#like yeah i hate who i am is sad but nick didn't write it himself i fear

[maddy-ferguson]

do you guys ever wonder what nick is up to these days

[tinyboxxtink]

"Caught In The Storm" *Part 2*

Y'all thought I was kidding when I said I was pumped for this story; you just read how long this chapter is.

IT'S POURING OUT. I JUST WANT YOU TO GET WHERE I AM ALREADY.

It's so good guys. Like, SO GOOD.

Okay I'm sorry proceed.

Tag List:

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@wanniiieeee

@milkshqke

@gibbs274

@lolliepopsicle

@aprildecker-blog

@objection-argumentative

@word-scribbless

If you missed part 1: Here!

Part 3 Here!

-----

The next day the SVU squad was having one of their "murder board" meetings when you came storming into the station.

"Well I hope you're happy!!" You looked right at Fin.

"Audition didn't go well, cannoli?" Sonny asked you using his pet name for you.

"No Sonny, it DID NOT," You huffed. "I walked in there and I blew my audition," You circled Fin’s desk. "And I don't mean I forgot the lyrics, or I hit a bad note. No no, ohhhh no," You finally stood in front of him and crossed your arms.

"Halfway through the song I broke down SOBBING. I had a complete mental breakdown, because all I could think was that I had the worst moment of my entire life in that room!!!"

"Hey you can't blame us for your mistakes," Fin retorted.

"I don't blame them, I blame you!" You gestured to the rest of your “family” and then to him.

"Excuse you?" Fin sat up straighter.

"You didn't have to say anything Fin, you really didn't," You sighed.

"What?"

"You could have waited to have your fucking temper tantrum until after my audition,"

"Excuse me no--"

"She has a point" Olivia interjected.

"You too?" Fin took offense.

"Fin she was leaving, it wasn't like she was going to try and jump Rafael's bones right there," She went on. The whole room shivered at the thought of you “jumping” anybody’s bones.

"Look, I don't love it either but you can't help your feelings. And she just has a little crush on him, you can't fault her for that,"

You scoffed in offense.

"You're not helping, sweets," Olivia warned.

"Right…"

"Anyway you could have waited to have it out, is all I’m saying,” Olivia nodded at you with a smile. You mouthed a “thank you”.

"Oh we haven't begun to have it out," Fin huffed.

"Save it" You put a hand up before he started to stand up and get in your face for a fight.

"I already know what you're going to say; he's too old for me, we're a 'family' and he's supposed to be my 'uncle' or 'brother' or some other creepy thing, and we have nothing in common. But we do!"

"You barely know him, Y/N," Nick chimed in.

"I know him better than any of you!" You cried defensively.

"What?" Sonny looked at everyone confused, but they were just as lost as he was.

"That summer….when I was working with him. We got... close," You muttered the ending.

"I fucking knew it, you did bang him begin my back…" Fin growled.

"It wasn't like that! It's not like that, da--FIN," You actually did usually call him dad or daddy, but since he had been trying to use his dominance you persisted to remind him he wasn't actually your father.

"So what, now you two are in love?" Fin rolled his eyes.

"No! He didn't... we've never….it's never gone there, and I don't even know how he feels," You looked down as you talked. But then, you remembered why you were there in the first place and you raised your head up with eyes of fire.

“And it wouldn't matter anyway because it's none of your business.” You snapped.

“It is absolutely my business Y/N he’s my co-worker, he’s ALL of our co-workers, this affects ALL of us,”

“I knew it,” You scoffed, tears coming to your eyes.

“What?”

“I knew you’d blow up, and freak out, and not even ATTEMPT to open your mind or hear what I have to say, it’s just about you and what makes you okay,” You backed away from all of them.

“So I came here willing to say that I’m done,” You raised your hands.

“What do you mean you’re ‘done’?” Fin crossed his arms.

“With you,” You replied straight faced, willing tears not to fall right now. “Olivia’s right, I can’t help the way I feel, and BELIEVE me I have tried, daddy,” You resorted to your old name for a punch in the gut.

“Y’know whenever Sonny and Nick started, I had ‘crushes’ on them too,” You nodded at the two, who quickly looked uncomfortable picturing you that way.

“But those quickly went away, and I accepted them as my uncles, or whatnot,” You continued. “I have done that since I was in Jr. High, come here and meet my new ‘family’. I’ve always felt maternal or paternal vibes from everyone here, Uncle Brian, Grandpa Kragen and Munch, Uncle Stabler who can rot in hell…” You gave Olivia a sad look.

“But it’s ALWAYS been familial love! And the day I met Rafael, something was different,” You couldn’t help the tears choking your throat. “And I have never, EVER no matter HOW hard I have tried, felt anything like I feel about the rest of you. It’s just....different,”

“And now, you all know. And I know that you don’t like it, or it makes you uneasy, or blah blah blah,” You made blah gestures with your hands.

“But I can’t go back to pretending that it doesn’t kill me every time that I see him, and I’m not going to pretend like I’m okay with dad being-- this,” You gestured to Fin who shifted uncomfortably.

“So, I’m not going to come around here, for a while,” You said sadly.

“We didn’t do anything, cannoli! We’re your family too,” Sonny protested.

“Yeah I know, I just--”

“Look, Y/N before anybody does ANYTHING, you need to go talk to Rafael,”

“What?

“WHAT?!”

Both you and Fin exclaimed at the same time.

“Look I’m not thrilled with the idea of...that, but the bottom line none of this arguing means anything if he doesn’t feel the same way. So I’m saying before you start going off and making threats to US, go talk to him first. Without anybody else’s input,”

“Yeah, alright,” You shrugged and left before anyone else could argue.

--------

You walked into Rafael’s office quietly, not really sure how to start the conversation. He was writing a deposition silently so you knocked on the door to get his attention. He looked up at you with a small smile.

“Hey you,” He got up and walked around his desk as you shut the door behind you. “I was worried about you,” He put his hands on both of your shoulders.

“I know,” You gave him a small smile back. “But you’re right we do need to talk about last night,”

“Yeah, I--” He looked away nervously.

“I already went to my da---Fin, and the squad about this,” You bit your lip.

“....About what?” He was now concerned.

“Us,” You looked at him with a small smile.

“I’m sorry, there’s an ‘us’ now?” Rafael half laughed.

“Well that’s what I’m saying, Rafael!” You bit your lip. “Look after all the fighting and what not, what it boils down to is how you and I feel,”

“.....What are you saying?” Rafael asked, backing away from you.

“I’m asking,” You step forward and took both of his hands and looked at him seriously.

“For you to forget about Fin, or the squad, or an age gap, or all the million other things that are ‘against’ us,” You took a deep breath and asked the hardest question you’ve ever asked anyone:

“I’m asking you...do you love me?”

“Of course I love you Y/N, you’re like a--” Rafael immediately responded, moving away from you and gesturing wildly.

“Do NOT say daughter,” You cut him off. “Or sister, or niece, or cousin. You know that’s not what I’m asking,” You grabbed him and made him look at you again.

“Do you want to be with me?”

“I...it’s complicated,” He broke from your hold and paced his office.

“No I’d say it’s pretty damn simple-- do you feel about me the way I feel about you?” You asked him again.

“I just...I don’t want to become between you and Fin, he’s basically your--”

“He’s NOT my father!” You yelled.

“But he’s the closest thing you have!” Rafael argued, putting his hands over his face and taking a deep sigh.

“Christ almighty, Y/N. I don’t...I don’t want this to be a whole ‘thing’, I don’t want to upset Olivia, or the other squad members, I just...want us to go back to normal,” He gave you a sad look as he sank into his chair behind his desk.

“....Yeah well, normal is not an option, Rafael. And you STILL have not answered my question,” You circled his desk to be closer to him again.

“What question?”

“Dammit, Rafa!” You threw up your hands, then took both of your hands and put them on either side of the chair preventing him from evading you again.

“Look me in the eyes right now, and tell me you’re not in love with me,”

A very long pause began, as the two of you just stared at each other. You were searching his green eyes for a hint, a tell of what he was thinking, but he kept himself very guarded. You hated it.

“...No, I’m not,” He said in the tiniest voice as he looked down at the floor.

“You’re lying,” You pulled back with a sarcastic laugh, tears choking your throat yet again.

“Oh so just because I didn’t say what you wanted me to, I’m lying? For fuck’s sake grow up, Y/N,” Rafael spat at you coldly, turning back to his desk in an attempt to resume working.

“Fine, you know what? Fine. That’s great. You believe whatever you wanna believe Rafael, but things are NOT going back to normal,” You shook your head, trying to be cold and direct but failing as tears fell from your eyes.

“Y/N….” He felt his heart breaking, he hated to see you cry.

“No,” You stopped him. “We’re done. I don’t ever want to see you again. Not here, not at the station, not at the fucking Starbucks down my street!” Your voice raised as more tears fell.

“Y/N, please don’t do this…” Rafael began to panic, realizing what you were saying. He leapt up from his chair and tried grabbing your hands but you pushed him away.

“Don’t call me, don’t text me. Just...leave me hell alone,” And with that you turned on your heels and stormed out of his office, now full on sobbing down the hall.

Unbeknownst to you, Rafael let out an angry scream, running over to his desk and flinging papers everywhere, then proceeded to sink back into his chair behind his desk and cried ever so silently in his office.

-----

It had been about a week since your whole fallout with your “family” and Barba and you weren't doing great.

Then one day you got a phone call from an unknown number.

“Hello?”

“Hey Y/N, this is Sandy from the supper club?” You immediately stopped walking when you heard her voice.

“Oh yes how are you?”

“Great, I was wondering if you could come back in and audition for us again?”

“Are you serious? I know I’m going to regret asking but, what made you change your mind?”

“Well your friend Kelsey called and told us that the day you came in and auditioned, your dog had just died that morning. But you didn't want to stand us up so you came anyway. And to be honest with you, all of the other auditions have kind of sucked so we'd like to give you another try.”

“Oh my God thank you, thank you, thank you so much!!!”

“Great so we'll see you tonight at 8:00?”

“Absolutely,”

You hung up the phone and immediately called Kelsey.

“Hello?”

“I love you so much I love you I love you I love you!”

“Oh so they called did they?”

“YES. I cannot believe that you would do that for me,”

“Well I figured you needed a win right now. Since you know you lost your family, and everybody who actually cares about you,”

“....Wow,”

“ You know what I mean! I mean you still have me, and Kenny obviously,”

“....Right. ANYWAY, the audition is tonight so….”

“Yes?”

“Will you play for me?”

“Let me see if I can free up my busy schedule,”

“Ha, Ha,”

“Oh look I’m free! I'll be there after work. Love you bye”

----

*That Night*

You walked into the Supper Club with a brand new outfit and a nervous smile. You noticed Kelsey was already at the piano, waving at you with a huge smile and a thumbs up.

“Hey Sandy, Hey Kyle…” You shook hands with the owners. “Thank you so much again for this chance,

“Girl we should be thanking you, you should’ve seen the ‘talent’ that has stunk up this stage all week!” Kyle laughed.

“So are you ready?” Sandy asked you.

“Yeah, I think I’m good,” You took a deep breath and smiled at her. She nodded at you while you took your spot on stage once again.

You closed your eyes and blocked out everything and everyone out of your mind, except for your song. It was just you, and the stage. This is what mattered.

-----

“....Good to you,” You finished the last line with a breathy note, your eyes still closed. You had kept them shut the entire time just so you wouldn’t look out into the house and just see the horrified looks of your family's faces burned into your brain.

“That was beautiful!!” Sandy clapped her hands. “Do you think you could come back tomorrow night and do that again?”

“Like for a second audition?” You asked hopefully.

“Like as a job,” She grinned back.

“Really?!”

“Yes really! That was enchanting darling, really,” Kyle placed a hand on your shoulder.

“Thank you, thank you so much!” You nodded for Kelsey to come over as Sandy and Kyle walked away.

“I got the job,” You beamed.

“YOU GOT THE JOB!!!!” She squealed, causing people to stare. You shook your head and lead her out of the club back onto the street.

“Oh my god, Oh my GOD! I’m going to sing to a packed club, night after night after night! Oh my god, I have to call Dad---” Your celebrating tone quickly died when you realized the only people you’d wanna call about this weren’t...there.

“...You can call Kenny,”

“Kenny!” You smiled. “Yes I’ll call Kenny!”

“Hey girl what’s up?”

“I got the job,”

“Wha---at the Supper Club?”

“YES!!!!!!”

“Oh my god you GOT THE JOB!!!” *she got the job!*

You heard him speak to a muffled voice in the background.

“Kenny…”

“Yeah babe what’s up?”

“Who are you with right now?”

“...Alejandro,”

“Oh, Alex! I haven’t seen him in forever, put him on the phone,”

“He uh-- he has food in his mouth,”

“Boy why you lying, tell her she needs to--”

You heard Fin's voice.

“KENNETH,”

“...Yeah?”

“Don’t tell him that! He doesn’t get to know that!”

“Y/N, can’t we just stop all of this--”

“NO. And if you tell him to come tomorrow night I will kill you,”

You hung the phone and noticed Kelsey giving you a look.

“What?” You raised an eyebrow.

“You didn’t have to tell him you were singing tomorrow, you could’ve just texted him so Fin wouldn’t hear,” She smiled mischievously at you. “You want him thereeee,”

"...Maybe," You bit your lip. "Do you think he'll come?"

"I bet they ALL come, baby girl," She winked.

You wondered if she was right. If you'd see Rafael tomorrow, after all this time.

------

“I can’t believe she--” Kenneth stared at the phone, then to Fin.

“Dad, you have to go to her show tomorrow night,”

“Kenny she literally just said she’d kill you--”

“Yeah but dad, we both know her,” He looked at Fin with earnest eyes. “She might be mad at you right now, but she’ll want you there when her dream is coming true,” Fin’s eyes lit up as he finished speaking.

“AND the rest of the squad,” He quickly added, making Fin sigh.

“Yeah,” He agreed.

“AND Barba,”

“...Yeah alright Ken I get it, okay? Finish your food before it gets cold,”

-----

The next day Fin went to see Barba at his office. He knocked softly then entered to see Barba talking with Olivia.

“Detective,” Barba nodded. “Didn’t expect you here, was Olivia not working fast enough?” He teased Liv with a smile.

“Actually I’m glad you’re both here. I need to tell the rest of the guys but-- I wanted to come here first,”

“That sounds ominous, Fin,”

“Actually it’s not,” He shook his head. “Y/N got that job she...auditioned for, a few weeks ago,” He muttered awkwardly not looking Barba in the face.

“Wha--Seriously? How? When?!” Olivia began asking questions rapid fire.

“....Why did you come to tell me this, Fin? You didn’t know Olivia was here,”

“Look, Barba,” Fin sighed, running his hand back across his head. “I don’t-- I don’t need to know the specifics of how close you and my daug---Y/N, are,”

“Oh Fin look I haven’t--”

“Yeah, I figured. She’s iced us all out for a while now,” He chuckled sadly. If he taught you anything, it was how to stand your ground.

“But Kenny said, that as mad as she is we need to be there tomorrow night when she goes on,” He continued. “All of us,”

“Tomorrow?” Barba’s eyes perked up. “Tomorrow night, you want me to go see Y/N?”

“ALL of us,” He emphasized. “But, yeah,”

“Sounds good,” He replied as nonchalant as he could, trying to hide his excitement. He missed you so badly, it scared him how much it hurt not to have you in his life on a daily basis.

“Uh huh,” Fin chuckled, nodding to Olivia. “I’ll see you back at the station,”

“Actually I was on my way out, I’ll see you tomorrow night Rafa,” She winked at him.

As soon as they left his office, Rafael did a fist pump in the air like a kid. He was going to see you, after so long.

He couldn’t wait. He just hoped you couldn’t either.

[many-x-male-readers]

Unknown Mistakes

Thor x Son!Reader (platonic... Duh)

Warning: panic attack, anxiety, neglect(?), a little angsty

&_&_&_&

For @sweetboybucky's 1k writing challenge. I asked from @death-likes-death and am posting from this account (sorry for not saying before hand)

A/N: posted later then expected because the power went out for a few hours

Monachopsis :The subtle, yet persistent, feeling of being out of place

(Name) stared out of the car's window. A sad, but defeated look defines his face. All he can think about is that he's going to meet his father. Thor. Out of all of the men in the world, his mother just had to fuck the god of thunder. The only thing that (Name) got from him genetically was his blue eyes.

(Name) sighed. He tried not to let the stress get to him. His mother was sick in the hospital  and she didn't have any other family to send him to. All exept his father, anyway.

Apparently his mom had contact with Nick Fury. Thats how he was on his way to the Avenger's tower. It was how he was going to finally learn to hate life.

"We're here, sir," the driver informed with his monotone voice.

"Thank you," (Name) replied. He opened the car door and left, closing the door behind him.

The Avenger's tower stood above (Name). And all he wanted to do was go back to his mom's hospital room. He walked into the front. A secretary at the front, and secrurity all of the room. (Name) walked up to the secretary's desk.

"Hello. How can I help you?" The secretary spoke.

"Um.. I'm here to see Tony Stark? M-my...my name is (Name) (L-Name)."

"Ah! Thats right!" The secretary exclaimed. They pulled a note off of their computer, crumpled it, and threw it in the trash near their desk.

"Please wait on the seats over there. Mr.Stark will be down shortly." The secretary motioned to some comfy looking seats by a window.

(Name) sat down. He pulled out his phone to occupy himself with something. He pulled up A Darker Shade of Magic [By: V.E/Victoria Schwab] on his phone, and started reading.

Nine pages in and Tony Stark finally arrives. He'd walked up to (Name), body guard in tow, and lightly tapped him on the shoulder. When (Name) gave his attention, Tony motioned towards the elevator with a quick nod, and walked away.

(Name) hastily gathered his things, and then shoving stuff into his bag. He then slung his bag over his left shoulder and made an awkward half jog to the elevator. (Name) walked in with a light blush on his face.

The ride up to whatever goddamned floor it was, had been pretty awkward. That is until the all amazing Anthony Edward Stark spoke up, as he usually does.

"So, kid." Tony moves to put his hand on (Name)'s unoccupied, right shoulder. "Thor can be difficult in situations hes unaccustomed to. Meaning he'll either want to get to know you or avoid you after a quick greeting." Tony takes a pause, trying to collected his thoughts.

The elevator dings. Tony takes his hand off (Name)'s shoulder after a small pat.

"Fathers can be tough. Just know that." Tony walked out of the elevator.

Tony waved in the direction of the secrurity guard with a slight nod. The security guard stayed on the elevator.

(Name) followed after Tony, hesitantly. He thought of what Tony said. It only made him more nervous to meet his dad. (Name) could feel the anxiety slowly creep up on him. He took a shaky, deep breath. His bag felt heavy on his shoulder.

"He's just up here." Tony gestered to a door up ahead. "A couple of the other guys are in there. Just so you know." (Name) nods in response. He knows speaking right now might be what breaks him.

They reach the door, and (Name) uses it as a break to breath. Tony turns to looks at him. He knows what (Name) is feeling all too well.

Tony sighs and collects his thoughts. "You can do this another time. I can get you back to your mom, or get you a room somewhere else. Thor will understand if you don't feel like you can do this."

"I have to," (Name) spoke softly. "I don't want to disappoint my mom."

"Alright."

Tony pushed open the door. Inside it was a clean, and sort of expensive, looking living room. The two people sitting in the couch turn their heads. Thor, who was just pacing, stopped and stared at (Name).

(Name)'s breath caught in his throat. The father and son just stared at each other. (Name) swallowed hard, and took a deep breath.

He couldn't believe he was looking at his father. The one that hadn't known about him for his whole life. The one he didn't know about. Tony had signaled to the other to leave the two of them be.

As soon as (Name) heard the door click closed his breathing hitched. Then it hurt to breath. And it was faster. He couldn't see straight.

Thor watched as his son tried to stay standing. He watched (Name) try to stop his panic attack with no avail. He stepped towards him.

"(Name)." Thor placed a hand on (Name)'s shoulder. "Hey, uhh.. look at me."

(Name) looked at Thor, and calmed himself down, completely embaressed. As his breath settled, (Name) pulled back from Thor.

"S-sorry." (Name) hesitated.

"It is all right," Thor stopped before his son's name. "Shall we sit down?" Thor motioned to the couch. (Name) nodded and sat down.

Both of them tried to come up with something to talk about.

"How old are you?" Thor asked.

"16."

"MmHmm."

An awkward silence floated in the air.

A few moments later (Name) spoke up. "I'm just going to go and get some water." His head was faced down as his thumb pointed back towards a small kitchen space. He got up and rushed over to the sink, and pulled out his water bottle from his bag.

While (Name) filled his water bottle, Thor had left the room. All he could think of is how much (Name)'s eyes reminded him of his own.

ฯ·`< ´· ฯ ฯ¬Ω¬ฯ

(Name) was given a room in the tower for the time his mom was in the hospital. Hes been there for a a week and a half. Every day after school he goes to visit his mom for two hours, then go back to the tower.

Most of the avengers have gotten to know him, but Thor seems to have been avoiding him.

It was another day, a Saturday, to be exact. The weekends in the tower aren't always 'nice'.

(Name) woke up at nine. Got dresssd into sweatpants and a baggy shirt. Then he headed towards the main kitchen for breakfast.

Most of the team were there already. A meal being made by Clint (because of a day off). There were three empty seats. (Name) took the side away from Thor. He was sat at the edge with another seat between him and Bruce Banner.

Everyone was talking about something. All of them accustomed to this, and close enough to talk with each other without a worry of saying the wrong thing. (Name) scooted into the edge of the seat, unease crawling into his skin.

"Breakfast is ready!" Clint sing-songed while waving his hand in an odd way.

Steve and Natasha got up to help Clint pass out the plates. Clint walked up to (Name) with two plates. He set one in front of (Name) and one in the seat on (Name)'s left and sat down.

Everyone continued on with their chat while eating. (Name) didn't see a reason to jump in. So he stayed quiet and kept his head down.

A stare bore itself into (Name)'s head. It made him shift, and bite at his lip. He glanced up quickly. Thor was the one that was staring. He looked confused and disappointed. That made (Name) look back to his plate.

ฯ°·°ฯ--ฯ`· w ·´ฯ--ฯ>·<ฯ

Some of the avengers were on a mission for SHEILD. (Name) had lounged in a living room for awhile. Just watching some movies and reading. Now he decides to call his mom.

"Hi mom," (Name) greeted.

"Hey baby." His mom sounded tired.

"Will I be able to visit today?"

"Not today, sweets. I'm sorry."

"Okay, but you have time to talk now, right?" (Name) tried to stop the desperation of his voice.

"Of course I do." Her voice was sweet as always, though.

ฯ·~·ฯ

Thor walked around the tower. It had been a few months since he had this much free time. His stomach growled.

'Time for poptarts!' He thought to himself.

Thor made his way to the kitchen/living room. As he made his way to the room he heard a voice. When he got closer he realized it way (Name). Even though he knew it was wrong Thor decided to listen in.

"Ugh.. How do I even say this," Frustration laced (Name)'s voice.

"I know, I know." Thor heard (Name) take a deep breath.

"It just. . . I don't-I don't know if he even wants to be a part in my life, mom.

"I know that, but its been a week." A pause. "I have tried to talk to him.

"Mom, I just don't think I should even be here if he doesn't want be around." He sounded defeated now.

"Yeah, yeah." (Name) sighed. "Okay, love you too, mom."

Thor heard a click, and then a shuddering breath.

"Goddamnit mom." (Name) said to himself with a sharp inhale. "I really just want you to be here, maybe even give me a hug. . ." A hesitated sob escaped.

Thor took this as his moment to walk in.

"Oh! Hey (Name)!" Thor boomed.

(Name) looked over, terrified in the moment. Thor gulped, thinking quickly.

"Are. . . are you alright?" He lowered his voice to be sincere.

Thor watched as his son forced back tears. (Name) opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out. So he shut his mouth.

"Would you like a hug?" Thor hesitantly asked.

It took a bit before (Name) answered. But slowly he nodded. Thor walked over to his son and engolfed him in a hug. Instantly (Name) hugged him back. Thor gently rubbed his son's back.

"Its alright to cry if you need to." As Thor finished his sentence (Name) broke down.

(Name) cried a few minutes before asking Thor quietly, "Do you want to have me around?"

"Of course, my child. I was a fool to push you away." Thor admitted.

(Name) looked up at Thor with his tear filled eyes. He chuckled.

"Whats so funny?"

"Nothing really, just that. . ." (Name) hiccuped. "Mom always told me I had your eyes."

"Really?" The statement made Thor curious.

"Yeah. Do you want to see her tomorow? If she lets me?"

"Yeah, yeah I'd love you." Thor gently rubbed (Name)'s back again.