#made me think about ''I'm probably nonbinary but I have a job so idc about that''

[cryptic-rainfall]

still not really sure how I feel about I saw the TV glow. I watched it thursday night and from how folks here were talking about it I assumed I would like it more, that it would resonate with me more I guess? it was one of those movies that had me thinking, and it might have influenced my dreams. it's a pretty dreamlike movie so that isn't too surprising, but that doesn't mean it resonated with me, and walking away from it I didn't really like it, it was ok.

HOWEVER, in the past few days I've been researching getting a new binder (a prospect I had all but given up on for the time being), I read through many reviews and even followed a youtube channel that does binder review videos (I am very selective with following), and just 20 minutes ago I found myself watching a "masculinize your voice" video so! I think I saw the TV glow did it's job! it did what it set out to do!

[haze-of-hyperfixations]

Hi! 👋 Do you have any lgbt+ hcs for asoue or atwq? 🌈 :)

Hi! 👋

Thanks for the ask!! Here's some of my headcanons:

ASOUE:

Violet - bi. also i think it'd be funny if she had crushes on both Isadora and Quigley, and made some comment about "hey, maybe i have a type. or something." meanwhile her siblings are like. violet. they are identical.

Carmelita - aro. doesn't realize this until way after canon (assuming the entire unfortunate gen survives for the sake of both the post and my feelings) because she genuinely never considers that romantic attraction is like. a real thing. she thinks everyone's just being weird about dating because they're just weird like that. and she's totally better than them anyways, so she doesn't really give it any more thought for a while. she basically avoids the entire self-questioning stage like that, and it isn't until a while after canon, once she's kind of had a redemption arc and kind of formed some kind of connection with other characters, that she's just arguing with someone one day about something to do with romance, and the other character is like. uh. actually that's not universal and i think you might be aro. and she kind of has to process that for a few minutes. but she ends up basically going "oh, so it's not everyone? it's just me? that's awesome." also modern AU Carmelita would make those posts that are like, pink hearts and sparkly, elegant cursive saying stuff like "romance is dead and i killed it." (i just googled it, it's called aro lovecore.) anyways, post-canon aro Carmelita. :)

Isadora - trans girl. and she's unsure of her specific orientation, but knows she definitely likes girls.

Quigley - ace. questioning both gender and romantic orientation, but probably somewhere under the nonbinary umbrella. and possibly bi. listen just let the kid figure stuff out post-canon. where's that post that goes "i'm probably nonbinary but i have a job so idc about that right now". that's Quigley but the job is not dying and processing childhood trauma.

Sunny - post-canon, older Sunny also gets hit by the aro headcanon beam. i just think it'd be really neat.

not a lot of thoughts on the sugarbowl gen, except possibly pan Beatrice Baudelaire and aro Sally Sebald? idk, I think about the unfortunate gen a lot more, ha.

ATWQ:

Moxie - possibly arospec? okay, admittedly i just thought of this headcanon now. but arospec Moxie would add an interesting layer to her dynamic with Ellington and Lemony. especially if you interpret the Lemony/Ellington as onesided, with Lemony being the one with the romantic feelings. because like. platonic jealousy over your best friend's crush (who doesn't reciprocate, but maybe she does, but who even cares? not Moxie.) is an interesting dynamic. because Ellington Feint contrasts her in a thousand narrative, thematical ways that other people could write about better than me. but Lemony's also kind of infatuated with her, and she gets that slightly romanticized place in his narrative that Moxie doesn't. and of course that could lead to additional resentment. and some of it's jealousy, some of it's anxiety, some of it's frustration, but the whole thing could lead to really interesting internal conflict. especially after Lemony leaves, and the other kids have to figure out a new sense of normal after all that. idk. interesting thought.

Ellington - lesbian. also just thought of that one now, so idk. but i've been kind of on the fence for a while about the Lemony/Ellington thing and all it's ambiguity. my current headcanon is that it was onesided on Lemony's side, and that Ellington didn't have any romantic feelings for him. and i need to reread the books, i love them so much and it's been a little while, but yeah, Ellington being gay is a neat concept, i think.

in conclusion, i think basically all of these characters are Very Much Not Straight, but the ones listed were just the first ones i could think of!

thanks again for the ask!! have a great day, and happy pride month!! :)

[sw4tch]

yeah I'm probably a man but I have a job and every stressful situation is put on me every day so idc about that rn

I keep having this thought but I'm like "but do you REALLY want to be a man???" and I just go. no??? I mean

I want to be something vaguely shaped like a beautiful man but.

uhm.

my whole life I've felt like. a weird fuck up pretending to be a girl. pretending to be a Woman. when I dress "girly" it feels like I'm cosplaying and doing Badly at it.

every other woman I've met in my life has been beautiful and secure in her identity of being a woman. a Real one.

I've always felt like an outsider looking in, trying to fit in and being the odd one out. I don't know what it feels to be a Real Woman because I feel like a fraud. Someone who has been pretending to "Get It" their whole life

So, I keep thinking that. uhm. I feel like a transman that dreams of one day being a real woman. (which is a weird thing to feel like, isn't it?)

like. I wish I could be a cis woman. I wish I could be naturally beautiful and wonderful and sexy and Womanly.

but that's just an experience I'll never have. being a woman is a far away dream I'll never experience.

so I'm just me.

and nonbinary still feels like a comforting word to me. being nonbinary is a soft comfort and it sets me apart.

being a third, secret thing, is very correct to me

but also. I want. to be More.

I want to be weirder and for it to be More Obvious that I'm Weird and not a woman to the eyes of the world

bcus otherwise I feel like a fraud

I want people to see me and see a masculine looking freak, who's also weirdly feminine

that's an odd description.

I want true androgyny. I want to be too beautiful to just be a Man. I want to be too manly to just be A Woman. I want to be ME.

but.

but I'm not any of that.

I'm just an ugly woman to the world (which is the worst thing you could be! (sarcasm))

I wish people noticed me. I wish I didn't fade into the background. I want to be loved and desired. I want to be loved for being me. Monstrous, fucked up, horrible ME.

is that so much to ask? can a monster ever truly be loved? without being asked to change?

sometimes I truly wonder what kind of person I would be if at 8 yo I hadn't been torn into pieces and put back together as a broken little thing. would I feel like a woman? would i still Be a woman? what would I be if womanhood hadn't made me a target of a horrible fate?

I can't reconcile that. I can't think about that too much. or I'll feel sad.

reclaim it they said. but there's no reclaiming anything of that part of me. there's no good spin to it. something precious was taken from me and I had to grow like a scab around it. but that makes for a broken construct cosplaying as a person.

or perhaps was it because I am (potentially?) autistic, since apparently that's something that runs in the family? is that where the disconnect comes from? do I feel weird and alien because that's what autism does to your brain?

who knows.

who knows.

gender is a scam, never get into it.

my gender is "some guy" and it brings me comfort.

still, I wish I could be someone beautiful. oh well, not all dreams are meant to be.