#listen... i mention one (1) scrap of dowoon's quiet inclination towards being a romantic and my brain said lets go lets write a headcanon

[fmddowoonarchive]

headcanon #2 / impressions of romance + feelings + sexuality. word count: 549.

to put it nicely, dowoon hasn’t never dated. he just hasn’t in recent times -- specifically, he hasn’t been on anything even remotely resembling a date since high school. to be fair, if he has, he probably didn’t register it as a date. he’s not exactly the most emotionally in tune with himself or anyone else, mostly buzzing between different levels of either worry, pride or contentment. as such, he never really thinks much about dating or anything in his day to day life, because his head is already so full with so much else.

but when he does think about it, boy, does he think about it! he gets kind of (read: very) sad about it, actually. since he’s the type to be uncertain about where he’ll be in even six months time, he can’t even wrap his head around the concept of settling down with someone one day, but he still feels a pressure to. on one hand, he’s still extremely young and has a career where dating is risky anyways, but on the other hand, his parents were together by the time they were his age. he doesn’t want to recreate their story by any means (a shotgun wedding really isn’t something on his to do list) but because that close, young family unit is what he grew up with, it?? is what he knows?? his parents are miraculously still in love and in a healthy relationship after all the stress they dealt with, so that is something he would like to emulate one day, just without the whole bit where they were pressured into getting married. the idea that he’s been messing stuff up since conception feeds his anxiety a lot, even if he’s not fully aware of it himself. he doesn’t trust himself not to mess up a relationship too. the handful of dates he has had all fizzled out because he was like, “uh oh, time to be distant!” for why? because he’s dumb and having any kind of feeling is scary.

anyways.

he’s a bit lonely all the time honestly, not just in a romantic sense. he lives alone with his dog, who he loves, but he’s sometimes very, very aware of his own presence. he doesn’t especially like spending time with himself, but he also doesn’t really care to spend his days off going out to meet people, so he’s at a bit of an impasse with himself. so, he kind of romanticizes the idea of having someone who might just be happy to spend some quiet time with him on the couch, maybe doing their own things, separate but together. 

but you see, that raises the question of if he’s actually interested in having a relationship or if he just wants someone for the sake of it. it definitely isn’t that deep, but it’s 100% in his nature to overthink things like this.

not one for anything casual, either. with his brain, he likes things that are clearly defined, and isn’t fond of muddying up any friendships or acquaintanceships for the sake of his own satisfaction. but?? at the same time, dowoon won’t let himself get close enough to anyone to see them seriously or spend the night with them so? i don’t know what he wants? 

bisexual single king <33