#like yea it's disgusting how he can't accept that i'm not his anymore n me gaining back some level of autonomy is so unacceptable to him | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kindacreepy-kindaugly · 2 years

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I don't love him anymore, I can't find a single soft or warm feeling for him in me. But. God does it feel good to be finally appreciated by him (again). Way too fucking good.

This is bad cause that's exactly how he always gets me

#gets me hooked on the praise gets me drunk on it n then starts givin less n less til i'm desperate for just one gentle word #desperate enough to do things i hate myself for. though rn i don't seem to have the emotional capacity for self loathing #did i do well? are you pleased with me? am i a good boy now?#it's. gross.#if i was smarter i'd run now cause we've done this dance so many times before there's no way it'll end up any different this time #i think i'm strong enough to not let him under my skin again n he finds a way to burrow even deeper than before #it's not like i can't see where this is goin #but the fucking rush of just realizing he still wanted me back after all this time. that he still thought of me #like yea it's disgusting how he can't accept that i'm not his anymore n me gaining back some level of autonomy is so unacceptable to him #that he's still months later playin all these games just to put me back 'where i belong' (by his side & at his feet & under his control)#a part of me would really prefer he didn't think about me at all cause i know what the thoughts are like when he does #kinda want him to not be attracted to me at all cause that just escalates it #i know i'm just an object to him n the way he wants me back is the same way you'd hold onto any property you own but #at the same time it feels so. damn. good. i can't help myself just soakin it all up like i don't know i'm gonna regret it #spdrvent

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