#lol couldn't resist a tattoo shop au for this guy

[blarrghe]

11. For any OC, write what their bio would be on a dating website. (If they wouldn’t be interested, write how they’d describe themself to a job interviewer.) I mean this sounds like a fun one for Taren =)

Make me start a new modern au, why don't you? Thanks for the ask, my brain just went WRITING PROMPT?!? and now here we are. Modern tattoo shop au oneshot where Taren's friends convince him to make a profile (read: make it for him while he protests) on a casual dating app, he wants no part of this until he matches with a certain someone... More of this is on AO3 now, it’s gonna be short and stupid and sexy ;) --

"No," Taren shook his head, resolute.

"Oh come on, it's true," Sera whined in protest, her fast fingers continuing to tap away at his phone screen, making no moves to amend any of her latest additions to the profile she'd been embellishing with exaggerated details of his skills and hobbies.

"You are not putting 'exceptionally skilled with hands’ under talents." Taren crossed his arms, and leaned back against the long, bent-back seat at his station while the other elf pouted across from him, sitting cross-legged on her own, her short blond hair pulled up into a high ponytail that bobbed with her excited bounces.

"It is true, boss." Bull cut in helpfully. He took a few steps over from his own section of the studio, his great, horned head peering down at the screen over Sera's shoulder.

"Can't you just put what it says on the website?"

"Your business profile?" Sera scoffed, "'Tattoo artist specializing in fine linework' doesn't really have the same ring, T."

"You're trying to get laid, not get new clients." Bull agreed, and then both of them were nodding at him eagerly.

"I'm not trying to get anything." Taren pointed out, crossing his arms.

"Oh that's right, your two best friends are trying to get you laid, you're just making it stupidly difficult." Sera noted without looking up from his phone, "how about this one?"

She turned the screen to him, displaying a candid shot of him looking particularly focused, tattoo gun in hand, as he bent over an out-of-frame limb, only a bit of anonymous client elbow showing. He remembered the tattoo: the elbow was one of Sera's, and he'd needed to focus for the long line of an arrow down her bicep which connected with an ornate bow design over her shoulder. It was a good shot, he supposed. His hair was tied back and you could see all of his own tattoos as they travelled down his high cheeks and wound around his neck. It had been summer when the photo was taken, and his arms looked tan and a bit more muscled than they were now, tensing as they clutched the heavy device, more tattoos on display up his right bicep.

"Shouldn't I be...smiling?" he asked, crinkling a brow at the photo. He looked sort of stern in it, which didn’t exactly seem representative. 

“No,” said Bull, “you want something that says mystery. Cool, aloof.” The tall Qunari took the phone from Sera and began scrolling through Taren’s camera roll, occasionally stopping to nod sagely as Sera pointed out photos to add to the profile page.

“I am neither cool nor aloof, and you know it.” Taren said with a huff. 

“We know it, dudes don’t.” Sera shrugged, “this one,” she turned the phone again, and in this picture at least he had half a smile. He was also shirtless, the shot having been taken on a camping trip some autumn when the afternoons were still hot, and someone had snapped the photo of him when he’d been happy and relaxed by the lake under a setting sun. Hair down, neck arched back, a few fewer tattoos across his ribs than there were now, and he’d been skinnier, too. He also knew exactly who had taken the photo: the very reason his two best friends were insisting on building this profile in the first place. 

“No.” he said. 

“Oh come on, you look great there.” Bull protested, “If that crossed my screen I’d red-heart it.” “I don’t know what that means.” 

“It means I’d try to meet up and fuck,” Bull smirked, “no questions asked.” he winked. 

“That picture’s two years old,” Taren blushed despite himself, “and I keep telling you, I’m not trying to get —”

“Yeah, yeah, love is dead and the internet killed it.” Sera interrupted. “Alright, ‘Taren Lavellan, 29,”

“I’m 30,” 

“Age: 29, height: five-foot-eight,” 

“Seven. Five seven,” 

“Hair: red,”

“Nah, say like, auburn or chestnut or something,” Bull interrupted, “it’s his best feature, give it some credit.” 

“Fine,” Sera erased and retyped a word, “auburn, then. Eyes — what colour are your eyes? Green?” 

“Green,” Taren agreed with a shrug. 

“Andraste’s ass. Green with specks of gold, green-hazel, marbled sage, undefinable. They’re your best feature —”

“— I thought that was my hair,” Taren raised an eyebrow, examining Bull with one amused, undefinable and gold-speckled eye. 

“There’s a measurement spot for best features, but it’s optional.” Sera noted with a smirk. 

Bull returned Taren’s raised eyebrow with one of his own. 

“Fuck off, no.” said Taren. 

“Alright, hobbies: drawing, reading, camping,” Sera listed, “Maker, you’re boring.”

“Hey!”

“Bull, what did you put in yours?” 

“Fighting, drinking, and fucking.” Bull grinned. 

“You can’t be serious.” Taren sighed. 

“Works every time. And hey, it’s true.”

“At least call it, like, mountain climbing, backcountry survival, wilderness adventuring, I don’t know. Something cool.” Sera advised with a shake of her head. 

“It’s not an extreme sport to go backpacking for fun. Camping’s fine.” Taren rolled his eyes. 

Sera rolled hers right back, “normal people don’t go camping like you go camping, elfy.” 

“What else does it want?” Taren prodded her on impatiently. 

“Special skills and talents: speaks six languages, exceptionally good with hands” 

“Sera,”

“Fine, fine. I don’t know…” Sera looked to Bull searchingly. 

“How about knot-tying skills?”

“Yes!” 

“No.” Taren shook his head resolutely once more. 

“You’re no fun.” Sera complained, still typing away at the screen, “there, and just hit green to go.” Sera held out the phone face up, a green confirmation button sitting at the ready to create his new dating app profile. “You do the honours,” she nodded. 

Taren sighed, “and then what?”

“Sit back and wait for the love to pour in,” The Iron Bull replied, leaning back against his station. “Twenty bucks says you’re drowning in dick by the weekend.”

“Gross!” Sera objected with a cackle, while Taren winced. 

“Yeah, I’m actually with Sera on that.” 

“All I’m saying is you’ll get asks. It’s a casual app, take advantage if you want to.”

“So it’s always just for sex?”

Bull shrugged. “Just because it’s casual doesn’t mean you can’t find people who are looking, but I thought you weren’t looking —”

“— I’m not,” Taren interrupted with a flustered blush, “but what if I’m not looking for sex either?” 

Bull shrugged again, “then just don’t send any hearts, that simple.” he said, “or you can always ask to get coffee and see what happens.” 

Taren sighed, “sure,” he muttered as he moved his thumb to confirm the profile’s creation, “coffee.”