#like... when i want a toxic fictional relationship i don't want ppl who sometimes tell white lies to each other or something lmao

[lazzarella]

So over people being like 'omg this couple is soooooo toxic' (either positively or negatively) and I go into the show/movie/whatever all 'o-ho-ho' rubbing my grubby little hands together expecting belladonna and then I get a potato >:(

[stillresolved]

RP BASICS: About the Mun!

Name / Alias: Ferre! Are you over 18?

Yes (& would prefer to write with those over 18) / No

WRITING.

Are you selective about who you write with?

No (anyone) / Semi (most people) / Yes (some people) / Highly (few people) / Private (mutuals only).

Are you selective about who you follow?

No (anyone) / Semi (most people) / Yes (some people) / Highly (few people).

If your muse is canon, how much do you adhere to canon?

Not at all / A little / Some / Mostly / Strictly / Not Applicable.

the nice thing about picking up minor/supporting characters is that you more or less have a blank slate....honestly i applaud ppl who do like, major canon characters i PERSONALLY....get very stiff in my writing when i feel like i have to stick to what i think the author of the character pictured them to be like ;-;

What post lengths do you write?

One-Liners / Single-Para / Multi-Para / Novella / All of the aforementioned.

Do you use icons and/or GIFS?

No / Gifs / Icons / Yes / Sometimes.

if i don't have my hard drive and/or my partner decides to forego the icons, i will too <3

Do you write on other platforms?

No / Yes

What level of plots do you write?

Unplotted/ Open-Ended Plots / Semi-Plotted / Fully Plotted Epics / All of the mentioned

while i do love plotting and have a few partners whom i have done extensive plotting, i have noticed that, i really really have to click with a partner before we can get into extensive plotting....for the most part, i prefer plotted dynamics which gives more flexibility in letting the muses really...be who they want to be in relation to the other.

How quickly do you usually respond to threads?

Very Slow (more than a month) /Slow (3-4 weeks) / Average (1-2 weeks) / Fast (less than one week) / Very Fast (less than three days)

( make that 'snail-paced (more than two months)' :'D i have a life outside and i don't intend on changing that )

What types of themes do you like?

Adventure / Romance / Fluff / Angst/ Violence / Tragedy / Domestic / Family / All of the aforementioned

( again this really depends on the partner...whatever works, works for me! )

WHAT GENRES DO YOU LIKE? ( Feel free to add!)

High Fantasy / Supernatural / Science Fiction / Historical / Horror / Comedy / Romantic / Drama / Action / Smut / Adventure / Espionage / All of the aforementioned

Are there any themes you're uncomfortable writing on your blog? (Not triggers)

No / Yes / Sometimes

i'll put it like this; there are themes i would prefer to explore in my own writing rather than in rp threads simply because i have more control of what point i want to get across than in an rp thread. one exception can be with partners i am close to and trust.

Do you have any triggers? How do you request it tagged?

nah, but i can be iffy when it comes to people who write about SA extensively....and while everyone's experience is different, i've seen some portrayals where it just...leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

SHIPPING.

What types of relationships are you open to?

Romantic / Platonic / Familial / Enemies / All of the aforementioned

this is where i'm going to lose some people. yes, in all technicalities i am open to all kinds of relationships. HOWEVER, i would prefer to only write purely antagonistic/toxic dynamics with those i have very good ooc communication with. it has been in MY experience that antagonistic relationships stress me out (i've always been this way, when i see conflict in tv shows and in fiction, i usually need to pause for a moment/take a mini break just so i can prepare myself)- and when there is little to no ooc communication, outside of plotting, i get very uncomfortable as i cannot tell what the other mun is thinking. especially in an rpc where more often than not you'll get muns who identify a bit TOO closely to their muses, i can't help but wonder if that's what the other mun actually thinks of my muse and of me.

i know this makes me look, uh, very sensitive, but again it's been in my experience, that if there isn't any ooc communication or just reassurance that the mun is separate from the muse (even just talking in the tags helps), the thread...sours. fast.

What types of pre-established relationships are you open to?

Romantic / Platonic / Familial / All of the aforementioned

Do you have OTPs?

No / Chemistry Only / Yes /

both platonic and romantic bby~

Do you have NOTPS?

No / Yes / can you have one for your oc?

interesting question....bc if i had a notp for my ocs i just...wouldn't?? write stuff for them?

What is your muse's sexual orientation?

Heterosexual / Heteroflexible / Bisexual / Pansexual / Homoflexible / Homosexual / Demisexual / Sapiosexual / Asexual / Still trying to figure it out

they're all over the place! will say though, 2024 seems to be the year for wlw ships for me <3 <3 <3

What is your muse's romantic orientation?

Heteroromantic/ Heteroflexible / Biromantic / Homoflexible / Homoromantic / Panromantic / Demiromantic / Sapioromantic / Aromantic / Still trying to figure it out / Depends on the muse you're asking.

again, depends on the muse. this year though again, feels like it's been the year of lesbian relationships :DDDD

Are you comfortable writing smut?

No / VERY Selectively / Yes

i used to write shitty smut, i'm still shit at it, and i don't get the inspo often so i think at this point, i'm just hanging my hat up...it can still be a treat once in a while. i can do drabbles though but again, i think there has to be character development to it.

How early in a relationship do you ship romantically?

Autoship / During plotting / After a couple IC interactions / Several IC interactions / Slow burn / Plot dependent / Never / If it happens it happens

self-explanatory!! these days if there isn't strong chemistry (and usually it's clear from the beginning) then i'd rather not pursue it.

Are you open to toxic ships?

No / Selectively / Yes / I am not sure

uh....depends on the partner, again i really think i would need a strong ooc relationship before starting one.

Are you open to problematic ships?

No / Selectively / Yes / I am not sure

are we talking about taboo relationships? then no.

Are you open to polyshipping?

No / Selectively / Yes / I am not sure

Are you an exclusive shipper?

Never / Sometimes / Yes / I would be open to discuss it

i do!! have muses who are in exclusive ships <3 and i wouldn't change them for the world <3

Does crack shipping ever happen?

Nope / Yes / depends

if it happens it's going to become serious i'm sorry :'D

Tagged by: stole it :) Tagging: if you're reading this you <3

[patchdotexe]

So, I have a character who is a system, and I wanted to know before I develop them further, how does DID work, from a personal account? I really really really don't want to accidentally create yet another TOXIC misinterpretation of a real condition (because I know how horrible that can feel), and I hope I'm not saying anything wrong even now. (P.S. I love your blog, but I'm too shy to come off anon.)

hey anon!! it means a LOT to me that you sent this message :D theres a lot of really messy-bad potrayals of DID in the media so seeing people actually going to the effort of asking systems abt their experiences is really heartwarming for us. (plus the fact that ppl keep asking us in specific abt system stuff omg,,)

im gonna preface this by saying that, in the end, i can only really talk about my own experiences with full confidence. systems can work pretty differently from each other, but this is how we function and also some details ive noticed from system friends + general discussion over the years

so, to start off: Dissociative Identity Disorder is, at its core, your brain trying to respond to trauma in a pretty severe way. that being said there ARE systems that didnt experience severe trauma and still developed, and im not really sure about the mechanics behind that but i find it really cool and it totally exists. im gonna focus on trauma-based systems bc that’s our ~tragic backstory~ and also tends to be what most people opt for when creating system characters anyway, but the only real difference from what i can tell is, uh, a lack of trauma.

I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR ME TO SAY THE WORD “TRAUMA” A WHOLE LOT JFC

(system friends are welcome to reblog with corrections or added info!!)

anyway. the way your brain responds to things is really weird. if something happens where you’re just, like, completely unable to handle it, like you dissociate yourself so hard because there’s no way you can manage this, your brain has a chance of going “uh… well, fuck, uh” and generating somebody who can manage it. or it might decide to be a dick and take all of the fucky internalized garbage and turn it into a person whose sole existence is to be an asshole. (they have the potential to get better, i think… ours didnt.) honestly theres a bunch of reasons and a bunch of “roles” that could lead to an alter/headmate* forming.

* we use the terms interchangeably depending on mood and whos fronting. i think its supposed to be “alter” is DID, “headmate” is implication that theyre non-traumatic? we like using “headmate” because it brings this fun mental image of us being a bunch of roommates constantly starting shit with each other and goofing off which is pretty accurate about 75% of the time

i keep getting distracted bc my cat is here. this is gonna be fun to go back and edit.

whatever the original situation is, you’re suddenly not alone in your own brain. and it’s REALLY WEIRD. communication was VERY hard. Icarus, our system original, used to do a very “cliche” thing of sharing a journal with their early headmates, where theyd write a sentence and then theyd write a reply (although back then they didnt realize that was a system-related thing and just thought they were having a fun conversation with their ocs. which… they were, just. Actually Talking.) they didnt have any inward perception of themself or their headmates either, so that kinda built up over time (with some help) along with the appearance of our headspace so that there was… actually a location for people to interact in. once they had a better awareness of things, mental communication got a bit easier– its sort of like background chatter really, when everybody’s awake. sometimes i get weird out of context things from Mae yelling at somebody, or sometimes ill be talking to a friend and someone’ll butt in.

when talking out loud, this usually leads to us suddenly stopping and then laughing or going “no!!!”. when on discord and around people who know who we are… well.

speaking of Mae, she’s pretty much my sister. not like… biologically? because i don’t think thats possible for me, but shes kinda literally my “other half” which ill get into later. headmates can have strong attachments to other alters! friends, best friends, family, dating, whatever. they can also do that with people outside the system, and itll be different for each headmate. there’s like 4 people dating Jorb but i just see him as one of my best friends. we’re people and we have complex social interactions that can get to be kind of a nightmare when you’re around a bunch of people who don’t know that you’re Not Leo and that youre suddenly not super up to existing around people in general.

plus even if like… so Jorb’s dating 4 of us like i said, but his relationship w/ each of them is different? Ica is very clingy and likes rambling to him, Summer’s pretty much just always happy to hang out, Mae makes fun of him a lot but in a loving way, and Leo is… kinda “all of the above” because that’s his gimmick. plus even tho a few other alters have a sibling-ish relationship with Mae like i do, usually its just me and Mae that do the “chaos siblings” bit.

the basic system.. thing… is that there’s “front”, which is being in control of the body– so, like, i’m currently fronting/in front, because im the one currently active and using our computer and staring at our cat.– and then theres the headspace, where everybody hangs out when theyre not in front. the headspace itself can differ in style & functionality for each system, and i think theres some systems that dont really have a location at all? but for us its like a full on location where we have individual rooms, places to visit if we get bored while away from front, etc.

theres also like, being at/near/away from front? so currently im in front, but Leo is pretty much always lurking nearby if he’s awake (we have individual sleep schedules that dont always sync up to the “irl” one, Trust is almost always sleeping), Ica’s somewhat in the back talking to Rookie so i cant really make out what theyre saying (its probably about either a youtube thing they both like or about a comic they want to do), and everyone else is either asleep (in which case they could be nearby but i cant currently “ping” them, so id have to actually take a sec to ground myself in headspace more) or in a different room. communication is easier if im in front and somebody is nearby, or it can be like with Ica rn where im like “well, theyre talking, but i have no idea what theyre saying and am making a guess based off their usual interactions”, or i could pass off front to go talk to Ica and come back (in which case my memory would be kind of vague and weird because information doesnt always properly translate), oooor i could actually go bug them while still in front. which.. im not gonna do rn bc then id get super distracted.

switching front differs between systems a lot! and even varies from day to day. like there are days where we wake up and we have absolutely no idea who we are bc we went to bed as one person and woke up as another. or we could be talking to somebody and then realize “wait, i stopped being Leo a bit ago, who am i”. or we could pass off front to somebody, like if Summer really wanted to front sie’d run up to me and let me know and we’d swap. or if something critical happens (usually a breakdown), Leo or one of the other headmates that’re more built to handle stressful situations will literally drag somebody out of front to make sure they dont hurt themself. or sometimes we throw front at people unexpectedly, like either mid-breakdown where we go “okay i dont wanna be here anymore, tag youre it” or sometimes because we think its funny because its the metaphysical equivalent of getting clonked in the head with a dodgeball, except the dodgeball is “being in control of our shared physical form”. usually mae’s the one that does that lmao

there’s a couple major categories of how alters come about. there’s “walk-ins”, where they kinda just… appear externally? like they just show up. sometimes we get a feeling of “huh. i think somebody might be here? or somebody might be showing up soon.” and have to rummage around for a while until they approach us or we find them. our walk-ins aren’t like, inherently aware of system stuff at first, so they usually get a crash course before they first front (if they choose to front at all) and it can be kinda entertaining. Rookie’s a walk-in! also Hiro, from a couple years ago. most of our walk-ins are fictives (fictional characters, usually appearing in response to us getting extremely attached to something or somebody) but a couple of our trauma splits are also fictives so that’s not like, a Rule or anything. i think these are mostly associated with non-traumatic systems but we get em fairly often so man idk

theres also… uh, i dunno what theyre actually called? we used to call them “constructs” but that sounds kind of mean. these alters exist to fill a specific role! and we usually dont talk about them on here with the exception of one major one, they just kinda hang out. Dhe exists to keep the system stable and manages the “backend” so to speak. Imp is kind of a mix of our intrusive & impulsive thoughts that came about from us trying to separate ourself from them so that we had an imaginary entity to go “nope!” at, which… stopped being imaginary, and is now a gremlin that lives in my brain. they can show up in response to trauma but arent split off of somebody, they kinda just pop into existence to help manage things.

the more… well-known, i guess? alter origin is “trauma splits”. rather than “just showing up one day with no real connection to the system origins”, trauma splits are formed when somebody in-system, uh, splits. it could be in response to a single situation or something built up over a long time, but somebody just kinda breaks and somebody new that has a bit of the original alter’s identity (if kinda influenced by the situation) shows up.

this can vary. All is a trauma split off of Leo himself, who got saddled with all of our brain hell about our ex and their insystem appearance is influenced more by eir than by leo which is… something they struggle with. Mae has a trauma split from a similar situation that is “Mae but from 2 years ago”, so basically her old identity before she reworked herself after getting put through total hell. and then uh… then there’s me and Mae! Icarus quite literally exploded into several people, with Pat (me) and Mae being the most distinct ones. we’re STILL finding out alters used to originally be a part of them that later evolved into their own people, like Summer and Toby. my identity is shaped pretty heavily not just by who Ica was at time of splitting, but also what they wanted to be jumbled together with trying to rationalize what was happening to them (they’re a pretty big fan of megaman star force, which has a media-typical system in it, so they leaned into hard “its like pat and rey from mmsf! i like pat, i wouldnt mind being like pat, its scary but im like one of my current favourite characters” and so i ended up being like, half-weird shapeshifter, half-green-haired prettyboy. and yeah thats where my name comes from!)

(Ica got put back together w/o anybody needing to integrate, which we were all very scared about, and it’s still kind of surreal to me because… me and Mae used to be able to stick ourself back together and thats how we found out about what happened to Ica in the first place? and we havent tried that since bc we have no idea what would happen. Ica 2: Ica Harder?)

despite their origins, trauma splits can be way more than… being a split. :V;; Toby’s not just a tiny splinter of Ica, he’s a quiet guy that gets stressed out and isn’t totally sure how to interact with people. i’ve existed for like 7 years at minimum and im a totally different person than i was when i thought i was still Ica, ‘cause ive had time to grow and change (and a problem Ica keeps running into now that theyre back is… they kinda Didn’t change because they were MIA for 6 years.) like everything else though this is variable– there can be “temporary” splits that dont develop properly and might get integrated back in, which has only happened to us when we were at the lowest point in our life where we were stuck constantly splitting to try and cope with whatever the hell was going on.

so Ica was gone for 6 years, which meant our system was without an original or main– there wasn’t anybody to be head of the system, basically. for a while i was operating under the assumption that i was Ica, so i filled in that role for a few years before i made the realization. eventually i kinda… stopped being able to, though, bc of stability issues, and then we were back to not really having a proper main anymore. to make up for it, we started going by Leo collectively and kinda… trying to pretend to be a single person? and so that ended up creating a construct to fill the role of “system main and the person we pretend to be when passing as singlet/not a system”: Leo himself! he’s kinda the most prominent traits we all have in common rolled into a single guy, which means that not only is he a pretty good system representative but we can also pretend to be him pretty easily (unless it’s someone like Toby who acts totally different). i dont know how common this situation is, i think normally it’s just “if system original is gone, another alter steps up” like originally happened to us before i had a severe case of problems disorder.

uhhh this is very rambley bc there’s a Lot to cover and now im trying to figure out how much of it i HAVE covered. systems are complicated and weird! OH WAIT okay i have one last bit.

so like, for us, first realizing we were a system was total hell. we fought a lot. as more alters showed up through various means, there were times where Ica felt like they were completely out of control of their own life bc of having to manage everything. there were a lot of panic attacks of people fronting and not being sure they were even REAL, despite… being in front. but we still felt like we were deluding ourself. this was in, like, late 2011, so systems weren’t a THING. they were a very fringe community that everyone hated. we got constantly harassed, which only fed into Ica’s panic hell and our identity issues. interpersonal relationships became a nightmare, especially because we have BPD as well which varies in severity for each of us but… for me it’s pretty bad! there were times early on where every day was another fun new breakdown from us arguing with each other or our friends or not being understood or… etc.

so… how are we holding up ~7 and a half years later? pretty well, actually! we talk to each other. we do things for each other, like buy food or games we know specific headmates like. Ica is back and way happier than they were in 2011, and is thrilled to get to hang out with everybody that’s showed up since. we help each other through problems, because at the end of the day our system ended up being a support network. Ica couldnt function on their own, so we’re like… 10+ people working together to try and be a single functional person. and we feel pretty okay with that! we still fight, and we still start shit, but we’re not in constant crisis anymore. we’re still working through all of our trauma, especially the more “recent” stuff that kinda broke our system for a while until we were able to start rebuilding, but we’re doing it together. :D

so… yeah, it can start out as a stereotypical “nightmare system”, with constant infighting and toxicity and self-sabotage and etc. but we worked through it! it took a while, but we’re overall more stable than we were before. we got out of the bad environment that was fucking us up, we got mental help for our other brain hell (we havent been able to bring up the system to our therapists bc its literally a non-issue now and we focus more on other things like our depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc), we found people that support us for being us, and we were able to like… figure things out. and it was a mess! i still have issues about my own identity because of literally thinking i was someone else for two years. Ica’s still trying to figure out how to adjust to things, especially bc they missed our entire “cringe culture” phase so they came back to find that i’d dismantled a lot of their middle-school settings. and, uh, some of their friendships as well.

systems are fuckin weird

[phoibos-querella]

here's my take as someone who's still part of the tntduo subfandom/tntblr/ a tnt shipper.

1. yeah, there's definitely some takes where people have little to no faith in the characters and think one or both of them are awful and that their relationship is just a toxic cycle that will lead to their downfall or smthn kike that. they usually just don't like the duo and/or don't know the characters that well. it can be that they don't like relationships that start of unhealthy/enemy to lovers, or maybe they intentionally headcanon this bc they like turning dsmp into something more serious and darker. those are both preferences so i can't judge so long as they don't try to force it as canon and- well- dont shove their interpretation in the faces of ppl with obviously opposite takes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

2. their canon dynamic is definitely way more complex than the overall fandom would want to assume over a glance. tntduo was a stigmatized dynamic for a long while bc ppl didn't really get it and when it got popular, those who still weren't interested still didnt rlly get it? which is fine, but i feel like they should at least have a conversation with ppl who do like and have a understanding of it before they try forcing their opinions idk.

3. lots of people seem to be really annoyed by the explicitly /r, domestic, fluffy tntduo dynamic, and i just find it kind of funny that some ppl show such. disapproval? for not strictly healthy dynamics in dsmp ships, but then still shame tntduoers for making cute fanart where they aren't "eroticising" a toxic dynamic or whatever. as far as i can tell, we started off with strictly canon fanart, queerbaiting fan content, memes of their homoeroticness etc, but most of us are sympathizers for cwilbur and cquackity and believed they would get to a better place than where they were post revival. so why not believe that their relationship could become healthier and they could come to understand each other too?

it's been yearsss since dsmp ended. and the finales were rushed. everyone made their own personal headcanons of how their fav characters' stories ended, we're mostly making comfort content now. the same goes for tntduo shippers. our takes might not be canon compliant but we want better for our favs, it's that simple.

especially after the shit we went through with a certain cc turning out to be horrible, those of us who remain are just trying to have fun and some ppl feel way too comfortable attacking ppl who enjoy fictional characters and are having way too much fun now openly distorting our morally complex comfort character into an evil caracature that is ableist (and sometimes arguably homophobic) in nature. let's stop that pls 🫶🫶🫶

this is very rambley and probably not very coherent but here goes

i don’t usually pay attention to stuff like this bc i think it’s kinda dumb but i think the like… mini-discourse over whether or not domestic ctntduo is in character & interesting or not is kind of dumb and more or less boils their relationship down to two specific aspects of it (the romantic part bc this is only really applied when discussing it as a /r relationship and the obsessive hatred part), when whether you interpret it as romantic or platonic, is extremely complicated and complex and there’s a lot of different aspects. and i think both the soft domestic interpretation and the opposite are kind of. too simplistic? and often kind of feel like you’re either making them better people than they are in canon and ignoring the bad shit they’ve done or making them worse/more cruel that they are in canon.

idk if this makes sense but basically i don’t think either of these interpretations work that well bc they’re complex characters with a complex relationship and either Soft & Domestic or Always Trying To Eat Each Other With No Room For Fluff is too simple of an interpretation. what if there’s aspects of both