#made a promise to myself that i'll write at least 1k a day

[veilofvliens]

Chapter 1

The world was far too big and all too small for the girl in the car.

The trees went by so fast they began to blur, but the moon stayed steady and stationary, not moving at all.

Oh how she wished to live like the moon; changing, day by day, in small, barely noticeable ways, never the same for long, but always constant in the way it's always there in the sky, even if you don't see it.

Alas, fate's humor is dark and her longing wish seems farther each day.

And today is the day it seems the farthest.

58 kilometers far to be exact.

58 kilometers behind her is the home she lived in for more than 10 years.

And 8 kilometers in front of her is the "Welcome to Seattle" signboard that seemed fatalistic in it's bright but faded colors.

Seattle had done nothing to her, yet she hated all that it stood for.

Hated the schools it boasted about where she knew no one and would be all alone. Hated the streets that she has never walked before and held none of her favorite shops. Hated the vast number of stores that she had to explore, on a quest to find comfort she couldn't in her home. She hated that everything was new and she couldn't find an ounce of familiarity in any inch of this new city.

A little girl with pigtails stomped her glitter covered shoe in her ribcage; again and again, saying the same thing again and again in a pitiful tantrum; *i hate it, i hate it, i hate hate hate hate hate hate hate it*

*i want to go home* she whined.

*oh little one, it doesn't exist anymore* her jaded older self thought.

*the home you were born into is now an empty apartment that will be filled with another's life soon*

*you have to build a new home for the first time in your life*

*i don't want to, that's not how it's supposed to be* the little girl stomped

*and to that i reply with grief's words "oh, but that's how it is"*

tears swam in the little girls eyes, and dribbled down in thick drops, as big as the pearls her dad says they are

the older girl blinks her own dry eyes quickly

the little girl, safe in her chest, can cry all she wants without a second thought

but the older one that sat unguarded in the car had her parents to worry about

parents that would dive in with their recorded positivity that couldn't drown out their wails of regret no matter how loud they turned up the volume

she didn't rebuke her parents for their decision

she knew that they didn't have a choice

but at some point in her past years, when she was that little girl in pigtails, they had a choice

they had the choice that they didn't have now

but perhaps they never did

they never stood a chance against their own disposition

they were a crooked slave to themselves

they resented their actions and performed some more

you can't change who a person is, she had learnt

but if she could only have one wish for her entire life

it would be to make it so that she could

no

people are a product of their place

the place they grew up in, their place in the arbitrary societal hierarchy

no

if she could only have one wish for her entire life

one wish that all the gods, all big and small, had to grant

she'd wish she had the power to change

change her fate

change her parent's past

change the world

she wish the world was as malleable as the dirt it was meant to be

and her hands, so slick with tears, could create people and places and pasts and presents

all with a twist of her wrist

the power, the security that no matter what happens she had the means to change would save her from so much heartache, so much regret, so much pain

*but that would make you god, and you are but a mere mortal, it is mortal fate to feel regret and pain and feel a heart break*

*then let me be god* she thought *i am made in his image am i not? let me be god, i do not want to be human*

*this humanity that was spoken of, that was gifted at the price of Prometheus's liver, this humanity that is innate and humane, is not as kind as my teacher taught me it was*

*the way most humans are, you would think humanity is a synonym of tyranny, of cruelty and needless violence, humanity is wars and wins, humanity is dynasty's that fall beneath pride, humanity is stolen pleasures and unpaid debts, humanity is greed and hunger, humanity is fear for an after where our consequences finally affect us,*

*humanity is hubris with a soul*

*the soul makes it salvageable, does it not?*

she dismissed the voice with a shake of her head

*does the fact that a human, no matter how cruel, still has a soul, not leave a chance for redemption?* the voice persisted

*their idea of redemption is a 5 minute prayer and a disregard for religion outside of their benefit*

*they seek shelter in the arms of their protector in times of danger, is that so wrong?*

*they seek shelter but do not follow the rules of the shelter, every religion has only common rule; be kind to all, and yet the one thing that one is, regardless of religion, is unkind*

*unkindliness prevails more than death*

*do you presume you can avoid death if you are kind?*

*i assume less people would be afraid of death if they were kind*

*most of the fear stems from the judgement they'll face, if they're kind, make the effort to be unfalteringly kind, they wouldn't be afraid of judgment*

*do you think most are purposefully unkind?*

*that's what i see*

*so it is your presumption, you're set of traits that you compare them against, that yields the result that they are unkind*

*...i guess*

*are you not being unkind here then?*

*such is the plight of being human i guess*

*cop out*

*you aren't even real, shut up*

*you're the one who listens, no?*

*shut up*

[jtl07]

For the ask 🌟

4. a story idea you haven’t written yet

9. start to finish, how long did it take you to write the last fic you posted?

17. talk about your writing and editing process

heyhey!! so fun of you to play - super appreciate all your support btw ❤️

4. a story idea you haven’t written yet

omg there are so many ideas - my prompts doc is so long now 🫠 but hm, this question says "yet" which implies that i will be writing it, to which i'll mention that i have another post s2 amnesia … ish story that i'm building up to writing. it's a bit complex and i know it's going to be long, so i a) won't say anything more than that lest i jinx myself and b) won't promise anything re: when it might be posted - though my soft goal is for the end of this year. it's forcing me to do some actual planning which is definitely different for me - well, at least since i picked up writing fic again. (i used to plan meticulously, then went full vibes in recent years, so it's strange, plotting things out)

i will say that i'm actively working on two fics that are very different in tone but are similar in that they've been a challenge in figuring out what the heck is going on. one's a post s2, "Ava comes back … different" fic, the other's a fluff proposal fic. both are very much kicking my ass in different ways and hopefully will be posted soon!

9. start to finish, how long did it take you to write the last fic you posted?

because i'm a nerd, i can give you actual stats on this! cooking with my (dead) mom took 26 days to write, at a total of just under 10 hours. i made the doc on Nov 24, and noodled on it over the holidays, a little bit in January and March (the primary focus was i see you clearly now), but the bulk of the time writing was in May when i was like, goddammit i need to finish this

17. talk about your writing and editing process

it's mostly vibes really - i mentioned i have a ton of ideas and i'm usually flittering from one idea to another. it's when i start going back to an idea multiple times that i start really paying attention to it.

depending on the fic, i might have an outline (e.g. often with the "[number] times character does X" fics, i have a rough idea for each of the sequences) but even then, i go in knowing that things will change because i just let the vibes take me where they will. sometimes i have a specific theme (every leaf that falls, pocketful), sometimes i have no clue what i'm doing (leave it all behind, i see you clearly now), and sometimes it comes out all at once (another little peace).

i edit as i go - i started doing a thing called "cycling" where i go back and read something i've already written, editing that section then continuing on. sometimes i'll write linearly, but often with anything over 1k, i'll jump to different sections. because of the cycling, i don't usually have a lot of editing to do once i'm finished (i see you clearly now didn't take me that long to edit at all - i'd allotted several days for it, but it only took a couple hours).

i will always let the fic kinda "simmer" before i post though, meaning i'll go away from it for a couple minutes/hours/days (depending on the length of the fic) so i can come back to it with fresh(ish) eyes. i'll copy pasta into ao3 and preview, which is usually my last read through. then voila, a jtl07 fic is born!

[fragileizywriting]

camp! woo yeah!! camp!! here are my goals for this month!!

i'm going to be working on saudade de sol for this month, as well as try to post a couple of locker talk and sharks and sugar fics that are probably going to be very short. just little things. appetizers. there's a lot of fics i want to write but i've been stuck in this loop of not being able to move and it's really making me disoriented, but the best way to get out is pushing through.

not to mention with school and family, it's a miracle that i'm even attempting this. i have a biopsy result for a family member coming in on tuesday that just might make or break us, honestly.

anyway, my goals for this month are a little confusing, i know, but i promise i'll do my best to explain what's happening here.

okay, so, my real goal for this month is the yellow project, and that's to write 30,000 words for april. that's like 1k a day. which is... a lot for me right now, but i can't commit to anything higher. not really. this is already very high for me. life just gets to you sometimes.

the red and dark reds are my upper and lower limits for saudade de sol that i want to hit. meaning, by the end of this writing event, i want to have reached at least 120k with this fic, and maximum 160k. it's easier for me to keep track of it if they're considered separate projects like this, so i can look at the bar moving.

here's what i learned with myself-- if i have one single goal that i put all of my energy into, if i don't reach it, i feel miserable. however. working on three different goals at the same time means that i have a better chance of reaching one of the goals.

does this sound confusing...?

tl;dr: i want to write a minimum of 30k this month, a second goal of 40k, and a maximum of 80k. which is possible, of course, because i've done it before last year. i made three separate folders in my nano account to keep track of my three goals: 30k, 40k, and 80k. one of these is bound to happen.

anyway. more locker talk and more sharks and sugar coming your way while i work on the real project for this month

( ; ω ; )