#loki's deitykin diary

[midwinterwings]

Sup fellow entities beyond mortal comprehension how y'all doing

Just documenting some updates before I go again.

Summary: will be going through the results of my latest reflection and stuff I've learnt that I think may help other struggling otherkins

So, I found that going off tumblr really helped me reflect. I fell under the trap of thinking I didn't know enough but I did know enough. I think for now I'm not planning to...absorb more info as of now - I have more than enough just to mull over and reflect on.

I've really come to understand my identity better. Being deitykin is a funny business because I feel it fills every aspect of me. Although I don't think everything I present as is "all Loki" as in the stereotype, the myths, at the same time, everything I do is just very..Loki. I initially thought I could compartmentalise deitykin stuff and focus on working through other stuff because...Well...I got a lot to work on. But I found it all kind of ties back to being deitykin. The better I feel, the more aligned, the more calm, the more I can feel I'm...just Loki. Like man. I don't really know how to explain it.

Its definitely something only I can tell. An observer wouldn't be able to tell if I'm feeling aligned at all. It's like that post I made earlier - that being the truest version of yourself is the purest form of being a (insert entity). Only you will know, really, when you feel the most (insert entity) because it probably won't align with the stereotype or match with the myths exactly...or not at all, since its not surprising a physical manifestation of that entity would be expressed in a different way to how they're portrayed or experienced in the 'spiritual realm'.

*coughs* the denial method wasn't doing me any favours huh anyway if anyone here is in denial, from someone who has a PHD in denial, just...don't. Its not going to work.

Oh, by the way. Some good news - I think it's perfectly possible to live in the mortal plane and enjoy life while acknowledging you might not be exactly mortal - as in, experiencing the same kind of humanity as most people. Apparently most people don't feel like they're otherkin haha, I don't really get it. I still have a feeling that everyone is otherkin but just hiding it - but I felt that same way about being asexual, and apparently a lot of people aren't...asexual. mind blowing.

Anyway, I've laid off diving head first into paganism. I consider myself a pagan but I live more by the values, I don't really do much. I do have an altar for Hel and I think we have a very deep connection, and she often just vibes with me, but that's it, I never really reached out to anyone, or planned to, Hel sort of found me so I've just accepted it, and my experience of her is that she is quite sassy and very nice. I plan to honour her more when I'm.. yk..less depressed and rotting in bed, for now tho we just chill together.

But apart from that, I'm not pursuing or practicing anything, and I thought before if I didn't, I would never feel aligned or content. But...that's not true. I've tried to talk to Loki to get answers but...I don't think he's gonna speak to me anytime soon, if ever. And besides, I am kind of doing it anyway...since I'm loki, and I got answers. Lol. Don't need to do anything else. So...I guess I did do what I wanted.

Not that I don't want to work with other Deities in future, I definitely do want to actually work with Hel for real, and talking with myself would be cool and I do want to worship other gods too. Because yeah. Buuuuuut....if I never get to do it, I'll die happy. Its not necessary to understand myself. Maybe in the future I will but not right now, I don't need to and I never needed to.

Anyway....what I've learnt from all this hard work:

1. You CAN live in this mortal plane, fully enjoy it, do mortal stuff, vibe as an entity in a flesh suit, AND be fully happy and content. You don't need to miss who you were or who you are spiritually. I've only got a glimpse of what it feels like, but I know it's possible because I've got a taste.

2. Keep working, going to therapy, sorting out past trauma, etc etc. Because the more you do 'deitykin unrelated work', the more you feel yourself, and therefore more YOU. As in, otherkin you as well. I'm saying deitykin because I am one but this applies to everyone. You'll just feel more comfortable as you all round.

3. Take this otherkin stuff seriously. If this isn't a phase for you, don't ignore it. This is personal experience btw - maybe it's not the same for everyone but I think it might be useful - I've found being otherkin literally makes up my entire being, body and soul. Like, everything I do is part of being Loki. If I feel calmer I feel more myself and the feeling of being Loki - myself, just existing and being - is overwhelming. "Woah I just...exist..dude. Without constant anxiety or pain. Yayyyyyyy"

Yeah I've.. been through a lot haha. Maybe if you had a relatively untraumatized life you'd be like 'huh bro what I always feel like myself' lmao. But it's not like that for me.

But if you've a lot to work through don't bury being otherkin and dismiss it as insignificant.

4. Only you will know when you're fully "insert entity". And by that I mean completely aligned, comfortable, calm, joyful, etc. It may present as completely different as what the stereotype for your species is, but only you will know. Don't let anyone tell you you're not really X because you don't X. They're dumbos. Again, I know its possible.

(Not so) funny story: I figured out I actually don't have a connection to fire all that much. I know the whole 'Loki is a fire god' thing was a mixup between Loki and Logi but he's so associated with fire I found it weird I didn't really, after reflection. I found out what I thought was fire was acrually extreme weather events, howling winds, biting cold winds, etc, sky related stuff. I also have a strong connection to flying - not with wings, but at fast speeds like stepping on wind and letting it carry me. I'm too tired to explain why this might not deviate as much as I thought- or even at all, but...yeah. its acrually not exactly completely strange for me to be this way as Loki. There's this whole sky treader/sky walker thing...haven't done enough reading into it yet but...yeahhhhh. the whole identifying with wind thing might not be as weird as I thought.

5. When in doubt, getting off tumblr may help clear things up. I went off it kind of to see (again, PHD of denial) if the feelings would go.

Nope. They got more intense. Haha, figures. The happier I am, the more I feel I'm definitely Loki. Figures...

But what I did find out my identity as a kelpie was a coping kin and I don't really identify as one if I'm not depressed. I think I'm back to identifying as a therian again, swifts and swallows and hummingbirds being what I am, since I actually not only feel a connection to the sky and wind, but I've been a bird since I can remember. My first sona when I was 5 was a bird. I always asked to play games where I would fly and I always wore wings lmao.

Looking back now it's so obvious I was a bird...but yknow depression happens and kind of makes everything stupid.

By the way I did question a lot of things, and temporarily considered I was actually Hermes and I just got confused, especially since I identified as Hermes when I was younger...but I'm definitely not Hermes lmao, I dont feel a connection with pretty much every part of him. The only reason I did identify as him was before I knew who Loki was, he was very speedy, and he was a trickster. All things in common with my identity xd.

I still identify as a snake, kind of, but physically a bird. Snake concept. I identify with the archetype of the trickster fox but only because foxes association with tricksters, I'm not really a fox.

5. Kind of 4 but speaking of 'only you know how to be your authentic self as X creature' don't take the stereotype of what your source does as gospel or more valid than hobbies or interests which deviate from your source. Sure, you can try out stuff your source does/did but you shouldn't really consider them 'WHO I SHOULD BE AND ACT BC I AM THIS'. Its more of a 'hey. Angels are associated with harps. I'm an angel, harps look kind of cool, might try playing one. OK uh. I hate harps lmfao. Never mind. "

More of inspiration and help, shouldn't be more important or valid than other hobbies...like skateboarding or something unrelated to your source xd. I mean yeah of course you didn't skateboard in the myths because they weren't invented yet. Imagine skateboarding in Heaven lmao, you'd fall right through the clouds.

6. Very cliche, but with this sort of thing the only thing you can do is follow your gut, and trust your instinct. You'll probably never be definitely sure you're X entity and that's how it'll be. But honestly? The whole 'I need definitive truth or I don't believe it' is a relatively new mindset, since I guess science is the new god now. But science constantly shifts and changes and people in 50 years could look back and go "ohhhh shit that 'ultimate truth' we found out back then was incredibly racist and inaccurate". So don't listen to those bullshitters who prattle on about "ultimate TruTh ProV E iT but hOw dO yoU really Know"

(For me the bullshitter was myself. I'm my worst bigot smh)

Of course, have a healthy bit of doubt, reflect, always be opened minded. But keep it HEALTHY and its OK to say what you are, even if you don't have 'proof'.

Yep. I'm done. Also, by the way, the reason I'm posting this stuff is 1. To document my progress because I can only keep up if I'm public and 2. To try to give other otherkins, deitykins especially, a closer look into the life of another deitykin and how they live. Lastly, some advice which I feel could help an reduce distress - basically stuff I wish other people told me.

I do NOT claim to be an expert, far from it, I'm just a guy navigating this extremely finicky business and I genuinely think my posts may help a depressed deitykin out there who may see themselves in my posts. Please use your brain lol and don't take my words as 100% ultimate truth correct and DO talk to me about it in dms or asks if you want to challenge/add stuff to my current advice! Please, i feel I'm screaming into the void here. I'm always open to some deep deitykin talk - dms, discord or VC. I'm not as active right now but I will be coming back to update and respond as needed.

Yeah, anyway, bye folks

Also I'm probably going to change my username...again...soon. to a more neutral name this time in case I find out I'm not a bird or something and it's another depression brain warp. Bye

[midwinterwings]

INFO POST

, yeah, take the minimalist aestethic. On purpose, not because I'm horrible at them...

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NAME:

I go by Python, but you can call me Loki as well as long as you differentiate me, an incarnation, from the God. I claim no absolute knowledge on Being Loki, knowing the Ultimate Truth about the myths or the history or the culture.

AGE:

Adult, I would prefer if minors don't interact.

DEITYKIN INFO:

I am an incarnation of the Norse god Loki. I consider myself a remoulding of him thrown into this physical plane, like taking clay and reshaping it and throwing it into another plane, and see the myths as a distant memory, like an old diary found in the attic you wrote years back. I personally don't like using the term godshard for myself because the word sounds like you're a broken piece even thought I believe it would be a definition that fits me. I prefer incarnation or just like...a meat physical version.

OTHER:

I'm learning about becoming a Norse Pagan, my main interests being that I want to work with Loki and his kids too - my deepest connection with Hel! I'm also very confused about all of this and pretty much am still pulling myself out of DeNial, this is all new to me, I'm just a beginner in the whole deitykin thing so don't take my posts as fact or...just trustworthy information, it's just my rambles and thoughts!

I'm always open to listening to other deitykins and godkins perspectives and enjoy have discussions and conversations about being godkin. The purpose of this blog is to have conversations with other godkin - deep or casual! Also, if you dm me, I'll send you a wet owl.

I am an autist, currently mentally ill (anxiety go brr) queer, and my hobbies are reading and drawing and m a t h s (contraversial take). I'm learning Icelandic and I plan to post godkin related art here sometime!