#like this recurring cycle of self loathing and self isolation that are ENTIRELY SELF IMPOSED DESPITE THEIR LONGING FOR IT. ohhhhhhhhh my god
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i think the recurring theme of dostoevsky's that will always destroy me the most is when despite how much a character wishes and yearns for it, they continuously refuse pure and unconditional love when it's offered because they don't think they're worthy of it (and then hate themselves even more for turning it down). it will ruin me EVERY TIME
#and yes ofc theres a ton of theological implications there but i think its way more powerful as it stands between characters#its most obvious in raskolnikov denying the love of Literally Everyone In His Life and nastasya & prince myshkin#(<- im only like halfway thru the idiot still SORRY I HAVE NO TIME TO READDD)#you can also see it in lise smerdyakov and ivan to a certain extent#hell even ilyushas dad rejecting the money#like this recurring cycle of self loathing and self isolation that are ENTIRELY SELF IMPOSED DESPITE THEIR LONGING FOR IT. ohhhhhhhhh my god#it gets me SO BAD EVERY TIME#maybe its just the larger theme of self destruction in general bc that also always makes me lose my shit#throwing myself into the abyss head first and heels last and am even glad that ive fallen in such a degrading posture and consider it#flattering to myself etc etc#boy i die.#anontalks#the self hatred in ruslit goes fucking HARD!!!
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