#lyrics: ''the ordinary world'' by the hit house

[bbydoll18xx]

How Do I Get to Heaven?

'Without changing a piece of me, how do I get to heaven?'

Paige Bueckers x reader

Word Count: 1.8k

Themes: angst, slurs, religious trauma, HAPPY ENDING i promise

A/N: hiii so this one is super angsty and sad. I've been going through a rough time, and this is my way of coping. I kinda touched on these subjects in 'She's Such a Good Girl' part 2, and this is similar. I was obsessed with 'Heaven' by Troye Sivan when I was like 15-16 and the lyrics hit a little too hard. If you're gay and were raised in a religious household, I suggest taking a listen.

~

“He’s a fuckin’ faggot!”

“Hate the sin, love the sinner.”

“Those kinds of people are going straight to hell.”

Your face remained neutral. It had to. But you had years of practice, and while you were internally sobbing at the bigoted remarks, there was nothing you could do to stop it. So you stayed quiet, and you maintained your usual look of disinterest. 

Running up the stairs, you finally make it into the safehaven of your bedroom. You shut the door quietly, trying to avoid seeming as if anything is wrong or out of the ordinary. Nothing could possibly be wrong. You were the perfect child; straight As, never in trouble, and you always were eager to help out around the house. But you were harboring a dirty little secret that threatened to rip you from the grips of being the golden girl of your family. 

Sobs wracked your body as you slid onto the carpeted floor of your room. What had started off as an innocent dinner had turned into a nightmare. Slurs were thrown around casually, and unbeknownst to your family, you were the unidentified target. Your sexuality was the reason you had become an empty shell of a person, riddled with fear of accidentally outting yourself. And the anxieties you felt were bubbling up, threatening to ruin the perfect image of yourself that you had crafted for your loved ones. 

This wasn’t the first time. And it surely would not be the last. 

Your family had always claimed to love you. Your childhood was a happy one, but you feared the truth would break everyone. And even if they found out and still claimed to love you, you knew they would always see you differently. Gone would be the girl they knew, and their eager touts would be replaced with hushed whispers. You’d forever be known as “the gay one.” And you fucking resented that.

So here you sat on the floor, trying to quiet your sobs as you mourned the loss of the life you once knew and the people who would eventually turn their backs to you. 

Summer was ending, and soon you would be fleeing back to college, where your guard could be let down just enough to show the world a glimpse of who you really were and who you really wanted to love. 

There was just one girl who you wanted to love you back.

Paige Bueckers was your best friend. And she was so very gay. 

Since meeting her at the beginning of freshman year, she had pulled you out of a darkness that had resided in you since you had realized your feelings towards girls. It did not take long for you to fall madly, head-over-heels in love with her, but you had vowed to ignore it. 

Even if there was any hope of reciprocated feelings, you knew deep down that being in love with a girl would mean having to come out to your family. And you were just not ready for that. You weren’t sure if you would ever be ready for that. 

The thought terrified you. You knew you were willingly inhibiting a possibility of incredible happiness and love, but because it was at the risk of losing your loved ones, you were shutting it all out. 

‘Fuck. I really need therapy,’ you think miserably. 

That was the understatement of the century.

~

The new school year starts, and Uconn’s campus is ablaze with excited students and the possibilities of what is to come. You are finally starting to feel like yourself again, and the second your parents leave your apartment, you don a t-shirt plastered with Diana Taurasi’s face on it. 

You could finally get your gay card back.

A loud knock rings through the empty apartment, and before you could get to the door to answer it, Paige is peeking her head through it, a huge grin covering her face. 

She wastes no time barreling through the room, sweeping you up in a hug and spinning you around. Your feet leave the ground, causing your stomach to flip, and your legs automatically wrap around her waist for leverage. 

“Someone missed me,” you giggle, feeling breathless from being back in Paige’s tight embrace. You had been dreaming of this since you last saw her, back in July. 

“Course I did,” she chuckles, voice muffled against your hair. “You glad to be back?”

You groan. “Fuck, yeah I am. Lookin’ forward to not hearing some slurs for a bit,” you say, fist-pumping the air with a dramatic roll of the eyes. “And I’m especially looking forward to not having to listen to Fox fuckin’ News,” you add, pretending to gag.

Paige’s eyes rake over you, and she pouts, already knowing how your family could be. She had listened to your endless rants and your pathetic cries for the past three years. 

“I think you should just move in with me after this year ends. That way you don’t have to put up with that shit. Then we can be together after graduation,” she says earnestly. 

This was not the first time she had proposed this idea. And while you were internally jumping at the idea, the fear of how it would look to your family made you shy away. Paige wasn’t exactly the most straight-looking girl. Living with her would make things complicated. Your covert feelings had no place in a situation like that. 

You sigh. “I’ll think about it, P,” you promise, linking your pinky with hers, as you always did. 

~

Christmas break quickly rolls around, and Paige’s words are still playing in the back of your mind. Your feelings for her had grown, as if that was even possible, and having to leave her and the safety and warmth that came with her, was agonizing. 

Sitting against the hard back of the pew in your family’s Catholic church, you look around, thinking about how these people would be okay with you burning in hell forevermore. The familiar feeling of shame creeps back into your chest, the flames licking at your wounds. 

You wanted to run and hide. You wanted Paige. 

The Christmas activities persist, and amongst the holiday cheer and piles of gifts, uncomfortable conversations emerge, and you shrink back to your room, desperate for respite.

You felt so fucking abandoned. This was supposed to be a time to enjoy with your family, and instead you were hiding.

There was one person, though, you knew would not abandon you, and that was Paige. Her presence was enough to lessen the sting of the inevitable rejection of your family, and in that moment, it was enough. 

Pulling out your phone, you dial her number, longing to hear her voice, all the way from Montana. Christmas break could not end quickly enough. 

Paige’s smiling face is soon on your phone screen, but it falls as soon as she sees the tears falling down your cheeks and your wobbling bottom lip.

“Oh, baby, what happened?” She asks in a hushed whisper, voice full of anger and concern. 

“They hate me,” you cry. “They fucking hate me, and they don’t even know it yet.”

Paige sighs, trying to find the right words. While she had always had acceptance from those around her, she knew how difficult it was for you to be at home, and she desperately wished to take away your anguish. 

“I love you,” she stresses. “And I know that doesnt fix your family treating you like shit, but soon you’ll be back and everything won’t seem as shitty, I promise.” 

You nod, wiping at your eyes with the sleeve of your sweatshirt. 

She loved you. And you knew that. But you wanted her to love you in the way you loved her. For now, you would take what you could get.

“Just a few more days,” she assures, and you feel the tiniest bit better.

Just a few more days. 

~

The start of the new year always engenders change, and you had promised yourself as the clock chimed to signify it was midnight that this would be the year you would hike up your big girl panties and figure out your shit with Paige. Your senior year had to slow down, and Paige’s proposal had been in the back of your mind since August. 

If you could get over your stupid crush on her, things would be all good and dandy, but your efforts to eradicate her place in your heart were futile. You had mused it over nearly a million times. Maybe you’d eventually get over her, and maybe she would have some bizarre habit that would inevitably give you the ick, ridding you of all romantic feelings toward her. 

You could only hope. 

You pump yourself up on the way over to Paige’s apartment, encouraging words forming on your lips, leaving a trail of fog from your warm breath against the cold air. 

You knock on her door, cheeks pink from the frigid temperatures of Connecticut in January, grateful that it hides your blush. Paige opens the door, eyes wide and hopeful. She always looked so damn alluring. 

Your words leave your mouth before your chary mind could overtake you. “I want to move in with you after school ends. I can’t go back to living like that.”

Paige’s features twist into a smile, and she pulls you in for a hug. “Gonna take such good care of you,” she whispers, and you believe her. Your arms wrap around her middle, anchoring you to the floor. 

“I should probably tell you, though,” she trails, her voice getting smaller as she takes a deep breath. 

You look up at her, confusedly. “Tell me what?”

“I love you. And not just like as a friend. So if you don’t want to live with me because of that, I get it,” she mumbles, eyes trained on the floor.

Your breath quickens at the realization. Paige loved you. And the thought of being a colossal disappointment to your family and potentially cast out did not seem to matter as much anymore. Because here was someone who loved every part of you and accepted the good, the bad, and the ugly. 

The look of shock swiftly morphs into one of unbridled euphoria, and without another thought, you pull Paige in for a kiss. It was filled with the pure longing and want of years of uncontrollable urges and repressed thoughts, and it nearly made all the shittiness worth it.

Pulling away, Paige links her pinky with yours again, just as she had back in August. It was an unspoken promise of love. And while you knew the journey would be inexorably difficult, Paige was worth it in the end. 

~

dang that was rough lol but thanks for reading as always:) I really hope this wasn't too triggering or anything for anyone. This has been such a nice outlet for my pain and anger, as I really don't have anyone to talk to about this stuff. I am here for everyone who can relate. My inbox is open if you guys ever want/need to talk

xoxo katy

[beom-pyu]

like the moon ☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★ huening kai

huening kai x gn!reader , tags; mermaid!kai , human!reader , modern fantasy au , fluff , courting , slightly inspired by the little mermaid ofc , rejection , angst , getting together ? in a mermaid way , mates/soul ties , reader is sleep deprived , taehyun is a smartass , totally not stealing outfit inspo from sugar rush ride as an addition to the plot wdym haha

warnings: making out , reader's gender isn't specified but you wear dresses , near death experience? reader almost drowns

a/n: hiiii! sooooo i tried something a little different this time for my fairytale-esque fantasy lovers??? lmk how u guys feel about it :] i hope you enjoy!!! (edited but not beta read so pls excuse any mistakes aaaa)

wc: 8.4k+

you love the ocean more than anything else in this big, wide world. you treasure the crisp air and the salty, but comforting scent of the atmosphere,  the way the rays of the sun would bounce off of the rushing waves and onto your skin fills your heart with an uncontained warmth, and the sunset reflected on the surface brings you a sense of serenity. you have loved the ocean since you were little—growing up on the coast, the sea was basically your backyard.

your mother had nicknamed you “droplet” from the way you would always run into the house dripping with ocean water, spending most of your days out at sea swimming—your favorite thing to do was pretend to be a pretty mermaid, chosen to protect the reef from any bad guys nearby. the ocean is your home, your sanctuary… where you belong.

ever since you moved towards the inner, bustling part of your town, you have made it your mission to visit the beach every few days if you can, whether it be to stay for three minutes or three hours. so here you are, stepping onto the sand with bare feet in a secluded area of the beach, jacket discarded on some random rock, notebook and pen in hand. you prefer writing your lyrics out here; the sounds of small waves hitting the shore and the occasional squawk of a passing seagull always seem to calm you, letting you release any tension in your muscles. you have been overworking yourself lately, staying up all night to produce and write songs, barely having any time to yourself to just be.

you settle down into the sand, resting your back against a washed-up long, and from there, you let your pen do all of the work. the air is a bit harsher than usual, the breeze whipping around you, knocking the bottom of your dress up slightly with the movement. you cross your legs, digging your toes into the sand as you look up at the sky—it’s a dull gray filled with heavy clouds making their move toward your small town. 

a faint frown makes its way onto your face; a summer storm must be coming soon. the clouds are still a ways away though, so you bask in the small time you have left to relax, writing down a few more lyrics as you listen to the quiet song of the sea. 

words flow easily onto the page as you let your train of thought take the reigns, a familiar serenity washing over you. the wind, although slightly aggressive, feels nice on your skin—it’s a little clammy outside, the humidity of summer lingering in the atmosphere. everything is hushed, peaceful, and you think you can fall asleep right here on the shore.

the calmness in your body only lasts for so long—your body snaps to alert as a loud, echoing shriek interrupts the quiet. you tuck your legs into your chest as your eyes scan the beach, but nothing seems out of the ordinary, save for a forgotten towel a little further down the shore and the heavy clouds above you.

you squint a bit as you look out onto the water and a beat later, you notice a head peek out from under the deep blue surface. it’s not alarming in the slightest, though—divers do frequent this area during this time of year. brushing it off, you let your body relax as you settle back against the log, watching the diver go back under the water.

for a while, things go back to the way they were, your pen writing down as many lyrics as possible, tapping your foot in the sand as you hum a quiet tune to yourself. figuring out melodies has to be your favorite part of songwriting—hearing the words on your page come to fruition is a beyond-satisfying feeling. it isn’t until a few minutes later that your groove is heckled once again, that same shriek you heard before ringing through your ears. 

your eyes immediately find their way to the water, your heart nearly stopping in your chest as you lock gazes with the same head you saw a moment ago.

you’re quick to realize that whatever you’re seeing isn’t a diver. the man, or rather… creature has emerald green eyes, almost glowing as they glare from above the water, its dark hair wet and pressed down against their forehead. something akin to white, fish-like scales line the side of its face, flashy and sparkling. you can’t see the rest of the face due to the waves, but the head goes back under before you can fully process what you just saw.

you’re frozen still—those unnaturally green eyes send a chill down your spine. there’s no way that was just a diver, or a passing fish. whatever it was, it freaks you the fuck out. maybe you’re just imagining things. you’ve been running on less than three hours of sleep a day, staying up late to write and produce. you have over 20 commissions to complete in the next two months, so to say you’ve been neglecting your health would be an understatement. thinking of the fact, you decide it’s best to head home early; not only to avoid the soon-to-come storm but also to possibly squeeze in a quick power nap before the all-nighter you’re about to pull.

shooting a quick text to taehyun about how you’re so looped out, you’re starting to hallucinate (and receiving a lengthy scolding of a text back), you make your way home—and you don’t let yourself look back onto the water after a third noise sounds from behind you. must be a dolphin mating call.

or something like that.

the clouds have parted for the sun the next day you make it onto the beach. the wind is still persistent, but it’s not as bad as the day before, so you simply zip your jacket up to your neck as you walk through the sand. you didn’t bring your lyric book today—partially because taehyun had chastised you over the phone about your workaholic tendencies—but you really just wanted to relax. there’s a slight crook in your neck from the awful sleep you had last night, your eyelids heavy and your movements nearly sluggish. this lack of sleep has really been doing a number on you, but you know the sound of the ocean waves can help you de-stress, even just a little bit.

as you make your way to your usual spot against that big, washed-up log, you notice things sparkling in the sand right where you normally sit. you tilt your head in confusion, making your way over with a little more ferver in your step.

a small circle of pretty shells rests in your secluded spot, sparkling as the sun hits their smooth surface. they twinkle like stars in the sky and you can’t help but gasp at how beautiful they are, luminescent and bright. in the center of the circle sits a small, rusted gold necklace with an attached hand-carved pendant—the symbol is a crescent moon with faint initials at the bottom that you can’t quite read. you look around to see if anyone is around to claim the necklace, frowning a bit at the deserted beach. someone must’ve forgotten their things. 

you take a closerlook at the beautiful array, running your fingers over the awe-worthy shells—and one, in particular, catches your eye. it’s a pristine white, so rich you’d think it were manmade. it glimmers as you gently pick it up, holding it up to the sunlight. the color reminds you of those scales you had seen above the water the last time you were here.

it’s odd—whatever you imagined seemed so vivid and true. you can still physically feel the intensity of those green eyes, sharp and prying from where they watched you over the colliding waves. the sight had been so jarring that when you closed your eyes to rest that night, a pair of verdant ones glared back at you in the darkness. you don’t get enough sleep as it is, but you were barely able to get a wink of it with that image in your head.

you take a good look at the shell one last time, declaring it too beautiful to leave here all alone on the deserted beach—you slip it into your tote bag before taking a seat a few feet away from the necklace, just in case anyone comes back to retrieve it. the waves are gentle as they crash onto the shore, leaving seaweed, pebbles, and little crusteaceans in its wake. the sound is lulling as you settle your back against a nearby rock, letting your eyes slip shut to bask in the peaceful bliss.

you may have underestimated just how tired you really are, because as you blink your eyes open with a tiny yawn, you realize you had fallen asleep. the hidden gleam of the sun has moved towards west and you aren’t sure how long you’ve been here, but the uncomfortable pain in your lower back from the sharp rock behind you is telling enough.

it isn’t until you hear a small, surprised noise next to you that you actually will your brain to wake up. the scream you let out at the sight of a man crouched down next to you is absolutely embarrassing—especially with the way he simply fliches back a bit, his eyes widening at the sudden noise.

his eyes.

they’re a shockingly vivid green, round and dilated as he blinks owlishly at you.

they look incredibly familiar.

he seems to be just as startled as you are, and as your vision focuses a bit more, you notice the pearly white scales that sit on his face, glistening in the sunlight. tiny, pointy fangs peak out from his slightly ajar mouth, his black hair fluffed up and sun dried as it falls in waves on his forehead, framing his face prettily.

he’s very pretty.

but holy shit—you gasp as he blinks at you again, finally remembering where you’ve seen those eyes from.

well, this is great. you are so sleep-deprived that your imagination has now festered into some sick lucid dream. 

wake up, y/n! 

the man—the thing—seems to sense your disarray, a quiet noise sounding from the back of his throat as he reaches out to you with furrowed brows. you jump, moving back from the sudden movement, eyeing the fangs that rest on his bottom lip. 

oh god, this dream feels all too realistic and now you’re about to get eaten by some sexy monster man! this is why it’s important to have a consistent sleeping schedule, y/n!

you can hear your heartbeat in your ears as he stands to move in front of you—from this angle, you can get a good look at his figure. he’s incredibly tall, with long legs that go on for miles. his frame is covered by a tatted black and white sweater that just barely hangs onto his shoulder and a satchel across his frame, his upper body completely exposed to the slightly chilling air. he wears loose white shorts that reach just above his knees, littered with holes and tears—as if they had been washed onto sea after a treacherous journey across the ocean. that gold necklace from before rests in his hands, the chain dangling down and clinking softly in the wind. it must be his, you register. you open you mouth to defend yourself as not-a-theif—but you’re quickly cut off. 

he doesn’t speak other than to hold out the necklace to you with a small and insistent noise, his green eyes flitting quickly between yours. the pounding in your chest is incredibly persistent, every single bone inside of your body urging you to not take it—but your hand seems to have a mind of its own, reaching up to grasp the damp gold, your fingers shaking as they brush over the green-eyed man’s.

you can see the way his eyes glimmer as you warily hold the necklace against your chest, your breath stuck in your throat as he digs around in his satchel again. there’s no way you aren’t dreaming, everything seeming like a haze around you as you inspect the scattered white scales on his cheekbones, eyeing the fangs that slightly peek out from his mouth which leave shallow indents on his bottom lip.

his head turns towards you again and you feel your neck heat up from being caught staring, your gaze shooting down to your lap. you squeeze your eyes shut, willing yourself to wake up from this lucid dream, ignoring the way you can hear the man so clearly shuffling around in front of you.

you’re lucid dreaming, y/n. you really shouldn’t have eaten right before bed! wake up, wake up, wake up.

you count to ten in your head before you open your eyes again, flinching back as you find emerald green staring directly into yours. he’s kneeled down in front of you now, one of his hands in the sand next to your foot, his head cocked curiously as he scans your face—his thick, black hair falls into his eyes messily and up close, you notice the tiny beauty marks littered across his face and neck, the way his lips are bitten red, and the steady rise and fall of his chest.

so you aren’t dreaming? then that means… 

the man is cautious as he raises a hand to his chest, pressing over his heart before he bows to you. your mouth is dry—what the hell is going on?

you have no time to think before he lifts his head again, gazing up at you through his impossibly long eyelashes, the tiniest shadow of a smile slipping onto his lips. 

“i am kai.”

his voice is clumsy and horse, almost as if he doesn’t use it much, and a heavy, unknown accent paints his words as he speaks. the white scales on his face gleam in the sunlight and you find yourself slightly intrigued, wanting to reach up and feel them, but stopping yourself from doing so.

the man… or rather, the creature seems gentle enough—if he had planned on biting your head off, he surely would’ve done it by now. you let your guard lower as you sit up a bit, the necklace still clutched tightly between your fingers.

“my name is y/n,” you respond quietly—and the way his face lights up is absolutely blinding, a broad gleam taking over his initially shy smile, his scales twitching in an almost cute way. you watch as his hand drops from his chest, moving into your space to cup the side of your face. your body immediately tenses at the unexpected touch, a noise of surprise leaving your lips.

he leans forward as if to kiss you and a surge of panic courses through your body, cringing away from his hold—but he does no such thing. instead, he rests his forehead against yours, mumbling something in an unrecognizable language as his eyes flutter shut. you’re frozen in slight shock, but the lack of fear in your body confuses you to no end. you should be trying to run away from this strange creature, but instead, you feel… relaxed. a calm washes over you as his skin touches yours, feeling yourself be lulled by the quiet words he speaks to you.

when he pulls away, the grin is still on his face, running his finger down your cheek before moving out of your space. you try not to acknowledge the slight emptiness that fills your chest at the loss of touch, a faint and warm trail lingering from where is finger had traced.

“you took… you took one of m-my shells,” kai speaks with an eager bounce in his tone, gesturing toward your tote where that glimmering white shell still remains. your eyes follow his hand, quickly reaching for your bag to pry it open and search for the shell.

“oh, i’m sorry! i didn’t know it had an… owner…” you trail off as his eyebrows furrow, his lips twitching downwards as you grab the shell out of your bag. “you can have it back if you want…?”

the creature’s eyes comically widen, shaking his head at your words. he pushes your hand back towards you, a small whine emitting from his throat. 

“gift,” he states firmly, nodding towards the shell. you look down at the shell quizzically, everything slowly piecing together in your head bit by bit.

“you… did you leave all of those shells for… me?”

the bright smile quickly returns to the creature’s face as he nods fervently, his scales rippling in excitement. while you finally got answers to the weird phenomenon, you’re still full of bewilderment—what is this creature and why is he giving these gifts to you out of all people? it simply makes no sense.

“for you,” kai confirms, leaning into your space again now that you seem to understand. you catch the way his verdant eyes flicker with an emotion you can’t quite read. 

offering him a genial smile, you gently place the shell back in your bag. “thank you… but… why?”

the creature cocks his head, confusion overtaking his charming features at your question. he turns his head to glance back at the water before meeting your gaze again, pointing in that direction. 

you blink at him a few times, trying to understand what he’s referring to, but nothing comes to mind. seeming to sense your puzzled state, kai reaches into his satchel again—his eyebrows are furrowed with concentration as things clink and clang around in the bag. all you can do is sit and watch as he hums with contentment, pulling out a tiny metal ring before setting it in the sand before you.

you gape at the object, glancing down at the ring and back up to his eyes a few times—because if this is what you think is happening… and if this isn’t a dream… then you’re definitely hallucinating. you aren’t ready to get married! especially not to some strange being who clearly doesn’t know the concept of personal space.

“what is… what is this?” you ask quietly, your voice wavering slightly. kai smiles at you, nodding towards the ring gently.

“for the humans to know y-you are my mate, y/n.”

you blink at him, feeling your breath catch in your throat.

his what?

“i’m sorry… i’m not your… uh, mate. i—i think you’ve gotten me confused with someone else…” you begin slowly as you move to stand and get the fuck out of here; something you should’ve done when he first approached you. kai is quick to shake his head, his vibrant eyes dulling with something melancholic and heavy, reaching out to grab onto your bag so you can’t go.

“i am not confused. you are my mate,” kai speaks desperately, still kneeling down with the ring now slightly buried in the sand. you don’t know what type of creature he is, or what is even going on, but you are certain this doesn’t have anything to do with you. 

you’re a human and he’s a… whatever he is. there’s no such thing as mates. he’s surely one hell of a hallucination. next time, you’ll actually listen to taehyun’s lecture about the side effects of sleep deprivation and too much caffeine intake.

“this is… this is crazy. i have to go,” you respond sharply, ripping your gaze away from his distraught eyes—something in your heart pangs deeply at the pure sadness on his beautiful face, your gut twisting with something sticky and vile.

kai’s fingers hesitantly let go of your bag with a quiet, pained noise, shrinking in on himself as you give him one last glance before quickly heading towards your car. 

when you take a glimpse back to the shore as you begin to pull off, the man is nowhere to be seen—except for a slight glimmer of a white scale disappearing beneath the tide.

for the next few days, it rains—thick and heavy clouds cover your small seaside town, drenching every bit it can reach. the beach is closed off due to high tides, the waves all too harsh and cutting to be safe for visitors. being cooped up in your apartment is starting to drive you crazy—you already miss the salty smell of the water, the softness of the sand between your fingers…

and the calming touch of the strange creature you encountered.

it’s something horrible in the way that this… thing has been overtaking your mind, tainting your mind with emerald green every passing second. every time you sit down to write a new song, your pen develops a mind of its own; going on about the ocean’s waves, and glittering white scales, and vibrant eyes. it’s like a curse, the way you can only think about kai and nothing else.

after ruminating in your thoughts as the rain continues to nearly flood your town, you’ve come to the conclusion that kai wasn’t a hallucination. that shiny white shell sits nicely on your dresser, right next to the gold necklace you had been so selflessly gifted. 

you try not to let the guilt eat away at you—the creature had been nothing but kind to you, but the uncertainty is too much. what, with the talk about mates, the gifts, and that eerie calmness that overtook your body as he whispered those foreign words to you… it sounds like something straight out of a fairytale. 

it’s late when you settle into bed, your laptop resting in your lap as your phone sits on speaker next to you—they say curiosity killed the cat, but you need answers. sleep be damned.

“so what you’re telling me is that a strange, sexy man with scales on his face gifted you random shells and an old ass necklace before claiming you to be his mate?” taehyun recaps through the phone, voice coated in monotone incredulity. it sounds absolutely ridiculous when he puts it that way, but you’re having a hard time believing it even happened yourself, so you can’t blame him.

“i said a strange, sexy creature, not man.” 

the line is silent for a second.

“y/n… i know you’ve been stressed lately, but don’t you think it’s time to bring these delusions to a licensed professional—”

“taehyun, this isn’t a delusion! it actually happened!” you huff out, resisting the urge to roll your eyes. you try to put yourself in his shoes—if your friend told you they’ve been approached by a majestic creature, you’d also recommend them to get help—but you know what you saw. what you felt.

“that’s exactly how delusions work, sweetheart. we may think things are real, but—”

“hold on, shut up. listen to this,” you click on a link to a news page set in your town, the article dated back to 2007. “two foreign aquatic creatures were spotted near the shore on june 6th, at approximately 3 pm. they are described to be humanoid beings, with scaly, fish-like features.”

“y/n, that’s literally like every fish ever.”

“since when were goldfish considered to be ‘humanoid-beings’,” you quip, actually rolling your eyes this time before you zoom in on the blurry pictures provided on the site. It’s hard to make out in the 480p photo taken from a distance, but there seems to be two people, a male and a female, washed up on shore. they have long, shiny fish-tails that glisten in the way the scales on kai’s face did, their torsos completely human save for the gills on the sides of their neck. 

it’s all too jarring, all too real—and in your mind, right then, it clicks.

“please don’t tell me you think—”

“i think he’s a mermaid, taehyun.”

back when you were young, still the little “droplet” everyone knew, your grandmother would tell you and the other kids in your town stories about how she once fell in love with a mermaid when she was young. they’d met on the same beach you frequent and pursued their love in hiding. she’d go on and on about how he was the most beautiful person, or rather, creature she had ever laid her eyes on. how he was gorgeous and alluring—and the way his green scales sparkled in the sunlight.

you seemed to be the only one to ever believe her stories, even in the slightest. you already loved the sea, and the prospect of mermaids, real-life mermaids, inhabiting the waters you adored so much intrigued you to no end. you would stay at the shore with your grandmother after all the other kids had gone home for dinner, begging her to tell you more stories about this mysterious mermaid who held her heart.

she had said mermaids were forbidden to interact with humans, let alone be with one—but the two of them didn’t care. they had believed their love was too strong for even the wind and sea to tear apart. she spoke of how after the fishing industry became prevalent in their town, she had begun to see him less and less, until one day, he had stopped showing up at all—thus being the dull end of their story.

thinking back on her words now as you stare at the pixelated photo, things slowly begin to come together in your brain. he’s a mermaid. he has to be. there’s no other explanation.

“you’re still stuck on that? you know your grandma once told me a watermelon would grow in my stomach if i ate the seeds? i was scared for years, y/n. years! i don’t know if she’s the most reliable source—”

“this is the only thing that makes sense though,” you mumble as a pair of bright green eyes fill your thoughts.

it’s like something is calling you from deep inside your soul, something anguished and distressed—and it’s calling you back to that beach. you know answers are there. even if this all turns out to be some weird, ongoing delusion, you need to find out the truth—for your own peace of mind. (and maybe taehyun’s as well, seeing as he’s still rambling on about his fear of being pregnant with a watermelon.) 

and in all truthfulness, you want to… need to see those eyes one more time.

it’s a horrible idea. actually, it’s in your top 10 most stupid y/n moments.

sneaking onto the shore is easy enough. there’s no lifeguards on watch, or any lingering public safety employees as you step onto the sand. only a sliver of it is visible—even your usual spot is covered with water as the waves crash against the shore with untainted vigor. the rain is heavy, grimly pouring from the sky in buckets. your jacket isn’t doing enough to block it from seeping through the fabric, making your clothes cling to your skin uncomfortably. 

honestly, you pitched yourself to be smarter than this–-everything in your body, ever nerve and muscle screams at you to run around and go home. there’s no point in trying to prove something that simply doesn’t exist. they say the human body can only run on so much sleep before you start to feel out of character; and you already feel like you’re outside of your body.

it’s like you’re in a trance, under a spell as your feet keep on walking, your vision completely focused in the darkness of the night as you scan the water for anything. it feels like something inside of your body is calling for someone, the feeling profound and wretched to the point where it makes your heart heavy and raw.

that feeling tugs you like a magnet, past the public part of the beach and to a more vacant, woodsy area where trees and bushes reside, the branches hanging over and dipping into the water, leaves being whipped up by the unforgiving breeze. you’re close—you can feel it, deep inside your soul.

the waves are unrelenting as they tumble over eachother, some shallow ones hitting your ankles and splashing up your legs—and you’re too out of it, too entranced by whatever song is singing inside of your chest to watch where you’re going.

you trip over a rock hidden in the sand, falling over yourself as your already drenched form becomes soaked with ocean water, the harsh waves tumbling over you as you try to sit up. you’ve always been a great swimmer, phenomenal even, but the storm has turned the ocean into something wicked and unlawful, pulling you further and further into the water the more you struggle against it.

you’re tugged into the rip before your brain can process it, having only half the mind to call out for help—but it’s not use. the waves are too loud and the pouring rain drowns out any and every noise in the breeze. it’s too dark to see anything and you can already feel yourself tiring out as you fight to stay afloat. 

the ice cold water does wonders to sober you up from whatever hypnosis you were under and now that your mind is clear, true panic and terror sets deep into your chilled bones. you’re going to die out here, in the hands of something you have loved since you were a child. things really do come full circle, don’t they?

the full moon resting in the condensed sky is the last thing you see before you completely black out.

you feel it before you even open your eyes. a heavy, burning hand on your back and a heated finger trailing down the slope of your nose. your entire body is warm from head to toe, your cheek cushioned by a soft, cotton-like material. a captivating voice sings a gentle song in words you can’t understand, the volume just under the perpetrator’s breath—the sound is almost completely muted out by the roaring sea outside.

the roaring sea.

you inhale deeply as if you’re searching for air that’s nowhere to be found, sitting up quickly with labored breaths. your eyes automatically lock onto a figure—an all too familiar figure with worried green eyes and luminous scales and soaking wet hair that drips water onto the sand.

kai.

you fling yourself into his arms despite both of your wet clothes. his touch is grounding and comforting as you bury yourself into the crook of his neck, holding onto him tightly. he doesn’t speak as his arms hesitantly wrap around your torso, his hands smoothing down your back in silent consolation. only then do you register the thick sweater that is strewn across your shoulders—it’s the same one he had on that first day you met. 

the thought makes your eyes brim with slight guilt. he has just saved your life, even after you so rudely ran away from him. you want to apologize, but nothing comes out as you finally break away from the embrace. he won’t meet your eyes, and that fact alone makes your heart wrench.

“how did you… how did you know i…?” the words are stuck in your throat as you gape at him, trying to not let your eyes wander down his exposed clavacle where a few more shiny scales reside. kai’s pretty, pretty emeralds are sad—the kind of sad that radiates off a person and spreads to everyone nearby. your gut clenches. he’s quiet for a few beats before his hand moves to his chest.

“i… i can feel it. your fear,” he whispers, his hand resting over his heart as a visual communicator. you don’t know what to say, any words that come to mind die on your tongue just as quickly as they appear. your silence is incredibly loud as kai’s bottom lip trembles, hastily standing to his feet. your eyes follow him as he take a couple steps back, creating distance between the two of you. your body immediately goes cold, feeling a harsh shiver run up your spine, wracking your entire body.

“i am sorry,” kai mumbles solemnly, looking down at the sand below him, his hands folded tightly in front of his body. you’re still shivering despite the sweater draped across your shoulders, staring up at him as you wrap your arms around your body.

“why… why are you sorry?” you inquire, feeling your heart pang at the whine that leaves his throat. he won’t meet your eyes and you already find yourself craving to see those vibrant irises again.

“you r-rejected me as your mate. i must leave you alone now,” kai nearly whispers as he strictly keeps his eyes trained in the sand. he should be cold in his sopping clothes—this heavy wind and pouring rain outside of the small cove is enough to freeze just about anyone—but he seems completely apathetic to the weather. 

an ugly, weighted emotion rips through you at his words, mentally cursing your past self for being so rash about it all. you don’t know the implications of “rejecting” a mate, but with the way kai is weary of stepping any closer to you, you’re sure you’ve done enough damage to last a lifetime.

“kai—i’m sorry about what i said. i’m still confused, but…” you inhale deeply, watching the way his scales sparkle with the reflection of the moonlight on the water. he’s truly gorgeous. “i’m willing to listen if you want to teach me. about what all of this means… about yourself.”

you can physically see the way kai’s breath hitches, his body tensing up as he just barely lifts his head, emerald green peeking through his dark shaggy hair. kai’s eyes meet yours and you feel something akin to relief wash over you. he seems to be waiting for something as his eyes glimmer with hope and hesitancy, so you give him an affable smile, warm and inviting, before patting the spot in front of you.

kai’s scales ripple as his weary demeanor softens, quickly moving to take a seat in the sand. he mirrors your position, pulling his legs up to his chest, your feet almost touching from how close he is to you. your heart stutters a bit as he watches you, his gaze filled with so much infatuation and mesmerization, it fills your stomach with knots. 

“what would you like to know, y/n?”

the way your name rolls off of his lips, sounding oh, so elegant coated in his unnamed accent makes your head spin. his moles are placed perfectly on his unblemished skin like stars at night, his eyes shining like the moon herself. 

“i want to know what you are,” you start, speaking quietly so that only he can hear your words. kai smiles at you, his pearly fangs showing themselves once again. they aren’t so scary now—not with the way his hands are so delicate as they mindlessly draw shapes in the sand or the way his scales ripple once again as enthusiasm overtakes his body. 

“i am a mermaid. the sea is my home.”

the words would have surprised you, had he told you the very first time you two met, but now they simply settle the uneasiness in the pit of your gut. it all makes sense now. the scales, the eyes, the shells, and his fantasy-esque features… he’s a mermaid. 

you inhale deeply to collect your thoughts—the fact that this is all real is too much to take in at once. you look down at your own feet buried in the sand, shivering again at a harsh gust of wind. your heart rate picks up as kai lets out a soft sound, reaching up to adjust the sweater around your shoulders, running his hand down your arm before retracting. the touch that lingers in his fingers’ wake is incredibly warm, feeling it spread throughout your entire body. you want to feel it again.

“i… i thought mermaids aren’t supposed to be seen by humans,” you nearly question as you find his eyes. something sharp flashes through them, as stormy as the night sky above, and you feel your breath catch in your throat.

kai glances away as he thinks for a moment, his pupils shaky as the words strike him. he’s tensed up again and you begin to think you’ve said the wrong thing.

“you don’t have to tell me, kai. i’m just… i’m just glad you’re here with me right now.” your voice is incredibly gentle as you coax him to look at you again, watching the way his shoulders slowly relax at your tone. he doesn’t look at you, though—his eyes stay trained on a random rock, his fingers twitching from where they sit in the sand. he’s quiet for a bit as you two sit in a light silence, the sound of the fierce rain and the rough waves outside filling in the space around you.

it isn’t until he takes a deep breath, those emeralds on his face absolutely glimmering when they meet your eyes. there’s no smile on his face, but his eyebrows are slightly furrowed and his eyes are so incredibly sincere, you feel it pierce through your heart like a sword on fire.

“you are my mate, y/n. i will do anything for you,” kai speaks, closing his eyes for a second. “even if i had to betray m-my coven to find you… my life is for you. nothing else matters.”

his words invoke a deep stirring inside of you—the urge to reach out and caress his face, to hold onto his hand, to feel his skin—it’s untameable. it’s as if a flame is ignited inside of you as he opens his eyes, hearing your heartbeat pound incessantly in your ears, watching the way his scales flicker as they reflect the moonlight. his eyes are entirely dilated as he scans your face, the vibrant green of his irises overtaken by his dark pupils—you feel completely bare despite being fully clothed, vulnerable like a butterfly pinned to a board.

it’s only then does he move, untucking his legs to kneel on one before you—almost an exact replica of the way he had bowed to you the first time you met. he reaches his hand out to you and without a second thought, you take it, letting him pull you both to stand. his fingers are ice cold, but a warmth spreads throughout your body like wildfire, a soft gasp leaving your lips as he tugs you closer. he lifts his other hand to rest on your cheek, his eyes flitting in between yours. 

when he leans in again, you’re ready, your eyes slipping shut as he presses his forehead to yours. you can feel his breath on your lips, the sensation sending tingles down your spine. he’s silent for a moment before he whispers something in that enchanting language of his—even though you can’t understand what he’s saying, his timbre is like a lullaby, filling your head with cotton and stardust.

“i… do you feel it?” kai whispers as his nimble fingers stroke your cheek gently.

he doesn’t elaborate—he doesn’t need to, because you do. you feel the way his touch leaves a burning trail against your skin, the way his eyes pull you in like quicksand, entrancing and bewitching, and the way his voice sounds like music to your ears. you feel it all, and you’re nodding in response before you even realize it, registering the way his hand grips onto yours tighter, his breathing picking up ever so slightly. 

“it does not matter if you are human, y/n. our souls are connected… and mine has not stopped searching for yours.”

you’ve always wondered why you resonated so much with the ocean. sand is a pain to clean out of shoes, the waves can be terribly unforgiving, and the tide even stole your favorite pen once. but nothing can deter the pull you feel toward the sea—or more so, towards what resides in the sea.

your mate.

you don’t have to say anything for kai to know you finally understand, blinking your eyes open as he lifts his head. his eyes are practically glowing as they lock onto yours, his fangs peeking out as he smiles at you, his scales rippling and fluttering animatedly. 

“you are so beautiful,” he speaks through his small gleam. it’s such a cliche, but the way he says it holds so much weight, it squeezes your heart painfully. he says it like you’re a breath of fresh air, as if you’re the most captivating thing he’s ever had the pleasure of seeing with his own eyes.

the heat that crawls up your chest blooms throughout your entire body, wrapping your heart in a cozy blanket as his fingers trail down from your cheek to your jaw, tilting your head up ever so slightly. you don’t move away—and in all honesty, you have no desire to. he’s gentle in the way his hand lets go of yours, finger by finger, before moving to find a home on the small of your back. 

you’re not shivering anymore. his touch is incredibly searing, yet impossibly calming, feeling your mind go dizzy as his eyes search yours for something you aren’t quite saying. it’s almost nerve-wracking, how the suspense builds up in your chest as those emeralds flicker down to your lips, feeling your body grow hot all over. 

“will you allow me to… to k-kiss you?” kai whispers, not even the aggressive waves outside able to drown out his voice in your ears. 

there’s no doubt in your mind as a breathy “yes” slips into the air. 

he’s clumsy with the way his lips find yours, your hand coming up to his chest. his heartbeat under your palm pounds at lightening speed, his body slightly trembling as your lips move against his tranquilly. there seems to be no rush, melting into his embrace with each passing moment.

the press of his fangs against your lips only slightly stings when the tips of them dig in a little too hard, and kai is quick to soothe over the pain with a swipe of his tongue. he tastes of ocean water, a bit salty, but there’s another sweet undertone as well that you can’t quite place your finger on. you don’t linger on it for too long—you don’t want to have to use your brain, so you lose yourself in the feeling of his fingers against your spine, his thumb brushing over your jaw so delicately, you almost want to cry.

his tongue prods against yours as he presses closer to you, as if close is never close enough, as if he wants to sink into your body and become one. your mind is hazy, but you feel safe as his fingers trail down to the side of your neck, leaving fluttery, ticklish sensations in the process. he explores your mouth as if you are a cavern full of gold, mindless to the way small, needy noises leave his lips. it’s overwhelming for the both of you, engulfed in this little bubble you’ve created. 

when he pulls away, it’s slow and reluctant, leaning back in a few more times to get another taste of you, peppering kisses down your jaw and your neck. you can’t help but moan softly at the feeling that stirs in the pit of your gut as he nips and bites and sucks at your skin—completely enamored with you.

he places one final kiss under your ear before his emerald eyes meet yours—you preen at the way he looks at you like you’re the heart of the sea, the ocean herself. it’s too much and not enough at once as you tuck yourself into his broad chest, your heart beating in sync through your dampened clothes. it feels right. this—him. he feels right and now you’re certain he isn’t just a measly dream.

the sky appears to be unreal, coated with lovely hues of pink and purple, a deep orange settling near the horizon as the sun lowers itself from the sky. it’s still warm out, the tide low as you tip-toe through rocks and shells, feeling your heart fill as tiny hermit crabs take cover in the sand, holding the bottom of your flowy dress up so as to carefully watch your step. the waves wash against the shore with a subdued rhythm and the sky is void of any clouds—the calm after the storm.

your breath catches in your throat as you see the man waiting for you at the end of the shore, his black hair mussed and slightly damp. it seems as if he’s been waiting for a while—he stares off at sea, sitting just a few feet from the tide as his hand mindlessly picks up sand and lets it fall through his fingers.

he’s oh, so gorgeous, even from afar. the white button-up he adorns is rolled up to his elbows, legs covered by brown pants that flow in the wind. his trusty satchel is slung across his frame, seemingly full to the brim as it rests in the sand next to him. a contemplative look resides on his face, his head slightly tilted to the side as his mind wanders. you almost feel guilty for the thought of disturbing this quiet moment. 

but then you’re reminded that he’s waiting here for you—your stomach flutters as he turns his head, those vibrant eyes lightening up at the sight of your figure making its way toward him. he stands to his feet with the brightest smile on his prince-like face, his pretty fangs pressing into his bottom lip in the cute way they always do. 

his scales ripple as he pulls you into the tightest hug you’ve ever experienced, a serene buzz washing over you as he safely holds you to his chest. you register the feeling of him pressing small kisses onto the crown of your head and you giggle a bit at the fluttery sensation. you tilt your head up to meet his eyes; and they never fail to make your head spin, containing so much sincerity that squeezes your heart in all of the best ways. he cups your cheeks, the warmth of his fingers spreading down your neck and blossoming in your soul.

“i missed you,” you speak softly, and you mean it—nothing, no one can compare to the way kai can make you feel so loved and wanted with a singular, simple glance. you dream about his little beauty marks, his wide smile, and those iridescent scales that sparkle when the sun hits them just right. even just a few days without being near him makes your core surge with a deep longing—and now that restless feeling finally dissipates as he leans in to kiss your nose, and then your cheek, and finally your lips.

“i have missed you more,” he mumbles against your lips, his nose brushing yours as he kisses you so delicately, attentive to every little noise that leaves your lips. his hands smooth down your sides, running his fingers over the soft fabric of your dress, coming around to press against the small of your back.

when the kiss breaks, you’re rendered breathless, blinking your eyes open to find him already watching you. the faint smile on his face widens as you reach up to carefully touch the sparkling scales on his cheekbones before running your fingers through his disheveled hair. he leans into your touch, his eyes fluttering shut with the gentle movement of your fingers. 

“how long have you been waiting?” you question as you finish adjusting his hair, resting your palm against his chest. he hums in thought before he opens his eyes—and you’re in awe at the way the setting sun manages to reflect in them, looking like specks of gold against his irises.

“not long at all. i-i made something for you last evening,” he responds almost shyly. your eyes widen in surprise, watching as he takes a tiny step back to open his satchel. his cheeks are flushed a pinkish-red once he pulls out a handmade crown, woven with dried seaweed, softwood, and the prettiest, eye-catching flowers you’ve ever seen. there are even a few tiny shells tucked in here and there, and they all sparkle the same, twinkling as the sunlight hits them.

“you made this?” your voice comes out airy, in awe at not only the gift, but also the thought of him spending time handmaking something for you. kai nods timidly, looking up at you through his eyelashes. your heart threatens to explode as he gestures toward your body.

“m-may i put it on y-you?” he asks, a slight nervousness coating his voice and you’re quick to nod, bowing your head a bit to give him better access. a quiet, enthused noise escapes his lips before he can contain it, stepping close to you again. he adjusts your hair ever so slightly before situating the crown on your head. you can’t see yourself, but you’re sure it looks amazing by the way kai’s scales flutter, his gleam almost blinding as he moves back to admire his work. the crown is light and a few of the flowers tickle the side of your face. you feel beautiful.

“you know you don’t have to keep gifting me things, right?” you softly chide with a little chuckle, but kai’s bright smile falters at your words, cocking his head in confusion with a little whine.

“do you not… do you not like m-my gifts for you?” kai’s voice slightly trembles and you’re quick to backtrack, grabbing onto his hands with both of yours.

“no, no, no, kai–-i love your gifts. it’s just… isn’t the courting stage over? you know i’m yours, right?”

kai’s eyes sparkle with admiration as you speak, letting go of your hands to wrap his arms around your waist, pulling you close to his body. he’s warmer than he usually is, and you suspect it has something to do with the humid air around you—the storm has long since passed, the shore drying up quickly, leaving only fluffy sand and a quiet, sedated ocean in its wake. 

it’s a reflex now, to close your eyes as he gently rests his forehead against yours, a faint, contented hum sounding from the mermaid.

“you still deserve the entire sea and all of the stars, my beautiful mate.”

it’s horrible, the way your entire body tingles, feeling your face heat up from his words. it should be sappy and sickeningly sweet, but his voice brings you nothing but peace, letting yourself melt into his embrace as he subtly sways you both to the rhythm of the waves.

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[diluclover300]

Just One Week (1)

Gojo Satoru x Female Reader

Also posted on my ao3 account: diluclover300

CHAPTER INDEX:

I H8 U

My Kinda Fun

Balance

{S] Awake

Eggs and Rice

Wait, but I'm broke

Couple's Discount

CHAPTER 1: I H8 U

...

Ha. Ha. You roll your eyes, arms crossed before they unfold again. The elevator opens and you're back at the lobby of the building again. Ha. Ha. 

You hate this place. Normal was so ordinary. So predictable. So boring. Blah!

Whatever, whatever, whatever. You just want to go home already. It's been a long day at work. 

You walk, as the general population does, because even though you're special, and so different, you're human before any of that bull crap. Genetically, you're a programmed sheep. Mentally, you stick out like a sore thumb. 

And you walk with the help of wired earbuds, ones that you grabbed at the nearest department store. You understand why people can't leave the house without these babies. They're so convenient, a socially accepted escape from the real world. 

Selfishly, as it should be, you're listening to the same sickly sweet, syrupy-lyric filled song. Generic, yet so stupid catchy that even a zombie would dumbly mumble it in its sleep. With it's unintelligible voice, muddy and groggy as it lowly moans the melody. Like pure mush, frothing with spit. 

Love. Love. Love. A boyband, the popular one you've loved since highschool, is singing about what sells— sex. Oh, baby. I want you. I love you. Give me all of you. Kiss me until I can't breath, wrap me with your heat. 

You understand the gist of it, don't you? Because you certainly do. 

Bouncy, your steps are, almost preppy that you feel like everyone else. You suppose that's fine for now. You're forcibly, undeniably put into a swarm of people. People that will always be like you. Vise versa. It's the way of life. 

Same old. 

Beep. Your lanyard scans across the kind of thing you'd see in a new-york subway. Too bad you're across the globe in Japan, in some remote town, so you don't live miles away from the famous–or was it infamous– you don't know, times square. Boring. 

You suck in a hefty amount of hair, and it's humiliating when you push the door that so politely–and obviously— asks to be pulled. Wow. You turn back to confirm that no one has just seen you do that. But you're suddenly biting back another heap of cringe mixed with embarrassment when you realize that someone behind you blankly stares at you. Probably to hurry up so that they could get out too.

"Oops." You laugh, but they don't. "Sorry about–"

"Are you going to open that door?"

"Oh, uh, yes. I am."

Right. You pull the handle of the door that you've touched thousands of times.

The breeze hits you and as physics do, your hair whips across your face, sprawling over your dry, cracked lips. You push on, steps now long strides. You're fighting with the wind and it's terrible. 

Welp. That was life. Mother nature wasn't, never was, kind to you. 

Another idiotic event, another "let's make a fool out of Y/N" moment. You fold your arms underneath the crevice of your chest, that white button up so thin you're sure that you've developed hypothermia in the last few minutes you've been walking. 

Another sigh. Then you realize it looks hopeless, and stupid. Then you wipe your cheek, holding your lips together and realize that looks equally awkward. Damn. 

Incident after incident. Mistake after mistake. Everything feels like a math equation, and it's all adding up to make you look a fool. 

At least nothing too terrible happened today.

Then, as if it was clockwork, an ominous feeling began to settle in the depths of your heart. As if your instincts were telling you to run. 

You don't. Your hopes of a normal day, your suspicions of having a great day are so terribly...

Wrong. You look up and see the face that you don't want to see. The face that looks back at you like a mirror, the face who's lips turn up into a slight smile. The face who's glasses tip down his rather long, yet socially accepted nose. The face who's eyes are freakishly blue, who's eyes would receive the predictable comparison– "Hey, your eyes look just like the sky."

This can't be real.

This can't be happening.

Maybe today wasn't destined to be a good day, but there was no way in hell, no way that things could go this south.

A bad day was when you got in trouble during work, when someone's kid spilled your burning hot coffee all over your new white clothes. Bad was when...

Bad was when Gojo Satoru wasn't here. 

Terrible was when he was. 

"Hi." He holds his hand up, palm open, fingers spread into a wave. "It's been a while."

Your chest tightens, air contracting the thing like a damn accordion. He's definitely a fair distance from you, standing beneath the trees, far from the stairs leading up to the building behind you both. Traffic bustles a couple more feet away, and that same song, on repeat, buzzes in your ear like a mosquito.

Love. You seem to feel everything but that at the sight of his face. 

"Gojo." The breeze slaps against your skin, stinging as it leaves it's harsh marks. Your fingers travel down to the hems of your skirt, and you fidget with the cloth. 

You're anxious, not as you envisioned the hundreds of other times you mulled over this sort of situation. Instead of holding your head up high, you're cowering, heart wrenching, the lines you so carefully wrote, seared into your mind escaping your tongue. 

"Gojo?" Ha. Ha. Real funny, you think as he mocks you. 

It makes you angry. Why did he, how did he have, how was he not– where was his shame? After five years? Did he just realize you were gone after all this time? 

You don't want to ask, but you do.

"Why are you–"

"What happened to Satoru? Don't be so formal. It's only been five years."

"The name disgusts me."

You're silent as he steps forward, a bouquet of flowers tucked underneath his armpit. He's decked out in all black, not that you care, or that it's any different from how he was a few years back. If anything, he's the exact same. Unchanged. 

It makes your blood boil. 

"Ah. Look at you. You've changed."

He chides, crouching down as if he's trying to taunt a child. You bite back the strange croak in your throat.

"Your turn. What about me? Say something." 

No. Please. "Don't do this to me." 

His lips, as if pulled by a set of strings, ghost a smile. Those eyes exposed, bare through those glasses as they reflect the pathetic image of you. Your expression which tries to hard to look expressionless. The scrunch of your eyebrows as you look down at him. 

No, he's looking down on you. Even though it should be the opposite. 

"You look the same." It's robotic, the usual cadence of your voice he so remembers void of emotion. 

It's true. He does. 

"Oh? You're cold. So cold." He tilts his head, a strand of hair falling in between his eyes as he gives you a slight pout. 

And, you? You're not the same as you were before. 

"I know." You step back. "People tell me that all the time."

You feel so... so...

Was pathetic the right word? It didn't even do the situation justice.

Wow. Honestly, you never wanted to admit this, but you've always imagined this sort of thing happening. A reunion, to put it simply and you'd always imagine such witty responses, such great comebacks. 

However, you're no different from everyone else. Not underneath the umbrella of fear. However, you're not even shielded from those raindrops of confrontation.

You're soaked. The umbrella's defective. You can't bring yourself to say the words you practiced, to put an end to the tortuous fire in your heart. 

Because as much as you want to hear those answers, you're afraid of the void that lies beneath them. 

"Is that something to brag about these days?" He straightens up, the plastic lining of the bouquet crinkling. 

You shrug as answer, but your eyes stick onto the floor like a piece of gum. They've rolled out of their sockets, breeze guiding them along the concrete. 

Satoru whistles for a moment, eyes careful as they study your figure. 

A white button up shirt, tucked into a pencil skirt, glasses that usually wouldn't suit you because you were the contact lens type, flats because he could never imagine you walking down a flight of stairs in heels. 

Though you've fallen to the inevitable concept of change, you're still...

Oh. He's forgot to mention that you've been listening to music this whole time. It's noticeable now. Partly because you're wearing wired headphones, and partly because he can hear the faintest bit of singing coming from your direction. 

"Whatcha listening to?" 

You peek up, and for the first time in years, he's properly– no, you're making eye contact with him. 

"It's the new XXX song. Do you remember when I..."

What the hell? 

He never tried to stop you back then. 

Why would he remember a single thing about you?

"Nevermind." You look away, and he swears he sees the faintest film of water pooling against your eyes. "You wouldn't know."

Yeah. You're the same as ever. 

"Oh. You still like that group?"

You nod, and he swears he can see the faint image of you from highschool. Nodding along to the sound of your mp3 player, busted around the corners as it rests on the edge of your desk, threatening to fall. And when it did, he'd usually catch it before pulling out your earbuds. 

Then you'd grumble at him, call him a "bastard" or a "piece of shit". And he'd laugh, loud enough that people would turn their heads. 

Weird. A wave of nostalgia hits him. 

"Ha." The thought of it makes him snicker. God. He was such an asshole. "Haha."

Look at how the tables turned. It's painful that you're so rough around the edges now. You're barely smiling, and now there's an offended look trespassing your lips and eyes. 

You're angry again. So angry that the image of your smile is trampled on, dirtied by a frown. 

It's like throwing away a perfectly good slice of cake.

Satoru decides he hates it. The look of it is sickening, the thought of it is unappetizing, the existence of it is...

"What are you–"

"Come back to Jujutsu High and help me teach." 

As he expects, and the revelation behind it frustrates him, you've gone completely unresponsive. What he's realized is that you're just existing through your life. 

You've been wasting time. And now you're just going to ignore him. No matter how right he is. 

"Y/N. Can you hear me?"

You don't answer for a long while, slowly ripping out each earbud as you stuff it into the pocket of your shirt. The question, the request is... it's...

Disgustingly selfish. Did he only think for himself? Did he only care for himself?

Of course he did. Of course he did. 

He's Gojo Satoru. 

"Why did you come here? Go home." 

"For you. Come back and be a Jujutsu sorcerer again–" He doesn't waste a singular second, as if he was reading off a script to some terrible horror movie. 

You feel sick. 

"No." You spit out. "You don't know what I want, you can't tell me what to do either."

You want to laugh, you can't believe all this bullshit.

You can't believe that after all the trouble you went through to fit in, you're going back to square one. Like a baby trying to learn how to walk all over again.

All the trouble you went through to convince yourself that you were still special despite being so, despite living so normally now.

All the trouble you went through to ignore those cursed spirits.

All those sacrifices you made, those risks you took. 

You can't believe that it's all going down the drain like this, like your struggles are the water to someone else's shower. 

Could you be easily discarded like that? Like trash? 

Wrong. Incorrect. Wrong. Nothing could be more... wrong.

No, you're different. Important. Nothing like trash. Incomparable. If there was a mold, you'd break it. If there was an expectation, you'd exceed it. If there was...

If there was...

There's nothing because he... he's...

Gojo Satoru is stepping on your sob story like it's a  piece of gum, smearing it with the sole of his shoe. 

He tries to intervene with your peace, picking apart at your facade, your play-pretend act of tranquility. 

"I know what you want–"

You don't even give him the chance to finish. 

"It's been five years."

He knows. You don't have to remind him that it's been that long. 

"So?"

"You don't know a thing about me, Gojo."

"I do." He steps forward. "And what do those people back there know about you?" Then he points back at your workplace. 

You grimace, aware that what you're about to say is an obvious, a bitter lie. He knows it too, but you say it anyway. 

"They know a lot about me." You bite back, desperately trying to save face. "So much more than you do."

When you force that out, it dawns on you. The fact that you have to lie about something so insignificant to prove that you're doing just fine to some asshole you haven't seen in five years. 

"Like what? Your favorite member in that stupid boyband?"

"They're not stupid! Okay? They're– They're...!" You stumble over your words, voice coming out louder than you anticipate. 

Damn it. Now everyone around you is staring like a bunch of sheep, the same kind back at work, relishing in an argument– no, a conversation – that they had no rightful part in. 

"They don't know anything about you, do they?" He whispers, a pitiful expression on his face when he sees how worked up you've gotten. "Be honest with me then. What do you want?"

"Honest? You want me to be honest?"

"Well, yes. I'd like that."

"Fine then. I want to fight you right now because I hate you."

"Sure."

"You make me sick."

"Okay."

"I want to–"

"I already said okay."

...

[alldancersaretalented]

New solos for nationals

Blue = BD Las Vegas/Orlando, Uncolored = Finals Las Vegas/Orlando

Purple = Protege Radix, Orange = Finals Radix

Red = MVA Velocity, Pink = Finals Velocity

Green = OD NYCDA NYC/PHX, Bold = Finals NYCDA NYC/PHX

CSPAS (All TDA is Las Vegas)

Teresa Nan (7), Waves - Contemporary

Jayda Cook (7), Youth - Contemporary

Skylee Sitterud (11), Gimme More - Ballroom

Skylar DeLoach (12), Hot Like Wow - Jazz

Emberlynn Hill (11-12), We Lost Sight Of The Shoreline - Contemporary

Katheryn Mahoney (11-12), La Vie En Rose - Contemporary

Bella Stepan (13), Land Of All - Contemporary

Dara Rossiter (14), It Fell Quietly - Contemporary

Stella Condie (14), Into My Arms - Contemporary

Halle Hunt (15), La La Land - Contemporary

Kamri Peterson (15), 1977 - Contemporary

Club Dance Studio

Lily Knopps (6), Unchained Melody - Lyrical (ORL)

Abbey Scott (8), In My Memory - Contemporary (LV)

Navy Forrest (9), Into The Void - Contemporary (ORL)

Nixie Vance (9), To Silence - Contemporary (LV)

Makayla Isler (10), Over My Head - Contemporary (LV)

Caitlyn Mckenzie (10), The Pianist - Contemporary

Kennedy Besch (10), In The Mood - Musical Theatre

Kendyl Miller (11), The First Time - Contemporary (ORL)

Isla Gardner (11), Joga - Contemporary (LV)

Dance Enthusiasm (All TDA is Orlando)

Kayleigh Stoler (10), Water Lily - Contemporary

Danceology (All TDA is Las Vegas)

Brody Schaffer (8), Oh Darling - Lyrical

Ava Kim (9), This Will Be - Jazz

Adrianna Cubas (11), Wherever You Will Go - Contemporary

Naomi Morrill (11), Million Reasons - Lyrical

Isabella Amini (11), Nails Hair Hips Heels, Jazz

Hudson Hensely (11), Skins - Contemporary

Kate Blankenship (12), Mourning - Contemporary

Brooke Donnelly (12), A Light Within - Contemporary

Blake Chapman (12), Viola - Jazz

Zsabrina Grenevitch (12), Whispering House - Contemporary

Evelyn Lee (12), Sonata - Contemporary

Charlotte Shinnefield (12), TBA - Contemporary

Ella Bustillos (12), The Glow - Contemporary

Ella-Nani Knight (12), Forever Shifting, Contemporary

Ella Koehnen (12), Internal Collapse - Contemporary

Fiona Sartain (13), Jazz Is For Ordinary People - Tap

Brooke Salazar (13), Circular Translation - Contemporary

Keelyn Jones (13), Unwavering Devotion - Contemporary

Zoey Hibbs (13), Searching Within - Contemporary

Gracie Kim (13), Lacey - Contemporary

Peyton Szuberla (13), Past Recollection - Contemporary

Kylie Kaminsky (14), We Were, We Still Are - Contemporary

Kaelyn Kenneally (15), In The Dark - Contemporary

Khloe Rodriguez (15), Rigid Soul - Contemporary

Sofia Mah (17), Trapped In Cosciousness - Contemporary

Sami Sonder (17), Mr. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - Jazz

Emma Donnelly, Threatening My Existence - Contemporary

Caroline Skrable (17), Meeting Of Eyes - Contemporary

Emma Donnelly (17), Rule The World - Contemporary

Epic Dance Complex (All TDA is Orlando

Avery Altobelli (10), Secrets From The Sparrow On My Shoulder - Contemporary

Evolve Dance Complex (All TDA is Orlando)

Lola Rodi (11), Bang Bang - Contemporary

Kensington Dressing (12), Paradox Of Surrender - Contemporary

Zooey Steckbeck (13), Soldier - Contemporary

Maya Rogers (14), Eternal Glory - Contemporary

Elyse Wingertsahn (16), Don't Take The Money - Contemporary

Camryn Lanigan (16), Dance With The Truth - ?

Sam Evans (17), Cover Of Magazines - Contemporary

Larkin Dance Studio (All TDA is Las Vegas)

Jade Glyzinski (7), Smile - Contemporary

Stella Ames (7), Hit Me With A Hot Note - Jazz

Lexie Charnstrom (9), Rewind - Contemporary

Evie McCune-Barrett (9), Hallelujah - Contemporary

Evelyn Ringeisen (9), Praise You - Lyrical

Grace Sullivan (10), Broken Waltz - Contemporary

Neala Murphy (10), This Is Me - Specialty

Kennedy Deuth (11), Vivante - Specialty

Hailey Turnbull (11), Remember - Specialty

Sienna Powers (11), Sunday - Contemporary

Kelsie Jacobson (12), Withered - Contemporary

Finley Ashfield (12), This Is My Hand - Contemporary

Finley Ashfield (12), Fools Who Dream - Lyrical

Tahari Conrad (13), I Won't Complain - Specialty

Ava Munos (14), Once I Was Loved - Lyrical

Brynn Kostka (15), Afloat - Contemporary

Claire Monge (15), Fall Deep - Contemporary

Laci Bloss (15), Pure - Contemporary

Gabrielle Nead (16), Find Me - Contemporary

Kellan Cragg (16), Creeks - Contemporary

Angelina Emberson (17), What I Leave Behind - Contemporary

Lexi Adair (17), Our Love - Contemporary

Bella Jarvis (17), A Blurred Haze - Contemporary

Mather Dance Company (All TDA is Orlando)

Kali Funstron (9-10), Honeymoon Is Over - Jazz

Renee Liu (11-12), Can't Help Falling In Love - Lyrical

Winter Eberts (13), Fame - Jazz

Delaney McCarthy (14), Vow - Contemporary

Breez Carver (14), Afterneath - Contemporary

Sydney Robinson (14-15), Impossible Dream - Lyrical

Jonathan Archer (15), Nemesis - Contemporary

Maddie Ortega (15), Let Me Think - Jazz

Davin Ephraim (16), Margaret - Contemporary

Kaitlyn Ortega (17), Something New - Contemporary

Dyllan Blackburn (17), Kaleidoscope Love - Specialty

Dyllan Blackburn (17), Le Jazz Hot - Jazz

Keaton Evans (17), Falling - Contemporary

Abbey Stahl (16-18), Severance - Contemporary

Ryan Piccerillo (16-18), Blower's Daughter - Lyrical

Shaelan Baldwin (16-18), Fragile - Lyrical

Pave School of the Arts

Gabriela Cuevas (6), Teach Me How To Shimmy - Jazz

Sofia Cuevas (9), Red Football - ?

Talia Donaldson (9), Bad Dream - Open

Addison Sebelius (10), Just A Girl - Open

Kara Chen (9-10?), Someone You Loved - Lyrical

Vanessa Mattar (11), Hero - Lyrical

Alaya Ausar (12), Ain't No Other - Jazz

Tayah Klimuck (12), Serotonin - Contemporary

Kaylee Baldwin (13), This Bitter Earth - ?

Scarlet Kendall (13), Special Death - Open

Haven Warther (15), How Could You - Lyrical

Sienna Hardin (13-15), Nicest Thing - Contemporary

Leni Nam (13-15), Art Deco - Contemporary

Kaylie Do (16), Can I - Jazz

Lyrah Cabrera (17), Do You Feel Real - Contemporary

Spree Hazen (17), Landslide -Lyrical

Peach Miller (16-19), Reaching For Cold Hands - Contemporary

Sydney Parker (16-19), Feelin' - Open

Tiffany Robinson (16-19), Honda - Open

Tiffany Robinson (16-19), Call Me Irresponsible - Contemporary

Project 21 (All TDA is Orlando)

Olivia Armstrong (11), When I Go - Contemporary

Regan Gerena (12), The Hollow - Contemporary

Regan Gerena (12), That's Life - Jazz

Leighton Werner (14), Drag Me Down - Contemporary

Stella Eberts (15), Bloom - Contemporary

Gracyn French (15), Chemtrails Over The Country Club - Contemporary

Studio X

Emma Santos (7), Mr. Big Stuff - Jazz

Abigail Broadhead (15), Black Car - Jazz

The Vision Dance Alliance

Mila Trioli (8), Omni - ?

Everly Hafey (8), Tower Over Me - ?

Reese Rosato (9), Down - ?

Maisie McAllister (11), My Creation - ?

Lucia Milano (11), Unravel - ?

Violet McGuire (12), Meu Amor - ?

Julia Amato (13), Liar - Contemporary

Caitlyn Polis (15), Those Behind Us - ?

West Florida Dance Company (All TDA is Orlando)

Hannah Jackson (9), Chandelier - Contemporary

Stella Brogan (9), Unveiled - Contemporary

Johanna Bryant (10), Youth - Contemporary

Lainey Hess (10), Bring Me Water - Contemporary

Vesper Woo (10), The Maze - Contemporary

Kinzley Dragoonis (11), Wasted Time - Contemporary

Lily Hackney (11), The Audio - Contemporary

Ashlyn Weldon (15), If You Wait - Contemporary

Olivia Griffin (16), Eclipse - Contemporary

MadiKai Treger (17), Black Sky - Contemporary

Caleb Monnell (17), Amen - Contemporary

[thesinglesjukebox]

ERIKA DE CASIER - LUCKY

Yeah, she’s lucky, but is she a star?

[7.38]

Katherine St. Asaph: I too enjoy "Boy's a liar Pt. 2" and Des'ree's "You Gotta Be." [6]

Nortey Dowuona: Apparently, this samples both "Sailing" by Christopher Cross and "Can't Let Go" by Linda Király. It's also liquid drum and bass. Excuse me... *leaves blurb to listen underneath an oil drum, waits for 5 minutes before realizing it is empty, thinks of actually analyzing the song, remembers the 2nd line of the chorus, shrugs awkwardly, keeps listening* [8]

Ian Mathers: YouTube comments section absolutely undefeated: I scroll down and the first thing I see is "Love the Chistopher [sp] Cross vibe going." I do get where they're coming from (WhoSampled tells me it's Linda Király instead), but if I didn't like "Lucky" what a weirdly specific diss that could be. The song always seems to be a step away from going full depressive breakcore to me, and I mean that as a compliment. [8]

Hannah Jocelyn: "Can't Let Go" is a lost gem from the late 2000s: too sparse to stand among Darkchild's best productions (unless you're listening to the Radio Edit W/ Guitars [sic]), but Linda Király sings the fuck out of it. Elementary-school Hannah was obsessed with the song: melodrama perfect for a 4th grader grieving her first unrequited crush. I smiled big when I heard that piano show up in "Lucky", but I kept waiting for this song to explode the way "Can't Let Go" does in its chorus and it just... doesn't. Instead, it stays in a quiet register, de Casier not even phased by the breakbeats skittering around her. The production is excellent, even if I'm already getting a bit sick of the drum and bass revival, but there's no catharsis beneath the smooth synth pads and frenzied percussion. The actual song's sophistication is captivating in its own right, but the blunt force melodrama of the original is missed. [7]

Harlan Talib Ockey: Erika de Casier throws the entire kitchen at us on “Lucky.” Between the Linda Király sample, the stuttering drums, the bass hits, the synths, and the laughs, her vocals are often overpowered. There’s logic to contrasting the busy production with her serene vocal performance, and it does prove very effective when the waves break in the chorus. However, when every element is bouncing off the walls at once in a drum and bass-inflected surge, it’s easy to lose track of the main melodic line. [5]

Jacob Satter: de Casier's wrapped-in-velvet vocal style brings to mind pop stars who have found ways to repurpose their delicacy as stridency (Nelly Furtado), as a firm corset of gossamer support (Coco O), as an internal monologue set free (Cleo Sol), as coyly kitsch confessional (Clairo). de Casier checks a few of these boxes -- she seems content to hold the center, to be simply present in "Lucky's" swirl of juddering trap, SOPHIE-esque squeaks, and music-box nostalgia. Her patience and clarity elevate near-house muzak into something distinctly, warmly human. [7]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Somehow even more gloriously energized than the singles off Sensational – the drums feel like hail falling on a sunny day, melting immediately on contact with the song's surface. Thanks to the great NewJeans convergence event we talked a lot last year about de Casier as a songwriter, but "Lucky" is a fine reintroduction to her power as a performer: that opening laugh, the way she says "Whoa," even the slight lift as she sings "lucky" for the second time on the chorus. It's all finesse, a highlight reel of perfectly struck moments that make the ordinary trappings of "Lucky" into something sublime. [8]

Dorian Sinclair: There's a tedious kind of social media post I'm sure we've all seen, where someone posts a lyric sheet from the '70s or '80s next to a modern one (I've most often seen it with Beyoncé's "Run the World (Girls)") to make some point about The Decline of Music Today. The lyrics for "Lucky" could make an appearance in one of those posts, but the song itself makes clear why the core argument the posts are making is nonsense. Sure, repeating the line "another night" 23 times in a 3 1/2-minute song looks lazy on paper, but in practice? Hearing de Casier's intonation changing, the piano shifting under her, the backing vocals slipping in and out of the mix? It's beautiful! And it's not beautiful in spite of the repetition of the lyrics, but because of them. "Lucky" is swoonily, overwhelmingly romantic, and getting that impact with such a deliberately restrictive set of tools takes a hell of a lot of skill. [8]

Isabel Cole: Retro vibes — not just the tinkling piano of the sample, but a particular unabashed sweetness in both content and melody that seems less in fashion than it once was — run through just the right amount of champagne-bubble glitchiness to make it feel up to date, but not in an ostentatious way. More love songs should draw attention to the erotic potential of being a good listener. [8]

Kayla Beardslee: “Lucky” is so delicate and conversational that at times you almost forget you’re listening to a song. Erika de Casier is one of few artists who can turn that into a good thing -- embraced by the glimmering piano line (even as it shifts focus away from the lyrics), she concentrates on feelings forming and drifting by like clouds in the sky so the rest of us don't have to, so that we can lay back instead and just feel. [8]

Will Adams: The liquid drum and bass revival of recent tends to have a winking cutesyness about it (see the de Casier-penned "Super Shy" as but one example). It's fun to listen to, but "Lucky" pushes beyond that to reveal something darker. The arrangement is in standard skitter mode with twinkling pianos, but throughout are throbbing beat rolls, glitches, and haunting exhalations, as if the song is threatening to crumble at any moment. Even the outro -- an emotional tug of war between repeated lines "another night" and "too fast" -- forgoes a standard fade out in favor of increased distortion and tactile whispers. Behind the timid smile, a more raw emotion bubbles up to the surface. [8]

Leah Isobel: Last year, I ended a friendship that I'd had for almost a decade. I had always known it would happen one way or another: either by the slow drift that accompanies physical or emotional distance, or by sharper, more sudden means. I chose the latter option, releasing myself from what would have been years of confused and angry longing. I'm proud of that choice. Yet, I still reminisce about what I thought our relationship was, and who I thought we both were -- to each other, to ourselves. The intensity of feeling that characterized my experience of the relationship made me feel fragile, girlish. Of course it wasn't sustainable. But it was thrilling to see how long we could sustain it; how much I could take from them while minimizing myself; how much I could give to them without them asking for any of it. How many times we could go out together, dancing, drinking, smoking, laughing on the street. On "Lucky," Erika repeats "Another night" over and over and over, each repetition surprising for the sheer fact of its existence. It's not about what's in the future, but the shock of the present staying present: day after day morphing into a zoetroped sequence of images, cycling but not moving, time itself standing still due to the horrible electricity of one-sided love. [7]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: A lot of people in my close friend group shit on Erika de Casier, constantly pointing out that she’s a mediocre singer with unimaginative toplines. And yes, they were not slow to mention that this sounds like Des’ree’s “You Gotta Be” over a skittering beat that wouldn’t even turn heads a couple decades ago. But even though I can recognize their disdain, what keeps me coming back to de Casier’s work is the way her productions are integral to the emotional trajectory of her lyrics. You don’t understand this song without hearing that cackle and those sci-fi synths, which capture the anxiety and blissed-out possibilities of lasting romance. Indeed, this is the same artist who wrote NewJeans’ “Super Shy,” eager to define the complexities of a crush with a polysemic phrase. “I need ya another night” is repeated so often that it becomes a musical Rorschach test. Is it sweet and honest? Too forward and desperate? A sign of confidence? Of insecurity? Love will make your head spin, making you feel like all these things could be true. [8]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[timelessdp]

Titanium

Warning: Angst, Violence

The lyrics from : David Guetta Ft. Sia- Titanium

https://open.spotify.com/track/0TDLuuLlV54CkRRUOahJb4?si=a620f0faede84542

It has begun as ordinary Saturday for the Fenton Family. Danny has awoken, then got dressed and went down to the kitchen to have breakfast. He greeted everybody, then he brought out a cereal.

"That cursed Phantom! If we could catch him only once then there would be no more problem in Amity Park" -the boy's father said in reaction of the nightly events.

"What would happen if we got a chance to analyze him nearly! Molecules by molecules!"-answered the boy's mother

You shout it out, but I can't hear a word you say

"What if he just protecting the city? If he haven't been there, then Technus would rule the world!"-Danny tried to stand up for himself.

I'm talking loud, not saying much

"Phantom wants only one thing, to rule the city."- the mother told him.

"He is a ghost. Ghosts are liar. That's why he has to be stopped."- the father reasoned.

"As if you whenever have spoken with a ghost! You shot it first ask latter."-his sister said.

"There is no use, because if we don't attack him first then he will, and we can't permit that."

"You can see how big destruction he makes every time. Buildings got destroyed, people got unemployment, homeless. Ghosts are evil creatures! The ghost boy isn't an exception!"

I'm criticized, but all your bullets ricochet

Danny heard this reasons for countless times. They talking about it every day. It doesn't matter anymore for him. He knows that his parents will never accept his other half. He has already resigned this.

A blue mist went out of his mouth.

"Come into my mind, I have promised Sam that we are meeting in the Park."

He stood up and he walked out of the house. When he closed the door, he looked around and went ghost.

Skulker attacked him in the city centre. The ghost shot one of his new weapon very close to Danny. The boy slammed into a wall.

"What happened whelp, why do you make yourself an easy target?"-asked the hunter.

He stood up.

Shoot me down, but I get up

"Don't dream about it!"-Phantom shouted and he throw an ectoball into him.

Skulker dodged easily and set off rockets.

The boy first got intangible, but when he noticed that the citizens in danger he flew into the missiles. They hit him.

I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose

He got together himself then he flew into the sky to make less damage meanwhile they fight.

Fire away, fire away

He stopped in the clouds. The two ghost looked at eachother for meaningful seconds, then Phantom fired. Skullker stepped back but it was too late. The bounty hunter got sucked into the thermos.

Ricochet, you take your aim.

Danny wanted to meet his friends truly, but his journey was interrupted again with an unnoticed shot by his left side.

Fire away, fire away

"Hey Red! Good too see you."

"Not the same for me ghost boy. I have a shift in the afternoon."

"I'm very aware of that. So can't you just leave me alone?"

"No!"-the huntress was coward and fired with the materialized bazooka.

Danny summoned a green shield and held himself against the attack.

You shoot me down, but I won't fall

The huntress shot him until her weapon was out of munitions.

I am titanium

When Danny noticed that he dropped the shield and started to flew away. The Red huntress was following him. She summoned a new weapon and fired.

You shoot me down, but I won't fall

Danny easily dodged.

"Red you aren't in shape today."

"Aargh. If you wouldn't be so fast I would hit you."

"I bet. Anyway you are a good coach for me."

"Me, a coach? You are a fool Phantom."

Danny stopped for a moment.

"There is something about what you are saying. I'm the one who help you learn, about ghosts, about hunting."

Valerie got angry. She created a sword, and she swung it at the ghost boy.

"Hey!" -he countered.

I am titanium

"Will you stop attacking me?

"Never!" -she broke through the new shield. The ectoplasm as glass fell down

Cut me down, but it's you

When Valerie started to swing the sword again, Phantom flew away, and fired an ectoblast.

It hit the Red huntress helmet and it broke into pieces. Valerie lost her balance and she fell from the sky.

Who'll have further to fall

"VAL!!!"-Phantom shouted. He caught the girl and put her the top of the nearest building."Red are you okay? Please say something?"-He started to crying. He didn't meant to hurt anyone, mostly the closest person to him.

Ghost town and haunted love

The silence terrified him. His green tears fell onto the girls suit.

"Stupid ghost!"-the Huntress sat up suddenly, she picked up a brick which she throw it at Danny's head.

Raise your voice, sticks and stones may break my bones

Phantom passed through it then flew up.

"Good to see you are alright enough to fight"-he said then he disappeared in the clouds. Red stayed alone.

I'm talking loud, not saying much

Danny got tired. He flew into the park and met with his best friends.

Sam and Tucker were talking about universities. They hadn't noticed when Danny appeared.

"So if we go to the same place what would happen with Danny? I mean he isn't the best, no matter how hard we try to help him."-Tucker said.

"I don't know I'm not sure about that he will grow anymore."

"We will get older, but Danny will stay the same. What a shame. I'm feel bad for him."

I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose

The boy opened his mouth:

"You are wanting a new life without me? Because of what? I'm childish? I'm stuck in the same age for forever?"

"Danny we didn't knew that you are arrived."-Sam said.

"So you just wanted to speak things behind my back. Thank you. You are really my best friends." -Phantom left them.

Fire away, fire away

He heard that Sam and Tucker shouting after him, but he didn't pay attention.

Ricochet, you take your aim

Danny was crying in the air. His tear drops were made of ice. They touched the ground silently.

Fire away, fire away

In the air he felt safe. They couldn't take that away from him. The wind blow through his white hair.

He calmed down. No girlfriend, no friends, no family. Although Jazz still love him right?

You shoot me down, but I won't fall

He flew towards his home. His sister can help him. He was sure about it.

I am titanium

He saw the Ops center. He was almost home. A green bullet whizzed next to his ear.

You shoot me down, but I won't fall

"I see you Phantom!"- his father smirked.

Then his mother stepped beside the man, and started shooting.

I am titanium

Danny went invisible flew further some house blocks then changed back to his human form. It was an useful disguise.

I am titanium

He wanted to go home, so he went towards his parents again. His felt his heart in his throat. He separated Fenton and Phantom. There was no way to found out who he was truly. He slowly calmed down. He needed one minute until he saw the Fentonworks again.

I am titanium

His camouflage wasn't as reliable as he thought.

The Fenton Finder in his father hand showed the same ectosignature for the boy's both forms.

"You aren't Danno."

Stone hard, machine gun

The boy's pupils became big. His adrenalin level jumped high. There was no time to explanation.

He started running away, across the street to the other road.

Beside him bullets flew.

Firing at the ones who run

He got a hit from his father. It didn't hurt him. Which was weird. He tried to use intangibility thought the nearest building.

But he couldn't phase through it.

Stone hard, as bulletproof glass

"Nice job Jack. This way it slowly lost all of it's power"

Danny didn't give up yet. He counited running.

You shoot me down, but I won't fall

Luckily he could left his father, but his mother was still in his heels.

I am titanium

The shootings were more accurate. As like they swinging him into a chosen direction.

You shoot me down, but I won't fall

He stepped in a blind alley. He couldn't turn back anymore.

I am titanium

Close to the wall he started reasoning.

"Mom, I am Danny! Your son."

You shoot me down, but I won't fall

"My son isn't a Monster! If you had been my son you wouldn't have run in the first place."

I am titanium

Maddie fired with the ectogun again

You shoot me down, but I won't fall

He summoned his shield to protect himself from the attack

I am titanium

The ghost boy's last protection shattered apart.

I am titanium

Danny didn't find any escape.

He used the ghostly wail.

[delivermytuneo6]

Crafting Playlists for Every Occasion: From Birthdays to Iconic Hits

Music has the extraordinary power to transform ordinary moments into unforgettable memories. Whether it’s energizing a party, adding sentimentality to a birthday celebration, or simply setting the mood for introspection, the right playlist is a must-have for every occasion. With artists like Rihanna, Diplo, and Gorillaz, and award-winning tracks that top global charts, the world of music offers endless possibilities. Let’s dive into the art of creating the perfect playlist featuring hits like rihanna songs and other iconic tracks.

Rihanna Songs: The Ultimate Playlist Staples

When curating a playlist, Rihanna is often the go-to artist for her versatility. From sultry ballads like “Stay” to high-energy tracks like “We Found Love,” her music spans genres and emotions. Imagine a playlist that starts with Rihanna’s soothing “Love on the Brain” to set a romantic tone, then transitions into the electrifying beats of “Don’t Stop the Music” to get the party going. No matter the occasion, rihanna songs are a must-add, guaranteeing an emotional and rhythmic journey for listeners.

Celebrating with a Birthday Song for a Friend

Birthdays are more than just a date on the calendar—they’re a celebration of life, love, and friendship. The soundtrack of a birthday party plays a pivotal role in amplifying the mood. A well-chosen birthday song for a friend not only uplifts the event but also leaves a lasting impression. Whether it’s a heartfelt acoustic melody to accompany the cake-cutting or an upbeat number for the dance floor, selecting the right birthday anthem can make the celebration truly memorable. Songs like “Happy Birthday” by Stevie Wonder or something fun and quirky like “Birthday” by Katy Perry are excellent options to set the tone.

Award-Winning Tracks: The Best Original Songs

No playlist is complete without the cinematic magic of award-winning tracks. Over the years, the best original song category has given us unforgettable tunes that resonate beyond the silver screen. Think of the inspiring “Glory” by John Legend and Common from Selma or the whimsical charm of “City of Stars” from La La Land. These tracks not only tell a story but also evoke deep emotions, making them ideal for moments of reflection or relaxation. Add these timeless classics to your playlist for an elevated listening experience.

Diplo Songs: The Beat That Drives the Party

For those who thrive on high-energy vibes, no playlist is complete without tracks by Diplo. Known for his eclectic style, Diplo songs bring an infectious energy to any gathering. Whether it's the tropical house beats of “Lean On” by Major Lazer or the hip-hop-infused rhythm of “Where Are Ü Now” with Skrillex and Justin Bieber, Diplo’s productions are guaranteed to get everyone on their feet. His ability to blend global sounds into a cohesive musical experience makes him a favorite for DJs and partygoers alike.

Planning a road trip? Diplo’s tracks are also great companions for long drives, keeping the energy levels high and spirits soaring.

The Artistic Brilliance of Gorillaz Songs

For moments of introspection or when you’re looking for something unconventional, Gorillaz songs are the perfect choice. This virtual band combines experimental beats with profound lyrics, creating music that transcends genres. Tracks like “Feel Good Inc.” and “On Melancholy Hill” are perfect for late-night vibes or deep conversations with friends.

The visual and narrative elements of Gorillaz’s music also make it a unique listening experience, adding depth to your playlist. Whether you’re unwinding after a hectic day or exploring new artistic landscapes, Gorillaz is your go-to band.

How to Curate the Perfect Playlist

Curating the perfect playlist isn’t just about adding popular songs—it’s about creating a journey. Here’s how you can do it:

Define the Occasion: Whether it’s a birthday party, a quiet evening, or a road trip, tailor the playlist to suit the mood.

Start with a Bang: Open with high-energy tracks like Diplo’s “Revolution” to immediately grab attention.

Build a Flow: Transition smoothly between tempos. For example, after a fast-paced Rihanna track, add a slower ballad to give listeners a breather.

Incorporate Hits Across Genres: Diversify your playlist with award-winning songs like the best original song and experimental pieces from Gorillaz.

Personalize with Sentiment: Include tracks that have personal significance, like a birthday song for a friend that reminds you of shared memories.

Close on a High Note: End with a crowd favorite, ensuring the playlist leaves everyone wanting more.

Conclusion: The Soundtrack to Life’s Moments

Whether it’s the soulful allure of Rihanna’s voice, the pulsating beats of Diplo, or the artistic brilliance of Gorillaz, crafting the perfect playlist is an art form that enhances any occasion. Add in some award-winning tracks and thoughtful birthday tunes, and you’ve got the perfect mix for any event.

What’s your go-to song for celebrating life’s moments? Share your playlist ideas in the comments below!

[musicverse11]

The Role of T-Series in Vijay’s Musical Journey

The world of music is constantly evolving, with new stars emerging and pushing boundaries. Vijay, a celebrated figure in the Indian music industry, exemplifies how a local icon can rise to global prominence. His journey from regional fame to international recognition is a testament to his talent, resilience, and strategic approach to music. By blending Tamil cultural elements with global music trends, Vijay has created a unique style that resonates with millions worldwide. In this article, we delve into the milestones of Vijay’s career, his evolution as an artist, and the strategies that have propelled him to the top.

Vijay’s Early Career and Tamil Cultural Influence Vijay’s musical journey began in Tamil Nadu, a region renowned for its rich cultural heritage and vibrant music traditions. Drawing inspiration from Tamil folk music, Vijay’s early compositions captured the essence of his roots. Tracks like “Naa Ready” reflect this influence, combining energetic beats with lyrics that celebrate Tamil identity. His ability to connect with local audiences established him as a beloved figure in the South Indian music scene.

As he gained popularity, Vijay demonstrated an acute understanding of his audience, crafting songs that not only entertained but also represented cultural pride. This foundation was crucial in shaping his artistic identity and preparing him for the broader challenges of the music industry.

Strategic Collaborations and Industry Breakthroughs A pivotal moment in Vijay’s career was his partnership with T-Series, one of India’s largest music labels. Collaborating with T-Series provided him with access to advanced production resources and a wider distribution network, enabling his music to reach new audiences. Tracks like “Jimikki Ponnu” and “Daddy Mummy” benefited immensely from the high production value and strategic marketing campaigns that came with this collaboration.

Additionally, Vijay’s willingness to experiment with different genres set him apart from his contemporaries. He seamlessly blended Tamil folk elements with modern genres like Chill House and Melodic Techno, appealing to both traditionalists and younger audiences. This adaptability not only broadened his fan base but also positioned him as a versatile artist capable of innovation.

Milestone Tracks That Defined Vijay’s Evolution Vijay’s discography is a testament to his artistic growth and adaptability. Among his standout tracks, the following have played significant roles in defining his career:

“Naa Ready”: A vibrant anthem that encapsulates Tamil culture, “Naa Ready” became a massive hit, earning him a dedicated fan base. The song’s infectious energy and cultural relevance made it a staple on regional playlists.

“Ordinary Person”: Departing from high-energy tracks, this song delves into introspective themes, exploring the beauty of everyday experiences. Its relatability struck a chord with listeners, showcasing Vijay’s emotional depth.

“Jimikki Ponnu”: Known for its upbeat rhythm and celebratory vibe, this track became a favorite at social gatherings and parties. Its popularity was amplified by creative promotions and user-generated content on platforms like TikTok.

“Daddy Mummy”: A playful track with humorous undertones, “Daddy Mummy” exemplifies Vijay’s ability to create music that’s both fun and catchy. Its widespread appeal further cemented his position as a household name.

“Badass”: This bold and edgy track showcased Vijay’s range and his knack for pushing creative boundaries. Its powerful lyrics and infectious beat resonated with fans, particularly on social media.

Leveraging Digital Platforms for Global Reach A significant factor in Vijay’s success has been his strategic use of digital platforms. With the advent of streaming services like Spotify, YouTube, and TikTok, Vijay recognized the importance of a strong online presence.

Spotify: Vijay’s tracks have featured on over 30,000 playlists, reaching nearly 14 million listeners. His ability to adapt to Spotify’s algorithmic recommendations ensured consistent visibility and engagement.

YouTube: With over 58 million monthly views, YouTube has been instrumental in visually connecting Vijay with his audience. Music videos like “Naa Ready” and “Daddy Mummy” garnered millions of views, contributing to his global appeal.

TikTok: Viral challenges based on Vijay’s songs, such as the “Daddy Mummy Dance Challenge,” significantly boosted his popularity among younger audiences.

These platforms not only expanded his reach but also allowed him to engage directly with fans, fostering a loyal community.

The Role of Branding and Consistency Vijay’s rise to fame was not accidental; it was the result of meticulous branding and consistency. His music videos, album artwork, and social media presence all reflect a cohesive brand identity. By consistently delivering high-quality content, Vijay built trust with his audience, ensuring sustained engagement and loyalty.

Collaborating with renowned artists and producers further enhanced his credibility, while his ability to adapt to changing trends kept his music relevant. Whether it was experimenting with new genres or embracing social media trends, Vijay’s proactive approach has been a cornerstone of his success.

Conclusion Vijay journey from a local icon to a global phenomenon is a story of passion, perseverance, and strategy. By staying true to his roots while embracing innovation, he has created a legacy that transcends cultural and geographical boundaries. His ability to connect with audiences on a personal level, combined with his strategic use of digital platforms, has set him apart in an increasingly competitive industry.

For aspiring artists, Vijay’s career offers invaluable lessons on the importance of authenticity, adaptability, and strategic thinking. As the music industry continues to evolve, Vijay remains a shining example of how to navigate challenges and seize opportunities.

Are you inspired by Vijay’s journey? Discover his top tracks on Spotify and learn how to amplify your music career with resources like Deliver My Tune. With the right tools and strategies, you can take your music to audiences worldwide!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #406

“turned on all the lights, the tv, and the radio  /  still, i can’t escape the ghost of you”

Have you ever had an ulcer? No. Do you have any rare medical conditions? I believe AvPD is considered to be a rare mental disorder. Do you have to carry an epi pen? No. What color is your mailbox? I think it's black. I don't pay attention. Would you ever want a job working with animals? I'd love to. The thing is, without a degree in something, my duties working with animals would almost certainly involve cleaning up after them, which I am WAY too squeamish with fecal matter and vomit to do. It's extremely embarrassing, but I've never even been able to clean up after my own pets if they ever had an accident or got sick. I obviously couldn't do it with random animals. Did you have a good high school experience? It's... so odd, retrospecting on high school. In some ways, it was the best time of my life because of my memories with my friends and especially Jason, but at the time, I absolutely loathed it and was horribly depressed. But at least I saw a future for myself. I took better care of myself, all that stuff... That Brittany would be fucking mortified to get a glimpse at who she becomes. Have you ever watched any Monty Python movies? Which one is your favourite? I know I've seen some of at least one. Would you ever get a "below the belt" piercing? Nah. If a couple is married, do you think there should be any legal punishment if one person cheats? No...? Like don't get me wrong at all, I am firmly against cheating under any circumstance, but for there to be legal retribution seems extreme. What is the greatest source of anxiety for you? My future. Are there any hallucinogenic drugs you’d like to try? Nah man. What made you choose your current job? I'm unemployed. Do you feel uncomfortable on the dance floor? Or are you confident with you dancing abilities? Oh hunny, you won't see me on the dance floor. Unless MAYBE if the Cha-Cha Slide comes on, or the Cupid Shuffle. That's as skilled as I get, haha. Is it exciting to you to imagine having an affair with a teacher? ... No??????????? It's fucking creepy. Adultery isn't exciting. Do you like your smile? No. I absolutely look high when I smile. What is something silly that you believed to be true when you were a child? That I could invoke the traits of any animal, which I just referred to as my "animal powers." Like for example, if I "called upon" a kangaroo, I could jump higher. I was a weird fucking kid. Have you ever been in a relationship with someone you completely connected with on a mental/emotional level, but did not find physically attractive in any way? Was physical intimacy a problem? How did it work out? I was never really physically attracted to Girt, but it was never a big deal to me. I cared way more about his personality and how much he cared about me. We were never really "intimate," per se, we just would give each other a simple peck. It didn't work out, but not at all because of physical things. He was just too much of a brother to me. What classic or cult movie have you never seen and have no desire to? Hm. I know there's some, but I'm blanking. Does The Human Centipede count here? Like everyone knows about it, so I would assume it does. I have ZERO desire to see a second of that repulsive movie. Have you ever taken a real liking to a band/singer you never ever....ever thought you'd enjoy? Maybe Melanie Martinez? Her voice is so cutesy, as are some of her songs, but I really enjoy how dark her lyrics can be. People who know me would probably be shocked to hear I thoroughly like her. After seeing the movie Avatar did you suddenly view our Earth as ugly and/or boring? If you have not seen the movie, do you think it’s worth your time? I've seen a little bit of it, but I never finished it because I was very tired and chose to go to sleep. I actually do want to see the full thing, though; it looks very good. How helpful are your parents to you? Would they help you to pay for your first apartment? College? Where does the line end? My parents are truly incredible with helping me the best they are capable of. They helped me pay for school, among other things, but I doubt they'd help with my first home, whenever that is. I wouldn't really want them to, either, because that's my responsibility for sure. Do you like playing video games? If so, what do you usually play? I love video games, and horror is absolutely my favorite genre. I also love fantasy games though with deep stories. I've never been the best at playing super long games, like Final Fantasy games, even if I'm seriously invested in the story, though. I burn out. Have you ever sewn a garment? No. Are there any plants in the room you’re in? No. I don't bother with plants. What’s your highest level of education? Some college. What’s the most important thing in any kind of relationship? Proper communication, probably. If you wear lipstick, what’s your favourite colour to wear? I only really put on lipstick to occasionally take a picture, and it's pretty much always black. Is your style feminine, masculine or somewhere in the middle? Somewhere in the middle, I guess? Are there a lot of dragonflies around your house? I've never seen one around this house, and I doubt I ever will because it's too urban. When we lived in the woods, however, I saw them a lot. Of all the Disney couples, which one would you say is your favorite? Kovu and Kiara came to my mind first. Do you think it is cute/funny or disgraceful when a child swears? It's shocking, more than anything. You don't expect it. I don't believe it should be encouraged, but only because children just don't know when swearing really isn't appropriate. If/when you have a baby, how do you think you would want to decorate its room? I don't want kids, but I'll entertain the question and assume this is before the child is born and develops interests. Whether it's a boy or a girl, I'd probably go with a cutesy animal theme. Would you more likely buy a shirt with a picture of Mickey/Minnie Mouse, a Winnie the Pooh character, Snoopy, Hello Kitty, or Tweety Bird on it? None, honestly. Perhaps like, a gothic Hello Kitty. Of all the states you have been to, which one did you have the best experiences? Putting aside the AWFUL heat and humidity, I probably had the best time in Florida. I loved all the palm trees, seeing so many lizards on my grandma's patio, and going to Disney World was a blast. I liked that swimming pools were always warm, too. Have you ever had a crush on someone “too young” for you? No. Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to? No. I was madly in love with him, so no regrets on that. If your boyfriend ever hit you, would you dump him? HA, BYYYYEEEEEEEEE MOTHERFUCKER. ZERO hesitation. Did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize? He did, but I honestly don't know if he meant it. Is there anything you want to say to someone? It'll probably go unsaid for the rest of my life. If they were to televise a live execution, would you watch it? Yikes, hard pass. If you could be the president of the USA, would you be willing to do it? Noooo thank you. Did you wake up in the middle of the night? I always do. Does your animal sleep with you? My cat does. Venus obviously sleeps in her terrarium, but she is in my room. Last color you dyed your hair? Red. Will you keep your last name when you get married? Very unlikely. I don't like my last name. What are you looking forward to? Hearing back again from the woman whose wedding I shot literally two years ago. I thought she ghosted me, but she messaged me the other day about seeing the pictures again and going through them to actually buy some. I don't know why the hell it took her two years, but whatever, I guess? I spent two whole hours resizing the files and re-adding the preview watermark (I deleted the OneDrive folder for space forever ago, but I have the files still), so I hate to sound like an ass, but she better buy something. Between sweating my ass off on location when I shot the wedding, editing those 100+ pictures two years ago, and now re-doing the previews, I have invested so much goddamn time into them that yeah, I think I have the right to be pretty damn salty if I don't hear back from her again. If your significant other cut sex out of your relationship for any reason, what would you do? It'd be whatever. I mean sure, that sort of intimacy is a very special part of serious romantic relationships to me, but I can live without it pretty easily. What was the last thing you said out loud? "Thank you for dinner" to my mom. She brought home Hardee's. Who are your godparents? I don't believe I have any. Do you like Gushers? omggggg yes Can you touch​ your nose with your tongue?​​ No. Is there a particular sport you follow on a regular basis? Nope. Are you waiting for something to arrive in the mail? No. Think of the last film you watched. Who was your favourite character? Uhhhh what was it... The Shining, I think? I didn't really develop a favorite. Do you have a friend whose name starts with ‘L’? Describe him/her. Lisa. <3 She's one of my WoW friends. She'll talk your ear off, but I don't really mind. She is SO sweet and caring for other people and loves to cook. She recently had triplets, and seeing as she had a son only months before accidentally getting pregnant with the triplets, she's obviously been MEGA busy so we haven't talked much lately. When you’re being kissed do you like it when they hold your face? Yeah, but not too early on. Doing that has a promise of seriousness and passion in it to me, and it would probably weird me out if that happened too soon. Last thing that made you cry? My health. Would you ever consider getting a piercing in your septum? Nah. I don't think it would look good on me. Do you enjoy being outdoors? If it's cool outside and I have a place to sit when I want to, yeah. Do people tell you that you have an accent? Only sometimes. It's definitely not as bad as your average Southerner, though. Do you enjoy watching fireworks on the 4th of July? Ha, what nice timing. I think they're very pretty, but I believe I went over in a recent survey how I don't encourage their usage in consideration of veterans with PTSD as well as being conscious of animals and the absolute terror it can cause for them. What’re some unspeakable subjects for you? So my sister is a children's social worker, and she shares a LOT of stories with Mom (and me, if I'm present) that I can't listen to. The ones that involve pedophilia and/or rape, especially from the child's very own parent(s), I just cannot listen to. Period. It's so fucking repulsive and just unimaginable to me how even a monster of a human can commit something THAT goddamn vile. What’s your opinion of root beer? I'm not a big fan. I mean I can tolerate drinking some of it, but I don't really *enjoy* it. Have you ever seen The Breakfast Club, and what’s your opinion of it? I have, and I didn't get the appeal at all. Did you have a Furby when you were younger? Oh god, I did. Those things are so creepy. If you had a baby boy, what would you name him? Damien, most likely.

[herrlindemann]

ROCK HARD - November 2000

"Good things takes time" is an old German proverb that could also apply to the new RAMMSTEIN long player. The Berliners took their time with their third long groove - too much time, according to Faster Frankie Albrecht, who eventually couldn't stand the waiting any longer and followed the band's heels.

The trail leads to Belgium. Mol is the name of the small town in the absolute no man's land. A charming little place that only seems to consist of small one-family houses and is surrounded by a magnificent landscape. You can stay here for a while if you really want to relax. But of course that's not the reason why Rammstein have nested here. The gentlemen were attracted by the still fairly new Galaxy studio, which has already taken over many a great from the rock and pop business. The Scorpions have already been here, along with Pur and the Kelly Family. "It was pretty annoying because there were always Kelly fans surrounding the area," says one of the studio employees and then explains what is special about this recording temple: The entire building is on a kind of giant trampoline, it's completely on springs stored - which of course you don't notice when you walk through the halls. To be honest, as a layman when it comes to studio technology, it's also a bit of a mystery to me what the advantage of this design is, but I'm told that particularly good results can be achieved with this suspension.

Anyway, in the end, of course, only the recording result counts. And that, in my opinion, is huge! I let myself be carried away by this statement after listening to it twice, because Rammstein have managed, on the one hand, to change a little bit, so that one cannot accuse them of creative standstill; on the other hand, the song material clearly sounds like Rammstein every second. And what is important for me personally: the guitar still speaks a clear language, there is no pandering towards electro-pop, as some smart-ass thought they knew beforehand. On the contrary: The six tracks that are presented are really snappy and hard and of course have Rammstein's own humor in the lyrics. Only one piece is out of the ordinary, which is arranged in a strikingly pompous way and underlaid with fat strings — reminiscent a little bit of the Jimmy Page/Puff Daddy cooperation 'Come To Me'.

The third album, still untitled at this point, seems to be a hit again and seems like the lowest common denominator between a logical further development and the calculation not to overwhelm their own fans. However, keyboarder Flake protests against this thesis: “It is a fallacy to believe that musicians do this or that for tactical reasons. There might actually be some fuckers out there like that, but we're just doing what we do best. And you can hear what comes out of it on our records. Ultimately, you can never please everyone. Some complain because you always do the same thing, others yell 'sold out' if you try something different.”

"It's like when you break up with a woman," guitarist Paul draws a different comparison. “You want to do everything better with the next girl. You can do that in certain respects, but in some things you simply cannot change because that would go against your nature.”

So the band relied on their own strengths, and ultimately that's a good thing. After all, Rammstein was able to record sensational successes almost all over the world - mind you with two discs on which only German lyrics can be heard. The success on the American market in particular is almost unbelievable and contradicts all the rules of the music industry. So the last year must have been pretty damn exciting for the band.

"We haven't really digested it all yet" explains Paul, "which is also due to the fact that this phenomenon simply cannot be explained. We don't know how it all happened, so you can't repeat these successes at all to plan. But that's also a good thing, because when we were writing the songs we didn't think too much about what people might expect from us.”

The fact is that Rammstein didn't grow up so much through the support of radio and television, because most stations still rarely play songs by the band. Consequently, the Rammstein show is really not. On the other hand, the band is almost forced by their lavish stage show to always come up with something new and up the ante again. Doesn't this mean that the musicians run the risk of falling completely into the background at some point because everyone is just waiting for the show effects? "I don't think so," says bassist Olli. “There were also concerts where we had to do without almost all show elements, such as in Chicago, and the people still had a good time. Not to forget our first US tour, where we supported KMFDM and were only able to perform a minimal part of our show.”

"It's not like we want to distract from our music with the show," Paul clarifies. “After all, we're not that bad. We didn't come up with this whole thing to get noticed no matter what. Actually, it was more out of boredom. We had absolutely no idea that we were doing anything special and to be honest we still don't think so.”

“On the Family Values ​​tour in the States, the other bands like Limp Bizkit or Ice Cube also had a lot of effects” adds Olli. “We didn't really stand out that much. We also try to use the effects in such a way that they don't distract too much from the band, but rather support us.”

However, especially after the performance at the '98 Dynamo Open Air, allegations were made that everything was going right at Rammstein live. Anyway, I'm pretty sure I heard Till sing on a song without the mic near his mouth...

"It can't be," Paul protests. “There are a few passages where Flake retrieves something from the sampler in order to amplifying Till's voice, such as the words 'Laichzeit' or 'Du hast', but other than that I can safely say that we've never resorted to canned audio. We actually thought about trying it out with 'Seemann' because the song always sounds a bit weird live, but in the end we didn't do it. I can remember a relatively small open air in Ilmenau that we played a few years ago. In the middle of the set a girl jumped on stage, grabbed the mic and was completely surprised that it was connected. I can't even imagine why people would accuse us of not really playing live, because we're far from perfect on stage.”

On the other hand, Rammstein are extremely successful, which raises the question of what goals you still have when you have already achieved so much.

"No particular ones," replies Paul. “We have come further than I ever dreamed of. In this respect, we now simply let everything come to us.”

In my opinion, a special phenomenon is the success you have in the USA. Are you actually aware that you can also be a kind of ambassador? After all, there aren't that many German musicians who have made it to something in America lately, and I can imagine that you're being scrutinized a little more closely...

"The tenor abroad is pretty positive," says Paul. “People are always pleasantly surprised that there are also Germans who don't conform to the general cliché. It's kind of strange that we of all people are suddenly supposed to be ambassadors and that we're selling ourselves pretty well at the same time, when some people in our own country really hate us. On the other hand, of course, we can't assess that very well, because ultimately we don't do anything other than play there and give a few interviews. You should rather ask the musicians from Skunk Anansie, Korn or Limp Bizkit, who have been with us for quite a long time and have certainly gotten a corresponding picture of us.”

[stopeatingwhales]

"how come we've never spoken before?" x noel gallagher

why haven't I written anything for noel in ages??????? anyways this was so cute I hope u lot like it <33

Pairing: 1990! noel gallagher x reader

Warnings: none :)

Word count: 1.951

Requested by anon x

༉‧₊˚✧

“You wanna come over tonight?” Liam asked me as we were walking out of the sixth form building. “Our kids coming to pick us up so was wondering if you wanted to come with.”

“Yeah alright.” I nodded, linking my arm with Liam as we walked out of the gates together. Going over to the Gallagher residence wasn’t an uncommon matter, if anything I was over at theirs at least once a week. Since their father had left the environment was always pleasant, his mum always cooking the best, most delicious meals which caused your body to crave it again each and every day until you returned back for dinner once again. As well as that, being able to spend time with Liam was always an enjoyable experience - him being my best friend since first joining the college, we hadn’t been able to separate ourselves from each other since. Of course, we would have different friends, different groups, but we always turned back to each other - something that I adored most about our relationship; we didn’t constantly need to be with one another to consider each other our best friend. Whenever I was over we would relax in his room, talking about practically everything and everything, sometimes smoking a joint by his window to prevent his mum finding out, even though the stench of it would stick to our clothes like glue - giving it away instantaneously.

After exiting the school gates, we walked for a bit until we reached the nearest neighbourhood of houses, where Noel said he would pick Liam up. To waste the time, Liam brought out a spliff from his pocket, placing it between his lips, then lighting it, him failing a couple times to get the lighter to produce a flame. “Give me a hit,” I said, watching Liam as he quickly inhaled the roll of weed, then passing it to me, a wave of smoke hitting my face from Liam’s mouth. “Stop that you twat.”

There was hardly anybody outside, from the look of the area, merely just the occasional car whizzing past us, causing the empyrean of smoke discarded from our throats to diffuse into the atmosphere. It produced a clear contrast against the skies, which had little to no clouds visible at all. Having a clear, sunny day in Manchester wasn’t something ordinary; it was a rarity, but for the past year the weather had been brilliant, though brilliant becomes unlivable when the temperature continues to increase to the thirties, celsius wise. That’s when the nature of constant traffic, crowded streets and lengthy queues at the ice cream machine disperse into their homes - the sun being too strong it becomes a chore to leave the house. Having the world so silent, hushed, brings another kind of tranquillity to the mind. Watching an inanimate street fixated in the same position, as if it were a ghost-town, encompasses that feeling of being the only person present in the world at that moment, which makes you realise that the life you live is not lead to be controlled of dictated by others - it is yours, and it is something in which you hold complete control over.

After a couple minutes of small talk shared between me and Liam, a small car drove past us, stopping promptly as the windows rolled down, indicating that it was Noel. Me and Liam quickly rushed out of the sun that was beaming down at us, to get inside his car; Liam hopping in the passenger seat next to his brother whilst I occupied the middle seat in the back. “Hi Noel.” I said softly, smiling at him through the rear view mirror, our eyes connecting for a short second whilst he greeted me back, then turning to greet Liam before taking off. Mine and Noel’s relationship wasn’t anything special: we spoke here and there, but since he usually was occupied by hanging out with friends, or travelling as a groupie for Inspiral Carpets, we never conversed much. It was a mere relationship formulated from my closeness with Liam, as manners are important - even if Liam shows the opposite. I was quite intrigued by Noel disregarding his conventional absences; he seemed to lead a life which was exciting and alluring, and was a complete contrast against Liam’s persona from what I had noticed. Liam was more into sports, mainly football, and causing havoc wherever he could (me constantly joining him since he knew how to have an absolute good time), whilst Noel seemed completely consumed by music and the wonders of working with bands. Regardless, they shared some idiosyncrasies, one thing in particular definitely being their love for weed.

Once we arrived at the house, we were greeted by Liam’s mum, who welcomed me in lovingly. “Always a pleasure to have you over, Y/N,” she said as I broke away from the embrace we shared to allow me to take off my shoes. “Liam, I'm going to need you to help me in the kitchen today.” she then said to Liam, whose face then dropped in complete annoyance.

“Why?” he moaned in response, sighing at his mum whilst removing his shoes. “Y/N’s literally here!”

“Maybe because you haven’t done the washing up for over a week, Liam,” she responded, turning her gaze to look at me, rolling her eyes at his demeanour. “Y/N’s not going anywhere, it won’t take you a year.”

After we were able to get Liam to do his chores, I told him that I would be waiting upstairs for him, in his and Noel’s room. Once I went inside, I wandered around the medium-sized room, finding my way over to Noel’s side, especially fixated on the stack of records that he had owned, aligned by the table next to the record player. He had all sorts of bands; the Beatles, the Who, the Smiths, Sex Pistols... All the best artists. The more and more I found out about him the interest I had about him increased. He seemed like a cool older brother to have, and share a room with, even though Liam sees boys in bands quite odd - which is humorous, since he’s practically an entity of his own. Proceeding to pick up a vinyl by the Smiths, the album in particular being the Queen is Dead, I admired the cover whilst grasping it in my palms. The Smiths were the only band that seemed to use the most aimless, but oddy aesthetic images of random men as their album covers - most likely courtesy of Morrissey’s desires - though I suppose is one element which creates the artistic composition of the band, and their music. Snapping me out of the trance I was consumed in, a voice echoed in the room, one which was definitely not Liam’s. “Like what you see?”

Turning around to find out who it was, I was accosted by the sight of Noel, who was holding a warm mug of tea. Flustered, I placed the vinyl back in the stack before taking a seat on Liam’s bed. “Sorry,” I mumbled, looking at Noel whilst playing with my fingers in my lap.

View stuck on him, I watched him walk to his bedside table, placing his mug of tea on the coaster, then reaching out to grab the vinyl that was once embraced by my palms. “You like the Smiths?” he asked, his eyes now connecting to my gaze.

“Yeah I do,” I said, smiling slightly at his question. “That’s my favourite album of theirs actually.”

“Didn’t expect that from you,” He replied back, taking a sip from his mug of tea before taking the vinyl out of its sleeve and placing it on the record player, watching the needle intently as it gently dropped onto the black disc before sitting back on his bed. The title track’s intro then seeped into the silence of the room, paired by Noel humming along to it. “Think their debut was better, if I’m honest.”

“Well preference always matters,” I answered back, walking over to his bed to grab the vinyl sleeve, gazing at the lyric sheets, also taking a seat next to Noel. I felt his stare on me, but I attempted to ignore it as I focused on the little verses of poetry in one of the songs. “Morrissey is such a depressing writer.”

A laugh rumbled at his throat at my absentminded comment. Averting my gaze, I looked at Noel and smiled again. “I’m not wrong!”

“What else you into?” he asked me, curiosity laced in his tone as he diverted the topic.

“Everything else you listen to really, I looked through most of your vinyls,” I replied, watching Noel as his eyebrows furrowed together in shock, my smile widening as I felt my cheeks start to burn slightly - I had never thought that I’d be having a genuine conversation with Noel. “Especially the Beatles, Liam’s told me how much you love them.”

Noel was impressed, and it showed on his face quite evidently. “What’s your favourite album by them then?”

Looking away for a couple seconds, I thought of a response. “Probably Sergeant Peppers. Was their most innovative stuff, in my opinion at least.”

We continued to ramble on about music for a short while, Noel continuing to act excessively shocked whenever I had told him I had indeed listened or liked an artist he questioned. It was nice to finally discuss music with somebody since Liam was never really into it. “You’d never expect me to listen to all of this because I’m friends with a lunatic.”

Another laugh left Noel’s mouth, a smile stuck on his lips. “All he’s obsessed with is football, I don’t even get how you’re both mates.”

“Opposites attract.” I answered back, leaning back to have my back against the wall as we continued to talk. My cheeks began to hurt after a while of us chatting, due to the smile that was unable to leave my lips.

“How come we’ve never spoken properly before?” He asked, walking over to flip the vinyl to side B. “You’re cool.” he added in a mumble, almost as if he didn’t want it to be heard.

I felt blood slightly rush to my cheeks after the compliment fell from his lips, my top teeth clinging onto my bottom lip as a wave of nervousness washed over me. “Maybe because you’re always out.”

A hum of agreement rumbled from his throat as my eyes fixated themselves on the white ceiling. I could see that Noel was staring at me through my peripheral, which caused my cheeks to increase their redness, only slightly. “We should hang out sometime.”

Connecting eyes with him, I admired his dark brown orbs for a second, before I responded. “We should.”

Breaking our moment together, we were welcomed by an exhausted Liam rushing into the room, breathing heavily from his jog up the stairs. Falling onto the bed, me and Noel shared a moment of laughter as we simply stared at Liam’s state. “What’re you lot laughing about?”

Me and Noel turned to look at one another, sharing a gaze once again. There was a specific glint in his eyes which I marveled at, his face beaming at me, only causing me to reciprocate in the same manner. Our stare meant more than what it was, a certain tension was held between us that was felt by both participants. Especially for Noel, whose heart was pumping as if it were about to burst out of his chest, his cheeks a little flushed out of admiration for the girl sitting next to him. “Nothing.” we replied, giggling slightly as our eyes stayed glued on one another.

[aggravatetheaxe]

ABIGAIL’S GIRL GROUP PAST HEADCANON POST

So I made this post a while ago and here I am to expand upon it.

The Candy Shops were an American-Canadian-British girl group formed in 1994, active through 1999. The group was comprised of Marcia Schreiber (“Starburst”), Caroline Sterling (“Licorice”), Kimberly Garmon (“Kit Kat”), Gwen Burton (“Jujube”), and Abigail Remeltindtdrinc (“Smartie”). Each had distinct styles and personas, though their personas were largely based on their actual personalities.

The band was formed after hundreds of young women auditioned to be in a girl group a manager-songwriter husband and wife duo advertised via magazines and newspapers in the US, UK, and Canada. Once they were signed by Heart Records in 1996, they gained overnight popularity before abruptly breaking up in 1999. They produced three albums, one season of a television show, and successfully finished a world tour. In 1999, after Abigail Remeltindtdric left the group, they released a film, Candyland, to a declining fanbase.

I’ve made a short bullet list of quick facts for each member under the cut. I did include picrews but the picrews really weren’t giving me the full 90s fantasy I needed so I also included references! (I tried to include them as links but alas, the links made tumblr eat my post, so you'll just have to explore on your own - any person I name, assume I mean them in the 90s).

Abigail “Smartie” Remeltindtdrinc

19 when the band formed, 21 when they signed with Heart Records

comes from a very ordinary background like most of the girls, but began college early; has a background in musical theatre and dance more than pop or hip-hop, which made her stand out from the others in both style and voice

persona was, as her name implies, the “smart” one, including a famous look with glasses

despite being a “smartie” (and she definitely had the wit to back that up) she was known to fans and peers as being friendly and innocent as well - of all the girls, she had the fewest public scandals. public scandals

her strong personality and work ethic made her the de facto “leader” of the group, but she was constantly wrestling with Licorice for that title

worked the best under pressure out of all of them - kind when she needed to and harsh when it was required, albeit, as we know, prone to getting stuck in her own head about stuff

wasn’t the driving force behind lyrics but rather overall “voice” of the music; was very adamant that a hip-hop sound be utilized alongside their house and pop styles

swore off singing after the group’s traumatic breakup (she doesn’t like talking about it) and decided to work solely on music production, which she finds she actually enjoys more, despite a lower-pressure environment - just because she works well under pressure doesn’t mean she always wants to. learned a lot about production and engineering on the job in her "past life"

inspiration: Mel B glasses looks, 90s schoolgirl chic, Clueless, "Hit Me Baby One More Time", Victoria Beckham

Gwen “Jujube” Burton

17 when the band formed, 19 when they signed with Heart Records

came from a relatively poor background with split parents and a father not really in the picture. originally went to school for acting and dancing and landed bit parts in several random television shows and advertisements before auditioning for The Candy Shops

was very much the “Baby Spice” of the group, that brand of innocence vs naughtiness that the music industry was obsessed with in the 90s. this got her into a lot of uncomfortable situations, and yet no one would take her seriously because she was “the baby” of the group

she didn’t really take to the pressure very well; she was open and vulnerable with the others, but she got homesick and overwhelmed easily, which resulted in her turning to things like drugs, alcohol, and bad relationships to cope

wasn’t the strongest singer but was a decent lyricist with a lot of charm, and four “big sisters” to protect her. she often leaned on them or hid behind them even when it wasn’t appropriate for her to do so

definitely took it the hardest of all of them when they broke up. she took it extremely personally and had a hard time coping. she’d become dependent and codependent on her bandmates and parting ways with them drove her further into addiction

she’s doing better these days, though. after several very public breakdowns and a long stint in rehab, she’s recovering. she is now a born-again christian, works with several addiction and abuse organizations, and has gotten back into acting (but they’re all terrible religious movies)

inspiration: Baby Spice, Britney

Kimberly “Kit Kat” Garmon

20 when the band formed, 22 when they were signed

comes from an ordinary background like most of the girls, born and raised in camden, london. her skill is more in dance and choreography than the others

her persona was the energetic, tough, urban girl. “sporty” style.

because she was a laid back tomboy, she struck the perfect balance between hard and approachable. this was the girl everyone wanted to be friends with because she just seemed so fun and cool

despite her boyish styling and persona, she seemed like just a really chill person and tended not to get in the middle of in-fighting or disagreements

(cw: eating disorder) in reality, she was an anxious mess. being seen as the fit & sporty one took its toll - the nature of her style meant she was always showing her midriff and her body was under intense scrutiny. her height and muscle mass meant she weighed more than her peers. this proved to be too much pressure for her and she developed bulimia, which only made her feel worse about herself

definitely the most raw vocal talent out of all of them but frequently overlooked and shunted into a lower register in most tracks

out of all of them, post-breakup, she’s the most likely to speak about her experiences but also the first one to balk at the thought of a reunion. she doesn’t regret the path she took but she wouldn’t do it again for all the money in the world

these days she’s a health influencer, personal trainer, and UFC titleholder. she and abigail remain in contact but she’s no longer close with the others. this is particularly sad when it comes to starburst, with whom she had an ongoing secret affair

inspiration: Smile.dk, Melanie C "Sporty Spice", TLC

Caroline “Licorice” Sterling

19 when the band formed, 21 when they were signed. only slightly older than abigail

also english, born in leeds. unlike the others, her background was comfortable, and her family lived with wealth - wealth she was slightly embarrassed of, wanting to appear street-smart and independent. studied dancing and modeling

her persona was aloof and elegant, her style sleek and minimalist (but not necessarily plain). she nearly never smiled for photos, which became her signature look

definitely the “heel” of the group, and in a lot of ways, she deserved that. she was incredibly opinionated and bossy, and her strong personality clashed with abigail’s, especially when abigail’s wit outclassed her. she tended to be very aggressive and hot or cold with all of her friends

of course, this behavior was due to her own insecurities, desperate need to appear more sophisticated and wise than she was, and tendency to latch on and form codependencies. very heavy on the “i hate you, don���t leave me” type of thing

dealt with pressure by heaping it on other people, mainly her various boyfriends. she enjoyed and still enjoys the power being a celebrity brought her

always had very little problem throwing people out when she was done with them, even if that was only temporary. a lot of the smaller fights and breakups were a result of drama she started. she was very short with the others a lot of the time - like i said, hot or cold. when things were good, they were really good, especially between her and abigail. when things were bad, they were really bad

these days, she’s still a celebrity. when the band broke up, she went onto sign a solo contract with Heart Records, which garnered a couple #1s. she’s also a model and married an actor, so things are going pretty well for her, and she’s quite powerful… whether she deserves it or not

inspiration: Smile.dk, the 90s white braids/cornrows phenomenon in general, Jetta from Jem and the Holograms, Victoria Beckham, Mel B

Marcia "Starburst" Schreiber

18 when the band formed, 20 when they signed

comes from an ordinary family, though her dad is pretty distant and her mother is a bit of a stage mom. born in winnipeg, canada. her persona was the wildcard of the group. the dreamy, inspired, carefree, loud, sassy one. if you looked at a lineup of these girls, you’d expect her to be the leader, not smartie or licorice

wore the famous l'Unifolié dress - a minidress with the canadian maple leaf on it. also famous for her streaked or crimped hair, “bindis” and other facial adornments/stickers, and faux fur coats

definitely the most outspoken of all of them, though she wasn’t the leader. she had this magnetic charm about her that you just couldn’t deny. she was just this incredible light who made everyone around her smile

inside, though, she was pretty much the opposite. she shone so brightly to try and make up for herself, in a lot of ways. she was depressed, anxious, and insecure, and the nasty insults people hurled at her for being unabashed and outspoken really added to the pain she carried

in a lot of ways, she was the emotional sponge of the group. she took on a lot of pain and pressure for the others because she considered herself strong, or thought she had to be strong for them

her charisma and genuine love for singing and dancing really added to the group; she was also great with lyrics and melodies but a lot of the time, no matter how she was reassured, she felt like she didn’t fit in with the others. she felt like the extra, all at once Too Much and Not Enough

turned to drinking a lot to combat these feelings. she took the breakup really hard, too, and spent several years trying to get them all back together before realizing it was never going to happen

she didn’t really do anything else in the industry after that. she went back to canada, married a guy, had two kids, and just sort of … ground to a halt.

(cw: suicide) unfortunately, after a lifelong struggle with depression, anxiety, and drinking, in 2008, she intentionally overdosed on pills and passed away. it was a big deal and impacted all the girls, and most of them, especially Abigail, don’t talk about it. Abigail partially blames herself for not reaching out

inspirations: Christina Aguilera, Gwen Stefani, Ginger Spice

[anya-ackerman]

Stumbled across an ask game for the self-shipper so here’s a little thing to get to know me. Questions taken from here!

“Do you have any unique hobbies?”

As far as something out of the ordinary I guess the first thing that comes to mind is I collect bones. I just find them fascinating and I really want to learn taxidermy when I have a chance.

But pinned bugs, skeletons, preserved specimen, teeth…they’re just really interesting to me! I also find the process of cleaning bones meditative and as a pagan, it’s a chance for me to pay respects and honor to the animal, especially if it’s a life taken to provide life for myself.

“Who was your very first fictional crush?”

Oh gosh, don’t come for me but it was 100% Dib from Invader Zim back when I was in middle school 🫣

He kind of ignited my interest in the paranormal and cryptids even more so than it had been. It was innocent and earnest and we parted on good terms.

“What’s your favorite lyric in a song? why does it resonate with you?”

“I’ve found the cure to growing older and you’re the only place that feels like home”

So fun fact, Fall Out Boy’s “From Under the Cork Tree” album is still one that hits me super hard. So many memories come back when I listen to it but this line in particular has always just stuck with me.

I think it’s the idea you’re eternally young when you’re with the right person. When being with them feels as natural as breathing and they feel like your hone. You know they’re there for you and they’ll take care of you, regardless of how you feel about yourself in the moment.

“What’s your favorite season, and what’s your dream day for that season?”

My favorite season is autumn! It would be spring but it can be so rainy during spring that autumn beats it out since there’s more to do!

My dream day in autumn? Probably going with Levi to the mountains or a forest, somewhere we can see the trees changing color. It’ll be cool enough for sweaters but not cold enough for jackets and we can have a picnic and go for a walk under the trees. Maybe we’ll stop off at a local farm for some hot cider or hot chocolate and pastries, take a hay ride or pick apples and pumpkins.

“Do you have any pets? if so, post a pic!”

This is my little baby boy Hiro! Wearing his Scouting Legion cloak!

“Post a selfie! (if you’re not comfortable, you can use a picrew!)”

Not me making myself look like a shojou protagonist 💕

“What’s your go-to snack?”

I, much like Sasha, will eat nearly anything. But as far as snacks I usually gravitate towards? Around the house I usually have string cheese, just because I have issues with my blood sugar dropping low so it’s easy to grab and helps bring my blood sugar up quickly.

Other than that, I can pretty much snack on anything.

“What are your favorite video games?”

I like open world games where I get to explore an environment and craft items. I also like farming/life sims like Harvest Moon/Story of Seasons and Animal Crossing! J-RPGs are another good one and I have a soft spot for visual novels.

“For neurodivergent shippers: what’s your current hyperfixation?”

Attack on Titan! And now that we’re heading into Spooky Month, horror. Particularly H.P. Lovecraft and gothic horror and cosmic horror. It works out since Levi and I both enjoy horror and spooky things!

“For lgbt self shippers: post your flags!”

I’m honestly not sure if it counts as LGBT but fictosexual is what currently seems to fit me right now.

[fa-by]

Hi, Faby I'm finally free of homework. I loved your theory on all these years. I laughed at the memes. many CS say we have a version of Camila with all these years, but we don't have a similar version of Lauren but at the time that Camila and Lauren weren't together (after Camila left the group) Lauren kept thinking about Camila because she kept writing songs based on her relationship with Camila like all night. Can you make a song analysis of all night?

Hello to you, dear @camilalauren0327 👋🏼😄 I'm glad you're free from your homework 💪🏼 I'm also glad that you loved my interpretation and that you laughed at the GIFs.

So. About All Night, I can tell you it's track n° 11 of Steve Aoki's Neon Future IIIalbum. Both Laur and Steve loved the time spent together in the studio, and Steve totally loved working with her: “She’s got so many ideas and the problem is, they’re all good. She’s very meticulous. The attention to detail Lauren has is something I don’t find in many people. She’s very attentive to the detail. She’s got those ears, she’s got the sensibility and the vision, and I’m just totally inspired to be in the studio with her”.

As for the lyrics, were already there, but Laur rewrote them and wrote the bridge from scratch. Vocally speaking, she did all the backgrounds and vocally self-produced. So the vocal production? It's hers. It was her. Yeah. She's thattalented, and people still sleep on her. But anyway. Let's move on to my interpretation now, shall we?

Verse 1:

“My heart beats a little faster

When our eyes meet, in the middle of a crowded room”

Typical reaction of when we meet someone we like. You know? Heart beating fast as Laur says, along with butterflies in the stomach, cheeks blushing, palms sweating, adrenaline, dry mouth, palpitations, hot flashes, etc., etc.

“In knee deep, testing waters”

What does ‘in knee deep’ make us understand? That it wasn't an ordinary person that she just liked, but that it was a person that she really liked very much. *cough Mila*

“I've got a feeling, and I don't know what to do”

Why? Because she knew it was different and contrary to the past, she didn't know how to act.

Chorus:

“You got me paralyzed, and I think I like it”

As I think you know, ‘paralyzed’ in this case is intended as being blocked by a strong emotion (such as amazement). Mila got her paralyzed. Their situation and feelings were so strong, so deep/in knee-deep, that Laur was petrified by it. But despite this, as I said before, this was different. Unlike anything she'd ever felt before. And she liked it.

“Caught me by surprise, I'm not usually like this, no”

It caught her by surprise because she didn't expect it. And we know why she wasn't usually like that. Because she'd been in denial all her life. Because she'd always fought against these feelings.

“Got me paralyzed, don't think I can help it”

She couldn't. Even if she tried, she couldn't. She couldn't help herself.

“Why's it feel so right?”

Why did what she was taught to be wrong made her feel so good/right? Because it was. It was in general, but it was even more so with her. With Mila.

Post-Chorus:

“Let's keep this going all night

Going all night

Going all night

Going all night”

Freedom. Without thinking of tomorrow. Tomorrow's tomorrow.

Verse 2:

“The crowd fades, tunnel vision

In a daze, and the only thing I feel is you”

Because she was the only important thing. The only thing that mattered. All the rest? They were just surroundings.

“In perfect, syncopation”

Syncopation can be a rhythm, a passage, or a dance step. Syncopation in music occurs when a rhythm is unexpected and is played off-beat. It's like, an oscillation in a soft and not stiff way. It's an imbalance and prolongation of a note in the middle that creates an effect of, precisely, oscillation. Flamenco is the simplest first example that comes to mind for both musical rhythm and danced rhythm, but syncopation is used in many music styles. From the classical music of Mozart and Beethoven, to the ragtime ancestor of jazz, jazz itself, rock, metal, reggae, hip-hop, pop, house, salsa, etc.

To give you a practical example to help you understand better, count 5, 6, 7, 8 out loud three times in a row. From the fourth time, keep counting out loud and, at the same time, use the palm of your hand or the clenched fist on a surface to hear the rhythm yourself and understand how stable it is. Do this three times or even more until it’s natural for you to keep up the pace without having to keep counting 5, 6, 7, 8 out loud. Once you've done that, keep counting mentally and hit/tap 5 a little bit harder with a little pause, and then just 7, 8. It would be like: 5, no hit/tap, 7, 8.

FIIIVE, seven, eight - FIIIVE, seven, eight - FIIIVE, seven, eight.

You can slow down or speed up as you like, and this, dear @camilalauren0327 and babies, is an example of syncopation. If you guys want, to listen and understand better, I also found this for you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-H6oXpF-tw.

But anyway. What's my point? Why explain all this to you? Because for many composers and producers, syncopation is a vital element because it helps them tie the rhythm and the melody of a song together. The use of syncopation in music in general, but more precisely in a song, makes the track different and even unique at times.

And now that you know this, Lauren did or didn't use a beautiful metaphor with a simple one-word to describe her and Mila? *she was so phenomenal and romantic 😍*

“Face to face, tell me do you feel it too?”

Sounds weird that Laur was wondering, right? Well, it actually isn't because this song is about the moment in the timeline they were in the Like Friends Dosituation. Laur was still in denial and therefore they didn't speak. She didn't know if Mila still wanted her or not, and most likely, it was just before Mila started her relationship with the mystery girl because it coincides with Lauren finally accepting herself and her feelings for her.

Chorus:

“You got me paralyzed, and I think I like it

Caught me by surprise, I'm not usually like this, no

Got me paralyzed, don't think I can fight this

Why's it feel so right?”

The difference between the first chorus and this, is the ‘don't think I can fight this’ here. As I said before and as we know, Laur had been in denial all her life and she’d always fought against these feelings, but this time it was different. Thiswas different because Camila was different. Hell, Lauren herself was different. The environment she was in was different. Different especially from home and from what she was used to there. Her feelings were different. More powerful. Nothing like the crushes she'd had on other girls in the past, and she knew, because she knew, that she was going to lose this fight. Here, or rather at the time at that moment, she was simply admitting it to herself.

Bridge:

“But maybe I should wait

Let it fall into place

'Cause I keep going over

The things that could come from me feeling this way (Way)”

She was having second thoughts here. Her fear took over. Fear is the most powerful tool in the world. It makes you do unimaginable things and it makes you not do what you really want.

“And I don't wanna play (I don't wanna play)

This emotional game (This emotional game)

But when you pull me closer

I cannot deny that I want you to stay”

BUT, she finally gave in. She overcame her fear by finally admitting to herself that she wanted her, and not just physically. The ‘stay’ is tricky because if it's read just like that, it only means a physical action, but for Camren? It means so much more. An example that comes to mind now is the ‘It's almost 2AM and I can't ask you to stay’ that we find in Feel It Twice. For them, the ‘stay’ is not just a physical action. It's deeper. It means staying with each other. It means staying/being together.

After the bridge, we have the post-bridge and then the chorus again (in which that raspy, mature high-note occurs on the “I cannot deny this love”, which honestly leaves me dead every time) which I've already explained, so that's it, dear @camilalauren0327. All Night is a song about Laur's acceptance of her feelings for Mila.

I hope you liked it, and, I don't know where you live, but I hope you're having a wonderful summer or a beginning of winter. Sending you a hug 🤗

For you guys, on the other hand, I hope you too are having a wonderful summer or a beginning of winter wherever you live 😊 I'll try to keep answering your asks whenever possible until I get home in September (damn places with no connection and only one wi-fi).

Always remember to be kind, to others and to yourselves. Be a good example. Be patient. Be safe and take care of yourselves. Don't let our ship sink. Keep shipping them, but please respectfully 🙏🏼 Sending you virtual love and hugs 🤗🤗🤗 I love you, babies. Always with love, F ❤️

[starshipsofstarlord]

‘Tis The Damn Season | Hamish Duke

Warnings; includes angst, implications of smut (not too detailed), breakup, heart ache, sacrifice, pain, and angst again

Based of ‘tis the damn season by Taylor Swift

If I wanted to know who you were hanging with 

Whilst I was gone, I would’ve asked you

Belgrave, home. For a while, you had thought that Hamish had served as that shelter, but the brick road broke, splitting the pair of you apart. It was as though the pair of you were ice, thawing over the time that the independent plan had been brewing.

This place, it was to be missed. It was a great step of a risk that you were to be taking, and so was the weighing of your heart. It felt as though it would be difficult to carry, it would remain with you, surely even after you crossed and exited the borders of the town.

Leaving overall, let alone him was to be exceedingly difficult, any attachment had to be released, like a bird from a cage. But birds in cages had routines, they’d be fed, and get affection, but this one wouldn’t. He’d just be abandoned, left to fend for himself.

The man that had been the only dream that had rendered your brain at night placed the guitar into the back of your car. He knew that it, what you had, was ending.

This was the end, and alternately not the one that Hamish had been expecting. If you were leaving university behind you, in the reflection of your rear view mirror, he would be left standing, alone and broken hearted.

It’s the kind of cold, fogs up the windshield glass

But I felt it when I passed you

“Goodbye Hamish.” It felt like a cruel lyric that would be used in a song, a line you’d harmonise on stage.

Getting into the drivers seat, you allowed yourself a first and last glance through the chilled glass, blinking away any tears that threatened to spill.

He was a good man, there were great things ahead of Hamish Duke. But none of that included you, this was his journey now, you had already made the choice of yours.

And this was the price of it, the freezing of your heart; the truest and purest love that you had ever felt. No matter, you had already paid it, and caused pain for both Hamish and yourself.

There’s an ache in you, put there by the ache in me

But if it’s all the same to you

It’s the same to me

Turning the ignition on, you proceeded to drive past everything that you had ever known, all that you had love for.

The smallest distance seared a wrenching ache within your chest. It felt like a punishment for putting yourself first for once, it made you concerned, surely it shouldn’t have.

The car’s slow pace had Hamish biting his lip, containing any of his avid disagreements to this. He understood your priority, respected it even, but none of that made watching you leave any easier.

If anything, it gave him an urge to turn and head to a bar or something of the sort. But he remained, his heart sinking lower as you got further from his line of sight.

It shouldn’t have heart him as much as it did. It was common knowledge that first loves weren’t eternal. Time would only help him accept that cruel fact, or so he thought.

So we could call it even

You could call me “babe” for the weekend

Hamish’s body was under bliss, he had found his solace once more. He fit perfectly upon your nude form, it felt like his soul was rebuilding itself.

But he had to remember that you were only here for the weekend, you’d soon be gone again. And he would fall apart all over, just like the first time.

“Babe.” The blonde moaned, his hands intertwining with yours, he had missed more than just pleasure from your entanglements. He had beyond missed the entirety of your being.

The name that you were keen to lap from the tip of his theoretical tongue was a misplaced comfort. It shouldn’t however have the effect of such comfort, not when the pair of you were claiming to have been trying your hardest to move past what you had once been.

It was an old and tiring routine, that you were prone to returning to. The sinful actions were bad for each of your mental health, but it felt right to argue against it.

 The wisest decision would be to forget Hamish, and every notion he inclined you to feel, but it was too difficult, especially when he had you seeing orgasmic stars.

‘Tis the damn season, write this down

I’m staying at my parents’ house

“Aren’t you seeing any old friends from university this Christmas?” The question was poised by your mother, she was far too concerned by the fact that since your arrival you had hardly left the house.

It was even blurred by snow outside, not too much to the point where you’d have to be shovelling it from the porch, but it was enough. It was beautiful, perfect for this time in the season.

In fact, you loved the snow. But the memories that bombarded your mind from the wonderful weather had your mind rolling back to Hamish, specifically how blue his eyes appeared amongst the frosted surroundings.

The thought had you sniffling, holding in a post breakup breakdown from your mother’s eyes. She thought you were sick, demanding that you get something for ‘that runny nose of yours, it could be contagious’.

And the road looks real good now

And it always leads to you and my hometown

The exact second that you entered your car, your hands sternly hit the steering world. Were you not allowed to follow your career through the workings of the world without punishment?

Because it sure felt that way, as though you were being a rebel in a war, however the battlefield was that of your heart. It was tearing slowly, and had been over the entirety of your hopeful escapade.

It cried regularly to be united back with Hamish, to its rightful home. It was suffering from separation anxiety from him, clouding the gaps in your brain and making them think about the tall, handsome man alone.

And the road taken looks real good now

And it always leads to you and my hometown

Every time that you were in your car, it felt like you were leaving home all over again, and Hamish would be standing by, with his upset aura, trying his hardest to keep himself together.

It was the worst feeling, knowing that exiting town was essentially the same as stabbing him in the heart. There was no feeling worse than knowing that you had hurt Hamish, you still felt more than something for him.

Whenever you’d come by of a weekend, which was every couple of months, occasionally each few, you’d take the pill of seeing him. But not too long ago, you’d realised how cruel the self invitation really was.

He had been growing used to life without you, and then you’d reappear, lounging in his bed, only to rip away from him and cause a terrible ache in his heart when you’d return to your performing duties. It was unfair, so you refused this month to allow him to know that you were back, otherwise the painful pattern would only continue, and there’d never be an end to it.

I parked my car between the Methodist

And the school used to be ours

Belgrave university was right beside the pharmacy, it only made you feel actually sick. The memories from the school were returning, there were so many of them, it was as though they were trying to anchor you in the snow as you stepped out of your car.

Almost all of them included Hamish, he was the main attraction of the university anyways. But perhaps you had stood there reminiscing longer than you should have, because it seemed that you had drawn some unwanted attention.

Hamish. He was walking from the entrance, a sombre expression had been held upon his face until he saw you. And then his face was rivalled with hope and confusion, you hadn’t informed him that you were back yet.

He’d already expected you to be returning for the holidays, mostly for your family, however, you hadn’t told him, and from the wideness of your eyes, the realisation kicked into his instinct. You had had no intention to.

But he continued to walk towards you anyways, trying his best not to smile and coo at the adorableness of your red nose.

The holidays linger like bad perfume

You can run, but only so far

The thought of making a leg for it, sprinting as far away as possible, or getting back into your car and steering away certainly crossed your mind.

This interaction was certainly not a miracle of the season, it felt like a curse, ascending from hell itself. You hadn’t wanted to see him, but the universe had interfered and made a collaboration.

I escaped it too, remember how you watched me leave

But if it’s okay with you, it’s okay with me

However every time you came and left, this building confrontation had been avoided, with you packing your suitcase for the umpteenth time, zipping each of your mouths shut and hearing nothing but the sound of the wheels rolling across the concrete of your family’s driveway.

Now, to contradict it all, the pair of you were stood upon even ground, it wasn’t outside of either of your homes, it was strangely the perfect place for this. And you found your dread slightly dissipating, aware that this was always going to happen, the road had just ended.

We could call it even

You could call me “babe” for the weekend

He was confused as to what to say or do. This was the first instance that he had seen you again in a place other than in his sheets, it was overwhelming.

“You haven’t been answering my messages.” His tone was calm, but in it, pain was presented, his sad blue eyes also justified that aspect of his aura. “Here for another weekend?”

It came across as less pleasant than he had anticipated, he was stressed to say the least. Something happened to him, it was out of the ordinary, he had wanted to speak to someone, and the first person that had came to his mind was you.

‘Tis the damn season, write this down

I’m staying at my parents’ house

Wringing your hands at the sound of his voice, it was visible that his presence made you nervous. That wasn’t what he wanted at all, he already scared himself after that sheathing of wolf fur wrapped itself around him and chose him as its vessel. His intent wasn’t to make you mirror his discomfort.

And so he uncrossed his arms, putting them into his trouser pockets and tried to look as relaxed as his exterior could fathom.

“I’m staying with my parents, it’s the holidays and all. Had to come home somewhen.”

And the road not taken looks real good now

Time flies, messy as the mud on your truck tires

But you knew, that it was all to return to him. That was the universe’s plan for you, if you ever tried to get away, it’d only force you to reconnect once again. There was no escape, and a part of you was not complaining about that.

The other however was outrageous, nothing could ever be easy, it all drifted down shore from the plan, the ultimate dream. Using your voice to sing was the goal, however here you were instead, mentally cursing and dragging the name of the planet through the darkness inhabited in your neurons.

Now I’m missing your smile, hear me out

And the road not taken looks real good now

Right now, all you wished was to stay. His smile was inviting you to do, and so you stepped cautiously towards Hamish, hands going to his face and pressing the pads of your fingers to his cold cheeks.

Snow began to fall, but you could care less. It already felt like there was a blizzard forcing to search for shelter, and here it was, in the body of this one man. He was different from the rest, he was your road, the one you wanted to continue on, rather than drive away from.

And it always leads to you and my hometown

Sleep in half the day just for old times’ sake

His eyes shut at the contact, it was far more passionate than the times you had seen him during your occasional visits. Don’t get it mistaken, the sex was great, however it was a coping mechanism, rather than a true example of love.

There had been something missing, at first you assumed that it was the lack of labels between the two of you, however you proved yourself wrong after realising that it was the proximity that the pair of you had once had.

The loyalty, the trust, the knowledge that the two of you had traded. It had always been mutual, and so was this heartache, it wasn’t fair for the pair of you to be apart, yet still suffering from more than the distance.

I won’t ask you to wait if you don’t ask me to stay

So I’ll go back to L.A. and the so-called friends

There was one singular thing that Hamish desired to ask. However it’d be a two way street of cruelness if he allowed it to slip. But if he gave it permission to leave his mouth, then perhaps it would be a different story.

Everything could go back to normal, the way things had been. Except from him of course, he was forever changed, he was the house to a creature so unbelievable, yet proven real, that he could not just dispose of it. That would end in his death if he were to split from this monster within him.

But he would also die if he had to be distanced mentally from you any longer. He took one long stride of his leg, cupping the edges of your face, and clashed the two of your lips against his own. The contact was hungry, needing to swallow any last breaths that could possibly be breathed in each other’s presence.

If he had it his way, he wouldn’t break the unison against you, however he had to, otherwise he would surely have to catch your tired body, not that that would be the worst thing in the world.

“Stay, don’t go again.” It fell, permitting a moment of silence in the air. This required thought, but the answer could be sudden, if it were, then that would be the true response that he was seeking. It would be an instinct to remain here, with him, at your home.

Who’ll write books about me if I ever make it

And wonder about the only soul

It made a sigh tumble from the hollow of your throat, as though you were shocked by his defiance and desire. However you were not, the grand query was to come to pass sometime, it had been eventual, until now.

He had finally ripped the band aid from the soreness upon his beating chest, and done so to your own. He had opened the wound, allowing it to breathe in the surrounding air, making your own hitch as you thought of an appropriate reply.

It wasn’t professional to be so swayed by his proposition, however, what about all that you wanted to accomplish? The career you were pursuing, the town of Belgrave wouldn’t be so kind to permit you the reputation you were seeking. 

“I don’t know what to say.” The truth left your lips, the mind that was being stalled by all the possibilities, the two paths that were duelling for your footsteps, was suffering from total confliction. There was no easy answer, either way, you were to be giving something you loved up.

Who can tell which smiles I’m fakin’

And the heart I know I’m breakin’ is my own

“How about yes?” He was desperate to hear it, the confirmation that you would remain with him through the tough time that he was painfully living through. Your absence, albeit how it was completely your choice, did not help the situation. 

Hamish needed someone that not only he could rely on and trust, but would help him. Somebody whom could keep him in touch with his human side, and away from the likening to alcohol that he had picked up upon now that he was legal to purchase it himself.

“Okay. I’ll stay for a little, but no promises to it being permanent.” You had been swayed by not only his engorging blue eyes, but also the pain, the pleading that echoed behind them. He was desperate for you to remain with him, and you feared for his mental health if you didn’t compromise.

To leave the warmest bed I’ve ever know

We could call it even

Even though I’m leaving

The pin had dropped, the choice had been made. The sacrifice bled out from your heart, the same red as the sheets that were currently around you. Hamish stared up at the ceiling, his hand softly stroking the skin of your shoulder.

“It’s funny, every time that we spend the weekend together like this, I tell my mum that I’m seeing an old friend from school.” The sound of your voice pursed a smile to Hamish’s face, he huffed a small, almost wolfish laugh.

“That’s kind of the truth, if you think about it.” He pulled you closer, placing a slow yet short kiss upon your lips, to which you reciprocated. This had been the best choice that you could have made, for not only the man nestled in the bed beside you, but also yourself.

And I’ll be yours for the weekend

‘Tis the damn season

We could call it even

It was both a selfish and selfless call that you had taken. One that perhaps one day, you would kick yourself for making, but right now, you held no regret to it. Hamish had been your first love, and fate had it so that he would also be your last.

“My mum would be over the moon to know that I was with you rather than one of the girls that I took bio with.” She had forever been fond of Hamish, even before the two of you had became an item. Even your father had a likening to the young man. The pair would pleased that the two of you were still in communications.

“What are we now?” He asked seriously, he had reeled enough answers from you for one day, however it was another thing that he would have liked to know. He didn’t merely want you to be his only over the weekend, he wanted it to return to the way it all was, before your first departure, he’d ensure that you had already taken your last ticket out of town.

You could call me “babe” for the weekend

‘Tis the damn season, write this down

“Us, I suppose. The equals to one another, as we always were.” His dimples showed at the clarity that you provided. Until he felt a pain in his back, it cracked up through his spine as he felt it begin again.

The dreaded transition, the curse was sparking to life in the worst possible moment. He needed you to be away from him, if he harmed you, then that would surely kill him. He couldn’t have a mark from his own hand upon you, it would be against his will, but the blood would have still been drawn by himself.

I’m staying at my parents’ house

And the road not taken looks real good now

Time flies, messy as the mud on your truck tires

Hamish’s sudden seating in bed had you frowning, your hand caressed his his shoulder, however he snarled at your touch, harshly shrugging you off from him. To say you were worried was an understatement, in the light of the afterglow, he had always been quiet and calm, but this was something you had never witnessed. 

If you believed in anything beyond this world, perhaps you’d have suspected he was possessed by something greatly evil and controlling. But they were all tales, fiction and fairy tales that were drawn into illusions and dreams.

“Are you okay?” He wasn’t, and if he didn’t get space from you, then you too would be suffering. And so he spat the only thing that he could think of to get you to spook, to run far away from him.

Now I’m missing your smile, hear me out

We could just ride around

And the road not taken looks real good now

“I’ve changed my mind. Leave!” It was as though he roared the words at you, and he had you in a haste to scramble for your clothes and leave his room. This wasn’t supposed to happen, none of it. But he knew that he had been too greedy, he couldn’t be alive with this horrible circumstance that was inside of him and have you. 

It may not have been fair, but it was the safest route. In the end, he had figured it out, you couldn’t help him with this. He didn’t want to tell you, he didn’t want you to know that he was a monster. 

You never believed in the supernatural anyways, and that was now for the best. It would make you safer, and more importantly, have faith that he was just a jerk, not some killer that hunted under the full moon.

And it always leads to you and my hometown

It always leads to you and my hometown

You had escaped from your hometown. But Hamish would always draw you back, one way or another...

[extremelyblackandwhite]

heiress

pairing: bucky barnes x oc!reader 

a/n: this is part one of a four part series based on a song lyrics sent to me by an amazing anon with a reader based on my favourite oc. 

“letters strewn across your bedroom floor. such beautiful words but you can’t remember who they’re for“

Y/N collapsed against the thin black matt again, her head thumping against the worn out floors off the compound and her hair covering the view of the younger recruits dancing in black ballerina costumes to the sound of ominous piano. She pushed her hands against the black mattress to look at her professor who was staring her down, yet he always did. He was taller than her, taller than any recruit around so if the metal arm wasn’t intimidating enough, his looking down into those storm filled eyes did the trick.

    - That was a cheap shot. 

    - There are no cheap shots in the battlefield. - he extended his hand to her but she denied him, instead using her hands against the matt to pull herself up. - You cannot expect ...

    - Fairness in battle. - she completed his sentence, arranging her ponytail while pulling the strap of her black top up. - I know, you’ve told me many times.

   - Then you should already know it. You keep this up and you’ll return to ballet.

   - You’re just a terrible professor. - she smirked, taking a few steps away to consider her next move. - You can’t expect me to expect someone to hit me in the chest.

    - I expect to see you in the Red Room. - he said, shrugging it out but she knew exactly what that entailed. The red room, the other black widows, she wanted none of that, none of that lifestyle. - You’re a good marksman. Just need hand to hand combat.

   - Best out of five?

   - We are not gonna stop until you bring me down.

   - Will you tell me your name if I bring you down?

   - You know my name. - he spoke like an authoritarian professor, perfect posture and senses as if he expected an attack from every corner. Maybe he was right in fearing an attack yet his position was almost frozen, tense even ... as if someone held strings over him and controlled him like a puppet. - C’mon, Daisy. You can graduate and become as good as any girl here.

  - I’ll tell you my name if you tell me yours.

  - I know your name. 

  - I meant my real name, not my code name.

  - Stop joking around and bring me down. 

Y/N pushed her jacket up as she stepped in the middle of the street with Monica and Wanda by her side. It had only been 2 months out of Westview, 2 short months compiled of hiding from whatever was left of SHIELD, SWORD and from the identity who had created Wanda’s fake haven. The plan was simple, elemental even, yet it proved much harder to gather evidence on SHIELD and SWORD’s plan when both she, Monica, Wanda, Jimmy and Darcy had both been considered highly dangerous fugitives so whatever they did had to be undercover. The walls have ears and eyes so all care was necessary, which meant no display of supernatural abilities or anything that could connect them to themselves. HYDRA had gone underground and still seemed to be pulling at the strings of SHIELD and SWORD, as Ross was working on a new generation of super soldiers with the excuse the world needed security after the Avengers dissolved and Captain America, Steve Rogers, dropped his shield. She should’ve known, after SWORD and SHIELD started experimenting with Vision’s body. She should’ve known but with the threat of Westview, they kept both her and Monica in the dark, instead redirecting their attentions to framing Wanda as a fugitive.

     - If that SHIELD hideaway is still around, it won’t be short of traps. - Monica commented, eyes surrounding the sea of people around. - What’s the plan?

    - Yelena and Jimmy are going around and Vision and Darcy are in the helicopter surrounding the top. 

     - You do know Vision can fly, right? - Wanda smirked, yet the unbelievable thing was she had not referred to him as her husband despite the wedding band around her finger.

     - Regular people can’t fly. - Monica said, rather amused at the thought of Vision trying to go by undercover in the sky.

     - We found it. - Yelena’s voice came through the intercom on her ear. - There better be some fighting for it to be worth while.

     - Wait up, we’ll let you know when we enter. No fighting.

     - You’re no fun.

They did not know exactly what they were looking for, they were just looking for evidence. her father was always keen on scattering things around. If there was something her father was right about was not keeping everything in one place, people would find it easily. She was sure, she was sure she would find something in that place which was connected to HYDRA, even if it was a map of other locations. If she were ever to clean their names, she needed evidence and then she needed to stop them. Super soldiers should have stayed in the past yet despite HYDRAs and her father’s mistakes the very organisations who swore to protect Earth, were making the same mistakes. 

The mundane looking home appeared in the horizon. It looked less scary now, less official than when her father dropped her there to be collected by Madam B. Even now, so many years past it she could fell the snow falling on her arms as the stern woman dragged her away from everything she knew. It haunted her, it still did and flashbacks went through her mind as she yelled for her father not to let that woman take her. She begged and sobbed but he turned his back on her as if her discomfort did not matter. Almost as cold as the snow that fell from the ground.

    - Hey ... - Monica put her hand on her shoulder, soft, reassuring smile. - He’s locked up. Can’t send you away anymore.

    - Even if he tried ... - Wanda’s eyes glowed red. - He wouldn’t win.

    - Let’s get this over and done with. - Y/N sighed, looking at the door as if it was a bitter lover. - Yelena, we’re coming in.

    - Copy.

Wanda rose her hand, twisting as the intricate set of locks and codes was over ridden by the red glow of her powers. Yes, it was no ordinary way of opening a door but it was the best shoot. The once scary room was dark, filled with dust and reminders of a great time for SHIELD. Walking in, she could smell the rotting wood, gun powder, and mold. It was funny how the house which still haunted her dreams was collapsing onto itself, a simple symbol of times which were coming to an end. Yet, like her trauma, it still remained tall, in the heart of Washington. They walked in slowly, nothing but the sound of their breathing until a floor board creaked. Immediately Monica pulled out her gun while Wanda’s eyes lit red and Y/N grabbed the gun tucked in her trousers. She moved her hand slowly, the old candles in the tables lightening up. As the light engulfed the room, she found the intruders had also guns pointed at them.

   - Drop your weapons. - she knew them. Sharon Carter, Sam Wilson, and ... Bucky Barnes. Shit.

   - I’m afraid not. - Monica replied, never wavering stance which could make even the strongest of man cower. - State your business.

   - I thought you said no fight. - Yelena came up from behind with Jimmy, both holding their guns up. 

   - You’re surrounded. Drop. Your. Weapons. - Monica repeated.

   - Wait, I know him. - Yelena pointed her gun at Bucky. - You were in the Red Room.

   - Maybe you should drop your weapons. You’re the one with a terrorist who harboured a whole town of innocents.

   - Sharon, I didn’t peg you for a gullible one. - Y/N’s eyes shone dim white, before she dropped her weapon. - We’re not your enemy and we are not looking for a fight.

   - I am. - Yelena rolled her eyes.

   - Lieutenant Ross wants to build a super soldier army and he’s looking for whatever information there is on the Winter Soldier program and Captain America. They were experimenting on Vision before Wanda broke him out and then both were held hostage in a simulation. We are not criminals.

   - You’re your father’s daughter why should I believe in you?

   - Because if not it’s 3 against 7 and it’s not a very fair fight. - Wanda snarked back before moving her hand, making the three point at each other. - Or you can shoot each other. 

   - That’s just mean, Wanda. Don’t you have a little pity for your friend? - Sam looked her way. - Look, we’re on the run. We’re not looking to turn you in.

   - Then drop it. - Monica shrugged. - You’re not gonna win.

   - I only count 5, I like my odds. 

   - Vision and Darcy are outside. 

   - I thought Vision was super dead. - Sam whispered over to Bucky who shrugged at his words, them registering void as his mind rushed over the strings of his memory to try and find why the woman who had just lowered her weapon was so familiar yet his memory seemed surrounded by red tint, nothing coming. - Wanda, you know me. We’re not here with malice, there’s no need for a fight.

   - This is waste of time. - Yelena rolled her eyes, lowering her own weapon. - Can’t you make magical handcuffs, Wanda?

  - That’s a gross understatement of what I can do ... - her eyes glowed red as they usually did whenever she used her powers to a particular extreme. 

  - We’re not starting a fight. - Wanda looked Y/N’s way as those particular words left her mouth. She could feel her energy trying to slip into her mind and successfully do so. Whatever made her mind safe from her tended to waver in delicate situations and Wanda loved whenever she got to peak inside her mind. This time she merely gave her a teasing look, eyes returning to their natural light green hue. Her eyes did not lie and she guessed neither did whatever piece of her mind Wanda got hold of. - We’re under Nick Fury. The last thing we are is your foe. 

   - Hey... is this what we looking for? - Jimmy held up a file with LE-0623. The number itself made her sick to her stomach. Every memory she had somehow had that number from the black shirt he wore to train to the files on her father’s desk. There was no question they had the right file, or at least one of the files on the Winter Soldier. She remembered laughing to herself at how long it had taken for someone to find one of the soldier’s red notebooks. To her knowledge there were at least five: one with HYDRA, one at the Red Room, one with a holder and the other two at different safe houses. She remembered Madam B. telling her the soldier was more machine than man and as such, like every machine, required an instruction book. It was sick, she thought the analogy was sick and now looking at him, years after she had known him, it felt sicker. There had always been a human inside the soldier but HYDRA was not interested in humanity unless it was submissive to them.

   - You can come. - Monica suggested. - You’re not exactly America’s sweethearts at the moment.

   - Why should we trust you? - Sharon cocked her head to the side. Why should she trust a team with the daughter of a man who had taken down her aunt’s life project? Y/N wouldn’t have trust her if she were in her place. - Or is that a kinder way of saying we’re captive?

 - You really think we’d need a kind way to hold you captive? - Wanda turned around, exiting the building. She probably knew the outcome of their decision before they told anyone. 

The two man shared a knowing look between them, following Wanda out with Yelena fast on their step but Y/N stood behind. The whole room looked so much smaller yet it vibrated with memories she had buried deep into her subconsciousness. It was still there, everything as it was growing old with dust just like her childhood.  It was lost. Monica looked at her with kind eyes, drapping her arm over her shoulder like she did whenever they were both recruits at SWORD. Everything seemed so far away now, even Westview seemed far. Time seemed to pass by the two like an enemy yet it lingered in the memories which haunted at night.

   - You three should go with Yelena. - Monica suggested. - You can come with us, Jimmy.

  - I’ll go with Yelena. - Wanda walked over to the former Red Room graduate, eyes still gazing over Y/N, looking for any gaps in her mind shield which was slowly crumbling the more she looked at him. - See you at the base.

Y/N looked over her shoulder for a second to look at him. He looked different, at least as different as one who does not age can look, short hair, relaxed posture sometimes even. Her eyes met up with his, familiar looks which lingered like a long kiss, yet she couldn’t bare look him in the eye and instead entered Monica’s old jeep. Monica took the driver’s seat while she took shotgun and Jimmy sat on the back, reporting what had happened through him com to a very curious Darcy who was probably bored off her mind being stuck in an helicopter with Vision.

   - Jim, can I see that? - Y/N turned around in her seat to look at the FBI agent who shrugged and handed her the file. She let it fall on her lap, fingers tracing the name she wanted to know so much when her whole world were the walls of the Red Room. She would’ve never guessed his name, even if she tried. 

Her hands traced the edges of the file, almost afraid to find out what was inside; yet when she opened them, a few letters slide out. Daisy. She recognised the fast written name on top in messy black runny ink. 

  - Anything interesting? 

  - No. - she blinked, closing the file. - Uhm ... not that I know. Maybe Alexei might know, he was a guardian when Sergeant Barnes was a fight intructor there.

  - Think the twins will freak out when they see Sam Wilson? - Monica smiled. The twins had a huge fascination with the Avengers despite both their parents being part off the initial team. Nevertheless, Billy and Tommy did not really care and instead got wide eyed watching old footage of the Avengers. - Last time they saw Hawkeye they were hyper for a month. 

  - Not sure Fury’s gonna be happy about having three new people in.

  - The more, the merrier. 

The ride to the base was excruciating as she replayed the scene in her head although there was really nothing to replay. She knew someday at some point she would see him, she just never expected it to be that soon. The last time she had seen him was the mirage of him in Westview, one of Agnes failed tricks, and even then she got tongue tied. Seeing him now even felt more unrealistic, he felt like such a figure of her past, like an unresolved badly healed wound. She really thought that by now she would be better at controlling it, you’d think 6 years would’ve taught her best how to deal with him even after all the past events where his face was plastered all over the television. Nevertheless, despite how slow time ran for her, they reached the small seemingly deserted area which started to glow red as Wanda broke through the hex she had created to protect their designated base. It was nothing special, Wanda had told her when she brought the team to see what she had been working on. Yet, it was something special and over time their team grew to give harbour anyone who looked for shelter from SWORD, SHIELD, or HYDRA and the initial team could not be any prouder of it.

The two jeeps parked in front of the entrance and immediately Y/N spotted Tommy rush outside, holding his twin by the arm. Both clearly already knowing they had visitors, Avengers visitors. 

    - Jeez Louise, you two. What did I say about using your powers? - Wanda stepped out of the jeep, hands on her waist. 

    - Not unless it’s necessary or under supervision. - Tommy shrugged as Alexei came running behind them. - Alexei supervised us, mum.

    - Just wait ‘til your father hears about this.

    - You got kids? - Sam asked, visibly worried at the fact his old friend seemed to have two ten year olds.

    - Long story. - Monica added. - You two inside. No place for you here today.

    - But you said we could meet the Avengers, mum. - Billy complained to Wanda.

     - You can always meet me, kids. - Vision joked making Darcy roll her eyes. Poor Darcy, she was probably already done with dad jokes. 

The briefing was long and drawn up with Fury mostly filling Sharon, Bucky and Sam into what they did and listening to Jimmy about the contents of the file. There was never too much in those files and it was mostly about ensuring they had all the files so Lieutenant Ross wouldn’t get his hands on them. Besides, it was up to Sharon, Bucky and Sam’s interest to join him as soon enough Zemo would be contacted by Lieutenant Ross and until he had one of the Winter Soldier files in his possession, Zemo was also one of their enemies. She tried looking at him a few times, memories of the time they had spent together clouding her mind and better judgement yet she couldn’t forget how Bucky had pushed Sharon behind him the moment Monica and her had pointed guns at them, protecting her the same way he used to protect her. Yet, she had no business thinking about him, not after what she had done, not after she became the sole reason why he ...

    - Y/N. - Fury’s voice took her from her own mind. Looking around, the room was vacant except for her, Fury, Wanda and Monica. She was so focused on her memories, she hadn’t even noticed the remains of them leave the room. - I told you not to go on that mission.

    - I don’t work for you, Fury. Besides, I’ve been there before, I was an asset to the meeting. 

    - You’re the sole benefactor of whatever powers your father had at SHIELD, if you die then Ross inherits it. If you ever disobey direct orders, I’ll ...

    - You’ll what? - Y/N interrupted him. - Tell my father?

    - You might not want to accept he’s your father, but he is and you have to deal with the responsibilities that come with being his daughter. 

    - Fine. -  Y/N stretched a fake smile on her face as Fury left her, Wanda and Monica alone in the briefing room. 

    - Alright  ... give them to me. - Monica extended her hands towards Y/N. - The letters that were in the file and you clearly took.

    - It’s his letters. I don’t think anyone has any business reading them. 

    - I’ll give them to him then. Hand them over, Y/N. - Y/N begrudgingly handed the letters over to Monica who got up. - You let yourself be easily haunted by the past. If I let you keep these, you will never give them to him. You can’t even look at him.

    - Yes, I can. 

    - Oh really? - Monica crossed her arms. - Then come with me and hand them to him. 

    - That’s just mean, Monica.

    - We’ll talk about this later, Y/N. - she pointed at him before exiting the room. Y/N slouched against her chair, looking at the ceiling above her. 

    -  Don’t worry. - Wanda reassured, hand on her shoulder. - I did what you made me promise I’d do back in Westview.

    - Thanks, Wan. 

    - You’ll be fine ... We always have to be fine isn’t it? - she looked straight ahead with a sadness which showed all she herself had lost despite having recovered the twins and Vision. So much for a nice suburban life.

    - So ... he won’t remember?

    - He won’t remember a thing.