#like transition to who you're meant to be isn't easy because you were (esp growing up autistic) taught that girls behave a certain way so yo
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pronouns are confusing but not in the way transphobes think i just dont knowww ahggg
#like sometimes she her is fine and sometimes it's not#sometimes he him feels amazing and other times it feels odd and not for me#they them feels good all the time but it doesn't exist in german and unfortunately i have german friends and they gotta refer to me as sth#not that they know but yoh get it#im not really comfortable with refer by name only especially because i don't even know if i like my name lmao#like viv is fine for mg internet friends but irl it feels weird#my whole name is what im used to irl but i kinda hate it but it's good because im used to it#viv is also sometimes too femme for me#vee is fun but it doesn't really feel like me#i tried other names in my head (i have lists :3) but they're all dont feel like me#im starting to think i might be a bit gender fluid#bug only a bit#maybe it's just being autistic and having no clue what goes on up in my head tho but whatever it is it sure as hell aint cis#could just be a mix of that and whar im used to vs who i am etc#i think gender is a process#like transition to who you're meant to be isn't easy because you were (esp growing up autistic) taught that girls behave a certain way so yo#mimic them so much that you forget what you're actually like#wtf did this post turn into 😭😭😭 i gotta stop#tw dysphoria#tagging just in case
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