#luckily i used my spam mail so i don't think they can even tell it was me even if someone saw it

[polaroidcats]

okay someone needs to teach me how to use technology wow I just accidentally uploaded the excel sheet I use for the wolfstarshipping tags onto an old google drive folder from a group research project from my bachelor's degree and now i just have to PRAY that the owner of that folder didn't get a notification before i deleted it again to reupload it in the correct folder lmao

[tamiddyinyourcity]

11:51pm.

Sick off sushi and tired of everything.

What's even the point anymore, dude?

Like... Getting into relationships just for them to end over the most ridiculous yet easy to resolve circumstances ever. (All you had to do was not do some dumb shit like hang out with my stalker alone in your bedroom st midnight, Patrick, or so much as help dissolve the mess you made..... But, noooo.)

Or getting to look extremely 10/10, just to go on dates with really unattractive and antisocial dudes. (I talked to Adrian about one extremely rude guy, and am still pissed at his stupid ass response. I literally told him all about a guy I met on Whatsyourprice who literally went "You're gorgeous! Very pretty. Really pretty in person. Which is funny, since your photos are so...." And then the man made extremely noisy and overexaggerating grimacing and vomiting noises toward me, in this 5 star restaurant, on the first fucking date.... when I was clearly out of his league. Adrian was like, "Well I mean, if he is paying for a date, isn't it in his right to dictate who he finds attractive or not?"..... How the FUCK do you get "Tamia thinks this man doesn't have the right to find people unattractive" from me telling you that????? If anything, the big question was, "If I was seen as so gagworthy and hideous to you from my photos, then why contact me and pay me 100 dollars just to have dinner with you????? And why think it was appropriate to do that rude ass shit.... IN A CLASSY RESTUARANT.... on a FIRST DATE... with a young woman who you couldnt have gotten *otherwise*?????)

Men are disgusting. I'm probably gonna need to see a therapist soon, my homicidal thoughts are coming back.

.....I feel calm, now that I made a vent post on my spam about the things.

Also, a relevant song.

This song sums up my wack thoughts about my most recent relationship. And the unspoken of bitch. Luckily, I never have to see either of those people, ever again.

Anyway, its 12:22am. I am calm, suddenly. Not sure why, but it's better than whatever nihilistic shit I was on half an hour ago before.

Cool things to do:

Try new restaurants that I like. I used to love doing that. And now that I have the money and free time for that, why not? It's bittersweet, knowing I did want to do something like that with my ex.... But, life goes on. Might as well try all those pizza places and gourmet restuarants I had liked.

Explore new cities. The local malls here are garbage, and I have too much free time and money on my hands to know what to do with. I don't have a girlfriend to spend it on, nor hella friends that have nearly as much free time as me, aaaaand I rarely eat as is. So, might as well plan a nice day trip to another city. Fuck around in their malls and flirt. Life is too short.

Find out what stories I should vlog about. I figure anonymous vlogging is fun, for multiple reasons. I could vlog about all my shitty Whatsyourprice dates. That time someone tried to mail me their dismembered penis on FetLife, and it got lost in the mail on the way to my buddy Pedro's house. Good times, not so good times.... Either way, sharing about my life is the fun thing about existing.

Experiment with my looks. There's literally so many looks I can pull off. Sexy dark makeup and leather/studs/spikes? Check. Preppy and innocent looks that surprise people to my actual personality? Check. Cottagecore lacy pink pieces? Check. Straight up androgynous? Attaboy! Yep, sounds good to me. I like the sounds of that! Why does talking about how much i love clothes get my clit hard

Baking goods and introducing myself to the neighbors! Because I've got nothing to lose but treats, and friends to gain. With the money I finally have, I can afford to buy all the semisweet chocolate chips and baking soda I want. I could show up to places unannounced with a basket full of cookies, straight up killin the game.

Befriend other YouTubers or content creators! This literally always ends in me dating the person I plan to create with, so aaaaactually maybe I should hold offfff...... on thaaaaaaat.........

And yeah, that seems nice. I should do that soon. :)

Now that the sun is finally coming out, there's no reason to not drink up all the sunshine that I can.

Why be sad over an ex, when I can explore the city with no bra on, eat cuties all day, and sip on mango juice while walking the shoreline or something?

Why stress out when I can now finally get my hair done, buy as many shimmer oils as I want, and enjoy a new era of hyping up other women, and being as gay and carefree and respectful as i wanna be.

Honestly, amazing.

Maybe I should get my hair braided again? Its been ages, but I miss throwing my hair around and looking all seductive with long wavy braids. I do enjoy looking like Vegeta when I get bedhead, and short hair makes it easier to be less afraid of fighting a bitch, but heeeeeey, feminine shit is cool too. :)

Things to do:

Get some new jackets for the new season. No more wearing the same coat every day, especially now that the weather is hot. And for dates too.....

Get some hot clothes. Fuck yeah. Sundresses that let my body breathe while still showing covering. Maxi dresses, flowy skirts..... a dreaaaaam.

Fuck it, spa day.