#looking at the violin scores is just a game of 'ok so is it gonna go over what i can make'

[machidielontheway]

consciously understanding that a hurdy gurdy only have two octaves and this means i can't play my favourites soundtrack (HTTYD hello my forever love) on it without playing dirty key changes everywhere :(

[samanthasroberts]

Southern Charm Recap: Can They Get Any More White?

I have emerged from my two-day hangover solely to write this weeks recap. Guess killing brain cells is one of my hobbies now.

When we left off I wasnt sure if I was Team Kathryn or Team Whitney, and I dont think thats ever going to get resolved tbh. However, I did just notice Kathryns facial expression in the opening sequence more or less sums up her entire personality.

Thomas and JD, back at it again with the polo. Cause that ended really well the last time. Can they get any more white?

Whitney has some fruit salad and is making coffee and Larissas like, If that’s cooking, I’m about to be the next winner of.

Whitney trying to explain what going steady means to Larissa is pretty hilarious tho.

Kathryn andKody? Corey? Fuck, I forgetare getting a seaweed facial or some shit, AKA Bravo is pampering them so they can talk shit in style. Nice.

Kathryn is bummed that once she has her baby she has to go home alone with her two children.

Kathryn: Im a 24-year-old soon-to-be mother of two. If you dont think Im overwhelmed and nervous then you dont think.

Wow that was like, unnecessarily aggressive Kath.

Cooper? Cooper! Calls Thomas a 50-year-old playboy and is like,

Cooper: Instead of letting it frustrating you I just say let it strengthen you.

Cooper is the moral compass this show needs.

Meanwhile Thomas is sipping bourbon with JD on his porch because Kathryn really needs him.

JD: Hows the baby? Thomas: The doctor said fine… JD looks skeptical, because Im sure he knows better than a trained doctor.

JD: Kathryn moving up the due date seems awfully peculiarseems suspect.

JD is a regular Hardy Boy over here.

JD: I think women dont like being asked for paternity tests.

NO FUCKING SHIT.

JD is like, and Thomas is like, Its clear hes forgotten who hes about to have a kid with because Kathryn is NOT going to be down with Thomas basically accusing her of slutting it up and then trying to trap him into fatherhood. JUST SAYING.

Its date night with Craig and Naomie. Craig chooses going to L.A. over the biggest event for his company, because hes never been to L.A. before. And Craig wonders why hes not allowed to head a bourbon division. I don’t foresee this ending well AT ALL. Craig, youre a fucking idiot and for once Naomie is in the right to tell you youre fucking up.

Craig: Do you see how hard Im trying to justify this?

Yeah, because you KNOW YOURE IN THE WRONG. Thats literally what justification is.

Cameran and Landon meet up for a candle-making class and I am kind of jealous because that low-key sounds fun. Landons explaining her travel guide to Cam, so Im going to take a quick nap.

Cameran: I think its hard for Landon bc she was a typical Southern stereotype of the woman who got married young and was taken care of and she doesnt have that anymore.

Wait, how is this the first Im hearing of this failed first marriage? How has this NEVER come up before this season??

Cameran: So any man prospects? Landon: IDK not really its kind of sad and pathetic.

Landon is like Same tho. Cameran: Do you think the reason youre not meeting anyone is because you want something to work out with Shep? Landon:…Yeah

Cameran and I are both like, FINALLY!

*Cue a montage of them looking really couple-y* I’m rooting for you guys!

Landon brings up every middle schoolers dilemma which is that if she dates Shep, then shell lose him as a friend. Can we get like, a violin quartet to score some melodramatic music or something?

Craig and Shep make it to L.A. and Whitneys bachelor pad is sick. I guess this is what that Bravo money gets you. On an unrelated note, I have a very compelling idea for a new reality show, if you wanna get on board Bravo, Ill get you in at the ground level.

Craig: I wouldve had FOMO if I hadnt gotten to come out heresothanks.

Whitney: Meh whatevs

Whitney: #NewCraig has taken on this persona thats like, not chill dude.

Whitney basically lets it go with the caveat that he may never fully trust Craig again. Eh, Im sure theyll be fine.

Shep: You know when youre perfectly drunk and youre really good at pool? Is that like when Im really drunk and I think Im really good at dancing?

Classic Shmosby.

Larissa crashes the boys weekend which is not at all chill. Larissa is, I guess, the WGG of the group.

Shep: Should I change? I dont want to look all fratty and Southern.

Well that ship sailed like, approximately 36 years ago. Whitney makes a joke about waking up in the morning covered in blood and vomit. Was he secretly with me and my friends this weekend? Unclear. V. possible.

These two slutty-looking blondes show up and Shep is in fucking heaven. Craig low-key wants to kill himself.

Whitney: The goofy, disarming thing works in Charleston but not so much in L.A.

I’m sorry, Whitney, but who you callin goofy? You’re not exactly a chiseled Greek god over there. Whitney takes a casual shot at Craigs bourbon knowledge, or lack thereof, and now that hes gotten that off his chest this friendship is back on track.

The aftermath of Whitneys party looks a lot like the scene I dealt with Sunday morning. So, like, maybe they really were there.

Whitney: The marker of a good boys weekend is a pool of vomit with a partially digested meatball in the middle.

Whitney talks about how Shep didnt get any last night and Whitney said he had a meeting with Hand Solo which made me LOL.

Sheps like, and Im getting soooo mf sick of this trope. I am convinced Shep just acts this way because y’all expect him to be a fuckboy and nobody challenges him or holds him to a higher standard. Also, there’s just no way his dick games that good. THERE IS NO WAY.

JD is on the phone with Paula and SURPRISE, Craig basically didnt do shit for this festival yet still wants to be head of the bourbon division. The entitlement is strong with this one. Craigs phone is dead, party casualty, so JD is calling around to all Craigs friends like the angry dad he is. Did I mention this was dumb af, Craig?

Also, LMAO at how hungover they all look. Their hangovers are giving me life.

Craig: I just feel like Im being used to do all the bitchwork and its annoying. I lied, THIS is the whitest thing to happen on this show.

Shep: People take work too seriously. What happened to just drinking beer and laughing your balls off?

Yeah Shep, I think this may be why your restaurant is struggling to pay the rent.

Thomas and Kathryn are discussing the ins and outs of labor, which I will file away for future knowledge. Thomas calls Kathryn an expert at giving birth which is like, kind of rude lol. But I guess also accurate?

Kathryns opening up to Thomas about being alone this time around, looking up at him with big doe eyes, and Thomas is like,SHUT DOWN.

Thomas: The timing is really bad for me, could you just like, not give birth rn?

Kathryn: Thats why I like having you around, youre like a calming presence IDK why.

Kathryn, do you know what calming means? Im starting to think not.

Back at Whitneys, some massage therapist named Megan shows up, and Shep clearly has a boner.

Shep: So youre gonna give us all massages now?

Megan: Its like holding space to really connect more with yourself.

Shep is blatantly sexually harassing this poor girl. JFC. This is so creepy. Tone it the fuck down.

JD & Co. is launching his bourbon line at Charleston Cup, this horse race in Charleston. Craig is nowhere to be found, shockingly.

JD: Work isnt all roses and cherries. Sometimes its dirt and trenches.

Im putting that on a needlepoint for my office.

Sheps not going because his grandpa died. OK thats actually like, very sad. My condolences.

We will now resume with our regularly scheduled program of shit-talking.

Craig is taking forever to get readyCraig and Chad from are both the secret Betches interns.

Craig is hungover with an upset stomach and a sinus infection, which is literally what happens to me every time I drink. AKA right now. We’ll get through this, Craig. Emergen-c and green tea all mf day.

Cams like,

Craig apparently slept in and didnt do anything to help JD set up. Which, Im not surprised by, but again, is a really bad move for when youre trying to show initiative.

Cameran: #NewCraig is starting to run its course because at this point hes becoming #OldCraig

Dannis dropping some random whiskey fun facts and Craig is like, Fuck the bourbon division, Im not sure Craig is qualified to have any job at Gentry HQ, PERIOD. How the fuck is he going to be a lawyer if he never wants to do work? He’s gonna have a rude awakening if he ever makes it to first-year associate (I have heard).

Craig is there for all of two minutes and is already like, fuck this Im leaving.

Oh JK Craig didnt actually leave. JD gives a speech and what do you wanna bet Craig is gonna get shafted in this thank-you speech?

Wait for it..

BOOM. SHAFTED. I called it.

Cameran is so into this race its scary. How much money did she put down on that horse? Judging by her reaction to losing, Id say a lot.

Once again JD is dressed like a 1920s fat cat. Live your truth, JD.

JDs like, and Craig is like,

JD: Do you think you should have gone out of town? Craig: I mean Ive never had to give up a trip for a job so

Oh boy, Craig. I fear for you in the real world. I really do.

At Kathryns, she and Thomas are eating dinner. Kathryns going into labor tomorrow morning. I hope they dont actually film her birth. That would be kind of fucked.

Thomas: I want to have a traditional family, hear the shnookums running around, hear the house fill with laughter.

Lol, “shnookums” only makes me think of one thing:

Thomas: I still love Kathryn, I care about her but Im afraid a day of reckoning is forthcoming.

UH OH.

Kathryn asks Thomas how he feels and he says hes apprehensive and shes like, BRUH, FEEL APPREHENSIVE?!

Kathryn: If I say anything mean to you tomorrow just give me a free pass.

OK thats fair, she is giving birth and all.

Kathryn gets up and eats some generic brand Lucky Charms before giving birth. I take it all back, she really is struggling with money.

OK low blow. Sorry. Kind of.

Seeing the sheer amount of diapers in Kathryns house is enough to make me never forget to take my birth control.

Thomas: For some reason, maybe through divine intervention we were brought together. Steven Spielberg I believe said, Ive made a lot of movies, but my greatest creation of all was a child.

So I wonder at what point Thomas is gonna be like Who am I kidding, theyre gonna drag that out at least over the course of another epsiode.

OK enough shit-talking from me. That baby is cute. What did they name him?? How they gonna leave us hanging like that?

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2), a.prevBody{display: none;}

Source: http://allofbeer.com/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/03/16/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/

[jimdsmith34]

Southern Charm Recap: Can They Get Any More White?

I have emerged from my two-day hangover solely to write this weeks recap. Guess killing brain cells is one of my hobbies now.

When we left off I wasnt sure if I was Team Kathryn or Team Whitney, and I dont think thats ever going to get resolved tbh. However, I did just notice Kathryns facial expression in the opening sequence more or less sums up her entire personality.

Thomas and JD, back at it again with the polo. Cause that ended really well the last time. Can they get any more white?

Whitney has some fruit salad and is making coffee and Larissas like, If that’s cooking, I’m about to be the next winner of.

Whitney trying to explain what going steady means to Larissa is pretty hilarious tho.

Kathryn andKody? Corey? Fuck, I forgetare getting a seaweed facial or some shit, AKA Bravo is pampering them so they can talk shit in style. Nice.

Kathryn is bummed that once she has her baby she has to go home alone with her two children.

Kathryn: Im a 24-year-old soon-to-be mother of two. If you dont think Im overwhelmed and nervous then you dont think.

Wow that was like, unnecessarily aggressive Kath.

Cooper? Cooper! Calls Thomas a 50-year-old playboy and is like,

Cooper: Instead of letting it frustrating you I just say let it strengthen you.

Cooper is the moral compass this show needs.

Meanwhile Thomas is sipping bourbon with JD on his porch because Kathryn really needs him.

JD: Hows the baby? Thomas: The doctor said fine… JD looks skeptical, because Im sure he knows better than a trained doctor.

JD: Kathryn moving up the due date seems awfully peculiarseems suspect.

JD is a regular Hardy Boy over here.

JD: I think women dont like being asked for paternity tests.

NO FUCKING SHIT.

JD is like, and Thomas is like, Its clear hes forgotten who hes about to have a kid with because Kathryn is NOT going to be down with Thomas basically accusing her of slutting it up and then trying to trap him into fatherhood. JUST SAYING.

Its date night with Craig and Naomie. Craig chooses going to L.A. over the biggest event for his company, because hes never been to L.A. before. And Craig wonders why hes not allowed to head a bourbon division. I don’t foresee this ending well AT ALL. Craig, youre a fucking idiot and for once Naomie is in the right to tell you youre fucking up.

Craig: Do you see how hard Im trying to justify this?

Yeah, because you KNOW YOURE IN THE WRONG. Thats literally what justification is.

Cameran and Landon meet up for a candle-making class and I am kind of jealous because that low-key sounds fun. Landons explaining her travel guide to Cam, so Im going to take a quick nap.

Cameran: I think its hard for Landon bc she was a typical Southern stereotype of the woman who got married young and was taken care of and she doesnt have that anymore.

Wait, how is this the first Im hearing of this failed first marriage? How has this NEVER come up before this season??

Cameran: So any man prospects? Landon: IDK not really its kind of sad and pathetic.

Landon is like Same tho. Cameran: Do you think the reason youre not meeting anyone is because you want something to work out with Shep? Landon:…Yeah

Cameran and I are both like, FINALLY!

*Cue a montage of them looking really couple-y* I’m rooting for you guys!

Landon brings up every middle schoolers dilemma which is that if she dates Shep, then shell lose him as a friend. Can we get like, a violin quartet to score some melodramatic music or something?

Craig and Shep make it to L.A. and Whitneys bachelor pad is sick. I guess this is what that Bravo money gets you. On an unrelated note, I have a very compelling idea for a new reality show, if you wanna get on board Bravo, Ill get you in at the ground level.

Craig: I wouldve had FOMO if I hadnt gotten to come out heresothanks.

Whitney: Meh whatevs

Whitney: #NewCraig has taken on this persona thats like, not chill dude.

Whitney basically lets it go with the caveat that he may never fully trust Craig again. Eh, Im sure theyll be fine.

Shep: You know when youre perfectly drunk and youre really good at pool? Is that like when Im really drunk and I think Im really good at dancing?

Classic Shmosby.

Larissa crashes the boys weekend which is not at all chill. Larissa is, I guess, the WGG of the group.

Shep: Should I change? I dont want to look all fratty and Southern.

Well that ship sailed like, approximately 36 years ago. Whitney makes a joke about waking up in the morning covered in blood and vomit. Was he secretly with me and my friends this weekend? Unclear. V. possible.

These two slutty-looking blondes show up and Shep is in fucking heaven. Craig low-key wants to kill himself.

Whitney: The goofy, disarming thing works in Charleston but not so much in L.A.

I’m sorry, Whitney, but who you callin goofy? You’re not exactly a chiseled Greek god over there. Whitney takes a casual shot at Craigs bourbon knowledge, or lack thereof, and now that hes gotten that off his chest this friendship is back on track.

The aftermath of Whitneys party looks a lot like the scene I dealt with Sunday morning. So, like, maybe they really were there.

Whitney: The marker of a good boys weekend is a pool of vomit with a partially digested meatball in the middle.

Whitney talks about how Shep didnt get any last night and Whitney said he had a meeting with Hand Solo which made me LOL.

Sheps like, and Im getting soooo mf sick of this trope. I am convinced Shep just acts this way because y’all expect him to be a fuckboy and nobody challenges him or holds him to a higher standard. Also, there’s just no way his dick games that good. THERE IS NO WAY.

JD is on the phone with Paula and SURPRISE, Craig basically didnt do shit for this festival yet still wants to be head of the bourbon division. The entitlement is strong with this one. Craigs phone is dead, party casualty, so JD is calling around to all Craigs friends like the angry dad he is. Did I mention this was dumb af, Craig?

Also, LMAO at how hungover they all look. Their hangovers are giving me life.

Craig: I just feel like Im being used to do all the bitchwork and its annoying. I lied, THIS is the whitest thing to happen on this show.

Shep: People take work too seriously. What happened to just drinking beer and laughing your balls off?

Yeah Shep, I think this may be why your restaurant is struggling to pay the rent.

Thomas and Kathryn are discussing the ins and outs of labor, which I will file away for future knowledge. Thomas calls Kathryn an expert at giving birth which is like, kind of rude lol. But I guess also accurate?

Kathryns opening up to Thomas about being alone this time around, looking up at him with big doe eyes, and Thomas is like,SHUT DOWN.

Thomas: The timing is really bad for me, could you just like, not give birth rn?

Kathryn: Thats why I like having you around, youre like a calming presence IDK why.

Kathryn, do you know what calming means? Im starting to think not.

Back at Whitneys, some massage therapist named Megan shows up, and Shep clearly has a boner.

Shep: So youre gonna give us all massages now?

Megan: Its like holding space to really connect more with yourself.

Shep is blatantly sexually harassing this poor girl. JFC. This is so creepy. Tone it the fuck down.

JD & Co. is launching his bourbon line at Charleston Cup, this horse race in Charleston. Craig is nowhere to be found, shockingly.

JD: Work isnt all roses and cherries. Sometimes its dirt and trenches.

Im putting that on a needlepoint for my office.

Sheps not going because his grandpa died. OK thats actually like, very sad. My condolences.

We will now resume with our regularly scheduled program of shit-talking.

Craig is taking forever to get readyCraig and Chad from are both the secret Betches interns.

Craig is hungover with an upset stomach and a sinus infection, which is literally what happens to me every time I drink. AKA right now. We’ll get through this, Craig. Emergen-c and green tea all mf day.

Cams like,

Craig apparently slept in and didnt do anything to help JD set up. Which, Im not surprised by, but again, is a really bad move for when youre trying to show initiative.

Cameran: #NewCraig is starting to run its course because at this point hes becoming #OldCraig

Dannis dropping some random whiskey fun facts and Craig is like, Fuck the bourbon division, Im not sure Craig is qualified to have any job at Gentry HQ, PERIOD. How the fuck is he going to be a lawyer if he never wants to do work? He’s gonna have a rude awakening if he ever makes it to first-year associate (I have heard).

Craig is there for all of two minutes and is already like, fuck this Im leaving.

Oh JK Craig didnt actually leave. JD gives a speech and what do you wanna bet Craig is gonna get shafted in this thank-you speech?

Wait for it..

BOOM. SHAFTED. I called it.

Cameran is so into this race its scary. How much money did she put down on that horse? Judging by her reaction to losing, Id say a lot.

Once again JD is dressed like a 1920s fat cat. Live your truth, JD.

JDs like, and Craig is like,

JD: Do you think you should have gone out of town? Craig: I mean Ive never had to give up a trip for a job so

Oh boy, Craig. I fear for you in the real world. I really do.

At Kathryns, she and Thomas are eating dinner. Kathryns going into labor tomorrow morning. I hope they dont actually film her birth. That would be kind of fucked.

Thomas: I want to have a traditional family, hear the shnookums running around, hear the house fill with laughter.

Lol, “shnookums” only makes me think of one thing:

Thomas: I still love Kathryn, I care about her but Im afraid a day of reckoning is forthcoming.

UH OH.

Kathryn asks Thomas how he feels and he says hes apprehensive and shes like, BRUH, FEEL APPREHENSIVE?!

Kathryn: If I say anything mean to you tomorrow just give me a free pass.

OK thats fair, she is giving birth and all.

Kathryn gets up and eats some generic brand Lucky Charms before giving birth. I take it all back, she really is struggling with money.

OK low blow. Sorry. Kind of.

Seeing the sheer amount of diapers in Kathryns house is enough to make me never forget to take my birth control.

Thomas: For some reason, maybe through divine intervention we were brought together. Steven Spielberg I believe said, Ive made a lot of movies, but my greatest creation of all was a child.

So I wonder at what point Thomas is gonna be like Who am I kidding, theyre gonna drag that out at least over the course of another epsiode.

OK enough shit-talking from me. That baby is cute. What did they name him?? How they gonna leave us hanging like that?

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2), a.prevBody{display: none;}

source http://allofbeer.com/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/ from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2018/03/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any.html

[adambstingus]

Southern Charm Recap: Can They Get Any More White?

I have emerged from my two-day hangover solely to write this weeks recap. Guess killing brain cells is one of my hobbies now.

When we left off I wasnt sure if I was Team Kathryn or Team Whitney, and I dont think thats ever going to get resolved tbh. However, I did just notice Kathryns facial expression in the opening sequence more or less sums up her entire personality.

Thomas and JD, back at it again with the polo. Cause that ended really well the last time. Can they get any more white?

Whitney has some fruit salad and is making coffee and Larissas like, If that’s cooking, I’m about to be the next winner of.

Whitney trying to explain what going steady means to Larissa is pretty hilarious tho.

Kathryn andKody? Corey? Fuck, I forgetare getting a seaweed facial or some shit, AKA Bravo is pampering them so they can talk shit in style. Nice.

Kathryn is bummed that once she has her baby she has to go home alone with her two children.

Kathryn: Im a 24-year-old soon-to-be mother of two. If you dont think Im overwhelmed and nervous then you dont think.

Wow that was like, unnecessarily aggressive Kath.

Cooper? Cooper! Calls Thomas a 50-year-old playboy and is like,

Cooper: Instead of letting it frustrating you I just say let it strengthen you.

Cooper is the moral compass this show needs.

Meanwhile Thomas is sipping bourbon with JD on his porch because Kathryn really needs him.

JD: Hows the baby? Thomas: The doctor said fine… JD looks skeptical, because Im sure he knows better than a trained doctor.

JD: Kathryn moving up the due date seems awfully peculiarseems suspect.

JD is a regular Hardy Boy over here.

JD: I think women dont like being asked for paternity tests.

NO FUCKING SHIT.

JD is like, and Thomas is like, Its clear hes forgotten who hes about to have a kid with because Kathryn is NOT going to be down with Thomas basically accusing her of slutting it up and then trying to trap him into fatherhood. JUST SAYING.

Its date night with Craig and Naomie. Craig chooses going to L.A. over the biggest event for his company, because hes never been to L.A. before. And Craig wonders why hes not allowed to head a bourbon division. I don’t foresee this ending well AT ALL. Craig, youre a fucking idiot and for once Naomie is in the right to tell you youre fucking up.

Craig: Do you see how hard Im trying to justify this?

Yeah, because you KNOW YOURE IN THE WRONG. Thats literally what justification is.

Cameran and Landon meet up for a candle-making class and I am kind of jealous because that low-key sounds fun. Landons explaining her travel guide to Cam, so Im going to take a quick nap.

Cameran: I think its hard for Landon bc she was a typical Southern stereotype of the woman who got married young and was taken care of and she doesnt have that anymore.

Wait, how is this the first Im hearing of this failed first marriage? How has this NEVER come up before this season??

Cameran: So any man prospects? Landon: IDK not really its kind of sad and pathetic.

Landon is like Same tho. Cameran: Do you think the reason youre not meeting anyone is because you want something to work out with Shep? Landon:…Yeah

Cameran and I are both like, FINALLY!

*Cue a montage of them looking really couple-y* I’m rooting for you guys!

Landon brings up every middle schoolers dilemma which is that if she dates Shep, then shell lose him as a friend. Can we get like, a violin quartet to score some melodramatic music or something?

Craig and Shep make it to L.A. and Whitneys bachelor pad is sick. I guess this is what that Bravo money gets you. On an unrelated note, I have a very compelling idea for a new reality show, if you wanna get on board Bravo, Ill get you in at the ground level.

Craig: I wouldve had FOMO if I hadnt gotten to come out heresothanks.

Whitney: Meh whatevs

Whitney: #NewCraig has taken on this persona thats like, not chill dude.

Whitney basically lets it go with the caveat that he may never fully trust Craig again. Eh, Im sure theyll be fine.

Shep: You know when youre perfectly drunk and youre really good at pool? Is that like when Im really drunk and I think Im really good at dancing?

Classic Shmosby.

Larissa crashes the boys weekend which is not at all chill. Larissa is, I guess, the WGG of the group.

Shep: Should I change? I dont want to look all fratty and Southern.

Well that ship sailed like, approximately 36 years ago. Whitney makes a joke about waking up in the morning covered in blood and vomit. Was he secretly with me and my friends this weekend? Unclear. V. possible.

These two slutty-looking blondes show up and Shep is in fucking heaven. Craig low-key wants to kill himself.

Whitney: The goofy, disarming thing works in Charleston but not so much in L.A.

I’m sorry, Whitney, but who you callin goofy? You’re not exactly a chiseled Greek god over there. Whitney takes a casual shot at Craigs bourbon knowledge, or lack thereof, and now that hes gotten that off his chest this friendship is back on track.

The aftermath of Whitneys party looks a lot like the scene I dealt with Sunday morning. So, like, maybe they really were there.

Whitney: The marker of a good boys weekend is a pool of vomit with a partially digested meatball in the middle.

Whitney talks about how Shep didnt get any last night and Whitney said he had a meeting with Hand Solo which made me LOL.

Sheps like, and Im getting soooo mf sick of this trope. I am convinced Shep just acts this way because y’all expect him to be a fuckboy and nobody challenges him or holds him to a higher standard. Also, there’s just no way his dick games that good. THERE IS NO WAY.

JD is on the phone with Paula and SURPRISE, Craig basically didnt do shit for this festival yet still wants to be head of the bourbon division. The entitlement is strong with this one. Craigs phone is dead, party casualty, so JD is calling around to all Craigs friends like the angry dad he is. Did I mention this was dumb af, Craig?

Also, LMAO at how hungover they all look. Their hangovers are giving me life.

Craig: I just feel like Im being used to do all the bitchwork and its annoying. I lied, THIS is the whitest thing to happen on this show.

Shep: People take work too seriously. What happened to just drinking beer and laughing your balls off?

Yeah Shep, I think this may be why your restaurant is struggling to pay the rent.

Thomas and Kathryn are discussing the ins and outs of labor, which I will file away for future knowledge. Thomas calls Kathryn an expert at giving birth which is like, kind of rude lol. But I guess also accurate?

Kathryns opening up to Thomas about being alone this time around, looking up at him with big doe eyes, and Thomas is like,SHUT DOWN.

Thomas: The timing is really bad for me, could you just like, not give birth rn?

Kathryn: Thats why I like having you around, youre like a calming presence IDK why.

Kathryn, do you know what calming means? Im starting to think not.

Back at Whitneys, some massage therapist named Megan shows up, and Shep clearly has a boner.

Shep: So youre gonna give us all massages now?

Megan: Its like holding space to really connect more with yourself.

Shep is blatantly sexually harassing this poor girl. JFC. This is so creepy. Tone it the fuck down.

JD & Co. is launching his bourbon line at Charleston Cup, this horse race in Charleston. Craig is nowhere to be found, shockingly.

JD: Work isnt all roses and cherries. Sometimes its dirt and trenches.

Im putting that on a needlepoint for my office.

Sheps not going because his grandpa died. OK thats actually like, very sad. My condolences.

We will now resume with our regularly scheduled program of shit-talking.

Craig is taking forever to get readyCraig and Chad from are both the secret Betches interns.

Craig is hungover with an upset stomach and a sinus infection, which is literally what happens to me every time I drink. AKA right now. We’ll get through this, Craig. Emergen-c and green tea all mf day.

Cams like,

Craig apparently slept in and didnt do anything to help JD set up. Which, Im not surprised by, but again, is a really bad move for when youre trying to show initiative.

Cameran: #NewCraig is starting to run its course because at this point hes becoming #OldCraig

Dannis dropping some random whiskey fun facts and Craig is like, Fuck the bourbon division, Im not sure Craig is qualified to have any job at Gentry HQ, PERIOD. How the fuck is he going to be a lawyer if he never wants to do work? He’s gonna have a rude awakening if he ever makes it to first-year associate (I have heard).

Craig is there for all of two minutes and is already like, fuck this Im leaving.

Oh JK Craig didnt actually leave. JD gives a speech and what do you wanna bet Craig is gonna get shafted in this thank-you speech?

Wait for it..

BOOM. SHAFTED. I called it.

Cameran is so into this race its scary. How much money did she put down on that horse? Judging by her reaction to losing, Id say a lot.

Once again JD is dressed like a 1920s fat cat. Live your truth, JD.

JDs like, and Craig is like,

JD: Do you think you should have gone out of town? Craig: I mean Ive never had to give up a trip for a job so

Oh boy, Craig. I fear for you in the real world. I really do.

At Kathryns, she and Thomas are eating dinner. Kathryns going into labor tomorrow morning. I hope they dont actually film her birth. That would be kind of fucked.

Thomas: I want to have a traditional family, hear the shnookums running around, hear the house fill with laughter.

Lol, “shnookums” only makes me think of one thing:

Thomas: I still love Kathryn, I care about her but Im afraid a day of reckoning is forthcoming.

UH OH.

Kathryn asks Thomas how he feels and he says hes apprehensive and shes like, BRUH, FEEL APPREHENSIVE?!

Kathryn: If I say anything mean to you tomorrow just give me a free pass.

OK thats fair, she is giving birth and all.

Kathryn gets up and eats some generic brand Lucky Charms before giving birth. I take it all back, she really is struggling with money.

OK low blow. Sorry. Kind of.

Seeing the sheer amount of diapers in Kathryns house is enough to make me never forget to take my birth control.

Thomas: For some reason, maybe through divine intervention we were brought together. Steven Spielberg I believe said, Ive made a lot of movies, but my greatest creation of all was a child.

So I wonder at what point Thomas is gonna be like Who am I kidding, theyre gonna drag that out at least over the course of another epsiode.

OK enough shit-talking from me. That baby is cute. What did they name him?? How they gonna leave us hanging like that?

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2), a.prevBody{display: none;}

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/southern-charm-recap-can-they-get-any-more-white/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/171944066947

[ethicallysourcedhumanmeat]

Practically Impractical

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Part 18

He picks up the phone on the second day.  He can’t avoid them forever and he can’t bring himself to call her.  These doctors could cite her charts to him all they want but he needs to know how she is, how she’s really doing.

Hyun is angry with him, but not so angry as he is with himself, so he starts there.  He’s surprised to hear that he is spending as much time with her as he is, they’ve never been incredibly close.  Yoosung seems apprehensive to speak to him, Jaehee tells him bluntly to ask her himself, Max answers when he calls Saeyoung.

“We’re getting ready to visit Mom,” she tells him, happy chirping voice.

“How is your Mother?”

“She’s fine Mr. Han.”

“Is that what she told you?”

“Nope,” she says matter of factly, “she said she’s excellent and that the Doctors won’t let her go home because you’re an over cautious worry wort, but she’s not so bad.  We’re going to take her a bunch of things to do today.”

“She called me a worry wort?”

“There were swears,” and he can picture her shrug.  “But it meant worry wort.”

“Oh.”

“You gonna call her today?”

“I don’t know,” he admits.

“Do you want to talk to Luciel?”

“No thank you, Max.”

She hangs up the phone, no goodbye, and he laughs.  He’ll visit today, he decides.  His father has been reassigning all his meetings despite his insistence that he is fine and there is very little to do.  Ms. Kang has been working from home so he doesn’t have to see the bruise on her face, he’s quite bored.  It will be nice to see her now, apologize.

He’s confident until he steps foot inside the building.  He remembers her in the ambulance, they’d strapped them to the boards and she’d spent the whole drive making jokes. He couldn’t turn his head to look at her, but he could hear her arguing with them about everything.  Trying to convince herself she was fine.

The elevator doors ding and open and he tries not to remember, they wouldn’t tell him anything, in a little room behind a curtain, not even that she was in surgery; Saeyoung’s panicked face in the waiting room.  He can feel tears welling in his eyes and he stops mid stride. This doesn’t help anyone.  He knows where her room is, he’d requested it specifically because its view featured his building but as he nears the room he can hear them.  She’s laughing and he can hear Luciel, Max is cackling, and other people.  Voices he doesn’t recognize, another American and someone else. 

He peaks in the open door.  Max is draped over the shoulders of a man he doesn’t recognize while the strange American is chasing him around the room, Calliope is sat in the middle of her bed, her head is thrown back, her hair wild, and she’s laughing madly.  Some frantic Chopin piece plays from somewhere in the room.

He wants to turn it off, his heart races with the keys, Chopin makes her anxiety worse, but Max and the strange men seem to be playing some game to the noise of it.

“Keep spinning Martin, I’m making you clean it up if she barfs,” the American laughs.

“I’m not going to barf Uncle Wyatt,” Max insists.

“She’s not going to barf, Uncle Wyatt,” the man called Martin mimics.

They all laugh.

Her brother is here, of course.

He should go, this was a family moment, and he had proven that he didn’t belong there, he deserved no more than lingering outside the door.  She looked ok, she was laughing and wearing her own clothing, she had her brother, Max and Saeyoung, and whoever Martin was.

He should just leave.

*

“Oh no,” She says when she sees him in the doorway.

“Uncle Wyatt!” Max yells running for the tall man in the doorway.

Callie looks at Saeyoung.  “You knew about this?”

“He called as we were leaving to ask what hospital you were at, he made me promise not to tell you.”

“You were talking to Mom then.”

“Not like you ever answer your emails.”

“Doing a lot of emailing right now, yeah Wyatt?” She laughs and points to the arm strapped to her.  “I don’t even get to dress myself.”

“Your Mom didn’t tell him anything.”

Saeyoung’s eyes look like they might pop out of his head when he sees the taller man push past Callie’s brother.

“Martin?  You asshole, he drug you along?”

Martin drops a suitcase on the floor and hugs her as tight as he dares with as purple as she is.

“Mom told me you were in an accident but Celia said you were fine, and she figured it was no big deal because you didn’t call her yourself,” her brother says.

“Then I saw you on the news yelling in three languages while they shoved you in an ambulance.”  Martin laughs.

“I was not,” she laughs.

“Don’t worry we didn’t make a special trip,” her brother assures her.  “We’re only here for a few hours, just a layover.”  Wyatt gives Saeyoung a long look.  “Who’s this guy,” he stage whispers to Max.

“That’s Luciel, Mom’s gonna marry him.” She shrugs.

“Is this the guy Mom is on about then?” her brother asks, and Saeyoung blushes.

“Nope, that’s either Hyun or Jumin, this is the one Celia is on about.”

“Oh buddy,” Wyatt laughs.  “If you guys go home for Christmas let me know, I could sell tickets to that showdown.”

“Wyatt, lives in Japan,” she says to Saeyoung.

“And I’ve had this shit in storage for 10 years, so you might as well take it back now.”  He kicks at the suitcase.

“Uh,” Callie and Saeyoung point to their injured arms.  “Nice try big brother but neither of us is lifting anything right now.”

Martin shakes his head and lifts the suitcase up onto the bed beside her.  Max is already there unbuckling and pulling zippers until it’s open. “Uncle Martin!” she shrieks when he scoops her up over his shoulder.

“You must be huge in Japan,” she laughs.

“I think I get jobs just to do the heavy lifting,” he laughs.  “Are you still dancing?”

“Sometimes,” she says.  “Not like I used to.”

“Oh?  Finally go contemporary or something?”

“Ballroom,” Saeyoung whispers and they look at him.

“For real,” Martin says.  “You never really competed well with a partner.”

“With this guy?” her brother asks.

Saeyoung looks intently at his hands.

“Mom dances at dinner with Mr. Han sometimes.” Max clarifies from Martin’s shoulder. 

He swings her around, “Oh a fancy box step,” he chuckles.

“Oh sure, when I’m on the news covered in blood yelling like a crazy person you see it, when I’m on the news doing the tango with a CEO of a billion dollar corporation your TV doesn’t work.”

“You what?” Martin says stopping dead.

She blushes. “You heard me, don’t act like you can’t hear me down here you big gay giant.”

He gasps and clutches his chest with both hands, Max squeals and clings to his arms.  “You’re so tiny and angry, you wound me!”

He dances away from her and Max squeals again on his shoulders.  Wyatt joins in as some frantic Chopin piece starts to play over the little speaker Yoosung had left with her. He chases the two of them around

She digs through the suitcase. 

“Keep spinning Martin, I’m making you clean it up if she barfs,” Wyatt laughs.

“I’m not going to barf Uncle Wyatt,” Max insists.

“She’s not going to barf, Uncle Wyatt,” Martin mimics.

The three of them laugh and Callie turns to the door just in time to see someone walking away, she frowns , she couldn’t see much through the small opening but she hoped— she was probably wrong.

“What is all this Wyatt?”

“All the music stuff you left at Mom’s when they moved home.  I brought it with when I moved back here, but you guys were moving home then and I’ve been dragging it around all of Asia ever since.”

“I forgot I left this.”  She picks through the books of sheet music, scores for musicals, sonatas, concerto, piano, violin.  She’d thought she’d lost all this.  Straps, picks, strings, tools, even a bow, barely holding it together; she can’t believe that there had been a whole stash of things safe from Toby.

“Oh,” her brother says smiling and brushing his long hair out of his face, “the best part!”  He reaches around the door frame and presents a small case.

“Another ukulele,” Max laments.

“No!” Wyatt and Callie call out. 

“If this was at Mom’s, wait where did you get this?”

He sets it in her lap and she traces the stickers on the case, flicks the charms on the handle.

“The chick who bought it was Lauren’s girlfriend, we saw it sitting in her apartment one day and your brother started laughing.” Martin laughs himself remembering it.

“Those stupid cellphone charms, you were obsessed, you hung them on everything and I saw that and—”

“He says to my sister ‘Well I guess you have a type,’ which, you know that started a fight.”

“And Lauren shoved the Violin at us, said ‘she doesn’t even play it’ and pushed us out the door.”

“It’s a violin?” Max says reverently.

“You still play right?” Martin asks.  “I see you post about singing bullshit all the time but if you don’t dance you’ve got to play right?”

“Hey Max,” Saeyoung says, “you know it’s time for school kiddo.”

“What, school?” Wyatt whines.

“We have tests today,” the 9 year old shrugs.  “Can’t miss them.”

“Is she adopted,” Martin stage whispers.

Callie shakes her head and points at Wyatt.  “Just like him.”

They laugh.

“Are you coming back after?” She asks, Saeyoung. 

“I can’t,” he sighs, “I have to finish transcribing code to Saeren or I’m never going to get this contract done”

“Just let him do it,” she laughs.  “You know he can.”

“But then I have to pay him more, and you know, my babies.”

“I know. I am painfully aware you love your cars more than me.”

“Cars, Max, then you,” he laughs kissing her on the forehead and drags Max away.

“So that’s legal here,” her brother laughs when Saeyoung is out of earshot.  He moves the suitcase and flops down on the bed beside her.

“Fuck off,” she laughs.  “He’s 21, that’s an adult.”

“He’s a baby.”

“You’re a dinosaur,” Martin laughs.

They all laugh.

“So what happened?” Martin asks, pointing to her arm.  “The news didn’t really have much to say, something about a party and a rich guy, car accident?”

“Yeah Jumin keeps a tight leash on pretty much everything.”

“Oh Jumin does, does he?” Wyatt teases.

She throws a pillow at him with her good arm.  “I uh, I moonlight as an event organizer for his charity group, that’s how I met, well everyone,” she laughs.  “That’s how I got the C&R sponsorship and everything.”

“Everything?” Martin raises his eyebrows.

“Uh,” she stammers. “Well like I said, I met Luciel, and I’m contracted as a Host slash entertainment for C&R functions as well as the Cookies and Punch network hosting which I do through the C&R sponsored station here, plus I still maintain my crew duties overseas, and the event organizer gig landed me a spot in the RFA which I guess is a pretty big deal charity locally.”

“Celia said you just play video games and fuck around all day, sounds like you keep pretty busy.”

“Yeah well who the fuck knows what T tells her.  He hired some woman to follow me around and take pictures, he thought he could take Max away.  He was here for a year and took her for like 20 days total and he wanted to take her away.”

“Why does Cici keep talking to him?” Martin asks.

“Because he’s the only person alive who hates me as much as she does?” Callie shrugs.

“Ok, but what about the accident, what happened?  Because your fiancé doesn’t look like he got that beat up but you’re in the hospital, Cal.”

“I mean it wasn’t that bad, it was just perfect timing you know?  We were leaving the party late, almost everyone was in the Van, and it was raining and some kid joyriding in his Dad’s fancy car hydroplaned into us.  I was just getting in the Van, Jumin was just outside, I’d stopped in the door to— and we were hit and we were thrown, the car hit the building and we kind of bounced off of it I guess.  I think the kid was more messed up than any of us but no one will really tell me, I think they’re scared of Jumin, I hope he’s not like, suing the kid.”  She frowns and looks at the door.

“And he’s the boyfriend then?” Wyatt says.

“What,” she squeaks.  “No, you just met Luciel.”

“Yeah, he’s your fiancé but this Jumin guy, come on Cal, we all remember your vow to become the Ash Ketchum of dating.” Martin chuckles.

“When I was 16.” 

“Come on,” her brother goads. 

She looks around the room and makes a face. The two men watch her, the three of them sitting, staring at one another for a full minute before she says quietly. “Ok so it might be a practical application of my Pokémon dating theory.”

“Obviously there’s been some revision,” Martin laughs.

The door to the room clicks shut.  “What’s the Pokémon dating theory?”

“Gotta catch ‘em all!” Martin and Wyatt laugh.

“Yoosung, you need to wear a bell!” Callie is blushing.

Yoosung is just as red as she is and glances around the room. “You’re talking about Seven and Jumin?” He asks, concerned.

“Yoosung, this is my brother Wyatt and his husband Martin.  “Yoosung is one of the RFA’s founding members, he goes to Sky  U.”

“Oh wow,” Wyatt says, “that school’s a pretty big deal.”

“My brother is a pretty big nerd,” she laughs.

“You were talking about Jumin?” Yoosung asks quietly.

“Sort of, I mean we were talking about the accident, and since my brother never calls me, and Martin is the worst childhood best friend in history I had to catch them up.”

“Oh, so he didn’t call you today?” Yoosung wrings his hands.

“He called you though, or you wouldn’t ask.”

“I think I should have been nicer.”

“I’m sure he understands.”

“Thanks mom,” her brother whispers.

She gives her brother a look and he puts up his hands to surrender.

“He needs time,” she tells Yoosung, “he probably thinks— he just needs time, especially something like this so soon after V.”

“I guess.”

“Oh, do tell, who’s V?” Her brother stops mid eyebrow waggle when he notices the shared look on Yoosung and Callie’s face.

“Sorry,” he says.

“V died,” Yoosung says, firmly.

“He was Jumin’s best friend,” she clarifies.  “It was, sudden and well, it was sudden.”

“So does Nina know about this kid?” Wyatt asks, clearly changing the subject.

“What?” Yoosung asks.

“Abstractly, from facebook she probably does?’

“Just trying figure out why she’s fundraising for a Korean competition this year.”

“Celia is letting her?” Callie laughs.

“I wouldn’t say she’s letting her so much as Nina does what she wants.  Cici is pissed, she blames you.”

“I mean, of course she does, but I didn’t know.  Nina won’t even tell me what songs she’s using in her program this year and she’s sworn Gilles to secrecy. But wow, why is she coming here?”

“I think the general consensus is you,” Martin shrugs.  “That’s what the yelling sounds like when your sister calls.”

Wyatt and Callie exchange a look. “Noooo,” Callie whispers. “You don’t think.”

“I clearly do think and so do you.”

“I know him,” she says quietly. “I mean, I know where he is, like if that’s what she’s doing.”