#loop being convinced that this relationship they're having isn't going to last (if) after the loops

[fangirlandtheories]

i have a question! if you dont mind telling us, whats the next work in the new series going to be like? it suggests that its about Eddie! am i right??? it sounds so exciting. do you plan to do other requests before you continue?

I don't mind sharing a bit :)

The Vienna series is a two part series, think Act 1 and Act 2. All pieces are named after Billy Joel songs, despite the fact that I, the author, think Billy Joel is a dickhead.

We begin with Act 1: Built You A Temple-

This fic was named using lyrics from 'Only the Good Die Young' which gives the general vibe for the story. It's a song where the singer is trying to convince the person, Virginia in the case of the lyrics, to break out of the shell that they've been placed in so they can live a little. Steve has been surviving for everyone else. He's not done anything for the sake of himself. He's been stuck, mistakes immortalized, within the pages of a book by an author who hates him. He feels trapped, but more importantly, he feels like he deserves it. Eddie, on the other hand, has been taught that love equals pain. Love is something that serves to humiliate and disappoint, ultimately leading to disgust and anguish. They're stuck in this loop of never being enough, yet also being too much, for each other. Yet somehow, love works for them. They ultimately come to a point where they move past the hands that have been holding them down, getting to a place where they can recognize that not only are they deserving of love, but that love is whatever they want it to be. It something precious, something special that belongs to them, and them alone.

That is where 'And So It Goes' begins.

Act 2: And So It Goes-

The immediate aftermath of the twist at the end of Act 1. Consider this the test of a short lived lesson. Can Steve believe he's deserving of love when everyone around him tells him otherwise? Can Eddie keep the belief that love is something beautiful and kind if it's used as a weapon in the hands of people that hate him? That's the ultimate idea of Act 2. They have each other, they got there, they did it, but is it enough? The party will always be there and love them, but even a small town feels large when everyone around you turns on you.

The title is based on the song 'And So It Goes' and it's general theme is a melancholy fear. It's the feeling that things are hopeless and the singer is holding back the person they love. They know that everything would be better if they just forgot about each other, yet the pain of giving up something they love is too intense. It's a question of mercy, is it better to have loved and lost, or to never have loved at all? It's the realization that you're inadvertently causing deep pain, but that ending the relationship would hurt worse. It's the fear that the other person will come to grips with the fact that it's not worth it, and will leave. It's the constant waiting for the other shoe to drop.

To answer your question, yes this story is about Eddie, but it's equally about Steve. It's about their survival as a couple, as well as individuals.

The title for the series. 'Vienna Waits for You' is based on the song Vienna. It's the idea that life isn't something you can have planned out. Life is full of twists and turns, of happiness and misery, it all just takes time. You may not get everything you imagined for yourself, but sometimes that's okay. Life is in the small things, not something you should simply survive through.

I definitely won't be posting And So It Goes until into the next month, as I'm finishing the process of moving over the next few weeks, as well as transferring locations at my work. I have been holding off on fulfilling the requests in my inbox until Built You a Temple is finished, so it's only fair to fulfil a few one shots before posting the first part of Act 2.

Thank you guys all so much for the, hilarious, and loving reactions to the last update. I hope you guys continue to enjoy the direction I'm going in.

[deprivedwithjoy]

The Clear Sight of a Blind Lady

R E F L E C T I O N

Do not ever mistake me for a fool, your backhanded compliments are well-received but disregarded. Oppress your resentment, and you shall receive a politely served silent treatment. There is no need to act like a clown performing in a circus, if you're that desperate for attention then go block the streets and have a bus filled with dumb children to run you over. Maybe this time, playing the victim would actually convince people. Before you react negatively to this post, allow me to clarify this once and for all. No, this is not about you. However, if I did hit a nerve, please go to the nearest hospital immediately and demand to be prescribed anaesthesia to ease the pain of an intentionally stabbed wound. Another option would be to lie to yourself, use passive aggression, and create imaginary arguments in your head while staring at the window for several hours as if you're the main character with an incredibly traumatic past.

During the years of oxygen consumption, the compilation of data from experiences formulated a conclusion. Ignoring the elephant in the room does not make YOU the bigger person. It only makes things worse. And by that, I mean, it only makes your resentment worse because you thought you were undergoing an intense villain arc when in all actuality, you're not. Those people are stuck in the loop of hell where they are so convinced that their beliefs are righteous and justified, despite multiple signs of inherent subjectivity. They labelled close ties to be selfish after a trivial disagreement, as they claim themselves to be the so-called "open-minded" individuals who follow ONLY the ethical rules of life. That mindset itself is ironic; they're basically calling the world flat but simultaneously, they frown upon those who are humiliated for being in the same dark side of stupidity.

Once again referring to that random elephant who is currently banging its head against the floral-decorated wall, allow me to elaborate. You can still see the elephant, it did not just magically disappear after stealing the bike from your garage. For this upcoming statement, I would like to NOT apologise in advance for certain people's entitlement and inability to accept the fact that they are not always right. Therefore, if an acquaintance of mine wishes to separate themselves from my life, then they are more welcome to do so. Pride is often useful if it is to protect the values of oneself. The moment a blunder of mine was revealed, I tend to adjust my actions to prevent any further harm in the future and I also try my best to acknowledge the wisdom in failure.

Unfortunately, not everyone has the same principles as mine. Too much pride and vanity will cause more damage than the shifting of perspectives. Either way, do not mistake my kindness for weakness. Although I'm willing to understand your situation and compromise, I will not ALLOW you to disrespect me. If our relationship is lasting merely for the reason that I'm agreeable and you reap the fruitful harvest, then our relationship is fragile and it was already meant to be broken from the start.

If you identify one of my mistakes as an envious action of betrayal to pull you down, then let go of me. Let's be honest, if that's how shallow your mindset is, then none of your relationships will last.

If you view yourself to be superior to others for your diligence and some positive traits from past achievements, have you tried looking into the mirror to check how inflated your ego truly is?

If you accuse me of someone who is verbally abusive and toxic for learning how to stand up for myself, isn't it "a tad bit" hypocritical since you are willing to do much worse to me just to cross my boundaries? You went so far as to get mad at me for saying "No" when it's my right to decline something I do not want. You can't even accept it, do you? No worries, I get it. We're not as self-aware and "amazing" as we thought. And sorry to burst your bubble, but you should seriously stop living in that victimhood mentality. Like no cap, that sucks. Want my reflection? Here it is. My reflection is a reflection of another person.

[bloomvalyria]

how do you get over a break up?

I want to be very careful approaching this topic, because I know it can be a very sensitive one.

First off, I'm very sorry if you are going through a breakup. They can be very upsetting, and if you need someone to vent to, I'm more than happy to lend an ear.

Giving advice for a break is difficult, because they're all so different. Some are hostile, some are emotional, some are mutual. But they all have one thing in common --they hurt like hell. Heartbreak is a lingering pain. It can haunt you for weeks, months, even years. Popping in after a while of thinking you're fine, just to remind you that it happened and ruin your otherwise perfect day.

I won't say you're going to get over it. I'm on year six since my last (and first) breakup and I'll be honest, I still have days where it consumes me. It swallows me whole and traps me in an endless loop of memories from that night. Just over and over and over. And then some days I don't think about it at all.

If I had to go with some baseline advice, I'd have to first say find your support. Having a listening ear, someone who will sit and talk with you is vital. Someone who's going to be your voice of reason, because let's be real ... your head isn't on straight after a breakup. However, let it be someone you trust that you know will have your back.

When my breakup happened, I told my two best friends. One was very supportive and listened to me cry and vent. The other sent me a long list of things she said I probably did wrong. I'm not really religious, but I pray you have someone like the first. Nothing will destroy your already wrecked mental health faster than receiving a text like that. Especially from someone you thought was your friend.

Second, block them. Block them on everything. I know you wanna snoop, okay? Trust me, I know. But it will not help you. Stop torturing yourself. It will not bring you the closure your mind has convinced you it will.

This third one is one I will admit I struggled with (and still do), but I'd argue it's the most important. Please don't wait for them. If they wanted to be with you, they would be with you. Don't let pretty promises trick you into blind belief. Please don't waste your time on this earth waiting for them to change or make up their mind.

Some bounce back very quickly from breakups. Others don't. Regardless, I'd highly recommend being single for a while. Relationships take over a considerable amount of your life, so it can be very beneficial to rediscover yourself. Take some time to reflect, hang out with your friends and family, reconnect with old hobbies (or find new ones!). Just enjoy life and enjoy yourself.

It's important to not get too wrapped up in the idea that you have to be in a relationship. I know it hurts and I know it gets old hearing it, but your person will come. It's not a race. Give it time.

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: I'm gonna need you to pick up two bottles on your way home Rio: at least Buster: Consider it done Buster: Do you need me to ask why or are you gonna tell me, like? Rio: Guessing is always fun Rio: and as I told you I was pregnant the other day, and it's a pretty fucked way to 'celebrate' that, it narrows down your guesses a lot Rio: barely a challenge Buster: It's like that, yeah? Rio: Unfortunately, yeah Buster: Say it then, I'm sitting down Rio: Where? Buster: At a desk Buster: Come on, pull off the plaster, babe Rio: but you're so hot though Rio: oh and Saint fell over at the park earlier, but that's not why I need you/a drink Buster: I'll still be hot after you break this news Buster: Shit, he's alright though? Rio: Totally fine, just scraped knees, brave like his daddy, obviously Rio: okay, it's just Rio: things with my family are getting too much for all of them Buster: Thank Christ for that, now tell me which one of your brothers or sisters need something Buster: and what the fuck it is Rio: Oh come on, it's me asking, not them Rio: and I wouldn't unless they really needed me to Buster: It's you asking for them 'cause they know you're a soft touch Buster: But go ahead Rio: 😠 I am not Rio: I've just spent the last, god knows how long, traumatizing Grace, apparently so Buster: Alright, not what I expected you to say Buster: What's wrong? Rio: Well I am full of surprises, you'd do well to remember Rio: I don't even know how to put it, she's Rio: she just needs a bit of one on one attention Buster: How long? Rio: Just a couple of days, honest Rio: she had a night of it and ended up with some sketchy lad at a really sketchy party and Janis had to go get her and take her home to my mum and dad so Rio: she needs time and space to sort her head out so she can face them again and I can make sure she isn't doing stupid shit like that as well Buster: Wait, Janis went? Buster: What the fuck has been happening over there? Rio: I know, she has a hot boyfriend, apparently, who she spends all her time with Rio: maybe if we can give Grace somewhere to get it together too, then things won't be quite so Rio: ugh, from now on Buster: We're so out of the loop, babe Buster: but yeah, 'course Rio: I know, I'm a bad sister Rio: but you're the best Buster: No, you can't take care of everybody all the time, that's all Buster: She'll come over though and you'll do your best to get her sorted Buster: While I take care of everything else Rio: Ugh stop being so capable but don't ever thanks Rio: I don't know how it got to four years so fast I just Buster: Even though I can do it, I'm still gonna make her take care of the kids for me so I can take you out to celebrate this new one properly Buster: I know there's so much other shit going on but I'm really happy, you know Rio: Me too Rio: I love you so much Rio: it just makes me sad that they don't all have a you to keep them sane through the rest, you know Buster: I love you Buster: but I ain't sharing even if there would be enough of me to go around, what with how capable I am Rio: hmpf don't even play Rio: you're mine Buster: I can't play, I've missed you every second of this day so far Buster: You're only making me miss you more Rio: It's you being so capable and perfect shh Rio: just, some of the places and situations they're getting in, makes me think how my life would've been like if we hadn't finally got it together Rio: it so easily could've been me still, I have to make sure they're okay too, by the time they're our age Buster: Baby, don't Buster: You'll break my heart Buster: You know we'll do whatever we have to, anything, everything Rio: I'm sorry, never wanna do that Rio: I can't do it again, too much has already been allowed to get fucked up Rio: I don't just mean Edie, so much before, after Buster: I know Buster: Whatever it takes, I swear Rio: I believe in you Rio: we're a good team, right Buster: You can, I'm never gonna take my eye off the ball when it comes to a single thing that matters to you Rio: Just Rio: thank you for being you Buster: Cheers for loving me, like Rio: How could I not Buster: I refuse to give you that list Buster: Don't ever not Rio: Always have, always will Rio: Can count on it Buster: That still kills me Buster: Always has & always will too Rio: 's how we managed to get pregnant with a 10 month old and a toddler in the house, like Buster: I'm not sorry Buster: I never will be Rio: Me either Buster: I meant it when I said I'd have 11, I still do Rio: still wanna have all your babies Rio: snap Buster: If I believe in fuck all, it's not fate or any of that religious bullshit, it's you Buster: So Rio: You're killing me Rio: there's no way I'm hormonal already, god Buster: You better not be Buster: Unless we're gonna tell Grace Rio: It's fine, she's a big crier, just think it's solidarity Buster: You're really selling this, babe Rio: You don't need to be besties Rio: I promise, she won't disturb you Buster: Nance, come back into the same country as me, all is forgiven Rio: 😏 shh Buster: Don't shh me when I'm preparing a speech Rio: 🤐 Rio: Proceed Buster: Forget it, I wanna hear more about you & your hormones Buster: How are you feeling? Rio: So predictable, you...but same, best excuse to be all over you as if I needed one Rio: no but I do feel good, overall Rio: Grace said some really sad shit but, it's not hopeless, I think I can actually help and she'll let us so Rio: more than I've got with lots of them right now isn't it Buster: I'll beat up any teenage cunts she named & shamed Buster: That'll be a decent start Rio: Not sure she'd appreciate that as much as I do the mental image Rio: not to mention your career, gotta act well within the law now, babe Buster: Well, firstly it ain't for her, not if everything I do, or am willing to, is for you Buster: Secondly, never been caught, which nobody appreciates more than me Buster: My mum and dad maybe Rio: can't put an arrest sheet up on the wall really Rio: granddad might Buster: He definitely would Rio: know he would've thought it was hilarious Janis stole their car if she weren't apparently pissed at the time Buster: Yeah Buster: Still surprised nan didn't pull out a breathalyzer honestly Rio: Honestly Rio: not that she's fighting the claim, she don't care enough to Buster: Who the fuck is this lad then? Rio: None of them seem to know much of anything Rio: he's new and he's English Rio: and hot, of course, mentioned that Rio: Grace said he's not bad but I'm not fully convinced of that yet Buster: She's got as close to dating me as she can without going for it, fair play Rio: 🙄😂 oh God Rio: glad she's not coming over, actually have a fight on our hands Buster: No chance he's as posh as me Buster: She wouldn't Rio: Obviously not, babe, he's 'poor' apparently but we are going off Grace's definition here so not fully sure what that means Buster: That's hilarious Buster: Maybe it won't be all bad having Grace here Rio: don't encourage her Rio: trying to make her have a little tact Buster: Come on, that is funny Rio: to you, posh boy Rio: I, however, can see why Janis wants to smack her sometimes though Buster: I'm raising my son posh too so be careful what you say next, like Buster: Janis wants to smack everyone, I can relate Rio: You are not Rio: OUR son is going to be well-adjusted, thank you very much Buster: Well your daughter is already my little spoiled princess, so unlucky Rio: well like mother like daughter Buster: If you told me she pushed Saint over at the park I'd believe it Buster: You're always starting fights with me that you can't win Rio: Pshhh Rio: you can tell yourself you let me win if that makes you feel any better about it, baby Buster: You can tell yourself I let you win if it means you'll start another one Buster: You know I like it Rio: 😏 Rio: I miss you Rio: when are you home Buster: I miss you too Buster: All of you Buster: I won't be much longer though, promise Rio: they miss you too Rio: he's only just got up Rio: she wouldn't sleep Buster: She only sleeps on me, same as you Rio: it's true Rio: we'll both be here 😪 like Buster: I won't move a muscle Buster: Get really comfortable, it's fine Rio: challenge accepted Rio: sounds like heaven right now Buster: You are heaven, all the time Rio: Buster Buster: Rio Rio: What do you think the baby is this time Buster: I know what I want but whether or not I should think like that Buster: That's another question Rio: well it's always 50/50 Rio: and you won't be disappointed, will you Buster: 'Course not Rio: I can't tell yet Buster: What do you want though? Rio: I'm just glad it's all ours Rio: no drama Buster: Yeah Rio: Sorry Buster: Don't Rio: but I am Rio: not trying to be a downer Rio: just one of those days Buster: I love you, I love her, there's nothing to be sorry for Rio: I know but Buster: No buts Buster: We're all okay here Rio: we are Rio: I've not heard from Junie in Rio: forever Buster: 'Cause what can he say? Rio: what can I say Buster: It's not your fault Rio: don't think I'll lead with that but tah Buster: Come on Buster: It was a relationship that he never should've been in, never mind brought a kid into Buster: None of us could've done shit about it until either of them did Rio: I could've said no Buster: No you couldn't, that's not you Buster: He never should've put you in a position to have to say yes or no to something like that Rio: he needed me to be that person Rio: to be strong enough to say no and realize how fucked it was Buster: He needed to be that person, not you Buster: He got there in the end Rio: too little too late Buster: He could've waited years, raising her himself, that would've been too late Buster: It was just in time Rio: I guess, yeah Rio: leave you to get on now Buster: Don't Buster: Come back to me instead Rio: I know you've got more important things to be doing Rio: and I've got to tell Grace not to pack too much Buster: Fuck that, you know you're the most important thing in the world to me Buster: I'm not letting you go Rio: Babe Rio: I'm fine, I promise Buster: You don't need to say that to me Buster: You can say whatever you want Buster: Whenever Rio: I know Rio: but I am, mostly Rio: you make me so happy Buster: Good Buster: What can I do to make you more than mostly fine? Buster: I'll round up every single one of your siblings if that's what you want Rio: that would be interesting to watch Rio: but also not gonna wish that on you Buster: I can handle it Rio: I've not forgot how capable you are Rio: but I can think of ways I'd rather put that to use, like Buster: Yeah? Rio: mhmm Rio: so many chores with your name on Rio: 😏 Buster: Consider them done as well then Rio: you're cute and I'm kidding Buster: I'm not so you'll be able to enjoy how good I look doing each of those chores Rio: ugh just be here Buster: Tell me that I have to leave now Rio: You should Rio: I need you Rio: we do Buster: If you need me, I'm there Rio: sometimes I just wanna marry you all over again Buster: Well, I also meant it when I said I'd marry you every year Buster: So you do owe me, like Buster: Nothing would cheer Grace up more than if we let her plan it either Rio: That's brave Buster: I am Buster: Like father like son, remember Buster: Probably do set her a budget though Rio: Are you serious Buster: Why not? Rio: Lots of reasons Rio: I'm pregnant, being one Buster: We can wait until after the baby's born if you want Buster: But you know you're gonna look beautiful regardless Rio: Shh Buster: No Buster: It's true Rio: You're a dope Buster: Marry me again Rio: Buster Buster: Rio Buster: Say yes Rio: obviously yes Rio: but that's not agreeing to anything right now Buster: Ask the wedding planner how long she needs Buster: Then get back to me Rio: You do know how extra and in your face she'd be Buster: Have you forgotten who you're talking to? Buster: I can handle extra, I am extra, babe Rio: oh I'll just leave then Buster: Shut up Buster: I'm on my way home to you, what more do you want? Rio: be included in my own wedding might be nice Buster: Baby Rio: no it's fine, go be extra Buster: Only with you Rio: 😏 mhmm Buster: I don't wanna do anything or go anywhere without you Rio: I know, babe, you don't need to beg Rio: maybe we should do it before I get huge again Rio: if we do Buster: I know I don't need to, but I want to Buster: I'm biased towards you being huge, you never look better to me than when you're carrying my kid Buster: So you can have as much say as you want on that Rio: well now you're just teasing me Buster: If anything, I'm reminding you Rio: feels like forever Rio: it's insane he's gonna be 4 this year Buster: Yeah Buster: How the fuck did that happen? Rio: blink and you miss it right Buster: Have I? Buster: Missed too much Rio: of course not Rio: you've been here the whole time Rio: we've got to feed 'em Buster: I feel like the harder I try to do the right things, the more I don't Rio: I think you're doing the right things for all of us Rio: but if you don't Rio: we can try something else Buster: I just want the best for all of us Rio: and it shows Rio: it'll feel easier when you're working not studying Rio: and you're so close now Buster: Jesus, he'll be in school by then Buster: That's such a headfuck Rio: I know Rio: and loads of my brothers and sisters are still in school, it's weird Buster: If they start having babies I really will feel old, like Buster: Tell Grace and Janis to calm down Rio: already warned them, don't worry Rio: blatant hypocrisy aside, I think the message was received Buster: I don't reckon I appreciated having a gay sister enough Rio: Hit her up with that text, like Buster: She'd appreciate it far too much Buster: Therefore, I can't Rio: actually I think it'd freak her out just as much as you so I wouldn't worry, babe Buster: Maybe if I get drunk enough at the wedding & she doesn't, like Rio: 🤞 Rio: and you let her be your bestman Rio: very gay Buster: & have her try to upstage me in a suit? Fuck off Buster: Saint's the only one who could Rio: well if you let Grace organize it everything will be pastel and she'll be out anyway so Buster: In that case, she definitely is Buster: Pink's my colour, babe Rio: 🙄 Buster: It's yours too, come on Rio: oh you've remembered who it's meant to be about Buster: Everything's about us, how could I ever forget that Rio: go away now I'm so busy Buster: Not for long, I'll be there in a few to do everything Buster: You're gonna be busy relaxing Rio: then hurry up Rio: stop talking about colour schemes Rio: wait 'til your bestie is here Buster: I'm gonna hurry up and put you in a warm bath, that's what's gonna happen Buster: Stop stressing Rio: I'm trying Buster: Having Grace here for a few days can't be worse than all that time we lived with Indie Rio: it isn't about that Rio: just giving her a place to sleep for a bit Rio: it's the rest of it all Buster: Alright, talk to me Buster: What happened, what did she say that's got you like this? Rio: I don't think she'd want me to tell you all her shit Rio: it's just sad Buster: I know how to keep a secret Buster: I'm not gonna go up to her ready to discuss all of hers Rio: I know you're not an idiot Rio: it's just girl's stuff Rio: kinda Rio: I don't think you'd get it Buster: If it's anything to do with lads and how big of a cunt they all are, I reckon I'll have no trouble understanding Rio: Partially Rio: but it's more what she thinks about herself, you know Buster: Right Rio: you can't be a cunt to someone who feels good about themselves, like Buster: You can, it just won't have the same effect Rio: yeah, it doesn't work Buster: They take the piss & she let's 'em then Buster: That's fairly standard Rio: That doesn't mean it's alright Buster: I didn't say it was alright Buster: But remember the bullshit we were getting up to at her age, that's what I am saying Rio: That doesn't excuse it either Buster: I ain't trying to, I'm trying to get you not to worry so much Buster: We turned out alright, didn't we? Rio: Forget it Buster: Obviously not Rio: I don't want to talk about it Buster: 'Cause you don't wanna give me the full story Buster: & There ain't fuck all I can properly say without that Rio: It's not your business Rio: or anything you need to worry about so let's just drop it Buster: She's gonna stay with us & you're making whatever it is that's going on with her your problem Buster: You're worried about it, sad about it Buster: How exactly does that make none of this my business? Buster: Remember earlier in this convo when you said we're a team, yeah? Rio: Because I'm gonna sort it Rio: there's nothing you need to do okay, it's good Buster: Fine Buster: You sort it Rio: I will Buster: You shutting me out of your family's shit worked out really well last time, like Buster: Why not Rio: That's not fair Buster: It's not fair that things ain't anything to do with me until they are Rio: What do you think you can do? Rio: giving her a place to crash is what we're doing Buster: You already told me it wasn't just that Buster: but whatever Rio: that's what we need from you Rio: it isn't your place to do anything more Rio: and I don't need you throwing my bad judgment in my face like I can't do anything right Buster: Like I said, fine Buster: You've got that from me Rio: No it's not fine Rio: but we are done here Buster: You're done, you mean Buster: Don't speak for me Rio: I'm not going to be talked to like that Rio: especially when you know how I feel about that whole situation, we literally just talked about it again in this conversation Buster: Well you should know how I feel about this blindspot you've got when it comes to your family Buster: Like we aren't one together Buster: Like I have to fucking beg to be let in Rio: That's how everyone is with their family Rio: it's normal Buster: Bullshit, you've put yourself in the middle of me & Nance, but god forbid I have an opinion worth listening to about any of your sisters or brothers Rio: because your family doesn't communicate Rio: at all Rio: it's different Buster: How's all that communication going for yours? Rio: I told you, I'm not gonna be spoken to like this Buster: I heard you the first time Rio: then stop Buster: I'll be walking through the door in a minute Buster: Are we gonna give each other the silent treatment or what? Rio: do what you want Buster: Rio Rio: Don't Buster: I don't want this Rio: what don't you want Buster: To be this angry Rio: and that's all my fault Buster: No Buster: It's mine Rio: look just Rio: say what you need to say Rio: we're not doing this when she's here Buster: I didn't mean any of what I just said, why would I add to it? Buster: I need to go calm down so I'll do that Rio: Alright Rio: be safe Buster: Don't Rio: why? Buster: Don't be nice to me right now Rio: hardly that nice Buster: Still Rio: I can't be nice now Buster: Not to me after I've been a cunt to you Rio: You've got a right to say what you feel Rio: even if I disagree Buster: It's not what I feel though Buster: You did what you thought was right, you are now for Grace Buster: It's one of the things I love about you, how much you care and wanna help Rio: I'm never trying to shut you out Rio: it's just some things are more delicate Rio: I can't even do much Rio: I could've explained it better, probably Buster: Nah, I made it all about me like that cunt Buster: It's just Rio: I know how hard all of it's been for you Rio: on you Buster: I thought I'd sorted it all out in my head or whatever but then you told me about the pregnancy and it brought so much shit back Buster: I'm happy, I am, that wasn't a lie Rio: I know Rio: that's bound to happen and it's okay Rio: it's always gonna be a mess Rio: none of us can escape that Buster: You were right the first time, its not okay that I spoke to you like that Buster: I'm sorry Rio: It's okay, I forgive you Buster: You know how much I love her, yeah? Rio: Of course I do Rio: I've never doubted it Rio: but it is different, admitting that doesn't mean you don't Rio: half the problem with Edie is that no one addressed that she wasn't just the same as the rest of us Rio: maybe if we'd let her be different, but show she was still loved Rio: who knows Buster: All I know is, we're gonna do better Rio: We have to Buster: We will, babe Buster: & Yeah her dad's a twat but he is still around so Rio: Yeah, we will Rio: and sadly Rio: no one wants him to be but that's life Buster: She might & if she does, that's what's important, like Buster: Not my giant ego Rio: least you'd be in Rio: not good company but the same, like Buster: I can't make it about me anymore, I'm not a kid Rio: Well we all are compared to him Rio: you're being really zen right now and that's cool but I'm allowed to be angry at him Rio: on my behalf, Junior's, hers Buster: I'm still angry, I just don't wanna take it out on you again Buster: Not like I just did Buster: I can't stand the cunt, you know I can't Rio: Yeah Rio: I know Rio: and I know it's pointless being angry about it but it's all I can do at this stage Rio: mum never stopped Drew from seeing Edie or vice versa, so I can't fuck up the one thing she got right Buster: Anger isn't pointless, you can use it same as you can anything else Buster: It's got me pretty far over the years Buster: Not that my last outburst should be taken as evidence Rio: it is in this instance Rio: I can't do anything I already have Rio: and I can't undo the shit I shouldn't have Buster: In this instance it's a reminder to keep doing better, like we said Buster: Maybe you can't help Junior but you can help Grace Buster: We can keep an eye on Janis & this lad she's seeing Rio: He was 19 Rio: it's not fair Buster: I know Buster: So was I when Chlo fucked me over Buster: You were even younger when Ryan pulled all that shit on you Buster: Then Drew Rio: Yeah Rio: but we're us Rio: we can handle it, right Buster: 'Course but my point is, none of that bullshit discriminates Buster: Like death, don't matter if you're a sinner or a saint, so the saying goes Rio: I just Rio: I don't know Buster: You wanna protect him, obviously Rio: and I didn't Buster: You can't Buster: Not all the time, things are always gonna happen Rio: yeah Rio: but so much Rio: to this fucking family Buster: Yeah Buster: Can I come home, please? Rio: You don't have to ask Rio: come back Buster: I really fucking love you Buster: Don't forget that, okay? Rio: Never Rio: I love you too Rio: forever Buster: Good Rio: Now come here Buster: [obvs does and it'd be a moment bye]