#literally the worst time of my life was my whole childhood for every good time i had there were 10 times more negative shit that happened

[rockets-sillyobsession]

Lee!Robbie HCs

Well, hello there! Long time no see!

Yeah i'm not too active on tumblr much these days, but i'm hoping to make that change, every great once and a while! I've also got a fanfic in the works (also lee!robbie btw) but until then, I offer you some thoughts on this boy whom i love so dearly <333

NSFW/FETISH BLOGS PLEASE DNI!!!

Being an emo is so lee core. What are you refusing to smile/laugh for, hmm?? I know what you are

Wendy is his main ler, ofc, but close behind is mabel!!! in my mind, him and mabel end up being close friends/have a big brother and little sister dynamic and they are SO best friends core!!! and you can't be besties with Mabel Pines without being wrecked <3333

ESPECIALLY with an angsty attitude like his. She will NOT stand for this constant frowning!!

He swears a LOT when being tickled, especially right beforehand when he's in Panic mode, and mabel doesn't take too kindly to that

Their whole friend group has also teamed up on him a time or two

They all like to poke or jab him randomly bc of the funny little noises he makes

Even if they're not participating themselves, his friends like to tease him as it's happening (Mainly Nate and Lee) and encourage the ler to go to worst spots/do particular things they know get to him, etc

But it's all in good fun, they all know he's having fun :333

There's something very sweet to me about him going all in on being emo/angsty but holding onto this ONE silly, childish thing that makes him happy....

He's shown to be a bit of an artist, so I bet he totally hasn't drawn his epic, totally not a self insert OC being wrecked by the also totally not an insert for the girl he has a crush on

You can tell he's in a lee mood by how obnoxious his ego is "Yeah, whatever..." Not in a mood "Uh, yeah, I could totally take you!" In a mood

His main spot is under his arms, mainly bc I love imagining him trying to do literally ANYTHING and always having to put himself "at risk" in front of wendy/his friends

He's SUCHHHH a brat!! and for what? everyone knows what you're doing, you're not hiding ANYTHING by acting tough <3333

"Tch, and just what are YOU gonna do?" "What, am I supposed to be scared or something?"

His confidence is almost INSTANTLY dashed by ANY sort of advance from a ler. You so much as move as he's shrinking back and suddenly he's "sorry" for what he said

He isn't. Hope this helps <3333

He also likes to use his angsty nature to his advantage and dramatically lament about random things and do dramatic poses while doing so, hoping/knowing somebody's gonna take advantage of the fact that his arms are up and over his head

Mabel calls it "cheering him up" when she wrecks him for it, Wendy calls it "shutting him up" ;KAJSDFLKJASKD

Him and Wendy have been childhood friends for a good while, so he's been wrecked PLENTY over the years, meaning he has a surprising amount of endurance

He's quick to crumble with teasing, but he can put up with quite a bit of tickling

I don't think this man has tickled another person in his LIFE A;SDKFJALSKDJK

He can sure try!!! Oh, how he's tried!! but it NEVER turns out good for him laskdjfkd so sorry buddy

Except i'm not sorry bc he's a lee and he's having the time of his life <333

Afterwards, he's actually pretty. chill and sweet :333 He's got a bit more pep in his step and just generally a lot happier for a while

That's all for now, thank you for reading!!

[greml1nb0i]

Hazbin Hotel Rewrite [WIP- this is copy and pasted from my docs; this is old but i wanted to share it anyway]

Rewrite the Characters:

Original +opinions (ooo~ Spicy) :

Charlie - Princess of Hell, Daughter of Lucifer. Sheltered and Cheery.

  I hate that she’s just Disney Princess coded. They could have used the whole sheltered route well but TBF we don't see that either.  We see a weird rendition of that where everyone forgives her for her terrible actions but yet other characters like Husk and Angel Dust are somehow held to a higher sense of accountability for their actions?!

  I also don’t believe whoever raised Charlie could keep her away from the ever growing and changing landscape of Hell. Like if you're going to be a Princess of anything its really important for the next heir to be well acquainted with their kingdom's landscape and history. At the very least talk to the locals and commonwealth. 

 Her design is...ok. It didn't change much from the pilot but tbh i liked her Pilot design, I feel like it makes sense for her to wear hints of red and white, but i wish they added more than just red, i feel like black or gold would have been better or even purple for Biblical accuracy of Pride.

Vaggie - Girlfriend to Charlie and protector of the Hotel, ex-Exorcist. 

 Why did they change the lore? Also why does it feel like the VA hated being there or was just given 0 directions. She sounds dull and plain except for when she’s sounding like she’s angry, which is 99.98% Of Vaggie’s emotions.

  That, an amnesia apparently?! How does vaggie not remember the very weapon that cut out her FUCKING EYE that still makes no sense, like how tf her and Lucifer and even Husk have wings, if wings are going to be used for ANY character why make them seem important to Vaggie when Husk literally has wings, and Lucifer the supposed “fallen Angel” STILL HAS HIS?! Like why? How does this make sense? 

Angel - FemBoy, Sex worker. Deals in Self destruction, self loathing and deep depression while also being flirty and promiscuous. Was in a Mafia family. 1940s timeline. 

 Trauma porn character and just a bunch of gay men stereotypes. As a survivor, his story doesn't hit the way its meant to. There's a good and bad way to show SA and Abuse and while they did it “eh” (im saying this loosely) at first, they were completely unrealistic and downright infantilizing at the end.

  There's no way someone who just went through a beating, an having to almost get drugged and dragged out of bar, is going to forgive the same person who started the stupor in the first place- ESPECIALLY ON THE SAME NIGHT!!!!!

I FUCKING CANT WITH THESE WRITERS THINKING MENTAL HEALTH CAN BE SOLVED IN A 20 MIN EPSIODE, IS THIS A KIDS SHOW ABOUT FRIENDSHIP OR AN ADULT SHOW ABOUT CARTOON DEMONS IN HELL. 

And don’t get me started on that terrible musical number, it’s just soft core rape in a cheery pop tune i fucking hate it!! It doesn't help that Raph, an SA fetishist STORYBOARDED THE DAMN SCENE

WHAT THE FUCK MEDRANO!?

Husk - Angry grump, bar keeper. Contracted to Alastor. Gambler. From the 1970 or 60. 

 The design is a character designer's worst nightmares come to life on the screen. Every furry from the early 2000s clutching their pearls in cringe. It screams “omg rawr xD uwu” era and i think we as a society are way past that, i figured a 30 something year old woman would be too.

[apparently it was her sisters OC that was put into the show, viv why?!]

Alastor - radio show host from the 30s. Cannibal. Half Creole. “Wendigo design”. Cocky and always smile but is "quite dangerous when provoked." [yea ok pal]

  An OC from middle school that should have stayed in middle school. There is a reason so many OCs from artists' early childhood don't make it into their new and growing art style. Most of the time if you keep obsessing over the same OCs you stunt yourself on growing in your art. Tumblr Sexy Man is that exact thing. I like him in concept but, if he was drawn better and actually looked like a man from the 1900s and in his 40s,(or even a half creole man; that's supposedly a Wendigo) I'd have less to complain about. His concept is good and interesting, but its not the first or the last and Alastor def isn't the first. Also give that man a haircut please!

Nifty - Japanese-American. From the 50s Obsessive and a neat freak. Camera shy but psychotic.

  I feel like this is just a racist stereotype waiting to be exposed. The “young psychotic Japanese  girl” trope is so fucking old and repetitive that i cant vibe with a character like Nifty when i know her only purpose is to be used as comedy bait. It doesn't help that Viv didn't give Nifty almost any merch! Like WOW really showing favoritism over the merch sales and that is disgusting.

Sir Pentious - British inventor. Kinda an idiot but is a brilliant machinist.

  We were robbed of a decent villain. I hate that he became part of the cast and became the first redeemed as if Angel wasn't there longer and started showing signs of Redemption sooner, like we got more Redemption scenes of Angel but like NONE of Pentious and we are supposed to believe this weird snake dude is redeemed just cuz he kissed a girl and got himself killed for nothing???? VIVZIE YOUR ASS WRITING IS ASS!!

Also he's a stolen Character...seems to be a trend for Viv..

Lucifer - King of Hell, Father of Charlie, Sin of Pride. Depressed and non-serious, deep self loathing. Complex of some sort. Short King.

 He’s fine..i guess, i mean its freaking Jeremy Jordan VA-ing him…he kind fixes whatever is wrong with Lucifer character wise. [this is for very obvious reasons a joke, while re-reading this i realized some people might not know i'm being sarcastic,oopsies] He’s a terrible character for numerous reasons. He is kinda homophobic if you really think about that “i like girls too” line and then proceeds to call her “MAGGIE”;  Lucifer feels like he is just there to satisfy Viv’s  disney esque “daddy issues” type kink she has for “tragic characters and shitty dads” type characters.

 Designs wise he trash. He looks like jeff the killer but blonde and drawn by your aunt who refused to go to art school

Cherri Bomb - Angels Friend. Arsonist. From the 60s(?). Punk rock.

 Her design is literally traced and just the Addict design…the fans are just stupid. Also i dont like the fact that Viv EXPECTED viewers of her show, to have done homework on who the fuck Cherri is, cuz if you're a new watcher, and didn't read the fucking Vivziepop Bible, you wont know who tf she if or why you should even care about her.

 Why is Angel hanging out with someone like this in the first place, You’d think because Angel is older and from a different time period he wouldn't vibe with Cherri?? But apparently Viv thinks a fem gay man from the 30s would be the best homie to a 20 yr old punk rock Aussie from the 60s, a whole 3 decades of time difference!! Tell us why and how they know each other!! How can these fundamentally very different people even vibe together!! Is it just cus "wow shared trauma of abusive lovers" cuz wow Viv.

(her entire design is also stolen soooooo~)

Mimzy - who?

This one also feels really fucking racist. Idk what it is with Viv but the jewish stereotypes of Mimzie are absolutely atrocious. 

Fix:

Charlie - [TBD]

Vaggie - [TBD]

Angel - [TBD]

Husk - [TBD]

Alastor - [TBD]

Nifty - [TBD]

Sir Pentious - [TDB]

Lucifer - 

 Was an Angel with dreams, and took part in the Creation of All Things.

   However Lucifer was too ambitious and went off course with the designs of Earth’s creatures, causing the other Angels to feel uncomfortable by him and his new creations. 

While the Angels were tolerating him, he was allowed to visit the First Human, but in doing so felt that their lack of knowledge was unfair and so in hopes of helping the other Angels see things his way, he gave the Apple of Knowledge to Adam and Lilith. 

 This didn't go as planned though, Where Lilith became kinder and more empathetic, Adam however became more uptight, and acted as if he was better than Lilith.

 Lucifer defended Lilith against Adam thus causing the Angels attention to be drawn. Seeing what Lucifer had done; Ultimately bringing evil (free will) into the world, They (strangely) cast Lucifer AND Lilith, as well as the creatures Lucifer had created to the dark void;

 The Angels now would call it, Hell. Lucifer, home. 

Lucifer would first land in Hell confused and depressed, Along with Lilith they both begin to freak out as they look into the dark, empty landscape in front of them. Feelings of bitterness begin to reside within Lucifer, that settled into a resilient sense of ignorant Pride. 

Lucifer’s Creations - 

 The demons and most of the Hellborns. Lucifer is treated as the Divine Judge of Hell, His punishment is having to witness all the evil that had been created due to him and He in turn must turn what could never be, into another one of his creations. Though he is given it a process. He has given up on making anymore Hellborns due to them fixing that themselves. Demons that are specifically Dead Humans (The Sinners).

Sins - 

 All of the Sins were once creatures created by Lucifer that began to Form into The 7 Deadly Sins. However the rest of these creatures evolved into lower ranks and a hierarchy was formed. With the Sins and Lucifer being at the top.

 The 7 are special creatures that Lucifer held a special fondness to in particular. More so than some of the other Creations. Each of these Sins were given a mission after the fall and were subsequently turned into the Sins by the Angels, who felt they deserved the same punishment, if not worse, as Lucifer. Forcing each of the Sins to work as their prince/princess of their specific ring unless they want their entire existence to cease. They rather that not happen.

The angels cursed all the sins, and Lucifer himself. that if they ever stop their torment they will cease to exist. Angels thought this was humane but didn't realize or rather didn't care that much at the time how barbaric it actually is. 

Dubbed the Curse of the Angels or Angels Kiss 

(play on Kiss of Death where whomever Death kissed is marked for death, 

here the Sins were “kissed” by the Angels and a “kiss” was once used to symbolize a curse or bad omen onto another)

their "death" however is more than they evaporate into nothing

its their very minds and bodies slowly begin to deteriorate painfully to the point of being empty husks. No expression, No emotions, No sense of self. Nothing. Their consciousness and personality essentially gets erased entirely.

Premise IDEAS for Rewrite: 

1] 

Sinners go through character arc delving into their issues that lead to each one's Redemption

Heaven gets upset over the rise of redemption in Sinner 

 Earthly Denizens of Heaven/ “winners”  attack the Hotel

The Sinners and the Staff defend the Hotel

Heaven’s attackers are turned fallen. 

{END}

so i started this almost a year ago, it was right when i really started to dislike Viv and Helluva Flop Boss. If you wanna give a suggestion on what you think could make this better go for it. It's a WIP- so any advice is welcome and appreciated!!

[issacballsac]

“Being Best-friends with Dante Sparda„

Being a son of Sparda doesn’t mean he doesn’t have time to fool around with you ! Gender neutral human reader

Teenage Years | DMC3

Being the massive flirt he is he’ll most likely try and flirt with you upon meeting

Seeing as his twin brother is currently trying to kill him and take his necklace he’ll keep your first conversation short and leave you with his number

After literal Hell on Earth he’ll remember to give you a call

Y’all click instantly…he’s also just a really easy person to get along with but we’ll just ignore that

Now we all know he STAYS broke so either you pay for a meal or y’all are taking a walk in the park somewhere

Getting him to actually talk about himself is pretty difficult

Give him space and he’ll open up about deeper things in his life eventually especially things that concern his demon half(brother, childhood, etc.)

He does enjoy throwing compliments everywhere so expect daily words of praise whether it be sarcastic, goofy, exaggerated, or sincere praise

If you like to compliment as well it’ll be like the most sickening bromance ever

If your still in school DO NOT go to him for homework help

He’ll hype you up for sure but if you need genuine academic help just get a tutor💀

Would be genuinely upset if you made a joke regarding his white hair bro would get hella moody and claim you aren’t friends anymore

If you have a part time job you can BET he’s gonna ask for some bread

Not exactly outright but he’ll allude to it like..

“You remember all the damage those demon guys did to my shop? Yeah…it’s gonna cost A TON to repair it by myself…”

“Are you hungry? Well I heard about this new pizza spot that WE should totally tryout 😁.”

If you like to make clothes/jewelry/accessories he’ll totally wear it

Refuses to let you mess with his hair until like two years into knowing each other

Takes pride in his looks and you should too! Self care! Ofc you’re paying for any and all expenses🫶

Glorified sugar daddy😭

If you live with your parents…so does he

Congratulations you have a new brother 🩰

If you don’t he’ll offer to be roommates so he can get a cheaper rent

You’ll definitely meet Lady she is absolutely appalled at how you tolerate him constantly sarcastically ofc she knows he’s a good guy

If you’re into video games he’ll play with you granted he doesn’t have the money to pay for a game console so it’ll be on whatever console you have

Once he’s in your life he’s never leaving literally.

A best-friend for a lifetime

Adult Years

He probably saved you from some demons

Like if you met him in his teenage year he’d def start flirting

What can I say he stays true to himself

His personality would never change regardless of his aging

Still the same wacky woohoo pizza man we know and love

Thinks you look hot and invites you on a date which quickly just turns into a hangout after the LACK of romance

Still finds hanging with you to be fun and keeps a friendship

Even after establishing a friendship he still flirts here and there—force of habit

Would definitely teach you how to ride a motorcycle if you didn’t already know

More willing to let you mess with his hair

Like put it in pigtails or tie it up/braid it

Introduced you to the whole DMC gang

Now depending on the time period he’ll tell you about Vergil and his upbringing

He would totally tell you all about it after the events of DMC5 after he returns ofc!

I feel like he’s an animal guy so if you have any pets they’re now his pets too

Co-parenting core🩰

If you’re an artist he’ll be your muse/reference material any day

Loves the attention

Drunk dance nights

Karaoke too he doesn’t have the best singing voice but it’s not the worst

Since he’s a devil hunter he goes on missions a lot and seeing as you don’t want to get your shit rocked you stay behind

Cherishes every moment spent together and will make sure you know that

You always take him with you on vacations

How could you not???

He appreciates if you chip in helping him pay off his MASSIVE FUCKING DEBT

He doesn’t expect you to though

Despite being broke he stays stylish and if you asked would help you with fashion

Ofc he isn’t like BIG on fashion but cmon have you seen his looks? He dabbles

Immediately sees you after missions and starts ranting about the entire thing

“Can you believe it?! So obviously I shot that nasty bitch and it had the nerve to explode all over my jacket! It died so I can’t even get it to pay for a new one!”

“Don’t worry about why I smell like this worry about the fact that Trish totally took MY commission!”

Very dramatic but laid back too if that makes sense

Calls you cheesy nicknames that I will not elaborate on use your imagination 🗣️🫶

Enjoys live music and will go with you to concerts if you like

Shows you his demon form if you’re interested

Whatever your hobby is he’ll be interested

Would make sure nothing ever bad happened to you regarding devils ofc

Best bros for life and in death🫡

[homestuckreplay]

Harlequin Anger vs Jester Ennui - Color as John Egbert’s Emotions

Week 2 Retrospective

John Egbert is the silliest little guy, but we’re starting to see hints of what he’s feeling beneath the surface. Looking at the themes of the comic so far, my current theory is that the colorful elements in the comic are the things that make John feel strong emotions - both good and bad - while the monochrome elements represent what makes John feel bored and frustrated.

Analysis below the cut - about 2,200 words.

‘A familiar note is produced. It's the one Desolation plays to keep its instrument in tune.’ (p.82)

Desolation has two, related meanings - one is loneliness, grief, and lack of companionship, while the other is ruin, emptiness and destruction. The first meaning is John’s current mental state, while the second is the suburb he lives in. The majority of what’s surrounding John is entirely monochrome, and so is John himself. We also learn from the narration on p.82 that ‘something feels missing from [John’s] life’ and that he has a sense ‘not of mirth, but of lack’. I think he spends a lot of time going through the motions - poking at things in his room without settling to anything, wandering up and down the stairs when his dad is occupied - but his life is the same day in and day out, and he struggles to inject any excitement into his life, or even any anger at the situation he’s trapped in. 

I think it’s extremely notable that almost everything relating to John’s family is monochrome. In addition to the house as a whole, the portraits of his dad and nanna are monochrome, as are the gifts and cakes from his dad, the car outside, and most importantly the piano. I don’t think John hates his father, but I think he struggles to connect with him or feel close to him. Ignoring page 72’s peanut ambiguity, the worst we hear about Dad is that he will ‘monopolize hours of [John’s] time’ (p.30) and ‘can be a real cornball’ (p.49), which is a big contrast to him calling Betty Crocker his ‘arch nemesis’ (p.48). 

Therefore, John’s dad is an inconvenience, not a threat. John might know intellectually that his dad loves him - ‘the old man really came through this time’ (p.19), as well as the kind fatherly notes left on John’s birthday presents (p.12, p.55) - but I think he can’t make the leap to actually caring about his dad in return or enjoying his company.

John is a gifted piano player, and gives us a ‘haunting piano refrain’ (p.77). Him being a musician ties back into the act title - ‘the note desolation plays’ uses the language of music, something so often filled with emotion, to describe a lack of it. Given that, of course the piano is monochrome. Perhaps John even sees the piano as the source of his problems, or at least representative of them. 

I noted at the time that it was strange John hadn’t listed piano among his interests when it’s clearly something he’s spent a lot of time on, and now I think it’s something that was taught to him as a kid by either his dad or nanna. He’s good at it, but he’s so disconnected from family life that it no longer brings him any joy, it’s just a hangover from his childhood. ‘Haunting’ makes me think it was his nanna who taught him - now every time John plays, he’s haunted by her memory (or even her literal ghost). Possibly her death is what made John disconnect from the hobby, especially with ‘desolation’ relating to grief.

On page 4, we get our first glimpse of the outside. The blue sky shot through with the brown tree is the largest splash of color in John’s room. The promise of the outside world is extremely colorful, and we know John wants to go there - the window reflected in John’s glasses on page 28 as he grins excitedly is a clear visual indication of that. Yet when we finally see it, the outside isn’t all color - the grass, sky, trees and flowers all are, but the man made aspects such as the driveway, tire swing, and other houses in the neighborhood are gray and dull.

Page 82 gives us the dramatic moment of John removing his clever disguise and gazing up at the sky. It’s the first time we see the sun and the uninterrupted expanse, and it’s framed like it’s significant for John, too. I don’t think it’s literally his first time stepping outside (you can’t tell me his dad didn’t push him on that tire swing as a kid) but I think it’s the moment he realizes that leaving his literal house doesn’t mean he’s not stuck - the neighborhood is just more of the same, and whatever restrictions John’s working within mean he can’t go any further than this. A front yard is legally part of a house, and the reality of the outside doesn’t excite him as much as the idea of it.

And then there’s the clowns. The one aspect of his dad that really gets John going; the harlequin portraits in the hallway and living room that Dad brought back from clown con are bright, obnoxious, and impossible to ignore. Interestingly, the ones in the study are black and white - perhaps John is okay with the clown pictures in the study, because that’s explicitly his dad’s space, but he doesn’t like the ones in the main area, because they make him feel like the house is fully his dad’s, not a shared space they could decorate together. 

This is pure speculation, but I don’t think John has ever moved house. I get the impression that he grew up in this house, which is his dad’s now and was perhaps originally his nanna’s, and has never known a world outside of this specific neighborhood. Because John’s been there since he was born, it’s never crossed his dad’s mind that John might want to, say, put his Little Monsters poster in the living room - hence why that gift was left in John’s bedroom, while the harlequin doll is allowed to be downstairs. 

Speaking of John’s room, it’s definitely not an oasis of color within the house. In our first shot of the room, we see six splashes of color, including the outside and John’s shirt - comparable to the living room (six including John’s shirt and hat) and study (five including the outside and John’s hat). A full three of the colorful elements in John’s room are related to Sburb, which in both the visuals and text is the thing John’s by far the most excited about right now, but I’ll circle back around to this. 

John’s magic chest, magician’s hat, blood capsules, and copies of Colonel Sassacre’s and Wise Guy are all colorful too, but other prank elements - fake arms, beaglepuss, handcuffs, sword, smoke pellets) are all monochrome. This one’s tough, but my best guess is that John feels conflicted about his interest in pranks because it’s so similar to his dad’s interest, and perhaps even that the monochrome items are things John’s dad bought for him for past birthdays and holidays, while the colorful ones are things John got for himself. 

John’s shirt is also worth mentioning here. John’s ambivalence with the house extends to himself, and kids often don’t have a lot of control over their appearance. He probably doesn’t choose his own clothes or glasses or haircut, and he definitely can’t go out and get a tattoo of Slimer or anything like that, so it’s very telling that wearing a shirt with a favorite movie on it is the one way John can actually connect to himself. 

That said, all the movie posters in his room are monochrome, which I’ll again circle back to. One exception is the close up of the Problem Sleuth poster (p.11), which is mostly monochrome, but has four kernels of colorful candy corn. I love this detail so much. It’s a fun reference to Hussie’s previous work and suggests that the candy corn gags in Problem Sleuth are John’s favorite part, which feels right for him. I wonder if John will use candy corn for a prank at some point in reference to this game he likes. I also noticed that the menu bar at the top of the web page also contains four kernels of candy corn - is this just because Problem Sleuth is Hussie’s most notable work, or could it be a clue for Homestuck too?

The most colorful and complex elements of the comic so far are the screens. We see John’s computer, which as a physical object is monochrome but which lights up to a brightly colored world of chums, flashing programs, desktop icons and stunning feats of graphic design, including things John loves (Slimer) and things that make him boil with rage (coding). We also get to see a very green tinted TV commercial in the living room, and a full color clip of Con Air linked from page 20. 

All this makes me wonder if John’s list of interests is chronological. First on his list (p.4) is ‘really terrible movies’, and many of his favorite titles are from the 1980s and 90s, meaning he probably grew up with them. I think he still loves watching and discussing them, but - given that movies are a fairly passive medium - just the reminder of them on his wall isn’t enough to take him out of his own head anymore. He then got into programming, the paranormal, magic, and video games in sequence, meaning that the final two are his most active interests right now, and the ones to which the most time and color are devoted. In this way, the casual end to the list ‘You also like to play GAMES sometimes’ reads like intentionally downplaying something that’s actually really important, the sarcasm of ‘sometimes’ revealed later when we learn that John has ‘put countless manhours into this assortment of quality titles’ (p.31).

Unlike the movie posters, most of the games on John’s CD rack are in color, and unlike movies, games can offer an interactive, immersive experience. Games are enticing to John right now because they’re the best escape from a monotonous, suburban life that John has access to. He’s played his current collection time and time again (to the point that Bard Quest and Problem Sleuth have lost their color), and that’s why he’s so desperate for Sburb to arrive, and why the colorful reminders of Sburb are all over his room.

I think there’s a very real question of whether Sburb will live up to John’s expectations. At only one letter away from Suburb, it’s a clear reminder that video games don’t actually take John away from the life he’s stuck in, they’re a cosmetic alteration at best - and if the themes of the game are too close to John’s real life problems, he won’t find that escapism. So while I’d love to see a version of this comic where John finally starts playing Sburb and the whole screen immediately explodes into color, I’m not sure it’ll be that easy.

Finally, there’s the meta elements of the story. The captchalogue card overlay and strife specibus are pink and green respectively, and other elements that pop up (indication of whether or not we’ve got John’s name right, the cake turning blue when selected, the blinking green telling us we can put the poster on the wall, etc) are colorful too. The hammer that John allocates to his strife specibus is monochrome, however, which fits really well with John allocating it on TG’s instructions and not knowing that the allocation is permanent. If he’d known, he would have chosen something he felt more strongly about.

Interestingly, the narrative text is black. I still don’t think we’re directly getting John’s perspective, I think that’s been filtered through a specific narrator who has a voice very different to John’s (based on John’s Pesterchum messages), but I don’t think John has any awareness of this. In contrast, he’s all too aware of his captchalogue deck and the artificial, needlessly complex limitations it imposes, and he visually reacts to us getting his name right or wrong. 

If John were to somehow become aware of the narrative text, and have strong feelings about the way he’s being portrayed (or the fact that he’s being written about at all), perhaps it would change color? After all, when John talks to his friends, each of them has a defined color, perhaps relating to the different relationships he has with each friend, and different emotions arising from that. John doesn’t seem to always like his friends - he gets frustrated at the notifications, and spends his whole conversation with TT already trying to leave - but he still replies and actively engages with them, a massive contrast to how he is with his dad. 

‘His riddle is Absence itself.’ (p.82)

To conclude, I do find it interesting that the brightest colors in the comic are the things that are most natural (grass, flowers) and the things that are most artificial (screens, the abstract concept of the inventory) while everything in the middle is black and white. This fits with the idea of color being about both extremes at once, and the idea that John wants a chance to explore both the real and virtual worlds. 

The meta function of color is to make certain visual elements stand out to the audience and tell us they’re worth paying attention to. From a purely functional perspective, it makes sense that the things most important to John would also be highlighted to us. But given the theme of lack and emptiness, the absence of color is just as important. And as the comic is already playing so much with the meta, I think that’s the most helpful starting point for analysis. 

[atlasdoe]

hello, i am bored. here are some unpopular opinions that may very well get me cancelled if i posted this on tiktok

do not read if you know youre going to get mad if i say something you disagree with

the over feminisation and over-aggressive characterisations of sirius and remus are so left field it makes my eye twitch. like if you wanna write them like that then fine but don't tell me that one scene of sirius wearing something nice and one scene of remus throwing harry up a wall (while he's in the middle of like a twenty year war with all of his friends dead mind you) means that they were as people are interpreting them in cannon

the fandom isn't misogynistic. you just want everyone to care about the same characters the way you do despite the fact that very little of them (especially the girls really besides lily and the black sisters) have any character/story to care about to begin with

on that same note, it is not wolfstar and jegulus' shippers job to write dorlene and marylily fics. there are over 6000 fics tagged under dorlene and over 2000 for marylily which is really impressive and a really big number for ships containing two people who don't have any connection to one another

we cannot blame every death on dumbledore. dumbledore was manipulative and not a very good person but he wasn't out here deliberately getting all the people on his side killed

this fandom is obsessed with tragedy so much that tragedy has now become repetitive and boring. i love a good sad story but what is the point in taking every single character and making them live the worst life possible. its like yall are only capable in caring for a character if they have literally the worst ending ever

the marauders weren't child soldiers. They were young but they weren't children.

on the same note just because barty, evan and peter (and any other death eater) was young does not excuse them of their actions. I'm 20 and I know that i wouldn't betray all of my friends or help torture new parents into insanity

deciding that pandora somehow had to be a part of a death eater family was the worst thing this fandom did to her character

it pisses me off when the fandom will bend over backwards to try to connect the same 12 characters to every headcannon imaginable when there are so many other characters that you could use

despite this tho i hate the whole "ravenpuff" thing. As someone who actually cares about Emmeline, Edgar, Fabian, Gideon, Amelia, Benjy, Caradoc and all of that it annoys me to no end when the only time people post about them is to shove them all into the two least cared about houses and decides that they were all friends while giving them the most uncreative name out there. if you dont care about them then dont post about them

marlene is the most overrated character in the fandom

james and marlene being childhood best friends is my least favourite headcannon

mary obliviating herself is the worst headcannon

remus lupin is a bottom

sirius black is tall

marlene being in ravenclaw > marlene being in gryffindor

this fandom really needs to remember that barty and evan were villains. if you like them then that's completely fine but stop trying to make them secretly good

i can only ship sirius with remus but i can ship remus with literally anyone (so long as they are actually his age or older. for some reason i cant ship remus with people who are over a year younger then him)

i dont think its fair to say that if you like regulus then you cant shit on snape stans but it is utterly unfair to stan barty and evan but shit on snape stans

fancasting and commenting on normal peoples tiktoks is stupid and embarrassing. we are HATED by other fandoms and is it because we are unable to stay in our lane. stop getting into other peoples buisness by commenting "REMUS LUPIN" under a Spiderman edit

james would not have stopped talking to sirius after the prank. He'd be mad at him and he'd tell him off but he wouldn't stop talking to him. If James had to pick between Sirius and anyone he's picking Sirius

on that note i think the only people who weren't talking to sirius after the prank was remus and lily. mostly because i dont think anyone other then the marauders and lily would even have known that remus was a werewolf at the time

ALSO evan, barty and regulus would not befriend remus after the prank. firstly they wouldnt care and even if they did they would be more likely to abuse the fact that they know about him being a werewolf

im sick of seeing people try to shame others for shipping wolfstar but not marylily because "theyre the same ship." theyre literally not. just because YOU hc mary and lily to have a similar dynamic as remus and sirius doesnt mean that theyre the same and doesnt mean that everyone else should think so to. Same with literally every other ship that gets compared to another based on headcannons

this is getting really long so imma leave it there

[cat-mentality]

More of my favorite silly qsmp headcanons that have zero evidence in canon

The Spanish version:

Willy has creeper dna and he can communicate with them

He however has literally declared the whole species his mortal enemies, and the feeling is mutual

For some reason turtles really like Willy, Tallulah's turtles once staged a break just to hang out in his base (Philza was not pleased)

Vegetta and Rubius fought once and Rubius cursed him to be a werewolf, it was supposed to be temporary but Rubius legitimately forgot about it and Vegetta kinda of likes it now

Vegetta as a result will sometimes howl at the moon and he is like, weirdly, into smells, especially Foolish's for some reason

No one really questions it even if Maximus is the only one who knows he is a werewolf

Maximus is one of the only humans in the Island so he just takes the weirdness on strike, nothing fazes him

Maximus doesn't won a single matching pair of socks and its on purpose

He also owns more sunglasses than he does furniture

Roier is a spider hybrid and he can climb walls like one, he uses that power to scare the living shit out of people

He doesn't do it to Rivers anymore because one time her first response was to set him on fire and then yell at him while he was burning

One time he also took her makeup without asking and she chased him around with a ax

Mariana recorded the whole thing

As a payback Roier stole his glasses and Mariana had to walk around the Island seeing jack shit, he ended up groping so many people by mistake that he legitimately buried himself into the sand until Luzu made him some new glasses

Arin will sometimes hang out inside of people's machines just for fun (He is the one that taught Pierre's machines to swear)

Arin and the codes are enemies with benefits (Luzu refuses to acknowledge this)

Pol pulls out the "old man" card literally every time something mildly inconveniences him or when he wants someone to do something for him

Roier and Quackity always end up getting falling for it

One time Willy and Vegetta blew up a part of his studio and he dead ass pulled their ears and made them redo the whole thing

No one has gathered the courage to ask Pol what he is, but let's just say that when he says old, he means old

He and Abueloier are childhood friends

The reason Missa takes so long to come back every time he leaves is because he has the worst sense of direction ever, he has inadvertently managed to map out the whole Island when he just wanted to find a river.

The mobs just kinda stopped attacking him at some point because it genuinely made them feel bad, they will try when he is with someone else and some token attempts from time to time but mostly they just ignore him

Quackity will say the most absurd things about the Island with a very straight face and he always end up tricking at least one poor soul in believing his bullshit

Quackity can speak to ducks and they have very long and deep philosophical conversations about the meaning of life and the mysteries of the universe

Luzu one time found him while he and the ducks are discussing the dangers of capitalism and he just backed away very slowly

German got lost trying to walk around the Island and he still haven't found his way back, on a good note he has been adopted by the slimes because they like his shirt

Rivers can talk to chickens and they obey her orders, Mariana was once chased down by an army of chickens and he still doesn't know how that happened

Luzu can literally sleep anywhere, he once feels asleep in a bush of thorns

Roier however can only fall asleep in the best sheets with the most luxurious mattress, but he sleeps like the dead, Quackity likes to play a game called "how many random objects can i stack in Roier before he wakes up"

Roier still doesn't know who does that

Missa doesn't know that he can be really fucking scary when he approaches someone in the darkness and he has hurt his feelings many times when people screamed when he wanted to say "hi"

[rebeccathornewrites]

I have an MFA in writing, 5 years of therapy, and far too much time. buckle up for my analysis of Gayloy from burning shores

Ok the MFA is coming in 3 weeks, but WHOO BOY i have thoughts.

Click below for spoilers. DO NOT READ UNTIL YOU FINISH.

As a bi woman who writes lesbians professionally, I want it known that I was 1000% on board with them as a couple, and cleared literal days of my schedule to play it and confirm.

And I still don't think Aloy is ready for romance. I think The Kiss is the least plausible, and least enjoyable, of the three endings.

Let's dive into why.

It starts at childhood, as always.

Aloy has grown up an outcast. She relied on herself and Rost--and then Rost died, and it was just her. Every single chance she's had, she's rebuked romance. She wrote it off as "I'm saving the world" or "I just don't know how people work yet," but the reality is that she doesn't know HOW to rely on people.

Vulnerability is a learned skill.

I'll say it again. VULNERABILITY is a LEARNED skill.

Some people, those with healthy households, learn this skill early on, and practice it often. Those are the people we see giving everything of themselves to someone they love. They feel deeply, empathize well, and have happy relationships.

And then there's people like Aloy. Someone who was shown love from one person--and a whole lotta hate from the rest of them. Someone who grew up being told that she couldn't rely on a tribe--because if she failed the Proving, there wouldn't BE a tribe to rely on. Rost hoped for the best... and prepared her for the worst.

Then she dove into the world at large, and was presented time and time again with romance opportunities. The Sun King is the biggest one--obviously his infatuation ran deep, but of course it would, finding the one person in a whole kingdom who'd challenge him. She turned him down, and in her mind, she probably reasoned it away in a neat little box.

"I'm not like the other suitors he's met. He only likes me because I'm different."

This can be true.

"But he doesn't know who I really am."

This can be true--but it's also a defense mechanism. A barrier Aloy placed to protect herself from rejection. Because if she convinces herself these people don't really know her, it's easy for her to keep them at arm's length.

Easy to be the lone warrior.

We see the same kind of thing with Varl, hoping to follow her into the wilds. With Erend, so excited to see her, so irritated she doesn't reciprocate. Kotollo viewed her admirably, although I think his personality is a bit too subservient to truly challenge Aloy (essentially his commander) into the growth she needs.

Man after man demonstrated their affection, and she held them all at arm's length. For the good of the world, right?

So, okay. She's a lesbian--or at the very least, bi or pan. We can reason away the men, certainly, but she uses the same techniques with the women. Talanah, our fan favorite, was truly a perfect match for Aloy. Strong, resilient, excellent fighter. They progressed in the same way Seyka did--and yet, Talanah was deep in the throes of another man.

Which was probably a huge fucking relief to Aloy. Because if Talanah was after a guy... then she wasn't an option for Aloy.

Which means Aloy didn't have to do any intensive introspection to discover why they might be a good match.

She could wave Talanah away, and feel absolutely no remorse or grief when Talanah returned home. In fact, Aloy might have even left that experience feeling satisfied that she helped a friend--and be utterly oblivious to the chemistry they could have had.

This is how avoidant people--those who haven't learned to trust, to rely on others, to show vulnerability--experience the world.

And this is somewhat devastating, because Talanah's quest came at the exact time that Varl was teaching Aloy how to empathize, lean on people, be vulnerable for the first time in her life. Aloy didn't have to do it alone--and if Talanah had been in a position to receive it, I think they could have had a spectacular romance.

But it didn't happen.

So, we move on.

Aloy loses Varl, learns to lean on her friends, learns to let people in. This alone is spectacular character growth--but it's easy to have friends. Humans crave it. We need companionship, so once Varl laid the groundwork, Aloy was able to embrace this.

We don't see her embracing romance.

Until Seyka.

This is where the potential had me--and the execution lost me.

Because Seyka is presented as this fantastic option for Aloy--and the starving, desperate fanbase standing behind her. From the first interaction, I had high hopes. When Aloy says, "you must be confused," and Seyka basically responds with "confused about why you'd FLY towards that TOWER OF DEATH, maybe," I was ready for someone who challenges Aloy.

I wanted a love interest who was more competent than Aloy in some ways. I actually liked Varl in that way, before he found Zo: the fact that he challenged Aloy to push her own comfort level in order to embrace others was a great complement to Aloy's abrasive nature.

Seyka, while fantastic, almost feels like an Aloy clone.

They're both competent, capable, and closed-off. They're both hiding secrets to spare the others' feelings--when in reality, they're sparing themselves from tough conversations.

Because that's what Aloy, at least, has been trained to do. Bear the burden alone to spare the others. Fight the machine alone to keep the others safe. She protects fiercely, which means that she never has to be the one experiencing loss.

How convenient. >.>

I love the idea of Seyka. I can't wait to see where fanon takes her personality. But right now, with just the DLC content, it feels like she's the caricature of a romantic interest for Aloy. The perfect girl--in theory. But not when you consider psychology.

There was a huge missed opportunity when Aloy finally revealed Nemesis's existence, in my opinion. Aloy protected Seyka from this Big, Dangerous News to help her morale--and to keep from ruining what they've developed with something possibly devastating.

She finally told Seyka... and Seyka responded by literally fleeing the room in horror.

I get that everyone needs time to process these things. But in my mind, all that reaffirmed for Aloy is, "My instincts were right. I can't rely on others with this Big, Dangerous News. They can't handle it. So, I have to handle it for them."

There was SUCH an opportunity there. A chance for Aloy to tell her, and for Seyka to contemplate it for a moment, smile, and say, "I'm glad you told me. Let's tackle it together."

Something to show Aloy, in that concrete moment, that this is a person she can rely on.

That is what would have made Seyka great, to me.

Everything that followed after is a series of insta-love, in my opinion. Aloy looks at Seyka with near-literal hearts in her eyes, but it didn't feel earned. By the end, I don't feel like Seyka did anything unique that Aloy's friends in Forbidden West hadn't already done to her at some point: rescue her, adventure with her, stop a massive scheme with her.

Seyka, in my mind, doesn't currently have enough personality of her own to stand out. She's just another soldier in Aloy's army.

There will be [straight] people angry at the LGBT+ rep here, and I don't even feel that our community can argue it. As far as lesbian rep goes, that was not a great example of a natural romance. It felt forced for most of that DLC.

But that romance could be great. And that's where I love that the developers added options other than the kiss. As much as I loved the idea of them kissing, I still don't buy it with the scenes we were given.

Seyka latched onto Aloy because Aloy treated her with admiration at a time when Seyka's tribe nearly disowned her. Fair. I believe Seyka might truly be in love with Aloy.

But Aloy herself? There's no way in hell she'd be diving into a romantic relationship after one single adventure with this girl--even one as sweeping as this. Aloy doesn't know who Seyka is. Aloy hasn't seen Seyka in a relaxed setting--only one where she's panicking for her tribe, her sister, and the future. And Aloy's brain will be too logic-entrenched to succumb to emotional impulse alone.

Because that's the interesting thing about avoidant people. They rely on themselves, and their logic. That's what's kept them alive until this point. If Aloy showed vulnerability in the past, she put herself at risk in every sense of the word.

Even Seyka wouldn't be enough to break that barrier right away.

But I do think she could try in the sequel, and that's why I'm thrilled for this character. Someone the developers can truly use to force Aloy to grow emotionally.

To do that, though, the developers will have to dive into Seyka, and show me why she's the person for Aloy. What about her history makes her The Candidate? It can't just be that she's "an inspiration." I need more than that. I need to see Seyka in a relationship, coaxing Aloy through the moments of panic and shattering the barriers Aloy erects out of fear, under the guise of "logic."

Show me that, and I'm on board with a kiss.

Until then, I'll go write some fanfiction.

Sincerely,

An avoidant working through her own shit.

Thank you very much for attending my TED Talk.

[leemillion]

CALLING ALL PRESTON GOODPLAY LOVERS (aka me)

IM MAKING A PLAYLIST

FOR THE ONE AN ONLY 😌

AND I NEED SONGS THAT REMIND YOU OF HIM. WHETHER THAT BE DIFFERENT STAGES OF HIS LIFE (canon or headcanon) OR YKNOW JUST WHATEVER GIVES YOU THE ✨VIBES✨

I’D LOVE SOME OUTSIDE OPINIONS ON THIS

HERE’S THE SONGS I ALREADY HAVE IN ORDER:

Introduction to the Snow - Miracle Musical (gives me the ✨vibes✨)

Look Who’s Inside Again - Bo Burnham (Think it would describe his childhood. At least a part of it)

Am I Supposed To Apologize? - Maria Mena (It’s %90 percent here because of a few short lyrics that would imply him discovering his love of theater. The other %10 is because I have a headcanon he’s a child of divorce parents.)

My Play - AJR (C’mon man it seems pretty self explanatory if you’ve listened to it. Plus it adds onto the divorced parents theory)

The Main Character - Will Wood (It’s literally him. C’mon man. The vibes. Also you cannot tell me he wouldn’t be a huge Will Wood fan.)

Hard to Be the Bard - Something Rotten! (He’s a writer✨ An artist✨ It can’t possibly be easy 😔)

Soldier, Poet, King - The Oh Hellos (Now this one is more the Performance Trio as a whole but still. Preston is the poet, obviously 😌 while Nerris is the soldier and Harrison is the ruler.)

I/Me/Myself - Will Wood (Because he's just so ✨gender✨ Plus if you headcanon him as gender-fluid it makes this even better.)

Oh No! - Marina & The Diamonds (A desire to succeed. To make it big in this world. He knows what he wants and he won’t stop at nothing to get it. He definitely has a fear of failure. And who’s to say he doesn’t feel like he’s the worst? He already acts like he’s the best. Who’s to say that’s not a cover up?)

Everybody Loves Me - OneRepublic (Consider this the beginning of Preston Goodplay’s Good Play. He finally has a performance piece that people seem to like. He’s finally getting the love and attention he so deserves 😌 But at what cost?)

Non-Stop - Hamilton (Turns out his new performance is the only thing people seem to want. So why not just keep writing up new ideas for it? Sure he’ll eventually run out. But right now’s not eventually! He’ll just have to keep coming up with new ideas for it! Thing is it’s getting a lot more stressful than he intended.)

Left Brain, Right Brain - Bo Burnham (Oh Y’know just that one scene where he’s arguing with his own fucking reflection. Unsure whether he should sell out and give the people what they want, or follow what he wants with the risk that no one would like it.)

Show & Tell - Melanie Martínez (Ok this is getting ridiculous. They’ve started showing up to his practices and commenting on HIS writing process. It’s overwhelming. But what can he do about it? They’re his target audience. Well his only audience but still-)

Everyone is Dumb - Mazie x Everybody Likes You - Lemon Demon (Seems self explanatory. Everyone actually pays attention to him now. They’re excited for his performances. Everyone likes him. But they’re also stupid. It’s a stupidly simple performance that’s virtually the same every time. Yet they never get tired of it. Yes they like him, but is it worth it if this is the reason they like him.)

Shine A Light (Reprise) - Heathers (Oh y’know just the silly little nightmare he has :,D And then the hallucinations of his own reflection laughing at him. Plus him pulling out that prop knife uh- was he just being dramatic or??? Like he did have a bit of a psychotic break, man’s was hallucinating. How do we know he didn’t think the knife was real? Like was he actually trying to- y’know? Seriously is he ok-??)

Are You Satisfied - Marina & The Diamonds (He talks to David for a bit. And something’s called to question. Is he satisfied with this? He’s worried about his future yes, but then again what’s the point of making art if he doesn’t actually like it himself. It’s pointless. And he realizes no one else should get a say in what he wants to create. It’s his problem. No one else’s.)

Drama Club - Melanie Martinez (Honestly just doesn’t give a shit about anyone’s opinions anymore and that’s kind of a good thing. Even if they hate it. “Any reaction, positive or negative, is still a reaction :D” As tomatoes are pelted towards him. Honestly a healthier mentality than he had before. And I think that’s the end of the Preston Goodplay’s Good Play section of the playlist!)

Recess - Melanie Martinez (I’m here for Preston’s grandmother raising him and teaching him everything she knows 🗣️🗣️🗣️ Stg every lyric fucking fits. Also I think this could apply to his new mentality of “Fuck you it’s my art not yours I do what I want.” A nice little summary to the fiasco that is Preston Goodplay’s Good play.)

Mirror Man - Jack Stauber’s Opal (Mostly just gives me Preston vibes. His desire to become famous and what not.)

Art Is Dead - Bo Burnham (Vibesss man. “I am an artist, please god forgive me. I am an artist, please don't revere me. I am an artist, please don't respect me I am an artist, you're free to correct me. A self-centered artist. Self-obsessed artist. I am an artist. I am an artist. But I'm just a kid. I'm just a kid. I'm just a kid, kid. And maybe I'II grow out of it”)

Finale (Can’t Wait To See What You Do Next) - AJR (Honestly just thought it’d be cool to have the last song in the playlist be called Finale 💀 But I think it’s a nice little summary of his character. A final bow if you will 😌)

Anyways that’s about it. If anyone else has suggestions or input on the songs already here feel free to! Hell if you happen to disagree with anything feel free to. I love discussions about things I like :D Also feel free to suggest songs that you think I should add 😌 Gonna go pass out now baiiii

[wilhelmsbee]

Okay honestly? I'll just take you up on that offer because I'm obsessed with your edits in general, but if you ever feel like talking some more about that Wilhelm edit you did to the song Ribs by Lorde??? Would love that because that edit lives rent-free in my head! (no pressure though, I just like the idea of like... director's commentary or something for edits haha)

I HOPE EVERYONE IS READY FOR ME TO BE INSANELY DEEP ABOUT THIS EDIT OH MY GOD

preface: i talk ab why i chose each scene for the lyrics, then colouring/font, idk if this is the directors commentary you wanted but like this is how I think about all my edits

We're reeling through the midnight streets- initially, I actually wanted to start it on the this dream isn't feeling sweet line but it just didn't fit in instagrams 1-minute time frame ANYWAY This scene has always been the most painful to me. Wilhelm realises at this moment that he's truly, undeniably alone in his life. Everyone he trusts (or is supposed to trust) has left him, and he has nobody left to go to. He's alone, going through his own personal hell, finding out his only family cares more about public perception than him as a person. It's like the beginning of the worst spiral we see from Wilhelm. Its quite a literal scene-to-lyric moment, but also the we're part feels (to me) like him-as-well-as his public self. Crown Prince Wilhelm and Wille are such separate parts, and its all he has left.

And I've never felt more alone- The THERAPY SCENE! Specifically this is the I think it's better not knowing how it could feel scene, because that truly is the most heartbreaking viewpoint I've ever seen from a character. It was better not being in love because I couldn't miss it. He might be getting closer to the other boys in the secret society, as well as Felice, but he's not really breaking past the surface level with anyone. Not even Felice knows the depths of his pain, he keeps it all to himself. The loneliness crushes him, he wishes he didn't know how love felt. As far as he's concerned, he's never loving someone else again (true) and he's never going to be able to love Simon again (false). In this moment there's this feeling of emptiness. He has nothing he actually cares about, and he wishes that he never cared in the first place.

It feels so scary, getting old- He wasn't supposed to fill this role, giving a speech as the Crown Prince of Sweden about his brother's passing. Wilhelm's character (obviously) fundamentally switches after Erik's death. He used to be a lot sillier, more reckless and more willing to fight back against his parents. But now he's got every single eye on him, watching him. Put into an adult role at the age of sixteen, forced to carry the burden of spare his whole childhood, then suddenly forced to be the sole heir. Even if he had planned to maybe one day be the heir (which he didn't, judging by the he should be here instead of me comment) it wasn't supposed to happen until he was older and wiser. He stops acting like a kid because he can't be a kid anymore. The cuts between the frog/getting the frog/breaking the globe aimed to emphasise this. He's lost all connection to his brother, he's in a place he didn't expect to be until he was extremely old (if ever), and he's lost control of his own life.

We can talk it so good, we can make it so divine, we can talk it good how we wish it would be all the time- I wanted to frame Simon in this as a sort of healthy distraction for Wilhelm. He was the only person in his life who actually looked out for him and cared. They're happy and they're smiling, all the clips are intimate even if there's someone else there. It highlights how they care. It's good, it's divine. It's what kept him happy after the hardest thing in his life (so far). In this edit, he desperately wants it back because he knows how much it helped. It was the only bright thing he had. The cutting to Wilhelm alone in s2 after how we wish it would be all the time just aims to really enforce that he wished it was still like that, wishing for someone who truly cared and loved him. It's all yearning, pining, wishing things were better. Every single clip is a clip in which Wilhelm has been pining over Simon. There's an ache he expresses that was just so, so important to this edit.

This dream isn't feeling sweet- Lots of clips of Wilhelm trying to process things. He's been forced to change his entire life, after all being a prince is a privilege, not a punishment. The 'dream' of being royal crushes him, despite the fact he can't ever voice it. Walking down the halls of his castle, sitting in his private boarding school therapy session with an actual therapist, being driven home in a private car from the party where he was filmed fighting. These luxuries juxtaposed with his actual circumstances hurt. He can't complain because he's got it best in the country, but it isn't a system designed for him, it doesn't want to help him, it wants to make him conform. It isn't fair, but he can't say that.

We're reeling through the midnight streets- He's forcing himself to try and fit the mould while also being himself, and all it causes is pain. He's actively fighting against the institution he was raised in simply by existing. The panic attack from being perceived holding Simon's hand. Deleting his contact after his mother told him 'no more mistakes.' Trying to play nice at the dinner table even though his whole life was crumbling around him and the institution was failing everyone even though nobody believed him. The panic attack/anxiety vomit from Simon going public, against Wilhelm's institution, knowing that he might not be able to protect him. He's got no control in any of these scenes, its a desperate fight against himself. He's a publicity risk to his own family if he is true to himself, and he's a risk to himself if he isn't.

And I've never felt more alone- Desperately trying to comfort himself when nobody else can (or wants to) comfort him. After the fight at the party all his family cared about was the PR response. When August said that Simon would take the fall for the drugs, all he cared about was getting Alexander back. During the uniform tailoring, all Jan-Olof cared about was tradition and making Simon as background as he could. When Wilhelm gave up meditating to soothe his anxiety, he was upset at his inability to calm down, despite the fact he's never been given an opportunity to be calm. Nobody really knows about his mental health struggles, he just has to fight through them and desperately try to self-soothe. Nobody else will comfort him after all.

It feels so scary getting old- Each of these scenes show Wilhelm being viewed as his role instead of being viewed as a person. He clearly struggles with being viewed as just the Crown Prince of Sweden, especially since that was never supposed to be his role, so of course it hurts when he's viewed as just a pawn in the Royal Family. Especially from people he loves. Yes, it was undeniably hard when he first became the Crown Prince, and it absolutely would've crushed him to know that when he had a panic attack he couldn't be alone. But these scenes are interlaced with him being viewed as a political pawn by Simon and his mother. People he loves, people he trusts. He's just a public statement to his mother, and he's just a human representation of the Crown to Simon (in these scenes not in general ofc). He's never going to be able to be his own person again, because he's got a country to run when he grows up and a public image to form between now and then.

This dream isn't feeling sweet- The lyrics are now getting more compounding, it's louder and it's closer. He's fighting to be heard, he's being ripped off of his desk, he's forcing down a panic attack because he needs to be happy for Simon. His emotions aren't allowed, he can't feel anything negative so he won't feel anything at all. Nothing in his life feels good anymore, so he's fighting the losing battle to just try to break even. Nobody would dream of this, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. He can't even voice that, though.

We're reeling through the midnight streets- Now he's reminiscing about when things were easier, but they weren't, really. Yes, the placard was there the night he first kissed Simon, but that was also the beginning of the horrific realisation he wasn't built for the world he is forced to live in. His mother says 'no more mistakes' and he already knows it means he has to leave Simon. When that doesn't work and it all falls out, he's left to try and clean his own image up by nailing the closet shut with every fibre of his being. His life wasn't better, he's grasping for anything to show him life will be okay again. Everything has crumbled and now he's got nothing, so he yearns for when he had something, even if it was just something to lose.

And I've never felt more alone- He is constantly left. Something that isn't brought up enough is how often he's just abandoned. He has no one to talk to, he's forced to work through his struggles alone because his existence is political and any sign of weakness being public could reflect badly on his family. He becomes the embodiment of the Prince he could never be. Walking to the lake and reminiscing about when he would be happy there. Being left alone by his brother, who didn't even reply to him asking to say hi to his mother and father, who he then never sees in person again. Then wearing his brother's jacket. He's alone, and all he does is pine for a time when he wasn't. All he wants to do is go back and do it all again, and he can't. But he also can't move forward, he doesn't want to, he doesn't know how.

It feels so scary- Only two scenes so I'll discuss 'em one by one: -At Erik's funeral, there's a more literal fear of getting old. I don't want to repeat myself more than I already have but obviously, that forced Wilhelm to grow up and be more mature, and act like a Crown Prince instead of just the Prince. More attention, less room for error. He's terrified of fucking it up, and there's nobody who can help him. -The breakup scene is more metaphorical. He has to grow up and figure out what he wants to do with his life, while also having to grow to understand what he actually has the ability to do with his life. He's not ready to do this because he wants things to be good and happy but it was ripped away from him. He can't just pretend everything is alright anymore, but the amount of maturing he needs to do seems impossible at this moment, especially knowing he was in love with a boy when he wasn't allowed to be. He tries to be both a Prince and Wilhelm and all it did was betray his boyfriend's trust.

getting old- Wilhelm shutting his computer and pressing his hands to his eyes. It's exhausting. He's exhausted. Constantly working to try and be who he's supposed to be as well as being himself and trying to navigate his emotions in a vulnerable state is just too much. He can't carry it all, so he just gives up for a moment. It all goes quiet, but not in a good way. When you're that overwhelmed, the lack of anything just leaves more room to spiral.

FONT CHOICES

Intro: literally my handwriting. I wanted this to feel personal and almost like a desperate written plea to go back to when it was good, and what's more personal than my own handwriting am I right!!!

First chorus loop: Magazine font, it's in pieces and it doesn't match. There's a sporadic chaos, like he's beginning to feel it but it isn't there yet. The text isn't fully opaque, it's in front of him. We're seeing it before he does in this context. Trying to reflect how the media knows things before he does, like his brothers death, the tape leaking, all that good stuff.

Second chorus loop: Big, Bold, Unavoidable! I rotobrushed Wilhelm in every scene so that the text could be intertwined with him. He can't escape the reality of his situation, he is getting crushed by these feelings. The song gets louder and more claustrophobic, the text is in the scenes with him. It haunts him, it's everywhere. When he closes the laptop and it all goes silent, its not relaxing, it just makes you anxious in a different way.

COLOURING

I actually chose the blues from the intro scene, mainly in the night sky bit of the frame. Also! All the happy Wilmon scenes have a higher saturation, though you can't tell because of how I did the colouring. It just results in them being a little bit brighter, because things were good then and I believe it should feel good then, too.

[stephaniebrownslover]

★彡[!RANDOM TALBIN HEADCANONS!]彡★

Tali // @clockeyedtoy

Tobin // @necroromantics

Sorry for lack of non-OC creepypasta content lately.

But I wanted make a gift for my bros because of all the deal going around lately and it's Tobin's birthday, so I wrote something little for their OC's.

Really hope they enjoy<33

‣BURN

❝Sleeping death will come and lead me out of the sunlight❞

↺Both of them is a child who didn't have a chance to experience a true childhood. They had to grow up, and they had to grow up fast because of the brutalness they faced in their life.

↺But the thing is, they were fine with it. They were fine with not fitting in nor not being able to do things classified as normal kid things. They were fine with all the hate they had. They were fine with being all alone in the whole world. Because that is how life has always been for them. And it was okay.

↺Until it started to be not okay.

↺Somehow, every single thing started to felt worse than ever. Whenever Tobin did something, he could feel the claws of the emptiness squeezing his heart. While Tali was busy with something, she could sense the creeping presence of all of the wrong things with everything and nothing.

↺And this was not usual for either of them. Their hurt souls were angrier compared to before, they were more stray than before, they were more violent than ever. However, the worst part of this was their ever so growing loneliness.

↺Fortunately, this whole thing precisely happened before the time when both of their obstacle filled roads in life collide.

❝Shadows pulling me to lie with you❞

↺Tali hated Tobin to the bones. He was annoying, loud and stupid. He was a literal image of everything she hated and maybe that was the reason why she could stand to him.

↺Tobin liked Tali to the deep down of her soul. She was funny, caring and charming. She was the picture everything he actually liked and most probably that's why he never wanted to leave her side.

↺Tobin didn't care about feelings and emotions. He didn't know how to react to them, so he chose to ignore all completely. So Tali was a complete mystery waiting for someone to unlock to him. A girl showed no real emotions and as harsh as a rock. What could she possibly hide under that almost perfect mask?

↺Tali had no interest in talking to Tobin as she only perceived him as a energetic and noisy dog. She was a human, after all, and she had nothing to do with wild animals. Taming a beast was not one of her countless duties and she was already too busy with the pace of her own life.

↺But when Tobin and Tali decided to give a chance to study together, something's changed for both of them. It could be mutual understanding of two scarred person with no control in their life, or perhaps it could be the surprisingly fun time they had. But whatever that was, it changed something for them. Something is changed for the good.

↺After that study session, Tobin stole a chocolate for her and picked up a rose from a random garden. Unfortunately, he didn't know the rose would die after spending non-careful hours in an dirty bag, squized by the weight of books.

↺But Tali liked the dead and deformed rose more than the expensive chocolate. She found funny how dumb he was to not consider such a fact. She wouldn't like a normal rose anyway.

↺Tobin wasn't expecting Tali to offer him a cigarette. He accepted it and they smoke without talking. It was one of the most peaceful moments they had lived after the torture Tobin and Tali had gone through days after days.

↺They were truly made for each other and the real strange thing for the beginning of their friendship was how come they didn't meet sometime earlier.

❝The darkness brings me back to die with you❞

↺Although Tali was annoyed with him most of the time, she kind of liked not being alone always like normal times of her. She liked his stupid jokes and she almost enjoyed the trouble he dragged himself in even though she had to save his stupid ass.

↺Tali was new to human interaction which doesn't hurt, so this whole thing was just new to her. New but not bad, somehow.

↺Tobin had always been around other people, but no one was special for him to care about more than a few days. He would forget them and weeks later, he wouldn't even remember their name. But something was wrong with Tali.

↺Something was really, really wrong with Tali. He couldn't put his fingers on it exactly, however, he could say he didn't want to leave her side.

↺He liked when Tali joked about how dumb his hair was, he liked when Tali talked about a band she discovered, he liked when Tali acted like she's the strongest gırl in the world despite her scars.

↺She liked when Tobin constantly talked about new events in his life, she liked when Tobin kept drag her into interesting places, she liked when Tobin didn't care about anything in his past and kept moving forward.

↺They spend more and more time together day by day. And with this, they learned to tolerate each other. Or at least that was what they supposed.

↺Tobin thought this whole weird feeling would pass by time, just like what normally happens, but it didn't. In fact, it grew bigger. It grew into something more strange, it grew into something better.

↺It grew into love.

❝All I see is you❞

↺Their relationship hadn't changed much when they started to date. Because neither of them needed anything fancy or new in their messed up life. All they needed was the comforting feeling of their lover's presence.

↺They cared about each other so much. No one could dare to say anything about them because they learned that they would protect each other for even the slightest things.

↺They didn't say anything about their past mistakes. Because the only thing they cared about was how much improvement their partner made. And they knew there was no use in digging their dark graves.

↺Tobin was there when Tali needed him, and Tali was here when Tobin needed her. That was the only thing that mattered.

↺And all in all, Tobin and Tali complete each other in a way no one else could and they know this.

↺They're not only their partners in crime but their partners in life.

↺That's how things have been for an unforgettable period of time and they could not ask for more.

↺Because nothing was more important and unreplaceable for them considered to their eternal bound.

[wayfaringtrainers]

So I constantly joke about how Robin's cooking skills are comedically terrible, but this has always been exaggeration for comedic effect. It got me to thinking: "how capable is Robin in the kitchen? and it kinda snowballed to thinking about all my muses and their culinary capability, sooo, from worst to best:

Worst: Robin

Yeah no, he's a terrible chef, let's not get ahead of ourselves. But not as bad as we've made him out to be. Robin did spend 6-7 years alone on the road, and at least half of them were a hermetic, loner lifestyle so he had to be capable enough to cook for himself.

For the most part, Robin is fine with really basic things. He can butter some bread and slap meat between it, he can fling something into the oven for half an hour. Robin's main issue is impatience; he cannot stand hovering in the kitchen for an hour or two, doing all the prep-work required, his instinct is to just throw it all in at once, no matter how bad an idea that is: if the vegetables needs half an hour at 200 degrees to cook, but the meat takes two hours at 150? He throws them both in at 200 and walks away for 2 hours. It's probably why curries are the only thing he can reasonably cook (being very much a "throw everything in and cook it" kind of food), but even they are just... Mediocre.

Bad: Katrina

Anybody is a master chef in comparison to Robin, but that doesn't mean Katrina is a good chef, she just isn't a disaster. Unlike Robin, who is impatient, Katrina is inexperienced: she's never really done a lot of cooking, because it's never held her interest. She'll cook if she has to, but she doesn't really want to: so her cooking tends to be somewhat plain, bland and uninteresting.

Katrina is strictly a "follow the cooking guide" girl and if she's asked to cook something that doesn't have instructions? She's not even gonna try. What's more, while Robin and Amber will go out to eat because they travel a lot, Katrina will go out to eat regardless, even if she has access to cooking facilities. It just isn't something she cares for.

Average: Amber

Amber's only ahead of Katrina by necessity. Before she met Robin, Amber had a theoretical knowledge of how to cook, but due to her childhood illness, she was rarely allowed to cook for herself (her father and brother were obsessively over-protective). Plus, being Robin's travel companion means she can't rely on him to cook for them, so she has a better handle on it.

Good: Samantha

Being a single mother of two on a budget means Samantha had to be pretty good with her utensils to keep her kids well fed. Prior to her kids, she was already pretty good at campfire culinary, on account of her ranger training.

When times were tough and money short, she may have taken to some of her old-school foraging knowhow to keep food on the table, but Samantha has had years to get comfortable with the kitchen. Her only fault though, is her reluctance to get creative; like everybody else, cooking is a chore for Samantha and while she does it well and takes pride in her skills, she doesn't do it for pleasure, only because she has to.

Best: Dante

Dante is the only one on this blog who actually likes cooking. Dante always had a stressful life, being the favourite child of a perfectionist mother, he was always expected to excel, excel, excel and anything in his life that didn't contribute to accolades, achievements and ambition was something he was discouraged from.

(Yeah, neither of the Richards siblings had a good childhood, go figure)

Cooking was effectively an escape for Dante, it was something practical that his mother couldn't dismiss as a waste of time, but also something he could enjoy doing. He likes the whole process of forming a meal, considering it significantly less stressful than literally every other moment of his life (which includes: work as a nuclear physicist, being Amber's guardian during her sickly days, his whole grief-induced mad scientist arc and having to literally work with criminals). Even the most complex meal is a breeze compared to all that.

[pluppsauthor]

OC Mega Questionnaire

Thanks to @illarian-rambling for the tag! It has been TOO LONG since I've done something like this. Anyway, as per the wheel, today we will question Akita from Frequency: Hellfire!

Five things that make you happy:

Food, water, money, a place to sleep... and being left alone.

If you could save just one other person who would it be?

I don't want to save anyone, I'd save myself if I could. Who do you expect me to say? David? F*ck that guy. I know my dad's dead. I could save him, but I don't know anything about him. I know less about my mother, I don't even know who she is.

Tell us one of your funniest jokes:

Myself. ...I don't have an actual joke.

Where would you like to visit?

I don't know a lot about the world. ...Anywhere with good weather I guess.

When do you usually go to sleep?

Whenever I'm tired, day or night. I don't like to keep patterns.

Are you a jealous person?

Yeah. I have nothing, everyone else has something. It's hard not to be jealous.

Have you committed a crime?

A lot. Pick-pocketing and stealing mostly. I've killed at least one person before, but they attacked me first. It wasn't even on purpose either, unlucky guy.

Do you have a chore you usually hate?

What?

Tell me an embarrassing childhood story

I didn't really have a "childhood". I had to either grow up or die. I could tell an embarrassing story I guess. One time, I tried to steal some food from a store. But, I tried to take it from the chefs and accidentally stabbed myself on a skewer or something. I was "arrested" after. But, I was young and hadn't been caught with any other crime, so they just let me go and told me not to do it again. The officers patched up my hand at least.

Are you a good person?

*sigh* What do you consider good? I'm a selfish person, I have to be. I steal and kill if I have to. From my understanding, those are not considered "good".

What’s the worst thing you have ever done? Do you regret it?

Agreeing to help the man who shot me in the shoulder. I regret it every single day. But... he gives me food, water, and a place to sleep. If I could kill him I would, but I don't think he'd let me.

What’s the quickest way to make you laugh?

Anything Kai does. That man is an idiot. I don't think he can do anything right.

What is your favourite song right now?

What? Do you mean the music I hear sometimes near the centre or in bars? I don't pay attention to that stuff.

Do you sometimes wish to be someone else?

Every day. Actually. No, I still want to be me. But, I'd do just about anything to not have to struggle every day.

Do you push forward or take time to rest?

Rest. I'd be dead otherwise. I'm not an idiot.

What is your favourite drink?

Literally anything. Water, I guess.

If you had to pick an item of clothing or accessory to wear for the rest of your life, what would it be?

A coat large enough to cover my whole body. I'd never have to worry about the cold again.

If you were forced to forget one memory, what would you choose?

Getting shot in the shoulder. That pain was... the worst thing I've ever felt. Hopefully it's the worst thing I will ever feel.

What is a positive thing your worst enemy would say about you?

I... don't think I have a "worst enemy". I've spent my entire life struggling to survive out of spite. I'm... resentful, I guess? Unless you kill me outright, I'll cling to life... if I'm mad enough at least.

- - - - -

Okay, I'm a bit sad I didn't do more of these. But I'm back now! Woo!

Tagging @tildeathiwillwrite, @kaylinalexanderbooks, @mk-writes-stuff, @thecomfywriter, @the-golden-comet, and anyone else who wants to!

[jewishbarbies]

I think I saw a similar ask on your profile recently and I wanted to share that I'm also a former hardcore Swiftie who saw the light back in 2014-2016 and I've been just a casual listener to her music ever since

First thing that bothered me was the secret sessions thing, I remember thinking it was just for Red and then when it happened again for 1989 I started to realize how uncomfortable I was with the whole concept of a celebrity (or her team) going through random people's posts to find "the most deserving fans", which was like saying that anyone else was not loud or good enough and the overall mood just became this subtle but constant competition for a long time.

The beginning of the end was when Shake it off came out and for the first time I had to deal with The Cult™ when I admitted to a fellow Swiftie that I hated the song. Was like I'd said that I k1lled her puppy or smth, that's when I started to realize the general hypocrisy of her fandom. I finally noticed how every vague criticism on her leads to an attack, and also how the only criticism they ever have is when the majority of the cult agrees (remember how Lover was her best album to ever exist when it came out and now is 80% of them's least favorite?)

Last straw was the Hiddleston thing, as a fan of his I was cringing the whole time of their "relationship" due to the absolute lack of realism and the foreshadowing of what would've happened next, and the worst part is that it all went down exactly the way I (and everyone else) had predicted.

Now I look at basically everything abt her and I can see how she's probably the fakest human being on earth for so many reasons and I literally don't believe to what she says in any song anymore 'cause I have reasons to think that the version of her life she writes about in songs is 90% a fanfiction of hers, I don't think that even just half of the life events she' s trying to sell were real. And I hate that her music is so much a part of my childhood that I can't let it go nor avoid to like some of her new stuff no matter what I think of her

[outeremissary]

7 and 38 for Balthazar, 23 and 34 for Caina?

A fun fact about me is that I often check my asks by looking at previews of my email notifications so for the past several days I did not know about the Caina asks!!! These are a good time. As always, thank you for the patience as I vastly overestimated my ability to accomplish literally anything while stuck with my family, prompt from here.

Balthazar

7. Do they have any unusual fears?

Balthazar's most unusual fear is probably of being a "good" person. He associates a certain kind of virtue with conformity he's desperate to avoid. Becoming so sweet and helpful is like the death of himself. He doesn't want to disappear. He doesn't want to be turned into someone else, replaced with a toy for others to use. He'd rather die. And the worst thing of all would be becoming self-sacrificing. Giving himself up for others, letting the value of his life turn into nothing but sustaining the lives of people who matter more than one used-up aasimar... there's no terror greater than that.

More benignly, he's had an irrational fear since childhood that somehow, something would stain his hair a strange color.

38. What are their dreams like? Do they have any recurring dreams/nightmares?

Balthazar's dreams tend to be indistinct and hard to remember. When he wakes they're usually more like impressions than distinct scenes. Color, sensation, and emotion can be very strong even if they don't resolve into anything specific though- they make space for something that feels very vivid despite being impossible to pin down. His dreams from Nyrissa are easy to distinguish from ordinary dreams simply for the difference in clarity.

Balthazar doesn't have many recurring dreams, but he has a few. All throughout his life he has sometimes had a dream he feels is the same every time, but when he wakes all he remembers is the sense of warmth and belonging he had in it and the aching pang of separation when it ends. It's a dream full of light. He tries not to think about it too hard, but when he was young its meaning tormented him. Since around 4707 he's begun to have vivid, disorienting dreams of his childhood home. They always start in the kitchen. Sometimes he waits there the whole time, sometimes he rises and wanders an apartment that extends impossibly beyond the simple two rooms of his memory. It varies whether he's a child, an adolescent, an adult; whether he's left Absalom or is as he was; who he believes he's waiting for- his father or a figure far more sinister from his past. Anxiety permeates the dream. It's absolutely miserable. It usually ends before he can meet anyone else- waking in a panic as the doorknob turns to allow in his father at the end of the workday or someone else who's been searching for him. On the worst nights, however, it ends when he opens a door into the bedroom he kept during his apprenticeship. He feels sick all morning after seeing it no matter if he was alone or not.

Caina

23. How would they want to die?

He's though a lot about this. It often feels like he'll die soon in some circumstances far beyond his control, so thoughts of how else he could have gone are always close at hand. He would want to die in his homeland, passing away in his bed peacefully without any fear or regret, surrounded by loved ones. He's so afraid of dying alone. He wishes that he could go somewhere people know him, where his body would receive the rites of his gods after his death instead of being buried in an unmarked grave or left for the carrion eaters. Gently from life, gently to the next life... It's something someone like him could never hope for.

But sometimes in darker moments he wishes that he had died when he was younger, before he ever had the chance to cause anyone pain. He remembers every childhood close call and fear and they blur together in his mind in a montage of possible deaths to save his innocence and save the world from him. Sometimes he imagines that he died that morning he killed Avel- that his friend killed him in rage, or that he slipped away in an accident to be mourned by his beloved friend, or that he simply followed Avel down rather than living out the consequences of his wretched actions. But it's too late for all of that now. It's been too late a long, long time.

34. How well do they deal with grief?

Not well at all!! Terribly, some might say. Caina's reaction to grief is to try to shove it down and ignore it. People die all the time, he reasons. It has nothing to do with him. It was inevitable. And people die around him all the time. He's cursed in the eyes of his god, doomed to bring only misery to those around him. It's his own fault for being in someone's life and he just has to move on. But the fact is that he has a sensitive heart. He fixates on people who have suffered around him, doubly so if he thinks they suffered or died because of him. The memories of them will haunt him for weeks, months, years. His nights are restless with the weight of the misery he's seen and caused. And it bleeds into his everyday life, making him ever more distant from those around him as he shoulders more grief he refuses to release. Every sin makes him more afraid to reach out to others, to smile for them and make small talk, to look them in the eyes, to touch them. He sees himself as a blight. He's afraid to bring to the living what he's done to the now dead.

Slowly but surely, he has begun to go numb to it all the way he wanted to. He doesn't feel much but a dull ache when people die despite the guilt. He can tell himself that his traveling companions never mattered that much, that he kept the right distance to stay strangers. Anyone who gets past those emotional barriers though... their death or pain would push him to the breaking point.

[c0ffinrehearsal]

2,4,6,21,22,37 !

2. lighter or matches?

it depends on the scenario, but usually lighter. there is a huge box of matches in my car, though, and probably a few loose ones in my purse.

4. which cryptyd being do you believe in?

all of them, especially the appalachain ones.

6. why did you do that?

i don’t know why i do literally anything, so - your guess is as good as mine.

21. something you’ve kept since childhood?

lots of my stuffed animals - my mom kept an eeyore plushie in my crib when i was a baby and now it lives on the mantle in my bedroom.

22. what type of person are you?

kind and patient, but with a very low threshhold for being treated badly. second chances are rare with me - no one ever gets a third, anymore. i’m sharp and fast, but wary. i am quick to anger and slow to apologize, but - once burned, a thousand times shy. i am very tender all the way through, though, and everyone i have ever loved i will love forever.

37. someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

my best friend in the whole world, and a few other close friends. the guy who makes lemonade at the little tobacco shop/general store in my neighborhood - he has seen me at my absolute worst (crawling in for an ice cream cone even though i’m so hungover i can’t speak, selling me cigarettes after every breakup even thoguh i don’t smoke, etc) and i housesit for him & his wife :’)

[drybranmuffin]

tagged by @cosmicrhetoric to share my top ten films... i am possibly the worst person to share my taste in cinema. but you asked for it babe i’m sorry i warned you. in no meaningful order, here we go:

1. WEIRD: the al yankovic story (2022): saw this movie the night it came out (11/4) and am STILL thinking about it. it’s (guess what) a really uh, strange film and not at all what i expected--or actually kind of wanted??? bc i do really like Actual “Boring” Al--but i thought it was a lot of fun!! and the re-records are fantastic. the entire rocky road scene makes me so happy.

2. baby driver (2017): hey look i know i know half this cast is absolutely terrible and they should’ve gotten run over with a car in real life but the first time i saw this movie i was in kansas visiting my freshman college roommate for her wedding and it was only like. the third time i’d ever been stoned and it was incredible. literally was the most incredible and life changing experience. made me want to become a stunt driver. i cannot legally operate a motor vehicle at 24 so that isn’t happening but it was a nice feeling while it lasted.

3. dead poets society (1989): i rented this movie the first weekend at college--literally got a library card just to check out the physical DVD copy of this movie because i did not have netflix yet. i was so dramatic and 18 about majoring in something i didn’t want to do, at a college i didn’t want to be at in the first place, that watching dps immediately made me cry. also mr. keating’s little speech of “Mr. Anderson thinks that everything inside of him is worthless and embarrassing” haunts me every day.

4. how to survive a plague (2012): idk if this counts but this is my favorite documentary. it always makes me cry but i think it is such an important and informative documentary. but also it tells the whole story of all the people involved so well. like the way people’s voices stop appearing as voiceovers as the years go on. like you MISS THEM you FEEL the loss of all those people from the queer community in the 80s and 90s. it’s just so fantastic.

5. rocketman (2019): i don’t think i can accurately describe how much i love this movie. elton john is such a cornerstone of my childhood and feeling at home. and the performances in it are so incredible. i watch the crocodile rock scene whenever i’m close to losing my mind. it contains curing and healing properties.

6. glass onion (2022): not to be like i finally watched a modern, relevant movie and fuck people were right it IS GOOD but. guess what i watched a modern, relevant movie and fuck people were right it was very good and i had a lot of fun watching it. also blanc’s outfits made me feel so goddamn envious. the linen pants COME ON!!!

7. ghostbusters II (1989): not to say i don’t also love gb1 but the the “higher and higher” sequence, baby oscar, sigourney weaver being a cellist, “boys, you’re scaring the straights.”, “no, i believe it's one of the fettucinis...”, like c’mon. this movie is amazing. okay i’m realizing that i really need to make you watch ghostbusters II with me. even if you haven’t seen the first one i don’t care we’re watching the guys imply that egon has fucked the goo.

8. groundhog day (1993): okay so maybe i’m just a guy that really likes a certain era of bill murray movies??? ironically this is a movie that, i’ve found, i can really watch again and again and again. like: credits roll, start it again. andie macdowell’s blue coat has been on my mind since i was eleven and saw this movie for the first time. i love the town it looks so delightful--and actually was reminded a lot of it when i was in vermont recently--but it has destroyed me to know that the set was not in punxsutawney but actually somewhere in illinois... boo.

9. beetlejuice (1988): i’m saying beetlejuice as a stand in for like all tim burton movies from 1982-1993 (& like, two in 2005). but i remember watching this movie as a kid and literally not being able to regurgitate the plot at all. like, jump in the line is playing and i’m like “i have no idea what anyone’s name is and don’t know what’s going on. but that lady’s dress [barbara] was nice!!” haven’t changed much but now i at least know what’s happening. also: know that me listing this movie is also me saying that anything danny elfman touches is amazing and i love the soundtrack to this movie so much i wrote a paper on it in undergrad [music in film class] and made my professor read ten pages about the genius of danny elfman making the film’s main melody motif be three. notes.

10. barbie as rapunzel (2002): best for last. i don’t need to explain myself here. the movie is like: 20 minutes of experiencing the horrors of both servitude and otto, 5 minutes of the best dress montage of your life, 10 minutes of being like “oh my god is the prince really that stupid?”, 10 minutes of “yes, he is...”, 15 minutes being confused by the romantic pasts of the kings and gothel, 15 minutes of family therapy between two talking dragons, and 3 minutes of crying over “I know Rapunzel's secret. She painted what she dreamed.” “When you do that you’ll never be wrong.” and it deserved an oscar.