#living fart ruins man's birthday cake

[khrysteensart]

HEY how about that finale, huh??? Here's an alternate ending.

Original comic from Hark! A Vagrant

[baldysims]

Strange Legacy 2.2

I’m sure you’re all just dying to find out how Betelgeuse’s return to the legacy lot went. But first, let’s check in with generation 2 spare Alpheratz, shown here in his graduation duds cuddling with college placeholder Christy Pons.

Many Romance spares from other legacies never marry, but in this family, woohoo is strictly verboten outside the bonds of holy matrimony, so Alpheratz was set on marriage and children from the start. Unfortunately, as detailed in chapter 2.1, the love of his life is engaged to his brother, so he had to settle for the next best thing... her adult townie lookalike.

Creepy, yes, but despite the wrongness of the whole situation I actually enjoyed playing their little family. Their wedding wasn’t anything fancy, just your basic “I’m sick of this legacy already” sidewalk fare next to the trash can and mailbox, but the groom got his woohoo and the bride got her lifelong partner to talk about grilled cheese with, so I call it a success.

They had two adorable daughters who they named Bellatrix and Cursa, in keeping with the alphabetical and astronomical theme of the legacy.

Unfortunately their birthday parties tended to invite drama, and at Cursa’s toddler-to-child birthday, an out-of-control grandpa Zaniah did this:

Yes, that is the creepy townie who showed up to his wedding in a white gown. I’m sure you’re just as shocked as I am.

“I can’t believe you would do this to me! And at our granddaughter’s birthday party!”

Yeah, totally unexpected. It’s not like Zaniah is a garbage person, or that they’ve been heart farting over each other and undermining your marriage since forever. This is completely out of character for our legacy founder. Mmm hmmmm.

Although I will say it was oddly sweet watching Demi bitch Tamara out for horning in on her mother in law’s man. Strange spouses gotta stick together!

Back on the main lot, Angeline moved in and she and Betelgeuse are working hard at their careers. I want them to both be permaplat before they get married and start reproducing like crazy. Shouldn’t be too hard, since they both got 4.0′s in college and have mad skills in everything.

Zaniah isn’t convinced of Angeline’s worthiness to be a Strange spouse, though.

“Didn’t she kiss your brother?”

“No, Dad, she didn’t. Angeline would never do that to me. And you’re one to talk! We all heard about how you cheated on mom at the birthday party.”

“I would never. That’s just what that harridan your brother married is spreading around because she’s jealous she wasn’t able to marry into the legacy home. Never trust a woman’s gossip, Betelgeuse. I know I’ve taught you this lesson before.”

Yeah, that might have worked if Bete wasn’t a total mama’s boy. He’s been there to witness nearly all of Sharon’s unhealthy coping mechanisms ever since the birthday party. She’s always thinking about that kiss, usually while drinking herself into a stupor.

And so Zaniah tries his schtick out on Angeline.

“Why Angeline, what a lovely pair of lips you have. It’s no wonder BOTH of my sons were unable to resist them. If only you were able to resist both of my sons.”

“Ha, ha! That’s so funny, Mr. Strange. I know you have to be joking because there’s no way a proven adulterer would be lecturing me about the morality of my dating life before I even got engaged.”

“Watch your tone, missy.”

“No, you watch yours, old man. You think you’re hot stuff because you’re a legacy founder? I’m a hot downtownie, I’ve been around since 2005, and I’ve married into a million of these things. You better think long and hard before you start playing games with me, because I will END YOU.”

Yeesh. Well, I think she’s scared him off of trying to come between her and the legacy fortune ever again. Moving on.

Sharon reached the top of the Journalism career, fulfilling her lifetime want.

She then apparently decided that what with her dead marriage and all she had nothing left to live for, and promptly started dying in the bathroom.

“Really? Your first generation spouse is dying before the heir even gets married? That’s pathetic.”

Shut up, Grim, it’s hard when you have Real Sickness installed! You should know this from my apocalegacy!

Thankfully everyone’s favorite mama’s boy was there to save Sharon from my ineptitude and spare her a grisly fate.

He even went above and beyond and cured her ills, literally, with a little Grandma’s Comfort Soup.

Unfortunately, even with her sickness cured, her heart was still broken, and I think we all know Zaniah wasn’t capable of mending it without help.

Fortunately, super son comes to the rescue again with some well placed couples’ counseling. Psychology degree FTW!

Practicing therapy on your own parents... it’s a little unethical, but what can I say? That’s never been a problem for this family.

Awww. Look how happy Bete is to have helped. And with him and Angie both poised to reach level 10 in their careers tomorrow, there’s no better time to restore the household’s relationship harmony!

Once Zaniah’s done getting alien abducted again, natch.

Sure enough, Captain Hero and Chief of Staff did their thing the following day, and I was really looking forward to their Barbie Dream Wedding.

I even decked out the backyard with a sweet ass decorative pond. Look at it! That thing took me two hours. I was pumped.

Of course Zaniah just had to pick a fight with his existing daughter in law, because he can’t let a special event go by without ruining it. Looks like he’s complaining that she’s wearing “too much” makeup. Why am I not surprised?

More things I wish I was surprised about: College placeholder Christy showing up in an exact replica of Angeline’s gown. What is it with the women in this town? Begone, thot!

And so the ceremony -- wait a minute, what’s that happening in the corner?

God. Damn. It. Alpheratz! You had ONE job! Be appropriate at your brother’s wedding.

“Angeline was supposed to be mine! If I can’t have her, then you’d better believe I’m going to ruin my wimp of a brother’s wedding to her!”

UGH, and of course it’s with inappropriate Christy in the white gown. Why can’t my Sims be faithful to their partners at family functions?

Poor Demi was a real trooper, though. Her heart was breaking into a million pieces, but she stayed in her chair and politely clapped until the bitter end, because she wanted Betelgeuse and Angeline to have their moment. It’s odd having a truly classy person in the family for once.

Of course, even classy dames like Demi have their limits, as Alpheratz learned the hard way the second the ceremony was finished.

Oof, right in the moneymaker. And please notice in the background poor Bellatrix and Cursa tearfully fleeing the scene.

Bellatrix is a mean little Scorpio who takes after her father’s side of the family, so she was mainly furious, but poor Cursa just cried and cried. Demi came over to comfort her daughters, and I was torn between delight at the cuteness of this interaction that I had never seen before and sadness for what my drama-loving play style had done to my poor innocent babies.

I’M A MONSTER.

But how much did their other relatives care?

I’ll give you three guesses, and the first two don’t count.

Demi was actually so incredibly classy that she stopped inside to have a slice of cake and toast to the newlyweds before she said goodbye to the hosts. Oh, Demi, you are so much better than this trash family deserves.

“Yes, unfortunately I do have to go. But I want to wish you every joy and happiness together. There’s nothing better than a marriage that goes right, and nothing worse than when one goes wrong. May you always stay honest and true to each other.”

I don’t think they’ll have any trouble with that nowadays... thank God. You may recall that Angeline was also in love with Alpheratz at the time of his kiss with Christy the homewrecker, and now she hates him just as much as Demi does. I guess it’s true what they say: every cloud has a silver lining, and every broken family has a correspondingly broken incestuous love triangle.

With a little one officially on the way, Angeline was free to focus on less breedertastic legacy duties, like making sure everyone had their portraits in order. Competent artist that she is, she finished that little project before she even started showing.

Good thing, too, because she didn’t have the easiest pregnancy in her later trimesters.

It was definitely a relief when the birth came.

I was less than thrilled that Zaniah directed his applause at his son while turning his back on his daughter in law, the person who actually gave birth, but hey, that’s Zaniah for you.

Anyway, welcome to the family, Cassiopeia Strange!

Little Cassie turned out to be a little bit of a daddy’s girl, and who could blame her? Unlike his own father, Betelgeuse is an actual Family Sim with actual Family Sim wants, and he loves nothing more than showering his daughter with affection.

Soon after, Angeline got pretty busy being pregnant with #2 and working on getting that impossible want point for her secondary aspiration, so she didn’t have as much time for Cassie...

...but even when she did, Cassie was usually thinking about Betelgeuse.

Zaniah has been similarly busy working on his secondary impossible want, among other legacy business. He’s reaching the end of his lifespan and I wanted to make sure to wring every last point possible out of him.

He wrote his novel, as required for the storyteller handicap.

He also got abducted a third time, but unfortunately, no matter how much I made him stargaze at night, there was no fourth or fifth time for that one truly impossible knowledge want of 5 Abductions.

C’est la vie. Although he did survive to see the birth of Betelgeuse and Angeline’s second daughter, Diadem. Yes, daughter. I was hoping we wouldn’t have to have more than three kids, but oh well.

His last action on Sim Earth was becoming best friends with one of his four granddaughters. Ha! Serves you right to die before ever meeting your grandson and third generation heir, you old hypocrite!

Please enjoy this establishing shot that proves I put his grave next to the legacy tree in the backyard... and also that I collected 25 elixirs for a collection point from his aspiration bank before he kicked the bucket.

Mmm, sweet legacy points.

Sharon and Cassie were devastated, but I don’t think anyone else is going to miss the old coot. Particularly since it’s also a birthday party night!

Alpheratz and Demi came by, God knows why, and Alpheratz was so enraged to find that Angeline was pregnant by his brother again that he just had to slap her around a bit.

Classy. This family is so classy.

Adultery everywhere, drinking while pregnant, what social taboos haven’t the Stranges crossed with impunity? I just hope the baby comes out okay. It’s crazy to me that Maxis won’t let pregnant ladies change the cat litter or use the hot tub, but apparently “juice” and “bubbles” are just what the doctor ordered.

But fear not, no amount of dysfunction will ever stop the younger Stranges from getting every privilege in life offered to them on a silver platter! As long as your family is rich, you’re set! Just like in real life.

And may I please just single Demi out for being once, twice, three times a lady yet again? Look at her, autonomously feeding her hungry niece out of the goodness of her heart! It’s like she doesn’t even know what she married into.

Later that night, the house gets burglarized.

Even though Betelgeuse is Captain Hero, the Fearless handicap prevents us from using any alarms and makes burglaries a real pain in the ass. Sharon just barely managed to call the police in time to catch the thief. Why does she need to call a low ranking officer when they have Captain Hero in the house? Who knows. I’ll chalk it up to the booze.

The next morning, the kids prove that they know exactly which family they were born into by rolling identical wants to murder the burglar with the cowplant. Yeesh.

Betelgeuse attempts to teach Cassie a healthier way to deal with her feelings by showing her the ins and outs of investigative police work.

Meanwhile, Angeline gives birth to... ANOTHER girl, seriously? I’m trying to run a patriarchy over here!

I’m sorry I’m not more excited over your birth, Electra, it’s just that I kind of hate dealing with multiple toddlers at once and I don’t like doing it more than once per generation.

At least the girls are cute. Here’s Diadem as a child, showing off her gymnastic skills.

I love watching Di and Cassie play with the dollhouse every morning and night before bed. It’s so wholesome!

Also adorable: Grandma Sharon tucking her grandbabies in whenever she gets a chance. Awww. We’ll just ignore that she probably reeks of booze the whole time.

Much less adorable: Zaniah scaring the crap out of his pregnant daughter in law on his first night haunting. Zaniah! I know you’re a fake Family Sim, but the least you could do is not sabotage your own legacy.

Oh, thank God, it’s finally a boy.

This little rugrat is named Fornax, and he is definitely the heir because I am done, done, D-O-N-E done with these two having children. They’re cute and all, but four is more than enough.

Cassie grew up and rolls Romance, which I don’t think suits her. She seems much more like a Family Sim to me. She’s always rolling wants to interact with her parents and siblings, and sure, she’s a mean little Scorpio, just like dad and gramps, but that’s never stopped her from -- hang on.

What’s that happening in the back of the lot?

Oh, nothing, just Grandma Sharon quietly dying while no one but me cares. You were a good Sim, Sharon, always fun to play. A real booze hound, but I’ll miss you very much.

And her granddaughters who cared so much for her... just kept playing Spin Me Around and didn’t stop until they got their inheritance. 

That’s cold. Maybe Cassie wouldn’t make such a great Family Sim.

Just to test drive the whole Romance thing, I set her up with patriarchy-approved Romeo Montague, and she seemed to like him okay.

They had a very enjoyable date, but when it was time for him to go, she shooed him away in a less than polite manner.

“Get OUT of here, you disgusting boy, and don’t think I’m going to call you again! My family is way richer than yours anyway.”

Yeah, I don’t think Romance is Cassie’s thing.

So after Fornax’s birthday party, when her aspiration finally dipped back down into the green, I went ahead and cheesed her.

No regrets. This family does not need any more Romance Sims -- a lesson that I will be sure to impart on our young heir, Fornax, as well, since he’s our one and only shot at continuing the legacy.

Fornax, sadly, did not have a Roof Raiser of a birthday party, and so I will be going for a different Master Point with him. I’m thinking Child Prodigy, since so many of his relatives have maxed out skills and more career reward skill objects than you can shake a stick at.

Plus, look at what the little stinker always wanted to talk about in his toddler years. Algebra? Yeah, that’s a nerd if I’ve ever seen one.

He is an EXTREMELY good sport about the whole spending his entire childhood studying and skilling thing.

I think Diadem would have made a good child prodigy too, since she rolled knowledge and is ALWAYS congratulating everyone on being overachievers, but sadly, she is a girl and therefore can’t be heir in this deeply unfair patriarchal legacy.

Electra, meanwhile, became a Pleasure Sim with a lifetime want of 50 First Dates. Curse you, Adam Sandler, for inspiring that LTW from hell!

We’re fulfilling it, though. You know we are. I’ve never been able to resist those impossible want points.

“Tybalt, I know Electra brought you home on the schoolbus for a freebie date and all, but I really think you should leave before my grandpa scares you to death. It’s just not safe for a matriarchal guy like you to be here at night.”

“You sure, Cass? Diadem doesn’t seem to mind getting scared.”

“That’s because she’s a freak, Ty. Now beat it.”

“Okay, but you have to promise you won’t tell Bells about this. Electra promised it was going to be strictly platonic!”

Yep, that’s right, Tybalt is dating none other than Alpheratz’s daughter Bellatrix, who grew up into a Fortune Sim who fell head over heels for the fiery Capulet. That would have been a problem if she was born into the main household, but Alpheratz never cared much for legacy rules so he’s perfectly fine with his children dating matriarchal Maxis-mades.

Not that Cursa would ever be in danger of settling down with one. She’s Romance, just like dad, and while she does go out with Tybalt and Bellatrix, she prefers doing her own thing, usually on the karaoke machine.

And how are Alpheratz and Demi? Obviously they are still married, because divorce is anathema in the legacy family, but they actually surprised me by being able to patch things up somewhat.

Okay, maybe they patched things up a lot.

Back on the main lot, Fornax continues his Child Prodigy studies, and Electra continues her string of meaningless dates.

She met many an interesting character downtown, including this dorky vampire who only wanted to talk about school.

“You must tell me about your schoolverk. I haff such an interest in how theese thinks haff changtt since I vos a boy, back in Baffaria.”

“Wow, okay. I have to tell you that as a Pleasure Sim, I hate school with every fiber of my being, but can I introduce you to my sister? I think the two of you would get along like a house on fire!”

Indeed they would, especially since Diadem managed to get herself alien abducted and has therefore become an excellent candidate for the Ivy League master point mini-challenge!

“I get to become a vampire? Sweet.”

I was hyped for the vamping, but unfortunately my vampire skin default left a lot to be desired. Apparently it makes everyone an opaque pearly white regardless of original skintone. Lame!

Pardon me while I switch some files around.

“Ahhhh. Much better. Grandma Sharon must be so proud of me.”

I’m sure she’s proud of all of you, because the time to grow Fornax up and get that master point has come! Once he grows up platinum, we’ll be ready to ship everyone except little miss I Was A Teenage Vampire off to college. It’s been a whirlwind of a generation.

Let me just show off a couple awkward shots proving that he maximized everything he was supposed to...

And away we go! Fucking nailed it!

Next time: How will Fornax cope with going straight from being ten years old to becoming a college student? Will I be able to get Cassie her 200 sandwiches and Electra her 50 dates without driving myself crazy? And what’s with the mystery surrounding Alpheratz and Demi’s third child?

Legacy Scoring:

Legacy: 2.5 Money: 1 Family friends: 38x.25 = 9.25 Impossible wants: 5 (Alph 20L, Sharon 30F, Zaniah 7Sk, Angeline 7Sk, Fornax 7Sk) Platinum graves: 2 (Family, Popularity) Ghosts: 1 (Old Age) Business: 3 Seasons: 2 (tree) Free Time: 2 (Games: Zaniah, Betelgeuse, Alpheratz) Collections: 1 (25 Elixirs x1) Master: 2 (Social Bunnies Need Love Too, Child Prodigy - Fornax, ) Handicaps: 0 Overflow: 0 Penalties: -1 (bills) Total: 29.75