#like yk someone else had the reigns and all that

[mournings-stars]

What's ur take on vox aftercare imagines? :3

tell me why i was so in love with this ask, wrote a whole fic and literally forgot to post it omg ANYWAY i love vox with aftercare cus that television does NOT know what he’s doing

yes he’s used to having to reign in val but convincing someone to not be criminally insane and telling someone they did a good job is a tad bit different yk (LMAO)

i doubt he’s ever actually received aftercare or given it before getting into an actual relation(situation)ship so he fumbles with it at first

he’d definitely get the hang of it tho! like i think in private he’s a very doting s/o (in his own way) like he gives you the princess treatment all day every day (as long as no one else is there to see it)

so i think despite that he kinda lacks in the aftercare department cus he literally doesn’t know it exists until you try to initiate it

anyway for this lil blurb my idea was that reader and vox have been hooking up for a while and have gotten closer (it’s not like vox would let just anyone sleep in his bed) so here u go

Vox would really try to give aftercare. Every time since you started spending the night, he’d clean you up and change the sheets. He’d get you something to wear before he took care of himself, and made sure you had anything you could physically need, but that was it. He wasn’t good at the rest of it. He didn’t think to get you tea (especially because he didn’t even like “leaf water”) or a warm blanket, he didn’t think to tell you how he was feeling or how well you did, and he certainly didn't tell you if he needed anything.

No one, before you, had ever even introduced the idea of aftercare. There was a night where you sleepily told him how well he did, and he told you to “go to sleep if you want to stay here tonight,” but you said, “I have to make sure you’re alright first,” like he was ridiculous, laughing as you kissed his shoulder.

“Of course I’m alright… Are you?” He asked awkwardly, thinking you were trying to hint that he’d done something wrong, maybe hurt you.

“Mhm. Just cold.”

“Then… use your blanket?” He pulled his sheets over you as you groaned, shaking your head at him. “What?”

“Nothing… Nothing.” You tucked the blankets over you, turning away from him as you shut your eyes. “Night.”

And it took him hours to fall asleep. Not only was he utterly confused by you, but he had a very needy feeling in his chest. He had half a mind to check and see if he was hard again, because he certainly didn’t feel it, but that was the only thing that made sense.

That is, until he looked at you, tucked into your blankets and finding himself thinking he would be much warmer than some stupid blanket. Why the fuck were you holding on to a blanket and not him—?

And then he had to pause and collect himself because who the fuck gets jealous over a blanket…?

He gently and reluctantly woke you up, feeling bad for it when he watched you blink your eyes open groggily. He came up with something arbitrary, “you’re pushing me off the bed, pretty.”

“Mmm, sorry,” you mumbled and scooted over. He took the opportunity to scoot closer, gently grabbing your waist to pull you against him. You turned toward him, assuming he wanted something else and sleepily bringing your mouth to his neck.

“As much as I like ‘sleepy sex’,” as you called it, “with you, I just want to — hold you.” You didn’t miss the way his screen glitched when he spoke, and he didn’t miss the smile that came to your face before you went back to sleep.

But of course all the niceties were gone the next day when you left before he woke up, which you always did because that was the agreement you had — but surely that didn’t mean things had to be the same in the bedroom.

So he started researching and apparently, “why the fuck is my… partner… being so nice after sex?” Was a commonly searched question in Hell, as it populated almost immediately after he typed “why.”

That led him to trying, really trying, to give aftercare. The first time, you were shocked, telling him you’d clean up, but he insisted and you relented. You let him do what he wanted, thinking he might just be in a mood, but when he very awkwardly asked if you were alright, you realized what he was doing.

“Why don’t I make us tea?” You suggested, getting up from his bed after he’d given you something to wear. “Is that alright? Or, do you want me to keep you company?”

You were much more attentive, and you always knew what to say. That alone made an error appear on his screen, but you didn’t joke or say anything about it. “That’s fine,” he finally brought himself to say.

“Alright. Be right back.” You gave him a smile, gently squeezing his hand as you passed him by and went to the kitchen.

He wanted to tell you to be quick, as he suddenly felt very lonely when he lost the feeling of your hands on him, but he stopped himself.

As if you read his mind, you came back very quickly, also bringing a bowl of fruit with you (and hot water with lemon and honey for him because, again, leaf water). “Blood sugar,” you said, making him laugh.

“So, you like to eat after…?” He concluded, because “blood sugar” was certainly not a valid justification in Hell. You nodded and he did the same in return. “What else?”

“What else, what?” You asked as you sat next to him in bed after setting the tea and fruit on his nightstand, tucking your legs beneath the covers.

“What else do you like… after?”

This time, you didn’t ignore the error screen, taking it as him pushing for too much. “Don’t worry about that — it’s more about what you need… Like, you like to cuddle,” his screen glitched as he cleared his throat, “because you need a little bit of comfort. I don’t need much; maybe, just, something to wear and sleep — but I’d rather not sleep alone.” He nodded along. “I’ll get everything I like; tea, fruit, whatever.” You gave him a very sweet smile, but he understood you were telling him to not ask any more about what you liked — or, he thought he understood that you didn’t want to get personal. “What do you like?” Then you caught him off guard.

No one had ever prioritized what he liked — or, rather, needed after sex before now, and he certainly never wanted to tell anyone. Who knows how they’d use it against him? But you… you just felt genuine.

[ohnococo]

Hii!! I'm back with my Sukuna scenarioss🐡💗

Okay so like, yk how Sukuna is always being portrayed as this womaniser with like a the biggest harem ever on fanfics? (Tf btw) I personally believe that while yes he finds amusement in lively women, it's mainly because they'll be more entertaining to defeat or break in the perspective of a heartless mass murderer like him.

Therefore, I present to you the idea of Virgin!Tf! Sukuna (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)💗 Hear me out- in a more canon stand point, he's def too busy wrecking havoc everywhere to sleep around, much less build a harem of all things. Although that trope def has a special place in my heart, I've literally never seen a Virgin!Tf!Sukuna🥺 Also also, just look at his reaction when a beautiful woman like Yoruzu hugged him, he was so unbothered like???😭😭😭 And ngl, I don't think he'd be interested in partaking in any sexual activities during his reign way back in the Heian era either cuz he most def killing those who even dares to touch him (cough- Yoruzu-). Although experienced Suku is def still hot😳

Also, this pic that I've seen circulating around my feed def fed into this little scenario of mine😭https://www.tumlook.com/ystrike1/post/738893419527684096

LIKE DEAR GOODNESS I'LL GIVE ANYTHING TO WITNESS TF!SUKUNA LIKE THAT🥺💗

P.S. I would like to add that your bee profile pic is an absolute masterpiece💗

P.S. #2 I'M SO SORRY FOR THIS LONG AHH MESSAGE, I GOT TOO CARRIED AWAY😭

- puffypuff🐡

OKAY NOW LISTENNNN LIL PUFFNSTUFF I feel ya on the breaking lively women like man was not moved by some tiddies swingin (and tbh like I do hc heian era tf sukuna as straight forcing himself on someone for the malice of it) BUT VIRGIN SUKU????

Never seen it never considered but oooooh boy 🥵

Like he’s just not bothered about sex, it’s a waste of time, it’s something he’s beyond because how could it compare to the thrill of everything else he’s doing? Women begging to be spared, offering their bodies in exchange for their lives, why should that move him? Because that’s all it’s even been presented as to him.

But when he finally DOES partake?? Out of his mind, incoherent, feral. Whoever takes that dick (or those dicks depending on how you hc tf sukuna) better be built different because he’s fuckin for HOURSSSS til he’s lying there, eyes rolling, hips barely moving, rutting into you for one more, just one more, make it happen for him.

Pussy drunk previously-a-virgin sukuna making my brain go brrrrr

(And thank you bb the bee was a lil dapper fella I had to have him)

[bohemian-nights]

I’d me mad if someone else was fcking my man too (mostly mad at my man cause yk he’s the one I’m in a relationship with 🫠) but we’re still in WAR times. Like Rhaenyra your reign is on shaky ground as it is 😭. Maybe after the war you can do the whole “THaTs mY MaN. BuRn WiTch!!” I swear I cackled reading that because she was seriously still high from her daily dose of delusion “my Prince would never lay with such a low creature” like girl he had two kids by you 🤣 thing but right now you need all hands on deck lol. *But seriously Rhae Rhae was tripping ordering the death of a dragonrider she still very much needed. Like Mysaria got to fck your man and live cause she was useful to you. Netty was also useful to you still* (Also quick question what do you think would’ve happened if Rhaenyra still went on her racist rant implying she wanted to kill Nettles but didn’t order anything but commanded that they both returned to King’s Landing? Do you think Daemon would’ve gone for that? And if he did how would their relationship work in Kings Landing? How would Rhaenyra react to seeing the two of them together? Or just in general how do you think their life would look post-war if the Blacks won? )

Anon haven’t you heard? Missy Anne never called Nettles a low creature or insinuated the only way a Black woman could claim a dragon or get with her man was by using witchcraft. That’s all lies spread by the evil green man 🥦Septon Eustace.

Black women(who have no idea what racism looks like because everyone knows racism ended once MLK gave his I Have a Dream speech 😊)are just making sh*t up to down a poor defenseless white woman. Sure Miss Maegor, I’m sorry Nyra, tried to kill an innocent (possibly pregnant I mean not pregnant because Daemon definitely wouldn’t sleep with a Black- I mean he would never cheat on his queen) woman, but it’s all Mysaria’s fault. You know queens don't have any actual power 😄

who just so happened to have lost her mind because of stress and thought it was a good idea to get her husband back.

She was fine with wh*te a** Mysaria so why wouldn’t she be fine with a Black girl with her man? It’s not like members of her own family(her grandmother, Corlys, the mad King) have ever been shown as racist. It’s not like the Targaryens believe that they are exceptional people because of their birth. She couldn’t possibly be racist🙃 Stop saying she’s racist. You’re a hater.

Jokes aside, yeah Miss Maegor messed up big time ordering Nettles’ death, but to be fair she didn’t think she’d lose Daemon along with her(still an idiotic decision since she did what she did to Addam).

A scenario like that kinda happened in the past and Daemon chose Viserys over his lover(Mysaria and the egg situation on Dragonstone). She probably just thought Nettles meant nothing to him and he’d get over his infatuation as soon as she departed from Except it wasn’t lust this time. She overplayed her hand. If she was a little more patient maybe she would’ve survived longer.

To answer your question, I think Daemon would’ve returned to Kings Landing. I could see Corlys’ warning/telling him Miss Maegor has gone kooky, she hates Nettles’ guts, and that it would be best if they stayed at Maidenpool.

Now if she hadn’t gone on her rant(or if others weren’t there to see it) then they probably would have returned. He wouldn’t give up Netty. She’d probably become his only paramour(I could see him gathering a couple of children with her. Try to give said child a lordship if it was a boy or doting on it if it was a girl). Missy Anne would either have to live with it or she won't go on breathing 😊

[dickinfectionbez]

Finished my uni work and guess who's back. (Also can't sleep so let's takes this further shall we)

Darling I see you smooth fuckin move of slipping the fiver and raise the stakes.

It's nearing the end of the date, and my heart is beating wildly because now that Ik what it's like to be around your presence, I fear that I can't ever go without it. I have the sudden urge to gently take your face and look you in the eye and somehow desperately make you understand how much power you have over me in such a short time. I'm infatuated. I'm obsessed. Yk the passage that says smth vaguely like if she wanted to dance I'd throw all the furniture out and smth like if she wanted to cook I'd let her burn the house down and all that. That's me !!! Girlll (gn) I've developed the worst disease known to mankind. A fuckin crush of all things. But I'll reign it all in cause I don't want to spook you off yet.

We take the train home but we go off on different ones so eventually we have to separate and I'm scared because I can't remember the last time I focused on someone so intensely and I'm scared, deathly afraid that I'm giving too much I'm feeling to much and you aren't so I play it safe and lightly peck your cheek and give you a exactly 30 second hug in which I forever commit your scent to my memory. I'm still scared but I'm being oh so brave for you cause I want you and I'm ready to yearn and pine because I'm playing the long fuckin game sweetheart.

On the ride back, my head keeps running the day on a loop. The way you made me laugh with the sebs original mistress comment, but hey, we respect all sebs' mistresses, but I do feel jealous still. I feel your gaze on me while we are lying down, but I'm afraid of what I'll find in your eyes if I look so I pretend I don't notice it. Your touch on me in the museum feels like it seared on my skin. I simultaneously want to always have your touch on me, and also, I fear that I would never recover if you ever touched me again. I didn't know a single person could make me feel like that. Internally, I'm praying, and I'm on my knees that I've left a lasting impression on you that you'll let me be by your side. That the fact if you accept me would make me feel as if God himself allowed me entrance into heaven. I'm scared. I'm scared . I'm scared. I get home and send you a had a good day and got home safe? text and I leave it there because I'm feeling things too fast and I'm scared I'm too much and you'll leave even before we begin. The clothes you wore today and the way your eyes twinkle and the different smiles you have follow me into my dreams and for the first time in awhile I'm smiling in my sleep.

[Dun dun dun I'm done]

As you can see, I yearn a lot. Babessss your responses are so fuckin perfect like wtf ????? They amazing!!!

Medieval European iconography!!!!!! Which ones are your favourite. Whose your favourite artist or art ?? This is so cool !!!

okay this is so late because I genuinely couldn't put words to paper (words to phone screen?)

We walk to the train station, you going to the overground and I to the underground. I'm hesitant at best, lingering around the turnstiles, pissing a bunch of locals off. I glance at the local cafe, wondering if I can prolong the day with one last drink but pause, realising that you probably can't miss the train. You hug me and I lean my head against yours, mind going blank as you kiss my cheek.

On the tube ride back I replay the days events, thinking of times where I should have said something else or other times where my pinkie brushed yours, times where I should of held on to you. I think about the last hug and kiss, how nice it felt just standing there with you. I think of how hollow the world felt when we parted and I think of my wallet that I had accidentally dropped in your bag.

I get home and change quickly, bundled up in an old t-shirt and trousers as I see your text. I like down on my stomach, quickly shooting a text back before pushing my phone away, falling asleep to the memories made today.

Ooh so I don't have a favourite artist when it comes to iconography as my favourite works were created by Greek priests. I've spent a lot of time around Greek Orthodox churches and love everything about the aesthetics.

[delighted-mirage]

YEAH that’s what I usually figured that the names get passed down too as a kid but it’s so cool to hear it verbalized. like so much of their stories are just legacies. it’s not like anyone’s actually ever Learning from it apparently.

and if it is like. parents pass down to children their own names, but still name them something different to help differentiate, it brings up the very important question of. if no one has any actual autonomy in their stories and exist to play out their lives like a play over every generation, why do they have autonomy? they all very clearly have free will, so destiny isn’t like. a Natural Thing in the EAH world. like in their entire universe, the laws of existence have never actually had destiny as a concept. their society never needed destiny in the first place. it’s a foreign concept. which points out that the system of destiny, as everyone knows yk, was designed by the grimms as some form of established classism that exists to benefit only the wealthy and in that still oppress them.

it’s been like. A While since I got into the actual lore of the show I just know the basics and a couple details SJSJS. but I think yeah, he is actually a manipulative bastard who has to have shut himself off completely as a person right? like. you force the same choreographed patterns of pain, victory, romance, and so-called adventures and life onto children who can’t comprehend the meanings of those experiences because they mean nothing to them in this generation because it’s not their story or life even being told. it’s always someone else’s choices and life being forced onto you, whether you choose to adhere to the system or not. and everyone in the system doesn’t learn (bc their parents’ history/individuality gets erased) and they turn from traumatized children to adults who put traumas on their children and so on.

and then milton grimm is the figure who guides them through it all. he comforts the traumatized adults, many of whom go into positions of incredible wealth and power and enforce the system of classism above which he reigns and comforts them as children who grow up with him as a patronly (if kind of rude iirc) figure. he is in control over everyone essentially. they can’t learn from their history despite playing the same stories over and over and he gets to stand at the top. that’s like. a power trip and also extremely fucked up emotionally. so in that position it would help to become more of a patronly figure to manipulate them and so I think he wouldn’t necessarily be like. as closed off? but probably just fucked inside as a person yeah SJSJSJ

I think also it’s like. the whole point of stories is so that you can learn from them. and that’s the whole point of raven’s story, it’s that she’s an individual who sees a problem and is bold enough to face it and of high enough celebrity status that she can become the face of rebelling against the problem. (evil queen and snow white’s story being so famous. if she were anyone else rebelling against destiny, it probably makes much less of a difference. but raven technically threatens the most powerful dynasty in EAH in terms of money and power.) I mean cerise’s family alone shows there’s a strong history of rebelling against this destiny government like they can’t be the first or only ones to rebel, they just have a lesser effect on the actual balance in the thing.

which also brings up the fact that like. the parents’ generation had their own history of fucking with destiny. like. according to destiny, the evil queen mostly just goes mad with jealousy and tries to kill snow white. it’s a bit different in eah iirc but like raven’s mom took that pretty far from the original story. like attempted murder is one level but she took the evil queen title to trying to take over the world. the entire world. not just her story world. idk I might be getting facts mixed up and in eah, she’s supposed to Do That, but I’m thinking that she really wasn’t supposed to take it as far as she did. even apart from that, if I’m wrong, there’s also all the traumas that got put onto the kids that are technically all rebellious. they had to get exposed to outside sources, and I don’t think that robin hood kid bought that guitar himself. like the small things of how each kid is already unique in their own ways because of their parents. those factors of the characters aren’t supposed to exist, so already, destiny has been broken by the fact that their stories have already started and are radically different than how they have to play them out.

EAH is a great horror story just bc everything in it can be so easily seen as a horror premise. it’s a dystopia basically of what happens when you keep following the book and never actually learn from it.

Okay so I had a sad thought last night.

I know most likely the reason the Ever After High parents named are just their fairytale is so little kids didn't get confused but what if Snow White's name actually isn't Snow White? She actually has a different first name but she has to go by Snow because she's lived her destiny, she's the link in the Snow White chain, and same with the Evil Queen, and other tales because there's no way Sleeping Beauty's first name is 'Sleeping' and Hunter's dads first name is 'The'

When they live out their destinies they don't matter anymore. Only their fairytale does and the fact their child follows it as well.

We know the destines have existed for a long time, so the parents of all of our beloved characters are not the first versions of their stories (With the exception of Ginger, Helga and Gus because they explicitly say that)

The individual person will never be remembered, only their story, their actual names and lives are lost to time.

Raven started something new though, she'll probably be remembered as the Evil Queen who didn't want to be evil and of course the start of the Rebel movement but what about Apple? Will she only be remembered as Snow White? Or Apple White? Is she another link in the long chain, or is she still a link, just a more memorable one?

[hellonoblesky]

Gotta wait for all my friends to finish We Will Be Reunited before I scream in depth on our server, so here’s all my thoughts/theories on Chapter 1, Act IV: We Will Be Reunited (ft. thoughts about the Archons (who I think participated, who I think didn't), Kaeya, Gold and their motives, Dain, and Abyss Heralds)

Spoilers ahead!!

(tw/cw: trauma mention, loss)

(also TL;DR's will be at the end of the post!!)

Ok so apologies if this is disorganized, I’m still getting all my thoughts about the quest together

Cryo is the single and only element needed for the domain, which as a Kaeya main and someone with his backstory pretty much memorized, that’s pretty sus?? Especially because I’m pretty sure that the last Abyss domain that had to do with Dain also only asked for Cryo

Dain and the Abyss Heralds share a very very similar color scheme, is it possible that the rest of the royal guard was turned into the Heralds? That would also explain why the Herald ceases their attack once they realize who we are. They need to report back to their royal, not only to update them on the situation with us and Dain, but to make sure we’re an enemy they’re aloud to fight (and possibly injure severely)

Field Tillers.... are they designed for the attack, to reap the lives of other people in order to give wealth in land to Khanri’ah, or to defend Khanri’ah from those who wished to bring it down? Either way, they failed

Kaeya. Has his plan been abandoned (and him by extent)? Or is he actively working with the Abyss Order, to assist them and bring his plan forwards? Was he the one who took (or assisted in the taking of) the statue? It is a Mondstadt statue, after all. And if so, I don’t think Kaeya’s “I triumph over you” poem was a fun little thing that just got thrown in as a cool and funky hint into his backstory. I think he’s letting Venti know (or perhaps reminding him) that Venti has no power over him, and with his Gnosis in the hands of the Tsaritsa and her Harbingers.... he won’t have the power to defend his own land against whatever attacks may come Mondstadt’s way. Also does Kaeya know Dain? Does he know about Dain? Does he purposefully avoid Dain because he knows Dain is anti-Abyss? Does the Traveler's sibling know about Kaeya? Is the sibling the one who set up Kaeya's plan? What. Is. Up. With. Kaeya????

Dain is cursed with immortality for his failure to protect the royal family... but cursed by who?

The Abyss Heralds have similar movesets to Childe, so Skirk is either a Herald, or someone of a high enough rank to command the Heralds to help Childe train.

Also uhhh Gold, we didn't get any mention of them, but now it's entirely possible that instead of overthrowing the government, Gold just snapped after losing everything. Gold's corruption very well could have been their attempt to avenge Khaenri'ah. Maybe they corrupted Durin to strike Mondstadt in rage against our boy Venti?

Speaking of Venti, with the confirmation that Khaenri'ah was destroyed by the gods for being a land free of higher rule... I have thoughts. First of all, it seems Venti didn't partake in the fall of Khaenri'ah considering that he only awoke when Durin attacked and the people of Mondstadt prayed for him to save them. It's possible that Venti was against the destruction of Khaenri'ah and got knocked out by someone else (perhaps the Unknown God?) so he wouldn't interfere with the majority vote.

The Tsaritsa I think was strongly against the Cataclysm. After all, 500 years ago was both when she was traumatized and fell out with Venti. As well as her very very likely being the goddess of love. She probably wanted to negotiate for peace with Khanri'ah so no one would get hurt, Khaenri'ah could continue to create more and more advanced technology and advance their Alchemical arts in peace without threat. That way their arts could spread to other nations and there could be peace while mankind advanced. She also probably didn't want to see anyone (let alone her friends) hurt, but was younger and less aware of her power/hadn't yet come into her full godhood so was forced to stand aside. I think her falling out with Venti was rooted in the fact that Venti is older, and slept through it all until his people called for him. He left the entire godless nation of Khaenri'ah to the hands of gods bent on it's destruction. So now the Tsaritsa is against Celesta because they knowingly condemned an entire nation and she hates that. She may have even been so wrapped up in her anguish that she looked at her people and began to worry that she wouldn't be able to protect them, so she got harsher and harsher on them. Until she was just cold and closed off, hence the "no love left for her people".

Zhongli I don't think is free of charge though. 500 years ago he would have still reigned over Liyue, and likely seen the threat Khaenri'ah was becoming with it's machines stronger than Vision users and it's Alchemy with the ability to create life. It's entirely possible that he partook in the destruction of the nation if the majority vote of the Archons was to bring it down. He may have even brought the Adepti with him, which would make his entire team a deadly force and one that the 'Tillers likely wouldn't stand a chance against. Perhaps the Cataclysm was even the fight that killed Pervases. However, I think that Zhongli regrets his actions, and that's his motivation to handing off Liyue. Perhaps what he traded his Gnosis in to help the Tsaritsa go up against Celestia so he could have a sound mind, and help stop anything like the Cataclysm from happening again.

The Dendro Archon (the dead one, not the current one) I think participated hesitantly and then perished in the conflict. Khanri'ah's specialty was their Alchemy; Khemia could very easily have a reverse form that takes the life away from things. Being aligned with Dendro would likely make the Archon much more susceptible to a reverse form of Khemia's life-giving because Khemia was mainly used to grow plants. Khemia is how the Khaenri'ahn people were able to grow their civilization like they did, keeping agriculture alive underground via means that didn't require the sun. It probably was common practice to use it to grow plants (and kill off weeds).

Baal probably definitely was on the side of wiping out Khanri'ah. Yk, considering how she's the god of eternity and currently is collecting Visions to preserve power in the hands of the gods? She probably went "Khaenri'ah is literally building machines that could pose a Threat. We are not letting this order fall, gods will always rule that's how it's been that's how it will be."

Fontaine's god just dipped and watched the drama unfold, then judged everyone afterwards.

Mureta probably was all in and that's part of the reason Venti is so salty in his description of her. She heard the war, heard the reasons, and went "Where we dropping boys?"

TL;DRs:

Dain's Abyss Ruins only having Cryo as an element is sus because of Kaeya's place as the only playable Khaenri'ahn character (so far)

Abyss Heralds could be the rest of the Royal Guard

Are Field Tillers for attack or defense? Either way, they failed

Is the plan Kaeya's involved in abandoned, did he help the Abyss Order get ahold of the Statue they use, his poetry is probably him rubbing Venti's helplessness in his face

Who cursed Dain with immortality?

The Heralds and Childe share moves, so he probably trained with them

Gold's corruption might just have been them snapping after losing their entire nation

Venti probably slept through/was left out of the decision and execution of the Cataclysm

The Tsaritsa probably hates Venti because Venti probably could have stood up against Celestia but slept through the entirety of Khaenri'ah's fall instead

Zhongli probably participated in the Cataclysm and regrets it immensely

The Dendro Archon may have died in the Cataclysm (specifically via Khemia, I think)

Baal was pretty much definitely for the Cataclysm

Mureta was also very much definitely for the Cataclysm

[shinsouskitten]

Late Kinktober: Exhibitionism - Kaminari

Pika pika

Also, Denki and Sero are stoners. I do not take criticism

⚡ Denki Kaminari x gn!reader

Warnings: kinktober so yk… nsfw, minors DNI, kinda dub-con to begin with? 

---

Movie night with the bakusquad was always fun. Whether it was Bakugou screaming at horror movie characters for being stupid, Sero trying to convince everyone to give up on the movie and smoke with him instead, or Mina forcing all of you to allow her free reign with make-overs, there was never a dull moment. 

Tonight consisted of the first scenario. The movie playing was something you’d never seen before, but you weren’t really that interested. You were just happy to spend some time with your friends, and more specifically, your boyfriend. 

Denki, as per usual on movie night, had demanded cuddles. Bakugou liked to joke that it was because Denki was scared of the horror movies, but you knew the real reason. And just like before, the soft touch of his hand creeping up your thigh was an easy indicator that this night was just like the others. 

It started off simple, a single hand resting on your knee while the other lay draped around your shoulders. Then, his hand would move higher, to sit on your thigh, his actions entirely hidden beneath the blanket that was thrown over the two of you. Slowly but surely he would find the waistband of your pants, and toy with it for a while, before he made sure that the coast was clear. 

Having his hand in your underwear was a little shocking the first time he did it, but now, you were used to the intrusion of privacy. Denki didn’t care that there were others around. He didn’t care that they would easily notice what was going on if they paid enough attention. But they didn’t, and so he was able to continue his fun unbeknownst to the rest of the room. 

You let out a yelp as a jolt of electricity tickled the inside of your thigh.

“Damn extra being scared of a crappy thing jumpscare that.” Bakugou muttered. 

The others laughed, and you faked a chuckle alongside them, but it was hard to pay attention to anything but Denki’s hand as it traced small circles over the area he had just zapped. You clenched your thighs together as a warning, but Denki simply turned to look at you with a raised eyebrow, prying your legs apart softly and continuing his assault. 

You grit your teeth as you felt another shock, this time more prepared. You felt Denki smile as he pressed his lips against your neck, pretending to be scared when in reality he didn’t even know what was on the screen. All that mattered was the shame of your breath as his hand began to move against you. 

“Someone’s excited.” He murmured. 

“Oi dumbass you’re missing the movie!” Bakugou shouted, ignoring Kiri who tried to shush him. 

“They’re warm.” Denki replied with a shrug, but he pulled his face away from your neck and turned back to the screen, still not stopping the movement of his hand. 

For a moment you feared they would realize, but Bakugou simply scoffed and turned away from you. You let out a breath, almost choking on the air as Denki sharply pulled you onto his lap. 

“What are you-”

“Shh.” He interrupted. “Just enjoy the movie.”

You tried to relax as he removed his hand from your pants, but you couldn’t hide your quiet whine at the loss of attention.

Denki chuckled. “And here I thought you were embarrassed.”

You didn’t offer a reply, instead deciding on providing your boyfriend the same torture he had given to you, lifting up your hips slightly before bringing them back down in a slow circle.

He drew in a sharp breath. “Careful baby.”

“Someone’s excited.” You mocked his previous words with a sly grin, actions still hidden beneath the blanket as you began to slowly grind against him. 

You could feel his jaw clench as his head fell down to rest on your shoulder. 

“You’re killing me here.” He murmured.

“Payback, pikachu.” You grinned, turning your head to press a kiss to his forehead.

He let out a groan, much too quiet for anyone else to hear, but it was music to your ears. 

“If you keep doing that I’m not gonna last.” He muttered.

“Too bad.” You replied.

You knew Kaminari was sensitive, and you knew in a situation such as yours he wouldn’t be able to hold himself back for long. Even so, you didn’t care. Whether he creamed in his pants and punished you later or gave up all restraint and fucked you right there in front of your closest friends, you didn’t care. He started it, after all.

Suddenly his hands came to hold your waist, stilling your movements with a grip so tight you knew there would be bruises there tomorrow. He stood up with a start, throwing you over his shoulder in one fluid movement.

“Y/n’s not feeling too well.” He announced to the others. “I’m taking them home.”

Sero raised an eyebrow at his friend, but didn’t say anything.

Without waiting for a response Denki carried you out of the door, careful not to hit your head on the frame. He threw you in the car as carefully as he could manage in his honry state. The drive home was short, and though he didn’t say anything, the tension in his jaw was enough to tell you that you would be sore tomorrow. 

He made a beeline to the bedroom the moment you stepped in the house, not even bothering to lock the front door behind you. He threw you on the bed, then disappeared, leaving you alone and unbelievably needy. 

You felt in your pocket for your phone as you felt it buzz, the screen almost blinding you in the darkroom.

Bakusquad (two new messages)

Flextape: you’re not very subtle

AlienQueen💗: did you get some, y/n?

“Hey Denki. They know.” You called with a small laugh. 

“I don’t care.”

You looked up from your phone to see him standing in the doorway, illuminated from behind with a golden hue. His eyes were staring at you, pupils so blown only a small slither of yellow could be seen. He’d taken off his shirt, and his pants were already unbuckled, the waistband of his boxers poking up just above the denim.

You were going to be in for a long night.

[thinkingisadangerouspastime]

I just want to say, before I say anything, I'm not accusing you of saying this and I understand that you feel how you feel. I'm just asking this in a very general way and was wondering your thoughts. Why is it so verboten to think Zuko might have had a slight crush on Katara? There seems to be a rush to not just deny it but to treat it like it's some sort of horrible thing to even suggest it and I'm not sure why that is?

Katara is presented as a beautiful, lively girl who is a powerful bender. Why wouldn’t Zuko be a little starry eyed over that? It doesn’t mean she likes him back. Idk, I’m not exactly sure where my point is, except that being shouted down for just advancing the idea that maybe Zuko had the hots for Katara is a little frustrating? I’m not saying he was wacking off in his bunk thinking about her or expected to get some while they were hunting Yon Rha.

Also, unrequited crushes happen in ATLA-verse? Toph/Sokka anyone? Why does that never get screeched on but saying “Hey, Zuko loved Mai but he was probably looking at Katara and thinking ‘noice!’ a couple of times” the worst thing in the world? Is it the Water Tribe/Fire Nation thing? I mean, if it’s that, I wish people would just say that and stop screaming at people for their headcanons and whatnot. [theend]

Lol do not worry anon I know this isn’t an accusation!! Not only have I myself never perpetuated this rhetoric, but I don’t think I’ve really heard it before! Maybe once or twice?? I might just keep to chill parts of fandom, lmao, and that’s why I’m not very familiar with it. But I’ll do my best to theorize what may spark conflict based on the info you provided me!

(I’ve talked very briefly here about Zuko having/not having a crush on Katara before, if you were wondering.)

My main guess is that it’s not the headcanon itself that makes people frustrated, but how some shippers probably treat the HEADcanon as canon-canon (not an issue exclusive to Zvtara, btw; all big fanon ships have this problem - Zvkka, anyone? lmao). I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with headcanoning that Zuko had a crush on Katara! But in that same vein, there’s nothing inherently wrong with others acknowledging that the headcanon has no basis in canon either, if that makes sense. And headcanons don’t need canon basis! Headcanons are fanon! That’s why they’re so much fun! I ship Kuzaang like there’s no tomorrow, but I can also acknowledge that there wasn’t anything in canon that demonstrated Aang having a crush on Kuzon. Kuzaang is strictly fanon, and I love that about the pairing! It means I have incredible free reign, hehe.

But yeah. I don’t think it has anything to do with their different nations! Like I said - it’s probably solely an issue of some shippers (and undoubtedly just a loud minority) treating the headcanon as canon.

I don’t think saying “Hey, Zuko loved Mai but he was probably looking at Katara and thinking ‘noice!’ a couple of times” is the worst thing in the world, lmao. I do want to make a distinction here, though; this example you provide is actually an example of aesthetic attraction, which is not the same as a crush (crushes are indicative of romantic attraction)! So saying/headcanoning that Zuko thought Katara was pretty (as anyone with a brain would say, let’s be real) does not actually equate to him having a crush on her.

But back to the crush headcanon. I mentioned that I (personally!) don’t think it has canon basis. I will admit that I am not alloromantic, so crushes in themselves are a little confusing to me (I mean,, people just randomly like someone?? based on their appearance?? without even knowing them?? hell nah), but even disregarding that, I don’t think it would make much sense within canon for Zuko to have had a crush on Katara.

Again, disclaimer: there’s nothing wrong with the headcanon! Fanon is meant to contradict canon! To expand canon! To rewrite canon! Fanon is transformative. That’s the entire purpose of fanon. Go wild with that headcanon!! Make art!! Produce fics!! Support content creators!! Hell yeah!!

So what do I mean when I say that I personally feel there’s no canon basis for Zuko having a crush on Katara? Well, for one, he joined the Gaang in episode 12 of Book 3. That’s episode 52 of 61 overall. So in everything prior to that, Zuko not only has no idea who Katara is but he is also neck-deep in imperialistic rhetoric (you know, racism, superiority complexes, all that jazz. not fun for anyone non-FN). No possible crush there. In “The Western Air Temple” episode itself, Katara (understandably) threatens Zuko. She means what she says, and I think Zuko recognizes that. A crush there wouldn’t make sense - they’ve only properly met this second time and Katara (understandably) hates Zuko’s guts for what he’s done to the Gaang and to her personally.

Episode 53 is “The Firebending Masters” - Zuko’s too hung up on his firebending not working to think about anything else (Katara obviously still does not trust him yet, either, meaning Zuko is pretty much on edge around her. again, she threatened him, and Zuko no doubt took her threat seriously).

54 and 55 are “The Boiling Rock” episodes; not only are these Maiko-heavy but also in general… I mean, Katara’s not really in them. At least not from Zuko’s POV. So nothing implies a crush there. And then after those episodes, it’s worth considering that Zuko probably thinks Mai is dead. That he left her, the girl he loves, to die at Azula’s hands. We know Zuko tends to hold guilt to his chest, so concluding he blamed himself for Mai’s “death” is not illogical. Why would he all of sudden switch his sights to Katara, even if it was just a simple crush? While he’s grieving? That doesn’t track to me.

And then, of course, “The Southern Raiders.” This episode has been talked about to death, so I’ll keep it brief, lmao. I will draw attention to only one line, spoken by Zuko:

This isn’t fair! Everyone else seems to trust me now! What is it with you?

As we all know, TSR was not a flattering episode for Zuko. He was a racist asshole to Aang and - as aforementioned - acted as if he was entitled to Katara’s trust. Obviously, Zuko grows through the episode, and we see by the end that he respects Aang’s wisdom and respects Katara’s decision to walk away from Yon Rha (which is awesome!! I adore this brief but incredibly crucial arc of his!!). But my point is that nothing demonstrates romantic interest from Zuko to Katara. If anything, his initial motives are pretty damn selfish (i.e. demanding her to trust him because he feels like he “deserves” it already).

Emphasis on “initial” motives, of course. Obviously he grows more sincere!! (Tis the point of the episode for Zuko.)

So they end TSR on new, peaceful terms. Personally, I don’t think their relationship would be magically sunshine and roses after that (Zuko did some fucked up shit to the Gaang, lmao), but I do think things are getting better between them! Still, there is nothing indicative of a canon crush.

Next episode, in EIP, they scoot away from each other at the possibility of being together, yk? That doesn’t mean they hate each other’s guts, lmfao, but EIP is meant to depict imperialist Fire Nation propaganda - who wouldn’t be uncomfortable with that? Like, the entire Gaang is demeaned in that play. There’s nothing romantic about it. It’s a similar situation later with June - this is a lady that doesn’t know anything remotely personal about Zuko or Katara. Of course they’d react in a horrified and flustered manner when this - for all intents and purposes - total stranger suggests that they’re together! That’s creepy as hell! Definitely not indicative of a crush, lmao. And considering that the Gaang never teases Zuko about having a crush on Katara (compared to how I think Toph teases Katara about Haru?), i.e. the people who know them the best, there’s no reason for the audience to think anything is going on between them.

For other references, here are a few addressing EIP, June, etc.

And after all that… Well, now we’re in the finale. What time is there for romance? There’s a reason the canon couples don’t reunite until after the war is won! (Minus Sukka, I guess, but they’re not professing their love on the battlefield, per se, lmao.) Zuko chooses Katara to go with him because she’s a powerful waterbender and the only person who’s been able to handle Azula in the past (besides Aang, arguably, who’s obviously occupied with Ozai), not because he “likes” her in a romantic sense.

All of this is to say that to me, Zuko having a crush on Katara is strictly fanon. Which is awesome! Fanon is fantastic, and I actually really like these types of headcanons (like, Teo having a crush on Aang? GOOD SHIT). Some people are just jerks about it. That said, I can still understand why people might get frustrated by those who preach this headcanon as if it’s pulled straight from the text itself. I absolutely think it’s ridiculous to harass others over a headcanon (which unfortunately you see on both sides of the ship war), but in that same vein - of course it’s frustrating when those loud few act like their fanon is canon and proceed to shove it down others’ throats, lmao. It’s an imperfect situation, basically.

TL;DR - The headcanon in itself is great, and no one should be getting freaking harassed over it. But it is strictly fanon, so when some shippers treat it like canon, that’s understandably going to frustrate the rest of the fandom. Headcanons are a double-edged sword, lmao.

So that’s my personal theory as to why people get pressed over this headcanon. If anyone else has a different idea, please feel free to rb/comment with it!

[thethirdwheel404]

Med Series Rewatch (#12)

S3 E12: Born This Way.

Episode description: Dr. Manning and Dr. Choi are faced with a tough decision.

Literally when are they not.

Okay, last episode ended with the first Ava/Connor kiss, so this episode should be a rollercoaster of emotions.

let’s get into it.

- okay, already we’re starting in connor’s apartment, so cue ava walking in bc they slept together?

- i think its hilarious that her casual clothing is.. a flannel. like lmao idk

- it is so unbelievably funny and stupid to have a one night stand with someone you work closely with. i mean come on

- never forget that dr. ava bekker has a fish tank

- this is exhausting. the tentative back and forth is so fucking exhausting

- another bit of evidence. ava is never not confident, and especially not to this extent, and she never follows connor’s lead. so, the fact that she is standing back and waiting for him to make the decision? stupid.

- it screams that she is having a moment of anxiety, which is why she isn’t up to make the decisions in the exchange.

-to be clear: what i’m claiming here is that the only reason ava actually got with connor was bc she was having a moment of anxiety because he was the only person she had built a relationship with after living in this city for six months.

- when connor says that he has plans you can see her fold in on herself. this stems from a place of anxiety

- remember when they did surgery on the panda? that’s when the show peaked

- ava in her lab coat will never not get me. especially with the gloves, running towards a patient (very hot)

- connor still looks kinda looks like a mess but ava is immaculate here like what dude out of your league

- ava asking the family questions (ik this is standard doctor stuff but showing worry, interest, all that jazz)

- okay, see here! here! ava calls connor out, saying that his procedure is too invasive. before, ava’s procedures where invasive, which everyone used as evidence to her being super cold, but now, we see that she purely does what she deems best for the patient at hand

- also, once again, the concern ava feels. you can hear it in her voice. we forget this part of her way too often

- the smile on ava’s face when she gives the family good news. god wept

- and then more concern when connor tells her they need to put him on ecmo

- the reason that ava is frustrated that connor didn’t go with her decision for their patient care is because she truly believes that if they don’t go with her treatment, he will die. don’t make it anything different. don’t argue she’s frustrated because he’s not listening to her. don’t make it anything about their relationship. she puts their patients care first and foremost

- there’s a stark shift in her demeanor when in the room with the parents vs. her alone with connor. in the room, you can see she’s stewing. she’s sucking on her teeth, she’s holding her emotions. she has control, she’s a professional. out of the room, she has full reign to be as mad with connor as she wants, which she does.

-AVA RAN INTO THE ROOM AGAIN WITH THE LAB COAT AND GLOVES AND IDK IT JUST HAS ME FEELING SOME KINDA WAY

- the way ava acknowledges everyone in the room (the nurse just informed them that the drug was running, ava nodded. just a little thing but yk)

- ava shaking her head at this sad, sad man (connor, who is floundering for a solution and misplacing his anger)

- their entire relationship is misplaced anger

- the fact that the last shot of the scene has connor in the foreground looking over the bed and ava watching from the door but ava is the one in focus - some cool cinematography points

- IS THIS THE EPISODE WHERE MAGGIE GOES TO JAIL

- med really went all over the place

- JUST THE AMOUNT OF CONCERN ON AVA’S FACE. im gonna say it again. look me in the eyes and tell this women is a psychopath. the med writers are fucking insane

- and when the parents ask ava if she disagreed with connor’s treatment decision, she has every opportunity (and right, frankly) to throw him under the bus and undermine him. but still, she says “it’s a complicated situation.” like. she never ever makes it personal, or loses her head. especially not to a patient. and she doesn’t have to defend connor. he’s made a lot of mistakes, and taken it out on her a bunch of times. yet she’s still nice to him, when he’s not even in the room

- it’s insane

- this is also the legendary scene where she comforts the family. there’s not a lot that i haven’t already said. this is the scene that most exemplifies ava’s humanity, the way she seems to feel, at least residually, what these parents are going through (since she obviously hasn’t gone through anything like this herself [unless.]). the way she kneels down, and gets on the family’s personal level.

- I... okay listen. I absolutely HATE the parallel they pull her between the line “I believe whenever you do something out of love, it can never really be wrong” and connor. especially because they show him when she says that line. and yeah, there’s obviously a connection that can be drawn between the meaning of that line and her sociopathic behavior in s4 and s5.

- it honestly feels like when writing s4, the writers hit so much of a wall they just googled the most ‘iconic’ ava moments and thought ‘how can i use these in the worst way possible?’ That’s honestly probably what they did (ava’s first interaction with connor - ‘you better watch yourself,’ this moment). There is no nuance to her character in s4. it is astoundingly terrible.

- lets move on

- THE WAY CONNOR LOOKS AT AVA HER MAKES ME FUCKING SCARED. HE HAS NO EMOTION ON HIS FACE. I know that we’ve been screen capping ava throughout this series but can someone find pictures of connor looking at ava bc, i need yall to remember how weird he looks

- like, no shade to connor, but just the emotion is undecipherable, but it is in no way a good one

- ava getting concerned (and looking slightly embarrassed) when she sees connor watching her by the door. obviously yeah she’s gonna feel weird you just caught her in a very uncharacteristic moment, outwardly expressing comfort. fucking back off

- i am so fucking protective of her and i demand he no longer look at her. it’s banned

- sam abrams looking at sarah’s dad’s head ct and asking if he’s a criminal. oh boy 

- from a writer’s perspective, the storyline with sarah’s dad is actually pretty good

- ava ran into the room with gloves and lab coat again, if anybody wanted to know

- for the record, want it to be noted, ava was the one who realized that it was an issue with the machine again, so you could say she fixed connor’s mistake, again. so.

- connor making a big deal about handing the reins over to ava (if he really was selfless he wouldn’t have made a whole big thing, he still has an enormous hero complex)

- handing off control was very hard for him. boo hoo get some fucking humility I think they sell it at walgreens

- sarah fucking walking across the ed like she’s going to war. dramatic

- med really said pedophiles deserve rights with this ep huh

- anyway

- the way ava smiles

- the way she smiles when she turns him down. CAN WE TALK ABOUT THAT? SHE TURNED HIM DOWN. in the aspect of the story i cannot remember why she turned him down, but hey, i’m happy

- and it only further proves my story that the hook up came from a place of anxiety, and this is her realizing how silly that decision was. and her smiling was her laughing at herself for making such a stupid decision

- ALSO. LET’S TALK ABOUT THE FACT THAT THIS DECISION, THE DECISION TO TURN HIM DOWN, HAPPENED IN THE SAME EPISODE WHERE SHE SAID ‘IF YOU DO SOMETHING FOR LOVE, IT’S NEVER REALLY WRONG’

- like she literally says ‘last night was a mistake.’

- honestly, it’s fucking hilarious. connor deserves nothing

- and the confusion on his face when she walks away. hilarious

- if you wanted to take this the reesker route you could argue that the idea of ‘a decision of love’ was ava coming to terms with her slight little crush, though i don’t know how clean it would be if you argue that she panicked and told herself those were feelings meant for connor. idk, i’ll have to think about it further

- watching sarah let herself be betrayed by both herself and the people around in the story surrounding her dad will never not be hard to watch

This was a very good episode, character wise, for all the reasons stated above. It just hammers home the point of how strong a character Ava was. Key word, of course, being ‘was’. My conclusion over the last two episodes is that this specific sexual encounter with Connor was born out of a moment of anxiety from Ava. I suggest that over that last few weeks or days she has been experiencing some amount of anxiety out of having been living in Chicago for six months and only having one interpersonal relationship. So, that idea kind of built where she told herself the reason she only had one relationship was because she was in love with him. Then. after going through the story with this kid and comforting his parents, she realizes that she never actually loved Connor and maybe has a thing for someone else. I’m glad that I keep coming up with more ideas for this character, I was afraid the initial theory was somewhat of a one-off, but this only proves the idea of the complexity to Ava’s character.

I’m sure it’ll get worse from here, though.

as always, thanks for sticking through

-

read the rest here:

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Extra

[earwaxinggibbous]

Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2019

So 2019 was kind of a weird year, wasn’t it? Not just for like, life, though it was weird in that aspect, but in music.

I can’t tell if 2019 was an incredibly strong year for music or a weak one. This, to me, is a sign that we’re transitioning into a new era of popular music. The youth are once again taking the reigns of the music scene as did the punks of the 70′s and the grunge kids of the 90′s. Meanwhile, the oldheads flounder for relevance in the face of this new adversity. “Nobody could’ve expected this!”, said no-one ever.

There was a lot of great pop this year, which I will get to, but there was also a lot of bad pop. All of it was either by shitty new artists who have no talent or previous hitmakers swimming around in their own piss. Regardless, it was all interesting to look at. You won’t see any “this entry is short because this song is boring” sections. I also won’t have to rant and rave constantly about the reprehensibility of certain artists, though it will come up. So I guess 2019 was a better year to talk about bad music.

Less do dis.

10. Senorita - Camila Cabello and Shawn Mendes

I can’t explain why I hate Camila Cabello so much. I didn’t even realize I hated her until, like... now.

I thought Havana was okay, and her work with Fifth Harmony was tolerable, but every other single she’s dropped has been fucking excruciating. Bad Things sucked, that one song where she can’t pronounce the word “heroin” properly sucked, and this song sucks.

Much like Selena Gomez above, Camila Cabello is yet another female singer who lacks the ability to display any chemistry with anybody, even her actual real friend Shawn Mendes. As well, like sister Gomez, she fills the chart niche of sexy Latina women for men to drool over. “I love it when you call me senorita” is one of the corniest and stupidest lines ever written. She may as well have said “it gets me hot when you call me Ms. Cabello” because that’s essentially the equivalent. 

There’s nothing sexy about the airy whimpering or the obnoxious “ooh-la-la”s or the way Shawn harmonizes, which implies he also loves it when you call him senorita. Nobody actually bothered to think any part of this song through because nobody ever thinks very hard about writing Camila’s songs. Otherwise Bad Things wouldn’t have accidentally sounded like an abuse anthem when it was supposed to be kinky and sexy. And it’s how creepy lyrics like this got by in Senorita.

If he says you’re just friends then you’re JUST FRIENDS. Did we learn nothing from Ann-Marie and Marshmello last year?

This is just yet another lame, plotless, meandering love/sex song by Camila Cabello who has a good voice, but only ever performs these god-awful sex jams with no sex and no jam. And it’s unfortunate because this is sort of the lot dealt to most Latinx artists. Pop-friendly artists like Camila are divvied up into racial categories without anyone even noticing, and most likely she will only ever write and perform sex jams because that’s what a Latina woman in pop is pushed into. Not that I think she has any problem with it, it’s more indicative of a bigger problem than specifically one with Camila herself.

People have been sexualizing the Latinx community since the dawn of time, and while the new movement of Spanish music might change this, it sure as hell hasn’t started yet.

At least it isn’t seven minutes long like Te Bote.

9. Money in the Grave - Drake and Rick Ross

Drake had 25 hits last year, and only one of them was a song I might say I actually like. I remember I said there’d be no boring songs, but... Drake hasn’t been interesting in a long time. Even when I found out about his secret son, or the fact that he was with a significantly younger woman, I just kinda shrugged and said “oh”. Drake has to be on his way out. How much longer are people going to stand this?

Money in the Grave isn’t as turgid as 2018’s Nonstop, or as audibly inept as the 2017(?)’s Pop Style, but God. At this point, every Drake song sounds the same. The man is incapable of bringing forth any kind of emotions, his beats are pathetic drum loops, nothing he writes has any personality. It’s almost funny how boring his music is.

Rick Ross, if you remember him, was known in his time for writing shouty drug dealer anthems. He yelled a lot, and I was sitting with bated breath waiting for him to fucking 6ix9ine scream over this track, only to be disappointed when he lowered into a calmer register for this tune. Drake even made Rick Ross boring, and Rick Ross is one of the funniest bad rappers I can think of, aside from like, Soulja Boy.

I no longer understand what niche Drake fills. You can’t dance to this, you can’t get high to it, nobody’s gonna think you’re cool if you enjoy it, the lyrics aren’t even passably interesting. It’s the same rap cliches as always, perhaps with a new coat of paint, but said paint is the same color as it already was previously, and makes no change. 

No wonder Drake endorsed Lil Baby. Nobody else can equal his talent at sounding bored.

8. Bad Guy - Billie Eilish

So here’s an unpopular music critic opinion: I don’t like Billie Eilish.

I’ve known of her for a long time, and never once has she drawn my intrigue. I’ve gone all over asking people why they like her, and I’ve heard all sorts of answers. Her voice is good, her lyrics are good, her production is interesting, her subject matter is deep... whatever it actually is, I couldn’t tell you. But in the end, I basically feel the same way about her as I do about Twenty-One Pilots. She’s an artist in an oversaturated micro-genre who, despite being of lower quality than her contemporaries, managed to do something different enough that she rose up in the latter part of the genre’s life. In Billie’s case, it’s the trend of female alt-pop singer-songwriters who write about things like politics, feminism, and ESPECIALLY mental health.

Lorde was the original, but we also have Lana Del Rey, the more pop-friendly Halsey, Marina and the Diamonds, the dreaded Melanie Martinez, to some extent even Alessia Cara, just a whole bunch of them. They all had their own unique personality. Billie Eilish’s personality is that she has none.

Okay, I’m being a little mean. I do think that Billie’s music videos are actually very interesting, but good music videos does not a good musician make. Her voice is more of a phlegmy whisper than people let on, and her lyrics... like, what, what makes them so special? And why didn’t wish you were gay get ANY backlash when it’s basically just a backwards version of Little Big Town’s Girl Crush?

Bad Guy is the worst of her singles without question. Its beat, much like most of her songs, sounds like two people accidentally banged on top of the Cassio and somebody pressed record. Her voice continues to be boring and flat, for some reason she has to whisper everything, and the lyrics are some of the most mind-numbing shit I’ve ever heard. Which moron at corporate told the 17-YEAR-OLD to write a “steal yo man” song where she threatens to seduce my dad? Like, ignoring my own personal history with my dad, you are literally a CHILD.

Generally speaking, the song sounds like someone gargling mouthwash in my ear for a minute or two, but like, very quietly. Which is kind of pathetic for a song called Bad Guy. You sound like a pretty average guy to me.

It’s obvious from the music video that Billie’s main inspiration is grunge, and if that isn’t the case I’ll be surprised. The weird imagery and intentionally dressing like a homeless person to every public thing she does gives off big Nirvana energy. One could argue that Billie Eilish is a good segway into teaching the youthsters about the ghosts of music’s past. There’s just a few problems with that.

One: Bad Guy sounds nothing like a grunge song.

Two: Billie Eilish does not have a grunge voice.

Three: Billie Eilish just... isn’t doing it right.

Billie Eilish’s parents are two wealthy actors and she was basically born with the ability to get into the business easier than other people. I’m not saying that you can’t be a grunge artist if you’re wealthy and have a decent family life, but I am saying that Billie’s music doesn’t convey any kind of grunge appeal. There’s no roughness or rawness to it because she could immediately walk into a producer’s studio with a wad of fifties and ask for a sick beat. Her music displays no emotion, and emotion is the main draw of grunge. Like, Kurt Cobain wasn’t a very good singer, but he knew how to perfectly channel how he was feeling. Grunge music is about feelings, not polish. And Billie Eilish is all polish.

I’m not gonna get all angry because grunge is being gentrified by a tiny girl when it was originally started by broke heroin addicts and lesbians, but I am gonna get angry because her music sounds worse than albums made on a budget of 600 dollars by a guy who has had one voice lesson his whole life.

She should just go into modern art.

7. Worth It - YK Osiris

Originally I was gonna give this spot to a different song. Worth It was so immediately bad that it rescued Lil Baby from my list this year.

Don’t expect to be this lucky next year, bitch.

But we’re not talking about that squealing douchebag, we’re talking about THIS squealing douchebag:

YK Osiris. I have no idea where he came from, I think he was part of last year’s XXL Freshman Class? He’s more of a singer than a rapper, so I’m not sure why he was, other than the predetermined idea that all black artists in pop are rappers. I wouldn’t even call him a singer, because the man cannot sing.

At the beginning of the music video, you see dozens of paparazzi swarming around YK Osiris’ car as he exits with a girl. This is the set-up for the song’s impressive amount of self-fellating narcissism, as YK Osiris assumes he has fans. Who the fuck listens to YK Osiris? I mean, clearly someone, because he charted, but like... what does a YK Osiris fan look like? Do women actually like hearing him wheeze into their ear? Like BEES?

NO MORE BEES!

Hearing this fucking chicken nugget talk about whether or not I’m worth eet is the lamest thing. Why does she have to be worth it? Are YOU worth HER time? Who the fuck are you? The attitude is very, I guess, mid-70′s Paul Anka-esque. And now I’ve made you imagine a YK Osiris cover of You’re Having My Baby. I also remember Todd in the Shadows compared this song to Earned It by The Weeknd, but I dunno if I get that vibe.

I mean, Earned It is a song about like... BDSM sex, presumably. So that’s more of an “if you’re good master will make you squart” kind of thing. This is more some sentient dildo insisting that you prove his worth to him before you’re even DATING. That’s a red flag on the same level as meeting a guy who lives alone and still puts a lock on his fridge. Like, what’s in there? What’s in the fridge? Is it human meat?

The guitar solo in this song is the only thing about it that’s... worth it. ZING!

6. ZEZE - Kodak Black ft.Travis Scott and Offset

ZEZE is a bad song. Plain and simple. It’s the essence of bad.

It feels like... it wasn’t even finished. Like everyone involved came in the next day to finish tweaking it only to find out that it was already sent out to be published and sold. I feel like there are things missing. Like yeah, the steel drums are nice, but where’s the rest of the instrumentation? There’s a drum and a steel drum and then nothing. Why does this song feel so naked?

Kodak Black sure doesn’t help, still sounding like he’s half-man half-screaming rubber chicken and mumbling like an actual infant still figuring out the whole “talking” deal. It’s not like Travis Scott or Offset add anything. I can’t remember what they did. ZEZE sounds the way I imagine taking ketamine and cocaine would feel. This song is so amateurish, I almost have good will for it.

If this was made by, say, a couple of high school kids dinking around with a Garageband, I might find it a little cute. The problem is that this song was made by several Whole Ass Adult People who have enough money to not make shit that sounds like ZEZE. It’s cute until you remember that Travis Scott produced big sexy SICKO MODE and yet somehow his presence couldn’t make ZEZE sound like it was made on a higher budget than 20 bucks. Someone even put an echo on Kodak’s voice, like that’d make him ANY BETTER.

It doesn’t help that I have continuing ill will towards Kodak Black because he’s a sex offender and nobody seems all too pressed about it. (Some rappers even congratulate him for having a rough past, like yeah, I guess some of those serial killers really did deserve better, huh?) I won’t be satisfied until he’s wearing orange pajamas on an island far away, and until then my feelings stand.

As it is, ZEZE is a song so chintzy-sounding and lame that I can’t imagine who would enjoy it. This song has the same energy as one of those hula girls you put on the dashboard of your car: Cheap and ugly.

5. The Git Up - Blanco Brown

Whenever something new is created, there’s always a leech.

I probably don’t need to tell you about the monstrous year Old Town Road had on the pop charts. For weeks and weeks, Lil Nas X was blocking people from his throne at the top of the Billboard Hot 100, bumping off new faces like Billie Eilish and oldheads like Taylor Swift. Old Town Road knew no mercy. This is the year that a gay black kid singing about horses ruled the world.

And Blanco Brown wanted a piece.

Blanco Brown is one of those artists who started out producing and writing for other hitmakers. He worked on some song by 2Chainz, a couple by some woman named Demetria McKinney, he produced that accursed MILF song by Fergie, a lot of relatively famous people. But he looked at Old Town Road and realized that he, being a black man from the lovely state of Georgia, could also do that.

He could not do that.

The Git Up is a husk of a song, only validated by the fact that it achieved what it was aiming for: TikTok memes. It’s as shameless as Watch Me, but doesn’t even have the small sense of excitement Silento gives off. Blanco Brown’s The Git Up and the “challenge” that it’s attached to are pathetic. The only reason Blanco isn’t too ashamed to go outside after writing this is because he knows plenty of people have fallen into his trap, and that they’re bigger fools than he is.

I started off hating Old Town Road, but over time I’ve sort of come to love it. There’s innocence in it. Lil Nas X didn’t mean for it to be a number one hit, it just happened. A lot��of artists were trying too hard this past year, and I suspect it’s why Old Town Road made the pop charts its bitch. It didn’t have to try.

A lot of people will point at rock bands for being “fake”. If they draw inspiration from grunge or punk, and they don’t have the proper edge, many will point and laugh. But just because something is fun and hip doesn’t mean it’s easier to make. In fact, I feel it’s a lot easier to tell if someone’s making a shitty pop song for any reason other than themselves. A lot of people thought Lil Peep was faking, and he really, really wasn’t. There’s grey area in topics like depression, but Blanco Brown (and anyone like him) is as transparent as a window. I see through his mock-excitement, his cute little dance challenge, his “innocent” song. We all do.

I believe Tyler Durden put it best:

“Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.”

4. I Don’t Care - Ed Sheeran ft. Justin Bieber

Speaking of being fake...

I don’t know if Ed Sheeran realizes how embarrassing this song is. More than any other song he’s been involved in. More than Shape Of You, or that one song on Revival, more than anything. I Don’t Care is an exercise in humiliation.

Generally speaking, I don’t like Ed Sheeran’s music. I think he’s had a couple good songs, we all like Sing and Castle on the Hill, it’s not like he’s untalented. But every time he’s gotten a big hit these past few years it’s been so shitty or mediocre that I wanted to scream. I’m not sure why, but all of his fans seem to flock towards his worst songs. And of all of them, I hate I Don’t Care the most.

Usually the problems with Ed Sheeran’s music just revolve around his meek, tiny personality and his weird style of lyricism. The level of detail he gets into can be both an asset and a detriment. I remember I basically described Shape Of You as a virgin anthem, because Ed Sheeran exudes dorkiness. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, and when it comes to nerd music I’d rather take Thomas Dolby, but he definitely had a style.

I Don’t Care is Ed’s Intuition.

As in, the Jewel song. The blown-up pop song released by Jewel, a previously sincere folk singer who played acoustic guitar and sang about break-ups and The Media(TM) and stuff like that. Ed Sheeran is a lot like Jewel, if you think about it. Both of them are skilled lyricists who play acoustic guitar and sing about personal topics, and both of them suddenly decided to throw that away and make a sell-out pop hit. If this kills Ed’s career, they’ll have had basically the same musical trajectory.

Ed Sheeran opens the song by saying he’s at a party he doesn’t wanna be at, and that’s how the song feels. You, the listener, are at a party you don’t wanna be at. What good did adding Justin Bieber to this song do? Oh, right, that’s what made it a hit. I Don’t Care goes far beyond Blanco Brown’s brand of shamelessness. Blanco Brown specifically wanted a dance challenge hit. Ed Sheeran just wanted a hit. Any hit will do. He brought in guaranteed hitmaker Justin Bieber, tossed out his acoustic guitar for fully electronic production, and sang about something vague and already done. And the worst part is that it WORKED.

I imagine this was almost entirely through radio play, because this song is so radio-friendly and milktoast it’s unreal. With a stupid music video greenscreening Ed’s face onto shit and “ooh ooh”s and all, this song exists to pander. It wasn’t created for humans, rather, it was created for the pop music algorithm that’ll shove it into people’s laps without them asking. There’s no artistic integrity, nothing worth thinking about for longer than its runtime. It made it to the Hot 100 because it can be played in grocery stores and clothing stores and really any kind of store. Ed Sheeran is a God of nothing, and I can’t imagine he’s proud.

3. No Guidance - Chris Brown ft. Drake

This song is bad on every possible level. Starting off with the fact that it’s nine minutes long. It out-lengths last year’s overly long garbage fire that was Te Bote. 

And then you look at the credits and know exactly who’s to blame for all this:

I don’t know if Lil Dicky anticipated giving Chris Brown’s career a second wind with Freaky Friday, but I think that’s what he did. I defended Lil Dicky last year, and I’m still not clear on how much he actually wanted to work with Chris Brown since that’s not really the kind of thing famous people are honest about, but this wasn’t Lil Dicky’s hit. This was a springboard to launch Chris Brown back into the limelight. Earth didn’t even chart. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the last gasp of Lil Dicky’s career in the spotlight.

But I’d take Freaky Friday over No Guidance any day.

No Guidance is the formal beef-squash between Chris Brown and Drake. Apparently they both dated Rihanna at some point and allegedly had an actual literal bar fight. Despite Drake claiming he still loves Rihanna, he’s also choosing to publicly make up with and work with the man who got her hospitalized at 19 years old. Then again, Rihanna also wants nothing to do with Drake.

(source)

Over time, Drake has proven himself to be his own flavor of scumbag, a weirdo who dates younger women and pretended not to have a son. Perhaps this is his way of getting back at Rihanna. Or he’s simply using Chris Brown’s new power to bolster his own career. Regardless of why it is, it’s gross, especially when he’s dropping bars like this:

Someone else here is looking a little violent, no?

On pure quality, it sounds like every other Chris Brown song, just with Drake tossed into the mix haphazardly. It’s a lame song about hitting on some girl where both artists drop references to their old songs because that’s the easiest way for a failing artist to feign relevance. Assuming nobody features Chris Brown on another massive hit next year, there’s a fair chance he’s done for, and after years of oversaturation, the public finally tires of Drake. No Guidance is a nothing song with scummy shit going on behind the scenes.

RIP Lil Dicky.

2. 7 Rings - Ariana Grande

I never really understood the hype around Ariana Grande. She has a few songs that I enjoy, and her voice is very good, but nothing by her really stands out to me as an amazing song. Ariana stans are relentless. When I posted my review of the thank u, next album some complete stranger replied to it with “Uhhh ok sis”. Like barring the fact that I’m not a girl and we’re not related... it’s an opinion, calm yourself.

Frankly I don’t know how people enjoyed this song. Her stans are insane, but surely not that insane, right? I mean... this isn’t a song. It’s a MISTAKE.

Between Gwen Stefani and Ariana Grande, sampling The Sound Of Music for your pop song is a dangerous game. And really, she should’ve sampled like, anything else. Because nothing says “wealthy, savage girl” like a cute song about your favorite things, I guess!

I’ve never felt quite so immediately gross and uncomfortable as I did when listening to 7 Rings. I have no problem with women flexing, of course I don’t, but this isn’t flexing, it’s mocking. 7 Rings makes me feel like I’m being bullied.

Ari had a horrible 2018, and she’s more than allowed to flex a little, but I can’t imagine why anyone would want to essentially play the villain of a high school movie. She’s not Cher Horowitz or Regina George, because then at least she’d be entertainingly bitchy. I judge a flex anthem based on how much I get excited for the person being wealthy and cool. This song makes me want to commit a robbery.

The lyrical content isn’t the only bad element. It also sounds like shit! 

Ariana Grande is a belter. Everyone knows she’s here to sing and not... rap. Which is exactly what she does on this song. The filters she puts over her voice during the rapping sections are just... gross. When she drags out certain words it hurts my ears. That and apparently multiple people have accused her of stealing their flows, though that’s really hard to say since it’s an incredibly generic rap flow. Also, she samples Gimme The Loot by Biggie Smalls, a song about robbing people. Which makes sense because if you bought Ariana’s album, you were robbed! Congrats!

But in the end, the most damning thing about this song is its lyrics. Why should I be excited about this absolute bitch having tons of money? Why should I care when she has the gall to say shit like this?

There were ten writers on this song and nobody thought of saying “hey, maybe the phrase ‘happiness is the same price as red-bottoms’ is a little fucking shallow!” 

And I’m not making any judgments on Ariana’s character in real life. I’m sure she’s a perfectly nice person, but if this song was supposed to project some sense of camaraderie and a “we did it!” attitude, it fails. What it does project is a snide, rich girl looking down on you for not just buying yourself out of depression. Never write a song like this again.

Honorable Mentions

Happier - Marshmello and Bastille

I’m not gonna be the first to say every Marshmello beat sounds exactly the same, but every Marshmello beat sounds the same. I picked this one because it charted highest, but really it makes no difference which Marshmello song I pick on.

Sweet But Psycho - Ava Max

This song reads like a 12-year-old’s deviantART journal.

Drip Too Hard - Lil Baby and Gunna

Like I said, this song almost got on the list proper. It’s a slow burn. At first you feel like the beat is solid, and Lil Baby rides it decently enough, but then it keeps going and the flows never switch and Gunna basically sounds the same as Lil Baby and you begin feeling like you’re losing your mind.

Thotiana - Blueface

People kept memeing about this. I thought it’d be fun. I hate you guys.

God’s Country - Blake Shelton

Namedropping The Devil Went Down To Georgia does not make you Primus. Because you are not creative or interesting.

Trampoline - Shaed

I wouldn’t have even given this song a second thought except apparently it’s hit the alt-rock charts? Where is this rock? Like I get we’re pushing the boundaries of genre but I think the bare minimum of a rock song would be a GUITAR.

Knockin’ Boots - Luke Bryan

This song is dumb. But I’m oddly amused by how dumb it is, so it may live.

Baby - Lil Baby and DaBaby

Sometimes things sound like a good idea, and then they’re not. This didn’t even sound like a good idea and it proved to be an even worse idea. Something definitely could’ve been done with this, but Lil Baby is essentially a creative void that consumes all it sees.

Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi

Another song that’s too dumb for me to really get mad at. God knows, Capaldi is putting a hell of a lot of effort into something. What it is, I’m not sure, but he’s doing his best.

With those out of the way, we move onto

Number One:

You Need To Calm Down - Taylor Swift

"I AM LAID LOW BY THE HUMAN RACE. ME, AN INNOCENT WOMAN, MUST DEAL WITH ‘HATERS’ EVERY SINGLE DAY. MY HEART HAS BECOME WEAK WITH ALL OF THE UNKIND WORDS. DARE I SAY... I AM OPPRESSED?”

It’s ironic hearing Taylor Swift tell me to calm down. She hasn’t been calm for a long time. She sure as hell isn’t calm in this song. It’s basically the equivalent of someone screaming “I AM NOT ANGRY!”

Like, you’re... still mad about the snake thing? It’s been a few years now and you’re still bothered enough by an emoji that you referenced it in a song about how not-bothered you are? I mean, apparently this song (as well as ME!) is about celebrating individuality. It definitely is celebrating an individual: Taylor Swift.

I think a big theme of this year was “embarrassing”. The Git Up was embarrassing, I Don’t Care was embarrassing, but none of them are more embarrassing than this. You could probably do a list of the ten worst Taylor Swift lyrics and it’d be mostly this song. And if the lyrics aren’t terrible enough, it also blatantly copies the beat from Sunflower, the second-biggest hit of the year and a personal favorite. Like, a fellow critic remixed them together and the backing track is essentially unchanged.

And then we get to the gay stuff.

I’m not the first to point out that the underlying message of this song is pathetic at best and offensive at worst: “I have haters, and gays have haters, so we’re basically the same.” This is essentially Taylor Swift hoping she’ll get an invite to judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race.

There’s just kind of an eensy weensy problem.

Gay “haters” are like... ACTUALLY DANGEROUS.

They’re not just the goofy, protest-sign waving boomers she depicts in her music video. An internet comment is harmless. Homophobia isn’t. Homophobia leads to suicide, gets teens kicked out of their homes, causes hate crimes, it can cause incredibly serious harm. Someone sending you a fucking snake emoji isn’t the same as years and years of systematic oppression!

Does Taylor Swift have to worry about her safety when she tours in more conservative areas? Does she have to fear the possibility of losing friends and family ties when opening up about herself? Does she have to worry about letting the public see who she dates, beyond the usual celebrity drama? Do people shout slurs at her on the street? Do churches and politicians campaign against her right to marry?

Of course not.

Taylor Swift has always made everything about herself. She’s lied and been petty for years and years in her music. Imagine lying about KANYE. You don’t need to lie about fucking Kanye to make him look bad! He does it himself! She was the victim that time, and every time. But at no point until now did she stoop low enough to openly compare herself to oppressed groups because people are mean to her on the internet.

Like this isn’t even about articles or tabloids or anything, it’s about people being nasty online. The phrase “shade never made anybody less gay” is basically a crackhead way of diminishing our suffering. It’s not “shade” we’re worried about, Taylor, it’s having our fucking legal rights taken away. Your biggest worry is “haters”. Haters aren’t going to ban you from being married.

This song is phony, it’s a rip-off of a much better song that literally came out in the same year, it’s repetitive, it’s petty, and most of all, it tries to diminish the oppression of the LGBT+ community by boiling down all of our pain and suffering to simple “shade”.

I will not calm down.

Woo-ee. That was something alright. We’ll be moving onto the best list soon, if I don’t get caught up in my other quarantine activities.

[milkie-yoongi]

GET TO KNOW ME

rules: bold everything that applies to you then tag 10 people you’d like to get to know better

thanks for the tag @koyabebe this thing looks super fun!

—-

Appearance:

I’m over 5’5”(im short and I like it) // I wear glasses or contacts // I have blonde hair // I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing(it’s nice to feel like you’re not choking 24/7) // I have one or more piercings // I have at least one tattoo // I have blue eyes(my eyes like the muddd :)) // I have dyed or highlighted my hair(uh does a couple strands count??) // I have gotten plastic surgery // I have or had braces // I sunburn easily(alright I always took pride in saying that I didn’t burn but yesterday I went to the beach for less than 3 hours and got a pretty bad burn on my face, it doesn’t hurt though. But I guess this told me that yeah I do burn easily. Wear sunscreen kids cuz I didn’t) // I have freckles(just a tiny bit on my nose/cheek area cuz the sun reigns pretty much everyday here) // I typically wear makeup(light makeup since it makes me feel more awake after I put it on) // I don’t often smile // I am pleased with how I look(we all should be thankful for the features we were born with!:) // I prefer Nike to Adidas(AIRMAX yes)// I wear baseball hats backward

—-

Hobbies and Talents:

I play a sport (nah I’m not athletic like I used to be big cry) // I can play an instrument(my youtube channel is here for proof—> https://m.youtube.com/channel/UC8rHB6-DB-xcG5ABak1G2YA) // I am artistic(does drawing weird and making weird memes on photoshop count?) // I know more than one language (a few words phrases of another,this didn’t say fluent, so haha) // I have won a trophy in some sort of competition (my piano teacher had the best glass trophies with our names on them and she’d give them to everyone who participated in performances. yoongi would be so jealous) // I can cook or bake without a recipe(trial and error yk who has time to read directions?) // I know how to swim (I don’t swim I drown) // I enjoy writing(i like writing down my thoughts, potential song lyrics from my life events, and letters to ppl I love😊) // I can do origami // I prefer movies to TV shows // I can execute a perfect somersault // I enjoy singing(songs have so much power but my voice is not the best for singing imo. it just makes me feel better if I’m home alone or need encouragement)// I could survive in the wild on my own // I have read a new book series this year(I don’t read ffff) // I enjoy spending time with my friends(I go out too much cuz I can’t say no and I have FOMO here’s why I’m broke:/)// I travel during school or work breaks // I can do a handstand

—-

Relationships:

I am in a relationship // I have been single for over a year(cuz no one is worthy. Every dude around me is so arrogant and superficial, it’s just the culture here sighhh. thanks yoongi for making me have high standards I’m proud of that) // I have a crush(nah I’m super picky man)// I have a best friend I have known for ten years // My parents are together // I have dated my best friend // I am adopted // My crush has confessed to me // I have a long-distance relationship // I am an only child // I give advice to my friends(I’m the counselor friend and I love it) // I have made an online friend(you know who you are and if you’re reading this I LOVE YOU)// I met up with someone I have met online(I’d be too scared unless I REALLY trusted you)

—-

Aesthetic:

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell(or maybe the shell was mad??) // I have seen the sunrise // I enjoy rainy days(I LOVE the sound of rain and the overcast skies it makes everything calmer and cozier...too bad it doesn’t rain often here) // I have slept under the stars // I meditate outside // The sound of chirping calms me(birds are better than people) // I enjoy the smell of the ocean // I know what snow tastes like // I listen to music to fall asleep(I can’t cuz I’ll start analyzing the beat and stuff or humming to it) // I enjoy thunderstorms // I enjoy cloud watching(I like staring off into space and not thinking in general) // I have attended a bonfire // I pay close attention to colours// I find mystery in the ocean(what kind of phrase lol the ocean is scaryyy because it’s a mystery) // I enjoy hiking on nature paths // Autumn is my favourite season

—-

Misc:

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle(only if I’m super tired but I love moving vehicles they make me feel better)// I am the mom friend(I guess? You tell me) // I live by a certain quote(s) (too many to count) // I like the smell of sharpies // I am involved in extracurricular activities(still doing piano lessons and stuffs count?) // I enjoy Mexican food(only churros but depends on the place other than that it’s ehhhh sorry) // I can drive a stick-shift // I believe in true love // I make up scenarios to fall asleep(I daydream a lot cuz reality sucks ha) // I sing in the shower // I wish I lived in a game(oh ya cuz if you mess up you can restart and you can die multiple times instead of just once! Also games are cooler than reality) // I have a canopy above my bed // I am multiracial(it’s hard at times but I wouldn’t want it any other way!) // I am a redhead // I own at least three dogs(I have no pets but I want a baby kitten so bad! And a cute little bird!)

I tag @yosunyoongi @yoongisugameow @jincendio @cubbienamu @ididitforbtsman @teacupswithteapots @daughterofthemoon92 @inkofyoongi @wittleyoon @bts-lune @specrownedmyg @sleepyseoulhours @kpoplittleheadcannon @r3d-lov1ng-4ng3l @littleyoonie @soft-baby-yoongi @yoonjincafe @babyboy-bts and anyone else who wants to do this!

[bettsfic]

What do you think are the different types of relationships in fandom/fanfic verses in traditional media/literature? Referring back to shipping question you answered, romantic/platonic/familial boxes in traditional literature, compared to the elements that make fans ship particular characters? Or maybe the relationship are the same, but in fandom there's a more intense analysis and expansion of the relationships?

as much as BDSM is Out of Style now (presumably because of the purity bullshit happening), power-discrepant relationships are something i’ve always used fandom to seek out and understand better. when i was a teenager i used to seek out weird kink forums to try to learn more about sexual deviance, and those had a habit of being enormous and therefore exhausting to comb through, so having power play info offered in narrative has made the whole thing much easier. although one time i did read an entire erotic Yoshi forum and i have yet to read an erotic Yoshi fic on AO3, so, yk, get on that, fic writers.

one thing fanfic does better than i think any other genre is that it denies eros as the only kind of sexual love. sex can be the physical culmination of any kind of love. i think in fic intense platonic bonds seem to reign (stucky, destiel), and while often these stories veer into romance, many of them begin with a foundation of friendship and loyalty (see: Friends to Lovers). and, again, as much as it’s out of style currently*, incest fic shows us sex tied to familial bonds, but like Friends to Lovers, it begins with a foundation of loyalty and devotion. and we also have sex tied to worship (power play), and sex tied to nothing which is then used to pivot a story into a new place (think fics where it starts with a hookup and then character A finds out that B is their new boss). and of course there are slow burns and meet-cutes and meet-uglies and fake marriage and all these other tropes that use existing patterns in order to explore the chemistry between two characters.

with fanfic, it’s also about the nature of the genre. if you have an OTP you presumably read about the same two characters getting together in hundreds or thousands of different ways. they’re different interpretations of characters, but they are still fundamentally the same characters, which allows me to make connections about the nature of love that i don’t think i otherwise could. there’s really no other medium or genre that allows for that kind of groupthink consideration of characters and relationships. we have a massive group of reader-writers who donate their experiences and understanding of love to two (or more) already established characters, and i think that affects how we perceive the complexity of identity.

i feel like maybe i’m not making very much sense. i just know that when i watch a rom com, i feel compelled to re-join tinder and try to date/fall in love with/have sex with men who are very nice but ultimately have no desire in challenging themselves emotionally or intellectually or possess any kind of inquisitive drive toward the exploration of intimacy because their worldview has always been the predominant one. i’ll have to dress up and Be Pretty and shave places i don’t like shaving and wear makeup i don’t like wearing in order to appease their expectations and play into this game of love i only know by rote memorization and mimicry. and i think maybe something is wrong with me that i’m not happy with what everyone else seems happy with. 

but when i read a fic that really hits me, really knocks me on my ass, i start to see the specific threads of companionship i desire, facets of relationships i prioritize, and it helps me say no more easily. no, you don’t ask enough questions of yourself or the world. no, you don’t value loyalty enough. no, you don’t know the difference between intimacy and sex. no, you’re incompetent. no, you don’t think i’m beautiful without spanx on. no, you don’t know how to negotiate wants and needs. no, you don’t know how to love in a healthy way, you only know how to use and be used. no, my standards aren’t too high, my needs aren’t too specific, and i don’t have to settle for someone who won’t love me the way i want and deserve to be loved.

*EDIT: immediately after i posted this i thought of loki and sheith, so maybe it’s only looked down on in certain fandoms? idk

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 9: “-28... negative. 28. negative. twenty. eight.” - Jason

i'm fully a psycho, i practiced my acting in the mirror to pretend I accidentally voted Ian. its a mess. a REAL mess. and I might have done it for no reason, they took it super well so maybe I... shouldn't tell Jason...

i literally am why Ian left. I wanted him out since round two, and I made it happen even though nobody wanted it to. I FINALLY ACTUALLY MADE A MOVE IN A GAME. I FINALLY DID SOMETHING I'M SO HAPPY asldfa. I could CRY, I can leave this game happy.

um da fuck alalkdgh well I aldlkj so alkjdfc;l.

^ decipher thats all I got.

No honestly I don't know what to think right now. Everyone went crazy last tribal and I feel like I need to explain myself a little bit? First off my alliance voted someone oppositely of what they told me they'd do. And secondly, they used me as a total fallback. And what made it me CRACKED asf was that they told me none of it. Like we talked in the morning about how shit was going to go down tonight and decided on Jason. We were all in agreement and it was in motion. Later Tom asked me what the vote was and I was told to tell him Ian. Except Alex told me that he told him Me. Without warning me. At all. Which is like shitty. So I kinda got paranoid and started asking around and seeing what was what, and thats when Tom came up to me and said that there was a big blindside to vote me off led by Alex. Of course, my initial thought was that this could be happening and he made this big plan to vote off Alex and I talked to Ali about it but ULTIMATELY I decided to go with Jason as I promised. My mistake I guess was telling Jones, who I really trusted, saying that they wanted to make a move on Alex but I trusted him and said I voted Jason. I only said so because I was worried that it might fall through and I might need to be saved by her idol. Which I know is hers of course and I don't want to dictate when she can use it but with this insanity going around I just was really nervous. But honestly I can't believe that Alex and them all just decided against voting Jason without telling me. They said it was to save me, which of course is true, but they didn't tell me. And it was SHITTY for Alex to not tell me that he threw my name to Tom, like truly dumb. I know I've said I might want him out soon a lot, but honestly I HAVE NO IDEA what I'm going to be doing with the next tribal. I do wanna say tho that I like him as a person a whole lot! He's sweet and loyal and really kind, I just think he's gonna end up dominating this game if people let him.

PS I don't know if Julia has a problem with me. We were suppose to be voting together for Jason, and while she doesn't owe me anything, she just wouldn't talk to me. Like I think I wouldn't have CRACKED so hard if I could just reach her and get a grip on how she was voting.

She's being chaotic on purpose but only to me? I don't get it.

okay I'm off the alliance call. I just sent a really like emo paragraph to my hostchat but I'm so happy, which is gross because I just did Ian so dirty but lemme explain.

I have played 7 games before this (3 Survivor, 4 Big Brother) - I've come 2nd in five of those games, and without exception I have never EVER played a game I'm proud of. I always make fun of my game for being crap. Like I'm always a goat, always crap, and always play passively.

I'm so excited about this season and this game because... I'm finally playing the game and a game I am proud of. Like I'm not fussed about winning or making FTC, because lets be real, it fully is not happening, but I wanna leave the season proud of my game. And I already so am, like... I've wanted Ian out since round two, and I've been determined to make it happen.

And I did that. I literally was angling to get him out via a vote switch and then when the vote split came up, I knew exactly what to do. I knew Ian would be less willing to make amends and more able to make connections. I knew Ian was a threat and so urgently needed to be removed because he could keep a grip on the game.

I can't believe that. In a tribe of twelve people, where nobody wanted Ian out (the four votes for him were all just for the sake of a vote split), and I singlehandedly forced it through. I saw a target, knew to make a move and got them out. IM SO HAPPY.

in other news... I am a psycho, I literally went to a mirror, practised how to look shocked and then went on that call and acted my HEART OUT. I think people bought it, but it is. the. most. cracked. thing. I. have. ever. done.

I'm now kinda stuck, because I have two options. Either I tell Jason what I did earning his trust, or I just... try and work with Jason without telling him. One is riskier with more potential long term benefit, and one is a much safer bet. I am gonna think on it and decide tomorrow.

Also I was really mean about Jones, Mo & Alex in my confessionals earlier. I take it back, on calls they are so FUN. I think they just aren't texting people so I don't judge. Doesn't mean I necessarily wanna go too far with them, but I love them as people and feel bad for being mean.

also since this round solidified that much as I'm proud of my game, I'm not making FTC, I'd rank people in the order I'd vote for them as a juror as:

Jules > Alex > Mitch > Tom > Benj > Jones > Julia > Jason > Caeleb > Mo

Jules/Alex/Mitch seem very switched on, Tom making it to the end would be a real underdog journey, Benj is a king and has the right idea with an undercover duo, Jones/Julia savvy queens, Jason actually also has an underdog story we will need to see with that one, Caeleb telling Jones about the Alex plan is a real dumb move imo which lowers his rank for me. Mo is my SON and I love him but would need to see more game from him to be comfortable voting him at FTC in any scenario.

also ian talking about dom not deserving to win switzerland set off kill bill red flags for me. nobody who talks about dom negatively lives to tell the tale, you go BYEBYE. but also ian ilysm, like you were a major threat and had to go, but on a personal level i love you with my whole heart.

okay last confessional for now, the two moods:

June 30th yeehaw

July 2nd

Extra notes:

Benj and i are working on the idol hunt together and I’m already on like,, 30 w him so it’s gucci, I’m not gonna tell Alex ab it or anything bc I kinda wanna try and stray away from him a bit?? Like he doesn’t have to know EVERYTHING Ab my advantages yk?

And I’m probs not gonna try and use the vote cover on anyone rn bc every single one of my allies is like,,, up for exposure???? So that’s wacky,,

Also bc Ian was absolutely ROBBED of jury we’re thinking it’s a F2

Bc OF COURSE IT IS which I’m not mad ab but I have to think ab who i’d Really want to sit with,,, best case scenario for me is probs Benj,, maybe Mo? Not too sure,, but um ya barbecue sauce on my thiddies here we go into f11 onward and upward amirite

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGv10gbJxVU

this was b4 tribal 

So I lost Ian... and I'm kinda mad about it! I can't help but feel like I'm on my way to the jury because even the next day people are still acting super weird with me. I don't really understand how I'm a threat to anyone right now though??? Like I guess the Me/Ian power duo thing was valid but Ian's gone now so that argument should be moot.

I have no idea what to do moving forward. Up this point my game has been based on how I interpret conversations with people and how much I thought I could trust them... but I can't do shit if no one wants to talk to me (and I cannot stress ENOUGH how much sense this doesn't make).

The one good thing about me staying in the game I guess is I now have free reign to do whatever the fuck I want with my time left here. If I can blow up as many games as possible and stir the pot as much as I can at least I go out having fun?? Right?? But bottom line is I fully intend on lone-wolfing this game for however long I'm still here for.

My current first steps are to first throw Julia under the bus to Caeleb, and hopefully get something going with Caeleb. If I'm in with Caeleb, it might help with Alex, Jones, and Mo using me as a number.

Next is to pretty much sell my soul to the kingpin of this entire thing right now, Alex. I'm imagining a faux-Phillip Sheppard scenario where I tell Alex he owns my vote, but he doesn't really. I have no clue if he'd bite but it's worth trying because what the fuck else do I have left.

On the topic of Alex, I could also try to shift his attention into targeting someone like Mitch or Benj? I can embellish a little bit and tell Alex that Mitch is spreading a rumor that he has the Dirt People Idol or something along those lines.

Next on the (tentative) agenda is to talk with Jules and try to see where I stand with her. For some reason I feel the most burned by her from last tribal?? I don't trust her at all but as long as she thinks that door is still open I'll hear what she has to say. Maybe I can guilt her into giving me more info as well?

And the last thing I can think of is try making a better connection with Mo and Jones, and hopefully start some sort of game relationship with those two. I don't really see myself getting far with this one considering these two have been hit or miss in the conversations I've had with them, but there isn't anything worth not trying at this point.

Back to a less gamebotty point of view, I've honestly been oscillating between being angry and being upset about how last tribal broke down, mainly because I feel like Ali, Julia, and Mitch could've waited a lot longer to do something like this if they were worried about me and Ian (which I still believe they had very little reason to be worried right now in the first place). But I also feel like I had 9 doors slam in my face and the only person I can still be real with is Tom. I'm back at square one and I'm not happy about it, but I didn't come back to this godforsaken ORG to go down easy so I've gotta keep moving for as long as I can.

(Also I need to be willing to let go of Tom. I'm not gonna go out of my way to burn him, but I'm also beyond the point of wanting to stick my neck out too far for him. My longevity is the only priority right now.)

okay so... this vote is operation get Caeleb out of here. I really wanted to work with Caeleb, and I think he could have been a really useful number, but like... him telling Jones about the plan to vote Alex really, really rubbed me the wrong way. Like I do not trust him at all after that, I really do not know where we are at now.

So here is the goal. I'm about to call Jason and hopefully get him back on side. Then hopefully between Jules and I, we can convince Space Jam to vote Caeleb (I'm still confused how close he is to Mo/Jones/Alex, could be a good test). With Caeleb, a potential number for them, out of the way, next round its time for a big move, its time for one of Jones/Alex/Mo to go.

The numbers for that move would be (hopefully) Me, Jules, Julia, Tom, Jason, Mitch (6/10) + Benj hopefully, or at worst I'll just keep him in the loop. I really think Caeleb going could be so so good, it really opens up numbers and weakens Jones/Mo/Alex - it also narrows down where the idol is, something that we have to stay conscious of.

At the moment, my closest allies are definitely Jules and Benj. Jules is just.... the best, so woke, so on the ball, I am LOVING playing this season with them. Benj is such a king, my earliest like 'proper' ally even though Julia approached me after like 0.5 seconds in the game ha. I love Benj, and at the moment he also is quite out of the loop, he could also be a workable FTC option. I'm really stuck with Jules and FTC - you would be crazy to take Jules, as articulate and smart as they are, to FTC, but I really don't think I could face writing Jules' name down, I would feel AWFUL.

Also thoughts on Tom? He is too good for this world, he was so sweet about Ian/Jason going and like I really relate to the emotions he feels in games, on a personal level he is the best.

I feel like my plan going forwards is vote off Caeleb, then Alex, then Jones/Mo, and then figure it out from there. I really think if I play it right, I can slowly and calmly continue to have real swing over this game, I'm mc'loving it.

Also, because I keep doing this and its a fun pattern at this point, this is the order in which I would vote for people at FTC, if I go 11th at the moment:

Jules > Jason > Alex > Julia > Mitch > Jones > Tom > Benj > Caeleb > Mo

okay i just called Jason, such a king! i feel like i was VERY awkward, and I like I didn't articulate myself very well, but... he gets that we are going to need to potentially pull some shenanigans. I really want Caeleb then Alex, but if we need to just do Alex first, I can deal with that.

I think ideal situation is Tom wins immunity, Space Jam wants to vote Caeleb - we all go along with it, and then Alex goes next round, but we will see eek!

Oh wow hi it’s me, Mo.

So here’s the rundown on what’s happened the past couple rounds for my dumbass. First let’s start off with getting to merge, it’s a talent of mine, don’t look at my Italy placement. We’re out of that dumb fucking cave so no more waiting which is great. Another cool thing is I’m actually allies with Julia now which is weird because I’m going to be honest I was terrified of her going into this game. We had a past game experience that made me fearful. But now I’m sitting comfy in a majority alliance with Alex, Ali, Jones, Jules & Julia. By the way this is a first time thing for me, being in a majority alliance during merge. So this at least guarantees me final 7 or 6. It took me four tries to spell guarantees, who’s idea was it to put the u in front of the a it’s fucking stupid. But like here’s the thing, my gameplay is somewhat underwhelming. Basically my game relies on jury management and likability. Because I can’t strategize for shit, I just kinda smile and waddle forward when a door opens. I thought at this part of the game I would be close allies with Tom again but that didn’t happen. Apparently JJ told Tom about an alliance made in old Durmitor with Alex, Jules, Jones & Evan??? Made to like simmer JJ down. So now Tom doesn’t want to work with any of them (Which mind you three of them are my close allies) so he confronted Alex about it and I think he was like butthurt about not being included??? But like bitch I wasn’t included either but I’m not sulking about it. It wasn’t even a serious alliance. Also back to my alliances, sorry I know this is mixed up. MESSY, WHO BROUGHT NAPKINS IM GETTING MESSY. But I was also in an alliance with Alex, Jones & Caeleb after the swap. Called the Durmitor Dominators which is still a thing. But Caeleb wasn’t added to the Space Jam alliance with the group of 6 so I’m like??? What’s going on there??? I should probably talk about it with Alex because I am confusion. Also now there’s this new twist since we got out of the Dua Lipa cave, now we have to adjust to the sunlight with this exposure twist which basically means whoever gets eliminated gets to expose three people and whoever is exposed still by the tribal has to write who they’re voting for in chat. So I love that. But that’s about it for me thank you for taking the time to read this.

I DO NOT WANT TO BE VOTING JASON AT ALL THE FUCK I WANT TO GET ALEX THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BUT NO CAELEB APPARENTLY WANTS TO VOTE JASON I HATE THIS THEY REALLY ARE TRYING TO GET MY HOMIE JASON OUT!!! WAS I CONSPIRING AGAINST HIM AND IAN ALL WEEK? MAYBE SO! BUT I DON'T WANT HIM OUT YET!!! I DON'T!! WE ARE TRYING TO BLINDSIDE ALEX BUT THIS AIN'T WORKING UGHGHGHGHG *STOMPS ON THE GROUND* UGHGHGHGH I HATE THIS GOODBYE

Sooo besides the fact that it took me 5 minutes to find the confessional tab because I havent been doing these im here to update!!! Ian was just voted out and although i'm fine with it for now, I was NOT expecting a split vote. That makes me feel a little bit nervous going further into the game. I did think it was beneficial to split up the Jason/Ian duo but i was expecting Jason to go; not Ian. Anywho im almost positive im in the same predicament this vote. I've mended my relationship with Jason and im working very well with Tom to flip the script on Alex (who I believe to be running the game). Typically I would wait a few more rounds to get Alex out, but if everyone is playing for him to win, I might miss my opportunity like I did in my last season. I'm not blind! I'll do whatever it takes to go far and put myself in people's endgames. RN swapped Durmitor has the power. I dont necessarily like that because although im not on bad terms with them, I'm definitely on the bottom of that totem pole.

Tom sent seven confessionals in a row to be put at different places throughout this and last episode??? I guess??? But no thank you, so enjoy the thoughts in the order he apparently had them. ~Drew

*1 hour before tribal*

WHY IS ALEX SO CRACKED HONESTLY alex has said ian, caeleb and jason to 3 people i dont understand i am most likely getting played here but i dont want any of them to go, i see very high potential when working with all three of them so i think im going to try to make a big move and take out alex. I'm immune this round but next round im not so its a bit risky. I think Ali and Jules would be on board if there was the numbers there so if me ian jason julia ali and caeleb all voted together that would be majority and alex would be the first blindside of the game....

Tom

*10 hours before tribal council*

Everyone is pretty much dead silence i feel like everyone has an idea of who they would like to target but no one is really wanting to be the first person to throw a name out there so like its gonna get so fucking messy whilst im asleep and imma wake up to one big mess i already know it

Tom

*1-2 hours before tribal*

Okay so I've just woken up and i just spoke to alex and he seems like he just wants to do anything to get his ass safe this round which is sketch af, he is saying the vote is caeleb to me so thats cool and all but i asked caeleb what he was hearing just to get both sides and caeleb said alex said jason..... so like wtf is alex trying to do.....

TOM

ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION sinking ship is near i cba voting for alex now that he has told jones, he did the same thing as evan and i am just ready for his ass to go out the door ugh im so annoyed!

Tom

OKAY I CANNOT DEAL WHO THE FUCK IS THIS CAELEB KID HONESTLY WHY ARE YOU SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT WHY DID YOU GO AND TELL JONES LITERALLY ALL OF WHAT I SAID....ITS A KNOWN FACT THAT THEY'RE A DUO OPEN YOUR STUPID EYES IDIOT!!!! THANKS SO MUCH NOW IMMA GET FUCKED OVER AND GET TARGETED BY ALEX AND HIS MINIONS NEXT ROUND. THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR TRYING TO SAVE SOMEONE I WANT TO WORK WITH IN THIS GAME....

Tom

*Tribal just happened*

Oh okay uhm well thats just fucking sad. I would like to say i never cry when a close ally is eliminated but i am a mess, i am crying right now at work and my driver is like "uhm are you okay..." yeah man im okay just crying over an ally that essentially died because i cant even speak to him anymore rip :( I miss ian so much i am so fucking furious that i am blindsided again at merge tho.... also really 9 people were in on that blindside split vote.....WOW! I am so surprised that ali and jules didnt tell me about the plan tbh they can say all they want about how they thought i knew but like if you thought i knew you should've just spoken to me about the vote.... like WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SPLIT UP JIAN when JONEX is still in the game they're much more dangerous and so much harder to get out every round we get closer.

Tom

waa waaa waaa call the wambulance! My plan is working so far i think tbh, mitch has been very responsive about this round and i am fairly certain that he has realised how fucked of a position he is in this game without me and jason here so he made an alliance chat which is good because that means he will work with us even just for this round. I think a lot of people now jian is out, have realised the next big big duo in this game is jalex so hopefully the movement on them occurs!

Tom

*hour after tribal*

Okay so this is shit me and jason are in minority and will most likely get votes split against us.... time to do something about it, in the past merges ive been too ive been in the bottom, and i was taken out this time it wont be happening as much as alex would like it too i will not let it happen! This cast seems to have fairly emotional sympathetic people in this game so imma express how sad i was at the tribal say i was balling my eyes out when ian left and how i feel so down and out and that i am very lost and sad in this game. Because this will make people feel bad for not including me in the plans and also it will create conversation for them to work with me to build my spirits up again and make me happy.

Just thinking about this exposure twist. Kinda cool actually. I'm surprised to say it but I think this might be the type of thing that I like to see??? Who am I. Kinda wish the reward challenge was more of a flash game over a typing game, only because I wanna know how hard the winner worked to get that score. Like for typing you kinda either are already good at it prior or you're shit at it, so I can't tell if Alex put in a bunch of time and effort to win. If it was some weird flash game that had a steep learning curve then I would know better and have a better grip on the game Alex is playing. Regardless, kinda excited about Benj having the curse because I think(?) that we can use that to actually do something crazy? Like I'm thinking a 5 vote blindside tie type situation where Benj throws out a red herring type of vote. We'll see, but I think I need to keep a low profile so who knows if that'll come to fruition.

okay mitch! has! been! elevated! to! king! status!

me and mitch have had a good conversation which I'm super SUPER happy about, he is someone who is in a similar spot to me, so I am SOOO happy we are talking yay. He agrees Alex needs to go soon, like... people are on the same page, maybe its time for it to hap' hap' happen.

since alex won reward, he'll of course save himself, which is fine. it means julia and benj are exposed, and while they're both close allies of mine, they are probably the two who would be in the toughest spot to vote alex, julia since she is like out of nowhere close to him, and benj since he is close to jones.

the plan could be to get alex and co to agree to another split vote or something, which separates numbers that could allow us to strike versus Alex. Maybe if we did like... Alex/Jones/Mo/Caleb on someone, Benj/Julia on another and then Me/Jason/Tom/Jules/Mitch on someone, making a 5-4-2 vote. oh god these merge vote counts have been so so cracked.

we will see. i think my placement this season is going to be like... 8th or something? I am scared of flipping for two votes in a row, BUT I feel like the good news is if I was getting voted out, either Tom or Benj would now hear about it, so I should be able to still play my idol. We will see ahh, but its very scary!

as always with my confessionals:

Bootlist: Alex > Caeleb > Jones > Jason > Mo > Mitch > Julia > Jules > Me/Tom/Benj F3

here is the problem though, I can't vote Jules out. I am such a Jules stan, voting them out would snap my heart it half, I really don't think I could do it. I think I would need others to do it, I'd probably want to be blindsided by it and kept in the dark.

and then the order I would vote people in an FTC:

Jules > Alex > Jason > Mitch > Benj > Julia > Tom > Jones > Caeleb > Mo

Ok so now I’m getting added to a third alliance chat which is supposedly a final 3 alliance. But like here’s the thing, I’d be sitting next to Jones & Alex. I have a snowballs chance in hell of winning against either of them. Everyone loves Jones and Alex has been kinda running this game so far. I’m just kinda his goat. Don’t get me wrong I wanna start making some moves but it’s too early, right now I want to stay unthreatening and low key. I might just have to ride this coat tail to the end because if we have bitter jurors they’ll end up looking at Alex.

So Alex says he didnt read the challenge post... yet came 2nd?

I dont buy it, I fully believe if I ask Benj and others what Alex asked to give him, he will say negatives. He is such a fraud.

also this split vote will be his undoing... his ass is about to be grass... mwahahahahha

-28... negative. 28. negative. twenty. eight. what the FUCK did i do to these people??

I don't even know where to go from here.

...but I mean I kinda do.

I can use this to further push the narrative that I've got no one and hence nowhere near the biggest threat/I'm the easiest target there is and HOPEFULLY people take their eyes off of me.

Aside from that what I WANT to do is vote Alex out (big change from my last confessional, I know). I think I have Tom and Jules on board if I were to pitch it to them, same with Mitch and Ali. I MIGHT have Caeleb but he ran it back to Jones last round so the precedent's already set. So from there to have a five vote majority was I was considering to split the other 6 votes. Julia and Benj are getting their votes exposed so they probably want to vote majority, which I'm anticipating to be someone like myself, Tom, or Caeleb. Ideally, the vote splits one of two ways— NEVERMIND

!! BREAKING !!

Tom says via Ali that Alex thinks that the 9 that split their vote on me and Ian are gonna split their vote again on me and Tom, but Ali isn't on board with that (if he's being honest), and I'd have to assume the same goes for Mitch since there's now a chat with myself him and Tom. So the plan from there (which ties into what I was planning anyway) is to get Jules on board (we called the day after tribal, she SOUNDS like she'd be down), and let the rest of them split their vote.

So that means...

FUCK Alex

FUCK Caeleb

FUCK Julia

FUCK the rest of em bc who??

[but not really it's a game I don't mean it]

But as far as tribal plans right now go... ideally it turns out

5-4-2

5: Me/Tom/Mitch/Ali/Jules for Alex

4-2: Some combination of Alex/Mo/Caeleb/Jones/Julia/Benj for me/Tom

I probably get the 4 again, Tom gets 2... or other way around??? I get the 2 if Mitch/Ali/Jules are meant to vote for me?

But anyways don't be shocked if this is all for nothing and this is my last confessional x

god... negative 28...

i am so frustrated with julia. okay so tom told me apparently on call she said she has a F3 with Alex/Jones, specifically a F2 with Alex. Now... I fully feel like Tom made this up, BUT I asked Julia about the vote and she says she wants to ride out the Space Jam alliance...

is she nuts. is she NUTS kjlasdfas. Literally I feel like WAY too much of this tribe is drinking the Alex Kool-Aid and I can't describe how frustrating it is lowkey. Like I sided with Alex relying on like... Julia's wokeness that we could then detach ourselves, Alex is now FULLY running this tribe and it terrifies me.

It solidifies to me that Alex needs to go this round. Like....this round. He is running this tribe, he has grips on Jones/Mo/Caeleb/Julia, and potentially Benj through Jones. That is SUCH a large amount of this tribe, so I need to stick my neck out. I'm fully embracing that I'm not making FTC at this rate, so it's just time to shake stuff up.

Here is the plan. I am going to play into the split vote plan, we can get Alex and his minions as they shall henceforth be called to split their votes between Jason and Tom, and then maybe Me/Tom/Jules/Mitch/Jason vote out Alex or any of his minions, I don't care which.

At this rate, I'm going to be going into F10 in a potential 5-5 situation, but honestly... Jones/Mo say about a word and a half of game between them each round so they are not workable allies, Julia who flips at literally the drop of a hat is suddenly misted by Alex and Co., Caeleb is just infuriating for telling Jones about the Alex vote, shows he can't be trusted. That leaves only Benj my king, the only woke one, though I am afraid of his connection to Jones.

I just WISH this TRIBE would use their BRAINS. Specifically Julia at the minute.

I’m so TIRED I’ve been so quiet maybe that’s why people are thinking about targeting me :)

Ok ok lemme back up a lil,, this is all according to Alex,, which,,,,,,, idk about YALL but he’s giving off a bit of a paranoid energy right now,, and I’m fully aware of the fact that he has the best chance at winning this game out of anyone here, sooooo maybe let him get eaten by the wolves soon? Not necessarily soon but like,, ya soon. Don’t wanna get him to the end skkdkdkdks. I also think separating myself from Alex might take a target off of MY back, I’ve been trying to separate myself like on my own terms but I think I need to start like,,, setting the stage kind of thing. Idk all I know is that I have a better chance sitting with anyone BUT him,, So maybe it wouldn’t be a bad thing to push Alex into the fire a little bit.

I have yet to hear a name, though I’d like to get Tom out personally? He can slide utr really easily,, plus we can (or at least I can) confirm he doesn’t have an idol, the only question is does Jason have an idol and is willing to play it on the only person he voted with? Who KNOWS!! We just have to make them feel comfy (assuming we have the majority vote that is KSKSKS)

But ya stay tuned laid ease

okay so alex is really trying to play me and its very transparent. now, this could just be tom playing which if so, good for him, his mind and his MIST, but here is the deal.

tom tells me him and alex had a conversation about pairs, where Tom threw out Alex/Jones as a pair, and Alex threw out Julia and I. Then in Alex's retelling of that same conversation, side note its funny that I heard the same conversation from both sides in the space of about 10 minutes, Alex conveniently leaves out that he threw out me and Julia as a pair, and he is SO defensive about him and Jones as a pair.

Jones was on my ass immediately when Caeleb told her Alex could be the vote, and Alex also knew super fast. You are really going to try and convince me that you aren't even close when you have spent 23 days on a tribe together, and from the sounds of things, voted together every single time! im not buying it.

for this vote, i want either alex or an alex minion out, i think mo would be the most do-able. jones is close to caeleb, who we will need as a number, so if alex's idol paranoia is too big, maybe we need to remove mo from the equation? we will see.

mo is my org son, and i love him on calls and such, but I am confused by the game he is playing. I'm potentially super underestimating him, which is a definite possibility, but at the moment.... its like... do something charlie. is he just going to hide behind Jones and Alex, because that's not smart.

i would like to see Alex go this vote, but i think he is already too paranoid (i think tom stoked his paranoia WAY too much). I think Mo could end up being the back up vote, which is probably actually okay, because Alex is a definite shield moving forwards, particularly if still paired with Jones.

Updated Jury Vote Rankings:

Jules > Alex > Jason > Tom > Mitch > Benj > Julia > Jones > Caeleb > Mo

okay I'm like... getting frustrated with Alex. he literally does not know how to be subtle about anything lowkey, like this vote split is literally his 4 OG Durmitors voting 'correctly', leaving all his unsure numbers Me/Jules/Julia/Benj on Jason... like mc'what...

i really want him gone, EVERYONE is drinking the Alex Kool-Aid. Maybe I'm not seeing it, but Jones and Mo particularly are playing SO passively, I fully want to scream.

I need to convince Caeleb to make a move. It's really time to just send Alex, or literally any of his minions out of here. I want to include Julia so badly, but she is so blindly misted by him out of nowhere, I hate it UGH.

I think I want Alex and Mo out as the next two votes, Alex runs the show and Mo is just too passive of a player to be a workable ally. Jones is much more of a threat, but Benj likes her and I want to respect.

I just can't deal with Alex and Co. playing so passively for another round, I'll scream KLASDFA.

Alex aka Gru (because of his minions) unfortunately goes byebye tonight. It took a bit of last minute persuading of Caeleb, but we have GOT THIS ahh.

It looks like its going to be either 6 votes or 5 if Tom self-votes on Alex (Me, Caeleb, Jules, Tom, Jason & Mitch), 3 on Tom (Jones, Mo & Alex) and 2 on Jason (Julia and Benj).

This could definitely backfire, but I don't think I'll go home (famous last words), and if Tom/Jason gets idoled out, next round there is still wiggle room because I still have my KING Benj on the other side. Jones/Mo/Julia are going to be coming for my neck, but I'd rather face the minions than Gru himself NNN,

i might live to regret this if Caeleb turns on me, but I take back everything negative I've EVER said about Caeleb. He is an icon, and so so fun to talk to. I feel like he really trusts me now, so I can't turn on him unless I have to.

New goal final five is Me/Jules/Benj/Tom/Caeleb... and I think its do-able. We get Alex out this vote, then Julia/Mo/Jones/Jason as the next four, followed by Mitch... I'm not sure how exactly, but we will figure it out AHH.

[thefoolofdelphi]

hearty tarot breakfast spread

because she is a dear-heart, @locationisapproximate surprised me with a new tarot deck as a belated christmas/hanukkah/winter solstice/new year’s/whatever present! this is the first deck i was ever gifted, and i’m unduly excited about it. idk, there’s just something really interesting to me about working with a deck that i didn’t choose for myself (not that i’d want that all the time, but, like, sometimes it’s thrilling), because i get to explore things i otherwise never would have. ALSO, who am i kidding, i just love getting the chance to play with a deck that i wouldn’t normally buy for myself, because i want ALL OF THE DECKS, all of the time. hi everybody, pls feel free to buy me a new deck any ol’ time you want.

it’s the chrysalis tarot and it’s, like, extremely hippie-dippy-y. it makes me feel like a 45-year-old lesbian in a sundress. (...which is not a bad thing!) it does some interesting things that i’m super intrigued by (changes up the suits, which i always find interesting; and the court cards are like—kind of their own thing? they make up a “troupe” collectively, and they’re very explicitly meant to represent figures in your life, not parts of your personality). i’m really not loving the booklet (very shallow, frequently wildly inaccurate, probably often racist mash-up of, like, random symbols from ~~~mythology around the world~~~), but eh.

anyway, i’ve been doing some pretty grueling readings lately, so i thought i would take a break this time with something light & sweet. plus, i wanted to start off with something fun—something fairly light-hearted, in the spirit of a gift-from-a-friend, yk? i chose @maddiviner’s hearty tarot breakfast spread, which i have been meaning to try for awhile now. c&ping the instructions here:

Pastry. What pleasant or fun things do I use to keep myself moving? This card isn’t going to tell you what to avoid (none of the cards do that), but it’ll tell you about pastimes as pleasantries that are helpful in your life, providing entertaining nourishment. it’s represented by croissants, but you can envision it as any kind of sweet breakfast food, like pancakes.

Eggs. What new nourishing practices or things can I bring into my life? This is represented by eggs because, well, eggs are sort of like seeds and thus represent a beginning, arguably even if they’re cooked. No offense intended to vegans - if you’re vegan and want to do this spread, imagine this as a comparable eggless food!

Meat. What nourishes you in the long-term? This card refers not to fast jolts of energy, but rather, to the processes and things that run in the background but actually have a large impact on you. No offense, again, to vegans and vegetarians. Again, you can imagine this as whatever you eat.

Coffee. What stopgap measures can I employ when I’m tired or not feeling very well-nourished? This card represents things that, healthy or even unhealthy, which keep us going when there’s nothing else to rely on. It could even represent actual caffeinated beverages, as it did when I performed this spread. I realize not everyone drinks coffee, but the association does remain!

it’s such a cute idea for a spread! and i don’t mean to deride it as, like, just “cute,” i also thought it was very well thought-out. it seemed like the perfect choice for what i was looking for.

1: the sojourner/king of mirrors; 2: ariadne/death (reversed) & ace of mirrors (reversed) (i’ll explain why there’s two cards in one position in a bit); 3: eight of stones; 4: three of stones (reversed).

an equal balance of stones & mirrors (or 2 stones, 1 mirror, and 1 major arcana, depending on which way you slice it).

so the reason there are 2 cards sitting in the second position is because i reeeeeally wasn’t feeling the first card i pulled. i was initially intrigued by the association of ariadne with death, and then, uh, promptly very disappointed (and by “disappointed,” i mean “confused and irritated”). right, so, i studied classics in college, and ariadne is a figure from greek myth, but the little white booklet that accompanies this deck identifies her as the “celtic goddess of the gates of time,” which was, uh, news to me! i did some googling and found a few passing references to ariadne being worshiped as a goddess in celtic gaul, but found no really credible sources. so like! maybe she was, maybe she wasn’t! as for the “gates of time” bit, literally the only result that shows up when you google “ariadne” with “gates of time” is a line from one (1!) work of fiction.

so i have no fucking idea what to do with that. if anyone reading this, uh, happens to be a historian specializing in celtic gaul and wants to help me out, that would be amazing. seriously though, if anyone knows anything about any references that associate ariadne with “the gates of time” (????), or if someone knows for certain whether there’s substantial evidence that suggests she was really worshiped as a goddess in celtic gaul, please do leave me a reply or an ask or a message, i genuinely want to know whether any of this is true.

so uh, even setting aside that clusterfuck of dubious information, i have no fucking idea why the people who made this deck chose ariadne to represent death, period. this just makes absolutely no fucking sense to me? but it sounds like they’re familiar with a very different ariadne than i am, so maybe it would make more sense if i had any idea what the fuck they are talking about!

anyway, tl;dr i had no fucking idea what to do with this card, so i just drew another one. i chose to leave ariadne/death underneath in case i had any grand revelations about how to tie her into this reading—and if any of you have any ideas about that, i’d love to hear them, btw.

so! first the mirrors, then the stones. i like the idea of a balance between cups and pentacles, water and earth. it puts me in the mind of a kind of quiet, insistent strength. something that is both placid and solid, like the bedrock beneath a flowing stream (i know that technically that bedrock is being slowly eroded and shit, but, like, shut up, it’s a metaphor). it very much reminded me of the way i think about the king of cups, which is appropriate seeing as how he was the first card to show up in this reading!

the king of cups is one of the cards i associate with my partner, so i am always very happy to see him. in fact, i like the idea that he sort of centers this reading, that’s it’s a very king-of-cups-y reading overall. as a card meant to indicate ways i can find pleasure and fun, well, this was very to-the-point. and also really quite sweet.

the king of mirrors approaches, offering me a horse with a beautiful saddle, his hands firmly on the reigns. i am safe with him: i can trust him both to take the reigns, and to share them. we will travel to many beautiful places together (“the sojourner” was an especially appropriate choice to represent something that “keeps me moving”). lots of pleasure and nourishment and nourishing pleasure to be found there. yeah, it was really nice to receive such a positive card about my relationship after the last reading i did.

so then there was The Ariadne Fiasco, not at all apropos of “what new nourishing practices or things” i can bring into my life. the replacement card i drew was the ace of mirrors in reverse. i’m very interested in the king of mirrors/ace of mirrors dynamic in this spread, and if anyone else has any insights about that, i’d really like to hear them.

so far i think i am interpreting the ace of mirror’s reversal as: “you don’t have to be a mirror.” which needs some explaining, i think. i had it beaten into me at an early age that if i didn’t twist myself into the exact mirror image of the person i loved, it would be impossible for anyone to ever love me back. i’ve gotten a lot better about consciously not doing this, but my first instinct is still (and perhaps will always be) to become a mirror: a passive receptacle reflecting someone else’s image back at them.

given this card’s placement adjacent to the king of mirrors, i am thinking of it especially in relation to my partner (although it also applies to literally all of my other relationships forever). a new nourishing practice i can bring into my life is simply finding ways to allow myself to be, well, myself (whoever the fuck that is!). i don’t need to be a mirror to be loved. in fact, the people i love aren’t interested in seeing me as a mirror at all anyway—they want to see me, not their own image reflected back at them.

mirrors, by the way, strike me as an interesting substitution for cups. cups and mirrors are both vessels of a sort, both ready to be filled by something else. but cups (usually) contain liquids—which can offer you up your own image when they’re still and placid and the light hits just right, but they aren’t just a mirror. sure, you could stay on the surface, watching the reflections of the world you already know, or you could go deeper. if we’re using water for this metaphor, hell, there’s the ocean! a totally alien landscape, a vast and infinitely complex separate world that exists independently of you. but mirrors are all surface: they may appear deep, but if you want to maintain this illusion you have to stay at their surface, because there’s nothing behind them but a frame.

(i guess mirrors can also take you places—you know, how they’re often portals in fairy tales and stories. but only in stories.)

(i’m not quite sure what to do with any of this yet.)

so the card i pulled to represent what nourishes me in the long-term turned out to be pretty perfect: the eight of stones! the eight of pentacles is one of my favorite cards. (and only partially because it’s represented by a beautiful spider in her web in the shadowscapes tarot.) i associate it with the kind of work that is necessary because it is joyful and life-sustaining. drawing it here felt like a solid reassurance (which, lbr, i need, like, constantly) that the things i love (and maybe even need) to do are worth doing.

i love the specification that this card “refers not to fast jolts of energy, but rather, to the processes and things that run in the background but [that] actually have a large impact on you.” this is the kind of work that doesn’t always provide instant gratification. it’s not all flash and fire like the wands; it’s the slow, adamant work of stones. it’s not glamorous, it’s not even always exciting. it is about reaching right into the earth and getting your hands dirty.

but you do it because you are trying to build something deeper than excitement. i don’t know what that looks like yet—something deeper than excitement—it’s kind of beyond my ability to imagine—but there’s no way of finding out other than to keep going. it is impossible to see the shape of a thing that doesn’t exist yet.

the card i drew meant to suggest a stopgap measure i can employ when i’m feeling tired or not very well-nourished was also, in the manner of stones and pentacles, quite blunt. the three of pentacles. another reminder i constantly need: HEY, IDIOT. IT’S OKAY TO FUCKING ASK FOR HELP WHEN YOU NEED IT!

the chrysalis tarot’s three of pentacles is a little different from the traditional waite-smith-based interpretation. it features three (fucking adorable) owls sitting around a fire, resting from a hard day’s work. okay okay. i get it! i need! to take! a fucking! BREAK! if i try to keep going when i am depleted, i will only run myself down more. i need to learn how to fucking rest when i’m tired. see these owls, they’ve worked hard all day, and now they’re sitting around a campfire, enjoying each other’s warmth and company while they settle down for the night. (which is literally the opposite of normal owl behavior, but whatever.)

night is meant for resting. if i try to keep going when i can barely keep my eyes open, when i can’t even see what’s right in front of my face, i’ll only have to go back and fix my blundered work all over again in the morning. it’s okay to rest at night (however long that “night” may be—yeah, when i say “night,” i’m talking about the times when i’m really not well enough to do anything but try to recuperate). sleep is not the same as death (remember the four of swords!). you will pick up the work again by the light of day. it isn’t going anywhere. (and neither are you, fuck-o. get to work!)