#lord help me I've been up for 24 hours straight

[frostythievery]

Woo, more Rainbow Rabies AU! Pinkie Pie this time around, and the variant infected inspired by her! Everything is under a read more due to gore and horror elements!

Content Warnings:

Heavy Decay and Gore

Horror Elements

Zombie Infection

Psychotic Break

Colored Blood

Pinkie Pie Facts:

She lost most of her sanity after the first month of the infection. She got excited to be herself and slice other ponies to pieces, and maybe even share the joy with her friends.

She's been bouncing around Ponyville with reckless abandon, until she found Applejack looking for Applebloom. With a new task to find her apprentice and family, she teams up with her friend.

Pinkie Pie's Main Items:

Unicorn Horns from previous harvests. Jabbing one of these suckers into the heads of those infected get the job done, just as well as bashing them in with a shovel.

Bag of Flour she uses to throw and take the zombies off their hooves.

Slabs of Cut Out Cutie Marks from previous harvests. Tossing these around, she uses colors she has to drag zombies away from certain areas.

Kitchen Knife for impossible situations

Y e s, they're like Hunters from Left 4 Dead.

[mildlyromanticperv]

Why would I...?

Eunha x MReader. Fluff. Fighting insecurities.

-Babe, dinner's ready! -You called your girlfriend down to the living room after a couple of hours in the kitchen, today's Friday night and you two planned an evening together to make up for the lost time during the week, her job as professional makeup artist is a 24/7 on-call job and you come exhausted every day due to the physical demand of your construction work.

-Coming! -Her sweet voice echoes through the walls of your shared apartment just like music into your ears. Due to the the small amount of time you've been able to spend together the last couple of weeks, she comes out dressed ready for an outdoors date and her perfume... Oh my god her perfume... Such indescribable scent fires up every nerve of your nostrils filling your heart with a warm fuzzy feeling you can only describe as... Love.

-Sweetie, you didn't have to! I'm disgusting and you dressed up so adorable... -You know you're supposed to be a manly man, hairy chest and all... But being alone with your girlfriend takes out that sensitive side of yours only she can experience.

-Don't say that! I mean I certainly wasn't expecting you to be all dressed up in tuxedo or anything, but you look really handsome tonight. -She smirked at you as she took a seat at the dining table. -Plus, the mere fact that you and I can finally spend some time together makes up for anything. I've missed you so much.

At these words you expres a huge "Awwww" within your brain that you can't quite express due to your sheer focus in plating your dinner, as if you were to cook for the president itself. -I've missed you so much as well, baby, actually today I was told I might speak too much about you... Hehe.

-What do you mean!? -She answers embarassed and blushing, her voice raises due to the thought of you flaunting her among coworkers.

-Yes baby, I can't help but presume my girlfriend. -You shrugged and finally came out of the kitchen ready with the food and a couple of tall glasses, not long after you came out with a fresh bottle of white wine to go with the dinner.

-This all look so awesome! I didn't know you were such a good chef... -She says with a sultry voice flirting so blatantly the whole thing felt like two youngsters discovering their new love. -You spoil me too much, I guess tonight I'm going to have to be extra kinky...

-Eunha, behave yourself. -You say jokingly in a very poorly acted stern voice. -I'm not that kinky... -You blushed embarassed for her teasing.

During the rest of the evening you two engulfed the food with awe and excitement, since there was no words exchanged, the looks between you two flew in a mute ode of romance, teasing and... dirty talk.

After such buffet served on your dinner night the only thing left was to rest the food with a movie in your living room, between you two there was always a banter to choose this movie so both could be pleased... although deep down you always knew that she's the one to win since her puppy eyes are almost impossible to say no to.

-Baaaaaaaaabeeeeee, let's watch scary movies! Pleaseeeeee? -She attacks first with pouting.

-But sweetie, you fall asleep always in the middle of the movie, lets watch something with action... adventure, you haven't seen Lord of the Rings, have you? -You block her first punch and answer with a broad swing.

-No, that's only half-naked dudes slashing and punching, no fun... -She holds her chin thinking. -Why don't we watch a Disney movie? Perhaps Aladdin? -She ducks your punch and then respond with a well placed uppercut right on your chin.

-You know I'm a sucker for musicals... -You say to her with a suspicious voice, enjoying the blatant manipulation she just engaged in. -I still don't know... What about Godzilla? You said you wanted to watch it... -You endure that uppercut and throw an open hand punch straight to her cheekbone.

-Mmmm, maybe... But I'm not in the mood for giant monsters destroying cities, plus I don't like the CGI. -She gets ready for her final blow, she knows the power she holds over you and she doesn't hold herself back. -I wanna watch Inside Out babe. -Finally she uses her signatur pout and holds your arm, pressing herself against you and looks from below into your eyes with her stray puppy eyes.

-Fiiiiineeeee. -You answer reluctantly because you know better than upset your cute girlfriend.

As if an oracle predicted it Eunha falls asleep barely at 15 minutes of the movie, your heart flutters at the feeling of her cheek pressing against your shoulder and her steady peaceful breath.

-I love you so much. -You say to her barely above a whisper not really looking to wake her up, slowly and with stealth you turn off the TV and let her lay down on the couch, placing her head on your lap where you start caressing and combing her hair, she stirs around facing your abdomen and curling into a ball right next to you, luckily she brought a blanket for her feet so you cover her to make her comfortable.

Times such as these, so flawless, so quiet, they feel like frozen in time... Her porcelain skin shines under the faint light of the TV and her pink hair spread along your knees and your lap is the perfect combination for you to have to control your every cell not to wake her up and propose right there and then.

Her chest goes up and down slowly following the quiet sound of her breathing, after just a few minutes in which you're completely sure she's fallen completely asleep you let her head rest on a nearby cushion to go and prepare our bed for a much needed long night of sleep. You lift your girlfriend grabbing her gently by her legs and her shoulders, out of love for your girlfriend you just let her in the bed with her current outfit just taking out her shoes and socks.

Finally you start tidying up and cleaning the kitchen and the living room, you turn off all the lights and proceed to lay down on the bed, holding Eunha from behind as the big spoon.

The very next day you wake up next to a pillow with the scent of your girlfriend, but no sight of her.

-Eunha? -You ask still in the recently awoken state and rubbing your eyes. You quiclñy grab your slippers and stand up looking for her just to find her in the kitchen with a very soothing smell of hot coffee.

-Sweetie? Did you sleep well? -She says as she sees you coming out of the room in a groggy state, her outfit changed from her white blouse and furry blazer to a pink pajama with a cotton coat for the cold, a pair of oversized pajama pants and fuzzy slippers. -I didn't want to wake you up, I know you need a good rest.

-It's fine babe... -Yawn. -Did you sleep comfortable? I didn't wanted to wake you just to change into a pajamas last night. -You chuckle remembering her peaceful expression.

-Yes sweetie, I imagined I might fall asleep so I wore comfy clothes.

-You always think of everything even when you're exhausted, that's so cool!

-It's called paying attention to the details, dum dum... -She chukles as well.

-There's only one thing I like paying attention to and she's making coffee... -You walk around the kitchen counter to hug Eunha. -Thank you babe.

-You can thank me by washing the dishes, dum dum. -She says enjoying the closeness of your embrace around her waist, she enjoys this so much she lets out a quiet hum of satisfaction when you start rubbing her arms.

-Okay mom I'll do it soon. -You roll your eyes playfully, but righ away she smacks your cheeks.

-Idiot. -She says with a big smile.

You then start to wash the dishes and notice something you have been noticing for a few days but never really payed total attention to, Eunha's dish was in the fridge with leftovers from last night, she didn't eat the whole thing.

Usually this wouldn't be weird since she stays fit for her own decision, but this time you ensured to give her a reduced portion, so... Why would she left food on the plate?

You spend the rest of your dish washing deep in that thought, not quite being able to explain yourself why that change in her eating habits.

Could it be for health issues? Nah her childhood illness is gone and she told you doctors assured there's no way she'd have it again.

Is she being bullied? Perhaps her coworkers are just jealous she's so fit, but still... She's very confident on herself, it doesn't add up.

What could it be? Is she hiding something?

Your mind runs wild with the possibilities until she gently pokes your shoulder.

-Sweetie? Is everything okay? -She rests her hand on your shoulder, clearly worried.

-Yeah baby I'm okay, I was just lost in thought, that's all. -Surely you didn't lie to her... but you didn't tell her the whole truth as well.

-Is it because of the new construction site rules?

-Sort of yeah, I have the feeling they're withholding information.

-Well babe don't you worry for now for that, it's Saturday, we have to rest.

-You're right babe. What would I do without you? -You clenched your nose playfully to ask her for a kiss.

-You'd be lost, probably even still at the grocery store not knowing what to buy for last night's dinner. -She chuckles and she tips on her toes to plant a soft kiss on your lips.

-I love you, my sweet bunny.

-I love you two, my handsome puppy.

I think perhaps I should've warned about these sweet times, for diabetic people this might not be good for you.

-What are we going to have for breakfast? -She asks once the coffee is poured and you two meet at the table to discuss your day.

-I was thinking of some grilled cheese sandwiches and smoothies.

-Oh, really? -She looks to one side thinking of it but either way accepts the offer. -Sure babe, but we don't have anything for grilled cheese.

-I know, I'm going to order takeout, I want to spend my morning cuddling with you. -You pout as she do with puppy eyes hoping she'd say yes.

-Okay okay babe... -She chuckles. -Come here. -She takes your wrist and walks to the couch where she sits in between your legs and wrapping herself around with your arms. -Babe I.. I want to ask you something, it's... kind of important.

Your heart beats rapidly, anxious and unsure on what to do, what is she wanting to speak about?

-You know you can trust me, honey, of course, talk to me. -You nuzzle your face in the crook of her neck and hold her tight.

-You... you think... -Her voice fades, speaking in such a low voice it's only a faint whisper in the air. -You think I've put on weight? I... I feel like my thighs and belly are getting bigger...

-Wait, honey, is that why you've been eating less? -You ask clearly concerned.

-I thought you wouldn't notice... -She says with a small crack on her voice.

-Babe... -You chuckle slightly obviously not trying to offend her. -I'm worried you might get sick if you don't eat well, for the rest, I don't care... -You start to caress her arms and belly trying to reassure her. -If you feel that you need to do so, I'll support you exercising or eating more veggies, but trust me. -You whisper closer to her ear with a loving voice. -You're perfect just the way you are. Bigger thighs? You know me, that's my favourite feature from you along with your smile and your aroma... Bigger belly? You're just more huggable.

Your words get to her heart, speeding it up so much she feels her own heartbeat on her ears, she goes red and flustered with your words up to the point a small tear of joy falls down her cheek.

-You... you mean it? -Her voice cracking almost going to cry.

-Babe, I really don't care, you can turn brunette instead of your pink hair, or perhaps go bobcut... Hell, you could go bald, gain weight, stop doing your makeup and I'll still love you with all my heart. -You let go of her belly and spin her around gently so she can face you, then you place your right hand on her cheek very gently, caressing slowly. -You're the love of my life, and there's absolutely nothing that could make me love you less.

She leans into your touch, feeling peaceful and reassured with your words, but the faint thought of her insecurities still linger in her brain.

-But... wouldn't you like me to be thinner? -She pouts avoiding your gaze.

-Why would I? Would you stop being Jung Eunbi if you changed or if you gained a pound or two?

-Well... no, but... -You gently lift up her chin to make her meet your eyes.

-No, right? I fell in love with Jung Eunbi, not the body of Jung Eunbi, as long as my baby is still there, I really don't care how you look. -Right after this you clean up the tear that threatens to fall down her cheek.

-You're just too kind to me, you're just saying those words... -She pouts.

Unable to think of anything else to say than the truth that reigns in your heart you just do the first thing that comes to your mind.

You quickly lean forward and press your lips softly against hers, you close your eyes and hum in content, your left hand wanders to her waist and presses her lower back, pushing her body against yours.

-Would you stop loving me if tomorrow I go bald? -You ask after separating your lips from hers.

Her cheeks are blushing wildly and she looks for her breath softly. -No... I wouldn't, but please don't do it, I love your curly hair. -She chuckles feeling reassured by your words and your actions.

-I won't babe, but you get my point, right?

-I... I do, thank you so much sweetie, I love you so much. -She hugs you and nuzzles against your chest, crying slightly out of pure joy and thankfulness by the thought of you loving her that much.

-I love you so much as well, my sweet Eunha.

[clatterbane]

Medical PTSD be like...

Yeah, I'm still trying pretty hard not to beat myself up too much over a "bad' day yesterday.

With the 24-hour graph at the bottom. Those single red dots over to the far right were recalibration readings, because this sensor was actually running a little low before that. (Partial explanation for the red supposed hypoglycemia line while I was asleep. Found out that xDrip+'s alarms are very effective at waking me up! 😒)

What happened there? An awful lot of pasta, plus some misestimation of how much insulin it needed to cover it. Then some borderline "rage bolusing" as the numbers kept climbing.

That really is not a bad day at all by a lot of other T1 standards. The usual professional goal to aim for is 70% time in range or more. That 24-hour prriod still exceeded that. But, being wound too tight? Mine has been averaging around 99%, with mostly the occasional mild brief high.

With some backup, my pancreas is apparently still squeezing out a tiny amount of its own insulin in response to food--which probably helps too even if it's not so predictable. Those final few beta cells may well have been on strike last night. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The past week visualized. Where the white line is median levels, the more solid blue is the range it's stayed in 75% of the time. The lower dips during my night owl "overnight" are mostly from lying on the sensor funny, which is a very common way of getting false lows that bounce right back up after you move. (The other part of the equation with that red line earlier. I lay in a bad position for hours straight.)

Anyway, the more transparent blue is an outlier and should not be counted--or so I keep telling myself. That was HEAVILY affected by last night's pasta oopsie.

Guess I'm not actually doing too bad when that's the highest I've gone under my own power over the past several years since I got a CGM.

(They have done at least that bad with the IV glucose a couple of times during procedures, but I had fuck all control over that. What with being knocked out unconscious, and also a couple of hospital floors away from my insulin at the time.)

I do try to keep this in mind, and also take glucose readings as data points to learn from rather than hanging personal value judgments on them. [Strictly rhetorical] Lord, do I try. It ain't always easy, and it really doesn't help when you're feeling physically hungover from a rollercoaster. That can make it easier for some unhelpful mental scripts to start up.

[doxypsychlean]

Comforting them: Aegon II Targaryen, Aemond One-Eye Targaryen

|Headcanons|

Thou shan't repost/copy/ translate any of my work or I'll sneak into your home late at night and bite your nose off!

English isn't my first language. I don't proofread. I slap commas wherever I feel they're needed.

A/N: So ep.10 got leaked...Poor Vhagar, old girl probs just acted out of habit. Can't blame her tho. If some kid spat in my face out of nowhere, I'd probs do the same.

He just can't catch a break. Especially with Aemond around.

Kid throws him under the bus 24/7

"Aegon told me", "Aegon did it", "It was Aegon's idea", etc.

Their lord father ignores them for the most of it and lets the two do what they want.

He wishes he could say the same about their mother.

Not spending enough time with his siblings? Smack. Teaching young Aemond dirty jokes he'd heard from strangers on the Street of Silk? Smack.

She definitely beat his ass once she found out he'd taken Aemond to a brothel. It was bad. Aegon walked around the castle with an imprint of the Queen's hand on his face for a week straight.

"You should be watching over them! They're just children!"

His mother often forgot he was a child himself.

He'd start to shut off to the world.

Then your paths will cross.

He's so deprived of affection, Aegon can't help himself but to stick to you like glue the moment you show concern for his well-being.

From that moment on, he runs to you whenever something bad happens.

His father yells at him? Off he goes, searching for you.

His mother slaps him around? He shows up at your door late at night and without saying a word, throws himself into your hands.

You're the only person he truly loves and cares for.

Years pass. You two- no longer children.

When the Queen breaks the news to him that he'll have to marry his sister, he simply shrugs his shoulders.

"No."

"I don't believe I asked for your opinion on the matter, Aegon."

"And yet here I am, telling you it won't happen. I'm not marrying Helaena."

"Then who? Who will take you?"

"I've got someone in mind."

Smack. Smack. Smack.

He comes back to you later that evening, lower lip split and bloody, a bruise on his cheek.

He's smiling from ear to ear.

"We're getting married, you and I."

"Come again?"

The Queen had relented after a long monologue on his side.

Long story short, he'd explained to her how you'd been there for him through all these years. How you were the only person that had ever showed love and affection for him. How he'd rather jump from the highest tower of the Red Keep, than have to spend the rest of his life without you.

He'd always been a manipulative little shit.

But he was yours and you were his.

You live your happily ever after.

Together.

He'd tried everything at this point.

He even prayed once.

Still, no dragon.

He hated the Dragon Pit.

Standing around as his brother and nephews bonded with their dragons was painful to watch.

Not to mention the three princes always made fun of him.

Then came the day he had the displeasure of meeting the Pink Dread.

You were walking around the enormous castle while your lord father was busying himself with discussing "urgent matters" with the King. You came across a guard dragging this dirty white haired boy in the opposite direction, towards the Queen's private quarters.

"What happened to you?

"A dragon."

He didn't know you.

That bugged him to no end.

Not long after, Aemond approached you.

He was spoiled and arrogant, that much was obvious.

Then his brother and nephews appeared, as if out of nowhere. His confidence -poof- gone.

"Brother, will you be accompanying us to the Dragon Pit? It's about time you take the almighty Pink Dread for a ride, don't you think?"

The boys left him there, red-faced and squeezing his small fists in rage.

You tried asking, but he ran off.

An hour or so later, Aemond was back.

He told you all about the cruel jokes.

About how he'd do anything to have a dragon of his own.

Kid actually cried a bit.

Made you swear to never say a word about it.

Instead of cowering in fear, you offered a sad smile. And a bear hug. Like, one of those that damn near breaks every bone in your upper body.

Ooh, that's all the young prince needed to develop the fattest crush on you.

You turn into a permanent resident of the Red Keep.

Don't ask. He has his ways.

First thing he does after coming back to King's Landing on dragon back was head for your chambers.

"Guess what?"

"Oh Gods, Aemond! What happened?! Are you alright?!"

"Nevermind that, guess how I got back here?"

"Who did this to you?"

"Ugh, just come with me."

He drags you all the way to Vhagar.

You and the large dragon stare at eachother as the prince smiles like a madman.

Something inside you is telling you that you and the beast shared the same thought. He's mad. Completely fucking insane.

You knocked his ass to the ground right then and there.

You could've swore Vhagar let at a huff of approval as she watched you try and knock some sense into Aemond.

He never bothered to wear his eyepatch around you.

You might have hinted to him that blue suits him.

Yep, you chose the sapphire yourself. He insisted.

It turns sour once the people around court start staring and commenting on his appearance.

All it took was for you to have a little chit-chat with one or two noble ladies for the rest to quiet down.

Still, Aemond's insecurity grew with the years.

Good thing he had you around to reassure him.

"Gods, you look fine. That damn patch won't grow legs and run off, Aemond. Relax."

"Hmmmmm..."

He's definitely blushing every time you say something like that

You've definitely had to kick Aegon's ass a few times.

Aemond wasn't sure if it was even possible, but he sorta fell more in love with you every time you dragged his brother to him, so Aegon could apologize for his rudeness.

The years went by quickly.

One day you receive a letter from your lord father. He'd decided to marry you off to some Lannister lord.

You run to Aemond. Tears streaming down your face, the letter from your father still in your hand.

He quickly snatches it from you. The second the words settle in, he turns his back on you and leaves you to stand there, heartbroken and confused.

Both him and Vhagar dissappear from the capital for a few days. Absolutely no one knows where they are.

He returns not long after, during the hour of the wolf.

"You'll be marrying no Lannister. Not while I'm around."

"What did you do?"

"Nevermind that, the matter is settled."

"You idiot, what did you do?"

"Ugh, just come with me."

He drags you to the throne room.

His whole family is there, along with the High Septon.

You get where this is going.

You two get married that same night.

[estrxlar]

The Ghost Of You

20 - You’re Finally Mine

This chapters songs:

I Follow You; Melody's Echo Chamber

Hot Rod; Dayglow

My Jinji; Sunset Rollarcoaster

- Y. L. Perspective

I let out a low groan, attempting to stretch out my arms and legs. But when I touched Koshi's, I remember that we were latched onto each other. Throughout the night, I hadn't imagined that sleeping with him would be so peaceful. His gentle hands holding me against him, the way a simple hum would run vibrations throughout his chest, and best of all: being able to look at such a lovely face to wake up to.

He pays my back gently, followed by his gentle voice. "Y/n? Are you awake?"

I open my eyes slightly to peek at him. A very bright sun ray showered his grey hair and fair skin. "Hm? Yes, I am now." Shoving my face back into his chest, I sigh. "What time is it?"

"It's ten. I'm sorry for waking you, but Isao is wondering if you want breakfast," Koshi explains briefly.

I blink a few times to refresh my mind, nodding slightly. Was his brother serious about making our food? That was something I hadn't experienced in a while. I usually made things for myself or ate leftovers for breakfast.

After Koshi dismisses his little brother, he proceeded to pat my back as if I were falling back asleep. "How did you sleep? I hope I wasn't bothering you all night," he asks me.

"Pretty good. I was very comfortable." A smile appeared on my face without any effort. I trail my fingers across his collarbone under his t-shirt, thankful that my first night with Koshi was as calming as sleeping through the rain. "What about you?"

I was hoping that I hadn't kicked him or done something embarrassing while I was asleep. The risk was a high percentage, especially since I'd spent the night mostly laying on his chest.

But Koshi didn't say much. He only gave me a very warning smile and tightened his hands upon my waist, maneuvering closer towards me. Curious yet scared of what he would do, I grew frantic, feeling my face heat up while he did so. And finally, he closed his eyes, brushing his lips against mine, before kissing me gently.

My hands rushed up to his face as my shoulders stiffened. Such a sudden action made my heart beat out of its chest, I was sure he could hear it.

Unfortunately, he ended our kiss after a few seconds, pulling away from me slightly.

"So, I'm guessing that's a yes?" I manage to let out a few words in my tired voice. Koshi nods, sitting up from his spot.

That was the first time I'd woken up in his bed while lying next to him. And boy, did I cherish that moment as if it were impossible to forget.

-

"Good morning, Ms. L/n," Isao chimes as Koshi and I walk into the kitchen with our zombie-like behaviors.

Nonetheless, I smile at the boy, happy to be seeing his familiar face. I was beginning to grow on him and his playful personality. I bow and greet him a good morning as well, before Koshi bumps his hip into mine, laying a hand on my back. "Y/n, you don't have to bow every time you see them." He says to me, making me shoot up to stand straight.

"Uh, sorry! I guess it's just an impulse I do to people," I explain myself, followed by Isao's sweet laughter.

"That's alright! I was just about done," he says, placing a small piece of fish onto a pile of a couple of other pieces. Next to the grill pan was some white rice and a pot of miso soup.

The smell fills my nose and I begin to build up my appetite. "Oh, okay! Would you like me to get started on some tea?" I hurry to the other side of the kitchen and attempt to search for a pot. But of course, Koshi stands there with one in his large hands, grinning at me.

"You're our guest, Ms. L/n! Please, sit." Isao carries the plate of rice and fish to the table, accompanied by a few bowls of miso soup. I hadn't been welcomed with such a normal morning breakfast in so long. Not even my friends' parents treated me like this. But mostly because we were all family to each other.

I could only hope that I didn't look too bad. I had changed into some pajama pants and a smaller shirt so I wouldn't look like a homeless man walking around such a nice house. But freshening up my hair, breath, and face could only do so much. As for Koshi, he still looked as beautiful as ever in the mornings.

I make myself comfortable in the same chair I'd say in the previous night, waiting for Koshi and Isao to join me. After they did, I said my thanks, and we began to eat our breakfast.

To my surprise, Isao wasn't half bad at making food. In fact, it was very delicious. Mostly because I hadn't had such a good breakfast meal in what felt like a million years.

"So!" Isao cleared his throat with a gulp of green tea.

"How did you love birds sleep?"

The boy clapped his hands enthusiastically. The nickname made me cringe on the inside, but I simply chuckled lightly and shrugged my shoulders. "Pretty good. You guys have such a lovely home," I comment, replied with a nod from Isao.

"Yeah, yeah. So your band; are you guys popular and all? Sorry, I know that probably isn't what you might want to talk about, but I'm interested in Koshi's new girlfriend," he says, followed by one of Koshi's passive-aggressive throat clearings.

I eye both of them, smiling awkwardly while swallowing my food. "Uhm, it's okay. We're fairly known by a few people at school and some family. Our discography is small since we mostly produce covers or requests we receive from our amount of fans."

It was obvious that Isao was very excited about having a musician in his house. I was only worried that Koshi would grow tired of talking about music. So, I take the wheel of questions and begin my mission to find out more about his family.

"What about you? Are you interested in any sports or art hobbies?" I ask, wiping my hands on one of the small towelettes he gave me earlier.

Isao nods. "Kind of! I like messing around with the drums now and then. But I mostly did a lot of volleyball back in middle school."

I hadn't thought about how old Isao might have been. Curious, I ask, "wait—how old are you? I didn't know you were in high school."

Little did I know that it wasn't something Koshi and Isao weren't up to talk about that subject, for they glanced at each other with surprised looks. "Uh...I should be starting in-person high school after the summer break. Right now, I've been doing homeschooling."

"Oh..that must be nice!" I attempt to lighten the mood a bit. "Are you excited? You get to experience a lot of new and fun things in high school. I'm positive you'll find something you like. Do you plan on going to Karasuno or...?"

"Yeah, I do. I only wish Koshi could have been a second year so we could be closer together!"

The mentioned man coughs while drinking his tea, wiping it soon after. "Uhm, don't worry. I have a couple of people who'll be looking out for you." I assumed he was talking about the volleyball team. Isao would no doubt fit in with those guys.

"You said that you're going to the states after graduation. Is that true?" The sudden question makes both Koshi and me choke on our rice. The only time that I would ever discuss the matter was with my friends. I was always afraid that talking about it in front of him would cause problems between us.

Noticing I grew uncomfortable, Koshi interrupts with yet another question. "Would you like to come with me to Y/n's concert? It's not much of a concert...more of a competition for bands. But if it's okay with her, I could take you with me. I know we'd both love to see her perform live, right?"

Isao practically jumps at the statement. "Wow—really?! Of course! Can we go, Ms. L/n?" He looks at me with big puppy eyes in excitement. How could I have said no?

Proud, I nod to the boy. "Sure thing. But you've gotta be careful in the crowds. There will be lots of people there."

The rest of breakfast was used as a way for Isao and I to get to know each other. Though they came from the same mother and father, Koshi and he were two very different people. It could have been that they got different types of acknowledgment from their parents, or they coped with their mother in different ways. He sure seemed like a rowdy boy. Very charismatic, curious, and a top-notch smart ass.

Koshi and I helped tidy up the kitchen, he notified us he would be going over to a friend's house. I was only to assume that this friend was like family to him, for Koshi dismissed him as if it were nothing. After that, we decided to begin getting ready for the training camp.

-

A/n: If you come across messages from the guys that sound cringe it's only because I'm trying to make them sound realistic aka what they would actually text like😭

Crow crew

Daichi

Hope everyone is heading to the gym soon

Let's try not to give Takeda a hard time this weekend. He's been treating us very kindly these past few weeks.

Tanaka

Yeah man he got us a really cool new manager

haha thanks

Asahi

Who's ####

Tanaka

I just said

Really cool new manager

Aka Sugas gf

Koshi

Istg

Noya

R u serious my brother😕

So you just take every girl you see now

Asahi

Suga didn't tell me that:0

Koshi

The way we haven't even been together for 24 hours and you somehow managed to figure it out

Tanaka

WAIT IT IS TRUE-

Daichi

This is literally supposed to be a group

chat meant for volleyball only

Leave Koshi's personal life alone and mind your own business guys

Noya

Don't be so uptight 🗣

Y/n I thought you liked me 💔

What about all that stuff you told me under the cherry blossom tree

Daichi

Noya oh my god

Asahi

Wow, this escalated!!

Daichi

Where are you guys, heading to the school hopefully?

Koshi

Y/n and I just left the house

Is Kiyoko there yet guys

Kiyoko

Almost :))

Meet me in the girl's locker room

Noya

HOW THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT

Tanaka

WH

What lmao

Tanaka

YOU SUMMONED HER

Noya

YEAH SHOW US YOUR WAYS DARK LORD

Bc I'm god( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Ennoshita

Hey everyone

At the gym👌🏻

Yamaguchi

Good afternoon!!🌞

THE EMOJI WXBISJS

Yamaguchi

SHSHSHS

Tsukishima

it's gay

Noya

You're gay

Tsukishima

Wtf lmao no I'm not shut up

Tanaka

You've triggered something

Daichi

Stop it guys

Hinata

OMG I WOKE UP LATE

Koshi

Uhh

Try to get to the gym fast

Asahi

Hey you shouldn't text and drive

Tanaka

Especially when you got your girl in the passenger seat🤨

Koshi

Don't worry guys it's me

[image of you and Koshi in the car]

Kageyama

who's dirivng

Yamaguchi

Driving* and Koshi is obviously driving in the picture🙄

Kageyama

Im talk shout the training camp

Daichi

Takeda, he's taking his van like always

Hinata

CAN WE BRING SNACKS PLEASE???

Daichi

Yes but not to eat in the car bc I don't wanna cause Takeda any issues with having to clean it

###-###-####

That's fine with me!! Hinata can bring snacks( ◠‿◠ )

Is that Takeda Senseis number

Tanaka

Yes

Koshi

Pls try not to make a big deal of Y/n and I

Noya

Why wouldn't we💀

it's not even that huge + I'm sure you guys don't care that much

Tsukishima

Yeah I don't

Tanaka

Cmon noya that's one of kiyokos best friends we can't be mean😥

Noya

SHEEESH alr see you guys soon

—

- K. S. Perspective

"...are you telling me that she's coming with us?" I look at Daichi with a very serious face, afraid of what he would respond with.

I thought it was flattering that Eclair wanted to spend her afternoons at volleyball practice with the team. But was it appropriate to have her come with us to the weekend training camp?

Daichi sighed. "Well, she did ask Takeda and I beforehand and we didn't have it in us to tell her no. Besides, she is a big help to us. She's been doing a lot more than talk to the second years as of recently. Don't you think you're worrying too much about it? I'm sure she won't make a move on you again, especially now that you've got a girlfriend."

"She doesn't know that, dammit." I cross my arms and sink into my seat. I knew that she wouldn't take the news lightly when she found out. If I were lucky, she would last her entire stay in Japan without knowing.

He sighs again, adjusting himself in the seat. "Koushi, just fall asleep. We'll be there in only an hour."

It didn't hurt me that Daichi didn't want to talk about Eclair. She was draining, after all. I prayed that she wouldn't be causing issues during this weekend. The last thing I needed was another inconvenience.

Instead of sitting with Kiyoko the way she usually did, she had to sit alone. Eclair insisted she take her spot next to Kiyoko, but Y/n didn't want to make a big deal of it.

As the bus began driving off into the evening, I look over to the girl, observing her tired eyes as they wander over the valleys outside. Did she mind being alone? I wasn't sure. All I knew was that I wanted more than anything to sneak over to her seat when no one was looking. To have her head rest nicely on my shoulder.

'Would anyone even notice if I were gone?' I think to myself, checking if my best friend was still awake. Sure enough, he was dozing off against the window, giving me an open spot to sneak up next to her.

Careful not to be noticed by Takeda or any other volleyball members, I crouch over to the seat in front of mine. Y/n looks over in a flash, taking both her earphones out. "Kou, what are you doing? Are you allowed to sit next to me?" She whispers to me before the two of us lock eyes.

"I have no clue, but you look tired," I say to her as she closes her eyes and smiles gently. The orange-colored sunlight showered down on her beautiful features, making my heart melt right there in the moment. Desperate to feel her, I bump her head with my shoulder, offering her a personal pillow. She happily accepts and fits right between my left collar bone, making me beam with joy. I pay close attention to her small flinch when I began to ever so gently squeeze her thigh lovingly. Dear Y/n was finally all mine and no one else's, finally. Of course, I knew she belonged to herself and had personal boundaries that I wouldn't dare cross. She was an independent and reluctant girl after all. But my girl. One I would love forever and ever.

-

Yes I still added fluff at the end what abt it😾

Ily pls note and comment I read every single comment you guys give me and it makes me seriously so happy

- estrxlar

[storytaeme]

confession – day 24

spoopy kinktober drabbles – NC17

➵ Pairing: Min Yoongi x Kim Namjoon

➵ Prompt: Church Sex   ↪ content: anal fingering, semi-public, anal sex, riding, religious themes

➵ Word Count: 2,560 words

The door clicked shut on the other side of the barrier. Yoongi heard the resounding snap echo through the empty space. There was some rustling before the noise faded away, bathing the booth in silence. Yoongi couldn’t see the priest, nor was the priest able to see him. The screen between them was thick enough to maintain anonymity which was important in situations like these.

It felt tight and stuffy, the air seeming to tighten its hold around his lungs. However, what Yoongi was more concerned about was perhaps the hand that was slowly sliding up his bare thigh, brushing over the hem of his white shirt and eliciting a delicious shiver out of him. Namjoon propped his chin up on the older boy’s shoulder, humming quietly. His voice only reached Yoongi’s ears, barely above a whisper that tickled the skin of his neck. "Go on, Yoongi, time to confess your sins."

Yoongi could only swallow the clog in his throat, feeling his breath hiccup in his chest as he attempted to keep his reactions in check. "Father," he began just as Namjoon's hand slid up again to stroke the insides of his thigh, touching the smooth, soft skin and relishing in Yoongi's provoked shivers.

"Go on," Namjoon murmured again. His breath was hot against Yoongi's ear, a reminder that he was still there and would always be.

Closing his eyes, Yoongi gulped again as he started again. "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." He paused, biting on his bottom lip as Namjoon cupped his balls. Yoongi wanted to scream. He was so, so painfully hard. Namjoon had stimulated him so much earlier, had teased him endlessly to the verge of tears and left him pleading for more. However, the priest had entered before they could finish and Yoongi was left to his own devices. "I-it has been two months since my last—" Namjoon's hand tightened, Yoongi choked "—my last confession."

The priest said nothing, awaiting for Yoongi's next words, which were supposed to be an admittance of all of his sins. Though, that might take a while considering he was more than mildly distracted by the warmth radiating from Namjoon's palm unto his skin. It felt like it was searing fire straight through his flesh, burning with the energy of a thousand suns. Yoongi's cock twitched in Namjoon's hand as he bit back a whimper, nudging forward so Namjoon could keep working on it. Instead, the younger only gave him a quick squeeze. "Come on, Yoongi-hyung, you can't keep Father waiting. The Lord is busy after all."

Whatever the priest had to deal with, it surely couldn't be as miserable as the torture Yoongi was undergoing at that moment. He regained his composure, taking another deep inhale before continuing, "Since then, I have committed mortal sins. I accuse myself of the following sins," Yoongi sank his teeth into his tongue to stop the moan from escaping when Namjoon bounced him a little on his lap. He prattled off a few that he could name when searching through his mind for the right words to say, but he could barely process any of it when Namjoon was still toying with his skin.

Fuck, the sensations, the nudging on his ass and the feeling of his cock bouncing in Namjoon's hand were enough to have Yoongi throwing his head back, pressing the side of his face against Namjoon's. The younger peppered his bare neck with kisses. His partly unbuttoned shirt was holding on for dear life off his shoulders, dangling haphazardly around his body. Namjoon proceeded to bob his knees, causing Yoongi to shift on his thighs. The tall man's leg dug into his ass where it was settled, the tent in his pants a good sign of how hard Namjoon was.

Namjoon ran his fingers through Yoongi's hair and tugged back, nipping the boy's ear swiftly. "You're being awfully slow, Yoongi. You know Father has no time for this."

Yoongi slammed his eyes shut and nodded quietly. "Admitting one's sin to oneself is far from easy, Father. It had taken me some time to grow accustomed to the truth that I have gone against our Lord's wishes," Yoongi whispered, trying to keep his voice as low as possible to hide his pained whimpers as Namjoon began to stroke his cock. His long fingers wound around his shaft, moving up and down with his spit on his palm. Namjoon used his fingers then and flicked his wrist faster, pressing tighter around the sensitive length. Yoongi gritted his teeth, "I have been thinking of another, Father, another of my kind. Although the Lord has taught us through you time and time again of the wrongfulness of such attraction, I can't help but find myself falling into temptation each time."

It was difficult—it was becoming increasingly, ridiculously difficult to keep his libido stable when Namjoon's fingers were doing wonders on his dick. His fingers expertly twirled around the hardened member, his thumb digging into the slit and seeming to peel open his opening. His other hand roamed carelessly to fondle his balls and caress them in his palms. Yoongi could feel everything. The booth's suffocating space contributing to the lack of oxygen that was unable to fill his lungs.

"Will you specify your temptation, child? To confess your sins means to admit all your doings," the priest finally spoke, his voice soft and gentle. His words, kind. Words Yoongi certainly didn't deserve considering his state at that moment.

"I have been involved with another man," Yoongi confessed, and this was true. "We have a mutual understanding of our attraction and we have, unfortunately, acted upon it."

He heard Namjoon snort softly in his ear. "Unfortunately," he echoed mockingly.

Yoongi jabbed his chest with his elbow, which earned him another cock squeeze from the man. Wincing, he continued, praying that the little squeak that he had let escape hadn't been caught by the priest. "We've done things…" His sentence faded when Namjoon's wet fingers, he guessed with lube, was beginning to prod at his entrance. Yoongi's lips trembled as he felt one slick digit slide inside of him, curling in the thick ring of muscle. God, it was amazing to finally have some friction inside of him.

But the priest was not pleased, instead pressing further, "My child, elaborate your sins further."

"I've—I've lain with him, have lain with another man. We've worshipped each other's bodies and rid ourselves of our purity," Yoongi gasped a little when Namjoon pushed another finger in and nudged him forward just a little. With his hands pressed up against the walls of the booth, he had his ass up towards Namjoon, exposed and open for the taking. The younger, of course, wasted no time before he was fingering the daylights out of Yoongi. His long, long fingers twisted and spread inside of him, stretching him open. Yoongi could only hope that the lewd squelches didn't carry to the other side of the confessional.

Namjoon's hand grabbed onto his ass, pushing it apart so he could see how Yoongi's rim enveloped his fingers nicely, circling tightly around the constantly moving digits. He let out a pleased noise when Yoongi jerked forward, Namjoon having touched a particularly sensitive spot. The tip of his fingers kept rubbing on the prostate, stroking the tissue until Yoongi's thin legs were quivering.

"He's… he's a beautiful man, a son of God truly. We both are. But perhaps we have fallen too far into our temptations and sins to be redeemed from them," Yoongi professed with honesty dripping in his voice. He could hear some of his desperation leak into his tone. "The two of us believe in the Lord and His words, believe that He is our savior and messiah."

Namjoon tugged him back again, slower this time, and Yoongi found out why when he could feel a thicker poking on his opening. Looking over his shoulder, he could see the smug smirk Namjoon had playing on his lips. The smile of the devil, some might say. This wasn't the first time the younger had messed around the church—perhaps Catholic boarding school had certainly done a number on him.

A number in which Yoongi took pleasure in as Namjoon slowly inched himself inside of the older boy. His hands grasped Yoongi's small waist as the boy cautiously sank down on the thick length, the girth that pried open his entrance forcefully. His ass was stinging with how big and thick Namjoon was inside of him, but it was the kind of pain that sent delicious jolts of electricity coursing through his veins. He swallowed back a groan and nearly creamed himself when he finally bottomed out.

"Go on, Yoongi, tell Father everything we did, tell him how I fucked your ass open in detention, how you tasted my cock in the back of the chapel," Namjoon grinned, his teeth sliding along his skin, nibbling and tasting the soft flesh. "God, I remember how fucking sweet you were. I could listen to you beg for me to come down your throat for hours. Do you remember swallowing my come, Yoongi?"

Yoongi barely managed to suppress a whimper as Namjoon nudged his cock deeper into him, the tip of it seeming to reach the deepest part of the tunnel.

"Bounce on my cock, baby," Namjoon muttered, tugging him back so Yoongi could lean against him. "I want to see that pretty ass bounce on my cock, see your little cock flailing around."

The elder mumbled something incoherent and lifted his hips up before dropping back down, letting Namjoon's cock fuck deep inside of him. The movement pulled a moan from deep in his throat and he froze for a second, wondering if the priest had heard him.

"That's right, show Father how good you take cock, baby. You open your legs for anyone, don't you? I bet you'd let the boys take turns fucking your hole open and coming inside of you," Namjoon growled, sinking his fingers deeper into Yoongi's hips. Yoongi held back his cries, the pricking of Namjoon's nails on his skin surely leaving marks.

"Is there more you'd like to confess, child?" the priest asked, seeming completely oblivious to the fact that Yoongi was silently blabbering his agreement to whatever Namjoon was saying, to the fact that Yoongi was taking Namjoon's cock "like the good bitch that he was."

Namjoon gave his ass a little slap, just enough to surprise Yoongi and drag another shocked groan from his lips. "Tell him, Yoongi, tell him everything we've done."

Yoongi was still riding Namjoon's cock, the length sliding deeper inside of him each time and he hadn't known that that was even possible. It felt incredible, every stroke seemed to ignite up a resistance inside his belly, a flame burning hot lighting his entire being on fire. "I've—We've touched each other in inappropriate places, Father, holy places. Forgive me, Father, for I am aware of the sanctity of those rooms, yet I have defiled them with my immorality."

"Good boy," Namjoon snarled in his ear, yanking his hair back again. Yoongi's scalp ached with the movement but he could feel his cock throb even harder with it. "Tell him how sorry you are, or better yet, tell him how much you fucking enjoyed christening all those rooms."

"N-Namjoon," Yoongi whispered over his shoulder, eyes wide with panic, "please, I can't. I can't take it any longer."

"Then apologize to our Father and Lord, Yoongi. You're not allowed to come until you're absolved of your sins, that would be too impure of you," Namjoon purred delightedly, obviously taking pleasure in the conflict flickering through Yoongi's eyes.

Holding back the profanities and blasphemy towards Namjoon, Yoongi glanced up at the dark ceiling of the stall in search for help and patience. He took a deep breath and went on, "I apologize, Father, for all I have sinned for. I have tainted my own spirituality and have acted against our heavenly father's words."

"Our Father is merciful, dear child, He does not hold onto vendettas or any of your wrongdoings for all of eternity. As you seek absolution from the church, you may pray to our Father to cleanse you of your sins. Despite it being so, the promise to uphold God's words must be kept and your sins thus far may be removed," the priest recited as if he had memorized this by heart. "You may ask for our heavenly father for forgiveness."

Yoongi inhaled a shaky breath, his hips stuttering with the movement.

"Oh my God," he said, more for the fact that Namjoon just raised his hips the same time he sat down on his cock rather than his calling for God, "I apologize for all my sins for I have offended you and your teachings. You are my priority, the one I should love above all. Please allow me to atone for my immorality, to improve myself, and to eschew all that may lead me back into temptation. Amen."

Namjoon grabbed Yoongi's hips harshly, pounding into him every time Yoongi sank down on his cock. The pleasure built up inside of him like vines that coiled around his gut and twisted around his heart. He could feel every touch of Namjoon's surrounding him, his scent overwhelming his senses and the pain that ricocheted through him through his hands.

"God bless you," the priest said, "go in peace, child, and sin no more."

Yoongi made no promises.

"Make the cross, Yoongi," Namjoon grunted, thrusting into him again and again. "Do it."

With trembling fingers, he motioned the cross from his forehead and across his chest. He felt filthy and sinful, absolutely stained with all of his wrongdoings. He surely was going to hell for this but the way to hell seemed sweet if Namjoon were to hold his cock and stroke it like the way he was doing then. Yoongi's cock thumped against his stomach before white strings spurted out from the tip, coating his body and his and Namjoon's legs with the thick semen. Namjoon slapped his hand over Yoongi's mouth as the boy came with an audible, muffled moan. His entire body was still quaking with the force of his orgasm when Namjoon followed after, the warmth of his come coating the insides of his ass and leaking from where they were joined. Even the thickness of the younger's cock couldn't hold in the liquid oozing down the insides of his thighs.

"That's a good boy," Namjoon smiled.

The elder panted quietly, slowly regaining his breath as he struggled back to fix his appearance. He yanked on his pants and buttoned up his shirt before stumbling out of the booth. The air was fresh outside, unlike the humidity and the unmistakeable aroma of sex that had diffused through the air of the confessional. Namjoon slid out of the confessional afterwards, giving his ass one last pat before walking on his merry way back to the dorms.

Yoongi walked to the pew and kneeled, looking up at the figure of his salvation up on the cross. And, as much as he would like to pray earnestly to God for his sins, the only thing he could feel was Namjoon's come still dribbling out of his hole.

[fuck-customers]

it's sad how many shitty people stories i've collected over the span of like two weeks

Some gems of a customer I have had recently:

The lady who comes up to my counter with a couple of basic-ass mechanical pencils and DEMANDS the date the sale on them ended, since ofc, “these were on sale just a couple of days ago!!!!” Our sales mostly run weekly, so I explain they had ended the night before (Saturday) and we had put out new sales for this week already (Sunday). Lady gets huffy, refuses to buy full-price mechanical pencils. Whatever.

The old cranky lady who is shocked by the obscene .14 cents a page charge for full-service black and white copies, and says as she’s flouncing her ass out the door, “Next time I’m going to [competitor]; they’ll do it for free!” Like, good, we don’t want your cranky ass and also that’s probably why they’re going out of business?!?? Also it’s cheaper if your dumb ass could figure out how use the self-serve machines.

The lady who tells me she has a tax-exempt code for our local university AFTER the transaction has processed and I can no longer go back. Of course, she that means she also has contract pricing she neglected to mention. I tried to do a “return” and re-apply the code, took me two tries due to how the system is set up, but didn’t seem to work, manager came and got it figured out in the end. THEN she comes back like a day later and says she got the contract pricing but not the tax removed after further receipt inspection, needs it removed per her employer. Very snippy the whole time, as if it wasn’t HER fault she didn’t tell me about her exemption at literally any stage in the transaction until I couldn’t do anything about it. Different manager was working when she came back, and I don’t know what he did, but after I figured out how to fix the problem, had to do a bunch more fixes because he somehow made it worse until I had explained what had happened initially, because Lord knows, the dumb lady didn’t fucking understand anything, so I’m sure she couldn’t explain properly.

Annnnnd this one made me and my manager laugh so hard we couldn’t stop for a solid minute: lady calls just before 2pm, asks about having flyers made. I tell her we do make flyers, and she asks if we could bundle them by grade level for this event. I tell her probably, but it might take longer if so. She asks how long, because she needs them done by 4pm that day. I’m already thinking it’s not happening since a) both our full-time regular print employees are no longer employed and b) I know they’ve been swamped back there all day. So I ask how many she needs, saying, if it’s a small amount, we might be able to do them by four. She says, oh it’s not a small amount. I ask again how many. She says five or six…THOUSAND. That’s right, she thought we could do 5 or 6 THOUSAND flyers in 2 hours with no notice or prior design work or anything. I told her, definitely not happening, sorry. She says okay, hangs up, and I die laughing at the sheer IGNORANCE. I knew she’d probably be calling every print shop in town asking and they were all gonna tell her IMPOSSIBLE in that timeframe. AND THEN SHE CALLS BACK. Maybe 10 minutes later. Asks if we could do 400 flyers…I check with the print people, they say no not with what they’ve already got going on and with her not even being there yet or anything. She then sighs very heavily, asks about 200…we probably could have done, but my manager said to tell her no, since we did have four fairly large projects ahead of her and it was such short notice. It’s just so wild she thought she could have hundreds, or even thousands, of flyers printed in two hours anywhere. Serves her right though, for leaving something so heavy to the last minute. Also, she was with a swim team, and I don’t know why any high school/middle school swim event in this small city would need THAT MANY DAMN FLYERS.  Like 200 probably would’ve been a lot.

Dude comes in wearing straight-up white suspenders, red and white gingham shirt, and the classic turned-up-end mustache and hipster beard combo. I was cringing internally watching him walk in, because he was trying SO HARD TO BE COOL. But whatever, you wanna be a hipster douche, be a hipster douche. He comes up after a while with a basket full of envelopes, and I ask him if he found everything okay. He starts asking me about fancy, large size paper, but I can barely pay attention due to his put-on faux-British accent. I was stunned, because I could tell it wasn’t real from the first few words, and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! I send him back to the paper aisle, where my manager is waiting to assist him, and after he leaves, I ask over the radio, “That guy’s accent was totally fake, right?!” and she starts agreeing immediately, and laughing, of course. The best part? He didn’t even buy his “AHN-vehl-lohpes”!

Old dude comes in asking where our paper is, and I immediately offered the 2 for 10 paper that was right there at the register, since a) it was there and b) we do get spiff money for it. He says his wife wants something thicker than a regular piece of paper, so I proceed to tell him aisle one and watch him head that way. He pauses and looks confused right at the aisle, so I go and try to help him. Even though the aisles are numbered and aisle one is the last aisle before the end of the building, he couldn’t tell the difference between aisle 1 and aisle 3???? Anyway, I lead him to all the paper, and explain how 20 is the standard weight (and what was up front) so he probably needs the next weight or two up, like a 24 or 28 if he wants something slightly thicker. He of course, hears only the word, “standard” so he’s all, “well if it’s the standard, that should be fine,” despite my explanation to the contrary. He doesn’t know what the specific weight his wife wanted, doesn’t even know if he has an inkjet or laserjet printer, claiming it doesn’t matter (um yes it does?? If you buy the wrong kind your prints won’t work or will look like shit????). Explain the weight thing to him like three more times. Finally he goes back up front and buys the spiff paper, which probably wasn’t what his wife even wanted but whatever. I tried.

A lady comes up and asks for a price check for a large, plastic desk calendar. I scan it, tell her it’s 29.99 or something like that. She asks if the price is wrong, if it was supposed to be on clearance since she “found it on the back wall.” Now we do have clearance back there but also regularly priced stuff and it’s pretty clearly marked. I try to check using my mobi (scangun thing) but it of courses freezes so I just ask my manager over the radio. While I’m waiting for a response, I try to explain that it’s probably not on clearance, which pisses her off because it had like July 2016 through 12/16 on it, even though the other side had all of 2017 also?? She says, “If you want to sell it to me it better be, because I’m not paying that much for half a year!” even though I really don’t care whether she buys it (along with like 3 other calendars) and it does have all of this year and if you put it on a desk or a wall you wouldn’t even see the 2016 bits. Ended having the manager take off 50% for her–sooooooooooo not worth it.

Dude comes in, and he’s been in before and kind of hard to deal with ‘cause he can’t really hear and gets mad that I have to explain things a few times before he gets it, but whatever. He asks for a part for his Kodak camera. Now, we sell like 3 digital cameras and almost no accessories, all of them are Canons and we don’t sell parts for anything electronic that isn’t like a universal charger or an hdmi cable or something. Also, I think Kodak is like out of business now???  Or at least they don’t make or sell cameras anymore, let alone parts for what is probably a fairly old model. So I explain, as best as I can, that not only do we have nothing like what he’s looking for, and we don’t sell any Kodak brand stuff, but Kodak may not be able to help him due to their phasing out of camera selling. Of course, I have to explain several times, with interruptions as he keeps trying to explain what he needs even though I already had listened to him tell me several times as well. Then, once he understands we don’t sell his product, asks me to contact Kodak so they can fix his camera, and I’m just like, dude. I don’t have Kodak’s number or any contacts and we don’t send stuff to them. I have no way of helping you and I’m sorry about that, but did you really expect your local office supply store to have direct contact with a bankrupt company whose headquarters are who knows where so your camera can get fixed????

Lady comes up and sets her kid on my counter, dirty shoes and all, a kid who is definitely old enough to stand up for a minute while she pays, at least three or four. He keeps trying to grab stuff we have for sale at the register, my phone, etc., and she snaps at him a few times but is completely ineffectual. I’m already just annoyed about that, then she chooses to pay with Paypal, and like everyone else who tries that, gets mad when she doesn’t know her PIN and therefore can’t use Paypal. Acts like it’s my fault I can’t bypass it somehow. Mumbles “that’s r*tarded” under her breath, which is not only offensive, but it’s like, hon, you gotta have some way to verify your Paypal account/identity so your shit doesn’t get hacked/stolen. Get a Paypal card or learn your PIN.

Dude who tries to buy some Quickbooks software which is expensive, pulls out a card that’s clearly been through the wringer–completely faded, worn out looking strip, etc. It doesn’t have a chip, so he must swipe. It’s not really working but he’s getting angry and just repeatedly swiping really fast over and over before the machine even beeps and says it can’t read it. Asks if we can input it manually, I say no. Tries swiping again, doesn’t work asks again about inputting it by hand, asks if a manager can do it. I explain we don’t have any way of doing it, manager or no, because the pin pads or system or whatever have removed that functionality completely, which was definitely something handed down from corporate. He gets red in the face and says, “well you guys just lost a 350 dollar purchase! I’m going to [competitor]” I’d be willing to bet his shitty, maltreated, obviously in need of replacement card didn’t work there either. What kind of grown ass adult tries to blame that shit on a cashier/store when it’s obvious you just are too lazy to get your card replaced. IIRC, it was a local bank, too, so totally easy to do.

Lady comes in asking for sheets of printable personal checks. She has some generic brand box of her old product with her, which we don’t carry, but we do have exactly the same thing, compatible with the same softwares, just under our store’s-own brand. I tell her like 5 times it’s the same thing as what she has had (comparing the two boxes directly and pointing out the specifics), but of course she doesn’t really understand or know what she has/wants and doesn’t believe me. Makes me open the package and show her before she finally is satisfied, but ofc, the moment I show her our product she goes “oh! That’s exactly what I need!” Like yeah, I know, I just spent five minutes telling you it’s the same thing.

Dude comes in asking for 30-day notices, I run to grab one and realize there’s a few different varieties, run back to ask what kind, get a vague “tenants” reply and have to guess. I luckily grab the eviction warning one which is the one he wanted, but then he gets upset that it only comes with one in the package. Now, I’m not sure of the legalities of photocopying those types of things, since it’s kind of an official thing or whatever, so I don’t mention copying it in-store, but I do let him know it comes with a digital download so he can print as many as he needs. He doesn’t have internet, apparently, so I explain that the one I brought is all they’re sold as, singles + the download but he could maybe use the library and print for free there? He did buy it but it’s like, dude…figure it out or don’t buy it but don’t get upset over something digital because it’s 2017 and that is a thing. Also how many tenants are you sending 30-day eviction warning notices to at a time anyhow???

The old dude who interrupted himself halfway through telling me his phone number rewards to tell me all the things he’s bought recently while I stood there with a fake smile waiting to input the other four digits while he rambles on.

And I swear to whoever, if I hear any more complaints about the price of faxes, chair mats, or ink, I am gonna Do a Murder. Learn how to email if you don’t like paying for expensive faxing! If you can afford an expensive chair (i.e. the ones that actually need the mats) then you can afford the mat. Otherwise, you probably don’t need one. And yes, ink is expensive–so print at the library for free! Or buy a cheaper printer that takes cheaper ink! Or get a freaking laser printer so you only have to buy toner once like every nine months so even if it’s expensive it’s more worth it! But I don’t set prices! Nobody does! It’s all corporate controlled! We don’t even get to pick our own air conditioning levels! Stop complaining to me and arguing with me, a part-time cashier who works in a store over two thousand miles away from headquarters, about the damn prices!!!!!!!!!