i’m not a woman, likely genderfluid (pending). but people will largely perceive me that way, and a lot of people probably have assumptions about me based solely on that, maybe even some immediately dangerous ones. it’s at least a little distressing that i can willingly share parts of my culture with the people i love like i did maybe one hour before this incident, and sometimes people take what they think about my culture based on my appearance and oppress me using that. and maybe i wasn’t a target because i was asian (although he didn’t speak a single word to my roommate who isn’t asian), maybe it was because he thought i was generally attractive or something but i can’t help thinking about it with all the hate crimes against asian americans recently.

[strange-lace]

Meltdown (Rewrite)

I suddenly decided to do a rewrite of an old story I did for my Monkie Kid OC here since then, she’s gone through quite a bit of changes and I found myself not happy with that story anymore.

Content warning for body horror (it’s kind of the main premise of this fic with Nagi’s shapeshifting powers going wrong). Enjoy!

Nagi had long since became aware that while her shapeshifting was very versatile, it had made her body unstable as a consequence. There was a limit to how much she could shapeshift in a day, how many transformations her body could handle before things got… messy. Both physically and mentally.

She had made a list of symptoms that she could keep an eye out for a long time ago, when it was still new to her. The list had long since been lost during her countless travels but the words were practically etched into her very brain.

Yet the demon seemed to have forgotten the list in most dire of times.

Her new family seeing her meltdowns for the first time.

It was the aftermath of another battle with the Demon Bull King’s forces where Nagi admits, she had already been pushing herself with multiple changes in her form. Shifting into a Bull Clone, numerous animals, Red Son, even a shadow on the wall on one point, all for the purpose of causing confusion for the enemy and allowing openings for MK and Mei to do their thing: causing complete chaos. She wanted to prove herself useful to the team while still remaining a hidden element, an ace up their sleeve if need be.

She was feeling strained after it all but in a pleasant way, like the ache in your muscles after a workout. Exhausted but nothing that she couldn’t handle after some rest or another shot espresso in her system. And the sight of her friends, her family, all gathered together in celebration made her feel a warmth in her chest that she hadn’t felt in a while. Not since…

It wasn’t important now. What was important was teasing her little brother figure for trying too hard to be cool.

“’It’s a beach man, why don’t you take a swim and cool off!’” Nagi mimicked, seamlessly shifting to the form of MK just for emphasis. “You had been waiting to use that one ever since you met Red Son, haven’t you?”

She let out a giggle in her own voice at the sputtering received in response before it devolved into a slight cough, a sudden tickle in the back of her throat. A tickle which soon developed into a full-on coughing fit that left her struggling to speak and had the others looking at her in concern. Now Nagi was the one with an embarrassed flush to her cheeks, gratefully taking the water bottle offered to her by Sandy.

“Looks like I got a little sand down my throat, no big deal!” She said, doing her best to give a reassuring smile while ignoring the strange feeling of… something in her throat.

Symptom #1: Sudden coughing fit followed by the sensation of something building up in the lungs.

Yet even with the water, the constant need to cough just wouldn’t go away. Pigsy and Tang were starting to go from mildly to extremely concerned, especially when the flush on Nagi’s face ceased to go away as they left the artificial beach and back to the shipyard. Not helping was the fact that Nagi was suddenly feeling very warm, to the point that Tang had yelped in shock when he felt her forehead to test her temperature.

If Nagi had sweat glands, she was sure she’d be sweating bullets despite it being a relatively cool day.

Symptom #2: Extreme fever, to the point of body feeling like it’s on fire.

“Nagi, maybe we should have you see a doctor,” Tang said, genuinely starting to fret at the snake demon’s state. Nagi was quick to shake her head at the idea, knocking off the cloth on her forehead that had been soaked in ice water to help with the fever. Going to a doctor was absolutely out of the question for her because, practically speaking, what could they do from someone like her? Human doctors were used to patients with non-regenerating skin, a sturdy skeleton, and ones with typical organs.

None of those things which Nagi possessed.

A part of her was more afraid of just what would be found if anybody had examined her.

“Don’t be ridiculous Tang, it’s just a slight fever! I’m sure I’ll be fine after some rest,” She wheezed, struggling to breathe as the sensation of something in her throat had become thick, cloying and making it difficult for any air to reach her lungs.

Sparks of panic began to bloom in her heart once things started to get fuzzy and blur, as if she was about to pass out. Yet Nagi remained wakeful and suddenly it hit her.

Symptom #3: Sight begins to blur as eyes become unstable.

Her list, how could have forgotten her list.

Shit, it was a meltdown.

She had to leave immediately.

“I just… realized that I have… something to attend to at home. Excuse me,” Nagi said while clumsily attempting to climb off Sandy’s sofa, managing to weave her way past MK, Mei, Tang, and Pigsy before being stopped by the brick wall that was Sandy. She could only wheeze as the room began to spin around her, droplets of something running down her face.

Oh no. That wasn’t sweat.

“Whatever it is, we can take care of it. You should probably just focus on resting Nagi,” Sandy said, placing a hand on her shoulder to reassure her that everything would be fine.

Only for his hand to slowly sink into her shoulder with a nauseating squish sound. And when he pulled away in shock, some of it stuck to his hand to form a goop bridge between the two which drooped lazily before falling to the ground. Nagi could only numbly watch, her hair beginning to droop from MK’s gravity defying spikes before another coughing fit suddenly hit. These were strong enough to force the demon to her knees, hands over her mouth as her lungs convulsed to get whatever was depriving her of air out.

She felt faint relief as she finally hacked up whatever it was clogging her throat.

Only to pull her hands away to see them now stained with a red goop which seemed to fuse with her rapidly softening hands.

Nagi only faintly heard the screams of horror surround her.

Symptom #4: Body begins to destabilize.

“Ah shit…” She mumbled, faintly noting the strings of goop that were trying to glue her lips together. Stumbling to her feet, guilt gnawed at her chest at the sight of the others no longer screaming but the room was still in absolute chaos. MK and Mei were raiding Sandy’s freezer out of hopes that ice could somehow stop her melting, oh right she was indeed melting, while Pigsy did his best to help Tang from getting sick on the living room floor. Sandy was still staring at the slimy remnants of Nagi’s shoulder on his hand, face frozen in shock.

“Sorry Sa-” Her words were cut off with a choke as the world suddenly shifted by only a couple inches, yet Nagi could feel that something had changed. The sensation of a tail sluggishly moving behind her and her ears being much larger gave her a good idea of who she had suddenly shifted to. Or maybe not, as she looked down to see her newfound fur was both peach and black in the pattern of shifting stripes. Her clothes were an unfamiliar mishmash of orange and dark fabrics that were struggling to not fall apart at the seams.

It only hit Nagi that she had hit the next symptom when her tail began to split into two and only seemed to worsen when she tried to reel it in. Her control was slipping through fingers like sand and she was nothing more than a prisoner to the whims of her unstable biology.

Symptom #5: Uncontrollable shifting, often resulting in traits mixing together to a painful degree.

She could only let out a mournful gurgle, regretful at the mess she was making on Sandy’s floor as fat droplets of her being dripped down like candle wax. Said man’s face suddenly lit up, as if hit with a brilliant idea, and Nagi let out a startled wheeze as she was suddenly picked up and gathered into Sandy’s arms. The man visibly struggled for a moment, genuinely surprised at how much she weighed yet persevering. She did her best to not look at the globs of… herself which fell off in clumps that splattered across the hardwood floors and carpet.

Quickly moving to his bathroom, Sandy carefully placed the demon in his large bathtub while making sure to plug the drain. Last thing he wanted was any piece of Nagi going down his drain. She allowed herself to be positioned in the tub, limbs limp and boneless though not out of choice as pain wracked through her body relentlessly. A whimper broke through her waxy lips as large, bull-like horns ripped through the sides of her head, metal material now circling her eyes.

“What’s happening to you Nagi? Is there anything we can to help?” Sandy asked, hearing the others entire the bathroom behind him as they looked upon the bathtub with concern.

“Meltdown… happens when I… use my powers too much,” Nagi wheezed, speaking a struggle as it become more and more difficult to keep her lips separate, the melted strands of her self getting closer to gluing them together. “Can’t do much… except wait it out. Burning up.” She sagged in relief at finally finishing her words, leaning her head against the rim of the tub. Her entire body was on fire, so much so that it was no wonder that she was practically melting.

The loss of sensation in her legs made her look down, only to see her legs begin to melt together into a mockery of a snake tail. Her fangs elongated, poking past her lips, and scales popping out in random patches from her fur, fire hot itchy pain that she had long since grown numb to.

Nagi let out a mix of a croak and squawk in surprise when MK and Mei barged in to start dumping buckets of ice into the bathtub. She could only jolt and squirm helplessly as the cold assaulted her senses, whimpering as she struggled to get out of the tub and away from the cold. Thankfully, Sandy was quick to pull her out of the bath and away from the ice, cradling her against his chest with no mind to her sticking to his hands.

“Kids, you’re not supposed to stick someone with a fever straight into an ice bath, we can’t risk putting Nagi into shock! We gotta start with lukewarm water and work our way from there, C’mon, get this ice out of the bath so we can use it for later.” MK and Mei were quick to follow Sandy’s lead, guilt heavy on their shoulders that they could have hurt Nagi by accident.

Once the tub was clear, Sandy carefully placed the snake demon back in and turned on the faucet. Nagi relaxed as the lukewarm poured over her melty tail, sagging in relief and letting go of the illusion that she had any bones. The mild temperature was a welcome relief to her fever, a sigh leaving her lips.

“There we go, that’s better!” Sandy chirped, patting Nagi on the head before going still again as more goop stuck to his hand. At this point, the previous slime-like residue had dried and caked on his hands, which he was doing his best to ignore until Nagi wasn’t on the knife’s edge of overheating.

“T-Thaaannk yo-” Nagi choked, feeling something almost pop in her chest and in a snap, Sandy’s tub was on the verge of overflowing. He hurriedly cut off the tap, just as surprised to see that a tub that almost looked comically large for Nagi’s small frame could now barely hold her in, the tip of her tail trailing to the bathroom floor. She could only let out a wheeze that was questioning the universe as to why she must suffer this constant discomfort and torment.

“Well that’s… new. You alright there Nagi?” Mo echoed his concerned sentiments, giving a curious meow by the door of the bathroom.

“Juuuuuuussst fiiiiinnnnne,” she said, her words slurring but not wanting to worry Sandy more. Nagi wiggled about to try and get comfortable while he slowly began to add more water to the bath of colder and colder temperature. As the water’s temperature began to drop, the snake demon’s shivering only got worse but Sandy noticed that the rate of her “melting” was slowing down too. He took that as a good sign if anything.

They continued this for hours with Sandy eventually switching places with Tang and Pigsy once the two noticed he looked exhausted.

“Ti… tiiiiirrrrred,” Nagi hissed quietly, struggling to keep her eyes open now that she didn’t feel on the border of falling apart anymore. Her mind and ability to speak was still as coherent as syrup but all the internal alarms were quiet now and she didn’t feel like she was approaching death’s door. “Wanna sleep…”

“I know you wanna kid, just try and eat some of this broth, okay? You need to eat something after all this,” Pigsy said, his tone soft as he held the bowl of warm broth to her lips. She whined but complied, taking cautious sips to put something in her stomach. Turns out being in agony for hours worked up an appetite as Nagi found herself close to devouring the bowl itself once it hit her how hungry she was now.

Thankfully Pigsy was able to pull away fast enough that he didn’t lose his hands by accident.

“Hey don’t eat Pigsy’s hands, he needs those! Take it slow, last thing we need you upsetting your stomach,” Tang joked, less unnerved at the sight of Nagi’s unhinging her jaw with the Monkey King’s face since everything she could do and would do in future paled in comparison to what he witnessed today. In a way, seeing her so vulnerable made her slightly less terrifying to the man.

Just a bit.

Nagi, nonetheless, did what she was told and slowly finished the broth. With her belly not eating itself in hunger and instead filled with warm broth, she couldn’t help the purr which rumbled in her chest. Eyes sluggishly began to close and this time, she didn’t bother fighting the pull of sleep and instead welcomed it. Sleep was always gentler with her compared to the abrupt darkness that was passing out from the agony of a meltdown.

Tang and Pigsy couldn’t help the sighs of relief once they saw that Nagi was finally asleep.

“So… we gonna talk about what happened or…”

“For now, let’s just help Sandy… clean the place up. We can talk about everything when Nagi wakes up. However long that takes.”

Tang let out another sigh before taking off his glasses to clean them. A nervous tic of his.

He could work with that. They could all work with that.

For now.

[shefanispeculator]

I'm slightly disappointed to log onto Zoom and find Gwen Stefani in Los Angeles. I wanted to see the ranch. Stefani spent most of the pandemic in Oklahoma with her fiancé and fellow The Voice coach Blake Shelton, with whom she has recently collaborated on a string of country radio hits, alongside a kitsch Christmas song. For a ska-pop superstar, it's a pivot, but Stefani and Shelton are cute together — picture-perfect in their opposite attraction.

Country Gwen exists, her urban counterpart assures me, but on this particular MacBook she's nowhere to be seen. I'm not sure what crude regional stereotypes I was expecting (Stefani spitting sunflower seeds? Shelton line dancing in the background?) but I get Californian sunshine instead, illuminating a version of Stefani more familiar from my teenage years, when Love. Angel. Music. Baby and its follow-up The Sweet Escape spawned millions of fans, haters and imitators. She's platinum blonde, red lipsticked and wearing a black-and-white outfit that matches the decor. The checkerboard pattern can be traced back to an even earlier era, when Stefani and her No Doubt bandmates were '80s teenagers obsessed with two-tone acts like Madness and The Specials.

Cowboy boots wouldn't fit this picture, and nor would Stefani's glitzy showgirl outfits from The Voice, where she just wrapped another season as a celebrity coach. As she prepares to release her fourth solo record, and enters the fifth decade of an extraordinarily successful music career, Gwen Stefani is re-re-branding as... Gwen Stefani.

Top: Local Boogeyman, Pants: GCDS, Shoes: Valentino, Earrings, bracelets and rings: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Necklaces: Gwen's own, Engagement ring: Gwen's own

"But what is that?" Stefani asks with seriousness, as we consider the possibility of some essential, inherent Gwen. "Everyone's interpretation of what I am and how I sing, I mean, that's what this era is about for me."

Said era kicked off late last year, with the music video for "Let Me Reintroduce Myself." It saw Stefani playfully revisit the wardrobes of album cycles past, from the ab-bearing tomboy tank tops of "Hollaback Girl" to the club kid blue hair mascara of '90s No Doubt. Her Harajuku Girls also make a return. The entire visual is a huge flex, not only for the sheer volume of iconic career moments recreated in dutiful detail, but the fact Stefani can still fit into the clothes originally worn during all of them. She looks eerily the same, frighteningly good, ageing in reverse at the same pace as her frequent collaborator Pharrell.

"It's really a blessing to be able to have such a long career, where there really is nothing to prove anymore."

Pop stars are expected to be young forever, in looks but also in their capacity to innovate new trends. Which makes the nostalgic music video a curious choice. Doesn't Stefani know by now that the cardinal rule of pop is to avoid repeating yourself? That even the hottest artists in the world are basically required by law to create completely new eras from scratch every six months in order to appease fans and maintain maximum TikTok-ready relevance?

Of course she does, but that doesn't mean she has to participate. Stefani isn't trying to chase down her contemporaries, despite clearly possessing the physical fitness required. "It's really a blessing to be able to have such a long career, where there really is nothing to prove anymore," she says. "It's a different energy. You know, it's really just about doing it to do it, as opposed to trying to make a statement or make a mark."

Corset: Ronald van der Kemp, Bracelets: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Earrings: Lana Jewelry (The Residency Experience), Engagement ring: Gwen's own

Even the Saweetie remix of her latest single "Slow Clap" happened on a whim, after the younger artist happened to post a video of herself vibing to Stefani's 2004 single "Luxurious" on Instagram Stories. They knocked out the song and accompanying video in a day. Neither seems bothered by the Old Navy meme. "It was just this little video that we did on the fly," Stefani says. "It just happened. It just feels good to put new stuff out there."

Stefani completed a two-year Vegas greatest hits residency in 2019, which gave her a sense of perspective on her own legacy. "You make a new record because that's what is exciting for you," she says. "But people really just want to hear the records after a while that were the backdrop to their lives, a 'Don't Speak' or a 'Just a Girl' or a 'Hollaback Girl,' or whatever it was for them. So, you know, it's hard — you can only be new when you're new, and that's just the truth, and I know that."

She says she was pleasantly surprised that "Let Me Reintroduce Myself" charted at all, and that she only found out it did when Shelton walked into the kitchen to show her the iTunes numbers. "I burst out crying with joy, because it was like, 'Whoa, really?' I think I'd set myself up to be quite realistic about where I'm at."

Stefani, endlessly polite and self-deprecating in conversation, which on her end mostly consists of endearingly earnest run-on monologues, says she still has "tons" of insecurities. I get the impression she has been trying harder to give herself credit lately. She recalls recently hearing Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" on the car radio and finding herself in awe of the song's timeless catchiness.

Suit: Balmain, Earrings and choker: Lana Jewelry (The Residency Experience), Necklaces: Gwen's own

"But then I started thinking," she says, in a goofy Cher Horowitz tone. "Like, I have a few of those myself." She talks of this realization as a genuine breakthrough, which is a little worrying for a woman who has sold 40 million records. No shit, she has a "few of those." More of them than Lauper, actually.

More new music is coming along slowly, but I've caught Stefani on a day when the horizon looks closer than usual, and while things haven't quite fallen into place yet, she's feeling more confident that they eventually will. "I'm at the end," she declares. "The idea of going for a session and not being with my kids or the idea of taking time away from Blake doesn't fuel my fire like it did two months ago. I need to decide, wrap it up, put out the project."

Crucially, there's no rush. The album will simply arrive sometime this year, tracklist and title currently undecided.

"You're talking to me at a weird transitional time," Stefani says repeatedly throughout our conversation, which sometimes takes on the cathartic tone of therapy. But having time in the first place is a new feeling.

Bracelet and choker: Dana Kemp (The Residency Experience), Obsession necklace: Lidow Archive, Gold necklaces: Gwen's own, Clothing: Blumarine, Boots: Philipp Plein

NO DOUBT WERE A BAND for nine years before getting on the radio. Enough time for Stefani and bassist Tony Kanal to be in a long term relationship then break up and write a whole hit album about it. All of the Fleetwood Mac drama was resolved pre-fame, which enabled the group to capitalize on the surprise success of Tragic Kingdom singles like "Don't Speak" and "Just a Girl" with a world tour that lasted almost three years. Three more albums followed, and Stefani has reinforced her household name status in every decade since, launching a solo career and multiple fashion lines while never totally cutting the cord from her original musical project.

In other words, record executives have been dictating Stefani's schedule since the mid-'90s. She even sings about it on Love. Angel. Music. Baby opener "What You Waiting For," in which her biological clock ticks like a metronome. Interscope Co-Founder Jimmy Iovine, who discovered No Doubt and continued to work with Stefani on her solo output, was quick to point out that his client's prime childbearing years were also her last opportunity to cross over into pop stardom. And after her first record went number one, it only made sense to lay down some new tracks straight away.

"Whether or not I get the response that I would hope to get — because that's what I'm used to, because I'm so damn spoiled and I've tasted the blood of success — I still got to do the creative journey."

"I had the baby, the first one, and it was only like eight weeks after I had him, that Jimmy was calling me saying, you've got to go in the studio with Akon," Stefani recalls cheerfully. "Like, Akon wants to work with you. Like, no, I'm nursing my baby. But then I couldn't say no." And then? "We wrote 'Sweet Escape.'" And then? "I went on a world tour." And then? "In the month that I got home from that one hundred and whatever shows it was, I got pregnant with Zuma. So then that was that." (It wasn't. Admittedly: "Then it was like, No Doubt, let's do another record.")

Things are different now: "You can just drop singles and you don't have to put a record out. But if you want to put a record out, you can work on it slowly." But even as she talks of slowing down, speculating that she might not even go on tour after the pandemic ends, in the next sentence Stefani's back to admitting that there's more work to be done, that she wants to write a couple more songs for her new record, "just to make sure."

Earrings: Lana Jewelry (The Residency Experience) Choker: Chanel, Necklaces: Gwen's own, Gloves: Laurel DeWitt, Top: Local Boogeyman

"The creation is the thing that fuels me so much," she says. "Whether or not I get the response that I would hope to get — because that's what I'm used to, because I'm so damn spoiled and I've tasted the blood of success — I still got to do the creative journey."

Like any good lyricist, she reaches out to her listener, hoping to convey a more universal point. "It's just probably the same for you as a writer," she guesses. "You know, it's the anticipation. You're in it now. You're getting the information. This is what you live for. You're doing the interview and then you're going to write it. And that's going to be the challenge."

GWEN STEFANI WAS PUTTING out diary entry pop when Olivia Rodrigo was still in diapers and Taylor Swift was but a humble Pennsylvania Christmas tree heiress. She struggles to pen lyrics that aren't confessional ("I'm not a creative writer when it comes to like, 'Oh, let's just write a sad song about something that didn't happen to me'"), and occasionally re-traumatizes herself when performing old hits. Return of Saturn deep cut "Dark Blue" triggers "crazy, just horrible" recollections of a past relationship. Even "Don't Speak" felt emotional onstage in Vegas.

But after releasing an excruciating divorce album, This Is What the Truth Feels Like, in 2016, Stefani is back to writing happy songs only. She's getting married, after all. She won't be releasing any of her trademark breakup anthems anytime soon. "Girl," she laughs, "I think I've had my fair share."

Bow: Laurel DeWitt, Earrings: Lana Jewelry (The Residency Experience), Bracelets: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Shirt: Vintage Archive, Dress: Erdem, Tights: Capezio, Shoes: Marc Jacobs (Lidow Archive)

Stefani and Shelton's relationship has puzzled some fans. Shelton, a country radio phenomenon, never endorsed Trump in the 2016 election, but he did come close. Earlier this year, he was criticized for releasing a song called "Minimum Wage," about finding small joys during periods of economic struggle, at the peak of a recession.

Is Gwen Stefani a Republican now? She's not offended by the question, or really anything I have to ask. She has been famous for so long that she expects and even embraces scrutiny. "If you're going to be a star, that's what you get," she says. "You know what I mean? You get what you get, and you don't get upset, at all."

As for her politics, it's read-between-the-lines."I can see how people would be curious, but I think it's pretty obvious who I am," she says. "I've been around forever. I started my band because we were really influenced by ska, which was a movement that happened in the late '70s, and it was really all about people coming together. The first song I ever wrote was a song called 'Different People,' which was on the Obama playlist, you know, a song about everyone being different and being the same and loving each other. The very first song I wrote."

One of very few multi-racial bands playing stadium shows for hoardes of American teenangers in the 1990s, No Doubt did very literally embody those second-wave ska principles of inclusion. Stefani even wore bindis and saris on stage as a symbol of cultural exchange with Kanal, who is Indian-American, briefly kickstarting a white girl facial jewelry trend that it's safe to say would not fly in 2021.

Rings (left): Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience)

"The Specials and The Selecter and all those groups, and what they were doing in the late '70s was this whole kind of anti-racism, we come together, Black and white ska movement," Stefani elaborates on the band's founding principles. "And we were sort of echoing that in the '80s when we did it, we were like the third generation of ska."

Ska she's always happy to discuss, but Stefani was brought up to keep her electoral preferences personal, and that rule has held for her entire career. "The whole point of voting, is you have this personal space to feel how you feel," she explains. "I use my platform to share my life story and to engage with people and to exchange whatever gift I was giving. I'm not a political science major. I am not that person. Everyone knows that. So why would I even talk about it?"

"I don't need to go on Instagram and say 'girl power.' I just need to live and be a good person and leave a trail of greatness behind me."

It never has been. Looking back, it's weird that "Just a Girl" is so integral to Gwen Stefani's brand. She's never written anything else with remotely the same message, and or publicly identified as a feminist. To Stefani, it's just a song about growing up, and "all of a sudden you realize your gender." It wasn't meant as a protest or anthem: in fact, being her breakout hit, she didn't think anyone other than her bandmates and some local fans would ever hear it.

"I don't even know if I knew what feminist at that time was," she says. "I was very sheltered growing up with my family. I wasn't political. I wasn't angry." Even now: "I don't need to go on Instagram and say 'girl power.' I just need to live and be a good person and leave a trail of greatness behind me. Stop talking about it and stop trying to bully everybody about it. Just do it. And that's how I feel like I've lived my life."

WHEN STEFANI WAS GROWING up in 1970s Anaheim, her father got a job doing market research for Yamaha, which required frequent business trips to Japan. He'd bring home Sanrio toys, as well as anecdotes about the Tokyo district of Harajuku, where teenagers were dressing like Elvis, and "taking all these American things and making them Japanese." His daughter was entranced. "He would be telling me these things my whole life, like my whole life. I had a deep fascination."

So when No Doubt played Japan in 1996, Stefani describes, "It was a pretty big deal for me." The tour was the first time she'd traveled outside of the United states, save one trip to Italy when she was 21. "I just was inspired," she recalls. "It's a world away. And at that time it was even further, because you couldn't see it on the internet. I don't think a younger generation can even imagine what it's like to not have access to the world."

From then on, Japan became one of Stefani's biggest career motivations, especially when it came to her solo albums. If she could just write more hits, she'd get to tour there again, see the street style, visit the vintage stores. "If you read the actual lyrics [in 'What You Waiting For?'], it talks about being a fan of Japan and how if I do good, I get to go back there," she says.

In the meantime, she decided she'd bring Japan to Los Angeles. "I never got to have dancers with No Doubt. I never got to change costumes. I never got to do all of those fun girl things that I always love to do. So I had this idea that I would have a posse of girls — because I never got to hang with girls — and they would be Japanese, Harajuku girls, because those are the girls that I love. Those are my homies. That's where I would be if I had my dream come true, I could go live there and I could go hang out in Harajuku."

Earrings, bracelets and rings: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience, Gold Necklaces: Gwen's own, Top: Local Boogeyman, Pants: GCDS, Shoes: Valentino

Dancers Maya Chino ("Love"), Jennifer Kita ("Angel"), Rino Nakasone ("Music") and Mayuko Kitayama ("Baby") would go on to accompany Stefani for her next two album cycles, dancing on stage and in her videos while also making silent, but very well-dressed, awards show appearances. Kita, who'd grown up in LA, visited Japan for the first time on Stefani's tour.

In a 2006 interview with Blender magazine, comedian Margaret Cho compared the Harajuku Girls to a minstrel show. The backlash against them has been consistent ever since. Stefani, to this day, disagrees.

"If we didn't buy and sell and trade our cultures in, we wouldn't have so much beauty, you know?" she says. "We learn from each other, we share from each other, we grow from each other. And all these rules are just dividing us more and more."

Hello Kitty merch was harder to come by when she was a kid, but in other ways, life felt easier. "I think that we grew up in a time where we didn't have so many rules. We didn't have to follow a narrative that was being edited for us through social media, we just had so much more freedom."

Earrings, bracelets and rings: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Necklaces: Gwen's own, Dress: GCDS, Shirt: Faith Connexion, Tights: Capezio, Shoes: Marc Jacobs (Lidow Archive)

Stefani's penchant for rule breaking has always been apparent in her music as much as her aesthetic. Genre-wise, she's a randomista. The chart success of No Doubt's bouncing ska beats felt like an accidental post-grunge-era glitch in the matrix, and it's insane to this day that one of Stefani's biggest solo hits samples "If I Were a Rich Man" from Fiddler on the Roof, by way of '90s British dancehall duo Louchie Lou & Michie One. That another, "Wind It Up," features earnest Sound of Music yodeling.

"I just make up whatever comes out," Stefani says of her songwriting process. "I don't even know where it comes from. I feel like it just comes from the source. It's not trained, and it's not perfect, it's just real."

She looks back on the Love.Angel.Music.Baby era as unusually experimental and artistically fulfilling. "It was just a really incredible time, and a very creative time. I feel like it was just a really creative project."

STEFANI VIEWS HER CAREER success as mostly a matter of luck. Pop stardom is God-given and mysterious."Because the fact I made it, it doesn't make any sense," she reflects. "It's written in the stars. You know what I'm saying? I'm not the most talented. I'm not the most pretty. I'm not the most smart. None of those things. But I made it, right?"

Clothing: Blumarine, Bracelet and choker: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Obsession necklace: Lidow Archive, Gold necklaces: Gwen's Own

Every week on The Voice she watches objectively gifted musicians fail at becoming artists. "I watched people that went through that without seeing their faces, without knowing what color they are. And I chose the ones that pulled my heartstrings. And even though they were so talented, none of them have had careers. It's made me look at myself and even feel even more amazed by the fact that anyone cared or cares."

If all of this is actually so out of her control, then Stefani feels safe stepping back a little bit. "I don't have that fuel in me like I used to, because I already won," she says. And now she has other victories in mind. "Being a good human, a good mother. I want to have a good marriage. I want to be a good wife. I want to win at finding peace. I want to win at finding other hobbies that I'm good at."

But at the same time? "If I'm inspired, I'm going to try to do something with that inspiration." That's the most fun part: whatever else comes after has always been an amazing bonus.

The "Let Me Reintroduce Myself" era, whatever form it may eventually take, isn't a desperate grab at former glory. It's Stefani refusing to evolve for the sake of it. She's poking fun at the whole idea of having to compete with past personas alongside current ones, while acknowledging the fact she's grateful to still be in the game at all.

"You don't know what you're doing," she says, somehow both confident and resigned. "You're a cartoon of yourself at this point, and you don't know what people are thinking. They're wondering, what? Why are you still here? And I'm like, I don't know. They said I could be here. So I'm here!"

Photography: Jamie Nelson Styling: Nicola Formichetti Hair: Sami Knight Makeup: Michael Anthony Nails: Carolyn Orellana Wardrobe director: Marta Del Rio Production: Katrina Kudlick Digitatech: Sean MacGillivray Logo design: Luca Devinu Story: Kat Gillespie

FROM YOUR SITE ARTICLES

[jaxsteamblog]

Her Royal Majesty Our Queen

Click here to read the entire fic on AO3

During the two day trip to the Foggy Swamp, Katara had to disconnect from her role as Thuy’s Master and step back into her work as Queen. This visit had nothing to do with the Avatar as she needed to meet with the Matriarch of the Swamp Tribe, and Thuy was simply going home. Toph, as her current instructor, was always going to come along but was herself interested in seeing the swamp. 

For someone who invented metalbending, Toph was certainly very interested in mud. 

The layover was, amusingly, in Haru’s hometown. With their arrival publicly announced, Haru’s parents sent a short letter to her hotel room, but there wasn’t any attempt to meet. Katara was only there for the night, and Haru was happily married in Republic City. 

Still, it was nice to be thought of.

On the flight the next day, Thuy became more animated and even Mister Whiskers was showing more signs of life. The amphibious creature clearly missed her damp home. 

“Did you hear that, Sugar Queen?” Toph asked loudly, making Katara turn from her laptop. “Thuy says they eat bugs.”

Katara blinked and shut her laptop slowly.

“And?” She asked.

“Doesn’t that weird you out?” Toph questioned.

“No?” Katara put a hand on top of her computer. “Some of us didn’t live in a manor for the entirety of the war.” 

“Are you saying I’m soft?” Toph demanded, not sounding angry but leaning over the arm of her seat menacingly.

“Oh Toph, you’re as dense as a rock.” Katara replied sweetly. 

Toph cackled, slapping the seat arm and sitting back. 

“See Wet Wipe, you have to give as good as you get. Otherwise people will walk all over you.” She said to Thuy.

“I just don’t think it’s nice.” Thuy huffed, picking up her squirming catgator. Mister Whiskers had taken to chewing on the empty seats in front of them. 

Katara did not like how many sharp teeth were in that wide mouth. 

“Avatars don’t get anywhere by being nice.” Toph countered.

“Don’t I know it.” Thuy muttered. 

Due to the unpredictable nature of the swamp, the plane landed at a small, private airfield next to the looming entity of the banyan grove. 

As they disembarked, figures came out from the treeline and Thuy ran to meet them, Mister Whiskers loping cartoonishly after her. 

One figure Katara recognized as the matriarch. Dong-Lee broke away from the group and walked leisurely toward Katara as she and Toph made their way to the trees.

“Welcome, our queen.” Dong-Lee said. A chorus of shouts raised from the group behind her and Katara felt her face start to warm.

“Please, Matriarch, Katara is perfectly fine.” She said, waving the comment away. 

“You are bringing the other tribes back to our family, we are proud to call you our queen.” Dong-Lee replied.

Katara’s mouth twitched at the comment, but she ignored it. 

“I appreciate the welcome, Matriarch.” She said. 

“Is the Fire Lord still onboard?” Dong-Lee asked.

“Zuko?” Katara frowned in confusion. “He’s in Caldera.”

“He didn’t come?”

Dong-Lee sounded surprised and Katara did blush then.

“We’re not married yet, I wasn’t aware you were expecting him.” She explained. 

“I apologize, Thuy had told me you were handfasted already.” Dong-Lee said.

“They are!” Thuy shouted indignantly. “They announced their coupling ages ago and then she accepted his pledge on my birthday!” 

“That doesn’t mean we’re married!” Katara snapped anxiously.

“Sure it does.” Thuy said, sounding calm and unconcerned as she walked back over. “A wedding doesn’t make you married, a pledge does.”

“That’s not how it works in other places.” Katara said and sighed.

“That is how it works here, though.” Thuy said. “And we are your people too.” 

Katara sighed again and rubbed her face.

“I’m sorry, Matriarch, Zuko isn’t coming.” She said.

“Like dragon spit he isn’t.” Thuy said. She pulled out her cellphone and Katara lunged. Thuy avoided her easily, pushing herself away with her bending. 

“Zuko, Auntie said you’re not coming to the swamp even though I promised everyone.” Thuy started, continuing to move away as Katara made a strangled sound in exasperation. 

“So,” Toph interjected as she strolled over. “I was told there were bugs?”

By dinner, Zuko was already in Republic City making further travel plans. At Thuy’s invitation, Sokka and Suki decided to tag along and the three of them would be in the swamp by the next evening. 

Having her script so completely disrupted, Katara sulked and grumbled at her seat. 

Toph had gone hunting with some of the tribe members, returning completely drenched in swamp mud but clutching the still writhing bodies of leopard eels. Apparently having an Earthbender made it much easier to catch the fish by hand, and an unsettling sack proved it. 

The catch was gutted and cleaned at the docks, with Mister Whiskers getting her fill of offal. None of that bothered Katara, save for the blood that spilled onto their woven mats. 

There hadn’t been much in the way of technological advancement in the swamp. Whatever spiritual energy shielded Thuy’s home, it was complete and fickle. The tribe used peat and water to make steam engine generators, but they didn’t power much outside of the few telephones, radios, computers, and satellite for reception. And that was certainly spotty, often requiring a shaman or Thuy herself to go into the swamp and yell about it. 

Torches, bug nets, and rickety walkways were sprinkled over massive banyan roots and linked the various thatched huts or raised pavilions. Family groups lived in nodes and each node could communicate with the others via the root system and a shaman. So the technology they did have only came, Katara found, after Thuy was identified as the Avatar and her family knew she would need it. 

Other things, like books, weapons, and clothing, trickled in at random times when an outsider was allowed access to the interior. 

The swamp had protected Thuy and provided her with everything she needed. 

It reminded Katara very much of the South Pole.

Which oddly did not help her mood.

“Is her royal majesty being snooty?” Toph asked, sitting down hard next to Katara.

“No. I’m just mad I didn’t know they expected Zuko to be here.” She replied.

“I’m surprised too, to be honest.” Toph said, putting her hands down behind her and reclining. “What do they want with the Fire Lord?” 

“That’s a good question.” Katara replied. 

The answer came after dinner had been cleared away. 

A shaman, adorned with bright feathers and a carved wooden mask, stepped out onto the wide dock. Everyone quieted and turned; Katara looked expectantly at Thuy, but she was already focused on the shaman.

“We welcome the return of our kin, Thuy.” The shaman said and clapping filled the heavy air. Katara clapped slowly, still unsure of what was happening. 

“Before we understood our world, we told stories to explain what we saw. The Avatar represented all of our questions; where did we come from? Why do we have Benders? Why are there four elements? And how are we to live with the spirits?

“The ancient stories tell us that the sun and the moon fought over the ocean. That one day, when the moon triumphed, the sun fell into the ocean and from it’s boiling, the lands were made. The bubbles made the air we breathe and pushed the sun back into the sky. So the elements were made, but as they came from strife, only one would ever inhabit a human at a time.

“We know of space now, of gravity, but we also still live among the spirits. We see how they alter the world around us, how they bestow gifts, and how they take things away at a whim.

“After the great and terrible war, the rest of the world is turning away from the spirits. It is why the Avatar has been born here, in this sacred grove, to remind us of what we are all still connected to.” The shaman paused but no one spoke or made a noise. 

“The rest of the world is being reminded. Our spirits, not our adopted family of the Great Banyan Tree, but our spiritual parents Tui and La, have reconnected to our human world. The honorable princess Yue has ascended to the sky as the handmaiden of the moon. And here sits our awe-some protector, the Matriarch of All Waters, our queen!” The shaman continued and a roar went up around Katara. 

Toph, unable to find a snarky comment, only sat up straight. A shiver ran through Katara and she gripped uselessly at the mat under her. 

“The sun has fallen again into the ocean. We must prepare for what is to come.” The shaman said, raising his hands to quiet the people. 

“Tomorrow, the queen and her husband will go out into the swamp. When they return, we will abide by whatever message they bring.” The shaman said and then turned his carved mask toward Katara.

“Long live La!” He called and the shout was quickly picked up by the others.

“Looks like someone has a new, terrible destiny.” Toph whispered.

“Alright Huu, get down and let the fiddlers start!” Someone yelled and laughter replaced the solemn calling. 

The energy immediately shifted and Katara let out a breath, slumping onto the low table. 

“I am so sick of destiny.” She muttered.

That night, Katara sat awkwardly tucked in a knot of a banyan tree. She had to climb higher than she liked to get a decent signal on her phone.

“Divination at dinner?” Zuko asked. 

“It’s starting to feel like we never had a choice not to be together.” Katara grumbled.

“And that’s a bad thing?” He questioned haltingly.

“It makes it seem like it doesn’t matter what kind of person I am if you were fated to love me anyway.” 

“I don’t know. Even if people say we were meant to be together, we still had to be the people we are to make that happen. And I do love you because of who you are.”

“But I don’t want to be this. Whatever this person is that everyone is making me out to be.”

“And what’s that?”

“Liu called me Oma, everyone here thinks I’m La, and Rohan is trying to make me think I’m the embodiment of yin.”

“What do you want to be?”

“Me! I just want to be me. And your wife.” Katara added, lowering her voice and wrapping her free arm over her chest. “I just want to be me with you.” 

“The quiet, unassuming wife of the Fire Lord?” Zuko asked and she snorted. 

“I could never just be a wife.” She said dryly.

“Which is why I wanted to ask you…” Zuko started and Katara sat up.

“What now?” She asked.

“I want you to become the Fire Lady.” He said.

That stilled her and Katara stared off into the darkness. 

“You still there?” Zuko asked cautiously.

“Yeah, no, I’m still here.” Katara said. “Just, thinking.”

“I know it’s a big ask.”

“That’s two crowns, Zuko.”

“I know.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re my queen too. You will be queen to my people. Our people.” 

Katara went quiet again, and Zuko waited. 

“You want children.” She said finally.

“Yes.” He was quick and honest. “Don’t you?”

“I don’t know.” She said, just as honestly.

“I never wanted them before. But with you?” Zuko’s voice drifted and Katara felt her pulse quicken.

“If they’re really saying I’m the sun falling into the ocean-”

“Zuko.”

“-then maybe what they mean is how many little islands I can-”

“Zuko!”

“The allegory is right there Katara.” 

Katara laughed and her anxiety left her. 

“I’ll think about it.” She said finally.

“That’s all that I ask.” He replied.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” She said.

“I am so excited for our field trip, you have no idea.” Zuko joked and Katara laughed again.

It was certainly enough to think about for one night.

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[se-ono-waise-ilia]

I hate it when you leave me unattended (version 2)

I hate it when you leave me unattended - version 2 (less mature content to meet Yamanaka week guidelines)

Summary: Ino contemplates her unsatisfying intimate life at a bar packed full of couples experiencing the opposite perspective, much to her frustration. Yamanaka week 2021 submission!

Pairings: Ino x Sai, Temari x Shikamaru, Sasuke x Naruto, Sakura x Kakashi, Tenten x Yamato, Hinata x surprise! (hint, features some cloud nin)

Heads up: This is a story of our beloved shinobi enjoying adulthood, and ignores the existence of the Boruto universe.  

Warning: Rated M for implied suggestive/ smutty themes, alcohol, and a few curse words (but toned down from original version, still rated it M to be safe)

Title from the song "Pretty Please"

Read original NSFW version here on ff.net

Ino couldn't stop listening. Did the content of Temari and Shikamaru's sex life intrigue her? Repulsively so. But did it also make her want to weep in champagne problems despair? Absolutely.

The former Suna nin took another long dredge of her tall glass of sake that wasn't meant to be served in a portion that big (Ino concluded that Temari had simply filled a water glass with sake - which was a fantastic idea), and continued to boast to Ino about the delights of her devastatingly erotic sex life. The telepathic kunoichi was simultaneously transfixed and infuriated.

Recently, the sexual aspect of Ino and Sai's marriage had been... unsatisfying. She was 27 and had been married one year. It was a great marriage. No, it was a wonderful marriage, dammit! The two leaf nin were supportive and loving partners to one another. They were best friends, made each other laugh, had incredible teamwork as roommates and shopkeepers and ninjas. Most importantly: they were in love.

But ... Ino slouched further into the booth of the cozy and dimly lit basement bar... their sexual chemistry as of late had been ... on different pages, to say the least.

As Temari continued to shamelessly drone on about Shikamaru’s bedroom performance (Ino simmered in her jealously.  How did Temari get so lucky?!), Ino tried to distract herself from envious feelings as she gazed around the bar of familiar friends.

It had been ten years since the ninja war ended, and the whole world was celebrating with numerous festivities for the month. Yes, a whole month. It was incredible to celebrate at this capacity.

On this particular night of celebration, many Konoha jonins, the Hokage and foreign friends had all ended up in the basement of a sake brewery in the trendy night life part of Konoha. Leaf nin had spent the day hosting part one of a showy games tournament featuring prominent war shinobi, and now they were here.

Much to the dismay of the internal turmoil Ino was experiencing, almost everyone in the goddamn bar was oozing sexual chemistry with their partner.

The most blatant example was the infamous war heroes and star crossed lovers, who were playing what should have been a very simple game of trivia with the Hokage and forehead. Evidently, the teams were Kakashi & Naruto vs Sakura & Sasuke. When Sakura asked Sasuke a question, Naruto attempted to sabotage his dark haired lover with publicly inappropriate neck kisses and ear bites. Sasuke appeared to know the answer to the question, but couldn't seem to voice it through clenched teeth.

Ino stared slack jawed at the unfolding steamy scene. Temari had seemed to stop her rambling to also watch, "How's Hokage-sama going to sabotage Sakura with his mask on?" she bit her glass afterwards because that's a thing drunk people do.

The answer presented itself when Sasuke shoved Naruto off of him, spoke (more like yelled) the correct answer, and asked Sakura some sort of question regarding the history of the senbon. All too casually, their esteemed Hokage wrapped Sakura's pink tresses around his fingers and gave a slight tug. Sakura seemed to melt in response, yet was able to answer correctly whilst melting (to the irritation of Sasuke and delight of Kakashi).

Ino looked to her own long blonde tresses, a generous length that could be easily pulled with sensual intent. She wanted Sai to pull her hair. She would have to tell him to do so.

And that was the root of their recent sexual incompatibility: Sai needed to be told what to do.

At the beginning of their relationship about three years ago, Ino didn't mind this quirk one bit. She relished in being assertive and directive in the bedroom. It made her feel in control and empowered. Sai gladly bent to her every whim and want. She knew exactly how she wanted to be satisfied, and how she wanted to satisfy her man, and it was amazing. All she had to do was tell him what she wanted.

But recently, Ino wasn't as satisfied. She wasn't interested in directing every aspect of their sex lives. She wanted Sai to take initiative. To know her wants without her telling him. To openly lust after her. To kiss her neck and bite her ears with cruel and pleasurable intentions. To tug her hair with the confidence and sensuality.

Alas, he didn't operate like that, and their sex life had suffered for it. It was ironic that Ino wanted him to read her mind, knowing he couldn't (he could barely read body language cues when naked for kami's sake). These past few weeks, that should have been full of post-party drunken banging, Ino had stopped initiating sex altogether.

Evidently Sai interpreted his wife's lack of initiative as Ino not wanting sex.

Which she desperately did!

Watching her best friend melt at the touch of her older lover's clever and commanding fingers in only her hair was the essence of Ino's recent fantasies.

Huffing in frustration, the telepathic nin chose to get herself a drink and find her man and wack him in his stupid expressionless face with her ponytail.

At the bar, Tenten was waiting for her drink with Darui from Kumogakure. Ino perked up at the idea of spending time with the head strong weapons master who was in a new relationship with Yamato. Knowing Tenten's strong will and the captain's bashful sweetness, Ino figured Tenten's presence would be cathartic. Surely they also had a similar dynamic in the bedroom?

As she got closer, she realized Darui must be unaware of Tenten's relationship update. While engaged in an animated discussion regarding the senbon trivia question, he was leaning towards her with an obvious vibe that he was interested in more than just senbons, yet respectably keeping his hands to himself.

Ino ordered her drink close to Tenten and was about to do the classic your-boyfriend-is-looking-for-you tactic, but Tenten's actual boyfriend did it for her. With much less tact.

Yamato had his scary shadowed face on as he appeared quite close to his new girlfriend, "Darui-san."

The cloud nin immediately noticed the proximity as he realized their status and leaned away, "I apologize Tenten-san if I made your uncomfortable. Good to see you Yamato-san, can I buy you both a drink?" Casual and cool as always, even when in an awkward faux pas. He didn't seem affected by the implication of Yamato's interruption.

The shadows left Yamato's face as he nodded in polite thanks and wrapped an arm around Tenten's waist. She didn't seem to mind the masculine possessiveness, as she kissed her new boyfriend on the cheek. Yamato reacted by taking her bar stool and placing her on his lap while gushing with the prior-war general about how they were a new couple. Darui lifted his cup to them.

Sai never placed Ino on his lap, she always sat there on her own accord. Ino sighed as she took a long sip of her fresh drink. She now bet that Yamato didn't need to be told what to do in bed. 

Ino shook her head and took her drink and continued to look for her not-possessive husband who was quite unlikely to brush off flirtatious encounters with territorial drive.

She passed by the trivia game again, which now included Shikamaru and Temari. It was the disgruntled nin's turn to answer Kakashi's question regarding the most ideal way to negotiate a deal with Iwakagure to encourage artisans to move to Konoha. It was obvious to everyone except a very drunk Temari, who was leaning over her husband's shoulders and licking his cheek, that Kakashi was milking the strategist's presence for work purposes.

"Troublesome trivia question Kakashi," the shadow nin eyed the Hokage knowingly, yet he quickly generated a response...while sensually stroking his wife's calf.  Ino couldn't help but storm off to the opposite side of the bar.

She finally found Sai ... with Hinata and Omoi? Ino felt a sense of dread as she approached the trio and comprehended the word's coming from her out-of-touch husband's mouth, "Omoi-san, notice how Hinata-san flushed when you told rambled about how fireworks could somehow lead to a misunderstanding that could cause the break of the alliance between the cloud and the leaf? You two are cute together," he made that neutral smile towards the two anxious nin, who clearly only amplified each other's insecure quirks.

Ino rushed over to shove her clueless husband and save this catastrophic set-up, "Omoi-san, I believe Darui-taichou wanted to meet Hinata-chan? Seeing as he's being groomed to be the next Raikage, it's important to have a continued positive relationship with the Hyuga clan."

Hinata looked to the bar, blushed (the way she used to at Naruto, indicating she found the cloud nin attractive), and pulled at her long hair nervously, "I-I-I don't think now's the time for me to meet Darui-sama. We should h-h-have a more formal meet-"

Omoi seemed contemplative at the idea, "If Hinata-san and Darui-taichou meet at a bar, what if he buys her a drink? Then, what if they flirt and have good chemistry? Then Hinata-san will bring Darui to the Hyuga clan, who will undoubtedly speculate his intentions for her. But Darui-tachou is an honorable man, and will prove his love for the Hyuga princess with..."

Ino was surprised to find herself enfolded with Omoi's romantic tangent. Darui's calm nature would be good for Hinata, his status of decorated war general and upcoming Raikage was worthy of the heiress's stature, and (if they made it work) the match could be a beautiful symbol of forgiveness and peace between the two village's violent history. Although Ino's spontaneous idea of an introduction was quick thinking of how to salvage the awkward chemistry between anxious nin, this was a fantastic opportunity.

While Omoi continued to ramble about how Hinata would adjust to life as the Raikage's wife, with his ever present lollipop somehow staying in his mouth, Hinata's breathing intensified and she started to fan herself. Ino took her now sweaty hair out of the nervous nin's fidgety hands to style it in a thick side braid, modeled how to breathe slowly, all the while nodding in approval of Omoi's outrageous fantasy that was very romantic and actually a really good idea.

Ino curtly told Omoi to shut it, folded his arm to formally hold Hinata's in the crook of his elbow for a proper escort, and shoved them in the direction of the bar. Ino also told Hinata she could only fidget with the bottom portion of the braid.

Sai was about to say something, when Ino covered his mouth with her hand in shushing manner. Although she had been looking for her oblivious idiot of a husband all night, she was now invested this potential pairing, and for the first time tonight her sexual frustration wasn't at the forefront of her mind. She grabbed Sai's hand to pull him closer to the trivia game so she could watch from a better view.

Darui was quick to notice Hinata's approach, as he quickly stood with uncharacteristic alertness. He bowed quite formally, Hinata bowed back and also greeted Tenten and Yamato (who took a hint, excused themselves, and took Omoi with them). Damui offered the shy beauty his bar stool, asked her a question to which she bashfully answered without making eye contact, and he ordered her a drink. Ino couldn't hear them, but she was quick to deduce that the war general was quite taken with the angelic Hyuga princess. A few Hyuga also present at the bar noticed the exchange with the prominent cloud nin, and were quick to put themselves on duty standing by Hinata's side in a chaperone/ bodyguard manner. Damui was unfazed as he greeted them respectfully and ordered them drinks as well. Hinata seemed to appreciate this courtesy as she gazed at the captain with admiration while fiddling with the bottom of her braid.

Ino was so involved in the romantic spark struck at the bar she almost didn't notice Sai's hand was gently caressing the back of her arm with his knuckles. It took several moments for Ino to register the touch and look up into her husband's eyes in confusion. He had never pulled that move on her before, let alone any moves of this nature.

His almost expressionless face conveyed something sincere that Ino couldn't put her finger on. Yet she relished in this gentle moment of intimacy, leaning into him and nuzzling his tall and lean form as he put his arm around her and rested his chin on her head. The future romance of Hinata and Damui didn't seem too important anymore. Sai was holding her, and nothing else mattered.

It was then she noticed that right in front of them, Kakashi was brushing the back of Sakura's arm with his knuckle, and Sakura was looking into the Hokage's eyes as if all her dreams had come true. Kakashi then leaned in to whisper something into her best friend's ear.

Sai lifted Ino's chin so he could do the same, "I miss touching you, Ino," he whispered into her ear. She looked up to meet his hooded eyes and observe his gorgeous oval face.

Heat pooled at Ino's core as her husband made her feel aroused for the first time in far too long. How tempted she wanted to say something sly like "Kiss me like you miss me," and jump into his waiting arms. She almost did, so they could once again be that shameless couple who blatantly made out in public. Such fond memories.

It was so tempting, but it struck Ino that in all their relationship, Sai had been learning how to be intimate solely from her cues. She looked to the various styles of physical flirtation happening at this steamy trivia table. Perhaps Sai should start learning from others...

She eagerly leaned up to whisper into her artist's ear, "Then touch me like they touch their lovers," she then blew into his ear to get him in the mood, and dragged him to the trivia table.

It was Naruto's turn to answer a question about the political process of appointing a feudal lord. Instead of answering, he was glaring at Sasuke who was sitting smug with his one arm resting on the back of his chair, "Teme, you're supposed to...you know...sabotage!"

"The game implies you only sabotage if you know the answer, which you don't, userantonkachi," the arrogant nin responded with a knowing smirk. Naruto banged his head onto the table in disappointment.

Temari cackled at the fox-carrier's misfortune, and then prompted the new players, "Sai-kun! Your question is..." Ino excitedly prepared to sabotage her man as she sat closer to him on the bench. Should she use her fingers, lips, breath, hair...so many choices! It had been weeks since she felt hopeful at the thought of touching her lover, "Name the second Mizukage's summoning."

Ino started dancing her fingers on Sai's thigh when he answered all too quickly, "Giant clam."

The would-be temptress wanted to smack him. Sai didn't get the point of how to really have fun with this game! She was about to remove her hand, when he grabbed it. She glared at him, willing him to know what was wrong without her having to spell it out for him, but then she noticed his vacant expression. That meant he was trying to understand.

"So when it's Ino's turn, I'm expected to sabotage her if she knows the answer?" He looked to his friends, "How?"

"Like this, Sai," Naruto was all too enthusiastic to explain as he attempted to again assault Sasuke's ear, but the raven-haired nin quickly shoved his hand into Naruto's cheek to block him.

Sai continued to stare with his vacant expression, "Molest your partner against their will?"

The table reacted with vigorous "no no no" and head shakes.

Temari whispered something into Shikamaru's ears. He sighed, "Such a drag. Sai, pick a card and ask Temari a question. Notice what I do."

Sai obeyed and picked a card, "Temari-san, which hand symbol is most commonly used by sensory type nin." Ino had to bite her lip from blurting out the answer. Sai gave her a knowing look, and she couldn't help but peck her cute husband on the cheek.

The wind user's eyes brightened, "Oh, I think I remember this one," but those same eyes quickly grew hooded as the shadow user pulled down the shoulder of her dress and placed featherlight kisses upon the newly bared skin. Sai nodded his head in understanding.

"Time's up," Kakashi chuckled after about 10 seconds. Temari didn't seem to care as she leaned into her husband with a drunken smile.

Shikamaru smirked at his beloved then looked back to Sai, "By sabotage, it means distract your partner with attention of a sensual nature to prevent them from answering."

Sai nodded, "So who's winning?"

He received a variety of shrugs. Sakura giggled, "Naruto and Kakashi have a consistent losing streak."

Naruto growled as Sai looked quizzically at the Hokage. Said leader of the village shrugged with a closed eye smile, "Sakura's public displays of affection interest me more than answering a trivial question correctly."

Sakura stopped giggling, "I knew I shouldn't have bothered when you claimed to not know any demonic illusion genjutsu hand symbols!"

"The things your hand symbolized on my leg were a much more tantalizing way to capture my imagination and enjoy the game," his eyes fixed on Sakura's.

She stared right back at him and bit her lip, "Well I expect you to be creative with your hand symbols tonight."

"When am I ever not?" said the nin with confidence as he pulled the medic nin onto his lap and nuzzled her neck. Sakura blushed while laughing at the tickling sensations. From what Sakura shared with Ino during girl's night, all of those years of Kakashi reading porn resulted in quite an adventurous sex life. Ino had never been more jealous of forehead in her life.

Ino looked to Sai with hopeful eyes. Perhaps she and him should start reading erotic literature? He nodded in partial understanding, with that expression he always makes when he's learning something new, and pulled Ino onto his lap. The blonde excitedly moved her long hair to her opposite shoulder and prepared herself for the delights of nuzzling, but instead she felt Sai simply press his face into the crook of her neck.

It wasn't a playful act, Ino noticed as his arms tightened around her. It was an act of ... longing. She was beginning to realize that Sai missed being intimate with her as much as she did with him. She crossed her arms to also wrap them around his, tightening the embrace as she leaned into him.

"Sasuke, are you OK?" Naruto asked his boyfriend, who looked repulsed by the scene in front of him.

The raven haired man pointedly looked away from his ex-teacher and teammate to pick a card from the pile, "Ino, this question is for you," she and Sai perked their heads up. She wanted to get excited to see what Sai would do, but she also didn't want to get her hopes up. Should she just put Sai's hands where she wanted them to control her pleasure, as she used to? But she really wanted him to take initiative...

Ino let out a breath. She already told Sai she wanted him to observe and replicate, and the rest was up to him. He was in learning mode, he could figure this out. She believed in her husband.

"What is the clan symbol for the Tsuchigumo clan?"

Ino had no idea.

Sai lifted her wrist and started to draw a design above her pulse. It felt lovely, but it wasn't affection at the same level as the other couples. Then she realized he was making the symbol.

Her beloved had yet to grasp the fun of the game, as he was actually helping her win as he drew a spider on her pulse. She sighed in acceptance. Was her husband as sex-driven as the other males at the table? No. But does he support and care for Ino? Always. When Ino reflected on it, that mattered more in their marriage.

As she was about to announce the answer, she was interrupted by an accusatory forehead, "That's cheating!"

While at the same time, Kakashi suggested, "Sai, use your tongue."

The moment Sai heeded the Hokage's recommendation to draw a spider on her pulse with his tongue, Ino lost the ability to speak as she tried to hold back her whimpering. She never realized how sensitive a wrist could be before.

"Time's up," Shikamaru announced with a smirk.

Ino paid them little attention as they moved onto the next question, for Sai touched his mouth to her ear,  "Can we please make love tonight?" he whispered. If she wasn't mistaken, there was a rare hint of yearning in it. Ino hadn't been this turned on in months.

She stood to reverse her position and straddle him, "That depends, my love. What have you learned tonight?"

Sai was taken aback, but he concentrated, "Use knuckles to caress skin, kiss your shoulders, put you on my lap, place my face into the crook of your neck," which he did, "and lick you in unexpected places," which he also did, and experienced her collarbone being licked for the first time in her life.

Ino felt her body shiver with anticipation.

"And pull her hair!" Temari joyfully recommended, almost falling out of her husband's lap.

"Grazing skin with your teeth will get a reaction too," Naruto proudly chimed in, much to the embarrassment of Sasuke.

"Pick her up and be creative with your environment," Kakashi winked.

"Don't just wait for her to tell you what to do. Take initiative," Sakura directed, the best friend in the world that she is.

Sai dutifully nodded to all these recommendations. As fun as it would be to stay, it had been too long and they were both about to burst with desire, "Take me home, Sai."

Following Kakashi's suggestion, Sai stood straight up, lifting Ino with him. As she tightened her legs around him so he could make the proper symbols for his transportation jutsu, she looked to Sakura and Temari and mouthed 'thank you' to them both.

"Have fuuuuuun," Sakura winked as the Hokage gave them a thumbs up.

"Show her a good time Sai!" Temari squealed as Shikamaru asked Naruto to get them water.

And then they were home. And then they were kissing. And then ... oh ... Sai was a dutiful student.

---

A/N: I told ya it was still M rated.  I cut a few hundred words I guess.  If you want the slightly longer & steamier version, click here to view story on fanfiction.net.

I actually played this steamy sabotage style of trivia at a house party when my partner and I were a new couple. It was super fun. But the game only works if every couple wants to play it that way. We realized that when some of our friends in less affectionate relationships were super uncomfortable lol...

Anyone else into the idea of Hinata x Damui?

@yamanaka-week

[itshalza]

The Egg Has to Go

I wrote this a while ago and it's kind of irrelevant now, but this was my headcanon of how the red banquet could have gone. Obvious canon divergence. Just Foolish having main character energy

!! Content Warning: implied drugging?, manipulation, brainwashing, zombie like imagery, mild depictions of violence, has hbomb in it (again this was written like, the week of the banquet before anything happened)

Summary: Foolish quickly realizes that the Red Banquet is not what it seems.

Foolish entered the grand hall that Bad and Ant had built for the Red Banquet. The event was beginning to be well known throughout the smp, and Foolish had accepted his invite on a whim, expecting to be able to put an end to the egg then. Oh, how he was wrong. He was running late as his duties at the temple took him a little longer than expected. But he was here now, quietly mingling with Niki and H. He absent-mindedly tightened his tie as Bad lightly tapped his silverware on his glass.

The clink of the dinnerware got everyone to quiet down and their attention on Bad. "I'd like to propose a toast. To a new era of peace on the server." He called out, raising his glass in the air. Everyone followed suit, Foolish only doing so half-heartedly as to not draw attention. The crowd in the room called out cheers before taking a drink from the glasses.

The liquid in the glass was.... strange. It was a deep red. Much.... much deeper than any wine Foolish had ever seen. Considering that, and the fact he was still suspicious of how he witnessed Bad and the others celebrate over Tommy's death, he didn't drink it. He raised the glass to his lips, tilting it to act like he was taking a sip when in reality his lips were sealed tight. He lowered the glass without a word, trying to ignore the feeling that someone was watching him.

That's when HBomb's words snapped him back to reality. "Uhh overworld to Foolish?" He said, moving to get himself in the totems field of vision.

Foolish shook his head slightly, blinking a few times. "I- what?" He asked, looking over at his 'manager.'

"What has gotten into you tonight?" Niki asked. Her tone was light, but Foolish knew there was genuine concern in her words as well.

Foolish hesitated for a moment before shrugging. "I don't know. Just have a bad feeling about tonight, I guess." He scanned the room, avoiding eye contact with anyone. He didn’t want to draw any extra attention to himself.

“Loosen up a bit, man. Tonight’s supposed to be fun, so let it be.” H said with a grin, leaning back in his seat and taking another drink from the glass.

Foolish didn’t respond to the words. He looked around again before standing up from his seat. “I’m gonna go look at the buffet, I’m starving.” He said, his tone returning to its usual lightheartedness, but it was completely fabricated. He didn’t want his friends to worry about him, but he really didn’t feel right about this whole thing. It was a little too… perfect.

He made his way up to the table lined with food, weaving through the crowd muttering short apologies as he went. He grabbed a plate and began looking over the options. He went to reach for the serving spoon for the mushroom stew before getting startled by Bad’s voice.

“So are you enjoying yourself, Foolish?” Bad said lightly. Foolish jumped slightly, letting go of the spoon and cringing at the clatter it made.

It was obvious that the friendly attitude that Bad displayed was a front. Foolish and Bad had been at each other's' throats over the Egg multiple times. The two were hardly even acquaintances. Their first interaction was rather neutral, sure, but the last couple of weeks Foolish has witnessed a turn. It wasn’t Bad’s fault of course; the Egg was only manipulating him to do its dirty work. But that didn’t mean Foolish had to like him either.

“Uh yeah! I’m doing okay, all things considered.” He said, putting up a similar front. He didn’t want Bad to suspect anything, although if Bad had come over to talk to him, he obviously knew something was up. “What would you recommend from the selection? There’s too much up here for me to decide.” He asked, a light laugh coming from him.

Bad hummed in amusement. “I’d say you made the right choice with the stew.” He mused. He watched Foolish nod and begin serving himself a helping of the stew.

“Oh Foolish, by the way, I’d love to get your opinion on the wine! You’ve been around a while so I’d assume you’d know a thing or two about good wine.” Bad asked. If Foolish hadn’t known better, he would have assumed that Bad was being genuine. Something was definitely wrong with the wine. What it was, Foolish didn’t know. But he knew one thing: he absolutely was not going to drink it.

Here’s the problem. Foolish didn’t know anything about wine. He needed a clear head while guarding the temple so he avoided alcohol as a whole. He really had no idea what to say about it, but he knew he had to come up with something quick.

He looked the demon up and down before replying. “Yeah it was good. Probably not the best I’ve ever had, but it definitely was up there. It had good… earthy undertones,” he said, hesitating slightly.

Bad hummed slightly, as if he knew that Foolish was bluffing. “I see. Well I’m glad that it’s enjoyable. It cost Ponk an arm and a leg to get the cask from a village due south. And you know, he’s already down an arm,” Bad said, giggling softly at his own joke.

Foolish laughed too, a slight hint of nervousness behind it. Foolish looked down at his dish of stew before back up at Bad. “Well, I’m gonna head back to Niki and H, I don’t want to keep them waiting.” He said sheepishly.

“I’ll see you later then, Foolish. Bad said, grinning and walking away, still laughing at his joke. Though once he was out of earshot of the totem, he grumbled lightly. “Why does he constantly have to ruin my plans?” he muttered before going to find Antfrost or Punz to ask them what they should do.

Foolish made his way back to the table, trying to mask his growing anxiety about this whole situation. Something was wrong here, and he wanted nothing more than to leave and go back to the temple.

He sat back down to hear Niki rambling about the construction of her new city. It was a noble project, but it took a lot of work for it to be functional.

“Oh by the way Niki, if you need me to come back and work on fixing up that waterfall area, just holler.” Foolish interjected.

Niki chuckled lightly. “No, no it’s fine. I’ve been working on it a bit and I think I’ve gotten it the way I want it for now.” She said.

“Plus, would you even have time with all those build projects you have going on? I have you booked for Tubbo, and Kin-”

“First of all, HBomb, you don’t have me booked for anything. Second of all, I'll always make time for my friends. You guys need help? I'm right there, okay?" Foolish said. He flashed a bright smile before taking a spoonful of the stew.

The three continued to chat about things. HBomb complained that no one had signed up for maid service in a while, Niki spoke cryptically about a trip to Snowchester she took with Phil, and Foolish rambled on about the progress of the mansion and his future plans.

The banquet hall slowly began to quiet down as the night progressed. The pair in front of him had gone through two glasses of wine and Foolish had yet to take a sip.

"Foolish, aren't you thirsty? You've barely touched your wine." Niki asked, her tone still light.

Foolish looked up from his dish. "Uh, it's just really not my favor-" his voice dying out as he finally took in his surroundings. How had he been so oblivious?

The Egg was glowing a soft red and emitting a low hum. The walls looked… well, looked like they were dripping with the wine in his glass. The room was dead quiet, eerily quiet, other than the hum of the egg that he could feel in his bones.

"Foolish, come on. Don't be silly. It's really good wine, I would know," HBomb said. The friendliness in his voice oozed with tension. His smile was too wide, too forced.

The realization hit Foolish like a ton of bricks. His eyes flicked from H's tense smile to his eyes. The bright blue was replaced with a deep, off-putting red. It was a similar color to the wine, but they looked as if they were glowing similarly to the Egg in the corner of the room.

Further observation showed that it wasn't only H. As he looked around the room, not only were everyone's eyes a monstrous red, but they were all trained on the totem's figure.

He had to leave. He had to get away. But where? The Egg was spread all around the smp. Even if he could get back to the Temple, Bad and his crew have proved they aren't scared of trespassing on Temple grounds. But the Temple was his only shot. Everywhere else was too vulnerable.

Foolish laughed nervously. "Well, I think I should be going now. I have a big day of building tomorrow. Need to be well rested, you know?" He said, standing up. He slowly began moving toward the exit.

"Foolish, please. Stay and enjoy the night with us." Bad said, standing up as well.

"Yeah, Foolish. Don't be difficult." Punz called out.

No one else in the room reacted. They only stared blankly at Foolish.

Foolish laughed lightly. A smirk coming across his features. "I think I've proven multiple times that I'm not scared of you and your Egg, Bad." He muttered.

"Maybe you should be." The demon spat back. Any false friendliness that was in his voice before was gone.

Foolish's smirk only grew. "Obviously you haven't learned anything from our past encounter. Don't be foolish, Bad." He said, his voice lacking any emotion. He wasn't angry or upset at all. If anything, his tone was just smug.

Bad just glared, and Punz seemed like he was itching to aim his crossbow and put an arrow through Foolish's chest. He didn't have much time left to figure out his escape route.

"Or perhaps I'm the foolish one… for not taking care of that pathetic Egg sooner."

In a split second decision, Foolish grabbed his trident and threw it at the Egg. Sparks of electricity spread throughout the corner of the room and into the shape in the corner of the room. The Egg let out a shrill scream, and the guests in the hall grabbed covered their ears and let out groans of pain.

Foolish took this as a chance to escape. He called back his trident, which left a sizable crack in the shell of the egg. He threw an enderpearl toward the water elevator at the edge of the room.

"GET HIM!" The Egg cried out. The horde of mind controlled puppets reacted instantly. But Foolish simply saluted the crowd before hopping into the water elevator.

Once he hit the ground, he was running. His heart was pounding in his ears as he ran through the land of the Dream SMP. He needed to get to the community portal. If he didn't travel through the Nether, there was no way he'd make it by foot. He ran through the remains of the community house before hurrying up the stairs to the portal.

An arrow, dipped in some potion, lodged itself into the obsidian of the nether portal, but Foolish was already gone. He sprinted as fast as he could while still being observant to the difficult terrain of the Nether. One wrong move could send him into the pit of lava. And it didn't make it any easier that he had a swarm of armed Eggheads behind him.

He dodged arrows left and right, some of them on fire, some of them potion tipped. He looked behind him to see Punz throw an enderpearl in his direction. Foolish grabbed his own bow, lining up the shot and shooting the enderpearl in mid air, sending Punz falling onto the netherrack below him. Foolish finally made it to the portal that led to his summer home.

Standing in the obsidian frame, he lit a block of TNT and left it on the other side of the portal, faintly hearing the explosion as he appeared on the other side of the portal, his summer home lightly glowing in the distance.

He took a moment to use his pickaxe to break the frame of the portal, just as a safety precaution. He ran to the temple, breathing hard. He didn't stop until he reached the heart of the temple. He slumped down, the cool glass of the beacon against his back.

He took a few deep breaths, hands shaking slightly. The distorted faces of his friends were stuck in the back of his mind. They tried to kill him, they…

He couldn't think like that. It wasn't their fault. It was the Egg's. He tried to push the image of his friends away as he thought about the monumental task that was just placed on his shoulders….

The Egg has to go.

[priorireverte]

Congratulations Ashlie!

Your application for Neville Longbottom has been accepted. It was delightful to read and I am looking forward to seeing what more he brings to the group!

Please look to the checklist for the next steps and reach out if you have any questions!

OUT OF CHARACTER

NAME & PRONOUNS: Ashlie ( she/her )

TIMEZONE: est

ACTIVITY LEVEL: My main goal is to be online about five days a week actively working on replies, although I am always lingering around on mobile for plotting and such.

ANYTHING ELSE: Triggers: Flashing Gifs. Experience wise, I have been roleplaying online since 2011, and joined Tumblr roleplay around 2014.

CHARACTER DETAILS

NAME: Neville Longbottom

BIRTHDATE: July 30, 1980

DEATHDATE: –

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: demiboy he/they asexual/biromantic , Neville doesn’t put much weight on pronouns, either he or they really there is no preference for one over the other because he simply doesn’t feel any sort of connection to any of them. He tends to use the two interchangeably, although they are also still playing around with how they feel about the concept of masculinity and how it ties into his own idea of their gender so this may change over the course of the timeline.

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Gryffindor Growing up, Neville was the one people always questioned. How could they possibly ever have been sorted into Gryffindor? They were quite timid as a child, fearful and easily taken advantage of. It was Dumbledore who had first seen the potential and they had and awarded him for it. They hadn’t wanted to stand up to Harry, Ron, and Hermione first year, they were terrified. But they also knew if they didn’t say anything their whole house would face the punishment that came with finding students out of bed past curfew, even if they later learned the three had a pretty solid reason. But Dumbledore’s validation had been what they needed to continue to experiment with that Gryffindor bravery they failed to see in themself. Telling a gang of eleven year olds not to sneak out isn’t the most terrifying thing they’ve ever done- but it was the first time they had fought back for what they thought was the right thing. That made them sure of themself when he joined the DA and made so quick to answer the call on those medallions and fight back when Hogwarts was under Death Eater control. Neville grew up very quickly and in a short amount of time, the catalyst for them truly feeling they belonged being prior to the true start of the war after learning their parents’ attacker had escaped from Azkaban Prison. Then Death Eaters took over the school they called home and it was no longer about proving themself to histheir grandmother or classmates, but about doing the right thing. It was then that Neville truly understood the meaning of bravery, chivalry, and the other traits true

OCCUPATION:  Current Auror / Substitute Professor of Herbology at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry  (  Neville has been working for the auror department since he left Hogwarts and is currently still working for them. He however has just accepted a job at Hogwarts starting after summer break and put notice in at the department he will be leaving in the end of August. He has yet to tell anyone anything other than that he has subbed at the school a couple times for Professor Sprout.  )

FACECLAIM: Federico Cesari

CHARACTER BACKGROUND

POSTBELLUM

Neville had only been a toddler when they first learned the end of a war does not mean the end of the fighting or that some of the worst acts of violence and cruelty happen after one side has already surrendered.  The war was a terrifying thing and Neville didn’t begin to fully understand what it meant until after their side had already won. They cut a lot of people off after the final battle; kept isolated and trapped in a state of uncertainty. Some days they felt invincible- as if the scared little child who refused to let go of their grandmother’s skirt was someone else entirely and only the new version of themself who spat in Death Eater’s faces had remained. But as the adrenalyn wore off it became easier to fall back into the mindset of someone who thought they would never fit in or live up to the reputation their parents had set for them.

They went immediately into Auror training simply because they didn’t know what else to do. When Neville  was told he could join the program despite not obtaining the OWL results required they couldn’t turn it down. It had felt like some sort of sign that this was what they needed to do, They knew that they wanted to be an Auror at only eight years old- although back then it was more because they wanted to be like their Gran’s stories of Frank than an interest in the career itself, but they had still struggled to accept that their childhood dream had gone out the window when their OWL scores came in the mail. But their position in the war meant more than an Acceptable in Transfiguration, and with so many Death Eaters still to be captured they couldn’t bring themselves to accept the war had finally ended.

When they learned the position for the Herbology teacher at Hogwarts opened he applied on a whim, never thinking they would actually get the job and  struggled to get through the interview until they realized Professor Sprout had recommended them personally. They know they need to do this for themself, but they’re terrified to tell everyone about their plans to leave the Auror Department. It feels selfish- like they’re giving up the fight.

Now with Bellatrix’s return they are angry. At least they believe they are angry, but this is a different anger than the one they felt when she had broken out of Azkaban for the first time years ago. Perhaps it’s the mixture of jealousy at seeing so many people around them be reunited with their families while struggling with the guilt of avoiding their own. Or maybe it’s simply a deeper understanding. They are eager to find out.

PERSONALITY

Neville assumes their upbringing has a large part in the reason they’re so quick to think about what exactly is making someone behave the way they are. They are empathetic, quick to be understanding and patient. They wants to be there for everyone, even if that person doesn’t want them there. When Neville is invested in something they go on longer than anyone enjoys, putting every ounce of energy they have into it. When they love something they put their all into it and has never been one to do something half-assed. Even whenthey struggle, they give their all and don’t volunteer unless they knows they can pull through. Their love of herbology is clear to everyone who knows them and they spend hours a day trying to learn more about the subject they love so much. But he is also passionate about equal rights and fighting injustice. So passionate he put his safety on the line again and again to give a bit of hope to those around him that they could do this. So passionate even when he thought they had lost everything he still was the one to stand up and keep fighting.

They spent a lot of time lonely, and grew comfortable being by themselves. For a long time it seemed like everyone had their click but him. Sure he had friends, at least he thinks they all considered him friends, but until recently he never had that person he could go to. Now he still forgets to reach out to others for nothing other than to just enjoy each other’s company. He’ll call them to tell them about a book he thinks they would enjoy, or to tell them about the restaurant that opened up down the street from them, but he’s still working on believing people want to spend time with him and breaking the habit of spending his time along.

Insecurity and uncertainty had defined Neville’s life for so long, sometimes he does not know how to live any differently. He is quick to second guess himself in every aspect, and that has held him back many times. He decides how others feel without asking their opinions and can be quite pessimistic while doing so. Neville’s loyalty is also a trait he prides himself on greatly, but at times it can be entirely blind. He can have a bit of a black and white mindset when it comes to if someone is good or bad and once you have been deemed good in his mind he will follow certain people to their doom simply because they told him it was a wise idea.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY

Neville’s parent’s health had always been especially overwhelming and confusing for them, ever since they were just old enough to comprehend the two of them were not normal, that the way they behaved wasn’t the typical way the other adults in their life acted. Although for a very long time even after that they didn’t entirely understand their presence in their life was something normal to miss or that it wasn’t selfish to be angry over the fact that Frank and Alice couldn’t recognize who Neville was. They understand the pride they feel in being their child, and just how much they had sacrificed, but even now they cannot seem to fully comprehend why they miss something they cannot remember ever having in the first place.

So the excuses to not join Augusta on her visits to St. Mungo’s were plausible for a while. First it wasn’t safe to go, they couldn’t leave Hogwarts during the height of the war, the new job had just kept them so busy there wasn’t the time.  Although every time they rattle off another excuse they see more of that same look in their grandmother’s eye that they had grown accustomed to as a child and thought they had finally gotten past. It was the week of the first anniversary Neville and Augusta finally had it out. Neville hadn’t meant to snap at her, there was so much guilt and their anxiety was still high. Suddenly everything from their childhood with her came out at once. The pressure she put on them to live up to their father, never saying anything to the family members who harmed them in an attempt to “scare” the magic out of them. They feel a responsibility to work on their relationship, she’s the only family they really have and perhaps if that weren’t the case they would have dropped her. But Neville loves her, as strict and imperfect as she is; they know she loves him, even if she wasn’t always the perfect guardian.

HISTORY

Only months following the end of the war, a group of Death Eaters had captured Frank and Alice Longbottom, determined they knew what happened to the Dark Lord and were willing to do anything in their power to get that information out of the two Aurors. They tortured the two incessantly until they had both lost their minds, leaving Neville who had only been a baby at the time to be raised by Frank’s mother, Augusta.  She had been stern and old fashioned in the way she had raised them, expecting Neville to be every bit as brilliant as their father and then some as only a child, and she hadn’t done a spectacular job at hiding her disappointment whenever they didn’t live up to the expectations set for them. It had happened before, in a family as old as the Longbottoms it wasn’t entirely unheard of for a child to be born a squib, but that didn’t stop the fact that it was shameful, or dismiss the fears that Neville would live a horrid life if they failed to ever show signs of magic. Their entire extended family grouped together to attempt to make them to show some signs of magic, all going to different lengths in their attempts to do so. This destroyed their confidence and left Neville especially insecure even before they had the opportunity to start Hogwarts.

While everyone around them seemed to think of their time at Hogwarts longingly, Neville struggled during their time in the castle. Their Gran had been overprotective after taking them in and kept them separated from other kids their age so long they had a hard time making friends. Kids were mean, and it wasn’t uncommon for them to be the punchline of various jokes and picked on for the babyfat they had yet to lose or their awkward demeanor. While being bullied by their peers was hard enough, Neville hadn’t expected their professors to be even more terrifying than anything else they had dealt with in their young but still tragic youth. Severus Snape had been the human embodiment of everything they ever did wrong. As much as Neville loves their grandmother, she was never subtle about her high expectations for them and the more Neville tried to live up to them, the more they seemed to fail. Snape preyed on this, had a comment ready at every corner and made sure Neville knew they were inferior. They would never be as smart as their father. Never be as talented or successful if they couldn’t brew a simple potion correctly. The trauma of watching their parents’ health deteriorate as only a toddler left them with scars they still haven’t healed and Snape knew that as well. The gut wrenching  anticipation of knowing if they did their assignment incorrectly their beloved pet would be slowly and painfully killed only brought the teen nightmares and what ifs. Snape knew Neville’s secrets from the days he fought on the other side, then his time as his Professor and had a profound talent for using this against them.

When Bellatrix Lestrange escaped from Azkaban it gave Neville a reason to fight back for the first time. There was a connection between them and the fighting going on outside the walls of Dumbeldore’s protection and they were able to truly comprehend just what this all meant beyond knowing Voldemorts return was a bad thing. Even more than that, they wanted revenge. They wanted to get even with the witch who stole everything from them, caused their parents to be unable to even know who their own child was. And they did fight back, harder than they had ever fought for anything in their life, they practiced day and night with hopes they could prove they are much more than the stupid little pureblood with insane parents and could barely hold a wand the right direction.

Then they were seventeen and living their deepest darkest what ifs. Would I do the same? Could I take the worst of the unforgivables for the well being of another? Neville’s entire life had been controlled by that curse. The shyness, the isolation, depression. The fear. Suddenly they were thrown into war, still only a student, even if one privileged enough to be born with the blood that was ranked superior. Wands were pointed at them, doing everything they could to force them to be the one thing he grew up swearing they would never be. Neville took everything they threw at them to not become the people who tore apart their family. They grew more confident and collected and stepped up to do what they knew they needed to do. They lead an Army, and the DA was the most important thing they will ever be a part of in their life. It made them someone they could be proud of, instead of having to worry what everyone around them would think of them.

OOC EXPLORATION

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? This group is gorgeous, While yes, your graphics and theme is lovely, your plot, the character teasers, and the writing are beautiful. A post trio roleplay is so hard to come by, as is a group with passionate and active admins and members who want to write and develop characters and the little twist of bringing back the dead is captivating. Scrolling through the page simply left me inspired, there is no other way to explain it. Thank you for making this rp possible and giving me the chance to be a part of it.

ANYTHING ELSE? https://www.pinterest.com/aaestheticsdm/why-is-it-always-me-c-neville-longbottom/

[goldandbluesmiles]

Bloody Courting

Summary: "There are two types of omegas that make it in our world and especially in Gotham. There are the ones like me that wrap Alphas, Betas and even other omegas around their finger, make them dance to their tune. You will not be that omega. You are too brash and forward to it. You will be the omega that goes ahead with the sheer force of will. They will respect you and if they do not, they will fear you,"

Jason had nodded, listening to him with rapt attention.

"And remember, if any of them think they are worth you, make them prove it no matter than their designation. Do not ever settle for less than what you want,"

These days he was really wishing that he hadn't driven the last point very hard. Because really the dead bodies were getting a bit ridiculous.

Ao3

Note: This is part 1. You can read part 2 here.

TW: Mention of body parts. Nothing graphic. It’s Earth 3 so things are a little messed up.

XXX

Jason was the only pup that was truly his.

Not that the others weren't but he couldn't call any of them just his own, all of them having responsibilities elsewhere, having ties to someone else. Dick was an Alpha and they usually took toward their Alpha mentors. Dick had grown into Talon and was now one of the most vicious forces on this side of the globe. Bruce was proud, so proud but Dick would always be more Thomas then Bruce, no matter how much the young Alpha hated the older Wayne.

Damian Al Ghul and Helena Kyle-Wayne were his little miracle pups. Born as fraternal twins and sired by two different Alphas. However, Helena was, again, an Alpha. And while Selena was much more lenient than any other Alpha about Helena being with her omega bearer, Helena was an Alpha and would naturally gravitate toward her Alpha mother. Damian was an omega but he was the heir to the League, so really, Bruce was lucky that Talia had stood up to her father, otherwise, he might not have gotten to know the little pup at all.

Tim Drake was another little pup he had held close, much like Dick, except that Tim's loyalty was to his parents. He was the only omega child to an alpha father and a beta mother. There were many parents that chose to have heir child mentored by another person if their designation didn't match and the Drakes had chosen Bruce to mentor theirs. Tim would always come to Bruce first with his achievements and grievances but it wasn't the same.

Cassandra was already trained in a certain manner by her biological father, one that Bruce did not agree with but could not change. He supported her when he could and completely adored her but she was a flighty dancer and had come to him while she was already grown.

Stephanie, Harper, Cullen, Barbara, more protege than children and really that was how it was always going to be.

But Jason. Jason was all his. He was a crime alley omega which meant that none of the Alphas around would take him under their wing and no one in Bruce's circle wanted to 'taint' their blood with an omega mate from the alley. He was Bruce's to raise, to cherish and to hold close. Bruce's to teach and mould.

It was Bruce's job to make sure the omega pup made it to the top of the world and he would do a damn good job of it. Their world bowed to the powerful and strong and he would make sure that Jason was the best.

He has told Jason that much when he has taken the little pup in.

"There are two types of omegas that make it in our world and especially in Gotham. There are the ones like me that wrap Alphas, Betas and even other omegas around their finger, make them dance to their tune. You will not be that omega. You are too brash and forward to it. You will be the omega that goes ahead with the sheer force of will. They will respect you and if they do not, they will fear you,"

Jason had nodded, listening to him with rapt attention.

"And remember, if any of them think they are worth you, make them prove it no matter than their designation. Do not ever settle for less than what you want,"

These days he was really wishing that he hadn't driven the last point very hard.

Because really the dead bodies were getting a bit ridiculous.

XXX

The first sign of what was to come had come when someone had asked Jason to the Halloween dance in his sophomore year.

"Hey B," said Jason while expertly hitting every target with his blades, "I need a costume for the Halloween dance,"

"Huh," said Bruce, "Don't you already have one? The pirate one?"

"Oh yeah, but I got asked to the dance by this really cute alpha girl and we're matching so we're doing Zorro,"

Bruce grinned at the young omega, "So someone asked you huh? How? Did they present you with a gift?"

"Yeah," said Jason, throwing the last knife and heading to where Bruce was standing, "Wanna see?"

Jason took out a small wooden box. Inside, nestled in velvet was a small white ring. Bruce had to admit it looked quite nice, strong and well crafted, the light barely touching-

"Wait," he said, "Is that made of a human finger bone?"

"Yeah!" said Jason, "Cool isn't it. We were talking about people keeping trophies from their kills and I said making something pretty out of it would be the best insult since they're still serving you in death and she gave this to me today and asked,"

"Huh?" said Bruce, not knowing how to feel about the thing, "It's an interesting gift,"

"Right," said Jason, "Some other people asked me too but hey all gave boring gifts so I ignored them,"

"Boring?" wondered Bruce

"You know. Flowers. Candies and stuff," said Jason, "This is much cooler. Now about the costume,"

Bruce shrugged as Jason started listing supplies for his costume. It was just a bone ring. Nothing to worry about.

He really should have thought better.

XXX

There was a box at his doorstep.

And it was dripping blood.

That could not be anything good. Someone had actually gotten close to their door to leave this here and from all the blood the message could only be a threat.

Bruce carefully opened the box and-

-found a perfectly cut heart inside with a note.

'Be my valentine?'

Bruce sighed.

"Jason!"

Jason came running down and grinned when he saw the box.

"Oh god, he actually did it,"

"Explain," said Bruce, having some idea where this was going.

Jason laughed, "He asked what it would take to get my heart and on a whim, I said 'a heart' and he actually did it,"

"Is the same person that asked you out with patches of tattoed skin?"

"Nope, new guy,"

"Of course," Bruce sighed

"Anyway Valentines tomorrow," said Jason, grabbing the box, "I have an outfit to get ready,"

"Watch for the blood!" he called out but Jason was already gone

"Human bone jewellery, tattoed skin patches, an actual bloody heart," muttered Bruce, "What's next? A severed head?"

He really shouldn't have asked.

XXX

There was a severed head in the box, eyes still open and tongue sticking out of their mouth.

The words 'Prom?' were carved into its forehead.

Bruce heaved a sigh and decided to take the box to Jason himself. He found the young boy sitting in the library, reading a book.

"You have an invite to prom," he told the omega

"If its another cake, I don't want it," said Jason, not even looking up from his book

"It's a severed head,"

That got his attention.

"Oh?" said Jason, "Who's is it?"

"See for yourself," said Bruce, handing his son the box

"Ah," said Jason, looking at the head, "Jeffery. He likes to mess with younger omegas. Or well 'liked' I guess,"

"Did he do anything to you," asked Bruce, the protective instinct rising inside of him

Jason snorted, "No. He wouldn't have had the balls to. Anyway, I like to deal with my problems on my own,"

"Right," said Bruce

Jason hummed and then looked at Bruce, "Do you think I could wear a dress to prom? I'm still pretty slim and it would look nice with my developing curves,"

Bruce looked from the head to the bright smile on Jason's face and resigned himself to seeing bloody gifts in the future.

"Sure Jay, you can wear a dress,"

XXX

Once Jason graduated high school, he got into Princeton and stayed there for the next four years, barely showing his face in Gotham. People started to wonder if he would ever come back.

Bruce knew better though. He'd seen his son's plans, the fire in his eyes and the blood behind his teeth.

Jason was a Gothamite, born and bred.

He would come back.

And come back he did.

Red X rose through the ranks of Gotham's underbelly with a viciousness that even surprised Bruce. The people of crime alley and the narrows worshipped him and those that opposed him feared him. He made everyone bow to him and his meetings with the rest of Gotham's big players, including the elite, were a sight to behold.

Really, Bruce couldn't have been prouder.

His son's newfound popularity also meant that there were a lot more people trying to gain his favours. And while Jason no longer lived with Bruce, he, however, did come to visit often.

And bring his gifts along.

"Look, Bruce! It's a torture wheel. Still has a bit of blood on it,"

"Here! Look! it was used to decapitate the rogue gang a couple of months ago. I think I might spend my heat with this one,"

"Another heart Bruce! You'd think I'd be over getting hearts by now but really, never gets old,"

"Dad! Dad! A skull!"

"Remember that Beta we were talking about, someone cut off his fingers for me. I think I'm gonna meet them,"

"Why can't he like normal gifts?" Bruce wailed, "I liked normal gifts,"

"I brought you stolen jewellery Lover," said Selina, running a hand through his hair

"And I brought you blades," said Talia, "There were flowers too but mostly weapons,"

"Still normal gifts!" insisted Bruce, "This one likes actual human hearts, and fingers and skulls!"

Talia laughed and gave him a kiss, "He's happy, Beloved. That's what you want for him, right?"

Bruce sighed. She was right of course. He wanted his son to be happy. He could put up with a few torture devices and clean body parts.

And then Roy fucking Harper happened.

[write-like-you-mean-it]

A Hunter’s Prey: Bruises and Realizations

The walk of shame back to the troupe’s hideout became a longer journey than it was to leave. Before, I followed Illumi’s bloodlust. Now, I have to notice my surroundings. The streets were bustling with people trying to get from one place to the other. The faces weren’t friendly as many of them lived in a state of extreme poverty. If I had any money to my name, I would have given a few dollars to the children that wandered the streets looking for their next meal.

Being alone didn’t bother me. I was able to get a fresh look at everything without the worrisome eye of the long-haired man. No. I would not think about Illumi. He left me. My hand absentmindedly went to the phone once again. I could easily call him. No.

I finally found a place that seemed similar. I followed the path to the back room. Inside there were the troupe as crazy as ever.

“Interesting that you would return,” said Feitan. He startled me and I jumped a little back. I turned to look at the small man in shock. His hands were placed inside of his pockets as a nonchalant gesture of uncaring.  “I thought your boyfriend would kill you.”

I rolled my eyes. “He’s not my boyfriend,” I shrug while walking past the dingy stack of boxes that still piled up to the ceiling. “And do you get a sick satisfaction from scaring me?”

Feitan finally smiled, a sinister, sadistic one. “Yes.”

I decide to ignore his haphazard attempt at conversation. Instead, I walk into the pit of spiders as if it was my home. They seemed to be having another argument about which Nen ability was the best; however, none of them seemed to show their own. Shizuku was the only one to bring out Blinky to prove her point.

My eyes caught Chrollo. He stood in the far corner watching the rest of the team. I would guess that his Nen ability far surpassed the rest of the team. He didn’t want to get in on petty squabbles that would easily be solved if he had joined.

I stood beside Machi as Shalnark defended Shizuku against Phinks. “So where do you rank?” I asked her.

“I won’t be the first,'' she said. “I would be higher than the majority of them though.” She paused while putting her hand on my neck, pushed away the hair from my shoulders,  and made me tilt my head. “Don’t tell me that you fucked him.”

“What do you mean?” I ask while pulling away and putting my hand on the spot she held her only a second ago.

“There’s a bruise on your neck.”

“I-I…” I stutter while looking to the ground. “No. We didn’t fuck.”

“You’re lying,” the pink-haired girl said while crossing her arms. This was her stance of disbelief that I had known too well after many, many different nights of binge drinking and going home with many different men. My embarrassment made me look at the rest of the spiders in hopes that they weren’t paying attention. They weren’t as their argument was too important.

“Fine. Yes. He’s not that bad.”

“You slept with someone that kidnapped you.”

“Sounds kinky,” replied a voice from behind me. Feitan, who I didn’t know was still sulking in the shadows behind me, was the one who said it. Before I could smack the sadistic smile off his face, he pushed past us and into the circle. “I would like to add that I won against the ants.”

“That’s because you picked the correct pathway,” replied Phinks while pointing at the man. “Plus it only happens when you’re angry.”

“Good thing you’re here so I always have a constant supply of anger.” Phinks lunged to strangle him but Feitan moved out of the way. Franklin and Shalnark had to step in between the teo’s playful fight.

My attention turned back to my friend. Her demeanor hadn’t changed even throughout the chaos. Her resting bitch face was terrifying in its own right.

“Fine,” I said while finally pulling away my hand. “Do you want details?”

“No. Are you alright?” Her question reached deep within my soul to bring up emotions that were pushed away for a few moments. My smile at the exchange between the troupe left my face. Machi loosened her grip. “What happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said while looking back at the circle. Phinks was arguing for his Nen ability some more to the annoyance of the rest of the troupe.

“You don’t have to tell me,” she said while moving my hair to cover the bruises section. “Just know that Illumi would be lucky to have you. Make sure he knows that.” My attention turned to Chrollo who was trying to calm Phink. Machi looked where I was watching and back to me. “Also, Chrollo is just as bad as Illumi. He’s… a lot sneakier about his deceit.”

I nod my head as a sign of understanding. I was free to date whoever I wanted but I knew that Machi was right. My past was consumed with men that negatively impacted me with the thought that I could fix them if given the chance. The amount of times I’ve cried to her on the phone could not be counted on two hands. “So-” trying to change the subject- “will you finally tell me about you and ponytail?”

Machi rolled her eyes at my comment and softened her stern look. “Fine. But not here. Feitan’s a sneak and a bitch.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Night time came faster than anticipated due to the rest of the team planning CHrollo’s actual strategy against an opponent that wants to kill him for sport. He’s supposed to meet this person at Heaven Arena within the next week. Chrollo refused to say his name for my sake but it seemed like the troupe was well acquainted with this battle that was happening.

Once the meeting had commenced, Chrollo made sure to pass me. He had passed me a note with an address and time. I was to meet him there and then for our ‘date.’

The time felt later than normal as I walked into a 24-hour coffee shop that doubled as a small library. Even though this wasn’t a real date, I felt underdressed. My change of clothes were lost many nights ago so I had to do with what I was wearing. It was stained and crinkled from time.

I wanted to order something but I remembered that my card was either at the Zoldycks or in my apartment. Illumi had paid for everything and taken care of my every whim. I didn’t have to think of money because he would know what I wanted even before I asked.

I found a seat in the back of the shop. Chrollo wasn’t there yet. By the phone’s clock, he was five minutes late. Since he was already late, my eyes wandered to the bookshelf that lined the back wall. I picked one at random and started to read.

“That’s a good novel.” My body, absentmindedly, turned to look at where the voice came from. It was Chrollo. He looked so much more normal or what his night look was.

“I started it while I was waiting for you,” I said while putting the book down. Chrollo sat down across from me. He placed his own book on top of mine. “What are you reading?”

“Nothing important,” he said. “It’s better I keep in beside me than anywhere else.” A few drinks were dropped in front of us. A black coffee for him and a speciality drink for me. “I ordered already. I asked Machi.”

I nod and take a sip. “So this is supposed to be a date?”

“No. This of it as a business deal.” Chrollo picked up his cup and took a deep drink of the pure, caffeinated drink.

“I thought you wanted to take me on a date,” I said with a fluttering tone. I would be the first to admit that in this attire, he was not bad looking. In fact, I’d call him extremely attractive. “Unless you want to go to the end of a good date.”

Chrollo chuckled while placing his cup down. “It seems that has already been taken care of.” My hand flies to my neck in a shameful realization that the bruises did not disappear in between my conversation with Machi and now.

“It’s alright,” I said. “We had some differences.”

“I could’ve told you that. People who don’t know the inner workings of this side do not couple up with those who do. There has to be an act of a higher power for the two to meet.”

I knew he was right. Illumi wouldn’t be the person that I would normally pick up in a crowd. Illumi was endearing but in the way a fly is attracted to the venus fly trap. However, once you get across the harsh mouth, there is a person worth love. No. Chrollo was using this against me. “You seem interested in me enough.”

Chrollo leaned in and placed his head on his hands. “No. It’s not enough. I’d love it if this was an actual date but I don’t steal an associate's girl.”

“I’m not Illumi’s girl,” I say. “Well, not anymore.”

“Then why did you ask Kalluto to come see you? Why do you seem so focused on seeing if he would come save you? Why do you now keep your phone on vibrating rather than silent like you did a few days ago?”

I clutched my phone a little tighter. “I need to hear my messages. Since someone stole my phone last time.”

Chrollo hummed while leaning back in the chair and taking another sip of his still warm coffee. “I wonder who would do such a thing to a pretty girl.”

“The one that would openly flirt with a taken girl.”

“So you are taken?”

His wordplay had trapped me. I stuttered before responding, “No. Not anymore.”

“What happened?”

“It’s not important.”

“Yes it is.”

I took a deep breath and sighed. I knew that he wasn’t going to leave me alone. “Fine.” I took a sip of my drink as a way of collecting my thoughts. “Illumi and I want two different things. I want to be treated like a person and he wants to treat me like an object. He wasn’t to hide me away and I won’t allow it.”

“An object? Interesting.”

“No. It’s not interesting. He taught me Nen so that I could save myself enough to not get myself murdered until he came to save me. He trapped me in a room for weeks. He brought me on a mission that I didn’t ask to be on. He asked me to marry him rather than answering any question that I asked. Illumi refuses to see me as anything but someone that is there. I am an inconvenience rather than a legit person. He’s marrying me because he thinks that I will be the perfect wife rather than he actually cares.”

My anger was starting to get overwhelming. Words were coming out of my mouth with registering from my brain. They were from the heart. “I can’t stay home with the kids. It’s insane how archaic his views of relationships fall. I’d rather him teach me Nen so I can join him. I don’t want to be a princess in a castle. I want him to fight for me. Illumi needs to be the one that wants this more than me and not leave when it gets too tough.”

“Why?” Chrollo’s voice interrupted my anthem.

“Because If I care for him so much, he should give me the same respect.”

“Sounds like you really like him.”

“No. I hate him.”

“I don’t care for the ones I hate.”

“Well that’s different. I want him to stay. I want to be able to touch him. I want to have full conversations. I want to feel as loved as the night he told me about his brother. I want to help him. I-I…” my brain finally caught up to what I was saying. “Holy shit. I do love him.”

Chrollo’s grey eyes finally matched the smirk on his face. “At least you’ll admit it. He’ll be at the match that I have with Hisoka in a few days. You can come along. I’m only taking Machi, Shalnark, and Kortopi. I know he’ll be there because Kalluto told me of a certain proposal that they made. You can tell him that he can join the team.”

“I-I love him,” I repeat. I hadn’t noticed anything that Chrollo spoke. My heart was still processing what my mouth had said. I worried so much about him that it was making me sick. He was the best part of my day even if I was angry with him. I wanted to be with Illumi.

Next Chapter

Previous Chapter

Full Masterlist

[musedblues]

Always Something There To Remind Me [Part: 1]

summary:  Home is where the heart is. You're working on finding yours. After a handful of misfortunes, your old friend Joe helps to unravel life's greatest mystery while adding a bit of extra grief to the mix.

warning: Major character death, mentions of car crash, angst, and general sadness

w/c: 2k

a/n: Proceed with caution this fic will probably break your heart. This first part deals with a lot of backstory. It's been really cathartic for me to start writing this. It will be my first full-blown chapter fic, so stay tuned for more sorrow! (but it gets sweeter, I swear!)

Part 2

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

"I'll just miss you." Joe cast his sad eyes to the airport gates. You would miss him too, but you knew you'd end up back together. You always seemed too.

"Just try and remember what it was like before we met. But don't forget to call me!" You teased, full of adrenalin that surged through your feet and charged you away from your home, family, and very best friend.

///

For a little while, you measured time before and after moving to New York. Your father split before New York. Your mother had a break down before New York. Then you moved. Your mother became a sought after wedding photographer in New York. You started and finished high school in New York. You made a very best friend in New York.

As hard as it was to leave Joe behind, that timeline was eventually skewed after you moved to Wales. You met Kris in Wales. Then, every single thing before Kris faded into relative obscurity. Even the dream you had in every place you lived before.

You wanted to play the piano. You played every dance recital, choir practice, and bar mitzvah that came across your highschool bulletin board. Through a series of whims after graduating, you decided to move to London to play the piano in shopping malls and hotel lobbies while waiting for better gigs.

Kris singled you out during a show one of those late-night low down venues and demanded you play some Eton John number. He utterly charmed you and raved about your talent, and showed up every night you were on the bill with another outlandish request. His request eventually blossomed outside of the musical universe. He asked you to come up to his hotel. He asked you to go to dinner. He asked you to move back to his home town, Wales.

You were hot on his trail, blinded by his pretty blue eyes and the fun you'd been having together. Kris played the guitar. He drove you deep into the lush green fields where sheep roamed between castles and posh shops popped up across the road from his tiny brick one-bedroom flat, where you moved in no questions asked. Kris took you to all of his gigs, which mostly consisted of county festivals and birthday parties. Kris eventually stopped opening party invitations to strictly play bar gigs. They would barely bring in enough money to pay rent, but Kris gained more of a following and he swore that was more important.

You picked up a job tending one of the more hip pubs trafficked by college kids and hardly any creeps. That's where you met Tegan. She had long dark hair, and you'd never seen her without a smear of dark eye shadow surrounding her big green eyes. She trained you on the drink specials and Welsh slang, and in turn, you told her all of your secrets.

Kris started traveling to bars in the surrounding cities, drinking more than he played the guitar but somehow scraping up enough money to go out and do it again the next night. You stayed behind your bar top and bonded with Tegan like a long lost twin. She understood you, and you respected her. Not only for her values and opinions but for the way she let you take extra long breaks to call your best friend, Joe. The one from New York, before Wales.

"When are you gonna come home?" Joe whined like a little boy through the cell phone static that represented the time and space between you.

"Why? You're never there. You're in L.A. and Australia and everywhere but New York." You laughed bitterly into the phone. You weren't upset with Joe at all. You just missed him. You missed walking across the street from your porch to his, to wait for the school bus. You missed ditching school dances to drive to Coney Island without telling your parents. You missed movie nights, and cheating on homework, and spying on each others dates from across your favorite diner.

Life was easier back then, and no not just because you were young and dumb. There was plenty of sadness. Like on your senior trip to Canada, when your drink got spiked. Or when Joe nearly died of pneumonia. The time you got kicked off the volleyball team for covering up one of your teammate's terrible pranks. And the time Joe got punched in the face and needed stitches, when some new bully moved into town and found out your best friend was the "whiny prick" from Jurassic Park. But you were together for it all, and that's what you missed. It was the way you could tell Joe anything and the way you made him laugh that coated your memory in a golden sheen. He visited you in London once. And you flew home one Christmas not so long ago, and celebrated with his family across the street, like always. But you hadn't seen Joe since you moved to Wales, and your vision was going grey around the edges.

But Kris was all you could see, anyway. He was outlandishly handsome. He read all your favorite books. He held your hand on rollercoasters and taught you how to cook traditional Welsh food. He listened to you play the piano and encouraged you to go out and perform. That was the whole reason you traveled overseas. He would ask you to play your keyboard when he practiced his guitar and you spent the majority of your time in that corner of the room where you kept your instruments. But Kris wasn't getting enough gigs, so your night shift was becoming more demanding, and you stopped practicing. He started to drink. He said it was because he felt bad for the way you'd had to pick up shifts to support the pair of you. So he decided to prove his musical worth by going out every night, booking gigs far and wide. Kris played new bars every night, one's you'd never heard of till he told you on his way out of the door.

Then he stopped telling you when he'd be home. Tegan would come over to keep you company on weekends. Kris would miss birthdays and holidays. Tegan was always sleeping on your sofa via your invitation. You traded stories about your favorite things and your childhoods. You talked a lot about Joe, because he used to always be around. Tegan listened, and eventually started joining you on weekly facetime calls with Joe. He was glad to see you'd made such a valuable friend and to talk to Tegan like he knew her just as well. He was still the best friend you ever had thousands of miles away.

Tegan took you on a trip, one odd summer day, calling it a distraction. When you ended up in Dan yr Ogof, you knew you'd made a life long friend in Tegan. The lush green park was decorated with life-sized dinosaur statues and the cafe on grounds served dino shaped nuggets. When you sat down to eat you facetimed Joe, and took him on a digital tour of the dinosaurs scattered around the entrance. He was thrilled that you thought to call and show off the wonder you were surrounded by, and seemed so sad to hang up. You wished he could be there to spew made up dinosaur facts and pose for pictures. But you had Tegan. She was all smiles, holding your hand while you toured the caves and admired the nature all around you.

In the years you'd lived in Wales, you'd never heard of Dan yr Ogof, but were glad to have wound up there with your Tegan. It was like the best of both of your worlds. When strolled around the park and found a couple fake velociraptor bursting from falsely hatching eggs, you just stopped and stared for a moment. Tegan came around to look at her paper map of where to go next, and you wished for an option to go all the way back to freshman year. When Joe was embarrassed to tell you about the movies he'd been in, and how normal every day felt doing homework at his dinner table. You missed that normality. You wished it was normal to see him... to see anyone each and every day.

You tried to fix that by calling your mom every morning. You rambled for hours and even kept your phone turned on behind the bar during shifts. Tegan worked with you most days, but she had her own life. You even stopped hearing so much from your best friend, Joe. Texts would be responded to too late and voicemails only reminded you how far away you were. Messages from Joe were peppered between a few from Kris, who would call you drunk with promises he'd be home soon.

The day's your boyfriend did make it to your shared bed, you would just be getting home at sunrise from a shift. He would be gone when you woke up, out to another gig.

Then Kris skipped out for a whole month, and wouldn't answer any of your calls. You tearfully sold your keyboard for cash to keep groceries in your cabinet but practically lived behind the pub counter to make sure you'd never run out of money again. Tegan took you out to dinner and to films, but movies made you sad. They reminded you of Joe, who you'd see pop up on the television screen more than you heard from him directly, by then. Tegan would ask about him, knowing your old stories were like stars in the black ink darkness, but she learned to stop asking. Why wasn't anyone around anymore? Your family and friends remained frozen in photographs on social media, and you spent Christmas alone in your boyfriend's house.

When he came back home all you did was fight. He refused to tell you where he'd been, and you snapped his vintage mandolin in pieces in a brokenhearted rage. You slept in the same bed but stopped speaking to each other, just floating through the motions like ghosts- for weeks. And then he was gone again. I could just leave too, ya know?  You realized. I could get up and be gone the next day. But where to?

You spent one long day on the phone with your mother, talking over what to do and how you felt and how much you missed Joe.  

"He's in London now. Didn't you know that? Has been for a while." Your mother gently revealed. She would have known because his family lived right across the street. Because his parents loved your mother, and she still attended every cookout and birthday party even after you moved away. The Mazzello's were more than just your neighbors. Your mother was privy to everything Mrs. Mazzello told her on their weekend shopping trips and scheduled brunches.

"I didn't." You breathed heavily. Maybe you should have known. Maybe Joe had warned you in one of his voice mails you'd let pile up.

"He's filming there. You should call him, Y/N." Filming meant staying. Joe was five hours away from you, but you'd never felt further apart.

"Well, I might not be here much longer anyway." You reminded your mother.

Something in your gut was telling you to get out of Wales, that there was no point in your sticking around. But what about Tegan? You would wither into a humorless husk without her banter from the other end of the bar top. What about those dog-rose flowers you planted outside of your tiny little home? What if Kris stopped drinking and you could start listening to records together again? You built a life here. You made friends with the women at the market and the men at the bank. You didn't even care if Kris's mother hated you, because he hated her, and you each got a kick out of every passive-aggressive Christmas gift exchange. But you'd barely spoken to Kris since the last time he left, and the days before then, you'd only swapped venom.

You mopped around the flat, wondering if you should dust the shelves, and considered how to salvage your situation. Soon, you dozed off on the sofa as the sunset and wished you didn't have to make up your mind.

You were awoken to a house without any lights on, and a pounding at your door. There was a muffled voice crying outside and your heart speed to a million miles a minute as you hurried to your feet and rubbed your tired eyes. You flipped on a light and opened the front door to find Tegan in tears, black makeup streaking down her cheeks. She threw her arms around you and mumbled cries into your neck. You managed to pull her inside and shut the door for a bit of privacy amidst her break down.

"What is going on?" You demanded calmly, holding your friend by her shoulders and looking at her face.

"You wouldn't answer your phone, I've been trying the whole way here." She explained in a rush, sucking in a shaky breath. "The car... your car. I passed it on my way home. I only knew it was yours because the guitar-shaped the air freshener was still on the mirror."  

"What?"

"I know it was your car. It's wrecked. It's..." Tegan stopped speaking to search your face. There was no time to wipe her black tears away before another one fell, she looked as if she'd seen a ghost.

"It's wrecked? You saw the guitar-shaped air freshener?" You confirmed.

"You weren't answering your phone," Tegan whispered gravely, as her lip quivered once more. Whatever she saw on the way to your place mustn't have been good at all. As you stood there watching Tegan's tears fall in silence, sirens started to whir in the distance.

Time froze to a halt as the noise grew louder and louder, piercing through your ears from just outside your window. Your heart was beating so fast you couldn't feel it until a few sharp knocks came at the door you stood next to. You didn't want to answer it. You didn't want to hear another word. But your instincts took over and you released your grip on Tegan, and opened the door.

A couple of stone-faced officers stood on your steps with no good news.

You came to find out that Kris played a gig that night, and the bar paid him in Guinness. Kris was well beyond the legal limit when he stumbled behind the wheel. Officials decided he must have swerved to avoid colliding with another vehicle and crashed through the rails of a bridge and onto the roadside below. Your boyfriend had been found without a beating heart, and yours nearly stopped at the news.

His mother blamed you for treating him so poorly, for running him off. Tegan only left your side for a couple of hours, while she went to collect a few things so she could stay over at your place. You planned a funeral and moved through the motions. But before you called your mother to tell her you were coming home, you called Joe. He didn't answer.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

[seriouslyhooked]

I Luv You (A CS HS AU)

Reader prompted CS High School AU oneshot where Emma and Killian are friends but Emma wants more. There’s miscommunication (Emma thinks he loves someone else), but ultimately a cute and fluffy ending. Available on FF here and AO3 here. 

A/N: Hey all! I have had quite a few of you ask for more high school AUs for Emma and Killian, and my muse rarely trends in that direction. But, after many many months of trying to find a story that worked, I stumbled across this song, ‘I Luv You’ by Sofia Carson and R3MIX. One of the lyrics has been stuck in my head on repeat, and I’ve thought of how wonderful it would be to incorporate into a CS drabble. As such, this story centers around Emma and Killian meeting in their senior year of high school. Killian is new to their school, having moved from the UK, but they’ve instantly clicked and prom season is coming up. Emma wants to go with Killian, but she’s aware that he might not be over someone else from his past, then, because I’m addicted to fluff, it all turns out to be a great big misunderstanding. Anyway, hope you guys enjoy and thanks so much for reading!

Everything’s going to be fine. I can handle this. I can get over him. Maybe? Someday? Oh God.

Closing her eyes and taking a steadying breath, Emma shook away the anxious thoughts that had clung to her for weeks. She didn’t want to linger in them, but she couldn’t let them go. Everywhere she went they followed, and there seemed to be no reprieve. As a result, she was a stressed-out mess, and her ability to hide her feelings was growing weaker and weaker by the minute.

“I don’t know why you’re so worried about this, Ems,” her friend Ruby said casually from where she was perched on Emma’s kitchen countertop, eating directly out of a tub of Ben & Jerry’s chunky monkey.

Ruby’s legs dangled as she swiped the last of the ice cream from her spoon greedily. She’d downed a full carton just this afternoon, the calories and sugar rush a non-issue. Emma knew if she tried that her mother would probably have a fit, but Ruby could get away with anything in the Nolan house. Emma’s parents had adored her since Emma and Ruby’s first day of kindergarten all those years ago when Ruby announced to the class that Emma was her ‘bestest friend’ and anyone who messed with her was ‘gonna know her wrath.’ At age five Emma had no idea what that meant, but to this day her Mom and Dad adored Ruby. She was loyal and courageous, and she’d lived up to her promise, proving to be the best friend Emma could ask for.

“I’m not worried,” Emma replied, but the declaration was hollow and lacked conviction.

“You’re gonna need to work on your acting, girl,” Ruby said with a sigh and a sad headshake, as if Emma’s attempt at seeming okay was just pitiable. “But seriously, all this stressing is for nothing. Killian is totally going to ask you to prom. He’s gonna swoop in with everything but a white horse, tell you he loves you, and steal your heart.”

“Ruby,” Emma whispered, chastising her friend but without much conviction. She wanted to reprimand Ruby for her fanciful ideas, but she couldn’t form more words in the face of someone stating exactly what she dreamed of.

“And honestly, it’s about time. You’ve been dancing around each other for ages. I mean I love a good slow burn, but this is just ridiculous.”

It certainly felt like Ruby was right, but Emma knew better than to believe that. No matter how many butterflies might take flight within her every time she saw him, or how many times her thoughts drifted to the handsome boy who’d become one of her closest friends, Emma knew that the feelings in her heart were one sided. Killian was in love with someone else, a girl back where he was from who he’d known before moving here. She still had his heart, and so Emma never could. She only wished that everyone else understood, maybe then they’d stop always talking like the two of them being together was a given.

“You’re one to talk. Dee, asked you to prom literally months ago, before prom was even announced.”

“Of course she did. She’s my girlfriend. Plus, she wanted to lock me down. I’m a hot commodity, as you well know.”

Emma rolled her eyes at Ruby’s antics. Her best friend loved to talk a big game, but since meeting her girlfriend, Dorothy, last year she’d been nothing but the picture of fidelity. She was smitten as could be and very much in love, but Ruby was determined to be considered a ‘wild child’ and Dorothy, or Dee, as everyone called her, was only happy to oblige.

“Okay well new rule, happily coupled off ‘besties’ don’t get to tell the single one not to worry.”

“Ugh, fine. But only because I love you and you used the word ‘besties’ with only limited sarcasm. I’m totally wearing you down.”

Emma bit back a smile and shook her head, but she was grateful for the out Ruby provided her. It wasn’t her friend’s natural instinct to walk back her opinion, and it showed Emma how much their friendship mattered to Ruby that she’d even try to do so.

“Also, I may or may not have agreed to be part of a conspiracy meant to distract you and then guide you to an important event that I cannot actually tell you about because I swore myself to secrecy.”

“Come again?” Emma asked, totally confused even as her pulse began to beat in faster time. Secret plot? What the heck was that? And why did she feel like it involved a certain hot, charismatic, and irresistible boy she could never stop thinking about?

“Wish I could explain, but that’s the whole thing about swearing yourself to secrecy, you kind of have to mean it. Mums the word, or whatever people say.”

“Ruby, what did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything except for making one teeny tiny little promise.”

“And that promise was…?”

“To make sure you stayed right here until…” she glanced at the time on the stove and smiled, “Now. All right, two minutes from now, but still. You get the drift.”

“Ruby, I don’t understand.”

“Emma,” Ruby said taking Emma’s hand and squeezing it gently, “You know I would never steer you wrong, right? I can’t get into it, but let’s just say there’s a reason I’ve been promising you that everything for prom would work out.”

Emma took Ruby’s words in and did the simple math: Ruby had been telling her not to worry about Killian asking because she knew he was planning to. He had told Ruby somehow, convincing her to help him with this surprise, and Ruby had agreed. It made Emma’s heart thump loudly in her chest over and over again, but then dread crept in. He was going to ask her to prom, but it was going to be a friend asking a friend. Somehow that was worse than not being asked at all. It would mean being so close to what she wanted, but still so painfully far away.

“Killian,” Emma whispered, her lips not daring to utter more than his name as the nerves took over.

“Yes, Killian,” Ruby said with a gleam in her eye, hopping off the table and straightening out Emma’s hair and her outfit like a personal stylist with a critical eye. “Don’t worry, you look totally kick ass, and so my work here is done. He’ll be here any minute, and I think it’s best if I get out of here before he does. Wouldn’t want to stifle any moments with my ever-present wit.”

Emma stood there in shock, watching her friend grab her bag and sashay out of the kitchen. Emma heard her retreating footsteps and barely managed to all out “Wait, Ruby!” before the front door closed. Ruby was gone, having departed the scene in a haste on par with that cartoon roadrunner she used to watch as a kid.

For a moment Emma warred with herself about what to do. She wanted desperately to wait here and to let him ask her. Maybe it would be more than a friend asking a friend. Maybe something had happened with the girl back home. Maybe he was free, free to love her, to choose her, to want her back… but then again maybe her greatest worries were exactly right. Maybe the nagging voice in the back of her mind that said something so perfect could never work out was correct. Either way she panicked, choosing self-preservation over facing what may come.

Leaving everything behind, Emma snuck out the sliding back door, breaking out in a run from the porch and heading into the thick grove of trees behind her home. There was a well-worn walking path that headed deep into the woods, and Emma knew it well, well enough to veer off of it and find her way to the one place she could imagine any kind of comfort at a time like this – the meadow.

Not far from her house there was a private glen that ran along the river, out of the way of any foot traffic that may come through the bramble of these woods. Emma had found it as a child, and for some reason no one ever seemed able to find her there. She could get lost for hours in that grove, enjoying the sun and the flowers and the sound of running water coursing by. It was close to home, but felt lightyears away and in that glen she could be anything and anyone. Her imagination was free there and her cares were far away. It was her special place, the one she never shared, the one she kept so close to her heart it felt like only hers. But then, on a whim, she’d brought Killian there, and though it was scary to do that, he’d reacted in the perfect way.

“It’s otherworldly, Emma. I can understand your love for this spot. I can think of no better place that I’ve ever been before.”  

Emma held back tears as she approached this little oasis, knowing that it wouldn’t hold the answers that she wanted. Instead it would likely just remind her of Killian, and all that she wanted but that they just couldn’t have.

The closer she got, however, the more Emma realized that something was different. It was early spring, but she saw bright colors from afar. They were similar to the wildflowers that bloomed in May and June, but it was too early for them. Only when she got closer did she realize what was happening. The flowers here were real but were not wild. They were an assortment of every kind of blossom she’d ever loved and they had been placed by someone, filling the space in an attempt to recreate the most magical moments this meadow had to bring.

It dawned on her that no one would know to do this but Killian, and as she got closer Emma felt the tears brought on by his sweetness. By the time she was at the meadow’s edge, tears were streaming down her face, and she didn’t bother wiping them away as her hand came over her mouth.

There must be thousands of flowers here, and Emma had no idea how he could have possibly done this. Where would he even find so many flowers? And how could he have time? It would have taken him all day to do this, and so much longer to think of it. This was so much effort to go through for a friend, it almost made her think that she had to be wrong. He must feel the same. He must –

“I had pictured this going a little differently,” a voice said and Emma whipped around to see Killian, looking at her with a warm smile. He was genuinely glad to see her, but the bashfulness on his face was unmistakable and it made him look even more handsome. That earnest feeling mixed with seeing him dressed up, well it drove her a little wild, but she didn’t dare to move, waiting for him to approach her instead. “But I should have known you’d find your own way. You always do.”

“Why?” Emma asked, and Killian’s brow furrowed before she elaborated. “Why did you do all of this?”

“Because you deserve nothing less,” he countered, taking her hand though his blue eyes stayed locked on hers. “I did this because I’ve been wanting to ask you something for a very long time. I’ve gone back and forth about when and how. I wanted it to be right, but I couldn’t decide how. It’s just – well it’s complicated. Us being friends, it’s amazing and I’ve never had someone in my world like you, and I was afraid I’d muck it up, so I…”

He trailed off, his hand scratching behind his ear in a show of embarrassment and Emma swallowed down the hurt as best she could. She had been right. This was a prom proposal based in friendship, nothing more. He didn’t feel the same. He didn’t want her. He was just kind and good and perfect and he wanted to give her a lovely memory even if he couldn’t give her his love.

“Emma Nolan, will you -,”

Before he could get the words out Emma interrupted him, afraid that if he asked she’d break down in front of him and give herself away. This was a nightmare right now and she couldn’t bear it. “Killian… I’m sorry, I can’t.”

Before he could respond, she sprinted back towards the house, tears falling as she raced through the backwoods. Through the haze of her adrenaline, she heard him call her name, and then she felt his hand on her arm, halting her, holding her steady.

“Emma, love, I don’t understand. Have I done something? Is there…” his voice grew fraught and tense. “Is there someone else?”

“Of course there is!” she exclaimed, “But not for me. For you!”

“I don’t understand,” he replied, looking genuinely perplexed.

“Of course you don’t,” she said, a sad laugh emanating from her as she waved her hands in dismay. “I love you, Killian.”

“I love you too,” he replied immediately, and she shook her head.

“No, not as a friend. I love you. Like for real.”

“Emma, I feel the same way about you. I’ve been trying to tell you forever, but every time I tried you shut me down.”

“I had to,” she cried out. “Because you’re not over her.”

“Over who?”

“Merida.”

“Who?” he asked, sounding completely unaware of the name of the girl he loved.

“You know, the girl Liam’s always reminding you about.”

At the mention of the name Killian still looked confused and then he laughed. Wait, he’s laughing? Why is he laughing? This is serious! Before she could get angry though he pulled her to him, distracting her with his nearness as the sound of his voice washed over her.

“God I could kill my brother for this, but I haven’t got the time. Emma, ‘Merida’ is not some long-lost love I’m pining away for. She’s a seventy-six-year-old Scottish woman who used to be our neighbor.”

“Oh.” What else was there to say? Clearly she’d been an idiot.

“The only girl I’ve ever pined for has golden hair, jade colored eyes, and a bit of a temper.”

“Hey, I don’t -,” Killian interrupted her with a kiss she never saw coming, but that Emma immediately melted into. How could she fight with someone when they could do this instead? God it was perfect, everything she’d ever dreamed of, and even more he loved her! He’d said he loved her right? Oh please let her have heard that right. She waited when they broke apart, hoping he’d reiterate the words she’d always craved.

“She’s also brilliant and beautiful and bold. She’s kind and honest, fair and good. She’s always looking out for the people who she loves, and by God when she smiles at me, it’s like heaven itself made just for me.”

Emma looked at his face, searching for any trace of deceit, but there was none. He was pouring his heart out to her and laying it all on the line. It was just what she’d always wanted.

“I love you, Emma. I knew I would from the moment that we met. It’s you Emma. The girl I can’t get over is you, and I have no plans of ever trying. You’re it for me. I know we’re young, but I don’t care because -,”

This time it was her turn to pull him for a kiss, and she couldn’t help herself. After months of wanting him, he was finally hers, or maybe he had been all along. It felt so good to finally have this, to know that the dream she’d been waiting for was even better than her imagination could fathom, and only when they broke apart did she realize what this meant.

“Oh my God I messed everything up,” she said, hiding her face in his neck in embarrassment. “You tried to ask me to prom in the most romantic way and I ruined it.”

“I wasn’t planning to ask you to prom, Emma.”

“You weren’t?”

“No, love I was asking you to be mine, just as I’m yours. But as for ruining things, surely you must know you never could,” he said, his fingers running through her hair as he gazed at her adoringly. “You’ve made this the best day I’ve ever known. You told me you loved me. You let down the last bit of wall that was separating us. Everything’s been said now. There’s no secrets, no more doubts. You know my heart and I know yours. I couldn’t ask for more. And as for prom, if you want to go then we’ll go. I want to be wherever you are, Emma. For me it’s just that simple.”

“I want that too,” Emma said, kissing him again and feeling the lightness and joy that came with love that was reciprocal and true. After all the heart ache, they were together, and Emma knew their love would be forever. No matter what may come, or where they went from here, they were just meant to be. Always had been, always would be.

And though they spent the next few hours surrounding themselves in their newly found bliss, they eventually concurred that prom was a must. After all, Ruby would kill her if she didn’t go, and with Killian by her side it was bound to be a night she’d always remember and never forget.  

…………….

You the type of guy to write a song about You're laid back, nobody know what's on your mind We been talking for a while now (We been talking for a while now) And I been falling for a while now You say that everything with you is fine Even though we're always hanging out I get the feeling that you're not around, yeah

We were always up to something Now you're all in your head

I love you But I wish it wasn't true 'Cause I know you think of her When I'm lying next to you I love you And I don't know what to do 'Cause you can't get over her And I can't get over you

You the type of guy to tell your mom about You're laid back, but running circles round my mind I been falling for a while now (I been falling, I been falling, I been falling) But you been lying for a while now You say that everything with you is fine Even though we're always hanging out I get the feeling that you're not around, yeah

We were always up to something Now you're all in your head

I love you But I wish it wasn't true 'Cause I know you think of her When I'm lying next to you I love you And I don't know what to do 'Cause you can't get over her And I can't get over you (I can't get over you)

I love you And I don't know what to do 'Cause you can't get over her And I can't get over you

Post-Note: So there we have it. I hope you guys have enjoyed this little drabble, and to my lovely readers who always ask me for more bisexual Ruby representation, I had you guys in mind with this one too. I know it’s a very short feature, and I am usually very committed to the Ruby/Graham pairing, but I’m happy to share the love for everyone that I can. I wish the show had developed a lot of these characters and relationships more, but hey, there’s always fanfic! Anyway, thank you all for reading and hope you have a great weekend!  

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9,Part 10,Part 11, Part 12,Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24,Part 25, Part 26, Part 27, Part 28, Part 29, Part 30, Part 31,Part 32, Part 33, Part 34, Part 35, Part 36, Part 37, Part 38,Part 39,Part 40, Part 41, Part 42, Part 43, Part 44, Part 45,Part 46,Part 47, Part 48, Part 49, Part 50, Part 51, Part 52, Part 53,Part 54,Part 55, Part 56, Part 57, Part 58, Part 59, Part 60,Part 61,Part 62, Part 63, Part 64, Part 65, Part 66, Part 67, Part 68,Part 69,Part 70, Part 71, Part 72, Part 73, Part 74, Part 75,Part 76,Part 77, Part 78, Part 79, Part 80, Part 81, Part 82, Part 83,Part 84,Part 85, Part 86, Part 87, Part 88, Part 89, Part 90,Part 91,Part 92, Part 93, Part 94, Part 95, Part 96, Part 97, Part 98,Part 99,Part 100, Part 101, Part 102, Part 103,Part 104, Part 105,Part 106, Part 107,Part 108, Part 109, Part 110,Part 111, Part 112,Part 113, Part 114, Part 115,Part 116, Part 117, Part 118,Part 119,Part 120, Part 121, Part 122, Part 123,Part 124, Part 125,Part 126, Part 127, Part 128,Part 129,Part 130, Part 131,Part 132,Part 133, Part 134, Part 135, Part 136, Part 137, Part 138,Part 139,Part 140, Part 141, Part 142, Part 143, Part 144, Part 145,Part 146, Part 147, Part 148,Part 149, Part 150, Part 151,Part 152, Part 153, Part 154, Part 155, Part 156, Part 157, Part 158,Part 159, Part 160, Part 161, Part 162, Part 163, Part 164,Part 165, Part 166, Part 167, Part 168, Part 169, Part 170,Part 171,Part 172, Part 173, Part 174, Part 175, Part 176,Part 177, Part 178, Part 179 , Part 180, Part 181, Part 182, Part 183, Part 184, Part 185, Part 186, Part 187, Part 188, Part 189