#made this listening to wrabel's good on repeat

[mykashg]

baby, let a good thing be good

[chinon]

hey if you havent yet pls go listen to "the village" by wrabel rn you need to trust me esp if youre transmasc ok

[thinking-upside-down]

A Rant (Do Not Read If You Are Having A Good Day)

1.26.19 I just don’t want to ruin your day if you’re having a good one. Good days should be cherished, and just because I’m not having a good day doesn’t mean I should ruin yours. Moods can be contagious. So here is a warning. Today was my sister’s dance recital. Recitals are about three to four hours long, and during them, my mood is one of three things, and it changes multiple times during the whole thing. 1. I zone out and think out stories and scenarios in my head (generally when I pay attention to the music). 2. I am paying full attention to a dancer or many dancers. This is usually when I know someone on stage or when I see someone who looks nervous, and I try to send encouraging telepathic thoughts. 3. I am seeing all of this feminity and picturing myself on the stage and then feel really bad and sometimes feel like puking. I don’t hate recitals, especially when my sister comes out (she’s really good). They give me time to think. And I love supporting my sister, who already supports me entirely in my transition. Oh, by the way, I know I said in my last post that I was going to stop talking about trans things. Well. Sorry about that. It’s kind of a huge part of my life and affects me constantly. Yeah. My sister also dances with a girl who is the sister of an old friend of mine. Long story short, this old friend was not always good to me, and our friendship fell apart. I’ve never held my ex-friend accountable for anything, and I still am not mad at them at all. I don’t know how they identify. They were a lesbian using she/her pronouns last time I talked to them, but that was a little less than two years ago. But they cut their hair this year (like I did). At the end of the recital, all the dancers come out to the stage to take bows. Each class comes up to take a bow, and their relatives, friends, significant others, etc. have the opportunity to give hugs and flowers and other things. The sister of my old friend stepped up, and my old friend gave her flowers. This was the first time my dad and grandma saw them with their hair cut short. After the recital ended, the three of us went out to the car to wait for my sister and mom. My old friend and their family walked past our car to get to theirs. And then my dad made a really big deal about how boyish my old friend looked. And it wasn’t in a nice way. I noted that it was likely intentional, and my dad made a noise of disgust. He is a registered Republican, and he still has not accepted my hair. My grandma then thought of this as a perfect time to chime in saying, “If there’s one thing [my birth name] doesn’t look like, it’s a boy.” She would respect me if I came out, but she doesn’t suspect and constantly reminds me of “what a pretty girl” I am. I have been listening to “The Village” by Wrabel on repeat since I got home and started this post. I should be sad. I can deal with sadness. Bundle myself up in a blanket with a good book and turn on some calm instrumental music. Turn on some lights, build a blanket fort, have some apple juice. I’m not sad. I’m furious. I am ready to scream, but I can’t get myself to do it. I’ve got five years of building anger in me, and I can’t let myself let it all out. It’s been building up for over five years. So all I know to do with anger is write a blog post and angrily lip-sync “The Village.” SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I am a boy. I am a boy. I might not look like one yet, but I am a boy. One day, I am going to be so happy with myself. I will be the person I want to be, and I will be seen as the person I am. The boy I am. To anyone who’s in the same situation . . . I don’t know . . . come up with some sort of motivational self-talk like the one in the last paragraph. Angrily lip-sync some music. Do. Not. Self-harm. I’m angry right now, but I love you, and I support you. I promise I am here. You will find what you’re searching for. You will. And I’ll help you the best I can, which might not be a lot, but I will try as hard as I can. Here’s the music video of “The Village,” if you want to watch.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tilsrO-3gcQ That’s my rant. There you go. Have a nice day/night. There is an answer; good luck finding yours. - Thinking_Upside_Down