#looking it up plenty of people find it meaningful. maybe I shouldn't hate on it.

[neverendingford]

.

[callmemeelah]

[7:10 A.M]

Summary: After a fight with his crush, sans goes to his home, except, that's NOT his house.

⸙┆Format : One-shot

⸙┆Pairing(s) : SLIGHTLY HINTED sans x reader

⸙┆Warnings [tw/cw] : cussing, unrequited feelings,

⸙┆Creator note : HI! This is my first ever long fic, I hope you guys like it! Please tell me if you want me to continue it..

⸙┆Word count : 1,5K words (wow!)

The words were written in dark, black ink on a piece of white paper with the number 02 written beside them.

It wasn't anything special. It was just numbers, but for some reason that made it meaningful, like the words themselves had been engraved into his soul by those same digits. He traced them with his fingers as he looked down ,thinking about what happened next.

He sighed deeply and put down the piece of paper before standing up to go get his backpack from where it sat by his desk. As he walked out his door, he caught himself staring back at the piece of white paper on his desk once more, and thought maybe this time around there would be something different. After all, if anyone should understand what they've been feeling then it's him, no one else knows what it feels like to have their heart ripped away.

....

"I'm leaving," he said quietly before walking past her to leave. He tried not to let how he felt show in his face. She deserved better than someone like him. Maybe when she finds out that he's gone she'll move on. Maybe... Maybe she won't look for me. Maybe they will hate me forever after I left her here alone.

She reached out and grabbed his wrist before he could reach the door. "What do you mean you're leaving?"

He turned to stare into her eyes, which were slightly watery. It broke his heart that she still looked so sad despite being surrounded by people who cared about her, but he couldn't let himself care too much. She was only hurting herself. If he stayed, things would only get worse. He needed to do this. For both of them.

"I don't think we can keep doing this anymore. I'm not going to pretend that nothing has happened between us when I know that it did. It was stupid of me to even let myself believe that there was any possibility that you might want to be with me, especially given your history with Nombre."

She pulled her hand away. "Papyrus? You mean... Your brother?"

He scoffed. "You really don't remember. I can't imagine why you kissed him."

They blinked and furrowed their brows. Then, realization dawned on them. "Wait, are you serious? You didn't know?"

He clenched his jaw. Of course it would come out like that. "If you'd told me yesterday that you were dating my brother, I probably wouldn't have believed you. But I know you. So you must have known. What I don't know is why. Why would you take advantage of my feelings for you, when you knew Papyrus didn't reciprocate any way."

"What the hell do you mean by that? I never wanted you, i always thought of you as a friend, nothing more, i'm in love with your brother, not you."

A silence fell over them, broken only by his heavy breathing. This shouldn't hurt so bad. They were friends, or at least they had been. It should still hurt to lose that relationship.

"So, all the moments that we spend togheter, were for nothing else than bringing you closer to my brother?" His voice was cold, harsh even. There was no emotion behind it; not a single hint that he was feeling anything except pain.

Her lip trembled as tears started falling from her eyes. She wiped them away, refusing to let him see how much this affected her. "It was never my intention to use you for my own benefit, I just thought that we could be friends, yes I wanted to date your brother, but that doesn't mean I was using you." He avoided eye contact, quickly leaving her house.

.....

When he got home, he went straight up to his room and collapsed into bed. At least the pillow smelled better than the air coming from outside. The room was silent, which gave him plenty of time to collect his thoughts. How long had they dated? Two years. Two years, and they never said anything. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't find an answer to that question.

He wondered what it would be like to tell them, but that was impossible. He'd already done enough damage, and he didn' t feel like taking another hit to his self esteem. He was tired. So tired. He closed his eyes, trying to block everything out except for the pounding of his own heart. A few minutes later his phone buzzed softly against the bedside table. Pulling it towards him with an annoyed huff, he looked at the text.

"Where are you??"

He read it three times, his mind trying to make sense of it.  Where was he? Home. Hadn't he texted that to him earlier? But if he was home then... Where was him? And what about him?

Another message came through, causing his heart rate to increase again. "Come home brother, is way to late." He suddenly stood up, his mind going to everyplace "did I broke into someone's house?! Oh fuck fuck fuck" he thought, suddenly, he noticed the window, but when he went to opened it, when he heard the front door , startling him and causing him to fall backward onto the floor.

"Fuck-" The sound of his skull hitting the tile sent shivers down his spine. He tried to stand up but his entire body felt like jelly, he touched his head and noticed a little bit of blood on it. "Ow" he mumbled and slowly lowered himself back down on to the floor. He groaned as he held his head.

As he finally managed to push himself off of the ground, he heard footsteps getting closer. He didn't dare turn around but instead continued to try to steady his breathing. Whoever it was probably knew that something was wrong, he decided to face whoever it was because he knew that if he didn' t get any help now, his head injury would only worsen. Slowly, he turned around, still holding his head in his hands.

The person who just entered the house looked at him in surprise and slight horror as their eyes roamed over his bruised face.

...

"Who are you." They asked, sounding very unsure of themselves. "Why are you here?" The words flowed out so fast, one could barely understand what they were saying. He slowly stood up, trying not to wince as every movement hurt him slightly more. "I'm sorry for intruding, i was in a hurry and i tought this was my home, i will be getting out no-" "how the hell did you even get in here? i don't think you have a key."

He took a deep breath before responding.

"Look, i got lost and i can't find my way to where i want to go, i promise i won't bother you again" They looked at him like he grew an extra head, which really isn' t surprising given the fact that the skeleton had a blood on the side of his skull. However, they seemed to come back to reality and let out a deep sigh before walking towards him.

"Come with me" He said as they held out their hand to him, looking almost scared of what he might do. It wasn' t everyday that someone broke into a random people house.

Sans hesitantly grabbed their hand and was pulled up by the stranger. He looked down, feeling ashamed that he broke into someone's home. The stranger lead him to the kitchen table and sat him down. They then rummaged through the cupboards before finding a few first aid materials. They also found some towels that smelled faintly like lavender. After cleaning up his head and helping him bandage his wound, the other person looked at him for some seconds, and them answered

"I'm [    ], you must be?"

"I thought I told you my name?" He tilted his skull in confusion. "You did... but you didn't tell me yours," they sighed.

"... well my names sans the skeleton, but everyone calls me sans." He smiled shyly at him. He didn't think anyone ever wanted to know his name, except maybe for Frisk. "It's nice to meet you sans the skeleton," they laughed slightly before placing the empty bowl onto the sink.

After another awkward silence, [    ] spoke up.

"Can i ask why you broke into my house?" They crossed their arms and frowned. Sans shifted uncomfortably on the seat, knowing full well that breaking into someone's home is pretty bad.  "Well..." he started, pausing for a moment to take a breath....."it was an accident, really, i didn't meant to break into your house."  They raised an eyebrow. "... and what happened to your head?" "i bumped my head against the floor when i fell down, it was pretty painful." He rubbed the back of his skull lightly. He watched their expression change from confused to surprised to guilty.

"...oh, i see...." "i will get going now, sorry for intruding." he was about to leave,  when he heard their voice again.  "Wait!" He paused, turning his skull back to face them.  "My phone number." "thanks," he replied, grabbing the paper and leaving the room

© Callmemeelah. Do not repost, steal, or translate the content that i make.

[definitelynotplanetfall]

@max1461 it's part vent and worded stronger than what i would probably actually endorse but yes.

i would recommend this post for some context.

menslib was/is a no good very bad subreddit for "discussing men's issues from a feminist perspective."

there were recurring themes that

women being expected to be skinny and have huge tits is bad. they should be allowed to not do this and still be loved the same amount

men that want relationships with women without putting in the basic human decency of worshipping boring fashion/suits and getting jacked are entitled shits

men that want relationships with women should try friendships with men instead, never mind that perhaps the reason they want to be around women and not have to be masculine is because they fucking hate masculinity

gender identity is insane inscrutable tautological bullshit only you can decide and it is definitely way more meaningful than "i would be happier living by girl norms where i don't have to be an ugly muscled brute and am allowed to dislike beer and sports." if you want to know more details you are definitionally asking in bad faith and are just a man looking for an excuse to not have to put in the basic human decency of being hypermasculine

people love to defend the worst parts of masculine culture because there are people that are classified as men who do not do those parts of the culture, therefore "all men" is an unassailable group. there is the simple fact that jokingly insulting your friends and not meaning it is not a civilized way to act, but if you point this out or wish to be excluded from it, you are manning wrong even from the perspective of people who take the idea of toxic masculinity seriously, and the corrective to this is not to stop being a man if you hate it so much but to just put up with it you pussy.

this is not a good state of affairs and to be quite frank i think if what is necessary to destroy the dumb-idiot-worship brute-battering-ram football-garbage is to murder every football fan this is an acceptable cost if it means that going forward into the indefinitely far future no soft person ever has to endure pretending football is interesting or worth limited cultural bandwidth.

i also just fucking despise men and want to hurt them, i want to slice their necks open for wasting their one existence and a named character on the boring ugly stupid brute gender, and the classified-as-men that i don't want to do this to are the ones that are not masculine and the ones that conservatives hate for not acting like cavemen. this leads me to the belief that turning genders into big tents was a mistake, because it becomes impossible to concisely attack the-doers-of-the-cartoon-bully-masculinity when there isn't a simple noun for them and only them, and even in feminist-adj spaces men really just means "cartoon bullies and those we think ought to be cartoon bullies but aren't."

for an extremely long time i beat myself up for thinking "it would be easier and more fun to be a woman because i would not have to do boring things in free time and pretend they were entertaining in order to be considered worth being around, but since i don't have the magic variable set that says i was actually a girl all along (i would know what to look for if i did due to the fact everyone keeps saying they can't explain what to look for and people just know) this is evil misogyny and denying feminism by saying women have it better and i am an entitled man for wanting to be allowed to be free of having to be manly." you can find plenty of evidence of this on my blog, i have pretty much not shut up about it since i created an account.

my distaste for outward expression of masculinity is perhaps abnormally high and maybe shouldn't be indulged as a pattern for society but it is also the case that lots and lots of people are trapped in a set of gendered expectations (mostly masculine) that they despise, and are not actively transphobic, but consider that transitioning would be like. cultural appropriation from the Real Deep Down Transes. Cf. the constant relitigation of "a man is anyone who identifies as one, masculinity is anything a man does, you don't get to complain about people enforcing standards on you because that's technically not part of the definition, we also have to remake masculinity into something unrecognizable and we're not going to tell you what traits it will have, so there is absolutely no way for you to make a decision about what you Truly Are, because we will also enforce the rules on you and say you just have to man up, so implicitly following the rules making you miserable is not cause to identify away". constant desire to leave. constant desire for a hard restriction that allows an excuse to leave. everyone on that fucking subreddit was either a beer gym bro saying "i don't get what your problem is just be masculine get with the program it's fun" and people who wanted to be soft and human who fucking wanted nothing to do with masculinity pleading for loopholes that meant they didn't have to be men because the rules applied but didn't count enough to let them leave. i'm saying we need a party line of gender epistemology that allows people to say "i want to be a woman so i am going to become a woman" or whatever without it being about soul searching for magic deep down things about whether you have an arbitrary bit set.

i mean men deserve people being mean to them but if you find masculinity intolerable as is correct you can evacuate to a gender that isn't total garbage.

we actually need to get rid of the "you have to Really Have Always Been Deep Down to transition" bullshit. we need to evacuate the sensitive souls from the dirty brute gender so we can annihilate brutishness once and for all

[phdna]

How do you reconcile wanting more male-male friendships that are openly affectionate and also wanting more representation? Because I love Steve and Bucky as friends, but I think representation matters and I never know if I should or shouldn't ship them... (And would your answer for this depends on whether we're talking about MCU or comics?)

I don’t have much time now so I’ll be ultra quick in my answer. I hope that’s fine. It’s just that this question has been in my inbox for a while now and I think it’ll be rude if I don’t answer it now. I wish I had more time!

So, first of all, I’m really not the best person to ask about this! You see, you really ought to be asking people who are directly affected by representation, in this case, people who identify as LGBT+. I usually write down my sexuality as quoisexual/quoiromantic, though for the past months I’ve been wondering if I’m not grey ace/aro. But either way, this is not a major part of my life and so I wouldn’t call myself LGBT+ and by default am not a good person to talk about this kind of thing.

However, while I encourage you to find other people to ask this to (more than one, btw, because naturally, no person can speak for an entire group), I’ll still answer this ask, so as long as you remember this is a personal opinion you should take with several grains of salt.

I’m a huge fan of close platonic relationships, regardless of what genders are involved. BROTPs are one of my favorite things in the world. I love to see women being there for each other (still mourning the end of Peggy and Angie), I love to see men and women loving each other without being love interests (Steve and Nat and Steve and Wanda are personal favorites), and I love to see men openly caring about each other with no “No Homo” tags attached (Steve and Sam and Steve and Bucky are a given, but can we also talk about Tony and Rhodey, please?). All these things are rare. Female characters are sorely lacking in the MCU (and in the world in general), and usually the ones that do exist hate each other or simply don’t interact. Everybody also knows that if a man and a woman get along in any meaningful way, they’re secretly soulmates, or are at least up to some casual making out, right? - well, Hollywood is pretty sure that’s how it goes, anyway. But male-male friendships are weird in the sense that there’s plenty of them to pick - but far too few are actually… well, loving. Loyal, sure. Interesting, definitely. But affectionate? Openly emotional? Nah.

Now, some of this comes down to the general rule that men aren’t allowed to have feelings. (Which is complete BS and one of the reasons why men also need feminism.) I think fiction has to acknowledge this to some extent. For the past several decades, men have been taught to not express emotions except for violent or sexual ones, and well… it’s hard to imagine a bunch of guys in modern day America not being emotionally repressed to some extent. So that’s a factor that comes into play when writing a script. That being said, using that as an excuse to have muscly icebergs of testosterone parading around as human beings is simply lazy writing. I don’t really expect the Avengers to go all “LET ME HUG YOU AND TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU”  to each other, or even to want to do that, but if you have to tell me “Oh they actually care about each other” for me to see it, then this is being done wrong. One of these days I’ll make a post about it, but an easy example is Steve and Tony. In Avengers and AoU, we’re supposed to believe they actually care about each other underneath all the fighting. And yeah, I think they care a bit, as teammates. But in CACW, you can actually see it without having Teaming Up Moments or “But I Actually Respect You!” Speeches. There’s actually friendly body language, there’s them seeing right through each other’s BS, there’s worrying about each other without particularly noticing it. And that’s an antagonistic dynamic!! You can do much more with people who DO get along. But that’s only if you acknowledge that men are human beings and human beings have hearts, and that hearts =/= hormones.

But not writing male emotion well isn’t the only thing that keep us from having genuinely affectionate male-male friendships. There’s the whole No Homo culture. I don’t think I have to elaborate here, but just to clarify - if men are affectionate towards each other, they must be secretly gay.

…so what?

I mean, if a guy wears a baseball cap, somebody might think he’s into baseball. Do you think your average guy would stop wearing baseball caps ever or have to say “Dude, I’m not a baseball fan, I’m wearing this baseball cap for a completely unrelated yet true reason” as a default disclaimer? That sounds bizarre. And it IS bizarre. Because there’s nothing wrong with being mistaken by a baseball fan. Which leads us to… well, the entire No Homo culture happens because society teaches that being guy is a bad thing.

So part (only part!!!) of the reason I would love for Steve and Bucky to be canon in the MCU is because I want more male-male friendships! If being gay stops being seen as wrong, there’ll be nothing wrong with seeming gay. So even if a random BROTP some years from now explodes as a ship, there’ll be no reason to change their dynamics, much like they don’t often change male-female dynamics just because people are shipping them when the Official Ship is a different one.

Personally, Steve and Bucky are my BROTP. That’s how I see them, that’s how I headcanon them. Politically? I’ll take any chance to yell at Marvel that making them an official OTP is something I want. Because I DO want it. My headcanons are far less important than the effect that Captain America being bi would have on so many people who need to see this happening. But at the same time, I can also yell at Marvel to keep writing men having positive, emotional relationships with each other. It’s one of those situations you can have your cake and eat it too. In general, I want to see more friendships; in particular, I want the symbolism of Captain “Always Right” America and Bucky “Baddass In Human Form” Barnes being LGBT+. Mostly, because I’m not LGBT+, I’m an ally, and being an ally means I fight together with them. And if their current (is it current? I haven’t been much online lately) fight is that, then my voice will be heard in support of them. That’s pretty much it.

Now, this is all an oversimplification. Society isn’t made of neat bullet points. It’s more of a web. So if you start wondering why men aren’t allowed to have loving friendships with each other in the way women usually are, you’ll end up uncovering lots of theories about feminism and gender and other stuff like them. Look them up! Educate yourself! Because this is really complicated and there’s no cookie-cutter answer, I believe. So maybe you’ll end up realizing (and please, please, please, talk to all minorities involved as you do that!) that you feel more strongly about the emotional repression of men than about LGBT+ issues. It’s possible and it’s not for me to say it that’s right or wrong. (Again, talk to the people directly affected by these things!)

All this being said, I strongly believe shipping shouldn’t be about what you feel you should be doing, but about what you enjoy. I think it IS a moral duty to do SOMETHING to make the world a more equal place for all, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be how you consume entertainment. You have to be critical and you have to take a stand when the media crosses the line, yes, but there are other forms of activism to explore as well, and it’s an impossible standard to be in social justice mode 24/7. Do what makes you happy, just make sure you aren’t being a passive bystander when it comes to other people’s rights.

But just to say it one more time: this is only my opinion and I’m probably wrong about at least something.

As for whether my answer would depend…………….. I don’t know. I feel a little conflicted about shipping Steve and Bucky in the comics because there are definitely father-son overtones to their dynamics even though modern comics have them having only a small (4 years, give or take) age gap now. I feel like making them canon might do more harm than good, because it could be very, very easily twisted to make them sound like an abusive relationship of some sort. Even in universe, it could be problematic: Bucky sees Steve as his commander, and Steve still sees Bucky as a child, and I’m not sure I can imagine what would need to happen for them to actually get together without either of them or both feeling uncomfortable, possibly enough to make this a slightly dubcon-y situation. But then again, a talented writer could probably make it work by playing down the creepy elements and playing up the fact that they DO see each other as equals and would never do anything to hurt each other on any level (which is also true.) So my answer is basically: I don’t know.

So yeah, that’s my far from perfect reply to your ask. Sorry for the delay - and for the length!