#loublu08's jesc 2023 commentary

[loublu8]

Junior Eurovision Commentary: The Squeakquel

3:31pm - Right, after a few minutes of filler- er I mean getting to know the contestants we're getting on to British. My neck of the woods. Will their song be better than the effort at Eurovision Sr. earlier in the year?

I'm 15 and still can't solve a Rubix.

3:37pm - Right, British time! They said hell on CBBC, will be filing a complaint to Ofcom. (joke!)

You know, that wasn't as bad I was expecting. I heard the song on CIN and thought it was aight, and the song's still kinda aight to me. That peformance though was stinkin great. 6/7 for the peformance alone.

3:40pm - North Macedonia now, and it ended before i thought it began. It's pretty ok. 4/7.

3:44pm - Estonia had a neat spectacle and song that also ended before I thought it began. But that kid can sing! 5/7.

And it's break time again. The innocent man and someone else I dunno who have been doing BBC commentary and they're doing fine. I feel like I only recognise Lauren as a former 2016-era CBBC viewer. Plus, only 45 minutes in and only one perfect score from me? That's not right isn't it?

3:52pm - Right, we're back with Armenia. I'm really not into this type of music but I'll try my hardest to not be biased... this song is just eh. 3/7. Feel free to slander me.

Wait there's a dragon? Oh, I take it all back.

3:55pm - Poland now, another slow song, not bad but not one I'll be listening to on the car ride home. The home photos and videos of the singer are kinda neat. And the pyro too! This is a spectacle... only in the smallest way of a spectacle. For that it's getting a 5/7.

Right, gettin close to the top of the hour, gonna make a new post now, next up we've got Georgia.

[loublu8]

Junior Eurovision Commentary 5: Guardians

It's 12 Points Time! I'm starting to think they're overlaying Canned Crowd over the normal crowd. As a reminder, I'm rooting for Malta, Germany and the Netherlands.

5 rounds of 12 points later, the country on top is France! Wasn't expecting me, or us, the UK, to do as well as we are.

5:09pm - Roughly 10 rounds later, France is still leading, with UK in 3rd place! I'm starting to think giving Malta my only 7/7 was a bad idea.

5:12pm - and with all 16 points given, France is leading, Armenia, the one I gave 3/7, is in 2nd and Spain is in 3rd.

Now it's time for the public, AKA MY votes. How good is my opinion? Well...

Germany got 74 votes...

Malta got 45...

And the Netherlands got 70...

And Armenia got public voted up to 2nd, So I have a horrible opinion apparently.

And the winner is.... ....France! (cor blimey they really dragged this out lul)

So there you have it, they struck gold in their conquest yet again with their Barbie theme. Who'd a thunk it?

It also means I am really out of touch with what the general public think about music.

5:25pm - As the France guys sing their song again, I give them a hearty congrats, you might have been what I described as "a fine enough song" in the moment, but re-listening to it, it's definitely a worthy winner. But I can't go and give it a 7/7 now, I have to abide by history as it is right now.

Alright, I'm gonna go change over to BBC Two to watch Flog It now, see ya later.

PS. If you wanna read my thoughts on the entire show, use the tag #loublu08's jesc 2023 commentary

[loublu8]

Junior Eurovision Commentary: Episode One

yes I am watching on CBBC, don't ask my commentary will be split up into 30 minute blocks i can't belive child elvis can fly and transport himself between space and time

oh and i like how out of nowhere they just put a gospel choir in the opening number cuz yeah

3:13pm - I like how the intro movies are gonna be filled with poor editing, I love that kinda stuff 3:17pm - Spain's song is pretty much a pretty decent Bubble Guppies song to me, that makes it a good song but nothing special. Sorry for forcing Guppies into the convo. 5/7.

They got digital fireworks too. Makes the song better.

3:21pm - Malta's song is... really darn good. Like, really good. I really like this type of ballad music, makes me wanna just bob my head along to it. 7/7.

3:25pm - Ukraine next, and it's... eh. It's just kinda forgettable pop honestly. The kid has pipes though, very impressive for a nine year old, I just think the song's mediocre.

Also this weird anime-looking art style is gross. 4/7.

3:28pm -Ireland time, and it's a much slower song, but it's still pretty good. Didn't even realise there were two singers until the end of the song. 6/7.

Alrighty, next we got the British. See y'all in a min.

[loublu8]

Junior Eurovision Commentary Forever After

4:40pm - Right, I've voted! Now here's my picks for my three votes. I picked Malta, Germany and the Netherlands.

Now we got last year's winner stuck in Grease, I didn't watch last year but dayum, I can totally see why this won last year. It's what the Gen Z kids would refer to as "fire". (am I using that term correctly? I'm 15 and I never really use slang.)

4:44pm - Right, now we're onto a recap of everyone we just heard. Still stand by most of my opinions.

4:47pm - Some guy from 2016 decided to burst into song. Only thing I payed attention to is those funny little blue guys.

4:52pm - It is now illegal to vote. Sorry.

4:55pm - So now we got more filler in the case of this guy who can play the piano without any sheet music. Lozza off The Dengineers and the other guy i forgot what his name was guide us through his charade. Oh and of course, cause it's the end of November, he plays the most overrated Christmas song, or in other words, the Mariah Carey song that I can't escape. Yeah, I said All I Want for Christmas is You is overrated, feel free to slap me.

5:00pm - Righty-o, now that's over, we've got the Junior Eurovision All Stars singing "We Are the World".

Right, we hit 5pm, and it's time for the infamous 12 points vote. Catch y'all in a bit.

[loublu8]

Junior Eurovision Commentary 3: Warped

Yes, I'm naming all these commentary posts after sequels. So what. 3:59pm - It's Georgia time, and there were these fan-lookin things over a neato song. I'll give it a 5/7 on the scoreboard.

4:03pm Clock strikes four, and now we got a someone sleeping, representing Portugal.

That song was pretty good. The spectacle was kinda just... there. 5/7.

Another break now. More gettin to know the contestants, blah blah blah...

4:13pm - France is back after their succession in their conquest last year. Last year they went for Elvis as a theme, this year they clearly went for Barbie. And this is a fine enough song, but again, not gonna search Spotify for it. My internet is a lag too. 5/7.

4:17pm - Albania now, and they did a song alright. I really have nothin to say about it. That kid really held that last note though. 5/7.

4:20pm - Italy did a pretty good one. I'm running low on comments here. 5/7.

4:25pm - Germany have saved me from not having anything for me to write about, as I actually have something to say about it! The song's singer has a sister who has a disability where she can't talk, and I can 100% appreciate this. 6/7.

4:29pm We're almost there, time for the last song from the Netherlands. This one's neat too, starting with a slow number but then going for a big "dance party" vibe. Me likey! I might just give it a 6/7. I would have been a 7 but my eyes hurt.

We're done! Now we're allowed by the BBC to legally vote. I'll do that right now and give you my picks when we come back.