#literally the biggest reason i cannot go places alone is because something goes not according to plan and i start having a meltdown

[faggotisaacfloofs]

I knew everyone was right about how terrifying it is to be dumped from your wheelchair, i didnt have to actually experience it, universe 😭

Got dumped going up a really shitty ramp to local shop (been hounding them for years to fix their ramp that is extremely dangerous and not ADA compliant AT ALL but in the US you the individual have to SUE THE BUSINESS to make them do anything about it).

I was going up it and my front caster got caught a the split / crack and my motor assist kept going turning the chair sharply and I had to decide to fall backwards (down the ramp) or sideways

So obviously I chose to fall sideways out of my chair and it hurt so, so fucking bad and I skinned both hands and knees and my back and ribs hurt *so bad* from the wrenching of my body.

AND now my chair is fucking broken.

Once I got it righted a kind stranger (who jumped out of their car and came running to help when they saw me get dumped out) helped hold my chair (since on incline) so my partner could help me get back in it and they pushed me up the rest of the ramp.

but it was super clear that there is something wrong with my chair, the right big wheel is making a sound it shouldn't make, and the front left caster that got stuck is getting stuck on any tiny thing now. But it was functional enough to get me in and out of the building

ALSO the fall cracked the screen on my ipad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Screaming for one million years

So once inside I talked to someone there and they were super kind and understanding and said the district manager is coming in tomorrow, and I asked if I could leave a message for them and they said sure, so I wrote out what happened, and the person promised to bring this up and talk to the manager about it first thing, and that it wouldn't get lost in the shuffle or anything. So hopefully when I go back next time they will have info about when they are going to redo the ramp so I dont have to threaten legal action!!!! (I talk to the same person in the store most times)

Anyway I am in an insane amount of pain (was already in an insane amount of pain beforehand!) And not enjoying my new bruises and abrasions and I'm so mad about inaccessibility and I'm so furious I have no way to repair my chair other than calling the awful seating people Every Fucking Day and getting my dad involved and threatening to report them to the state attorney general before they actually do anything! And then schedule me weeks out for the same overworked repair tech who is the reason my chair got so delayed and the reason my arm rests STILL ARENT HERE and and and.

Im tired. I don't want to keep fighting this fight. I'm tired and I hurt so so so fucking bad and I can't even take norco because it makes me throw up for hours!!!! I'm tired I'm tired why can't I make my life better.

[litsavantbookclub]

Verity Book Review

Hello fellow readers!

I just finished Colleen Hoover’s Verity! Before starting it I heard such great things about it and I thought I should probably just take the plunge. It didn’t disappoint. If you are not interested in spoilers, please stop reading.

The book’s protagonist is called Lowen Ashleigh. She’s a small-time thriller writer. She doesn’t want fame and or to make it big like many writers aim to. She prefers a quiet life and avoids being the center of attention. This is the reason she doesn’t do book tours or communicate on social media. She’s a loner and an introvert. She recently lost her mother and needs to get back on her feet. This leads Lowen to accept an in-person interview. This prospective job offer is something she needs, so she goes.

The book begins at this point. Lowen is on her way to the building when she witnesses an awful accident. This leads her to be comforted by unknowingly the person who she’s supposed to be meeting. This chance meeting had an endearing effect on both Lowen and Verity’s husband, Jeremy. Lowen gets the job offer and she agrees to go to the Crawford house to collect notes and create outlines for the next three books. Lowen’s agent, Cory, advises her to get in and out because of the tragedies the Crawford’s have recently gone through. Lowen is offended by Cory’s insinuations.

One of the greatest things about this book is when Lowen discovers Verity’s autobiography. Just like that she’s drawn to this strange world inhabited by the Crawfords. Lowen becomes enchanted and is seemingly unable to break away from the text. At first, Lowen dismisses it as nothing more than insight into the writer she’s trying to emulate: “I need to see how Verity’s mind works to understand her as a writer” (60). It’s a reasonable point, one that becomes moot the moment Lowen keeps diving deeper. She does this regardless of all the private moments she becomes privy to. 

Lowen not only tries to understand and get into Verity’s head but begins to get closer and more infatuated by her husband: “...it’s not the worst thing. Being forced to step into Verity’s shoes and visualize Jeremy for the next twenty-four months as I write” (99). Earlier in the book Jeremy claims that he wasn’t interested in reading Verity’s books because he didn’t want to get in her head. This is exactly what Lowen starts to do. She is literally reading about this woman’s deep and confessional moments and it is changing her. And just like what Lowen says: “things lurking around inside the mind can be just as dangerous as tangible threats” (150). In this book, the real threats are the ones inside the character’s minds specifically Lowen, Verity, and Jeremy. At this time, Lowen has descended into icy depths the slippery slope has plunged her in and she doesn’t even realize it.

Lowen tries many times to “stop” but she always ends up back with the manuscript in her hands. She keeps reading, becoming more and more disturbed and more involved in Jeremy’s relationship with his invalid wife, Verity. Hoover creates two different versions of Verity in this book, there’s the Verity that Lowen first meets when she arrives under the guise of Laura Chase: “Verity’s eyes are vacant, uninterested in her surroundings. She’s unaware of the nurse. Unaware of me” (51).  This Verity is vulnerable, childlike, and innocent. In this form, Verity is a far cry from the Verity contained in her So Be It manuscript. Lowen is visibly staggered by how far Verity has fallen from the successful and published author known to the world: “I try to cover the chills that have appeared on my arms” (52). Lowen is uncomfortable by Verity’s helplessness and mentions that she wouldn’t want to be in her position. She pities her, Jeremy, and Crew.

The other Verity is the exact opposite of the former. She is vivacious, proud, and emotional. The readers learn early on that even though she is over the moon for her partner, Jeremy, she has her limitations. Those limitations are what keep the action going in this story within the story. Verity is wildly jealous, irrational, and neurotic. All of these traits tied to the other facets of her personality mentioned earlier, create an explosive person with maladaptive tendencies. Eventually, these tendencies become impulsions that Verity cannot and does not want to keep in check. One of the biggest sections in So Be It is the moment Verity narrates her first pregnancy. In just this area alone Verity reveals her controversial thoughts on Jeremy’s love for their unborn babies: “being forced to love the one thing Jeremy loved more than me...I was suddenly not okay with being the third most important thing in Jeremy’s life” (107). This Verity openly speaks about her she feels and stands by it. In this instance, she is not okay with being a mother. The news that she’s having twins is received negatively. Up until here, Verity is happy with it being just her and Jeremy. The fact that they conceived on the day of their engagement puts a damper on Verity’s plans. 

Verity’s relationship with Jeremy according to her story is toxic, a charade, and codependent. She’s obsessed with Jeremy and is not honest about her real hangups about motherhood. When the twins are born, this obsession only grows. Verity feels threatened by her children and Jeremy’s unconditional love for them. She attempts to cause miscarriages all because she wants to drop the dead weight she views her daughters as. The violence doesn’t stop there either. It gets worse. Lowen denounces and starts to hate Verity for her resentment and murderous actions. Ultimately, Lowen’s ability to read and finish this book is what compels her to keep getting closer to Jeremy. Her coveting of Jeremy and eventual attainment make her a mirror image of Verity. This doubling is apparent from the beginning until Lowen’s transformation is complete at the end.

Hoover’s decision to include the unpublished manuscript of Verity’s So Be It, is great. She was able to give a voice to a character that doesn’t utter a word until the end of the book. Hoover also employs good use of pacing throughout the book. She doesn’t use jump scares but suspense and doubt as tools to drive Lowen’s anxiety and paranoia. Hoover’s decision to leave such a big question as a cliffhanger is awesome and I tend to respect ambiguous endings. We as readers will never completely know which was the real Verity. But that is beside the point because Jeremy has found another woman to take her place and Lowen is fine with how things turned out.

Rating: 4 stars

Keywords: Shocking, ambiguous, addictive

P.S. This book gave me V.C. Andrews vibes specifically of Flowers in the Attic variety. Creepy house, check. Unhinged woman fallen from grace, check. Secrets and family drama, yup. 

What did you think of Verity?

[catflowerqueen]

Number 2 of your prompts, please!

I’ll assume that this was in response to the first set. If it wasn’t, just let me know and I can talk about #2 from the second set in another post.

2. Grovyle’s new family situation

This one is probably one of the more subject to change, since I’m still figuring out the logistics of things, and one that is going to require a fair amount of build-up.

One of the biggest issues facing the denizens of the changed future is the fact that what essentially happened is that the new reality and the old, alternate reality got smashed together and aren’t quite clicking the way they should. Dialga managed to do a lot in terms of physical rebuilding and fixing things, but due to the nature of the event and the fact that the “higher power/tier” that he alluded to during the special episode had never done something like this before and only really had a basic idea of how to actually accomplish what they were trying to, he couldn’t get everything. So part of what Grovyle and the others do as part of the New Planetary Investigation Squad is to go and… well, investigate, and help out where they can.

But as I said, that is just the physical aspect. And only a part of it.

Something that will eventually get brought up in story (hopefully) is how powerful Relatia really is, and the way she utilizes those powers. A large part of what she does is simply to make sure that time and space are flowing smoothly with no unresolved paradoxes or issues, which is something that was briefly touched upon in the epilogue, and sometimes this necessitates going back through time. As one could imagine, and given the very premise of why Dusknoir was trying to stop Grovyle from changing the future, making big changes in the past can and will often have extremely detrimental consequences on the future if one doesn’t know what they are doing. This is also a big factor in why the celebi species has to be so careful about what they do, and why they are biologically drawn to spend most of their time on a linear path, in the time period they actually come from originally.

It is entirely possible, and, indeed, has actually happened, that Relatia must go into the past and alter the future somehow. Typically the changes are small and people do not really notice, outside of feelings of deja vu. Sometimes this results in her splitting timelines apart and isolating some in special spacial pockets that cannot be interacted with. But when she can’t do that and the changes are too large… you get a situation like what would have happened to the denizens of the dark future had the being Dialga alluded to not intervened. In a case like this, Relatia would do her best to keep everything as similar as possible–engineer situations which would still allow peoples’ ancestors to meet so that they could still be born, working with fellow Pantheon members to ensure natural disasters and whatnot happen when they should so that certain things happen, etc., but that doesn’t mean that she can preserve everything, which is… kind of the point, really, since the entire idea was to change things. But she makes sure that no one remembers the alternate path so that they won’t feel any pain about alternate events which can never happen now. Also so they don’t get confused by all the things that are now different.

Unless, of course, she decides to isolate people from the time stream while she makes the changes before dropping them back in. In which case they would remember everything that happened in the other timeline and, typically, also have memories of the new one they’ve been added into. Which can lead to some confusing situations at times, since it means that they would basically have double memories. 

The thing is, Relatia generally only goes for this route when she gets so incensed at someone that she wants to punish them for something. She can get very, very wrathful at times, and if she wants to mess with the timeline and make it fray and break apart or take unnatural paths, she totally can. You were a ruler in the original timeline, who had everything you ever wanted at your fingertips? Too bad, Relatia is mad at you and now you are a penniless nobody with all the memories of things that you can now never have again because your situation has changed, and you’re the only one who knows it. Oh, and the love of your life who, tragically, died young in an accident? Well, they might be alive now because of the changed circumstances… but they now have no clue who you are, and your attempts to tell them the “truth” just make you come off as a crazy person. Oh, and somehow, in some unexplained way the children you had with the love of your life in the old timeline still exist, and, yes, those really are your kids, a DNA test could probably prove it, even though–again–you and the love of your life never met in this life… but they don’t know who you are either. You do have some vague memories now of donating your genetic material, however…

So you can see how something like this would be a devastating punishment.

But in a case like the Dark Future… would that still be the case? Yes, things would be a lot different than you remember… but wasn’t that the entire point of what the Planetary Investigation Team wanted to do? And you fully agreed to nonexistence in the hopes of fixing the problem, but now you get to live! And, sure, sometimes it gets a little confusing when you have memories both of growing up in a dark world and one filled with light… and the memories of the dark world often aren’t the nicest—in fact, some of them are downright cruel, and you were often a jerk, and yet… isn’t it good to have them both? They prove that you survived a terrible ordeal and still came out fine on the other side, and now you don’t have to be a jerk to survive any more. You can just… heal. And you aren’t alone in this either—everyone who was still alive at the time that the future was saved is in the exact same boat as you. And, hey, with all the skills you gained, you can totally help the ones around you who do not remember the ordeal you went through–because they were either dead at the time or circumstances made it so that they were never born in the first place—survive all these weird paradoxes and anomalies that have now cropped up. …As well as help them move the giant piles of rubble and crumbling buildings that Dialga couldn’t get to for whatever reason.

So that’s what essentially happened here—rather than everyone disappear into non-existence, those that were alive at the time of the future being saved were re-integrated into the new timeline in the same manner as how Relatia does it when exacting punishments. Of course, given how wonky that entire situation was, things get complicated when it comes to establishing ancestry. Some pokemon who got together in the dark future would not have in the fixed one, so not everyone would get doubled memories since they literally would not have existed in any form without the intervention. And some people are obviously going to have an easier time integrating those memories than others, not to mention that there a bunch of people who will only remember the fixed future, so there is definitely going to be an adjustment period for that, and some things/people might never get reconciled fully—luckily everyone pretty much knows what/why this all is happening, because the Partner (Paula) did as promised and spread the story around, so people are going to catch on pretty quick to what is going on when people start freaking out and shouting about how surprised they are to still be alive when seconds ago they were very calmly eating their lunch or whatever. (Don’t ask me exactly how many generations have passed. I don’t really know at this time, and am trying to be intentionally vague about it).

So then, getting back to your initial request… Grovyle’s problem is that he now has a living, biological family… that remembers nothing about the dark future, since his parents and grandparents both died when he was still a child—and an only child, at that. In this life his father is still dead—a tragic accident during a routine exploration/rescue mission years ago—but his mother had retired from that life so that she could raise him and his little sister—who did not exist in the dark future. This causes a lot of friction, since he now has trouble relating to them, and reconciling the mother he once had to the one he has now. Don’t get him wrong—he’s extremely grateful that they are alive, and that they exist, but… it’s hard, when the formative memories that resonate with him most strongly now are those from the dark future.

Luckily for him, according to his memories from the fixed future (which eventually catch up to him… probably the next day? Once the group on the Pinnacle descends and gets the chance to rest and re-group with the sableye gang) he had already more or less left home in order to follow in his father’s footsteps as… a member of the Planetary Investigation Team? Who work under Dialga? Huh. Well, okay then. So basically as far as that goes, he and the others just decide to continue on their way and just make the new base which I’ve already posted on my tumblr… uh… quite a while ago.

It was admittedly a shock for his family when they finally figured out that he wasn’t just a normal grovyle, but THE Grovyle from the famous Paula’s story, but they’re taking things in stride. And I’m still deciding whether or not one of his new-ish female family members is named Laura (for… reasons—which in this case are actually personal and related to the original Laura, and not just because of the way the name spiked in popularity after the story got told. Not that the spike was necessarily that large to begin with, mind you, given all the strange naming conventions that pokemon in this world can have—some do give their kids personal names, some just stick with species names).

The thing about the memories, though… for some reason there seems to be a strange omission when it comes to the fate of a certain human turned treecko… which does get resolved later, but for quite a while it is very unclear what actually happened to her, and most assume that she died at the time the future was saved. The whole situation is both sad and weird, and it will be quite a while before it gets cleared up to anyone in the future—Dialga included, oddly enough. Chalk another one up to the person performing this miracle being new to this and mostly winging it—a familiarization with the concept and minimal basics, if you will.

But it ends up not really being enough of a problem that Relatia will need to come and smooth things out once she finally regained access to the world, so at least there’s that.

And roughly a third of the issues probably come from other weird things that will happen in the past/present with Paula, Laura, and the others over the course of the World’s Treasure, so there’s that, too.

Wow, this ended up really long… why can’t it be this easy to write the essays that I have to do for school?

[manrui]

Miyuki’s “Twisted” Personality

When the scene starts Miyuki and Kuramochi are seen talking about Sawamura. Kuramochi tells Miyuki how he made Sawamura cry because he was being cocky and Miyuki claims that they’re close which Kuramochi loudly but unconvincingly denies. As they are having this conversation Watanabe Hisashi, lovingly known as Nabe walks up to Miyuki.

Along with Nabe are his two close friends,

Kuramochi asks Nabe what brings him all the way from his class to Miyuki’s. As we all know Miyuki is currently captain, which would imply that players probably come up to him all the time with concerns, ideas and questions but the look on Miyuki and Kuramochi’s face makes it look like this has never happened before. There could be a multitude of reasons why that is, Miyuki has always been seen as weird, difficult and unapproachable, and he has a bad reputation in terms of treating people as the phrase goes “Miyuki has a twisted personality.” and since this is his first time having to actually hold a position of someone as crucial to team/player spirit the surprise on the duos faces and the anxiety on Nabe and his friends’ isn’t unexpected.

Nabe came from his own classroom to say something to Miyuki but when asked what he wanted Nabe immediately backed down claiming that “it’s nothing”. It’s obvious from Nabe and his friends’ demeanor that whatever they were trying to convey to Miyuki was extremely difficult for them. They are either afraid of Miyuki and the team’s reaction, or are anxious about what they were planning on saying meaning it actually must be important to them and also equally as difficult. They seem visibly dejected. Considering this is the first time they’re personally interacting with Miyuki they probably have imagined receiving horrible backlash.

Immediately after, one of Miyuki’s classmates who seems to be a class representative or something of the sort, asks Miyuki, the Captain of the baseball team, whether they’ll be going to a class field trip.

The girls hand papers to the captain and vice-captain explaining that they’re all put into the same group. The team is currently busy with the Fall Tournament with their eyes set on defeating Inashiro. Having lost to Inashiro was very traumatic for the entire team. They had lost to their biggest rivals, were yet again unable to make it to Koshien after all their hard work, the third years had to retire, Kataoka’s plan on leaving was revealed, Sawamura had his ordeal with the yips, Kawakami’s spirit was broken, amongst other things. Under this situation of stress Miyuki was chosen as captain because of his presence on the field and because they literally had no other options. I won’t go into the details of the decision to make Miyuki captain. What I will say is that for someone like Miyuki who doesn’t have clue of how to deal with people emotionally, handling and rising up to his position will definitely be difficult. Miyuki has already realized that he was too hard on Sawamura and had contributed to his finally breaking after their match against Inashiro. Again, when Kawakami needed a pep talk and some self-confidence Miyuki preferred to leave him alone to deal with his shit until Miyauchi scolded him that his position as current captain entails that he act as a leader lifting his team mates up when they’re down and trying to empathize with them. As a result of this Miyuki talks to Kawakami handling it nicely and Kawakami makes a comeback. From both these events it’s expected that Miyuki now understands that he tends to be stiff and rigid when he really needs to understanding and non-judgmental.

To the girls Miyuki responds that the baseball club will not be participating in this class activity because they have important matches and are prioritizing practice.

Nabe this entire time has just been standing there with his friends beside Miyuki’s desk and has quietly been viewing this spectacle. After his enthusiastic denial Miyuki turns to Nabe and includes him into the conversation expecting his affirmation. At this point all Nabe does is hesitantly say “yeah”. Something is on his mind and it’s obvious.

I thought the reaction of the entire class to the guys saying no was quite odd at first but now that I think about it, it only makes the baseball team’s drive that much more obvious and seems to look like their classmates can feel the intensity with which these guys have dedicated themselves to baseball.

Still, why do the other kids look like someone was killed right in front of them, anyways… Also how is everyone not in love with Kuramochi!?  

I often am critical of Miyuki’s overbearing personality but I will accept that is it was kind of him to divert his full attention to Nabe-chan right after.

Okay this expression on Nabe’s face is so painful, by the looks of it he has gone through hours of overthinking to come up to Miyuki like this. I love Nabe

Miyuki is just like “huh?”

“Hey!” says Kuramochi.

The point of all of this was to establish that Miyuki has certainly understood at this point that Nabe is deeply bothered by something. Now I can’t say for sure if he understands that he might have to help him out but why else would Nabe come to Miyuki. What is strange is that Kuramochi called out to them and they just ran out of the place even the girls watching on are a bit confused. This is a nice picture of Miyuki btw

Later that evening we find Nabe over looking Furuya, Sawamura and Nori running. It seems like practice ended quite a while ago. He’s just standing there on the road over the ridge.

Miyuki finds him just standing there and the first thing Miyuki asks him is why does he have all those study guides? As a person who has gone through the schooling system I have my fair share of hatred for study guides but Miyuki’s aversion to books is on another level.

I think it’s safe to say that studying is not something baseballs guys at seido should really put too much effort into because their first priority is supposed to be baseball, anyways.

Miyuki was probably looking for Nabe. I’m really going to applaud Miyuki for his kind words. He seems so composed at this moment. He’s relaxed and gentle. Right after this scene he asks Nabe what he wanted to say earlier, Nabe again says it was nothing and Miyuki very tactfully urges Nabe to spill. He gives the impression that this is a safe space and that Nabe’s concerns, whatever they are, will be dealt with calmly.

Miyuki in the next few seconds is the kindest Miyuki ever.

Miyuki:

Nabe:

Miyuki:

Nabe:

Miyuki looks so strained, he’s trying his best. He also looks a bit embarrassed too. And honestly Miyuki just stated his biggest concern. When someone does that, you begin to feel like it’s safe to say what’s on your mind so Nabe finally relaxes a bit and pretty much pours his heart out. But before this, Eijun, Furuya and Nori bump into the duo sitting on the stairs.

Notice Nabe’s face in the second last screenshot. He looks so despondent. From the looks of his expression he feels out of place.

Here I’d like point out something I’ve noticed with Miyuki over and over again. When he is normal, so to speak, not being sarcastic or domineering etc. his eyes are perfectly visible through his glasses but anytime he switches to his “Prodigy catcher Miyuki Kazuya” persona his eyes are hidden by reflection. This happens again in this scene during his banter with Eijun. (It happened earlier when Mkyuki was talking to the girls too.)

Very obviously Nabe is referring to Eijun and the gang. Nabe just starts speaking as soon as they left not giving Miyuki enough time to switch back.

Just seeing this expression I knew something terrible was about to happen. To this day I cannot understand why Miyuki reacted the way he did. He seems offended like his entire personal belief system was questioned.

That’s it. That’s all Nabe wanted to say. He doesn’t feel as motivated as the others because logically speaking his chances of making it into the first string are very low. I understand that Miyuki has never experienced this and he can’t relate but his reaction was shocking.

What the heck Miyuki? Right off the bat. A screenshot can’t capture Miyuki’s tone but he speaks with such sense of superiority it’s digusting. Miyuki sounds like he’s accusing Nabe of treason or something. Seriously, get off your high horse Miyuki. He doesn’t even feel the need to ask Nabe why he thinks his motivation is lacking. Miyuki has no empathy he can’t even pretend to know how it must be like to be in the baseball club but never be able to play any real games. Not everyone is here to just play baseball and if someone just wants to be a part of the club for fun or exercise or socialization that’s perfectly okay and really is the whole point of the club to begin with.

NABE IMMEDIATELY JUMPS UP saying No that’s not what I meant but Miyuki is being so rude and inconsiderate here he doesn’t even care to listen to Nabe

WHAT THE HECK IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH BOOKS?! Dude, maybe they’re not even his!

The message Miyuki gives here is that anyone who doesn’t act like him or Sawamura or Furuya etc. all the time should just quit. That anyone who isn’t just like him isn’t working hard and thus must genuinely want to quit. He’s assuming Nabe genuinely wants to quit because he wants to study which according to Miyuki implies that he isn’t putting all his effort into baseball and if baseball isn’t your life you aren’t a part of the team. Miyuki has no idea of how Nabe practices, he doesn’t care. Because Nabe isn’t on the first string and is carrying around books he isn’t putting effort into baseball and this must be because he wants to quit. Miyuki is supposedly a smart guy but he’s incredibly jumpy to conclusions. “I have no right to stop someone who genuinely wants to quit.” Nabe never said he wanted to quit and you have no right to tell someone they seem like they want to quit. When someone wants to quit something they stop putting effort into it, they start avoiding it and they lose interest in it, according to Miyuki, Nabe perfectly fits this description; he’s being lazy, which isn’t just mean but says a lot about Miyuki as a person. His self righteous behavior makes him unfit for the seat of captain.

He left Nabe speechless, he basically character assassinated Nabe.

“Atleast that’s why I play baseball”. Miyuki’s arrogance is off the charts.

Nabe is so hurt. He came to Miyuki for help.

This is the third time Miyuki has severely mishandled someone’s emotions. The duality of his personality is confusing. Why does he suddenly become so defensive, arrogant and harsh? Miyuki needs help himself as well, i hope they address his needs as the anime/manga progresses. Miyuki’s journey of trying to fill Yuki’s shoes is something I look forward to.

[ruined-rp]

Hello Addie and welcome to New Orleans, the city of The Damned. Thank you so much for applying, you have been successful for the role of Hayley Labonair. Welcome to the family, but for now it’s time to get down to business…

Head on over to the New Member Checklist, careful not to go down any dark alleys, it’s not safe here.

OUT OF CHARACTER:

Name: Addie

Pronouns: Anything of the feminine variety (she/her, etc)

Age: 21

Timezone/Country: EST

Triggers: N/A

Activity Level: 8 – I’m around nearly every day for at least one round of replies. However, I do have things like work and school that might mean I cannot be on every single day. However, I do normally have a pretty quick turn around and am always lurking on discord for plotting.

How Did You Hear About Us: I heard through a friend! The plot and intricate weaving of the shows are what made me decide to throw my hat into the ring. I have a special place in my heart for these three shows, and I’ve never quite seen them woven together in such a manner. I think it offers an opportunity to find grounds in canon but also gives the opportunity for interpretation and divergence, which I love.

Anything Else?: Excited to see how this roleplay unfolds!

DESIRED CHARACTER:

Desired Character: Hayley Labonair, queen of the wolves and my heart.

Why This Character?: In response to this specific rp, I want to play Hayley because I think her character has a lot of room to grow. In the actual show(s), she had connections that helped her grow and realize who she was. Here, she’s been thrown quite literally to the wolves, and she’s got no earthly clue what she’s doing. She has no one looking out for her, aside from Derek. I want to go through all the character building that needs to be done to make her into an alpha that’s worthy of leading the pack on her own accord. I want to expand her ability to let others in as her tumultuous life has left her rather incapable of developing and committing to relationships of any type. Hayley needs to learn that people aren’t always the enemy, and that no matter how it’s been in the past, she’s not invincible and immune to failure. I think it’ll be rewarding to help with the transition from a loner into an alpha that isn’t in power because of her namesake, but because she’s capable and able to lead the pack to a better tomorrow. In general, Hayley has always been my favorite muse to write. If you will, she’s likeable to a first language for me. I learned to play her through multiple scenarios until doing so was as natural as speaking. I feel that I have a grasp on who she is and her mannerisms because I’ve spent so long working at it. I’ve always loved her as a character, and I don’t doubt that I’ll ever stop having a soft spot in my heart for her.

Any FC Changes? No, Phoebe is an utter goddess.

Ships/Anti-ships: I’ve played out Hayley with a variety of significant others (Jackson, Elijah, Klaus, Tyler, and Derek to be exact.) Though, aside from an attraction to males, I have no firm headcanons when it comes to ships. I find that I ship based on chemistry that occurs in the writing rather than theory originating from the shows or elsewhere. I need to write against the other character and examine how my muse reacts to them before committing to a ship fully.

Headcanons: 1. Hayley’s not done digging for information on her parents. While she’s procured more information than she ever has, the wolf wants more. Hayley wants to know who they were, how they met, and just the little intricacies of their lives. Maybe it’s for her own closure or maybe just curiosity, but Hayley’s created so many scenarios of who they were and what paths had brought them to each other in her head. She wants to know everything she can because it’s the closest she’ll ever get to having them in her life. Hayley keeps this desire to herself. She knows that it isn’t outlandish to think that someone would understand why she needs this closure, but Hayley never has been good at extending her trust to anyone other than herself. 2. Hayley’s fairly handy with construction and carpentry. It’s an odd talent she truly has no use for, but she’s always been good at repairs and woodwork. When she’s stressed or angered, there’s a good chance she’ll end up doing some DIY remodeling on her cabin. Her cabin was also the first place she really utilized her abilities. The cabin already existed, but when Hayley came to the Bayou, it was uninhabitable. Weeks of work went into the refurbishing, but Hayley has successfully created a quaint and likeable home for herself. Overall, it could be said that Hayley reverts to this habit of carpentry because she needs control. Her life has been unpredictable and left her with a complex. Carpentry is solely in her hands. Every move is her choice, every mistake is her own, and most importantly, every outcome is of her choosing. 3. Hayley is claustrophobic. Hayley can’t quite place where this fear arose from. Her realization of it came after her first turn as a wolf. In preparing for her second moon, Hayley found an abandoned cellar and tried to lock herself inside to prevent anyone else from getting hurt. However, the dark, cramped space triggered more than just her curse that night. Hayley had a panic attack and did a fair amount of damage to her hands trying to get out of the cellar she’d put herself in. Ever since, she’s been extremely wary of any place that is either cramped or doesn’t have a clear exit. This fear likely arises partly from her wolf side. Freedom and the ability to roam are in her blood, and reasonably, that ability being taken away from her would cause agitation. On the other hand, it could be attributed to Hayley’s commitment to survival. She’s spent so long fending for herself that being trapped or unable to save herself sets off a fair amount of alarm bells in her head.

Please Provide At Least One: I’m submitting this on my mock blog! The blog contains what I would like to call a character study. I’ve created a playlist and an aesthetic for Hayley here. I’ve also included a few reblogs that I feel summarize my take on who she is as a character and expand on her traits and personality. All of the things mentioned above can be viewed on the blog itself or can be found in the about link! - Moodboard/Aesthetic - Playlist - Mock Blog

CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE:

How Does Your Character Feel About The Peace Treaty?: Hayley accepts the peace treaty, but her own predispositions make her extremely wary of it. To her, it’s the kind of thing that sounds great in theory but turns to shit when put into practice. Hayley knows that peace is a fickle beast, and as soon as someone feels threatened, it’ll go right out the window. So, while she works to uphold the treaty as a member for the faction, you can bet your ass she has a contingency plan lined up. Hayley doesn’t want to fight, but she’ll be damned if she or her pack suffer because she was too confident in a piece of parchment.

Slice of Life:Hayley spends most of her time in the Bayou. She has a decent sized cabin to call her own, but the girl prefers to be outdoors, even if it is just on the porch. Hayley’s not the type to sleep in, and as a result, she’s normally up early in the day. Hayley goes for a morning run and comes home an hour or so later to shower. After that, she’ll grab breakfast and eat it out on the porch and watch as the rest of the world comes to life. Later, she’ll walk around their community and chat with a few other wolves and see what’s going on for the day. If there’s nothing that needs her attention, Hayley will venture into the Quarter to see what she can see. Whether it’s hanging out at Rousseau’s or down where the witch community congregates, the wolf likes observing. It’s not quite surveillance, but it helps to stay in the know—especially because news doesn’t exactly spread to the Bayou at god-speed. When she’s satisfied with that, she may seek out Derek and ask him to help her train. It also her hope that if she’s with him when dinner time circles around, he’ll cook a portion up for her as well. Seeing as her ability to cook stretches to about boiling water, if she doesn’t have dinner with Derek, she’ll likely pick up something to eat. Her night after her meal typically winds down with a couple of beers and a fire. Hayley doesn’t mind if this time is spent alone or with others, but it gives her a chance to unwind and settle her thoughts before she heads off to sleep.

What is Your Character’s Greatest Fear? How Does This Affect Your Character?: Hayley’s biggest fear is commitment. This isn’t specific to any singular area of her life. The wolf has issues sticking to any one home, friendship, or relationship. This fear stems from her childhood. Being bounced around a system that could care less about her shaped her into a person who learned to anticipate and expect change. Hayley is incapable of trusting that anything good with last forever and will often self-destruct whatever it is before it gets the chance to hurt her. In her mind, settling down is pointless because it will either be taken away from her or scar her even more.

SAMPLE: Removed for Privacy

[readingraebow]

The Firm Section One

Chapters 1-7

1. How is Bendini, Lambert & Locke different from other firms? What is their turnover rate? It's a much smaller firm and it's in Memphis (which most of the other large scale firms are in Chicago or New York) and it pays better than almost any other firm in the country. They only have 41 lawyers on staff and half of them are partners. This is definitely not the norm. They want everyone to become a partner and basically guarantee that you will become one. So basically they promise that if you work really, really hard for your first few years, you'll be able to relax more when you make partner because you will have earned it. They also pay reaaaally well and basically all of their lawyers become millionaires by the time they're 40. And most retire somewhere in their 50s with a very, very healthy chunk of change. Their biggest selling point, however, is that their turnover rate is zero. No one ever leaves their firm unless they retire. They also offer way more in the first year than all of McDeere's other offers. And they provide a home with a low interest mortgage as well as a brand new BMW. Basically since they're in the middle of nowhere and have to entice their new hires to move to the middle of nowhere, they offer a lot of very shiny perks. They also don't hire very often and they hand pick their new candidates. Mitch McDeere is their only candidate at this time. So basically it's either him or no one for this hire cycle.

2. Why, as Kay explains, does the firm wish all the associates to be homeowners? They want the new associate + family in Memphis since that's where they'll be working so a new home is an incentive to move. Plus they generally work associates 80 hours a week and Kay says it's sometimes more like 100 hours during tax season. So their theory is if the associate has a strong marriage they will be happy and if they're happy, they'll be productive and that will equal profits. So basically they want to make life more ~comfortable while they're working the associate to death and their wife just has to sit ideally by. But it's also a status thing. The firm likes to ~keep up appearances and if everyone who works for them has a really big, nice house that looks better for the firm. So they lease you a smaller house up front but expect the family to be in an even bigger house in five years and so on.

3. All of the firm's employees have moved from different places. While eating lunch with the partners, Mitch is asked if he's accustomed to eating grease and many mention that they're not used to the greasy southern cooking. Is grease a regular part of your diet? Would you be able to handle a completely southern dining palette if you were in Mitch's position? Hmm. Grease is kind of a part of my diet? I absolutely love fried green tomatoes and definitely cook them every chance I get during the summer. And I do tend to each fried food maybe once a week, if that? But, on the other hand, I don't like super greasy foods and my stomach definitely can't handle them on a more permanent basis. I wasn't raised in the south and I'm not sure I've ever really had truly southern cooking. But from the sound of it, I would not be able to handle it. I like some fried foods but for the most part I could leave them? And southern food is usually heavily spiced and I absolutely cannot handle that at all. So if I were in Mitch's position, I would definitely be the guy who had heartburn for 20 years, haha. I probably would not be able to handle that at all and I'd be off somewhere panicking and making a salad, hahahaha. *would actually die from all the grease*

4. At the end of the second chapter, what are your feelings about the firm? Do you think Mitch should accept their offer? Honestly it sounds way too good to be true???? But I get why it's appealing to Mitch and Abby. When you're super broke and paying all of your big bills is a struggle and needing a new car but actually getting one seems light years away? Yeaaaaah. I totally get that feeling. So I get why taking an offer that has all of those perks sounds appealing. But if all of the other successful firms aren't offering those things and this is the only one that is, doesn't that seem a little suspicious? Honestly a lot of the people who work for the firm also sound sketchy??? And that conversation with Kay was super weird. Yes, I would love to be a trophy wife (or Emily Gilmore; either is fine) but I would also like to make my own decisions. And the things "encouraged" by the firm are just super weird and controlling. But the money is super tempting and I would probably take the offer, if in Mitch's position. Plus I find the firm fascinating so if he didn't accept, we wouldn't have a story, haha.

5. What occupies the half of the 5th floor that's not the partner's cafe? What goes on there and what do we learn about the McDeeres' visit? The other half of the fifth floor is security. It's a bunch of cramped little offices and, I'm assuming, surveillance and such. One of the offices is occupied by the head of security, a Mr. DeVasher. From him we learn that the firm is seriously into wire tapping and basically they were watching the McDeeres the entire time they were in town. They bugged the hotel room (and had people in the rooms on either side), the limo and the phone. And we knew most of what he said. But basically they liked the firm and all the perks and DeVasher thinks he'll sign with them. And then we went into a lot of stuff that doesn't make any sense yet. But it sounds like they basically watch everyone who works for them at all times and the entire office is bugged along with all of the houses of everyone who works there???? (That would also explain why they like to provide homes and cars for their employees.) And there was a lot of stuff about the FBI and New York being suspicious and that they have to get a handle on the situation or two of the associates and a cop will end up dead. Soooo. Maybe that's why their turnover rate is zero??? No one ever leaves they firm. They're just quietly killed instead. *gulp*

6. On Mitch and Abby's first day in Memphis, what do they learn has happened? How does Mitch spend his first day at the firm? They learn that two members of the firm have died. Martin Kozinski and Joe Hodge died in what they said was a boating accident. Apparently they were on a "business trip" and there was some kind of explosion. But the details are sketchy at this point. Though these are the two who were going to be "taken care of" so none of those details are probably actually correct. But that's the story the firm is going with. And on Mitch's first day at the firm, instead of sitting behind his new desk, he and Abby attend both funerals.

7. What is Mitch's first impression of Nathan Locke? What had he heard from Lamar about Locke? That Locke is literally terrifying?? Basically he has really black, sinister eyes and has the most ominous, evil presence Mitch says he'd ever felt. Mitch hadn't met Locke before he signed on and according to Lamar, no one was really ever allowed to go to his office. He told Mitch it was because Locke is eccentric and liked to be left alone. Or something like that. But he's probably the front man for whatever shady thing is going on in this firm.

8. Why does Oliver Lambert ask to see Mitch? He asks to see Mitch for two reasons: one, to invite Mitch and Abby to dinner on Saturday night. He says that he and his wife like to go out to dinner and they usually invite a group and so he's invited a few other people from the firm and wants Mitch to come/feel welcome with them. But what seems to be the real reason he asks Mitch to see him is to lecture him on confidentiality. He gives him this long speech about how you never talk about a client with anyone else, especially not your wife (oh, he drives this point home) and probably not even other people at the firm, unless they're directly involved in the case. And especially not to other lawyers around town. But esPECIALLY NOT YOUR WIFE. Which is super weird and fishy???? It's almost like Mitch has told Abby something and Lambert knows it and is telling him not to do that??? But if this actually happened, it wasn't something we've read. But basically Mitch knows all of this already because it's covered in law school? So it's just an all around weird conversation.

  Section One Reading Journal

So. Wow. I haven’t read any John Grisham in quite a while. And off the top of my head, I think the only one I’ve actually read was Runaway Jury. (I honestly can’t remember if I’ve even read any of the others?? Though I own almost all of them.) And I read that back in high school (and I remember it taking me quite a while since they’re kind of long and, in some places, dry and I hadn’t read a lot of ~variety then and still had trouble with stuff. So I think it took me like a month though I do remember liking it well enough). So, yeah. Apparently I’m way over due for more Grisham, haha.

Anyway, I don’t really know what I was expecting from this? I haven’t actually seen this film (though I think I’ve seen all of the others) but it’s definitely not been what I was expecting. I’m really enjoying it a lot and I pretty much flew through this section. I’m super intrigued by this firm and all of its shady dealings. And, lbr, I’m always here for legal dramas. So while I was a little on the fence about actually reading this and even considered changing my pick for this category, I’m glad I went ahead with this. I’m really enjoying it and I am really excited about reading the rest of it.

So, a few notes from this section: that firm seems super interesting but suuuuper sketchy. Like wow. The money is great but all the work they’re shoving at him? By the end of this section, he sounds so overworked, I would literally be dead if I were working that much. How do they actually expect him to finish everything they’ve thrown at him?!?! If he’s supposed to spend most of his time studying for the bar (which I thought you actually took before you got a job but okay) then why are they throwing so much else at him?!? Don’t they want him to sleep??? Or actually, you know, spend time with his wife????

Though I would love to have all the perks that come with that job. A low house payment and new car? Um, yes please. But I almost don’t feel like it’s even worth it?? Because that’s a lot of hours and he’s not really eating or sleeping. Sooo. Side-eyeing the firm for making him do that.

But, anyway, yes. Super interested in where this is going and what this firm is even up to. Because wow so much shade. So can’t wait to move on to the next section!! I hope ya’ll are enjoying this so far, as well!