#losing the only two friends you have in middle school is like the worst thing that could possibly happen to a teenage girl

[kirbythesixth]

you know i just saw a crossover fanart with four teen pixar movie protagonists, and honestly i think thats really funny because most of them have experince with the suprenatural, like you got:

miguel from coco, who litterally went to the land of the undead,

mei lee from turning red, who turns into a giant panda because of her ancestors,

hiro from big hero 6, who is apart of a superhero gang with a bunch of high tech super gear and he probably wouldnt have as much trouble as others grasping the fact that supernatural stuff is real,

and then you have riley from inside out. shes a middle school girl who just moved from Minnesota to San Francisco whos dealing with anxiety for the first time. has ZERO idea of the stuff going on in her head.

like thats just really funny to me. shes suddenly sorrounded by all these other teenagers who are like "waoh were all from the same multi verse or something like that. what deeply traumatizing and probably supernatural thing happened to you?" and shes liek ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

[wongyuseokie]

Teardrops On My Guitar | h.j.s

Summary: You loved him, but he was your best friend. While he sometimes blurred the lines, he never saw you more than that. Since he was your best friend and you were so in love, you’d break yourself apart for him. You watched him fall in love with everyone, but you only question for how long? ☆ 18+ minors dni |☀��fluff | ☁︎ angst | ♕smut | ♥ completed works

Word Count: 19,760 words

Pairings: Joshua Hong x Female Reader Genre/Trope(s)/AU(s): Unrequited Love AU! (don’t say I didn’t warn you; this really won’t be a nice one). Slice of Life AU! Fluff, Angst, Smut (the holy trinity, if you will) 

Content Warnings: Yelling, swearing, crying, arguments, toxic coping mechanisms, smut, unprotected sex (don’t do this). Smut Warnings: Fingering, oral (male and female receiving). multiple orgasms, squirting, hand jobs. Body insecurities, bitchy drama from other girls (let's lift each other up). Slut-shaming.  Authors Note 1: I think All Too Well was painful for me to write because that was the story about how a relationship that I deemed perfect fell apart, but this one hurts me more because this is a story I hate reliving so much. After all, this is the story of how I fell in love with my best friend and how I never told him (sort of), but now I had to watch him fall in love with everyone but me. This story is a letter to myself back then. I wish I loved myself more back then. 

Author’s Note 2: This is a Seventeen rewrite of an old fic of mine, so if it looks familiar, that’s why hehe.  Authors Note 3: Thank you so much to the following people for reading this for me @shuadotcom @gyuwoncheol @okiedokrie @wonuvs

© wongyuseokie 2024. All rights reserved.

High school sucked. It was a universal truth. 

But you felt like some days it sucked for you more than it did for others. You felt awkward, you didn’t make friends easily – if ever. You basically had just two friends, while every morning on the school bus, you’d hear chatter about someone getting drunk or kissing someone at a party. 

You would have to take a deep breath and pretend you didn’t care. But you didn’t even have enough friends to hold a party, let alone be invited to one. Hell, you couldn’t remember the last time you partied.

You even celebrated your birthday with your parents last year, entering the fifteenth year of your life in your bedroom, watching movies and spending time with your parents. And you didn’t really mind it. You just wished you had someone who wanted to spend time with you. 

The worst thing was hearing about other girls your age having lavish birthdays, having their first kiss, and whatnot made you realise that you had no experience of any of that. This sucked completely,considering that everything felt like a competition in high school. 

Who could get their first kiss before anyone else? Who could lose their virginity first? Forget virginity; you had never even kissed a guy. A proper kiss. Not a stupid peck, but an adequate kiss – one of those you saw in movies. 

You were convinced that the only way you’d ever get your first kiss would be if you were granted a magical makeover where the universe would give you a new face, a slimmer body, and more proportionate features. 

Your mother said you were pretty, but what mother wouldn’t? Some stupid boys in your high school took it upon themselves to tell you throughout your entire middle school years how undesirable you were. They would pretend that their eyes burnt if they saw you and they acted like you were Medusa. In some ways, you could relate. You, too, felt like you had a curse that wasn’t your fault either. You tried all the beauty hacks, scrubbing your face with homemade sugar scrubs and buying concealers that were too light to wear, all because you just wanted to be pretty. 

Feel a little worthy. 

Now that you were older, you knew their hurtful words were untrue. And no, you didn’t suddenly have an epiphany and start believing you were a beauty queen, but you knew not to take such awful comments to heart. Yet, you couldn’t help how they’d sometimes seep into your mind. 

However, as you stood outside your dorm room as a fresher at university, you couldn’t help but wish this was your chance to begin again. You had a new start; no one here knew you from high school; you weren’t back in your small town; you were in the city. You could start over. 

Your bullies, past, and insecurities didn’t follow you here, so maybe this would be the time you’d finally be able to restart. Get a new lease on life.

“Oof, sorry,” a voice apologised as its owner bumped into you, making you look up from the floor. You were met with dark brown eyes filled with kindness, compassion, and, at this moment, regret for bumping into you. 

You looked away from the stranger’s eyes to take him in. He was tall and devastatingly handsome, with a giant grin adorning his handsome face, and you immediately felt like you were thrown back into high school. Guys like him would either mock your appearance or ignore you, pretend you were a wallflower. 

Girls like you didn’t get guys like him. 

You immediately looked to the ground and mumbled an apology. 

“Hey, what are you apologising for? I bumped into you, and I bumped into my flatmate. Nice to meet you. I’m Joshua!” The handsome man introduced himself, holding his hand to you, and you accepted it gingerly as you shook it. 

“What’s your name?” Joshua asked. 

“Y/N,” you replied. 

“Well, I’m excited for fresher’s week! I think it’s so cool that we get to live in co-ed living spaces and get to be adults. I’m also glad that our rooms both have an ensuite, thank fuck. Not the biggest fan of sharing bathrooms,” Joshua rambled, then laughed when he saw your confused expression. 

“Sorry, oversharing with my neighbour within a second of bumping into you isn’t the best first impression, is it?” Joshua joked, and you shrugged, shooting him a smile. 

“Okay, well, I got to finish moving in, but will you be coming across the hall for the freshers’ party? I have a couple of friends I’m going with, but I’d love for you to join us! Unless you already have plans?” Joshua asked.

You shook your head, stunned. Was this reality? 

Someone willingly invited you somewhere, not out of force or school obligation but because they wanted to ask you. 

“I’d like that,” you finally answered, making Joshua smile.

“Well, Y/N, apparently freshers have been told to wear comfy footwear, whatever that means, but how about I knock at your door at nine, and we can leave together?” Joshua offered, and you nodded as you hurried back into your room, slamming the door behind you. 

You were beyond confused. You had plenty of outfits to choose from, but the one time you wore a skirt to your high school disco, you heard a few comments calling you a try-hard and an attention seeker, so you went home and threw the skirt into the back of your closet never to be seen again. And now, that skirt was in your hands again, reminding you of crappy memories and the fact it was impractical as it had no pockets. 

You decided to wear jeans instead. Jeans were a safe option. You chose a black, strappy top with some sequins and threw on a black leather jacket. 

The outfit was inspired by several hours of Pinterest-related shopping you did before arriving at university. You wanted a fresh start, which also meant fresh outfits. You wanted everything to be new. 

You grabbed your white striped Converse and put them outside, on the floor next to the foot of your university bed, a modest single. You also decided to shower, shave and exfoliate. You didn’t think Joshua would find you remotely attractive, but you wanted to at least feel somewhat pretty. 

A couple of hours later, you were putting on your silver hoops when you heard a knock on your door. 

“It’s open,” you said and smiled at Joshua as he walked into your room in tight-fitted jeans and a loose black tee tucked in and completed with a black belt. 

“You look nice,” Joshua complimented.

You hissed as you poked your ear with your earring at his compliment. “Ouch!” you yelped.

Joshua’s eyes widened as he approached you, taking the earring out of your hand and helping you to put it on. “Did I startle you or something?” he asked, his voice too close to you, breath fanning over your neck. 

“I just… I don’t get compliments, so yeah, I guess you did,” you admitted, feeling stupid for admitting something like that to a perfect stranger. He would probably think you were weird now and walk away. 

“Well, that’s a shame. You deserve plenty,” Joshua said genuinely as he squeezed your shoulder, smiling widely at you.

And for the first time in so long, you felt like there was hope for your heart, and for you to find and experience everything you never got to in high school. 

The void in your heart… maybe Joshua could be one who could fill it. 

“Oh, Y/N, by the way! They’re having a flat party. Everyone said that the freshers’ party is usually kind of boring and that nothing much happens. They were talking about things like safe sex, and I’m sure we’re all tired of that conversation from high school,” Joshua joked as you two walked out of your shared dorm and across the hall where you stood as he informed you of the flat party. 

“How many people will be there, though?” you asked, feeling insecurity and fear flood your system. You didn’t want a ton of eyes on you in your outfit. You didn’t want to hear the whispers that would inevitably make you curl up and cry into your pillow all night. 

“I think twenty, give or take. It’ll be our flat and the one across ours,” Joshua replied, and you pondered over the thought of meeting nineteen new people – people who could judge, mock and make fun of you. 

“Hey, you’re my next-door neighbour—well, our doors are opposite one another—you are now my friend, and I’ll keep you protected. If anyone tries shit, I’ll smack them,” Joshua vowed, making you giggle. 

“What’s so funny?” he asked, smiling as he watched you giggle. 

“I just tried to imagine you even trying to beat someone up,” you replied, wiping the tears of laughter that collected in your eyes, making Joshua laugh at you. 

“Oh, but I am fiercely loyal. Trust me, when it comes to protecting those I care about, I’ll fight,” Joshua said seriously. 

You nodded, following him across the hall to the other flat as you two walked into the kitchen, where drinks were being poured, and you could tell several people were already quite drunk. You swore you saw a couple exchange a few kisses. 

“Hi, we’re from flat 2A! Our flatmates told us about the party!” Joshua introduced himself, and one of the guys, who introduced himself as Jeonghan, approached you and Joshua. 

“Well, 2A, welcome to flat 2B! We do have alcohol to spare, but if you want more, you’ll have to bring your own,” Jeonghan explained, the smile never leaving his face, and Joshua nodded as he brandished a bottle of soju from his coat pocket. 

“I’ve got us sorted,” Joshua grinned, and Jeonghan smiled again as he welcomed you two. 

“Y/N, have a seat next to me. We 2A’s need to stick together,” Joshua joked as he guided you to the black couches, where he helped introduce you to the other students. You exchanged several words with Nia and felt she could be a good friend. She had kind eyes and a soft smile, something you were never used to ever seeing. 

“Alright, I’m bored. Can we play a drinking game? It’s the easiest way to get to know one another,” another girl, whose name you couldn’t recall, complained, immediately grinning when everyone agreed. 

You could see she had no actual malice. She just wanted to party. Not everyone you’d meet in life would be your high school bully. This was something you’d have to remind yourself of during every interaction. 

“Okay, what do you want to play, Nia?” Jeonghan asked as he joined her.

“Truth or dare! But take a shot if you want to skip the dare or truth?” Nia suggested.

Everyone nodded–including you, even if your heart beat wildly in your chest. What if someone asked you something like if you were a virgin? You’d lie, but the stammering would give it away. Then again, you had been a wallflower all your life. No one would ever pick you, you convinced yourself as you took a large sip of Jeonghan’s concoction. 

It tasted more like he poured pure alcohol in and sprinkled in some diet coke to mask the fact he did not know how to mix a damn drink, but it was a drink you were thankful for. It gave you a nice buzz, lowering your inhibitions and fears. 

“Okay,” Jeonghan said after three rounds. Everyone had a pretty good buzz, and the questions and dares were getting more unfiltered and scandalous with each game. “Joshua, I dare you to give Y/N a peck on the lips,” Jeonghan said smugly, making you gulp and swallow the remainder of your drink. 

As you sighed, you didn’t think the party would come to this, but you realised you were fooling yourself. People would always care about this, and you didn’t fancy being a laughingstock. 

“Wait, Y/N, where are you going?” Jeonghan asked, genuine concern lacing his voice. Joshua stood up, shooting Jeonghan a slight glare. 

“I just, uh, want to go to bed; you know the alcohol has hit me,” you mumbled quickly as you nearly ran out of the flat and straight back to yours. You rushed into your room, taking a seat on your bed as you took deep breaths. 

It was okay; he wouldn’t remember any of this tomorrow, and you’d avoid it if needed. 

“You should lock your door, you know,” Joshua’s voice startled you as you stood up from your bed at his sudden presence. 

“Can I talk to you?” he asked, and you nodded, knowing there was nowhere to run. 

Then again, there was that large window… But if you leapt out of it, you’d fall into a bush of poison ivy, so you decided to take the scarier option of engaging in conversation. 

“I’m sorry if Jeonghan went too far with that dare,” Joshua apologised as he sat down on your bed, and you sighed, shaking your head, joining him. 

“No, it’s just… I didn’t want to make you feel repulsed by doing something you didn’t want to do,” you admitted.

Joshua turned to face you. “That’s the last thing I’d feel if I kissed you. You’re so beautiful. Anyone would be lucky to kiss you,” he said, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. 

“I wouldn’t know what to do,” you admitted, causing him to smile softly at you. 

“May I?” Joshua asked, and your breath hitched, knowing what he meant, “not because I feel obliged, but because I want to,” he added, and you finally nodded, making him smile as he moved closer to place his soft lips on yours. 

You didn’t know what to do, so you followed his movements, the way he moved his mouth ever so slowly against yours. He was kissing you like you were made of glass, and it made you feel like you were a crystal sculpture. 

Fragile yet beautiful, his kiss made you feel worthy. Joshua smiled as he pulled away. 

“Wow,” you whispered. 

“Wow?” he asked, and you nodded. 

“I’ve never had a kiss like this, just a stupid peck. But this one felt like a real kiss, so yeah… this one felt nice,” you admitted as Joshua nodded. “Sorry if I didn’t know what I was doing or it sucked, though, I just—oomph,” your rambling was cut off by his lips as they pressed against yours again.

You felt him smirk against your lips as he pulled away slowly. “You were fine,” Joshua clarified, and you nodded at him. “Look, the party isn’t over, and more people have joined. I think they’re playing music, and they’ve dimmed the lights, so if you want, we can go back?” he offered, smiling at you.

You hesitated. 

“Or I can grab another bottle of soju, and we can put a movie on? Or I can leave you alone?” Joshua offered. 

You smiled at him. “How about a movie?” you chose.

Joshua nodded with a grin. “Be right back! Let me go get the bottle of soju from my room. You pick the movie, but nothing horror,” he added as he left your room. 

You smiled in his wake. 

This was your new beginning. You could start afresh. 

~~

Two weeks in, lectures had started. Joshua had become your partner in crime, your closest friend. You had also grown closer to Jeonghan and Nia; they had become part of your little friendship group, and you felt wanted and included for the first time.

You felt needed, seen, and appreciated. It was everything you ever wanted. 

“Yo!” Joshua yelled, barging into your room one evening while you were reviewing your lecture material for the following day. 

“Do you bother knocking anymore?” You chuckled, shaking your head as Joshua got comfortable on your bed, kicking off his shoes as he lay down. 

“No. Friends don’t bother with formalities,” he told you smugly, making you roll your eyes at him. 

“Why are you here, anyway? I thought you and Jeonghan wanted to go to a social?” you asked him. 

“Yes, but apparently, Jeonghan and Nia decided to go on a date or something, I don’t know,” he mumbled, making your eyes widen. 

“Wait, what?” you exclaimed, and Joshua shrugged. 

“I don’t know. Nia didn’t give me a straight answer, just kept blushing, and Jeonghan just smirked,” he answered as he shrugged off his leather jacket and threw it to the floor. 

“Shua, are you planning on crashing or something?” you asked, putting your pen down and turning to face him, and he grinned at you. 

“Come on, it’s movie night,” Joshua whined playfully, making you smile. 

“Oh, shut up, you’re only here because Jeonghan ditched your ass, and I’m the second choice,” you joked, but you couldn’t help the thread of insecurity that weaved its way into you. 

“See, normally, I’d let that slide, but I know you might take that to heart. Hey, I live across the hall from you, and you’re one of my closest friends here, okay? I don’t want you ever to think that you’re my second choice,” he assured you softly as he got up to wrap his arms around you. 

That was a new thing you got used to: Joshua’s extreme affection - his need to touch and feel loved through the act of touch. It was new to you, but you weren’t entirely mad either. It felt nice being wanted and being a source of comfort to him. 

“Now, stop doodling flowers on your lecture notes and join me. I want to watch something,” he teased, and you nodded, smiling shyly as you saw the flowers etched into your work. 

“Shall we do a Pixar night?” He then suggested. 

“Always,” you smiled, nodding as you joined him on the bed. 

As you sat down, Joshua immediately pulled you to his side. Soon enough, he was curled into you as he held you during the movie, either babbling nonsense or pointing out things you never knew existed in the film. You loved that about him, you thought to yourself. You loved his ability to see the beauty in everything. 

You paused as you stared blankly at the screen. 

Was that it? Did you love him? 

Were you falling for your best friend? 

The man who took you seriously for once and made you feel seen, were you falling in love with him?

You knew you were falling for the man who could see the beauty in everything. 

You wondered hard that night… would he be able to see the beauty in you?

~~

“So, how was your date with Jeonghan then?” you asked Nia, who had just sat across you with her breakfast. 

She shook her head. “It wasn’t a date. I needed to talk to Jeonghan, that’s all,” Nia explained, and you nodded at her. 

“You two would make a cute couple, though?” You joked, earning a scoff from Nia. 

“What would you know about relationships? Aren’t you forever single or something?” she snapped at you out of nowhere, making you feel like all your progress with your friends over the past month crumbled in a second. 

“I…” You opened your mouth to defend yourself until you realised Nia was right. You were no one to give anyone any relationship advice. 

“That’s what I thought. So keep your comments to yourself. Just because you kissed Joshua once does not mean you know a thing,” she added unnecessarily, her words pouring more salt into the wounds you kept so hard to keep closed. 

Why did Nia know that Joshua had kissed you? And why was she using it as an insult? Did she find it laughable, or did Joshua embellish the story and tell them that he only ever kissed you because you were like a wounded puppy, and he felt sorry for you?

“I need to go,” you mumbled before speeding away, feeling nauseous as you returned to the dorms. 

Would Joshua ever hurt you like that? You didn’t think so, but guys like him were never meant to be with girls like you. 

“Yo, what’s up?” 

You heard Joshua’s voice as you walked into the standard room, and instead of reacting like you usually did, you ducked out of the room and ran to your own. Just as you were about to close the door, Joshua’s large hand pushed between the space and wedged himself into your room. 

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” he asked. 

You sighed, not realising that the tears had fallen down your face. “Nothing,” you mumbled weakly, earning an eye roll from Joshua as he grabbed your books out of your hands and placed them on your desk. 

He then held your hand as he walked you to your bed and sat you down. “What happened? I know something did. I’ve seen your happy tears, and these aren’t them. What’s wrong?” he repeated, his hands moving to cup your face. 

“Fuck, Shua! How did Nia know about us kissing that night?” you burst out, making Joshua frown. 

“Fuck, I was talking to Jeonghan. I didn’t think he’d blab to her. Why, what did she do?” he asked. 

“I just… I was teasing her about Jeonghan and her going on a date, and she got annoyed. So I thought to diffuse the tension, I’d joke and say that she and Jeonghan would make a cute couple. She lashed out at that. She asked me what I would ever know about relationships, as I’m a forever single girl. Then, when I couldn’t say anything, she said, “Just because I kissed you, I shouldn’t assume that I know anything,” you admitted, feeling more tears falling down your face as you recalled the comments. 

“What the fuck? Why would she say that? Listen, you can always give relationship advice without being in one, okay? I’ll find out what’s wrong with her, but what she said is so beyond fucked up,” Joshua snarled. You could tell he was angry. 

“That’s not necessary, Shua. But… I want to know why Jeonghan even knew about the kiss,” you mumbled.

Joshua frowned as he sat down next to you. “I’m sorry. We were just chatting, and it slipped,” he apologised. 

“Well, you should be more careful. It’s not fucking okay to do that,” you muttered.

Joshua’s eyes widened at your tone. “Why? Is it embarrassing to kiss me?” he accused, and you stared at him in shock. 

“Oh, don’t even go there. You know I’m the one people laugh at and look at funny. The one everyone knows got a pity invite. And now they all probably think that you kissed me out of pity, too, and now they’re laughing at me!” you ranted, making Joshua scoff at you. 

“I don’t know that much. You don’t let me in about a lot in your personal life or your past, but no one pities you here. No one thinks that—only you do,” Joshua commented, making you feel small. 

“We all have a past, and I’m not trying to fucking invalidate yours, but you need to get over whatever happened to you in high school. This is a fresh start, so instead of victimising yourself every chance you get, maybe get out of that self-pity bubble you’ve trapped yourself in and realise that people might give a fuck about you! But if you keep wallowing and crying over stupid shit like this, then no one will want to be your friend for real,” he huffed out.

When you didn’t speak, Joshua looked up to see how you looked even more devastated than when you came in initially crying over Nia’s comments; he had made you cry more. 

“Y/N—” Joshua started to say, but you shook your head at him. 

“You’re right. I’m being a pain in the ass,” you mumbled, making Joshua groan. 

“That’s not what I’m trying to say, but if that’s how you keep taking it, then sure, you might as well be,” he added, and you nodded. 

“Can you leave? I have an assignment due tomorrow,” you mumbled, getting off your bed and walking to your desk, turning your back to Joshua, making it clear you wanted to be left alone. 

Joshua felt like a complete moron. He knew he was being a dick, but he didn’t like how you spoke in riddles. He didn’t like that. He wanted proper sentences, and you gave him emotion but no real problem. 

Joshua tossed and turned in his bed that night. What was your past? Why were you always suspicious of anyone who wanted to be your friend? Why were you always so guarded? 

He didn’t bother taking the time to look at the clock. Instead, he jumped out of bed and out of his room across the hall and pounded on your door until you opened it, glaring at him. 

“You could have woken up the entire fucking flat,” you hissed as you let him in. 

“Tell me,” Joshua breathed out, and you stared at him, confused. 

“Tell you what?” you asked.

“What happened in your past?” He asked as he sat on your bed, immediately getting comfortable under your blanket. 

“Didn’t you, just like, a few hours ago, oh, I don’t know, tell me to not wallow in my sadness and that I should get over it?” you mocked. 

Joshua sank, shaking his head for a second and holding his hand to you. “Sit. Tell me. Look, I was careless with my words. I just wanted you to stop feeling terrible. But instead of saying that or taking measures to ensure that, I lashed out. I don’t like seeing people sad, but I can be quite clueless when helping them out,” Joshua admitted. You nodded, sitting on the bed but not taking his hand to make a point. 

“I don’t know what it was about me, whether it was my hair, skin or whatever… Maybe I had a goofy smile? And I guess no one liked that? Maybe? I don’t know. All I know is that the kids in my school suddenly decided that I wasn’t worth being friends with,” you started out, struggling to keep your voice steady as you recalled your painful memories, opening old wounds that you had only wrapped in gauze, never adequately healing them. 

“All these students… they would never include me in games or let me sit at their table during lunch, so I’d play alone, eat alone. And then, one year, a group of guys thought it’d be great to act like I was so hideous that they’d cover their eyes for fear of being burned by my ugly face or something,” you mumbled. 

You noticed Joshua’s jaw clench out of the corner of your eyes.

“That went on for a year, the calling me ugly things, but the general feeling and act of being excluded from everything happened and continued until the last day of school. If I’m being honest, everyone just acted as if I inconvenienced them, so I carry that, Shua. I assume I’m always a burden no matter where I go.”

“I fucking hate that, but, and I ask this not to blame you, but out of genuine curiosity and concern, did no one know?” Joshua asked. 

You sighed. 

“Teachers weren’t blind. They knew, but if no one was physically attacking me, they kept their mouths shut. I told a counsellor, and her advice to me was that I should seek compassion for those who bully me because they’re probably victims of bullying themselves,” you scoffed, recalling the god-awful advice the counsellor gave you. 

“What about your parents?” Joshua asked, and you shook your head. 

“Never, no. I mean, I’m sure they guessed. I never had any birthday parties, but I didn’t want to tell them,” you mumbled. 

“Why?” Joshua asked, and you shrugged. 

“I felt stupid because everyone else in school could make friends; they could go a full day without being bullied or mocked or made fun of, and I couldn’t, and I didn’t want to burden them,” you admitted, letting out a muffled sob. 

“They’re your parents; they wouldn’t think you’re being a burden. You’re their daughter,” Joshua offered, and you shrugged. 

“I wore a skirt to a school disco once, and all the others could do was point out how funny I looked. Everything and anything I did in school, I felt like a hundred eyes watching me, waiting for me to fuck up,” you explained, taking a deep breath. 

“All through school, I lived like that, so forgive me for being cautious when a new guy—especially a guy like you—openly welcomes me as his friend,” you mumbled, making Joshua quirk his brows at you. 

“A guy like me?” Joshua asked.

“A hot and handsome guy. A guy like you would be the boyfriend of one of the pretty girls, someone like Nia. You’d be with her, and you two would give me sickly sweet smiles before laughing at me the minute my back was turned, and I – I guess I know you’re not that kind of a person, but when Nia snapped at me and used the fact you kissed me as an attack… it felt like that I was back in high school,” you admitted. 

“I see,” Joshua said before turning you around to face him. “I’m going to ask you something, and you need to be honest with me, okay?” Joshua asked. You nodded. “Did you think I was mocking you when I told Jeonghan we kissed?” he asked.

You nodded slowly. “I know you wouldn’t, but… I have a past where guys that looked like you and Jeonghan would mock me, and girls like Nia would get guys like you while I sat on the sidelines and watched,” you reasoned, and Joshua nodded. 

“You’ve survived a lot, and I’m sorry you even had to go through it in the first place, but please know one thing: I’m not going to ever hurt you like that,” Joshua said, kissing your hand softly. 

“I kissed you that night because I wanted to, not because I felt pity or anything. Girls like Nia… I don’t know what to make of that sentence, but I kissed you, not her. I find you beautiful, and I’ll gladly go blue in the face repeating it to you,” Joshua proclaimed, making you smile. 

“It’s not out of pity either. I wish you could see yourself the way I do one day,” he inched forward. 

“Can I?” He finally asked.

You nodded, your eyes fluttering shut as you felt his soft lips on yours. Moments later, Joshua pulled away and smiled at you. 

“You’re beautiful. And I hope you’ll understand that every time I kiss you, it’s not because I have an ulterior motive but because I want to.” 

You didn’t know how to respond, so you simply blushed and smiled at him, nodding. 

“Now cuddle me. I want to sleep, and I know you don’t have an assignment tomorrow, considering you messaged me saying freedom in capitals,” Joshua joked as he pulled you into his arms. 

You couldn’t help but melt at the fact that he remembered that little detail that would haunt you and make you overthink everything Joshua would ever do. 

~~

You had never slept next to a boy before. Let alone wake up with his arms wrapped around your waist and his leg thrown over yours. But here you were the following day – laying in Joshua’s vice-like embrace.ou moved slightly to get up, and you thought you were successful until you heard Joshua let out a soft moan. 

You froze. You were sure that was just a regular moan he would let out in his sleep until he moved his leg, and you felt his hardness against your inner thigh. You might have never felt the touch of another pair of lips on yours until a month ago, but you weren’t an idiot. You could tell an erection when you felt one. You knew Joshua was turned on. But then again, you recalled reading that sometimes men just get hard for no reason.

That was it, you thought to yourself. It wasn’t because he was attracted to you; it was simply because there was a concept known as ‘morning wood’, and Joshua was prominently exhibiting it. Still, you couldn’t help feeling butterflies in your stomach. You couldn’t help the arousal you felt start to pool in your panties. 

You were a virgin, not a moron; you knew what was happening to you. And you needed Joshua to leave as soon as possible so that you could take care of the problem he caused. 

“Joshua,” you mumbled, trying to move away from him, which only made him move against you more, allowing his length to brush against your inner thigh over and over. He was incredibly long, is what you gathered. Very well endowed. 

“Stop moving,” Joshua mumbled sleepily as he pulled you tighter to him, moving his hips again as his length brushed against you, this time dangerously close to your aching cunt. You knew you needed to stop him before it escalated, and he regretted it. 

“Shua!” you yelped, pinching him, making him groan as he jolted awake, glaring at you as you broke free from his embrace. 

“Woman, will you let me sleep?” Joshua complained, his morning voice doing nothing to ease the ache in your pussy. It was so husky and deep… You wanted that voice to wake up to every morning for the rest of your life. 

“Not until that goes away!” you blurted out, making Joshua look at you funny until he followed your gaze down to his cock–his very hard cock. 

“Oh fuck! Well… this is just a normal thing,” Joshua said, chuckling, and you knew you hated how that made you feel. You wished to be the reason to arouse him, but he chalked it up to biology. “If I’m not out of line in saying this, you would also cause a similar problem, and holding you in my arms like that last night…  felt nice. So I’m sure my body was showing its appreciation in ways I didn’t,” he explained further, making you look down at the duvet with a stupid smile adorning your face. 

“Joshua, if you need to take care of it, you should do it. I don’t know what to do,” you mumbled quickly, earning a nod from Joshua. 

“Wait, ever?” Joshua asked, hating how incredulity laced his voice. 

“No. You don’t need to sound so shocked,” you mumbled, feeling defensive. 

“I’m not; I’m sorry, it’s the ass crack of dawn, and my brain is barely functioning,” Joshua defended.

You rolled your eyes at him. “And yet your cock was nestled in my ass crack,” you teased, your eyes widening in horror when you realised what you said. 

“Did you like it?” Joshua suddenly asked; his demeanour changed as he leaned back against the wooden headboard, making you gulp. 

His erection was more prominent with this slight adjustment. 

“I asked you a question. Did you like my cock rubbing against you,” Joshua repeated, this time his eyes burning into yours, and you knew you couldn’t lie. 

“What am I meant to say? I’m human,” you replied lamely, hoping it’d give him enough of an answer for him just to drop it. 

“So, it turned you on?” Joshua asked instead. 

You glared at him. “Why do you want to know?” 

Joshua smiled at you, admitting, “Because to think you are turned on… it’s fucking hot,”  

You wanted to yell but bit your lip to avoid verbalising your thoughts. 

“It’s even hotter knowing that I’m the reason behind it,” he added, and you kept staring at the duvet. 

“You should go,” you said abruptly, making him look at you in confusion. 

Even you weren’t entirely sure why you said that. 

Well, you did know why you didn’t want to be intimate with him: for fear that he’d take one look at what you had to offer and be repulsed. You’d be led to believe so what would stop him?

“If I overstepped,” he started to say, and you shook your head and held your hand out to him. 

“You didn’t! Just go!” you rushed, getting off the bed, indicating to Joshua that he, too, should leave. 

“I’ll catch you later?” Joshua quietly offered, and you nodded, waving to him awkwardly as he walked out of your room.

You let out a breath you were holding after he left. 

You shook your head, cursing yourself for kicking him out, but you knew you did the right thing. Joshua, just like any other man, had eyes and would be disgusted once he saw what you hid under your clothes. 

~~

Later that day, you walked into your lecture hall, cursing, when you saw that the only empty seat left was the one next to Nia. You sighed as you moved to sit down next to her, and she hesitated for a second before moving her bag down to the floor allowing you to sit next to her. 

“Hey,” you mumbled. 

You weren’t entirely sure why you were trying to converse with her when she had been rude to you, but you didn’t have many friends. This meant you didn’t have very high standards or understand boundaries.

“Hi,” Nia replied. Her tone was clipped. 

You assumed it was because she didn’t want to be disruptive during a lecture. She gave you a tight-lipped smile before returning to the front of the screen. 

“Y/N, hold up,” Nia called after you as you started to walk out of the lecture theatre once the professor had dismissed everyone. “Thanks for ratting me out to Joshua, by the way,” she taunted, and your eyes widened. 

“Look, I’m sorry for what I said to you. That was really shit. But you ran to Joshua, who then told Jeonghan, and then Jeonghan took it upon himself to lecture me about being kind to one another for twenty minutes. Either way, I shouldn’t have said what I said, so this is my apologies. 

“We good?” Nia asked, and you nodded. 

Not understanding what boundaries meant and not having many friends made you realise that your bar for human decency could have been higher. They needed to be higher. You knew that what Nia said to you was barely an apology. It was more of an “I’m sorry you got offended” apology, a shallow apology usually reserved for celebrities and their notes app. 

“It’s fine, I’m sorry, it’s just that Joshua caught me crying that day, and I guess I ended up telling him everything,” you rambled, biting your tongue, realising that you should have done it sooner, for it would have prevented you from oversharing.

Your bond with Joshua was sacred; you didn’t want any other girl or anyone to come in between that. You knew it was selfish and childish, but he held your entire life in his hands, and he didn’t know it. 

“So, are you two close friends then?” Nia asked as you two walked down the hall to the quad. 

“Yes,” you confirmed. You were shy about most things, but not this. You were his friend, one of his closest. 

“Then, do you know if he’s currently got his eyes on anyone?” Nia asked, her tone lowering slightly and your eyes widening at her question. 

“Wait, what?” you asked, and Nia smiled at you, the kind of smile that reminded you of the girls in school who called you pretty – only to say that you were pretty ugly. 

“Oh, I’m just screwing with you. He’s hot, but don’t worry. I don’t need your advice to get him. Besides, he and I have already kissed once,” Nia casually stated, making your heart sink. 

“What? When?” you asked, your voice a mere whisper. 

“Oh, you know, the night you chickened out for the dare to get pecked by Joshua? Someone dared him to kiss me after you left, and he did. I have to say I wanted to know what else he could do with his mouth,” Nia chuckled, making you feel like your stomach was twisting. 

You needed to leave. 

You couldn’t hear this. 

“I have to rush back, but I’ll catch you later?” you rushed, and Nia smirked, nodding and sending you a sickly-sweet smile. 

You were beyond thankful that your feet still moved because your mind was starting to malfunction and short-circuit. 

Joshua kissed you after he kissed Nia. That meant it was a pity kiss. And not only that, you were so taken away by the sweet cherry taste on his lips. Now it hit you that the taste was not only cherry but also peach, and it wasn’t his lip balm. It was hers. 

Joshua had kissed you without even bothering to remove the evidence that he kissed Nia minutes ago. 

But it wasn’t his fault, you thought. You were so desperate to be loved and feel the intimacy – to feel a proper kiss, the kind of kisses your friends bragged about – that you didn’t care that your first proper kiss was not only a pity kiss but that you also tasted another woman’s lip balm with it. 

You felt so stupid. 

Joshua had lied to you about what the kiss meant and failed to tell you that he kissed Nia. But then again, he was under no obligation to tell you anything. Where his lips went was not your business. You weren’t his girlfriend. You were just his friend. 

“Y/N, keep storming around like that, and you’ll burn a hole into the rug,” Joshua joked, his voice interrupting your thoughts when you realised that while you were busy ripping yourself to shreds, you reached back to the dorms. “Oh, by the way, I got something I want to show you. Can I show you in your room?” he asked excitedly. 

You couldn’t help the jealousy, bitterness, and anger that overtook your following words. “Sure, but are you sure that you didn’t show Nia first and are putting on an act now, pretending to show me?” you spat at him, taking Joshua aback. 

“Run that by me again?” he asked, and you scoffed as you opened your room door. Joshua walked in behind you, making you glare at him. 

“You kissed Nia that night. The night you kissed me, the first night. You kissed her and then kissed me,” you mumbled, hating how vulnerable and weak you sounded at this moment.

Joshua kept going from being your safe space to a man who toyed with your feelings. 

“I, fuck, how did you find out?” he asked, running his hand over his face and letting out a deep exhale, and you stared at him. 

“You’re not going to deny it?” you asked, and Joshua shrugged. 

“I’m not going to lie to you,” he offered bluntly, making you scoff. 

“You had no problem lying to me that night,” you countered, and Joshua shook his head at you. 

“I didn’t lie. I omitted a fact. But yeah, you’re right. Why did this conversation even occur? What did Nia say, exactly?” 

You sighed at Joshua’s questions. “Doesn’t matter. The point is that you kissed me after you kissed her,” you mumbled.

Joshua frowned as he inched closer to you to place his hands on your face, making you look at him. “Why does that matter?” he asked so innocently that you felt like you couldn’t even be upset. 

But you were. “Because I was a consolation kiss! You might not see it that way, but I fucking do, Joshua! I do. And you know what? It fucking sucks to know that you only kissed me because you felt bad for me. You kissed me after kissing the pretty girl, too, to what? Show that you’re capable of charity?” you accused. 

Joshua groaned. “I get your past, and I get why it’s making you lash out in the ways it is, but you cannot compare everything I do to the people who fucked you over in the past! I’m not one of them,” Joshua defended, earning a dry laugh from you. 

“Really? Because you are sure as shit fucking me over like them. I don’t want you kissing me or saying lewd things when you get hard from cuddling me because you think it’s easy to fuck with my feelings. I might not have any experience with all this, Joshua, but I have plenty of experience with being hurt and fucked over. You’re not the one I expected it to come from, though,” you spat back. 

Joshua just sighed. “Look, come find me when you want to talk like an adult. But if every little piece of gossip sets you off like this, I cannot keep up,” Joshua announced as he stormed out of your room. 

It was only your room he left… so why did it feel like he walked out of your life and broke your heart with the door as it slammed shut behind him?

~~

You didn’t talk to Joshua for two weeks. 

You’d bump into him often. How could you not? He stayed across from you, and it was hard to avoid your neighbour. Except it seemed like he would go out of his way to ignore you and express his disdain for you. 

At first, you assumed you were being dramatic, just like Joshua would call you dramatic. Maybe he, too, realised he wanted nothing to do with you, just like everyone else. 

“Penny, for your thoughts?” the guy suddenly asked you one day when you returned from your lecture. 

“You’re talking to me now?” you asked, puzzled. Joshua smiled, nodding. 

“I thought I wasn’t enough of an adult?” you snapped, making Joshua wince as you unlocked your door. 

However, he still followed you inside your room, making you narrow your eyes at him. 

“I didn’t realise I invited you in?” you asked, and he frowned, looking down at his feet. 

“I know I did something shitty to you, and it’s even worse because I wasn’t an adult myself. Hell, I stormed out of your room,” Joshua admitted, chuckling, and you sighed deeply at him. 

“I know I was too much. I just have a past,” you mumbled, and Joshua nodded. 

“I’m not trying to negate it, Y/N, but at some point you need to move past it. You have a clean slate to do whatever you want; why don’t you take advantage of that?” Joshua offered, and you nodded at him. 

“I know, and I get it. But with my past, Shua, I just – I let it haunt me so much that I end up struggling to believe that anyone could ever like me for me,” you admitted, and Joshua frowned as he moved to stand in front of you, his tall frame dwarfing you. 

“I’m so sorry that I was not more understanding. Truly, I am. I should have been, fuck. I just let my immaturity get the best of me,” Joshua apologised, and you shook your head at him. 

“We’re both learning. You have no reason to apologise to me. I’m serious. You don’t,” you admitted, and Joshua smiled softly at you as he wrapped you in a tight embrace. 

“How about we blow off steam at the party that Jeonghan’s flat is hosting?” Joshua offered. 

“I don’t know, the last party did nothing but cause drama, or rather, I overreacted,” you mumbled softly, making Joshua shake his head at you. 

“Your reactions are valid. Please don’t let me or anyone take that away from you,” Joshua comforted you, making you smile softly at him. 

“So, what’s the occasion of this party?” you asked, and Joshua shrugged. 

“I honestly don’t know, and I quote Jeonghan on this: who needs a reason? A party is a party,” Joshua chuckled, making you smile along with him. “Come on, go get ready, and we can go!” Joshua cheered, making you smile at him. “Look, we’re going to have ups and downs in our friendships. Isn’t that normal? But I promise I’ll keep the dramatic storming out of rooms to a minimum,” he joked, making you nod at him. 

“What should I wear?” you asked, making Joshua grin.

“Whatever you feel comfortable in,” he answered, making you swoon at his answer. 

It was a simple statement, but he never pressured you to look a certain way. But you still let your demons get the best of you. 

Was the reason why he didn’t deem it necessary to tell you to wear something nice that, regardless of what you wore, he’d never consider you attractive, so it didn’t matter?

“I can hear you overthinking. I’m saying wear something comfortable because it’s a flat party, not because I think you can’t pull off something else. I know you can. Hell, if you want to wear a dress and heels tonight, I support it, but I know you won’t be comfortable in it, not at a house party,” Joshua rationalised, calming the demons in your mind and making you nod and smile at him. 

“Sorry,” you gave him a sheepish smile, and Joshua shook his head at you. 

“Stop apologising for how you feel,” he said as he moved to open your wardrobe. 

“Oh, what about this? It’s sparkly?” Joshua beamed as he handed you a sparkly green top. 

You bought it on a whim once; it was what all the pretty girls in the magazines wore, it was what all the cute girls wore, and you just thought that if you wore that, you too would be pretty. 

“It’s stunning, and I think it’d make you sparkle and look like a mermaid,” Joshua laughed. 

“Mermaids are attractive?” You asked, taking the green top from him. 

“Listen, Ariel is fucking hot,” he declared, making you laugh. 

“She nearly gave up everything for a guy. A guy who she knew nothing about, and all because he was handsome,” you mumbled. 

“Not a Little Mermaid Fan?” Joshua asked, and you shook your head. 

“Not a fan of how much she gave up for him,” you mumbled, and he nodded, sensing that if he didn’t divert your attention somewhere else, this conversation would take a very gloomy turn.

“To be fair, and I’m just assuming here, it wouldn’t be easy to sustain a relationship with a damn fish,” Joshua said knowingly, making you laugh. 

“Okay, get out, you fish expert. I need to get ready,” you joked, pushing Joshua towards your door, and he nodded. 

“Be ready in about thirty minutes?” Joshua offered, and you nodded. 

~~

You were done with your shower, and as you walked out, you almost liked what you saw in the mirror. 

Almost. 

You wore the sparkly green top, paired it with black jeans, and wore your stripped Converse. You dusted a light wash of makeup on your face and some mascara on it then reached for the peach-flavoured gloss and dabbed your lips with a small amount before smiling in the mirror. 

“Ready?” You heard Joshua yelling obnoxiously outside your door, making you cringe at him. 

“You’re insufferable,” you giggled as you opened the door, laughing at him. 

Your laughter stuck in your throat when you took in Joshua’s appearance. 

“Take a picture. It’ll last longer,” Joshua giggled, making you glare at him. 

“You look good, okay,” you huffed, making Joshua smile. 

“Likewise. Shall we go? Jeonghan’s been texting me. Oh, by the way, Nia will be there,” Joshua said, his voice softening as he spoke her name. 

“Shua, I can manage. She might have just been having a bad day. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s fine. It’s all in the past,” you said, not meaning it entirely, but Joshua was right. You couldn’t live your entire life crying at every upsetting situation. 

“If she steps out of line, I’ll put her back in place, I promise,” Joshua added, and you smirked at him. 

“Kinky,” you joked before slapping a hand over your mouth, your eyes widening in shock at what you said. 

“Oh, do you want to find out?” Joshua teased, making you look down shyly. 

“Come on, Jeonghan is waiting,” you said shyly as you dragged him across the hall to flat 2B. 

You didn’t see it then, and how you wish you did because your words lit a fire of envy in Joshua, one he could not douse and one that ended up ruining the night. 

~~

The house party was going quite well, there were no silly dares and no bitchy comments, but you couldn’t place your finger on Joshua’s behaviour. The entire night, he was distant and standoffish with you. 

Hell, he was chatting with Nia for a fair bit, but you chalked it up to the fact that you were a chronic over-thinker and that Joshua didn’t necessarily mean to do what he did with the intent of hurting you. 

“I like your top, by the way,” Jeonghan said rather loudly and drunkenly, and you smiled, thanking him. 

“Oh, thank you. Actually, Joshua helped pick it out,” you answered, and you saw Joshua smile warmly at you. He was about to respond when Nia spoke before him instead. 

“Why? You can’t choose your outfits or something?” Nia mocked, earning a couple of chuckles from what you could only guess were her minions. 

“I…” you mumbled, lost. 

Joshua was about to speak, but something stopped him. That something was Jeonghan, who shot daggers at Nia, making her roll her eyes. 

“Anyways, I was promised games, and all we’ve done is drink and make small talk,” Nia complained, and Jeonghan nodded slowly. 

“Get the cards then, and we can start playing,” Jeonghan said as he turned to face you. 

“You look beautiful, don’t listen to her. She has this bitchy persona, but she’s actually nice. Just got to get past the ice-cold persona,” Jeonghan mumbled to you. 

You smiled at him before noticing how Joshua smiled at Nia and whatever she whispered. 

Didn’t he say he’d set Nia straight if she spoke out of turn? So why didn’t he? 

“Alright, we’re just playing snap but with dares and forfeits if you don’t do your dare,” Nia explained once one of her friends brought her a deck of cards to her. 

It was quite an easy game, and the night was progressing smoothly. Nia hadn’t made a single snide comment, and thankfully, your speed made you avoid some stupid dares. 

“Oh! Joshua, you lost that round. You have to complete a dare!” One of Nia’s friends squealed, making you wince. 

“Ugh, I knew it. What do I have to do?” Joshua asked, smiling. You felt your heart starting to pound in your chest. 

“Make out with Nia. I know you guys only kissed, but this time, a proper make out,” Nia’s friend suggested, making your heart fall into your stomach with her suggestion. 

Surely, he wouldn’t say yes. 

“Sure, why not?” Joshua chuckled as he turned to face Nia, who shot you a smirk before meeting to place her lips on his, earning a few wolf whistles and cheers from the others in the room as they kissed. 

They fit together. It made sense. She knew what to do. You didn’t. 

You could feel your eyes burn with tears and knew you had to leave. You couldn’t watch this. You couldn’t keep watching this. 

You got up to leave but got up so hastily that you failed to notice that your glittery top got snagged by the edge of the table. The tear was barely noticeable, but the scrape of your chair against the floor was loud and got everyone’s attention, including Nia who smirked at you. 

“See, this is why you should dress for your body, not just based on trends. I guess that the rip was the universe’s way of letting you know that the shirt needed to be let out a bit,” Nia said with a straight face, her voice devoid of emotion, but her words were laced with venom. 

The venom that you could feel was starting to move in your body and to your heart and brain, making you hate everything about your body and yourself more than usual. 

Nia’s vile comments finally made Joshua snap as he pulled away from her and stood up. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He shouted at Nia as she shrugged. 

“She looked silly in that top. Is that why you picked it up, Shua? Because you couldn’t resist, knowing how stupid she would look in that?” Nia added, smirking. Her words were slurred, so you knew not to believe her, or at least that’s what you told yourself. 

But then again, doesn’t a drunken mind speak sober thoughts?

“Y/N!” Joshua called out as you turned your back to everyone and tried to leave. 

You took a deep breath before turning to him. “I’m fine, just tired,” you mumbled before exiting the flat. 

~~

After the flat party, you returned to your room, and you stood in front of your mirror in your underwear after a shower. 

You stared hard; you could see every dent, mark, and scar on your body. 

You weren’t chubby, far from it, but you weren’t a size two. 

You had curves, which came at the cost of more stretch marks. 

You had long, wavy hair that never seemed to cooperate with you. 

Nia was right; you didn’t look good. 

You were so immersed in picking yourself apart that you failed to notice Joshua walk in and wrap his arms around your waist.

“I’m so fucking sorry,” he mumbled into your bare skin, and you could feel his toned arms under the flimsy fabric of your bra. 

“For what? She’s just telling the truth. She’s the kind of flawless I wish I could be,” you mumbled, squinting at the reflection. 

You hated what you looked like. You sighed deeply before removing Joshua’s arms around you. 

“I fucked up. I said I’d defend you, and I didn’t,” Joshua mumbled, and you sighed, sitting on your bed. 

Joshua sat down, kneeling, making you look into his big eyes shining with unshed tears. 

“Why the fuck are you the one about to cry? I’m the one that got body-shammed in front of everyone. You got the pretty girl, and you got to even kiss her!”

“I’m about to cry because I have been spouting this loyalty bullshit from day one, and when it came to you, I just let it go. And I guess it’s because you dropped my hand when I was being suggestive and ran off to find Jeonghan instead,” Joshua grumbled, and you scoffed at him. 

“That’s such a pathetic reason. I only ran off like that because, you know, I’m uncomfortable with sexual innuendos and jokes. I’ve never experienced anything, so how can I pursue a conversation further?” You questioned.

Joshua just frowned as he looked to the ground. 

“I didn’t,” you started to say and moved to kneel until you were on your knees, sitting in front of Joshua. “I didn’t run because I wanted to get cosy with Jeonghan. But I’ll say he was a better friend than you were tonight,” you finished and stood up, grabbing an oversized shirt off your chair, pulling it over your body, and moving to Joshua. 

“I was seeing red, and like a fucking dick, I said nothing. I didn’t pick that top for you because I wanted to mock you. I picked it because you looked lovely in it. It fits you like a glove,” Joshua spoke, and you scoffed at him. 

“Are you sure I didn’t look like a stuffed turkey instead?” you mocked, and Joshua shook his head. 

“I don’t know what Nia’s deal is—I don’t fucking know—but you didn’t look silly in the outfit. It’s your body; you wear what you want. You looked lovely, my angel,” Joshua smiled as he spoke, and you quirked your brows at him. 

“My angel?” you echoed, and Joshua blushed slightly. 

“I give nicknames,” he mumbled.

“Oh,” you mumbled.

“Only to the ones I love,” he replied, making your heart swoon. 

You knew you already had it wrong for Joshua, but his saying made you swoon more. You felt safe, and you knew that you were falling for him.

“I didn’t look stupid in the green top?” you asked again, and Joshua smiled, turning to face you. 

“No, you didn’t. Fuck Nia and her stupid ass opinions,” Joshua huffed, hoping it’d make you laugh, but somehow it failed. 

“Wasn’t that your aim tonight? To fuck her. I mean, I gathered that was the aim because you leapt at the chance to kiss her,” you spat at Joshua, who shrank at the accusation. 

“I just… fuck, I screwed up. I told you that I got mad, and I fucked up. I fucking did. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Joshua mumbled, and you sighed. 

“It hurt to watch that,” you voiced, and Joshua nodded. 

“Did, uh, did you want to kiss me instead?” Joshua asked, and your eyes widened. 

“Is this some sort of stupid game you play where you kiss Nia first and then come back and give me a pity kiss? Because if it is, I want nothing to do with it,” you said as you tried to get up, only to have Joshua pull you back onto his lap, glaring at you. 

“It’s not. Fuck, do you not realise that I had kissed you before, which wasn’t a fucking pity kiss? Two, I got hard for you. And now I want to kiss you because you looked amazing at that party, but you look even better in this stupid shirt that I kind of want to rip you off!” Joshua exclaimed, making your eyes widen. 

“Oh,” you said, unsure of how to respond.

Joshua rolled his eyes at you. “Yeah, oh,” he huffed, making you giggle. 

You didn’t know where you felt a surge of confidence rush into your blood, but you did, and as it did, the words tumbled out of your mouth sooner than you could stop them. 

“Then kiss me,” you whispered out. 

Okay, maybe you weren’t that confident, but you said the words, and you knew Joshua heard them because his grip around your waist tightened. 

Joshua didn’t say anything. He simply pulled you in closer until your lips met his. You ignored the taste of cherry lip gloss on his lips and instead tried to enjoy his taste, but you couldn’t. You eventually sighed into the kiss as you pulled away. 

“Did I do something?” Joshua asked, and you shook your head. 

“I just… I keep tasting Nia’s stupid cherry lip gloss on your lips, and it’s killing the mood,” you admitted, making Joshua sigh as he used his shirt to wipe his lips. 

“Try again,” he encouraged, and so you did. 

This time, you could taste him; the cherry flavour was an aftertaste, but one you could swallow because you liked him too much to care. 

As the kiss progressed, Joshua’s grip on your waist only got tighter, and you kept moving against his hips, making him groan into the kiss. He was so big and thick that you could feel yourself grow wetter each minute. 

“Wait, stop,” he mumbled against your lips, his grip still tight on your waist because he knew you’d run away the second he told you to stop. “Where does all this leave us? The slight dry-humping, the kisses?” he asked, and you smiled at him. 

You wanted to tell him you liked and wanted to date him, but you didn’t want to scare him off. So, you decided to choose an option that would only hurt you. 

But if that was the only way you could ever have Joshua, so be it.

“How about we just keep it casual?” You said, trying to sound nonchalant and unbothered, and Joshua nodded. 

“I agree,” Joshua replied, not leaving room for an explanation as his lips were back on yours instantly, making you moan into the kiss. 

Casual it is.

~~

Over the next three weeks, you learnt what casual meant. It meant still being friends with Joshua and having your usual movie nights with him. And then sometimes you’d end up on his lap, kissing him. 

A week after the casual arrangement began, you found yourself bare-chested and at the mercy of Joshua’s lips and hands running all over your breasts while you palm his hard length over his boxers. 

In the second week of understanding what casual meant, you found yourself clenching around his long fingers as they moved inside of you. You didn’t entirely realise how it happened. Still, it felt so good that you didn’t want to stop it. You were riding the wave of euphoria for as long as you could, and you couldn’t see it crashing anytime soon. You had also given your first blowjob. It was glorious watching Joshua fall apart under your touch. It was a sight you wanted to be tattooed in your brain. 

During the third week of understanding the word casual, you felt pleasure you only thought was confined to porn and smutty fanfiction, but when you two stumbled back drunkenly after a night out, you couldn’t control your hormones. 

You wanted him. 

“Joshuaie!” you slurred slightly as he helped you back to your room. 

It was a Friday night, and you had too much to drink. As a result, you ended up stumbling a bit, but you weren’t drunk, far from it. But you also had a pep to your step, one that did not help you walk. 

“Sit,” Joshua ordered as he helped you sit on your bed. 

His tone was slightly cold, and you immediately felt like he had poured cold water all over you. With one word, you sobered up immediately and let out a sniffle. 

“I’m sorry I ruined your night out. I’ll be fine. You can go back and enjoy yourself,” you mumbled as you kicked your shoes off and scurried under your covers.

Joshua sighed as he walked into your ensuite bathroom, grabbed your makeup wipes, returned to you, and sat on your bed. 

“Sit up,” he said, his tone softer this time, his kind eyes sparkling with endearment. 

“You didn’t ruin my night, none of it. Fuck, I just got annoyed. A few guys made some shitty comments about you, and I wanted to punch them,” Joshua explained as you sat up, and he moved to wipe the makeup off your face gently. 

“Oh, they probably said I looked hideous; no need to get mad at that, nothing I’m not used to,” you admitted, letting out a sad chuckle. 

“Is that what you fucking think?” Joshua asked, and you shrugged, at which he sighed, kicking off his shoes.

You shrugged. “Is it not?” 

Joshua shook his head. “Fuck, they couldn’t stop talking about all the sexual things they wanted to do to you, and I wanted to just punch them. No man should ever talk about a woman like that. It’s so stupid,” Joshua huffed out, making you smile. 

“Well, at least I was being complimented,” you sassed back, spilling out of your bed as you drunkenly stumbled into your bathroom and stepped into your shower, the alcohol making you forget Joshua’s presence in the room.

Thankfully, you always kept an oversized shirt in the bathroom, which you changed into before stepping out of the shower and walking back into the room. 

“The things those guys were saying weren’t complimentary. They were sexist and disgusting hell. If it were me…” Joshua trailed off when you joined him on your bed. 

“What would you say, huh?” you asked, and Joshua smiled as he inched closer to you. 

“I’d do more than speak,” he answered. 

The atmosphere in the room suddenly changed; it was now filled with want and desire, and you decided to bask in the glory and be bolder. 

“Show me then,” you mumbled. 

“You’ve been drinking,” Joshua mumbled, and you shrugged. 

“Your point? I’m buzzed, but I can consent. I can count to ten backwards if you want,” you joked.

Joshua smiled as he stood up, making you stand up with him. He pulled the curtains over your window so that the only thing illuminating the room was your table light. Joshua moved to pull the leather jacket off his body and tossed it on your desk before pulling you into a soft kiss. 

“God, I’ve wanted to do this since I saw you tonight,” he admitted, making you smile. “Can I take this off?” he asked, and you hesitated for a second, then nodded. 

“Just know that… I don’t look like a model underneath,” you mumbled suddenly. Even though Joshua had been intimate with you before, you still felt insecure every time. 

“I’m glad you don’t. You’re beautiful. So fucking beautiful,” Joshua praised you as he pulled the fabric off your body, leaving you naked. 

He walked you backwards until the backs of your knees touched his bed. He gently pushed you down, and you moved back on the bed as he crawled between your legs. He placed his lips on yours. You moaned into the kiss, and Joshua slipped his tongue into your mouth, deepening it. He pulled away gently just to look at you.

“Can I touch you?” Joshua asked, and you nodded slowly. 

He smiled as he placed his lips on yours again, kissing you again, and then moved his mouth to your breasts.

“Fucking hell, these tits. You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to suck and bite them.” 

You moaned as he squeezed your breasts, his fingertips rubbing your nipples. 

“Each time you were in a low-cut top, I wanted nothing more than to bring you into a room and take your tits in my mouth.” 

You squeezed your thighs as Joshua’s words did nothing but torment your aching cunt. 

He moved a hand down your body. “You’re so fucking gorgeous,” he said as he moved to lay down between your legs. 

He pushed your legs apart, and his tongue found your cunt. He placed several kisses on your cunt, each kiss making you buck into his mouth. He wrapped an arm around your waist.

“Easy, princess, I’m going to take good care of you.” You nodded as he ran his tongue along your folds, moaning as he tasted you. He circled his tongue around your entrance as he pushed his long and thick tongue inside you. 

“Fuck, Joshua,” you cried out, tugging on his hair. 

He growled into your cunt when you tugged on his hair, the vibrations making you shake. He pulled his mouth away from you and pushed two fingers inside you. He stood on his knees and stared at you directly as he hooked his fingers inside you, his other hand pressing down on your stomach.

“Hold still, princess; I will make you scream my name.” 

You nodded, and Joshua started moving his hand up and down vigorously. You could hear just how wet you were getting. 

“Come on, princess, I can hear how fucking wet you are. Wouldn’t it be nice if you just squirted all over my hand?” 

You arched your back as Joshua kept fingering you. 

“Pretty girl, I can hear you squirt for me. I can make you squirt again, don’t worry.” 

You kept whimpering until something inside you snapped, and you felt your vision fade as you came hard. You felt yourself squirt all over Joshua’s fingers. He pulled his fingers out of you and sucked on them. 

“God, you’re so fucking sweet,” Joshua moaned, praising you. You felt a bolt of confidence surge as you got onto your knees. “You don’t have to?” he assured, but you shook your head at him.

“I want to. Will you let me?” 

You reached forward and wrapped your mouth around his length. Well, as much as you could, your hands made up for what your mouth couldn’t. You ran your tongue along his length until you fixated your mouth around his tip. You kept sucking his tip, and your hands reached down to play with his balls. Joshua bucked in your mouth as you kept sucking his tip. 

“Fucking hell.” 

You smirked. Catching Joshua off guard was the only way to get him to submit to you. 

“Fuck, baby, if you keep doing that, I’m going to cum!” 

You kept bobbing your head up and down his length until you felt him still in your mouth and felt his warmth release down your throat. You pulled away, slowly swallowing his release and giving his sensitive tip a final lick. 

“Fuck, get over here,” Joshua moaned as he pulled you into his arms for a sweet kiss. 

You giggled into his chest as he cuddled you, making him nudge you. “What’s on your mind?” 

“You’re perfect,” you said. No mumbling, nothing. You said it confidently. 

“No one’s perfect,” Joshua countered, “plus, you’re only saying that because of the amazing orgasm I just gave you,” Joshua joked, making you groan and sit up. 

“No, you are! You’re so fucking perfect, just you are. I’ll explain someday; right now, it’s fuzzy, but you’re the closest thing to perfection,” you mumbled as you laid back down and curled into Joshua’s embrace. 

“Fuck, I’m going to miss you over winter break,” Joshua spoke, and you nodded. 

“Only three weeks, nothing’s going to change. I’ll still be here,” you said, touching his lips and making him smile into the kiss. 

~~

 The thing about bold statements is that they often come with uncertainty and pain should things not pan out the way you want. Which is precisely what happened to you. 

You said in three weeks nothing would change, but you were wrong because you told yourself that when you were high off the orgasms and falling in love with Joshua, your love only grew stronger every second. 

“Y/N!” Joshua exclaimed when he found you at the café. You were waiting patiently for him. It was the first week back from winter break, and Joshua finally texted to meet up. 

You agreed. You also decided that you wanted to confess to him, to tell him you liked him. 

“Joshua!” You greeted cheerfully as the tall boy hugged you tightly. 

How do you get more handsome every day? 

It was true; Joshua was getting increasingly handsome each day, and you weren’t entirely sure if it was good for your heart. 

“So, what’s up?” he asked once you two sat down in a booth, and he smiled, noticing you ordered his favourite drink for him. 

“Uh, winter break was good. I spent time with family, and uh, Joshua, I have to tell you something,” you started, and he nodded. 

“Me too!” Joshua exclaimed, and you smiled, thinking that maybe you and him were on the same page. Perhaps he liked you the way you liked him. 

“Really?” you asked. “Okay, you first,” you said, and Joshua grinned. 

As he was about to speak, a pair of long, slender arms wrapped around his chest, and a kiss was placed on his cheek. 

You felt your heart shatter into a million pieces – all stabbing you at the same time. 

“Baby, I missed you!” 

You looked to see Nia slide into the booth next to Joshua, making you feel nauseous. You felt like a fucking fool. 

Why would Joshua ever reciprocate what you felt for him? Why would he ever want you when he had a girl like Nia?

“Babe, you’re early. I haven’t told her yet,” Joshua mumbled, apologetic as he awkwardly smiled at you. Nia shrugged. 

“You two are dating?” you asked, and Joshua nodded. 

“We met when I went back home, Nia’s from the same town, and we hung out, and you know, over the last three weeks, she made me the happiest I’ve ever been,” Joshua said, and you could feel your eyes starting to sting with tears. 

“Wait, baby, they just called my order. Be right back,” Nia said, kissing Joshua’s cheek as she waltzed away. 

“I know you’re not her biggest fan, but I promise she’s kind, loving and sweet when you dig past the cold persona. I wanted to tell you, but I also didn’t know how. We weren’t really together or anything, you know?” Joshua mumbled, and that did it for you. 

He never even saw what you two shared as unique. You were nothing to him. 

“Does she make you happy?” You asked, and Joshua nodded, smiling. 

“Then I hope she knows that her side gets her the most amazing man, but if she hurts you,” you started to say, and Joshua shook his head. 

“She won’t!” he said excitedly, and you nodded, knowing that your ‘I’ll hurt her if she hurts you’ speech would be wasted on him.

“Then, go be happy, Joshua, that’s all I want,” you said as you gathered your things. You had to leave this café. You’d fall apart if you stayed any longer. 

“Wait, you said you have something to tell me?” Joshua asked, and you shook your head. 

“I got to go. Another time.” 

You rushed, hurrying out of the café and back to your dorm room, where you cried into your pillow. You cried until you couldn’t cry anymore, then you cried some more. You cried until you couldn’t feel anymore. You cried yourself to sleep, knowing that the boy you loved was never going to be yours. 

You would have to see them, Joshua and Nia. You’d have to see her with him, and it’d hurt because she had everything you had to live without. 

~~

Joshua tried to balance, but he was failing. He would flake on meetings with you and study sessions or hangouts, which started getting on your nerves. You brought it up to him one night during a movie night. 

“Stop making plans if you keep flaking,” you mumbled, and you saw Joshua glare at you. 

“It’s not out of malice. Forget it; you won’t get it,” Joshua dismissed.

“Why wouldn’t I get it?” You asked, and he sighed. 

“You’re not dating anyone. You’ve never been in a relationship either, so I guess you wouldn’t get it,” he mumbled, and you scoffed at him. 

“I don’t have to be doing either of those things to call you out on being a shit friend,” you retorted, making Joshua scoff. 

“You only just made friends, so please don’t act like you have any authority on what friends are meant to do either,” Joshua fired back, making your eyes well up with tears. 

“That’s so mean,” you choked out. 

Joshua groaned. “Oh, for the love of God, I can’t be at your beck and call! I have a life! I’m sorry you don’t, but I do! Why don’t you go out to make some friends? I won’t be able to be there for you all the time, not when someone needs me more, and she’s a priority,” Joshua said. 

His words felt like daggers, slicing you open, drawing blood, but all you felt were tears stinging your eyes. 

“I’m going. You’re right, I should make more friends. Also, I never asked to be a priority, Joshua, but I didn’t expect you to make me an afterthought… But I get it now, you don’t need me,” you explained, tears running down your face as you hurriedly grabbed your bag and stormed out of his room and back to yours. 

He didn’t come after you this time when he made you cry. This time, you were alone. 

And this time, you knew he was not yours. Not anymore. 

~~~

Three Months Later 

You weren’t entirely sure what you were doing at this party; none of the people here were your friends, but you decided to go out because another girl from your dorm, Mai, invited you out. You chose to go since Joshua painfully pointed out how few friends you had and that you should go out and make some. 

You weren’t entirely sure these were the types of friends you wanted to make. You weren’t judging them, but they were just different. They were more outgoing, the type to get wasted and hook up with each other. You judged none of it, but it just wasn’t you. 

“Yo, Y/N, have a shot of this,” Mai said, rushing over to you and handing you a shot glass of clear liquid. “It’ll loosen you up a bit. You’re so wound up,” she moaned, and you sighed, taking a shot of the drink. 

It burnt your throat, but it couldn’t compare to the pain you felt every time you thought of Joshua. 

“Good, have another,” Mai said, handing you another shot, and you did the same thing, downing the clear liquid, shot after shot, until you were four shots in, your mind hazy, and you stopped thinking. 

Instead, you soon found yourself on the dance floor, grinding against some guy. You forgot his name but didn’t care, not when his kisses distracted you from Joshua. And certainly not later when you were back in your room that night, he was down on his knees trying his best to please you. 

“Babe, if you don’t want to, we don’t have to,” he spoke, and you looked at him, his chin wet with your arousal. 

“Kyung,” you drawled; his name finally popped into your mind. “I do. I just don’t have protection,” you mumbled. 

“Oh, is that it? I do,” Kyung said, fishing out a condom from his back pocket, making you smile in amusement. 

You weren’t going to lose your virginity to Joshua. He made it clear that he didn’t see you as someone he’d prioritise, plus he had a girlfriend. 

“Just go slow,” you told Kyung as you pulled your dress off. 

You didn’t care what you looked like anymore. You didn’t. If Kyung could make you feel wanted, you’d do anything to feel that. 

You wanted to know what it felt like to be desired, even if Joshua wasn’t the one to do it. 

~~

You woke up to Kyung gently snoring next to you until you nudged him awake the following day. 

“Hey, oh, are you okay? Any pain, any regrets?” Kyung asked sweetly, and you shook your head. 

“No… Thanks for last night,” you mumbled, and Kyung smiled as he slowly got out of bed. 

“Look, I would stay, but I also don’t think your head is in it because you can tell when someone doesn’t like you, but don’t worry! I’m not mad,” Kyung explained. 

“Kyung, I’m sorry,” you mumbled as he got dressed and shook his head. “It was a hookup, no hard feelings, right?” you asked, and Kyung nodded, smiling at you. 

“Chill, we’re good. But you know, if you ever see me around and you want to repeat what happened last night, I wouldn’t be opposed to it. But if you never want to acknowledge me again, that’s also okay,” Kyung explained, making you smile. 

“I’ll at least say hello,” you joked, making Kyung laugh. 

“See you around, Y/N,” Kyung said as he left your room. You sat in bed and slowly got out later to shower, your legs aching with a good ache. 

It felt nice last night to feel wanted. You felt utterly rejected by Joshua, and you wanted to feel needed, and if doing things like you did last night made you feel the slightest bit wanted, then you’d do it over and over again. 

So, you did. 

You continued it. Going out, getting drunk, hooking up with someone random, and each time, you felt more complete seeing how they drooled when they saw you naked. You enjoyed every moment.

Each hookup was your attempt at filling the Joshua-sized hole in your heart, and though it wasn’t entirely practical, it was enough. It was enough to numb your pain. 

You continued this pattern for so long that you lost track, lost track of how many people you slept with. You just were chasing something permanent in something fleeting. 

~~

You hadn’t spoken to Joshua in two years.

Well, here and there, awkward hellos, but he’d become a ghost to you since he started dating Nia. You pulled away too because you couldn’t be around him, not when you felt your heart break a little more every time you saw him. 

You hadn’t spoken to Joshua in so long, until today, in the final term of your last year of university. You had just returned to the dorms and were unpacking your things after going home for the winter break when you heard a knock on your door.

“Come in, it’s open,” you called out, and your eyes widened when they landed on Joshua’s scowling figure. “Well, hello to you too,” you huffed out. 

You had gained more confidence in the two years but felt every bit of it ebb away when you saw Joshua again. Because when you saw him, you were always the broken-hearted girl who cried over the fact that she could never have him. 

“What the hell are you doing with your life?” He asked, making you stare at him in confusion. 

“Excuse me?” 

“Don’t act stupid with me. What are you doing, hooking up with someone new almost every week? Do you know that this gossip followed me back home?” Joshua accused you, making you scoff. 

“Why do you care? You already made it painfully clear that I was not a priority anymore, so why do you care what I’m doing?” you demanded, and Joshua scoffed. 

“Well, if everyone I know is starting to call you a slut, then I care,” Joshua fired back, making you scoff again. 

“Do you think that?” you asked, and Joshua sighed. 

“If the shoe fits,” he mumbled, and you rolled your eyes at him. 

“That day in the café, I wanted to tell you I liked you,” you started to say as you unpacked your belongings. “I started falling for you, Joshua. The minute you made me feel seen, kissed me, and the three weeks we spent fooling around, I fell more and more. I thought you felt the same,” you said, pausing to breathe. 

“But you didn’t, and I had a Joshua-shaped hole in my heart,” you finished, and Joshua stared at you with wide eyes. 

“All that to say, I make no apologies for how I choose to fix that hole in my heart, and I make no apologies for how I choose to fix what you broke,” you responded. 

“Did you just quote Meredith Grey to me?” Joshua asked, making you roll your eyes at him. 

“Shut up, she had great lines,” you bit back. 

“I’m just saying you’re getting a reputation, and you know people won’t respect you as much,” Joshua babbled, making you scoff at him. 

“I couldn’t give less of a fuck. I’m trying to forget you,” you lied as tears started to pool in your eyes. “I don’t care about the respect of hundreds of people who don’t know me, but I do care about the respect you have for me,” you asked.

Joshua stayed silent, feet planted on the ground. 

“I’ve gotten my answer, thank you,” you replied, and Joshua sighed. 

“You keep this up. You’ll lose everyone,” Joshua retorted, making you roll your eyes at him. 

“I only ever had you, and I lost you the day you started dating Nia, so I think I’m good,” you said, swallowing the lump in your throat. 

“Fine, be that fucking way,” Joshua scowled as he stormed out of your room, slamming the door on his way out, making the hole in your heart grow with every step he took.

~~

“Y/N!” 

You left bed one night when you heard someone yell your name. Startled, you ran to the front door, confused when you saw Jeonghan. 

“Joshua’s in my room, and he’s crying. He needs you,” Jeonghan huffed, and you rolled your eyes at him. 

“No, he doesn’t, he hasn’t for so long. Tell him to go run to Nia,” you spat out, and Jeonghan sighed, running his hand through his blond hair. It was tousled and messy. You guessed that he had just gotten out of bed. 

“Nia is the reason he’s crying, so I can assure you, he does not need her,” Jeonghan deadpanned, making your heart sink. Joshua and Nia had problems? 

“Just go to him, preferably before he drenches my bedsheets with his tears,” Jeonghan rushed, and you sighed, following him across the hall to Jeonghan’s room, where you saw the man you were deeply in love with curled into a ball crying. 

“Joshua?” you said softly, and you only heard a whimper from him in response. 

“Go, I’ll be in the kitchen,” Jeonghan said, pushing you into the room, and you cautiously approached the crying man. 

“She cheated,” Joshua blubbered out, and your heart sank. 

You could only see red. How could she? She had your entire world in her hands and crushed it in one thoughtless moment. 

“I’m going to fucking kill her,” you spat out, and Joshua shook his head. 

“No, just hold me. I don’t want ever to hear her name again,” Joshua begged, and you sighed, giving in to let Joshua cuddle you. 

“I deserved this. I said such shitty things to you. No wonder I’m in this predicament now,” Joshua sighed, and you rolled your eyes. 

“Shut up. You said shitty things. It doesn’t mean you deserved this; no one does; I’m so sorry,” you said, hugging him tighter, earning a soft sigh from him. 

“Y/N, I haven’t been a good friend at all, and I’m going to be one of those douchebags who’s going to ask you to be there for me now because I need you, but I promise this time I won’t hurt you, not again,” Joshua admitted sitting up slightly wiping his eyes. 

“I…” you hesitated and sighed when you saw hurt flash across his handsome features. “Of course I will,” you said, making Joshua smile. 

Of course, you would because you held onto hope. Not that you ever wanted Joshua to get hurt, but he could finally be yours after the hurt passed. 

~~

Joshua was true to his word. Things went back to how they were, you two being the best of buds, no benefits, but still, he was your friend, warming your heart up. This time, it would be fine. 

“You look nice,” Joshua commented as he walked into your room, his hands automatically moving to adjust the zipper you were fiddling with. “There, all done,” he beamed at you. “You look beautiful,” Joshua commented again as he took in your emerald, green floor-length cocktail gown. 

You had just finished getting ready for the final year gala. You smiled at Joshua, and your eyes widened as you took in his appearance. 

���You look just as handsome. Any girl would be lucky to have you,” you suggested, biting your lip when you saw how his expression fell. 

“Let’s not mention that, please?” he asked. 

“She who shall not be named?” you offered with a smile, and Joshua nodded. 

“Yeah, she who shall not be named.” He smiled as you two walked out to your room and the ballroom. 

“Shall we, our final gala as soon-to-be university grads?” Joshua asked, holding his arm to you, and you smiled at him. 

~~

You and Joshua enjoyed the gala. For the most part, there was no drama, just a few odd questions about if you and Joshua were dating, but he quickly shot them down. By the night’s end, you were tipsy enough to spill the words brewing on your tongue for the entire night. 

You still loved him, and tonight, you’d tell him uninterrupted. 

~~

“Okay, what was so important that you needed to drag my ass out here and watch yourself! You’re going to fall over!” Joshua giggled as he wrapped his arm around your waist, making you smile shyly at him. 

This was it; this was the moment you’d tell him everything you felt for him. You’d say to him right here that you loved him. 

“Okay, sit,” you declared to Joshua, who only chuckled and then groaned when you pushed him down onto the icy-cold brick walls that adorned your campus. The décor of your campus made it look like a castle, and at this moment, you felt like you were maybe just in a fairytale. 

Joshua was the prince, and you were the wide-eyed princess about to confess to him. 

“Okay, now shut up and listen,” you giggled, making Joshua laugh. 

“I’ve legit said nothing. The floor is all yours, my love,” Joshua smiled as he spoke, and you melted. That smile would be the death of you. That’s all you knew. 

“So, this year, I felt we became so close. I mean, you were my first friend here, hell, you were probably my first friend here, and I know the last two weeks with your breakup, it wasn’t exactly kind on you. However, you could keep a straight face and smile through whatever pain you tried to hide. Inspired me,” you admitted. You saw Joshua’s smile, and you flashed him a smile before you continued to ramble. 

“I also remember, the night after that awful party, I told you to come and help me out, and you did, and I remember just drunkenly mumbling apologies to you. I think that was the first time I expressed my gratitude for you. You’ve made me a better person, Joshua,” you professed, struggling to look him in the eyes as you poured your heart out.

“I’m not going to lie. Because of the alcohol, I can’t. Honestly, thanks to the alcohol, I can’t remember much of what I said, but I remember you smiling and saying thank you, so I guess I must have said something right!” You drunkenly continued your monologue, making Joshua nod at you. 

“Now,” you said slowly as you stumbled to sit down next to him. 

“I’m going to bring this up quick. The way you shut down when you and Nia broke up. It broke me. I hate the fucking fact that she failed to see how wonderful of a man she lost, but that’s her loss, not yours; I hated that you doubted yourself so much,” you babbled as you placed your hand on his, which made him look up at you. 

“That being said, you inspired me even in your darkest hours. You were able to finally pull yourself out of that shitty headspace, evaluate it, and then reason. It’s something that I admire in you a lot and a trait I wish I also possessed. When I visited you the night, you found out about Nia’s unfaithfulness. I saw it was a different side to you. I no longer saw you as Joshua, the guy who always kept a straight face and never expressed emotions other than happiness and anger,” you explained, pausing to breathe. 

“I saw a guy who was hurt, vulnerable, sensitive, but a guy who was honestly just emotionally drained. That night, I guess, would be the pivotal moment of our friendship because I saw you not only being happy and cheery but also having a different and more sensitive side of yourself,” you smiled as the words tumbled. 

“Y/N, you’re going to make me cry if you continue,” Joshua mumbled, and you knew he wasn’t lying, especially with the way his voice was thick with emotion. You shrugged as you moved to sit down next to him. 

“Okay, turn, face me,” you slurred slightly, making Joshua laugh at you as he turned to face you. 

“How can I help you?” Joshua asked, and you grinned at him. 

“Well, now it’s Joshua appreciation time!” you yelled in his face, making him laugh as he slightly cringed at the volume of your voice before nodding, allowing you to speak. 

“Well, first, I’m jealous of you!” You exclaimed, making Joshua look at you funnily, “why?” Joshua asked, his voice small. 

“You make everything so effortless, good grades, good friends. I know you put effort into everything you do, but you make it look so easy. I’m jealous of that,” you admitted, making Joshua blush as he smiled at the ground. 

“Now, you remember how I said if I could use one word to describe you, it’d be perfect, well I still maintain that and let me break it down for you because I know you’re going to give me the bullshit that no one’s perfect, but listen up Hannah Montana, you are!” You declared, making Joshua laugh. 

“Look, you’re a fantastic friend. Wait for not a perfect friend. You are excellent at giving advice. You are also extremely trustworthy! If I’m ever questioning or hesitant about anything, I can always count on you to give me the correct answer!” You rambled, pausing to take a breath before continuing.

“Jokes apart, speaking presently, I know this month hasn’t been too kind on you! I won’t dwell on the girl who shall not be named. I know how she broke you into two. Still, I hope you know that you fucking deserve better than her. She lost a good thing, and that’s on her to regret for the rest of her life, not you. You’re going to meet the perfect girl because you’re the perfect guy,” you breathed out, smiling at Joshua, who was now smiling softly at you. 

“I know that sometimes you feel that it’s safer not to show your emotions, but as I said, you’re human. You’re entitled to feel and have every right to express them. I know you might find it much easier to ignore them and not deal with them, but sometimes, it’s not too bad to deal with them. All I want to say is that Joshua, if you ever need anything, a hug, a chocolate bar or a lame joke to cheer you up! Then I’m here! You’re one of my closest friends, and I never want to see you upset!” You exclaimed, pausing to take another breath. 

“I love you, Joshua, and before I sort of end this obnoxiously long confession, I want to say that I know you felt that sometimes you weren’t good enough. I want to remind you that you are! You’re good enough, better, and stronger than you give yourself credit for! Thank you for letting me be part of your life,” you exhaled, taking a breath before continuing. 

“So all that being said, I guess I’m trying to say something else too,” you mumbled suddenly, feeling your confidence drain out of your body, and Joshua nodded to you.

“What would that be?” Joshua asked, placing his hand on yours. You smiled at him as you decided to leap of faith and inch closer to him. 

“I…” you gulped before moving closer. You decided kissing him would be easier than telling him you were head over heels in love with him. 

You were about to place your lips on his when you heard her voice, 

“Shua, what did you want to talk to me about?” Nia called out, and you looked at Joshua with hurt and betrayal filling your chest. 

You got up and stumbled as you tried to move as far away as possible from him. 

You could bear your soul to him. You could tell him that you’d take a bullet for him, and you’d still never be enough for him. You’d never be the girl for him. You’d never be her. 

“Y/N, stop!” Joshua yelled out, and you shook your head at him. 

“No, nothing; I just wanted to tell you you were great. I need to, uh, go. You go get your girl,” you mumbled, your voice betraying you as it cracked, and you could feel hot tears start to run down your face. 

You tripped as you tried to run back to the dorms. You were never going to be the one for him. 

You weren’t her.

~~

You’d never be her. That’s all you knew as you cried yourself to sleep tonight, 

Joshua didn’t come to check in on you either that night, but you knew where he was. Balls deep in Nia, or so you could only guess from the moans you could hear across the halls. He was back with her.

You cried yourself to sleep that night, like most nights, but tonight, you’d stay away from him; he was not yours, and his heart would never be yours. 

You barely spoke to Joshua after that night of the final gala. You found out later that he had gotten back together with Nia that night, and so you decided that you’d forget it. Forget him, and heal. 

Divider: Five Years Later

Over the years, you thought you had healed, and you wouldn’t think about him every second, and you thought you were fine until your high school reunion. 

~~

“Joshua, you’re strong now,” you moaned as Joshua carried you into your hotel room. 

Frankly, you weren’t sure how you got here. You had shown up for a university reunion, and you and Joshua picked up from where you left off. It was as if nothing had ever changed. 

However, seven drinks in, Joshua started getting flirtier, and you reciprocated his every advance until you were in this exact position, his arms around your waist, waiting to fuck you. You hoped he wouldn’t pinch you at this moment because if it were a dream, you didn’t want to wake up. 

“You know what I want to do?” He whispered hotly in your ear, making you shiver in his embrace. “I’m going to finger you, lick you and fuck you till you’re trembling and begging to cum, and even then, I won’t let you cum. I’ll cum inside you and leave you tied to this bed. Your clit throbbing and you’ll be begging for me to let you cum, but I’ll leave you here filled with my cum.”

You whimpered at his words; your pussy ached for his touch. You nodded meekly at him. 

Joshua slowly undressed you. He hissed when he saw your swollen pussy lips. He moaned at the scent of your arousal and traced a finger from your clit to your entrance. Gathering the arousal he collected from that simple touch, he put his finger in his mouth and sucked and moaned in approval. 

“You taste so good for me, pretty girl.” 

He stood up and slid off his clothes, his tanned and toned body, his hard cock long and thick. He climbed back onto the bed and hovered over you. 

He placed his hands on your chest, massaging your breasts, making you moan. You didn’t wear a bra, so he felt your nipples harden and groaned in approval. 

He slid your top up, exposed your breasts, took one nipple in his mouth and began to suck gently. He then picked up his pace and started to bite and tug at your hardened nipples. 

You tried so hard to keep your mouth shut, but his mouth felt so good. You let out a soft moan. This didn’t go undetected by him. He slapped your now exposed clit. Your hips thrust up in response. 

His mouth left your chest, and he moved his mouth to your dripping cunt. He started kissing your inner thighs, darting his tongue out and licking every part of you except your aching cunt. 

You tried to move in an attempt to get his mouth onto your pussy. He slapped your clit again, except this time, he followed it up by inserting his long finger inside your pussy. You tried to suppress a moan, but it was too much, and you needed him to fuck you senseless. 

“Baby girl, I see that you just don’t want to listen,” he said as he inserted another digit. He curled his fingers upright against your g-spot and started moving his wrist up and down. “So make all the noise you want, but you cannot cum.” 

He continued his relentless pace and assault on your pussy. He leaned his head down and finally put his tongue on your clit, and you thought you were going to cum right then and there. 

His tongue flicked at your clit, before he enclosed his mouth on it, and you lost it. You couldn’t control it, and you came undone on his tongue and fingers. Joshua growled at your release but didn’t ease up on his movements and kept sucking at your now over-sensitive clit.

He removed his mouth from your pussy, but he didn’t ease up with his fingers. He added a third digit and fucked you until you squirted onto his hands. It wasn’t long before the overstimulation turned into pleasure, and you found yourself cumming on his tongue. 

You didn’t know how he could make you come undone so quickly and easily. You were shaking and trembling, tears of pleasure rolling down your face. 

You couldn’t even coherently mumble out a word or move. You felt so good, and your pussy was still throbbing, and yet you ached for more. 

Without letting you get more than a minute to recover, Joshua pushed his length inside you. He let out a growl and proceeded to fuck you, setting a relentless pace. He fucked you hard and fast, his thick cock hitting the right spots each time. He pulled out of you, and you moaned at the loss of contact.

He pushed himself into your dripping and aching pussy. At this point, he was just chasing his release. You finally used your arms to hold onto his broad shoulders as he fucked you into the sheets, your legs wrapped around his waist, allowing him to go deeper. 

He was close. You could tell by the way his thrusts got more uneven. To tease him further, you clenched your pussy around his cock. 

Oh, he was pissed. 

“Baby girl, is that hard for you to listen?” His hand went to your neck, gently choking you, and he continued fucking you. The breath play only made you reach your high again, and he wasn’t far off either.

He came inside your pussy and stayed still for a little bit. Then pulled out gently, not letting his cum spill out. He moved his body down yours until his mouth reached yours again and stuck his tongue into your cunt and lapped at it until you came again, and he cleaned his cum out from you. 

Swallowing, he moved up and pulled you into his arms, and you both lay on the bed. 

“How are you, baby? I hope it wasn’t too much for you.”

“Was so good.” You were still basking in the afterglow of your session. 

~~

You woke up later that night feeling rather hungry. 

Sex does that, you assumed. You noticed Joshua was awake and scrolling through his phone. 

“Hey, do you want to grab a bite or something? I’m starving,” you asked, and Joshua sighed, taking a sip of the water you left by the bedside. 

“This was a hookup, Y/N; please don’t read into it,” Joshua answered bluntly, and you stood up and walked to find his clothes and threw them at him. 

“It was a fucking question, Joshua!” you yelled. 

“I know not to hope with you anymore, but I can’t help if my heart doesn’t want to listen. But tonight, you showed me that you’re done, so I want you out,” you snarled, and Joshua nodded, getting dressed quickly and walking out of your door and crushing your heart again. 

~~

But that night was long gone, and so was he. 

~~

You noticed a heavily decorated envelope sitting on your desk later that evening. You must have collected the mail and not bothered sorting through it. You opened the envelope and held your breath when you saw an invite to Joshua’s wedding. 

Joshua weds Yuri the card read, and for once, you felt pain, but unlike the past, it felt dull. It didn’t feel like you were being stabbed in the heart. 

You RSVPed as soon as possible. You wanted to go. 

So, you did. You watched the ceremony, and the happy couple exchanged their vows, and you approached Joshua to talk outside after the reception. 

“I need to talk to you. I didn’t invite you to hurt you. I invited you because you’re a friend,” he started to say, and you nodded. 

“Then, as a friend, I need you to listen to me one last time,” you pleaded. 

Joshua nodded as he sat down on the bench outside the castle, his actions reminiscent of the time you confessed to him, but this time, it’d be different because you were different. Everything was different now. 

“Look, thank you for being so brave throughout the wedding. I know it couldn’t have been easy,” Joshua started to say.

You had to take a deep breath to not scoff at his words. Did he still think you were in love with him after all these years?

Truthfully, you will always love him. He was your first love. How could you ever forget him? How could you forget the nights when he’d pleasure you and look at you like you were the only one in the world? But more importantly, how could you forget the nights when he held you while you cried, wiped away every tear and kissed away every insecurity? How could you forget the boy who made you feel beautiful for the first time? 

But most importantly, how could you ever be the boy who kept breaking your heart repeatedly, and yet you kept forgiving him because you hoped that one day he’d wake up and realise that he loved you too? 

But it was too late for all of that. 

You were standing at his wedding, well outside the chapel, and you watched the entire night as Joshua exchanged his vows with someone who was not you. Your eyes moved to his left hand and zeroed in on the gold band that adorned his long finger, his ring finger. The finger that he’d always leave empty when he wore jewellery because he said he was saving it for someone special, and tonight, he finally found that someone special. 

You could never forget Joshua. But it had been ten years, and now you could look at him with a mixture of feelings, hurt, regret, and a multitude of negative emotions. But tonight, what consumed you wasn’t all bad. You also felt free. 

Tonight, Joshua gave his word to be with Yuri for the rest of his life and vowed never to leave her, and all while doing that, you felt the shackles of being bound to him loosening. 

“I was about to confess to you after graduation seven years ago. I wanted to tell you that I loved you. Not that I think I needed to, I was babbling away how perfect you were, but then she came, and I felt like no matter what I did, there would never be a right time to tell you I love you,” you sighed, smiling at him. 

“Over the years, I took it as a sign from the universe; maybe it protected me because the universe knew you’d never love me back, not how I did. After that hookup at the hotel, I said we should grab a bite. The first thing you said to me was that I shouldn’t mistake a hookup for feelings and that Joshua was when I realised that there would be no universe where you’d be mine,” you explained, making Joshua’s expression harden. 

“This is my wedding night; I do not need to hear you say something shitty to me on what is the happiest day of my life,” he started to say, raising his voice, and you sighed, sitting down next to him. 

“Let me finish,” you said, and Joshua pouted before nodding. “I’m not blaming you, Joshua. Yes, did we do stupid things that made me overthink and convince myself I had a chance, even if it was a glimmer of hope? Sure. But, all you ever were to me was a friend; you were my best friend, and you carried out your duties as a friend,” you explained, placing a hand on his, making him look at you. 

“I fell in love with you, Joshua, but that’s not on you. I fell for the tall, gangly boy I met when I was 18, putting you on a pedestal and myself on the back burner. But tonight… Watching you getting married and exchanging your vows didn’t hurt the way I expected it to. It felt liberating,” you continued, making Joshua sigh as he withdrew his hand from you. 

“We grew apart a lot, and it helped. It helped me think of you less, and over time, I guess I stopped being in love with you. And tonight, something clicked,” you said, turning to Joshua, who had an unreadable expression. 

“What was that?” Joshua asked. 

“I fell out of love with you, Joshua. I’ll always care for you, and hell, I’ll always love you, but Joshua, I’m no longer in love with you,” you admitted. 

It was true. 

Ten years ago, you tied an invisible string and pulled Joshua into your heart, where he stayed for ten years. He broke your heart so many times. Still, you kept him in there, holding onto hope. But tonight, when he said, “I do”, you felt that string lose its strength, inevitably weighed down and frayed over the last ten years, and tonight, it didn’t snap. It just—like your love—let go. 

You let go of Joshua, and in turn, you set yourself free. Free from the ‘what ifs’, the nights where you’d cry into your pillow, wishing you were in his arms at night, but you weren’t awake. You laid awake at night thinking of him for so many years, and you felt like you could finally let go tonight. 

“You will always have a special place in my heart, but how I loved you was dangerous and harmful. I put you above everyone and myself. I lost myself loving you, and I lost myself trying to be the girl you could love. But over the years and growing up, I realised that sometimes, it’s just not meant to be. And fuck, ten years ago, or even five years ago, that sentiment, the meant-to-be bullshit, would fuck me off, but tonight, I get it,” you explained, feeling tears of relief pool in your eyes. 

“I loved you deeply and immensely, but it didn’t work out, and that’s fine because I learned one thing, I’m capable of loving, and one day, I know I’ll get that love back, the kind of love I had for you, undying and unyielding,” you finished off looking at Joshua who smiled sadly at you. 

“When did you grow up so much?” Joshua chuckled, his voice thick with emotion. 

You smiled at him and shrugged.

“Time heals everything, Joshua. I want the best for you. I do. I want you to have the most amazing married life. Never break her heart. Never go to bed mad at each other. Always tell each other you love each other,” you babbled until you felt a tug on your hand, making you look at Joshua. 

“I couldn’t force myself to love you the way you loved me, and I won’t say I’m sorry for that, but I’m sorry for hurting you, seeking comfort in you for my selfish needs. You’re so special to me. You were my first friend in university; we have a history, and I want us to maintain that friendship. I want us to grow old as friends and laugh about this memory while we bitch about how annoying our spouses can be,” Joshua said, making you laugh. 

It was an honest laugh. It wasn’t forced. It was real. You were healing. 

“I’ll take you up on that, but tonight, I’m setting myself free, and you, Joshua, congratulations,” you said, standing up and holding out your arms for a hug. 

Joshua smiled softly at you as he pulled you into a hug, and you felt like your broken parts were being squished tightly together and being fixed, but you didn’t need to be fixed. 

You just needed to heal. 

~~

You kicked off your heels as you entered your apartment later that night, smiling. You didn’t feel broken or upset; you felt free.

Your eyes zeroed in on the notice board in your living room, where you had put up pictures of special people in your life. 

You looked at the one you had of Joshua. You took it one night, probably in your first year of university when you started falling in love with him. But it was just him. All the other photos you had with your friends were selfies of you and your friend. Only Joshua was solo, in a way; you kept it that way for so long because, for so long, you held on to the hope that he would one day love you back, and then you could stick a couple’s selfie there. 

You smiled at his photo. 

Taking a deep breath, you leaned forward, pulled his photo off your notice board, and replaced it with the Polaroid from the wedding. It was one the happy couple sent out to everyone. 

You smiled at the photo in your hand. Joshua would always be that story you could tell ten years later, but tonight, for the first time in a long while, you could sleep without agonising over the ‘what ifs.’ You locked away Joshua’s picture in a drawer where you knew you couldn’t find it even if you tried. 

You smiled again at the photo of him and Yuri as you turned around and got ready to sleep. For the first time in a long time, as you lay in bed that night, you didn’t punish yourself, thinking you weren’t enough, assuming you missed every moment. You went to bed knowing that you had a great love. It just wasn’t a perfect love story.

But it was okay.

And you would be, too.  

[susiekern]

wife me up - Gojo Satoru x y/n

a/n: wrote that at work, obv not proofread, my first time writing an actual y/n x character, so any feedback is appreciated

summary: when you first met Satoru, you didn't expected things to go that way, but an heir must do what is expected from them, right?

word count: 4,354

If someone would ask you about your relationship with Gojo Satoru, you'd probably cringe and say it was... complicated. But no one ever asked. They just assumed you'd already clicked, and things were great between you two. You were to get married after all. Well, if only it was that simple.

But let's start from the beginning.

You first met Satoru during an exchange event. He was a third-year student, already a living legend. You were a second-year and an heir to the y/s clan, its future. But back then, it didn't matter. When your paths crossed during a team battle and he saw you fight against Nanami Kento, he was impressed. Nanami was strong, probably a semi-first grade already only in his second year of high school. So at first, Gojo felt bad for a much smaller girl that stood in front of him. Surely that confident smirk on your lips would disappear in a minute or two. Imagine his surprise when you had won that fight, Nanami soon faced flat on the forest floor, bonded by shadows.

For a moment, Satoru was tempted to fight with you to see how long you could stand before losing. Whether you'd lose was not up to question. He was the strongest after all. But he also wasn't as ignorant as he painted himself to be. You would be a refreshing challenge if only he had time for a battle, even a short one. He had to follow the plan and complete the objective. So he left, giving you a last glance over his shoulder, catching your shiny eyes for a second or two.

You wouldn't meet again for many years, until a week after the Night Parade of a Hundred Demons. As a first-grade sorceress, you were in the middle of the battlefield when hell broke loose. Dealing with a special curse, with none other than Nanami Kento only a few meters behind your back, having his own fight and taking on a few curses at once. You've met throughout the years, first when he wanted to ask about your technique after the event, later keeping in touch and becoming friends.

Forming shadows into the blades, you send the final blow towards your enemy. You've been fighting for god knows how long already, exorcised dozens of curses, and it felt like you're still far from the end.

“I'll kill Geto myself, I swear. It was supposed to be my time off!” Nanami chuckles hearing you complain. He finished the last curse around and stood next to you for a moment.

“I'm sure Gojo’s taking care of it already.” You nodded and wiped your daggers of a mix created by fluids you didn't even want to list in your head. “I can also bet we're in a slightly better situation than Team Tokyo. Geto’s probably keeping the worst curses near himself.”

“You're doing a great job at encouraging me not to move to Tokyo. Kyoto seems so peaceful compared to your stories, and now this shit happens, and of course, Tokyo is right in the center.” Kento can't help but smile, even as he blocks a curse user attack a moment later, standing back to back with you.

“Isn't that why you're moving to Tokyo after New Year's? More action?” You decided not to answer, focusing back on the fight. Nanami didn't need to know the real reason behind your move. Besides, if everything goes according to your plan, soon you'll be able to forget all about it and enjoy the capital city as you wanted to since childhood.

---

Nothing went according to your plan.

When the elders invited you to a meeting, you expected to see your grandfather and a few others from your clan. Not grandpa, fucking elders of the big three families, and a couple more from clans you couldn't even name.

“Can't believe you're all here to discuss how I'm still single.” Your joke was ignored, rude. Grandpa started the same speech you've already heard hundreds of times. You're an heir, there's a responsibility you need to take and stand up to the expectations, blah blah. What you didn't expect was for the head of the Kamo family, a man probably in his 60s with a long black braid, to speak up.

“I don't think you understand the value of your grandfather's words, y/n y/s. In current times, families like yours, with a long history and such unique techniques, matter more than your humors. That's why, as elders, we all decided what will happen. Either you marry a man from one of the Three Families in the next two years or Yume does it. The choice is yours.”

You could feel your heart stop. In two years? Yume would be barely 16 if they even allowed her to wait for so long. Your sister hasn’t even started high school yet, and they threatened to marry her off? You shot a look of betrayal at your grandfather, but the man sitting there wasn't the same one who taught you basic defense or how to control your cursed energy. You were looking at the head of y/s family, the one who'd do anything to secure the future and position of the name. Even if it cost him his granddaughters. Your heart started beating again, but this time it was powered by anger as you went over options in your head.

But there was nothing you could do to protect both you and your sister. Even if you rebelled, she was under your grandpa's protection and control, you weren't her legal guardian, and she was still in Kyoto. The memory of a lively teenager who blabbered non-stop about how excited she was to start high school soon filled you with almost physical pain. You took a deep breath in, trying to suppress the urge to hurt as many elders in this room as you could before they'd kill you and start choosing a wedding dress for Yume.

“Who am I marrying?”

“I knew you were more reasonable than you pretend to be.” The head of your family, once your grandpa, smiled at you, ignoring the way your face turned in disgust. “We have come to an agreement about securing both y/s and Gojo family lineage by this marriage.”

“Gojo? But... isn't there only one living member?” Your question seemed to amuse some of the elders.

“Yes. You're to marry Gojo Satoru.”

Fucking hell.

---

A few days later you were set to meet with Satoru in a cafe close to Jujutsu High, a place he chose, and when your grandfather asked if you agreed, you simply nodded.

So that's how you ended up sitting with a mug in your hands, eyes fixed on the view behind a wall-tall window. You barely made it on time, but you remembered how many times Nanami complained about Gojo being always late. And apparently meeting his future wife was no exception, you thought when the white-haired man finally stepped into the cafe, looked your way, and first ordered something at the counter before sitting in the chair in front of you. Seeing him open his mouth, you decided to beat him and have the first, and hopefully the last, word.

“I'm not going to become a stay-at-home and cook-the-dinner wife. I'm not giving up my career as a sorceress. And I'm not giving birth to any heirs until I decide to.”

Gojo closed his mouth and was silent for a few seconds. Then he giggled. Giggled.

“Gojo Satoru, nice to meet you too.” He managed to say between laughs and hold his hand out to you. “I know that situation is... inconvenient, but what happened to at least polite introductions?”

You sighed and shook his hand for a second.

“Y/n y/s. You know we've met before, right?”

“Of course. I could never forget a woman who beat Nanamin in less than five minutes. I'm just trying to do this right.” He grinned at you. The situation is shitty, but at least the views are pleasant, you thought to yourself, noticing the dimples in his cheeks.

“With that being said..." Suddenly he got serious, pulled his sunglasses on top of the white hair, and looked into your eyes, hands resting at the table. “I'd never expect anyone to give up their job because of a marital status change. Especially not a sorceress as talented as you, y/n. And I don't expect an heir, at least not now or anytime soon. I want you to understand that I'm not going to force you into anything. The only reason I agreed to this is that I've had enough threats and debates on how I'll keep my clan existing if I can't find a wife. And guessing by your words and evident repulse at the thought of carrying an heir now, you're not exactly doing it to make your dreams come true too.”

You listened carefully to Satoru’s words, and you felt like at least a bit of weight had been lifted from your shoulders. This whole thing could be a lot easier if you're both on the same page.

“It was either me or my younger sister. And I'm not letting these old assholes marry a 14-year-old off to god knows who.” Satoru nodded and leaned back in the chair.

“So, you're moving to Tokyo? Now that you'll have a fiancé here?” He asked, a little smile back on his face.

“Already on the move. Although the apartment I applied for rejected me, apparently single women in their twenties are not the perfect tenants.” You sighed, thinking about your stuff in storage and an uncomfortable hotel bed you've slept in for the past few days. Gojo seemed to be lost in his thoughts for a moment before a waitress pulled him out of it by putting his coffee and a piece of chocolate cake on the table.

“Thanks.” He smiled her way, and poor girl, bless her sweet soul, almost ran away, blushing and giggling.

“How exactly were you unable to find a wife if you just gave this girl a heart attack by just smiling?” The man in front of you almost choked on his salted caramel double sweet cream latte when he heard your question.

“I'm not… It's not like... unimportant." Wiping a drop of liquid from his chin, he grabbed your phone with his free hand, put it in front of your face, and smiled triumphantly when face ID did its job. You were too stunned with his audacity to even ask what he was doing, instead looking as he tapped the screen.

“Here.” Finally, he gave you your phone back, the maps app opened, and an address was saved in it.

“Here…?” You repeated, probably the most confused you've been in your whole life.

“Move in here.”

“Gojo, I swear to god, if you don't explain what you're talking about, I'll lose my mind.” Giggle escaped his mouth, and blue eyes seemed to shine with... you weren't sure with what. Excitement? Mischief? Amusement?

“That's my home. That will be ours anyway when we get married. And knowing the shitheads’ elders are, they'll try to monitor if we're not fucking with them and if we're producing heirs.” You cringed at his word choice, even though he was probably right. “So let's fuck with them for real and act like we're delighted about this situation. They'll leave us alone, and we can always say we're having... issues with making an heir. That's not really something they can verify or control.”

You couldn't believe you were actually thinking about it. As crazy as it sounds, it made sense. Elders had way too much free time, and if they noticed you two not even trying, they'd intervene immediately. But living with Satoru? You just met, and it sounded surreal to even think about. “I have like two spare bedrooms, and with my work, I'm barely home anyway.” He decided to add like he was reading your mind.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

---

And that takes us to the present moment. It’s been a bit over a year since you moved in. Satoru wasn’t lying when he said he was barely home, but during the rare days off, you actually got closer. You probably could say you’re close friends now. You were also two adults working a stressful job, spending most of your free time together, which caused awkward situations from time to time. A glance here and there, a touch that lasts just a second too long to come off as casual, jokes that stopped being jokes at one point, turning to propositions filled with sexual tension instead. But neither you nor Satoru went further with it, brushing it off and changing the topic to something painfully casual.

Satoru thought you were actually making fun of him and his evident crush, while you saw it as a challenge of sorts, wondering how far you could go before he’d make a move or stop you. And ever since Satoru got you a gift and a cake with “Happy Anniversary” on it, exactly a year after you met in the cafe, you got impatient. And bolder in your moves.

You’d accidentally leave your clothes in your room, so, oh no, you need to walk through the entire house wrapped in a towel. Laying your legs over his lap, just a bit too close to his zipper. Insisting on checking on ALL of his wounds if he ever got hurt on the missions (that one happened only maybe two times so far, damn infinity).

“Maybe he just doesn’t like me. You know, like that.” You said one day, sitting with Shoko during her lunch break. You’ve known Ieiri for almost a decade now, you’ve met when she patched you up after an encounter with a special grade curse. She was the only one who knew exactly what your situation looked like.

“I’d have to be blind to believe that. Last week when we went for drinks and you got ready at my place? He almost choked on his own tongue. And he might wear this stupid blindfold or glasses, but it’s easy to guess where he’s looking.” Your friend shook her head and checked the time. “I still think you should make the first move. Better now than in a few years when you actually decide to make an heir. That’d be awkward.”

“God, don’t even say shit like that.”

“Speaking of heirs. How’s Yume?” Ieiri smoothly changed the topic. She loved you, truly, but watching that weird dance between you and Satoru made her regret some life choices.

“Good. I think she likes Tokyo more than Kyoto, and Gojo said she’s getting along with others.”

Yume started school last summer, and after a few months, she asked you if there was any chance of transferring to Tokyo High. She didn’t fit in at Kyoto, and you weren’t exactly surprised. After being around Tokyo school so much in the last year, Kyoto felt like a military camp in comparison. Yume was way too fragile for it, and her moving also meant you’d be around if she needed you. That’s how she ended up here, joining Satoru’s first years.

“Okay. I’ve got to go. I have a mission with Nanami, and he’ll kill me if I’m late.” You got up when your phone vibrated on Ieiri’s desk, a reminder about the meeting with Kento soon bright on the screen. You still wanted to say bye to Yume, something you did before every mission, just in case. You kissed Shoko’s cheek as she wished you good luck and left her office, heading towards the stadium. Chilly March air didn’t exempt the kids from training.

The first thing you’ve noticed when you get there is Satoru lying on the bench, probably taking a much-needed nap. When he came back from a week-long mission two days ago, he barely made it to his bedroom before falling asleep, or maybe passing out, you weren’t sure. Yesterday he spent most of the day sleeping off, only leaving the bed in the evening to eat the dinner you’ve prepared and watch a movie together. From what he told you, he only took a few two- or three-hour naps when he was away, and after a week even his body protested.

“Oh, y/s-san!” Itadori was the first to notice you, your sister, who sat next to him, focused on watching Megumi and Maki spar, abruptly turned, and made her way to you.

“I was wondering if you’d make it before leaving.” Yume said while being pulled into your arms for a hug.

“Sorry, kid. Had lunch with Shoko, and I overlooked the time.”

“How long you’ll be gone?” She asked after you pulled away, letting her breathe properly.

“I don’t know. Probably a few days.” That answer didn’t make your sister any less anxious. She wanted to become a sorceress herself, and she knew it was a dangerous job, but every time you were assigned a mission, Yume wanted to stop you from going.

“Be careful. And text me. And watch out.”

“Oi, mini-y/n, your sister is one of the best first-grade sorceresses, and she’s going with a special grade partner. She’ll be fine.” The teenager frowned when Gojo appeared out of nowhere next to her, and he ruffled her hair. “You’re up next with Nobara. Say bye-bye and go to her before she kills someone.”

Yume got on her toes to kiss your forehead, and without another word, she ran off towards the rest of the students. You sighed and looked at Satoru. He ditched his blindfold for a pair of sunglasses today, something he often did after longer missions, you’ve noticed. His hands were deep in the kangaroo pocket of his hoodie, the same one you’d sometimes steal from his closet.

“She’s paranoid, but she’s right. Be careful.”

“You’ve said it yourself, first grade and special grade. I’ll be fine.” You couldn’t help but roll your eyes.

“Mr. Protection, going with you makes me feel a bit better, honestly.” Gojo smiled as you laughed at Nanami’s nickname, but before you could make a joke about it, he leaned forward and left a gentle kiss at the same spot Yume kissed a moment ago.

“Everything’s going to be fine, chill out guys.” You whispered just as Nanami entered the stadium and yelled at you to hurry up. When you turned back to Gojo, he was already back on his bench.

---

Everything went wrong.

That sentence was stuck in your head for the past few hours, when after five long days you were almost back home. Your torso was aching under the warm hoodie, and tight bandages were constantly pushing on sensitive skin, a similar situation on your thigh. Nanami, sitting in the driver’s seat, looked only a bit better, but you knew about a tightly bandaged wound on his chest.

“You’re sure you don’t want Shoko to look at it?” He asked for the hundredth time, and you’d argue about his protectiveness, but exhaustion was taking over.

“I just want to be home already.” Kento only nodded, hearing your tired answer, and the rest of the journey was silent, only soft music playing in the background.

You agreed earlier that he’d drop you off at home and drive to Jujutsu High on his own to report to Yaga and let Shoko patch him up. Maybe in a different order. Half an hour later, you climbed a few steps to the front door and opened it with trembling hands, almost dropping the keys twice. Nanami drove off only after the door closed behind you. It was fairly early in the evening, and guessing by the darkness in every room, Satoru wasn’t home yet. You dropped the duffel bag on the floor, almost falling next to it. Instead, you’ve made your body move to the bathroom and draw a warm bath, something your muscles would thank you for tomorrow.

---

While you tried to relax at least a little bit, Nanami made it to the base and went straight to Shoko’s office. The report could wait a bit longer, his wound that just wouldn’t stop bleeding probably couldn’t.

“Fucking hell, what happened to you?” Ieiri almost dropped a glass when he showed her ripped skin. She quickly got rid of the blood-soaked bandages and asked him to lie down.

“First grade my ass. There were two and one that I’d classify as a special grade.” The blonde man groaned, lowering himself on the bed as slowly as he could.

“How’s y/n?” Before he could answer, the doors opened, and Megumi stepped inside, his teacher right behind him. Fushiguro was holding his arm with the opposite hand, blood dripping down his shirt.

“Shoko, can you fix Megu- Nanamin?” Gojo almost stumbled, noticing the man. He took one look at his wounded chest, and the playful smile he walked in with was gone. “Where’s y/n?”

“Relax, she’s at home. She wasn’t as injured, and the guy in Akita healed the most of it.” Kento said, and before he could explain any further, the white-haired man was already gone. “Knight in a blindfold to the rescue.”

Shoko laughed and signaled Megumi to sit in a chair before focusing on Nanami’s wounds, murmuring something about kids and blindness.

---

You were out of the bath, making a cup of tea in the kitchen. Your body felt a lot better after soaking in warm water, finally out of the tight clothes, opting for an oversized t-shirt instead, fresh bandages on both thigh and torso. Slowly relaxing in the comfort of home, the shirt that smelled like Satoru’s perfume, favorite mug on the counter.

Finally putting your guards down. That’s also why you haven’t noticed an outburst of cursed energy in front of the house, where Satoru warped, since walking or driving would take too long. And after seeing Nanami’s injuries, he needed to see you’re okay.

“Y/n?!” His voice pulled you out of the exhaustion, and before you could even answer, he was already in the doorway, having traced your energy. He took his blindfold off, making slow steps towards you, looking at every millimeter of your body he could see.

“Hi, Toru.” You said, almost shyly, fully aware of his intense stare on your bandaged leg, shirt not doing much to hide it. Finally, his eyes met yours, he took a deep breath in, and you could swear he was about to scold you. He didn’t.

Satoru took one more step your way, and in the blink of an eye, you were sitting on the counter, his warm body between your legs and arms around your back in a gentle embrace. You slowly wrapped your own arms around his neck, feeling him lean his head onto your shoulder.

“What the fuck happened?” He asked quietly. His voice was low and raspy, filled with emotions you couldn’t name properly.

“There were three curses instead of one. But I’m okay, really. Kento took the worst blows on himself.” Your fingers instinctively tangled into snow-white hair, nails gently scratching the skin. You felt how Gojo got tense at first, slowly relaxing. You were safe at home, you weren’t bleeding out, and he was holding your body in his arms. The nerves that filled his mind as soon as he saw Nanami were disappearing with each breath you took close to his ear, each pass of your fingers through soft hair, and every second he spent surrounded by your warmth and scent.

“I almost had a heart attack when I saw Nanami’s wound. All I could think about was if you got a similar one.” Satoru whispered after a few moments. One of his hands was now caressing your back, but he wasn’t sure if it was supposed to calm you or him. Another minute or so later, he gently pulled away, but he was still so close that if you leaned forward, your lips would meet. And Toru seemed to think about it too, his eyes now focused on your lips. “I’ll explain to Yaga why next time if you’re not paired with me, you’re not going.”

“Don’t blame Kento. He saved my life probably more times than I could count on this mission alone.” He smiled softly, like he was amused by what you said.

“I’m not blaming him. He looks like a damn Jigsaw played on his chest, obviously, he did his best.” His forehead leaned onto yours, and you can now feel his lips on yours, gentle touches, almost ghostly, with every word. “But I’m responsible for protecting my future wife. I can do that without getting a cut. So next time you’re taking your fiance with yo-” He didn’t finish. You didn’t let him. Grabbing the collar of his uniform, you barely needed to move to kiss him. And Satoru reacted in less than a second, cupping your cheek with one hand, the other one gently on top of the bandaged thigh.

After a year of thinking, wondering what kissing Satoru would feel like, dreaming about it even, you finally know. And you don’t know what’s with this man, but this feeling—his soft lips on your, tongue slowly exploring your mouth, a gentle bite on your lower lip—was addictive. Just one taste left you hungry for more, mind almost clouded as he pulled away slightly, pulling a quiet moan from you with him. He grinned proudly, looking deep into your glazed eyes, thumb caressing your cheekbone down to the jaw.

“I may rethink this whole producing an heir thing.”

And just like that, the thick mood is gone as you start to laugh, leaning your forehead on Gojo’s collarbone.

“I’m serious. Yaga can’t send you on missions like that one if you’re carrying an heir of not one, but two families.” You shook your head and looked up to him.

“Slow down, Romeo. We kissed after a year of engagement, at least wife me up before talking about any heir.” You joked and pecked his lips one more time.

“Next weekend?”

“Sure, love.”

Only a week later, you realize Satoru wasn’t joking.

[maluceh]

Top Lily variants? I've seen so many "[random hp character #10] variants" online, with various degrees of accuracy, but I don't remember ever seeing one for lily. Your Jily ones were so accurate (the only pair I'm not super familiar with was peraltiago, and I know enough about them to know they fit), so I was curious if you had any just for her as a character. You basically wrote the Lily (& Jily) gospel so I trust your takes <3

*cracks knuckles*

I'm about to give you a full detailed dive into Lily's character and personality that you absolutely did not ask for. I’d have to say the ones I had already picked for Jily variants (since I always look for couples where they both have James/Lily’s personalities). I’ll try and make it to ten but there’s only so many characters that truly fit Lily for me. Mostly the characters that I see as Lily, are sarcastic, witty, overachievers, intelligent, charismatic, and snarky…

Amy Santiago (Brooklyn Nine-Nine)

I know you said you haven’t seen it, but TRUST ME. Amy is a control freak know it all, she finds comfort in order and structure. Although she’s a bit more uptight than I imagine Lily to be. Her constant need for reassurance and approval from figures of authority is something I can definitely see in Lily. Her relationship with Holt is kinda what I imagine Lily to be like with Minerva/Alastor. Also, the fact that she is deeply loyal (as most characters in this list).

Over the course of the show she loses up a bit, and learns to have more fun and I think this could be applied to Lily in her Hogwarts years. Lily being a muggleborn is a very VERY important part of her character, as well as her morals and political standing with blood purity.

We can draw certain parallels between her and Hermione (overachievers, Head Girls, prefects), you don’t get those badges by simply passing by through school. So from this we can deduce that Lily was an excellent student that focused on exceeding at school, because there’s an extra need to prove herself among not just her teachers but her peers as well. To make them see that she’s just as much magic as they are.

So, like Amy, she's constantly trying to prove that she is smart and qualified (Amy in a field mostly male, Lily in a world mostly pureblood).

Annabeth Chase (Percy Jackson)

Annabeth too is a smart character that wants approval —in this case, from her mother—. She is more arrogant and snarky, a little sharper around the edges, which is so Lily!!

Her upbringing has made her become more guarded with her feelings and who she puts her trust in, also her reluctance to accept Luke’s betrayal. These are things that I see in Lily’s canon descriptions and appearances. From growing up with a sister that does not accept her and being betrayed by her best friend. In canon, after SWM (Snape’s Worst Memory), when Snape camps outside her common room waiting for her to ask her for her forgiveness she says that she has been making excuses on his behalf for a while. A lot of people call Lily a hypocrite for only ending her friendship with Snape after she was personally affected by his views, but personally I think that’s part of what makes her such an interesting character.

She’s at war with herself, not really there or here, having to be in the middle of two worlds that do not fully accept her (Annabeth with her father and Camp Half Blood/ Lily with the muggle and wizarding world). And after losing one of the people connecting her to a place of security (Thalia/Petunia), she refuses to see that the last person connecting her to that safe place is also going to leave her to join a side of the war opposite to hers (Luke/Snape).

Kate Sharma/Sheffield (Bridgerton TV/Books)

Kate is funny, closed off and witty. She rushes to judge people and decide for herself whether they are worthy of her time or not, sometimes without even bothering to actually know them. Sometimes (specifically in the books), she’s so ridiculous and funny, not really forcing herself to fit in societal norms, which is something I can definitely see in Lily.

Also, her on the show with Anthony in S3, is just how I imagine married Jily, just perfect.

Dana Scully (The X Files)

In Dana I see Lily’s fierce loyalty and sense of right and wrong. The hiding of her emotions, and also how determined she is, that even though she wants to believe she doesn’t, not even after seeing hundreds of crazy things happen in front of her, she still clings to her own truth.

Tiana (The Princess and the Frog)/Cinderella (1950)

Tiana and Cinderella remind me of Lily in the sense of a hardworking woman, also really headstrong and married to her own way of thinking. A shell hard to break, because of all the walls she’s put up in order to survive. Like Lily, Tiana doesn’t take kindly to outsiders and people who come off as standoffish (Naveen/James and Sirius), but eventually ends up getting to know them and treasuring them as life companions. And you might think me crazy for adding Cinderella, but her unwavering kindness and optimism in the face of hardship is undoubtedly Lily, she’s not all sunshine and rainbows tho —yes the 1950’s version—, she hates the situation that she’s in and wastes no time (alone with her friends) to complain about it, she bites back and only “behaves” out of survival, she’s nice and warm but also angry and headstrong.

Yoon Jin-myung (Hello, My Twenties)

Here is another hard worker female character that I can’t help but see a little bit of Lily in. Although Jin-myung is much MUCH more shy and introverted than Lily, still, she has a complicated relationship with her family and tries really hard to do a million things at the time, forgetting to care for herself and diving into routines of work/school that are almost self destructive.

Honourable mentions.

Chili (Bluey) Morticia Addams (The Addams Family Values)

Mostly how I imagine Lily as a mom/ her married life (along with Kate too). Morticia might seem like a stretch but aside from her dark interests and aesthetic, she's a loving mom and partner and she puts her family first, she’s also a bit of a freak, like Lily.

Sloane (Ferris Buller’s Day Off) Pam Beesley (The Office)

Only on the prankster side of Lily, more chill and easy going, losing up a bit to have fun with Sirius and James.

[hyuckwrlds]

>> caught up

wc: 1.6k you win some you lose some

There are three moments that Jisung will always regret in his life, no matter how hard he tries to forget them. In no particular order, those things are:

Letting Chenle give him a bowl cut before freshman orientation

Sitting with Jaemin during the Calc 122 final (their tests got flagged for cheating)

Meeting you (this might actually be the worst one)

Sure, he knows things could be even worse. In fact, he was really close to peeing himself in his organic chemistry lab once. But even that would be more favorable than his biggest regret—the day he met you.

That day, he’s working a shift at the student store when Chenle suddenly turns to him, gesturing to the tour of prospective students standing outside the glass doors.

“The next group that comes,” he begins, spinning the register keys around a finger. “Over or under fifteen people?”

Jisung snorts; surely the answer is obvious. “Over.”

“You sure?”

“I’ve literally never seen a group with less than fifteen people.”

“Wanna bet on it?”

Jisung snickers, already sensing success. “Bet.”

That was his first mistake.

Because soon enough, the next group arrives and he’s watching, mortified, as Chenle counts a total of fourteen people. Jisung was merely two bodies shy of a victory.

Next thing he knows, he’s trudging out of the storage room in a poorly-ventilated costume of the school’s beloved mascot: Neo, an oversized wolf in a neon green jersey. 

Chenle immediately bursts into a fit of laughter, earning a few stares from the freshmen nearby. Jisung considers smothering him right then and there. His next mistake was not doing that.

“Dude, this thing smells,” he gripes, voice muffled by the large head.

“Yeah,” Chenle agrees, clearly amused. “I don’t think anyone has ever washed that thing.”

Jisung winces at the thought. Then through the perforated plastic eyes, he catches Jaemin barrel into the store, undoubtedly arriving on behalf of Chenle’s erratic texts in their group chat. His face lights up once he sees the giant wolf figure.

“Oh, aren’t you cute?” Jaemin grins, nearly slamming his gym bag into someone’s mom as he makes his way over.

In response, Jisung tries his best to fold his paw into a middle finger.

“Ah—speaking of, I passed by another tour group on the way here,” Jaemin adds. “I think it’s only right that our lovely mascot goes outside to greet them.”

He reaches up to tug at the fake ears and Jisung swats his hands away, scowling behind his mask.

“I’m not doing that,” he groans.

But he stood no chance against the two of them. Chenle and Jaemin easily wrestle Jisung into going outside. They end up (quite literally) having to drag him out the doors and he blames all the time Jaemin spends at the gym.

Now standing at the top of the front steps, he’s held captive by a firm grip around each furry arm. The warmth (and smell) of the suit is starting to get to him so in hindsight, he kind of wants to get it over with as fast as possible. If he can just wave at the group then leave, it'll be fine. It’s not as if anyone will know it’s him anyway.

All of that changes though, once he sees you round the corner.

Fitted in that bright green ‘tour guide’ jacket, Jisung feels his knees buckle as you lead your group towards the store. 

He blanches. “You’ve gotta be kidding—”

There’s a desperate attempt to wiggle away from his friends but it only causes them to hold on tighter, their fingers pressing into the glossy gray fur. Chenle makes it a point to smile widely at him.

“Hey, we can’t have a wolf on the loose when there’s visitors,” he beams.

Jisung’s gonna kill him.

You stop just short of the stairs when you notice their presence, blinking up at Jisung (well, Neo the wolf) in surprise. His heart is pounding in his chest as your eyes flicker between him and his friends.

You’ve shared a few classes with Jisung, and while the two of you have never spoken to each other before, he’s always thought you were pretty (like, really pretty). Meanwhile, he’s not even sure you know his name.

Or that he exists at all.

Beside him, Jaemin coughs out a low, “Wave.”

Hesitantly, Jisung raises his stupidly oversized paw in the air. He can hear you start to tell the story behind the school’s prized mascot but even worse, he can feel Chenle’s hand on his back, pushing him to move closer. Tentatively, Jisung takes a small step forward.

And like the idiot he is, he trips.

With his giant wolf feet, he somehow misses the first step and is sent tumbling to the ground, landing on his stomach as he slides down the concrete stairs. 

This earns a chorus of gasps from you and your group which is soon followed by a stunned silence. He lays still on the ground, frozen under everyone’s stares. Yet that isn’t the most horrifying part.

The worst part was that in the midst of falling, the obscenely large wolf head had come off too.

With his face now smushed into the concrete, Jisung feels the embarrassment coil in the pit of his stomach. He hears someone kneel down beside him.

“Shit, are you okay?” you ask.

Even though the steps were small and the suit had cushioned most of his fall, the lack of a mask meant that he had, in fact, hit his nose at some point. He feels it start to ache. Though the last thing he wants to do right now is face you. He can’t get himself to do it.

Instead, he stays facedown and settles on giving you a thumbs up. You don’t immediately move, so after what feels like an eternity, he hears your shoes shuffle a bit against the pavement. From the corner of his eye, he sees you set down the wolf head beside him. It must’ve rolled away at some point (oh god).

“Jisung…right?”

He stiffens. That might’ve been the worst possible thing that could’ve happened next. He would’ve never expected his name to fall from your mouth and slowly, he lifts head up in humiliation. So much for remaining anonymous.

The sight that greets him, though, could’ve came straight out of a shoujo anime.

Bathed in the afternoon light, you’re hovering over him with knitted brows and a look of concern. He catches you sigh out in relief once his eyes meet yours. Now he’s stuck staring dumbly at you, suddenly at a loss for words. You’re somehow prettier up close.

“You okay?” you ask again, setting a hand on his shoulder.

Jisung is just about to respond when he realizes that his nose is very much going to start bleeding. He quickly pushes himself into a seat and reaches a paw (oh god) to his face. His mouth is uncomfortably dry as he looks at you, nodding sheepishly.

“Y-yeah,” his swallows. “I’m okay.”

Your eyes scan him and his cheeks burn. He looks away, praying you don’t notice how flushed his face probably is.

Unknowingly, you scoot closer. “Are you sure? I can call someone, if you need me to. I’m also First Aid certified.”

He nods again, only to pause at the feeling of blood rushing towards his right nostril and he really can’t risk getting it on the suit. He gives you a bashful look, “Actually…do you have a tissue?”

You smile at the sudden request, laughing softly. “Yeah, I do.”

His heart swoons.

Reaching into your tour guide backpack, you take out a packet of tissues, sliding one out before handing it to him. As best as he could, he presses it against his nose with the stupid paw. You help him stand back up.

“Thanks,” he breathes, giving you a small nod. 

“Yeah, no problem,” you say. “I didn’t know you were the mascot.”

“I’m not,” he admits, nodding towards the two idiots behind him. “I lost a bet.”

This earns another dazzling laugh from you. “Okay, good. I think you look better without the fursuit anyway.”

He blinks at you and suddenly, it’s your turn to blush, waving your hands frantically in the air. “N-not that you don’t look good in the costume. Because you do. You always do. I, um, I just meant that—you know...”

Your words falter and honestly, Jisung is still stunned that you think he looks good at all. He lets out a small laugh, one short and airy to ease you.

“It’s okay,” he reassures. “I know what you mean. Thanks.”

You pause for a split second then, looking up at him as if there’s something more you want to say. Only, your attention is snatched once you seem to remember the unfinished tour waiting for you. You look from the group back to him and take a step back. 

“I gotta go.”

With his free hand, he gives you wave, still a bit dazed. “Oh, right. See ya.”

Though just before you leave, you meet his gaze, adding a quick, “I’ll save you a seat in class tomorrow, yeah?”

He stills. This can’t be real. His pulse picks up again, thrumming against his ribcage.

“Y-yeah, sounds good,” he stutters, a smile tugging at his lips. “I’ll see you then.”

You resume your tour and Jisung turns to head back inside, but not without first smacking both Jaemin and Chenle with the stupid wolf head in hand. Even then, he’s undoubtedly smiling like an idiot.

So sure, while Jisung may always regret the way he met you, he can’t really say he’d change a single thing about it either.

After all, it brought him to you.

[warping-realities]

The Dark Lord's Last Curse

It will be over, it will finally be over. Harry can't believe that after all that time, all their losses, Voldemort is finally gone. The young man started to open a shy smile in the middle of Hogwarts great hall. Only to be hit by a wave of energy he had never felt in his life, and with it the cold voice of the Dark Lord hissing at him.

"You may think you've beaten me Potter, but even in death the Dark Lord's vengeance reaches you. This is my final curse and it will take away everything you hold dear and make that Muggle lover Dumbledore's worst nightmare come true. But serves you both right, anyone who mixes with pigs should live like one."

At that moment the boy lost his consciousness, without feeling that his famous scar was disappearing, leaving in its place immaculate skin.

...

“You did not do as I asked. You never treated Harry as a son. He has known nothing but neglect and often cruelty at your hands. The best that can be said is that he has at least escaped the appalling damage you have inflicted upon the unfortunate boy sitting between you.”

...

Harry woke up in his room at number 4 Privet Drive, with the strangest dream he had ever had in his life. It involved a school of magic and a Lord... Vol... Vold... something. Bizarre. He stretched, rubbed his eyes and sat up in bed, for a moment he thought about putting his glasses on. But then he remembered that he hadn't needed them in years, not since his aunt and uncle paid for the expensive correction surgery. Man, the Dursleys would give him and his cousin anything they wanted, as the room full of tech gadgets and boxing gear attested. Still drowsy the boy scratched his powerful pectorals with the feeling that he was forgetting something very important.

He forced his sluggish mind to try to remember and... he knew he had something planned with Duddley, something his cousin really wanted and he as his best friend would go along with it. No, no, that wasn't true, an irritating little voice told him in the back of his head, soon to be drowned out by a stronger and much dumber voice. Mate, today was an important day, he just needed to remember why, but thinking had never been his forte. Since they were little Duddley was the leader and he was a good follower. Even if now he was bigger than his cousin in musculature. His smaller stature made it easier for him to gain powerful muscles while training at the boxing academy. But the power dinamics between the two remained the same. Duddley was a lot smarter after all. And speaking of the devil, the blond and muscular boy appeared at his cousin's door at that moment.

"You still haven't got up, sleepyhead? Get ready at once, today is the big day."

"Yeah, I know that Big D, the big day... I just don't remember why."

"Potter, how stupid you are, it's a good thing I'm the brains around here! Go have your breakfast, dad wants to talk to you before we leave."

Harry felt butterflies in his stomach. The fear of his uncle's tantrum setting in. But why? Uncle Vernon never even raised his voice at him. The man treated him as if he were a prince.

"Potter, you asshole, you shouldn't have drink so much last night. Damn Piers and his dares." The young man grumbled as he picked up the first pieces of clothing he found on the bedroom floor.

He went downstairs, still sleepy, stopping beside the closet under the stairs and staring at it for a few seconds, with the strange image of his uncle locking him in that place. Nonsense. He had a fit of laughter just imagining it.

"What the fuck was in those drinks?" He thought, walk a few steps and stop again looking at the living room table. Full of pictures of him and his cousin. He scratched his head, with the strangest feeling that the images should move. If Uncle Vernon heard such nonsense he might really lose his temper. For some reason he was surprised to see himself in those pictures, as if for some strange reason he shouldn't be there.

The first image showed a young Petunia holding baby Harry in her arms, accompanied by a smiling Duddley.

The second was a photo of Vernon with the two boys in his office at Grunnings the drill company he had been a director of before doing a very lucrative deal with old Mr. Mason a few years ago and then expanding the business into other areas.

Harry remembered that day very well, after all it was his twelfth birthday and he deserved to have that day just for him. As a reward for giving in he got a video game and a television just for him so he didn't have to share with Duddley , which his cousin thought was a brilliant idea, perhaps because it had been his idea. Strangely, the image of a woman screaming as she saw an owl fly through the living room window popped into his mind. What the fuck was that? An owl in the room? Harry was never the imaginative type, that drink really should have been spiked, Piers was going to get a beat up when Harry saw him again.

Finally, a photo of him and Duddley at Smeltings, the school the two attended until a few days before. That one had been taken right after Duddley had lost weight and won the boxing championship. Harry once again found himself invaded by old memories, he and Dudley trying on the uniform, just before Harry's 11th birthday, the two engaging in a lively struggle with the walking sticks that were part of the school uniform.

Of course, the two of them had later used those canes on far more interesting targets. Still with the memory of that fun afternoon in mind, the boy walked into the kitchen, being welcomed by his uncle's smiling face.

"Good morning, Uncle Vernon."

"Harry, my boy, I need to have a word with you... what are you doing?" The man stopped when he saw the boy serve him the dish.

"Sorry Uncle, is there a problem with the eggs?"

"No, they're perfect, but why are you serving? You've never done anything like that in your life. Hahaha. Smart boy, trying to buy off his old uncle. Sit down Harry, you don't have to try to please me. I just want to ask you a favor."

Harry sat at the table, thoughtful, what the fuck was going on with him that day? Was it just the hangover?"

"I know where you and Duddley went yesterday. Don't get me wrong boy, I think every healthy boy has to enjoy life. But I ask that you don't let your aunt see. Boy, your father… He was a piece of shit, sorry to tell you that again boy... but it’s true. That man could handle a good drink and that's what worries Petunia. So leave it to Mallorca. Enjoy it, after all it's the first time you and Duddley will go alone to our beach house.”

Harry's first instinct was to yell at his uncle to defend his father, but why would he do that? His father had died in a car accident, probably drunk after dragging his mother across the country. Harry liked a good drink too, but he and Duddley would have to be more discreet, if even the Dursleys had noticed. For a long time the two boys avoided showing all their activities, even though they knew that the Dursleys would support them what they didn't see they didn't feel. And it was precisely remembering that that the boy opened a smile and spoke to his uncle.

"I will, Uncle, but I assure you what happened yesterday was a one-time thing. Me and Duddley have never drunk before, it was all Gordon and Piers' idea. I swear."

"I knew it! I told Petunia yesterday, "Tunia, our boys wouldn't do something like that. We raise them well. They are good kids and we are good parents. Isn't that right, lad?"

"You are the best, Uncle! Now I'm going to change, after all it's the big day." Mallorca! How could he forget, they'd been arranging this for months, finally vacationing alone so they could do whatever the fuck they wanted. He was slower than usual if he had forgotten about that.

After getting ready and picking up his bags, Harry went to meet his cousin who was already waiting for him in the brand new car he had received as a present for his eighteenth birthday. Harry was counting the days for his own birthday, knowing that he would also receive a machine like that. He and Big D were itching to race each other. The two had wanted to do it for years, though Petunia was uncharacteristically firm in her denials, likely due to how she lost her sister.

And speaking of her, his aunt was waiting for him in the front yard while Duddley laughed as he watched his father try to fit into the sports car he was driving back from the airport. His aunt turned to Harry, staring at him with her pale eyes, which for a brief moment the boy thought were full of rancor, but which only showed adoration.

"Harry dear, I might not like your father, he wasn't up to par with your mother, but Lily... Lily was eccentric, if you knew the hideous boy she hung out with when we were little! Yet when you lost your mother I lost my sister. But she left me you and I did everything to make sure you had everything you wanted, just like Dudders. My two little boys so grown up! Going away alone! Please take care of each other!

"Don't worry Aunt Petunia, Dudders and I will take care of ourselves, I promise we'll call every day!" If we can remember, thought the boy smiling inwardly.

"Hurry up Potter! It's time for a little fun" shouted his cousin from the car.

....

The two boys were enjoying the late afternoon at the beach. When Duddley called out to his cousin, pointing to a group of younger boys.

"Look at those little shits, they're begging for a spanking."

"True, but they can wait." Harry replied. Not used to being crossed, Duddley turned on his cousin.

"And may I know why, Potter?"

"The reason, Big D is those two hot girls looking at us. The redhead is mine!" Replied Harry.

"And you think you can get a hottie like that, Potter?"

"You know I can Big D. Once they prove it they always come back." Said Harry pointing to his cock.

"They love my magic wand!"

[storm-angel989]

hey!!!

so I had this dream last night. basically Val's daughter is in high school and the school has to go on lockdown because someone died in class. in my dream they had a seizure but you don't have to explicitly state the cause of death if that makes you uncomfortable, I completely understand that. anyway, after that, Val gets a call from her daughter and she's sobbing saying someone died in her class. that's where my dream ended, I just need answers, like how he'd react. thank you!!!!!

Hi friend,

This is one of those stories I hesitated for a while on. Lockdowns are a terrifying reality, and one of my worst fears is being in Valentino’s position. That being said, I didn’t want to let that fear hold me back from writing.

Take a peek below and I hope it's the answer you crave!

<3 Mandy

My memories of the event were hazy. 

Watching my classmate fall to the ground. Being shoved alongside my peers out of my sixth period English class. Dodging the rush of the principal, the school nurse and a host of other adults. 

Practice lockdown, practice lockdown.

The words on the loudspeaker blared alongside sirens. I covered my ears and closed my eyes as I tried to fight against the worst of the thoughts. In the darkness, my VoxTech watch sat silent against my wrist, wired to shut off as soon as a lockdown was announced. 

My first day of preschool, my Uncle Vox had snapped a simplified VoxTech watch onto my wrist with explicit instructions that if I needed help, the only thing I had to do was press their picture on the watchface and they would come. Two days later, we sat down as a family and redefined what the word “help” meant and when it was appropriate to call them. Apparently, my teacher making me write my name wasn’t a good enough reason to call Uncle Vox in the middle of the work day. 

Now in highschool, the technology evolved but the core protection of the device remained the same. With the fiercely terrifying hellscape we lived in, my Uncle Vox made sure that my watch would do nothing but protect me. Wrapped in the darkness of the classroom, the seconds ticked by. Without my watch, I lost all sense of time, panic growing as each second painstakingly passed. As soon as the all clear was announced, we were pushed out of the building. I pulled out my phone and joined in the chorus of classmates phoning their parents. Not far away, an ambulance sat and I watched in horror as a stretcher draped in a white sheet vanished into the awaiting back.

“Bebita? Is everything okay?” My fathers voice on the other end. “Princessa. Where are you?”

“Daddy, I think she died,” I choked out. “Something really bad happened, I…”

“I’ll be right there. Stay on the phone with me, mi amore,” he told me calmly. “Uncle Vox will be there in a moment and Daddy is on his way.” 

I knew my Uncle Vox could travel using technology, and for the first time in my life I was grateful for his sudden appearance. I felt myself collapse in his arms and the next thing I knew, he was guiding me towards my fathers limo. My Dad stepped outside and my Uncle Vox handed me over to him. 

“Bebita, princessa, shush. It’s okay, Papi is here, come on now, let's go home,” he said softly. “Come now.” 

In the limo, wrapped in his arms, all the tears I fought to hold in silence during the lockdown flooded out. Sadness for my friend, trauma for being trapped for hours in silence and without any way to contact the outside world. I could feel my body begin to shake and my father wrapped his red jacket around me and tucked my head into him. “Daddy’s got you, baby.” 

“Uncle Vox, I can’t lose my watch,” I choked out finally. “I can’t, there was no way to tell time, no way to contact you, I couldn’t…I can’t be trapped like this again!”

“Okay, okay baby, we’ll figure it out, just take a deep breath, calm down,” My Uncle Vox said gently. “I promise you I’ll fix it. And I promise you’ll never be disconnected from us again.”

[bordysbae]

could you do a fic with mark estampa where it's like bestfriends to lovers in denial with a sprinkle of angst? like y/n has had a crush on mark forever but is in heavy denial (prompt #1) and and then after a big fight over something and y/n shouts at him (prompt #53)

“just one date”

mark estapa x f!reader

1. “he’s my bestfriend i don’t like him!”

53 “i like you, dipshit!”

warnings: not proof read, cursing

okay sooo i know you asked for the reader to be the one to confess feelings first, but i could only think of a plot where mark confesses sorry!! and this was kinda rushed but oh well

—

having mark as your best friend was easily one of the best and worst things to happen to you. you met him at the start of middle school and you guys have been attached at the hip ever since. this also means you’ve had to watch him go through multiple girlfriends, flings, and even one night stands. you get this weird feeling of sadness, or pain even, whenever he tells you about a new girl, but you refuse to believe what everyone’s been telling you.. ‘y/n you like him!’ but your reply always stays the same no matter who it is that’s trying to convince you, ‘he’s my bestfriend, i don’t like him!’

deep down, you know you’ve had feelings for him for the longest time, but you’d rather love him quietly rather than risk losing a long friendship. unfortunately, things with mark have been off recently and you don’t understand why. last weekend at a party you met a boy named lucas, and you two hit it off. you spent majority of the night talking to lucas, but when you went to speak with mark he shrugged you off and went to go make out with some other girl. he’s barely been calling or texting you, unless he needs help with his classes. he does this weird thing where whenever he’s with a girl he acts like he doesn’t know you, but when you’re with a guy it’s the end of the world. it makes your feelings for him even more confusing than they already are.

thankfully you’re planning to go out with lucas tonight, hoping this will take your mind off of everything. as you’re finishing your makeup, mark randomly facetimes you. “hey mark!” you exclaim, fixing your hair in the mirror resting behind your phone. “where are you going on a wednesday night that you’re fixing your hair and have a full face of makeup?” he asks, making you a little annoyed. why does he all of sudden care about you and your life after pretty much dodging you all week?

“i’m going to hang out with a boy i met last weekend, why do you care?”

“the hell does that mean? why do i care? you’re my best friend i was just asking,” he questions.

“i don’t know mark, maybe cause you’ve been so dodgy lately? you barely even talk to me,” you shrug, now applying lipgloss to your lips.

“whatever man, i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to. who are you going to see?”

“you don’t know him, we’re just hanging out around town don’t worry. and please mark, don’t get all your stupid teammates to fucking spy on me again,” you groan. “i didn’t trust that guy! he was sketchy, can you blame me? i needed to make sure you were safe,” mark shrugs, defending himself.

“so you felt the need to get your friends to spy on my date? look whatever mark, i gotta go. and if i see any of your teammates i’m seriously gonna be pissed,” you say before hanging up, not wanting to deal with marks shit today. you text lucas that you’re on the way to the spot you guys chose to meet at.

as you’re on the way out of the dorms, you hear a voice shouting your name. you spin around, and see mark running up the block.“what the fuck are you doing?” you ask, very annoyed now.

“don’t go on that date y/n, please,” mark says, slightly out of breath.

“oh don’t do that mark. you cant just avoid me all week for no reason, and the second i tell you i have a date with someone, that’s when you care? and now you’re telling me not to go?”

“fucking let me explain! i’ve been dodging you because i saw you guys talking at the party, and it hurt! you think i get with all these random girls for fun? for shits and giggles? i like you, dipshit! i’ve liked you for years! and i’ve been dodging you this week to try and make the both of us happier. cant you see how selfish i am? here i am, asking you to not go on a date, just to make myself happier. y/n all i’m asking is just one date. please just go on one date with me, let me prove that i’m the one you need. not whoever you’re going to see tonight,” he pleads, making your head spin. you barely understood a thing he just said, but those last words were just what you’ve been dying to hear.

“mark, you don’t need to do any of that. i already know what i want, and that’s you,” you say, before pulling him in closer to you. your guys’ lips crash together, and it feels like the world is spinning so fast that it’s not even spinning at all. before you even realize it, you guys are pulling back from the passionate kiss, and resting your foreheads against one another. “i need to text lucas, i have way better plans than him,” you chuckle, pulling out your phone to inform your date that you won’t be able to make it.

“shhh, don’t ruin the moment,” mark says before taking your phone from your hands, making you giggle. suddenly your hands are wrapped around the back of his neck, and his hands are around your waist, pulling you as close as possible.

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

OC questionnaire

Thanks @oliolioxenfreewrites here and here, @winglesswriter here, @the-golden-comet here, here, and here, @paeliae-occasionally here, and @drchenquill here!

Rules: answer the given questions in the POV of your OCs, then give the next people three more questions!

Holy shit I'm actually caught up?!?!

Previous Questionnaires:

Rounds One and Two Masterpost

Maddie, Ash, Noelle, Ewan, Jazlyn, Lexi, Alex, Carmen

Gwen, Gabriel, Liam, Xitlali, Akash, Jedi, Rose, Sam

See below for: Robbie, Hye-Jin, George, Wade, CJ, Teo, Atsila, Niri

#1- Robbie

Would you consider yourself loyal?

“Well, I don't exactly want to toot my own horn or anything but yeah, I consider myself loyal. If anything happened to Akash, I'd actually lose it. I got into a physical fight in his honor. That was how I displayed my powers for the first time, actually, so that was pretty cool. Sammy, too, I'm very loyal to my sister. And my friends at Alium, they're so dope, I love them, okay? So, yeah, loyal. Me. I'm that. I'm like a dog that way. ... I think that's a good thing. I dunno why I had to say that, I was done. *Sigh* okay I'm just gonna stop now and move onto the next question because holy shit I'm rambling, and I always do that, and I never know when to stop annnd I'm doing it again, okay for real this time. I'm done.”

If you saw someone unhoused on the corner asking for money, would you stop and give or keep going?

“From personal experience, I'd stop. My mother always makes sure I have money, cash, on my person at all times. And unfortunately - well, maybe not unfortunately, I dunno why I said that, the POINT is, I have this thing where if I see something bad happen, and I know I could help, but then I don't, I literally cannot stop thinking about that for anywhere between a full 48 hours to the rest of my life. I passed someone before, because I was late, and then ran back and gave them like five dollars because it ate me up, but they were happy, so that made up for the fact that I was late. Great, now it sounds like I'm humble-bragging. I swear I'm not trying to. My point is that I want to help people. And I'll stop there before I ramble again.”

Pineapple on pizza. Thoughts?

“Gonna be honest, never tried it. But I'm SUPER curious. I gotta know what it tastes like, but I'm scared. Both Ash and Noelle like it. Ash I don't trust at all - that girl likes the dumbest food combinations - and Noelle is interesting because she likes food and knows what goes well together, but also I don't remember when she's ever described food as bad, and she has other pizza toppings that she claims are better anyway. Point is, I'm curious but scared to try it.”

✨ Robbie intro post✨

#2- Hye-Jin

What's your earliest childhood memory?

“Oh, that's difficult. Hmmm... I'm not sure which is the first memory, actually. It's not like I memorized the time and dates of everything haha! [Pause] Okay, fine, I remember. It was the first day of preschool. I had only just turned three. Everyone in the class had these, uh, Assignments, I guess. Roles? Hm... Ah yes, jobs, so everyone in the classroom had responsibility. It was randomized, but I got the "caboose," or the person who stood in the back of the line. I cried really hard because I thought that was the worst job in the world, and my teacher probably hated me. I got to carry a flower, though, so I think that calmed me down.”

Do you dance?

“It's more like did. From, hm... Ah, kindergarten grade through sixth grade, I did ballet, tap, and jazz at a local dance studio. But middle school kinda allowed me to take more extra curriculars that were more convenient, so my parents told me I should probably drop dance after my sixth grade year was a mess. I didn't want to, but y'know it is my parents' money. I wish I could've kept it up.”

What smell you can't stand?

“Oh, cinnamon. I'm so sorry, but I don't like it. The smell, anyway. It's weird, I don't mind cinnamon as a taste. But the smell is too much. Maybe that's weird.”

Other Hye-Jin: OC in three, fun facts, bingo, deep dive, origin, outfit, questionnaire one, questionnaire two

#3- George

What never fails to make you laugh?

“A couple things. One: my sister, Carla. She's actually really funny. Watch a movie with her, and you'll see. She's yelling at the screen, insulting her favorite characters, getting way too invested. She tells me all of her thoughts. Two: stupid customers. Hilarious! Someone told me their newly installed voice activator was broken. They were going to pay me a LOT of money. They programmed their voices and everything! Turns out, they hadn't turned it on yet. Three: Liam. The guy can turn everything into an argument, it's fascinating to watch. But funny as in he's super clever, and he can roast anyone. The funniest day for me would be if they came with me on my job, i had to deal with a dumb customer, Liam roasted them, and Carla ranted about a new movie she found.”

How can you tell if you’ll get along with someone?

“Haha, that's funny. People skills are just a little overrated. It's been Carla and me in our house for a while, and we've been doing fine! I'm certainly not going to make friends doing my job no matter how much the homeowners want to talk to me. Liam is cool, and I knew I was gonna get along with him when we met, so he's literally the only example I have for this question. Okay... I knew I was going to get along with him because I was getting everything hooked up to move a lot of the data to our place, and I was talking out loud and Liam seemed bored so he inserted himself into the one-sided conversation and helped me figure out everything. Then the next day, I was working on one of the computers, and Liam came up to me and just started talking. He said I seemed bored, and I was. Sometimes I can't fix things at superspeed because I have to wait for the computer to respond, or the hardware is delicate or something. He asked me to 'infodump,' he said, about any topic I wanted to. The previous night, I stayed up late reading the entire file on jellysponges, so I just talked about them and suddenly, it was like no time had passed and the computer was done! Liam nodded, said my information would be helpful if he ever got into an Alii marine biology debate, and then he invited me to sit with him at lunch. That was cool.”

Do you prefer sweet, savory, sour, or salty snacks?

“I have been talking for way too long. Well, I mean, you may not think it's that long, but I don't do this unless I'm excited about something, and being a speedster it feels like it's taken forever. Anyways, I like all snacks because I have to eat a lot for my metabolism, but honestly out of those snacks I like salty chips.”

Other George: OC in three, questionnaire one, questionnaire two, fun facts

What is your favorite season?

#4- Wade

“Ooh, that's hard. [A couple seconds of silence.] Sorry, Liam's in my head debating all of them. Alright *claps hands* I think it has to be summer. There's so many things to do, and it is always pretty fun to just make a vacation plan. And the beach is awesome. Teo and Parker and I plan our summer - well I plan it; if the others did it'd be a disaster, and they know it. The point is, our summers rock.”

Where would you like to visit?

“I would like to go to Japan. There's so much stuff to do in Tokyo alone. I haven't been to Comic-Con, and I'd really like to, or an anime con. Being from Florida, I've been to Disney World a few times, but not Disneyland in California. Then again, the one in Tokyo... Man, there's a lot of planning that'd be involved. Can't wait til I graduate.”

When do you usually go to sleep?

“I try to be in bed by ten so I can get to sleep before eleven because high school times are shit and I want at least six hours before I have to get up, and that's still not enough sleep! Parker and Teo have it worse, though, since they both can't get settled down until, like, midnight. Uggghhh, we should ban school before nine.”

Other Wade: OC in three, interview, kiss, questionnaire one, questionnaire two, two truths and a lie

#5- CJ

How long has it been since you last travelled?

“Last summer, my family went and traveled around Sector 8 in Alium. It was so fun. Though I admittedly kinda missed Issa. She would've loved it. My favorite part was seeing an opera, actually. It's quite fascinating.”

Where is your favourite place?

“I find it a little strange to have a favorite place. Sometimes my room is a good place to be but sometimes I just want to leave it. Now, I think you're probably just referring to a place that statistically I'm more likely to be happy in. In that case *shrug* not enough data to say definitively, sorry. However, I sometimes stop by the library and just organize books that are there. They're always out of place. And the librarians know me by name. I don't think I have any bad memories there, so even though I don't go to the library every day, I think that's my answer.”

If the inciting event never happened, what would you be doing?

Other CJ: questionnaire one, questionnaire two

*bursts out laughing* “'Inciting event?' Like, as in stirring up something or like, in a story? Cause this is real life, baby. Okay, I'll play along. I guess one could say it was Rose showing up. I suppose if that never happened, I would just be living life like normal. Rose and I don't have a lot in common, but I enjoy talking to her. She is really friendly and thoughtful. So I guess I would be a friend short. And I would be content, but not as happy as I am now.”

#6- Teo

Do you speak more than one language?

“Uh-huh. Three, actually. English, Vietnamese, and American Sign Language! I'm fluent in all of them. My parents decided to try and teach me ASL when they realized I'd need, like, hearing aids, so they, like, took classes and taught me! And not to toot my own horn but, like, having three languages down meant my brain was, like, SO ready for kindergarten.”

What is your favorite thing to eat?

“Do NOT make me choose. It's literally, like, whatever I'm eating in the moment. Right now *holds up* it's this sandwich.”

What drives you to succeed?

“My boyfriend. And also, like, my own ambitions. I can do a lot of things. Again, not bragging, just a fact. I know, like, gymnastics, acting, improv, role play, those are similar I know, playing the guitar, singing, photography, ballet, graphic design, editing, I can go on. It's literally just me wanting to learn how to do more stuff, y'know? I want to build an impressive ass resume. Not just for, like, jobs, life in general. I'm always looking for new skills.”

Other Teo: questionnaire one, questionnaire two, kiss

#7- Atsila

What's the worst thing you've ever done? Do you regret it?

“The worst thing? Ha-ha-ha, what a question. What, in my opinion? Well, I wasn't paying much attention in my literacy class, so I failed! Hahaha, I'm kidding. I'm just not the kind of person to do terrible things, baby. I guess sometimes my competitive nature has made other people upset, but that's technically not anything I've done. Well, that's settled.”

What's the quickest way to make you laugh?

“I do love watching someone make a fool out of themselves. Deserved, though. I have standards. I won't kick people while they're done, but it's sure funny when those who get in my way fall over. Also, make a sexual innuendo and I'll be on the floor in stitches.”

What is your favorite song right now?

“There's this lovely piece called ‘Who We Become in the Shadows’ by Keano Adler. You wouldn't have heard of it, being Ceter and all. Anyway, I should get back. It was lovely talking with you.”

Other Atsila: questionnaire one, questionnaire two

#8- Niri

Do you sometimes wish to be someone else?

“Sometimes, yes. I don't want to lie. I'm thankful that it isn't constant. Usually, I am happy. Sometimes I'm not. It depends on the situation.”

Do you push forward or take time to rest?

“Hard question. [Thinks about it] I think I rest if I find a task boring. I push forward when I like the task.”

What is your favorite drink?

“I like hot chocolate. It is not just a winter drink!”

Other Niri: questionnaire one, questionnaire two

Tagging @sarandipitywrites @theeccentricraven @reininginthefirewriting @paeliae-occasionally @bread-roses-and-chrome

+ ANYONE ELSE

Y'all's questions: 1) Describe your ideal life. 2) What are you most looking forward to? 3) What's your most unique trait?

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites

@nebula--nix @literarynecromancy @honeybewrites @the-golden-comet

[destinygoldenstar]

🍀FUCK YUL🍀 - Total Drama Viewer Reacts to Disventure Camp Season 2 Episode 4 “Truth Hurts”

I have the power, right?

If my headings manifest misfortune on the people on it, THEN HERE I AM

I AM MANIFESTING MY POWERS TO STRIKE DOWN THIS MAN BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY

I WANT HIM GONE

...

That's all I wanted to say. There's nothing else that's important.

Oh also, sorry for the delay. This was supposed to come out two days ago, but uh... tech issues.

Let's get into it.

Ooh I like this music they have 🎵

"We had agreed to play today after breakfast. But it seems that he forgot."

I mean, I never had a boyfriend, I'm lesbian XD, but the amount of times I've heard girls in high school whine about their boyfriends doing this very thing is insane.

The boys in this season. Am I right?

Also the mic quality is getting a lot better, I'm realizing that. Very nice.

"Well, if you want to play with me, I can lend you one of my consoles."

I thought she didn't like Tess, so wow. She's sweet.

I like these two, they're so sweet and cute.

NOW KISS

"Hey girls! Good morning. I'm going on a walk in case anyone wants to join."

Oh, you seem to be doing well...

Which is a shock to me considering your only friend here is now out of the game.

I STILL HATE YOU CONNOR. WHY WOULD YOU QUIT AND SAVE YUL?!

"Hunter has been very sweet and thoughtful these past few days. But I sense there is something bothering him."

He's having a queer crisis. Don't worry about it.

"I've had such a hard time connecting with anyone in this place and when I finally did, Connor decided to leave. I feel quite alone here."

Aw, poor Riya.

She just can't connect with anyone or anything here.

WAIT WHOA WHAT THE-

HANG ON THAT WAS OUT OF NOWHERE

SHE JUST FOUND THAT LYING ON THE GROUND?!

"This allows you to have one person from each team permanently sent to the opposing team."

OH

OH I SEE

So she can screw people's alliances over XD

"Silence Oliver! When did I ask for your opinion?"

"One of the reasons I let you stay here is that seeing a poor and pathetic intern so humiliated and worn out every day will help me remember what not to do to others."

Okay then...

"It's just really hard not to be a sociopath, you know?"

"I don't want to lose my humanity just to get some ratings."

Well damn.

"I was just talking to my silly assistant. He does his job horribly."

"I AM IN HEARING RANGE."

"Do you also study on Sundays?"

"Yes, I have to send an essay to my tutor in two days and I'm a little late..."

God I hate that. I hate having to do that.

"The first time we talked, I noticed something strange about you and I realized that the way your parents pressure you is not right."

TELL EM QUEEN

"Lake, you do homework even when you're in the middle of a reality show! You eat very little or you don't eat at all, and worst of all, they decided to commit you to a guy you don't even know. How can that be the best for you?"

THANK YOU. ROSA, OUR QUEEN ALL DAY.

"I recognize that their methods are unorthodox, but the path to success is not easy, Rosa. It is full of obstacles and sacrifices."

"OHO, You want to talk about sacrifices and play THAT card on me?! I BECAME A MOM AT SIXTEEN!"

Come on, Rosa KNOWS what she's talking about!

"Hello? Can I sit here?"

Why is James' mic echoing? Hello? Was something going on and his VA was recording in another location at the time?

You couldn't do second takes and wait till he got back in the booth?

"Since when do you care what I think?"

He doesn't. He just wants to S/A you.

"You know what? Who needs a friend when you have a million followers?"

MOOD.

Oh, is this like that.... what was it-that one challenge from Revenge of the Island?

The one where they were dunked and Scott got that sharks tooth up his ass?

"Not at all, these seats are wet."

Because if it IS like that, can I get Fang over here to kill this guy?

(Kai calling Yul a bitchfucker now lives in my head rent free)

"I found this perk that allows two people to switch teams and I want to use it now."

Oh she's gonna use it right away.

"I... want Yul to go to the Orange team."

YUUUUUUUUUUSSSS

SLAY QUEEN

SLAY QUEEN👑

DUMP HIS ASS ON THE LOSING TEAM AND GET RID OF HIS ASS

RIYA IS QUEEN.

DON'T CARE WHAT Y'ALL SAY. THIS IS A QUEEN.

SHOW RESPECT.

"What? And why me?"

"Because I'm sick of you."

😂

YES.

"And now that I don't have to worry about you voting for me I can say it."

AND she's doing this for strategic reasons?

Actually, YEAH, because of the trio, she's the outcast of her team so she needs to pull an advantage like this to save herself from potentially being a target. THAT MAKES SENSE.

STRATEGIC QUEEN AS WELL.

TAKE NOTES ELLIE.

"Screw you! With that attitude, it's no wonder you have never and will never succeed."

Oh fuck off, weren't you cancelled? You piece of shit.

Why is everything mocking Riya for her being herself? I'm picking up on that.

"I'm going to choose... Rosa Maria."

Oh? Why her?

I'm not against it, but why her?

Did Riya just want an all girls team?

"WELCOME TO OUR WOMEN'S TEAM OF VICTORY!!!"

"Well, and Hunter I guess..."

"That low budget actress underestimates the damage I could do to her, even on another team."

YOU BREAK HER I BREAK YOU BUCKO

"Not only is the women's alliance weakened, I also have a possible new ally."

Oh and now you want to work with him?!

JAMES, YOU HAVE BAD TASTE.

XD

JUST DROWNS THEM XD

So yeah, it IS like that Revenge Of The Island Challenge.

And hopefully I get to see a shark get Yul's ass.

I think his exposed abs will make him seem very appetizing to the sharks.

(NOT ME WISHING DEATH ON A CHARACTER)

"Just know that I have access to any information that has passed through your cell phones and laptops."

OH SO YOU DOXXED.

"Who auditioned for the previous season and was rejected for being considered 'uninteresting'?"

Oh REALLY?

Okay that's a lore drop.

I mean, given the first season's hosts were CRIMINALS, I'd imagine the show was a scam site and there wouldn't be a lot of auditions.

I mean, most of THAT cast was pretty screwed up in the head.

REALLY.

Yeah that is very interesting.

They actually ACKNOWLEDGE that something like that WOULD happen and influence people to alter themselves for the sake of being on the show and the money.

I WANTED THIS IN TOTAL DRAMA.

OMG I LOVE THAT THEY ADDRESS THIS.

So wait, now for the money question:

Which is Aiden's natural hair color? Is it the white or the dark?

NOW YOU GOTTA ANSWER THAT BUDDY.

"Who has been an extra in more than fifty movies, but has never been credited?"

That's Riya. 100%

"Who had their first kiss in the previous challenge?"

OH. OH SHIT...

Oh that's personal.

I THINK that's Maggy. Right?

OH. REALLY.

OH POOR BOTH OF THEM. AIDEN'S FIRST KISS WAS AN ASSAULT?!

YOU POOR THING.

And Lake's first kiss was with a girl.

Gotta love a closeted lesbian with internalized homophobia.

"Ha! Virgins!"

Oh. Shut. Your. Mouth.

Why is EVERYTHING that comes out of this man's mouth bigotry?

And it's not even said in a funny way. That's all he says.

FUCK YUL.

"Are you serious Aiden?"

"It doesn't matter. It's nothing important."

"Thanks for ruining a milestone of my life by the way."

"Who made their previous psychologist have to go to the psychologist?"

Oh god. Yeah that one's so bad...

I can see that being Tess.

"Who forced their ex to have plastic surgery and then ended the relationship because she did it wrong?"

GOD THAT'S HORRIBLE-

It's Yul. It's gotta be Yul. And he's gonna say "SO WHAT? i DoN't SeE wHaT tHe PrObLeM iS, sHe WaS uGlY, sHe DeSeRvEd iT."

"Which one of you has shoplifted?"

Okay that one's not so bad.

Ally may have stolen a game?

OH ROSA.

"A mother would do anything for her children."

AW HONEY.

"A Latina stealing, why am I not surprised?"

I-I-what's going on?

Uh, I got an AD, and the video fast forwarded a minute ahead for some reason XD.

I don't know why it did that.

"Which one of you wears a wig?"

Aiden? Cause of the dye?

What?! Your hair's a wig?

I-I never would've guessed that, honestly.

GIRLIEPOP WHAT HAPPENED?! YOU'RE NOT EVEN A VILLAIN.

Yeah can I be honest you y'all? I've grown SICK of the shaved head trope in Total Drama.

It worked with Heather because vanity was a trait of hers and it was a punishment for her to lose something she held dear to maintain that vanity. And considering she was a villain who tormented others all of Island, it was great karma.

But then they just OVERUSE IT AND BEAT THE DEAD HORSE, and then apply this karma to other characters, where their hair or physical appearance plays no factor to their character. And at that point, it's just so TIRING and I NEVER want to see this again.

I'm kind of okay with this though because it's NOT a punishment. Maybe it's trying to reveal something about Lake's character. Idk what happened, maybe they'll explain it.

"Who uploaded sexy photos to the internet just to gain some fame?"

Uuuuuhhhh... I think that's Riya?

"What? I didn't do it."

Oh okay.

"Just so you know, I didn't do it for fame."

WELL THAT MAKES IT EVEN MORE CONCERNING.

"If we lose on purpose, the challenge will be over."

Why would you want to do that?! IT'S A GAME. YOU'RE TRYING TO WIN A MILLION BUCKS.

Now you're ASKING to be eliminated?!

"The producers say you should find another way to penalize the campers, that doesn't put their lives at risk."

XD

Oh so NOW they care. Where was that concern in Total Drama?

She just sends them back up and they're all dead XD

"Well shit... I'm getting lawsuits for all these bodies, aren't I?"

"Aiden still sleeps with a teddy bear he's had since he was a baby, James' first five thousand followers were bots, Yul and his family escaped from North Korea, Maggy has sent five boys to the hospital, when Lake is home alone she punches pillows with pictures of her parents-"

SHE'S REALLY GOING AT IT 😂

"Rosa doesn't know who the father of her daughter is and thought about aborting her."

Oh shit...

That one's SO BAD...

Rosa, girlie, you want some therapy?

"Tess is an orphan."

Okay these are actually really interesting.

"Riya was desperate for major roles and almost starred in adult movies."

Yeah these are actually saying a lot about these people.

So Tess has no family. Her life is basically nothing. She has depression as a result. Got it.

Riya is... AMBITIOUS AS HELL.

I'm surprised she's not even more ruthless honestly with all that evidence.

"I WILL MURDER EVERYONE FOR A MILLION BUCKS AND A STARRING MOVIE ROLE AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!!"

"...AND BECAUSE GOLDEN WANTS SO, YUL WILL BE FIRST."

"Ally and Tess are in love with Hunter and he knows it."

Yeah we already know that one.

"Which one of you had sex reassignment surgery?"

Oh?

Oh so someone's trangender.

Who is it? Who's the rep?

Nobody is opening up? I mean I respect boundaries, but also I wanna know.

I'm guessing Maggy? I'm not sure...

"Which one of you threatened and made a group of children cry?"

Oh shit.

Uh... I have no idea.

UM... NOW I'M CONCERNED ABOUT YOU.

"Do you make kids cry whenever you're stressed?"

See, even Hunter's concerned.

"I was playing online and they were using hacks!"

Oh so you're a cyberbully. Yeah I get it. I TOTALLY SYMPATHIZE. /s

I'm sad there were no sharks to slay Yul.

"Welcome to the team, Yul!"

James. Politely. He's not worth it.

"Now what? Are you going to vote me out for having belonged to the Green Team?"

I mean, why not, right?

We know Season 1 attempted that at one point.

JAMES IF YOU ALLY WITH YUL I WILL HATE YOU TOO

"I've noticed that you have a certain dislike towards James. So I propose this: Let's vote for him together and at the next ceremony, you'll return the favor by voting for whoever I want you to."

This is trying to make Yul seem like a brilliant schemer villain, but uh...

THIS IS JAMES' PLAN. NOT HIS.

So, you know, I give credit to James for this. What do you gain from Aiden voting James? That's Yul only person willing to be an ally in his case.

And in James' case, he doesn't KNOW the girls are voting Yul, he's just assuming that with no proof. What if they vote him? You're asking Aiden to vote you, which could be a 3/5.

WHY WOULD JAMES CAUSE HIS OWN ELIMINATION?

Yul gains nothing from this. James gains nothing from this.

What is your plan here?

"How do I know I can trust you?"

"It's not about trust, its about mutual interest."

10/10 persuading there.

"He must be desperate, but Yul deserves to be kicked out."

THANK YOU. THANK YOU FOR SEEING THAT.

"I pretended to side with him and will vote for James, just because it will be nice to see James' face when he sees that he has two votes against him."

Okay, you're a dumbass.

"I'm not siding with Yul, BUT I WILL DO WHAT YUL SAYS."

GOD I HOPE YUL GOES.

PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. GET YUL OUT.

'YUL'

I LOVE YOU, WHOEVER DID THAT.

'JAMES'

'MAGGY'

Fuck.

'YUL'

Okay so Yul gets a third vote and majority and he's gone.

WE WIN!!😄

...😦

GODDAMMIT!!!

Maggy, for the love of god, BEAT HIS ASS.

Maggy didn't even do anything this episode, WTF?

"Wait, you two... lied to my face?"

YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T TRUST EITHER OF THEM. YOU SAID THIS YOURSELF YOU DUMBASS.

"Why are you surprised?"

Why does a tie benefit you? You could've instead allied with Aiden to vote off Maggy and lied to say Lake and Maggy were targeting Aiden.

Sure Aiden might not believe it and still vote James and this tie would still happen, BUT AT LEAST THEN YUL HAS THE EXCUSE OF HIM NOT INTENDING TO PUT HIMSELF IN DANGER.

Fuck this guy. FUCK THIS GUY.

But I'll tolerate the stupidity IF HE GOES HOME. I WILL LOVE THAT.

"How about a random, unbiased game of rock paper scissors?"

The way he said scissors?

I mean, SAI-SOURS.

Oh my god PLEASE, PLEASE

PLEASE

GET HIS ASS OUT.

WIN THIS MAGGY. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.

YOU GOT THIS GIRL. YOU GOT THIS!!!!

🙌

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKKKKKK

WHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF.

SHE DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING THIS EPISODE. WHAT THE FUCK.

THIS IS BULLSHIT. I HATE THIS.

"Go back to the circus, freak!"

So he's been bullying her for nothing the whole time, she NEVER gets a chance to stand up for herself or do anything about it besides get bullied, AND THEN SHE GOES HOME WITH THE BULLY GETTING AWAY WITH IT COMPLETELY?!

That just sucks. I don't like that.

I get it may be realistic in this setting. I don't like that.

I didn't like it in Action either, BUT AT LEAST IN ACTION BOTH CHARACTERS HAD SUBSTANCE AND DUNCAN WASN'T COMPLETELY TERRIBLE.

YUL JUST FUCKING SUCKS. And Maggy has no character besides "Everyone bullies me".

FUCK OFF.

"Wow, calm down. A little more stress and you will also lose your eyebrow hair."

Nine more episodes of this guy, and I might just be burned alive from my own DISTAIN.

Okay that's something I guess.

THANK YOU MAGGY FOR AT LEAST DOING THAT.

Uh... should that count as slaying Yul? Idk cause it's a 'Yes & No'

I'll put her in her own tier.

What the hell is going on with you?

So are they just gonna make out in the woods?

And that was the episode... I'm angry. I just-UGH.

I think Yul ALONE is dragging this down for me.

I definitely do think I'm liking Season 1 better.

I just fucking hate this man. This man is TRASH. HUMAN TRASH. TRASH.

Like I did with Season 1, I'll make a character tier list after the season, and explain in FULL DETAIL why Yul is SO HORRIBLE.

And it's not just because he's SUPPOSED to be unlikeable. Fiore was GREAT, and she was a villain. Grett is unlikeable, and I loved her. You could make some arguments about even Jake being unlikeable because he's a flawed character. But I still loved him.

I also just don't like him as a character and he does not work for me as even a villain. The fact that he has to rely on OTHER PEOPLE to do strategic stuff for him, and rely on LUCK to save himself in the game, is PISS POOR TOTAL DRAMA VILLAIN WRITING. I'M SORRY.

If Fiore, A SIX YEAR OLD, can come up with her own strategies, THEN YUL IS AN EVEN WORSE PIECE OF SHIT BY THIS SHOW'S STANDARDS.

(I must state perfectly clear and blatant so nobody throws accusations of my intent: NONE of that is directed at anyone who worked on the show, nor the VA. Do not go harass anyone or him for anything. All my screaming and rage is ONLY at the FICTIONAL CHARACTER. Not any real life people. Don’t harass them. It’s wrong. Always. It’s wrong.)

And he's our main villain... GOD HELP ME.

He's gonna be here the whole time, I just know it. And I'm gonna hate it.

Maggy? You punched him in the face. I salute you.

But I don't care about you.

She did NOTHING IN HER OWN ELIMINATION EPISODE. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

What even WAS her character this whole time? "I'm big. I'm a bully victim. I lost."

Riya's my best girl. And Rosa. Maybe Lake too. I also like Tess-THE GIRLS REMAINING ARE ALL GOOD.

Riya, I salute you for kicking Yul out when you did and telling him off. YOU GO QUEEN.

QUEEN DESERVES TO SLAY. Honestly.

You want to slay Yul and break the rules to get him eliminated? YOU DO IT. DO WHAT YOU WANT WITH THESE BOYS.

So in conclusion... girls good. boys... bleh. Fuck Yul. Thank you. Namaste.

[sunflowervoltwentyeight]

Hello! Happy 28th! Very excited to share my March 2023 fic rec! All of the fics below are so amazing. In no particular order, enjoy!!! 

Golden by shaylea (128k)

Harry is fully dressed when Louis returns to the room. He’s slumped on the edge of the bed, fingers twining awkwardly around the edge of his pink flounces. “Can I come?” he blurts when Louis opens the bathroom door. Louis freezes. “What?” “North. With you,” Harry clarifies. “If you’re going north, could I come too?”

On a rainy night in Auckland in the middle of his world tour, popstar Harry Styles loses his ability to carry on. Instead of continuing to Sydney and the rest of his tour, he seeks sanctuary with Louis Tomlinson, a man with a macadamia nut farm and a mysterious past.

I’ll Fly Away by @juliusschmidt (122k)

Harry and Louis grew up together in Lake County, Harry with his mom and stepdad in a tiny cottage on Edward’s Lake and Louis in his family’s farmhouse a few minutes down the road. But after high school, Louis stuck around and Harry did not; Harry went to Chicago where he found a boyfriend and couple of college degrees. Six years later, Harry ends up back in Edwardsville for the summer and he and Louis fall into old patterns and discover new ones.

ft. One Direction, the local boyband; Horan’s Bar and Grill; families, most especially children and babies; Officer Liam Payne; many local festivals and fireworks displays; and Anne Cox, PFLAG President.

Mine Would Be You by @crinkle-eyed-boo (114k)

Louis blinks his eyes open, his eyelids fluttering as the room swims around him. He takes several gulps of beer once he confirms that he’s definitely not hallucinating, that the very first portrait Harry Styles ever painted of him is hanging on that wall.

Louis stares at the wall, his heart jackrabbiting in his chest as he realizes that there’s not just one painting of him, there’s five, the portraits lined up like they’re some sort of storyboard depicting the rise and fall of his deepest love. His greatest heartache. A pain that cut him so deep that he left the fucking country, severing all ties with his life in New York, now suddenly surrounding him as if he’d never left.

Fucking shit motherfucker fuck.

Louis returns to New York City five years after he left it – and the love of his life – behind. He didn't intend to see Harry again, but fate has a funny way of pulling them together, whether they like it or not. After making a begrudging truce, they both start to wonder: Would it be so bad if history repeated itself?

You’ve Got My Devotion (Hate You Sometimes) by lucythegoosey / @harryrainbows (95k)

Harry was in the biggest boy band in the world. He was also one half of the best (or worst, depends on who you ask) kept secret relationship in the music industry.

Now, almost five years on, after One Direction has broken up, and Harry and Louis' relationship has as well, a video threatens to put everything at risk.

One determined Irishman, a massive publicity stunt and two begrudging exes are all it takes to bring One Direction back to life and maybe, just maybe, Harry and Louis' mangled love life too.

Or: Harry and Louis are forced to fake-date after an old video from when they were dating emerges.

Wild Love by purpledaisy / @harrydaisy (130k)

“Good,” Julia says, clearly pleased to have them both uncomfortable and unable to look at each other. “Now, I only have one more question before you can go. What are you planning to do when this experiment ruins your friendship?”

“We said we’d stay friends no matter what,” Harry says smoothly, his chin lifting in defense.

“That was our one thing going into it,” Louis agrees. “Stay friends no matter what.”

Julia raises a perfectly manicured brow, “That’s all fine and good. But I hope you realize your emotions aren’t going to realize this is an experiment in the end. If one of you falls for the other and finds out those feelings are not reciprocated, you’re not going to be able to laugh it off as a social experiment. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do this, I’m just hoping you’ve considered all of the possible outcomes.”

- AU: Two best friends try to date each other for forty days. It's supposed to be fun until emotions make it complicated.

Part one of Wild Love

Never Slows Down by purpledaisy / @harrydaisy (28k)

“Maybe we should just have one place instead,” he says. “Just move in together.” It’s heavier out loud, the first time either one of them has made an outright mention of it.

Harry keeps his back turned, the running water of the sink the only sound. Louis wants to say something stupid, something like, “Just kidding,” or, “Wait, no, that’s not what I meant,” but he doesn’t. Now, out loud, lingering, he doesn’t want to change the words he’s just said or the implication.

It must only be a few seconds but it feels like a lifetime before Harry turns off the water and turns to face him again. He swallows and shrugs, “Uh, yeah, maybe.” He meets Louis’s eyes only briefly before checking his watch. “We should go soon,” he says turning to leave the kitchen. “I’ll grab you a jacket.”

Part two of Wild Love

Being of the Jealous Kind by zita17 / @louisandtheaquarian (24k)

A-list actor Louis Tomlinson and his partner fashion photographer Harry Styles weather the storm that is Louis’ fake relationship with his costar in the lead up to this year’s Academy Awards.

Featuring a fluffy teenage meet-cute, an angsty wine drunk Harry melting down over pap pics, Louis habitually overusing the word “baby,” and cameos by a vintage Umbro sweatshirt, the peace ring, and one hell of a Larry hug.

Or the justice for To Be So Lonely fic. Based on the lyrics to TBSL and a prompt where “Louis has to fake date some celebrity, while his boyfriend Harry sits at home.”

Starry Haze, Crystal Ball by you_explode (10k)

Freedom. Harry’s not sure what exactly it means anymore. For him, for Louis. Personally. Professionally. Musically. There are so many layers to it, and it feels like as he gets older, the thicker those layers become.

Non-AU. A brief look at 2020 and the journey Harry and Louis are on with their careers and closet. Inspired by the Devil card.

Drifting, Weightless by dinosaursmate (45k)

“We’ve been asked to do a gig,” Niall said slowly. “Harry and Liam are completely up for it, I am too.” “Alright. What’s the catch?” Louis asked with suspicion. “It’s, um…” Niall cleared his throat. “So, Juliana was contacted by this themed cruise company, and they want us to do a four-day One Direction cruise.” The words hung in the air as Louis’ right eyebrow slowly crept up and he fixed Niall with a stare. “Absolutely not.” Louis rolled his eyes. “You’re essentially asking me to go on a working holiday with my ex. Stranded on a boat in the ocean for four days.” “Cruise ships are huge! You don’t have to see him in your down time.” --- Harry and Louis are exes with benefits until they're not, and the Mediterranean Sea might just be the perfect place to work through some unresolved issues.

[booktomoviebrawl]

We are not judging how bad the movie is, we are judging which adapted the book the worst. There are good movies that are bad adaptions.

Propaganda below the cut (spoilers may apply)

Ella Enchanted:

Literally just They Would Not Fucking Say That the whole time. Also wtf is up with the holding hands and singing with the ogres??? BOOK ELLA HELPED GET THEM KILLED

The movie completely missed the point of the book. The characters were changed, the plot was changed, the message was changed!! The book is a coming of age story that expands upon Cinderella, explaining all bizarre set ups on the story. Ella's autonomy is taken away from her constantly and it is a horrible struggle for her! In the movie, it is mostly treated as a joke. And we don't see Ella come up with creative ways to defy her curse, like she does in the book. The romance in the movie is a strange "not like other girls" story we see over and over again in movies. In the book, it is a friendship formed by two people who have a lack of control in their lives and become close friends who then fall in love after years of knowing each other. There are more reasons it was a bad adaptation but those are my main points of contention as of right now.

The book was subtle, witty and generally amazing. Ella is a strong character, the exploration of her grief over losing her mother takes up a good 1/3 of the book, all the characters are complex and interesting, and she and Prince Charmont are a romantic couple who actually like each other. Its messaging is about autonomy and strength of will, and its world is rich and interesting and well-built with all its magical creatures. Meanwhile, the movie strips out all of the complexities, completely changes the plot from Cinderella to Hamlet, makes Ella and Char a standard Bickering Romcom Couple, and makes its message more about "we all need to get along!" by making all the fantasy races boring and one-note. As a movie, it's...meh, but as an adaptation, THEY MURDERED MY GIRL!

Fahrenheit 451:

The attempt to modernize the story to include the internet really didn’t work. Neither did replacing the book people painstakingly preserving knowledge with dumb technobabble about rewriting a bird’s DNA to include the text of every book ever written. Worst of all was what they did to Clarisse McClellan; turning her from a blithe spirit who inspires Montag to be a better person into a traitor selling out the book people. They also aged her up to make her a love interest for Montag because of course they did.

Okay so I don't remember the plots that well since I only watched the movie once in middle school BUT I do remember how VISCERALLY ANGRY the movie made me feel. For one, they didn't stick to the plot of the book AT ALL. The movie killed the protag, Guy Montag, at the end, when he got to live and rebuild society in the book. In addition, there was a character, Clarisse McClellan, who was a teenage girl (and possibly a daughter figure to Montag) in the books, but then was aged up to be Montag's LOVE INTEREST in the movie, which felt incredibly gross to me. There are probably other things that I'm missing, but these are the two that I remember.

The original book is a perfect example of what happens when you suppress the written word. It focused less on the relationship with humans and technology and more on the freedom of press access. In a world only a few books are allowed, that would also mean only a few ideas would be.

Now I’m talking about the modern movie by HBO. The wife is gone, who stood as an amazing parallel to Guy Montag’s thoughts of her just being okay with living in her dystopia while Guy questioned it. The girl is now a love interested, while in the book she was there to help Montag explore his worldview more. Also, books was more about censorship than human’s relationship with technology. Yes there are themes of it. But the movie makes Montag into a social media star.

Speaking of Clarisse (the girl), she’s a traitor to the resistance in the movie, she tells Montag where the books of the old lady are. It’s the resistance against a world where free speech is limited. And the old lady goes “heres the code word” *sets herself on fire* while in the book after the books are set ablaze she just burns with them.

the books are also in the DNA of a bird.

Like what the fuck is this movie Fahrenheit 451 is an A-B type of story! If it ain’t broke. Don’t fix it

[ikjun]

omg al darling pls give me your queen of tears thoughts i’m really behind and need to know if it’s worth finishing <3

tbh i am also behind but i keep up with spoilers and episode recaps for everything i am watching bc i don't really care about getting spoiled. with that being said, where do i even begin? i would have loved if the show ended on a melodrama note in the second half, with the hong family having lost queens group but recouping that through baekhong's work as a lawyer and ceo respectively and with them rekindling their relationship (without marriage or another kid) while hae-in would, well, die due to some bout of medical realism that has to remain here, but with the two of them choosing each other in their lifetime, roll credits, fin. i am putting a read more from here on in bc this is sort of my thoughts on the show in general but also the second half, since describing the second half doesn't really work without talking about the set-up of the plot. plots? whatever is happening here. (also! spoilers ahead!)

of course we did not get a well-polished plot, something as sensible as this couldn't fly with the deranged fans this drama spawned like you wouldn't believe. so in a way this fanbase deserved exactly what they got lmao. this show has been crazy from the beginning bc as much as i love hae-in, people kept acting like she didn't treat hyun-woo like shit for most of their marriage when she did. he was only marginally better off, but my one big issue was that hyun-woo has to apolgize for everything he ever did, for wanting to divorce in the first place, while the show depicted right away how awful his marriage was. so now in the second half we, of course, get hyun-woo doing everything for hae-in to make up for all his audacity, like the good kdrama male lead he is (where is moon gang-tae when we need him? kim soo-hyun can act with some fire in there, so why does he not?) hae-in keeps getting worse and he is by her side, so whoo for tha ti guess and she does apologize for how she treated him after 10 eps of grovelling lmao. anyways.

they grow closer again while hae-in stays in the hospital for her treatment, but in comes mister i-still-want-to-be-cooked-over-an-open-fire-like-a-rotissiere-chicken eun-sung. i do have to say i love park sung-hoon in this drama? not as good as the psychotic bully-slash-killer-slash-second-woman he plays in the glory, but really good. it's giving kendall roy in sucession s2! it's giving this is why rich people tax middle class families until tax evasion or murder become lifestyle choices for those families! it's giving the rite of passage creepy high school boyfriend straight women go through amped up to the max! he is so good at being evil and he shines here, somehow, in all his creepy despondency and obsession with hae-in. at one point he swipes in and tells hae-in, who is losing her memory, that he saved her life and then he does it again, using the times hyun-woo's saved her as his cover story. he keeps rocking brown three-piece suits and a crazy-good blowout and side swoop while he does that, which might be the worst thing. hyun-woo punches him in the face, which is the saving grace of this entire second half of the show. he runs over hyun-woo with a car in the PENULTIMATE episode for the hell of it, because he can't see hyun-woo and hae-in be together again. the man is batshit insane and he stands by it.

as for the plot:

the head of the hong family (hae-in's grandfather) has a slush fund, because that is the second most realistic part of the show. eun-sung and his mother scrounge around to find it to take the rest of queens group, but well, i honestly don't care much about this plot. yang-gi (hyun-woo's best friend and divorce lawyer, who is apparently barred twice over in korea and can also hold up with business law and attorney work in court lol) helps lower hyun-woo's crazy ass charges, so he lives to see another day while everyone is looking for the goddamn slush fund. eun-sung and his mother found it first btw. hae-in keeps mistaking eun-sung for hyun-woo, her memory loss gets worse, we get it. several people working for eun-sung keep trying to kill hyun-woo over the span of the last five episodes. we get another reborn rich cameo from kim shin-rok, which at this point is the only thing keeping me from tuning out of this whacky ass drama. the hong family grandfather kills himself and all of kdrama twt and mdl are mad that the raised rating wasn't an explicit scene between baekhong but seeing an old man die (i kid you not). they keep trying to convince me kim soo-hyun was in the marine corps and i keep not believing it. german hospitals apparently can do life-saving surgeries on non-german citizens, which is unheard off in this neck of the woods but alas. hae-in has to trade in her memories to have that surgery, so that is our 11 o clock moment. or something. hyun-woo gets arrested by interpol right after, so there goes that dream. soo-cheol ends up with his wife again, which i care about as much as a tree cares about a leaf falling in a forest. big yawn. hyun-woo employs yang-gi again to beat the interpol charges and they do (yippie!). eun-sung keep acting like he's hae-in's husband after her memories disappeared and all of us know it's so deeply joever but the death bell has yet to strike. in comes the car crash bc we go two for two on car crashes in this show. eun-sung is now, after 15 episodes of washed up nonsense, pursued by the police bc nothing screams real crime like vehicular manslaughter in a kdrama. tried and true to the very end he goes!

haven't checked into ep 16 yet, but i know it ends with a montage of hae-in and hyun-woo together for more years, marrying again and having a child, and then hae-in dies. hyun-woo as an old man visits her grave in germany (potsdam doesn't allow graves on the grounds of sansoucie so i wonder where they supposedly put it?) and then we get a fade in of young hae-in leading now-deceased and young again hyun-woo to heaven in a field of lavender, goblin style minus the good writing. hyun-woo kept apologising for things until the end but don't ask me what it was about, i stopped caring. i assume that eun-sung lands in jail or something for his five billion crimes and all the times he wore light blue ties in this show. fin.

[idkjustletmescroll]

ah, nostalgia

So, when I was in elementary school, my sister had this book series called Spirit Animals by various authors, and I picked up the first book and read it and was obsessed for a year or two, then put them down and never thought about them again.

But it’s always nice to revisit your old books, so if you’re in the, like, 5-person spirit animals fandom, welcome! If you’re not, you should be. It’s fun. We get a new piece of fanart every few years. You’ll also be hopelessly confused by this post without having read the books.

Now, in blood ties we meet what I think is one of the most underrated and underutilized characters of the series: Lishay.

What do we really know about Lishay?

It’s basically canon at this point that she and Tarik were in love. Her brother’s dead soon before she meets our main characters. Her spirit animal dies at the end of the book, widely considered the worst thing that could ever happen to you. She’s a native of Southern Zhong (in the book of Shane). Oh, and she and her brother were twins. She’s around Tarik’s age, so middle-aged, probably in her forties or at most, late thirties. Tarik describes her as “one of [the Greencloaks’] finest.”

And you can do so much with just that information!

I would actually go so far as to have her and Tarik be married. This is how you can tell I typed this at midnight and that I have too much time on my hands, but seriously, it makes them more than two greencloaks who maybe have a thing for each other trying to keep four kids alive in the middle of a war; they have lives that they left behind! It makes Tarik’s eventual death and Lishay’s entire existence in the series even more tragic. And think of the old married couple jokes there could’ve been!

She and her brother were twins, and I feel like he maybe deserved more than a single sentence in passing. Maybe her brother and Tarik were also friends, and now they have to both cope with their grief. Maybe Lishay’s used to always having her brother guard her back, so Tarik notices that she fights less effectively without him--two halves of a whole, as the whole ying-and-yang thing goes. And with her spirit animal dying, we open up room for Meilin to have flashbacks in Fire and Ice about Lishay helping her through the grief of losing her own father right in front of her. Part of what makes Lishay’s character so interesting to me is that she’s probably the character we see go through the most and worst losses in the least amount of time. Her homeland is being attacked, she’s under constant physical and emotional stress, and she loses her twin brother and spirit animal in what, two weeks, AT MOST? And then she still has to fight a war?

Lishay is a native of southern zhong and seems familiar with the jungles of that region, so why not have her explicitly be a native OF THE JUNGLES? Make up a tribe for her to belong to. That makes the fight in the jungles more personal, because this is her home. Show her skills at hunting, climbing trees, swimming in the rivers, and archery, etc., skills that you could only pick up in the jungle. Give us a perspective of Zhong that goes beyond Meilin’s rich girl, general’s daughter life; give us women of the jungle who are trained to hunt and fight alongside their brothers, people who live in treehouses or wooden huts. And Lishay is supposed to be one of the greencloak’s finest warriors! Give us a taste of her swordfighting or archery skills that makes her so remarkable. Give her a more crucial role in the final battle; show her being close to other powerful greencloaks, like Olvan and Lenori. 

And in the book of shane, make it undeniably obvious that the only reason he got away was because of the talismans, not because she couldn’t shoot him out of a tree. 

In short, give her the fucking credit.

Anyways. End rant.

[todayisawthewhxlewxrld]

AXEL‼️ today i almost shit myself at school(not actually)

I hate the first day back. my spanish teacher loves to call on me bc she knows im not confident with my spanish and that i have a fear of public speaking (i dont even know why i’ve been fluent since i was 5💀) SO SHE LIKES TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT AND CALL ON ME TO READ THE LONGEST PARAGRAPH IN WHATEVER TEXTBOOK, ARTICLE OR LITERALLY WHATEVER WE’RE READING 😭 ITS LIKE SHE’LL LET EVERYONE ELSE READ THE SHORT STUFF AND THEN SHE’LL MAKE ME READ WAY MORE THAN EVERYONE ELSE AND IM JUST LIKE?? i get that its to “help build confidence” and shit like that but is it really helping if her “helping me build confidence” made me have a panic attack last year? I DONT THINK SO.

oh yeah so you’re probably wondering abt the panic attack thing🧍‍♀️ so lemme just give you a little back story first about how i feel about her class and stuff‼️ her class terrified me. like every time i would enter i’d be shaking and my heart would be beating so hard that i could feel it in my throat… kinda embarrassing…

but anyway it was just cause we had to present a something we made for a project and i was losing my mind because my friends didnt want to present it and my class was pretty big and filled with a bunch of rude and snotty people so i went to talk to the teacher to ask if i could just present to her privately or something but she said no so like i lowk freaked out and had a break down in the middle of the hallway 💀

honestly though the work isnt that hard considering i passed spanish with an A throughout the years but i just HATE talking in front of the class because for one my accent is different than everyone elses and two im one of the only non native spanish speakers so im kinda just like on edge cause yk how some people are theyre just not nice 🫠

anyway for the rest of the school day things were pretty good except J was being weird again and i think he was trying to flirt with me? he was just being rlly inappropriate and kept stealing my stuff 🫠 he stole my bag and then tried to go through it and then he asked if i had a dildo in my bag and if i like using it 😟 he then proceeded to walk around the class and tell people i have a dildo in my bag. i probably should’ve told C or a teacher idk why i didn’t 😭 oh yeah speaking of C hella people think we’re dating AND NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I TELL THEM WE’RE NOT THEY WONT SHUT UP AND JUST KEEP TELLING EVERYONE THAT WE’RE DATING.

oh i alsofell asleep in english😭 i got lucky at the teacher didnt notice though‼️ and then my friend fell down the stairs

ANYWAY THATS ALL‼️ so how are you axel? OOO WHATS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL??

thats all for today! byebye and ilysm 💗💗

-bambi

dude i swear to god spanish teachers r either the worst person on this planet or the sweetest person ever no in between…. LIKE WHY IS SHE TARGETING U OMG i’d have to start swinging i fear…

i need J to like explode why does he act like that do u think it’s bc he doesn’t get attention at home… that’s mean sorry LMFAO um anyway i hope he leaves u the hell alone already bc u deserve it😍😍

UR FRIEND FELL DOWN THE STAIRS ?1?1??1 HELP R THEY OK???😭😭😭

i’m ok!!! and HMMMM my favorite animals r probably bats !!! what is urs :0

BYEEE ILYT!!!!

[perfectlyvalid49]

I just want to say that your words about feeling like you yourself are becoming radicalized resonated with me. I was already growing fed up with the current state of leftism and this just seems the last straw. The black and white thinking, the purity culture, the blood thirst – I’m just done.

I’m not even Jewish in any meaningful way (my mom hid/disavowed that part of her ancestry growing up in the soviets). I’m just a very mixed queer person whose ethnicity is best described as ‘uhhh.’ But my social circle has always been largely Jewish, and recently many of said social circle have had to up and leave their home country. In many cases, Israel was their only option. So seeing thousands of people who are supposedly on my side thoughtlessly chant ‘from the river to the sea’ just broke me. Seeing people try to prove that it’s not antisemitic has been mind-boggling. “It doesn’t explicitly call for violence against Jewish people.” Well, nor does ‘Jews will not replace us,’ and yet…

I deleted my social media at a really low point, and now that I’m back I find myself mostly following Jewish blogs. And I feel my worldview shifting because where before I had hopes that things that frustrate me on the left could maybe be fixed, now I no longer think it’s fixable.

Sorry for rambling from this Schrödinger’s gentile

Hi Anon,

I’m glad I could write something that spoke to you.

Before this blog became so focused on the conflict in Israel, I talked a lot about US politics, a topic I’ve been interested in since I was in middle school (I’m weird and nerdy – get over it). And to be clear, I’m “old” for the internet, so middle school means the 1996 presidential election, which I remember discussing with my friends at lunch (they were also weird and nerdy, there’s a reason we were friends).

So when I say that I’ve been watching other people get radicalized for a long time, I mean it. I’ve watched friends fall into information silos and have felt helpless to stop it. I mean, the best man at my (very Jewish!) wedding is now a trad-Cath who thinks I’m going to hell because I refuse to accept Jesus into my life.

There has always been an antisemitism problem on the left. You can scroll through just about any blog on jumblr and look at posts prior to October and you can see that we were all bitching about it before the 7th. I’m not sure if it has actually gotten worse or if it’s just more obvious now, but we can say they seem radicalized now. Honestly, there’s nothing I can do about it, because they certainly aren’t going to listen to me – I’m a filthy (((Zionist))) after all.

But there’s at least a handful of Jewish people who are listening to me. I’ve picked up a score of followers in the last few months, so clearly you all think what I have to say is worth reading, so read this: I worry that at least parts of the Jewish community are headed down a bad path and I don’t know what to do about it. I know why we are blocking and unfollowing so many – the things they say are hurtful at best and terrifying at worst. But it leaves us in a situation where it’s the same few voices being repeated over and over. It doesn’t mean that we are radicalized, but I worry that we’re headed toward an echo chamber at least, and that’s not good. I’ve left a lot of leftist spaces behind. I’d prefer to not have to do that with Jewish ones as well.

I don’t have a solution other than that we need to be really careful and think about how we’re thinking about things if that makes any sense. The example I gave last time was moving from “you can be anti-Zionist without being antisemitic” to “anti-Zionism is antisemitism.” How did we make that move? Was it motivated by logic or emotion? It’s ok to change your stance, but with the way things are I think we really need to think about why we’re doing that, or it could lead to a bad place.

Back to the anon who is losing hope – that’s tough, and I can see why you feel that way. There are two thoughts that I repeat to myself to keep me hopeful. The first is that on a long enough timescale, things tend to improve. There’s lots of small steps forward and stumbling backwards, but overall we tend to move in the right direction. The other is that trying and failing and not trying at all have the same result. Maybe we won’t have a big effect. But if I can tell 30 people and even three of them can tell 30 people and so on, then maybe my words can reach at least one person and help them pull their heads out of their ass. And that’s better than nothing.