#like when someone would say they don't like bsd I'd feel genuinely hurt | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

irritablepoe · 3 months

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You know what's fucking stupid? The little mean voice inside my head that tells me being in a fandom is childish and "aren't you too old for that" and "aren't you feeling ridiculous caring (and projecting) so much for/onto fictional characters" bc literally no MUM, I'm in fact just doing what I love and it's cruel that I feel ridiculous to this day that I'm building up my personality through fictional characters bc I never knew who I really was and fandoms are giving me the opportunity to explore that. Yes ofc that's not "normal" or whatever but is it really that bad? Like I'm feeling better through that, it's giving me motivation to do things. So yeah... Thanks.. another reason I have to unlearn shame I suppose.

#johnny's silly rambles #when i was crying in school and maybe had some merch clothes on I'd feel so ashamed of myself #like oh you're crying and probably thinking what your fav character would do? that's pathetic #and ofc I'm not that anymore like I'm proud of my fandoms and I'm not hiding the fact that I'm in them #and i can even tell people about why i have certain merch and stuff #but back when i was a child i hid that i liked a character better than some people their fucking social security number #i taught myself not to react when their name dropped and not to blush and stuff #which is ridiculous like what's so bad about liking a character????#but past me was so ashamed of everything i enjoyed...#which is making me extremely insecure about the things that i like now as well tho #like when someone would say they don't like bsd I'd feel genuinely hurt #hm actually not bsd as a whole probably. it'd probably be more like if the person didn't like ranpoe #or when my mum said that she thought mtp was absolute garbage #(we watched the first 10min btw...)#like thanks... you could've phrased that better and now I'm insecure af and sad..#“but i can say i didn't like it” yeah well...#maybe that's my fault for being this insecure #but still i just think that was a dick move #anyways uhhhh thank you for reading this long and also sorry lol #vent

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