#listen I'm quarantined again just let me live my life

[eybefioro]

hello eybe i have come to torment you 🌩️

bookshop, rain, record, nebula, polaroid, tartan socks :)

XAN!! 💛

bookshop - what's your happy/safe place? (physical or intangible)

Intangible? The good omens fandom. Physical? My hammock and my dad's home. I have to say most of the years I lived there were bad but he really tried to make there a little piece of paradise, and he succeeded in the end.

rain - have you ever been in love?

Yes. One time. (Maybe one and a half lol). She was everything to me. My best friend, the only one I could confide in for a long time, the first person I felt attracted to and that I loved in a romantic way. I never felt something so strong before. I wanted to melt into her and have every air she'd breathe out. Wanted my hands forever shaped around hers. I don't think she really loved me tho, I think I was a crutch somehow (she was in a really bad state at the time) considering it got toxic & she cheated on me with my brother, to then turn into a nun and saying I was going to hell/trying to convert me LMAO I think a tiny part of me still loves her... or at least a memory of when I still believed she loved me. I hate how I can still remember the smell of her neck or how it felt to have her weight in my arms when we slept. (Dang it sorry this got long)

The "half" is someone I dated online for a while. I really like her but she lives so far that it simply couldn't work. Maybe if we were more physically close I could've fallen completely in love again.

record - a song that's very significant to you? what does it mean to you?

I listen to so. Much. Music. All the time! it's hard to pick one... hmmrmnr okay. Here goes a sad one. So. One of the reasons I like music so much is my dad. And he used to play this song on guitar often. I almost never sang with him bc well I'm very bad at it and felt conscious about it. But on his wake it just... burst out of me. I don't even remember it properly but I sang it with all my lungs for him. Idk what possessed me. I wish he could've heard it. I think it was the first time that I sang something well and probably was the last time lol como nossos pais - by belchior (this performance by Elis Regina is incredible BTW and it haunts me. She's so amazing it destroys me

nebula - something you've done that you're really proud of?

Ngk. Well. That's a hard one. I have counterpoints and critiques to everything I ever did lol but maybe my final project at uni? That was a nice. Oh and also a Chapel I designed a while ago. Thinking that people will marry and make memories in a place I thought every centimeter of inflates my ego. Even if there's many things I'd change in it now.

tartan socks - hot or not?

HOT! almost all fanart of Aziraphale proves my point.

Gomens ask game

(Last question under the cut bc trigger warning i guess. Suicide mention)

polaroid - what's a bittersweet memory?

ISN'T ALL THIS ENOUGH. I'm kidding lol (I just feel like I'm showing you all my scars in this ask wtf) during the quarantine I got really close to some online friends. One day we found a site that let us draw together in one canvas. We had so much fun. I still have that drawing saved in my computer... it's a very sweet memory, the bitter part is that some months later one of them committed suicide, so my most tangible memory of her is that drawing we made together. I was never able to meet her. We all from the group still chat but without the quarantine we have less time to be online, and life obligations take too much time and energy so we aren't that close anymore. I still think the distance between us started growing tho when she left us.

[lookwhatyoudidithasanxiety]

//Sooo I wanted to give an update.

First off: I'm working on the next chapter! I'm also working out the chapter after this one, I just don't know when it'll be written. (Picture for proof - it's only 50 words shy of 2500!)

Second: I wanted to sincerely apologize for my spotty presence on here. Especially since I said I'd be on this last weekend and wasn't. I'll leave an explanation under the read more below, but just know that life has been...something. I'm not complaining and I'm not looking for sympathy, but I feel like you all deserved an explanation.

My goal is to finish up the chapter and get it posted as soon as I can. I don't know when that'll be with everything that's happening, but I wanted people to know that I'm not abandoning this blog or the story. I just can't give any good timelines right now with everything going on in my life.

I'll leave my detailed explanation below, but don't feel obligated to read it. Thank you for your patience and I'm sorry again. TW for mention of bugs/pests.//

So a few things have happened in my life. I don't know if I shared it here before (I think I may have briefly mentioned it late last year), but my relationship with my parents is complicated and rocky. As such, sometimes I'll be doing great living my own life, other times they'll feel the need to call me every day and text me all the time. Now that my mother has more health issues, it's gotten worse. But that issue is somewhat managed now.

Secondly, the most glaring thing that's been making it difficult. I go out to see people in their homes for work. Well, one person I went to lied about not having any sorts of pests or bugs and I didn't find out until after I'd been there. That was three weeks ago. I thought that I didn't have anything and that I'd taken care of any potential bugs (I've been frantically checking everything and cleaning and spraying for the last three weeks. No joke.) Spoiler: I did not. I now have a bug infestation in my home that's been causing a lot of issues with my mental health. I won't get into how it's impacting my mental health, but let's just say I don't sleep well at all at night. Pest control just called me today to tell me they won't be able to treat until Monday. So I'm stuck in a home with bugs until I can go to someone else's home Saturday and quarantine in one of her spare rooms with my animals until after they treat next week. I'm also working from home because I can't go to work until after they treat, so I'm stuck in my home quarantining...with bugs. Also can't see my counselor in-person until they've treated, so (":

And then I somehow dropped my phone in the toilet last weekend, so I didn't have a good phone to try and answer asks on until yesterday.

Does all this sound far-fetched? Yes. But it's true. When it rains it pours, I guess ^^' I swear I'm trying to post on here and get things written, but things keep happening. And like I said, my mental health hasn't been great. It isn't awful like it was last year! But I'm really anxious and not sleeping well. I want to get the story updated and written as soon as possible, but I won't promise when that'll be because I don't want to break any more promises.

If you've read this part, thank you for listening. Like I said, things will be ok and they're getting worked out, it's just taking time.

[philsmeatylegss]

aaa sorry hopefully you're okay with people responding to your rambles (your most recent one that talks about suicide). just wanted to say i'm very very proud of you for healing and i can relate to your post.

hopefully you are okay with me sharing this story but im a young phannie, im 15, and i found them when i was 11 which was a few months before quarantine hit. extremely long story short, for me 11-13 years old were the scariest years of my life and i don't think anything will ever come close to that again (thank god). that's when i used to rely heavily on dan and phil videos (mostly phil). like i just have so many memories of like i don't know, being on a road trip with my family and being completely out of my mind but i would turn on an amazingphil video or a song that amazingphil mentioned and desperately try to immerse myself into that rather than my thoughts. now that i'm 15 (which is like. unbelievable honestly) i see their content on my feed but i rarely ever engage anymore, and when i do it feels like making my inner child happy. it's weird to think that something i held very close to me and that kept me above water for so long belongs in the past now along with really deep trauma. even if i ever get back into binging phil's videos (i probably will because man he is so nostalgic to watch and i just love him) i'm sure i will never engage with them the way i used to, because i'm simply not the same person. it's sad and also really euphoric and healing at the same time to watch yourself let go. anyways that's my 3am rant lol (i have yet to lose younger me's sleep schedule) thank you for listening and please have a wonderful day/night ❤️

I literally relate so hard to this and it’s really comforting to hear similar stories to mine. I fucking hate when people dismiss mental illness if the person is <14. Ages 12-14 were truly the most terrifying years of my life where I truly believed I would not be able to keep living. I’m very thankful I was surrounded by people who took it seriously so I was able to get help early on. But it’s so important to recognize the little things that also got us through. I know there’s a lot of people who roll their eyes when you say this musician or content creator or actor or whatever saved my life and that’s because people take it too literal. I do credit dan and phil and twenty one pilots with saving my life. Obviously, it wasn’t just that. It was years of therapy and medication and healing, but their content, what they brought into my life, was something I needed to hold on to. It gave me motivation. It was a distraction from pain that wasn’t harmful to myself. I connected with people who I truly felt understood me. And that’s something I needed during that period of my life. Now that I’m older and developed a personality and I’m so far from where I was, I don’t need to be obsessive because I don’t need a constant healthy distraction to get me through life. I can just be a regular fan. And still enjoy that little rush of joy I get when they upload. It’s such a unique experience that, though I am so sad people can relate to, is so important and interesting to discuss. I often joke about being suicidal and really mentally ill at a really young age and I know a lot of others do too. And that’s okay, but it truly is important to congratulate yourself for still sticking around. Even if you are still depressed or unhealthy. And it’s okay to have motivations like being a fan to keep you happy and to keep you going. It’s also okay if you’re getting older and you want to let go a little bit. You don’t have to completely abandon it. I know I’m so fucking far from abandoning dnp and 21p. But it’s okay to not be as obsessive as you were. It’s a sign you’ve grown up. You’ve healed. I appreciate so much what dnp and 21p did for me and I still remain a loyal fan, but it’s okay for me to let go because I can live without needing them. Being suicidal at such a young age is a very specific, tragic experience that you can only understand if you went through it. That’s why it’s hard to discuss topics like this without sounding batshit crazy. But I’m glad some of us are here talking about it.

[aintnoscience]

Hi.

I never really write on Tumblr or blogs. It's been years since the last post I made (and the last time I open this account). But there's something nostalgic about everything I see here tonight, and I decide to stay for a while.

It's Friday night. I had no plans. I got nowhere to go and no one to talk to. Just a little life update, it is 2023 and the version of me who's writing this is currently continuing her study to get a bachelor degree. It's almost a new semester and I really got nothing to do. I quitted my job last year and been focusing on my study while doing some freelance works.

To be honest, everything is really unexpected. If the 2020 version of me can see this post, she would be very confused because the last time she came here, she was ranting about being burnout and feeling so stressed out in her previous job lol. It was her very VERY first professional job. She had to figure everything out while being locked up because of the pandemic and depressed I could say? It's been so long that I didn't even remember at what moment I posted the post lol.

But don't worry, we're in a better mental state now. The 25-year-old and the prefrontal cortex myth was true. And not gonna lie, I've been feeling better since I quit the job.

Two years ago (2021) I decided to get back to college. I was kinda forget why (LOL). I just wanted to learn new things. I've tried to join online classes but none of them satisfy me. Also, I was really depressed because of work but I didn't have an excuse to quit my job (and have some time to figure out what I want to do next). This might be the cheesiest reason you might hear about someone going back to college. I didn't know what to do. But on the serious note, I really want to get a masters degree.

I was also lonely. Everything about the pandemic made me feel disconnected from the real world, from who I am and from what I wanted to be. Maybe it was just a quarter life crisis, but too bad, my early twenties happened in a pandemic.

My perception about time is also messed up lol. I still feel like I'm 22 (I am 25). Again, I don't know if it's just a normal quarter life crisis to mentally feel like you're younger than your real age or it's because of the quarantine.

So many things happened the last 3 years, yet so little things happened. I feel like I'm going nowhere, but if I look back, I am really far away from where I used to be.

I don't know where life will take me by the time I open my Tumblr again (let's assume that we open this account and post once in a two years lol). What would this version of me feel? What will she do and where will she be?

I don't want to think much. But I just hope that she's happy, content and at peace.

Anyway, I think I'll finish it this way. I'm in a rush to listen to Han's new single lol.

Well yes, another unexpected thing that happened the last three years was: I'm into KPop now. I've been liking this KPop group called Stray Kids for the last two years. Me finding them was like finding a fresh air and a reason to live. As silly as waiting for them to release some contents every 10 P.M. Life's been bearable since I knew them.

Might write more so we don't have to wait two years for the next post lol. But i'll end it right here.

Cheers,

from me and my boys. xx

[catatonicengineers]

I know I have a stuffed animal body, but I’ll work really hard.

[theinvisiblecapricorn]

Surprise, surprise.

Author's note: This is my first ever written one shot. The inspiration popped into my head during my shower. Please let me know what you think. Enjoy

Fluffy one shot.

Part 1.

// Introduction //

A little info about Y/N and Vinnie.

So, you guys met during the first Covid lockdown.

You weren’t really seeing anyone of your friends during this time because you didn’t feel like taking any risks. So the only way for you to interact with anyone, was via social media. Before lockdown you also kind of give up on the idea of finding a lover because the last time you gave it a shot it didn’t work out.

You remember one of your best friends told you ‘’ Once you start focusing on yourself, it’ll come to you. ‘’ Well, what better way to focus on yourself other than during quarantine?

That’s when Vinnie came into the picture.

After many failed attempts of having a normal conversation with serval people, the last thing Vinnie expected was to meet someone like you. A lot of the time people tried to take advantage of the fact that he was famous. They would post his personal info on social media and share their conversations for clout. Just like you, Vinnie was kind of over the idea of meeting someone who would like him for his personality instead of his name.

You guys instantly clicked. It felt like talking to someone you’ve known your entire life. There wasn’t a thing you couldn’t share with another. But because the two of you lived in different time zones you couldn’t talk as much as you’d like, but you made it manageable. There was only one problem; traveling was not an option due to Covid, so the two of you had never seen each other in real life.

Until now…

// End of introduction //

Alex (Warren) set up his camera to make a video.

He clicked on record and looked into the camera.

‘’ So as you guys know, Vinnie and Y/N met online in the beginning of Covid, but they’ve never officially seen each other in real life. Now that traveling is allowed again and Vinnie hasn’t been feeling himself lately, I thought it was a good idea to surprise him. I bought y/n a plan ticket so she can come over and hopefully cheer Vinnie up. And I will document the entire journey. ‘’

// Vinnie’s POV //

It’s noon. I lay on my bed, scrolling on my phone through TikTok. I haven’t heard from Y/N all day. Normally she would call me before going to bed herself, but she never did. I tried texting her but no reply.

Y/NNNN????

Yo bro, you there???

I miss your voiceeee

Please don’t be asleep already 

Pick up!!!!!! Or else I’m coming for you.

God, I wish I could just fly to wherever she was at and kiss her entire face. Because, yes, I am indeed in love with her, and she feels the same way about me. I just never thought I could recognize so much of myself in someone else. She’s the most kind, beautiful and loving person I know, and I can’t wait to hold her in my arms one day and never let go.

I’m starting to daydream about a life with y/n without the long distance, because it truly sucks. Then I hear a knock on the door and before I know it Alex comes rushing in with his camera in his hand.

( Vinnie & Alex )

‘’ Vinnie, say hello to everyone! ‘’

‘’ Hello everyone. Alex what do you want? ‘’

‘’ Why are you assuming I want something from you? ‘’

‘’ Because you only enter my room if you either have one of your crazy ideas to share or if you want me to get involved in something I probably shouldn’t get involved into. ‘’

‘’ Pfft, not true. My ideas aren’t crazy, they’re brilliant in their own way. ‘’

Alex grins at me. Suspiciously.

‘’ Anyways that’s not the point Vincent, I actually came in to see if you would join me to get some groceries because the only thing left are rise waffles and I’m starving. ‘’

Alex is blinking his eyes with the same grin he has had on from the moment he came into my room.

He’s not going to leave until I agree on coming. So before I know it, we’re on our way to the grocery store.

// Y/N’s POV //

I received a text from Alex a few weeks ago. He told me about his idea to surprise Vinnie. I couldn’t be more excited. Ever since Vinnie and I started talking I have pushed many of my personal boundaries. In a positive way. Vinnie has helped me regain trust in others and has showed me that love is real. I have lost my faith in love due to my previous experiences. That’s why the connection that I have with Vinnie is so important to me.

I have arrived at the airport as I turn on my phone. My phone starts to receive all the missed text messages and calls from Vinnie. I smile as I read through them.

‘’ Oh Vin, if only you knew ‘’ I think to myself.

I hear someone yelling my name behind me. As I turn around, I see Nailea running towards me.

Nailea is a close friend of Vinnie so of course she was the first to know about Vinnie’s contact with me. She’s been super kind to me, and I consider her as the sister I never had.

Nailea hugs me once she has approached me.

( Y/N & Nailea )

‘’ OH MY GOD. Girl, I am so happy that you’re finally hereeeee!!! ’’

I laugh as I see people around looking at us.

‘’ I am also very happy to be here. To finally meet everyone. For real. ‘’

‘’ Yea, now tell me, does my nose look bigger on the screen than in real life? ‘’

‘’ Hahaha, no Nai. You look fantastic on the screen and even better in real life. ‘’

Nailea and I take my stuff and walk out of the airport.

Once settled in the car, I receive a text from Alex:

We’re almost at the store. He hasn’t got a clue. See you there.

This is all a part of Alex his big plan. First, I will act like a regular costumer shopping at the same store as Vinnie and Alex. Then once they get back, Alex will distract Vinnie just a little longer, so he won’t notice me walking past the car right away. Brilliant.

// Vinnie’s POV //

Alex and I walk into the store.

‘’ Alright, what do we need? ‘’

‘’ Anything but rise waffles. ‘’

I shake my head, laughing, as I walk to the lemonade aisle.

Alex is taking out his camera and starts filming me from a far.

I start singing Paparazzi by Lady Gaga as I act like I'm hiding from him.

‘’ Oh, you should also take a few cans of coke. ‘’ Alex suggests.

As I walk towards the aisle with cans of lemonade, I notice a girl standing in front of it. Her hair instantly reminds me of Y/N. The exact same length, color and texture. Call me a simp, but I just pay a lot of attention to the girl I love. I slowly approach the girl before Alex attacks be by throwing a teddy bear on my head.

‘’ Hey, watch it! ‘’ I fix my hair.

‘’ Sorry man, I just know how much you like teddy bears. ‘’ Alex’s laughing out loud as he zooms in to my face.

I laugh, as I start to think back to the day Alex thought it would be funny to buy a giant teddy bear and have Patrick in it to scare me.

Just then, I notice the girl was gone. I didn’t see her anywhere else again.

After collecting all the stuff, we needed, we went home.

Once we arrived home, Alex stopped me before I opened my car door.

‘’ Let’s just sit here for a bit and talk about some stuff. ‘’ I stare at Alex with a confused look on my face.

‘’ Yea, because the viewers want to know, how are things going between you and Y/N? ‘’

I scratch the back of my neck and start feeling the heat take over my cheeks.

‘’ I mean, it’s hard sometimes. She’s one of the most important people in my life, yet I haven’t even met her in person. But I just know that once I do, that everything will naturally fall into it’s place. ‘’

Alex pouts as he listens to all the sweet things I have to say.

‘’ You really like her, don’t you? ‘’

‘’ I mean, yea I do. I really do. ‘’

‘’ Alright, so imagine her standing in front of you right now, what would you do? ‘’

I look at my hands as I start to imagine a situation like that.

‘’ Uh… If she was standing in front of me right now.. I would.. ‘’ My eyes scan a figure walking past the car and I couldn’t believe my eyes.

// Y/N’s POV //

Shit, I almost got caught. The plan was to go into the store, just to admire Vinnie from a far. I didn’t plan to stand in the exact aisle, where he needed to get something from. Luckily, Alex had a plan to distract Vinnie while I fled to the exit. Phew, that was close.

Alex texted me, saying they were on their way home. That’s when it hit me, I am going to be able to see, touch and kiss Vinnie for the first time ever. Nailea noticed my anxiety kicking in and she told me everything would be just fine.

It didn’t take long before Alex’s car pulled up on the driveway. Alex and Vinnie stayed in the car for a bit. My phone started buzzing as I read the notification: ‘’ Now!’’ That was my cue.

As nervous as one can be, I walked past the car with the person who’s the other half of my heart in it. I didn’t dare to look in his direction.

// Vinnie’s POV //

I couldn’t believe my eyes. This isn’t real right? Was I dreaming? I mean, I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night because I was worried sick due to Y/N not responding to me anymore.

I rub my eyes as I watch in the direction of the person again and there’s no way it couldn’t be her.

Then she turns her face into my direction and my heart starts pounding. There she is, the love of my life, the only person who can make my day just by popping up in my notifications, Y/N.

As I try to open my door, I hear Alex locking it.

‘’ Let me out! ‘’ I look at Alex as I try to unlock the door, but unable because he keeps his hand infront of the lock.

‘’ You haven’t answered my question yet. ‘’ Alex smirks at me, but I do not find it funny at all.

‘’ Please, let me out and I’ll show you what I would do if she were to stand in front of me ‘’

And with, I heard the door unlock. I jumped out of the car and ran as fast as I could to the person who I longed for the most.

Click here for part two;

[starryeyedrookie]

Before It’s Too Late (Ethan x MC)

Book: Set during book 2 ch. 11.

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Evelyn Long)

Word count: 1,996

Rating: General

Category: Angst

Summary: An attack scene rewrite when Ethan spends the night with MC.

A/N: Characters and some dialogue owned by Pizelberry.

I finally decided how I was going to write this rewrite. Initially I was trying to do a full chapter rewrite but half way through, I was already at 3k+ words so it would be waaaay to long. Thankfully, I managed to summarize it but also give it a ton of angst. (This was my first time writing angst btw.) I hope you enjoy!

8:30 pm

It's been exactly five hours since the attack. Five excruciatingly long hours since Evelyn’s world was turned upside down.

Travis, Senator Ed’s assistant, had slowly been poisoning him with lead. When they went to confront him, he pulled out a can and sprayed everyone in the room with a deadly unknown substance.

The Senator managed to escape and Travis was dead. But so was Bobby, with Danny fighting for his life.

Evelyn begins to cry again as she thinks about Bobby’s wife and two kids that he left behind. They would now have to grow up without their dad. He would miss so many big milestones in their lives all because of two selfish people.

“E-Evelyn…?” a weak voice calls from across the room.

She walks over to the bed where Raf is lying down, a light sheen of sweat covering his pale face.

The team had come a little while ago with a shot that they had hoped would slow the progression of their symptoms, but Raf’s still seemed to be getting worse.

“What’s wrong?” he asks quietly, gently wiping the tears from her face.

“I was just… thinking about Bobby’s family and… everything that he… would miss. He was… just telling me… this morning that… his oldest daughter is turning sixteen this year…”

“I know… life isn’t fair. They didn’t deserve any of this.”

“You didn’t either, Raf.”

“But I saved you from having to suffer so much… and that’s what matters.”

“Raf…”

“Shh… listen, I feel… like I’m… getting worse. Will you… do me a favour?”

“Of course. Anything you need.”

“Please help me call my vovo.”

Evelyn hands Raf his phone to unlock, then scrolls through his contacts until she sees his grandmother’s name, tapping it, she places the phone to his ear.

“Olá, vovo.”

“No… I’m not well. There was an attack at the hospital today and the Senator’s assistant tried to kill him. A few people were in the room when it happened. The Senator escaped, but his assistant and one person that works here died and the other is in critical condition. Evelyn and I are in quarantine right now.”

“I just wanted to let you know… that if I… don’t make it… I love you with all my heart.”

“Alright, take care. I love you too.”

“Thank you, Evelyn.” he takes a shaky breath, his heart rate slowing and growing more shallow.

“Evelyn… I think you should… call the team… I'm sorry I couldn't save you… that this… might be the way it ends…” he murmurs, eyes meeting hers, as warm and kind as the day they met.

Taking his hand, she can barely see him through her tears.

“You'll make it through this Raf… I know you will…”

He smiles up at her before his eyes flutter closed and his hand falls away.

Moments later Ethan and June rush into the room.

“I’d hoped that the treatment would buy us more time,” Ethan says sadly.

“We don’t know that it didn’t.” Evelyn tries reassuring him.

He nods as June’s eyes fill with sympathy.

“We’ll get him to the support suite. There’s still a chance that we could fix this Evelyn.” June tells her, as she prepares Rafael for transport.

Evelyn’s almost too scared to ask, but she needs to know. “How’s Danny?”

“We… we lost him.” Ethan’s voice comes out in a whisper.

“No…”

“Before he died he… he asked to be autopsied. To help the two of you.”

As Ethan turns to help June, Evelyn reports Raf’s most recent symptom of hot cold reversal.

“Stay strong, Evelyn. We’ll know more soon.” June tells her reassuringly as she and Ethan slowly push Raf out of the room.

Now she’s all alone, curled up on her bed, the pressure in her head becoming almost too much to bear.

Her mind drifts to Danny. She remembers her first day when he was the one that told her that she had just performed a thoracotomy with Ethan Ramsey. The night of the party her roommates had when he and Sienna talked all night until they fell asleep together on the couch.

Sienna. All Evelyn wanted to do was rush to her side and hold her. She and Danny were supposed to be together. They were meant for each other. But how he was gone, and Sienna would have to live with that loss. She probably never even got to say goodbye.

Goodbye. Evelyn had to be prepared.

Picking up her phone, she sees that she has several missed calls and messages.

Calling her mom, she picks up immediately.

“Evelyn sweetie! Are you okay?! Oh my goodness, we saw what happened on the news and I thought we lost you!”

Hearing her mom’s voice, her tears start falling again.

“I’m hanging in there right now mom. It’s just me in the room now. Rafael just got taken to the support suite.”

“Oh, sweetie…”

“Mom… is everyone there?”

“Yes, honey. We’re all here.”

“Can you put me on speaker please?”

“Hey Evey.” she hears her dad’s voice say.

“Hi, Dad.”

“Hi Evelyn, do they know what it is yet?

“Hi Ben, no they don’t. We got a shot earlier that was supposed to slow the progression of the symptoms, but we don’t have a cure yet.”

“Oh.”

“Listen, guys… if I don’t make it…”

“No Evelyn! You can’t say that!” her heart breaks as she hears Ben crying through the phone.

“Wait… just listen to me. I’m preparing for the worst. I want you guys to know… that I love you all so much. And I want to thank you for everything that you’ve done to help me fulfill my dreams.”

Aside from the sound of soft cries, the line is silent.

Finally, her dad speaks up.

“We love you too sweetie. Stay strong and hang in there. You’ll be fine.”

“I’ll try… take care.”

“Bye.”

Later, her friends and the diagnostics team are gathered outside her window. Bryce looks at her with haunted eyes while a crying Sienna buries her face in Jackie’s shoulder.

“How’s Kyra? The surgery must be over by now…”

“She’s fine and resting. We haven’t told her what happened yet.”

“Good idea.”

“So, do you know what it is yet?”

Ethan explains to her that it’s a maitotoxin that he had never seen before. It was still present in Danny’s bony postmortem and on the surface of his skin.

Processing the information, the realization hits Evelyn like a ton of bricks.

“Maitotoxin… that’s derived from parasites in fish, isn’t it? But… there’s no antidote so… I’m going to die here…” her voice now barely a whisper. “I can’t believe this. Today was supposed to be happy. Kyra was supposed to have a successful surgery and everything was supposed to be fine… but now Danny’s dead, Raf is in a coma, and I’m… I’m…” Evelyn buries her face in her hands as she begins to cry.

“Now isn’t the time to give up hope Evelyn. Because of Raf’s actions, you didn’t get much in your system so your symptoms aren’t as advanced. There may not be an antidote as yet, but I promise you that we’ll be working round-the-clock to synthesize one.” Ethan tries to sound as confident as he can, his heart breaking to see Evelyn hurting.

“You won’t be alone.”

Everyone turns around to see that the statement had come from Tobias, as he, and several Mass Kenmore doctors approached them, all prepared to do whatever it takes.

As everyone heads down to the lab, Ethan lingers behind at the window.

“Are you okay, Ethan?”

“No, Evelyn, I’m not okay. But you don’t need to hear about that. You should try and get some rest. Have you slept at all?”

“No. I can’t stop thinking about Rafael. How long he can last… whether… whether it’s already…”

“…Do you want me to stay for a while?”

“Yes, please. If this is my last night alive, I want to spend it with you.”

“If I was in your position, I’d feel the same way about you.”

“Really?”

“Really, Evelyn.”

Suiting up and entering the room, he gently guides her to the bed.

“Now lie down. I know it sounds impossible, but I need you to relax and try to think about something happy.”

As she lies down, Ethan gently pulls up the covers around her.

“Something happy like what it would be like if we went on a date?”

“If that’s what makes you happy then sure.”

Her happiness leaves as quickly as it came.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just feel like there are so many things that I should have done.”

“Like what?”

“I should have loved more.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve spent the last decade focusing on college, med school, work, always guarding my heart because I might be in another city the next year. It makes me wonder… what could have been,” she confesses sadly.

Ethan is quiet for a long moment.

“Since we’re sharing regrets, do you mind if I share one of mine?”

“Go ahead.”

Reaching across, Ethan’s gloved hand finds hers.

“I wish I hadn’t asked you to stay away.”

“You do?” she asks surprised.

“We’ve wasted so much time. I’ve wasted so much time. I should have held you in my arms every day and told you how much I… how much I love you.”

“Ethan?”

“Shh… I just needed you to know… that no matter what happens… I love and care about you more than I can ever tell you.”

“I love you too, Ethan.”

“You do?”

“Of course! I thought you knew that already.”

“I did. It’s just so wonderful to hear you say it.”

“I wish I could kiss you.”

“Soon. You will soon.”

Joining her on the bed, he wraps his bulky arms around her as eyes begin to flutter closed.

“Evelyn? Can you please look at me?”

“Hmm?”

Forcing her eyes open, she looks at him through his helmet.

“Promise me that you’ll keep fighting. That you won’t give up. Oh, Evelyn… our story’s only just begun and it can’t end here. Please… please promise me.”

“…I… promise,” she whispers before falling asleep.

The next morning she wakes up to excruciating pain in her stomach. Doubling over, Ethan reaches across from the chair for her.

“It’s okay Evelyn, you’ll be alright!”

Feeling weaker than ever, she can barely make out the blurry figures running to her window.

“Evelyn! We did it!” Aurora shouts.

“Huh?”

Baz and June enter the room with the antidote as Tobias explains how they did it.

“What about Raf? He’s much sicker than I am…”

“We administered it to him, but too far there’s been no chance. It’s possible we’re already too late.” Sienna gloomily reveals.

“But he hasn’t gotten any worse, that has to mean something!” Elijah adds.

As Ethan gently injects the serum into her vein, he whispers into her ear.

“Hang in there, Evelyn.”

Over the next several anxious hours, June comes regularly to take her blood.

Slowly, her blood pressure stabilizes and the nausea begins to fade.

As Evelyn looks around, she realizes that the room no longer looks blurry.

“Get up.”

She turns around to see a hazmat suit free Ethan stroll into the room with a big smile on his face.

“You mean…”

“It worked. There’s no trace of toxin left in your bloodstream. Even if there are still traces in the room, we know now that we can-”

“Oh!”

Evelyn flies into Ethan's arms pulling him into a tight hug.

“…What you’re saying is I’m finally free to do this?”

“Yes. This too.”

He leans down capturing her lips in a passionate kiss as tears fall down both of their faces.

“Ethan, aren’t you worried that someone will see?”

“No. After almost losing you, I’ve decided that there are more important things to worry about than what people will think. I love you with all my heart, Evelyn Long.”

Through her tears, she smiles up at him.

“I love you too, Ethan.”

{Two Weeks Later}

Taglist: @mercury84choices @a-crepusculo @emmasumbrella @quixoticdreamer16 @headoverheelsforramsey @mm2305 @adiehardfan @schnitzelbutterfingers

@choicesficwriterscreations @choicesbookclub

Please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed❤️

[lsholland]

London Lights (pt. 1) - Tom Holland

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader (1st person)

Genre: Party!Tom

Warnings: swearing; alcohol; nothing much but I don’t recommend -18 to read.

Word count: 1.9k

Author’s note: Hey guys! That’s my first story on this blog. I hope you’ll like it. I’m not native so there may be a few mistakes. I’m trying a new genre of fiction. It’s my first Tom Holland fiction. It’ll be a series of 2-3 chapters. If you want to be part of the master list for Tom please like this post and message me. 

Synopsis: Quarantine has been tough. I’ve lost my boyfriend, and I’m feeling lonely. Clubs and restaurants are open again, but I feel like it’ll never be like it used to. My friends have been pushing me to install Tinder and go on dates. Well, tonight, I’m going on a date. I don’t really want to but I’m going to try and have fun for once. Just a few drinks and I’ll go home. What else could happen?

PS. You can read the story on Wattpad.

What am I doing here? I think to myself.

I matched with this guy on this famous dating app . . . And now I'm supposed to meet him here, at this bar. But I don't want to. I'm just hoping he won't show up so I can escape from this shit-place.

I've been seated at the table for a good 5 minutes. The waitress cleans up the table next to mine and asks if I'm ready to order.

No, I want to leave.

I quickly glance at the drinks menu.

"Ehm . . . A pour over Irish coffee, please."

She nods and leaves. I don't even know what I just ordered. I hope it tastes good. Hopefully it'll make me drunk enough not to remember this awful date.

It hasn't even started yet.

I'm sweating.

"Hey there" says a husky voice right behind me.

I turn around and see my date. His name is Jordan. He's good-looking and I bet he's intelligent, but I don't have this feeling with him. I don't know why I accepted to go on a date in the first place. It's awkward.

"Hey!" I grin.

"Have you ordered something already?" he asks, touching his short, clean beard. "I'm thirsty!"

He looks nice.

*

The waitress hands me my third drink. They help the clock tick a little faster.

He's been talking about his job, his passions. He loves football and practises daily. He has 2 sisters and lives in Camberwell.

Cute.

For a moment, I feel sad for him. He drove all the way to this East London bar, put effort trying to look nice and being cool . . . and yet, he doesn't know it but he has no chance to get lucky tonight. Not with me.

I shouldn't be sorry.

But I am.

I glance around looking for something that might be a little more entertaining than him. I realise I've avoided eye contact since he arrived. I finally glimpse at him. He has beautiful hazel eyes.

Still not enough.

I quickly check my phone. It's getting late. I don't know how to end this.

"Look," I slightly bend over the table. "I'm so sorry but I don't feel like it tonight"

"I noticed." He smirked. "Kinda awkward, innit?"

I chuckle. I am so embarrassed.

"It's okay, though." He added. "I'm just trying to meet new people. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend a few weeks ago. My mates told me I should try these apps."

Okay, now I feel worse than ever. He's been so nice with me and that's how I treat him. I grab my drink and gulp it down.

I shouldn't have done this.

"Let's go dance. I owe you one." I say as I grab his hand and walk towards the dancing area. It becomes difficult to keep my head straight.

I'm drunk, I must admit.

I'm going to regret it, my sober-self shouts in my head.

I don't care is what I reply.

The dancing area is not crowded, but there are already a few people. Most of them are girls.

Girls . . . I wish my friends were not so busy all the time. I would've come to this bar with them instead of wasting my time with strangers.

I start dancing. I stare at him. He looks amused.

A group of guys join the dancefloor and all the girls on my right start screaming. It's so high pitched I cringe.

"What the fuck guys?" I shout, trying to focus on the music.

"Woah, that's Spider-Man!" says my date. He grabs my chin and makes me look in his direction.

No way, I think. It's actually him.

I know he lives in the area, but I've never met him before. It's always weird to see movie stars in real life. They look so much more attractive.

He is so much more attractive.

I try not to be a drunk fangirl and shyly wave to him. He doesn't notice.

"You wanna go and take a picture with him?" my date asks.

"Oh, no, no!" I answer. I'm blushing. "I don't even know what I'd tell him."

He laughs.

The worst thing that could happen is to annoy him during a night out. He needs privacy and I must respect it.

But it's so difficult.

I can't stop staring at him. I don't even control it. Being drunk doesn't help.

"D'you want a beer?" I ask my date whose name I completely forgot.

He nods.

I weave my way through the crowd. I can't believe there are so many people on the dancefloor. The area is so busy since the Spider-Man actor walked in.

Even the bar area is crowded.

I let my body rest against a barstool but quickly lose balance and almost fall on the dirty floor. The flickering lights are making me feel dizzy. I grip the counter and get up. I peer around to make sure nobody saw me.

He did.

I dust off my dress trying to save the dignity I have left.

"Want something?" someone asks behind me. I turn around, it's the barman.

"Two pints of Guinness, please."

I glance back at the same spot, but he's gone. It must've been a dream. I'm so drunk I can't trust everything I think I see.

I'm grabbing both my drinks and look around trying to find my date, but there are too many people. I take a sip of my beer and hold the other one above my head.

Someone hits my arm.

Oh no.

"Oh my God I'm so sorry!" yells the drunk blond girl.

I look at my dress. It's soaking wet. I politely smile at her. "It's okay," I mouth.

What a mess. I glance at the lavatory door. I need to go and save my dress.

"You haven't been lucky here."

I turn around to find out who's talking to me.

It's him. Tom Holland. Talking to me.

"What?" is all I manage to say.

"Do you need a hand?" he politely asks.

I blush so much it's noticeable in the dark.

I'm choking. I'm panicking.

I give him my two beers and walk towards the lavatory. I'm surely starstruck. And drunk. This isn't a good mix.

Once in the room, I grab a handful of tissues and try to soak up my dress. I groan. Did I expect to make that beer mark disappear? Yes. Did it work? Of course not.

I watch my face in the mirror.

I look like shit, I think.

A door slams shut. Two young girls just walked in.

"OH, MY G—THAT'S TOM HOLLAND!" shouts one. They are both panting.

I roll my eyes.

Oh . . . I've given him my beers. What about my date?

"Shit!" I hiss.

I violently open the door and frown my eyebrows as the lights blind me.

He's just here gazing at me. Two beers in his hands. One of them is half empty, the rest being displayed on my dress.

"I'm so sorry!" I say embarrassed as ever.

He smirks. "No worries." He hands me the full glass of beer.

I give him a questioning look as I grab it. What about the other one? Oh, right—He's drinking it.

"What's your na—"

I stop him.

"I know who you are." I peer down. "I'm sorry I didn't wanna disturb you" I say as I'm walking away.

This time I'm smart enough to avoid the crowd on my way out.

"That's rude to leave without saying goodbye!" Tom shouts from a distance.

I turn around and stare at him. He's got a soft smile; he doesn't look drunk at all. I wave him goodbye.

Now, he's approaching me.

"I meant to your boyfriend" he nods in the direction of my date who was dancing with a group of other people.

"He's not my—" is all I can say before he chuckles.

"I figured."

"How?" I clench my jaw. I'm hypnotised by his hand running through his hair. And his smile. And his lips.

"I can barely hear you," he points at a booth in the corner of the room "maybe we could sit there" he suggests.

My mouth softens into a smile.

It's difficult to walk with Tom Holland. Every couple of seconds he's stopped by fans requesting a picture. And he accepts every time.

I'd never be so patient.

"What's that?" he asks.

"It must be so annoying sometimes." I tell him as I sit on the booth.

"When they're nice and ask me, it's cool." He chooses to sit next to me. I can feel his arm touching mine. My heart is racing. He uses his other arm to hold his chin; he looks at me with so much intensity. Sometimes peering down my lips.

His face is so close, but he keeps talking. I can feel his breath on my skin. I'm going to burst into flames. "But when they're taking pictures without asking first, that's delicate."

I nod. I can't really listen to what he's talking about. I'm trying not to lose control.

"So, what's your name?"

He smiles when I tell him. "Why did you leave your date alone?" he asks.

I'm so nervous I stutter. I can't find my words. "I . . . I wasn't in the mood. He knows it. I shouldn't have come here."

"I'm happy you came." He says looking me in the eyes.

I raise my eyebrows. "Are you flirting with me?"

He barks out a laugh and breaks the eye contact. He rests his head on the wall behind us.

He isn't as confident as I thought he'd be. I don't know what's up with him, but I enjoy it.

I suddenly remember he's a movie star. He's always being watched. I glance at the crowd and see flashing lights. They're taking pictures of us.

I'm getting dizzier.

I don't want to see my face on a dumb article talking about Tom Holland's mysterious partner. I don't even know him.

"This is stupid" I mumble.

Tom is intrigued. He hasn't got a clue what I'm talking about. He hasn't even noticed the fans stalking him.

"I'm sorry, I gotta go" I abruptly say as I stand up. "Have a good night."

I grab my phone and leave the venue. I'm upset because I really wish I could've met him in a different context. I open my Uber app: there's no driver available.

Shit.

How's that even possible on a Friday night? In London?

I refresh the app, but it doesn't work. I guess I'll have to walk home.

A part of me wants to go back in this bar and spend time with Tom. He's sweet and I'm sure we would've had so much fun together. I glance through the window trying to see his face one last time, but I can't find him.

"What are you looking for?"

I cringe.

"Oh, sorry I didn't mean to startle you."

It's him. It's Tom.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"Going home too. The fun of the party is leaving . . ." he sighs. I smile back at him. I'm embarrassed.

I stand in front of him, none of us say a word. It's awkward. I'm getting anxious and walk away. I'm so overwhelmed.

He grabs my shoulder. "Wait, are you walking home?"

"Yeah, it's okay don't worry." I smile.

"I can drive you home."

"Sorry, but you've been drinking. I won't let you drive me." I curtly say.

He grins. He looks at one of his mates and nods.

"No way I'm letting you walk home alone," he sighs "besides, you're drunk."

"Come with me then" I instantly reply without thinking.

He nods.

What?

He's coming with me. My heart is racing. I won't survive a 30-minute drunk walk with him.

Not with his beautiful glossy eyes staring at me.

Not with my burning desire to kiss him.

[kudzushadow]

There for You | Part 1 of 3 | A Harlivy Fanfiction

Summary: After Harley finds Ivy in tears on the floor of the bathroom, realization dawns on her about how hard the past year had been on Ivy, from literally dying (1x12) to mind control. (2x12) They have a heartfelt conversation about the events leading up to the moment, and learn that sometimes it's ok to confide in the ones you care for. (Based on the scene from Eat Bang! Kill Tour: Issue #1)

Hurt/Comfort | TW: Past trauma mentions, slight hints of past abuse. | Spoilers for Harley Quinn: The Animated Series & Eat Bang! Kill Tour: Issue #1

See bottom for extra notes!

-

"...Ive?" Harley's eyes widened as she rounded a corner and was greeted with a sight that made her heart ache.

Ivy sat on the bathroom floor, head buried in her hands as her whole body shook with sobs. 

Harley was immediately kneeling by her side, arms wrapping protectively around her girlfriend without a second of hesitation. "Shh. It's alright, Ive. Everything's going to be ok…" Ivy had been acting strange since the wedding, but she hadn't been willing to open up to Harley. Now Harley was beyond worried, it was clearly more serious than the redhead had been letting on.

Ivy immediately relaxed into the blonde, tucking her face into Harley's chest. Eventually her sobs quieted down, but Harley could feel her trembling as she held her. While she tried to figure out what to say, she rubbed Ivy’s back comfortingly. 

After a couple moments of silence, after holding Ivy, feeling her tremble, listening to her uneven breathing… seeing her tear stained cheeks… realization began to dawn on Harley. God, she was so stupid and oblivious! She’d been so focused on her own feelings, she hadn’t even begun to consider Ivy’s… and how hard it must’ve been, being stuck in the middle of everything. 

“Ivy… I'm sorry. I’m so sorry… I’ve been so caught up in my own feelings, I hadn’t given any thought to how heavy all of this must weigh on you…” She brushed a strand of hair from Ivy’s face before continuing. “You’ve been through so much this past year, and I’ve been a pretty shitty friend. I should’ve been there for you, I should’ve helped you, should’ve protected you… and if I could go back in time and do it all differently, I would. A thousand times over.”

“...but I can’t, and that’s something I’ll regret as long as I live. Yet you’ve always been there for me, even when I created huge messes… when I joined the Legion of Doom, when I went back to Joker, when I released an army of parademons, when the Injustice League froze me… god, that last one sucked. Yet you rescued me. You always rescue me, Ive. Always help me. Always take care of me, even though I’m not sure I deserve it most of the time…” Harley looked away, shutting her eyes for a moment before forcing herself to continue. “...Ivy, you don’t have to pretend to be strong in front of me. You’re hurting… and that’s ok. We all hurt sometimes, but that doesn’t make us weak… or… or less human. I’m here now though. I want to share that burden with you, if you’ll let me.” Harley looked back at Ivy, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “I love you, Ive. I love you so much… and if you ever… yknow, want to talk about… well, anything at all, really… I just want you to know I’m here.” 

Ivy turned her head away, and the next few minutes passed slowly in silence. Harley held Ivy, didn’t once let go, but with each passing second she became increasingly worried she’d done something wrong. Was it something she’d said? Oh god, had she made it worse? 

“Ive, I didn’t mean-”

“Harley.” Ivy pulled away slightly, raising her head so she could meet Harley’s wide blue eyes. “I-” She paused, choking back a sob. “I hurt you, I hurt Chuck… I hurt so many people… all because I didn’t know what I wanted then… and to be honest, I’m not sure what I want now, either…”

Harley’s heart dropped, and she opened her mouth to respond before Ivy cut her off.

“-...but Harley… so much has happened. You’ve made mistakes, I’ve made mistakes… and you’re trying to change… that’s good, and I’m proud of you… but you're right, we can’t change the past, no matter how hard we try.” Ivy shut her eyes, letting out a shaky exhale before continuing. “Opening up… relationships… hell, just being around other people is… is hard for me… but you showed me the good in humanity. That not all humans are… are monsters. My life before I met you… was… lonely. Even with all my plants, I had nobody to talk to. Nobody to confide in… but I liked it that way. It was safe. Nobody was going to judge me, or… or abandon me... and I guess that’s why I… why I chose Chuck… because he was the safer option.”

I trust you, with my life… but I don’t trust you with my heart.

Harley winced inwardly, but she understood where Ivy was coming from. Harley definitely didn’t have the best track record with… well, anything really. 

So I… I’m marrying Kiteman.

“I was… I was scared. Scared that if I… if I went with what my heart was telling me, it was just going to get broken… and after everything, I just… I couldn’t stand the idea of that happening. Of losing you again…” Ivy trailed off, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes.

You were my one friend, and I asked you for one favor, but instead you ditched me for the Joker, who treats you like shit! 

“Ivy… I had no idea you felt that way.” Harley spoke softly, using her free hand to lift Ivy’s chin so she could look into those beautiful green eyes… eyes whose depths she often found herself lost in. “I… didn’t know what I really wanted then. It was like… like I was trying to fill a hole inside me… like part of me was missing… and then, that night at the pit…” She smiled, using her thumb to brush a tear from Ivy’s cheek. “That was one of the most amazing nights of my life. I hadn’t realized… I hadn’t realized what it felt like to have someone else care about you. To have someone love you. Joker definitely never cared about me… not in the way you do… and... y'know, maybe I didn’t deserve it. Like I said, I haven’t always been the most reliable… but that changes today… if you’ll give me a shot, that is…”

Ivy looked up at Harley as she brushed the tear away, and smiled sadly. “...You’re trying to change… and that’s what matters. Harls, I do love you. A lot…. More than I care to admit… and… this whole relationship thing is new to me, but… I’m… I’m willing to give it a shot. To give you a shot… and today… today was proof of how much you’ve changed. How much you’re willing to sacrifice for others…” Ivy rested her head on Harley’s shoulder, but her mind was clearly wandering.

“...but that’s not all that’s troubling you, is it?”

“...perceptive as always.” Ivy chuckled halfheartedly, then looked away again. “It’s… it’s fine. It’s nothing important…”

“Well, I am a psychiatrist… but seriously Ive, you can tell me anything.” Harley stroked her cheek. “You know that.” 

“Harley, I really don’t want to talk about it… can we just… can you help me out of this dress?”

“...yeah. Sure thing.” Harley stood up before reaching out a hand to help Ivy up. She definitely wasn’t going to let this drop that easily, but Ivy clearly didn’t want to talk anymore right now… so instead Harley busied herself with the zipper of Ivy’s wedding dress and the sights underneath.

- End of part 1 -

I think all of it copied and pasted? If it looks like anything is missing please lmk!

This... this is what quarantine, lack of sleep, and having covid does to you. Helps you get over writers block. This is my first work I've gone public with, and originally I wasn't going to post it but a friend gave me the confidence to share it! So... here it is, I guess?

I was going to post it on Archives of Our Own too, but I have to wait till the 14th to get an account. 😐

Comments mean the world, even if it's just a couple words. I'll even take criticism to heart! By commenting you all can let me know what you think, and if you want to see the other parts...

Any interaction is appreciated, and my inbox and dms are always open! Thank you, and have a great day! (Or night!)

[kuronanox]

Bad Dream - Kira Izuru

Kira looks down at the paperwork in defeat as he groans and tried to reorganize them. The wind from the window was gusting everywhere causing them to fall on the floor.

Shuffling noises were in the background as he cursed under his breath.

A small feminine hand had reached over his as Kira eyes looked up to meet (Your Name).

"Need some help Kira Fukutaicho." She asks him as he looks down at the papers again.

"Did you need something?"

"I came to turn in some papers! I've been feeling under the weather."

He props the papers on the desk to even them out and turns to her. "If you don't feel good, get some more rest (Your Name)."

She shakes her head and hands him her work. "I can't let you run the Squad all alone."

Kira slightly smiles at her as he gave his attention back to his work.

She took in his features and noticed how much he didn't smile anymore, during the academy days he was so innocent and cheerful. Growing up they were close but now it seems as she didn't know him anymore.

"Did you want to come over for dinner tonight?" She asks him as he looked up from the papers.

"Who's going?" He asked with curiosity, Kira didn't wanna intrude on her personal life especially when one of the reasons why he was feeling down was because of her relationship with Hisagi.

"Just me and Shuhei! But don't worry he won't mind! I think he kinda misses you." She winks as he wanted to frown.

"Don't you think it's weird?" He says a bit rudely not noticing his tone of language as her eyes widen from disbelief. Noticing her face sadden a bit he cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it in that way. I'm actually behind on the Captains papers so I probably won't have time." He added.

"Well you don't have to do it alone! Shuhei is in the same position so maybe you guys could do it together and we can all drink a bit! I'll even invite Matsumoto Fukutaicho if it lightens the mood!"

Kira didn't want to be in the same room as (Your Name) and Shuhei. He tried to think anyway possible to escape tonight but she seemed on insisting he come out.

"I guess, what time tonight?"

"Around 8! I'll cook dinner!" She says with a smile on her face as she ran out happily.

Knowing it made her happy that he was coming out was okay with Kira even though he wasn't in the mood to socialize.

"Kira?" Shuhei asks with a smile as he got back from work while leaning his zanpakuto on the wall.

"Yes! He's seems down a lot recently so I thought inviting him to dinner would be a good way to have fun, oh Matsumoto is coming too!" (Your Name) said as she pulled out some veggies and protein out from the fridge.

Shuhei wrapped his arms around her body as he kissed her temple as she smiled while cutting the broccoli.

"That was nice of you, I've been worried about him." He tells her letting go and washing his hands to help prep with dinner.

"And I've been worry about you." (Your Name) states to Shuhei as he raises a brow and started to wash the rice.

There was a knock on the door before he could say anything.

"Hey we're here! Open up!" Rangiku cheerful voice rang around from outside as Kira was standing behind her with a tired expression.

"Hey! We just got started on dinner! Come on in!" (Your Name) welcomes them into her and Shuhei shared home.

It was Kira first time here, he took in the view. There was nothing really special that stood out to him except a few decor and a guitar in the living room. There was a few picture frame of the couple as they smiled to each other.

There was jealousy in the blonde lieutenant as he looked away from them and set a bottle of sake down he brought.

"Kira! Finally see you've been out of your own quarantine!" Shuhei greets him and pats him on the back.

"Slightly busy that's all." He tells the older man and smiles.

Rangiku sat down and cracked a sake open while they waited for dinner. She was in a cheerful mood today. "Oi we haven't been able to drink together in a while!" She tells Kira as he chuckles and gets himself a small cup.

"Likewise."

As him and Rangiku took small talk he could see in his peripheral version Shuhei and (Your Name) happily cooking together. There was small kisses stolen from each other as they were in sync.

"Dinner is served!" Shuhei yells placing down the rice, salmon and veggies along with miso soup to wash it down.

"Wow a chef in the house." Rangiku says as they all dug in.

"You guys started without us!" (Your Name) pouts noticing that two bottles of sake were already empty from Kira and the busty women sitting next to him.

"Ooo sorry that means y'all have to catch up!" She says as they poured themselves a cup.

Kira slightly smiles at (Your Name) cuteness as he took a bite of the fresh cooked fish. A part of him was thankful that it wasn't them three alone. He already didn't wanna talk much but the alcohol was kicking in and he was also thankful rangiku was there.

He didn't notice how hungry he was till a pair of chopsticks had put down a new piece of salmon in his bowl nonchalantly. It was (Your Name) as she was conversing with Rangiku about their new beauty routine with Shuhei listening and putting his input.

It felt like he was in the academy again, when he forgot to eat or wasn't eating enough (Your Name) was always feeding him and taking care of his health. The lieutenant knew she brought him out tonight so he could enjoy himself more.

"Thank you." He says as her flushed face smiles at him and went back to her conversation.

He blushed but it wasn't noticeable because of all the alcohol he already consumed.

"Kira you are particularly quiet for being drunk already!" Rangiku chimes in as he was lost for words.

"I- I am not drunk!"

"Sure you are! You finished 3 bottles alone already!" Shuhei laughs as he just groaned.

It was later in the night when it started to get rowdy, they all had a few to many as they were shouting to each other.

They were playing card games and gotten into it. They decided ride the bus because apparently kisuke had showed Rangiku a while back when she was in the human world. He told her it was a drinking game a lot of college students were doing so she wanted to hop on the trend.

"Kira you're on the bus so you have to keep drinking till you get these cards right!" She said as he took sips of the beer they had brought out for back up.

As he was drinking (Your Name) and Shuhei were cleaning a bit since it was getting messy.

Him and Rangiku were having to much fun that Shuhei retired for the because he had an early morning but he insisted on them staying and enjoying themselves.

By the time Kira won the card game he was sauced and couldn't walk in a straight line. He knew drinking with Rangiku was going to be a disaster.

"Did you want me to take him back?" He heard Rangiku ask (Your Name) as he was slumped on the table.

"It's okay, he can stay for the night. We work together anyways so I'll wake him up tomorrow." (Your Name) tells the older lady as she left for the night.

"Okay big boy, help me will ya." She tells Kira as she laid out a futon for him to sleep in comfortably.

He wrapped an arm around her waist as he walked towards the bed made on the floor. Tripping on his foot they fell over as she gasped.

"Kira you are crushing me!" She silently whispers so Shuhei wouldn't wake up from their shenanigans.

"Just let me hug you (Your Name)." He says breathlessly with his eyes closed. Kira wanted to enjoy this moment because he knew she could never be his.

"Kira?"

He looks down to her lips as she looked up to him innocently. A part of him didn't want to be the bad guy but what was so wrong with being bad once in a while.

He knew it was the alcohol bringing out everything he was holding in, he was going to regret his actions the next morning. Cupping her face he kissed her parted lips. It didn't help that she wrapped her legs around his waist as he groaned. Letting his tongue slip into her mouth.

She flipped him over so she sat on top, just when things were beginning to get spicy he opened his eyes and.

"KIRA IZURU! You wake up this instant now!" He heard a voice called out as he jumped out of bed and looked to his side to see a concern (Your Name) next to him. She sighed in relief and pushed his hair out of the way from his face.

"Are you dating Hisagi San?!" He asks quickly out of breath as she tilted her head and slightly smacks his forehead.

"Ow!"

"Hello! What were you dreaming about? I'm dating you stupid." She says as he calmed down a bit and laughs rubbing the back of his neck.

"It was just a dream, thank goodness."

(Your Name) looked confused as she jumped on top of Kira and laid her head on his chest.

"Whatever it was Izuru I'm always going to be yours." She says as he laid back down and rubbed her back. He was cheesing to himself to know (Your Name) wasn't going anywhere.

"I know, it was just a dream." He says as she kissed his lower lip and grinned.

"I love you, you know that."

"Of course, I love you too, always."

(Authors note: just a cute fluff I made! Have y'all seen Kira now! He's making me simp! noooo I already have my bleach bias and he's breaking it!)

[zimms]

do you know that reddit post that's like "i'm in quarantine with my roommate (we're both dudes) and we've been cuddling together a lot. am i gay?" because at least to me it has big olliewicks vibes

hey dude! i’m sorry this is so late, but hopefully you’ll like it! 

Ollie groggily awakens to the feeling of two strong arms wrapped around his stomach, holding him close and grounding him. He lets out a sigh of contentment before squeezing his eyes shut and burrowing his head slightly further into the tangle of bodies, pursuing the warm heat of the other person. The body beneath him shifts slightly, emitting a slight groan and disturbing Ollie’s brief peace. That’s when he realises three things.

They’re in the middle of a pandemic.

His only human contact in the past two months, other than cashiers at their local grocery store, has been Wicky.

The person beneath him is definitely Wicky. Ollie can feel it in every plane, every angle, every curve of the body he’s laying on top of. It’s in the way that Wicky’s breathing slightly stutters after every inhale. He knows it’s Wicky because every inch of Wicky’s body is unique and Ollie’s memorised all of them. So yeah, definitely Wicky.

Ollie takes a moment to just breathe and catalogue the situation. He cracks an eye open and he immediately heaves a sigh of relief; they’re both wearing clothes, which means that they didn’t do anything that either of them might regret. Well, or at least, nothing that Ollie might regret; he can’t speak for whether or not Wicky might regret even cuddling him, let alone anything else. 

He cranes his neck slightly to catch sight of the TV, where the Netflix Are you still watching? screen stares back at him. Oh yeah, they’d been watching Tiger King together on the couch before they’d fallen asleep on top of each other. 

Ollie braces his hands on either side of Wicky and slowly rolls off of his best friend, careful not to land on the squeaky couch spring and wake him up. He slides slowly to the floor and places his head in his hands. 

Fuck. 

He squeezes his eyes shut and groans as quietly as he can into his palms. He’s been doing so well at tamping down his crush on Wicky up until now, but something inside of Ollie has ignited after spending the night in such close proximity to him. He’s not sure if he’ll be able to pretend when Wicky wakes up that he didn’t savour every moment that his skin was pressed against Wicky’s, that he doesn’t know exactly what Wicky looks like when he’s sound asleep, that he hasn’t memorised the way their chests rose and fell against each other in perfect synchrony.

Ollie shakes his head before pushing himself to his feet and padding into the kitchen to get breakfast. That’s enough thinking for today.

----

Ollie shifts his weight from side to side as he leans outside of George’s office and listens to the sound of chairs scraping behind the door. Thank fuck, they’re almost done; he’s been leaning against this wall for twenty goddamn minutes and his feet are aching. He straightens up as the door swings open and he plasters a grin on his face; no matter how annoying a long wait is, scowling probably isn’t the best first impression when you’re meeting your new employer. 

However, Ollie’s grin disintegrates when he sees the guy that comes out of the office and instead his mouth drops open. 

Holy fuck. 

Ollie unashamedly stares at the guy as he ambles down the corridor. God, every inch of him is pure perfection. From cheekbones that could cut glass, to wide brown eyes that seem to reflect and emit light until the whole corridor illuminates with this guy’s presence. From the lopsided grin that plays across his face, to the biceps that are way too big for the sleeves of his Falcs t-shirt. Ollie lets his eye’s slide to the guy’s ass; yeah, that’s definitely a hockey player. 

He’s stunning.

And, the little voice in the back of Ollie’s mind pipes up, a teammate.

Ollie slumps down the wall again and groans. He’s so fucked. 

----

Ollie had hoped that he’d be able to avoid all thoughts of his crush on Wicky for a while, well, preferably forever. He’s always been so careful to never let their cellies on the ice go too far, never letting Wicky kiss him on the helmet like he does every other player, never letting their hugs last for too long, never actively seeking out physical affection from him other than quick bro hugs and a slap on the back. 

The universe has other plans for him apparently.

That one night of couch cuddling seems to have opened the floodgates, because all of a sudden Ollie’s inundated by a tidal wave of physical affection from Wicky and it’s just becoming too difficult. Too difficult to ignore the onslaught of butterflies in his stomach when their hands brush slightly when they’re reaching for the salt at the dinner table. Too difficult not to stare at him when they’re watching a movie next to each other on the couch and he shifts over slightly so that their legs are touching. Too difficult to even begin to process and cope with the fact that Wicky has started coming into Ollie’s room to fucking cuddle with him. It’s too difficult because Ollie is finally allowing himself to hope and he doesn’t even fucking know if Pacer, Wicky, Pace, is anything other than straight. 

It’s just too goddamn difficult to be around his best friend. 

Ollie smiles down at where Pacer has tucked himself underneath his right arm, eyes softly shut and a peaceful smile playing across his face, and he feels his heart breaking. If he wants to preserve their friendship beyond this quarantine in any way shape or form, he needs to stop indulging himself like this. What if Pacer’s angry because Ollie’s taken advantage of him because Ollie’s using this- this thing between them to selfishly fulfill his own wants? What if Pacer’s only comfortable doing this because he thinks Ollie’s straight? What if-

Ollie squeezes his eyes shut and curls his hand into the sleeve of Pacer’s shirt, forcing that line of thought to come screeching to a halt before it becomes a trainwreck. He needs to stop thinking like that; Pacer’s not gonna abandon him after three years of friendship and being lineys because of some no homo, bro bullshit. Or at least, Ollie hopes he wouldn’t. Pacer’s not that kind of person. 

(Aww, fuck. He also needs to stop referring to him as Pacer in his head. He needs to distance himself from Wicky somehow, and he’s definitely not going to pull away from him physically, especially as they’re each the other’s only source of human contact for the next month or nine, so emotional distancing will have to do.)

He heaves a sigh and lets himself slump against the headboard, careful to make sure that Wicky’s head doesn’t fall too quickly from where it’s leant against Ollie’s shoulder. Wicky stirs at the sudden movement  and his eyes slowly open, a sleepy beam playing across his face and chestnut eyes staring intently at Ollie like he’s the moon gazing upon the sun. 

Ollie muffles a groan. He just doesn’t know what to think anymore. 

----

The second that Ollie and Pacer Wicks step onto the ice together for the first time it feels electric. They complement each other in every way; Pacer skates slightly faster than Ollie does, whilst Ollie has a slightly more accurate pass that finds Pacer every single time. It’s like they were made for each other. 

It’s fantastic.

(It’s torturous.)

Ollie finds himself spending even more time with Wicky than he originally planned for, and things just keep going from good to great. 

(They go from bad to worse)

They have the same taste in films to the extent that they now have a monthly The Princess Bride rewatch. They’re both cat people and it’s slipped into their pre-game routine to go for a walk together, looking for the neighbourhood cats and calling pspspspsp to them in the hopes that they’ll come running and grant them good luck before the game. They’ve won every game that they’ve stroked a cat before, so Ollie isn’t really inclined to let go of the superstition, and, judging by the way Wicky grins at the little fuzzballs, Wicky is equally reluctant to stop their pre-game walks. The best thing they have in common is that both of their leases are up at the end of this month; who’s Ollie to pass up the opportunity to live with the guy that’s rapidly becoming the most important person in his life?

(Ollie’s an absolute fool. Living with Wicky is going to kill him very slowly and definitely isn’t the way to rid himself of a crush that’s quickly morphing into something even more serious. 

Ollie is, once again, fucked.)

----

Ollie tries to pull away slowly rather than withdrawing all physical affection at once. It’s painful, but if it keeps Wicky from hating him, Ollie will gladly do it. Heck, if it was to protect Wicky, Ollie would do anything. 

He starts slowly. He shifts over a bit on the couch, leaving a deliberate gap between them on the couch, so that no wandering limbs can reach out for each other. He makes sure to hold out the condiments at dinner, so that there’s no way for either of them to find an excuse for their fingers to touch, no matter how much Ollie hungers for it. He starts spending more time in his room, doing his online college courses there, rather than in the living room like he usually does. He goes to bed earlier, hoping, wishing, praying that Wicks doesn’t try to join him for a cuddle. 

(Ollie ignores the little voice in the back of his mind that’s screaming to feel the press of Wicky’s warm body against his again. He ignores the wounded glances that he receives from Wicky every time he avoids eye contact. He ignores the aching pangs inside of his chest that appear whenever he spends too long gazing at Ollie.)

----

Moving in together is the best idea and the worst idea that Ollie’s ever gone along with.

Pros: He gets to spend every day with Wicky.

Cons: Spending every day with Wicky might actually kill him soon. RIP Oliver O’Meara. Cause of Death: Walking into the kitchen and seeing Wicky topless and sleep rumpled, muscles rippling as he reaches for the coffee. 

Pros: He knows Wicky almost as well as he knows himself.

Cons: He now knows that Wicky is hung up on someone after one particularly drunken ramble.

(Fuck.)

----

It’s a week after the first cuddling incident that Wicky pulls open the door to Ollie’s room and marches in, eyebrows lowered and eyebags darker than ever. Ollie immediately slams the lid of his laptop shut, straightening up from where he’s slumped against the headboard of his bed. He frowns. “What’s up, Wicky?”

Wicky freezes on the other side of the room. “What’s up?” he says, voice cracking and strangled. Yikes, this must be worse than Ollie thought it was. “You’re asking me what’s up?” He drops onto the bed, like a stone sinking to the bottom of a river. “You’re the one that’s disappeared recently.” He pushes the heels of hands into his eyes. “We used to do everything together and now whenever I look for you, you’re in here.” He tears his hands away from his face, to gesture frantically around the room. Wicky appears to be manic; his hair’s all ruffled and there’s this slightly crazed look in his eyes. “What did I do, Ol?”

Ollie scrambles out of bed to come and sit next to Wicky. He stretches out a hand to comfort Wicky, but withdraws it as he fumbles for what to do or say. “You didn’t do anything, Pace,” he says softly, resisting the urge to reach out and swipe away the tears that are trickling intermittently down his cheeks. “It’s me that’s the problem.”

Wicky raises an eyebrow at him, stare stern in spite of the crying. “Really? So you’re completely fine with me cuddling you? And definitely didn’t start shutting down any of my attempts to spend time with you?” Ollie flinches and Wicky scoffs. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

“I-” Ollie trails off, eyes wandering until his gaze meets Wicky’s. The look in Wicky’s eyes isn’t scornful, no matter how much it deserves to be, instead his eyes are calm and fathomless like the earth after a long-anticipated rain. “I didn’t want to hurt you, though I clearly failed in that respect. I’m just so worried that you’re going to think less of me, especially once I tell you that-” Ollie clamps his mouth shut, as words he’s barely even thought to himself start to tumble out into the open.

“Tell me that..?” If Ollie didn’t know any better, he’d think that there was a trace of hope in Wicky’s voice. “C’mon, Ol, I’m not gonna leave you, no matter what you say.”

Ollie rubs his hand across his eyelids before stuttering out, “I’m in love with you.” Shit, that is not what he meant to say. “Fuck, I mean, I like you. Romantically.” He hides his face in his hands. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, so I figured going cold turkey for a couple of days might do me some good.” He pulls his hands from his face suddenly and lets them drop to his knees. “Is that what you wanted to hear? That I like you? That I might be, fuck it, I am in love with you?”

The silence in the room answers that question for him and Ollie feels a tear roll down his face and a gutteral sob tear its way from his throat. 

“Fuck, Ol,” Pacer says, scrubbing a weary hand across his face, and that’s when Ollie knows that it’s all over, that he’s going to be rejected by the most important person in his life. “That’s definitely not what I was expecting, but it’s not unwelcome by any means.”

It’s not?

Ollie suppresses a sniffle as he voices this sentiment aloud. 

Pacer laughs, honest to God, laughs. “It’s actually very welcome, considering the fact that I’ve been pining for you since long before you got traded to Providence.”

He’s what-?

“I-” Ollie stumbles over the words, cheeks heating, “but you’re straight? And you’re hung up on someone?”

Pacer swipes a thumb across Ollie’s cheek, tracing the trail of his blush. “Ol, when did I ever say I was straight?” he asks, his gaze intently focused on Ollie. “Anyway, it’s always been you.” He leans in closer, breathing out one final word before sealing their lips together. “Always.”

[toomanyfandoms02]

Living with Matthew Gray Gubler during quarantine would include...

@drspencr did a Spencer Reid version of this! (You should read it, its adorable) So I decided to do an MGG version (with permission ofc).

- 2 weeks into quarantine and he was already planning Halloween costumes.

- Yes, it was still March

- You knew that the man whistled but man was that his favorite pastime lately. Lost count of how many songs you've had stuck in your head courtesy of your lovely boyfriend

- There was quite a scare about a month in

- Matthew had a BAD cold and you had thought for sure that you were part of an unlucky bunch who had caught it

- But after two days and 4 bowls of Chicken Noodle Soup, his cough had ceased and he was back to being his normal dumbass self

- He has you posing in numerous weird ways for his abstract and odd ways of drawing

- These soon filled up one of your walls in the bedroom

- If anyone were to see that wall, they would probably think you guys were insane or something but in reality, you were just so bored

- You had both done quite the kimono modelling/photoshoot

- Seeing you in a kimono got him a little excited if ya know what I mean

- But that's a story for another time

- Though it was a constant reminder when he would place the scandalous polaroids around the house where he knew you would find them

- He begs you to let him buy a Kimono Dragon

- Which you correct him, because it's komodo

- And you obviously say no, because where would you keep that thing??

- "The closet babe!!"

- "For the LAST time. Komodo Dragon baby. Not Kimono. He cannot sleep and eat and live safely in a closet. Do you want your kimonos ripped to shreds?"

- He pouts for a bit

- You had listened to the Alvin and the Chipmunks version of 'Funky Town' so many times that you sung it in a very high pitched voice naturally now

- Popping in on zoom calls with the Criminal Minds cast

- Helping Matthew come up with new ideas for his stuffed animals

- "What about a Walrus!"

- "Yes perfect! I can make his little tusks. It'll be so cute! Thank you!"

- Smooches

- On a more HORNY note

- Remember all those times where Matthew was filming and there was NEVER time to get laid

- Well, now is the time

- And trust me, you took advantage of it

- There were finally days were you could just stay in bed and be with eachother

- Matthew loved cuddling, he was so grateful that he didn't have to stay six feet away from you

- Because he could barely stay six inches away from you

- "So much for social distance." You mumbled between kisses

- "There is no fucking way I could handle that."

- Making him a Rumple Buttercup mask

- He nearly cried when you gave it to him

- Begging him for a whole week to binge Criminal Minds with you

- "Please, please, please? I just wanna watch my baby in action!"

- Truth be told you hadn't been able to watch the show fully. Just a few episodes here and there

- "Why watch that when I'm right here?"

- He ended up giving in and watching it with you. Pointing out the ones he directed, making you love them 6x more

- There was oh so much baking

- The amount of brownies you had stored in your freezer for later was sinful

- It was a good thing that you guys didn't live in an apartment building or have extremely close neighbors because music was blasting so often

- There was so much dancing

- You had warned him to not dislocate his knee again while dancing

- Which was the real reason he had to be on crutches in season 5

- At one point he had you put on his, as the fans called them, director scarves

- That was another great fashion show for the polaroid camera

- Having socially distant picnics with his family

- Watching the classical horror movies that he loves

- So you buy him some of The Shining merch on amazon

- Not only watching horror movies, but watching Disney movies

- Matthew is not secretive for his love of Disney movies

- And Star Wars

- Him doing magic for you and only showing you how to do about 2 of the tricks because ya know

- A magician never reveals his secrets

- You rolled your eyes numerous times at this

- Taking long baths together

- Let's just say the bathroom was steamy for more than just one reason

- Taking over his twitter for a day and saying weird shit

- But later posting a picture of you

- "Can we please pick a stray dog off of the street? I need another living thing here."

- "Only if we can call it Edgar."

- "As in 'Allen Poe'?"

- "Duh."

- Wearing so many of his clothes

- Like

- So many

- And maybe putting him in one of your shirts just to see him in a crop top

- It was a little hotter than you expected

- Making him read Rumple Buttercup to you more than once

- You just love it so much

- "And that's when Rumple realized, everyone was weird!"

- You may or may not have put makeup on the poor man

- He was so reluctant but when he saw himself in the mirror

- "Damn I am SMOKIN!"

- Making youtube videos because he "needs content" and "is bored"

- When you had moved in, you brought your PS4, this had Sims 4 on it

- You made your family on it

- He insisted on getting a dog

- "We are living out the real dream! Look at all the tiny Gubes y/n! Look at 'em!"

- Life is a never-ending hug with this man

- And that's how you liked it

- You wouldn't wanna be stuck in the house with anyone else.

Doesn't nearly do a justice compared to the QUEENS but I enjoyed making it. Hope you guys liked it too. Requests are open!! (You can also request for a full fic of one of these plot points 👀)I JUST REACHED 100 FOLLOWERS WHAT DO I DO

[my-verklempt-mindspace]

Day 2 31st January, 2022

Monday

Covid. Infection. Variant. Risk. Quarantine. Death.

Just some of the many words we've all been reading, seeing and listening since about a couple of years now, to the extent that we've turned nonchalant towards them at this point. They don't really matter that much to us anymore, the daily cases and deaths are a mere number I'm not sure anyone even bothers to read anymore; basically we're all so "done with Covid."

That's how I felt too. Well, until it finally got hold of me; when I got infected too. Now obviously, this shouldn't seem like a huge thing, and it isn't, considering the fact that more than 50% of the world population has already contracted it atleast once uptil now.

Well, let's just say that I was not prepared for it mentally and it caused me more harm psychologically than it did, physically.

Let me go back a bit in time; at the end of December, I went to a trip and it was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. Making an impromptu plan and just going on a trip like that, savouring ice-cream at 0° C, trying zipline and paragliding for the first time, dancing with strangers on New Year's Eve, going on a trek to some of the most beautiful mountain peaks; the ones we only get to see in pictures and movies. I did it. It was so heartwarming, really.

Some truly special moments~

...and now fast forward to when I caught covid. Well, the fever lasted just a couple of days and after that I was up and running. But I was still under quarantine- and that, that was torture.

You know, it's weird; I'm the kind of person who prefers staying by herself, I don't like talking to a lot of people on call either, I stay happy by myself. But when that was imposed on me, when I was obliged to stay in my room, away from everyone else in spite of being so close to them; it was painful. I couldn't help but think about all those people who spent the last days of their life in quarantine; how traumatizing it must've been for them, not just physically, but psychologically..It's like having to spend your dying days in a prison without having committed any crime.

And well, everyone else got infected too and I couldn't help but feel guilty for it all.

Somehow that phase passed and I was back into my routine.

But January hasn't been easy. I've been going through a plethora of emotions. I've been so stressed about everything going around me, burdened with the impending doom of unfinished assignments and projects, suddenly being told I have this entrance exam a few months away I need to prepare for and simultaneously practice for boards, make sense of the fact that my school life is literally gonna end in 3 months and acknowledging the fact that I'll be turning an adult this year (I don't believe it either), realizing it's been another year in Covid and so on and so forth. Besides, the bittersweet realization that just a few days ago, I was living blissfully in ignorance, having the best time of my life; it makes me want to cry and laugh at the same time- laugh at my sheer ignorance and cry because I'm not sure when I'll feel the same way again.

It's not been easy and I know it's only gonna get worse with time. But I feel content in saying this- I value everything more now. I value the fact that I'm free to move about in my house and outside of my house and the fact that I have the freedom to go wherever I want to. I value my loved ones and I promise never to take their efforts or their presence for granted. I promise to never take this life for granted; after all it's the only one we've got. :)

I'm sure I'm not the only one experiencing all of this, and I think that's why it was so necessary for me to share it; to let anyone reading this know that you're not alone going through whatever you are.

I can't assure that I'm gonna be regular but I'll try my best. Thank you for sticking by if you reached till here.

I'll end by citing my favourite quote-

"This too, shall pass."

With love,

mg

(p.s here's a song that i always listen to when I'm under stress; it always calms me down, hope it helps you)

[shelby-love]

JAY HALSTEAD

NF Quarantine Visits

Requested: yes

Prompts: none

Warnings: none

Authors note: NF stands for necrotising fasciitis; Riley is your partner

"Look we're doing everything we can but there's no strong leads we can use right now." Jay informs Sharon Goodwin of CPD's latest news about the state of emergency the city of Chicago was currently in.

"I have people in quarantine Jay and the press isn't helping us at all." Sharon told him. "This isn't something out of the blue. Someone has to be behind this mess."

"We're doing everything we can but that's all I can give you right now."

"Incoming!" Maggie calls out. She swiftly joins the group. "We can't keep up Sharon."

"Is it NF?"

"Yes it is. Y/N and Riley are bringing them in."

At the mention of his girlfriend Jay's heart sunk. He knew how dangerous your job was on the daily but now he truly understood the pressure you had on your chest.

It only made him work harder in figuring out who is behind this mess.

He saw you a lot but never for long enough. After it was debunked that the virus is spread airborne or through contact, you were able to hug and kiss Jay quickly whenever the two of you saw each other at Med. But nothing more than that.

Jay worked late at the District and your 24-hour shifts were long and hard as they were. Adding the outbreak heavied on the both of you.

The sound of heavy footsteps coming from the entrance alerted everyone and soon people stepped aside to let you and Riley through.

"Jasmine Black. 23 years old with necrotising fasciitis. I think we'll need to amputate her leg. It's... Gone." You informed the nurses. They did their job with you and called Crockett Marcel, hoping that he will be able to save her.

Your worried eyes spot Jay and the only thing you can do is nod sadly. You've been exposing yourself to the bacteria continuously, and each time you risked your life for someone else's it never ended well. So far, you didn't bring anyone who came out of the OR alive.

And that broke you.

"Do you think she'll make it?" Sharon asked Riley and you when you joined their little circle.

"No we don't think she will," Riley started to explain. Jay wrapped his arm around your shoulder and supported you for as long as possible. Soon, you and Riley will be back in the outside world in the heart of the outbreak. "The bacteria spread out in her leg, it's impossible to try to save her without amputation. And even with that we can only hope that she survives."

"Oh God. How are you girls feeling?" Goodwin placed her hand on your forearms in a soothing matter.

"We're tired but okay." You told her.

"I should probably get back to the District. If you find anything that can help us call me." He squeezed your shoulder and removed his arm before you could even stop him.

On que, your radio informed you of your new victim. "That's our que."

***

"Sir you need to lie down!" You command the man you're currently bringing into the ED. His arm is infected but he doesn't waste a beat when trying to get off the gurney.

"N-No!" He screams. Like a fish, the man flops off the gurney and tries to get away in a wonky run chase.

"For God's sake!" Riley exclaims. "Sir you are stuffed with anesthetics! You can't get away from us!"

You shoot her a look of pure invitation to help and she joins you in the chase. Using your running skills you accomplished by taking daily morning runs with your boyfriend, you appear in front of the drowsy man and once again command him to stop.

He does not in fact listen to your sane reasoning and throws his weak body onto yours. That wouldn't be a problem had he not collapsed unconscious on your unprotected body.

***

"Seriously Nat I'm fine." After the intense chase with an angered-drowsy-on-anesthetics patient you're stationed in one of the trauma rooms with Natalie Manning.

While Nat keeps checking you for any cuts or scratches you stay still and think about what happens next. "Will you put me in quarantine?"

"Only if you have any cuts that can catch the bacteria." In that moment her eyes land on your palm. There's a small scratch and blood over the wound.

"I-I always wear gloves." You try to reason with her. You can't be stuck in quarantine. Not now. Not when they need you.

The look on Natalie's face is enough to tell you otherwise. "I'm sorry Y/N."

***

"Welcome Y/N. Trust me, it's cosier than it looks." You join Hailey in your separate four walled vertical rectangle box. Supposedly, this will keep you from spreading the bacteria if you have it. You won't know that until you get your cultures back. "So. What brings you here?"

You laugh lightly, suddenly realising how poor your luck is. "A dude with anger issues that was high on anesthetics with an arm eaten away by the bacteria threw himself on me during one of his many aggressive episodes, and collapsed unconscious. Leaving me and my scratched bloody palm alone in quarantine."

"Correction. You're not alone." She says laughing. "I take it Riley got away."

"She had her protective gear on. And since we're low on paramedics that go on these runs, they let her go." You bring your palm in the air and wave it around. "My palm and I are stuck in here until the cultures come back."

And that's how you spent countless of hours in deep discussion with your boyfriend's partner in crime. While Hailey wanted to join Jay in finding out who did this, you wanted to get back into your ambulance and help save lives.

Neither of you could do what you wanted so you took that time and started to get to know each other. You already have three girlfriend dates scheduled and a whole birthday party for Riley and Jay planned out in bits.

After your conversation faded into comfortable silence the two of you were lost in your own thoughts. You let yourself think about how Jay will react once he finds out. A part of you wants him to visit you as much as it wants him to stay away from you and stay safe.

You're halfway on the road to dreamland when you hear his voice. "Y/N?"

You watch him make his way towards you with only one eye opened. Opening both of them would mean taking 100 steps back from dreamland and that's the last thing you wanted to do at the moment.

But seeing him stand in front of you, separated by only a thin clear foil looking curtain, killed your wish for sleep making you stand up and almost sprint towards him.

"Are you okay? How did this happen?" He asked you, worry dripping from his voice.

"I'm fine and it's a long story."

"I have time."

"Baby no you don't." You tell him sternly. When the two of you enter a silent battle of eye emotions, he comes out of it as the winner. Sighing in defeat you start to explain what happened to you.

"We already went through a breakout attempt since certain people act like they're prisoners." You throw a nasty look toward Sharlene, the crazy lady who started a revolution within her rectangular box of protection. "Jay I'm fine! I'll stay here and take a few naps and be out before you know it."

Both of you lean against the colorless foil of protection until your foreheads meet. A part of you wants to escape your cloud of safety just so you can press your lips against his but you know better than to do that. Both you do.

"Call me when you get out?"

"Geez you make it sound like I'm in jail." Your attempt at being subtly funny an lightening up the mood falls in the water when you notice his stare. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll call you don't worry."

"Good." Jay gives you a smile he reserves only for you. "I'll keep you posted."

"You better!!!" You exclaim. Your boyfriend is your only connection to the outside world.

"And I'll try to sneak in some food for you."

You almost shed a dramatic tear at his words. "Oh, Jay you're..."

"The best boyfriend ever?"

"The best boyfriend ever ever ever everrr!"

You spend a few more minutes with your boyfriend discussing the current situation before he talks to Hailey and eventually leaves.

Still dazed from love, worry and excitement, you return back to your sleeping position and walk back towards the road that's sure to bring you to dreamland.

MASTERLIST

[trivialoveclub]

2020 Year in Review!

hey! i was tagged by the absolute angel that is ⚘ @unefleurofferte ⚘(tysm my love! 💞) for this 2020 tag! first off (even tho it's the middle of january already 🤡) i wanted to wish everyone a happy new year! not to get sappy 💀 but even tho i don't rlly talk/interact that much, it brings me a lot of happiness seeing u guys on my dash 🥺💗 i genuinely am supporting and rooting for you all and i wish u guys all the love and kindness in this new year bc you deserve it babes 💖

Rules: answer the questions about 2020 and tag some people to pass it on!

5 Fav Films You Watched in 2020

🎬 Soul (2020) "Your spark isn't your purpose. That last box fills in when you're ready to come live."

🎬 Onward (2020) "I never had a dad, but I always had you."

🎬 Klaus (2019) "A true selfless act always sparks another."

🎬 Diecisiete (2019) "You think I'd be doing all of this if I had no heart?

Maybe you're trying to get it back."

🎬 East Side Sushi (2014) "You know behind every great restaurant here, there are great latinos, in the back, in the kitchen, hidden. Prepping the food and making you all look good. Well, I don't want to be in the back anymore."

5 Fav TV Shows You Watched In 2020

📺 Like in The Movies (2020) "Do you ever feel like you're not the protagonist of your own story?"

📺 Given (2019) "Do you have anyone you like, Haruki-san? If that person suddenly disappeared from this world, what would you say?"

📺 Banana Fish (2018) "My soul is always with you."

📺 Masterchef Junior (2013-) Not a quote but Gordon Ramsay always says the dishes has "finesse" and now i can't stop saying it in everything 😭

📺 Next in Fashion (2020)

5 Fav Songs You Listened To In 2020

🎶 UGH! : BTS 🎶 "You're allowed to be angry, but bothering someone else's life, I don't like"

🎶 Fuyu No Hanashi : Given 🎶 "Just like the snow that hasn't completely melted in the shade I continue on with these feelings inside of me."

🎶 So Beautiful : DPR Ian 🎶 "My love is turning kinda gray / My heart is looking the other way."

🎶 PSYCHE : Joohoney 🎶 "All of the world pay attention"

🎶 Stay Tonight : Chungha 🎶 "Tell me what you wanna do, run away or stay tonight"

Top 5 Albums of 2020

💿 Map of The Soul 7 : BTS

UGH! ⏯ Black Swan ⏯ Inner Child

💿 Fatal Love : Monsta X

Sorry I'm Not Sorry ⏯ Nobody Else ⏯ Guess Who

💿 Ungodly Hour : Chloe x Halle

ROYL ⏯ Forgive Me ⏯ Lonely

💿 Mixtape [ PSYCHE ] : Joohoney

PSYCHE ⏯ Intro (Ambition) ⏯ DIA

💿 Chromatica : Lady Gaga

Replay ⏯ Sour Candy ⏯ Alice

Top 5 Books You Read in 2020

🤡 🤡 🤡

...i haven't read for fun in years 😔 i used to read a book every single day :(( but! i already have a list of ones i want to read so this year for sure im gonna be that girl again 🤧💅🏼

💌 How did you spend your birthday this year? 💌

uh hahaha 🤡 suddenly i can't read 🤡

well...i had to take my drivers test but i had no idea how to park so i mean obvs i was gonna fail 💀 so i got super anxious and then had a breakdown in the back seat when it was getting closer to my turn 😭 my parents had to reschedule it and take me home. i felt like such a disappointment. so it started off absolutely horrible, fortunately the rest of the day was a lot better but oof 🤪

💌 What was your most memorable day? 💌

i honestly cannot remember anything 😭 it's like one big blur but ummm...probably finishing high school! i felt like i could finally breathe 🥲

💌 What was your most memorable meal you had this year? 💌

hmm...ooo probably when my abuelita made us a bunch of paches de papa 🥺 i ate them for a whole week and i loved it entirely...my heart is pache shaped 🤧💘

💌 Did you find any new hobbies or interests in quarantine? 💌

hmm i don't think i got any new ones but i did get to be reminded again on how much i genuinely enjoy making food and like decorating/personalizing things! ☺💖

💌 What was the last big event/thing you remember doing before covid? 💌

uhhh i honestly can't think of anything? i literally don't go out 🤡 like im in chilling in this quarantine lifestyle bc nothing has changed for me 🤪

💌 5 good/positive things that happened to you in 2020? 💌

🌱 i finally escaped high school! 🎓🎉

🌱 i decided to take a gap year and the burnt out student inside me feels like she can finally exhale

🌱 i can't remember if it was in early 2020 or late 2019 but anyways I GOT MY DRIVERS LICENSE 😝😝 i honestly...do not know how i got it...i took 15+ minutes to park (as u can see your girl didn't learn her lesson) but bless that man for passing me i hope u have a beautiful life sir 😭💖 however i have not stepped in the driver's seat since then 💋 i refuse 💋

🌱 i honestly would say watching Soul 🥲💗 i've always been obsessed w my meaning and purpose in life and that movie rlly just hit home for me...i think about it everyday and im literally starting to tear up right now so let me just stop 🤪

🌱 hmm honestly just being home 💗 i now have an excuse to stay in all time and that brings me so much peace in my heart 🤧

💌 Biggest messages or lessons learnt from this year? 💌

that there's a lot to live for. and i rlly want to enjoy it? and like w the gap year i still feel guilty and still feel like im wasting time and not being productive (love being a capricorn 🤪) but im trying to not think like that...and the fact that Soul came out and it's whole message is literally like life is beautiful and it's meant to be lived 🥺 it rlly like...set that for me u know...there's so many little things that truly make me excited about life and i want to enjoy it and after those 4 years in high school of constant work and stress and losing my entire mind maybe i actually deserve it 🥲 so um yeah..sjdkajd

💌 And what are you most looking forward to in 2021? 💌

a lot ☺ everything honestly...wow omg that's so weird asjakjd ahhh 😭😭💘 [insert that paul rudd who would have thought not me meme] but i wanna do sm much!! bake and cook and learn to knit! and personalize my clothes and READ! and watch movies and shows! and i'll also be going back to school so i rlllllllllyyyyyyyy want to learn how to manage my time bc my procrastination truly fucked me in the ass in hs 🤡 but yeah im excited ahh! ☺

And We're Done!

oof my memory is so awful i feel like i can't remember anything that happened in 2020 🤡 this ended up being a bit long 💀 so if u made it to the end...thank u for reading...ily 😚💌 besitos for you! 💞

tagging these cuties 💘: @moonlattae @fluorescente @glossierjoon @ardores @star99 @jooniephoria @ahearthrob @catboyjm @yoongidisease @violetmoonlits @koyan @stardustyoongi @7blueside @m1amor @sobsyub @m8nstruck @souheii @1okyos @virgomoon @alevchaan @jihyoist

[scarecoen]

Trigger warning ⚠️ domestic violence.

I've typed this story a million times so I'm just going to summarize as much as I can.

A few days ago I was assaulted by my partner's family members. And as I've mentioned, I've typed this a million times and I'm honestly just exhausted thinking about it, but we could use some help.

My partner has always had a transphobic family. (I don't have anyone but my dad, who's in no position to help anyone.)

Her mom used her disability against her and manipulated her into giving her MOST of her checks. She's abused the system and my girlfriend.

When I met Jackie, she was with a terrible biggot. Jackie had came out, and her mother conspired with an abusive long distance ex, to fly her here, to stage an "intervention" and stop my partner from transitioning.

It worked. For years.

I met Jackie here on tumblr, we became good, SECRET friends because she wasn't allowed to talk to anyone.

I told Jackie openly about my views regarding gender and how I myself, was not cis.

Eventually she told her partner about us playing games together, which she responded to by harassing me.

Jackie ended up spilling the beans to me, about her mom, about the ex, everything. I realized that she had been extremely isolated and controlled her whole life.

So I intervened.

I got the two of them to separate, which wasn't smooth because Jackie was scared. She had been with her abuser for 9 years at this point. She's never known anything else.

The ex moved back to her state, and I started seeing Jackie, although she was stuck at her mom's... who was trying to play innocent at this time.

Eventually, I kinda just came and picked her up, she stayed the night, she didn't want to go back home. And I can't blame her. The house wasn't only disgusting, her family microagressed her all the time and they would tell her to pretty much stay in a dark room all day.

Ofc I didn't bring her back.

During early quarantine, we had a lot of self reflection and she started distancing herself from her mother, coming around to holding her accountable for her horrible actions.

Her mom messaged her things like "Why won't you talk to me? It's like you're trying to punish us!" Ect, just every fucking manipulative thing she could say, without ever apologizing.

Unfortunately the place we were staying fell through when my best friend's ex husband decided he wants a divorce and decided to throw in some transphobic hatespeach towards me.

We were all looking for somewhere to go.

I'm sure you know where this is going but listen, she told us EVERYTHING we wanted to hear. She told us she's not hateful now, told us she would go to trans support groups, pride, said she's realized how much she loves Jackie and it's time to accept her- and look- we had NO WHERE TO GO. We have 2 cats and at the time, a car that has no a/c or functional locks. AND I have a chronic autoimmune condition that I recently started taking chemo meds for. (Methotrexate.)

I'm too sick to be on the street, and survive. I had to think about me, Jackie, Zoe, and Boops.

And Jackie wanted to go..

I told her we'd be cautious and try to get out asap.

Well, looking for places right when the housing market crashed really fucked us up. That- and because I had only just finally got approved for disability, means I was set back in life- and had no credit to my name. No credit= no place to live.

I had almost built enough, but things went down hill very quickly with her family. Which leads us to right now:

After weeks of microagressions, giving us breakthrough covid cases, yelling at us to clean other's messes, and forcing us and our cats to isolate in our room, many broken promises, and straight up transphobic hatespeach (because she promised to get vaccinated but then said nvm as soon as we moved in and she went on vacation and got covid and gave it to us, which nearly killed me--) she said not getting the vaccine "IS A CHOICE, JUST LIKE YOU BEING TRANS AND TAKING *gestures to my testosterone* THOSE DRUGS."

We just were avoiding each other while I desperately try to gather resources for us to get out, NOW.

Of course, that wasn't good enough, so when her step father messaged her in all caps about our cats having to stay in our room and "I WON'T FUCKING TELL YOU AGAIN" my partner had a breakdown..

Her mom had let her step dad talk to her like this her whole life, basically.

Out of desperation, we went to her sister for help, maybe hoping she'd give us a place to stay for two weeks while we sign off on the lease for our new apartment.

She pretended to want to help and even said... something fucking weird? She made the comment that I'm a good person and I'm so much like her own boyfriend, that it's "scary"...

A few hours later she came to the house. She talked nicely to us, to gain access to our bedroom.

Then she attacked me.

I called the police right before, and was on the phone with dispatch when she lunged at me because she was aggressively trying to MAKE Jackie go into a separate room WITHOUT ME and Jackie was saying no, BEGGING her to STOP.

I wasn't going to let her take Jackie into that room. She looked fucking crazy.

All of the family came into our room, her two sisters, her mom, and her cousin- When they heard yelling.

It was actually me telling her mom that she's a terrible mother, that triggered her sister to try and attack me- although I knew she was planning on trying to from the moment she came into our room.

And that was after her mom was screaming in my face that if I have something to say, say it now.

Dispatch heard everything and sent emt as well...

But the police stayed outside, talking to them for a WHILE before even asking for us.

Her cousin is the only one that would have stood up for me, saying her sister never should have tried to hit me. But he was in the room with Jackie, giving her support...

I faced the cops alone.

He already had "that look."

He shined a light into my eye, letting the family stay on the porch, throwing insults and just letting it happen. He asked me where I'm hurt, and before I could even show him the scratches on my arm, he said "how do I know YOU didn't put those there?"

I wanted to fucking die in that moment.

This is a conservative city.

No one has equality stickers here. No one flies gay flags. People here that are lgbt- they LEAVE.

This is EXACTLY WHY.

I said "well is there any reason I should tell you anything when, clearly, you're already bias?"

I looked at the emts. I looked at his partner. I looked at all the lights and people coming out of their houses-

And behind me was her family.

Her sister that assaulted me, was laughing about having work in the morning.

All of them were looking at me, with hate in their eyes.

He tried to feed me bullshit about "well if I'm taking someone to jail, there has to be proof."

He dismissed everything I attempted to say, until I just stared at the ground and he decided he did his job here.

I told him my whole fucking body hurts because I had 4 people fucking toss my 100lbs ass all over the fucking room, which was a mess that he refused to look at.

He said "I don't see bruises."

I SPAT "BRUISES TAKE TIME?"

He retorted IMMEDIATELY- "YOU'RE NOT EVEN RED."

I asked what about the dispatcher- she seemed concerned- to which he said "you see, sometimes when people call us- they scream and be dramatic- for a quicker response."

I asked what we could do while the two weeks go by for our new place, and he fucking said "I DONT KNOW. BARRICADE YOURSELF IN YOUR ROOM OR SOMETHING."

Needless to say, we are now safe, in a hotel and I've gotten in touch with a few lgbt organizations that are attempting to help us get justice.

Unfortunately because it's a holiday weekend, all we can do is wait right now.

Our first order of business is getting a protection order, so that we can retrieve the rest of our things without her sister trying to attack us again. (I say us because she kept jumping towards Jackie, like she was threatening to hit her.)

I've been so gaslit and victim blamed that I was too scared to go to the er, even though this all happened in the midst of a flare, possibly including my liver health.

There's so much more to this story, as I'm sure other trans people can relate.. unfortunately.

The emts reluctantly offered to take me to the er, but I was like "and leave my partner here with them?" And he just fucking shrugged dude.

I hate this city.

I want out so bad but unfortunately I've committed to a year, but at least it'll be *our* apartment.

We could NOT stay there for two more weeks. Her step dad is a violent offender that has attempted to murder a homeless prostitute over some fucking pocket change- and he has a GUN in the house.

This hotel might run us into a hole, despite it being the cheapest, shittiest hotel in town, it's still going to be about 700$ for ONE week.

To ADD INSULT TO INJURY, SOMEONE ATTEMPTED TO STEAL MY VEHICLE WHILE WE'VE BEEN STAYING HERE.

I'm feeling incredibly paranoid and unsafe, but I'm on anxiety meds now at least and its SORTA helping us cope (My partner and I have the same Dr and she gave her permission to have some.)

The organization BRAVO is trying to help us with a hotel voucher, but because of all the natural disasters, it's hard to find room in charity for people like us, which is fair enough. We aren't immediately on the street, and for that I'm incredibly thankful.

However, if you or anyone you know wish to help you can donate to venmo: kittyzibby. Or you could just signal boost this.

If you can't help, I understand. And IF YOU'RE STRUGGLING FINANCIALLY, don't worry about it, for real.

Right now I'm just scared we'll go into debt before getting the apartment settled in.

I will update on things once our case moves along more, and we were already considering turning to OF sexwork before all of this, so if there could be support that way, maybe we'll get that going once we get moved in. That way, I feel good about providing a service in return.

Thank you so much for sticking with us during all of this. And really- we're doing much better today. We've given each other pep talks, but we are still determined to start our lives together.

Her family was merely trying to scare me away from her, but I got my girl's name tatted on me for a reason.

I know I'm not the bad person here.

Every time Jackie is feeling more gender euphoric, and showing me her changes, and seeing her get more confident, the more I know that what I'm doing with and for her, is right.

I love her so much. And I will never abandon her, like they tried to get me to do.

Jackie is taking a break from some socials, but she's given me permission to talk about what's been happening.

She needs justice too.

I will update as much as I can, but seriously, I think we both just have a fire under our asses now.

Mentally, we're stronger than ever.

Thank you for reading. My heart really goes out to the rest of the queer community that have experienced or are going through similar things.

It's really made me realize why we need to stick together and fight this bigotry bullshit! 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈