#lures you in with some vague promise of actual analysis and then quickly is just devolves into brainworms 'grr its bad bc sjw WOKE media' o

[icewindandboringhorror]

the struggle of just coincidentally disliking a piece of media that a lot of conservatives also dislike, but for completely different reasons, so sometimes you'll see youtube recommended videos like "here's why X was so bad" and you're initially like "oh yaayy, yeah I had a lot of criticisms of that too, I'm curious to finally see someone really break down why the plot didn't work! I love media analysis" and then the video is just "it's bad because there's WOMAN in it!!!" ..........ok....

[brownstonearmy]

2021-07-18: Careful What You Wish For (Part 2)

Wednesday September 9 (morning)

Before the day begins in earnest, it's time for a brief montage of how what our heroes are up to before beginning the work day!

When Norm checked in with Silas after his literal graveyard shift, Norm was handed a letter that stated his order of antiques was now on its way. Norm didn't remember ordering any antiques, and upon closer inspection of the letter, notices a little-known thieve's cipher that reveals an ominous message: "I know it was you." Unfortunately the handwriting of the letter was inconclusive for analysis, and the letter's author could potentially be anyone.

Let's shift over to Lucky and Hilaria now! After the murderous events of the harvest festival, Hilaria is getting a little worried about Lucky's safety because of this whole demon-trying-to-destroy-the-world-with-a-douchebag-wizard questline. Things have been getting noticeably more deadly lately. However, according to Lucky's math, an approximately equal amount of good things and bad things happen so statistically speaking, Lucky will probably be fine. Lucky does make a promise to Hilaria that she won't do anything to get herself killed, and that eases Hilaria's mind.

In a converted barn on the west side of town, Spleenifer has been listening to the tone-deaf serenades of Trashpit as he hangs out underneath her window at night. He has recently discovered a stinky river that is running underground through the bank vault and was hoping Spleenifer might accompany him down the tunnel of love for a little canoodling. Spleenifer does not understand why Trashpit is wanting to have pasta so badly on a river outing.

Lastly, we get to Q, who is going as Dazzle today. Last night and this morning, a translucent faceless figure has been haunting the outside of Dazzle's hostel. When Dazzle attempts to communicate with the spectre, it just responds with fart noises. Dazzle responds by casting Tongues and is able to comprehend the spirits words.

This particular spirit is A. Brownstone, the individual responsible for building Brownstone's sewer system and making sure that Norozogaan was disposed of 400 years ago. In order to do that, though, A. Brownstone had to make a bargain with a devil. The terms of that deal meant that A. Brownstone's true name would be lost to history, no one would remember their face, and no one could truly converse with Brownstone's spirit on the Material Plane because their responses would just sound like fart noises. Until recently, A. Brownstone's spirit was forced to manifest as a toilet paper ghost, but now the spirit is able to assume a vaguely dwarven form.

Dazzle makes plans to speak with A. Brownstone's spirit in the future because who knows what sort of advice they might be able to give. Good thinking!

Once everyone gets to SHART HQ, Dave informs the party that the usual work orders are postponed for today because someone else needs the party's assistance. After Dave has a brief bout of casual racism directed at gnomish names, the party learns that Brother Clifton needs their help to track down Curtis Hanover, an important orphan who escaped after yesterday's hostage situation. Bob the Modron and that gnome who Dave can't remember (Side note: the gnome was Bostvick Humplebumple) will take on the work orders in the party's absence.

The party is dismissed and now faces a choice: look for Curtis, or try the lead on the gang warehouse looking for Dion. Consensus comes quickly, and the party sets off for the orphanage to get some more information about Curtis and where he might be heading.

A sweaty Brother Clifton returns from a horse-mounted patrol the same time the party members arrive at the orphanage. Brother Clifton struggles to dismount from Horf's saddle, but eventually his feet make it to the ground. This isn't going to be a standard missing persons case, Brother Clifton warns, because Curtis Hanover has a backup potion of Polymorph just in case his cover gets compromised.

Curtis might look like someone completely different by now, but Brother Clifton provides the party with a rough sketch of what Curtis looked like at the orphanage. That's enough for Lucky to formulate a plan, and casts Seeming to make the party (and Brother Clifton) look like Curtis.

Now that there are five Curtis Hanovers of varying height hanging out, the party spreads out over a two-block area while remaining roughly within line of sight of each other. All that's left to do in Lucky's plan is to get kidnapped, and Lucky lays claim to the nearest dark alley close to the orphanage and innocently plays jacks.

It takes a bit of time (four hours, to be precise), but eventually a pair of scary-looking grown ups approach Norm-Curtis. Norm recognizes these people from their attire as being affiliated with the Brownstone City Runners gang, and makes a quick survey of the scene to check for additional potential assailants. The only other suspicious person he sees is a tattooed woman leaning around a corner and discreetly watching him and the gang members.

Norm-Curtis attempts to lure the bad guys out toward the city's athletic field. It takes a ludicrous amount of luck for this to work (THANK YOU, LUCKY!), but Norm is able to wander in the direction of the athletic field and goad the gang members into a walking-speed foot chase.

Lucky-Curtis, with her eyes on Norm-Curtis, also ambles stealthily in the direction of the athletic fields. Dazzle-Curtis follows Lucky, and Spleenifer-Curtis brings up the caboose of this train of followers. Norm-Curtis is aware of everyone except dazzle following him.

Once Norm-Curtis reaches the athletic field, he plays with an oblong-shaped ball he found on the ground. A vendor is setting up a booth to get ready for the "Pecans In The Park Party" (Tourism Side Note: It's not as big as the Harvest Festival, but still worth checking out; it's nuts!) and demands that Norm pay a copper piece for the ball if he's going to play with it. Norm pays up, and is now the proud owner of a pecan-shaped ball the size and approximate shape of an American football.

The rest of the party hasn't made it all the way to the athletic field yet, but Dazzle notices the tattooed woman. She is maintaining her own stealth, but teleporting to a new location every few moments to keep tabs on her quarry. Dazzle has seen this woman before and recognizes her immediately.

It's Rooney, one of Brynnan's wizard companions from Wentenbocker! She puts hands together and there's a small flash of light from the ring she's wearing as she casts a spell.

Spleenifer-Curtis is the first to hear the results of the spell. It's a low whistle that is getting louder by the second, and it smells like a dairy farm. It's a tornado coming straight for her, and it's made of poop! A literal shitstorm, if you will. Each of the party members in the stealth train is able to narrowly avoid what we can politely call an "induction ceremony" for the whirlwind.

The tornado is barreling down on Norm-Curtis and the City Runners goons. Rooney makes herself known and yells "Get away from my brother, you creeps!" as the tornado slices between Norm-Curtis and the goons. Rooney keeps the tornado chasing the goons until they flee the scene.

By this point, everyone aboard the Curtis Hanover Sneaking Train makes it to the athletic field and Rooney emerges to ask which one of the four party members is her real brother. With four separate people come four separate answers:

Spleenifer-Curtis turns around, faces backwards and blows a raspberry.

Norm-Curtis says "Sorry, you got the wrong one."

Lucky-Curtis has the lengthiest response: "Two of us always lie and one of us always tells the truth.  I will give you one chance to rephrase your question to me."

And Dazzle-Curtis spouts off some harsh truths: "That orphanage shit SUCKED."

Rooney is aware that this is some kind of magical shenanigan afoot, but the responses are childish enough that she is convinced that this is really just some of Curtis's friends trying to help keep him safe. But Rooney still doesn't know which of these individuals is her real brother, so she asks again.

Lucky-Curtis points at Norm-Curtis, you know... like a liar. But this untruth is a stroke of genius, because Norm knows a bit more about the real person who turned into Curtis Hanover as a result of being on the city's crime beat.

The party already knows that Curtis Hanover is the polymorphed child of Hjalmar Magnusson, and that Hjalmar is likely the leader of the Brownville Devil Boys gang. But Norm knows that Curtis's real name is Alex Thistle Magnusson, and that Alex Thistle Magnusson is nonbinary. Norm also knows enough other random details to bluff his way through the security questions Rooney asked Norm in order to prove that he was actually Curtis Hanover.

Additionally, Norm-Curtis is approximately the same size and weight of a human child, so Rooney continues to believe that Norm-Curtis is indeed her sibling. This is enough confirmation for Rooney to begin spilling the details of her plan.

Hjalmar is mixed up with some bad people, and Rooney is going to stop those bad people from hurting their father with the help of a powerful ring a wizard friend gave her. She gives Norm-Curtis a list of addresses to stay away from, one of which is already crossed out. Norm realizes that this was the same address that was destroyed yesterday. If Rooney's plan stays on schedule, it'll probably take 5 or 6 days to complete and then they'll be safe and Alex won't have to live as Curtis anymore.

Norm-Curtis explains that he's staying with some friends to stay safe and avoid being alone. Rooney gives Norm-Curtis a pin to wear so she can keep tabs on him, before teleporting away to complete her master plan.

One Rooney is out of earshot, Norm suggests that the party scout around the area to see if the commotion would have attracted Curtis to see what was going on. Lucky slips on a patch of tornado poop, accidentally kicks a pecan ball that ricochets off the side of the vendor's booth and hits Lucky in the side of the face in just such a way that she sees a person matching Curtis Hanover's description fleeing on the far edge of the athletic field.

Lucky-Curtis teleports in front of the real Curtis, triggering a wild magic surge upon materializing at her destination. A large stag beetle appears on her shoulder (large for a stag beetle, I mean).

Real Curtis is terrified that there are several other people who look just like him, and tries to flee away from Lucky. Lucky tackles him to the ground, where he pleads for his life. Lucky drops her Seeming spell and tells Curtis that they were hired by Brother Clifton to keep him safe.

After a quick check-up at Mom's medical tent, Curtis has a clean bill of health and Lucky introduces Curtis to the party. Norm gives Curtis the pin from Rooney, and Lucky accompanies Curtis to the nearby fighters guild to meet the fighters. Hilaria's skill with a blade is particularly impressive, and Curtis is quite content with the care he is being afforded by the party.

But all adventures must come to an end, and with the party having completed their task of finding Curtis, the adventure concludes for the evening. Stay tuned next time for more!