#like. all I've ever wanted was just a very simple life. ppl make fun of me cause I don't do much I don't have big aspirations

[imwritesometimes]

I think, and this is gonna sound crazy but stay with me, that life should just get a little bit easier and softer and kinder

[gumbaigumbai]

Ramblings on Modern AU Ogata

Modern AU Ogata has so much potential when it comes to the different ways his mental instability could be displayed, along with his living situation as well.. so I'll write down some thoughts I've had/collected below (& I'm well aware Noda mentioned he'd be a dentist but I wanna explore other possibilities)

^ to preface I've read a couple works on ao3 abt this as well so some ideas are heavily inspired

Work: I think a job as a photographer would translate over his sniper skills very well, links such as steady hands and a good eye, staying still in a required position, "shooting", and freelance of course.. Though I don't think this would pay well enough for him to maintain a decent living, so he would primarily work as a morgue attendant for a couple reasons; respect given when needed, no customer interactions (or if so, very few), most talking is between co-workers which I don't imagine there's plenty of, he wouldn't be opposed to being in the space w. all the corpses, it could worsen his mental state (🤤), to an extent links back to his "canon" modern job via medical field

As for the home life; small apartment, can't imagine him caring about upkeeping the place or getting "fashionable" furniture so most items inside are just necessities. while he was only doing photography he used to sleep on a mattress but after the attendant job he upgraded to a simple bed. Definitely has a computer setup that he saved up for, used for editing/organizing his pictures and doom scrolling. I like to think he has some interest that he researches in his spare time, could be really into the history & different types of guns, or if we want to be less on-the-nose he'd enjoy deep sea creatures - just reading up on them or watching videos, maybe those informational documentaries. Also has a small amount of fondness towards Hello Kitty (bc ofc I have to add this), though it's something he's embarrassed to admit (Usami found this out & never let him hear the end of it)

Relationship w. ppl

I think he'd be pretty good at coming off as collected while working (outside of home) but when he's not required to talk with others he's contrived in public, says the bare minimum and leaves. He'd keep in touch with Usami and Tsukishima - they always have to reach out first but in his better moods sometimes he starts talking w. Usami. He used to have some sort of relationship with Tsurumi (relationship not used in a romantic sense here) but they fell out and he doesn't have contact with him anymore. Yuusaku has his # and tries inviting him over for the holidays but he declines most of the time, another instance where you must catch him while he's prone to social gatherings..

Mental state 😻

Okay this is where I take a lot of liberty so I apologize if ppl don't like this… I think he would definitely be depressed to some extent, falling into episodes where he's more of an active suicide risk, but it's not often enough to become debilitating to carry on normally. He wouldn't reach out for help, and would over time get much worse before he ever gets better (I'd like to think in the modern world he'd have a real chance at reformation though). Usami would unintentionally worsen Ogata's mental state by affirming his negative thoughts, though as an avid Usao shipper I have to give myself a treat and pretend Usami would take care of him during his worst times… And wouldn't make fun of his attempt at getting better if he ever enters therapy (delusion works in mysterious ways). Ogata would engage in self-destructive behavior; taking light drugs at a younger age but as he got older he resorted to sh. The first step towards rehab however would be a holiday dinner with Yuu where he actually showed up, and they entered a genuine conversation over his issues after Yuu grilled him enough about his worries.

Anyway, sorry this was so long & I didn't include many other characters, & if you just don't really see this as plausible for him - I like to play with him like a Lalaloopsy in my head

[brainmaniaman]

I have been scouring this fucking app for Julian fics, never really occurred to I can just request some lol.

So yeah, if you're up for it I've got a little plot/trope set up that'd id love to see. Outsider(fem)reader/julian.

Something along the lines of a reader moving into the park from the southern us, new to Canada and parks in general. As an outsider, Julian expected you to be trouble or judgemental, so he acts like a dick to you at first. Later on, he starts to see instead how kind you are to everyone, understanding and totally up for doing ppl favors even when there's nothing for you in the end. This makes him feel real guilty for bein an ass to you, and also makes him start to feel other things towards u.. Take the fic in whatever direction you'd I wanna see u work ur magic

( + no pressure 2 write it ofc!!)

pairing: julian/fem!reader fandom: trailer park boys tags: smut (cis man/cis woman), fluff, a bit of angst, idk this is one of my more normal ones, heavy plot some porn (i kind of felt more plot focused with this one), julian is kind of hung (he gives me big dick energy)  author's note: i'm much more of a ricky kinda guy myself but when i got this request, i got really fucking excited. i loved the idea. i will say, this fic isn't structured traditionally. it's very dialogue heavy and kind of leaves some things up to the imagination. i wanted to establish relationships between the reader and other people in the park as well as share some of julian's private conversations about her. i'm really proud of the way this has turned out, though i'm sorry if it's not the interpretation you might have been hoping for (i'm a little insecure about the way i interpret storylines). i hope you like it, though. i worked hard on it and i'm pretty sure it's the longest julian/reader fic currently on the internet so i'm going to take that fucking win rn. also, i actually live in the southern united states. (fun fact: i'm looking to move because i'm a trans man and life here is kind of ass if you're trans), so i gave the reader a backstory that's kind of unique to what a woman in 1999-2000 would have gone through. i'm not satisfied with the ending though, i'm sorry if this fic is a little lackluster, but we can only go up from here i guess. text blocking this shit was a fucking BITCH. word count: 6,442

everything i've ever let go of has claw marks on it.

The cultural climate of Sunnyvale Trailer Park wasn't exactly the most inviting. There were people who lived in the park and then there was everyone else. For the most part, newcomers never lasted more than a few weeks. The bottle kids drove away the weakest among them, but if those kids weren't effective usually Ricky's antics drove away the remaining lot. Sure, there were a few people here and there who moved in quietly, but those were usually the kind of people that minded their own business because lot rent was low enough for them to just ignore Lahey.

But in general, new people were not welcome. Especially know-it-all hipsters trying to live the simple life by casting away their possessions in an expensive storage unit and downsizing to a more humble trailer. Those were the kinds of guys that gave up quickly. Plus, new people threatened the balance of park politics. For the most part, Julian was well-liked and well-respected among the others due to his caring nature and dedication to his loved ones. He protected his own. And if there was one thing Julian didn't like, it was newcomers coming into the park without already knowing someone in it.

"Barb, I really think you should reconsider letting this girl in. I mean, you don't even know who she is." 

"Julian, this is a business, not a family estate. Her credit was just below decent, she has an okay-paying job, and paid three months of rent in advance. From a business perspective, she seems like she'll be a reliable tenant. It's a good thing you've grown close with your community, but you have to remember at the end of the day, this trailer park is here to make money. Whatever fit of paranoia you're suffering through, deal with it on your own time. Next time you come here with a complaint, make sure it's a business one." 

And just like that, Barb had shooed Julian off. What more could he say to that? Well, he had a lot more to say to that but she didn't want to listen. Every time he opened his mouth to speak, she only guided him further to the door. If Julian thought he was the one who ran this trailer park, he had another thing coming for him that's what. This dump needed more reliable tenants - normal folks who didn't like to get into trouble. Barb was trying to turn the park's image around.

"Julian, I just don't understand why you're so against this lady stayin' here. You know I'm no fan of newcomers myself, but she's been mindin' her own. She actually keeps her yard clean, which is pretty fuckin' nice if you ask me. It's nice to pass a yard that doesn't have a million fuckin' pieces of trash thrown all over the front. She even has one of those pink fuckin' yard flamingos in her yard. It's so bright and colorful. There ain't nothin' wrong with a little bit of color, Julian. Ain't nothin' wrong with a little bit of change." 

"Are you even listening to yourself talk Bubbles? Can you hear what you're saying? You're saying change for this park is good. Who knows what she believes in. She might hate dope growers, she may be workin' with Lahey, she could get nosy and bust us for dope and you know Ricky and I are growin' a lot of dope -" 

"- I know, I've seen that big fuckin' setup you got in that fuckin' trailer in that shitty little lot -" 

"- so then Bubbles you should know that new people aren't good. We can't trust new people, especially not now. Especially not when we're so close to selling them to those prison guards and retiring. A stranger could compromise the whole thing. Remember those bible scammers that came through here? I've learned my lesson since then and I'm not tryna repeat old mistakes." 

"Jesus Murphy Julian, you need to calm down. Those fuckin' assholes were obviously scammers, it's not like this lady is goin' door to door scammin' people." 

"Sure maybe she's not taking advanced orders on bibles Bubbles, but she is goin' in and out of everyone's house doin' favors for them. Why does she need to see the inside of everyone's house? Do you think she's lookin' for something?" 

"Have you ever stopped to think that maybe she's just a nice person doin' a nice thing? Nice people exist. You've been dealin' with dope and crime and jail so much that it's like you forgot how to trust someone. All you think about is dope and how you're going to protect it from everyone else." 

"You're only defendin' her because she brings you boxes of canned cat foods for your cats. She's buyin' you off and you don't even know it." 

"So what if she's helpin' me take care of my kitties? My kitties are the most important things to me and unlike you, she fuckin' knows that. If someone's offering to help take care of my precious little kitties, who the fuck am I to say no?" 

"Bubbles, look -" 

"No, no, nevermind." Bubbles tucks a gray cat further into his arms, his posture becoming more rigid. It's clear that he's done with the conversation, no longer interested in trying to hammer commonsense into Julian's brain. He couldn't see past his own paranoia and it was infuriating. In Julian's mind, everyone in the world was out to get him - even the nice lady across the street who helped his friend support his kitties. "You just don't get it, Julian. I'm goin' back home, come talk to me when you get it." 

Julian was still convinced he was right about this girl. If the bottle kids didn't run you out, he'd just take matters into his own hands. He didn't care whether or not Bubbles helped. Julian was a man of many connections, and even if he couldn't find someone else to get the job done he had no qualms with taking care of the situation himself.

"I mean, if you think that lady's dangerous then you know I'm gonna follow you Julian 'cause you got the brains and stuff behind the projector, but I just gotta let you know I'm still workin' on my grade ten so whatever idea you have you got to make sure it's not illegal 'cause I can't go back to jail, not right before Trinity's birthday. That means we can't do any property damage or breaking and entering or any shit like that." 

"I promise you Ricky we're not gonna go back to jail, we're just gonna annoy the shit out of her until she leaves. I was thinkin' maybe you and Cory and Trevor could host like a really loud party across the street tomorrow night, you know - something to keep her awake. If we get a noise complaint, we'll just shut it down, but then once the cops leave we'll start it back up again. We'll do this for a few nights until she finally decides to move out." 

"That's a pretty fucking good idea, that's smart. Plus, since it's a party we can get drunk and high."

It's 2 a.m. and that fucking party is still going. There were several times you considered calling in a noise complaint but you decided that it was a better idea to just wait it out. It had to end at some point and overall, it was never a good idea to get involved with parties like that because sometimes they got out of a hand, and you were too smart to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Though when you stepped outside to 'check your mailbox' - spy on the party still going on into the early hours of the morning - you find yourself tripping over something. You stumble onto your hands and knees and it's only when you pull yourself up do you really get a good look at the man passed out by your mailbox. It's Ricky, and he's mumbling things almost incoherently. He mutters something about dope, bitches, Trinity, more bitches, Lucy, and good booze. It's a pathetic way to be, but you can't help but feel bad for you.

You use the toe of your shoe to rock his face awake. Ricky sputters before waking up in a drunk panic. He's angry and yelling incoherently, but your promise of a hot shower and a hot sandwich satiates his anger. He struggles his way through a shower, though almost slips a few times. He eats hand to mouth, chewing loudly, and drunk conversation ensues. He shares a lot with you - stuff he probably wouldn't have shared sober. He eventually passes out, not remembering much in the morning. That morning you share breakfast and a little bit about each other. He tried to hate you, he really did, but you were charismatic in a friendly way. There weren't any ulterior motives, you just enjoyed conversation.

"I don't know Julian, she seems fine to me. I mean, she's not all that bad. Her yard is pretty clean and you know, she has that pink little flamingo in her yard and honestly it's pretty fuckin' cute. I mean yeah she's kinda annoying and I hate that fuckin' southern fuckin' cowboy accent she fucking has but whatever. I think you're gettin' worked up over nothin'. You've been so busy tryna push out this lady who hasn't done nothin' wrong to you while I'm over here slavin' away watchin' after these fuckin' dope plants and tryin' to study for my grade ten all while play peepin' tom spy guy on some poor fuckin' lady." 

"You're just saying that 'cause she let you spend the night and made you breakfast."

"You know what I sure as fuck I am! She made me breakfast and kept me from sleepin' on the fuckin' ground drunk as piss and let me use her shower and shit and I didn't even have to put out! It's not like I trust her or anything like that - I didn't talk about dope or nothin' like that at all." That was the truth. "It's just at this point anything is better than fucking Cory and Trevor. I'm not sayin' you gotta like her or trust her, but she's not all that bad Julian. Maybe if you actually got to fuckin' know her like I have you'd see that you're just being a paranoid dickbag." 

"You know what Ricky, you don't anything about her. You're just seeing what she wants you to see. But I'm smart, so I see right through it -" 

"Come on Julian don't be like that -" 

"- and since nobody is going to take care of this fucking situation then I guess I'll have to." 

Julian felt like everyone around him was failing him. Nobody else seemed to feel the same way he did about your existence in the trailer park. As each day passed, Julian grew more overtly snide. When approaching Ricky and Bubbles, Julian never took the time to acknowledge you. It was obvious that he was just being an ass, so you opted to ignore it, preferring not to fight. Silence was Julian's strongest weapon. But as the days ticked by, the tension between you and Julian only seemed to mount itself higher.

It's not like you inherently disliked Julian. In fact, you liked to believe that there was good in everyone and you prided yourself in your ability to be able to pull even the toughest people out of their shell. However, Julian was no easy project. Every time you tried to approach him, he simply brushed you off. You weren't even sure that the two of you had even exchanged any greetings. He hadn't even said hello. So when trying to talk to him didn't work, you simply tried to stay out of his way. This was frustrating for Julian because what he wanted you to do was to blow up and make it a big ordeal. But you didn't. You simply kept to yourself and resumed helping others around the park without complaints. 

There were times where Julian thought about approaching you in the way Julian thinks about approaching any pretty thing in a summer dress that talks to him. But he remains strong in the face of adversity. Gone were the days of chasing anything in a dress. He had a dope business to worry about.

But sometimes the thought would creep up onto Julian ever so slowly. Sometimes, he'd get this kind of fantasy in his head - especially on the Sunday afternoons you'd spend gently pushing yourself back and forth in your rocking chair, enjoying the summer sunlight. He could think of a million ways you two could enjoy the afternoon together, but he often pushed the thought out of his head. He had a park to protect. Friends to protect.

"You know, you have some real nerve comin' up here in this trailer park and putting on a show like you're doing." 

You look up from the rocking chair you were gently pushing yourself back and forth in and offer Julian a small smile.

"So you're Julian?"

Julian can't help but be a bit enamored with your slight southern drawl. It sounds like you're somewhere from the deep southern United States - one of those more rural provinces like Texas or Alabama. He can't quite pinpoint the accent, but he secretly finds it endearing.

"And how do you know that?" 

"I mean, with how much you do for the people here it's kind of hard not to know who you are. Plus, Ricky and Lucy both never seem to shut up about you. You know, if I didn't know any better I'd say they're both in love with you or something. Also, yesterday you came to pick up Ricky and he pointed right at you and said well, there's Julian, see ya later. I just put two and two together." 

"I'm not here to make small talk, (name)." 

"Then what are you here to do, Julian?" 

There's silence. What is he here to do. There wasn't anything that he could reasonably do and he wasn't the terrorizing type if he didn't have to be. Fuck, he had even promised that his greasy trouble-causing days were over. But here he was, standing at the edge of the patio stairs, contemplating whether or not he should threaten a woman.

"I'm just here to ask you about your intentions with Ricky, that's all." 

You can't help but laugh out loud at the comment. "Oh, please. There's nothing going on between us." 

Julian knows that because if there was something going on between you and Ricky, Ricky wouldn't shut up about it and the whole park would know. But he's trying to be covert about his intent to interrogate you.

"Yeah, well . . . there better not be . . . Ricky's a good guy and I'd really hate to see him get hurt . . ." 

"Why are you really here, Julian?" 

Julian stands in silence, thoughtfully cradling his glass in his hand as he tries to come up with a clever lie - but it's hard to think when he catches a glimpse of your thighs pressed together underneath your thin summer dress. He squints and then looks away briefly.

"I just wanted to stop by and tell you more about the culture of Sunnyvale. You know, we're really tight-knit. Like family."

"I know." 

"And you know, family protects family." 

"I know." 

"And you know, I'd do anything for my family." 

"I know." 

"Anything." 

"What are you getting at?" 

"I'm not getting at anything, (name). I'm just givin' you a little more info about our park, just trying to get acquainted with you." 

"Oh, you're trying to get acquainted with me? This is the first time I've spoken to you in the month I've been living here." 

"Well, you know, I was busy with the business I'm running -" 

"- that lawn mowing business you and Ricky got?" 

Is that what Ricky is calling it? "Yeah, we've had a lot of customers so I've been having to do a lot of bookwork to keep up with the business you know. But it's been busy, so I haven't had time to talk, but now I do and I want to get to know you." 

"You want to get to know me?" 

"That's what I just said isn't it?" 

"Well I'll tell you what Julian," You push the chair backwards in thought, looking up at the bright summer sky. The sun shines in your face, warming your skin. It's a nice feeling. "If you really want to get to know me, you'll come over for dinner tonight." 

Julian wasn't going to admit it but he was excited at the prospect of dinner. The last time he shared time - much less a meal - with a woman, she ended up stealing his dope plants and lying to him about being in love. In all fairness, most people would have been wary of someone saying I love you within the first week of getting to know them, but Julian (for the most part) was a hopeless romantic. He liked the idea of a life with someone else. 

Julian told himself that this was strictly business - that he was here to set the record straight. This wasn't get-to-know-you dinner, this wasn't a date. He was just here to let you know that he wasn't going to tolerate funny business. He just happened to be wearing his nicest clean black shirt and he just happened to be wearing one of his nicer pair of jeans - the ones that didn't have the holes in them. Julian knocks on your door. The two minutes he waits for you to answer feels like an eternity but when you open the door, he's glad he's waited. 

"You got a hot date you're going to after this?" 

"What, this?" You look down at the pink summer dress you're wearing, "This is casual." You had always been the more feminine type, enjoying softer clothes and pretty dresses. Plus, unlike jeans dresses were more comfortable. You usher him inside and he obliges, being careful to not spill his drink when he steps in. 

"Dinner is served." Dinner being a massive fucking bowl of macaroni and cheese with cheap ass hot dogs. "Sorry it's not exactly the best, but -"

"It's fine, don't worry about it." Julian sets his glass down. He's actually ecstatic. Macaroni and cheese and fucking hotdogs? "You know, I don't know where you're from but around here this is a five-star meal." 

You give a dry laugh. as Julian picks up his fork to eat. "You'll have to forgive me, I'm kind of new to the whole trailer park life and the whole being poor thing." 

"Oh yeah? Where are you from?" 

"Southern United States." 

"What state?" 

"Texas." 

"That's a long way from here, basically on the other side of the continent. Why'd you come up this way?" Julian tells himself that he's not trying to get to know you because he's interested in you - he's trying to get to know you to get dirt on you, to know what he's up against. 

"I needed an abortion." You answer dryly, "And even though it's been legal for some years now, no physician was wiling to perform one on me." 

"Why come to Nova Scotia? Why not just go to another state?" 

"Well, I figured things were just better here than they were there. Don't get me wrong, it's not perfect by any means but it's better than where I was from. At least here I know if I need the service again, it's a little more reliably accessible. Plus, it's not like I had anywhere or anyone I could turn to. So I just kind of . . . stayed." 

"Heavy stuff." Julian sets down his fork, "Didn't have any family to turn to?" 

"No, and even if I did they're not the kind of people I'd want to be around." 

Julian could relate to that.

"So you just came to Canada for an abortion and then decided to stay? You know, when Americans come to Canada they want to go to Quebec. Nova Scotia isn't exactly on the top of the list, let alone Dartmouth. Let alone fucking Sunnyvale Trailer Park. Nobody just moves in here. Come on, (name) . . . what's the real reason why you're staying here?" 

Your mouth runs dry as you consider answering him honestly. "Well, uh . . . you know . . ." You twiddle your thumbs a bit, "I came to Canada with my passport and got my abortion and then . . . I just uh . . ." There's a long pause as your appetite disappears completely. "I didn't have anywhere to go to so I just . . . never left . . . this place was the only place that'd rent to an illegal resident . . ." 

"Holy fuck you don't have your papers?" Julian wasn't sure what kind of story he was expecting but it wasn't that. Now he feels like an asshole. "How did you get a job? How did you even afford this place?" 

"Well, I had some savings so that was a good cushion, but when that ran out I was able to find a job working as a waitress at that little restaurant just out of town. I'm not technically on the payroll, they just don't make me report my tips, and any extra money is kind of . . . earned under the table." You respond sheepishly.

God, Julian feels like such a fucking jackass for being a raging asshole to you. 

"That's . . . hard." Julian doesn't really know what else to say.

"Yeah." 

"Well, I've shared my deepest darkest secret with you. Do you want to share anything with me?" 

You and Julian talk well into the early hours of the morning, swapping life stories, funny anecdotes, and talking about all of the small things in between. Honestly, he feels at ease with you in a way he hasn't felt at ease before. The conversation flows naturally and even the silence you occasionally fall into feels comfortable. It's nearly two in the morning when you both look at the small clock hanging on your wall and realize the time.

". . . well, it's a little late . . ." You stretch in your chair, still sitting across the table from Julian. You don't really want him to go, but you've both run out of things to talk about and you still have some errands you have to run before work tomorrow. "You know, I have some things I gotta do tomorrow . . . but if you're feeling nice, maybe you can pay me back for dinner by making some for me. I'm usually too tired to cook when I get home . . . you know, only if you want to." 

It's hard for Julian to say no to that face.

"What time do you get off work?"

. . .

Julian continues to insist that he doesn't feel some kind of way, that he's just taking the opportunity to really get to know you - you know, in case you ever pose a threat - but the nightly dinner-dates seem to differ. 

"Why is it so hard to admit that you have a hard-on for (name)? It's so fucking obvious." 

"It's not like that Ricky. You know, I have somewhere to be so why don't you just fuck off and give me some fucking space?" 

"Oh yeah I know exactly where you want to be, all up in -" 

The truth of the matter was that even though Julian fantasized about it at night, truly nothing had happened. You were sweet, kind, intelligent, patient, compassionate - a truly wonderful person. And that was the problem. Normally, Julian found himself happy to jump into a relationship, but he found himself afraid of making a fool of himself. Guys like him didn't get with girls like you. Simple as that. Besides, love just wasn't in the cards for Julian. It just never worked out like that.

Tonight was yet another night of disappointment. You had lingered on Julian's doorstep after dinner, hoping that maybe he'd make a move and at least give you a kiss goodnight - but the two of you simply stood there awkwardly until he nodded, saying he was probably going to go off to bed now. It was frustrating because you thought you were sending all of the right signals. Light touches, flirtatious giggles, risque comments - the works. But yet again, you find yourself leaving empty-handed. It wasn't that you weren't satisfied with the friendship, you really liked the dynamic the two of you had. You liked that Julian showed you ways to save money, ways to spruce up the trailer home so it felt more roomy, showed you around town a bit - but it left you feeling a bit stupid because you could have sworn the two of you had something more. You could just feel it. But he never addressed it and it drove you crazy. 

You knock on the door nervously, your hands shaking.

Julian answers the door again. "What's going on?" 

"I don't want to go home just yet. This is about the time J-Roc films his adult films. Can I just sit here for thirty more minutes? He usually finishes up around one in the morning or so." 

"Uh, yeah, sure, come on in. You can hang out here. I have to shower because, you know, I got somewhere to be in the morning -" Tomorrow was the day he was supposed to drop off the product with the prison guards, "- normally I'd wait up but I got some important stuff I gotta take care of tomorrow. I'm about to get ready for bed, so you can just leave whenever you're ready."

"Alright." 

You find yourself sitting awkwardly on the couch as Julian disappears into the bathroom. The trailer shakes a bit when he turns on the water and you can hear the pipes rush before the water falls like rain into the tub. You sit in silence and contemplate. You couldn't keep going back and forth like this, it'd get nowhere. He had hinted a few times at maybe having feelings. Sometimes his hand would linger on the small of your back too long when he was moving past you, or he'd stand too close to you - so close your shoulders would touch - whenever he got the chance. But nothing would ever come of it, and you were tired of it. You think about maybe joining him in the shower but that's too ballsy of a move, so you simply sit there and listen to the shower run until it's turned off. There's more shuffling and you can hear him go into his room. The hallway light turns off and the door clicks close. You should probably get going by now, but you can't bring yourself to just leave.

. . .

You feel like a psychopath drifting down the hallway. You only came down here to use the bathroom, but now you were standing at his bedroom door - contemplating whether or not you should knock on the door.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Ricky, is that you? I told you to stop picking my fucking lock -" 

"No," You answer meekly, "It's me. I uh, wanted to take that book back I lent you before I went home. I didn't see it in your living room so I figured you might be keeping it in here." 

Julian stares up at the ceiling in thought. Julian is pretty book-smart and it doesn't take a genius to know the game you're running. He's been down this road a thousand times. He wants to say yes, but there's still the lingering fear of ruining the good friendship that's already there.

Julian turns his head to look at his nightstand, the small paperback book sat there. Shit, maybe you weren't playing any games.

"Yeah, give me a moment, I'll come bring it to you." 

"You don't have to go through that trouble, I'll just come get it real quick . . . if that's alright with you." 

". . . that's alright with me." 

You gently push the door open, slipping through before gently closing the door behind you. You can only see the outline of Julian's body in the dark, a few shadows illuminated by the moonlight that drifts in through the blinds. 

"It's right over here." You see the shadow of Julian's hand reach over and grab the thick book. Infinite Jest.

"I'll come get it." You pull yourself up onto the bed, you're knees on either side of his feet. Gently, you shimmy your way up, crawling over him on your hands and knees. Julian shifts a bit. Both of your breaths are heavy and as you sit yourself comfortably on his waist, you watch his chest rise and fall with heavy breaths. Gently, you pluck the book from his hand. "Thank you." 

"You're welcome." Julian's voice is barely over a whisper.

You thumb through the thick book, landing on a page barely illuminated by the moonlight, reading the page you've thumbed to. "Everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it." Truer words have never been spoken. Like everything in life, Julian has sunk his fingernails so deep into it he's drawn blood. He likes to pretend he can let things go, but he can't. 

Julian's hands gently grip at your hips, squeezing them softly - almost like he's afraid that if he squeezes too tight he'll hurt you. His fingers grip at your waist, gently pushing your hips backwards, guiding them in a gentle rocking motion against him. Your hips follow the movement of his hands, rocking against him with a pleased hum.

"Is that right?" Julian asks in a whisper.

"That's right." You respond gently.

"Me included?" He can't hope that you want him so bad that you'd sink your nails so deep into him that he'd never be able to leave you, even if he wanted to. And even if you wanted to leave him, he'd probably stay around and beg for you to take him back anyway.

"If you'll let me." 

If he wasn't rock hard before he's rock fucking hard now. "I want you." Julian's voice is hoarse, completely contradicting his typically firm and masculine present. He melts under you. Whether he wanted to believe it or not, Julian was a romantic and the touch of a woman he really valued meant a lot to him. His breath is labored as he guides your hips against him, "Please, I want you." 

If this were someone else in the park, it'd be a different story. Sleeping around with people in the park for Julian wasn't about emotions, it was about releasing a physical need, and when you can't keep a boyfriend sometimes you have to turn to your neighbors for some help. Everyone slept with everyone. But you're not them, this isn't just casual for Julian - he doesn't want to fuck it up. He shudders when your fingertips drag across his chest, tracing patterns and circles into his shirt as you rock against him, grinding your hips downwards to create more friction. You're a tease, you take your time, and he hates it but he loves it. Two large hands reach up to cup your breasts over your shirt gently, His hands trail downwards, over your abdomen, grabbing gently at your stomach for a short moment before finding themselves at the hem of your shirt. 

"What are you waiting for?" You ask him between small breaths, still making rhytmic riding motions. It's a softly-asked question but also a plea for action. "Please, Julian. I've wanted this since the moment I saw you." 

"God, fuck you're so fucking hot." It's like a flip switched in his head and he can't hold himself back anymore. Strong hands placed firmly on your hips flip you onto your back. Now he's on top of you, every part of him everywhere. His lips touch yours in a kiss, teeth pull at the skin of your neck, and tongue sooths the freshly bruised areas by rubbing itself on it in small circles. Like always, he can't help himself, and unlike recently, he stops wasting time.

Your shirt is the first thing to come off - Julian helps shimmy it off of you, throwing it to the side. The next thing to come off is your pajama pants, which he also tosses to the side after helping shimmy it off of you. He has half a mind to compliment the pretty color of your underwear and tell you it looks good on you, but he doesn't pay it any mind since it's about to come off anyways. His hands lift you up by the small of your back just long enough for him to unclasp your bra, letting you fall back down onto the bed. His hands hook underneath your knees, lifting them up and pushing your legs up so he can help slide your underwear easily off of your body. You're left naked under him while he remains fully clothed, lowering himself onto you before you can complain that he hasn't undressed yet.

His thumbs roll against your nipples, gently pinching and pulling at them before taking them into his mouth. Julian has never been the most gentle lover, especially when he gets excited, always eager to take matters into his own hands - but that's part of his appeal.

Kisses trail down your stomach, followed by him dragging his tongue along the skin, pushing your legs apart. He takes his time adorning your inner thighs with kisses, sucking on the skin and taking it between his teeth. He likes the way he makes you whimper and moan, it's intoxicating. But eventually the teasing becomes too much even for him, he's growing impatient, so he lends his tongue to you, circling it around your clit, strong nose pressed into sensitive skin.

Your body writhes as you feel a familiar pressure build in your abdomen, thighs tightening around his head so tight he thought he might suffocate. What a way to go that would be. Your fingers curl into his short hair, gripping and pulling at his hair while your toes curl. You whimper but that only encourages him to slowly push his thick index finger into you, followed by a second after you properly adjusted. His mouth and fingers work in tandem, his fingers curling and pressing inside of you in a come hither motion while his tongue continues to stroke your clit.

"Fuck, Julian, god, fuck -" But before you can climax, he's gone - pulling away. If Julian enjoys anything, it's edging. There's just something about bringing a woman to climax and leaving them nearly in tears that turns him on. 

"You look disappointed." Julian catches a glimpse of your lopsided frown illuminated in the moonlight, "Don't worry, I'll take care of it." His shirt is pulled over his head, exposing his bare chest. When you touch the muscle, it's firm from years of consistent working-out. You trace a tattoos that look like they were done with a sewing needle and ink - probably stick and poke tattoos - but Julian frowns. He doesn't like those tattoos, he's not proud of them and he's not proud of his time spent in jail. But you only offer him an encouraging smile and place your palm over the tattoo before dragging your hand down to his belt, pulling at the buckle. Julian offers you a half-hearted smile. "Can't wait?"

Julian pushes your hand out of the way gently, taking his time to unfasten his belt and slowly pulling it through the loops. The belt is tossed to the side, along with his pants and underwear, leaving you both equals. Two hands hook themselves underneath your knees, placing your ankles on his shoulders while he uses his right hand to stroke his cock a bit, helping to harden himself up more. Sometimes the nerves just get to you.

"Holy fuck Julian you're big, you gotta be careful with that thing you're carrying a whole fucking concealed weapon -" 

Julian chuckles a bit at the comment but presses a gentle kiss to your ankles. "I'll be careful with you if that's what you're trying to say." 

The tip is pushed in slowly with great discomfort, pushing himself in. There's a stiff moment of silence as you let out a labored breath. 

"You good?" he asks.

You nod, dragging your teeth over your bottom lip. Julian takes his thumb against your bottom lip, peeling it out from underneath your teeth. His thumb drags your bottom lip down, exposing the inside of it before pushing his thumb into your mouth. Your lips wrap around his thumb, letting your tongue slide against the skin, sucking on the appendage as he pulls out just a bit, repositioning himself before he thrusts back in. Your body pushes upwards with the motion, head pressing against the headboard slightly. His thumb is still pressed in your mouth while his free hand keeps hooked underneath your knee, pushing it backwards so he can angle himself better - each thrust pushing itself deeper inside of you. Sweat coats his chest and runs down the side of his face, abdomen flexing the closer he gets to coming, but he restrains himself - wanting to ride it out for as long as he could. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." 

"Oh, God, Julian -" 

"Fuck, (name)." 

"Julian -" 

"(Name), (Name), (Name)." 

"I heard you did a real good job of running that girl out of the trailer park last night, Julian." 

"Hey, Barbara, why don't you fuck off?" 

[golbrocklovely]

Do you ever get tired of the drama? I took a step back from the fandom years ago because it was absolutely exhausting me. It seems like it’s gotten worse somehow and I was just wondering how you do it. How do you keep up with the asks? How do you keep from banging your head into a wall? How do you not get exhausted when you get asked the same old shit every. single. time?

oh, absolutely the drama gets tiring to me lmao

when i first started out, i never intended for my account to become known as the gossip account. i just wanted a place for ppl to come and vent about the fandom if they needed to anonymously bc i knew how the fandom was about being honest, since there were times i had opinions that made me feel like i was the outlier compared to everyone else.

but it kinda became this way on accident. and now i just kinda accept it for what it is. i know i got a lot of eyes on me, and i know a lot of ppl know about me without really knowing me, if that makes any sense lol

originally tho, and especially for at least the first two years of me doing this, i would answer every ask no matter what. but now i don't do that as much, or at the very least, i take a while to get to every one i plan on answering. bc look, if you come on here and are really rude to either me, snc, or just in general ppl i like - i'm not gonna answer you. it's just that simple. and also, sometimes i don't have the energy to answer everyone. i am one person after all, hearing literally everyone's opinions. so it's a lot sometimes.

and i do get tired about talking in circles with certain topics. i usually try to let everyone know "hey, i'm done talking about this" in some way or another - whether via an answer to an ask or just straight up turning off my ask box for a while. bc what i've noticed is that most topics are just a 24-48 hours thing max. after that, ppl move onto other things. so if it ever gets super stressful to me, and it does occasionally, i just turn off my ask box and turn it back on the next day. and by then, everyone has moved on for the most part.

and i think the biggest thing i had to learn in doing all of this is separating snc from the fandom. bc snc aren't angels. i know they've fucked up before, or just generally done things i don't agree with. however, if i genuinely thought they were bad ppl, i wouldn't be a fan of them. i wouldn't spend all of this time or money or energy into giving them attention. snc don't piss me off, but the fandom does. and separating the two of them has made it so much easier to stick around. bc when the fandom pisses me off, it doesn't reflect how i feel about snc anymore.

not only that, but when i'm not here, i'm disconnected. i might still watch snc's vids or whatever, but i'm not thinking about the fandom. when i log off, i don't give the drama a second thought. and that has saved me a lot of anxiety and anger. that being said, i also think there are a lot of fans that can't do that, which is why they get so frustrated at every little thing. but i get it at the same time bc i was like that for a while.

also, if i'm completely honest, some of the drama is fun to me bc it's not life or death. we aren't talking about something serious or direly, nine times out of ten the drama is about colby's love life or sam's philosophical takes or something dumb like that. it's not that deep. that's why i can have fun with it lol which is why i implore others to not get so hung up on the details or get upset when they don't know everything or make every drama the biggest deal ever. if it was that serious, we all would know.

but this is also why i get annoyed when this fandom, especially for the past like six months, have been having tantrums left right and center over snc and the girls. like… this should be fun. we should be able to kiki and laugh and move about our day without insulting anyone in the process. and yet… somehow that's an issue for everyone now. not for me or really anyone on here, but… other places sksks

at this point, i try to enjoy what i can and keep it pushing. i have a whole life outside of snc that i worry about waaaaayyyyyy more, and that's why the drama only gets to me so much. this is supposed to be my entertainment, so when it's not, i clock out. and only come back when it seems enjoyable again.

[destinyc1020]

For Confession Corner Sunday

I, for one, feel it's disrespectful to discuss TZ's sex life. What they do in public or what is shared on a public forum is fair game for discussion, but their private intimate moments are off limits imo. Other than simple public affectionate gestures and the pap pics of passionate kisses in their vehicle, we are not privy to their intimate life. And rightfully so. Knowing how TZ felt about those pap pics, and knowing they keep their relationship sacred, I feel extremely uncomfortable discussing and/or speculating about their more intimate moments.

Unpopular opinion?

*Taking a deep breath so that I can fully prepare myself to answer this ask without ruffling any feathers*

First of all, thank you so much Anon for your confession. 🙂 As you know, today is a judgment-free zone when you send things in for confession corner lol. I actually appreciate you bringing this topic up, because I don't think this really gets talked about enough in the Tomdaya fandom tbh. 👀

Before I dive in, I'll just put out a ***disclaimer*** and say that my opinions and feelings on this topic are just MY personal feelings, so you all don't have to agree. 🤷🏾‍♀️

With that said, I'll just say that I actually agree with you 100% on this. 👏🏾 I think maybe in years past I didn't really see the "big deal" about speculating about, or openly discussing assumptions about Tom and Z's sex life (just harmless fun, right?), but as time went on, I started noticing that SOME fans in the fandom seemed to have a bit of a fixation about what Tom and Z's sex like must be like in the bedroom (even being graphic about it 🥴), and I just started to get a bit creeped out by that... no offense. 🥴😬👀

I agree that there's definitely a very fine line btwn fans finding a couple adorable and cute 🥰, vs fans conjuring up multiple wattpad-level fanfics about Tom and Zendaya's bedroom behavior, and no offense, but to me, the latter is just kind weird. 😵‍💫

I don't really like speculating about ANY celebrity's sex life (obviously, we KNOW they ALL have sex 😅) in great detail like that. Even small jokes can be a bit weird. It's like, you don't know them!

Plus, I find ppl to be a little WEIRD just in general when it comes to Tom and Z and sex just period. From the fans/trolls who think Z is "cheating" on Tom anytime she interacts in a romantic scene with any of her male co-stars🙄, to male fans making weird, sexually-explicit gay manips of Tom in his Spider-man/Peter Parker character (or just Tom himself).... idk... it's just really gross and weird to me, I'm sorry. 😞 They've been doing this stuff for years! Even when Tom was like 21. 🥴

Believe me, after 6 years in this fandom, I've definitely seen some things lol. 😵‍💫

I can't police what other ppl discuss or choose to post on THEIR blogs (nor would I ever want to 🥴), but I just know that for me on my blog, I usually try to be relatively respectful of TZ and their rlshp, and I think we pretty much keep it fairly PG-13 in here when it comes to stuff like that lol. They seem like such a sweet couple 🥰 that just wants to be private, and so I usually try not to go down the rabbit hole of their "intimate" life, or make any assumptions, cuz the truth of the matter is, we just don't know a SINGLE THING! 🤷🏾‍♀️

All we can say is that they seem extremely happy, and just leave it at that lol 😅

But anything beyond that is just speculation, and I guarantee you, their real life intimate details are probably not even as "exciting" as fans make it out to be anyway rofl 🤣 That's the problem with fanfics lol... They put out this idea about a person that might not even be true! 👀

Idk, maybe it's just me, but I agree with you.... speculating about anyone's (celebrity or NOT) intimate sex life is just kinda gross to me, and is kind of crossing a very fine line imo. 👀😬

I just love TZ together, and I think that over the years (especially after they got outed) I've just gained so much more RESPECT for them, and I just feel kind of protective over them in a way, ykwim? ❤️

Idk... Maybe you and I are the ONLY ones who feel this way lol 😆, but I'm actually glad you brought this topic up! Because I have secretly felt for a long time that there are some in the fandom who may go a bit too far in their sexualization of TZ, and it just starts to become a little ick. 🥴

[deadletterpoets]

If you had a chance to write for cass cain, what would you write and what would you do with her character? :D

Wow that is a big question that frankly as many answers so I'm just gonna stick with one as to not have this go on forever. Answer under the cut cause this got long lol

I'd really just want to explore her drive that makes her want to be a hero. What motivates her? Why does wearing the symbol matter to her? Does she feel like she deserves it? Like those would be the types of questions I'd want to ask throughout my whole run.

I'd make her panromantic asexual. I'd find someone to cowrite or consult, but that is definitely a journey she'd go on. I always felt like romance and sex would be such unique experiences for her and intimacy for her would be more about kisses and touching and just being around the person more than sex, but I know not everyone agrees with that (and I'm not saying this cause she's Asian or cause I'm trying to woobify her cause Asians can't have sex or whatever. Just throwing that out there cause ppl seem to think that these days. This is specific for Cass not a comment on all Asian characters.)

I'd have her make a LOT more friends outside the batfam. Bring back Brenda from her OG Batgirl run. Bring back Christine from the League of Shadows arc. Let her meet other heroes like Kenan and Baixi, and the whole of the JLC cause seriously she should. Have her go on adventures with Connor, Emiko, and Rose (Damian shouldn't get all the fun with the cool assassin characters). Have her meet Vic Sage (I think he's alive again idk) and Richard Dragon and learn more about her mother's past so she can learn more about her heritage.

And yes I would do something with Shiva as well, though it wouldn't be them fighting (each other at least). I want them to build a respect for each other. Cass doesn't like that Shiva doesn't see the value of life in the way she does, and Shiva doesn't like that Cass is comfortable wearing a Bat symbol and living by such strict morals, but they agree the other won't change and instead just agree to not get in the other's way. But if they ever need the other, they are there for each other as well. (Hopefully this could lead to solo Shiva stories and just fucking stop making everything she does about Cass, please.)

Though I wouldn't ignore the batfam. I've said before I think Cass and Steph, if both are gonna be Batgirl, should be used like how Marvel used Jessica Drew and Carol Danvers. They have separate books, but are basically supporting characters in each others books. That way neither characters story is compromised for the other, but they also aren't Batgirl2009 where one just has to disappear to make the other relevant. Remind ppl that Cass and Tim have a great sibling dynamic. Continue to build on the Cass/Duke sibling dynamic. Bring back Harper into her life ON PANEL. Refocus on her and Kate, they made up off panel, but I'd show the tension still exist and show them working through that. Obviously rebuild her and Babs MOTHER/DAUGHTER dynamic. None of this "older sister" crap. And of course build on her and Bruce and strongly hint that she wants to be Batman.

The types of stories I'd do would have a very wide range. I'd do everything from street level detective stories to cosmic space journeys to fighting tournaments to one shot romance date nights to team ups to whatever else I think of. I want Cass to be given as much range as a character as everyone else (which is something I feel is really missing for her right now). And she'd go up against all types of villains as well. I'm not gonna list a ton of villains cause that'd take forever, but classic and originals for sure.

In the end what drives her as a hero is more than her guilt, but her want to do good. Simple as that. She is the type of character that sees injustice or bad people doing bad and will step in to intervene. Her moral compass and compassion rivals Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman and that would be on full display. Why does she wear the symbol? Again simply because she believes in what it is meant too represent not only to Gotham but the universe. It strikes fear in the criminals and brings hope to the innocent. Whether she feels she deserves it is the question she might never answer, but she'll work forever until she gets there.

That's just a small idea of what I'd do and it's not a perfect idea, nor is it the only idea of a way to do a Cass run. Just one of the ways I'd do it.

Thanks for the question

[bnha-imagines-hcs]

Hey dude! You're making great stuff! Could I please have B, K, and W from the fluff prompt for Aizawa, Hizashi and Spinner? You know Aizawa and Hizashi are my darlings, but I've recently developed a fondness for the lizard boi.Thank you so much!

( the lizard boi… is kinda cute. but what is UP with his SWORDs!? | also i fucking love kamojis… JesUs ChrisT )

fluff alphabet;

| aizawa; headcanons.

BREATH     just exist… in his life… y ea h. tbh aizawa is just always A Huge Fan of u and the fact ur there in a nice way, so like??? yeethaw bby always a fan.

he a sucker for the whole boyfriend shirt thing, it’s just he doesn’t have a whole lotta clothes beside his professional look (dress shirt and slacks) and his actual working look (fuckin… pullover/overall/bodysuit thing lmfao wtf). you could,, ofc,,,,,, put on a huge frigging sweater - the kind commonly used as a dress - and like… thigh highs…. ehrem. (kitty pattern optional but super effective.) and just. hair down (or up) and just. and just.

                    be there.

also if u ever back him up or lead him in a fight, whether it’s frontline business or just you tryin ur best to evacuate a few peeps, well… that’ll do the trick. #synergy TM. he loves the fact ur partners, so anything that actively demonstrates/proves this is… multo bene.

honestly tho just breathe this hobo is a total softie and he so weak for love… so weak for love.

KISS    he actually adores kisses, yet doesn’t indulge often - as with most things that bring him simple pleasure & relaxation, shouta straight up forgets. just- forgets about it. 

it’s not small pecks and chaste things that he really adores - those are. kinda awkward, really. if it makes ya happy go for it, gestures, but. ehh. eh? eh.

long and involved kisses, that’s where it’s at.                                     hands messing w/ ur hair as he draws you close or draws in close himself or both or (we’re very big on equality here), able to drown in dark & warm comfort, feeling u and keeping u locked away in his little corner of the world until you’re ready to go. these happen in private, if aizawa can help it. it’s his prize for bein’ a martyr all the damn time (cough needlessly hard on himself cough), so the rest of the world can fuck off and just let him have this.

he doesn’t initiate ‘long and involved’ in public; don’t mistake this for a lack of interest! he’s just being decent (●´∀｀●)

WILD CARD     the only thing high-maintenance about shouta is the situational factors. he just wants to chill, have a home that is place & person, someone he can have intelligent conversation and comfortable silence with… just to share their lives without infringing on each other too much.he’s very… myeah. non-conventional? if you’re poly and he’s not, have fun with that it’s cool. if you’re busy a lot like him, that’s cool. if you wanna live separately, np. if you need to take time to yourself for a couple years, you do you.what he does demand is truthfulness. not that you don’t have secrets, but that you can just say ‘man i don’t wanna tell you’, rather than deceit. he’s a liiiiiiiittle sensitive about lies, even small ones.

2) also.. he loves to just read together. he doesn’t have a fireplace but if he did, it’d be readin’ by the fire.

| hizashi; headcanons.

BREATH     no offence but this man’s usually short of breath, what with the constant noice production. the things about life that leave him breathless are what drive him, what fuel him - it’s always somewhere on his mind.if he ain’t livin’ his best life, he about to.

so honestly? hmmm. he’s most often kinda in that state, but – ohhh yeah. big droopy sweater + thigh highs used as sleepwear or just. just. on his s/o… pls sit on his lap. pretty please? pleeeassseee… frick.movie night and it’s warm enough and u come out in that and sidle up to him and oh ooohhhh b o y . he’ll just curl an arm arnd you and light his hand upon ur arm, real gentle, not pouncing or w/e just - enjoying tf out of that.

KISS    mmmmmmmm, y e s. hizashi does not, in fact, believe in PDA - the term and general consensus suggests that displays of affection are somehow meant to be absent from day to day life, as though we ought hide our hearts and pretend to be cardboard.not exactly this guy’s thing.

where shouta will seek out privacy for a kiss with real feeling, hizashi– won’t. sure, if things get particularly heated he’ll suggest a break or a, hah, room (if others haven’t already). but as long as it’s warm loving mmmmm yes i love you mmmm hizashi feels there’s nothing improper about it and will give very few shits about commentary. you will end up in a bitchfight with him if u push it- kisses without wandering hands are not indecent, gdu, and any attempt to make he or his partner feel shame over it will be met with… vehement opposition.

alternatively if you are simply highly uncomfortable and respectful about it, ofc they can save it for when you’re not forced to be in the same room as them. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

     every kiss is a real kiss \o/. hizashi positively glows under the weight of lil pecks and ‘i’m leaving’ / ‘i’m back’ / ‘i’m gonna miss u already’ / etc cheek kisses. very fond of the ‘let’s kiss every lil bit of ur face’ style. subscribed to ‘oh? you think this part of u is undesirable? KISSSSSS’ series. proud author of ‘3 hours of body worship is an aperitif, my love’.

WILD CARD     swings and like, those old-school playgrounds for preteens - those are still the shit. hizashi loves lazing around on a swing, gently rocking back and forth while talking about everything or nothing. it’s easy, there’s literally no pressure whatsoever, it’s nostalgic.pushing each other on the swings?? chill as fuck. riding those errr those things w/ the big-ass springs underneath - also cool. oh my god riding those things err SHIT IDK WHAT IT’S CALLED ... ‘cable ways’ ..? The Shit.

just innocent play time pls. no stress & chill.

| spinner; headcanons.

BREATH.      pls. pls play games w/ him and go wild - that’ll do it. if you rock out playing racing / gta / etc games, he’ll love watching u go go go and just. hang back. needlessly awe-struck. it’s just nice to share smth he loves, smth non-serious without strain, and have the person he likes enjoy themselves with it.

KISS     well it’s scaly, we can’t deny that. ‘s not bad though, and that’s esp true if you’re more of a monster fucker than a coward. smooth, stumbly, and generally a lil awkward cuz he’s not at all used to ppl even ??? wanting ?? a lil smoochy smooch from him??? yeah.

eager, though. spinner’s got pretty normal dreams with yer picket fences and vidya games and maybe even a house that’s like inhabitable… yeah. a life where you can just reach out and touch and have it be affection rather than… disgust……… he’s always more affectionate than sexual - that’s more important to him, and his self-image is such that getting turned on doesn’t even really happen. and boy does he have an assortment of cute lil kisses as a result.

soft, careful pecks to test the waters even though you’ve responded well 50 times already - spinner’s someone who’ll ask for permission more often than not, wary of finding out something good has become something… not so good. it’s a hang-up he’ll not let go of soon. lingering ‘i can’t believe this is happening oh shit should i move? fuck am i-’ cheek kisses while he’s arched awkwardly to reach over the couch.sloppy ‘i can’t believe i’m this lucky but i’m too sleepy to question it’ morning / late night kisses.‘hey i was gone for a while and i can’t believe u still want me to kiss u!!! sc o rrrrrre and also oh god are u ALRIGHT.’ less restrained, embraces, face kisses, accidentally kissing ur eye. that happened.he has an excited ‘oh my god u made us hot chocolate’ kiss that stems from i’m living the fucking life finally ho god. 

he’s just. so happy. so happy to have someone he likes and likes him back, smn he can just be domestic with. sure he does crazy shit, but he loves to.. be homey. and lots and lots of little, tentative kisses at every opportunity.

also mini hand touches, but he’s still working on that.

WILD CARD     pls sit on his shoulders and let him scale rooftops like that. adrenaline junking together is The BeesKnees. u wanna get thrown?? the boi will throw u. u wanna cliff dive?? yeet let’s go. u wanna rollercoasterrrrrr rid es. s /? !? ?!? FUCK YES LE’S GO.