#literally would feel like throwing a toothpick so maybe don't. if you care for your life

[forgotten-daydreamer]

just saying, maybe don't fat shame other cosplayers just because you're skinnier? just a thought, you know.

[alientitty]

Persona 5 (Royal) Guys Punchability Rating

Should you, playing as Joker, take a swing at your confidants? Find out here!

I-The Magician: Morgana

Hey, he's just a little kitty cat! It might be annoying how he doesn't let you go out at night and keeps talking when you're trying to read or meditate, but when he's not around it's clear you can barely function without a feline handler. He does keep saying weird shit to Ann though. 3/10

IV-The Emperor: Yusuke Kitagawa

Is it even fair? The guy's a toothpick. He's gonna blow away with the next breeze. His stamina in the Metaverse comes entirely from sitting around thinking about the darkness of the human soul re:art all day. Isn't he a starving orphan? But he does keeping saying out-of-pocket shit and you don't care how gay he is, that's no excuse for being a misogynist. Violence isn't the answer, but he'll feel the passion behind your slap, even if he doesn't entirely approve of the method. 5/10

V-The Hierophant: Sojiro Sakura

Aww, isn't he such a lovable tough guy? Basically your new dad, generational enmity and all. Hey wait why is he checking out your teenage friends. Hitting on all these younger women. Isn't he like 50? 60? If he's in his 60s you worry his brittle bones will shatter on impact, but if it's 50s then he's fair game. Maybe he'll finally trust you after some male bonding through friendly roughhousing and all. Depending on how early it is in the game there's a chance you'll be out on the street, though. 6/10

VI-The Chariot: Ryuji Sakamoto

He's your homeboy, your bro, your best buddy! And sometimes friends deck friends when they get outta line. You do feel kinda bad since he's been trying to channel all those big water sign emotions into becoming a gym rat instead of getting goaded into fights and all, but you'll keep it clean. You love him, but he can be so embarrassing in front of your other friends! Maybe he'd stop chasing skirts like a doofus if he just got some friendly skin-on-skin contact with other guys now and then. Wait, what? Well, anyways, it's totally a fair fight. As you throw the first punch you remember, wait, isn't he a domestic violence survivor? Shit. 9/10

XI-Justice: Goro Akechi

You can't tell if he's actually cool or just pretentious, but you've been waiting for a chance to wipe that shit-eating grin off his pretty face. You bet he has a 15-step skincare routine to get that perfect glow when he delivers a backhanded compliment that subtly conveys how much he thinks he's better than you. Staring each other down across the billiard tables while you play a verbal game of cat-and-mouse isn't enough. This cold war's gotta heat up. And, spoiler alert, he will challenge you to a duel...and then some. This ends with one of you on his knees. 10/10

XII-The Hanged Man: Munehisa Iwai

What beef do you even have with this guy? He's the hot gun guy who gives you custom builds in exchange for glimpses into the life of a Goodfellas side character. Besides, with his history, you don't wanna risk it. He's way too experienced and strong and grizzled and smoldering and...ahem. Maybe you would learn something. 4/10

XVI-The Tower: Shinya Oda

That's a kid. You do wanna punch the people making this poor child's life so hard, though. 0/10

XVIII-The Moon: Yuuki Mishima

He looks up to you so much it just wouldn't be fair. You've seen him beat up so much already that, even if he asked you to fight him, it'd be like kicking a puppy. He can be annoying and a creep and maybe even a little scary sometimes, but a punch is not what he needs. 2/10

XIX-The Sun: Toranosuke Yoshida

Dad?! For real, though, he's just about the only adult in this game besides Lala-chan who seems actually cognizant of the fact that you're a teenager. If you tried to take a swing at him he'd be incredibly disappointed that his lessons didn't stick, and you'd never forgive yourself for letting him down. 1/10

(Igor isn't here because he's nothing. As in, literally immaterial. You can't punch your dreamscape spirit guide with your real life human hands. He's, just, not there.)

1-The Councillor: Takuto Maruki

The most punchable guy in the entire game. Everyone thinks that self-effacing, oblivious beta male act is so charming, but you're not buying it. He's only there for Shujin to cover its ass until it cycles out of the news and is either willingly complicit or too incompetent to notice. He thinks his disarming, approachable shtick is a therapeutic icebreaker, but it's more like a lack of boundaries bordering on malpractice. He's one of those self-described "empaths" who projects his own personal issues onto everybody else and plays the victim when you call him out on it. The last thing you or any other troubled teens need is this bumbling, paternalistic stooge messing around in your heads. Plus, every time he makes that stupid pouty face you wanna slap the license outta him. Hey, does he even have one? 11/10

Bonus: Protagonist/ Joker / Your Name Here

Well, you play as him, so he's kind of you? The dialog options let you be a little mean or creepy sometimes, so I guess it's up to the player to decide if he's a jerk or not. Or you can take all those options as reflective of his personality (add in the fake glasses and Uniqlo mannequin getups, and he's kind of an asshole). Just keep in mind that, for a guy who eats a single loaf of bread at lunch every day, he's surprisingly built and pretty strong. You'll be in for quite a fight you can't back out of if you take a swing at him. At yourself?

??/10