#like this past reread I didn't remember that he was able to snap out of his bond to Bestiano and so this whole scene was EXTRA powerful

[provincara]

Dorcas best glow up

Bonus Quintana being so fucking real:

[dramat-ique]

Okay so I didn't want to hijack that last post BUT I remember rereading the "A place to belong" chapters (30-31 I think?) like a year back and suddenly having it click that the whole thing was a big suicide allegory so I'm going to talk about that.

Honestly, it's probably cause I was like 11 when I first started reading these books but it seems so obvious now that I don't know why it didn't click to me until a fairly recent reread.

So yeah content warnings for suicide and related mental health stuff.

So the yokai in that chapter is just. A stand in for suicidal ideation, right?

The whole premise of the chapter/episode is that a yokai from Natsume's past has reappeared at his current home with the fujiwaras--a yokai who says they like lonely and sad people--likes to watch them suffer.

This yokai says they've come to take Natsume away and stay with him forever.

They try to tempt him, saying things like "Aren't you lonely? Don't you want to come with me?"

And this yokai stalks him since they first meet, trying to convince Natsume to come away with them and reminding him of how poorly humans treat him and how bad his life is. even asking Natsume why it is that nobody loves him until Natsume snaps and yells that he's the problem, that it's him who is wrong and strange and others are right for not wanting him. and even then the only reason Natsume can think not to go is that it will cause problems for the people he's staying with. That it would damage their reputation or get them in trouble if he just disappeared.

It's very easy to see this as that sort of internal struggle of suffering through so many hardships, and not seeing the point or the worth of yourself when it feels like the biggest problem in your life is you. And the yokai coerces, but doesn't try and steal Natsume away with force. They are actively trying to convince him to agree--push him so far into his sadness that he has no will to fight it. And the only reason Natsume can find not to go is the trouble it would cause the people in his life. Which. Uh. Is not an uncommon thought process tied to suicidal ideation at all.

whats more, when the yokai gives him a day to figure out a way to leave or they will eat the people he's living with, Natsume's exact thoughts in the manga are "what kind of note can i leave behind...? How can I dissapear without hurting anyone?"

And to be honest that's just so on the nose I don't need to say anything about it.

He's resigned to go, so long as he can minimise the impact on others.

But then he finds out that the fujiwaras came again, like they had a little while ago before this situation arose. They are the first people to express a want to have him rather than a reluctant obligation. and he realises how badly he wants to go live with them.

So he fights for himself. To stay and be with the fujiwaras. at the end of the flashback, Nyanko tells the stalker yokai that natsume is his now and banishes it. and when Natsume wakes up, he says that the yokai is wrong, that now he does have a place to go home to.

The Fujiwaras and their support and love for him is the reason Natsume was able to fight off this force trying to convince him to disappear from the world forever. Now that he's got people on his side it's so much easier.

Not to mention that in the scene at the end of the flashback when Natsume is in the hospital after falling off the cliff, the conversation definitely reads like they all believe it was some sort of suicide attempt, even if they aren't going to say it in as many words. And given everything, it would make sense if it had been.

The whole series already feels like a metaphor for mental illness to me but these chapters really do make it crystal clear and honestly I've not stopped thinking about them since.

[maixela]

Just gotten over crying from rereading the end of ch 2 of the measure of a hero, and I understand why Cassian feels he needs to leave, the fear that Jyn will hate him because he lost hope. But why do the public seem to hate Cassian and the heroes who didn't get snapped? Is it that they resent bringing people back? Or taking too long to do it? They had gotten used to the grief, and now they're retraumatized? (Didn't watch Avengers, so I'm probably missing something.)

Thank you for reading, and for rereading. That means a lot, because I know that it's long. Let's see if I can keep this answer kind of short.

It's a mix of all that you pointed out and a bit more, in my opinion. There's the people that are upset it took so long, there's the people that just started to move on and now what they thought was in their past is back in their present, there's the people that are grateful for what they did, there's the people that worshipped the heroes and now realize they're just as human as they are, and there's the people that are angry the Snap happened at all. And some of those people might be feeling two of those sentiments, or more. It's kind of like having a huge Venn diagram and everything is overlapping in all these weird ways, because that's how emotions are. They overlap and coexist and clash, and especially in circumstances that are traumatic or reintroduce trauma, it's a lot to try and reconcile.

I think it's also important to remember we're in Cassian's head, and so he's going to perceive things a certain way. For him, the biggest thing that gets brought up is the speech following the Snap. In his eyes, he made promises, and when he wasn't able to keep them, he felt that he had failed (we'll hear more about this in Chapter 3). So he's internalizing a lot of it, and maybe he's seeing things or exaggerating things a little more than the situation calls for.

I hope this helps, but I think you were spot on with it already!

[doctorguilty]

System stuff

AGH I forgot to like write this down its just as much for my personal records as me sharing stuff with my friends and such but like!! omg that other day when I was having a huge bpd meltdown like straight up had to isolate myself becuase I was about to SNAP at anyone, I didnt wanna even approach my bf because I was splitting (tm) and I couldnt rationalize my thoughts, I just felt mad at them too like in the bpd way where yknow they didn't do anything at all but whatever is triggering an episode like that doesnt care?? And I defs didnt wanna take it out on them I've done that so much in the past with past partners and regretted it so much, I know better ;;;;; the splitting is horrible though, it's such a lose of emotional and impulse control I do just have to like.. avoid everyone so I dont hurt anyone .....

EXCEPT WEIRD THING in the middle of it.. teddy suddenly fronts, and just. Messages max like. Completely normally. Like BYPASSED .. the entire split, the entire everything, just fucking walked up like hey looks like emotional support is needed, explained how I was feelings and like, some personal insecurities I was projecting but too scared to talk about, that kind of stuff, and max gave reassurance about those things and then teddy's like okay thank you I'll discuss that with the system later :) anyway how are you,,,, and proceeds to have an entirely normal interaction,,, talking to max a while

I remember being in the background like SHOOK like,, ,how the fuck, did you do that, no one has ever done that???? In fact I realized I needed to go back and reread some stuff I vaguely recalled ..

I dont even know how or when he got this information but I know he talks to Fear like,,, mentally offscreen a ton and I havent been able to talk to Fear much lately because of the overall burnout and everyone being far from the front..

But anyone else switching in an episode like that we'd still be in the episode with the same feelings just, reacting a different way for better or worse depending @_@

I think I'm starting to understand more why he actually feels like an entirely different person as oppose to the rest of us who more or less feel like pieces of one another all fitting together... or, well, maybe I don't know WHY it happened that way but it sure is painting a picture of.. something

[gretavanfleetlife]

Only Time Will Tell:

Chapter 7

AN: hey! Sorry about that last heartbreak of a chapter, I’d promise it gets better but I might have to break my promise like reader lol🤭 Anywayy i hope you like the symbolism and metaphorical sense a certain part of this chapter, a bit deeper than it may seem on the surface... lol enjoy babes!!💖💖

Warnings: swearing

Word count: 2,200 words

"I'm sorry."

Sam looks at you, his face miserable. His eyes begin to water and he fights hard to hold back tears. Your heart truly feels shattered. The way he looks at you makes you think of Josh.

"Oh Sammy," you sigh, your words heavy as a side effect of your broken heart. You step towards him and give him a brief hug, as if I'll apologize for what you've done. You know that you still have feelings for him, but you also know that it will only make things worse if you embrace them before he leaves. You pull away from Sam's gentle touch and gaze sadly into his eyes. Looking at him reminds you too closely of Josh, both images being enough to make your eyes water. Ever since you were younger you've absolutely hated seeing any of the boys cry. It didn't happen often, but when it did it almost always moved you to tears. Sam looks at the ground, refusing to meet your eyes.

"Look at me," you whisper. Sam does as you say, lifting his head and gazing down at you. "I-I'll wait for you, ok?" you hear yourself sniffle. Sam nods, running a hand through his long hair.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he whispers, his voice cracking. He turns, running a hand across his face and walking out of your room. Moments later, you hear him leave your house by the creaking of the front door echoing throughout your home. You sink back on your bed, lying down into the mattress as you begin to think about everything you've caused in such a short amount of time. You bury your face in your pillow and cry softly, eventually falling into a heavy dream by accident.

You dream that you are back at the creek, sitting next to Sam on the smooth rock just as you did last night. You rest your head on Sam's shoulder as his arm is wrapped around you gently. Everything seems to be happening in the same way as it had the night before. When he pulls away from you, you no longer feel disappointed at the loss of contact, because you know what's coming. You look up at him and gaze into his deep brown eyes, dreading to hear him speak.

"Beautiful," he whispers. Your heart falls, remembering what came after Sam uttered that word the night before. He leans in closer to you, but instead of pulling away like you know you should, you close the gap between the two of you and kiss him. Your lips danced sweetly with his, but unlike the night before, it was Sam who pulled away first, quickly ending the kiss. You look at him, confused and suddenly unsure about what's to happen next.

"I thought this was what you wanted," you wonder aloud to Sam. He looks straight into your eyes but doesn't reply, his face a blank canvas void of expression. He leans closer to you again and you brace yourself for another kiss, but are stunned when you feel him suddenly push you strongly into the creek. You crash into the water, the stream becoming as deep as an ocean as you sink like a stone. You swim back to the surface and you splash about the water, unable to stay afloat against the sudden heavy current. You desperately scream out to Sam for help but watch in horror as he stands up from his place atop the rock and walks away through the trees. You are left alone, thrashing about in the water. You feel exhausted from fighting against the crashing waves around you, so you tiredly let the water crash over your head, submerging you completely under the water. You reach your hand above your head as a tired final attempt of hope. You feel water begin to splash into your lungs as you feel a sudden tight grip around your hand. You are pulled strongly out of the water, crashing down onto a soft bed of grass. Sam must have come back for you, you think, coughing up seawater. You look back at the water that you just escaped from and realize that the deep ocean you had almost drowned in has turned back into the shallow stream that ran through the creek.

"You alright?" a familiar voice asks. You glance upward, expecting to see Sam but instead locking eyes with Josh, who sits in soaked clothes beside you. Sam is nowhere in sight.

You startle awake from your dream, breathing quickly as you attempt to relax into the comfortable mattress beneath you. You roll over onto your back and notice that your pillow is still damp with your tears. You rub your eyes and glance at your phone. The time reads 4:38 p.m., but that's not what catches your eye. Instead, you notice a text appear, sent to you about an hour ago.

'Sam: Josh just talked to Jake and Danny without me and convinced them to leave today instead of tomorrow :( '

Your stomach drops as you lie still on your bed, too stunned to move. You reread the message a couple of times before snapping out of your haze and rushing to reply.

'Y/n: What time?' you type. Seconds later, Sam replies.

'Sam: In like 10 mins'

'Y/n: I'll be right over'

'Sam: Hurry'

You roll out of bed and rush to change out of your pajamas, throwing on a loose pair of shorts and a large hoodie. You hurry out of your house and walk quickly over to the Kiszka house. Approaching their driveway, you see Danny and Jake loading a large van with bags and equipment. Danny sees you first, delicately placing a red snare drum into the trunk of the car.

"Y/n!" Danny yells, causing Jake to look to you as well, "I thought you weren't coming!" He pulls you into a giant bear hug, lifting you off the ground and causing you to squeal.

"I fell asleep, but I'd never miss saying goodbye!" you reply with a genuinely wide smile as Danny carefully places you back on the ground. Danny never fails to make you grin like a fool. He mimics your smile as Jake approaches you, holding his precious red guitar in one hand and a reaching out to you with the other. You hug Jake closely as he rubs your back with his free hand.

"We're gonna miss you y/n," he says softly, "don't forget about us while we're gone, ok?" Jake lets you go with a smile.

"Only if you don't forget about me."

"Deal," Jake grins, holding out his hand to shake yours as if to solidify the agreement. You shake his hand but instantly regret it.

"Ew, Jake! Why's your hand wet?" you ask with a disgusted look on your face. You carefully smell the sticky substance on your hand and recognize the scent immediately, laughing in relief.

"I dropped a case of beer when I was loading it into the van. I may have spilled a little bit," he laughs, motioning to the driveway at pieces of shattered glass and a puddle of beer. You shake your head jokingly.

"Clutz," you tease, "where are the other two?"

"Josh and Sam are inside doing who knows what," he says, waving his hand dismissively towards the house.

"Alright, I'll be right back," you declare, walking up the driveway towards the front door. You hold your breath and walk up to the door, already ajar. Just as you are about to walk inside, Josh pushes past you, giving you a short glance before quickly returning his focus to the ground ahead of him. You feel a familiar pang of disappointment return but you let him go, seeing Sam waiting just inside the house. He lets out a heavy sigh of relief when he sees you. You step inside and Sam ruffles his hair nervously while shoving his other hand in his pocket.

"Hey," you begin.

"Hey, I'm glad you made it over before we left, I was starting to get worried," Sam admits.

"Me too, I don't think I'd be able to forgive myself if you left without saying goodbye."

"Yeah well we shouldn't be leaving today anyway," he complains.

"It's alright Sam, I'm sure Josh has his reasons," you say unconvincingly.

"Pfft, I don't give a shit about his reasoning, he could've asked me," Sam rants, clearly upset.

"It's ok, don't worry about it," you try to calm him, knowing it's definitely your fault that Josh wanted to leave a day early. Sam opens his arms to you and pulls you into a hug. Your heart flutters but sadness still seeps through you. He adjusts his grip on you, pulling you tighter to himself as he buries his face in your neck.

"I'm gonna miss you so fucking much," he says, his voice muffled by your hair. You smile sadly. You rub his back in response, not wanting to speak in fear of your voice cracking unevenly. He lifts his head away from the crook of your neck and you feel his warm breath against your ear. "Promise you'll wait for me?" Sam whispers softly into your ear. You remain still for a moment, unable to avoid remembering the last time that you made a promise. You nod against his chest.

"Of course," you breath softly. He pulls away from you but you can't bring yourself to look at him. He reaches out to you and gently lifts your chin, forcing your eyes to reconnect with his.

"I need to hear you say it," he asks, "please." His eyes are still swimming with sadness, reminding you of your earlier conversation with him.

"I promise, Sammy. I'll wait for you," you whisper.

As you help Sam grab the last of the bags from the house you feel the former uneasy tension between you and Sam drift away. You load the luggage into the van, saying a quick goodbye to Sam before he hops into the car. Recapping in your head, you've hugged three of the four of them goodbye, and you know that the last will be the most difficult. You walk around to the driver's seat and knock on the car window. Josh doesn't open the door right away, and you begin to wonder if he'll even get out to say goodbye before they leave. You're put slightly at ease when the car door opens and Josh steps out, closing the door strongly behind himself and turning to face you. His eyes stare into yours, his face emotionless and impossible to interpret, although you know for certain how he's feeling on the inside.

"Do us both a favor and leave me alone," Josh says urgently in a deep voice. Your heart drops lower in your chest at the harshness of his tone, this is not going to be easy. You shake your head slightly, denying the possibility of meeting Josh's request.

"I know you're upset, and you have every reason to be," you begin, your voice low and desperate, "But I need you to know that I'm going to miss you with every piece of my heart. I'm sorry, you have no idea how bad I feel about this."

"Oh, I understand perfectly how terrible you must be feeling," Josh scoffs, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes at you, "I'd even say I'm feeling quite similar myself."

"Right, um sorry," you stumble, feeling idiotic. Of course he knew how you were feeling, how could you say that to him. "Anyway uh, I'm gonna miss you," you stutter, feeling very unsure of yourself after Josh's last comment, "can I... can I have a hug?"

He hesitates for a moment, but eventually opens his arms towards you and you hug him tightly. You close your eyes, feeling tears begin to form and trying not to let them fall.

"Please remember that I love you, Joshie," you whisper into his ear. He pulls away from you.

"Don't call me that," he says, opening the car door and swiftly getting inside. You bite the inside of your cheek to keep yourself from crying. You gave Josh that nickname when you were seven years old. Since then, Josh has gotten mad at anyone other than you who called him it. You both know that the name is reserved for only you to call him, or at least it was until now.

"Bye y/n!" Danny calls from the back of the van, bringing you out of your daydream while the car makes its way down the driveway. You cross your arms and wave back at the car. Jake leans over to the wheel and honks the horn, waving to you and earning a serious slap from Josh. You laugh, continuing to wave as the van backs onto the road and drives away. You hear another honk and you giggle at Jake's second attempt at a goodbye. Soon, the van disappears over the horizon. Wiping a small tear from your eye, you begin to slowly walk home in the middle of the road.

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