#literally my actual physical doctor couldn't be bothered to refer me to anyone so whatever
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maybe if i read scary stories all night ill feel better
#yes.. this is coping. this is what coping is#i cant believe im being hit w huge depression right before i start literal actual college hsjdfhsdfhsjdhf#like what is this...... ive been soooo good#like im still so good but also... so sad#and i keep being like 'bro... your coping mechanisms...'#like even bad coping mechanisms are better than none and nothing matters anyway so who cares whats good and whats bad#i also just punched myself in the eyeball on accident#idk im in this spot where everything is objectively very good like im really doing very well#i mean im literally in college... it's a miracle#and my schedule is great! i'm really glad! i'm not even really that nervous! i live very nearby and it's convenient#and a lot of other good stuff is happening and my room is rly nice and clean now#but i am so......... depressed#i just need to decide if i'm going to do anything about it or just live like this until something changes#i mean i don't think i could ever get as bad as i was however many months ago or earlier this yr or last yr#i don't think i'm even capable of becoming that depressed anymore so it doesn't rly matter#like it doesn't matter if i do anything abt it bc this is so mild in comparison#and i'm rly giving up on therapy bc even my doctor couldn't get me a referral lol#literally my actual physical doctor couldn't be bothered to refer me to anyone so whatever#and if i lived thru rock bottom depression w no therapy then i can get thru this too#so it's like not a big deal#ok i have to go read scary stories#thanks for tuning into this episode of i'm-bored-time-to-post-my-entire-internal-monologue
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