#like........being aro is a big part of my poly identity. it's a big fucking deal and contributes to how i structure my relationships

[livingthedragonlife]

aroallo rant incoming, but i just finished reading Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator for polyamory reasons, and i am STUNNED at how much this book acknowledges aromanticism, only to then completely disregard it

there is an entire CHAPTER on "not just friends" type relationships, mainly focusing on sexual friendships and friends-with-benefits. aromatic people aren't mentioned a single time. hilariously, asexual people are, in a section about romantic friendships. the book includes anecdotes from survey respondents - 0 aromantic people appear in the "not just friends" chapter or the FWB sections. i didn't go through and count, but i think i only saw 5 aromantic people quoted, total, out of the 334 included respondents to the survey.

there is another chapter specifically about asexuality and aromanticism. the section on aromanticism is less than two pages, and the entire rest of the chapter is dedicated to asexuality/aroace people. no thought put into the idea that aromanticism can exist without asexuality. when they're mentioned elsewhere in the book, they are right next to each other. the only time aromanticism is considered by itself is in that one tiny section. less than two pages.

it's just astonishing how little thought was put into including aro people. the author either did 0 research out of ignorance or couldn't be bothered to mention the concept of being loveless, or aroallo, or even how being aro contributes to a non-monogamous / polyamorous identity. and exploring different kinds of non-monogamous identity is the point of the fucking book!

i feel like i wouldn't be this mad if the book never mentioned aromanticism at all, because plenty of people forget aromanticism exists. but to mention it on purpose at the very beginning, somehow completely forget to mention it in the most relevant sections, and only do the barest inclusion in the chapter that's supposedly, in part, about aromanticism feels... worse. it feels worse.