#lower risk stuff y'know? does that make sense? it makes sense to me

[quill-n]

I think I'm gonna continue posting any animations I make + start working more on animatics in my free time.

[evolsinner]

⊱┊30

i don't need 'looking after'! i am perfectly capable of taking care of my own damn self. from the moment kayrem has walked back into our lives, he's been showing off. he's trying to prove his 'worth' to the family, and it's annoying the heck out of me!

first, he takes me away from isaac against my will, then he does this elaborate show of how much he still has an effect on me. i mean, the only reason i called him is that there was no one else to call!! and now he's brought a fucking dog for maxi? sucking up to father? it's not fair! he just doesn't get to be gone for this long and then have the easiest welcome back party.

i hate him!

after grumpily hopping out of the shower, i crash straight into bed. mum's doing overtime which means i'll get to see her first thing in the morning. this is good because i'm still figuring out what to say to her.

my parents always change roles, either one of them is too mad and the other is understanding or vice versa. so i guess she’s gonna be playing the ‘mad’ role tomorrow.

i slide out of bed and creep down the hallway, pausing at the source of the problem…in me.

"what are you doing?" i push the door further in.

without looking up from his crouching position, kayrem’s like, “the dvd player is jacked up. i'm tryna get it to work," and takes a gulp from his redbull.

"can't you wait till tomorrow to do it?"

"tomorrow can wait."

ugh, i never seem to make sense of his comebacks like these. just answer properly, jeez. "what are you tryna watch anyway?"

"get in the bed and you'll see," he grins.

the fuck? wait... i mean, i do kinda need to tell him something so..

"oh, and, shut the door. make sure to lock it too."

"'lock it'?" i stand there nervously.

"we don't want anyone walking in."

huh?

"if one of those scenes happen to come on," he adds like an afterthought.

"oh..." i shut the door and crawl into his bed, sitting up and crossing my legs. "why not just netflix and chill? that dvd player is pretty old; i don't think you can get it to work." i immediately shut my mouth, realising what i said could be taken the wrong way too.

he quits messing about with the player and looks over his shoulder at me with an amused frown, "huh?"

"i meant, like, watch a movie on the laptop. not..y'know. like, literally only a movie and nothing else."

"fine, i suppose you do have a point," he turns off the tv and dvd player before grabbing the laptop and climbing into bed with me. "fuck,” he taps away at the keys, “forgot it was flat.”

"can you just sleep with me instead?"

he raises his eyebrows, surprised.

"next to me! n~not with me!" i quickly clarify before laying down, all red and hot.

i hear the lid of the laptop shut, followed by a swift motion of a shirt being pulled off. the bed dips as a body lies down behind me. gradually, i feel warmth shifting closer to me and the smell of red bull breath. like magnets, we stick together. a hand weaves its way underneath my shirt and i tense up.

"relax," he coos.

his fingers trace over my mini love handles, nearing my belly button. i don't know if i want him to go higher or lower. slightly, i back up into him, rubbing my ass in circular motions on his dick. a grunt leaves his mouth, his hot breath hitting my nape. my respiration elevates and the follicles on my forearms stand up.

"sorry," i sigh.

"don't be. if you like it, keep doing it."

i back up into him further and rest my ass on his bulge. his hand goes higher, tracing the side of my boob, to my underboobs, then to the other side; forming a 'w' in the process.

"you're not wearing a bra.”

"..they're uncomfortable."

he slowly goes up the slopes of my boobs and runs his thumb over my tits, kneading them for a while. "you like this?"

"mhm.."

"how about this?" he skims his hand all the way down to the top of my panties.

i turn a little on my back and buck my hips up, desperately inching my body closer to his fingertips. he inserts his hand and goes past the stubble to reach my throbbing clit. now i can feel the pressure of his dick getting erect and also his hand on my pussy.

"here?" his finger hovers.

"y..yes.."

he tenderly presses down and a moan escapes my mouth.

"you're so sensitive, babysis," he whispers. "i haven't even started."

he rubs my button in a figure 8 which makes me squirm like a worm. his fingers slide in between my moist folds, massaging me, as they go back up again to torture my clit.

"kayrem, please, in..in me."

he puts his mouth next to my ear, "how many?"

"as many as you can fit.."

"on one condition, you have to call me by my middle name from now on, sis."

knots get created in my stomach. knots and crosses. clusters and ravels. memories and misery. no, this cannot be happening again. i was here to talk to him, not play with him.

"stop.”

"what?"

"lavanda," i pull his hand out, "i'm sorry."

he doesn't say anything, but i can tell he's not that happy. i turn to face him. he's lying on his back with an arm crossed behind his head, in a pensive mood. there's a sense of nostalgia dancing in his distant expression as he stares out the skylight. i cuddle up to him, laying an arm and a leg over his torso.

“missed my room,” he murmurs melancholically.

“yeah, think i liked it better as a guest room.”

“shut up,” he rolls his eyes. "…why did you come back, marie?"

"i have something to tell you."

he glances at me curiously with those hazel eyes. how can i get lost in them when i have the exact same colour? his other sleeveless arm lingers over the blanket. i shift closer to him so that my body gently presses into his. he’s warm.

"i'm pregnant."

nothing but tensive as hell silence fills the room.

finally, kayrem exhales loudly, his stomach deflating and my arm lowering with the motion. "why the fuck are you telling me that?" he shoves me away. "i don't care about the shit you do with him. i also don't appreciate you bringing his shit back here."

"your shit."

"what?" he faces me with a blank expression.

"it's yours."

he opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out.

i sit up criss~cross applesauce. "that night when we did it, i..i haven't gotten my.." i clear my throat and start again. "i haven't gotten my..my.. ugh, sorry," i apologise, picking at my cuticles.

"it's okay. you can tell me. i’m your big brother," kayrem leans up on his elbow and stops me from fidgeting.

"i haven't gotten my period since. isaac said that he could deal with me being.." i gesture with my eyes to my tummy, "but he doesn't know that it's yours. and if he did, i don't know what he'll think of me. i just thought you should know before i did anything.”

“i..uhh…” kayrem scratches the back of his head. "do you know how far along you are?"

i shake my head.

"have you been to the doctors?"

i shake my head again.

"jesus, marie, have you done anything for it?"

no…

"i'm taking you to the docs tomorrow, i don't care," and he slumps back down.

"what, no!"

"you're going."

"i'm not!"

"like, hell."

"for fuck's sake!" i throw my hands up in the air. "i'm not keeping it, okay!”

he glares at me, trying to remain pragmatic, "i'm pretty sure this is the hormones talking, not you."

"don't you dare blame this on the hormones!"

"fine then," he spits out, "why even tell me all this when you could've gotten rid of it back there?! huh!?"

"because you had the right to know,” i murmur sadly.

he closes his eyes and shakes his head with a sigh, "you don't have to get rid of it because of how it came to be. it's selfish..heedless."

i shrug.

“if you’re worried about mother and father, don’t be. as long as i’m here, nobody can hurt you.”

yet he hurts me from simply uttering those weighty words.

"you can still give it up, but don't kill it.”

"we need to… incest and stuff. it’ll look like an alien.”

“incest or love?”

“i don’t love you, loser.”

“listen, we made the risk the moment we decided not to use..” he stops himself, clearly agitated. “anyways, the point is, marie, you're not a killer. you're nowhere close to being like him."

“what did you say?”

"nothing.”

“no, you said something, tell me.”

“dang it," kayrem rolls his eyes frustratedly. "i wasn't supposed to say anything till morning."

"what are you talking about?"

"hey," he grips my hand softly. "c’mon, let's go to sleep."

"no," i snatch my hand back. "i don't want you touching me right now."

he scoffs, "for real?"

i stare at him.

“whatever, get some sleep," and he turns on his other side, throwing the blanket over himself.

"i hate you, kayrem, i really do."

no answer.

i was about to leave his stupid room when the door sways open quietly.

"rosé, are you in here?" maxi's fragile voice wonders.

"buddy, what's up?" kayrem lifts his head up.

"wasn't talkin' to you," maxi mumbles.

"maxi, what happened?" i ask him.

"rosé," he says with relief when he hears my voice, "i..i had a nightmare and it was... it was..." he breaks into tears before having the chance to finish his sentence.

"naw, baby, come here," i hold my arms out.

"it was really scary!" he squeals and runs to me.

"it was just a nightmare, maxi, a bad dream," i console him, wiping his tears away. "it's not real. you have nothing to worry about, i promise."

"can i sleep with you guys, please?" he asks innocently.

“let’s go to my room, okay?”

"of course," kayrem grips my arm. "jump in, maximus. you can sleep in the middle, between me and marie."

"the... the house was on fire," maxi lays down, and i pull the covers over him. "i couldn't find you, rosé. i couldn't find mummy or daddy or kayrem too. when i looked out the window, i saw all of you standing there and smiling at me."

"jesus..." kayrem mutters.

"you know us, maxi," i sweep his locks to the side. "we would never leave you if the house was ever on fire. that wasn't us in your dream. they just looked like us."

"but you left me ~ twice, already."

i have trouble replying, sorta embarrassed, and give kayrem a glance.

"hey, bud, it was just a nightmare, alright?" he decides to step in for me. "nightmares can scare you, but they can't hurt you."

"see, you're safe with us," i add. "now go to sleep," i kiss him on the forehead. "kayrem and i will make sure the monsters can't come and get you."

"yeah, lil bro, your sister and i...we have our ways," he sends me a wink.

ew.

maxi nods, sobbing in my chest, and tries to fall asleep.

"what the fuck kind of movies have you been letting him watch lately?!" i hiss at kayrem.

"just an ep or two of supernatural," he informs me. "didn't think it'd be that bad."

"you didn't think..??" i shake my head in irritation. "you're such an idiot..!"

after 10 minutes or so, i can hear little snores coming from maxi.

kayrem puts his arm across maxi and rests the hand at the end of it on my waist. "kinda like seeing you like this," he whispers. "all protective of him. turns me on...a little."

i punch his shoulder, "nothing's gonna happen between you and i with him here. now shush, you're gonna wake him."

with my eyelids closed, the scent of red bull breath comes even closer, and before i know it, a pair of wet lips have enveloped over mine. i am caught a bit off guard because, like, our little brother is with us, and what if he wakes up? however, this doesn't seem to bother my big brother in the slightest.

there's something mellow about the kiss. it makes me feel safe and sound. i try not to make a sound or get lost in it, but i'm kinda losing it already. he tastes of sin, taurine and the colour red if red had a taste. he sticks his hand under my shirt, egging me on. we're both lowkey squishing burrito maxi in the process.

"fuck, stop, stop..!" i quickly retract.

"he's asleep," kayrem says calmly. "he ain't seein' nothin'," and attempts to find my lips again.

"i don't care. goodnight."

a moment later, kayrem snuggles his head inches away from mine and is like, "this could be us, you know. keep it, please.”

[isitovers]

1) Fiona, I’m back for chapter 6! A chapter I would like to rename; for the love of god, Harry, make your move! I feel like there’s so much tension and build up in this chapter and you can really feel it. So the first scene in this chapter does such a good job for setting a tone for the chapter because there is SO MUCH palpable tension between the two of them but at the same time there’s so much emotional development between them as well.

2) There’s also so many little things that come up later that I love. Also, props to your writing, because I can so clearly in my head see Harry in his office anxiously watching the clock while he pretends to work so he isn’t late to meet Taylor. ALSO he’s feeling restless because he hasn’t told Taylor about his feelings or the fact that he’s learning how to play the guitar.  I love when they’re on the subway and she takes his hand and she just like doesn’t let go?? For ages??

3) They’re just casually holding hands. Although, it’s not so casual for Harry probably. I liked all the little descriptions of what they bought, like with Taylor and the cat crop top, and Harry wanting all the nice designer clothes. I think it gives a nice little insight into their personalities. And of course, that leads to one of my favourite little cute moments! Harry picking out the clothes for her is so sweet. I don’t know why I love it so much.

4) I think it’s because it shows how well Harry knows her but also how much she trusts him. I love the things he picks out!! The jacket which I think is supposed to be a reference to a jacket that Harry actually has. And the dress!! In my head, I’m picturing one like what Taylor wore to the oscars party in 2016. And then when she tries it on?? Amazing. I love how to us, it’s so obvious that Harry is speechless because he’s so obviously into her,

5) but she really needs his reassurance that she doesn’t look ridiculous. I mean I don’t love it lol but I love it as a writing choice because I think it’s realistic. Also I love that she buys herself lingerie just because. The next scene is sweet too. I love the idea of all of Harry’s friends from the UK weighing in on how Harry should tell Taylor about his feelings. I love that he wants to do it in such a romantic way. But at the same time, as he sort of says, it’s kind of a cop out.

6) It’s a way for him to tell her his feelings without actually having to verbalize his feelings which is realistic! Harry’s insecure too! And he’s just as worried about the person he likes not liking him back as anyone else. And it seems his insecurities are kind of warranted when Taylor is soon going on a date with another guy. Maybe I’m just a sucker for jealous Harry, but the idea of Harry sulking around his apartment like a kicked puppy, while she’s on her date is so funny to me.

7) And it’s unnecessary anyway, because he’s a shit kisser but it leads to an amazing scene between Harry and Taylor. Firstly, we get Harry finally telling Taylor that he could always hear her and Sam doing the dirty which must’ve been MORTIFYING!! But I love that it leads to them having such an interesting conversation in McDonald’s at the dead of night. And Harry finally gets to learn that Sam indeed was shit in bed (rip sam’s ego)

8) but also that the intimacy of sex is super, super important to Taylor. And this line made me laugh: “That sounds like something someone who hasn’t had enough orgasms would say to make themselves feel better about it.” AND we also get Harry to finally open up to Taylor about some of his stuff. Learning about his one night stand with Mallory was interesting. I loved how you did it. Like yeah, they had a good time, and they’re good friends, but Harry’s heart is obviously with somebody else.

9) And Mallory knew that so there’s no dramas. But at the same time you still feel a little bad for her. And I love how, even though she probably doesn’t love the thought of it, Taylor doesn’t get jealous at all. She just listens and offers advice. And through this scene I think the two of them become so much closer than they were before. Also when I first read this, “Do you like, um, casual stuff?” she asked him, biting down on her lower lip lightly,”

10)  I thought, much like Harry, that she was propositioning him lol I was shocked. ALSO, last thing about this scene, the little moment at the end where Taylor kisses Harry’s cheek is sooooooo cute!! Another moment where I just want them to make out lol. And, then finally, we get the scene where Harry plans to show Taylor his newly learnt guitar skills and reveal his feelings at the same time. Except it kind of backfires because she’s so, so proud of him,

11) that she just wants to hear him play more songs for her. I really, really loved how you had this play out. Because in his head, this was going to be their magic movie moment. But life doesn’t usually work out like that and someone as insecure as Taylor isn’t just going to assume that him playing some love songs for her means he has feelings for her, even if it’s obvious to us. The only way something might happen between them is if he says something,

12) which he is too scared to do because he’s scared of losing her. But also in the scene we still get supportive Taylor and we get to see Harry make those small little steps towards going for the singer thing properly. Then we get possibly one of the most important moments in the story when Harry opens up to Taylor about Jacqui. I mean first of all, her calling out of the blue?? Harsh.

13) But Harry opening up to Taylor was so, so important for them if they (theoretically) want their relationship to move further. Weirdly, I don’t really have much of an opinion of Jacquie. Like what she did was awful and is probably at least partly responsible for why Harry has issues with commitment. And it’s still something that clearly hurts him because it’s so hard for him to talk about but Taylor’s as supportive as ever. She’s so protective which I love and is true to life I think.

14) And Harry cuddling up to her in bed?? Probably the most adorable thing in the world. And then the end of it?? “You’re my best friend?” So sweet and the moment I think Taylor  REALLY let the idea of them being properly together into her mind. The thanksgiving scene is cute and another good indication of the timeline. But the scene really shows how domesticated they had become. And then the end? “Do you love me?” – too long had passed. Harry had fallen asleep and the moment was gone.”

15) Ugh! Come on, these guys need to work on their timing. Which is only highlighted again in the carnival scene. I swear when Harry and Taylor were on that carousel and she was practically asking him to kiss her I wanted to reach through my screen and push their faces together. I mean, I know you’d just thrown up Harry but go for it! The scene also really highlights Karlie’s role again. She’s probably as sick of their hesitance as I am so she actually tries doing something about it.

16) And god, the last two scenes of this chapter really do it for me. Like Taylor is really putting herself out there trying to send him signals but he’s just so scared the poor thing. Truly though the massage scene is SO GOOD (also suggestion that in some future fic you include a sexual massage) because he’s really just trying to be a good friend but she’s literally there completely topless for him so that was obviously hard (pun intended).

17) Asnhdnhdsx then in the morning he wakes up and he’s almost groping her, and then she puts on his shirt and she barely buttons it up, and she’s not wearing a bra. Like Harry, my man, I really think she’s trying to tell you something here. And then the timing is perfect and she’s leaning in but he chickens out. And I get it because it’s so much safer to just stay with how they are but as you point out, that also risks him actually pushing her away.

18) Anyway, amazing chapter! And I really, really can’t wait for the next!

oh gosh so this is where things started getting interesting where I could blur the boundaries between them being friends and becoming something more. which, really, they had been doing all this time, but now that they have nothing other than their own insecurities stopping them, there's so much more potential for all those little intimate moments. so she's holding his hand just because she wants to and she can, he's picking an outfit for her (I don't think I was referencing anything specific but who knows what was actually in my mind at the time), and they're having such personal conversations – it all really emphasises the trust between them. he knows her, and she holds that close to her, she just doesn't want to risk losing the one guy who actually understands her by taking the risk of a relationship that might not work out. all the flirty banter is much easier for them to handle. it's fun, but it's not really serious.

I was a bit worried the hook up with mallory was a bit too brief or just that I hadn't done it in the right way, since I'd actually completely forgotten to add it into my timeline (oops!) but I'd been setting it up from the beginning so I had to include it somewhere. I'm really glad that it worked out! I think it made sense to have it there along with taylor's date that didn't go quite to plan – while they were both well aware of their own feelings, they still kept it to themselves and tried to make it work in whatever fleeting way with other people, which when it didn't work out only reaffirmed that maybe they actually were right for each other. maybe they should've just taken one of the zillion opportunities for them to kiss ajdjdjd

the guitar scene was important for harry, it really opens up what he actually wants to do with his life. and it was such a cheesy thing for him to do, it could've been the perfect movie moment, but I was never going to make it that easy for them!

the jacqui thing was another of the tricky ones I wasn't sure was going to work naturally. but, y'know, what's a good fic without some Tragic Backstory. it was another opportunity for taylor to tell him how she felt – without saying everything obviously. plus I really wanted to fit in the 'you are in love' reference somewhere, because one, the best friend thing was definitely true, and in general that soft kind of love was the vibe I was going for. they could hear it in the silence! they could feel it on the way home! they could see it with the lights out!

anyways ajdkdk "do you love me" was another of the little emotional bits I thought we should suffer with since when I said slow burn I clearly really meant it. then we've got the carnival and it would've been so easy for them to kiss on the ferris wheel, but again, it was another of those movie moments that wasn't meant to happen for them, much as they wanted it.

she was literally giving him the most obvious signals at the end, I just went back to quickly read over some of this chapter and I'm yelling how did he not go for it?? when she clearly wanted it?? at this point he's realised that waiting is messing his chances up too and what can he do? he can't just lose her

love all these as always!!