#like. The idea that before the everything she just. Never rlly bothered masking

[septimus-heap]

Smth abt the concept of marcia having been like 6000 times more visibly autistic before the whole. Supreme custodian/double assassination thing. Hm. <3

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

what if in the distance series, she’s been having a really stressful week with her album promotions and whatnot and all calum wants to do is make her feel better and the facetimes can only help so much so he decides to fly out and surprise her 🥺

Thanks so much for the suggestion! I’m going to combine it with this one: 

i’m feeling rlly down do u think for the distance series you could write another blurb about the reader being really upset and not wanting to bother cal but she tweets a really concerning tweet and cal calls her and she’s balling and maybe he sings to her to make her to feel better and the next week she gets a care package?

I did some tweaks. Her album’s not out yet. She’s just promoting the singles. But the album is coming out soon! I’m not a professional, so I don’t know how any of this actually works. But I’m trying. 

Here are parts one, two, three, four, and five. This is the Distance series on my masterlist!

If you have any suggestions or ideas for this series, please feel free to send them to me! I will try and use as many as I can while also progressing the story along!

_______________________________

The thing about life is that, sometimes when one thinks there’s not much lower that they can do, there’s something right around the corner that proves deeper is possible. Though the tweets hadn’t exactly lessened,  she made a point not to be on social media unless she had to be, she only interacted with fans for a spare few minutes, liking tweets and reply to the love and positive outreach. Her relationship with social media is rapidly evolving and for the first time in a while, she kind of understood the reason why Calum never seemed to be on his. It was a hard river to get out of, if one floated down it too long. 

But now, she was looking at her schedule for promotion and while thankfully most things were still relatively close to her, traveling this much so soon, made her nervous. She tried to speak with her manager and the team, to see if some of the interviews could be scheduled for video. They had managed to keep a decent portion video based but still too many required her traveling. “I’ll try to talk to some people, but you really have to get out there, have people see your face. Besides, you already traveled out of the country once before. What’s the big deal now?”

It makes sense and she’s still new to this game. But going to see Calum is completely different than being in cities for hours before flying out for the next. Just the idea of her being herded around made her a little uncomfortable. “I understand that, but when am I supposed to be a human being during all of this? I still have songs to finish. And I visited a friend for a few days. Totally different than bouncing around god knows how many countries in two weeks. I need time to breathe in all this.”

“Listen, we’re here to help you out. The only way for this relationship to work is if there is mutual respect.”

“That’s rich,” she retorts. “I’m only simply asking that for my mental wellbeing that we adjust some of the interviews, that’s all.”

“And we will see what we can do.” The rest of the meeting is tense and it grates every nerve in her soul that there seems to be no real regard. It’s really just in the tone. Like she’s a child begging for candy in the checkout line while her mother has already told her once before that there is candy at home. 

But she has to in some ways take them at their word. She lets this go for now but when the next day, she receives an email that the schedule will remain the same, she knows in her gut that no one actually talked about rearranging anything. Can she really afford to cause a ripple? Especially so early in her career? These people kind of did pluck her from obscurity but at the same time, shouldn’t her voice be heard?

Remember the compression socks, reads the message from Calum. He sent her a care package last week, after hearing about her promotion schedule. It was going to be hell and Calum wasn’t going to hide that fact from her. She hadn’t told me about the small feud. So he sent things that helped him out a lot, the socks for the constant air travel, a sleep mask, vitamins, a book that he recommended but she hadn’t stopped by the local shop to buy, a pack of her favorite pens that she had to order from a place in New York, and a beautiful bound leather journal. Her wire bound notebook was curling at the corners and well loved. It was by time to get a new one but she had a hard time giving up on things. 

Snapping a picture of her carry on, she makes sure the socks are resting right on top. I would never. 

You got this, buttercup. Calum stares at his phone, wishing he could do a little 

The first couple of days aren’t so bad. The flights aren’t terribly long. The interviews are kind of fun, filled with plenty of laughter. There are gimmicky games based on her singles and they didn’t always pan out completely, but for a second, she figures maybe she had overreacted. But soon the interviews grow repetitive, the games are no longer fun. She can’t even write, by the time she’s on a plane, all she wants is sleep. The time zones are killer and she swears time means literally nothing as she’s hurded about. 

I’m losing it, she texts Calum. Losing all sense of her humanity. She’s grateful to meet her fans in the small pockets of time she’s allotted and that keeps her going. But slowly and surely, her body is drained. No amount of sleep means anything. She can’t hardly concrete. It’s all crumbling around her. She doesn’t feel human. 

“Are you sleeping?” Calum asks, through the screen. His picture goes pixelated for a quick second but then it straightens back out. 

“Yeah. Just doesn’t seem like enough though.”

Calum knows that feeling. He knows that look in her eyes too. It’s hard to keep up the facade when constantly about.  “Eating enough?”

“Kinda,” she admits. She tries to think what she had for breakfast. But that was hours ago and now she’s sitting waiting for another plane that will take her even further ahead in time. Will she be eating breakfast again soon? Does it even matter right now?

Calum passes along a few more tricks, but mostly aims to distract. He talks about the new music he’s working on. She asks if she can get a sneak peak and he’s more than happy to oblige. If that’s all he can do for the small moments in time, he’ll do it. He wishes he could do more though. It’s not easy and he’s fortunate to have three other people that are going through it all at the same time as him. There’s always a support system. But it’s just her. And she can confide in a couple of her security guards, they’ve become a level of friends, but it’s still not quite the same. 

“I miss my dog,” she confesses, randomly amongst the reverbing rumble of Calum’s bass as he finishes the last chord in the progression. Her chest starts to ache. And the tears are stinging her eyes before she can really stop them. “I miss my dog so fucking much,” she cries in a whisper. “I miss my bed. I miss you.”

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s hard to be away. I totally get it.” His heart races, because of her tears but also because of her confession. Now, probably isn’t the time, not to get hung up on that last sentence but his mouth is moving before he can will it not too. “I miss you too. And I know your dog misses you. And it’s okay to miss us. We’ll always be right here when you need us.”

It doesn’t help to be having this breakdown in the middle of an airport. And sure, there might be headlines in the coming days but at the end of the day she’s so human. No matter how much she wants to pretend nothing ever affects her, it does. It always will. Her wall isn’t without some flaws. She does her best to calm the tears, steady her breathing but it feels so right just to let it all out. 

She manages to excuse herself to that bathroom. There are still about thirty minutes before her flight and she has to get it all out now before she boards. With Calum still on the line, she sobs in the bathroom. A toilet flushes alerting her that she’s not as alone as she once expected but locked into the stall, it doesn’t matter. Calum soothes her as best he can, telling her it’s okay to get it all out.  Ten minutes later, she’s cleaned up and running back to her gate. “Thanks, Cal.”

“No, no need to thank me. Just take care of yourself, okay? Please.”

She nods, guards waiting for her with her bags. “I’ll talk to you later.”

Just like she knew, it’s all over the internet the next day. The woman interviewing asks if everything’s okay, what sparked the teary episode. “I’m human, in case anyone forgets. I am human and I just hit my limit. I think we all need to take a moment to remember we are human. I am. You are. The person listening to this. We’re all human at the end of the day.” That’s all she has to say because if truth be told, she’s still at that limit, she’s still hitting that wall in which everything feels hazy but crying her eyes out helped a little bit. 

Calum sees her interview, not trying to look for it, but it pops up on his timeline. Her voice shakes as she speaks, lower lip quivering but her tone is strong, there’s a fire behind her eyes as she talks. Calum knows she’s hitting that wall and she won’t really get over it until she gets home and gets a chance to unwind. It’s crazy. Really, but he can’t do much over a call or over a video chat. So he figures out when her return home is and books a flight out for the next day. He should really make sure she wants company to, but it’s too late now as his email dings with the confirmation. 

It’s midday and it should require more pants than she’s currently wearing, her only plans are to stay curled up on her couch and snuggled up with her dog. She has plenty of food in the house and she doesn’t mind taking the moment to cook for herself. The knock at her door is surprising and she stands, hollering that she needs just a moment and scurries to her room to grab a pair of shorts off the chair in her room that has just become the clothes chair when things aren’t dirty to go into the laundry but aren’t clean to stick back into the drawer. 

And there’s Calum, just standing at her door. A hoodie on his head, covering the baseball cap and his sunglasses. “Hey,” he exhales with a tiny grin. 

All she can do is hug him, shaking with a small bit of laughter. “I don’t know what you’re doing here, or if I’m hallucinating this, but I’m absolutely okay with this.”

He kisses the top of her head. “Just here to cheer you up, buttercup. That’s all.”

-H

[holdvns]

hi friends ! i’m farah nd im coming at u live frm the pst timezone to bring u a new muse of mine. so excuse me as i ramble abt holden under the cut. like this post and i will come bother u for plots?? that or u can im me on here or on my discord (farah#1263), whatever works rlly! anyways, super stoked to be here and to get to write with u all!!!!

(TOBY WALLACE, CIS MALE) - Have you seen HOLDEN DONAHUE? HOLDEN is in HIS JUNIOR year. The PHILOSOPHY MAJOR is 21 years old & is a TAURUS. People say HE is QUICK-WITTED, DARING, IRREVERENT and DETACHED. Rumors say they’re a member of CALLOWAY SOCIETY. I heard from the gossip blog that HIS FATHER PAID OFF THE SCHOOL TO CHANGE HIS GRADES AFTER HE FAILED FOUR CLASSES LAST SEMESTER FROM NEVER SHOWING UP.  (FARAH. 22. PST. SHE/HER.)

pinterest board / tag

holden grew up between upstate new york and manhattan in an extremely wealthy family. from the outside, his family had the appearance of perfection, but underneath that facade lay years of shocking and hidden family secrets that one way or another got out into society, even if his family tried to put them down as merely rumors.

his father is a highly respected but also deeply feared business man/media magnate known for his cutthroat attitude in his business dealings and personal relationships. he had an extremely difficult childhood, having been orphaned at a young age and passed from relative to relative around europe, many of whom were not very kind to him. still, he was incredibly intelligent and wanted to make something of himself, having this belief in the american dream and wanting to move there if he ever got the chance. after attending college on a scholarship, he was able to use his connections and move to new york, where he founded his own start-up that eventually led to him building his own personal fortune.

his mother was very much a hustler. she grew up poor in new york and at an early age, learned how to use her good looks to manipulate men for the finer things in life. she had a short stint as a model before she met holden’s father, charming him enough to call it quits with his first wife. underneath her obvious beauty, however, was a fiery temper and substance abuse problem. the thing about her was that she really wasn’t made to be a wife and mother. holden’s father thought he could turn her into this perfect socialite/housewife (marrying her and then proceeding to have his older brother, cal, and holden in a very short span of time), but the task proved impossible. she was always only looking out for herself and didn’t enjoy being tied down, certainly not with kids to take care of despite the nannies his father provided. they fought constantly, and their home life was extremely unstable. it was a normal occurrence for holden to see his mother being dragged off to an institution by his father’s security guards or for his mother to use him and his brother as bait to get his father to give her money for drugs, to leave him, or sometimes just to try and get back with him.

eventually, she finally did leave, having told holden and his brother the three of them were moving to los angeles, but leaving without them and dying of a drug overdose shortly after. holden was about six at the time and thinks he has successfully hidden this entire episode from his memory, but it’s definitely something that affects him whether he likes it or not.

although his family claims this was merely just a rumor, it was often said that there was some foul play behind her death and that his father had some involvement, not wanting her to ever leave him and move on with her life. while holden deep down may admit that this could be the case, it’s never something he would really say.

at this point, his father rarely talks about his mother and when he has, he has poisoned her memory so much, holden feels like he never really had one. when he was younger, he’d often make up stories about her in his head, which were far different than who she actually was. it helped at the time, but after a while it was easier to just forget her altogether.

while his father cares deeply for his children and has provided them a life of ease and luxury, he’s certainly not innocent in all of this mess. he’s extremely manipulative and often psychologically traumatizing to them as well. he often finds his children to be lazy and ungrateful and resents the way they’ve been raised (even though it was his own doing), while he suffered from poverty and abuse in his own childhood. he often pits the two of them against each other, always trying to see who’s the stronger, smartest, who will do whatever it takes to be the best, especially because there’s always talk about who’s going to be the one to be the one who’s going to take over when he retires. it is usually said to be his older brother, because it’s no secret that he’s his father’s favorite.

because of this, holden and his brother never really got along. or so it seems. they did when they were younger, but their hatred runs so deep that the even thought of that feels like a distant reality. they’re only two years apart, but they couldn’t be more different. while his brother is a complete perfectionist and will do just about anything to please his father, holden gave up on that idea along time ago. it didn’t matter what he did, he never seemed to be able to measure up against his brother. maybe it was because he was younger, maybe it was because he was more sensitive and seemed to feel things at a deeper level, maybe it was because he wasn’t as competitive, or maybe there was no explanation why his father simply liked cal better. holden’s never seemed to figure out. he’s always felt like the screwup of the family, so eventually that’s what he became.

he started drinking and using drugs at an early age, basically trying anything to mask his pain and trauma. while his brother excelled academically and in sports in high school, holden never applied himself. he fell in with the wrong crowd and gave up his spot on the football team to run around the streets of new york and engage in all kinds of debauchery. it was common for him to disappear for days on end, spending his father’s money and racking up drug and gambling debts. obviously his father wasn’t happy about this and would constantly remind him of that, but he didn’t exactly do anything to stop him either. if this was a cry for help or attention, it didn’t exactly have the desired effect and only left holden feeling empty. 

he started dating this older hippie girl who was in college while he was a senior in high school who influenced him to want to detach from his family and money and the crowd he was running in. he kind of... took it to the extreme and started talking like timothee chalamet in lady bird lmao, even though he reeked of privilege. honestly, it was just another way to annoy his father and brother, which was always his goal at the time. they ended up breaking up because he cheated on her, but he kept some of her ideas and mindset afterwards.

after high school, he wasn’t really sure what he wanted to do. so he ran off to europe for a year and didn’t talk to anyone from home. just traveled around by himself with little money and getting into all kinds of trouble. he probably would’ve stayed longer, but one morning he came across an american newspaper while he was in greece reporting on how his father had suffered a heart attack. he rushed back to the states and luckily his father has survived, but in that moment of weakness he manipulated him into attending college. his father pulled some strings and got him into yates, and while it isn’t exactly his idea of fun, he’s taking it day by day and looking it as another way to push back actually having to enter the real world.

~ personality wise ~

acts like he hates his family, new york, and everything that comes attached with money and privilege, but completely reaps the benefits of all these things when he can. claims everything having to do with high society is vapid and that he wants more out of life.

a bit of a compulsive liar. will make up fake identities and pretend to be other people or tell people he doesn’t know some sob story about growing up poor. rlly just gets off on stuff like that and doesn’t tell the truth. like ever.

doesn’t always like people knowing how rich he is or who his father is. for those that do know, he doesn’t like to talk much about his family. probably won’t ever say a word about his mother.

has no real ambitions in life or any sort-of life plan. has switched his major at least 10 times and never goes to his classes.

very much a hedonist. likes to party and hates being alone. hooks up with too many people and finds it very difficult to be in any sort of real relationship. he’s just not reliable or faithful enough.

also goes through phases where feels like he doesn’t connect with people? or that he hates everyone?

always attracts chaos of some kind. black eyes from a fight over kissing someone’s girlfriend or owing his drug dealer money.

lives life day by day. doesn’t plan for the future. usually always drunk or high.

kind of... morally ambiguous. with the way he was raised, he doesn’t see life as black or white. it’s sort of grey. usually doesn’t do the right thing, usually doesn’t feel bad about it... but there is a heart there somewhere. he just doesn’t usually care enough to use it.

rlly tries to avoid feelings as much as possible. he’s actually quite a sensitive person, but after being constantly told that makes him weak by his father and having a robot of a brother he’s always felt ashamed by that. so he uses his vices to try and not feel things.

wanted plots

hook ups, fwbs, exes, someone he cheated on, friends, enemies, someone he owes money to, someone who knew him grew up and knows his family, someone he actually rlly cares about (romantic or platonic)...i’ll add more to this when i think of more things!