#literally just block them yourself it does exactly the same fucking thing and DOESN'T a) alert anyone who's *actually* -

[kissitbttr]

TJANK FUCKING GOD YOURE TALKING ABOUT THE R@PE SHIT IN THIS FANDOM. I'm actually in disbelief of how often it's being written. And I get the whole 'dont like, then scroll' and whatever, but when I open up my dash/tags and the first FIVE FUCKING FICS are r@pe fics???? And there's more every day, by the same, but also newer writers??? Wanna know what that is? Normalization. There's one blog on here that's so so so bad for it. And honestly, I get darker content, and I get the interest in rape from a psychological and conditional aspect, but that is when it's being taken seriously. These writers on here? Yeah, they're not fucking taking it seriously. If I see one more '💕🌷🎀' on a r@pe fic, I'm going to fucking lose it.

I can't imagine showing a survivor of SA one of these fics and telling them there is more like it. Like... How embarrassing. But the excuse is that the writers were SA'd and that this is the way they can work through their trauma. Personally, that literally does not add up to me. But! I'm not a psychologist so I can't dictate how someone works through their trauma. But, I can have an opinion on what they put on a public domain. And that's where the whole COD fandom issue lies. There is literally no healthy discourse. If you ask someone why they write about r@pe, they either block you, publicly slander you like you're the idiot for asking about a r@pe fic (???), or tell you to fuck off or something. Like... Why can't we just have a healthy discussion about it?? ESPECIALLY in a fandom with a pretty large female following. We SHOULD be talking about this not being hostile to each other, writers and readers alike.

Idk, sorry for the word dump. I spent four hours talking to a friend about this (who doesn't have Tumblr) and the general consensus was the same. I wish people could just think a little more critically. Just because you have a kink, or think somethings hot, doesn't always mean it's okay. And when you're consistently writing about it as a way to work through it, and posting it online, that just might be a sign that you should talk to a professional, cause there's nothing wrong with getting a second opinion.

took the fucking words outta my mouth babe. you are so RIGHT

tbh i never seen someone actively open about their trauma and say that they write the r*** fics as a way for them to cope. that’s definitely new to me. i mean, i’m no expert too and i can’t exactly say and tell them how to feel but yea that’s a little… bizarre. whether or not they’re using that as an excuse so they can write it i have nothing to say abt that. but if it’s a lie then they can go fuck themselves.

it’s not only this fandom i believe, right? there’s gotta be more and that’s the most fucked up thing about it. like i do not need to know you’re some mentally fucked individual who enjoys writing and reading about r*** content, u keep that shit to yourself. do not bring that bullshit here.

it’s pretty saddening to know that telling ppl to fuck off is their only response. which makes me realized that they are only good for one thing. how could you not have any ounce of decency in you to actually be aware of those things and realize that r*** is not okay and will never be okay?? I don’t care what’s the excuse or whatever reasons u want to bring to the table. if u don’t wanna talk about how r*** takes the joy out of a SA victim and leave a permanent scar in which they have to live with everyday, then there is no point in writing them at all.

and also, you know what saddens me more? the blogs that normally write them comes from women. because, man… you should’ve known better… you should’ve known that no woman on earth could ever live in peace knowing that one exact fear is the reason why we are so terrified of going out alone. why we are so terrified of men. why would you ever go out your way and change these beautiful characters to be some sort of evil spawn ?? weird ass bitches.

don’t be sorry for the word dump!! because i’m glad that some of you came into my inbox and expressed your thoughts about this particular bullshit.

they do need to get some help. and i mean this in the most nicest and disrespectful way possible tbh.

[delusion-of-negation]

Hi, would you mind clarifying on your “you have a cop living in your head” post? I’m not entirely sure what it’s referring to

this is the post, for anyone who hasn't seen it

I clarified a little in the second ask here (first one is for context)

and I've made literally countless posts about this, but I don't got every link to hand because most of them are quite old, since shit lately hasn't exactly been prime "make a big long essay" feelings

there's a post somewhere, from back when the kanye/alex jones started, and I criticised the "I'm bipolar and I don't do that, so it's clearly him being Transcendentally Bad and not symptoms", as if nobody has ever gone off the fucking rails in a manic episode, lol

there's also some rants about it specifically regarding the "call all youtuber out for everything all the time and harass them, keep it escalating and escalating, demand whatever you want and when that's done, demand more" attitude people have, how egotistical thinking you're judge, jury, and executioner is, how it hinders the actual act of growth, etc. and I've said the same about prison, or vigilante justice, or so forth. as I said recently in a reblog of this:

really "it doesn't help the victim in any tangible sense to balance imaginary moral scales by causing more harm, the victim needs mental/social help, as does the perpetrator", it only hurts more.

you are not their personal mental health expert. you are not their doctor. you are not their therapist. it's just not your job to involve yourself in their growth or demand they do it your way. some ass hurt your feelings online, grow up, block them, leave it alone. the simple fact is that harassing people helps nobody, it's just smug superiority complex bullshit. and while you can have standards if friends/family upset you for when you'll forgive them, that is not morally binding, they don't owe you those things, they owe you a fucking big fat nothing, there is no karma debt to be repaid, and wishing suffering upon them to repay it is a dick move. so that is generally my stance, oversimplified somewhat to make it easier.

then re that post specifically, I saw someone talking about being completely in the throws of a mental breakdown, for depression, upsetting people around you, getting help, and that not being an adequate "fix", in fact there's no "fix", and the guilt should just be eternal from the sounds of things. that's depression. ever-lasting guilt is actually a manifestation of depression. you are not doing literally anything to help depressed people if you tell them to feel things like that forever. they preach about accountability, all this flowery bullshit about owning up to things, about not using such illnesses as an excuse, about how they're ill but they don't do the things someone else did- it's a progressive way of saying the old bootstraps bullshit, with an added dose of catholic guilt, and the rozzers living inside your skull. you're policing yourself to absurd degrees. you're using it to justify the unhealthy and cruel things.

frankly, you will do bad things sometimes because you're human people, and you'll do them because of mental health issues, and there's no fucking way you should endure endless guilt, because some edgy alt chick pretending to be a goth wants a progressive excuse to be a bitchy bully, or some braindead guy wants to look smart on the youtubes and win twitter's favour. those sentences mean nothing, they're excuses to hold things over people- a way people put words in your mouth, pretending that daring to start explaining yourself without bending over to get fucked up first is actually you "refusing to take accountability", from the authority they've decided they have to dish it out. it's egotistical jargon. or simply a cop living in their head. just because you don't do those things, your symptoms don't manifest like that, you respond in a different way to those circumstances, etc, doesn't mean another person is Fundamentally Evil, bodies respond differently to stuff. there's no reason to believe your experiences are universal. but it especially isn't very fucking leftist to call people intrinsically evil.

accountability culture is just people, who understand the prison industrial complex is wrong, being unable to understand that it's given them propaganda brainworms that they need to unpack, a problem with their worldview, and instead they've clung onto all these warped perceptions and tried to stuff them into a new shit worldview, that hyperfocuses on overly-moralising, and whether somebody is a victim or a perpetrator, black and white, and it all comes packaged with a perfect excuse to be this sanctimonious bully, to boost your own ego, and to judge others. it's fucked up.

that's why it's a cop in your head, it's literally coming from them.

[a-dragons-journal]

At first I saw that ask about deitykin vs dragonkin and was like 'Oh are we talking about the intersections of divinity and draconity? Wait no scrolled further its about deitykin having some shitty drama that hurts the whole community' Which oh yeah it does.

Im dragonkin and in my past life I had rites given to me for protecting a place so at one point I was calling myself divine(dont actively do so now). And about ~5 years ago I was reblogging goreposts to the edgy kin sideblog as one does and suddenly got a ask that was like 'hi please block me thank you <3' and I was like ??? who the fuck are you but ok I respect boundaries and did as asked, though out of curiosity I checked what tf happened and it turns out a post I reblogged without even looking at op as you do was that person and they had in their hidden dni post that all divinekin/godkin werent to interact. Which fair boundary but completely unfair to expect people to check like that before reblogging. All right. The person the proceeded to vaguepost about me for a few posts over an hour or two about how divinekin are so 'entitled' and 'arrogant' and this one divinekin was oh so terrible. For. Not obsessively checking the pages of every blog they reblogged like a stalker and replying 'not sure why but ok, also blocked on all sideblogs for you, wishing you the best' so they know their request was granted I guess?

Let me be clear- my blog didnt directly state I was divinekin, I had 'gore/horror + divinity blog' as my bio on whats clearly an aesthetic-only blog. Otherkin should not have been the first thought there. I did not tag the post with anything but the gore tag. This person would have had to stalk my blog into the about pages to discover this fact. On a post with hundreds of notes.

Its this kind of baffling kneejerk hatred for divinekin who are just vibing and have never been anything but polite and courteous to people that is just really saddening. For those who id as divine out there I really feel for you because thats only a taste of the flack you folks get for just existing. Trolls and kin drama that breached containment and people being fucking weird about religions not their own serve to inflame this shit and I wish all you the best. Haters gonna hate and all that. Sorry this anon got long lol

I'm not going to use this as an opportunity to rant about my hatred of DNIs, but. *gestures vaguely at the entitlement* what is wrong with people that they think telling someone else to block them is the solution instead of...... doing the blocking themself like a normal person??? There's literally no point to that other than alerting the person that you're blocking them, which should not be a goal of yours. That's not reasonable boundaries, that's being entitled. Reasonable boundaries would be them blocking you, not them demanding you change YOUR internet experience because, what, they said so?

*long sigh*

Okay, anyway. Not to distract from the fact that this happened because of the whole divinekin stigma thing, but it's also just. super reflective of current internet culture's failings and that's just as aggravating to me tbh.

But regardless - heartily agree; the whole divinekin stigma is just horrendously damaging and I have nothing but sympathy for those who've been harmed by it.

[anendoandfriendo]

We don't quite talk like our old man yet, but it seems like we're getting there!! And we're still under 30!!: A vent about identities, DNIs, and the attitudes these pairings indicate.

How many times are we gonna have to tell folks that identities do not have a DNI? If you can't screenshot them and can't reblog them, where does that fucking leave you?

"Oh well, ACTUALLY I said that they can identify with the term I just want them not in my notifications and stuff" that's just gonna leave people blocking your ass and THEN reblogging anyways, because you lack the critical thinking skills to understand that community resources should not be gatekept. Flags, especially when accompanied with actual terms to go with them, are community resources.

"People can make their own —" not always. Not in a way that's distinguishable. It takes up hours and hours and hours of time to make a good flag, from start to finish, time that lots of folks spend at work and then most of the time, they'll be too exhausted to do anything else once they get home. Some folks are also neurodivergent in a way that literally doesn't let them. It shouldn't take either of these statements for you to not be a jackass.

This is usually what we mean when we say to curate your own experiences.

Example: if we block someone but we have a term/flag they like, we fully expect, at some point, that the flag we made will go beyond our own circles. It's out of our own fucking hands once we do, because even if we do block a shitton of folks we don't like, now people can reblog that reblog. Etc.

A giant DNI banner will literally make folks who use that identity feel unsafe. If we may take a second to say it how one of our better folks likely would have said it:

News flash for you, if you say "well, GOOD" then it's not the endogenics and such who have to go and relearn what abuse is. You're literally taking an abuser/punishment mindset at that point, and if existence is a crime to you, maybe you should apply your standards to yourself and go force yourselves into fusion (even if you don't want it — because clearly functional multiplicity is impossible, because only trauma-origin systems exist because and they are ALWAYS mired in misery and despair when they first form and trauma is the exact same thing for everyone and everyone interprets events that happen to themselves in the exact same way).

News flash for you, if you say "well, GOOD" then it's not the anti-antis and such who have to go and relearn what abuse is. You're literally taking an abuser/punishment mindset at that point, and if a thought crime is a crime to you, maybe apply that same standard to your violent thoughts too (even if that means you would end up harming yourself — because clearly every thought that has ever crossed a person's mind has lead to them acting on it, clearly every time someone plays HALO they become a mass shooter and clearly, clearly Homura in Madoka Magica is an evil vile abuserperson because of how she became the devil and was very very obsessive over Kaname Madoka and so you too will become an evil vile abuser who obsessed over people, and every time someone punches someone in the Dragon Ball franchise that means the watcher walks out of the house and hits someone because Vegeta told them to do it).

Hopefully the absurdity of the above "because" statements show just how few skills you have when or actually comes to thinking for yourselves, because this is exactly what you all sound like, and paired with the DNIs, it's just ridiculous.

Stop making excuses and start tailoring your experiences better.

We aren't trying to sound like your awful abusive socially backwards grandmother or whoever the equivalent is when we say that, either. Part of growing up and maturing to the point you can use a website like this is, literally, learning the skills to curate your spaces. We keep saying it over and over because it's just that important.

That also goes for university, the workplace, hobby clubs, an email address, and even your own neighborhood. Sometimes, there are folks who literally will not leave you alone unless you lock the door. Sometimes you'll run into a really bad trigger at the grocery store, and you either have to leave or find a way to cope with it, even if it makes you stand out.

Consider something like:

Your room(s) = your blog(s)

Locking the door = blocking someone

Headphones on = muting someone or someone's post

Leaving the grocery store = taking a hiatus for yourself

Standing out to cope = making your own vent/priv. side blog (gotta make sure to import any locked doors, bringing in any headphones and hardware to your room you might need too)

We don't know what else to tell you: we know we've complained before about it, but we don't think we've complained about it in-depth. Hopefully this post fixes that, but we can't do anything else for you if you're unwilling to look at yourselves and try to understand how this kind of mindset is bad.

Oh, and, folks: feel free to reblog this one. We have anons off on this account and always have. We'll literally just block any assholes we see and move on.

[jiminrings]

OKAY LISTEN idk if someone or you already planned sth like this but how about y/n finally decides to confess/tell jk but someone else claims to be her before she could do it so * cue to the angst bc y/n sees the whole thing/she hears from her friends * and ofc koo eventually finds out bc that b*tch doesn't even have the fucking lunchboxes 😑

cold senior!y/n x stem major!koo masterlist :D

stem koo's the three-peat king for having the best research papers, but he's the worst when it comes to believing the right person

"i think i'm gonna tell him."

you say it to no one in particular, really, but you hear yoongi rISING from his nap on the couch

it wasn't meant to wake him at all

it was just an epiphany of sorts that popped into your head

physically felt as if your head would just bursT if you didn't say it out loud to affirm your own thoughts lmao

"for real???" he's rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, very evident that he wouldn't wake up to finish his thirteen pending assignments but he 10/10 would wake up to hear your epiphany

yoongi is awake for the action!!!! lmao does professor roux from calculus think that he wakes up at the morning and doing shapes (or whatever they teach at calc) is the fIRST thing in his mind????

"interesting," he nods solemnly when you nod your head, reaching out for a fist bump before he plops to your shoulder, "i suggest dressing like a virgin wearing H&M when you confess. it would hit close to home."

yoongi's the touchy affectionate one between the two of you but you'll forgive him bc he's still sleepy

NOOOOOOO

jungkook doesn't look like a virgin wearing H&M :((((

his clothes aren't from there lol

"pass."

"say that you're a top verified contributor both in quora and brainly."

PLEAAAAAASE SJWHSHWHHWV

"nice idea," you snort as yoongs genuinely thinks that it'd get jungkook to propose on the spot, "but no cigar."

"pretend to love big bang theory."

"you're getting onto something here."

"your hobby is fact-checking rick and morty."

"yoongi wow you are on fIRE today-"

"your guilty pleasure is not wearing protective gear during experiments."

"where is this coming from??"

"OH!!!! i'll pretend to mug him or something and you can attack me!!!"

....

??????

yeah yoongi's train of thought just crashed

you were pretty sure he was going on a science theme there wHY DID IT DERAIL

yoongi looks confused because you look confused, as if he didn't just give you the mindblowing idea,, free of charge

lol but no he really didn't

"i'm not doing any of that shit, yoongs."

"oh yeah???" he squints at you and hollows his cheeks, taunting you entertainingly while he worms his way to your lap to nap again

"what are you planning to do?"

holy sHIT this is nerve-wracking

she feels like she's gonna pass out the whole time that she's been rehearsing this in her head

she's been waiting outside the classroom for twenty minutes now and the bell finally rang and she can't believe it!!!! omg is it game-time now

everyone's filing out of the room and she could just feel that jungkook would come out of the room last-

ALRIGHT FUCK THE BELL RANG

you could do this!!!!

everyone's filing out of the room and you know in your heart that jungkook would stay behind, his routine being to politely chat with the professor before he leaves

you're a lil nervous alright

you're scanning the room and there's only a few people left and your eyes instinctively go to the mini desk next to the door and-

FUCK

DID YOU FORGET TO BRING IT HOME YESTERDAY??????

goddamn it

yesterday was when coach jeong was mad because someone from your team just hAD to bring beer!!! and not even have the common sense to put it on a discreet thermos or sth and you know!!!! to not drink it in public or in front of the coach!!!!

doing laps on the oval field will now make you hurl on command just by thinking about it

you physically did not have the cognizance to go and fetch the lunchbox to wash it,,,, or like even move at all

FUCK IT

how are you gonna swipe the lunchbox now? now when the professor's packing up, jungkook's loitering around the classroom, and there's this girl who's-

wait

who's this girl??

who is she and wHY IS SHE EYEING THE LUNCHBOX

fuck it!!! here goes nothing

she's stepping completely into the room and making sure her block heels generate enough clacking,, hands already moving in practiced moments as she attempts in making it seem like she's rushedly putting the lunchbox bag into her tote — as if it's from there, and she's always done this

jungkook hears noises coming from the back of the room, eyes widening before he comes up the stairs in record time

"no. get your own."

he grips the girl's wrist, about to pry off her hands from his lunchbox

he hears her giggle sweetly, the melody being something he's heard before

"i did. after all, i did get you these."

:O

"hyeji?"

hyeji's a pretty girl!!! a nice girl in jungkook's year that wears fit dresses and cartier bangles :D

she stands out really, sometimes literally because she appears in the school's flyers and advertisements

"hyeji," jungkook breathlessly connects the dots including the fact that she looks caught in the act; holding his lunchbox, her tote bag open, and a peek of another completely different lunchbox in her other hand, "i-it's been you this whole time?"

hyeji blushes, sheepishly tucking her perfectly shiny and neat hair behind her ears, "you caught me then."

kook laughs both in nervousness and giddiness, pushing his glasses up and suddenly conscious that he should've worn contacts, "b-but how? we don't share this class."

:O

hyeji bursts into a giggle, blushed cheeks staining further than the five minutes she tried getting the perfect amount

"r-right! kinda amazing what depths you'd go for a person you like, hm?"

jungkook is about to pass out

HE'S PUT IN A SITUATION

a situation that he likes and is too giddy to find a reply for

he apparently doesn't need a reply, because a chair scrapes harshly against the floor and it brings him down to reality immediately

you cannot fucking believe what you just witnessed

you stand abruptly from the seat you've been frozen in with a great deal of urgency because you cAN'T stand to be in this room any longer

they actually forgot that the two of them aren't alone

that you're still here

little miss hyeji's just as shocked

you feel stupid and even more stupid that you're still holding a stupid notebook you even decorated

it has a doodle in the front and all the remaining pages are of the copies you've replicated on jungkook's sticky notes — the same ones you've been trying to make perfect just for him

"y/n!" he sputters when your backpack accidentally leans too much to your side and hits him on the way out

"move."

you’re feeling everything but fine and god you just hated that you always willed yourself to move oN

you’re beyond mad when you put on your jersey!!!

you’re irrevocably dejected when you put on your cleats!!!!

you feel cheated on when you zip up your duffel and walk all the way to the field!!!

it’s a combination of the type of frustration that makes you want to move plus the type that paralyzes you, the whole thing unlike anything you’ve ever felt before

you’re clearly in your head and frankly, you’re just too good

too good that there's no game at all because the only thing happening is you scoring

there's no passing going on or the sort

everyone is just :O looking at their captain to be in the most furiously determined state that they’ve ever seen you in

you don’t even realize that you’re the oNLY one moving in the whole field

“alright, alright — jesus christ! go to the bench and sort your head out, captain,” coach jeong literally has to JOG over to your spot to jolt you

oh there he is again

jaehyun just had to bench you didn’t he

sometimes it’s lost on you that jaehyun, just like seokjin, used to be your senior

he hated juniors with a burning passion and you’re the ONLY one he’s taken a tolerance for

((you lent him your umbrella and it coincidentially had to be a bad day for him tHEN that made him like you))

you’re having none of it though because this time, you’re the one who has the bad day and the captain title does nothing to appease you

“sure, coach.”

you mumble just as lively and walk to completely the fURTHEST side of the bleachers, being so far out that you could barely see your team

what are you supposed to do? simmer in the thoughts you so badly didn’t want to have in silence??????

"y/n?"

the voice you least expected to hear perks up right next to you

what the hell is jungkook doing here now??

he looks lost, two hands clinging onto his backpack straps before tentatively looking at you again

“did i do anything to upset you?”

so he wants to ask that?

you snort automatically, suddenly wishing that you didn’t walk this far because you can’t make an excuse that jaehyun’s calling for you

"because my bag accidentally hit you on the way out? no, jungkook."

jungkook knits his brows in question, seemingly take offense to what you’ve just said to hom

"we're not exactly associated for me to be mad at you, are we?" you emphasize even further, not caring the least bit that your words have an edge to them

he deadpans, pursing his lips before sarcastically smiling at you

".... so you're upset at me?"

://

jungkook takes your silence for him to delve further, not paying attention to how your eye is begging to twitch at him

"i asked if i did anything to upset you, and you said no. but that doesn't necessarily mean you aren't. you could be upset at me even if i didn't do anything to you."

wow

you sound like a real fucking nerd jungkook

"do you have any idea how condescending you sound right now?"

kook barely has a solid inch on you yet the nagging feeling that he’s belittling you makes you grip your fists tight, posture wavering

"so you do admit that you're upset at me?"

he’s not the most patient person either but something about you and the situation right now just makes him tick a little faster

your eyes narrow at what he’s aiming to get at, your hand on your hip feeling heavy at this point

"what does it matter to you if i'm upset or not? we are not-"

"i am associated to you!!! even to a degree!!! you walked me home!"

jungkook is the one who breaks first and he doesn’t look fazed to have opposed you so loudly, still standing by himself

"i would walk anyone home."

"no you wouldn't-"

"i would walk anyone who was as vulnerable and as anxious as you were, jungkook!!"

it is true

you’d walk anyone home within reason regardless if they were jungkook or not!!!

the guy in question only looks at you straightly, brows not stubborn but still just as unrelaxed

:((

"good to know. then you're not upset at me, and i didn't do anything to upset you."

"sure."

you only say just to spite him, about to turn your back and leave him completely to go back to your practice game

jungkook surprises you again and flips a switch just as quick as your mini argument of sorts escalated

"anyways!! i'm sorry for being a little off when i interviewed you that day. i got a 100 on that assignment, by the way :))"

what?

what’s he still doing here?

he’s talking about his grades and whatnot to you as if literally twenty seconds ago did nOT happen!!

"why are you still-"

"and the one who's been giving me my lunchboxes confessed to me today!! for hyeji to be the girl giving me them, it makes perfect sense."

you shrug away the weirdness that jungkook’s moved on from the argument as fast as this, trying a take two for a peaceful conversation

this time, you’re the one who unknowingly flips a switch at her name — something so foreign and sudden yet something you quickly grew to hate

"i wouldn't be so trusting if i were you."

that seems to hit a nerve on him again, making him scoff in reply

"good thing you aren't me then."

what is ON with him????

"watch it. i'm your senior, kid."

you’re more irritated than the first and second time around that you’ve been agitated this day

"why? are you normally this self-absorbed that you wouldn't trust a girl who's confessed??"

self-absorbed?

you aren’t the most selfless person ever but god do you know for a fact that you’re not vain as jungkook’s insisting you to be

you hate him.

you hate this version of him that isn’t the same jungkook you’ve known to like ever since the start of the semester

"same thing as polygraphs not being a hundred percent reliable. anyone could tell the truth as long as you ask the wrong questions," you detail on further because jungkook loves details, right? might as well give him several

"or did you even ask?"

jungkook scowls as if you’ve insulted his mother and his entire lineage, face contorting into everything but warm

"what does it matter to you? didn't you just tell me that we aren't associated? why are you projecting all your moaning on hyeji?"

WHAT

WHAT????

"you know what? maybe i am associated to you. i think i'd also tell this to everyone i'd walk home — maybe you shouldn't be too trusting, huh? maybe you shouldn't just let anyone walk you home."

the tears this time are more insistent to come out this time but you’d rather dIE than for jungkook to stain your pride like this

"no one should walk me home, besides you? is that what you're trying to say?"

no!!

for fuck's sake you aren't even finished with your point!!

before you could continue, jungkook shakes his head at you — the most disappointing shake of his head that it curses you soft

"what am i even doing? you wouldn't understand."

he closes the distance that’s been alarmingly shorter throughout the whole time, jungkook being the one to break it

"because no one gives you lunchboxes. no one exerts effort in making you cheerful — no one wants to go the extra mile for you, and no one wants to walk you home."

he's insulting you right to your face and that’s when your dam breaks, lips quivering impossibly as you stare him down with a genuinely pained gaze you didn’t know you carried

"you wouldn't know what i feel, because no one likes you."

jungkook gets the last word in.

he leaves you in the same field he's first approached you in nervousness.

today, he leaves it differently.

sweat isn't the only thing on your face but instead it’s the frustrating hot tears you haven’t had in awhile

your fists are balled but there's no power to the anger behind it

you’re almost always alone outside the company of the closest friends you’ve ever had — but this is the only time that you truly felt that you are alone.

today's a good day to give up on jungkook.

[hearthandhomemagick]

I'm not sorry for what I am about to say.

You are responsible for your actions or how interpret other people's music or art.

Music and Art are two things meant to express the current or past experiences of the artist in question. It is meant to be relatable to their personal experiences, and others in the world. If large crowds of people relate as well and simply enjoy that music or art, then good for them. Music and Art are meant to be enjoyed, to feel relatable.

Which brings me to this rant I am about to get into.

Just because you do not relate to what Meagan thee Stallion, Doja Cat or Cardi B are rapping or singing about, doesn't mean they don't deserve to be where they are or that they don't deserve to sing about what they are singing about.

I read a very inconsiderate post on here (And blocked the author directly after reading it) stating that the music the above mentioned women are making are, "Hindering and Harming real life people who will never be able to be where those artists are." and how, "These songs give you a false hope that being a THOT is great and these artists are losers." Very watered down sum-up of a lengthy post. But, the writer literally called these successful woman losers while complaining on Tumblr about it.

First and foremost, these women can sing, rap, dance and discuss whatever the fuck they want. They are grown ass woman who worked through a lot of hard shit to get where they are. If they love themselves enough to make songs they enjoy, to write songs about the old them and the new them, to write songs they personally enjoy, you have no reason aside from jealousy to be calling them losers. You are completely discounting the amount of hard work they put into their art under the assumption that no one else will ever be where they are today.

News flash, they did the thing you are claiming is impossible or fake. This very much is their personal reality, and nothing you say can take back their experiences or personal lives. There is no amount of self-righteousness that will validate you insulting someone's success because you feel as though it gives their audience a false sense of hope or "promotes negative activity."

The rest of the world, along with the fans of these artists, can recognize that these artists are creating songs that are a reality for themselves and a majority of their fans. They are also songs for you to have fun with. For you to express yourself, get a little wild and have a good time.

Music is not here to influence you to be a certain way.

You are responsible for your life choices. You are responsible for the shit you do. Not an artist who is responsible for her shit she does in her own person life. I mean, fuck, even Cardi B is more responsible with her children than most of the parents on here. At least she turns off her inappropriate music when her daughter enters a room.

And trust me, I get the argument this person made by saying, "These artists can afford to fix their mistakes and fuck-ups. The people who listen to the music and are influenced by it will never be in the same position."

But, like, A. You don't know where anybody is going to be in life 10 years from now. Any of us are 1 bad hospital bill away from being completely homeless and no one is singing about that or "influencing" you into that position. But it is a very real reality for a lot of people. And B. It is not the responsibility of a singer to make sure you are making the right decisions as a grown ass adult when that artist doesn't even know your fucking name. If you are a child, then it's your parents responsibility to raise you with the appropriate media, not the artists. If you know you are easily influenced by things as simple as music, then you know what to stay away from, don't you? And if you choose to listen to that music and be influenced by it as an adult, guess whose fault that is?

It's not Cardi's, I promise.

Don't go around assuming everyone is exactly like you when it comes to influence. Just because Coke told you to buy their product because "everyone likes it", doesn't mean you start enjoying the product and buying it all of a sudden.

Influence is subtle, but it's not this magical thing that renders you incapable of making personal decisions or having critical thinking skills.

I want to point out that there are Christians who go to church every Sunday, who volunteer for the community and only listen to gospel music that are addicted to Drugs, Molest Children, are Domestic Abusers or are Alcoholics. I promise they aren't listening to Cardi B or any of the artists I've mentioned as a reason to do those awful actions.

Seriously, I don't know why this pissed me off so fucking hard, but it's not a bold statement to discount someone's life experiences or art simply because "I can't relate". It's not a smart statement when you blatantly insult an artist for embracing the person they are while assuming the people listening to the music are somehow incapable of being responsible for their own shit.

God, it's like the video game argument. "Violent Video Games create Violent People" no bitch, unattended violent behavior going uncorrected by grown ass adults is what leads to violent behavior. And even then, it's a personal choice most times to actively not be violent.

Don't be so critical of everyone that you think you're the best human on this planet with no moral downfalls. Don't be so judgmental that you shame people for listening to music.

You also sound like the old folks during the 70's and 80's claiming Rock Music was Satanic and was forcing kids into doing Satanic Shit. It was called Satanic Panic for a reason.

[thewolfmanslayer]

Honestly the amount of people who say artists and writers should do stuff for free, or try to rip them off on comissions still royally piss me off.

I think the worst part of it is the entitlement, I dont want to make this too much about generations but a lot of commissioners are millenial/Gen z's who grew up on the "steal and pirate everything" mentality, take everything that you can because no one else is going to hand it to you. which I can get behind, when you are screwing over MULTI BILLION DOLLAR COMPANIES. NOT THE STRUGGLING ARTISTS AND WRITERS who are trying to keep food on the table as desperately as you probably are!

It's simple, you wouldn't walk into a restaurant, order food and tell the server "sorry I don't have any money, but I've got like a few thousand followers on social media, I can get your name out there, get the restaurant some exposure" NO! They don't need "exposure" they need you to pay the damn bill!

On top of that, most of these artists and writers ALREADY HAVE FOLLOWINGS. They already have thousands of people following them, waiting for the chance to get a commission, who are willing to pay for said commission, they don't need "exposure" when they're already out there! He'll even the artists and writers with a few hundred don't need it, they'll get more followers as time goes by, their skill alone will see to it.

And what is with people trying to get free art and writing? It's not going to work! You can't harass someone until they cave, trust me, you'll be long since blocked before you even have the opportunity. I don't do comissions, online anyways, but my own friends and family, people who actually know me STILL PAY ME whenever they ask for me to do art for them because they KNOW it takes TIME AND EFFORT.

How many times do we need to have this discussion???? Like when is it going to finally click that people who need to pay their bills just as much as you do AREN'T going to do this shit for free!?

Here's the thing about art and writing, that you've heard a billion times but still aren't getting; IT. TAKES. TIME. AND. EFFORT. TO. GET. DONE. the art isn't going to magically appear and the writing isn't going to suddenly write itself, if either were so convenient YOU WOULDNT BE ASKING AN ARTIST OR WRITER IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Look at that, you see that? The first picture I did back in 2012-13, the picture beside it? I did that TWO YEARS AGO. I didn't suddenly know exactly what to do, or had anything close to a god given talent for drawing (I'm not that talented). The first picture WAS THE ABSOLUTE BEST I COULD DO AT THE TIME THAT I MADE IT. In the time between these two drawings I admittedly took a break from art, but then I got back into it four years ago. EVEN STILL that was four YEARS of starting over from the basics, relearning everything, learning new things, wanting to actually improve my art.

Which, guess what, DID NOT HAPPEN OVER NIGHT. It was HOURS UPON HOURS of my limited free time as an adult drawing over and over and over and over again, every single goddamn day to get to the point that I was able to make that redraw look as good as it does in comparison. He'll, my art now puts them both to shame! Because I spent the time improving my quality!!

Now look at these artists doing comissions, they've probably put EVEN MORE of their time to get that good! They've put in LITERAL YEARS of sweat, blood, tears, frustrations and dedicated hardwork. Some did the same as me, self teaching and lots of practice, others probably had to go to school, which definitely wasn't cheap. But all of us put in that time and effort TO REACH THESE POINTS. Of being better artists, developing our styles, getting faster at drawing.

And maybe you think that this is super easy, right? That I or every other artist can just fire some art off and boom its good and done in like an hour?

FUCK. NO.

Even now it takes me several hours a day OVER MANY DAYS to make something exceptionally good! It doesn't matter how good an artist is, it still. Takes. Time.

Maybe the issue is that you don't understand how much actually goes into art, let me break it down for you, the steps that most people follow to finish ONE drawing.

-Rough draft: general character outline, get a feel for what I want to draw.

-Rough sketch: I start doing a bit of pencil to start filling in details like mouth, nose, eyes, hair, clothes. Ect.

-Penciling: I go over the rough sketch and clean everything up, maybe do some editing, this is when you can start making out all the details.

-Ink: I trace over the finished pencil with a pen tool and actually have the line art, everything looks clean, presentable, it actually looks like a character now. I'll spend time editing this and possibly redoing the inking many times over to get to a point where I like it.

-Flat color: I decide on which colors to use for skin tone, clothes accessories. Ect.

-Shading/highlights: I figure out where my light source is and how strong it is, I then apply the correct amount of lighting and shadows to the color to give it depth, I also have determine the texture of skin, clothes and accessories to make everything look real and natural.

-Blending: I smooth out the shading and highlights so that it looks more natural and isn't too hard (noticeable difference between color) so that it looks as natural as possible.

-Finish: I go over last minute details, finish any editing or corrections that need to be done. Once it's good I call it a day.

Each process is longer in length then the previous, with the exception of the final editing (as long as everything looks good) and even the rough draft can take some time. Over all this is SEVERAL HOURS of work for a SINGLE DRAWING.

So is it sinking in yet? How much is put into doing even a single character drawing? God forbid if its done with background. This isn't a "scratch a pen around and be done with it in ten minutes" kinda deal, no, this is SEVERAL HOURS OF SOMEONES LIFE BEING PUT INTO THIS

And if you still have the AUDACITY to try and wrangle free art from an artist then there's no helping you, you're just a selfish piece of shit, no question and I want nothing to do with you.

Someone might say "But I got free art/writing from.-" look I don't give a shit if someone did something for you THAT ONE TIME, these other artists and writers? Totally seperate and different people. You're one freebie experience does not, and should not apply to other artists and writers.

"But what if I really want this commission but don't have the money right now?" Well, that's tough shit. Save up and properly commission them when you can, it's not their problem.

"But what if I'm in a really bad financial situation and really want it?" That sucks, and I'm sorry, but again, not their problem. Chances are this is their only source of income and they need to make money so that they don't end up in a similar situation.

"They have a gift! They should share it!" What kind of cheap ass- LOOK, just because someone is talented or really good at something does not automatically obligate them to do anything for total strangers in anyway shape or form. These are living, breathing people, the same as you. They need to eat, they need to pay rent/mortgages, they need to pay vet bills, send their kids to college, do their taxes and everything else that YOU YOURSELF need to do. Asking anyone to spend their time doing something for free, when that something is how THEY ARE SURVIVING is beyond asinine. Not only that, this obviously isn't a hobby to them, it is very clearly THEIR JOB. Would you want to do a job where you didn't get paid at all? Doing a shit ton of work for absolutely nothing? No? Didn't think so.

"It shouldn't be about the money!" Well unfortunately, as with almost every other job, it is. We live in a world where we desperately need to make money in order to survive. That's the painful fact of the matter. If money never had to be an issue ever again then this would be a very different story. But it's not, plain and simple as can be.

Look, these people are just like you, artists and writers who are just trying to get by in a shitty ass world, using the one thing they have that let's them have an income. Leave them be, don't try and trick them, guilt them, or cuss them out when you don't get your way. Either properly comission or leave them the hell alone, plain and simple.

[kimvvantae]

feel better; (1)

➜ being with jimin is hot but cold at the same time. sweet but painful, exciting but sad, intimate but distant - and you don’t know if getting too close is worth the risk.

pairing: daddy!jimin x (f) reader

genre: smut (in future chapters), angst, fluff 

warnings: language, non-explicit mentions of sex

word count: 2k

A/N: this is an introduction of what i plan to do. if you guys like it i might update. also, i know that daddy kink is cringey, but 190105 jimin awakened the sub bitch inside of me and i had to write it. i’m not sorry.

➜ check out masterlist in bio for more of my works!

It's one of those days when you're sure the Universe hates you.

Whenever you think everything is fine, whenever you think you're about to have a nice day for once, whatever creatures that control the world probably look at you and say hm, I don't think so, bitch.

You close your eyes tightly and embrace your own body, heavy blankets covering you. The bedroom is considerably dark, but it's probably already noon and the world outside must be looking beautiful. It's summer, after all - and you're in one of the nicest places in the planet to enjoy summer: Rio de Janeiro.

You still don't know exactly how you ended up here. Jimin simply texted you some nights ago, asking if you wanted to "escape" from work. Of course you said yes, but you didn't expect that Jimin meant "escape" literally and would take you to fucking Brazil. 

You don't know him very well, but one thing you've learned about Park Jimin in these six months is that he's a very surprising man.

When you started with the whole sugar daddy thing, you didn't expect it to turn out to be good - because at the beginning, it really wasn't. You just started it because the idea of earning money easily was nice and you were desperate, so when you found out there was an app to find daddies (yes, there are apps about it), you downloaded it quickly. Let's just give it a try.

You did not meet anyone at first: you just sent nudes and some videos to your "clients", always covering your face and identity to protect yourself, and the experience was humiliating to say the very least. You kept doing it because the "clients" actually did pay for it and, again, you needed the money. Many of them said they'd pay more if you met them in person. You always refused. If just sending them some nudes made you feel that bad, then meeting in person or maybe having sex with them would be terrible.

That is… until you met Jimin.

You still don't know why the fuck he was using that app. Let's be honest, Park Jimin is not the type of man that needs to pay for sex. He sent you a message, though, and for some time you just sent him nudes as usual. Jimin was doing it anonymously - as most of the "clients" do - so you had no idea he was young. That is, until he started to ask for your private number. You got worried at first; he wasn't the first one to ask this, and you'd always refuse any kind of personal contact with the "clients". You're not stupid. You know that most of those old men are searching for a dumb girl or boy to use them in ugly ways. You considered blocking him…

Until you woke up to one thousand dollars in your bank account.

No one has ever paid that much.

All that because he wanted your private number.

Well, you gave him. If anything became strange, you could just block him and get rid of this number, right?

However, things took an unexpected route when the first thing Jimin sent was a video of himself masturbating for you.

You couldn't believe it. It could be a fake video, right? Are you telling me this beautiful man was on an app that only old men use? It took hours for you to reply - both because of your suspicion, your shock, and the fact that the video was mesmerizing. 

The man on the video was ridiculously hot. He was biting his bottom lip (such plump lips!) and moaning in a way that made your legs feel like jelly. And his cock - wow. Just wow.

You got wet and texted him back.

It was the first time someone made you come with texts.

You used to make fun of your friends when they talked about sexting, but sexting with this man was something out of this world. He was good with words and, before you noticed, you were sending more and more videos and nudes of yourself - and he'd constantly send videos of himself, too, what made you come to the conclusion that it wasn't fake. You've reached a point where you were doing it because of how hot it was, and not because of the money.

But then, Jimin thought that just sexting wasn't enough and asked to meet you in real life.

You still hesitated. You knew nothing about him. He could be a rapist, a psycho, a murderer. Jimin didn't force you into meeting him, though, what was unexpectedly nice of him (sugar daddies usually are not that nice), but he would ask from time to time if you'd like to meet.

A certain day, curiosity took the best of you and you said yes - as long as you'd meet in a public place.

Jimin choose a mall downtown.

It was a shocking moment.

One thing was seeing photos or videos of him. Another thing was seeing him in person.

His beautiful, plump lips. His cat-like eyes. Pitch black hair, flawless skin. He's not that tall, but his body proportions are balanced and perfect. The way he carries himself with confidence and pride, the way he looks at people with his piercing gaze…

When his eyes landed on you, you felt like being shot.

You promised yourself you wouldn't have sex with him, but ended up fucking the whole night.

The. Whole. Night.

Jimin was seductive. He was strong and flexible and had great stamina. Rough but  slow, deep and intoxicating, breath-takingly intense. He wasn't focusing only on his pleasure but on yours, too - and he didn't stop until he saw you begging desperately for release, dripping wet, toes curling, a moaning mess.

Jimin is that good.

After that night, you started fucking constantly. He started paying you higher, too - you soon found out Jimin is actually very rich and he doesn't mind buying you ridiculously expensive stuff. He even bought you a car. You're being so well paid that it's getting hard to hide your "secret life"; people are starting to notice you don't seem to struggle that much financially, which is strange, considering you work as a secretary with an average salary and has a university loan to pay (well, had; Jimin paid it for you).

You two are not close in the slightest, though. You don't know anything about Jimin's life other than the fact that he's super rich, his family owns Korea considering the amount of business they have in the country, and that he fucks good. Your relationship is strictly sexual. You don't ask about his life, he doesn't ask about yours. Jimin also made clear that he doesn't mind if you have a boyfriend or not and that you can end your "business" with him whenever you want. That's what surprises you: he seems to be a nice guy. Jimin doesn't force you to do anything, he constantly asks if you're liking it or not when you're fucking. His sex might be rough, but his actions and words are not. He never screamed at you, never spanked too strongly, never roped you too tightly, never offended you. Jimin doesn't think he can do whatever he wants with you just because he's paying for it.

Does it make you feel less bad? No. You know that what you're doing is prostitution. Sure, Jimin is the only person you have sex with, but it doesn't change the fact that you're being paid. You still need the money anyways - and you won't finish it all until you get what you need.

Jimin being so nice and fucking so good makes you consider staying a little longer sometimes.

He is so nice that he brought you to Rio with him after all. You know he's a busy man, having some free days to travel was probably hard for him. You should be rewarding him. You wanted to make him feel good, to enjoy the sun and the sea, to wear that pretty bikini he bought for you. Shit, you two should be fucking out there in the beach.

But here you are. Locked in the bedroom under the covers.

Sick.

Fever, headache, vomiting everything you eat. The doctor said it's a virus or something. You were already feeling bad even before you got in the plane, and now you feel bad for not telling him, because you could've taken some medicine and you'd be feeling better now. 

Instead of a sexy bikini, you're wearing one of your ugly (but comfy) pajamas, far from the nightgowns Jimin likes. Your hair is a mess, you're not wearing any makeup. What if Jimin gets disappointed with you bare face? Everything about this trip is wrong. 

When you hear Jimin's steps and the door opening, you close your eyes again.

He sits down by your side and put his hand on your forehead.

"How are you feeling?" He asks softly. You open your eyes and see the stunning man in front of you: he's wearing simple black shorts and a white cotton shirt. It's amazing how he can look good in such a simple outfit.

"Like crap," you say, raspy voice, and Jimin giggles. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing, baby? No one gets sick on purpose." It's one of the rare moments when Jimin is not talking with any type of sexual connotation, which is surprising. You expected him to be mad or disappointed, but he looks… concerned? The way his eyebrows are furrowed and he analyzes your face look like concern, at least. "I think the medicine is working. If you feel worse, I'll call the doctor again, okay?"

You nod weakly while Jimin caresses your hair. "I wish things were different."

"It's alright. This house is mine, we can come back whenever we want." You don't know why you still get shocked when Jimin says stuff like I own a mansion in a private beach so naturally, as if it's not a big deal. "We can visit Copacabana next time… and the Christ statue, if you want to, but that place is always too crowded. There is a city near here called Paraty, I think you'd love it, too…"

You lay there in silence as Jimin speaks. Okay, that is unexpected. You thought he just wanted to fuck in a cool beach, you didn't expect Jimin wanted to take you to touristic places. It almost felt like…

A couple?

You brush this idea off as soon as it crosses your mind. You know Jimin doesn't feel anything but sexual attraction for you - and it's the other way around. You're not stupid enough to fall for him. This is a man that pays to have you. He surely has some obsessive issues. You think that he wouldn't be a nice boyfriend at all, your relationship just works because you're as detached as him.

The idea of being in an actual relationship with him is… well…

"Rest now and you'll feel better soon." He says reassuringly, a small smile on his lips. Again, you search for any hint of annoyance on his expression - nothing.

The discomfort eases a little.

That is, until you see Jimin getting under the covers with you.

"What are you doing?!" You ask, surprised. Jimin's not going to initiate anything sexual, right? He's seeing you're sick!

"I'm not a doctor, but… one thing I know is that cuddling helps a lot in the healing process."

You feel Jimin's arms wrapping around your waist, your back touching his chest. He snuggles closer to you in a warm, cozy hug.

Your heart races. 

"Sleep now, baby." He whispers on your ear and kisses your neck tenderly. "Don't feel bad. I'm not mad at you."

As unexpected (and weird) as it is, you smile softly. It's been a long time since you've been so close to someone like this - no second intentions involved. It feels good. Although you're very aware of what your thing with Jimin is and you agreed with it in the first place, not being treated like a sexual toy feels good.

It's the first time you touch each other like this.

It feels more intimate than any sex you've ever had.

"And…" Jimin whispers in a raspy, low voice. "We'll have enough time later for you to pay for what we lost here, baby."

This makes you shiver. You love it when Jimin talks like that.

Your stomach twirls in excitement just imagining what Jimin will do to you in the future.

[hannie-dul-set]

(thirteen times) i love you— 01

— wherein y/n (a hopeless romantic) seems to fall in love with nearly ever guy she meets. so, she writes letters for them to compensate. these letters weren’t meant for them to read, but what happens when they all end up receiving them?

01 // the day it all went down

word count: 4.3k

a/n: the first part is finally here!! heheh. be warned that this is nothing but an absolute shitfest rip HAHHAH please lmk what you thought about this part!!

part 2 will be on July 9th, 8:00 PM EST!

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masterlist

The soft breeze hits your skin as you walk down the dusty pavement. Clutching your books to your chest, you let out a long breath. Yet another agonizingly long day at school, I guess.

Your pace begins to slow down the moment your temporary prison appears into your field of vision. It wasn't as if you hated school— what you hated was going through the same mundane pattern nearly every single damn day to the point that it could bring a person to the brink of insanity. If that hadn't happened before, then you surely will be the first.

"Y/N! It's good to see that you're alive!" A chipper voice (thankfully) interrupts your blaring thoughts.

You groaned, "How the fuck is that a good thing, Hyerim? If anything, my impending death might actually be what the world needs right now."

"And how exactly would your death contribute to helping the earth?" Hyerim rolled her eyes, adjusting the strap of her bag as the both of you entered the campus.

A few acquaintances greeted the both of you while you passed the corridors. "Is Jiyeon not here yet?" You questioned, brushing a stray hair behind your ear.

"Said she's gonna be late," Hyerim shrugged, "And you still haven't answered my question, missy."

With a sigh, you divert your attention towards your locker which is a few feet away from you. Your eyes narrow. What the fuck? You continue to squint at the object— or more like the person leaning against it, whom which you assumed is waiting for you for god knows whatever reason.

"Hellooo? Y/N, you okay?" a waving hand blocks your vision. You turned to your friend who's giving you a worried look.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," you assured her. Hopefully. You glance back at the male who was still in the same spot as before, but this time, he seemed to have noticed you. For fucks sake, go away! Oh lord jesus, am I in trouble? You gulped and looked back to your friend.

"Hey, I gotta go. I'll see you later," you bid her goodbye, walking past her "And to answer your question— overpopulation."

You heard small 'what the fuck' from your friend before you had finally left her presence, causing small grin to form in your face. Although, your brief moment of joy was cut short once you remembered the apparent doom that was waiting for you at your locker.

You made your way towards the man. With every step you take, your heart races further and a new thought of dread plants itself in your mind.

What does he want from me?! As far as I know, I haven't done anything wrong! But why else would he be here? Wait, what if I actually did something that I don't know of? Jesus— okay, relax Y/N, it probably won't be that bad. Oh god, never mind, he doesn't look happy. You know what, my death would really, really, really sound nice right now. Maybe if i just jump—

"Oh. There you are, Y/N. I've been waiting for you for quite some time now."

Lord, please take me.

"May I know why, Seungcheol?" you look up to meet his eyes, features remaining calm in the hopes of masking the internal turmoil that's going on in your head.

It takes him a while to respond. He bites his bottom lip, eyes wandering in every direction besides you. Based on his actions, you could tell he was nervous— that didn't exactly sit well with you. Why the hell is mister student council president waiting for you, and not to mention he's nervous? The last interaction you've had with him was literally months ago. None of your thoughts seemed to line up, so all you could do was just to anxiously wait for his response.

He let out a deep breath, "Look, Y/N, I'm really flattered that you like me and—"

Your brows furrowed. What?

"—and I appreciate the fact that you think I'm handsome and all—"

The hell is he saying?

"—but you know I have a girlfriend and I really don't think she'll —"

"Seungcheol, what are you talking about?" you cut him off, your face filled with confusion.

You see him pressing his lips together. He reaches his hand into his pocket and takes out something from it.

A look of horror shrouds your face upon seeing the familiar object. Your eyes widen and you could feel your breathing starting to become erratic.

Oh my god no no no, please, for the love of god, don't tell me—

"I got your letter, Y/N," a yellow envelope appears in his hand, "I'm really sorry, I really do appreciate the sentiment but I don't think Minyoung will be happy if she sees— wait, Y/N, are you okay?"

You shake you head, hyperventilating. Your eyes still focused on the dreaded envelope in Seungcheol's hand. This can't be happening, this cannot be happening.

Seungcheol's hands meet your shoulders, "Hey, do you want me to take you to the infirmary?" he looks at you, eyes filled with worry.

"I'll— I'll be fine, y-yeah, I'm okay—"

You freeze.

"No, you're obviously not fine, Y/N. I'm taking you to the infirmary."

What if the rest has theirs?

"I— I have to go—" you shake his hands off of you and you ran off, leaving a confused and rather bewildered Seungcheol behind.

As you raced through the halls, all of the students that you came across seemed to be giving you worried glance. They probably thought you were having a breakdown— which in fact, you are (surprise.) You must've looked absolutely terrible for them to even notice. You had no idea where you were headed— anywhere where you could lose your mind without anyone seeing would be nice. You take a swift turn, but instead of moving forward, you were stopped back a rather broad and muscular chest.

"Oh damn, you alright there, Y/N?" you slowly look up and you were met by the face you someone you really didn't want to see.

"Earth to, Y/N? Have you lost the ability to speak or maybe I've just rendered you speechless?" you nearly slapped the shameless grin on the man's face, but you remained still.

"Or maybe she just doesn't want to talk to you, Gyu."

You snap your head to the direction of the voice. Your face contorting in horror upon seeing him. Any moment now, death.

Kim Mingyu and Xu Minghao. Whatever higher being there is from above must be enjoying the shit show that your life is slowly becoming into.

You let out a small shriek as you scrambled away from the both of them.

"Okay I knew she didn't like me, but that was just rude."

Quickening your pace, you dashed your way to the back of the school. It was almost time for your first class, but all you wanted to do was just to sit down, cry, and wallow yourself in self-pity.

The doors of heaven made its way into your peripheral vision and you swear you were about to burst into tears of joy. You let out a breath and a smile of relief plastered itself on your face.

But of course, your moment of bliss just had to be cut short.

"Y/N."

You felt someone grab your arm and you let out a squeak. You'd recognize that voice anywhere.

"Sorry, it's just that I read your letter and I—"

"I, uh, I can't talk right now, Seokmin. Gotta go, bye—" for the third time today, (and possibly more to come) you ran.

It seemed like the back of the school wasn't an option to have your breakdown, anymore. You continue on running until your legs brought you in front of the infirmary. Good enough, you thought to yourself.

You tried to catch your breath as you entered the room. From the corner of your eye, you could see a nurse on duty giving you a skeptical look.

"Don't worry," you heaved, "I just— I just need to rest for a bit."

Planting yourself face-down onto one of the nearby beds, you let out a scream. Why the hell is this happening? You were just about to begin sobbing until you heard the door swung open.

"Oh, Joshua. What brings you here, sweetie?"

Of course that's gonna happen. What did I fucking expect?

You silently thank the people that invented the curtains around medical beds because if it weren't for them, you'd be fucked (more than you already were.) Although, he would still be able to see you if he comes closer and you were not willing to let that happen.

So, like any other person would do, you climbed under the bed.

You could see the nurse's alarmed expression looking at your figure. You placed your index finger on your lips.

'Please, don't tell anyone that I'm in here,' you mouthed, your face brimming with desperation. She seemed to understand your message since she diverted her attention to Joshua.

"Ah, I was just wondering if you hand any pain killers? My head started to ache while I was heading to class."

"Is that so? Just give me a moment, Joshua, I'll go get them."

"Thank you."

A pair of feet appeared in front of you and your heart started to race. You placed your palm on your mouth in case you accidentally slip out a sound.

"Here you go, dear."

"Ah, thank you so much. I'll be going now, Miss Lee."

"Alright. Remember to take care of yourself, Joshua."

The pair of feet shuffle away, causing you to let out the breath that you've been holding back.

"I won't," you heard the door swing open then put immediately to a close.

Slowly, you crawl back out from your hiding spot, hitting your head in the process. But did you care? No, because thank the fucking gods— your ass is saved for now. You stood up and started fixing your clothes and hair (and your mental state, but that's far from redeemable due to today's mishaps.) The bell rang, and you heard a cough coming from behind you. Turning around, you see the nurse looking at you with an unamused expression.

"Before you loiter around any further, I'd have to tell you that you need to get back to class, sweetie," despite the endearment at the end, the tone of her voice is less than endearing; a stark contrast from when she was talking to Joshua, earlier. But then again, he wasn't acting crazy and crawling underneath furniture, so you couldn't really blame her.

You nodded, and without a word, you scurried out of the room.

A groan exited your mouth as you made your way to your first class— chemistry. There weren't much students left in the hallway since the bell had already rung, so you're free to trudge your body around like a zombie. You've reached the door to your class, but before you could open it, you paused.

Fuck.

You curse at yourself.

Junhui is in this class.

Silently letting out a few prayers, you finally opened the door. Two pairs of eyes immediately stared at your direction— you professor, and the devil himself, Junhui.

Jesus, it's like he has been waiting for my arrival or something (guess what: he was.)

"My apologies for being late, sir, I just came from the infirmary," you explain.

"It's fine, Y/N, just go to your seat," you professor brushed you off and you nodded, following his instructions.

The class went on agonizingly slow, but perhaps that was just you hoping for it to end quickly. But, can you really blame yourself when there's literally someone drilling holes at the back of your head the entire god damned time?

Your look at the perpetrator from a few seats behind you, and were met by his intense gaze. You let a barely audible curse slip past your lips and turned your head back to the front. Can he like, stop? You could feel the warmth spreading on your cheeks from the brief interaction. Burying your face in your arms, you could only wait for the saving sound of the bell.

As if it were an ensemble of angels singing— the bell rang.

A bunch of students immediately stood up, you being one of them. You raced towards the door before Junhui could catch up to you. You exited the classroom, but before you could let out a sweet sigh of relief, you felt a hand on your shoulder.

"Hey, Y/N. Is it okay if we talk for a sec?" you paled. No, it is not okay if we talk for a sec— or ever, actually. You turned your head to face him, but before you could utter out an excuse, someone decided to interrupt.

"Sorry, Jun. But I need to borrow Y/N for a while," you thought you were finally saved, but it turns out that your savior would actually end up being your demise, as well.

Wonwoo dragged you away from Junhui without giving him a chance to respond. 

Is this some sort of sick fucking joke?

The tall male finally stopped dragging you and you both ended up in a quiet hallway. You look up at him, trying to formulate a decent excuse in your head since you already anticipated what he has to say.

"Sorry for interrupting you, but I just had to inform you to head to the clubroom after class," Wonwoo explained. "I know I could've just told you there, but you looked like you'd rather die than be that situation— whatever that was."

Huh. You thought. Hasn't he read the letter?

"Anyways, I'll be seeing you later, Y/N," he bade you farewell and left your confused self in the hallway.

You let out a heavy sigh. Thank god you we're saved just now but you know that won't last any longer. Walking at an agonizingly slow pace to your next class, you could only anticipate the next stage of torture that life has planned for you.

You made a quick stop at your locker before heading to class. Letting out a yawn, you opened it and took out everything you need. You weren’t gonna lie, this whole fiasco was starting to make you feel like a dead log . All you wanted was to sleep for ten days (and maybe cry along the way) and wake up knowing this entire thing was just a shitty dream.

You closed (read: slammed) your locker. Turning your heels, you see the presence of another person a couple of feet away from you. You groaned. Can I get a fucking break, please?

At the end of the hallway was Lee Jihoon.

You expected him to march up to you, letter in hand, and gently tell you to fuck off because he isn’t interested. But instead, the moment the male met your eyes, a flustered look crept onto his face along with a not-so-subtle red blush. You heard him mumble a low ’fuck’ before he literally ran away from you as if you had some sort of contagious disease. The tables have turned, apparently.

If you hadn’t been doing the exact same thing during the entirety of the morning, you’d be offended by his actions. You sigh, spending the next few minutes walking to your next class in silence.

Surprisingly, you weren’t late. You took a seat on the second row and waited for the class to start. An uneasy feeling started to flourish in your head. This is weird, you thought. This had been the longest time of peace that had passed before everything inevitably turns to shit again.

Just as the thought enters your mind, the door swings open, revealing none other than Boo Seungkwan.

You grumble, of course this was bound to happen. You prepared yourself for yet another uncomfortable Junhui situation to commence, but it ended up being far more worse than anticipated.

As if the universe slowed down just for this moment, Seungkwan marched towards the desk literally right beside you and, god-forbid, he sat down.

I really wish I were dead, right now.

To make things even more terrible, the male decided to strike up a conversation.

“Morning, Y/N.”

You contemplated grabbing your pen and just stabbing yourself with it, but you didn’t— that would take much too long. Instead, you ended up responding with a small ‘hi,’ which sounded more like a squeak than anything else.

Seungkwan hummed at your response and started fixing his things. You prayed, hoped, and wished that he hadn’t read the letter yet, because god you wouldn’t be able to escape this just like the previous times.

The professor started the class, and the next couple of minutes were spent with him introducing a new lesson.

You assumed your prayers have finally been answered since so far, Seungkwan hadn’t mentioned anything about the letter. You thought you could finally rest easy and focus on the class, but of course, the world decided that you haven’t suffered enough just yet.

“Psst, I was waiting for you to mention the letter you sent me, but it seems like you have zero plans so—”

“Sir, may I go to the restroom!?”

You shot up, cutting off the male beside you and catching the attention of everyone in class. You bit your bottom lip. Clearly, you didn’t think this through, but you didn’t care— you just needed to leave.

“Go ahead, Miss Y/N, and please don’t yell the next time you ask.”

In a rush, you immediately left the room. You weren’t planning on going to the bathroom— for fuck’s sake, you were going home. You didn’t think you could handle the possibility of meeting any more of the recipients of your letters. You were aware you’d have to confront them in the future, but that’s in the fucking future, right now your main agenda is just to cry.

You briskly made your way around the halls, avoiding the handful of people that were around. It was an easy task since people seemed to avoid you the moment you step into their presence. From the corner of your eye, you spot the same dreaded yellow object that had been the root of your ongoing despair. Your breath hitches, bringing you to a halt upon seeing the envelope nestling in Kwon Soonyoung’s grasp.

Taking a deep breath, you hoped to sneak past the male without him noticing you in any possible way. You inched your way past him, taking one step at a time. You were about to take a turn, successfully avoiding the giant landmine that was in the form of Soonyoung, he decided to crush your hopes by looking straight at your direction. His eyes widen, opening his mouth to say something, but you didn’t give the guy a chance—

You ran.

The effect your previous marathons might’ve finally taken a toll on your body since you weren’t running as quickly as before. Your breathing started to become short and even more labored. For the meantime, you decided to stop. You wanted to escape him, not pass out. Leaning against the wall, you pant profusely, you weren’t sure if you would be able to handle this any further— physically and mentally.

You start to move again, although at a much slower pace this time. No matter what happens, you’re going home, only by then you would be able to think about a solution to your problem.

“Y/N! Wait up!”

The blood on your face drains. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck— just fuck. You could hear his footsteps getting nearer and nearer. Adrenaline rushes through your veins and you prepare yourself to start sprinting once again.

Why the fuck is this happening to me?

You sort of wish Seungcheol was just there to reprimand you earlier rather than bringing about this shit storm. It wasn’t his fault by any means, but you couldn’t find anything or anyone else to blame. God, you may have wanted a break from your daily mundane routine but isn’t this a bit too much?

Amidst your rush, a voice brings you to a halt.

“Y/N, what do you think you’re doing?”

You look up to the owner of the voice, mentally spewing out a string of curses (you couldn’t say it to his face unless you wanted to be in even deeper trouble.)

“Aren’t you supposed to be in class? Why the hell are you running around the hallway?”

Jeonghan begins to scold you, although none of it seems to register in your mind. You could only focus on the sound of Soonyoung’s footsteps, who in fact is only seconds away.

“Look, Jeonghan,” you heaved, cutting him off, “I— I’m sort of in— in a situation right now,” you looked at the male in desperation, your breathing still noticeably unstable. You turn your head behind you, seeing the shadow of the male inching closer. “Fuck.”

You faced the male in front of you once again, “Sorry, Jeonghan, but I really— really have to go,” for the umpteenth time today, you ran, but it seemed like Jeonghan didn’t plan on letting you go just yet.

“What the— Y/N, I’m not done with you yet, hold on—”

Instead of one, you now have two males chasing after you. That doesn’t sound too bad if it were in aromantic context, but literally two guys— both of them being exceptionally athletic and fast— are trying to frantically catch you via a running competition. Now that sounds terrible.

Your legs were seriously about to give in— maybe this is a sign to start going to the gym. But due to some miracle (or maybe you were just really fast when desperate), you managed to put some distance between you and the two boys, but you know that wasn’t going to last long. What you need was a hiding place, but where the fuck could you possible hide?

“Yo, Y/N, over here,” you turn your head and see Vernon, who you hoped hasn’t read your letter yet— you probably wouldn’t be able to handle another guy coming for your ass.

Taking the risk, you march up to him, hoping he could help you in some way. He points at his locker and you furrowed your brows in response, how is that supposed to help you?

“Hurry, get in, I’ll tell them you ran off somewhere else,” Vernon ushered you inside the compartment. You gape at him. Were you really gonna let him lock you in his locker in order to get two guys off of your tail? To answer: yes, yes you were.

You struggled to let yourself fit, but although extremely cramped, you managed. From the holes of the locker’s door, you were able to see and hear what was going on outside. A few seconds pass, then Jeonghan and Soonyoung appeared into view.

“Vernon, have you seen Y/N around?” Jeonghan asked, his breath hitching just the slightest bit.

Vernon, for the love of god, please be on my side.

“Yeah, she ran off in that direction,” he pointed towards somewhere you couldn’t see.

“Thanks, man,” Soonyoung replied and the both of them finally disappeared.

You closed your eyes, hoping to find some semblance of peace as you wait for Vernon to release you from the confined space.

“Alright, Y/N, they’re gone,” you heard a click and the locker door creaked open, “You’re safe now.”

Getting out was as much of a struggle as getting in, but once you were fully free, you found refuge on the floor underneath you. You let out as sigh as you leaned against one of the other lockers.

“Hate to ruin your moment, Y/N but why the fuck were they chasing you?” Vernon asked, confusion present in his voice.

You decided to pull yourself up, the male helping you along the way, “It's— It’s a long story,” you managed to utter out. Vernon only looked at you, probably even more perplexed than before. You brush off all the dust and the dirt before taking your leave.

“Thanks a lot, Sol. God, you don’t know how much I owe you for that,” you breathed.

“An explanation would be appreciated,” he chuckled, “But I won’t bug you right now, you look absolutely fucked out.”

You gave him a tired smile in response, “I’ll be going now. See you around,” you wave at him then immediately made your way outside.

The sun hits your skin. You almost cried knowing you finally managed to make it out alive. A few more agonizing minutes until you could have your long awaited breakdown. Surprisingly, the guard by the gate didn’t question why you were leaving school grounds— your postwar appearance probably says everything.

While you were trudging your way home, you felt a buzz in the pocket of your skirt. Letting out a groan, you fish for your phone. A look of dread shrouds your face upon seeing the message. Just when you thought your misery was over.

[chan: y/n we having a tutoring session later right? 👀]

[you: sorry chan, i won’t make it today]

[chan: aw is that so :((( i wanted to talk to you about something

chan: tomorrow then!!!]

You let out an exasperated groan and shoved your phone back into your pocket. Whatever happens within the next few days— you’ll deal with them sooner or later (hopefully, never).

Your house comes into view and you immediately broke into a sprint. Upon reaching your front door, the tears that you’ve been holding back the entire time threaten to break out. A few more seconds, Y/N, you could make it. You opened the door, and after slamming it close, you drop to the floor.

You know you’d have more shit awaiting for you tomorrow, but as of now— you only had the energy to bawl your eyes out, drown yourself in your own misery, and hope for the best to come.

[punkscowardschampions]

Grace & Janis

Grace: bitch you better have hidden all MY baby pics!!! Janis: obvs my number 1 priority Grace: mhmmmmmm don't be letting that boy see me looking like that Grace: as if our house isn't cringe enough Janis: what, a child? Janis: still got those chubby cheeks, cutie Grace: ew don't even Grace: I learned how to contour for good reason thank you Janis: mhmmmmmm Janis: curse this family and its DNA Janis: [sends her all the baby Grace pics we don't have] Grace: STOP Janis: 😂 Janis: n'awh Grace: you're so annoying it's no wonder you're their new fave Grace: so who's more 😍😍 for him, mum or dad? Janis: bit rude to their old fave Janis: giving you a place to bunk, have some manners Janis: 🤔 hmm, it's close Janis: probably the mother, chatting about some art project he has to do so Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: like if you're not gonna offer to do it for him, hush babes Janis: the idea of her coming at me with a 📷 got me like Janis: [suitably grumpy child pic] Grace: 😂😂😂😂 Grace: does he have to use 📷? she could just get one of her old 🎨 out Janis: oh yes, 'cos the idea of posing for a portrait thrills me more Janis: I think it can be any medium, it's his thing Grace: you only have to sit there tho Janis: not trying to spend any more time here with them tho Grace: 👌👌 true Janis: strictly dinner kinda deal Grace: I'm so sure dad made soooo many courses anyway Janis: I told him to be chill Janis: so naturally he hasn't Grace: ugh Grace: do not miss his dinner time check ins Janis: its only been a couple of days Janis: wouldn't get comfortable not missing anything Grace: UM can you not remind me that I have to come back Grace: so rude Janis: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: cute that you miss me tho hun 💜 Janis: like I'll be here hun Grace: you invited him there 🤞🤞 that you EVER see him again Janis: no I didn't Janis: I wanted them off my back, that's the plan Janis: now and I can leave and they won't freak Grace: he's still meeting them Janis: ? Janis: he'll get over it, it's one night Grace: !!! & 😱😱😱 Grace: it's mum & dad how long do they even need to make you wanna die Janis: it's more funny when you don't care Janis: worry about yourself Grace: I'm fine thanks so much Janis: were you waiting to talk about yourself Janis: 'cos go ahead Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: never stopped you before Grace: excuse you Janis: hm? Grace: really nice catching up, babes Janis: hm Grace: see you soon or not Janis: toodles Grace: 💜👋💜 Janis: call off your bitch, will you Grace: ??? Janis: who do you think Janis: why does she even watch my stories Grace: idk or why you think I haven't already told her to get over it Janis: fuck's sake Grace: why do you even care if she watches your stories? literally everyone is rn Janis: I don't care if she watches but tell her not to message me Grace: I obvs will but she obvs isn't gonna listen to me Janis: if she doesn't she's getting a slap Grace: LOL Grace: you know who her dad is, you can't Janis: no I don't Janis: though she'd like to think everyone does Grace: OMG just block her Grace: you wanted mum and dad OFF your back Grace: literally why bring him to dinner to start more drama Janis: they don't like her either Janis: it's not drama Grace: Duh she'll cause it if you hit her Janis: then she better shut up then hadn't she Grace: what's she even saying? Janis: does it matter Grace: if you want me to message her after days of not Grace: like I'm gonna just hit her up without knowing anything Grace: I'd look mental Janis: you know what Janis: forget it Janis: god forbid you inconvenience yourself however slightly Grace: OMG just tell me Janis: it shouldn't fucking matter Janis: let her tell you since you're so keen to side with her already Grace: I can't even take sides if I don't know anything Janis: I'll sort it myself Grace: by fighting her Grace: for god's sake Janis: and what Janis: your approach has worked so well? Grace: okay so it's all my fault Janis: thanks but that admission don't really help Grace: STOP Grace: & just talk to me Janis: why Janis: so you can act like she's not your best friend Janis: that you don't know that she's been like this to me for years Grace: you're my sister Grace: I can give you a million secrets you can use Grace: tell me how bad it is first Janis: I ain't interesting in playing your little games Grace: so what do you want me to do? Grace: I'm literally saying I'll be on your side Janis: You brought her, you get her to go away Grace: okay Janis: good Grace: for you, sure Janis: how do you always make yourself the victim Grace: how do you have the nerve to ask me to do something & still act like a bitch Grace: you said it, she's my best friend Grace: this isn't gonna backfire on you Janis: She's already fucking me over, it doesn't need to backfire Janis: and it's no one's fault but you're own that she's your friend Janis: don't expect sympathy Grace: you think she can't do worse than a few DM's Grace: oh honey Janis: I'm not scared of her, get a grip, for fuck's sake Grace: so happy for you Grace: you know what, handle it yourself Grace: hit her, do whatever Janis: yeah no shit Janis: you've not done anything about her a day in your life Grace: yeah cos it's so easy Janis: poor you Grace: don't talk to me Janis: make your mind up jesus Grace: go away Grace: I'm so done with you & this Janis: get the fuck over yourself Janis: you were buzzing at the chance for more petty mean girl bullshit with her Janis: do something with your life and she might give a shit again, you're not using me for your in Grace: I wanted to help you Grace: until you reminded me why that's THE WORST idea ever Janis: you never help anyone Janis: saying you're nice and helpful but then never doing it 'cos everyone else is THE WORST Janis: don't make it true Grace: oh please Grace: I've never said I'm nice or helpful Janis: oh please, you do constantly Janis: you can't take responsibility for shit, it's me, it's her, it's your shitty exes, yeah? Janis: maybe it's you, Grace, you're the common denominator Grace: okay thanks Grace: you're really helpful Janis: I don't want to help you Janis: let's be clear Grace: Great, so shut up Janis: no Janis: this is your fucking fault, you should get an nth of the bullshit I get Grace: me and Mia aren't the same person Grace: if I had any control over her I'd have used it way before now Janis: you think you're any better? Janis: at least she's upfront about it Janis: got some balls Grace: 👌👌👌 Janis: you really are pathetic Grace: wow Janis: what Grace: if that's the best you can do, it's obvs why you wanted me to deal with her Janis: working with the material I'm given Janis: which is fuck all really, isn't it Janis: but no, you're known for your acerbic wit and silversharp tongue Janis: my mistake, please tell her off like you've never managed before Grace: are you like done yet or not? Janis: nope Janis: you actually thought I would ever come to you for help Janis: when have I ever needed you Grace: well you actually did so Grace: how awks Janis: It's actually awkward that you think me venting to you so you know what you started is a genuine cry for help Janis: your thing, can't take that from you Grace: if it's my thing I know the difference between venting & asking surely but go off babes Janis: Diego has less miscommunication in his life than you Grace: 👏 Janis: Genuinely Janis: you should really get help at school Janis: some kind of delay there Grace: yay we're back to how stupid I am Grace: been a min Janis: N'awh, not stupid Janis: probably a syndrome Janis: bet it's got a name, have a google Grace: 💜 Janis: let us know, get everyone to start talking really slowly at you and all Grace: I'm fine with none of you talking to me Grace: thanks though Janis: yeah Janis: that's why the only place you have to go is your sisters Janis: you've got no one but them so I'd get back on the 💜 train Janis: who the fuck would have you that ain't bound by bloodties and duty Grace: way ahead of you, babes Janis: stop slagging them off then as if you and me have a thing in common Grace: stop policing what I say Janis: say something worth hearing Grace: to you, no thanks Janis: to who Janis: already pointed out you have no one if you ain't got Mia Grace: obvs to no one then duh Janis: obvious for two reasons then Grace: sure Janis: 💔 Grace: yeah Janis: kiss and make up because everyone is sick of it Grace: 👌👌👌 Janis: Serious Grace: Chill, I'm sure she'll be my date to the vow renewal Grace: are you done with dad I need a q & a? Janis: what Grace: it's a simple question, hun Grace: literally need to talk catering so like are you done or not Janis: what are you talking about Grace: Rio and Buster being the most extra couple ever Grace: like hello? did mum and dad not fill you in Janis: you better be fucking joking Grace: 🙄🙄 Janis: if you send one more emoji I'll shove that phone down your throat Janis: are you serious Grace: like I'd make up a 2nd wedding Grace: get a grip Janis: this is bullshit, obviously not Grace: they're already married, babes, they have a kid, you're kinda too late to object Janis: fuck off as if you support it Janis: no one does, no one wants to go to that that's why they had to do it alone Grace: exactly, they could care less if I do or not Janis: well no one cares what you think Janis: it's irrelevant Janis: the point is, why have another wedding no one wants Janis: this is the last thing anyone needs Grace: cos they are holding their breath waiting for your RSVP or opinion I'm sure Grace: he asked & she said yes, that's how it works Janis: shut the fuck up Janis: this is the most selfish thing I've ever Janis: she's so full of shit Janis: it won't be happening Grace: it literally is happening though Janis: no it isn't Janis: not when she gets called out on what a hypocritical lying cunt she is Janis: see how much you feel like celebrating then Grace: as much as this fam ever does Grace: one big party 24 7 Janis: nah, fat chance Janis: they've not destroyed enough they wanna rub everyone's face in it, don't think so Janis: 3 lives they utterly fucked, there's no celebrating that Grace: not the way they see it Grace: & it's how they see it that matters to them so Janis: It's easy enough to change their mind Janis: fuck's sake Grace: How? Janis: not going to be you that does it so what's it to you Janis: roll over quicker than anyone asks, you Grace: it won't be you either Grace: he'd have to tell her to call it off for her to listen Janis: like fuck it won't Janis: someone has to say it Janis: she was here last time and she ain't no more Grace: & what did it change? Grace: they did it then & they'll do it now Janis: You're a quitter, I'm not asking you to get on board Janis: she's gonna listen Grace: If any of us told you to stop seeing Jimmy, you wouldn't Grace: they love each other, get over it Janis: and she ain't me Janis: if she cares even a degree of what she fakes Janis: she won't want another death on her hands Janis: it's not hard when what they're doing is sick and wrong Grace: stop it Janis: nah, like fuck Janis: if you cared about those kids like you fake, you'd want them taken off them Janis: the shit they're going to get Janis: and you cry every day about your shit life Janis: he should know better, his parents being what they were Grace: None of us want any of this Grace: but it's too late Janis: it's always too late with you Janis: no you can't do anything 'cos you're fucking weak and you need them all Janis: I don't need any of you, you can all rot Grace: Janis, don't Janis: fuck this shit Janis: fuck you Janis: fucking catering are you out your fucking mind Janis: over my dead body Grace: Stop saying that Grace: OMG Janis: You act like she was the crazy one Janis: she did the only thing that made any sense Janis: getting away from this toxic fucking family anyway she could Janis: you aren't even a real person and it's their fault and you do nothing about it Grace: Please don't fucking go Janis: Why would I stay Janis: why would you Janis: they have no right to miss her, none of them Janis: they all gave her reasons to get so far out her head that she'd fucking Janis: fuck Rio, fuck mum and fuck dad Grace: I can't do this on my own Janis: We've never been together Janis: you'd pick them every time Janis: you'd help her plan her bullshit wedding that's about nothing but showing off how much she gives a fuck about no one but him Grace: Give me something to do that isn't leave or kill myself Grace: I'm going mental here Janis: you should hit up Ollie, see if he's about it Janis: can be just like her Janis: she's doing just fine Grace: There's worse things to be than like her Janis: there's nothing worse Grace: at least she's happy Janis: she will be until one of hers dies Janis: then she'll be broken and pathetic like mum and dad Janis: and she doesn't have the excuse of not knowing better Janis: she helped kill Edie and then thought of ways she could make that situation even worse Janis: she's worse than them and has the nerve to act like what, some kind of mother figure doing her best for all of us Grace: She cared about Edie & she cares about us Janis: not enough to do the right thing Janis: they never do Grace: it wouldn't have saved her Grace: you know that Janis: that makes it alright then Janis: if mum did it first Janis: break her some more Janis: damage already done Janis: too late Janis: you're so fucking brainwashed and what do you get from it Janis: are you happy Gracie Janis: 'cos you're fucking collateral Grace: of course I'm not Janis: then stop drinking the kool-aid and telling me how good it tastes Grace: Rio's trying to help me, she's the only one who is Janis: yeah her saviour complex done everyone real well Janis: Junior's life isn't fucked at all because she had to live it for him Grace: I'm just saying I'm not gonna walk away from her cos Edie would want me to Grace: Junior's life is fucked cos he has shit taste in men & goes along with what everyone else wants Janis: This family loved to surround itself with dead girls it was trying to help Janis: and you're happy to be one of 'em Janis: don't pretend you want other options Grace: I don't wanna die Janis: 🤞 she has a baby for you that she won't give you then Janis: you're never gonna be the one 'helping' Janis: you aren't her or mum Janis: that is your role if you don't get out the fucking show, Grace Grace: we've established I'm not helpful, babes Janis: we've established you aren't a person Janis: even this, you can't be real Janis: what the fuck will it take Grace: you don't want real from me Grace: you literally never have Janis: you've never offered Janis: and I ain't waiting around for you Grace: Every time I try & talk to you, you shut me down Grace: you obvs aren't waiting for anything from me Janis: When have you ever tried to talk about something that matters Janis: I'm not talking to you about hair when people are fucking dying Grace: when have you ever let me Grace: you're a bitch way before then Janis: why would I be nice to that Janis: You don't like me, I'm not begging you either Grace: nothing that matters to me matters to you Janis: the colour of your fucking lip doesn't matter period Grace: that isn't real Janis: You've never been real Janis: you don't give me a fucking chance Grace: I can't be real with you cos you just make fun of everything that I say or feel or do Janis: and you and your friend don't Janis: nah, everything I do hasn't been fucking wrong to you since before we got our periods Grace: I've never backed her up on anything she said Grace: I don't call you stupid or ugly or any of the shit you call me Janis: you just call be a bitch and annoying and weird Janis: so if all of that's fake, everything you roll your eyes at because I just don't get it, just admit, you don't want to be real with me Janis: never fucking have, pretending it's 'cos I don't wear heels has always been an excuse Grace: You are a bitch and I do find you annoying and weird Grace: & you don't get me or any of the things that are hard for me cos they aren't for you Janis: that makes it alright then, you can say whatever you like to me because you perceieve yourself as life's victim and it's all fine for me Grace: we have different problems Grace: I'm not saying your life is perfect, I'm not that stupid Janis: just better than yours so why should you even try to be nice Janis: landed you with a great crowd, that Grace: you think you're better than me Grace: you literally always have Janis: no, you think I'm better than you Janis: and I didn't tear myself down so you could use me to build yourself up Janis: you aren't her and I'm not you Janis: why do you think you fell into that kind of relationship Grace: you are better than me & it makes it really hard to be around you, okay Janis: thanks Grace: it's not like any of this is how I want it Janis: how can you sit here and expect sympathy Janis: when I'm the one who's left with no one Janis: you can deal with the shit and have friends and have them, I can't do that Grace: you think I'm dealing? LOL Janis: deal with theirs Janis: and they'll love you for it Janis: none of them are gonna call you a doormat, just me Janis: 'cos they need a yes man Grace: well maybe I wouldn't be here if they did call me out ever Grace: at least you tell me the truth Janis: well maybe it gets exhausting being the only one telling the truth Janis: do you think she liked having to have every conversation be a confrontation Janis: do you think I Grace: it's exhausting being fake too if you were thinking about swapping Janis: like I said, you've got plenty of company Janis: they all are Grace: Yeah but I'm the only one getting told to see a therapist Grace: like I'd know where to start Janis: told you Janis: love a dead girl Janis: breeding and 'fixing' people when they've got no business is this family's shared hobby Janis: reason they ain't try to section me, section her Janis: take your shoelaces, where's the fun in actually doing something Janis: say you will, fucking say you have, did Janis: but never actually do Grace: they couldn't section you, you're not mental Grace: her either Janis: give her a case when I say I'll top myself if she goes ahead with this wedding, won't I Grace: No Grace: if being angry was all it takes half this fam would be gone Grace: & the wedding wouldn't happen cos he's the worst for it Janis: they should be, that's the fucking problem Janis: seperate cells, all of 'em Janis: and yeah, he's a cunt Grace: You don't have long if you really wanna stop it Janis: yeah? Grace: they are rushing but obvs won't tell me why Grace: maybe they think people will try and stop them idk Janis: Brazil one probably wasn't even legal Janis: why should I care about their kids really Janis: why should I try and help any of them Grace: they're just babies, they didn't ask for any of this Janis: maybe not but maybe those two deserve for those kids to grow and turn 'round and tell them how much they hate them for doing this Janis: fuck it, I can't think straight Janis: maybe that's enough, maybe I just won't go, I'll be gone Grace: you'll come back though, right? Janis: can't think about that Janis: I should be happy right now Janis: but no Janis: can't Grace: you can be happy Janis: how can I Janis: it never stops it never goes away Grace: idk just worry about yourself like you always say to me Grace: forget about them Janis: can't do that when you're here Grace: forget about me Janis: no I mean Janis: I can't be here, I can't be anywhere near any of you and be happy Janis: and one reason to stay doesn't outweight all the reasons to go Grace: you're saying you're gonna leave him, aren't you Janis: this isn't fair on him Grace: it wouldn't be fair to do that Grace: on you either Janis: I know that, all he needs is someone who can stay Janis: I can't do it Grace: he loves you so he needs you Grace: you love him Janis: yes Grace: he'd go with you if you asked him Janis: the kids can't come Grace: why do they need to? he's got a dad, right? Janis: no Janis: they need him Janis: and he needs them Grace: oh Janis: it's not easy Janis: even if it feels easier than staying Janis: it's still so fucking hard Grace: I love you & if you only listen to one thing I ever say then Grace: you're really gonna regret it if you fuck things up with him Janis: I know Janis: but I should have never have let him in Grace: but you have now Grace: not to be that it's too late bitch again Grace: but like Janis: bad things happened to him too Janis: happen Grace: so don't hurt him Janis: that's all I ever do Grace: no Grace: that's faker than anything I've ever Grace: shut up Janis: I don't want to Janis: she didn't either, I don't think Janis: it's just Janis: seems like the only way to end it all, all the suffering Grace: nobody wants to, I don't think even Mia wants that, way deep down Janis: you can't end other people's, only your own Janis: but causing it means you're having some effect, right Grace: she had so much love in her, that's how she could do it, hurt people that deep Grace: so do you Grace: but you don't have to be like her Janis: I don't know what the alternative is Janis: like I said, it feels like someone HAS to be saying these things Grace: I think it's this Grace: trying Grace: being honest means being honest about like everything Janis: it's hard to do both Janis: that's the problem Janis: how can you tell Rio she's a hypocritical bitch that has ultimately put herself first and tell her she still held it down all those times we needed her to Grace: I know, babes, trust Grace: cos they can both be true Grace: I hate you & I love you Grace: nothing's just a or just b Janis: I guess the thing is, they get the rest from everyone else Janis: like you said Janis: you wouldn't be here if I didn't tell you the bad shit Janis: no one would Grace: you can still be the call out queen Grace: if he's the only person who sees the real you, maybe that's okay Grace: maybe its like that anyway Janis: it feels wrong Janis: we didn't always hate each other Janis: all of us Grace: I didn't always hate myself Grace: it's just Grace: things happen Janis: too many things have Janis: that shouldn't have Grace: Yeah exactly so don't make yourself unhappy Grace: there's been so much of it Janis: she died for nothing Janis: if more and more keeps happening Janis: just makes it more true Grace: she died for nothing anyway Grace: she was 16 Janis: and if I act like it, it's a problem Janis: but Rio gets to openly ruin more kids and we're meant to be happy Janis: I refuse, I won't do it Grace: she's just trying to be happy Grace: like you want to be Janis: no Janis: you don't get to try at the expense of a helpless fucking kid Janis: that you made Janis: that's not how it works, this is what I'm saying Janis: we aren't doing this again and pretending that that's alright Grace: I'm not saying don't tell her what you think Janis: how could she Janis: twice Grace: I don't know Grace: I don't know how she could fall in love with him or any of it Janis: it's not love Grace: she thinks it is, & she let it happen Grace: I don't understand that Janis: she's selfish or it's trauma-bonding Janis: she can have either Janis: but she won't admit it regardless Grace: of course she won't Grace: so just let it go Janis: no Janis: there's consequences to the shit you do Grace: they're her consequences to deal with Janis: and one of them is that I hate her and I'm not going to let her forget that Edie died hating her too Janis: it's not enough to yet again put it on some kids Janis: say hey, wait to see how bad the bullying gets and the doubt and all of it Janis: then turn around and say why the fuck did you two do this Janis: they hurt people Janis: and they still are Janis: they should care Grace: I think they do Grace: but idk if that's enough or not Grace: or what'll happen to those babies or any of us Janis: it isn't enough Janis: they aren't Grace: what I know is if you keep hating like Edie did it'll hurt you like it hurt her Grace: you have to stop Janis: we should be hurting Janis: she shouldn't be happy Janis: none of us should Grace: we are Grace: that doesn't mean you have to ruin everything for yourself Grace: that you can't ever be happy Janis: I'm not ruining anything Janis: it's ruined Janis: nothing has changed Janis: so no, we shouldn't be happy Grace: Edie literally wanted you to be Grace: & we were 12 so much has changed Janis: like what Grace: like you letting someone in Grace: being happy even if you think you shouldn't Grace: we're talking now that wouldn't have ever happened Grace: if you hate me more than you did 4 years ago that's still change, babes Grace: you can't stand still for her Janis: I'm not going to pretend we're blessed to live to make more mistakes Grace: do better like everyone says they are gonna but don't Janis: no thanks Janis: I'm not righting all this family has done wrong Janis: that's what they think they can do Janis: Rio and Buster, and they've already failed Grace: I'm not even talking about them though Grace: just do better for you Grace: stay with him, feel something idk Janis: I don't know if I can Grace: I can't answer that for you Grace: do you wanna try or not? Janis: It's not that simple Grace: with that attitude no Janis: no, it just isn't Janis: you haven't been in love, have you? Grace: no Janis: well it's like Janis: sometimes what you want, and even what they think they want, might not be what's right for them Janis: and if you really loved them Janis: you'd want what was best for them, wouldn't you Grace: you are what's best for him though Grace: I've seen you together, wayyyy more than I wanted to Grace: & I lowkey stalked him before that so Janis: lowkey is debatable Grace: thank you for focusing in on the right thing OMG Janis: I'm not trying to be a cunt for once right now but you know Janis: I don't think you can say what's best for him Janis: me either, really Janis: idk Janis: I wish I did know then I'd just do it Grace: so let him say it Grace: be there to give him the chance like Janis: that's not me Janis: I can't be the one getting left Grace: & he can? Janis: no Grace: so do you love him enough to let him really hurt you or not Janis: its all stupid anyway Janis: we only just met Grace: I don't think that's the point, babes Janis: it is, even some of yours lasted longer than this and you weren't in love with them Grace: hello I'm fake Grace: & a hoe Janis: I didn't intend to be real Grace: he can't do fake that's not your fault hun Grace: his face is a dead giveaway like literally always Janis: you can take hints then Janis: just ignore 'em Janis: good to know Grace: I'm not brain damaged Grace: you just wish I were Janis: why would I want that Janis: sounds dead irritating, if anything Grace: cos otherwise I'm just stupid Grace: no excusing that Janis: you're not you're just infuriating Grace: cute but yeah I am Janis: nothing cute about it Janis: it's ugly all the shit you pretend Grace: duh it suits me then Janis: yeah yeah Grace: yeah we can pretend that's why no one wants me instead of what the truth is Janis: what's the truth then Grace: that I am just ugly Grace: so my personality might as well be Janis: nah Janis: truth is, you don't wanna die, like you said Janis: if that's what it takes for you to survive Grace: I'm too scared, like I am of a lot of things Grace: but like I also said, things change Janis: it's scary Grace: if I ever do it get mum's old oujia board out & I'll let you know what happens next Grace: like a liveblog Janis: oh great Janis: here's me thinking I'd get some peace and quiet, like Grace: EW what if heaven's like a really amazing nightclub vibe & they don't let me in Janis: what do you wanna go to heaven for Janis: it's like here without all the interesting bits Janis: at least hell is offering a bit of something new Grace: UM cos I'm not into bdsm unless the boy's like really fit Janis: you'll be fine then Janis: Lucifer is famously too hot for heaven, like Grace: oh yeah I totally forgot Janis: grand scheme of bible teachings, probably encouraged to be a bit quiet on that one Janis: black nan be buzzing Grace: catch me sinning really hard from now until I kms so he's into me Grace: sorry nan Janis: really gonna try and be his favourite sinner Janis: 😏 Grace: You'll love it cos I promised Rio no boys & she'll be really 😠😠😠 Grace: 💜me perdoe, irmã eu tenho que pecar💜 Janis: 😂 Janis: gonna point out that there are 7 other sins Janis: and those are just the deadly ones, like Grace: yeah but like Grace: it's the one that'll get his attention easiest Grace: boys are so quick to get jealous Janis: the devil has and always will be a gentleman, babe Janis: not a fuckboy Janis: rethink the tactic probs Grace: excuse me that gluttony & sloth aren't moods for an attractive corpse Janis: hello it's your soul you're taking Janis: not a zombie fuckfest Grace: UM I still need all my exes devastated at my funeral thanks Grace: don't let anyone touch my hair though or I will haunt you Janis: ha your plastic weave gonna be there long after the rest of you is dust Janis: as for your exes Janis: got to think numbers Grace: RUDE Janis: alright for you to say, you won't be handing out sausage rolls to however many identical unimpressed looking white boys Grace: neither will you Grace: a glance to check I'm in there & you can go, babes Janis: oh please Janis: can't make me go to this farce of a wedding but doubt I'm getting out of a funeral that easy Grace: I'll literally write in my will so bye bitch Janis: cute you think the dead's wishes are getting honoured around here Janis: whether she wanted us to be miserable or happy, we're all doing shit regardless Janis: can't say she wanted us to muddle through ad infinitum Grace: she still died we can't just move on ASAP Janis: why it's better to be team miserable Janis: a case can be argued even if we aren't committing enough Grace: I'm sure your bf will be down his face is always 😒 Janis: you fancy him not me Grace: ew Janis: mhmm Grace: you can go ahead and put that wayyyyy into past tense thanks so much Janis: 😏 Janis: convincing Grace: I literally only wanted to hook up with him Grace: not gonna do that now so Janis: that's all you do with any boy so Grace: duh Grace: he's only special to you Grace: no boy is to me Janis: don't be gay Janis: x2 Grace: don't be homophobic Grace: it's gross & retro Janis: whatever Janis: every gay I know is a twat Janis: tell me it ain't related Grace: same tbh Grace: 🤔🤔 Janis: doesn't help they're related to me and all but when I'm right, I'm right Grace: you don't know any others? Janis: dunno anyone do I Janis: if you cunts are boring, not like the ones at school are any better craic Grace: idk who you hang with now bitch Janis: 🙄 Janis: yeah decided I want loads of mates Grace: you got a bf so who knows Janis: told you that was a mistake Janis: accident, whatever Janis: not a habit Grace: you could be making friends by mistake Grace: obvs so likeable Janis: I'd rather not Grace: 👌 Janis: every twat's the same 'round here Grace: true Janis: nah no more people Janis: undecided what I'm doing as is Grace: it's a mood Janis: bollock Janis: you hate being alone, famously Grace: duh but idk what I'm doing Janis: hiding at Rio's rn Grace: thanks Grace: not what I meant tho Janis: then you'll have to be more specific Grace: whatever Grace: how are there no parties tonight??! ugh Janis: probably for the best Grace: it's really not Grace: school's gonna start soon Janis: astute Janis: you check the calendar Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: do you know of any I don't? Janis: wouldn't tell you if I did Grace: that's so rude Janis: forgot why you've got a pity sofabed atm or what babe Grace: that wasn't a party & I wasn't gonna invite him to be my date tonight Janis: makes no odds, and dates a pretty loose term for 'you can frig me off in a random's lounge whilst their parents are out' as well Grace: it is shorter to type though so Janis: ha Janis: hilarious Grace: no just why I used it Janis: stick to babysitting Grace: I'm going out it'll just have to be somewhere else Janis: not doing this again Janis: got things i need to do now thanks to this awful fucking news Grace: not stopping you Janis: yeah right Grace: literally can't Janis: if you didn't want stopping, you wouldn't fucking tell me Janis: not after last time Janis: but I'm telling you, I ain't gonna be in any state so leave it out Grace: excuse me if for someone with no friends you have a lot of party invites Janis: called being likeable Janis: try it Grace: obvs & I obvs can't Janis: you don't try very hard Grace: LOL Grace: like I said, being fake is exhausting too babes Janis: well stop Janis: that's why no one likes you Janis: you're too much it weird everyone out Grace: I literally just said I can't Grace: but thanks Janis: how hard is it to shut your mouth for 5 minutes Grace: for you very Grace: so like idk why you're telling me to Janis: cos like idk I'm trying to help you! Grace: no you're not Grace: you're trying to get me to shut up cos you have so much to do Grace: you can just go Janis: sadly not Janis: waiting Grace: feel free to wait in silence Janis: why would I do that Grace: why not Grace: so easy Janis: nah Janis: I'm likeable, dying to hear what I've got to say Janis: too likeable to be off my phone rn so you'll have to deal with it Grace: 💜 Janis: I mean it, make sure one of them is sober Janis: I've got plans here Grace: I don't need you Grace: do what you want Janis: blatantly untrue Janis: made a massive twat of yourself last time Janis: which was, by the way, 2 days ago Janis: consider you have a problem Grace: & I'm so sure I will again but like it's my problem Janis: not though is it Janis: you checked out this entire convo Janis: affects all of us Grace: read back your own responses where everything is shit & we all deserve to suffer & nothing matters Janis: so sit and think about what you've done all alone Janis: that is suffering Grace: no thanks Janis: cool just ruin my night Janis: again Grace: it's not about you Janis: yeah it is Grace: no Janis: yep Janis: already ruined one plan so tah Janis: have to carry out this one after Grace: 👌👌 Janis: in a bit, cunt Grace: 👋 Janis: you really aren't subtle Janis: you know how easily I could forward this all to Rio, like Janis: think on Grace: then do it Grace: you love telling on me it's your thing now Janis: it is funny Janis: acting out doesn't really work if you keep telling before you do it Janis: not your thing by a long stretch Grace: I'm going out it's not a dramatic storm out Janis: yeah to get fingered 'cos you hate your ugly, stupid self, by your own admission Janis: so casual Janis: so not why the therapists are being booked Grace: literally so done talking to you now Grace: this convo has gone on forever Janis: it's cool it's forwarded Janis: 4G is amazing, idk where the fuck I am Janis: still, so fast Grace: wow Grace: I'll be impressed later like Janis: won't have the time Janis: though the drive back to mum and dad's is a fair while, yeah, you could use that time to really reflect Grace: I'll obvs make it for you, babes Janis: obvs Janis: fucking sad Grace: 💔 Janis: bet that felt like a moment Grace: mhmm Janis: n'awh Grace: yeah Janis: if you don't get some standards, honestly Grace: that's really working for you, yeah? Grace: it won't be any easier when he hates you than when he loves you, you know that Grace: get a grip Janis: like you'd know the first thing about it Grace: like you do either Grace: duh why you're terrified Janis: love a bit of projection Grace: okay sure Janis: not the one that freaks out when boys touch her Grace: so Grace: you're still gonna be alone anyway Janis: and? Grace: it doesn't matter if you push him away & if I'm getting pushed away by whatever lad Grace: even if you wanna use things I've said against me rn Janis: and you're the one that can't stand being alone Grace: oh sure keep pretending you love that but I'm so fake Janis: if I was fazed, I would've done something about it before now, what with how likeable I am to boys and girls Janis: no begging from my end Grace: you love him you literally admitted it Grace: stop Janis: and that matters because Grace: he loves you too Grace: you can't act like that doesn't matter Janis: sure can Janis: don't push me Grace: You're so stupid Janis: awh Janis: you are if you think there's any salvaging already Janis: like I could stick around with all that you threw at me Grace: me? Janis: yes, you Grace: how are you so delusional actually Janis: you couldn't want to tell me all about the stupid wedding Janis: you didn't have to Janis: mum and dad didn't for a fucking reason clearly Grace: you pushed me like you always do Janis: nah Janis: you dropped that like it was nothing Grace: you were being horrible for no reason like you always are Janis: the reason is you and your self-confessed shit personality but sure Janis: if it makes you feel better about the whole thing Grace: the reason was Mia but sure blame me again Janis: give a shit about Mia Janis: it was the wedding and you know it Janis: and you knew it and that's the only reason you said it Grace: I can't take it back now Janis: yeah well me either Grace: I didn't mean to just drop it on you like that Janis: whatever Janis: you want some attention, have at it 'cos I'm about to undo tonight Grace: why can't you stop Janis: why would I Grace: that's obvious Grace: undo whatever you've done to him instead Janis: how Janis: how the fuck do you reckon I can do that Grace: however he needs you to Grace: grow the fuck up & be sorry & try Janis: go to hell Janis: you're so fucked Janis: you care more about him than you do me what the hell is wrong with you Grace: I care about you Grace: for god's sake Janis: that's why you ain't once asked where I am or who I'm waiting for Janis: stop fucking talking about him Grace: cos I'm really scared what the answer is Grace: don't you understand that Janis: well it ain't Drew so my odds of leaving unmolested are slightly up Janis: though not his type, I don't reckon Grace: Every time you do this I freak out that it'll be the last time Grace: you won't come back cos either you don't want to or you can't Grace: if he's the only reason for you to stay then of course I want you to be with him Grace: I'm not sorry for that Janis: Well I can try for you but I don't think going catatonic and then bolting off is much of a turn-on Janis: 'specially not Janis: nah Janis: she kept this up for ages, good times, eh Grace: Talk to him Janis: gonna need to take this shit first Grace: Please don't Grace: I'm sorry for everything I've said and done literally ever okay Janis: yeah Janis: know you are Grace: Janis Janis: sorry alright Janis: and I never sent nothing to Rio so you can go Grace: I'll come to you Grace: wherever Grace: you don't have to Janis: I really meant it when I said idk where I am Grace: we can figure that out Grace: & I'll tell him it's all my fault, whatever you want Grace: he knows what a nightmare I am Janis: it's my fault Janis: this would've happened at some point yeah Grace: it's me, I'll fix it Grace: just give me a landmark to aim at first Janis: he was from Janis: Ballyfermot, yeah Janis: even worse than Tallaght, I remember she said Janis: don't come here I just need to Janis: aim back Grace: I can't just sit here like 🤞🤞 Grace: that's all this fam ever does Janis: shit Janis: this was really stupid he was horrible Grace: are you okay??? Janis: okay, I'll put my location on but I'll start moving, just meet me halfway Janis: one of Edie's old dealers/boyfriends Janis: said she had the right idea, yeah Grace: I can't even with that Grace: I'm in a car now so just move Janis: who is it Grace: just me obvs Grace: I'm not getting any of them involved Grace: I have an app for a reason like Janis: right no Janis: good Janis: just don't tell your uber driver I'm packing Grace: duh Grace: what are you gonna do with it though? Janis: can't just chuck it Janis: what if a dog eat it Janis: or a little kid Janis: kinda looked like some weird sour sweet you know Grace: find a really really gross bin Janis: or, could keep it and take it when he won't speak to me eh Grace: that's not funny Janis: I know Grace: I can't even breathe rn Janis: told you I couldn't pick you up Janis: tweaked driving is probably marginally better than drunk but still Grace: if he did something to you, you literally have to tell me Janis: he didn't, I swear Janis: he was just Janis: chatting about how he missed her and I wanted to ram his meth teeth down his throat Janis: bet he barely remembers her name Grace: that's horrible Grace: fuck Janis: he looked so old Janis: but I'm thinking it was just the drugs taking their toll, no way did she Janis: I hope not Grace: I don't wanna think about it but like Janis: I wanted to mug him, like Janis: show I ain't no hypocrite Janis: but I couldn't Grace: you can't do this again ever Janis: I don't wanna make promises I can't keep Janis: but like Janis: I don't even wanna take it, it smells and looks so Janis: toxic Grace: I will literally kill you if you die Janis: I don't know how much longer I can do this Janis: 4 years and I Grace: stop Grace: I'll help you Grace: I mean it, I'll do whatever you want Janis: I'm just so angry all the time Janis: and mean Grace: you can shout at me rn if you wanna, I'm already crying Grace: this driver has seen some shit Janis: people should be nice to you Janis: sorry your friends are dicks Grace: I should be nice to people Janis: fucking state of us Grace: idk how to be different Grace: it's been so long, before Edie even Grace: literally who am I? Janis: me either Janis: if I give up being angry Janis: give up her Janis: what have I got Grace: you never have to give her up Janis: I think I do a bit Janis: she couldn't make herself happy, I can't do it for myself and her Grace: she'd want you to be happy, I was so serious Grace: she was coming to see you Janis: us Grace: no Grace: she hated me & it was totally mutual Janis: but she loved you and that was too Janis: can't not Grace: if anything she was coming to ruin whatever tween celebrations I had planned cos that'd make you happy Janis: I can't remember anything about that day Grace: me either Grace: how can it not feel real when it's the realest thing that ever happened Janis: how did we find out Janis: who told us Janis: I don't know, genuinely Janis: not like when I pretend I've forgotten things Grace: I feel like it was dad but maybe I've made that up Grace: cos of after Grace: idk Grace: we should know that, shouldn't we? Janis: yeah Janis: that's the problem, right Janis: 9 kids, to tell Janis: sort of thing you want to do one on one but then some would know before ithers and how Janis: how would you do that 9 times Janis: he must've just, Janis: it must've just came out Grace: how would you even do it once Grace: I can't talk about anything ever Grace: literally not an exaggeration Janis: I told Jimmy she ran away for good Janis: not that she's dead, that we know where she's gone Grace: you don't owe him the story if you don't wanna tell it, babes Grace: everyone knows so much of our business Janis: their mum Janis: they don't know where she is Grace: like she just left? Janis: I think so Grace: how old was he? Grace: that's so sad Janis: I don't know, I don't ask he's just Janis: we've both said some stuff Janis: but Bobby is 6 so Grace: you wanna talk, can't relate but Janis: sometimes it feels almost right, like he'd get it Grace: yeah Grace: A lad once said to me 'you don't fuck like you've got a dead sister' like word for word that's what he said Grace: what does that even mean, you know Janis: people are so fucking weird Janis: does he mean you weren't sobbing at the time or that you weren't giving it your all like you've seen death so you know life now Grace: I didn't ask for clarification Grace: I just threw up and left Grace: but like it'd be nice if someone understood it, maybe Janis: nicer than that doesn't take much but Janis: maybe it's worse Janis: and maybe I'm a dick for comparing Grace: but maybe he wants someone to understand too Grace: it's really lonely getting left all the time Janis: Grace Grace: ?? Janis: are you sure you don't want him Grace: EW Janis: you'd be much nicer Grace: no I wouldn't Janis: well you wouldn't run Grace: yeah I would Grace: just not like physically cos 👠 Janis: if he fucks Mia I'll cry I think Janis: then kill her Grace: he would never!!! Grace: he hates her and she's livid about it Grace: like same but I'm relieved Janis: it's only been a few hours right Janis: maybe I can Janis: oh God, I'll have to explain the entire Buster and Rio saga if I even want to explain tonight Grace: I'll drop you off if I ever get there Janis: hope your driver isn't the kidnap kind Grace: Don't that would be the perfect end to my evening Grace: he lives by nan & grandad, right? maybe I'll go there Janis: k but you'll have to share the bed if he won't let me in Grace: lowkey would have to give you the bed cos it's my fault so 🤞🤞 he does Grace: so over sofas OMG Janis: should make Saint swap you Janis: he'd fall for it Grace: my back hurts so much okay I haven't done yoga since I was like 8 Janis: should join mother on the lawn Grace: 😱😱😱 Grace: mhmmm LIVING for any direct comparisons between me & her Janis: defs gonna slutshame her into dressing her age Grace: ughhhh Grace: how could you ever sit him down for dinner with them Janis: you know, take the piss out of them relentlessly behind their back Janis: feel him up a bit under the table, standard Grace: thanks for that mental 📷 I didn't want or need, hun Janis: soz Grace: he's hot but like you're also there so Grace: awks Janis: I won't take offense Janis: though my ego is wounded Grace: nbd I just haven't been a hoe for a while & that's obvs everything I am rn Janis: didn't you Janis: fair boy Grace: the one who left or the one who you kept blowing up my phone every sec I was with Grace: cos either way no Janis: oh Janis: well, doubt you're missing much on either score Grace: I know exactly what I'm missing with my ex thanks Grace: & I don't hook up with 19 year olds who lie to me Janis: not good Grace: like you said, this town is full of the same kind of people Janis: how is it so crap Janis: with some lads Janis: like Grace: they don't care Grace: I've spent hours memorising every clip they like but there's no getting any of the same back Janis: relatable but still Janis: felt more getting a checkup at the drs Grace: you have to put it in for most of them cos they don't even understand the layout but they'll still ask you if it was good Grace: imagine being that confident Janis: I am Janis: but not gay Janis: soz ladies Grace: 💔 Janis: don't you 💔 weirdo Grace: it's for the one hot white boy you stole by being hetero so Janis: I offered and you ew'd Janis: let the record show Grace: shut up Janis: he's probably so single now Grace: STOP Grace: it's been like a hour or something Janis: I ran away Janis: he's gonna be so Grace: Babe Grace: just make him understand Janis: no pressure Grace: well duh Grace: there's a reason I don't let boys that close to me Janis: you're saying it like I don't know Janis: not my first rodeo Janis: it just happened Grace: you know what you did, that's more than any ex I've ever had Janis: well Janis: done now Grace: Yeah Janis: should I wait or tell him I'm alright now on here Grace: I'd wanna know you were okay but you know him Grace: is it better to just show up? Janis: I think he'd wanna know too but like Janis: ugh fuck it Janis: wish me luck Grace: obvs

[these-are-the-first-steps]

I was unaware you live in New York. Would you mind me asking what it's like there? As someone who's only been once and doesn't really know anyone there, it's always been a curiosity of mine. No pressure if you aren't up for talking about it. Hope the transition of your roommate moving on goes smoothly. And I hope you yourself are okay.

Hey anon! Oh man, where to start…..as a transplant, my perspective will be different from a native, who would grow almost blind to the daily negative aspects of this place. (in the past, I have literally been told by natives that I’d ‘learn to just ignore all the homeless people’. I’ve been told that multiple times by multiple people. It doesn’t get any easier, though)The Negatives:

-It’s pretty filthy.-The trains run 24h but what good is that when after midnight it’s a train an hour that goes one stop before suddenly declaring it’s the last stop and everybody has to get off? ughhhhh-The homeless population is out of control. I was told by native new yorkers that this is because of cuts in the past few years to hospitals and rehab/mental health facilities and it shows- most of the homeless are literally out of their minds and it’s incredibly sad. -If someone doesn’t ask you for money on any given day, it’s because you never left your house.-Rats. A city-wide pastime to observe, especially while waiting for the train.-The cops are premadonnas. I’ve never seen such a self-important group of police officers in my life. This also extends to other emergency services personnel as well. I’ve seen police turn on their sirens when someone wasn’t moving fast enough at an intersection for them. I’ve seen fire engines blare their emergency sirens just so they can reach their lunch spot faster. I’ve seen ambulances blare their sirens to leave starbucks faster and no, there was no emergency because they casually, half dressed, piled back in their truck- they just didn’t want traffic in front of them. It is, in a word, ridiculous and an embarrassment. -You regularly hear the phrase “Greatest City on Earth” or some variation thereof and I can’t help but wonder if it’s just one giant sarcastic in-joke to say that. I have been assured, however, that it is not. -They recently jacked up the subway pass prices. Now, from my experience in other countries, the NYC subway system is the cheapest there is, but considering how gross, filthy, smelly, BROKEN, and never EVER on time it is with zero hope of fixing this literally antique toy train system we ride every day, there is no reason to raise the prices. None. -The rent is too damn high.-Food prices are too damn high.-Starbucks is literally the cheapest ice coffee in town barring food truck ice coffees. Even cheaper than Dunkin Donuts. That should speak volumes about the prices around here.-Sirens. All the time. -Other things I probably can’t think of or have blocked out right now. The Positives:

-People are way nicer and helpful than reputed to be. Even on the train, commuters are happy to help you find your way in the repetitive rat maze that is the subway system.-Nearly all the clothing brands you love are here. -SO many cool old brownstones. As someone from the south where the aesthetic is wide houses with beautiful columns out front, I still stare up in wonder at them, especially in ultra fancy neighborhoods where the brownstones are crazy decorative- one near me even has like turret towers on it full of stained glass. Just beautiful.-The Metropolitan Museum of Art is INSANE. They have a whole house that they brought into the museum. They have an entire Ptolemaic temple they brought inside the museum. I still haven’t seen everything in the damn thing and I’m a member. -There are a lot of museums and I still need to see all of them. -You will get in shape from walking so much. NYC is a city with an all-around more fit population due to all the walking which is nice. -The bridges here are pretty cool-There is a cable tram that goes over the east river you can ride with your regular metro card. It only goes to Roosevelt Island but that’s still pretty cool.-Central Park sucks but Prospect Park is 1000% better and more awesome- the only bit of genuine-looking woods in the city I think. Designed by the same guy as Central Park, he considered Prospect Park an improvement of his past design of Central and it certainly is that. -It’s not hard to leave the city if you really want to. I think if you had the cash to spare, you could easily rent a car and go upstate where there are actual woods and nicer things to look at. Or out to Long Island if you don’t want to stray that far- a nice compromise. -Amtrak can take you to any major city in the Northeast including DC without need for a car.-I can do the work I love here. -You are going to know at least one person who does a show somewhere, giving you an excuse to look cool and say at least a couple times that you can’t do X because your friend is doing a show that night. -The people out here are ALWAYS doing something interesting. ALWAYS. -If you are dogged and persistent, you can do exactly what you want to do in life out here. But you MUST be DOGGED AND PERSISTENT. -There is full-blown winter and snow out here, which I love. -I have to mention the people again- I’ve met some cool people out here, ESPECIALLY once I quit my shitty job. Man have the people around me drastically improved in so, so many ways….Aaaaand that’s my list! xD I did not include food in either list. The reason is this: NYC is so over-saturated with food places, between restaurants and food trucks, that the overall quality of food in this city is really low. Like really, really low. Because there are SO many places doing the same thing, no one bothers competing- they just churn out knowing no matter what they’ll generally get business from all the masses of people floating through. Food that isn’t crap costs exponentially more. I can get a box of excellent lebanese food back home for $6 that’ll last me for two days. If I were to get that same quality of food- falafels that don’t fucking suck and taste like cardboard- I’d have to put out $14. So food is a real gray area for me here, because it’s SO hard to find quality food that actually tastes good and that is still cheap. Really, really hard. It’s a constant search. Anyway, hope this was interesting/helpful! Again, this is just from my perspective- others’ perspectives will be different from mine and that’s ok. I’m not claiming at all that anything in my list is gospel. It’s just my observations as someone from a different region of the country and also someone who’s lived overseas for several years/visited other countries and has somewhat set preferences for things. I mean…when you go from living in a country with spotless train stations with impeccable timetables, it’s hard to adjust to the gross russian-roulette that is the MTA, etc. Ok I’m done. x.xPS: Everyone in this city is terrified of raccoons, and as a southerner, I can’t roll my eyes and/or laugh harder. The other day there was an article about a squirrel attacking people in a park and it was city-wide news to watch out for this one uber squirrel. I mean…..it’s really amazing. xD

[punkscowardschampions]

Buster & Rio

Buster: [sends the convo to her] Buster: Fair warning Rio: Oh God Rio: Oh my fucking God Buster: What do you wanna do? Rio: I don't even know where to begin or how to think about this Rio: When is she going to stop ruining your life? Rio: Jesus Buster: Never, clearly Rio: She's such a cunt Buster: Hence I'm not doing anything until or if she does 'cause I wouldn't put it past her to sit back and let us out ourselves thinking she will Rio: Yeah Rio: I can see that Rio: she won't, will she Buster: I don't know, babe Buster: It'd be a really stupid thing for her to attempt but like, she obviously isn't trying to play things any smarter Rio: Maybe she still reckons there's a chance for you two, then she won't Rio: 'cos she's not gonna want to drag herself down by proxy, you know Rio: and like she keeps saying, the kid is yours regardless so Buster: Yeah exactly Buster: She cares about her rep fair too much Rio: I think so too Rio: but shit Rio: we should've been more careful Rio: I thought we were, enough Buster: She reckons I'm gonna come crawling if she gets me spooked enough but I ain't Buster: There's nothing to find she's just been looking obsessively Rio: but if she can work it out Rio: should I delete everything Buster: Don't Buster: She's probably saved it all anyway so Buster: Drew did too, it's cunts with their own interests, nobody else knows or is likely to Rio: Yeah Rio: we've got to hope Buster: Nobody'd believe them if they said shit anyway for the same reason Rio: Who would make something like this up though, babe Rio: not even them Buster: Don't say it like that Buster: We're not doing anything wrong Rio: That isn't what they think Buster: And what, you think Drew or Chlo know better about what's right than I do? Buster: Fuck that Rio: I know how it feels Rio: but there's a reason we're scared, right Buster: I'm not scared Rio: How are you not Rio: I feel sick Buster: What's the point? Whatever anyone else thinks isn't gonna change my mind Rio: I don't know Buster: Babe, you can do whatever you need to, okay Rio: I don't want to do anything, I just want a fucking break Rio: Why is it one thing after another Buster: I know Buster: I'm sorry Rio: It's not your fault Buster: Yeah it is Buster: She wouldn't be doing this if not for me Buster: You'd barely even know her Rio: How could you have predicted...any of this Rio: us, her, all of it Buster: Well, I've had years of thinking about us so I shouldn't have risked our relationship when it finally happened Buster: Not with her Buster: Granted I didn't realise she was this fucked up but I still knew enough Rio: Yeah well, we all know you weren't in a fit state Rio: and it's fucked she doesn't realise that's some real dirt you have on her but Buster: I still got myself into that state though Buster: She didn't force me into that part of things Rio: It's not an excuse Rio: You know that Buster: I'm just saying what people would Buster: Not like I'm a girl wobbling along on her heels, is it? Rio: Fuck people Rio: It's no different Buster: Maybe I could just tell my mum Buster: She'd help us fix this Rio: How? Rio: She's not actually superwoman, babe Buster: I don't know Buster: There's gotta shit you can do if someone's blackmailing you Rio: Maybe Rio: I know the police were fuck all help with Ryan so Rio: don't get your hopes up, like Buster: Fuck's sake Buster: Should I talk to Chlo again then? Rio: And say what? Like you said, she ain't gonna be happy unless you tell her you love her or some shit Rio: and even then, she'll know you don't really so Rio: the girl doesn't know what she wants Buster: But I could just tell her what she wants to hear, or reckons she does Buster: Buy us time Rio: No Rio: I am not making you do that Buster: I'm not gonna fuck her Buster: Nobody could make me Rio: No Rio: I'd rather out myself right now Rio: fuck that Buster: Should we? Rio: I don't know? Rio: It's like, do we wait and let Christmas and all that come and go and risk her doing it Rio: or do we potentially fuck up the holidays for all, fun times Buster: I'd rather wait Buster: But that's only 'cause I don't like my hand being forced Buster: If she says anything you can deny it if you want, I won't hold it against you, like Rio: Yeah, I don't want the caviat of it to be Rio: 'and we're only telling you 'cos Chloe is gonna drop the bombshell so' Rio: it makes it sound bad and not serious, you know Buster: Yeah Buster: My mum is gonna fucking murder me Buster: She told me not to speak to her Buster: Like not only have I, she also knows and is gonna out my secret Buster: Surprise Rio: How can you not when she goads you into it constantly though Rio: and you only did when you thought it was the right thing Rio: it's not your fault she's mental Buster: I shouldn't be that much of a pussy, letting her get to me Buster: You knew she was bullshitting me Rio: It's what she's good at Rio: Don't blame yourself Rio: Blame her, she's the one who keeps pulling this shit Rio: You can talk to your Mum if you want, I don't mind Buster: No Buster: Like you said, it makes things look different to how they are Buster: And makes me look weak Buster: Fuck that Buster: I can't be running to her like a child Rio: You're not though, you know that Buster: I would be though Rio: Okay, don't tell her Rio: What are you gonna do? Buster: Kill Chlo and make it look like an accident Buster: But seriously, nothing right now Rio: I'll be your alibi Buster: That kinda gives us away, babe Buster: but cheers Rio: I think murder trumps this in the grand scheme of things though Buster: Not when I get away with it Rio: Let's not get cocky Rio: know it's hard but this is serious, Bundy Buster: Harder still now I'm back on her fucking home turf Rio: It's barely any time 'til the hols Rio: if she was gonna do it she'd want max time to torture you, right Buster: Thank Christ Buster: You're right Buster: Just gift me with the DNA for fuck's sake Rio: 😟 Rio: Put in a good word with Santa Buster: I love you Rio: I love you Buster: You had a good birthday though, yeah? Buster: She didn't ruin that as well Rio: Of course Rio: It was perfect, she can't touch that Buster: Good Buster: 'Cause I actually would have to kill her Rio: Same Rio: She won't ruin xmas either Rio: she's all chat Buster: Agreed Buster: You heard her playing like she has the nerve or means to talk to my sister when she's blocked on everything Buster: You should block her too though Rio: Yeah, even if she snaked her way in, like Nancy literally wants to hear anything from her Rio: What's she gonna do, cc in our parents, like, who even is she Rio: They don't have time for this petty bullshit Buster: Exactly Buster: I don't have time for it and its about me so Buster: One minute she wants me to get into a top uni, the next she's pulling this shit and my focus Buster: Which is it Chlo? Do you want me to keep you in designer gear or nah Rio: She don't know what she wants Rio: so she's got no business making any kind of demands Buster: I can already tell you she don't want this kid and has no business keeping it Buster: I feel bad for her mum and step dad 'cause it's them who'll be picking up her slack Buster: Doubt they have time either Rio: Yeah Rio: and the poor kid Rio: that's no environment to be raised in Buster: Say what you like about ours but they came good for us Buster: Jesus, I reckon I'd take Indie's mum over Chlo at this point Buster: At least nobody could deny she was unfit, can't out and out prove that Chlo is gonna be the worst mum this side of Chelsea, can I Rio: Yeah, there's a difference between unplanned and straight up unwanted Rio: whatever she tries to sell Rio: it's an acceptable kind of bad, isn't it, she won't be the only, like Buster: Cross your fingers for me, babe Buster: If it ain't my kid we don't need to look back Rio: I'll still feel bad Rio: but at that point, nothing you can do about it Buster: Me too Rio: Poor baby Buster: I can't lie, I feel bad for Ro and Drew's already too Rio: God, I know Rio: I was talking to Indie the other day Rio: and she was half joking but Rio: she doesn't even know the half of it Rio: she reckons they might get married Buster: I mean, my auntie clearly wants that Buster: I can't see Drew agreeing to a big white wedding though Buster: All the fam hates him for a start, imagine how awkward the ceremony and after party would be Rio: Oh God Rio: It would be the most depressing wedding in the world Rio: not that he's let that stop him hanging around for this long, he doesn't care Buster: Like are you gonna have Edie as a bridesmaid as well you cunt Buster: We all know he'd want you to do it Rio: Shut up Rio: Your Ma won't let her Buster: She couldn't stop them getting this far Rio: Well, that would be a little shameless, even for this fam Buster: If my life ever gets anything close to that fucked up, leave me Buster: I'm serious Rio: You're gonna have to pick up the pace if that's what you're going for, like Buster: Challenge accepted, babe Rio: 😒 Rio: If you want me to go, just say like, no need to go crazy Buster: I never want you to go Rio: Good Rio: 'cos I ain't Buster: If you could be here instead of there that'd really help me out though, like Rio: I wish I could be baby Buster: Wasted you talked a good game about it that night Rio: I did? Buster: Yeah Rio: Well, exactly how many cheques did drunk me write that I haven't cashed Rio: not saying won't 'cos refuse to be that bitch but need to know what I'm up against Buster: 😏 Buster: Some of them I was glad to rip up but you know Rio: 🙃 ha kill me Rio: I really do not know wtf I took that night Buster: Me either Buster: I've never seen you like that before Rio: Must've been cut with something dodgy that he didn't know about Rio: 'cos he was doing it too so Buster: Don't remind me Buster: Have you seen him since you got back? Rio: He was here one night with Indie Rio: Ro is doing his head in that much Rio: but I made my excuses and left sharpish, like Buster: Well that's something Buster: Sounds like the wedding's off then Rio: Ha, we can dream Rio: they constantly do each other's head's in, I think Rio: it's stupid, the whole thing Rio: if they'd done it when ours did, no one could say anything but they're grown now so sort it out Buster: I should send Chlo over to theirs it'd soon stop her believing we can play happy families Rio: Maybe we could convince Drew that kid is his too Buster: I just choked Buster: 😂 Rio: 😏 Just sayin' Rio: two birds one stone, like Buster: Always thinking, yeah? Buster: 🧠 Buster: God, I miss you so much Rio: Stick with me, babe Rio: I'll sort this shit so you can focus on your real 🧠box shit Buster: Just don't sort it how this fam normally do like 🥊 Rio: I don't think a slap would hurt her but Rio: probably not whilst she's with child, not very classy of me Buster: Fuck class, if that's what she reckons she's got you don't want it Rio: You're cute Buster: You too Rio: Nah Rio: I'm tough as hell Buster: Yeah and I like it Rio: I been knew Rio: You ever call my dominatrix friend or what Buster: 'Course Rio: Don't play Rio: really? Buster: Yeah Buster: Came highly recommended from a reliable source, like Rio: 😩 WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME Rio: why didn't she Rio: rude Buster: Didn't reckon you'd want an actual review back from me Rio: Duh Rio: selfish, right? Buster: Alright Buster: We had a good time Buster: but you know I prefer being the one in control so Rio: Yeah? Good Rio: You just can't buy this level of dedication, babe, sorry to say Buster: No more presents any time soon then, okay Rio: Seriously Rio: I don't even wanna work out how long you're good for with birthdays and xmas, like Buster: 😏 Rio: Buster Buster: Rio Rio: You're an idiot Rio: and I love you Buster: Good 'cause I'm yours Rio: Yeah? Buster: Yeah and you're mine, babe, whatever happens Rio: Promise Rio: Don't let anyone or anything fuck it up Buster: I swear on my life Rio: I'm not gonna let anything happen to you so Rio: we're good Buster: We really are Rio: I don't care if everyone knows Rio: I want people to know you're mine Rio: and I'm yours Buster: Me too Buster: After Christmas we'll figure this out Rio: Yeah Rio: Orrr we just stop hiding it and let 'em work it out for themselves 😏 Buster: Don't tempt me Rio: Everyone too awkward to ask Rio: rely on this fam for that but one loudmouth with a drink in 'em always ruins that Buster: And obviously that's Nance nowadays Rio: 😂 Rio: Don't Buster: Have you seen her? Buster: I should text but with Chlo hanging over me I'm just Rio: I haven't actually Rio: text planning this summer trip with her, and she seemed more like her old self Rio: obviously she ain't over it but everyone else will be soon, so that'll make it a bit better Buster: And the hols really ain't far off, like you said Buster: That'll help, not being at school for a while Rio: Definitely Rio: the others would tell me if shit was really dire at school, I know Rio: I'll check in when I have the chance Buster: As long as she doesn't try and make her ex her New Year's kiss she'll be alright Buster: That stupid cat is really making a difference too, like Buster: Not saying your ma is on to something Rio: If she suggests a gay bar I'll veto that shit hard, I think once was enough to learn on that one, bless Rio: 😏 See Rio: animals heal everything Rio: Indie still wants her puppy Buster: Are you gonna let her? Buster: Or be a strict ma Rio: Steady on Rio: know what you'd like Rio: I think so Rio: she's always out, so it'd get the exercise Buster: True Buster: Keep her out more too, so suits me Rio: Clearly you've never had to shoo a curious animal out the room 😂 Buster: You know we ain't been allowed since we were kids Buster: Not living that life Rio: Aww Rio: I remember Rio: it was so cute Buster: My ma weren't gonna fall for no scruffy pup, like Buster: Only the best Buster: Surprised she let this kitten stay Rio: Redhead pride Rio: gotta stick together Buster: 😂 Buster: I wonder if my brother would've left me outnumbered or what? Could've been blonde like, dad would've been buzzing Rio: Yeah, I wonder Rio: Your curls are the cutest though so, you win by default Buster: You're biased Rio: Am not Buster: Oh no? Buster: Just always got your hands in my hair as pure coincidence Buster: Same Rio: If you've got a better suggestion of how to hold on, lemme know Rio: 😩 fuck, now I miss you Buster: I can't think of anything better. You know it feels too good Rio: I can't think of anything else now Rio: fuck, babe Buster: Do you want me to be sorry? Buster: 'Cause like, you're gonna have to make me if you do Rio: Oh yeah? Rio: Challenge accepted Buster: Let's see what you can do then, babe Rio: Doubt me all you want Rio: Only gonna make me go harder Buster: Yeah? Buster: I hope so Rio: Don't be wasting your wishes now Rio: you're gonna need 'em Buster: Is that a promise? Rio: [Vid] Rio: What do you reckon, daddy? Buster: Fuck Buster: Okay, I believe you Rio: Good, I don't need to be the only one here wishing they weren't alone Buster: You can believe me, you aren't Buster: Jesus, you're so hot Rio: I am for you Buster: You just are and I can only take credit for the tan Buster: Unfair Rio: Trust, you can take credit for that video and the way I'm feeling too babe Buster: As long as you take credit for this Buster: [Sends own] Rio: Jesus Rio: I wanna take so more than credit Buster: I know Buster: And I wanna give you everything Rio: Please can we use the app Rio: I need you Buster: Say please again Rio: Please, Buster Rio: fuck me and make me cum now Buster: Okay, baby Rio: I missed you Buster: I miss you too Buster: Even more when you say my name like that Rio: I can't even help it Rio: it's the only word I have when I feel this good Buster: If I was actually there you'd have no words Rio: I wouldn't need them Rio: you know exactly how to fuck me best Buster: and you know exactly what to say to make me want to Rio: Got to return the favour Rio: no pillow princess Buster: Though if it meant you were here I wouldn't be mad at you lying there doing nothing Rio: The only way you could stop me being all over you if I was there would be handcuffs, babe Buster: That could be arranged, like, but I need you to touch me right now so Rio: You're so fucking gorgeous, baby Rio: I have to feel you to make sure you're real Buster: Christ Buster: You're the one that's unreal. You're so perfect, Rio Rio: You make me feel it Buster: Good Rio: I can't wait 'til you're here again Rio: even if there's going to be so many people to evade Buster: I don't care if the fam suddenly also invites half of Dublin, nobody and nothing is gonna stop be being alone with you Rio: Did you have to say that as you turned it up Buster: Do you want me to turn it back down? Rio: Fuck no Rio: You better not Buster: I didn't think so Rio: 😩 Don't tease me Rio: but also don't stop Buster: Does that feel like I'm gonna stop Rio: Buster Buster: I've got you exactly how I want you babe, we're not stopping Rio: I fucking love you Buster: I love you Buster: So fucking much Rio: I'm just thinking how hard I'm going to make you cum when I see you Buster: Tell me Rio: I want to take you all in and feel your cum hit the back of my throat Buster: Oh fuck Rio: Yeah, I miss you that much, I want you to fuck me with this toy whilst you're in my mouth, I want to be full of you Buster: Babe Buster: I'd kill for that right now Buster: I need you so bad Rio: I know Rio: Do you ache too? Buster: Yeah Rio: We need to get you a toy baby Rio: I'll send you one Buster: Jesus Christ Buster: I'm not gonna argue. I can't Rio: Have you ever used one, they're supposed to be so good Buster: Not yet Buster: But now I wanna Rio: You have to show me when you do Rio: and tell me exactly how it feels Buster: You know I will Buster: We tell each other everything, remember Rio: Yes, daddy Rio: Speaking of, you're about to make me cum Buster: Do it for me baby 'cause I need to cum for you Buster: You know that, don't you? Rio: Have I made you so hard, daddy? Telling you all the dirty things I NEED you to do to me, whilst you fuck me 'til I cum all the way from there Rio: I wanna make you cum without even touching you too, you're so good and I'm so close Buster: Rio Rio: Say my name again Rio: say it out loud when you cum Buster: Fuck, Rio Buster: You're everything Rio: I love you, Buster Buster: I love you Buster: And I want you Buster: I'm being so loud Rio: You're so hot, do you have any idea how fucking special you are Rio: no other lad has come a little bit close Rio: please let me hear you Buster: [Calls] Rio: You make me crazy, boy Buster: You love it Rio: I do Buster: Me too Rio: How could this be wrong Rio: she's stupid Buster: It isn't Buster: But even if it was, I wouldn't care Rio: Yeah? Buster: I meant what I said, nobody's gonna stop me from being with you Rio: Good Rio: I need you, you know Buster: And I need you Rio: You're always going to have me Buster: I seriously can't do any of this without you, you know Rio: You can Rio: but you don't have to Buster: Alright, maybe but I don't want to Buster: And I'm glad I don't have to Rio: You're my favourite Buster: Yeah? Buster: Well, you're one of the only people I like so good Rio: Aw baby, you're a big old softy really 😉 Buster: Shh Rio: as long as you keep hard for me it's all good Buster: You know I can't stop getting hard for you, babe Buster: Christmas is gonna be hilarious like Rio: Seriously Rio: Good 🍀 baby Buster: Do me a favor and look as unattractive as possible Rio: I'll wear an ugly christmas jumper then Buster: Cheers Buster: Straighten your hair and I won't even recognise you Rio: I'll get onto Gracie, I guess Rio: if you shave your head I will cry though Buster: I love you but not that much, like Rio: Good to know I've found the line 😜 Buster: 😂 Rio: Your Da looks good but I'm not seeing it Buster: Steady on Buster: Don't be complimenting me and him in the same breath Rio: 😏 Not like that Buster: Yeah yeah Buster: I don't look anything like him and I ain't about to try and pull of his look, the point's valid Rio: Yeah, you don't much Rio: I don't look loads like mine either Buster: You look so much like your mum Rio: If that's a subtle way of calling her a MILF Rio: heard it before and I doubt you're a stranger Buster: I mean Buster: Nobody'd dare say that about mine though 'cause I'd kill 'em Rio: Not to your face then, babe Buster: Shut up Rio: 😂 Rio: poor baby Buster: It's bad enough when lads say stuff about Nance Rio: Yeah, people are dicks Rio: like you wanna know Buster: And she don't wanna know either Buster: Looking at you James you cunt Buster: Sorry if you thought you were his fave convo topic, babe Buster: 😒 Rio: 💔 Gutted Rio: on my behalf and hers, like Buster: 'Course Rio: Such a tool Buster: Understatement there, like Rio: The amount of times I've had to kick him off my stream still Rio: get over it, babe Buster: Seriously? Rio: Yeah, I mean, it's just usernames but he's that stupid that I could still tell it was him 😂 Buster: I'll punch him again for you Rio: Don't go out of your way, like Buster: I don't have to Buster: I'll see him at school Rio: Yes but I'm saying you don't have to hit him Buster: But I want to Buster: Don't act like you don't Rio: Be a way to avoid Chloe if you're stuck in detention I suppose Rio: unless that's her vibe Buster: Imagine Buster: Safe to say it ain't Rio: 😏 Rio: #badgirl Buster: Don't Buster: Did I tell you she told me cockiness ain't a turn on? Rio: What's she saying, she got lost on the way to your bed then? Rio: like whatever, babe Buster: Doubt I was throwing her lines that night to be fair Buster: If I was chatting anything it was pure shite, guaranteed Rio: You would've been well-suited then Rio: If she wasn't such a bitch with it, I'd be well embarrassed for her Buster: 😂 you're savage Rio: Really? She's tryna fuck up your life, babe Rio: don't think anything's off limits Buster: Take the compliment Rio: Begrudgingly 😜 Buster: I love you Rio: love you 🤓 Buster: I'll leave the uniform on next time I record for you then Rio: Don't 😩 Rio: I'll be put on a register Buster: You're funny Rio: Mm, visit me in prison? Buster: 'Course Buster: You'll need a lawyer Rio: Now that's a conflict of interests Rio: victim and defender, like Buster: I won't tell if you don't Rio: it's that kinda talk that got us here in the first place Rio: so yeah Rio: 🤐 Buster: You're just so good at keeping my secrets, babe, I can't help myself like Rio: I like keeping 'em Rio: works for me Buster: Good