#literally the few days after we stopped talking i felt WAY less default stressed and i realised our friendship was taking a toll on us both

[earthrealmlesbian]

Cassie and Jacqui for the all the questions?

1) Who rocks the Ferris Wheel seat and who flips out and begs them to stop? They'd shake it together! Nothing crazy but enough to get the operator to grumble at them and enough to get each other to have a laughing fit.

2) Who is always horny and will have sex at any time, at any place and at any time? Cassie has a pretty high sex drive, higher than Jacqui's at least. She's not one for having sex in wild places however. Jacqui may not have as high of a sex drive but when she IS in the mood she's got a lot of stamina and is pretty open to trying new things.

3) Who is more into taking showers/baths together? Who tries to make it relaxing and who tries to make it sexy time? They both prefer showers and by some stroke of luck both enjoy them hot so they often shower together. Both actually like to make it sort of sexual? They like to tease each other in the shower whether or not they're actually going to really go at it once they get it. Juuust enough to get each other to shiver without committing to a long night. Lots of sensual touches and flirting.

4) Who likes to walk around the house naked and who tells the other to go put some clothes on? Cassie is usually in a training bra and boxers when they're at home. Jacqui usually stays a little more dressed unless it's hot but neither are embarrassed about that sort of thing so Jacqui wouldn't bother asking her to put on more clothes.

5) Who sleeps on the couch when they get into a fight? Heading for the couch is Cassie's default reaction at the beginning of their relationship. She saw her dad do it often enough that it just seems practical. Jacqui isn't into it at all. She has a hard time sleeping without Cassie and she doesn't like letting their rare disagreements fester overnight anyways.

6) Who takes photos of the other while they sleep? (This one got heavy cuz I needed to rant. My bad.) Both!! Cassie takes significantly more though. Side note: It's NOT cuz she's some haha fucking millennial that can't get off her phone either. SF members die all the time. Taking pictures with everyone is a coping mechanism for Cassie. Some of her friends are literally here today, gone tomorrow. She wants to immortalize the people in her life while she can. (my canon now nrs. Y'all did Cassie dirty in mk11) She wants pics of every single one of a Jacqui's expressions. Just in case. Jacqui understands.

7) Who said “I love you” first? and who ends their arguments in a fight with “Because I love you”? Cassie said it first and either will throw out an impassioned "because I love you" here or there. These two grew up together and I can see them falling in love so slowly and subtly that it took them awhile to even notice their friendship changing. When they did they probably were both a little nervous to outright say it since it would change their relationship forever. Cassie took the plunge but I can't say it was particularly smooth. They were enjoying a rare off day spent leaning against each other sipping drinks and taking in the view when Cassie awkwardly piped up with "Hey….wouldn't it be something if this were like a date or whatever?" Jacqui fucking cackled because wow, what a way to broach the subject. (All Cages are embarrassing when they're in love)

8) Who likes to wear the others sweatshirts? They both wear each other's stuff ALL THE TIME. It doesn't help they have a lot of similar undershirts and training bras. Jackie has a few oversized letterman jackets and Cassie steals them constantly.

9) Who wakes the other up in the middle of the night to tell them a cool dream they had? Who has the most nightmares, and who sings them back to sleep after? They've got a big workload between training and missions so they value sleep too much to wake each other up for weird dreams. Nightmares are a good reason though. Cassie has a lot of them actually. She can usually get back to bed on her own but if it's really bad she'll bite the bullet and wake Jacqui up. Jacqui will rub circles into her back and occasionally hum one or two old lullabies her dad made up as kid. Usually they just lay there quietly though.

10) Who is more likely to cheat? (at games) Cassie is more likely to try. Johnny is a filthy fucking cheat and taught her every trick in the book. It's incredible really. Unfortunately For her, Jackie was usually right there taking lessons too and is absolutely merciless in calling out Cassie's antics. Cassie can't even breathe funny in the direction of her cards and Jacqui is on her.

11) Who makes fun of the other for having a crush on them, and who has to remind them that they are in a relationship? Cassie is a brat so she likes to tease about it. She always regrets it because without fail Jacqui will bring up the "what if this were a date?" line.

"Oh, you have a crush on me? Embarrassing."

Jacqui doesn't miss a beat. "Not half as embarrassing as when you confessed by--"

"WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT."

12) Who starts a food fight in the kitchen? Cassie for the most part though Jacqui makes sure they don't make too much of a mess because who wants to deal with that kind of clean up? She usually finds a less messy way to indulge Cassie when they're making something sweet together like french toast or cupcakes. She'll chase Cassie around with an icing covered spoon threatening to smear it on her. They're always a sticky mess by the time they get back on track but the kitchen is spared and they like to kiss the sweetness in each other's lips so that's a big bonus.

13) Who initiates duets? and who is the better singer? Unfortunately, Cassie likes to sing. She's not good but by the gods does she try. Jacqui is a great singer though. She's down to belt out a duet with her girlfriend regardless of how Cassie sounds.

14) Who starts the hand holding? Who grabs the others butt? Who slides their arm around their waist? Who likes to put their fingers in the belt loops? They're very physically affectionate so really it's just a matter of who initiates any of these things faster on any given day. They reign it in on base but out and about or at home is fair game. Jacqui does this little thing when Cassie is straddling her lap where she'll pat her ass in rhythm like she's gently playing the drums and Cassie thinks it's SO funny. It's an idle thing like people drumming on tables in thought but for some reason involves her ass. Cassie can't complain.

15) Who writes the others name on their wrist? Neither but Cassie is a doodler so lots of mushy sketches during boring meetings. Johnny genuinely thinks it's the cutest thing he's ever seen.

16) Who is more seductive when they are drunk? and who is louder in bed? Cassie is embarrassing as hell about it so we're not even gonna go there but Jacqui manages to make up for it and then some. She's doesn't get terribly explicit, just purrs out honey sweet words that promise a good time. Cassie is the louder of the two.

17) Who is more protective? Cassie but Jacqui would be if she didn't make a conscious effort otherwise. She always felt like her dad could be overprotective and it's tempting for her to match that energy. Still, she doesn't want to smother so she tries to let Cassie handle herself.

18) Who talks to the other while they are sleeping? Jacqui will sometimes. Usually about upcoming missions that are stressing her out or any plans for future outings she'd like to have with Cassie. Mostly to remind herself to ask about it later. Stuff like "Hey, Thursday should be slow we should go visit uncle Raiden at the temple." or "Jin and Takeda tried that new Thai place last week and won't shut up about it. We should get in on that." ( hello domestic nonsense I live for you)

19) Who drives and who has the window seat? Both are capable so it's kinda whoever grabs the keys first.

20) Who falls asleep in the others lap and who carries them to bed? They fall asleep on each other on their couch all the time. If they're tired enough they usually just stay there. If they both want to drag themselves to bed but are struggling to do it Jacqui will often get it together first and carry Cassie to bed.

21) Who cuts the others hair? Jacqui's hair requires a fair amount of maintenance and she really prefers to handle that herself. Sometimes Cassie needs help touching up the shaved parts of her style and Jacqui is more than happy to.

22) Who is super bad at sexting? and who sends them encouraging messages throughout the day? Neither are bad at it actually. They don't do it often but they'll indulge here or there. They do tend to be really flirty with each other over text just....in general. Both well shoot sweet, positive messages to each other as they have time throughout the day.

23) Who thinks they are not good enough for the others love? and who’s more afraid of loosing the other? Who thinks they keep messing up, only for the other to tell them they don’t need to worry?Both are absolutely certain they are good for one another They've been inseparable since children and that's not going to change now that they're adults and in a relationship. Still, Cassie does sometimes feel overshadowed by her parents. Like she's good but not great. On days like that, she feels good enough for Jacqui but like she could be doing better. More. Jacqui is quick to set her straight. Jacqui tries to keep how protective she feels under wraps but she's definitely the one that stresses the most on losing the other. She's just quiet about it.

24) Who starts random slow dancing with the other in the kitchen? Who holds the other just above the ground and kisses them? Slow dancing in particular? Jacqui. They sometimes bop around the house to pop songs when doing chores but it's usually Jacqui that switches the playlist, slows things down and tugs Cassie in close for a dance. If they still have a lot to do after she'll kiss Cassie silly while holding her up to put some playful energy back in the room.

25) Who says shitty puns and sex jokes just to see the other giggle and blush? Gods help Jacqui Briggs. She's dating the daughter of Johnny Cage and there's not a moment she gets to forget. It's bad enough that growing up she had to hear Johnny tell all manner of awful puns and jokes. Now she has to hear her girlfriend repeat her own variations of the same ones. Sometimes, and she she hates to admit it, they're actually pretty funny.

26) Who kissed first? Jacqui. After Cassie's awful "crazy if this were a date?" moment Jacqui had to sit through 5 minutes of Cassie fumbling through a confession and "I love you" before she lost her patience and stopped the rambling with a kiss.

27) Who orders take out at two in a morning? and who wakes the other up at three in the morning to go downstairs with them to get a glass of water because it’s too dark? Cassie does the ordering. Jacqui always gives her a "Are you serious? We've got food in the fridge." look but always makes sure to give Cassie her order anyways. Jacqui has the sense to keep a big bottle of water on her bedside table so nobody has to get up.

28) Who writes poems/stories and love songs about the other? Do they sing the songs the write for them? Jacqui likes to sing and took up song writing on a whim because of it. She's pretty good. Cassie gets really flustered when she realizes Jacqui has a new love song to sing to her. She feels like she's getting swept off her feet all over again with each song.

29) Who does some crazy stunt to try and impress the other and who ends up driving them to the emergency room after it backfires? They're already impressed with each other. Still, they're a healthy amount of competitive with each other so both are occasionally tempted to do some flashy stuff to one up the other. Trial and very painful error have taught them not to test their limits too far thankfully.

30) Who is embarrassed when they have to wear their glasses and who thinks they look super cute? Cassie used to be embarrassed about her glasses but the feeling faded a lot with adulthood. Why should she be embarrassed when her girlfriend thinks she she's cute as hell in them?

Thanks for the ask!

[rantingstories]

I woke up at 5am, drove to a local hill and read my book. How did it affect my day?    

 I use to wake up at 7am, eat straight away, sleep for half an hour and be late for work

 Hellewwww. So, I would like to discuss a concept probably foreign to a lot of us, and that is productivity in the mornings. I think the general consensus for mornings is; wake up, turn the alarm off, lay there being miserable about our inevitable rise from the bed, literally fall back asleep like you don’t even need wages because you got the rent fairy to help you out, turn the alarm off, after laughing at the wage fairy thing become miserable again, tiny ‘lil pep talk, and rise. Usually, the mornings are for being sluggish, letting your body adjust and rest at the same time. You would eat your food and watch some TV or look on your phone, until it’s time to get ready for work or school. I feel this is the default morning of most people. My mornings have always been a little lazier and more shameful then that!

Typically, I would give myself an hour and 9 minutes. I’d have to leave at 8:15 so I would get up at 7:06 because sleep minutes are more like hours when you feel you’re losing them and 6 more minutes in bed felt like a lot to me. Then I would sluggishly walk to the kitchen and feed my two cats who would be bountiful balls of energy, making me a mere shell of a person in their presence. I would then make any cereal I can find and sit on the couch watching TV or looking through my phone as I ate. I wouldn’t really have time for a cooked breakfast or tea because here comes the important bit; I lay sleep, on the couch, for half an hour, as my partner lays in bed. Why? Glad you asked J I have no clueL. For me, being awake whilst in bed is fantastic because I can actually feel the pleasure of just lying there and letting my mind drift. I’m conscious to know I’m snuggly in bed and that’s a great feeling. So for me, I actually like my body being awake. That’s the reason I lay on the couch, much to my fiancés dismay that I would rather lay alone on the couch where the cats walk all over me and crush my ribs, their wet noses tapping my skin as they examine what the hell I think I’m doing with my life, then in her arms in our warm bed. I lay there merrily, thinking about nice happy things, body at rest, mind adrift, milk getting sneakily licked from my cereal bowl by those assholes as I lay careless and oblivious in my own warm bubble of rest and contentment. This is also subliminally stressful as I have to remember to get up at eight and each morning, my drifting mind lives in secret fear and sheer panic that I’ll properly fall asleep and be awoken at like 8:15 by my ashamed partner. Nonetheless, I always get up because I don’t actually sleep, I just lay there, pointlessly. Let’s think about what can be done in half an hour?

 ü  A workout session

ü  Reading a book

ü  Applying for jobs

ü  Answering emails

ü  A walk with fresh air

ü  A shower

ü  Putting effort into your make up, hair and outfit

ü  Chores that you now don’t have to come home to

ü  Making your partner breakfast

ü  Watching EastEnders whilst washing up

You can get a lot done in that space of time so why was I just lying there, not even sleeping? It was pointless and I decided to change it, to explore the enigmatic world that rapidly progresses as we lie half dead asleep. The World of the Larks.  The Larks are strange beings, they do the equivalent of half a day’s work a night owl does, in the two or three hours you’re still asleep. They are powerful and their motivation and strength should be feared or stolen from them when you get the chance. I decided this morning, I would try it. I spent a week, a few years ago, jogging at 6am. It was winter, dark, everyone at the bus stop looked like lonely orphans in any film designed to tug on your heart strings, and it didn’t appeal to me. However it’s the penultimate month of summer now, so I thought it would be different.

 The hardest part already was the night before. Using my valuable, precious, beautiful time in evenings to actually be asleep by 10pm. I was devastated. I typically have so much damn fun in the evening, writing ideas for my 27 open novels, being too devoted to Bored Panda, Facebooking drama watching, TV, shouting “CUTENESS” at my cats, then I’ll go to bed at the ridiculous hour of about half 11, 12 or even 1! I’d fall asleep straight away and then repeat the aforementioned cycle of the 7:06 start. It sounds dreadfully unproductive and like a stereotypical uni student really. Like I would have lived when I was working till 10pm then at uni at like 10 or 2am. But this isn’t fun times anymore, I have a big girl job with a big girl flat and a big girl life and car insurance. It’s time to behave like a big productive girl who organises her life in diaries and budgets. So now we’re in the morning and I sort of woke up at 4:48am, my brain obviously pre-empting its doom. Then 5am hit. I took some advice from videos I had watched to prepare for this and I charged my phone in the hallway outside my door. That way, to shut off the noise, I had to get up, walk out to the hall and crouch down, giving my knees a workout already to switch it off. My partner decided to do this experiment with me, but left her phone on the nightstand, showing clear signs that her heart wasn’t in this, but she came with me and I feel so very proud. Her names Ashleigh by the way. Anyway, so I used the time to respond to some messages, they had built up because I didn’t use my phone half an hour before bed the previous night, another tip I picked up. The break from the screens will really do me good. It will help my eyes and my concentration levels. My eye lids won’t be lower, looking down at the phone, which helps with the eyes feeling lighter and me feeling more awake.

I was also surprised with how awake I actually felt. I find this happens every time I wake up before 7am, I always feel more awake then when I wake up after 7am. It’s odd but it’s true. Your body feels a bit weaker rather than just sluggish, but your eyes and mind are awake, like this is the time they are meant to be up all along and you’ve been over sleeping them. I don’t know if it’s the same for everyone else, but always been like this for me. So we woke up and had some grapes and water. I’m the type of person who could honestly eat KFC and drink coke, 5 minutes after waking up. Ashleigh could barely look at the grapes. 2 hours before their breakfast time, and the cats thought we were tired enough to forget and feed them early. Suckers! So then we left in her car and we drove to these hills near our flat, you climb them in a twisting motion and they overlook a beautiful canvas under the blue skies’ light of cars racing down the motorway, dull brown house roofs and Greater London pollution. Once we reached the precipice, we found our journey up had consisted of talks of the mind, how it copes with waking up early, how being productive actually boosts our serotonin levels and how we feel happier and more alive. So smarter conversation was happening. In our normal routine, the only conversation we’d get in the morning is what’s happening on Facebook or… nothing. It felt great to have an in depth conversation with nothing but the breeze around us, no screens no third party media to influence our conversations, just us, our minds and the world. It was lovely.

At the top, it took a minor toll on our legs. Let me tell you by the way, your legs at 5am are the equivalent to the little devil on your shoulder who tells you, you won’t get a degree because you’re useless at life or you won’t ever find a career you love just lower your standards or you won’t feel in the slightest horrible if you spend over £20 on a pizza delivery at 11pm on a week night. They don’t like 5am and they will remind you you’re a sadist and to have mercy and send them to bed. Ignore them, they are the over dramatic one in the family. Nonetheless, we sat down at the top and began to read our respective books. Mine was “The Good Guy” (Susan Beale), set in 1964, a realistic view on marriage, its ups and downs, the pressures on the typical masculine and feminine roles, motherhood and adultery, and hers was “I Let You Go” (Claire Mackintosh), how one mistake, brought on by pressurising and damaging events, can turn life upside down, with thrills and chases and emotions tugged hard. We only read a chapter each, but as everyone knows, books nourish your eyes better than a screen will, they nourish your imagination, forcing it to work to picture what you read rather than it being given to you, they nourish your vocabulary and extend it and they nourish your mood for the day with the journey you take when reading it, leaving you picturing your own world and story with more passion and thoughtfulness.

We descended the hill (and I ran up another, sorry legs L I am a bit heartless) and made our way home. She cooked us an omelettes and I washed up meaning, we will come home to a clean and tidy flat with no chores after a long day at work. We had tea and coffee, ate our food, shouted “CUTENESS” at the cats for a 37th time, and watched the YouTube Video that inspired this. I will link it down below. When we looked at the time it was 5 minutes to 8. I still had 5 minutes and I felt like I’d done my whole usual morning up until lunch time.

 This experiment really did change my day, I feel brighter and more awake at work, driving to work made me feel more conscious and thus, safer. My morning was accomplished and productive, I felt like I had a much better handle on my life. We saw people jogging, people exercising, couples doing yoga at the top of the hill, and the enigmatic world of morning larks turned out to be a nice peaceful group of people exercising, nourishing their minds and bodies, leaving them free to relax in the evening. My partner and I both feel rejuvenated, in control, happier, fresher, lighter, healthier and less stressed immediately. I even got a text about something that had been stressing me and I swear it felt so much lighter on my shoulders, in fact it went straight over my head because I felt happy and in control of life, not down trodden and rushing to get to work. I suggest you all spend at least one day waking up at 5am, I promise you, you will not feel as over tired as you think you will, you’ll even feel more awake than usual, or your money back! It’s still, sort of summer, so leave the house, and go on a small walk or read a book, climb a hill and kiss the rising sun, do anything as long as it’s doing something productive. Then cook a hot breakfast and feel proud of your strength and your beautiful, accomplished morning. I do not miss my beautifully pointless naps and my hobby of running red lights because I’m late for work.

 Mentioned YouTube video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGWrGFlYtAQ

Thank you

Siobhan

[yaminerua]

Y’all I am seriously not having a good time rn

And like yeah literally no-one is because this year is a fucking disaster but god..... I feel like I’m getting backed onto the edge of a cliff by stress...

I’m sorry I’ve been slow with commissions and barely got any new art done but man I just don’t have the emotional or physical energy to...

This year has been one year after another of stressful or upsetting things even just in my personal life alone and that’s not even INCLUDING the state of the world and everything else going on...

Like god my papa died this year and I knew he was going to eventually because cancer is a fucking Bitch but it happened faster than anyone thought only a few days before the UK’s lockdown was finally put in place. So I couldn’t go to the funeral. But my aunt had said even before we knew we wouldn’t be allowed that if my brother and I showed up there’d be a war. Because of all the Stupid Family Nonsense that has just been swirling and bubbling and frothing over the years. My gran is torn between wanting me to visit cos I’d be good company and hating my guts because of all the Shit that’s happened.

I dunno how to abridge it... it’s mostly them rewriting history or just straight up misinterpreting the ways or reasons things happened and pinning it all on my dad, his family, and my and my brother instead of the actual people who fucked everything up, those being the crooked lawyers who fucked us over 20 years ago, my mum after her meltdown changed her into a horrible person and her family who tried to gaslight, kidnap, blackmail and manipulate us all the fuckin way.

We were terrified of them because they tried to kidnap us and keep us from dad, tried to lie to us and change the way events unfolded by telling us completely false versions of events despite the fact we were present for most of them and they absolutely did not play out the way they wanted us to believe. Tried to brainwash us against my dad and his family and then turned around and tried to say that him and his family were trying to brainwash us against THEM.

So much distress and upset happened whenever we visited and other things happened that were just plain terrifying fear-for-our-lives shit that we just. Didn’t feel safe going over anymore. But they refuse to accept that. And think we just cut them off and abandoned them (which is rich since actually the cutting off happened from their end first but, again, they loooove to rewrite history).

So all of that mess is being continuously dug up to guilt trip us and make us feel bad because our cousins hate us, my aunt Despises us, and my gran wobbles in between of wanting to see us and also despising us too.

I made an effort to rebuild the bridges that had been burnt because I wanted my papa to know I didn’t hate him and that I wanted him to see me again and know that an effort was being made to patch things up because I knew that was what he wanted. And he never deserved to have been cut off from us. It was the women in the family who were being the assholes and he was just for the most part caught up in it.

He was so happy to see me and happy to think the family was beginning to come together again. Unfortunately his daughter and her sons do not respect his wishes. And my mum flip flops because she’s still affected by what happened to her more than 15 years ago. Her head got so messed up by all the legal stress and the brainwashing from her mum and sister that she just. Doesn’t remember what was real or what was false anymore. But also won’t ever listen to our side because it’s Wrong By Default.

So we ‘abandoned’ her in her eyes and she will Always try to Remind us. of that and all the other bullshit she wants us to believe.

My phone anxiety is directly related to her and Now I have to talk to her everyday because my papa’s death unfortunately opened up the communications that I’d forced closed for years to protect my own mental health.

But this year has just been ‘fuck your mental health’ so. naturally that wish gets kicked out the window and the phone can’t be refused anymore.

Sometimes the calls are ok. She talks about herself for 2 hours and then that’s it. other times it becomes a rant, an attempt to convince, an attempt to deliberately make me feel awful and Oh Boy is she Good At That. And I can’t hang up on her because that pisses her off More and then she’ll write a horrible email to my brother where she tries to pull the same shit on him and I refuse to have him have to deal with that because for SOME FUCKIN REASON she only pulls this shit on the phone with me and NEVER DOES THIS TO HIM.

God. Why.

Anyway that’s just one thing that’s persistent and continuous. And I make myself sadder about it watching old home videos we found from 20 years ago. One of them I’d never seen was the literal day I was born and it.... it shook me so much I broke down watching it. It’s like watching good days, innocent days when all seemed well, knowing the future and how wretched and awful and deeply traumatising the years ahead are for that little kid who has no idea what’s awaiting them.

Cue lockdown and my dad and brother and I are looking after my granny. She had a stroke 2 years ago, hit her head on a cabinet and had constant UTIs for months and then had another stroke last year and as a result her mind is foggier than it used to be and her mobility isn’t what it was so she requires a lot of constant watch and care.

None of this is her fault, but I’m just not built for the long-run in a carer position. The first year put me into a meltdown, and I had another worse one last year and I was dreading if there would be one this year because I’d felt so on-edge and burnt out.

And then lockdown happened and the chances to get away for a bit of respite to recharge my batteries went out the window. Dad had no help to balance his work calls which sometimes went on all day, and granny. Other than me, but for reasons I have yet to finally have an answer for, my body has just been having problem after problem that leaves me drained and/or in pain and less able to do the physical help I was doing before. Doing the cooking and washing up to take it off dad, and getting up to keep an eye on granny or help her with personal care like I used to.

I’ve had this goddamn pain that doctors haven’t been able to find a diagnosis for since April now and it’s just become more and more limiting and I’m on a waiting list to get referred and god only knows when that will actually end up happening.

Doctors suggested it might have been stress that brought it on and the response to that is usually to reduce stressors but like. My life is the stressor so idk how to fix that. I can’t get away because guilt and stress over dad having to handle it all would follow me anywhere I went anyway even if i COULD go somewhere else for a break.

My uncles aren’t very helpful either. One makes excuses not to come and help and the other WILL go on a throwing out spree if he was to come in and I cannot trust him to not throw out important sentimental stuff without a second thought as to whether it was wanted because he’s done that before.

Plus that one has had his own health scares and even had a bit of a mental health crisis in the middle of the year which was probably brought on by the isolation and distancing stuff lockdown brought about.

One major contributor to the daily stress was the nagging worry that there was gonna be a Major Event this year that hadn’t happened yet. There’ve been major events that put granny is hospital without fail every year for the past... 4 but maybe even 5 years. It felt inevitable. But also terrifying because hospital felt like the worst place for her to go this year with all the virus stuff happening...

We had carers coming in to help with her but they weren’t really that... great. Wore their masks under their noses, didn’t self isolate when they got sick before they could get tests and lo and behold, despite the fact I hadn’t been out anywhere and the only contact I had beyond my own family were the carers, I got a cold which thankfully really was Just a Cold.

Not wanting to risk granny even getting a cold I stuck to my room and only came out to use the toilet or grab food/drink and all times I left my room I wore a mask and used sanitiser before I even left the room so I wouldn’t put anything on any surfaces. I was careful.

But either I wasn’t careful enough, or whoever gave ME the cold passed it to dad as well. Because then he got sick. And he didn’t have the option to distance himself from granny. Because I was still sick too and my brother Doesn’t do the personal care. So he wore a mask and tried to look after her while coughing and sneezing his guts out.

We thought we were gonna be ok. But then it happened. She got the cold anyway. We think it was a different carer who gave her it because this one was Really Hacking Up A Lung with her. Mask on still but, idk, the hands on care means you’re up real close and even a mask doesn’t stop everything. Plus this woman would pull her mask down to speak sometimes it was....?????

So granny got a cough and cold and we prayed it wasn’t covid and thankfully it doesn’t seem to have been. She’d had a cold in february so we thought ok if we just keep looking after her and help her fight it off we’ll be ok.

September 11th, one day before her birthday, at half 7 in the morning dad woke me up yelling for me to grab the phone so he could call an ambulance.

She was slumped against him in the top floor landing, face drooping, unresponsive and making deep loud groans that sounded honestly like a cow’s moo. It was an awful sound.

It then progressed to a weird rattly, wet breath. Like you’re trying to suck the last water out through a straw in a cup with just ice in it. Like a rattly snore but from the throat and not the nose.

Ambulance came and they said her blood pressure was high and still rising. She was absolutely unresponsive and cold and clammy to touch. The only response they could get was pinching her ear and she let out a loud pained groan.

They took her away and it was later just assumed to be a chest infection so she was put on antibiotics.

I think just. The accumulated stress of everything else just. Hit me like a train. It’s horrible to be relieved to get a break because someone’s gone into hospital because it felt like there was no other way you were going to get a break. But I felt so burnt out it happened anyway and I feel awful for it. my body was in so much pain and my head and everything was just exhausted from stress and exhaustion in general.

She wasn’t in very long though and I think before we knew it was a chest infection related collapse we’d all assumed it was a third stroke and thought she was going to be in for as long as she had the last few times to rehabilitate.

I honestly hate what ended up happening next.

The stress of it all just blew up and I had several days of frequent uncontrollable panic attack-type meltdowns.

I just. I lost complete control of myself. Slamming my head against the wall and floor and counters, scratching my arms, pulling my hair out and just.... screaming so loudly my throat was so so raw. This happened every day. I got into a negatively spiralling process of overthinking and overworrying and just melted down into a fit of stress

The third day of this, dad called the ambulance on me,which made me feel so so so much worse for wasting their time on something I wish I’d had enough mental control of myself to just. stop from happening....

they sat with me for nearly 2 hours and once I was able to even speak relatively coherently at all I just cried about everything from childhood trauma to everything else that’s all combined to fuck me up.

The lady called the mental health folks because she felt I definitely needed to see someone for some support and put me on with one of the women on the phone but that woman was so incredibly unhelpful and passive aggressive even the ambulance lady was shocked and apologised for that person’s behaviour but god it has just absolutely wrecked my faith in being able to get any help for all of this mess.....

I honestly feel.... terrified of myself.... Because I’ve had meltdowns before but I’ve never had one so bad I lost control of myself. Like I could have legitimately harmed myself in that mess. I even wanted to. It was the closest I’ve come in a long time of actually being like wow I could Actually Follow Through with Killing Myself and it terrified me because fuck at least that time years ago when I was planning on doing it I was more in control of the action and was able to stop....

Now I’m not even sure if I got in that state again I would be able to stop myself. And that’s terrifying....

To make things worse, that third day when the ambulance people were talking me down out of my whole mess, granny had been brought home and they ended up taking her back to the hospital because it was deemed not safe to let her in while I was upstairs screaming on the floor.

So :)))))) the police called. Because not allowing granny into her legal home was an issue and I was the cause :)))))))  Even tho I didn’t actually ban her with my words, I just wasn’t in a good mental state at the time and I tried so hard to calm down once i knew she was out there waiting but I was so stressed about what was going to happen I couldn’t get it together fast enough and then had to worry if I was going to be in huge trouble over it. So THAT’s wonderful.

Anyway. She came home the next day with a very very sore side and we weren’t sure if her ribs were sore from coughing or if she’d bashed herself in an unreported fall in hospital or what.

But the next day I was helping her take off the bra her carer that morning had put on her despite knowing her side pain and then she was sick and I was freaking out because granny and sick never go well so I was super worried...

Thankfully it wasn’t long lasting but the pain she had continued to be excruciating and a doctor came later on and said her liver area was very tender so she ought to go get it checked.

So we took her to hospital by car because we were told the ambulance wait would be longer.

But because the virus is increasing in the country again the restrictions are up. So while I had to come to help get granny in and out of the car, I wasn’t allowed to go with her and dad inside. And dad had the damn car keys and it was dark, late, cold as fuck and windy.

I was outside shivering my ass off with nowhere to wait for nearly 2 hours. They wouldn’t even let me in at first when I was about to piss myself.

After that first 2 hours dad briefly came out to tell me it was looking like it was gonna be a while longer so I just asked him for money for a taxi because at this point it was already after midnight.

I got like no sleep that night cos I was worrying about dad’s chronic sleep deprivation. He didn’t get home until 6am.

Anyways she’s been in and had scans but they can’t find anything and have just given her painkillers and mysteriously they say the side pain is gone. Whether thats just from painkillers or if it’s actually gone without discovering what caused it idk. But not knowing stresses me out like I’d have rather there was something to treat instead of it mysteriously being very painful and making her sick and then disappearing. Like what if it comes back?

hhhh anyway she’s supposed to come home tomorrow and again I still don’t feel like I’ve shaken off the burn out and my pain is still there too  so physically I’m still a mess and I feel so bad about my lack of productivity especially on commissions I still need to do...

I don’t even think I can take much more stuff happening this year like. I’m legit not sure I’m gonna make it to the end of the year rn folks...

[psychotherapyconsultants]

Tips to Prevent and Recover from a Trying Day

“Be proactive not reactive, for an apparently insignificant issue ignored today can spawn tomorrow’s catastrophe.” – Ken Poirot

Do you ever have one of those mornings where the battle against annoying minutiae begins before you’re even truly awake? One of those days where you feel the illusion of control fully slipping away. You try to grasp and pull it back, but you really have no control over this day or its outcome, at all.

We dread these types of days, don’t we? The control freak in me gets uncomfortable thinking about it. Even the Meet The Parents movies make me unsettled, because as more and more things go wrong, I just want to cry out, “Stop it already! Stop making bad choices!”

I can’t guarantee that I can help you stop making bad choices, but I can give you tips for handling those days when everything minor breaks, stalls, or gets in your way.

I had a day like this when I was pregnant with my youngest. I never regained my energy back like they say you will in the second trimester. I was tired, achy, and feeling uncomfortably large one morning last spring. Still, being pregnant, with all its discomforts, was the highlight of my day.

It started with an alarm that didn’t go off—well, we didn’t set alarms anymore. My daughter always wakes early, so no need. That day, she took the morning off. No wakeup call from the toddler.

We woke up running late in a panic. Then, as our cats had been doing lately, just for fun, they threw up their breakfast on the kitchen floor.

I looked at the stream of cat vomit and told my husband, “Your turn, I cleaned it up last time.”

He gaped at the floor, and then looked as if he was considering adding his own vomit to the pile. “No. Can’t do it.”

“UHHH!!” I fumed, and thus began a morning squabble, the bane of my existence. I hate fighting in the morning more than cleaning up cat vomit, but I was rattled from waking up quickly, so I just went for it and dove headfirst into a fight.

Fight over, we went our separate ways—he went to work and I stayed at home with our kid.

Later, my first new phone in four years showed up in the mail. Now, if you have ever tried to set up anything with a toddler in tow, you know it’s like trying to build Ikea furniture in a tornado. But I was excited and needed to reset the vibe of the day, so I called to set it up.

A new phone shouldn’t have problems from the start, right? Seems reasonable, but I had to keep explaining to the representative that I was setting up a new phone.

We lost phone connection three times. My toddler needed helping five times. Suddenly both my old phone (that I was talking to the rep on) and my new one wouldn’t work. Confused, I was interrupted by a loud hissing.

I was making split pea soup in the cooker, which I had forgotten. The neglected pot was spewing hot soup goo all over. Meanwhile my sink, countertop, and the stove were full of dishes.

Old-fashioned pressure cookers are unpopular because if you move them quickly, you get burning steam shooting out at you. Most people don’t use old-fashioned pressure cookers because of this—smart people.

There was nowhere to move the pot.

So I had to move the pressure cooker pot in slow motion. I watched in horror as more and more hot goo spilled over the stove, counter, and flowed like a green boiling waterfall onto the floor.

I huffed with frustration and started cleaning up—phone temporarily a backseat issue—while trying to keep my kid away from the literal hot mess.

But I was also proud of myself. I hadn’t taken my frustrations out on anyone. I had carried myself with calm, even though I was boiling over, like the soup pot.

Smiling, I went to place the cleanup towels in the hamper. There, one entire corner of the floor was covered with broken picture frames and glass. I was shocked. And now broken glass? I hadn’t heard anything fall?? What?!

Suddenly, it was all too much. I felt anger and frustration rising inside of me. I had enough! I walked into the room away from my daughter and dad, and gave a little scream—not loud enough to scare anyone, but it was enough to release my steam valve.

I’m guessing you’ve had a day like this before. When one irritating thing after another happened, building major annoyance and frustration, making it hard to keep your cool.

How can we stop getting riled up by everything that goes wrong in a day?

Most of us in the Western world have become very busy and, by default, very reactive. This does not set us up well to handle unexpected annoyances. But there are a few things we can do to prepare for these days in advance, and a number of ways we can cope better so we don’t get epically annoyed with all the irritations happening around us.

A Preventative Plan for Managing Murphy’s-Law-Kinda Days

1. Be mindful of the influences around you.

The people we surround ourselves with and the information we consume affect our overall mood. If you’re constantly bombarded with criticism, judgment, or negativity, you’ll likely be primed to snap at little things.

Are your interactions with others positive and supportive? Is your partner or best friend kind to you? Do you have people around you who have your best interests at heart? Or is getting through every day like walking through a minefield of aggressive, explosive people?

I don’t have expertise in the area of extricating yourself from abusive or trying relationships, but there are plenty of people who do, so if you find yourself being mistreated and traumatized, take action to help yourself today.

If you aren’t surrounded by intentionally harmful people, yet you listen to news that drags you down and spend a lot of time with complainers and energy drainers, you are not protecting your sweet soul from the tarnishing effects of others.

I’m not suggesting that you insulate yourself from every negative thing, but can you minimize that which is optional?

Can you make an effort to consciously choose to surround yourself with people and media who lift you up and make you a better version of yourself?

2. Take good care of yourself so you’re balanced going in.

To thrive even with adversity, you need to take care of the animal that is your human body. This body needs fresh air, water, exercise, rest, and quality food. If you are depriving your body of any of these on a regular basis, it is simply a matter of time until you’re an angry, reactive mess.

Keeping up your good habits of exercising and eating well is essential. The food you put into your body affects your mood. Sugar can give us an energy high, but after it wears off then there’s an energy low, which can leave you feeling worse than before.

An unhealthy diet high in sugar and processed food can contribute to depression. And living a sedentary life is a risk factor is well. Exercise releases endorphins, the feel-good hormone, which can help you keep calm when things go wrong.

If you don’t currently eat well and exercise regularly, a reactive, frustrating day can be a wake up call to start supporting a good foundation of health. Then you can weather these storms better.

3. Find some time during the day to be quiet, meditate, and get calm.

Meditation is like training for your mind. It literally rewires your brain to be calmer and less reactive, and it can significantly reduce stress and anxiety. By taking time on a regular basis to be quiet and contemplate, you can sometimes identify nagging small concerns before they become large concerns.

Spending time in nature can have a similar relaxing effect. Being in nature helps you center yourself and recharge—and there’s even some research to show that a certain bacteria in soil can act as a natural antidepressant.

If you can get out to nature, please do so as soon as possible. It always helps me immensely to get outside.

How to Handle Trying Days When They Happen

1. Ask yourself: Is it the day that is a problem, or is it me?

This is a tough love type of question, but I think it’s essential to pause and ask yourself what’s really going on. When you have a day in which everything and anything annoys you, take time to reflect. Ask yourself if it’s just a rough day, or if your reaction is a sign that something in your life is out of whack.

It might just be a fluke of a day where things are going funky right and left. Or maybe you’ve been letting little things build up, and things are boiling over because there’s something big you need to address that you’re ignoring—dissatisfaction with your work, or a compatibility issue in your relationship, for example.

If there is something big that you’re avoiding, can you face it? Can you find someone who will help you find the courage to address what you need to do—to face what you are afraid of?

2. Release your pent up emotions.

Modern living and working close with others means there are lots of times where we have to filter our words and our reactions to act like a responsible adult. All too often we stuff our feelings down until we’re ready to explode—and often on some innocent bystander who doesn’t deserve our rage.

A healthier approach is to feel and work through our feelings as they arise, and sometimes the best approach is to physically release them from our bodies.

The relief that a good primal scream or pillow punching episode can provide is so incredible (though these things are best done in solitude, so we don’t offload our emotions onto the people around us).

Elevated stress levels can be stored in the body and create muscle tension, and cause many other physical/emotional strain. But if we release the stress, we can fluidly move forward. Exercise can also help with this, since it gets our muscles moving, and our heart pumping—another good reason to get active!

3. Take the pressure off.

On some of my worst bad days, I give myself permission to check out and chill out. I take time to watch funny videos on YouTube or do a calming visualization meditation. It can feel tempting to plow through our to-do list, especially since we often tie our worth to our busyness and productivity. But sometimes you just need a break to regroup.

For example, can you find a few moments when you can sit or lie down? Then you can either relax or fill yourself with something silly and lighthearted. Animal videos, anyone?

4. Lastly, remember that it is okay to have a low day.

Life will ebb and flow. It’s all right for us to feel low, defeated, or sad some days. If you can cultivate a sense of non-attachment and tell yourself, “Well, that was one bad day. Tomorrow will be different,” you can release your feelings about what happened. It isn’t personal.

You can acknowledge that one low day might just be a dip in a life that is largely good overall. If it’s just one annoying day that is bothering you, you’ve likely got a lot still that you can be grateful for. When you can see that you are doing okay, that you have so many things going for you, even in the midst of challenging situations, then you know things are actually going quite well in your life!

Here’s to rolling with the tricky days and relishing in the good ones.

This post courtesy of Tiny Buddha.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/tips-to-prevent-and-recover-from-a-trying-day/

[sarahburness]

One of Those Days? How to Deal When Everything Irritates You

“Be proactive not reactive, for an apparently insignificant issue ignored today can spawn tomorrow’s catastrophe.” ~Ken Poirot 

Do you ever have one of those mornings where the battle against annoying minutiae begins before you’re even truly awake?

One of those days where you feel the illusion of control fully slipping away. You try to grasp and pull it back, but you really have no control over this day or its outcome, at all.

We dread these types of days, don’t we? The control freak in me gets uncomfortable thinking about it. Even the Meet The Parents movies make me unsettled, because as more and more things go wrong, I just want to cry out, “Stop it already! Stop making bad choices!”

I can’t guarantee that I can help you to stop making bad choices, but I can give you tips for handling those days when everything minor breaks, stalls, or gets in your way.

I had a day like this when I was pregnant with my youngest. I never regained my energy back like they say you will in the second trimester. I was tired, achy, and feeling uncomfortably large one morning last spring. Still, being pregnant, with all its discomforts, was the highlight of my day.

It started with an alarm that didn’t go off—well, we didn’t set alarms anymore. My daughter always wakes early, so no need. That day, she took the morning off. No wakeup call from the toddler.

We woke up running late in a panic. Then, as our cats had been doing lately, just for fun, they threw up their breakfast on the kitchen floor.

I looked at the stream of cat vomit and told my husband, “Your turn, I cleaned it up last time.”

He gaped at the floor, and then looked as if he was considering adding his own vomit to the pile. “No. Can’t do it.”

“UHHH!!” I fumed, and thus began a morning squabble, the bane of my existence. I hate fighting in the morning more than cleaning up cat vomit, but I was rattled from waking up quickly, so I just went for it and dove headfirst into a fight.

Fight over, we went our separate ways—he went to work and I stayed at home with our kid.

Later, my first new phone in four years showed up in the mail. Now, if you have ever tried to set up anything with a toddler in tow, you know it’s like trying to build Ikea furniture in a tornado. But I was excited and needed to reset the vibe of the day, so I called to set it up.

A new phone shouldn’t have problems from the start, right? Seems reasonable, but I had to keep explaining to the representative that I was setting up a new phone.

We lost phone connection three times. My toddler needed helping five times. Suddenly both my old phone (that I was talking to the rep on) and my new one wouldn’t work. Confused, I was interrupted by a loud hissing.

I was making split pea soup in the cooker, which I had forgotten. The neglected pot was spewing hot soup goo all over. Meanwhile my sink, countertop, and the stove were full of dishes.

Old-fashioned pressure cookers are unpopular because if you move them quickly, you get burning steam shooting out at you. Most people don’t use old-fashioned pressure cookers because of this—smart people.

There was nowhere to move the pot.

So I had to move the pressure cooker pot in slow motion. I watched in horror as more and more hot goo spilled over the stove, counter, and flowed like a green boiling waterfall onto the floor.

I huffed with frustration and started cleaning up—phone temporarily a backseat issue—while trying to keep my kid away from the literal hot mess.

But I was also proud of myself. I hadn’t taken my frustrations out on anyone. I had carried myself with calm, even though I was boiling over, like the soup pot.

Smiling, I went to place the cleanup towels in the hamper. There, one entire corner of the floor was covered with broken picture frames and glass. I was shocked. And now broken glass? I hadn’t heard anything fall?? What?!

Suddenly, it was all too much. I felt anger and frustration rising inside of me. I had enough! I walked into the room away from my daughter and dad, and gave a little scream—not loud enough to scary anyone, but it was enough to release my steam valve.

I’m guessing you’ve had a day like this before. When one irritating thing after another happened, building major annoyance and frustration, making it hard to keep your cool.

How can we stop getting riled up by everything that goes wrong in a day?

Most of us in the Western world have become very busy and, by default, very reactive. This does not set us up well to handle unexpected annoyances. But there are a few things we can do to prepare for these days in advance, and a number of ways we can cope better so we don’t get epically annoyed with all the irritations happening around us.

A Preventative Plan for Managing Murphy’s-Law-Kinda Days

1. Be mindful of the influences around you.

The people we surround ourselves with and the information we consume affect our overall mood. If you’re constantly bombarded with criticism, judgment, or negativity, you’ll likely be primed to snap at little things.

Are your interactions with others positive and supportive? Is your partner or best friend kind to you? Do you have people around you who have your best interests at heart? Or is getting through every day like walking through a minefield of aggressive, explosive people?

I don’t have expertise in the area of extricating yourself from abusive or trying relationships, but there are plenty of people who do, so if you find yourself being mistreated and traumatized, take action to help yourself today.

If you aren’t surrounded by intentionally harmful people, yet you listen to news that drags you down and spend a lot of time with complainers and energy drainers, you are not protecting your sweet soul from the tarnishing effects of others.

I’m not suggesting that you insulate yourself from every negative thing, but can you minimize that which is optional?

Can you make an effort to consciously choose to surround yourself with people and media who lift you up and make you a better version of yourself?

2. Take good care of yourself so you’re balanced going in.

To thrive even with adversity, you need to take care of the animal that is your human body. This body needs fresh air, water, exercise, rest, and quality food. If you are depriving your body of any of these on a regular basis, it is simply a matter of time until you’re an angry, reactive mess.

Keeping up your good habits of exercising and eating well is essential. The food you put into your body affects your mood. Sugar can give us an energy high, but after it wears off then there’s an energy low, which can leave you feeling worse than before.

An unhealthy diet high in sugar and processed food can contribute to depression. And living a sedentary life is a risk factor is well. Exercise releases endorphins, the feel-good hormone, which can help you keep calm when things go wrong.

If you don’t currently eat well and exercise regularly, a reactive, frustrating day can be a wake up call to start supporting a good foundation of health. Then you can weather these storms better.

3. Find some time during the day to be quiet, meditate, and get calm.

Meditation is like training for your mind. It literally rewires your brain to be calmer and less reactive, and it can significantly reduce stress and anxiety. By taking time on a regular basis to be quiet and contemplate, you can sometimes identify nagging small concerns before they become large concerns.

Spending time in nature can have a similar relaxing effect. Being in nature helps you center yourself and recharge—and there’s even some research to show that a certain bacteria in soil can act as a natural antidepressant.

If you can get out to nature, please do so as soon as possible. It always helps me immensely to get outside.

How to Handle Trying Days When They Happen

 1. Ask yourself: Is it the day that is a problem, or is it me?

 This is a tough love type of question, but I think it’s essential to pause and ask yourself what is really going on. When you have a day in which everything and anything annoys you, take time to reflect. Ask yourself if it’s just a rough day or if your reaction is a sign that something in your life is out of whack.

It might just be a fluke of a day where things are going funky right and left. Or maybe you’ve been letting little things build up, and things are boiling over because there’s something big you need to address that you’re ignoring—dissatisfaction with your work, or a compatibility issue in your relationship, for example.

If there is something big that you are avoiding, can you face it? Can you find someone who will help you find the courage to address what you need to do—to face what you are afraid of?

 2. Release your pent up emotions.

 Modern living and working close with others means there are lots of times where we have to filter our words and our reactions to act like a responsible adult. All too often we stuff our feelings down until we’re ready to explode—and often on some innocent bystander who doesn’t deserve our rage.

A healthier approach is to feel and work through our feelings as they arise, and sometimes the best approach is to physically release them from our bodies.

The relief that a good primal scream or pillow punching episode can provide is so incredible (though these things are best done in solitude, so we don’t offload our emotions onto the people around us).

Elevated stress levels can be stored in the body and create muscle tension, and cause many other physical/emotional strain. But if we release the stress, we can fluidly move forward. Exercise can also help with this, since it gets our muscles moving, and our heart pumping—another good reason to get active!

3. Take the pressure off.

On some of my worst bad days, I give myself permission to check out and chill out. I take time to watch funny videos on YouTube or do a calming visualization meditation. It can feel tempting to plow through our to-do list, especially since we often tie our worth to our busyness and productivity. But sometimes you just need a break to regroup.

For example, can you find a few moments when you can sit or lie down? Then you can either relax or fill yourself with something silly and lighthearted. Animal videos, anyone?

4. Lastly, remember that it is okay to have a low day.

Life will ebb and flow. It’s all right for us to feel low, defeated, or sad some days. If you can cultivate a sense of non-attachment and tell yourself, “Well, that was one bad day. Tomorrow will be different,” you can release your feelings about what happened. It isn’t personal.

You can acknowledge that one low day might just be a dip in a life that is largely good overall. If it’s just one annoying day that is bothering you, you’ve likely got a lot still that you can be grateful for. When you can see that you are doing okay, that you have so many things going for you, even in the midst of challenging situations, then you know things are actually going quite well in your life!

Here’s to rolling with the tricky days and relishing in the good ones.

About Rachel Strivelli

Rachel Strivelli is a Happiness and Confidence Expander who can help you step into your own power with confidence and happiness. She regularly emails her subscribers uplifting content that helps them relax and smile. If you want to fall in deep love with your life, visit SoulPioneer.com to download your free guide to Reclaim your Joy.

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The post One of Those Days? How to Deal When Everything Irritates You appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/one-of-those-days-how-to-deal-when-everything-irritates-you/

[misselaineousme-blog]

A little light reading ...

I have found myself thinking about the library of Alexandria lately. It’s usually when I hit the button on Amazon that says “Deliver to Elaine’s Kindle” and I marvel at the fact that the written word, which for thousands of years could only be accessed in certain places by a tiny fraction of the population, is now available on demand, anywhere, at any time.

After all, there has never been a time on our planet when so much information is literally at our fingertips. We can fact check the news and urban myths, see the weather on the other side of the globe, and access a dynamic encyclopedia on a device that weighs less than a deck of cards. Books, once written by hand, can be downloaded at the touch of a button to a laptop, mobile phone, or eReader, and reading is cheaper than therapy for stress relief and better for brain cells than television. 

Although I grew up with a love of fiction, much of my current reading material has been more eclectic. Indeed, those who know me are familiar with my tendency to say “Oh, I just read this great book that says …” and then spouting off the latest factoid that caught my attention (sorry about that, I’m trying to stop). I decided to continue to publish an annual list of what I’ve been reading, in part to help me keep track, but also to share some fascinating books that may be overlooked. They’re (mostly) in no particular order, and for full disclosure Amazon Affiliate links are used ... but spare a thought for those ancient Alexandrians who could only dream of such easy access to information!

Barking up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong (Eric Barker): With its engaging writing style and sound scientific backing, I have to admit this was one of my favourite discoveries of 2017. Barker shows that there is evidence to support conflicting claims about what makes someone successful, then demonstrates to the reader how a balance can be achieved for greater happiness. If you’re looking for a book that is both interesting and uplifting, I highly recommend this one. At the very least, get on over to his website and sign up to his mailing list for a weekly dose of inspiration and information.

One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way (Robert Maurer): While I cannot say this book has changed my life, it has changed how I think about things: namely, important goals cannot be achieved overnight! If you want to make long-term, lasting changes, then small and steady really seems to be the way forward. When coupled with Stephen Guise’s Mini Habits: Smaller Habits, Bigger Results, this is a good foundation for making positive changes.

Mini Habits for Weight Loss: Stop Dieting. Form New Habits. Change Your Lifestyle Without Suffering (Stephen Guise): Amazon is a clever corporation. They saw I had purchased Better than Before, a book about habits, and recommended this one as well. And I am so glad I fell for their marketing trick as I enjoyed this one so much more than BtB. It has a kaizen-esque vibe (start small) and I really like the underlying philosophy behind it. It can basically be boiled down to choose a small goal and carry it out every day. This might be running in place for 30 seconds or doing one push up (or reading two pages of a book or writing 50 words a day if weight loss isn’t one of your goals). You can of course do more if you want, but the idea is to change your mindset and use the momentum of small wins to carry you forward.  After all, a full year of running in place 30 seconds each day is better than running for 30 minutes three or four times a week if you abandon the latter after a few workouts because it doesn’t fit into your schedule.

Nudge: Improving Decisions About Health, Wealth and Happiness (Richard Thaler, Cass Sunstein): Finally! This one has been on my should-read list for a while, and the authors winning the Nobel Prize for Economics finally encouraged me to take the plunge. It was an interesting look at the world of “choice architecture” and how careful design regarding defaults and decision making can be used to help people (or for evil … your choice). I still haven’t figured out a way to make not littering easier than littering, but it’s always useful to have a bit more evidence in my arsenal.

The Happiness Hypothesis: Putting Ancient Wisdom to the Test of Modern Science (Jonathan Haidt): Improving well-being, a spot of history, and scientific backing all rolled into one book—what’s not to like? While some of the writing is slightly more academic than other books listed here, I found this one to be quite enlightening, and worth a read if you’re looking for ways of better understanding and improving your mood.

168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think (Laura Vanderkam): I wouldn’t exactly call this a time-management book. It’s more about being aware of your time, where it goes, and how you can use it better to achieve your goals. While I greatly enjoyed it overall and would definitely recommend it if you’re trying to figure out how to prioritise your activities, the author doesn’t really discuss the fact that time is not created equal. If you spend a day doing a mentally exhausting job, trying to complete your own project(s) in the evening is not necessarily going to yield the best results. Which brings me to …

Two Awesome Hours: Science-Based Strategies to Harness Your Best Time and Get Your Most Important Work Done (Josh Martin): This book fills in some of the gaps of 168 Hours, and is overall a good reminder that (1) multi-tasking doesn’t exist, and (2) be aware of your peak times so you can get your most important work done then, not during the times you’d prefer to be taking a nap.

When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing (Daniel Pink): I love the author’s Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, so queued up his latest book that delves into chronotypes, the importance of harnessing the power of beginnings, middles, and ends, and basically goes beyond what to looking at when is the best time for certain activities. With its engaging writing style and useful summaries, this is a good introduction to the power of timing.

Pre-suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade (Robert Cialdini): I am a big fan of the author’s Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion (in fact, I read it again this year), so it was great to see this new one out that also deals with the importance of timing, especially as regards influencing. If you are short on time, however, I’d recommend starting with Influence.

Miracle Morning: The 6 Habits That Will Transform Your Life Before 8AM (Hal Elrod): I’ve written about my experience with Miracle Morning before, and in general I still think highly of it. I have to admit I fell off the early-to-rise wagon with the arrival of autumn and darker mornings, but I am hoping that spring will set me back on the right path.

The Art of Thinking Clearly (Rolf Dobelli): If you liked Daniel Kahnehahn’s Thinking Fast and Slow, you should enjoy this book that collects various fallacies and biases into one place. Clear, concise writing and bitesize chapters makes this book great for dipping in and out of while commuting or on the loo.

Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces that Shape Our Decisions (Dan Ariely): I found Predictably Irrational to be a solid companion to Kahnehahn and Cialdini, and one that had me nodding along as he explained the psychology behind seemingly irrational decisions that everyone makes. If you’ve ever wanted why people tend to choose things that go against their own best interest, this is a good book to start with.

The Dip: The extraordinary benefits of knowing when to quit (and when to stick) (Seth Godin): The problem with being in the middle of something is that you don’t often know exactly how long this phase will last. The enthusiasm of starting something has worn off, the finishing line is not in sight, and you don’t know whether you’ll soon be hitting your stride or hitting a wall. Godin’s book shows how powering through can take you to new heights … but also to be aware that sometimes it’s necessary to abandon ship to stop from going round in circles.

The Long Tail: How Endless Choice is Creating Unlimited Demand (Chris Anderson): This is a book that is often cited as a game changer, and its title is regularly used to describe the opportunity offered by digital technology. I found it interesting to an extent, but with of an original publication date of 2006, it already felt out of date. Overall it’s a decent reference, but I would suggest looking for more recent take on the long tail phenomenon.

TED Talks: The official TED guide to public speaking: Tips and tricks for giving unforgettable speeches and presentations (Chris Anderson): This was a book that popped up on Amazon as a result of reading The Long Tail, and since I had my own forthcoming talk to give at the time, I decided to give it ago.  I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to give their own powerful presentations, learn what goes on behind the scenes at TED, or is just interested in what some of Anderson’s recommended TED talks are.

Better than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Life (Gretchen Rubin): Occasionally books just don’t work for me and this was one of them. The author’s tone comes across as holier-than-thou, and what she typically describes aren’t habits but behaviours (yes, there is a difference). She lost me with an impassioned defence of diet soda, despite current scientific studies showing that they’re equally as bad (or worse) than regular cola (carbonation alone is even shown to increase calorie consumption). This cherry picking of evidence doesn’t sit well with me, so I moved on to Mini Habits, which I would recommend instead.

Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway (Susan Jeffers): This is a classic of the self-help genre and there is a good reason for that: it is the one book that I would recommend to anyone feeling a bit stuck. It simultaneously serves as a kick up the backside and a warm hug.

Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change and Thrive in Work and Life (Susan David): Some may find Feel the Fear a tad too New Age-y. In that case, I would recommend Emotional Agility as it is an engaging, practical book grounded in psychology and academic research. If that still seems too airy-fairy for you, may I recommend …

The Chimp Paradox (Steve Peters): There’s a very good reason the author is used by a number of athletes to help improve their performance: this is another classic that will help you look at your brain and emotions in a completely different way. If neither of the previous two books worked for you with regards to reprogramming troublesome thoughts and breaking out of existing ruts, then this one should do the trick.

Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long (David Rock): I loved this book. Rock uses storytelling to get his point across about how the brain works, especially when dealing with problematic work situations. This blend of fact and fiction works incredibly well together to help the reader remember the neuroscience and lessons he is trying to impart.

Bounce: The Myth of Talent and the Power of Practice (Matthew Syed): Both this and Gladwell’s Outliers make the point that often what we perceive as talent is in fact the result of hundreds or thousands of hours of practice. But not just any practice or rote activity: it must be deliberate, with feedback, so that improvements can be made. I enjoyed both books, so would recommend reading them back to back to aid in remembering the points made by the authors.

Outliers (Malcolm Gladwell): See above.

Smartcuts (Shane Snow): First of all, I have no idea why this book is considerably cheaper as a paperback than on Kindle, but if you’re interested in it, get the physical version instead. Second, this is a fun, fascinating read through real-life ways of skipping up the career ladder. Even if you’re happy with your current rung (and quite frankly half of the books listed here are about being happy where you are now), I strongly recommend this as it is an entertaining read.  

Never Split the Difference: Negotiate As If Your Life Depended On It (Chris Voss): As a former FBI hostage negotiator, Voss has written a compelling book that makes you re-think how you interact with people. This was another favourite and one that I am already planning to read again sometime over the coming year.

Dear Fahrenheit 451 (Annie Spence): This is a bit of light reading that I absolutely loved. Quite simply it’s a librarian’s letters to her books, and if you are an avid reader or book collector then you’ll understand it perfectly. 

Rivers of London series (Ben Aaronovitch): The only proper fictional entry on this list, but one which I wholeheartedly recommend to anyone who is looking for a laugh (with a bit of darkness thrown in).  Imagine Harry Potter crossed with Law & Order and a soupçon of the best sci-fi comedy writing and you’ll get close. Start with Rivers of London, then proceed to Moon Over Soho, Whispers Underground, Broken Homes, Foxglove Summer, and The Hanging Tree. 

I also squeezed in a few old favourites:

The Power of Habit (Charles Duhigg): I am a bit obsessed with how habits can be used to improve lives, and the underpinning neuroscience behind habit formation and changing habits is absolutely fascinating.

Black Box Thinking: The Surprising Truth about Success (Matthew Syed): If you haven’t read this, you’re missing out. Both it and Syed’s Bounce work well together to underscore that perfection doesn’t exist, but that constantly striving for improvement is a better way forward.

12 Week Year (Brian P. Moran and Michael Lennington): I am currently using this system to help me focus on goals I want to accomplish and prioritise activities; it uses the psychology of small wins and short time periods to motivate, and it’s one that I would recommend if you want to accomplish a lot in a limited period of time.

Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion (Robert Cialdini): This is a fascinating view of common compliance techniques and ways around them; very useful for the next time someone offers you a free sample.  

What are some of your favourite books of the past year? Drop me a line or share them on Facebook.